Duck Call Room - Uncle Si Makes Big Plans For His Cremated Remains

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

Uncle Si’s latest appearance at a crematorium has the conversation flowing in an unexpected direction. The boys spiral into a debate on cremation, burials and their insane wishes for their own funerals. Martin decides to be an organ donor, and John-David rocks the pickleball court. However, the victory is short-lived as he makes an unexpected doctor visit afterwards. Phillip cracks Si and the boys up wondering if heart issues are real or if they’re just gas? Christian comedian, Layton Flatt, lets the boys in on the life of a stand-up comic and the boys explain a common Southern term to a city dweller from elsewhere.  - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, to be fair, San Antonio is a better town than Austin. Yeah. There's a lot to do. Austin kind of a dump. San Antonio. San Antonio, all you got to do is ask Charles Barkley about San Antonio. Go around a river walk. I like the river wall.

That's a creep. They all be eating a bunch of churros down at San Antonio. They got a bunch of big old cypress trees down there. Yeah, they do. Where? The Al-Anatoan? Have we started? Nope.

Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. Welcome back in case we have. I never know when we've started. We've been going for five minutes. Now we started. I see the numbers. In San Antonio.

Well, we had a discussion about see if we could do how long we could go just talking in song titles to each other. I believe. A few minutes there. That was blessed union of soul. I know. Don't bring me down, Justin.

Let's go back to Loopkin, Buck, Texas, boys. well hit me with your best shot I mean I don't really know you know it is what it is we made it 32 seconds before we got so tickled we couldn't keep doing that's not a song but if you feel like right you go ahead I just stopped loving y'all

today today he's not living this if Godwin was here he could take us higher there you go I didn't a song title as much as well I was the one line there boys I'm just ready for closing time it's wild hey the woman always get

better or better looking at closing time oh what's that hey yeah that's you know that's kind of a paraphrase way that song goes that's that you know who knows smells like teen spirit to me I'm just gonna do ones that don't even make sense

oh boy wow what a life no welcome back it's it's been a couple few days since we've seen each other We got early last way. Yeah, where are we? I feel like we haven't done this and forever. Where'd you go? You were gone or something?

Tampa. Tampa, Dream on. Yep, I did. Nope, we went down there and Amanda. Yeah, I'd hate to have that guy's job. Brian. Brian Gilly. Before you say his job, I've got way more questions than answers.

Oh, okay. Because Philip sent me a photograph of you. at a meet and greet. Yep. Martin, can you please read what the words below Gillies is? Gilly's family cremation. What? So I thought we were going to get ice cream.

I thought Gillies was like a heating and cooling? Well, no, that's jillies if you're here. Well, we thought it was ice cream. Ice cream. Aren't they like the honky tonk on the strip in Vegas? That's, like Mickey Gillies? Above my payrolls. Oh, he's a piano player.

Mickey Gillies. He can get it as a piano player. That's Elton John. He's the one that's son. No, he's the one that's sung. Hey, the women get better looking at Clothes a time. Okay. That's not.

Okay, either way. How does one end up doing a meet and greet at a... And why did they do our... For cremating people? That's the Duck Commander logo with Duck Dynasty around it. When they had the perfect opportunity to just put our duck where their dove is. And they'd have never had... to do anything.

Guys, y'all call me. That's called, business must be dead. Hey, ho. Hey, what are you talking about? People are dying to get in to see Uncle Sy. Ah, hey, hey. Wow.

When they advertised it, they put Sy's advertisement in the obituary. So he had four or five people already called saying, What happened, Uncle Sy? Oh, great. That's like the tenth of the tenth.

We're going to be filled. We're going to be filled in those going forward. Yeah, that's for about the next two weeks. What is a, what is a, jolly fun time at the crematorium look like though and y'all went to tampa to go to a crematorium how hot was it uh how hot was it i wasn't i ain't go did they let you burn anything no i'm burning i'm burning for you there you go burn no you got there's some jobs that at this boy just could not do that would be one of them why don't talk back to you well no i'm just saying

i'm just saying i just couldn't do it Yeah. Another one is a policeman. I couldn't do that. Because you ain't no holobut, girl. Oh, no. Well, no, because, hey, look, you know, the most policemen I run upon are way too nice. Especially when they get into the spider webs.

Paint them a picture of Birmingham. So they deal with the bad side of society. But still, what is a crematorium like to meet and greet? Like, are they offering a service after you meet? You can get an Uncle Si special today only for $2.99 with Uncle Size space. He's made all this, though. I mean, to be fair, there was a modular home known as a SciPad. That's it.

So is now they're like a... Well, hey, I don't know. It's a SciRne. I don't know what they're going to do with all that. Okay. So that'd be tight. Like if your face got made into an urn and people could put their ashes in you, that'd be kind of cool. Earnestly.

How is that cool? He's on enough stuff without that. No, but like somebody would be stuck with that forever. That's big time. Man, there's very few lifetime deals. That's one of them. But we had a good crowd show up and a bunch of good people, and it was a good event. What did you, what was the stick?

I mean, like, why does a crematorium have y'all come? There is. That's what I'm trying to get at. I said, what happened here, Gilly? I said, was it just you couldn't sleep one night and you come up with this, I had an idea to invite me. Is this Gilly? Yeah.

No, no, no, that's Blake. No, Blake. Yeah, that's young at Millie.

He drove over from, Disney World. Wow. Yeah. Blake went from the happiest place on Earth to Uncle Sider Crematorium. No,

no, and we even have a good meal. We did. And then Blake, you know, serenaded this the rest of the night. Yep.

That's crazy. I did not even recognize. You got a great-looking shirt on that. He's looking. Hey, I knew you'd like that. I had to ask him, I said, well, how's an adult life now?

Yeah. He said, you was right. It sucks. Well, does. Yeah, it does. Yeah. Okay, that's why I refuse to grow up. So you did?

Did you go fishing while you were down there? Yes, I did. He did. I called three bass, and I lost two of them. And one I lost was a big one. Anybody asked you to see your license? No. But he did have them.

Well, I did have them. We got them before we went. Phil sent me a bunch of pictures. Here you are, eating. That's Gilly. That's our boy, Gilly. That's the guy's Gilly. And then Phil, the fantastic photography is, sent me this.

That's an accidental, accidental picture. What am I supposed to do with that? That is the restaurant. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, you were only supposed to get three. That's a bonus picture. That's a bonus picture.

That's where side jumped in at. So did Gilly offer to hook you up on that time comes for you? Whoa. Oh, you didn't know. No, no. But, hey. I do think it's an interesting topic on where we stand on cremation. Oh, it is.

It is pretty cool. I know, because we did talk about that because he was saying all the different, you know, things. Because like a normal funeral is anywhere from like $10,000 to about, depending on how big you want to do it. Yeah. You go to $20. All to go throw you in the ground. Yeah, just to put you in the ground.

You know, with that, his way, okay. You know, it's a hotter deal. It was. you didn't need in and out service but hey look you got me no no

well look but hey like you know my wife told me she said hey yes when it comes by the I have

just cremate amen me too absolutely I said oh oh no no no I said darling I can't

I can't I can't handle that what would Jesus do you know raise your dead body from the ground puts you back together because he controls

the molecular oh yes he does I'm fine with that I'm not saying Jesus couldn't Yeah. People that get cremated, they're going to be all right. What I'm saying is, I'm going to be buried because Jesus was buried.

And fire freaks me out. I don't care that I'm dead. Oh, wait, we won't do it until you die. You don't even have to know. Johnny D. got one of them weird fears. Like, all of a sudden, he wakes up at the crematorium. He wasn't really dead.

And now you just get burned alive. You hear two, one. And you're like, well, I didn't make it. Oh, no. You hear a boy. Yeah. You hear a, woof. You wake up in that. And you know that the gas was turned on.

I tried to do right, father. Like when Phil opened up that green egg. Oh, no. Open it. Yeah. I don't know. But this is a cheaper way to go. Yeah, it is.

For those that cannot afford 10 grand or 20 grand. Yeah. No, I'm in on this. No, no, I'm in, right? 100%. You're 100%. And we're just going to throw you out over. on Highway 15 somewhere?

When you cross the Beisle-Lewish Bridge, open the lid and the window. And just let your boy go. Okay. Just keep going at about 55 and we'll see how far I make it. I'm back in duck country. A couple of miles. Oh, hey, look.

You'd be surprised at how small you get once you've been burnt to it. Well, no, no. I'll fill it up. Look, you're bigger the most. Yeah. That's why when I tell people all the time, when they're really being hard on himself, I said, hey, you need to lighten up, dude,

or you need to lighten up, lady. Mm-hmm. You know, because, hey, look, you're dirt, okay, so you can only go up from being a dirt. That's right. I would just rather, like, my family, go down there somewhere and enjoy being where my ashes were. Yeah.

Then the sad people I see at the cemetery. That's a good point. I don't, there's nothing about the cemetery that I enjoy. No. At all. Except on Resurrection Day. it's going to be pretty cool it'd be a really cool place to sit and watch like if you have stadium city but if you're there's a and and and but you're going to call you from all sides of every duck in

america but you there's parts of you in Canada there's parts of you in Mexico heck yeah parts of me in somebody's belly probably from where to duck eight I don't have a problem with it either yeah hey heck yeah on this side of the room we'll take the cremation well no no like he said okay but hey but hey you've talking about one high yeah the only time the graveyard is going to be really a happening. It'll be better than the best Super Bowl you've ever been to. Oh, they're going to be racing out of there. Yeah.

When Jesus comes back, oh, that's where you want to be. Yeah. Okay, to see what's going to hell. Because it's fixed to be a happening. That's wild. I'm going to be a world traveler. We're going to get some theology bucks in the emails. Oh.

Just let y'all know. Hey, we're ready for it. I'm skipping them. I don't know. No, we're not. Oh, Phil. Hey, look, we're talking about life and death here. Okay, and trust me, when I tell you, you know,

because, I mean, I had a young man that Philip took down the field to preach the gospel to him that said he wasn't going to die. When? Well, hey, guess what happened? Phil tried to preach the gospel to him, and when he got to the park, tell him, hey, you got two problems, son. You got a sin problem that Jesus took care and a death problem. And he said, oh, you ain't putting this guilt you up on me?

And he got this truck squalled out of that. Well, hey, guess what happened two weeks later? No. He was in the bar. Oh, yeah, got stabbed death. Mm-hmm. So, hey, we're all going to die. Okay.

You're going to have to deal with his way, the cremation. Now, I will say, before we go down that road. Yeah, what a fun story. Before we go down that road, I hope I'm in good enough shape that they can park me out and use me before we get there. Like, oh, oh, oh, organ donor. Use everything I got that is usable. Are you an organ donor? Absolutely.

Okay, well, hey, that's great. Absolutely. I am too, and I wasn't until Alicia talked me into it when we were young, newly married. She was like, you weren't going to be? I just never thought about it. And she was like, hey, you need to be an organ donor. And I was like, yeah, I don't know if I. I see there's in people that the people, you know, the paramedics.

I'll make it size kidneys one day, man. Now, that may be here forever. Oh, no. They try and cremate's eye and there's just two kidneys just sitting on the table. There's a real chance that his kidneys make it to the resurrection. Tell me, hey, what is that? Tell me, that's all. It's left of the won't.

I mean, they may put them in the paper mill to work the pump station out there. I mean, it's wild now. They may wild. But let's take a break that way. All y'all is mad at me and Philip for saying cremation is okay. They're mad at me for saying stuff, too. It's going to be a weird one. We'll be back right after this.

Look, don't waste your time getting mad. Life too short to get mad. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up. You know what that means. That means more. outside cook and and y'all know we love to eat beef around here and that's what because of our friends over at tritels beef makes such a good product baby ain't it good it's so good it's our friend sall robertson

would say buy on the grill look before we got tritels getting ready for a cookout man somebody had to run the grocery store do all the things grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day and you never really know where that beef come to them but with tritels beef we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Triedails comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch

and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbyes on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. the tenderness and the flavor are fantastic.

So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Tritails Beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She ain't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families

and eat some dang good steak. Well, I got one other things that say when we get back on. Well, go ahead. Let's roll. Well, hey, look, here's the deal. Yeah. Size starting. remember his dad for example when he was you know sick philip wanted to talk to him about hey dad you got to be

thinking about you know what what you want me to say at your funeral yeah oh hey no you know you got to talk about stuff like that yeah you know and then people don't want to talk about their death you ask your dad that yeah oh okay yeah what he was trying to he was trying to preach the it worked you know everybody's so yeah he wouldn't listen to him So he finally went to, excuse me, he finally went to Phil and said, hey, look, I've got a problem. And Phil said, what is it there, back? He said, hey, my dad won't listen to me and I need to talk to him, preach the gospel to him, before he passes away.

You know, and Phil, the one that told him, he said, hey, next to the house, go to this house, knock on the door. When he comes out, he said, hey, look, what do you want me to say to your funeral? Yeah, well, hey, that. It shocked him so bad. Yeah, he sat down and talked to him. Yeah, aggressive tactics. Yeah, he got his attention when he said, hey, what do you want me to say about you when I'm standing at the gravesite?

What did he say? He said, come on in. Let's talk about it. But before then, he had shunned me. I said, Dad, what's your relationship with Jesus like? I want to talk to you. And he was like, he had an excuse for everything. And so he would not listen to me.

So I went and talked to Phil. Then I did like South said, I knocked on the door. He opened it up. I said, what do you want me say at your funeral? Huh? About your relationship with Christ. what you want me to say. Come on in.

Let's talk about it. Yeah, because there's things that happen in your life. Now, Phil Robertson always been one to get you with shock and all. Well, no, no. That was a good one. Things happen in your life that gets your attention. Like if you've been a healthy person and then all of a sudden, you got some kind of disease that disables you.

Yep. Well, hey, you have a come to Jesus meeting in and say, oh, wait a minute, I'm not as good and go as I thought I was. Mm-hmm. That's right. Yeah. So I better, you know, take an inventory of my lifestyle and then make some adjustments, you know, where, yeah. So, yeah, like I said, that's why if anybody gets mad over this, hey, we're talking life and death here. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. And, hey, you need to face that because you're going to face it one day. But then will you be buried or will you? Well, no, no. You can still be buried. Yeah. But, hey, look.

I'm going to be. Well, I'm just saying that my man, Gilly can't get you in a nice old sack. Hey, we can smoke him in a pipe, Martin. Oh, hey, you know what? I got a buddy of mine. No, no, no, no guff here. No guff. Keep the guff off the fish.

It's so guffless. Go ahead. His first shell of every duck season has got his dad's ashes in it as the buffer of the shotgun shell. So his first shot every season, we know it. He gets the first shot on opening day to shoot a shell. that has been reloaded with his father. And it's actually a really cool thing to be a part of. Because, hey, dad is with him on this hunt.

He's been with us. The last 10 years I've known this cat, and first shot every day, open and bake. Yes, it's him by himself. Oh, that's cool. First duck of the year is Braddick. I like it. I like it.

Me and Martin going to do that with your asses. Oh, no, hey, I like that. You'd miss, though. I wouldn't. You might want to let Martin shoot. I'll let him shoot. That's right. I'll let Martin shoot it, Si, if you want to kill something.

It's going to be the first duck size killed in 30 years. But that's a really... According to Fields and Searle and Jason Robertson, I'm the first duck I ever killed. I'm on yours side. Hey, I hope for the boy, I know what he can kill. No, let me shoot it and then it's in true side form. I'll claim it.

No, well, then I need to shoot it and then you claim it. Oh, I just blame it. There you go. There you go. Yeah, because Chris, hold on, because Christine told me not too long ago, she said Philip you know if something happens to sigh you're going to have to get up and talk about him and I was like huh she's like oh yeah you need to be ready I'm not going to be ready you're very slight impression of Christine by the way it always makes me happy Philip she will tell you like it is yeah the only thing

he's got down that she does is the the the annunciation she enunciations because she hates the way all of us talk I know it drives her nuts she from Kentucky she likes that yeah you do know that, right? I don't know. You haven't thought about that? No, I don't want to think about it. No, me either. Just put me on a toting schedule for Sire. I don't want to. Look, I ain't, I ain't going to be a Paul Bearer. I won't have talk.

Yeah, we are on. Because I love the man so much. I'm going to, look, I know you're not supposed to be sad and it's going to be a change of address. Did you just call a Paul Barra, the Toten schedule? The Toten schedule. Yeah, let me tote him. King Tote.

Hey, when I go, let me tell you. I want everybody just to have a party and have a good time. But we ain't going to the first couple of days because we're going to be sad as crap because the world lost a bright light. I can guarantee you that. But when Phil gets up there, I'm going to have a hard time not laughing. Will. My brother.

What's going to be your walk-up song? Not me. He's talking about Phil. He stopped loving her today. Oh, Phil Robertson. Oh, no. Be sharp dressed man. Right now.

Right here. That's what I open the show with, boy, so it's got to be short-dress. Hey, can I wear a camera over to your funeral? I don't care what you wear. Yes. It has been decided right here right now. Sharp dressed man will play at the beginning of size funeral. No, on the way out.

And on the way out. You can't beat. Yeah, I like it on the way out. That Billy Gibbons getting down on the guitar? See? Oh, man. Every girl crazy about it. I just say we're all clear because none of us know when any of us are going to go.

You can wear a came-out of mine too. You ain't got to dress up. I want y'all dress up if I pass before y'all. Can I go through your closet and wear something out of your collection? I have to have a tailor. Hold on. Hold on. Yes,

yes, you can. Yeah, you can. Anybody else? Yeah. Going once. Shirtless with overalls at feels. We can all this dress as a different Duck Dynasty character. I'm showing up on a lawnmower.

Hey, no, no. It drives us in a funeral. That's backfired. But, b'all. Be it y'all. And then have somebody pushing us. an outhouse. It's up when you get ready to go push you by an out-out.

That's amazing. I didn't know we were going to get to left this much today. It's about all of our funerals. Who ever thought a crematorium would lead you here, boys? My only request is no pants allowed at my funeral. No pants? No pants, shorts only. With a drawstring preferred.

If you wear shorts, if you wear pants, you're not allowed in the door. That's too fancy. No toting if you're wearing pants either. Yep, everybody in shorts. Heck yeah, I'll be on you. If I am, I'm, I'm going to be there, Tommy Johns. And that's all? That's it.

Well, I think I speak for us all when I say, we hope you go first. That would be fun. But there's no denying that they're fanatics. There you go. There you go, baby. Oh, man, I love him. We snuck and add in. Wow, look at their free one, Tom.

We're going to take a break. Why are we taking a break? Take a break. It's a beautiful day. I made a pickleball court this weekend. I see you're on that bag? It's the fastest growing sport in America. Pickleball.

But all the tennis people hate it. What? Are they actually playing with a pickleball? Yeah, yeah. It's called a pickleball. I don't know what it is. It ain't a real pickleball? What are you saying?

Yeah, it's like a plastic, Tsai. Oh, no, they need to make a real cucumber. Oh, no, I wouldn't take but one hit. Pickle, if you're going to play pickleball, you've got to have a real cucumber. That's just my It's like ping pong and tennis And my kids are talking about it And so they made all A's

So we made a court in the driveway And it's the most fun I've ever probably had in my entire life Do you know the rules Or you just make them up as you go Make them up as you go Hard to say really Because you know Willie has a pickleball court

I don't know Yeah I'm training up to go beat him One day But he's probably pretty good at it I still don't understand pickle balls So I don't really At some point you just start slapping the ball as hard as you can at each other and then somebody wins and

everybody laughs. I'm behind the, when y'all play at Willie, y'all need to invite me. Y'all? Yeah. Yeah. Martin's not going to attend. That's what I'm going to show. If you see me out there on a pickle ball court, you just go ahead and dial up Mr. Jilly because you boy love to have a massive heart attack.

Because something's going wrong in the day. Are you ready for the wildest story of the day? No, no. I'm going to show one thing. What? A gallon of pickles. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to be in the stand.

Luzer has to eat a pickle. Hey, I'm going to eat pickles. A ball. I'm eating pickles in the stream. You ready for the wildest story of the day? Yeah, go ahead. You know how I started my day? I've already had two EKGs done this morning.

What? You Gavin Hardy's his big dog? I didn't know. Did you buy one in real things that's on the commercial where you put your thumbs on it? What? Or the EKG? Did they have that? Yeah.

You ain't seen that? No, I'm 34. We watch very different television. No, no. It's a guy that runs around in the country in a tour bus. And he jumped out and says, hey, how's your heart? and then he pulls out this little stupid handheld EKG that you just put your thumbs or fingers on it

it tells you y'all does your EKG that's why I've seen it y'all need to watch TV for crying out there well we do watch TV but we don't know what PBS has a different commercial you gotta have a you gotta watch the good stuff they're like the price is right no I was like I woke last night I had all these weird chest pains but apparently I just like You had gas. You had gas up in your chest.

Hold on, take it easy on it. I've been there. I've been there. Something right between like these and I was like, am I? Am I okay? Am I okay? And I was like, it's not pain, but I don't like it.

And so this morning I woke up and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to head on over to GT's place. See Caitlin walk in? What's happening? I said, I don't know, but this hurts in this region. Not hurts, but it's weird. and so she said, hey. See, I imagine Brittany gets the same kind of feelings

every time I walk in the door. Yeah, right. Makes your heart go bitter. Those are butterflies. My heart was going weird. And I was like, what is happening? So I said, you know what? You had gas.

I don't know. Have you got the results back? Oh, no. My heart's good. We don't know what the problem is. That's probably what it is. I think I tore something. Pickleball?

From being a fat boy? That's gas. No, it happened before pickleball. No. So, what is it, sigh? It's a new feeling. He let it really. and went up instead of down.

Is that possible? Did you eat chili? Yes, no. What kind of soup? Hold on, let me call gilly. Hey, look, what kind of soup is very important? That's right. Why is that important?

All right, just tell before you ate. Tell the truth. There was, I made it myself. Bad, no, it was a bunch of Italian sauce. You need to buy you some? Oh. Oh, no, that's why you have it all this. I've never had that feeling before, though.

And I was like, I got a Italian sauce. I got a feeling. You need to change that Italian soup out. Okay, that you're making. I just buy you some regular chicken. Campbell's chicken noodle soup. I think I'd rather go out earlier. Don't.

I'd rather die with heartburning Italian sausage in my system. Anytime you're having trouble, a weird feeling, don't feel good. You're tired. Yeah. Eat your can of chicken noodle soup. Campbell's. Well, I went with straight up. Then you're going to feel better and you're going, hey, be.

That's the only thing I own brand side buys. Right. Campbell's chicken Everything else just says I don't care about it Rickles Well I didn't like how I felt this morning So I said

Well I'm just going to the doctor And I'm going to say I don't like how I feel But aren't you glad you went Oh yeah I can joke about it That's a good thing This morning I wasn't

I was like I don't know that I can go tell jokes That's how I was When I was driving down the road And had to pull over and go to the ER When did you do that? You weren't here A couple weeks ago

About a month ago Nobody tells me anything I'm laid up They are for four hours. What? What? You ain't told nobody this? I didn't tell y'all this.

No. You don't tell us nothing. I thought you knew. So look. Tell us what happened. I was driving to rest. I knew about it. I knew about it.

We talked about it on Unashamed. Yeah. That's why I thought they knew. We're not that podcast. So I was driving to work. Little brother again. Let me tell you the perfect storm. I'm driving to work.

My face is numb on the left side. And I've got this, these bubbles underneath my chest, I'm like, oh, I'm dying, at least dying. I mean, so I pulled over when I got to Rustin and I called my buddy because I was about to pass out. I said, come get me. And he was dizzy. Take me to the ER. I'm fixing to pass out. I don't know what's going on. They come guy and took me in the ER. I stayed in there four hours. They did all the blood stuff and they tested everything. The guy comes in as a foreign guy and he was like, you, Mr. Bigbilly, you're okay. Your heart is good. You're not having a stroke. He said, but you got

gas. And then he said, and you have a UTI. The University of Texas institution? Boom. Urinary infection. Okay. So that's what was, I was dehydrated. I wish you had told me this story before I googled everything last night that had me

convinced I'd never see my kids grow up. Uh-huh. Yeah. Never Google anything, people. Just take a deep breath. It goes to the doctor. I'm glad you did. But you're proud of keep you from doing it.

You know, I'll be okay. And I was like, take care of me because I'm a hyperconjury like my grandmother. She told us for 85 years she was going to die and she finally did. She was right. The whole time, she was right. I got her, boys. My face was known because the night before, me and at least we were watching the movie and I fell asleep. No, we know what I haven't because you got the UTIs.

You just did it. I ain't telling you all nothing else. Zah, help me. I ain't going to help me. This is what happens when we have a live studio audience. It gets weird. We bring the heat one. I just know every UTI I've ever been associated with

had some side effect, or they were caused by something. I don't know what caused this. I just didn't like it. Do you have a UTI too? Why are we still talking about those? He didn't get checked. I still don't even know what those are. They sound like a calculator.

Were you dehydrated? No, I was fine. I just had, there's some long name. My rib cartilage is inflamed, basically. What? My ribs. I don't know. I ate a bunch of ribs this weekend. Yeah, he's ribs and Italian sauce. And then he wants to say, no, that ain't hard burn.

I think I'm, like, I feel some bubbling going on in here. I've always had the, like, I've had an iron belly my whole life. That changes, me too. And I feel like. With age. I feel like I found. Yeah, I hit 38 now. I love jalapenias. But if I sniff just like a regular halapenia, belly tore up for like two days. I can't eat onions. Oh, and Friday, I ate a ton of jalapenia. I think I used to feel like it. I used to be able to.

to eat a whole jar. Oh, I could eat them. I used to love eating them on like a freedom. No, tear my belly up so far. Yeah. I used to eat a whole bar. I guess I'm going to start drinking again.

Yeah, we both almost died and didn't even know it. I did not come close to dying. I was dead and I barely made it. They got me back to the line. I literally just went to the doctor for them to tell me that I wasn't. So you had gas. Yeah. What do he say to do to get rid of?

I mean, he gave you like medicine or he just said, Oh, no. They gave me some medicine. and so I said don't come around me I'll give it a few days for real well that's better because like when the boys when the boys get all swollen up from gas

you lift their legs up and stick a little thing up there wait is that what's happening to me? Yes I'd have come over and let you do it oh I got plenty of them and the coconut oil put on you never even know what's there the relief

stay away but if that thing whistles you got to get out of what? You better bring your own diaper. I ain't got done in your size. The best part of this is if there's any

doctors listening, which I know there's not, because why would they? They're so upset. They're too educated to listen to this. Of all the science we're spilling right now, none of it is probably correct. Sioux isn't

doesn't take his headset off. I went to the doctor this morning too. Wasn't it of that, though. I couldn't hear nothing out of my right. What? We're falling apart. No, I just finally got what the boys had. I got a bunch of fluid on the back of my ear. Oh, fluid on your ear.

Yeah. Well, I guess what we're asking for is prayers. Oh, yeah. From the people, because we're all falling apart again. Well, yeah, we're falling apart. Well, yeah, we're old. Some of us. I mean, that's the funny thing about age and time. You know what? It's all of us. You know what? You know what Dr. Taylor

told me this morning? Caitlin? Yeah. I didn't know if you're talking about Caitlin or Grant. No, I went to Caitlin. But Grant's been there every time I've swung by there. But I said, so I'm not going to die. And she goes, yeah, you are. No time soon, though. You're good.

And I was like, weird way to say that. She doesn't know that. That's right. I'm wearing shorts. Oh, he's ready. His shorts got holes in. We should take a break immediately. But we have a guess.

We do. I'm going to bow out. He's been wanting to be on this podcast for a. minute now having you? Yeah. Well, here we go. Flight smile. I'm out of here. This is your seat. Sorry about the butt sweat. Welcome back to the duck car room. We have got a special guest, a friend of mine by the name of Layton, Flat, and he also brought his wife, Amy. Hey, Amy. Oh, yeah. Hi, how are you? Glad you here with us. So you're done out. Before you go anywhere, how did you find the only man in America's wearing a shirt says medium plus?

I didn't know that. medium plus. Well, you didn't notice it's staring right back at me. I don't like to get political, but when I find a thing I'm passionate about, I get a shirt made.

There you go, there you go. Look, it's still a fake temperature of steak, but it made a shirt. Yeah, I have to order all my merch for tour, and I sent them this,

and they were like, I don't know what that is, but we'll print it, all right? And I was like, there you go. Hey, we got a medium plus steak this weekend.

At the Gilles. Oh, well, your microphone's down. Well, Layton, welcome to the show, man. Yeah. This is cool. Where are you hell from?

I live in Springfield, Missouri. Okay. But I'm on tour all over the country. Oh, I got you. Are you originally from Springfield? I was born in Lincoln, Nebraska. Okay. I moved to Springfield.

Yeah, tour, I do stand up my opening line, because this is all new. I grew my hair and beard out when I lost a bunch of weight. And people harassed me. They called me, like, I literally had a show the other day. I walked in, and some drunk guy was like, what building duck calls didn't work out for you or what? Oh, wow. Hey, that's my line on one of the show. I start every show with that's all my Facebook became is

when's Duck Dynasty back on the air and I'm in I don't know but so living in Springfield we talk about food a lot have you ever Haruno you eat at that place the sushi bar no I'm a stand-up well I'm more of an Arby's two for three kind of guy oh okay I just wonder because he's my people that's the one you were talking about it's one of the top three sushi restaurants I've ever been to wow I ate a lot of sushi all around the country y'all so What are you doing in Springfield? What brings you through there?

Bass Pro. Okay. Like, when we have to go have our sales meetings and dealer meetings and stuff like that, we're up there. Well, since that C word happened, we don't really have to go anymore. We do everything digitally, but we used to be there twice a year, spring and fall. Nice. For line reviews.

And I've driven that miserable drive up through North Arkansas. That's terrible. North Arkansas, beautiful. That road is just two lanes. Yeah. That's all. I mean, it takes forever to get there. You ain't going nowhere, but it takes forever to get there.

Can I tell you? I got a question. Yeah. How long have you been in stand-up comedy? I started when I was 19 years old. I'm 25. Okay, 25. So, 60 years old.

I celebrated my 21st birthday on stage. Do you enjoy it? It's the best thing I've ever done. The problem is there's not a lot of men in my world that are Christians doing it. So I have a weird blended world of it. Yeah. It's the best thing I've done in my entire. Yeah.

Same. It's the best thing I've done in my entire life. I've got to see the country. I got to take my friend to see the ocean for the first time. He's the same age as Johnny D. He's never seen the ocean. Stand up paid for us to do that. Really?

I get paid to see my parents. I got to go stay at their house. I got to do a show in West Monroe last month. We're a show of the tour. Wow. That's funny that you have a friend that has never seen the ocean, and my favorite place on earth is where the Mississippi River runs into the Gulf of Mexico. Yeah.

In the marsh. And, you know, we drove, we flew all the way from Springfield. to Orlando, Florida, and he went, and then we just went back to the hotel. That was his response, and I was like, well, I'm not taking. And then we went to the hills of Iowa, and he went, this is the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life. And I'm like, you're backwards.

That's what you are. Yeah. I'll tell you what. I'm not a beach guy. I love fishing on you. I love the beach. Yeah, I'm not a beach guy. I'd rather go spend time.

Oh, I'm not a beach guy either, but, you know, the ocean has got so much life no much variety of life biologically diverse yeah and Monroe Louisiana has such a variety of crime yeah oh wow oh no

we got row we don't live there we have a hundred plus cities we've toured to this is the only one where I almost got robbed out of my car for our show yeah welcome to Munro this is West

West Monroe was a big step up but Monroe is a oh wow Yeah, no, that's crazy So what's the hardest thing about stand-up? Standing there. Waiting for the next show. Si, because sigh's funny.

Everywhere we go, he walks on stage and he just puts a show together. I'll let you open up for me any day. The hardest thing about stand-up comedy is getting the public to laugh. Hey, I'm serious. Tough crowd. I don't feel like you have any problem with that.

Yeah, I think you're good. I said you want to come to do a show. The mic's yours any day. You can have the whole show. Si, you ever been somewhere where they didn't laugh at you? No.

The crematorium. The audience was dead. Can I tell you? No, because I ain't got to laugh at it because they put me Come see Uncle Si in the obituary column. Oh, yeah. Uncle Si's back at the crematorial.

Come on, son. Hunter's got buttons over here. I'm sorry. Can I tell you the, the best part about the entire tour. You guys are snack people. So I did a show and they gave my buddy a tattoo gun after the show.

I never held a tattoo gun. And I was like, let's match my tattoos. Let's go, Jesus. And he heard cheez-its. I got this cheez-in on me for the rest of my life. And he drew that? He drew that. And then it got, we're like, well, let's go in.

So then I got this goldfish. That's pretty cool. He's pretty good artist. Don't, no, take that off. we have an ongoing argument if it was on your body permanently you would not think you would see the missing lines no buddy I'm clean

me and tattoos don't jihad needles me and needles don't no I don't mind needles I don't know my wife's got tattoos she loves them that's just not my deal we didn't get his answer a while ago I would have the hardest part

yeah the hardest part thank you sir honestly I absolutely we spend every single week writing and it is hard but the hardest part for me is to sit every single week and tug it to do my next show. So you go somewhere every week?

Just about. So actually, today we're in West Monroe, right? I was in Council Bluffs, Iowa Sunday morning. Oh, wow. And then I'll go back. I have a hometown show, and then I'm off to Louisville, Kentucky. I've got, we just finished up in Mississippi, Alabama, Oklahoma. It turns into a rap song after a while.

Yeah. I can't sit still. But you do like you work churches or bars or I'm out? I don't, obviously. I will take anywhere that will have me. I got you. Yeah, I love to do churches. They're a little bit harder to get into because, you know, they don't have like a

entertainment regimen. Yeah. Like a bar or comedy club would. Yeah. I'm not quite famous enough to just pick a comedy club and get that one yet. Not even close, I don't think, but I'm trying. So we do, we do, I mean, I've done anything from basements to comedy clubs to to parking lots to, I mean, we did a drive-in movie theater during COVID.

That sucked. It rained. Yeah. There was seven cars. they were over there. They gave me a microphone that sounded like I was like, you want to go to the state fair and they make announcements? Oh, no.

That was. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then I couldn't hear the last because they were in their car. So, oh, no, I had a band once in, back in my. Oh, that is a joke. That's a good one, sign. No, no. And I had to think about it is, you know, we went.

And where the stands are, okay, is there's 10 roofs. And the sound system with that is like he's, He's talking about you can't understand nothing being said or sung or anything. That's probably your best work. So it don't make any different for what you do. Yeah. I can believe it. We had that happen recently.

We had a storm. Yeah. But anyway, well, let's get Johnny D. back in here. We're going to wrap it up. I see how. No, we got to do the. Thank you, Layton, for being on with us. We got a standing email section.

So, yeah. But you can hand you his computer. You can pick them. No, hey. But we'll be back right after this. We wish you the best, man. Johnny D. How do you like your job as a producer?

Now that we're back and I was behind the camera for a little while, pressing buttons, I'd like to apologize to the people. Hunter lied to me. He said that that drum was going to go do-d-d-s, and it wasn't. And so I just found out I did a whole drum solo. Well, look. Hey, he made an apology. Thank you.

We love you, Hunter. All right, Johnny D. What's in that mailbag? Mail back. Sarah from Tucson, Arizona. I think this is a Facebook comment. Okay. Beth sent it to me via email.

She took her mom to see the blind today. They really enjoyed it. Her mom wasn't familiar with all the things, but she did have to lean over and ask, what's a gar hole? Oh. It's a gar. What's a garhole, Martin?

Well, as our man, our comedian friend pointed out, Monroe, Garhole. Garhole. Big gar Big gar Mega gar No gar holes are just

places where the the result you expected did not quite turn out as you would hope for. It's a hole. A waste of time hole. Yeah, a gar. So for her

Tucson, I don't know how much Spheres. So a gar is considered quote unquote a trash fish. So if you go fishing and you catch gar that's a poor outing. You got nothing.

Now there are people who eat gar and I've heard they're great. Gar balls. All those things. So it's not like a, it's just a redneck colloquialism. Yeah.

Garhole. So if you go some fishing somewhere, you don't catch an hour, you're like, man, that's up. So there's your garhole. Gar hole. Perfect. It's like hunting and fishing.

If you're hunting something like, say, doves and you go and you don't see any doves and go fire shot. Gar hole. Gar hole. That's a gar. And we've just, we've gone as far to shorten it as to gar.

And there's different levels of gar. There's different levels of gar. There's a pretty gar. There's an alligator gar, which means you guard out, but the place was beautiful. Pretty gar. Also, Johnny De, if you add on the front of it, this place is a garhole, then that's a lot more passion. I mean, you've had to think it through.

You're very frustrated with it. Mega gar means there was nothing endearing about the experience, so the place didn't look good, like all the things. This place is a gar hole. I prefer on gars if we're going to gar, it needs to be a pretty gar. Let me at least look at something. It looks pretty good. Garholes suck.

Yeah. Garholds just a place that stinks. That's it. There you go. If you ever go fishing somebody, gar holds you? It means there's no fish there. No good fish. All right, Tucson, now you know.

Cody emails in, how's it going, fellas? Oh, hi, how's it going, Cody? He doesn't see where he's from, but how's it going, fellas, is not how I would start it. So I'm going to swim. Hi, Cody. He is from up north. He's an active hunter, loves the outdoors. He has about 10 acres.

The deer get very close to the house. so close he could throw a feather and hit them whack him so I started to hunt out of my upstairs window yes oh oh yes having shot a deer out of the window of my buddy's house I support this state that's right that's right what happened go ahead the question is is this okay

or is this cheating side note it's how he's killed his biggest deer and to that Cody I say amen there's a whole brand on YouTube that's built their deal off of suburban deer hunting. Seek one.

Go check them out. That's all they do. They hunt city deer. So they're hunting deer that live around people and they kill giants. Yeah. I have a buddy who built a house. His name will go anonymous. Crill.

Nailed it. Sorry, Chad. Oh, you said both of them. I'm supposed to save one. All right. Well, now you know, he built a house and he put an office above a garage and that's where he does his work. And he also put a window.

and a feeder. Very strategically out into the woods beside his house. You know who that is, Creel. That's Chad's deer stand. And he was like, man, that's a brilliant idea. And I was like, agreed. Yeah, sit there, watch TV with air conditioner. What's the difference in that and a tree?

Look, having fed a deer backstrap to this whole office on Friday, I think there's more people here that support that decision. Beth, our Canadian friend, who helps run the podcast, had never had venison until Friday. And you did it. She wants more. You did that on Friday when I, not like on a day I'd be here? When us three were out.

I did it when I knew the attendance. I'm a little put out. Yeah. Well, I didn't get the memo about we're having venison. No. I did it on the day. I get a lunch break on days we don't film. Yeah, but you got the factor.

So I'm not worried about it. What is love? But I was gone. So I'll allow it. Hey, that's fine. I did it on the day where I know participation is the lowest. Okay. All right.

That was strategic. Hey, that was on purpose. It is too. He purposely left us out. It is to have people here maybe want to show up when they hear things like that happen on a Friday. If not, keep doing what you're doing

and we'll keep eating good on a Friday. And that's another term I like to call weed it out. Weed it out. Let me tell you what that deer was. It was no gar. You want to send us out of here with the Bible verse? Let's send us out of here with the weirdest, weirdest episode of being buried and cremated

and all the things. So you got anything with fire in it, J.D? I don't have anything. fire in it. But I got a little something, I think. Philippians 3 20 through 21, but our citizenship is in heaven and we eagerly await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus

Christ, who by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies. And we'll be just like him. So that we will be like his glorious body. Amen. That's all I got.

It didn't limit the transformation style. Y'all take that home with you. All right, we'll see y'all next time. We're out.