Duck Call Room - Uncle Si's Deodorant Strategy Isn't Working — According to Jep Robertson

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

Jep Robertson claims Si STINKS, but Si says that's not possible with his deodorant strategy. Si congratulates Stone on his new jiu-jitsu blue belt, and John-David convinces his 8-year-old son to do the old bowling-ball-tied-to-the-tooth trick. Si has a theory on where all his leg hair went. Martin razzes Si for how he "cherry picks" and "skims" certain foods off the top of gumbo and other dishes, and then Si has a complaint about what he's been smelling in hotels and Ubers. The boys can't wait to tell Stone about their pedicures, with Si insisting he has the "sexiest, prettiest feet anywhere!" A proud army mom shares the story of her pedicure with her sons, a fan asks Si if his military boots rubbed the hair off his legs, and the boys give advice on how to start duck hunting. -- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Martin, you got a mouth full, my man. Welcome back. We're here. We're full. We were going to save this before the episode, but we got started early because this is delicious. They are delicious. Keep talking. My mouth's still full.

Well, now mine's full. Who's at this? Our friend Ashley. Ashley, you're the best. Our friend Ashley with marvelous mouse travels in Tennessee sent us a box of crumble cookies. And we don't have a crumble cookie here. I have experienced it in several stops across this great lamb, and I've never been disappointed.

And you know what? You wasn't as that easy? Y'all are lucky, because they come and dress to me. I brought them in here. I started to smuggle them onto the house. I wouldn't blame you. You know. I still got that Boudam waiting on you at the store.

Something, yeah. If you want some Boudan from South Louisiana, I got something. Look, no, I called you when the cookies was ready. You called me when a Boudan's ready. We'll call it good. That's right. That is the best cookie I found. I loves it boo damn.

Man. I got something for you. I don't even drink milk, but I want a glass of it. I know. Actually, next time, send like whole milk personally. Whole milk tastes better. Yeah, those just look too good to pass up. Man, good on crumble cookies.

Good for them. They're not even a sponsor. That's just a real-life endorsement, folk. That's just like in a dead gum good cookies, what I'm going to tell you right now. That's not even hashtag, And those crumble cookies are the one thing that I've eaten that may not get better with W sauce. I would say that would be a deterrent detriment. I'm just saying, man, that's one thing that doesn't need W sauce.

Should I try it? I mean, you can't. It's not going to be. It's not going to be bad. It'll just be different. It'll be two very different flavors on each side. They'll be fighting in your mouth, but it may be a good fight, you know. You never know.

Some fights are better than a lot. others. I put Worcestershire stuff in all my brownies. Just kidding. I don't. That would be weird. Oh, man. Cookies and anchovies don't go together.

That's neither. I was under the belief for a long time. Anchovies didn't go with anything. Then I started eating W. Sauce. I was like, you know what? That's really the only anchovy thing I'm into, I think. You like them on a pizza?

No. That's why I don't get Johnny's pizza in town. You order the pizza. that everybody orders, but then there's anchovies. I know a man who gets his pizza with extra anchovies. Phil Robertson? Yes. How did you know?

Yeah, why not? When playing who's a man. Is that true? That is true. That was a guess. He loves his anchovies. Do you like anchovies style? I don't like anything with a strong flavor.

Are you kidding? The only thing he likes with a strong flavor is like vinegar. and straight lemon acid he's a big fan of acid that's what he's into so I'm not talking about LSD either I don't think he may be a fan of it no I ain't a fan of that I'm not sure I ain't into the drug scene

before you forget that he's been out on that you ever tried LISD? What where is this family? I'm just asking no hey he lived through the 70s man like the 60s and 70s if there was that's wow that you say that See? No, no.

Buckle up, everybody. That generation is the one that was, you know, went wild, went rebel in every direction. Yeah. Aren't you part of that generation? And all he did. Not really. It was my generation, but I wasn't part of it. All he did was got drunk on Mountain Dew, remember?

That's it. That is impressive. Fright and Mountain Dew. That good old dew, boys, that's all you need. Don, what do you think about that? I think that doesn't sound true. That's what they all say on everything I say. It ain't true.

When the fact about it is, it is true. Well, Stone, look, I'm glad we could reward you with a cookie. You had a big week since you've been here last. Oh, yeah, it's been quite the week. He's got an arm brace on? Yeah, I'm still recovering from what happened. Does I tell you all about it? Uh-uh.

Oh, no, no. I stood it, okay. We showed up at six. Well, hold on now. This ain't your accomplishment. Let the man tell us what he did. But I can tell you about his accomplishment. Oh, and I want to hear your view of it, but I would like Stone to announce what he did.

Well, we had, they tested me for my blue-based. belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu last Monday night and the test itself is more of a I would say a formality but it's a formality in where they put you to the edge you get to the edge of where you cannot go any further and then they finally call it so in our curriculum is like 88 moves I had to demonstrate in front of everybody, and then everybody in the class. What's at about 30? I got to go around with everybody in the class.

No breaks. You fought everybody? Yeah, everybody in the class. The thing about it was they wanted to support me, but there was like 30 people showed up. You don't want to do this, J.D. Nope. Whatever.

You would have to be on your own something to do this. Well, here's what I tell you. I never worried about Johnny Dee wanting to do this. And nor should you worry about me wanting to do it. Well, I got to do it because, you know, I'm kind of messed up in the head. I need a... Well, you need a release. You just sold your boat and everything else.

Hey, I'm messed up in the head, but I don't need... Yeah, but you wear battle vision, so life's good, you know? It's mainly therapy for me. It's very therapeutic for me in all of truthfulness. So 30 people are whooping on you. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. That's therapeutic.

Yeah, well... Me and you ain't the same. That actually was not very therapy. That was more tortured than anything. But it was, it's kind of a right at passage type deal, you know. But you got your belt. I did.

That's awesome. I did see the picture. You look, you look proud and exhausted. And tired. All at the same time. I was exhausted. You look like, yeah, I finally did it.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was referring to the one of him and his wife, him and Nan. I saw that one too. Yeah. I don't know where that. Oh, I'll find out. that was old Shane.

He tested with me. He's been at it for about four years. He's smiling. I don't have a smile on his face too. I tried to. No, no, you did. You managed one because I couldn't stand no more. So you fought all these people?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, Connor, that's an easy one. I actually got a choke on him. At the very end, I had just enough energy to choke him. which he deserved it right right he got what he deserved

so they started calling me possum they said oh he played possum a little bit of possum I saved just enough energy but I would say the most physically

exhausting thing I've ever done in my 47 years on the earth I was looking at the big redhead on the end thinking Lord have you that's a young kid he's a go-getter yeah young boys they're hard to deal with

Yeah, carrot top of Jiu-Jitsu. Why is my friend Nick here wearing like a bathrobe, though? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He likes them colorful geese for some reason. I don't know. That's a guess of good group of people right there. Put that picture back up real quick.

But now, let's look. Stone, you've got to be closest, close to the elder statesman of that group, right? Oh, yeah. Well, Mr. Martinez is my elder. Yeah. And then Mr. Tim, bottom. right by him Blupe right beside David

Yeah Those are the only two guys older to me In the school Davis 54 And Tim is 54 I think Well I'd wish I'd have known There's gonna be 30 people show up Because I'd have went by a slip

About 15 of them $20 stay at the house Yeah For your sake I would have been a lot of you Oh no no no no no See that's one They ain't told you that I got there at 6th

They started 630 I took it for two hours solid A little boy you were one of the fighters? No, no, I'm watching the fight. Oh. Yeah. You know, me and Phillips sitting there and I finally just said,

I can't take anymore. So I went told Nan, I said, Nan, hey, you know, tell Stone, I wish him luck. I know he'll get his belt. I said, but I'm out of here. I can't take this anymore. What size is not telling you is nobody giving me any action on you? No, no, no.

This was for solid two and a half hours, okay, as I'm watching him rattle some. Yeah. You think you could have took them at the end? Hey, look, I'd have died on the warm-up that they did. What are you talking about fight? No. They said, well, we're going to loosen up a little bit, so they start running around a lot, okay? Then they do just all these weird roles, y'all. And when they, I'd have had back problems and had to go to a cop-outric. so every time they fall on the ground all you hear is bam

I said hey I thought them math was supposed to be a little bit on the soft side of my stuff they got a little bit of give not a whole lot they're softer than the floor but I watched them for 230 minutes hey roll him up to the cliff and right when you think they're going to push him over and just let him die

well they gave him a break just hit the guy our girl that's with them that leaves and then it's like five seconds and then I told me, let's go again. And I said, no. So it's really a test about how much you want it. Yeah, well. I mean, you got to do the stuff at the beginning, but the end is just how bad do you want it?

Well, he's going to go until there's nothing left. Yeah. And when there's nothing left, he's going to go back. He's going to go some more. Yeah, because if they leave you a minute alone, then you got to do sit-ups or push-ups or jumping jack. You don't get no break. Burpees.

You're going to be doing something. If you ain't wrapping somebody. In between rounds. Yeah. I think you should have kept your boat. Hey. I've been on grateful with you. I did get that thing social.

Me and I'll be fishing with you from now. That's fine. At all seriousness, though, Stolling, congratulations. Because you were, 48? 47. 47. and just got your blue belt and jiu-jitsu. That's incredible.

Here's a deal. I don't care if he's 28. My hat is off to the young man. Well, thank you. Okay, because, hey, look, the discipline and the physical endurance that he displayed, I ain't there and never will be. Yeah, he come walking in the office the next day, and I said, oh, last night was that test. He just had to look about it.

Like, I ain't seen Stone just. mentally and physically whooped before my life. But even the next morning he came in, I said, yep, that was last night. He's tired. Oh, no. But he did it. But Andy was here.

He was at the office on time. The moral of that story is when you got three daughters, you'll do things that you don't think you would ever do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Stone will whip you. Yeah.

No. If you need to, you will. No, you don't forget. I'm 47 years old. There's a lot of things I can't. He's got a lot of techniques now that he can't whip you if he wants to. Yeah. Yeah.

So it just falls into my lap, you know. Hey. If Connor I don't come up. Hey, if you just happen to be the one of those that ever really push his button, yeah, you need you get your butt work. Oh, well, let's take our first break.

We'll be back right after this. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up. You know what that means? That means more outside cook. and y'all know we love to eat beef around here and that's what because of our friends over at try tell's beef makes such a good product baby ain't it good it's so good it's our friend sall robertson would say buy on the grill look before we got tritels getting ready for a cookout man somebody had to run

the grocery store do all the things grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day and you never really know where that beef come to them but with tritels beef we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Triedails comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with

who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living,

you can taste the difference. the tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Triedails beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah.

Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's tribeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. Well, you see, Martin. That's why I like Stone because the other day when trouble arose in the neighborhood, I was about to just go to Stone's house. Y'all had trouble in the neighborhood again?

Because I knew I would be protected. What happened in the hood this time? Oh, drive by. Shot fired. Pow, pow, pow. Yeah. That was three. Pow, pow, pow, pow.

Yeah. Ten? There's supposed to be nine. Oh, nine? It can't count. Supposedly over a girl. Some old boy and some old girl weren't supposed to be hanging out and some other old boy didn't prove. Bad deal.

I've heard that story before. But you know what? You'd have been a... You wouldn't have found me at the house. That was the night of the test. Oh, they knew you was going to be gone. So you would have to, so when I found out, I got to text to somebody, hey, somebody's shooting.

I immediately called Bullfrog. Get the gun. I said, go get the AR with a 60-round drum. Yes. But one in the chamber and sit by the back door, lock the doors, turn the alarm. That's awesome. You know what to do. She said, okay.

Done deal. I didn't know. She sat there with AR in her lap until Daddy got home. Mama was gone, too. I got to leave for about a week in like three weeks. You think she'd go stay with Brittany? Stay with Britney. Why did this picture just pop in my head?

BK with the AR 15 was fully loaded, and then my brother and with his AL-15 loaded. They're not people you want to. Which one is safer? B-K. I wouldn't want to walk up on either. I'll tell you which one has more of a hair trigger. He ought.

You know what Phil told me one time? He said, you know, those are the most annoying dogs in the whole world at his house. The Kay's dogs. Those little yippie and stinky. Yippy dogs. They got freaky and sneaky as well. And then you got, now you got Bobo Jr. And Beebe.

And BB. BB and Bobo, your little rat tears. And all them are they same way. Well, when somebody comes pulling up in the yard, they just go nuts. They know me. Okay, freaking sneaky do. And they go crazy every time I come in the house. What's wrong with you?

So, stupid idiots. Phil says, I said, Phil, that don't get on your nerves? He said, no, what are you talking about? He said, that's my first line of defense. He said, I can tell the difference between friend or foe just by the tone of their bark. That's right. Our growl. I said, are you serious?

He said, oh, yeah. So ever since then, I call him when I almost get there. Yeah, when he's going to me, I'm going to get there. I'm coming in the gate. I'm coming in the house. I was on sheets. Just in case that dog barks funny. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I ain't ever been one. Even when we were working down there every day, I didn't show up unannounced. Oh, no. Hey, hey. You got to call. Running a little late this morning. Y'all did anything from the store? I'll be there in about 15.

You know, I just never trust. Don't shoot. Well, because he sits right there by that window with his reclining. Well, last time I saw a picture of Phil down there in his chair. There was boxes and stuff beside him. And it said snacks. Medical. Medical.

Yeah. Gun stuff. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Gun stuff. They're very organized. Yeah, that dude wouldn't have wanted to drive by Phil's house carrying on like.

He'd never got off nine. Well, there's one way in, one way out. He drove right past my house. My wife, Will, well, wasn't home. So she said, well, my son. supposed to do? I said, come home. Come home. And I had some heavy shot coyote shot ready for them

had they turned around. Dead coyote. Dead cowl, that's what I had ready. That stuff's brutal. So what's the story on, who did it? I mean, they found him? Oh, he's in jail. Oh. Already. Yeah. Sounds like a young guy thing. Yeah, it was.

Guys, girls, young. Juveno. Yeah, he's in the detention center, I guess, not the jail. Oh, he at Green Oaks or whatever. I got you. hope he doesn't do that anymore. Hey, play stupid games, winning stupid prizes, man. That's all I got to tell you.

It was a weird night. It don't do no good to just go spraying bullets around. No. That stuff's expensive, too. Where do you get the money for this? I guess we should also say nobody got, well, one kid's hand got grazed, and that's it.

So everybody's okay. No, he didn't get grazed. He got shot. Yeah, he got shot. Yeah, that's like getting half junk. No, you ain't half junk. You're polluted. Okay.

well everybody's okay everybody's okay I wanted the people to know one person was shot okay but everybody's fine everybody's okay he went one for nine yeah one required

well and the bad part is like the person's house next to it I think took the brunt of it oh so he didn't even know where he was supposed to be oh this is it's making way more sense

oh yeah you should join the neighborhood Facebook group it's a wild ride now there's a reason I don't live in the compound I needed to get away he's got his own

I work in this compound. I don't need to live in it too. I needed separation of church and state. I'd be good night of living. Oh, boy. I was walking around. If you work with it, you don't want to live with it at night. All right. Mm-mm. Now, I work with it all day. I was taking a loop around Williewood this evening with the green guys. Oh, oh, Jeff? No. No, Jeff. Never mind, yeah. Mm-hmm. Bad deal. Forget about that. Jeff was a good guy. Jeff was involved in a really bad auto accident. Yeah, Jeff was a great guy.

But his workers is his company, I guess. And it's a testament to what he did. Yeah. All of his workers, he trained up and now they're kind of taking over what he built. And one of the workers that he trained both the companies. Yeah. That's cool. What they have to allow?

Were they wearing bulletproof vests or anything? No, no. But I told them about it. So, well, there's actually been a couple shootings here the past few years. One guy just drove by and another guy driving out. He's just hanging out the window. You know. What is wrong with people?

I don't know. I live at the front of the neighborhood, too. Yeah, why are you letting these people in? I ain't got no control over that, I guess. You got to step up. Your security measures up there up front. A gatekeeper? All I guys, a golf cart, a shotgun, and a few fishing rods on me.

That's all I want in life is to live in a neighborhood where that's okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-mm-mm. Unbelievable. Welcome to 2023. All right. We'll be back. Lottominal illness out there.

Yeah. Hey, I don't disagree with that. But let's take another break. We'll be back right after this. Oh, yeah, we tied a bowling ball to my kids, too. You did? What? I tied to bowling ball.

It's not a real bowling ball. It's like a, but it's heavy. So it's a faux bowling ball. Well, it's like a rubber ball, but it's hollow so you can bowl inside. He got it for Christmas or something. and then his tooth was loose and he kept wiggling it and I said no no no trust me on this one

so I tied some probably six pound test because I didn't want I didn't want to put something too heavy and like what to a bowling ball and then through the bowling ball and tied to not you or Allison me so I cinch that sucker down on that tooth and then I

the other was to the bowling ball and ball so now he's just stuck with a bowling ball and ball around the tooth Palamore not oh just overhand nut yeah we just I wanted to inch that sucker down good. I got you. And so then I said just drop the bowling ball and that tooth's going fall out for sure or the line's going to break. Who knows what's going to happen. But it'll be fun either way. We're going to document it. Yeah, yeah, I got a video. He said, I'm going to die. I said, I'm going to die. I said, I'm worried. He was like, all nervous. I said, look, just trust me, this will be worth it. And so then he set the

bowling ball down and started to roll it. And he was about to give it a good shove, but then the tooth flew out. And he looked at me. And I was like, it worked. Bowling balled a tooth. What did tooth fairy bring him? I don't remember. It was like a whole stack of change. Really? Yeah, it was like she had something laying around her pocket or something.

Oh, well, I mean, you know, it goes jingle, jingle. Yeah, it was like, he probably got like four. But he lost two teeth this week. Oh. Oh, he's, and then I get home last night. The boys lost his two front teeth Saturday and then Sunday. It's going to be hard to whistle now. And then Monday I get home and he's eating an apple.

And I'm like, bro, now it's not the time. And he's just like gnawing on it with the side of his face. He's trying to get all of them out. Yeah. That man's applying for dentures. Well, I made a little money. He said this is the best I got out. I would get a nickel.

A nickel? A nickel. I got either a one or a five depending on tooth's location. If it was right up front, it was a five. As they went further, as they went further, to the side they got cheaper. I will say he did get more money than that because there was

a bribe in order for me to tie a bowling ball to us too. Man. But I was like life lesson, man, if you're scared of something, sometimes you win cool prizes to just push through and have fun. I thought you were going to recommend just tie bowling ball to it. See what happened? See what happened.

These kids these days, they get quite a bit of money for stuff like that. Well, inflation. Can. Is inflation? Inflation. Well, you know, Well, Al messed up. He told Sage my eight-year-old, you know, she does jihisoo competitions now. He said, told her for every gold medal she wins, she gets 20 bucks. Well, she's pretty good.

She comes back last competition and won four gold medals. There's eight. She busts up in there. She said, hey, Pat, you owe me 80 bucks? He said, do what? He's like, ding, ding, ding, ding. Say what? Raddling them medals up in there.

80 bucks right there. And if you don't pay me, I'll choke you. I'll make you pay us out on account, boys. I know I can run faster than you, Papps. Ain't no doubt who went in a scrap between sage and Matt. All them vest pockets and started pulling out 20s every which way. That's funny. That's good.

I like it. Man, I ain't done nothing but dealt with two sick youngings at the house. I got puked on this morning. Did you? Yeah, I don't know what it was. Yeah. She's not at school, though. I got that yesterday morning. That was fun.

I'm at the stage now where I'm looking at my oldest ones. I'm like, boy, they'll be out of here in a year and a half. A couple of years, that would have been gone? I think it's cute that you think that. I guess, yeah, you're right. There are extenuating circumstances in some of these cases. Yeah. Yeah, I guess all you got to do is ask out.

Ask anybody. We all still on our parents' payroll to some degree. I most assuredly am. Especially when them grand youngest show up. That's like, I don't know how much I'm going to owe my mom for to help babysitting she's been doing for the last month and a half. Good grief. But, hey, she loves it, so I ain't going to argue with it.

Them boys had a fever for the first time. I'm not built for that. They're mad? Mad. Big mad. At everything. And anyone. Yeah, it didn't matter, especially at dad.

I don't know what he's mad at me. And ain't no good. no better either. But pretty much, if you wasn't a female, they didn't want no part of you. Like, I was like, well,

that's good. Because your mama's gone and it's just me right now. Well, we don't have one word in our vocabulary that nurture. Yeah. That don't go with a man.

Buddy, I tried. I tried my heart. You can't pull it off. No. I ain't got whatever that is in me. I don't know if it smells different or what, but I ain't got it.

Just wait. Once they're eight, Like, well, Carter's about to be nine. He had a fever Sunday morning. Just all on top of me. I'm like, well, now it's not like when you're a kid, baby, I would want to hold you and make you feel better. But, bro, you nine, quit coughing on me.

I don't want to be sick too. You're nine. Go to quarantine. You know, that's what Anna did. And, you know, when my oldest two, when they're little babies and they're cute, she likes to hold them and kiss them and hug them and snug or whatever. What's she doing tonight? Well, once they get past that stage, you get about,

eight or nine, nope. You're on your own. You're on, your own. Get out of here. That's it. That's exactly what that is. You're grown now. Yeah, go live in a cook shack.

You can actually run away anytime you feel like it. Yeah. And no one will come look for you. No one will come look for you. That's right. That's the way Willie was. Willie run away from home every week. No, it's only a runaway if I care.

Yeah. Otherwise, you just gone. What was funny, though, was when I started cooking supper, he'd come back home. Oh, that boy got a sniffer on him now. And now he gets mad that all of his son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws do the same thing to hear. Now, they come over to his aisle down. Where are you cooking? He gets to cooking, everybody in the neighborhood show up.

Where are you cooking? Oh, yeah. That's just, I mean, when I'm a little closer, I did too. His son-in-laws can put away some groceries. I'm talking about them boys can eat. Which one? Both of them. Both of them.

Both of them. He got three of them, don't he? No, he's got two, don't he? Three. Yeah. John Reed. John Reed don't eat a lot. Well, he's a cook.

He's a chef, too. I'm talking about the young bucks. Yeah. Yeah. Christian and Jacob, them boys can eat. Yeah, they act like they're not going to get lunch the next day. Or that they didn't have it two hours ago. You would think they didn't have no food when they were going up.

Yeah. savages, food savage. I did one of them beef tenderloids. He said, one, two, three, four. It is good. I'm not going to say nothing against me on that because I've done the same thing before. Yep, one team is small.

I'm taking small. It's still the same thing, though. In a group feed, you don't go to get full. It's like a single-to-house. I don't do it when that's a big group. That's what I'm saying. What did you say? I said, I don't do it when it's a big group.

Well, you can. You harm. You've earned it. I usually have them decent when there's a large group. Well, that's because you don't want to be there anyway. I know they're going to run out of food. No, and you're trying to get in and get out. You ain't trying to hang around.

He dang sure he wouldn't skinned a sausage off the top of a gumbo. Who him? Yeah, right. Who did that? Oh, he'd do it in a heartbeat. Oh, I wouldn't do it. Do you cherry pick a gumbo? Oh, I wouldn't do that.

And in a pot of red beans. Yeah. Gondon. Handbone just got straight onto his plate. No, the sausage. The man's a thief. Hey, I just have a lot of sausage. Well, you call it a skimmer.

Skimmer. I just like to have salt. Happen to like sausage, boy. Skimmer, cherry picker. It don't matter what you want to call it. Cherry picking the gumbo, man. Well, look, hey, most people like the gumbo part, you know, the, what you call the liquid part. The root?

I'm just having to, yeah, the roux. Yeah, the root. I'm just having them out and getting all that stuff out of their way before they can get to the roof. Yeah, Sigh takes all substance out of big pots of things and leaves you with what the little boy's shot at. That's it. You get the juice. Yeah. That's right.

You get the juice. That's why all the flavor has anyway. I'm trying to educate that. Look, when Sye eat green beans, he'd get four strips of bacon and three green beans. He'd say, man, these are the best green beans you ever had. I'm kind of with him on those two things. Oh, yeah. Well, you're your choice between four strips of bacon and three green beans.

Green beans, hey. Yeah. I'll take four bacon, boys. Yeah. He does. God has the three green beans. I'm not big on green beans. That's a little flavor in them, but I mean, you know.

I'm not big on. I'm not big on. I know where the real bag. I know where the real. And when he gets done with a pan of cornbread, there ain't a piece of bacon left on the bottom of the cornbread. Oh, hey, that's the best part, boy. That's the best part. To be fair, the best part of green beans is.

But when you're 75, you know what? You do it. Nobody says a word to you. Yeah. Now, if I went and did that, you know, you'd be banned for life. That's different. You just got to get to that age class where people quit caring about what you do. He's there.

Like, hey, just do whatever you got to do. I almost learned my lesson the hard way. Willie threatened to brand to me one time with a spatula. Well, you are a picker while we're sitting there cooking. I mean, I noticed that. Like you. A grazer, son. Yeah, and then when he's like, let's eat, Johnny D's already gone.

Yeah, I've already eaten. You can't. It is only getting, from the time you take food off the stove or out of the oven, it is officially on the clock is getting worse. Yeah, when we're having pizza parties Depending on what it is When we're having pizza parties over there Johnny Deebbe helping

You look over there And he's getting like people get a dip of snuff of sausage He just Oh yeah He does And then follow it with some cheese I mean people eat the pizza for the bread part I don't know if you've heard

I saw Phil one time waiting for Miss Kay To finish her sides Everybody was standing around just looking He said The longer it sits there The worse it gets Amen Yeah. Every minute after it's done, it's becoming leftovers.

It's just leftovers. Yeah, we all know how much they like their leftovers over there. Yeah. Sneaky and freaky do. Whatever their names are. There you go. Well, let's take another break. We'll be back right after this.

Y'all are all awesome. Y'all are all what? Y'all are all awesome. He's adding an entire word to that. Orson. All? Yeah. Oh.

Hey, all is right there, you big dummies. It says y'all are awesome. Well, hey. Not y'all are all awesome. That is very redundant. No, I just put emphasis on the all. He put emphasis. Y'all are all awesome.

Oh, we're rolling. I was just reading emails, and I was reading over my shoulder. That's what he does. It breaks. I'm sneaking on the photo. I'm a little behind on emails. I got to be honest. So we better talk about something else before we go to.

I was checking the... What are you checking? The weights of the fishing tournament. Oh, well, what are they doing? Nothing. Oh, pitiful. Yeah. Because I was watching up there when I was in Michigan.

Oh, that one's over. Oh, it's over? Yeah. With the, what's your name, Fine? Full Wednesdays, I think. He won it? Yeah, he won. Boy wearing a cowboy hat.

Yeah, he smoked him boys. Yeah. Yeah, he won that one. I liked his technique. What was you doing in Michigan? Huh? We had an event up there at a small church. You're not the kind of man that goes north during the winter.

No, and if it keeps turning out, the travel time is turning out like it does, I won't go north ever again. What happened? I had to lay over in Dallas and sleeping, you know, in a hotel that smelt just like weed. I mean, strong. You know, I probably, I probably had a little buzz on when I left the next morning to go in. I will say. What's the name of that hotel? When I, you know, we walk in the thing, and when the door's opened, I, I was.

walk in, we're checking in, I'm going, you know, and I ain't got a sensitive nose like my wife. Yeah, but I'm saying, what is that awful odor? Y'all, and we finally make it to the room and I'm laying on bed. And I said, oh, I said, you know, I just said that out loud. I said, that's what it is. And Phillips said, what? I said, you don't smell that all that weed that somebody around here had been smoking? He said, I was wondering what that foul odor was. He said, that's You're right. That's what that is. These boys have done, you know, Willie Nelson may have come in here

in his tour bus and open the door. I'm just going to say it. Did you sleep, baby? He slept great. No, no. Do you wake up hunger? No.

Yeah. Yeah, because we ain't, we haven't when we got to the airport. Dumplings? No. No. We had a good sausage bichet. No.

And it was one of the best ones I've ever had. In an airport? and on airport. Really? And DFW? Oh, yeah. Hold on now.

I'm there. I'm there a lot. Where did this take place? I'm in DFW. Well, all I know is somewhere near E-22, the gate of the route. Philip went and got it. I don't know where he got it from. E-22, that's a, that's that gar that's way out there.

That's the ANAC. Yeah, that's the ANAC. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's just to add on. Oh, it was probably like a Wadder Burger maker. But I'm just saying, it was the best. egg and sausage down with the head because hey

the sausage was excellent okay the egg it actually had a good flavor okay anytime I'm in

DFW I pray that I end up in the terminal with cousins barbecue really yeah it's good

I'm a papacitas man at DFU well I've ate there but remember we had the girl

worked on Duck Dynasty her family owned Cousin's Barbecue so that's why I look it up

every time I'm there oh Octo AC she had hey she had a big octopus tattooed on her arm. Their title was Assistant Camera. It just seemed to fit.

It rolled. But, no, Candace was fantastic. Don't stick around here long. You will get a nickname. I had to remember you something. However you look. Well, that was a revolving door in that position, but she was one that started as assistant camera that ended up like second camera through the whole deal.

So she worked her way up. But that's why I go to Cousin's Barbecue. I can't believe you said you had a great breakfast in an airport. No, no. Because normally? Yeah, I know. Yeah. You know, you take a bad or two off, throw the trash care.

Yeah. Well, this one here, this one here actually was decent. That's wild. I'm happy for you. Being filled with shock. He said, this is actually, I said, it is. It's actually a good biscuit and sausage and egg. Well, at least you got rewarded from spending the night in Marijuanaville.

I'm telling you. The worst. There's nothing worse than walking into a hotel room where it's obvious what was going on. Or that or Uber car. And I've done that for in Nashville. Wow. Okay. These boys are up there just driving them Uber.

Stay bad about smoking that weed. You got in a car with the man smoking weed to drive you? Hey, no, no. And the first thing that happened was Bridget jumped all over him and said, Hey, I hope you have a wreck because if you do, I'll fix to sue you for everything you've got in this world. Well, he was over a second guy. It took him a few minutes to pull away from parking lot. Why would you ever wish that on somebody?

Especially one that you're in. You can tell she's from Louisiana. Me and Britt. She's too happy, baby. Me and Bridgett. He would just letting the guy know, hey, I smell what you've been doing. Is her last name McCarney? No.

Call Gordon. Man, what the heck? I ain't going to tell you all that. I just wonder. I mean, good night of living. That's how we operate in Louisiana here, though. Across the street and the car's going too fast. The wind blows you.

You fall down. and you sue them. That's right. Hey. Then we all pay $8,000 for car insurance. And then the lawyers are just a phenomenal thing. Storn them all about that car insurance. You got another one about to be driving.

Yep. I got no one. I'll be driving next year. And he said they're going to be up the payroll. Well, you got a few years to get ready for the one you really go to worry about. Who? The blonde tornado. He's talking about a day.

I don't think I ought to worry about her. You don't think you have to worry about her? Nope. She may, well, I'm telling you, since you got her in Jiu-Jitsu and she's learning and disciplined and all there, you may not have to. I think she'll be fine. Because by the time she's a freshman in high school, you know, she'll have seven, eight years of training. Yeah, they may have one of them things like Luke Skywalker runs around in. A light saver?

No, not lightsaber. It's a thing that drive above the earth. Yeah. They may not have cars anymore. It may not even be wheels. Overcrafts. Overcrafts. Yeah, people keep saying that.

Why? You know, right now we're supposed to be flying around in things like the Jetsons, and they're just a bunch of liars. Yeah, that's right. The Jetsons. Yeah. Awesome. It was a great show.

I watched it. It was a good talk, too. But we're way still, we're still way closer to the Flintstones than we are the Jetsons. Yeah. So I'm just saying. You think so? As far as personal travel goes. Well, that's because, hey, we're regressive.

Who's regressive? I like that. Society? Oh, yeah. Society is going backwards. Okay. I want to tell you. Okay.

The further we go in the future, the worst we're going toward back to the K-Bend days. Back to the future. That's because everything stinks. That really does stink. That's the worst time. I don't care how it makes you feel. People don't want to be around you because you smell so bad. Are you talking to me again?

Jeff said that's the other day on the podcast. You have told you what? Yeah. He accused me of stinking and I said, wait a minute, son. We've all been there. I live with a woman whose nose is sensitive as I ever have seen on anyone. Trust me, what I tell you. If I stink my wife's day, get your ugly, nasty butt in the shower and get some soap on you.

And get you some baud on, son. Yeah. And plus, hey, I have double deodor. You could have had real fun. Double deodor? double deodor. Can you elaborate on how that works? Well, it's kind of like an egg wash and a batter.

You put it on, you let it dry, and then you put it in more. No, I use the bond. Eight plus it on it. Double batter. Go with it, Mark. You can say the size got tempura under them arms. Doesn't that bother you, though? Like, is it not, that's like a whole other shirt on under there if you got that many layers?

Hey, look, I've had two many women. and so much, they get up when I put my arm around them, they said, man, you smell good. I said, I know it. Mm. Thank you. I'm aware. So, hey, when Jeff just goes out like water on the duck's back,

it just hit me and rolled off the back. I've also noticed when he puts his arm around women, he comes in with a C clamp. The C clamp? With a hook. He got a hook at the end of his arm. Hey, I'm a floater. we got to laugh for Beth

that was good there generally Hunter's our live studio audience laughing in the background old Dr. D is the one that caught him doing it. He said, hey, I saw what you did he said?

So I was like, what are you talking about? He said, I saw how you hug that one. No, no, look, the first time he introduced me to his wife, he said, watch you because he'd go put the hook on you. Did you? Yeah. at least you didn't make him a liar

oh hey they've been good we've been laughing like you boys I don't need no enemies we've been laughing so much you'd think it's stunk in here we need to start every episode off

with a cookie oh hey we'll clear your throat let's take a break we'll be right back choking Johnny D hello at duckcallroom.com that's the inbox

what is in our inbox well is it going to be heavy no we're not going to heavy to die. We're having too much fun. All right. So I got proud Army mom of two emailed in. That sounds like a good one.

And she deserves to be proud. She sent a ton of pictures and they are for sure in the Army. But she's a single mom, two boys. And one year they asked what she wanted for Mother's Day. And she said, well, since I don't have girls, I want y'all to go get a pedicure with me. No, did they? And they did. Our TV's off, though.

Oh, the TV's off. He hid his face. He did hide his face. Yeah, he was in the... But this was a while back. This was pre-Army days. Oh. Wow.

Great job, guys. Well, I mean, I will say... The mom deserves it. It is fun to see a picture of a man. I'm just going to turn this around because it ain't working, holding a coyote in one picture. There you go. And getting a pedicure in the next.

On the next. Here's what I... And we don't have any names there. The boy is multi-talented. Yeah. Having done it, it ain't bad. Is your Paula still on? Oh, no.

Hey, I tell you, they're going to bury this old boy with it. You know, my marly-craw-colors on my toenails. Yeah. It is not bad. Oh, I loved the massage. Oh. Yeah, I went kind of like I felt like I was walking on a class. I forgot about that.

Yeah, that chair is. And the chair's legit. Whatever they do to your feet is fine. It's worth an hour in that chair. Y'all went got a pedicure. Oh, no. that's the prettiest most part. Hey, I've got the sexiest

of pretty feet in any human being in a week. Yeah. No, YouTube for a week. Thanks for subscribing stuff. I'm serious. Hashtag like it, subscribe. Not like stuff. They even said it at the nail place.

Okay. You got the prettiest feet. I don't believe that. No, they did. I'm serious. They were impressed. They said it in very broken English. They did say it, though.

You sure that's what they said? Oh, positive. But I think it's actually, I think it's actually good for you to go to a salon and get a massage. to get your toenails trim. Because I know for a fact, I can't trim them myself. I end up cutting myself or something wrong always hurts.

Yeah. You know, they had these little sharp in and sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, you know, scary watching them. Yeah, I couldn't make eye contact with them. When they pulled out the power tool, I officially got nervous. Oh, no. The best part was when they pulled out the grater. When they pulled out the crater, the cheese grater,

and then the brush. Yeah. bottom of the feet. Yeah. I got one spot in the middle of my left foot that it is an involuntary reaction to jerk. Yeah. It was like a doctor hitting your knee. They run a greater over your foot.

Oh, yeah. Over both of them. The right foot was mildly uncomfortable, but that left foot, when she got about to the middle of my left foot, I could not like. It was like a doctor was hitting his knee and he would, way. Yeah, whatever it was. I could. That's how he done. Way.

It was weird. I couldn't stop it. I told her, I said, I'm so sorry. Like, I promise I'm not trying to, like, kick you or nothing. Like, she would get that one spot. And then she found where it was, so then she decided to have a little fun. Didn't it ever do a piece of it? I have an official stance on it, though.

But I would go again. If your wife wants you to go, okay. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not saying. If your buddy wants you to go, I'm hard judging you. Yeah, I'm not going to be late to work because I had a pedic. Yeah. No, it wasn't.

like that. But it's not like the worst thing you've ever done. No, but you won't take your wife on a day date while somebody watches your kids? Go do it. It's a solid move. Yeah, go do that, go have lunch and go back to the hat. Like, it's... All I say is, hey, pepper yourself. Yeah, treat yourself. I found out, though, that my

wife hates them. So I think all y'all should go with your wife. I know. My wife... Because I don't have to. Because I come home, I said, hey, I guess what I just did? She said, I had a pedicure. You know, she said, do you like it? I said, yeah, I loved it. I said, and not only that, now I've got my toenails are painting

mardi-craw colors. I still haven't told my dad, though. Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah. I'm sure he'll watch. I mean, I was late to work for that. I ain't telling him. No, yeah, he ain't watching.

I'm hoping my mom doesn't tell him because he's going to go, that was that. Hey, if he ever finds out, say, Dad, it's okay, I put a honeyhole sticker on the door. Down the street. That's right. Three average time. Yeah, I'm just advertised.

That's right. Yeah, I'm not going to tell him. Speaking of girly things, sigh and shave legs. Ben from Dothan Alabama says he has no hair on his legs after 20 years of service in the Army because the boots wore the hair off.

I was wondering if Cy's legs are hairless because of the same thing. No, no. It's either there or the starts in the uniform. And I think it's the starts in the uniform that wore it off. Because boots ain't no

I mean my whole route up to here is nothing. Okay. That's slightly above the knee for those. My knee, no, it's gone. No hair. No hair. I'm going to refrain from the question that would be obvious following that.

I'm for it. It's their hair above the knee. Hey, look, if they paid me what they paid Joe Namath to shave his leg, I'd shave mine. Let him take pictures of him. Joe Namath got paid to shave his leg. Oh, hey, what are you talking about? I have no idea what I'm talking about. That's why I'm asking questions.

Big buck. Joe NamUs, the football quarterback for the Jets. I'm aware. And then, he was like playboy pitcher, except he wasn't newt. Like a playboy. Well, no, I'm in a magazine. I'm talking about on the front of the magazine. You're reading this dirty magazine?

Not a dirty magazine. I said, hey, on the front of a magazine. Did he go under the name my conto? Hey, Joe Nevers, he's his legs. Oh, he got paid for it, and they put it on the front of a magazine. and late. It was hilarious. I loved it. Did he use his real name or a stage name? No, his real name.

I was just curious. Joe Namath actually is his stage name. I made that out of him. I guess it is. Joe Namath. It's quarterback of the jets. I just wonder if he did my concho or not. We've derailed. I watched, I watched Talladega nights this weekend. There you go.

Okay, so another email. What? I got an email about the cookies. These? Yes. Oh, Ashley. No. Oh. Wyatt insisted on telling Ashley's son Wyatt is the reason we got these.

So we got to give a shout out to my man, Wyatt. Wyatt, you're doing the Lord's work, so I keep it up. Well, I forgot that one was on a young lady that had two sons in the military. We appreciate your service there, dog. Absolutely. Oh, for sure. I forgot to tell that. Ooh.

See, they change a menu every week. Frosted strawberry pop-tart cookie. No. Mm-hmm. Well, that's got to be good because the weakest part of a pop-tart is the tart. Listen to this. That's a good point. That is a good, good point.

The frosting and the inside are legit. It's that tart that's like, no. The tart. Boy, that chocolate and potato chip looks good. It looks good, yeah. I read all about it, and I scurried through the box before I looked at them. I said, damn, we didn't get one now. Yeah.

Excuse me. Anyway. Go ahead. Keep going. Sorry, I was emailing White and telling him thank you. Yeah, I can get lost in this cookie menu. I can get lost in the rest of this cookie. Go ahead.

All right, last one. Johnny D. I'm an older woman who would love to start duck hunting. I just read that weird. I'm sorry. Angie. Praise be. 44.

You're young, Angie. Older. That's not old. Careful. That's young. Stone. That's right. He got a blue belt. She's at the Cougar Age. Oh.

I broke another mic. Hey, that tells you she ain't old, baby. Okay. Again, I broke another mic. You're going to have to hold it. Yeah, I broke another mic. I'm going to apologize. My man just said 44 is determined the Cougar Age.

Okay. I don't know if this is going to get edited now. Doesn't matter. Angie, 44 from O'Fallon, as we already discussed, happily married, 28 years in May, three amazing kids. Here's her question. She's never been around a gun or even shot a gun, but she wants to start duck hunting. But she is in Missouri. Okay.

Step one, you're in a good spot. I think so you're in a good state for it, darling. She wanted to know where to start? How does she start duck hunting when she's never even held a gun? Go. Go to one of the people that do it for a living. Yeah, go to a guide. But that's expensive in Missouri.

They will teach you gun safety first and foremost. You need to go to that first. It's not near as expensive as going to buy all the equipment to do it yourself for the first time. That's right. Show up for one. That's right. Choose somebody that's doing it. Okay.

And it's well worth the money you're going to spend. You'll have an enjoyable time because. these people do it for a living. Go for a couple of days. Go for a couple of days. That way, if you get a terrible weather day, you've got to back up. Yep.

And just see if you like it. Then if you do, make the full-blown investment into duck hunting. If not, you'd be out five, six, seven hundred bucks and like, I don't like that. We just answered this exact question, but with fishing last week. Yeah, it's the same thing. In the outdoors, if you want to do something that you've never done for the first time, it involves hunting, fishing, shooting.

And you go, there are professional people that. do this for a living. They've got all the equipment. Go to them first and figure out if you like it. Because let me tell you something. You go buy a bunch of decoys, waiters, all that, and you're like, man, this sucks. I hate it. You just have that money because you can't sell it for nothing.

The depreciation on all that equipment is worse than a car. Real quick. You pay $60 for a dozen of decoys. You sell them. You're going to get 20 maybe. If you're lucky. And you had to buy weights and strings and a bag. And like, it's just, just hire it doesn't.

the first time and then make your own determination do you like this or not and if you do go full board we sell a bunch of stuff for it come visit us at duck commander.com slash duck and if you know thanks for the purchase of the duck stamp and restoring wetlands so you know that kind of restore the wetlands yeah what he said at the beginning of this episode i was proud of myself for only eating a quarter of that cookie let's go he gone he go proverbs 1722 a cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. So don't be that. Don't be that.

Be the first part. It's the best advice we can give you today. Be positive. Be happy. Have a good time. Eat a cookie. Eat a cookie. It's good medicine.

We'll see y'all next time. Love wins everything.