Duck Call Room - Uncle Si's Wife Drops the TRUTH About Being Married to Si!

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

Uncle Si's wife, Christine Robertson, is here to set the record straight on more of the stories Si's been telling. Miss Christine reveals all the things she's confiscated from her husband over the years and what it takes to spend more than 50 years with Si. Si wants a 21-cannon salute when he passes on — "It's a party, boys!" Christine drops straight truth about Si's "bongo bells" obsession. Si tells Martin and John-David what happened when he tried to be "normal." Christine reveals young Si's footwear choices and how he quickly ruined them. And Si and Christine share the best advice about marriage, love, and the most fun thing they've ever done. -- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I had to ask this since I don't keep up. Is there anything in the news worthy of actually even talking about? Nothing other than the USDA rescinded their order on not bringing animals back from Canada. You got, hey, look at you making a difference. I don't think it was me. No, I'm saying it was you. I think finally common sense and logic ruled on that one. But, yeah, they did.

So I'd say good job. Well, hey, good step forward for me. Okay. I don't know. Well, more importantly than that, we have a guest today. Do we? I haven't noticed. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand.

Cy's truth-sayer. Christine's back with us, Christine. Yo. How are you? Okay. Yo. She was already spitting truth this morning before we even started. No headphones on?

No, I ain't heard. Oh, it was a good one. Oh, yeah. Apparently, Cy wasn't being honest. all that truthful down in Houston. About what? About how much, how tall he is. Oh.

I was hoping it was about the bowel movements. I was hoping he added some to them four days. No, no, no. No, I started to call him and let them know. What? About, hey, I've had a bowel movement since I've seen you last. Oh, I thought you were going to tell him that you were shorter than what you really said. No.

No, he doesn't amend it yet. So, Sa, how tall are you? Six three. Not a chance. I'm six four. And he comes up probably to your shoulders. I mean, I'll give you six foot. I ain't going to give you much more than that.

But you used to be six three. Used to. I actually live 74 years and now I just find out, well, you haven't lived it really right. It's the right way. Your version does not stack up. Now, I bet if we hung you upside down for about an hour.

And then we flipped you up real quick and measured you. You'd probably be about 6.3. That's right. That'd be 6'3. But as soon as all your muscles got back to where they needed to be, you'd be about 6 foot. I'll put it as well. I'll start out 6'3 and then poor posture.

Okay, I'll maybe 6.1 now. There you go. Well, I know that that's a true thing that can happen because yesterday we killed an alligator. Did you? Yeah, bigging. Bigging. Bigging.

And when we measured him first time, he was 12-8 just laying on the ground. Well, then we found out the way to measure them is to hang them so that everything relaxes. So you hang them, suspend them up in the air in any measure. And 13-2. Oh, he actually grew a foot in two inches. He grew six inches.

Yeah, he was 12-8 on the ground and was 13-2 whenever. So he has six inches of stretch in it. That's a house. He's a big one. And the court, he weighed like 600 pounds. a little over 600. But he was poor because he should have been more than that. But what was cool is he was actually a released alligator from 1998.

Wow. 1998 is when he was released. Yeah, he had tow tags in. So we were able to pop the toes older than me. That's what I'm talking about. 1998, that alligator was 20. He avoided us for 25 years, 24 years. 24 years he.

That was over in. That's where we duck hunt. Yeah, I've been walking around that big rascal. When I was driving around that, that's what swirled. Yeah, probably. Because he swirled, and I'm telling you, it was big as this between me and you and J.D. Yeah, he was a big one. Look, he robbed our lion three times before we caught him.

He got that chicken. He got three pieces of chicken before we got him. That's pretty amazing. Yeah, I ain't ever had one of them slipped me. That's pretty quick. Stones peeking in the room. Oh, stone. Stone.

the I got everything everything's in you want to you want to truck though stones look at stones getting size keys

come on here come in there this is this what I'm talking about this is just a real life yeah it's fine that's good

so miss Christine since we have you here we got to talk to you how was size says he's feeling better feeling great was he a good patient

oh please no no no hey hop down you, I've never claimed to be a good student for teachers or a good patient for doctors and nurses. Or a good patient for your wife? He slept. Oh, hey. He slept.

The woman, hey, the day she run upon me was the luckiest day in her life. Okay. This woman has had the best life there is, all the lives she'll ever need. Okay. You'll be treated like a queen, her whole life. You'll wait it on hand and foot. Yeah, you Robertsons are known for being servants. Oh, yes, aren't you talking about?

Whoa. Yeah. This one does, okay. I'm not mean like the rest of them. Well, he's not. I'm not calling the rest of them mean. Oh, they are. I will, because I'm one of them.

Yeah, well, you can. I still need a paycheck. Yeah, I will. Very nice, gentlemen. Yeah, very nice. Just not, yeah, okay. Moving on. Yeah, moving.

But Houston, how was it? From your perspective. He did okay because when I was in the room, he would sleep. Which is one thing that I am really good at. He'd win the title for that. I perfected that, okay, for, you know, I mean, if you got a nap every day and you work for the government as a soldier, it's impressive. That's impressive, boys. I don't care who you are.

How much did he make in there? Not much. Not much. But I did learn something that I did not notice before. Oh, my. Oh, color me interested. I hope you're in your seat belts, folks. Well, I had my chair that I was sitting in close to his bed.

So I'm seeing straight onto his head. I did not notice that his ears were so big. Big ears? I've always had big ears. Take him headphones off. I guess I've never noticed. Oh, long ears. What's that black?

I look like Mickey Mouse, okay? But they didn't go out here. They long. They used to. They're just like an elf. Yeah. Look used to like an elephant. A elephant.

If I could have done them like them elephants do to cool themselves. because they actually elephants actually waved their ears to cool themselves and back to planet earth we go oh no oh i'm aware of that one because all the blood's in their ears so that cools their cools blood which cools rest of water on theirself and mud okay is to cool and keep all the insects off of them there you go but africa's having a difficult time no no i'm serious the segues of this show a wild man okay and what it is look it's the marsh pride of of lions. Okay. Okay. They've got these proud of lions that actually live in the marsh.

Well, the human being, leave it be to him. They've started poisoning animals in Africa. Why would they do that? Because they're stupid. On purpose? No, on purpose. Okay. And here's what it is.

It's a trickle-down effect. Okay, because that animal dies. Then the vultures, okay, other creatures eat them. And then it's just a, you know, You know, then it's a whole lot of things dying, and it's actually, you know. What are they using, like Timick or something, like it's outlawed here? Some kind of stupid poison is all I know. Yeah, that's what happened here, you know.

I mean, like you poison whatever, coyotes or whatever. And then the eagle comes and lands to scaven. Yeah, yeah. And then the eagle dead. Yep. And then the worms are dead. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then the cleanup crew, which is the vorsorsors, okay. Yeah. Their population is down. You can move those back on now. So a human being, you know, need to wise up. That's true. Crying out loud.

I'm just fascinated that after 52, 52 years of marriage, that now we know you've got big ears. And now you know he's got no excuse for not listening to you. Think that's something? Oh, I've always, the Robertson have always had what you call. Okay, everybody's all, he's deaf. You like to say it's speak louder. And Mama was the one that said, no, he's not deaf.

He's got what I call selective hearing. He only tunes in when I am saying something that he wants to hear. Otherwise, he is tuned out. Is that true, Christine? It used to be. Now he just don't hear nothing. Not much. Now I'm just deaf.

I had to leave the kitchen Walk around two counters Walk past two counters To get into the living room When I want to say something to him Or to answer a question he's asked I have to leave the kitchen Go stand in front of the couch

In front of the TV To talk to him No, he turns it down I mean he turns the sound off But every time I have to do that Otherwise he doesn't hear me So I ask

him, why don't you get hearing aids? It would be so much easier on everybody. And he goes back to when he got them 40 years ago in the military, and that didn't work so well. But they're different now. I told him, I said, you know, everything's come, it's better. I ought to go try it one more time. Yes, you should try it one more time.

Let's take a break so I can recover from his criticism. And we'll be back. Well, there ain't no recovery. Don't worry about it. All right. look springtime is here it's warming up you know what that means that means more outside cooking and and y'all know we love to eat beef around here and that's what because of our friends over at try tails beef makes such a good product ain't it good it's so good it's our friend sall robertson would say

buy on the grill look before we got tritels getting ready for a cookout man somebody had to run the grocery store do all the things grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day and you never really know where that beef comes from but with Triedails beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Triedales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door.

We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Triedails Beef. I know in size case, Christine loves it,

which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. So people are getting like leg implants? Yes.

To get taller? Yes. Man, I would have been better at face. Do they want back problems? I know. Being tall is cool and all, but like, I can't believe the doctor would. You can't fit a lot of places.

Like, it's, the ideal somewhere for what we do is somewhere around 5-11 or 6 foot. Yeah. Because you can fit anywhere then on things we do. Now me going duck hunting down there? No. That's why size. I can't fit in them blinds.

I got lay like this. And then when I get in there, I showcase stand up. And flying on an airplane. Yeah. Heck yeah. The last thing you want longer legs, like, unbelievable. But people are actually going and getting taller.

Yeah. That's wild. I can't believe the doctor is doing it. And it's a waste of money. Well. Because you're going to shrink eventually. Gravity going to get you, ain't it? That's it.

Hey. Yeah. Oh, they drill holes and break your legs. I don't need to know how. They break your legs. Thank you, Tom. This one of them deals. I don't need to know how the sausage is made.

Ow. Really? Now, I knew they did that for people that have, like, medical conditions. They'll break stuff and, like, make it look. Just so you get to average. Yeah. Not above average. Yeah.

That's wild, man. It's like Jurassic Park. What? We wondered if we could. We didn't think if we should. There you go. Very true. Very true.

Jurassic Park would be cool, though. I'd go. Except for that last movie. Anyways, where are we going from here? I don't really know. I'll tell you what, we had Sunday. We had a little trial run. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Because Brittany was supposed to be here today. Yeah, she ain't coming. That's all right. But we had a little trial run Sunday. I make it to the hospital pretty quick. Okay. So we made it all the way of the hospital. Oh, good to go.

You found your chair. Did you get comfortable? No. I did not, but I made a list of necessities if we end up in that kind of room again. You're going to end up in that kind of thing. I was taking notes. I said, okay, here's what I need. Step one, pillow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My own, my very own pillow. But other than that, I can pretty well survive, but I got to have me a pillar. My pillow. Yeah. What does Brittany need? Oh, she got a whole list of stuff. Yeah, we filled up.

a bag for her for her and them youngans we got we got a big bag for them mine's just a backpack i need phone charger and a pillow and i pretty well make it for a few days i make it for a few days on that but you know whatever what are the rules in the house can i like i there was a bunch of people up okay yeah so there was babies being born apparently uh while we were there there was a bunch of people up there we just we went on past so people can bring you food and what yeah yeah i think so uh Hospital food? Hey, if I'm paying for it, though I'm going to get me some chicken noodle soup and some mac and cheese. Did you have to eat the hospital food?

No, he did, but he liked the macaroni and cheese. Well, he is a child. He really liked that. When I go up here, I think I probably will throw a bottle of this in my bag, the doggies on. Just in case they end up with some chicken nuggets and I need something to dip it in. Or that, they call it hamburger steak at the hospital, and it's, I don't know what it is. It's neither hamburger nor steak. You need some

You need the healthy taste of good on top of that. Okay, good. And W. Sauce could save that. Well, my little Yeti bag has got a bottle holder right on the side of it, and I don't figure out need a water bottle. So it'd go just, it just go right in there. It's pretty much replacing, like, only sash here he's for me. Willie got all them Popeye's seasoning packets in his backpack.

I wonder if he still has those. Probably. Unless he got a new backpack, yes. These Robertsons are bad about hoarding packs and stuff. That man got 75 packs of lemon in his pocket right now. Guaranteed. He got a whole bushel of them. Oh, no.

We've upgraded to a bag. It ain't in a pocket. It's in a bag. Papa's got a brand new bag, baby. And it used to be the court. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the jug. No, the court.

Of lemons. Now he's got in a gallon. Oh. It's just easier to help. He loves lemons. Yeah, it's just easier to help. Yeah, I used to get tripped out when he'd take that real lemon juice and just go and take a shot of it. I'm like, oh, man, a dash of that stuff would go a long way.

Oh, yeah. But I don't know how many restaurants I've been to aside where he's like, unsweet tea and four lemons. And they're like, four wedgots? No, four lemons. Yeah, no, I'd have to tell them. I said, hey, you'd like, I'd say, hey, look, unsweet tea with lemon. Uh-huh. So they're coming in there with one little fly side, I said, now I tell them, okay, unsweet, a glass of

sweet tea and bring me a platter of lemons. And he says that he squeezes and then he eats. Platter. Which is used in the tea and then eat the lemon. What you call it a pear? Wow, that was a good. The man loves acid. It's the only thing I can figure.

Beniger is in. Lemon juices in. I need to hear Ms. Christine talk about your stomach real fast. It's iron. It's iron. harder than his stomach or his kidneys. I can assure you that. He's got a bulletproof lower plumbing section.

I can assure you that. Hot peppers. That's what I'm saying. Oh, no, hot peppers. And a man can go four days without a B.M. That's unbelievable. Eating that, doing that. I had to figure out what you were talking about again.

Well, I didn't want to say bowel movement again. I shortened it for B.E. I thought he's going off black amounts a long time ago. Oh, yeah, I don't know. He ever, no. He was on them Havitampas. have a tamp of gold jewels That's a good cigar See?

That's what I'm saying That's a good cigar I remember I said Yeah I quit smoking He pulled out a box of cigars I was like No you didn't He said well it ain't cigarettes

I got tickled Well it ain't as many It ain't as many I will say this They smell better 20 to a pack of once in Okay These are only five till a pack

And you know I may have smoked two a day Yeah But now you're just No No Tork Off of

When you quit, when did you just quit? December. That's a heart attack and open heart surgery. It took him 11 months. He had his surgery the end of January. And December of the same. That's when he got on the cigars. Remember he, because he had his surgery,

he said, all these cigars are better for you. Because we do get a lot of emails asking how you quit. He threw them away. And now that Ms. Christine's here, I feel like we can get maybe the truth. No, he threw them away. He did. He threw them away. He said.

I'm not going to smoke anymore just like his mother did. His mother did the same thing. Cudos to him because I can't. Yeah. But yeah, he just decided December of 2005 no more and he stopped.

Just that hard to say, that's awesome. And they said, okay, yeah, yeah, you never get rid of it. Yeah, you do. You offer me a pack of them right now and say throw it garbage in the trash. because if not, I'll smoke every one of them. No, I really don't miss them.

Because it's stupid to do it, okay, because now I've got lung problems. Yeah. But, hey, you got fixed up? Are you breathing better this week? Oh, yeah. I hadn't seen you in like a week, a week-ish. Yeah, he looked, you look a lot better. Well, I just, it was like when COVID hit me, okay?

A micro-scrugget bug bit me, and when it did, there was a mass escape. for my body. Of energy. And that was all the energy that was there. It was, hey, we're leaving this joint. Well, that's where I'm at right now. Yeah. It left.

And I talked to Dr. Connolly, and he said, well, it's going to probably take you about 45 days. 45 days to get over this. And what are we now? We, about 15 days, 14, 14. Yeah. But I have, okay, I think, so far this today. I may have quit spitting blood.

Good. That's good. That's a big step. Yeah. But Philip called the nurse and I asked about it, you know, and she said, long as it's just dark. Dark in color. As someone who has seen it, it was very dark.

And the last one I did, okay, was just mucus, okay, and it was clear. Well, good. But she said, you'll probably cough up more mucus because it's been laying in the bottom of your lungs. Same thing I told him, but he didn't believe me. I wonder why. He had to have Philip Gaw? He's big into that... Missouri.

He's big into that trust but verify. Yes. That's right. Yes. He's big into that statement. I don't take anybody on their word. Yeah. I trust you, but let me verify it.

Yeah. Let's verify it. Oh, man. Because when he started doing that, I told him that's normal. Well, no, no. The doctor told me you will spit up a while. You know, and I was thinking, And I said, okay, wait a minute, but I didn't think about it.

Two days. He was thinking, you know, two days. It's over. There was no cutting involved. This is a implant. This is not surgery. I hate to tell you, when they put that rascal in there, it cuts some stuff. Yes.

Oh, no, it just, you know, irritation, I would say what it happened. Yeah. Yeah. And there was a little blood. Yeah. Hey, that's good, though. You back? You look great today.

I mean, every time I see you, you're looking a little better. I just keep going because this weekend down in Houston, where we were staying, the elevators wasn't working. Okay, so we had to walk past these for a walk in, way down the hallway, go around and come around, go around, and go up the service elevator. Okay, but at least it was close to the room. That was one good thing, but it was a long walk, and that wasn't any fun. I've done that seven or eight times this weekend so yeah I got my exercise in you're good getting your steps back again yeah I got my exercise in uh you ain't even going to have that cuby no more well let's uh let's take a break we'll be back right after this so sigh is recovering yep

do you do you like when he goes out of town on a hunting trip I'm just curious is it a lot quieter oh my gosh do you pack his bag sometimes yeah the first first thing I do when he leaves is I turn on my music because I can't listen to my music with that TV going. What's your music? That, yep, that's where I was going. I love bluegrass. Oh, that's what's up. Here's last night for what happened.

She is from Kentucky. Yeah. I could just come in, okay, and I talked about, oh, about four o'clock here, I got in about three. About five, I guess. I said, babe, what are you cooking for? I said, where are you cooking for supper? And she said, well, I'd like to have hot dogs. About three of them.

You know, she went in there later and told me, oh, hot dog's out, baby. I ain't got any hot dogs. I said, well, hey, whatever you're going to fix. She said, well, I'll fix your grill ham and cheese. I said, fine. And I said one, but she fixed two. You know, when she brought it to me, she won anything else?

I said, well, what about some fresh tomatoes cut up with salt pepper? So she gave me that, you know, and she said, need anything? I said, no, I'm good. I'm good. That's usually the way it goes. So I finished the sandwiches and the tomatoes.

Okay. And just as soon as I did, she said, let me get this temptation out of your way because if she leaves the plate. A fork. I go into my drummer. Yes. So let me go ahead and remove the temptation drummer.

I have the same problem at my house, but he's hate. Little drummer boy. Did they make rubber forks and plates? Yeah, they do. Oh, which I can just, and you never hear it? He can do that. I can't even make it where you got.

You can hear that. A plastic fork. He can use it on the table. Hey, the worst thing she ever, she mistreated me, the worst she ever mistreated me, during the show, Doug Dynasty.

Oh, I know what this is. Whatever I did, okay, because the episode where me and Willie Go to Mountain of Man's Radio, show. There was one of these where the reception sits. So as soon as I said... She's having flashbacks, folks.

I told myself, I said, I'm fixing to drive Willie and Mountain Man in Thane because I'm going to ring that stupid bell the whole time I'm here. So they aired that episode, and guess what? A fan took the time to go down to Lowe's, buy about a 1 by 12 board, real nice, send it down,

furnished it, okay? This guy spent a lot of time on it and put 12 bells on it. All different sizes. Hey, all different sizes. Time out. Before you go any further. How many bells were on at Christine? Three.

Okay. Oh, good grief. Okay. Anyway, look. Keep going, sir. Hey, and it exactly. It exactly fit my recliner from arm to arm. So I would come in from filming, get my, I call it my bongo bells.

All three of them. All five, no, all 12 of them. Okay. But anyway, I'd get them, and look, I had been doing this for about a month, and I was really getting good at it. Okay, I'd come in and play. Quick question. Drum roll on the bells, bong old bells, and then play my songs.

How does one get good at that? What is it? All right, just practice. You were playing actual music? Oh, yeah. He thought. It was good, too. But anyway, I come home one day after about a month,

Then I said, hey, what did Tina the housekeeper do with her Bongo Bell? She said, Tina didn't do nothing with them. And I said, well, what happened to him? She said, I threw them in the garbage, and the garbage has run. It's gone. And I said, you're choking, right? And she said, uh-uh. She said, I figured I had the way I looked at it.

Let's see, I had three options. She said, I could divorce you. She said, I thought about that for a minute. She said, pretend I threw that out. Okay, the other one will, okay, is I could make you live in one part of the house and I'll live in the other part of the house. And that wouldn't work. And I didn't like that either.

So she said it was only one option left. Trash can, the bells. Yes. That does sound like the better option. She actually threw my bells away. So, Christine, would you describe them as hell's bells? Oh, my gosh, yes. Yeah.

Oh, you just don't like music I do She just told you she loves bluegrass Well, hey, I can't play bluegrass Or bell, bongo bells Why not? Allison Krause probably could Well, she probably could

I'm telling you, how it is Her in a railroad station, whatever it is Uh-huh Their band Yeah Yeah, they can play anything, boys I love music Your music

music isn't music he's is just noise ain't yes oh good grief yeah so there were only three bells there were only three did it fit across his recliner though no no just in his lap probably yeah yes I mean he just I love size mine

I just shows you how positive of a guy he is he sees more in every situation yeah you know the rest of us are looking at it and we see less sigh looks at three sees a dozen If it's in his lap, he says it goes across his chair. That is his personality in a nutshell. He's not a cup half full man. No, it's full.

It's always fun. Yeah, his cup is full. It ain't ever been half nothing. It just proved my point that the cops say, hey, I witness reports are no good. I feel love you, though. The mystery of the bongo bells. That is fan. I would, I need some.

to send a new we're going to keep it here. No or not. I will not let him take it home. But take the ringers out of them. Well, I just want to see how good. That ain't no good. You got to have more than make noise. I want to hear the music that he could make.

I ought to buy me a set of really bongo drugs. If you want to hear the music that he can make on a bells, go listen to a horse walking down the street with that thing of bells on. That's what it's going to sound like. Pli put a clock. Yeah. Well, the fact that you never go shopping. Yeah.

You will never be able to get the bongo drums unless somebody sends them to you, and then I'm going to get rid of them. We're going to keep them here. Don't waste your money, folks. You're going to throw them away. As much as I'd enjoy them, and thank you for them, but hey, she's going to throw them away. So when you pass on and they go to play taps, you want it done on drums, on Bongo Bell? No, I enjoy it.

That's a good song, but it's a sad one. It is. It is. It's a bugle. Yeah, it's a bugle. Got to be a bugle. Yeah. I just didn't know if Sa wanted to remix.

You know, he's got a vibrant personality. Oh, no. They could add drums to it. It wouldn't bother me to talk. Well, hey, put all the bells and whistles on the teeth. You know. Everything. Let's have a full band for it, why don't?

That's it. We'll start with a bugle. And the 21-gun salute should be shotguns. Yeah. Oh, no. Go ahead and kick them up and put it on cannons. Oh, feel good about yourself. don't you?

That's going to. Hey, if you're going to throw a party, let's throw a party. You know? Well, I know those things are supposed to be celebrations of life, but boy, when you go, this world's going to be a little bit darker. Well, I know one person that, hey, he's going to quit hunting. Who's that stone? Yeah.

Stone is out when I die. Yeah. He ain't going anymore. Yeah, your caddy is gone. That's right. The caddy's gone, boy. Yeah. Well, we got like a decade, so.

Yeah. Probably two. I'm sorry. may come to mine, especially if his house don't get finished. I may have about two weeks on the left on this earth. I don't know yet, but. Brittany going to get you? Oh, buddy.

Well, the good thing about you is his genetics has long-lasting, the ones who were not mentally ill. Well, they say I've been mentally ill since I birth. That's probably true. Well, I'm just saying they've said that, okay. Well, you live with him. Well, hey, look, I tried to be normal. No, you have it.

No, no, I didn't. I'm sorry. Just for like a day. No, no. I'm in. Time out. Oh, no. Yeah, time out.

Time out. Let's take a break. Okay. And we want to hear it. Time out. Right there. All right. What do you define as normal?

Amen. And then I want to hear what you've tried to do. Well, no, no, everybody, you know, if you don't, if you don't fit in or conform to the way the human race thanks? Yeah. Okay, that's the normalcy. Okay. Well, I tried to do that.

J.D. was talking about for a day. No, J.D., I couldn't handle it about 10 minutes. Okay, I tried to be normal for 10 minutes. Okay, and then I just seen flat out, hey, normalcy, according to the human race, no. We tend to do this. This kid ain't going there. We tend to do this show in 10 minutes.

segments. Yeah. What did you do for those 10 minutes? I want to see what normal looked like for 10 minutes. Well, hey, I tried to conform. Such as. I tried to fit in.

When was this? Oh, good grief. I don't know when I tried it, but hey, after I tried it, hey, I said, nope, that is not for me. I said, in here, here is my motto and here's what I'm, you know, I'm like that guy that wrote the song about,

hey, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Okay. Okay. So I said, normalcy is out. So that means, okay, everybody's always talking about how crazy I am. Well, that means crazy is in. Because anything I do, okay, if you put a little bit of crazy in it, it turns into fun. Okay, and I'm all about fun.

Because if it ain't fun, guess who's going to be missing when roll call comes up? Your boy. When they say, Thomas, Thomas, then somebody will say, he ain't here. Because it ain't fun.

It ain't no fun going on. There you go. That's how you would describe your marriage, right? That's right. Crazy and phone. I either got rid of this redhead or a heartbeat if she wasn't a lot of fun. So she's a lot of fun.

Then men, this woman, have had 52 years or done it but fun. What's the most fun thing you've done? that's been with her that's G-rated oh been with her every day

every night no it don't get any better I guarantee you Christine do you feel the same way oh yes I do oh that's awesome this is my sidekick this is my

soulmate this is my best friend love it okay after 52 years oh this crazy as I am she still puts up with me and she's still there for the fun and the laughter

I guarantee And we have literally had a blast for about 53 years. For you folks that always email in asking for relationship advice, put that little section right there on repeat. That right there is what it takes. Just keep having fun and keep forgiving each other for how stupid you can get sometime. Yeah, remember you love each other when you don't like each other, right? And if you got to throw away bells to stick together,

just throw them away but make sure it's trash. Dick together through things. Yeah, make sure he can't go dig them out. Once you throw something away, make sure the guard has been taken away. Oh, my goodness gracious. No, because I've had people say, you know, what do you think made your marriage last so long? And the only thing that I could come up with was because he makes me laugh. He does do that.

He does do that. He got him sipping his tea like you know. No, no, because it goes back to me when we met. That was a little light flex. I like it. It goes back to me when we first met and what she said to herself. Oh, he's so full of himself. I bet there's a lot of people that said you're full of other things, too.

Well, especially with that jacket on. Yeah. But I did look really good. Man. To have that jacket back. That's right. Golly. Look, that thing literally, I'm serious.

I got a thing. When they all asked me about, well, where'd what happened to? Where'd they go? I wore it till it literally just run out, just threaded out. The House of the Dragons is gone. It just, it literally wore out. That's hard to do on a jacket. And that's hard to do.

But you got to remember it. It was silk. And then he had these boots. Oh, do tell. Very interested. Do you remember those boots? Do we have time of? Cowboy boots?

No. Before we go that, Oh, she's fixed to remind me of something I forgot. Do you have like old pictures? No. Okay. Dang. She's going to, she's fixed to remind me of something and I forgot them.

Your boots. Okay, yeah, back to the boots. I'm sorry. I was just hoping for an old picture of the dragon jacket and him and boots. And, man, I'd love it. Struton. Yes. You got them from a store that was run by Indians.

They were Mexican. Oh, the knee boots. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, moxswain knee boots. Okay. You had knee-high moccasins? Yeah.

Praise God. Oh, no. And then he decided, well, here we go. He decided to put this water repellent on it that stunked a high heaven. Like, beaver oil or something? And guess what happened to them? Trash day. Oh, no.

Trash day? Oh, yeah. Bongo Bell. Trash gun, trash gun. So, Christine, what you're telling me is you ain't a hoarder. No. You'll throw something out. Yes.

And she knows the day to throw it out on so. Yeah. No retrieval. No retrieval. When I had them boots on, I was actually the last mohegan. You got a little moheican in you? Oh, yeah. I was the last one.

I was the last in the life in the Mohegan race. So if I would get you some of them boots, you're back. Oh, and on that, I did look good at them, too. Did they have any fringe on them? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They had the fringes on them.

The fringe. This was, what does it call? It's fingering. Like tassels. Yeah, taffles. Yeah. Oh, man. They were pretty before he got a hold of.

Yeah. Well, and I was trying to make them waterproof because, hey, I went in the water or not. I live in Louisiana. And I was getting tired of my feet getting wet. They looked like that. Something like that? Yep. So I was ugging for Ugsworth things.

That is amazing. Oh, no, look. You had seen me and feel like a young Tom Brady. No, no. In high school? Because every summer, after school was out, hey, it was Mohegan, the haircut. You had a Mohawk? Oh, yeah, Mohawk.

Did you? Oh, no, no, no. And, hey, and I was born like 20 years too late. And we lived in the woods, okay, so hey, you tell me that a bunch of animals. So you had the full. Oh, yeah, every summer, okay, the Mohawk. I mean, I look good in it too. The boots were Massachusetts, though.

You had those boots in Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Massachusetts. That was a good place. That's for what... Except the winter. He hated the winter. What was the fourth?

I can see that. I'm Fort Devons. Fort Devons. I was actually in charge of police call. What's that? Before you pick up all the trash of the post. Well, you should have been looking harder. You'd have found you.

Oh, no, no, no. What was great, you know, so why I went all over the post and while I was doing this, okay, this is right before duck season opens in Boston. And they got a lot of black mallards up there.

Yeah. And I found one spot there on a little river when I'd go over the bridge, you know, checking for trash. I looked down there and said, hmm, them look like ducks. And a bunch of them. So, hey,

Duck season is coming around, opens up, you know, and me and my buddy, no waiters, and it's cold. Okay, snow on the ground. We're chest deep in water waiting on black mallards to come into decoy and whack him and stack them.

And guess who shows up to MPs? I was hunting a major spot. And I said, wait a minute. I said, I know Louisiana has this on the books, law books. law books, this is a

flowing river. So, hey, that's government property. That means I can hunt it. I said, and who did you say? This is whose spot? The major. And he said, the major so-and-so. And I said, well, you need to go tell that major,

he need to go check with the wildlife people and the law. This is a flowing river in the United States of America. And that means, hey, It's the government land. I'm in the government, so I'm going to hunt it. So just a little mild case of insubordination. That's right, just a little mild case.

Did you hunt with a major? Huh? No. Y'all never hunted. That's what I told him when he showed up. Yeah, tell him, come on. I said, hey, look, they'd be getting a boat with you and pull your boat in here. We'll camouflage it.

We'll just whack them together. Yeah, we ain't got standing in this water. We ain't got a boat. I ain't got to ruin my moccasins. Yeah. I ain't got my mocksckseds wet. You know, he didn't like it. Well, what was funny, Smitty, the guy from Georgia, my buddy.

Oh, Smitty. Okay, look, we're standing there, and the MPs are talking to us, and about that time, here comes a cat squirrel, and hey, squirrel season is open. He runs between us and the MPs. I said, kill him, Smitty. Is it really an Army story without a guy named Smitty? No, no. No, no.

Hey. So the squirrel runs in between us, Smitty just lets him get out there about 20 yards. You just rove him with that big 12-gauge out of that. him shoot, y'all, the MPs went berserk. Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? I said, hey, I'm killing breakfast, son. What are you talking about? We fixed getting that sucker out and fry him up.

Oh, man. I said, hey, you do know the squirrel season is open also. Well, let's take our last break. We'll be back right after this. Do we have any questions for Christine in the inbox? Oh, I got a good relationship question. Love it. Y'all've been married for 52 years, so I think it's perfect.

Stephen from Indiana emails in. He's been married for four years, so he's got 48 to go to reach y'all's status. It's the love of his life. It's a soulmate forever, but he's got one problem. His wife insists on cooking at everything, and when she cooks, every meat turns into jerky. I've tolerated dry meat for way too long. mention subtly the dryness but to no avail what's a meat lover to do stephen from indiana cook at yourself but she insists doesn't matter you insist on doing something for her that's what you do

or you know phil said one of the things he taught me early on he said look don't eat nothing bad he said you'll be eating at the rest of your life he said you got to tell him he said you got to tell them he said if you don't want to eat it the rest of your life you got to tell them right then I adopted that, but I softened it a little, you know. And I just said, hey, how about you let me worry about that? You take care of rest, and I'll do that. That was like the first meal that we shared. I was supposed to do all the cooking, but I did not know how to do rice.

That ain't even a subtle flex. That's just a straight flex. Look at him, homie. We met, and I was supposed to get a home-cooked meal that I ended up. cookie. I did the pork chops. She didn't make you a promise she didn't keep. You got you a home-cooked meal.

I did the pork chops. She did cook a pork chop. Fried them? Yep. Oh. Fanned ones. Praise God. That's one of, that's chopped.

Oh, that little bitty tea box. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. That is one of the finer things in life, a fried pork chop like it. With rice and gravy? Yep. Yes.

What's the best thing, now that we own this, what's the best thing Ms. Christine cooks? Yeah. What's your favorite thing? Be careful. No, I'm just legitimately curious. He's trying to think. Yeah. That's a hard one.

Yeah. I was just wondering if there was one, like, you know, hey, it's going to happen tomorrow. I want my wife's. No, it's funny because when she cooks, okay, it's usually, I'll say, okay, what do we got? She says, I'll look right quick. And she just throws a bunch of junk together real quickly. May want to change that adjunct. No, no, and it's really good.

Well, no, no, I'm serious. That's the way it goes. I was just talking about jump. You might want to remove that. She just goes in and opens the refrigerator and somewhere. Okay, what have I got here? Okay, we've got this, this, this, this. Okay, let me throw it together.

And it takes her about 10 minutes to throw together, and then talk about, well, wow, it's great. But she ain't like Willie where she just throws everything in one part. No, no, no, she ain't a goulash person. Okay, she's from Kentucky, and they actually really cook specific stuff. And them hills and hollers. Yep. That's good.

Her mother was a great cook. Oh. That's good. You got anything else for them? Oh, I got you something. I got some people that need some family advice. Uh-oh. It's an interesting one.

Get rid of them. Divorce them boys. I just joking. Read them like in Bongo Bell. Okay. What are you got? This one's wild. So, uh,

My man's from Grace in Louisiana. That's pretty close. Oh, that ain't fault. His name's Dalton. He's in a bit of a pickle. They rent, him and his wife rent their house from his wife's grandparents. Okay. He thought it was a great idea at the time, but he was wrong.

They come. So his wife's grandparents come and go as they please. No knocking on doors or anything. Just open it and walk on in. It's beginning to put tension. on his wife and him. They don't know what to do. But they'll come in and like they'll start eating their food.

What? Oh, wow, I thought that was going somewhere different. They just coming in there shopping. They use up their groceries, tell them they need to vacuum and do the dishes. And it's a four to five day a week ordeal. Locked the doors. See, my suggestion I don't think would fix that. No.

I was going to say when you see them coming, just stand there naked when they open the door, see if they turn around and go out. That's it. I do that about three or four times, and I bet they start at least knocking. But that ain't going to fix nothing if what they're coming in there for is groceries. I thought they're just coming to hang out. But, you know, generally a couple of times seeing somebody naked, you start knocking or you change the technique on that one. But I just, the easy thing to me, it's time to move.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean like. Si, anything? Well, what I see here is grandparents are lonely. Okay, maybe all their kids have, you know, moved away. Yeah. You know, if they're coming just, you know, and then making themselves at home, you got lonely grandparents.

Yeah. So, hey, they're family. What are you going to do? You can actually sit them down and talk to them and see if it'll help or lock the doors, lock the doors, okay, or try what more than that.

Yeah. Just run around the house naked for about two weeks. Okay. That'll be a lot of fun for you, Dawkins. Hey. Yep. Yeah, that may eat some of that tension.

That's right. Hey. Oh, man. Yeah, I didn't think of it from a, see, I was like, just moved, but the grandparents' perspective is they might just be trying to speak.

I've gone that way because I didn't get to know either one of my grandfathers. Okay, and it's always been a bad sore spot with me. Yeah. Okay, because my few about that is kids, grandkids get something from grandparents that it's not available anywhere else on this earth. Yeah. Okay. I spend a lot of time my grandparents.

I know exactly what you're talking about. And treasured it. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. It's it every day. Oh, yeah. Even at 37.

Yep. Yep. All right. So new advice. Schedule a dinner like once a week or every two weeks and see if that. And then the rest of time, walk around naked. Yeah. And then the rest of time definitely just take all your clothes off and walk around naked and see if that'll leave.

See if it at least leads to a knock. Right. And you can think of it this way. It will probably release a lot of attention with you and your woman. Yeah. So that's a good point. Okay. Raise the rules.

That's it. Hey, have a party. Well, send us out of here, Sean. All right, well, we got the most joyful couple in the world across from us. So Psalms 95, 1 and 2, come let us sing for joy to the Lord. Let us shout aloud to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before them with Thanksgiving and extol them with music and song. There you go, baby. Even if it's with bells.

Y'all got joy. It don't get any better. Amen. Christine, thank you so much for joining. Yes, that's the second best episode we've got. It's in the top two for sure. Yeah, and I just want to reiterate. There's always a chair for you.

Whenever you want to come, you just show up. We got you. So we'll see y'all next time right here in the duck call room. We're out.