Duck Call Room - Uncle Si Gets Roasted by Tim Hawkins

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

Uncle Si welcomes comedian Tim Hawkins to Louisiana with a crash course in culture, gators, local game, and his band’s original songs. Si’s tales of high school glory have Tim cracking up, and John-David and Tim bond instantly over high-end toilet tech as they officially found the Bidet Bros. Martin stuns Tim by revealing his grandma’s unforgettable system for labeling squirrels in the family freezer. The boys and Tim all agree that Buc-ee’s is basically a church. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was listening on the shame last night. This is very different. This is not as deep. No, it is not. No, no. We're going to have a Bible verse at the end. Yeah, we don't know that deep. Could be a docket.

Talk on. We've got to keep it light. I mean, it was insanely deep. No, no, no, no. Yeah, no, we're not. We're throwing it down. It was pretty impressive. No, they're very much deep.

We very much stay in the shallow end. We are your escape from the real world for 50 minutes. and then we tell you that Jesus loves you at the end. Okay. Sometimes in the middle. Yeah, we're in for fun and laughter. Right. Yeah.

Gotcha. Don't go deep because the end it gets serious and then it gets... Well, I think we seem like we're four guys that kind of, you're at the party or the get together. Like, this is getting a little bit, you know, dry. Yeah. And then we get yelled at for everything's a joke. Yeah.

Yeah, we got that. Yeah. And then we also end up, everybody looks for us, but we've all left without telling anybody goodbye. Yeah, that's kind of the way we do things. Yeah, we don't hang around. Yeah. Are you guys, like, at a party? Are you, like, just watching folks and, like, or are you the center of attention?

No, I'm the observer. Yeah. I sit back and then find out who looks like I may want to talk to, but more importantly, I look and try to figure out who I want to avoid. A good party to me is just that there's a bowl of M&Ms. Oh, my God. What kind? I still get excited. Any kind.

Any kind. I do the Eminem 500. You take a handful. You walk around the room, get another handful. Yeah, that way nobody really knows how many you got. It's like, does anybody see these here? Yeah. Speaking of, we have a guest.

Yeah, we have a guess. The people listening are like, who's this guy? Yeah. We haven't introduced them. One time we went a whole episode, we never said our guest's name, and they had no idea who he was. I love that. I love that. Who was that?

Clay. Oh, Clay. Yeah. Okay. He's just a part-time model. If you go on Academy, he's at the front door with great hair. Hey, he's now on our Nutra Fold, too, because he's worried about his balding. So.

A hair like that. Anyway, it's Tim Hawkins. It's Tim Hawkins. I feel honored the first two minutes. We got your name in there. Man. Well, we just been. I caught.

I didn't even know we were technically rolling yet. So we just been talking, chit-chat, and using some pretty good material, I feel like, beforehand. But I'm sure the cameras were rolling. I think that's why Hunter started the, At the clock. Yeah, he didn't want to, he didn't want to get caught. But Tim, welcome.

What brings you to the big town of Westboro, man? My career's on fire. Uh-oh. And I'm at the first Baptist church, I believe, in West Monroe. And I said it right, Monroe, right? Yeah. Monroe, not Monroe. First West.

Monroe. Monroe. Monroe. Munro. Monro. Yeah. Monro. The first Baptist.

Yeah. First West. We're, yeah. So just on just a fall tour. Okay. Making Baptist laugh. Huh? Well, whoever wants to show up.

Yeah. You know, it's fun. It's like now, nowadays you go to most of these churches, especially non-denominy, you have no idea what denomination these places are. You know, back in the day, you can walk into a building. You're like, well, this is Methodist, this is this and that. But now everybody's just kind of the same. Everybody.

Everybody's still, maybe not in West Monroe. But they're, they've taken a lot of names off the buildings. You still know if you were born here, you still know what it started as. Right. Yeah. You're still very much aware there was probably some people. jumping going on here or you know that kind of stuff it's pretty well now i used to live in we used we lived in east texas for in the 90s for a few years and tyler yeah and so one of our good zoo my my uh he's in

st louis now good zoo good zoo good zoo i know where the good zoos are man you really do too hey Tyler really does have a good zoo though yeah they got a good it's one of the better ones but you know what you don't need for a zoo but you do need to go hunting a duck stamp and if you get on duck stamp.com, you can get the all-new digital duck stamp and check it out. I mean, Tim, not a big hunter. I don't think. If he does, he doesn't post it. But if you need a duck stamp, we got you.

Duckstamp.com slash duck. Gets all new digital duck stamp and no more tickets from the game wardens. Yeah, but we, just for fun, we would just go because in East Texas and probably in this part of the country, there's these backwood churches that you just need to go. Mm-hmm. And you're just in a movie. Most of the time, if you went through a town and actually really drove around and looked how many, you know, different denominations there are in it, it surprised you. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm talking about just a little, a little bitty country town. Yeah. Oh, I know. You go through there and then when you say, you know, good grief, you know what I mean? Buildings, you know, church buildings, so they'll call, is in this town? Yeah. My favorite part is the church as Tim's describing are the ones that have paid me to come to. doing event there.

I've been in some of them like, there's a church down this road. Like, where are we going? Out in the middle of a pine thicket, you just come up and there's a little white building. Yeah. I'm amazed how every, not only dollar generals are everywhere. The planet fitness. A lot of plant. I've never been to one.

You don't have a planet fitness here? Of course you do. A couple of them, I think. Two. I don't see how, you go in there and there's a couple hundred treadmills, nobody's on them. Yeah. But they're just opening them up all the time. The planet fitness in my.

Monroe has a pizza hut in the parking lot. Yeah, and hey, if that stuff ain't cheap. What? That's an equipment. Yeah, I don't get it. Oh, I thought you're talking about pizza hut. I figured they were giving that stuff away by now. Remember the buffet?

We're going down a road. Oh, really? I'm like him. Pizza hub. We got one down here on Cyper Street. What? One of them fitness deal. Do you go?

No, I just drive back and I see all that equipment in there and ain't a soul and no joint. Well, you could join. Oh, Sa, what do you do for fitness? Huh? What do you do for fitness? I don't know if you noticed, I don't know if you noticed, Tim, but he took that oxygen off before we got started. But he's very, he's very active. Yeah.

Well, hey, from my age, I don't know. That's what put you in the hospital after me. I'll film a lot. You know, I'll do this a lot. Okay. Well, I got a question side. Now, I know that Phil was an athlete. Now, were you?

I played, but I was too little. Okay. He was only 6-3, so it was hard. Well, no, no, but I only weighed 130 pounds. That's a different-looking human. Yeah. 6-3-130. But I was the meanest man on the ball field.

Uh-huh. And the football. And the stupidest because I would hit anybody. It's a good combo. No. Unless you're 6-3-130. Because if I'd have been like Phil had his weight, his height, all that, I'd have got a scholarship.

Oh, yeah. weren't you taller than Phil? Well, if I lived on the North Pole and had elves working for me, yeah, that'd be Santee Claus. Yeah, if so much were. Did you play basketball or was just football? Oh, basketball too. Just whatever came up.

I played it all, but I wasn't good at any of it. Okay. The only thing I was good at was downfield blocking. What? That means he'd get rolled up and they'd have to step over him. Oh, no. Hey. He could clear a path.

You weren't here the other day when Ms. Christine, his wife was here. And she told us he had to, he got moved in the military one time because he was 24 and a half years in the military, took a nap every day. He got moved just for morale. Well, I want your morale. Well, yeah. They brought him into a whole different, like unit, just to make them happy. That's why he was good at football. He just made everybody happy on the sidelines.

They'd be getting beat 40 to nothing. but they were still all having a good time. No, no. But we got Si. No, no. That was my best game. We got beat like 77 to 14. Best game.

In that game. Your best game? Yeah, that was my best game. Because, hey, the kickoff man, I cartwheeled that Joker 11 times. You cartwheeled him? Yeah. What did that mean? I knocked him off his feet.

Oh, okay. Because they scored 11 touchdown. Those died just took out the kick. And he was probably running off the field. He wasn't even finish. Oh, he's been over picking up his tea. No, he wasn't running anywhere when the game was over. Okay, because, hey, I had flipped that joker.

Okay. Because look, he was a football god. Who's that? Perfect built, okay, like six four. Wait, who's that? Who was the, no, the kickoff man. Kickoff man. So he had kick it off, and as soon as the guy called it, he'd just kill him, you know?

Yeah. So Coach Ligers showed him, showed him. showed him kicking off about five times and tackled him. He just turned the film off, yo. Here I am sitting there, okay. They watered me down with all of my equipment. I was soaking wet, and I'll weigh 130 pounds, okay? Yeah.

Coach Sacken said, hey, first order business, someone has got to get this guy off his feet. So everybody's sitting there, you know, nobody's saying nothing. So I said, hey, coach, I'll get him if you leave me at my position on end. well they all fell off the beaches and was laughing on the floor and everything you know took about 15 minutes to get over and i said hey i waited for some of you dummies to say something you didn't so hey if he let you be where i'm at on the kickoff team i said i'll get the boy so you were david i was i was going to say david and goliath yeah yeah all right look springtime is here it's warming up you know what that means that means more outside cooking

and y'all know we love to eat beef around here and that's because of our friends over at tritels beef makes such a good product ain't it good it's so good our friend sall robertson would say buy on the grill look before we got tritels getting ready

for a cookout man somebody had to run the grocery store do all the things grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day and you never really know where that beef come to them but with tritels beef we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Triedales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other

ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out TryTales beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, uh, she doesn't eat meat. She ain't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. Oh, no, hey, I got him 11 times.

Okay. So the game's over. We go in and we used to have a, uh, it's kind of like a saloon swinging doors for showers. Right. Well, we had done the clown around and tore them off. So, you know, this is a double door for deal. So look, I'm running in there and I look like, you know, I had an eight for, you know, six months. Yeah.

Getting in bonds. Well, hey, there's a voice says, hey, who's number 22? And when I look up, both of them double doors, nobody else can walk in. What? Because this dude is. loving it all. It's the kicker. Y'all.

And look, and he's, he's the kicker. Look, there ain't a spot of skin on him nowhere. He looks like he's a gorilla. Right. Just hair everywhere, muscle everywhere. A real Esau. Yeah, well, he's asking people, hey, who's number 22? Well, I finally raised off and he stepped in the deal and I'll slip out by him.

Are you naked and all this? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just slid by? I just, for the visual effect.

Hey, yeah, I slid by quickly, too. Okay, so they said, hey, the guy's in the shower said, hey, that was him to just slip by you. It was me. I hit you, sir. You, hey, look, multiple times.

Hey, I'm at my slot, you know, putting on my civvies. This guy walks up. You know, he's looking at my number. He just called his, after a game closed civilian wear. I believe that was. Skivis.

But he's seen them. My number. He missed. He said, he said, you can't be 22. Right. And I said, well, I mean, these are my clothes. That's my uniform. Yeah, I'm 22.

You won't say something? No, yeah. He said, well, he said, I might probably be able to get out of bed no morning. He said, I ain't never been hit so hard so many times. Stop scoring. And by a little old bitty, two-be class school. Yeah.

Because that was triple eight. Yeah. Right. Yeah, as a matter of fact, they won championship that year. There's no way to prove it. So y'all were homecoming? Y'all were the homecoming game or something? I don't know, but we got stoned.

Yeah. But I did get that clown 11 times. There you go. Tim, do you got any good football story? There you go. Got any? It sets a high bar. No, I love to play football, but I just wasn't big enough.

Yeah. Yeah, me too. That's too little. Yeah, you get to the point where guys you're playing with in high school. they had mustaches and kids in the stands. Yeah. Yeah. You know.

Yeah, we had a couple of them. Huh? You had like a full beard in high school probably? No, I couldn't because Westmore Road didn't allow that. Oh, what about it. If you showed up a facial hair, they gave you the disposable razor and the hair. Oh, they pulled the old military deal. Oh, yeah.

You were, you treated it like a business, basically. Yeah, they just pulled the old military deer here. Yeah. Yeah, well, when you traveled, you didn't travel in jeans. you traveled in khakis and button downs and all that stuff. So, yeah. I wouldn't have made it. Go Shows.

That wasn't very athletic is the reason, but also the clothes. Coach Hous was pretty serious. The clothes were horrible. They didn't, you know, of course, when we get out of school, that's when they start getting the cool uniforms and clothes and equipment. Plus, back in the day, you played football back there where they thought water was a weakness, so you never get water. Well, our water came from a vibration.

Yeah, our water came from a PVC pipe with a water hose on the end of it. With holes in it? Mm-hmm. That thing was awesome. Everybody would rush because you were so thirsty, but the more intelligent ones hung back to let that water get cold, to let it at least not be the temperature of the PVC pipe, you know? But yeah, you were about to die.

Yeah, if you had to go get water, you were, you were weaker than everybody else. I was like, man, no, I'm just thirsty, man. You'll wimp. I still make up for it to this day, it's all I drink. Very heavy water drinker. Justin Martin. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah, those were the days, though. Well, now, I mean, I came, people ask me, like, what my favorite place to go work at, perform at whatever is. Yeah. And Louisiana is something I don't quite understand. That's fair. Neither do we. It's a tough nut to crack. What's wrong with us?

Do you guys film me in on what, like, what is, it's just like, it's kind of country, kind of French, kind of just figuring out the mentality. Yeah, well, we're the easiest way. Very nice. As we are up here, we're technically, if you ask folks about real Louisiana, we are South Arkansas slash East Texas slash West Mississippi. Like the Louisiana folks down south don't even claim us. Yeah, but they're weird. But they cook good.

Okay. Yeah, the northern Louisiana's different than South. Oh, yeah, that's like a whole new country. Yeah, we're right in the middle. Yeah. So, yeah, we're like he said. Yeah, they. Mississippi.

you know but south louisiana people are they you know that's an entirely different breed oh is it like um how should i say breed not yeah florida because north florida yeah we're north florida Leonard skinner kind of yeah yeah florida's weird too okay yeah who's not weird what's the most normal state that's a great question i don't think there's no sustain this normal well with you they all got their little quirks. You know, it's like dogs. Everybody's got their quirks.

What kind of dog are we? Weird. Stray. Weird. Stray. Yeah. Yeah. One from the pound.

The most normal state. No, Louisiana is a tale of about 40-n- At least two cultures, but probably three, really, if you boil it down. What's the third one? Well, you know, the report. Well, no, that's most assuredly, East Texas. Yeah. The, well, the Creoles and the Cajuns have a battle of who's who down there, you know, like the French-speaking versus the, you know, it's just kind of a white rubber boots versus not and all that kind of stuff down there.

They don't all wear white rubber boots? Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No, sure. No, sir. No, sir. White rubber boots. Cajun Reeboks, man.

Yeah, that's what they all work in because they work on crawfish farms or boats or. So it just have to do with the coast? I mean, what, are they hoity-to-y-y, or they are just? Are they what? Like, you know, like upity. Upity. Yeah. No, nobody in Louisiana really uppity.

We're very low. You got to think about that. The Crio live in swamps and thrive. Okay. Yeah. They're French, right? Yeah, heavy. He's from trappers, the old trapper days.

Yeah. Okay. And they just thrive. Just live off the land kind of. Well, it's a mixture of native Indians and French people. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a.

It's a wild. And then once you get a while, it was a wild get together. Because they're, yeah, once you get like 30 minutes to an hour above I-10, we just all rednecks then. Like we very much. See, that's what I'm seeing. Like your accent,

the way you talk, like down now, let them all like, it's something different than what you guys. Yeah, you can peg someone from south of I-10 as soon as they open their mouth. Yeah.

Okay. You know them. Yeah. But it also means they can cook well. I mean, they are what Louisiana is known for in cuisine. Most of them. Yeah, most of them.

Just don't ask them what's in it. Yeah, the general rule is they are. The alligator, could be your own leg. Neutriot, like, yeah, it's a cold nun system down there, but it's all pretty good. Yeah. And you had enough salt pepper garlic, you can. Oh, I think, say, you don't call nothing. Yeah.

You don't what? You don't call nothing from the table fire. Throw it away. You don't throw it away. If you see it, you kill it, you grill it. Yeah. No matter how you kill it. What's the, like, Sire, what's the weirdest thing that you eat on a regular basis that most people would never?

Alligator on a kid, but an alligator is too stout. Yeah. Too stout meaning just too. It's got a chewy chicken. Yeah. That's what it is. Okay. There's not a good part of the alligator.

There's not a backstrap on an alligator. Well, they tell me, you ain't, you know, you get a young one and all that. No. Hey, this kid just, no, alligator's out. I would say, side, what, probably the most unique thing. It's not unique to us because we all eat it, but to a lot of people would be his affinity for eating the squirrel. I was about saying. Oh, we're going back to...

Do you find squirrels cute? Just random question. Squirrel's cute or not. I don't like them. I think they're cute. Well, it's like most animals. I think they're adorable, but I just don't want. I just don't think they're anything.

I don't think they're ugly. Why don't you like squirrels? They're very invasive and a little too twitchy. You know? They're nervous. They are. They are nervous. girl in your car. They always run under your car.

Most of them make it. It is incredible how many of them make it. The ones you hit or the ones you never see that you didn't even think he was in the existence. The ones in the middle of the road always make it. I don't know how. Yeah, I'm amazed at, like I watch

this thing on people who have pets, like exotic pets. Oh, man. Like around here, you probably... That is a road we're very comfortable with. You're like two blocks away might be someone has like a puma. Yeah. Or something like that. And in St. Louis, when we, several years ago, a lady, she got busted for, she had a lion in her basement. We're talking the city and had the bars on, you know, like a, like a, like a

whole Mufasa situation? Like a big lion? A lion. And, uh, I think somebody said something about that the lion's teeth were filed down. Well, that's rude. And I was like, but if you're in a basement, I mean, well, but whose job is that? Yeah. And if you're going to have a line, let him have his teeth, man. Like that kind of thing. Well, also, if I get eaten by a line, I want them to be sharp as possible. Yeah, I don't want to lie to dentures. Yeah.

I don't want to fix a dental. Oh, they don't dull your dentures, huh? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm not into that. Yeah, squirrels, I mean, squirrels are like where I'm from. It's just a lot of, they get into your attic and just chew wires.

Jace can fix that. There's no squirrels in our neighborhood anymore. How does he do it? What's his trick? eat some. Oh, he just eats them. Yeah. That's my favorite wild game. We used to have squirrels. Right. Haven't seen them lightly. Just eat them like cook them up. Do you put any sauce on them? Any kind of seasoning? High up young ones. Kill young ones and fry them up. Okay. The old ones. It's wise and gravy and biscuits. Okay. I'm just fighting back a little bit. I'm okay. Yeah. Just wait so you just skin it.

Oh, you'd eat it and love it. Okay. But that's like anything. If you made it, I'd probably like because you sound like you'd eat it i don't know if you'd love it most people don't they're weird how you handle it you know after you shoot it every time you know no squirrel is good it is certified i can't do it because y'all keep like the heads on well that's how you know how old they are some of them some of them you age by how you freeze them you know like my grandma are you guys gonna kill me no no listen to it no no no wait for this wait for My grandma used to, so my grandma, like, Kay, like, now I never got into this, the brain part of this, right? So, but she kept the heads on all of them after we, I mean, she'd skin it all the way down the head.

And the old ones would have the eyeballs in them. And the young ones, she'd pop the eyeballs out. That way when she knew when she went to the freezer. Yeah. Are I frying them or am I making dumplings with them? Yeah. And so, you know what you mean. Like when I was a kid, we'd have Pop-Tarts.

Yeah. And I'd know exactly. because mom would take that package off, throw it in the toaster. Yeah. I get it. And he knew it was an old one or a young one. I get it. It didn't have eyes or anything.

It was a wonderful frosting. I remember once I got old enough. Hey. They got their own frosts. You ever had a toaster strudels, Cy? You get to frost them yourself. Pastry you'd put in, they'd have this, yeah, the icing. You'd throw away like half of them and just put all the ice.

That should be the rest of your life, Sy. Just eating toaster pastries. Oh. Just squirrel brains. I did finally ask my grandma once I got old enough to figure out and ask the question. I said, why don't you just write on the bag old or young? It seems like we got a Sharpie. It's going in a Ziploc.

It seems to be a better way than looking in there seeing eyeballs looking back at me. David. No, no, because some people, okay, will go fishing. Okay, I catch it like just a cooler full of brim. Well, they just freeze them home. Okay, what's a brim? Bluegill Bluegill?

Bluegill, okay. We have bluegill, yeah. And I mean, you know, when they pull it out, like this, no. I ain't eating that. Yeah, it's been frozen. It's been frozen. Oh, you like it, fresh.

Fresh is better. I'm not going to eat nothing that was frozen with the guts in it. Right. John Luke fried one with the guts in it. Oh, man. Willie's son caught a fish, decided it was his time to become a man and cook his own fish. It was still alive, still flopping.

Corn meal. 350-degree peanut oil right there. I can't imagine deep-fried guts tastes good, but he did it. Now, you had some meat in this freezer over here. Is that something, y'all? Have you been looking through our freezer? That's what I do. Like, if I go to your house, I'm drinking the milk out of the jug.

I'm in your bathroom looking in your medicine cabinet. I'm eating your sucrettes and you're trying a couple of pills. Depending on which one. I make myself at home, bro. I told you to. Hey, somebody's freezer is a great way to know who they are, really. I mean, that's way better than the medicine cabinet of the old days. It looked good.

I mean, is that what that was? Something you all had. Depending. I don't know which one you looked in. We got a couple. There's a, like, it's like dark red meat. Yeah. So that may have been the one that's got my, oh, it's back.

Yeah, so that's probably my duck breast that I use for like cooking videos and stuff up here. I leave a certain amount of them up here. So, yeah, there's, yeah. or deer. I mean, there's, there's no telling what it can be.

There's turkey breast in there, I know too. So, yeah, we keep stuff on hand in case we need to film a quick cooking video. I'm nervous now that people

are going to look in my freezer. I need to go see what's in there. Yeah, it's a, yeah, I mean, just look in there and see what's in there.

That's how you judge a person? No, I don't judge them, but it does let you know what you're up against. Like, if you go to a hunting camp, too,

the first thing I'm doing is looking at that freezer and seeing just how long some of that stuff has been in there. Because I need to know the last time the power went out at this point. Because if you get something out of there to thaw for us to eat, I need to know which disease I may be fighting off.

What's round of antibiotics do I need here for whatever it's about to get me? You know, like. Can I be real vulnerable with you guys right now? Oh, yeah. We get deep sometimes. I have never hunted. Ever? Ever.

I thought you're from Missouri. Would you got, well, I can hit a baseball. I can hit a baseball. and I can throw a football and I can play guitar. But I can't, I've never, that was just something we never, never did. Really? And Brown St. Louis is great duck on. Yeah.

It's better than here. Like if I came down, would you take me out or one of my boys? Is that something? We can, we, yeah, sure. Why not? I don't mean. You don't want to go with me. We will just be sitting in the cold.

Yeah. Are you not good or you know, you don't like it? No, I'm just not good. He don't have good contacts. of people that has a good place to hunt. So that's the thing. Yes, I do. I have the contact that has the contacts.

Yeah. No, you have contacts. Yeah. You're going to struggle in this room to find anybody with more contacts than Johnny D is all I got to tell you. What? I mean, he's got a picture with John Daly. So, you know, and there's another one somewhere with Bill Clinton, but we won't talk about that one. Too much.

Let me tell you why. Do it. Do it. So, Martin. Bill Clinton looked at Willie Robertson and I said I love Duck Dynasty well he said no you don't he goes oh I watched all the time I did you forget I'm from Arkansas and he said you'll me tell you why that show worked and Willie was like is Bill Clinton about to tell us why Duck Dynasty was a good show and he goes because it was real and if it

wasn't well we all thought it was we talked oh Bill deep insight from Bill Clinton there you go That's right. You've been to the Clinton Library, Little Rock. Libraries aren't really much. It's a double-wide trail. Double-wise. It's a two-drink minimum. That one probably goes good in Arkansas.

Yeah. You do that joke when you're in Arkansas? It's an old dumb joke. I don't know. It's a good one, yeah. Well, there are certain jokes. You're like, oh, where am I? Okay, yeah.

Okay, pull that one out of your. What one are you pulling out tonight? Oh, man. Yeah, you need any local knowledge to make fun of the people there? I don't know if I've ever done. I was in Louisiana. You know, you just try to relate to people, right? And this was several years ago,

and you have the meet and greet line after the show and everybody's trying to, you know, just telling a little things. And this guy's like, he's a young kid, he said, you know how to hunt Gator? Uh-oh. You don't know how to hunt. I said, I have no idea.

You want to tell you how to do it? And I said, well, heck yeah. He'd go, what you do? go out late 9, your boat, right? You go out there and you take your flashlight. And you flash and you see the eyes. Light up. You take a hook, put a rope on him.

Throw that hook. Throw that gate and pull it. Snag it. You pull that rope and get close to that gate and when you get close to the boat, you blow his head all with a shotgun. And I didn't. How do I relate? And what I said, what I said was, that sounds like how I met my wife. Which part?

There you go. The flashlight? What in my life has brought me to this? I'm talking this guy. And it was just perfect. That's how you do it, though. You can do it that way. Is it true, the hook part? Yeah, you can do it. You can do it that way. It's way easier to hang a piece of chicken on a hook and let them come up there and catch themselves.

And then you just kind of go pull him in. So you can do it that way. You've done that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, you can. That's the hard way. That's really earning him.

It's way, I'm way more into passive alligator hunting. Hang a piece of chicken, let it get a good stank on it, and then they'll come up there and eat it, you know. Let it get a good stank on it. Yeah, after about three days and 95 degrees. That's my life motto right now. Just let it get a good stank on it. There you go. Good things happen when you do that.

I had a guy this year that was doing it on a rod and reel. Yeah. He was determined to cast at a alligator, hook him, and then fight him, which seems like a lot of work. Yeah, we've done that too. Clayson does it. And then drag it up, then you shoot it in the head and call it good. That's the hard way, though. That's really earning one.

Yeah. Yeah. It's way easier to just let the chicken do the work. You go out there and finish him off. It's just a much cleaner model. Have you guys done like big, like bear hunting that kind of stuff? I, me and bears. Me and bears are tight, man.

I got nothing against them. There's so few of them. You can hunt bears now here. 25 people can. Yeah, 25 people get tags in Louisiana now for bears, but I got nothing against them. I don't like hunting things that can hunt me. You don't? No.

Yeah. And it doesn't get cold enough around here. You went to school, didn't you? Mm-hmm. Long time. Six years. Yep. Yeah.

For one degree. Yeah. You're sharp. Yeah. Well, some say. And you've definitely got the cleanest beard in this building. I've recently hired a barber. It's a new thing I've been doing.

Seriously? Yeah. I've been twice. I've been twice this year. And it's kind of life-changing. I get a lot of weird compliments now. I didn't used to get them when I looked homeless. Good for you, man.

Well, your beard did used to come substantially higher up your face. I just grow hair. I don't get it. It's just everywhere. Yeah. I posted a picture of me inside a day, got made fun of for my unibrow. I'm like, what am I supposed to shave in the middle of my face? Keep on.

Start calling your street clothes. I got, I was a waiter for three days. Right. Yeah, I got in trouble for having a beard. I shaved that morning. They were like, well, you're just going to have to shave right before you come to work. And I looked at the person and said, I quit. I'm going to go mow yards.

Where were you a waiter? It's not around anymore. What was it? What was it then? That seafood place that's back behind the Elshambrow? Yeah, yeah. Mohawk. I was there maybe a week.

It was awful. Okay. I started cleaning pool. So your whole life been surrounded by fish then. You used to serve them fried. Now you get people to. I was a terrible waiter. It was always such good looking food that.

Did you take any off the plate? What are you talking about? I was hungry. I was hungry. Yeah, come up with it in his hand. This is really good. Yeah. You're going to love it.

You're going to love you. Somewhat fresh? Yeah. Oh, when people leave a bunch, that's hard to do. So what do you want to do? What do I want to do? Just have B, sigh. Just be a turn into sigh.

Okay. Take a nap. How do you feel about that, Cy? That's a gold. That's pretty flattering. Sy worked real hard his whole life at taking naps, and then A&E just brought him a ton of money. So you ever Spotify, Uncle Sy and the psychotics?

Boy, if your next family sit around the coffee table about to change. Okay. For about two years, I was on the road. What year? What years? I don't know. A couple years back. Probably 14, 15, maybe.

But anyway, you know, we wrote six songs. There they are. Recorded them. You haven't heard the smash hit chicken pudding? all my smoking hot honey you got 9,000 plays for chicken pudding bro the Yehaw song Hunting something

Throwback man's got You got people in the crowd Play hunting something Don't know this new stuff Oh no you're talking about that I made up one song We didn't come here to hear the new stuff Si hunting some or the pudding song

Give me that pudding, sigh. To be fair, I've told you I don't know how long it. I've never heard chicken pudding. I didn't even know it wasn't funny. It's fun. The thing about Si, though, is the people that listen to that, they don't, they ain't got Spotify. Oh. They got cassette.

I thought you were going to say they weren't with us. Yeah. She's going to say those at the Pearly Gates. Boy, I ain't around no more. I ain't around. The late night saloon life. They used to love him, though. The late night saloon life finally got them.

Swinging doors. Yeah. No, that was a shower. Yeah, every place you went had the swinging doors back in the day. Yeah. Oh, man, alive. You do music, though. I do.

I do. Are you, you know, yeah, I'm kind of a frustrated rock star. But red-haired guys don't become rock stars, so I had to rely on my wit. I don't know. Hey, well, Nelson did all right. Huh? He ain't a rock star, but he's a country star. Is he red-headed?

Yeah. Was he? That dude. I guess I've only known him since he was gray. I don't know. Willie Nelson has red hair. Yeah, he had red hair. Yeah, I didn't know.

I truly didn't know that, yeah. So, Sy, did you play any instruments or so? Nope. Just singer? I've got four guitars at town. Can't play them. You're just eye candy. You're just tambourine.

Vocals. Vocals. There you go. Yeah. There you go. He's great at a camera. I love to sing. Oh, okay.

karaoke you do karaoke like i i sing you know matter of fact i'm gonna go somewhere tomorrow what wait wait what do some singing why did i why am i just not finding out about this well hey yeah i just found out about it yeah what yesterday where are you going jonesboro Louisiana Louisiana yeah okay you the shores of caney like where you what what I have no idea I just been told hey come down there and we're going to say are you Are you going to Hoops Marine? No, we're going with Michael Avers. Oh, okay.

Okay. There you go. Oh, that makes sense. Man. I thought you were going to karaoke night with Bobby Phillips, and I was about to. I was hoping Brittany secretly hired him for the boys' birthday party or something. I didn't know what had happened. I'd pay him.

Are you guys going to fill me in on any of this stuff? Well, that would be a hurt. Well, Betty, go on, bid he's going to do it. And Britney's going to do it. Don't tell me Margaret's going to be there. What am I even doing here? I have to win. I have twin sons that are going to turn three this weekend,

and I was hoping that maybe Si got booked as the entertainment for the birthday party. So I going back on the road to sing got us real thrown off for a second. We were all enthralled. I was trying to figure out how I'm going to make it there was what I was trying to. A whole weekend just got a plan. Kids, we got a special singer. Yeah, we got an old side. I breaks through the doors.

Oh, the children would be excited. You're a huge deal in the fourth grade at my kids' school. They love you. Oh, well, how couldn't they? You got a strike while they. iron's hot it is weird though to think about when you're a kid like not you know what you're going to turn into how some people just lock in and then some people never you know what i'm saying you're running people from high school and they just i wish mine would turn into kids it didn't crap their

pants at the current stage so telling me what are your kids there'll be three this weekend yeah no you got a couple of years they're 12 birthday party yeah we still ain't got there the nose He's at the middle school, and he is crapping his pants every week. Yeah. I got to go up there and I get the phone call. Yeah. Got to bring the shop back. There's no coming back from crapping your pants in middle school.

There's not. You just move. Yeah. States. Yeah. For sure. At least. Yeah.

And life goes on. And life goes. But a dumb to. Oh, goodness gracious. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. I just wonder what, you've got all these, you got a bell here. You can hit that anytime you want to.

You got a gong. He's a noise maker. Did you watch a lot of Duck Dynasty? I did watch a fair amount. Okay. He really likes noises. Okay. It's kind of his thing.

You got a nervous energy. If he were a, you know, touring comedian, he'd definitely be a prop comic. Yeah. Prop comic. Yeah, he'd have to go to the old school like Gallagher ways. He'd be smashing stuff and making weird sounds and all that. Oh, I'd have me a vanquilisius. with me.

A vanquilitar. Yeah, I would have that with me. You mean the dummy? No, no, hey, I'll sit. Or you just have a natural ventriloquist on your lap. Oh, no. You'd have a dummy holding a dummy. You'd be a ventriloquist?

There'd be two dummies holding it. Wait, are you the ventriloquist? Or are you bringing one along with him? Oh, no, I don't have one with me. Oh. And, hey, he would be uncontrollable. Are you doing the voice? No.

Who is? The ventriloquist. With you? Yeah. Okay. Oh, it makes sense. It makes sense.

It makes sense. No, no. How's he going to pull that off? No, no, you said you played guitar. Yes, sir. I wish I could play guitar.

Look, I could entertain the world if I could play a guitar. You could. You could. Because I can make up more bull crap. Well, without a guitar, you're doing just fine.

You're already doing that. Yeah. That's a hard time of it. Yeah, but just think about it if I could only put it to music. He really likes music. Yeah. When you were growing up, was there was there that one guy,

that made a joyful noise to the Lord that was far too loud for everybody else in the church? Oh, good night. Still happens. Yes. That's the guy. That's your guy.

You found him. Okay, I was at church not too long ago, and we were in the front row on the right, and in the middle of the music, we heard this flute behind me. A flute behind you? This lady had brought her flute just from home. She started cranking on the flute,

and she was really good. But it got to a point where, okay, that's enough. You need to put the flute. flute away. Yeah, because where do you draw the line? Yeah, there's always one. No. Yeah. What? That's the one with player flute. But that's, that's, but then do you let me play my drums? Yeah. Bring them all. Okay, there you go. Maybe I'm wrong. Bring them all. He's officially been cured from Church of Christ. Bring them all, man. Hey. Hey. Bring one, bring all, man. Like, hey, bring,

B-Y-O-I. Bring your own instrument, man. B-Y-O-I. Grandmother, if you're listening, we're joking. Yeah, we're about to. We're about to worship up in here. No, no, hey, that shows you how stupid human race is. What? What's that? You know, if you play an instrument, you're going to hell. Only on Sunday mornings from 9 to 12.

Well, no, no. I mean, that's so stupid. Only when we all get together. It would be the best. Oh, man. I got some pamphlets. Hey, God never did. Say, hey, you know, you got to sing you in perfect tune and all this.

Thank God for you. God said, hey, make a loud joyful. noise. I don't think loud's in there, is it? No, it is. In couple letters. Google it. I think it's just...

Google it, boys. I thought it was just... No, he meant... No, he meant a gentle, soft noise. With a one-three beat. Trust me. No two-four. I'm just...

That's the devil's beat. I'm just checking. There's a lot of versions of the Bible. Oh, hey, what are you talking about? Trust but verify. That's all we're doing. Hey, just trusting but verify. Yeah, loud?

I don't know. Loud's not in the King James, I mean, then it can't be in any of them. Have you guys read that message Bible? I might stick out on you. Uh-oh. Let's go to the message. All right.

The message Bible. Don't go there. That's not the Bible. It can't be. It's too laid back. It's right. Too laid back. You ever read the message Bible like,

what is this? That translation ain't no good. Recipe for Rice Krispy Treats. That's in John. Are you ready for it? Step one. Melt marshmallow. That is not.

not. Now, that's in second opinion. It's a second opinion. King James nor the message says be loud. But the message does say to stand up for some reason. Well, he stands up when he can. He gets tired, sit down, but it don't ruin his volume, I can guarantee you. We're going to be singing chicken pudding in heaven, I guarantee you that. I hope so. I'm going to have to learn the words. The NIV does say shout. for joy to the Lord. Shout for joy. So there you go.

I don't know why I didn't start it. Hey, for joy. Shout for joy. There you go. Look at it. It's totally going to be today's Bible merch, by the way. That's fun.

That's all good. Well, Tim, what's next for you, man? Other than playing West and West and, you know, I don't do, I do about half the shows I used to do. And I've got four grandkids now. So I've got to conserve all the energy kids. Yep. I got four of them. And they keep it real.

Good for you. I wouldn't have struck you as a granddad. Yeah. Well, don't strike me at all. Don't strike him at all. He just don't strike. You didn't strike me. There it is.

Yeah. I sit by side. It gets weird. Yeah. So just, the electric bill is still coming. So I got to still go out and do my little, little shows. I order your grandkids. Oh, man.

Six, three, and both in two, like six months and one month. Oh, okay. So you got some real fresh ones. Yeah, I do. Are they still crap in their pants? I do. They do. How about that three-year-old?

Is there light at the end of the tunnel there for me? You know what, there is. It gets better. It gets better. And, yeah, they're just so entertaining. Oh, they are. Yeah, now they're a lot of fun. Yeah, having kids is like being at a water park that you can't leave.

It's really fun, but you can't leave. And you're always wet. Hotel, California. You can check in, baby, but you can't check out. And you are surrounded by baby. Exactly. That song is about parenthood. I don't care what Don Henley says.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's surrounded by band-aids that aren't yours. So, yeah, just like the water park. And there's germs everywhere. It really is a water park. It's a lot of, yeah, I did a, speaking of humility, like, with kids, like, and this has happened more than once where I'll do a Sunday night show, 1,500 people, standing ovation, whatever.

10 hours later, I'm at my house. My hand is in the toilet because one of my kids shoved a bar of soap. down the hole. Mm-hmm. So there you go. Ten hours later, just... Everything? Yeah.

Yeah. It's humiliate, you know, it's a lot of... I could be a plumber. Yeah, that's the thing of being a parent. You're a licensed plumber, whether you like it or not. Yeah. That's all you deal with. I've fixed a lot of plumbing issues.

Yeah. I'm a shade tree plumber, yeah, already. Because you can't afford to get a fixed. I don't get into that. Well, and it never happens at a convenient time, right? It don't ever happen when plumbers are actually working. No. Like, it's always...

No. Hang off our bathtub broke. Like, you know the little knob you pull up to make the little wand work? Yeah. Well, the knob broke off. You have a wand? Oh, yeah. He's up and a money you're making.

He's also got a bidet. Yeah, a bidet. Oh, we do too. You laugh. You laugh. You're welcome back anytime, sir. It'll change. Heated seat.

Everything. Yep. He's got an air dryer on it. Yes. Oh, my goodness. Kindred spirits right here. And also, very clean. That's what they call a bidet.

Badee. Day. Yeah. They like refuse. They should call bid yay. Yeah. Yay. It'll,

it'll, you laugh, but I'll never go back. Anyway. Wait, yours blows air? My yes, too. Does yours have a remote?

What? Does yours have a remote? No. You can preheat it? No, it's already heated. When you walk in the room, it goes and moistens the whole bowl,

you know, because you don't want skin marks. And then the heat turns on the seat. I don't really like it. the blow dryer effect though because when you blow dry in that area is you know it takes a while hot air from down there i don't know i need a comb i need you know what do you do with a comb man i need a curly but guys i'm tell you need it get you one and just team bidet i put one in the office at one point and nobody got mad they did yeah because they wanted like go around like with toilet paper

or something i just i don't how long how long i don't how long i don't long as it take you to get over the mental block that a warm toilet seats a good thing? It's not a good thing. Well, most of the time in your life, when you pop down on a warm one, you're like, uh-uh. Like somebody. Uh-uh. Yeah. Yeah.

What just happened in here? It's easy. It's easy. If it's your toilet, it's a good thing. If it's a gas station. Some break and, you know. But that's what I'm saying. Like, did it take you?

Or is it just automatically because it's yours? It's fine. It's yours. It feels like a mental block for me. It's either the heated seat or my wife's been in there. It's the only two options. Yeah. Anyway, look, so Carter, he gets the, my 11-year-old son is a wild person. He gets the knob.

Allison finds it, he's got it at the lunch table at school. Show and tail? No, he was trying to trade it for something. Well, good for him, man. It was gold and shiny. I said, bro, I'm trying to get that fixed. Hey, good for him. That's what you call entrepreneur there, man.

I was about to lose my shower knob handle for like a Pokeyman card. Yeah, well. I was going to be furious. I mean, that's fine. Look, he wants to be president one day. It takes trade deals, man. You got to figure out how this works. He got a bigger deal.

He really took it to school. Oh, yeah, to trade it. He goes, how do you get it out? It broke off. Okay. And I got a pair of pliers if I need to use it right now. So, yeah, I'm fancy and redneck all at the same time. Yeah.

It's expensive to fit. And then they don't make it anymore. It's a whole thing. Yeah. Now you got to change out the whole thing. whole fixture, right? Yeah. We remember of those old TVs, you know, old TV sets and the knob would come off.

Remember that? Oh, yeah. You have to have pliers to. Yeah. You just had to do it. Yeah, though this would be pre that. I think my papal had one of those. This is when people had grandkids just for changing the channel. Like, that's all you were, that's all you did at your grandparents. You were the channel changer. And crap in your pants. Yeah. Well, Tim,

it has been an absolute pleasure having you in, man. I'm glad we could I did not know what to expect, but I'm sure glad I got up early for it. Yeah. At least we didn't go deep, right? No. Very shallow. That's, well, there's a reason why you guys have been so successful. It's because you're just, you know.

We like to try to remind people to laugh at themselves. Yeah. You know, that laughing is good, which is what you're going around doing. It's making people laugh. Yeah, and if you want to hear him. Awesome. Tim hawkins.net. Yeah.

You got a bunch of tour dates here anywhere from Florida and Alabama. Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, Kentucky. He's all over the place. Do you have a favorite place to go? That's not on the buckle of the belt. You know, it's... Yeah, the SDC, kind of your bang's on in it. I like...

It is nice. I like it where people like to get a little silly. Yeah. You know, I like blue-collar states. I like it down here, of course. I like Alabama. I like Michigan and stuff. But, yeah, Alabama.

We've got a little house and Gulf Shores. Yeah. And just kept going down there and just love the people. And I don't know. I think people are all the same anyway, no matter where you go. Yeah. They talk a little different. But they're, yeah.

How do you feel about that Bucky's down there? You stop? Oh, my goodness. I got a Bucky's song, man. That place is for real. You got a Bucky's song? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're stopping at Buckees.

Yeah, we are. There's something special. Do you get chicken pudding when you go? I get there. I get that. Do they have chicken pudding? I don't know, but they should. I got a jerky wall for crying out loud, man.

What's not great about that? Yeah, or brisket. I know. I recently waited in line just to take a picture with the mascot. It's a little embarrassing because it was three grown men waiting in a line to take a picture with a giant beaver mascot. But we did it. It's true. There's just something, it's like Chick-fil-A, there's something different about it.

It's not, it's just not, it's almost like they care about. You can feel they care about you by how, you know, they got the clean restrooms. and the stalls are just, it's like a small apartment. Yeah. You know. They had a bidet. Oh boy.

A bidet and a USB port. Oh, I'm staying there for you. You just set up an office. You know what? The last thing I thought we'd be talking about in this show would be a bidet. And I was just so that's been, that made my day.

That's a very hot topic. But you just gave me a great idea. That's our new product we built. My day, it's called. My day. It's better with it. It's a personalized bidet. Well, Tim,

thank you for coming by. We're going to call. close with a Bible verse. It's an easier. You're welcome to share one if you have one on your heart. We're going to transition now. All eyes closed, all heads bowed. Yeah, nobody's looking.

Thank you for that hand. Psalm 100. Thank you. We see you. Thank you. Psalm 1001. We're going to go with the NIV because it's clearly size favorite. Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, worship the Lord with gladness,

come before him with joyful songs. Get out there and sing a song to Jesus today. Amen, buddy. Hang up. We'll see y'all next time. And go check out Tim Hawkins.com. Especially the Jehovah Witness. Instagram.

Get that one. That one's good. Get that one, yeah.