Duck Call Room - Uncle Si Has a Sneaky Plan to Prank His Best Friend

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Uncle Si gets an offer from Phillip to be his new night security guard when several of Phillip’s neighbors are robbed. Martin and John-David come up with a great prank after hearing about Phillip's new security cameras. The boys think Si would have a hard time joining the workforce these days since he has no filter for his words, but Phillip wonders if he hasn't been like that pretty much his whole life? John-David relives a hilarious tale about a childhood fight with a twist ending because of some advice he received from his dad. The boys give all kinds of advice to a young man with a coffee shop love story, and they try to tackle a complicated issue by giving advice to a woman whose relationship is a little off-balance. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Martin's back, y'all. Welcome back. Welcome back. I'm welcoming myself back. Martin, I didn't see you in like two and a half weeks. Well, you know, I had a little thing done and then we went on vacation. So it's been a while. Martin, I'm never going to kill a duck again.

Shooting blanks. According to Godwin is going to make me lazy. I ain't felt that yet. He ain't felt it yet, boys. You know, here we go. Congratulations. Did you use my punch card with Dr. Marks? No, I had different.

I feel like I can go back and get a free one with all the people I've referred. I had a different doctor, so I don't know. You didn't go to Dr. Marks? Mm-mm. No, I didn't go see the Summer Santa. I went to... Summer Santa. You didn't get a discount on it, did you?

I went to a duck hunter. I wanted to make sure we got that mess over with. A discount? Sir, there's a few things in life that I prefer to pay full price on. Yeah. That's one of them. I do appreciate everybody in the comments of the one we were saying that that was going to happen, telling me how I'm not a man and everything else.

Did that happen? Oh, I didn't see that. Unbelievable. But I can tell you right now, one thing that doesn't determine if I'm a man or not is if I got swimmers. If that's what we're using as definition of making a man, then we need to redefine that deal. Manhood.

Yeah, it's fine. I feel great. I would. Nick Cannon's a man. Boy, ain't that true. One of the manliest of men. That's a joke I do. But now, I'm like you.

Just like you've said, off air, like if that's something I had to do every five, 10 years, make sure that that kept going, sign me up. That wasn't bad at all. Run it back. Nothing to it. And then, yeah, then we went and hung out with the wheelers for a week. I saw that on Facebook. Took the boys on their first road trip.

How was that? It's very, yeah. It was. How old are they 10 months? Eight are about to be nine months, yeah, about really close to nine months. And y'all drove all night. Ten hours? It's eight, yeah.

What time did you live? leave. Their bedtime, which is like 630. Yeah. So we did everything. That's a strategy. Everybody we talked to suggested just work through their day as normal and when you would go to lay them in their beds to put them in the car seat and go.

And that worked? Yeah, it worked as well as I think it could have. They woke, on the way there, they woke up one time around Tuscaloosa. We gave them a bottle. They went right back to sleep. Damn. Can they, they're holding a bottle now? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, just hand. hands up. Brittany did ride in the back seat like with the around them that way if there were any anything happened. She could take care of it and I just drove the whole time but so on the way up one wake up they were fine. We got like an hour sleep at night by the time we got all our stuff moved in and they woke up for good for the next day but that was that was a little rough every day was a little trying but then stayed up there and then on the way home they did not wake up at all. They woke up when we got to the house. You used to be a trucker driving at night.

No, that ride at home was terrible, man. Their sound machines, so we have these little portable sound machines. Well, one of them went out. So I just Bluetooth the white noise over the vehicle speakers. Martin, I'm going to see you again. But I don't even remember the state of Mississippi. Like, I was like zoned out. You didn't miss much.

Yeah. I woke up around Jackson, obviously. all that jumping on the interstate. But, no, it was, no, it was good. It was great. It gave Brittany a lot of peace to know that she could take the boys and travel by herself if she needed to because they did. They've reached that age. They did over well.

Road warriors. Swimmingly. Yes, they did a fantastic job. They handled everything we threw at them. She took them to the aquarium for the first time. So that was fun. I didn't go. You didn't go?

No, I went to the other aquarium called Lake, Chickamauga. What the fish are. Yeah, I found my own version of fish and got to touch them and pet them and put them back. You should take them to the water zoo. And then the boy's first protein that I'm aware of that's not a plant protein, so me and Jacob went and caught a bunch of crappie and cleaned them and blackened them and Jackson straight smashed little crumbled up croppy.

Raising them right. So I just told Brittany, I said, look, that just means I got to go catch more. And she kind of cut them eyes at me. And I was like, yeah, okay. I'm doing it for the kids. That don't mean I got to go today. I'm just saying, like, you know, a boy likes fish. And whaling ate something too, which he's the pickiest of the eaters.

So I was like, hmm, there you go. We on to something now. But that's it. That's where I've been. That's what I've been up to. She even caught a few fish. So we took her out. She reeled in a couple.

So it was a good time. It was a real good time. Highly recommend 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. And now I'll leave again tomorrow to go to iCast. So it's that busy time of year. Then get back and I'm on, I got a photo shoot with Academy.

So it's like. Martin's a traveler, y'all. He's a traveling man. It's that time of year. It's our fun time of year. It's when everybody starts thinking about hunting. Yeah. We're officially like in the hottest part of the years.

Everybody's like, all right, what are we going to do when it gets cold? It was hot. So I'm sure y'all see it at the store. Probably the fishing sales have peaked or getting really close to peeking. and then it'll start kind of dwindling awful little bits. People don't want to be outside no more. No, it's too hot. It's offensively hot.

It's reached hot. Too hot. Way too hot. Oppressively hot. But it's not too hot for people to steal in my neighborhood. Wait, what? Yeah. I got a way to handle that.

Well, okay, I want to hear it. Let me tell you the story. You just need a picture of them. And let me caption it. Wait, did they find the guy that stole your stuff? It's an ongoing case, but bail is my point. Yeah, I can't comment. That's an ongoing investigation.

Can't comment. I don't know what. You know what my comment was on that when you put it out. Nice lift. And then it happened to me. What did they get a year? What did they get? They stole my neighbor's truck.

That's not, whoa. Yeah. Half them under the carport. Oh, yeah, with lights on. I mean, these people are brave. Do they have the keys? Well, the keys were in it. But, I mean,

neighbor. We've never even locked our doors. Is that really stealing or borrowing? No, they're stealing because they stole all the tools and stuff she had in there. But then also two doors down like the next day or two, they broke into a guy's truck, stole his gun, and then they've broken into other people's cars looking, I guess, for guns or purses, whatever. So what did they got of yours?

They got Jack Squat of mine. They got what the little boy shot at, nothing. So they just look at your place and say it ain't worth it. Let me tell you why. Yes, they do. Because look, I went out. I went to Lowe's and I bought some lights and put them up. And I mean, if you pull in my driveway, it's like, oh, it's lit up at night.

So did they hit the greens down there? What? That's your neighbors, the greens. No. They ain't got them? Oh, on the other street? Yeah. Oh, I don't know if they got them or not.

Oh, not yet. But they did get a lot of my neighbors. So we've been putting up lights and, and I got cameras installed. So every time my phone goes off, if there's any kind of movement, I'm on it. Oh, you're that guy now? I'm that guy now. You know every bird in your yard because they fly past you. And I got my night vision ready.

I'm going to have Cy come out there with a silencer and a BB gun. Neighborhood what? Here we go. Did you just threaten to shoot someone? With a BB gun. I was threatening the Saw would shoot him. Oh, Mike a pet. It's a suppressor, not a silencer.

Oh, yeah. silencers are in movies. One of them, pump, Pump, sileners are in, sigh, you can do that for me.

We shop each other with bottle rockets and stuff, but not BB guns. Y'all have BB guns in the neighborhood? Who me? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I bet y'all gave would have whooped us. Oh. Just his charge. Man. My buddy Drew took one one time. But that was after we moved out and we were old enough to know better. Me and Clark used to do that mess.

Right. Too many times. We knew better, too. But, you know. Yeah, but it was just too much fun. That's going to hurt too much. Did you ever get hit? Oh, yeah, numerous times.

Did he get hit? Are you kidding? I don't ever sit down while he's hunting. You think he's going to sit down to hide from another man? No, he's going to get hit. He ain't going to get hit. You didn't hide in the tree, did you? No.

He said, if I don't move, they won't see me. What? Oh, got me. Oh, man. Kids will be kids, I suppose. Jackson did get his first black eye. That's kind of cool. Well,

first Shiner. Uh-oh. I wish I had a really cool story to tell, but he was playing like a wooden toy and just dropped it smooth on his face. Black eye. That happens. I thought Wade and he got sick of him. And told him once.

Yeah. Well, I'm almost certain that's happened, but he's gotten sick of him. But he ain't ready to do that, I don't think. But no, it was funny. He woke up next morning a little purple eye. I was like, that's my boy. All right. Go ahead and rip that band-aid off for you, Mama.

That one's going to be a good one. So, so. So, y'all don't have a high crime rate where you are, do you? Well, hey. That you know of? Well, it may be because, hey, my hair is backed by Browning, Pinelli, Smith, Heritage.

Weston. Smith and Western. I think there's an understood rule of once you get south of the paper mill? Yeah. It's not. It's not if they have a gun in their house. You better step lightly.

It's how many do they have? What does Phil say? Where I'm from, I am the law. Yeah, there you go. The dogs are the first line of defense. That's back by AR-15 with two 30-round clips. And one commercial break. We'll be back right after that.

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See, people need to go to... Dropping them off. They're dropping them off in the car, and then these guys are on foot going house to house, getting stuff. And people have got them on camera, but they can't make out who they are just walking around their house.

They'd be way better off this time of year to do it during the middle of the day. Yeah. They found the truck, and it was in South Monroe somewhere, and they found it, and some crackhead was driving it. The police got it.

arrested her, put her in jail. And still hadn't gotten any information from her though. She ain't sobered up yet. Give her some time. Let her sit it out a couple more days. She'll talk. She'll sing like a canary. But you know, there's just a victimization feeling. I mean, when you've been victimized

and you think it's personal, it's not. They broke in, they got your gun, or whatever, they stole something from you. It wasn't personal. They're getting stuff and going buying drugs with it, you know? Yeah. So, but it's just nobody likes to be, you know, robbed.

Well, you sit there and think like now when you've got a family, like, well, then what else will they do? If they're this brave and they know that this could be a consequence, then what else will they do? A man has a right to protect himself, his family, his wife, his kids, his house, his property, you know? Yeah. I mean.

Oh, it happened. I mean, but, you know, the people today don't care. I mean, that old boy stole from John David in broad daylight. Ask us what kind of clothes Yeah Said he was coming back to bite Yeah Is this pocket the whole time

I felt victimized And then You know I mean really It's Then Facebook happened So look If you need this solved

I'm just saying Send it over to Johnny D He'll throw it up On the honey holes page And you know You'll have a name In short form We might not

Can get you in the court Of law But we can get you In the court of public opinion Pretty easy Nobody likes a thing The problem, the court of public opinion, is that baby sticks. That one, the court of law, you can make a plea deal get out of there.

But that court of public opinion, you ain't making no plea deal. You're guilty. You're guilty till proven innocent in that one. I noticed Johnny D. had the justified pages today. Somebody brought, I would just want to see if he made it. Did he make it? No, I didn't see him. Do all towns have that, though, like a little newspaper of mugshots?

Oh, yeah. I think it's a moneymaker, innocent until proven guilty. Yeah. Well, I think it's one of them deals where everybody hoped if he saw this on every corner, it may straighten people up. But then I think they started collecting them like baseball cards. Look what Martin did. Like how many times?

Well, the problem is like when it first started, I go in there and, you know, they got them sitting by the register and I know like three people on the front page. I'm like, dagum, man. I keep looking to see if I'm in there. Have you been arrested? Have you called me? He has been known to run from the cops. He doesn't told that story.

No, convicted never. But you Phil's the king of that. I wouldn't arrest it. I was detained. Detained. Detained. Anytime him handcuffs come out, you're arrested. Hey, I thought we was going to get arrested

when Seile kept popping off to that little cop that was going to write him a ticket and he was like, why's he got me? He was because he was shorter than me. Oh, well, then that's short. Thank you. I got you. No.

That's the one where you said, I wasn't speeding. This jeet won't go 55, I said, Sa, stop talking. You argue with the police officer? Yes, he did. He got, Sai got a bad attitude. I was like,

Si, sit down now. And you didn't get a ticket? He did not get a ticket. Well, no, because he's Si. And he's past 70. Like, they expect it. And my story is, if I'm driving, Si, and I usually am because I don't want to ride with him

because I'm not ready to die, if I'm driving, I always say, Si, if we get pulled over now, you need to turn the charm on. And he was like, yep, yep. Yeah, I'll turn on right. Get me out of it. Yeah.

My go-to move every time I've ever been pulled over is to have my driver's license ready when they walk up. And then I just say, well, you got me. They just admit to it, even if I don't know. And that was like, that's a new one. I like that one. And it typically works. It's like too honest. Yeah, just be honest.

That's what I always say when a cop walks up. You got me. No, I say, I didn't do it. That's the exact... That's humor. I know. Literally, you said that's exactly what I say. I said, I didn't do it.

And you proceeded to say the exact opposite thing that I say. Oh, no. That was a non-all-hey moment. I never give a police officer. It's always yes, sir, or yes, ma'am, no ma'am, yes, sir. That's some smart. It's all, I'm serious. See, y'all talk to them.

I try to be as quiet as possible. Oh, I'm talking. I'm talking my way. You do that nervous talk. Well, yeah. Now, me, I'm more, if I open my mouth, I may incriminate myself. I'm just going to be quiet. Is that him?

No, that's my wife. How about I say, I look like Alicia's rib? That's a leash's red. It's coming back. Oh, no. Hey, if you're on my property, I got your DNA. That's like size place. I feel the un, uh, did you just pull up your house?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Hey, my phone started by the dad. I now have the desire to go to Fields at like 3 a.m. I will arrest all y'all. And run. Yeah, just naked. Again.

Hold on. Why do we have to be naked in this situation? Because if I'm going to send a video to Phil's fall and I at least want him to get a good chuckle at him. I'll cover my face so I got three plausible deniability. Don't give sign no ideas. Three o'clock in the morning, Phil wakes up. Oh, someone's here.

I finally got him. And it's just somebody streaking through his yard. Just doing. I got the picture. Hands in the air neck. Yeah, what is it? Now that I know he's watching that clothes, it looks like Bigfoot to me.

My favorite part of this is now we know when Martin runs, if he is without clothes. He did something wrong. He's not in a typical, his hands are above his head. Yeah, well, they got to be, you know. It's no fun if they're not. Yeah. I do have one of those doorbells that you can see,

but I don't want to know everything that's happening. No, I would not. My dad wouldn't let my mom bought one of them doorbells. She had to return it. My dad said no. No. I don't want to know. Some of that stuff, ignorance is bliss, man.

You just don't need to know. Well, and at first, I'll probably get over and then I probably won't look at it very often. But at first, while this is happening, I'm like want to try and figure something out. So we better get you quick if we're going to prank you. You're going to give me. If we're going to prank you. And hey, be willing to pay the price too. Because I'll really get you back, boys.

Oh, now that is true. Oh, yeah. That is. That's very true. but now I kind of want to tell Willie and see what he comes up with. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. You don't want to do that. Please. You don't want to do that. That's the person to tell. No. What you do is you just get like a phone and put it right in front of the camera

so it looks like what it is and then make it look like the whole thing's on fire. Oh no. Willie and his neighbor went too far there one time. And his neighbor? Yeah. And FBI got involved. It was a big deal.

Wait. What? Yeah. Oh, that thing Yeah Oh, that was a different Yeah, that wasn't a neighbor Well, I thought it was his neighbor

No, someone was like in his garage Oh Yeah, that was a weird deal See, that's not as cool When you live behind the gate Phel ain't got no gate though You just stroll up there Yeah

If you can make it past the Pellet gun With five pumps And the night vision Then you can get to me I'm gonna put Sai on post Si, you stay right here Neighborhood watch

with Sae. Neighborhood, Si. Yeah, Si is a one you won't staying up all night. Yeah, sure. Sure. Hey, Saw, are you sleeping again? Depend on that one. Yeah, yeah. You're going to get fired before this is over.

You got a good watchdog there. The man has hard enough time staying awake during the day. You're going to put him on a night watch. I'll put him at the end of the driveway watching TV. Security officer has never been on his resume. No, no. Way too many naps for surveillance to be in his. his repertoire.

Now, firing squad, he's pretty good at. But if you, if you're counting on him to be the whistleblower and let you know they come and you have, like, there ain't no one if by land, two if by seat here, buddy. A firing squad, but what have he missed? How awkward would that be? Who, he don't miss. He don't miss. The one guy with a bullet misses?

No. No, that boy don't miss. No, don't worry about him. That's right. No, he'll get you. We have put a video of him missing a deer by 10 feet. Yeah, but that. Not to say I would be...

Extenuating circumstances. Just making sure. That's when his barrel was twisted. I had missed my nap that day. And you were legally blind. Yeah. Let's not kid ourselves. Now that you glass-free, I...

How are your eyeballs? He could probably do a lot of jobs now that he's got a sight. Mm-hmm. Are your eyeballs still 100? Yeah. No, no, I'm serious. You know, until I went in to get checked, you were for the calaract surgery

oh no I was blind like Martin said yeah yeah well that lady at church told you that yep honey you are blind didn't she yeah why would someone say that because I've done the episode where I got some new glasses and then you know the doctor turned out she watched it

on television and it said I was blind so hey I tried to talk her you know and said daughter I just got new glasses is 2020. She said, No, baby, you're blind. She wouldn't let it go?

No, yeah. I said, okay, darling, I'm blind. Now he's got Eagle Vision and Battle Vision all rolled into one.

He gave up on the Battle Vision. Probably a good decision. I got a better pair. Now he's got his cowboy glasses and he won't take him off. He got tired of getting molested every time he walked

in the Dollar General. You know? He got hit on for sure. I guarantee you. How you do it? seen on TV. Oh, we. I love it.

Y'all both have seen on TV. You and the glasses, big boy. All right, let's take another break. We'll be back right after you. I love your battle glasses. I can't do it. I couldn't work today.

Why couldn't you work today? No, there's too many issues. Like HR policies? It's just too many issues. Cy, you worked on a golf course? You dealt with the public, didn't you? No, if I worked outside, I may be able to handle it.

Is the issue? But if I had to deal with people, no. Did you ever work? There's too many issues. Did you ever work around people? I mean... In the military, yeah. Outside the military?

Uh-huh. Outside the military? There's a reason he made Reed. Not, not, no. There's a reason he was... You know, y'all don't know this. I'm really not a people person. Oh, I'm very well.

Okay, you know, I really, I'm, you know... Your family knows it. No, no. And especially today. You couldn't make it in today's workforce. I could not, I cannot make it in today's work. No, he'd be done hit somebody between eyes and. Fair question here.

Oh, no. Did you make it in yesteryear's workforce? Well, no, not really. Not really. So nothing's changed. Yeah, I've always had this problem about authority? No. Yes.

No, no. Hey. Not authority, a boss. No? The police. No. A game warden. What else we got problems with?

The speed limit. Si, you are getting hammered, son. He just came out of the dollar store. Hammered. But what happened to him? I think my wife described it is I've got diarrhea of the mouth. Because I can't keep, you know, when you should say nothing, you know, what, Alex Klaus sings that song.

Yeah, no filter. You say it best when you say nothing at all? I never learned. Is that a love song? Yeah. Yeah, well. Well, you call it a love song. He's just talking about saying nothing.

What he's saying is he's got the mouth of a four-year-old. And no filter. Yeah. The first thing, like when we went up there to visit, the first thing Jacob's four-year-old daughter says, she looked at me because I didn't have no hat on, she said, you've got short hairs like my daddy. I said, no, honey, I ain't. I said, no, honey, I ain't got hair.

I ain't got no hair. Kids and sigh are going to tell it like it is. Yeah. That's why when we would go do any kind of event on stage, they would say, please don't let Cy say these things. And I'd say, sigh, please don't talk about this, this, this, this. No, you can't do that. Well, I didn't know it first.

And then I found out, don't tell, Si, don't. It's reverse psychology. Yep. If you say, Cy, don't say Pink Elfit. He walks out. All right, Jack, Pink Elvin. Roll time. thing out of his mouth.

Roll tied at the wrong place. 100% him and Phil both. If you don't want them to say something, then just don't bring it up. Don't bring it up. Because if you bring it up, that's what's on their mind. Hey, that's what's going to happen.

Yeah. So I don't think that's a bad thing. You say what's on your mind. You know what I mean? It ain't a bad thing. It doesn't look like I used to tell all my officers when I was in the military. Y'all are fighting a lost cause here. If we could have it.

With you? Yeah. Because you've got to understand. The two people. People I love most in this world have raised me from a baby that honesty is the best policy. And then you're telling me, oh, you need to tell a little white lie every once in a while. No, it ain't going to happen, dude. What's the difference between a white lie and just a full-blown lie?

Nothing, it's a lie. Okay? But they always say, you know, the little white lie, oh, it won't hurt nobody. Yes, it will. Well, just because something that's true doesn't mean you've got to say it. I mean, you know what I mean. That's the deal about tack. Yeah, there you go.

Okay. Tack. I used to have TAC. And then I guess I got tired of the BS and I lost it. The shenanigans. Okay, well, I'm just saying. Outrageous. You finally get to a point, it just, you know, you can't have it anymore.

And at your age, side, we don't even mind you. Well, no, no. See, that's the thing. Now you're really going to tell them. You're supposed to gain wisdom as you get older. You gain more grace. Well, I didn't gain wisdom. I know that.

He gains grace and he lost the filter. Really, when you get right down to it, there's a lot of truth into what is being said. 100%. And that's why it's so funny. Well, no, no. Because that's what's wrong with this world today is people have let it go too far. Yeah. That's why we've got all these just ridiculous issues.

Yep. Well, people get tough behind the computer screen. they ain't ever been punched in the throat. You know what I mean? When you were growing up in my day, if you popped off like that, like you see on, online, you're going to get beat down. And then you don't do it anymore. You know what I mean?

I mean, hey. And then he never did that again. Uh-uh. So, Phil, which way is better? Getting beat down or getting no beating at all? No. Or is there a healthy mix in between the thing? I'm going to tell you, you know, if you popped off to somebody and you got immediate, I guess,

consequences for it, that taught me that I ain't going to pop off to people anymore. And I taught me to respect people. But if there's no consequences, you could just pop off all you won't, then you're not going to learn anything from it. And you're not going to quit popping off to people. I agree with that. To some degree. So what should we learn from this?

Respect people and you like you want to be respected. Treat people like you want to be treated. Don't type out a thing. You wouldn't say to that person. looking right at them. That's exactly right. The Jesus theory. Yep, yep. 100%. Okay.

First love God with everything you got and then turn around and love your neighbor. Yeah. As you want to be loved. If they don't love, you hit them in a jaw. That's right. If they pop off and you teach them and give them the right hand of fellowship. Or in the words of God when you body slam them. When kids will have a disagreement in school, right, one of the coaches, football, baseball,

or basketball, whatever, would just say, come with you two come with me. We'd go behind a building somewhere and tell me all right, y'all solve this right now. Get it out of your system because, hey, you ain't leaving here until you do. So they beat each other to death. Okay, and then the coach would get them up and tell me out, all right, shake hands down. Yeah. And now they can't even play dodge ball.

Yeah. For real? No, dodge ball did out. Out, yeah. What about Red Rover? Is that still? Nope, that's out. Is that out too?

I figured they got tired of picking on us husky folks. Send them over. He can't run fast enough break through here. But you figure weight times momentum, density, something like that. Here's the craziest thing. Here's the craziest thing about that. My personal story. First day in high school.

Okay. We're sitting in a gym, okay, and we're in between seniors. Seniors are on the bottom row. and the strangers on the top row and the freshmen are in between a sandwich if you will yeah you well they start pushing us on each other uh-huh so me and this guy and he's pretty chubby guy okay he's a lot heavier in me well that's not saying well we get in 50 cuffs okay he become later he become my best friend wow in high school yeah chubby when i always kept a skinny one no no no we had a fight you know okay then after the fight like I said coached it

Hey, shake hands. You know, both of us got bleeding noses, teeth, loose, all this junk, you know, then we become best friend. Yeah, that's funny. There you go. Yeah. Because they didn't put up with it. Yeah. The teachers and the coaches did not put up with it in that bull.

Yeah. There you go. You're going to fix this right now to date. Resolve it. Yeah. I ever told that story? Huh? Skull dragon across the playground.

No, but you can right after this. It was at church. Oh, terrible. It's even worse. Don't get right. It was always new you, Church of Christ. What happened? What happened to love your neighbor?

Yeah, it was at church. Wait, what happened? So here's what happened. Somebody played a drone. I'll tell the full story. I sneezed in church. Like in Bible class. Oh, my goodness.

Don't forgettable sin. Did you cover you know? Well, I tried to, but it was hilarious. Looking back, I would have laughed at me too. It was everywhere. There was a snod all in my hand. people started laughing at me when that hurt my feelings and so then you know i was a sensitive little kid so i teared up a little then i got called cry baby well then it was just i brought it all upon

myself right well i tried to go away i literally this is true i walked away i was like leave me alone i so wish i'd have known you then yeah give me room let's still be pouring it on oh yeah well it they did and two of my look one dude was in my wedding The dude that took the brunt of keeping making fun of me, he worked for my dad for a long time. If I saw him today, we'd laugh about it. We're all good friends. But they kept chasing me, and I'm not that fast, so I can't get away. Well, what fun is that?

I always wonder, why do they chase the slow people? Like, we're going to get away from you. Yeah. So I'm trying to get away. I'm like, stop making fun of me. So it's after church now. It's still going on. They're calling me a cry, baby.

Well. You just trying to eat you fried chicken. I'm just trying to stop. I don't want to be made fun of it. anymore. I've had enough. I've had enough. So I take a swing at this dude finally because I'm sick of it. Miss. And this older kid grabs me and says, hey, you need to stop that. And this is a terrible part of the story. And I was like, fine. And he's not letting me go. And the kid's right beside me that was making fun of me. He says, you need to ask yourself, what would Jesus do?

And say it. I said, fine, what would Jesus do? And I said it. And he let me go. And then I kicked that dude as hard as I could square in the knee. And he went down. Good for you. Wait, the one that was holding you? No. No, the kid doesn't make fun of me. So he goes down just in a heap. Like, I might have tore something up, but it's not cool. And so then, well, I walk away because now it's over.

And now he's crying. And I'm like, well, now we've all cried. So whatever. Well, his mom didn't think it was handled in the appropriate way. Then you laid her out. No. So she calls us into the foyer. She's getting on me.

she's getting on her son like we're all in trouble now well then she goes and gets big dave and I'm like well this is it now we got a problem this is the end of it yeah we got problems it's the end of my life so on the drive home I made peace with the Lord I was ready to go to heaven that night and uh I was just new it and I remember I remember the room I remember the chair I'm sitting there my dad walks in and he goes tell me what happened so I tell them the story they're making fun of me I try and go away they keep making fun at me, then I finally kicked him. And he goes, okay? And we went to school together. He goes, well,

if it happens at school tomorrow, skull drag him across the playground. And I said, Okay. Are you in trouble? He goes, no, you got to stand up for yourself. If you walked away and they kept coming at you, you're good. You got to deck them. He said, you need to be his friend. Y'all are friends, but

if everything's not cool tomorrow, stand up for yourself. You got to hit them in the nose. That's what... Direct clothes. Is that a black love? Is that a boundary. Skull-dragging across the playground, which I probably could not have done. So what happened at school the next day? We were cool.

Okay. He came up to say, he was sorry. I was like, it's all good. And vacation Bible school? That was all good. No, me and that dude never had another problem in life. And he literally worked through the honey hole for years. Like, good guy, good friend.

Who lives in Arkansas now? I mean, we're really going to throw out now. Come on, tell us. There's a Dobbs. Oh, what he got. He's listening. Nah. Plus, he don't want to get skull drugs.

No, I love that dude. But he's a good dude. But you're right. Like, we handled it. Was it all handled correctly? No, probably not. But it was handled the way it needed to be. We were all friends for the rest of it.

He lives in Arkansas somewhere now. There was a conflict and there was a resolution. Now, this happens with boys. You can get them together. You can work things out. They're going to squash it and let it go. With girls, they're going to put their hair up. They're going to take her earrings out.

And they're going to talk about their mama for the next. They don't go all for months. 100%. No. The boys, yeah, that solves quick. Boom. Good job. The girls, no, no, no, no.

Ongoing. There ain't many of my best friends growing up that we didn't end up in fist-a-cutting. I'm the same way with my-off. Over something stupid, generally. I went through a golf ball at my buddy Drew on a golf course in the seventh grade has squared them up in the middle of the back. Oh. I bet that hurt.

Yeah. He a little target. too. Good shot, man. It was a good one. But me and him still, best friends to this day. But boy, did we go out at that day on the golf course. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, your best friends, you fought the hardest with you. Yeah, I can think of two of my best friends growing up, Brent Switzer and Rich Nadler, and we fought on the football field, you know.

Mm-hmm. Oh, loved going up against buddies in football. Like, yeah, okay. No rules here. That's where you get them back. You're not. No rules, and we got pads on. Let's go. Yeah. Like, that didn't work out for me. I was very small. My growth bird did not happen until I had decided football was not particularly fun. I wasn't a monster man like Osai.

That's just all about attitude. You was. You just didn't have a right attitude. Monster man's all between the ears. It ain't got nothing to do with physicality. I remember. I was. I was.

Yeah. And he is. And your coach told you the same thing. Well, no. Yeah. But you, but you know what? You stood up and said, I'll do it when they said we need somebody. No, no, no, because them was, you know.

Pass. I had more fun. I'm serious. It was just, you know, that was the way life was. You know, life's going to happen. What are you going to do with it? I can tell you right now, I big, too. And I saw, I knew some of them little linebackers and safeties, though.

I said, boy, I hope they don't come downhill. Let's play. Because they're going to knock my two front teeth out. There ain't nothing you do about it. But you were like the biggest kid out there, weren't she? Yeah, it don't matter. Yeah, but that don't matter. If they got a screw loose in between there,

yeah. They're going to hit you with everything. And they're dangerous. And they're dangerous. The problem with, like, junior high football, though, is there's grown men on the field. Oh, yeah, there's boys shaving. Oh, no, with little boys. I remember in junior high football, literally, dude, he was in the same grade as me.

He was like three years older than me. He was like, cool armpits. And I was like, what do you want? Yeah. There's nothing here. Yeah. I'm like, I'm still seven in my body. I'm going to use that.

You got, you got boys that are shaving. And you got some whose feet still don't touch the ground when they get on the toilet. They sit there swinging their leg. So look, I played safety in junior high, and we were playing the team, and they kept going down set one, down set one, every time. They burned you every time. So, no, no, no, no, they couldn't burn me. Look at it.

Back then. Back then. Back then, I'm sorry. I'm looking at your seven-inch strides. Look away. How are you going to keep up? So, look, I got it down. I knew they was going to go on one.

And so I started running from the safety position. And when they said one, I hit that big center as hard as I could have just bam, and nobody else moved. It was on two. And they threw me out of the game. I'm going to say, it's a good thing that I wasn't his guard because you protect your center, man. He got to snap the ball. That's the worst position on the deal.

He got rocked. I'd have put one in your kidney so fast. I wish we were still playing. Uh-huh. We play right now. Let's play. Me and you can beat these two. You might get to beat Martin.

I could not participate. Peyton. Oh, Johnny, dude, you quarterback, man. He's fine. He can't do that. He stole me. My eighth grade coach asked me if I was scared of Caleb Brazier one day, and I was like, yeah. Of course I am.

Of course I am. And you know what? I'm bigger than Caleb now, but he's the same size he was then as he is now. He was in seventh grade, shaving and doing everything. I was like, this is a grown, he's a grown human being. Yeah. There were some people you just didn't mess with. The quiet guys on our football team, some of them, I didn't want to mess with them.

Mm-mm. Oh, them quiet ones hurt you. I was the loud one. I was just over there cheering everybody else on. You don't ever pick one. Right from my comfortable. The quiet ones is the dangerous one. Yeah.

Yeah. And he's gone over there to get everybody in a fight, and then you look up and he'll. And he's gone. And meat starts popping and he ain't know where to be found. But he's the one that run his mouse and much and got all you all mad each of. Hey, that's Al Robertson. Yeah. That's Al Rob, right, right, right, right.

Johnny. So where do I go? That might be. Oh, hey. When the fist started swinging, well, I was gone. Of most of my child. That's funny. Yeah, that meat get to pop a day, you know, where they're famed?

Yeah. You're like, what in the world? How'd I end up here? You know, some people are good at instigating emotion out of it. Well, it's just like the army. You got infantry and you got command, you know what I mean? Those of us in the infantry, we just go out there. Me and my brothers grew up fighting.

So we would go to wrestling matches and watching the junkyard dog and see all that cool stuff. But then we would go home. Back when it was real? Cool stuff. Yeah. Wait a minute. You're trying to tell me it ain't real? No, but we would fight all the time.

I got hit in the face with a golf club and stayed out and knocked out for about five minutes. I mean, we fought me and my brothers. With a golf club? Yeah, because I was getting the best of him until he grabbed the golf club. I'll say, a good way to win a fight is with golf club in hand. That finished it.

It was over with. But what I'm saying is we weren't scared. I didn't want to fight people, but I would fight because I could. and I was used to it, and it was an environment that I didn't mind. Yeah, amen. But look. See, me and my brother was six years apart, so I always had a weapon.

Wait, oh, he's older than you? Yeah. Oh, you had to find me an equalizer. Golf club. Like, well, I never went with a golf club, but a stick or a ball. If I could get that first shot from distance, we got a chance. Other than that, because if we got an arm of reach, he got me. You know, he's six years older than me.

But if I get that first shot in while he's still a little bit away from me, I stood a chance in, but... Yeah, I only had a sister. She beat the tar. Wedgies and everything. And then as soon as I'm big enough to defend myself, I'm in trouble. Email segment, hey, email me. Hello at duck callroom.com.

Also, there's a girl that was supposed to email me. I met their whole family, and she didn't email me. So, A, I'm mad at your whole family now. That's right. But they named their cat sweet pee after your cat. Your cat has namesakes now, but they didn't say. send me the photo. And now I'm sad.

They should have sent it. They hope they were going to. Anyway, send me that photo, South Carolina, if you get a chance. But I had a bunch of emails ready, but then I read this one that the most literally just came in. It's good. And those are normally the best. I like it.

We'll see. My name is Drew. I'm from the state of Missouri. And I am needing some advice involving a girl that I like. Oh, boy. Oh, it's local coffee shop love. She started working there about three months ago. He goes there all the time.

He's slowly gotten to know her. Good Christian, godly Christian girl. Good friends. They've kind of become good friends. No, oh, here's the problem. There's a problem. She's already in relationship with another dude. I think she likes me.

She probably likes that other dude. But last week, I told her that I was not going to let our friendship get in the way of my relationship with God, no matter where the cards fell. And she agreed with me on that. I don't want to mess up my friendship with her. So any advice on where to go from here and what to do next. A different coffee shop. Hey, but he likes her.

She's taken, right? That's fun. She's taken. Hey, she's a sister in Christ. She can, y'all can be friends, probably. I mean, I don't see anything else until she leaves the other guys. You got to wait in the wings, man. Yeah.

Be yourself. And she, I mean, they ain't married. There's been no covenants. So. Oh, it is Missouri. Zing. That's common law. No.

Air 14. Moving on. You're 14 years old. No, they're not 14. That was a joke about Missouri. Whoops. Well, I didn't know. No. Well, you can't pursue.

No. Go somewhere else. Hold on now. I was going to break the rules here. Wait a minute. She ain't married. No, just waiting in the wing, junk. No.

Hey, you like the girl? You like the girl. Hey, make you move, son. That's true. That, Martin's disagreeing. I can't help if she's, you know, go-go-go-go-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-eye on this other cast. I tend to have a respect for a relationship that's already in place. I ain't trying to break that up.

If it's meant to happen, then that will happen. I ain't trying to get in there and wedge my way in. I'm not. You talk about a good way to find yourself in the situations we just talk about. You talk about a good way to get strolled, skull-drug across a playground. You might get hit in the mouth. That's what I'm saying. And he can't catch it.

Hey, look. Hey. Face is all messed up. Hey, in love and war. Hey, look, and you better not be mad at him if he does. Yeah. You deserve to get hit in the face. Love and war.

Everything goes, boys. Hey. I'm just saying. The boy said, hey, need help dealing with the girl. The help is, hey, if you like her, go for it, son. Um, all right. I'm going to act to agree with Si. Hey, you may get a black eye, but hey, that's just part of growing up, son.

I didn't get a black eye And then I married her Hey that woman may be Your future wife Could be Maybe she wants some pizza It would make a good story Technically

Me and Allison today Then we broke up And then there was another man Around and I just had to say some things And They broke up Very shortly after I said those things

I didn't know that And we were back together Very shortly after I said those things So I mean You're swinging for a home run there And if you're missing This, you got to find a new coffee shop. So he needs to tell her how he feels.

Maybe. And it depends on how strongly he feels. Yeah. Like I was like, hey, nope, this is dumb. I'm being you supposed to be together, girl. Well, that's one way to do it. I'd tell her how I felt about it and then give her some space. So you're doing what size said and what Martin said.

Tell her what you think. And then back off and see. And then go to a new coffee shop. And she'll call you if she's interested. and if she doesn't call you, it means she's interested in the other guy. It's hard to remain friends if she's the girl you want. It's going to be hard to stay in the friends on.

The only rule is, there ain't no rules. Well, keep it above the bell. Well, hey, just watch after. If you get in a fight. Hey, just watch out. Don't get soccer parts. Because you might. So you probably had a lot of people after you

for going after their girlfriends. Yeah. That is probably true. Yes, I used to give you really good advice on getting hit in the mouth. I'll tell you that. That's what we were talking about. But, you know, they do whatever you feel led to do.

They ain't married. I'm more of it just kind of, mm-hmm. It might, yeah. It depends. We don't even know how old this dude is. That's what I'm saying. If you're 16, find a new coffee shop. Now, if you're 25 and you think this woman is worth,

you know, saling up with until you're both dead and buried beside each other? That was my next question. What does she look like? Oh, God. Here we go. Okay. All right. If she's fine, it's wine.

Oh, my word. You could just body. Getting a black eye may be worth it. Or you could just body slammer. The reason. Hey, do like Johnny Guy one said body slammer. Yeah, go slinger up against her robin and see what happened. Maybe she's playful.

Go slinger up against the. the pastries and see what happened. I don't know how to continue from here. I don't either. And the main problem is I agree with that. Right. Don't go down to Roman Isle. Here's what I tell you. Make sure that coffee ain't hot if you tell her once you got a cup full of it. That's right.

Hey. You may wear it. That's right. And it's hot? I don't know what's it. I'm just saying. All right. Well, let us know how it goes. That's right. Please. Update us. Update us. Another person emails in asked to be kept anonymous.

She's having an argument with her husband. Okay. An anonymous. An anonymous argument. My husband has always thought that I'm too close to my parents. He believes it gets in the way. As of right now, we live an hour away from my parents. That ain't close.

And three and a half hours away from his parents. They have a one and a half year old. She loves calling her parents, FaceTiming, all that stuff. And her husband gets annoyed, and she just doesn't understand why. He comes from a family of three brothers, so maybe guys are just different than girls.

Maybe, I don't know. Anyway, now he wants to move. Even further away, there's some construction happening also if you hear that. Oh, I thought you was watching like Jurassic Park or something. It did sound like a T-Rex, but I think it is a table saw. Oh, I was like, what in the world?

And she's pregnant. Oh, wait. And he's wanting to move like 10, 12 hours away at this juncture, and he might have a job. there. Well, there's a lot here. She knows God's in control, but she would just like our advice on if it's bad to be close to your parents. That's not the issue. I think. But I think he's making her feel like that, which is, like, you might need to see a counselor, but I would say that's bull crap. Yeah. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting to be around your parents, as long as they're, and you're an

hour away, so it's not like they're at your house every day. Yeah, man, we two miles away from my mom. I can see my parents and her parents' house from my front porch and my back. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know. There may be some control issues that need to be looked at here. Also, I think she needs to structure some time where she sees her mother or her parents where her husband's okay with it, you know, set up a time and make a structure, something that is not going to be offensive to him. How often is she going and, spending time with her mom. Is it because she doesn't face time, his parents, too?

That could be it. Is that kind of a, well, you're always, you know, I don't know, man. I'm sensing, okay, he's got some family issues. Maybe, maybe his relationship with her parents. No, no, I'm serious. He's got a problem with family issues here, you know, because, you know, telling your wife, you know, that, you know, you're too close to your family.

And moving away, ain't going to solve it. No, it's going to make a way. If this is about, you know, if he's got an offer of a job, a better job,

you know, you've got to better yourself in life. But I, to me, I feel there's, he may not have a, had a happy childhood

with his family. It's hard. Maybe so. Now, that's what I'm sensing in that, you know, because, you know, you tell you wife,

you know, I don't like it. You're too, you're too close to your mother and daddy? Hey, wake up, idiot. You shouldn't use those words. No, no, I'm serious.

I get you hit, too. Well, the Bible says a man leaves his mother and father and becomes one with his wife. You married her. 100% true. So it's y'all two first. Yeah.

But you got to, like, I'm thankful that I can drop my kids off in either direction that I'm headed. And that's helpful. so it's weird that he doesn't like hell. Family is always... His kids are insane.

Okay. So that's a tough one, but her main question was, I think she's like, am I doing wrong here for wanting to be close to my parents? And that, I think, unequivocally, is no. Especially not if you're pregnant with another child. Yeah. And as long as you're, you know, I mean, like, if he's trying to talk to, you're not, hold on, my mom, like, that can get annoying.

Right. You got to be mindful of that. That's right. Or if when he comes home from work or whatever, you're on the phone, and he has to be quiet in his own house or not do what he wants to. I mean, there's probably some timing issues going on there that could maybe be a little bit better. I couldn't remember a time in my life where my wife, we were younger. She was spending a lot of time with her mom, which is fine.

But then her mom's problems became my problems. She was like, well, mom did this, blah, blah. And it was all about. And I was like, you know, can you not spend so much time with your mom talking about whatever? So I can think about, you know, you can get too much of something. Now, I love my mother-in-law, and I'm glad that my wife has somebody to talk to. I mean, their relationship's great. But there can be times where it can be annoying to me if there's too much coming back at me.

Yeah, I can see that. In-laws, they make the world go around. And, I mean, I'm so glad she would help with our kids. and she cooks for us and we, I mean, we love her. But there needs to be some good boundaries set and then some expectations and some clear communication. If you'll do those things, you'll know exactly what you need to do. Amen.

Well, since my dad told me to skull drag that kid across the playground one day, he also sent me a verse at 452 this morning. I was not awake, dad. The Lord your God is with you, the mighty warrior that saves. He will take great delight in you. In his love, he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 317.

If you don't take anything else from this, just know God is with you wherever you're at, and he will take great delight in you when you take great delight in him. See y'all next time. Sometimes you're the skulldrager, sometimes you're the skull drag. That's right.

I think it's drugs. Sometimes you're to win you. Sometimes you're the plug.