Duck Call Room - Uncle Si’s Wife Slaps a Tracker on Him for Safety

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

Uncle Si’s long-held stance against having a phone starts to crumble after Christine slaps an AirTag on him and John-David blows his mind with the magic of real-time pizza delivery apps. Meanwhile, Phillip shocks everyone by admitting he’s not that into pizza, but is totally into drive-thru seafood. Martin has Jep Robertson verify Si’s outrageous tale about getting kicked out of an Uber thanks to Jessica’s legendary foul-smelling flatulence. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your home screen is huge. That's because I can't see. I do know where gun smoke is all the time. That is so wild. I did not know that Philip. Well, first of all, welcome back to the duck. Welcome back. Welcome back.

And in a strange twist of fate today, we showed up, and Si wasn't here. Which if, you know, Silas Robertson. I'm always early. Early. Not just early, but. I had some emergency. Excessively early. That's a bad day, he told me.

So then Philip called the house, wasn't there. So I didn't know. Philip has done put a tracker on Si. Don't tell him. Oh, he don't care. He knows. He had it to me and said, hey, this is the tractor, tracker. Yeah.

That way I know where you're at all time. The Si has been air-tacked. That's a good thing. So anytime you get with somebody with a cell phone, it's going to say, do you know that you're being-tract? Because I walked in while they go and sat down, and they were. talking about it. He said, you just left booksharer, didn't you? And I said, yes, I did. My bookshires.

That next door to it is a place where you get driver's license. Are you having, why do you need a driver's license? Because my driver's license was two months expired. Two months? Two months or three months. Well, yeah, your birthday was able to. Do they not know who you are when they

asked for your ID? Well, no, and I went to the courthouse and I, you know, we'd already went to two or three different places because they moved or get to get a birth certificate. My wife has lost mine. So I had to go to the courthouse to get that. I'd been walking all over the place.

So I was out of, I said, I said, Liz, the lady works for me. I said, hey, go in and here, here's all this stuff, my truck title, my insurance and all this stuff that I had to get to get the license. Yeah. I gave her all that. And I said, hey, ask them, tell him that. hey, look, I've got COPD breathing is bad, and I've been walking around for the last two hours.

But I need a driver's life. I need a driver's life. So I need a birth certificate, okay? So they actually did it. Okay, they sent her back out and said, hey, all that I do was make the statement. Please let this lady get my birth certificate. Mm-hmm.

Okay, because I got COPD. Yeah. And I put it on bottom, signed my name to it, and then said, thank you very much. And they let her do it. Okay. So did you get that? Oh, that was really nice.

of the people down at the courthouse. So you got the birth certificate? Yeah, I got the new one. So now you got to go get a license. Well, she just took me down to Brookshires where they got a place that does that. It's quick. And I got to go back right after we finish this podcast.

And I hope you don't have to take a driving test. No, no, none of that stuff. What age do you think we should start making people do that again? How old are you sign? Take a test. I just making sure we hadn't lost the step. 76? No.

Well, because, like, if you look at Phillips' phone, I can read it from across the room. That says I can't see. That's not trying to be rude, but Phillips' eyes are going. I can see far away. There's a lot of other stuff. When you get past 50, it's hard to see up close. Buddy, they ain't going. They're gone.

And a lot of other stuff is gone. Yeah. So I'm just saying. The clock has to scroll across. It won't even show the full time. I think old people are awesome. But at some point, we've got to take away their driver's license. So I'm on your side.

Well, you may not go take away. We haven't. Not yours. Hey, I would just fix that son. This is America. Hey, you come try to take my drive right away. You get shot, son. I got to get around.

I got things to do, okay? I got people to see. I got people to see. I'm just saying. You're talking about taking my drive last year because of got a few years on me? Hey. I'm just saying. I'm shooting for a hondo, son.

I know. And that's great. And I want you to be there, but also Uber should help some of that because. No, I don't want to go with Uber. Hey, I don't want to go with Uber and I. Okay, lift. It's nothing to get them, but every time I get in an Uber car, I smell weed. Okay, so I don't want him driving anywhere.

Unfortunately, those things do tend to go hand and a hand. Okay, but I'm just saying. It's only a stronger smell than DoorDash. You passed a test. Look, you just think you got in Bigfoot's den. when you get in on one up. Oh, because it smells skunky? Yeah, because it smells skunky.

Well, I'm just saying you took a test 60 years ago that proves you can drive and you haven't had to like re-up on that. Like, should we start like? Well, hey, look, it's like bicycle riding, son. Once you know how to buy a bicycle, you don't forget. Yeah, but the second you do. Hey, well, you got to make sure you get that star license, right? Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, the new ID. Yeah. That was why I had to have the birth certificate. Oh, okay. First thing she's doing was, she said, what are you need? And I said, well, I need a new driver lock. She said, well, you want to star on it for the real idea? And I said, yes, ma'am, I do.

She said, well, she had it printed out. Here's what you need. You got to have a first certificate. Did she just tell them to Google you? Your Social Security and then two envelopes that are addressed to you mail. Are you joking me? No, that's true. No, you got to have one.

This is America. Do you have it? Hey, you got to have that to get a driver license. Oh, y'all are driving to Disney. You got to have one get on airflow. Oh, yeah. If you ain't got a passport. If you ain't got that star, in 10 years, you'll have to re-up that one.

So wherever that is. You got to have the star or you ain't traveling to it, Jack. You know what? Yeah, they asked for everything by like a sperm sample. I mean, pretty much. Oh, we got more problems than that. I was watching the Fox News while ago. Oh, Lord.

Oh, boy. Oh, hey, 71,000 homeless people in California. Okay. Yep. The last time we were in California, We got thrown out of the Uber driver smell. Why cause y'all smelled like weed? It was a smell, all right.

It was a smell, but it wasn't weed. Oh, who farted? Jessica. Oh. And hey, before she left when he made, knockters, push us out, he let off another good one. That is true. And said, hey, farewell, buddy. Jessica Roberts?

I've heard the story before. Yeah, it's true. Jessica Robertson got y'all, like they literally said, get out. Get out on the sidewalk. Yeah. And so we were like, what are we going to do? How could that smell worse than what the car already smelled like? I mean.

No, this was rough. It was bad. This was one M. SPDs. It was a tough. I was able to tell it deadly. When you grow your own honey and food, your farts are worse. Yo, hey. That's what's bad.

Whatever you have a compost pile that you actually use, that's what happens when these people start living off the grid. Their farts just gets up. What happens when all these people with Instagram homestead. Yep. That's homesteading farm. I'm going off the grid. Hey, check it out, though.

Look at me. But don't get too close. Well, see, I can't go off the grid anymore. Oh, they got you. I can't go off the tracker. You know what's really cool about the grid? What? The grid.

The grid rules, by the way. Like air conditioning. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool benefit of the grid. You know what else is? Ice. Like hot water. I mean, there's all kinds of basic necessities.

Hold on. Yeah, no, because they just, yeah. I mean. Most people have, there's no appreciation for all that. I like plumbing. For the grid. No, indoor.

I like, I like something that takes my poop and gets it out of there, you know. Takes it elsewhere. All you got to do is it's a hamlet. It's going to. Yeah. That's right. Like,

I like those kinds of things. I'm, I'm always going to be grid adjacent. I've always heard about it. Oh, no, we need to go back to the good old day. Nope. Hey,

I don't want to go back to the good old day. Mm-mm. And I'd have been that good. We're too rough. So you, but that, okay, so that makes sense because when we were filming the other day, I got a notification on my phone that says somebody with an air tag is traveling with you. And I'm looking around. I'm like, I mean, okay.

I mean, I don't know, like, you know, the production crew is there. So I'm like, well, I guess it's weird to me that it's on a damn. That's what that's called is the air tag. Yeah. Yeah. I do. I love the new technology. If you had a.

AI at its best. And get an iPhone, you would know. Guess what the name of the air tag is, gun smoke. Oh, Gunsmoke. Gunsmoke, is that the name of it? Uh-huh. Well, that's a good name. That's hilarious.

If Dylan is involved in it, it's good. And your picture is the ace of spades, so just so you know. Hey, there you go. That's the prettiest. That's the prettiest. That's the prettiest. But now. With a bullet hole right through the corner.

Now I wish I'd have clicked on the notification to see who it was because I had no idea. I was like, I mean, we got people from L.A. here. Like, you know, they're not first. from here, so I figured one of them's got a tag on their wallet. Oh, I got the question now, what made you do that? So, um, does that, that seems kind of obvious. No. Well, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, he may run away.

You know, we can't get a hoax of you. Are y'all afraid I'm going to get kidnapped? No, I know they're trying to kill me off in the media. I know. Oh, they are. They are. Yeah, the media's been rough on the side lately. I walked in and Christine was like,

well, I'm with Trump on that. The media is a bunch of idiots. There we go. Hey, you heard that first here. Are we taking this to Trump? There's a big story on Ty.

He was playing dominoes and fell out and had to be rushed to the hospital. And Willie backed it up. Huh? Willie Robertson wanted to back that up. According to social media? Yeah, according to the media. Well,

it ain't true. Christine was like, Philip, did you write this? No. No, ma'am. I didn't write that. Because if anything goes on his Facebook, you know, I'm usually responsible.

Oh, that was somebody. Somebody said, Chad GBT, BT, write a story about Uncle Cy Robertson and one of his hobbies and dying. Well, right. Calculating. The funniest part of that was is they went back to my days when I was out on the road with my band and said, hey, country star. Okay.

And then I said, wait a minute, they never called me that when I was out on the road. What a country star? Yeah. I used as a star. And I said, hey, y'all. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up. You know what that means?

That means more outside cooking. And y'all know. We love to eat beef around here. And that's what because of our friends over at Triedales beef makes such a good product, baby. Ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Sao Robertson would say,

buy on the grill! Look, before we got Triedales, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. and you never really know where that beef comes from, but with Triedails beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way.

Triedales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch, and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need.

Look, because I tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Tritails Beef. I know in size case, Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak.

So the reason why I put the tag on there is because if you need something medically, if I can't get to you or if you're traveling. You know where to find me. That's right. Yeah, we can drop a pin on you. That's a good idea, though. And Christine was all for it too. I didn't just.

Well, I thought about it. Yeah, I may have to get you to share that with me too. Well, you told me about the phone. I'm thinking about getting Christine to try to educate me on using the phone. Oh, here we go. Please. No, no, because look before. They gave me a phone and they tried to make it idiot proof.

Yeah. Okay. They went so far as to say, okay, they even gave me a class when they bought it. He said, hey, this is the call the home button. Press it. It'll bring you the menu up. That's going to blow your mind. There's no more of them.

No, no, no. But anyway, let me go on more story. So anyway, they said, okay, press the button. It'll bring the menu up and you look and you say phone list. Okay. You touch phone list on the screen and it will. bring up the phone list that you got numbers of people that you need to call like philip you know the band members and all this because i was always on road by myself um-huh until we got together

the band got together but anyway every time i would go out i would land you know and i would try to use this phone and all i ever got out of it was i would touch the number bridget tatum and all it would say was darling darling I never put it back on regular he had it on airplane no no no no look at no I didn't have it on no mode I don't know you break the rules anyway

no mode so maybe it was my ignorant so I'm gonna try to let my wife what is that as you McCabe on the phone and see if I you'll use one beside the you I really need to have one in case I have a side tire yeah I do have a plan for you you have a plan for me

Pure Talk lay it on Pure Talk Well, hey, hey. Beside, do you have the patience to learn? Because when I try... Well, hey, I may not. That's why I'm saying, hey, this is... Hold on.

I got a friend named Cooney. We're going to try it. It just has a flip phone. That's what he needs. Oh, I had one of them. I've had three. I had started out with a flip phone. That's a piece of junk.

He can actually use the iPhone. I mean, he knows how some of it works. Yeah, but I tried to teach him how to use it in his truck. And I was like, all right, so I, here we go. I've got the phone list here. All you got to do a say, call John Carter call Willie

But hey He forgot to tell me One little thing here He had a little A plug That went in his phone And in my truck Phone

And you know in my truck Mm-hmm So when I left He didn't tell me he was done that When I got out Well I'm driving down the road And it says Call John Carter

And it says Trying to locate phone Oh he took it's all with it He didn't tell me He had to plug in You got to have a phone No, you got to have a phone. You ain't got to have to plug in.

Well, you got to have to plug in too to plug it in. No, there's just really cool technology called Bluetooth. You don't have to plug it in anymore. But you do have to actually have a phone. I'm excited. Hey, he always plugged it into my truck. I'm excited about it. Well, he does that so he can charge it.

That way it don't kill you bad. So it ain't nothing got to do with it. You ain't got to have it plug. No, it'll do that right by its own. That's exciting, though. It's 20-25, man. Well, I don't know. Hey, y'all don't understand.

Me and technology, all my life, it don't work. I had this same problem with computers in the Army. Well, that scar on your chest said technology did something for you. The computers when you were in the Army were black and green. Yeah, that's way better now. Like, people were dying from dysentery on the Oregon Trail. That game was so tight. Hey, ho.

Litchie. Don't bad mouth to West. No, I'm talking about the game. Hey. Don't you dare bad. Hey, I ain't to refer you to Merrill Hayden. You don't have got on the fast out of me now, boy. However, little Kate got bit by a rattlesnake last week, and she didn't make it.

He said, don't bad mouth. Speaking of that, I had a little old witty dog got bit by a rattlesnake in Alabama that didn't make it. But, hey, with the greatest hits today. The tooth marks were that wide. So he was a groaning. He was a big. Because the doctor said, hey, what bit him out? I said, Rattle snake.

he said good grief he said you know that's two and i had three inches he said he must have been a beggar and i said well he was i heard him when he biddy me yep and i said that's why it comes to you what can't do for him he said too much snake for too little a dog yeah they can't help him i can say some kind words over him that's about it yeah episode took a dark turn well it always does i'm i that's why i hate snake there ain't no good ones oh that's not true a rattle of a king snake's good one. He kills all the bad ones. He's like Marshal Dilla. He takes care of the bad guys.

So I said the enemy of my enemy is my friend. That's what size is going on with. That's actually true. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, what was? Yeah. I don't even know. Well, we were going to technology. You, you. We're trying to learn how to use a phone.

We went from quasi life alert back to iPhones to. Well, that may be a futile effort on my part. But we did hit gun smoke twice. I can read you my show note should have life alert is it a full circle yet because i feel like that's what we're doing it's about to be yeah who would who would you call if you had a cell phone would you use it i'd call ghostbusters but do it do do do do do it hey i'm like that's one of my favorite movies

okay i blow your mind on that thing may you can order a pizza without every and having to talk to anybody why don't hold it ain't that something oh hold on i'm going to have to have to We're going to have to let Si discover the Johnny's app as much as he eats Johnny's pizza. I hear about all these apps. I got Domino's and Johnny's right here beside each other. Me too. All you got to do is just hit it and order your pizza. Look at this.

I got 219 reward points at Johnny's. Start your order. Look, pick up your delivery. Reward points, what do they reward you with? That's how much we eat. That's how much we eat there. I know, but wait a minute. You said reward.

I got three. I got three. They give you a high price? I got $3.92. No, for 200 points you get a free pizza. Oh, I got free pizza. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, so like, you know what, Johnny's, there's. So this thing are, there's good use of them. Yeah. Instead of all bad. All bad, wait. Instead of all bad, they actually have good stuff on this. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Hey, we can even put. I'm getting educated here, boy. We can even put the Bible on there for you. Oh, yeah. Right there at your fingertips. I got two Bibles on mine. Yeah. Just in case.

But you know, like at a pizza place, you've always wondered, man, what if I could make a pizza that had this, this, and this? But they don't offer that, right? Oh, but they do on the app. On the app, you're the world is your oyster. You can create your own. No, that's not going into a place that sells fishing equipment. And you take and take a reel off of a rod, put another reel on that rod, and go to the,

check out and say hey you know ring it up what about when they didn't brick your pizza last time at johnnies well hey i i think i've got i'm getting a uh i'm either eating too much pizza no no such thing i don't oh hey i'm not enjoying it like i normally do are you eating it too often they're changing they're changing something when they cook my pizza what do you want i'm about i'm about what your orders i was i was here's what i used to order tell me what you want right now that's the only pizza Lisa. Yep. With sausage added. Added. Added. And jalapia pepper. Halapenia pepper. And brick it. And brick it. You want it well done in bricked or just brick?

Just brick. Okay. Okay. Because I don't know how you're getting into the gray area now. What do you mean? Well, when you sell how much, how much you want it. Are you opposed to Dominoes? Oh, I order all my money. No, no, I don't eat Domino. Oh, man. But their delivery was before the show. was over. He was going to have it show up. No, I can press a button right now and we can have that pizza here within 18 to 29 minutes. Do it. Do it.

Hit the button. Fire away. I'm tired. I'm tired of Domino's one time. Hey, we got a studio audience that will help us eat it. That's right. Yeah, I'll split that with you. I'll Vimaud you for the other part of it.

Yeah, Hunter, please put in the show notes that the duck call room owes me 2874. I know why y'all always talk about. So here's, but I'm just going to tell you, I'm going to warn you. get together what y'all do? I'm going to warn you right now. Sit around and make pizzas? The sausage you got at Domino's is not the sausage they use at Johnny.

That's true. Johnny's uses breakfast sausage, which is really good. Dominoes uses Italian sausage. Which is good. It's good, but you're going to have a little fennel pop in there. So there's just...

Ain't I wrong with a little fennel? No, that's just the little seed that's in an Italian sausage. I only eats more sage than anybody we know. I thought you talk about the drug. No, fentanyl, not fentanyl. Yeah.

No. So I stay away from it. No. Hey, Donald Trump's actually working on with Coca-Cola. On. Hey. Putting Finn in?

No, what is the, I can't even pronounce it? F-R-U-S. Fruit-toast. High fructose corn syrup. That's out. Yeah, corn syrup. They're weeding it out. Well,

Trump said, hey, look, you need to go back to cane sugar. Forget the fruit notes or whatever they eat. Fruit notes. You don't want fruit notes in your sugar. Yeah, you don't want that syrup in that. You want regular cane sugar. Yeah. Which, hey, yeah, I thought it was pretty good deal.

Presidents interested in a better Coke. Hey, you know. To be fair, Mexico got way better Coke then. Yeah, they do. Be real fair. I don't know how you make Dr. Pepper better, but. Dr. Pepper is. I thought you were all of it.

I am off of it. I haven't had one in almost two years, but that don't mean I don't want one. Hey. I can't wait until he cracks. Cokes were way better than they are now. What's the under-over? over on him cracking. It's been two years.

There's going to be a day. The jobs are going to be off the charts. The Dr. Pepper is going to be flowing, and he's just going to hammer one. Yeah, could be. I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying I'm fully committed to know more the rest of my life,

but I am committed to see how long. Oh, no, he'd be like we've been in Kay, me and Phil were when Kay brought the case of Coke. Just all blah, blah, blah. Hey, thank the whole case. If I, when I break that seal. Yeah, once you say, okay, hey, I'm doing that. Hey, bring me a case of Dr. Pepper.

taste of Dr. I may just go put my head under a fountain drink until it runs smooth out of syrup. I don't know, man. Oh, man. Anyway, so we're going to have pizza today. That's kind of cool. Allegedly, they're not baking it yet.

I would say that they'll tell you when they start putting it. Yeah, they track you. Like, they got an air tag on their stuff. So you're going to be amazed. I don't know how to pronounce the name that began preparing my order at 248, but they are preparing the order. That's hilarious. I don't know how to pronounce that name.

That is a name I've never seen before. Are we going to have the delivererer come in here and deliver it to say? No, I'm going to tell you when they're here and you're going to go grab it. Did you tell them back to back? No, I don't know how to do that. I guess I could have done that. They'll bring it to a secretary. I've been at a pool and been like, hey, I'm behind the house at the pool, just walk around.

And they'll just come down there. They generally call when they get here. When they get here? I mean, I don't know about here, but like whenever I ordered out of town, call like, hey, I'm at the hotel. I'm like, yeah, I'll come down. I put Duck Commander 117 Kingsland. Right now they're just topping it up.

Yeah, they're just making size pizza. Do you put four Uncle Si? That would have been funny. I told them to put the pepperonies in an SI. That's not true, but I wish it was. Oh, man, that would be funny. Did you leave a note of encouragement to the team? I always do that on the top of those up.

What? I don't know. It's an option. I'm going to go for it, boys. Our Domino's is five-star. I'll give them out. It is good. Ours is better.

As a guy who he's Domino's a lot of places around the country because of our traveling and speaking and things and all that, ours is top tier. I mean, they get, whatever. No, no, because the kid delivers ours most of the time. Yeah. We always give them a good tip. There you go.

Oh, he appreciates it. Is that during the poker game? Well, no, we've done that too. Yeah. Christine come in one night and said, hey, there's a hundred, y'all. y'all order pizzas or not. Oh, okay. On me.

On Christine. So I had to go out. Which also meant on you. Well, no, I said, come here, man. I said, come here, man. You come over and I said, put your head out here. And I went, well, you ain't got no favor. You had a checker temperature.

When the person got there with your pizza, did you just, like, throw them a $20 chip? All right. No, all the boys, you know, I don't know. He's a plastic. They picked it up. Here you go, son. Sit on down. Sit on down.

Yeah. You're $20 a hand. Here we go. You can build it. Hey, that was a big order. Was it? Yeah. Yeah, well, that's a lot of people.

Eight or ten of them stacked up at them. There you go. Pretty carried in. Everybody of y'all. So going on out of town on these trips, what's the best food that y'all have eaten at different events? I don't eat at events. Well, I mean, you do eat when you go to the different pounds. Yeah.

I mean, I'm literally when I go. You can 90. What is this? Time out. Domino's Tracker. Your order is in the oven. Fire emoji. You can be 98% sure.

I'm going to eat some sort of pizza and have it delivered to my hotel. That's just generally what I do. I'm going to critique it too. Yeah. That's just what I do. I don't know. Pizza. Delivery.

What was it joint New York? It's a barn. That didn't really dare A lot. They walk around with meat. You know, you cut out what you work. Oh, Brazilian steakhouse. Oh, Brazilian steakhouse.

Brazilian steakhouse. Well, hey. I ain't American melting pot. No, in New York, I enjoyed that. That was actually good. I'm not big enough. I need to be a bigger person. You want a real experience.

You go to one of them with old John Gauvin. I don't know about new John Gavent. Well, no, no, because, hey, you know, you get full so fast. They bring it through. Well, that's because you eat all the stuff they run out there for the pilgrims.

Yeah, that's a rookie move out. All of it's good. Well, I mean, anything cooked over an open fire is pretty good. I had a tomahawk

bone-in ribby. Tomahawk. And this was in Mississippi when we went to the event where they played stickball. Man, that's the God one thing I've heard today. What?

A steak with a handle. Yeah. I need a steak with a handle. Godwin called me and said Gobwin's in Orlando for ICAS. He's there? Yeah, he's there.

So he called me Monday night. I looked down and I was like, why has Godwin called me? I knew where he was. And he said, what's the name of that sushi place we always go to down here? And I said, Sato,

why? He's like, oh yeah, let me look at it up. He had no idea how to spell Sato Sushi. He was, he was spelled it like say two, like S-A-1.

Y-Y-T-O. That's how I would have spelled it. All that stuff. I don't know how to spell in Japanese. It's all lines in different directions. All of that stuff looks so good, but I'm not a sushi bag. Do what? All of their stuff, the rolls when they, all the different...

You don't like them? Can we get that delivered? I probably. You can get anything delivered these days. It's more expensive than you think? Well, we don't have good sushi. I like fried fish, but, you know, raw fish. Have you been to Sam's?

I've got acquired a taste for that. Sam's Club. Sam's Club? Yeah. Like, they have great. Like the warehouse. Yeah. You can buy a 48 pack of Coke Zeros and get you a sushi roll for like six bucks.

Really? And their sushi's good. It's like Brookshire sushi. Yeah. Brooks is, I mean, it's okay. I'm saying we don't have a Sato sushi. Like, Sato is good. I don't even know what that, I can't even spell it.

When you're down there, please look it up. As much as your son loves rice. y'all would love to go we well i did have to go eat sushi last night just see Carter is a rice guy yeah so but they got like these little lobster crab dumplings too like they make the geosiaz like lobster and crap oh we ain't we ain't we ain't we ain't you should cook up no on the on the griddle yeah yeah they'll make good fried rice yeah that's what we ate last night Carter got the shaft on a party Carter would love that he had an ear infection so he couldn't go swimming with his little brother's

brother and sister. I said, well, you get to pick where we eat. He goes, I want sushi and fried rice. It was like, dead gum, one of the most expensive place in town. So, hey, here's how you know how redneck we are, by the way, though. You know, the Habachi, they got all the normal jokes and all that stuff. Well, at our highbachi table, it was just with us and one other couple. They were apparently regulars. Oh. He didn't even ask them how they want. He goes, oh, you guys cool. And then he's cooking. He's like, hey, man, you see that new nine millimeter that just came out like and I'm like wait I wanted to see the Japanese egg roll

what are we doing here and he's sitting there talking about his gun closet and all this stuff and I was like West Monroe baby where our Habachi shows was he of Asian descent oh yeah okay I would have left if he wasn't yeah you couldn't trust him I was just like getting a flat chest lady of hooter son

I'm not what I came here for white guy I like the analogy I like you analogy Is this our pizza? Oh, no, it's not a pizza. We ordered a pizza. We thought that may be it. And we told a story about Jessica earlier.

We did tell a story about your wife farting in an Uber. And we got put out on the streets of New York because of it. Jep doesn't have a microphone. I'm just going to need a thumbs up or thumbs down. Did you get kicked out of an Uber from your wife's foul-smelling? In California. he said not true. What was it at?

It happened. Yeah, it was when we went to go see Sadie. He threatened to kick you out. Okay. That's even worse. She gave him a farewell shot when she left. When we got out.

That's what got me. That's what got me. He said true story. No, no. She told him face to face. She said, hey, I'm going to give you one going away,

present. Hold on. Let me fact check that. Is that true, Jep? That's true. Jessica's fight. Oh, because they made Jessica Madd. Okay, I don't blame it.

I really hope this pizza shows up before I have to go back to work. It's like the only thing on my mind. It's been in the oven for seven minutes. It's about done. It's excited. My hope it's hotter than theirs. Yeah. Oh, where are we?

Well, yours also doesn't have like tracks on it. I mean, there's just like a. Yeah, I want one of those. You know how cool it would be to have a pizza oven like that in your house where you just set it on one side? Well done, guy. Oh, it'll be done. It's going to take a little longer.

Nah, it'd be fine. I've never had a Domino's pizza well done. Hunters, are you panicking? Did you go with regular crust, the original crust? I don't know. He didn't specify. I'm just trying to blow size mine that I can have a pizza here this quickly. Because of a cell phone.

We never had to talk to anybody. And I didn't even give them. I looked at my phone and paid for it. Yeah. Ain't that something? What a lie. I ain't no telling what size. And hey, he didn't even got any money hanging in there.

If Si gets one and gets it all set up. Oh, we're about to see. He'll be unstoppable. Yeah. We need, oh, and Carter now can text me from his iPad. He's not allowed to be on his iPad unless I'm not at home. And then he'll go and text me stuff. That is the most fun I've ever had in my life.

What, texting your son? Yeah. Trying to figure out what he's saying? He only speaks in emojis. And it makes sense. It just takes a second. Just text. well I wish we had we could quiz

sigh on emojis it's like old school hieroglyphics right I mean that's the way they all communicated let me see if I can find it real fast yeah I want to see if I can understand what he said oh you'll get it you'll get it quick I just don't know where I haven't texted him see if we can solve it oh man alive this is this has been a weird

this has been a weird and we do have a special guest in the studio too not just Jep but we have a 13 year old fan that drove down Carson's in the house Carson is here this is what he wanted for his 13th birthday. Happy birthday, Carson. Right, 13?

13 today. Happy 13th birthday. Technically being in here wasn't what he wanted. He just wanted to come see a duck commander, but he happened to run under the right people that. He is officially a teenager. I know the door code. Well, if not being in here's what you want, we can kick you out.

You want to go. You ain't got to stay. No. You can leave whenever you want to, Carson. There ain't no big deal. So Carson came to see you, Cy, in North Carolina when you were at the how do you say the farm you said it

artisan artisan I didn't know if it was artesian or artisan farm You didn't know if it was a water well I say artesian Is that it? I can't remember Oh man a lot

That was a cool place It really was Is it on its way? Just a quick check in They're ensuring maximum deliciousness Quality check is happening As we speak It's out of the oven

Peas is out of the oven Well, we're... Play-by-play on the pizza, boys. I ain't a-hapit around the inside. He's going to burn his tongue. Here's the pizza now from the delivery truck. But you know what he's going to say. He's going to take one bite.

It doesn't matter how good it is. He's going to take one bite and say... Not much. Nope. A much. Nope. But then me and you get to eat a pizza. Carson, we're going to give you a piece of it, too. Hey, well, let's see if we can find a candle.

A happy birthday pizza. Hunter, get a candle. Hunter, find us. Show us with your skills of producing and see if you can get us a candle. Hunter, what are you doing? I think Hunter was trying to get Jepp a microphone and don't think. Yeah, I mean. Jeff's just here to film something afterwards, Hunter.

How do you give him a microphone in case he'll talk to royally screwed it up? Way to go, Hunter. In case you couldn't hear Hunter, he said, I was just trying to get him a microphone, but I have royally screwed it up. Hey, and a groundbreaking study that Wayland last night stood up off the couch and said, I got a TT. That's the first time he... No, he went to the toilet.

So that's like the first time in that deal where it hadn't been our idea for them to TT in the bodies. That is a game change. We're, we're headed down a road here. We're getting there. We're headed down a path. Boys, no more diapers, maybe. Maybe.

Man, that's expensive. Are they on the road yet? I actually just thought, like, if we would have old Domino's we were doing this, it would already been here. But this is a true live test. To see how quick they are. To see if they're any good at getting us what we asked for. And maybe one of these days we'll read Domino's.com slash duck.

There you go, man. Save 8% off your... If I get sponsored by pizza. Oh, or we could make like the Duck Call Room special. It's our own creation. That would be what I ordered. The inside got the same pizza order. Pepperoni, sausage, pepper.

I'm not big on pizza, but I'm going to try this one. Oh, no. That's a good deal. You're not. You're not. I'm not really big on pizza. You know that. What?

Huh? Yes, I don't eat it. You're big on chicken and dumplings, but not pizza? I mean, yeah. You once put a half of a hamburger, wrapped it up in paper towel. Put it in his baggage. Put it in a suitcase. Check it.

And then you got the nerve to sit in this chair and say, I ain't big on pizza. It was right next to his cup of chicken and dumplings. That's what I'm saying. Like that's so phillis like you're like I'm hungry I'm gonna go to cracker barrel not johnnies That's where you're at No I will eat every once in a while

Some pizza but I'm just not big on it I mean it's not my favorite thing So what is you? I'd rather go to Captain D's I mean a great little seafood Thank you He is a fishmonger He's a fishmonger He's a fished

I don't know what that means Yeah you're right Well it's a show fishmonger has a definition that's some people in the fish markets man you just love seafood I do that's my favorite food everywhere we go that's what I get

that's what he gets and so you're I love it you're the guy that order surfing turf yeah okay I ain't knocking Captain D's I want to make that clear to everybody out there great little seafood place but that's what you're starting with I mean

if it's between that and pizza. Gang, your driver, Jonathan is on the way. Oh, we can do this. He's coming through

in the club. We can do this because they're light less than 10 minutes from here. This is the play-by-a-play. Down in Pines straight here. We're one light

away. Yeah, one light. Well, yeah, one in a yield. I thought he was one light year away from having pizza. No,

not a light year. I don't think that long. Carson, have you ever seen anybody get so excited about getting some pizza? About Domino's pizza. He said yes.

I'm acting like I'm getting the world's greatest pizza. I'm just getting the world's most convenient pizza. So do you like Captain D's because it's convenient? No, I like the fish. Oh, okay. I was just curious. I mean, like, because, you know, we got another place in town, Catfish Charlie's.

It's really good. It's not very convenient for us. Yeah, that's right. No, it's fantastic. They have the world's most phenomenal. cheese sticks of any place in the whole wide world. See, I didn't know that. And if you buy one of these little sports cars

supporting our local sports teams, you get them for free when you go there. Free from Catfish, Charlotties. I'm really sad right now. Why, he got stopped? No, he, you can't actually track him. Oh. You know how some of the drivers you can track?

Yeah. I was going to go meet him in the parking lot to finish the show. But we just know he left the store three minutes ago. As long as he don't get distracted, he's five minutes or less from here. We need to send somebody outside? Yes.

Hey, Carson. Come here, Carson. No, you're going to sit in my seat. Yeah. Come on, Carson. We'll talk to you. You turn 13. This is my birthday.

Take over, Carson. And Johnny D.'s going to go get pizza. He's going to go get her pizza. Go get it. This guy knows more about Duck Dynasty than any kid I've ever met. Carson, what's your favorite episode? So, Carson, you've never done this before. You're going to need to get right up on the mic.

Yeah, don't be afraid of it. It's fine. Now tell us your favorite episode. My favorite episode? Of Dynasty. Probably when Johnny D. poured a whole bucket of powder on Jace. Oh, the prank wars.

Yes. Yeah, the prank wars. And when Willie threw those doors. Oh, yeah, when we took the doors off the hinges. Yeah, called him. Yeah. Okay. The prank wars one.

That's an oldie but a goody. That's Johnny D. He had like another half of a human on him then. like he was he's about a hundred pounds lighter than he was in that one which is what's crazy any uh but carson you're 13 happy birthday by the way that's pretty awesome all the way here from north carolina what um what what why duck dynasty why us what what i always always like asking this question what do you feel like you're one of us do you just think we're goofy because that's true you're sitting by the goofy one right there yeah i always just want to know that like what what about us

What about us did you like? That's always a fun question. I don't really know. My dad introduced me to it. So you can blame this on him. There you guess. Okay, that's cool. So he's showed me the show on everything,

and I've just been watching it for years. Yeah. I've always wanted to come here. Okay. There you go. So I'm assuming that the man beside you is your favorite. Yes. Because he's my favorite.

On my seat, I have a book signed by him. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, and you got a duck call signed by me. now because Carson, which I don't know when Carson walked in, he didn't even say hello or nothing. He just handed me a duck calling a Sharpie. Well, he has seen this show.

And I said, well, I guess you want me to sign that, huh? Here. So then he had been playing with it too and had it kind of backwards. So I went ahead and fixed it and put it back together for him. And Johnny D is pizzaless. So what part of North Carolina? Uh-oh. By Greensbell.

Huh? Greensboro. What? Greensboro. How far is that Fort Bragg? No clue. Two hours. Two hours coming from the day.

That was my favorite place to be in the military. Was Fort Bragg? Fort Bragg. Okay. With an 80-second. You're talking about a bunch of crazy guys, but you're talking about, hey, them are the ones you want. Okay, because you're talking about good at what they do.

They are the best. So our man Carson just got back from a summer camp, too. He was showing me all this before we got started, where he, they went out on like a 60. acre island out off the outer banks that this foundation owns there, which is a really cool deal. And they basically, what, y'all like rough it for a week? Is that right? Yeah, so pretty much we have a cabin that we all stay in. They take off phones from us. Yeah. And all we do is sleep, eat, and fish.

Hallelujah. Well, boy, ain't that suck. Hallelujah. I may need to sign up to be a counselor there. Most of them have got that phone and their nose is in that thing all the time. There you go. I think I have a camp just like that. So what was your favorite part? They eaten, the sleeping, or the fishing?

So the last dinner that they gave us, they cooked T-bone steaks over an open fire right on the sand. Oh, man. Oh, a T-bon. We're talking about for now. How do we always end up on food? Every one of these episodes, we end up. We end up.

That's all starving. That's the part of the relationship that's good. I mean, we started this episode with 100. Hunter eating a meat stick. It was about three years old. You know, then he tried to blame it on me. I'm like, you're the one that took it out of the package. Not me.

I didn't do that. You're the one that left it out for everyone to take. I also like to teach people lessons. It's the power of observation, Hunter. Like, if you're that hungry, I will buy you lunch. I know you said you skipped lunch. If that's a financial decision, please come to my office and say, you know what, I need some lunch.

And I'll go buy you lunch. What's his name again? Carson. Carson. Carson, you're in my humble opinion. You are in the best time of your life right now. There you go. With you and your buddies and your classmates, you know, enjoy them.

And y'all take care of each other. Don't let each other get in trouble with drugs or alcohol. None of this garbage. Okay. You need to take care of your fellow students, okay, and fellow friends. I've been watching the revival every Monday morning. And one of the new episodes is of the world record you guys put on with stacking 100,000 Si cups. Oh yeah, them baby's right there.

I have one signed by Sai and Phillip. Okay. And then how many were stuck in your office? How many teacup? Yeah, how many like boxes and stuff. Man, I don't even know. They just, my office, and this is the reason that Hunter ate a three-year-old meat stick earlier.

My office tends to be a landing place for crap. Right? Like, if they don't know where to put it in this place, they bring it to my office. Case and point. Cy cleaned out his closet. No.

No. My red-headed wife cleaned out my closet. So where did all the stuff from your closet end up? It ended up in Martin's office. With your birth certificate. care. Y'all just,

they assume that since it's a little messy, now I am messy. I'm not a, clean person. I do not suffer from the condition known as OCD. That is for certain. I don't, like clutter does not bother me.

I would argue that maybe I thrive in it. So then everybody just takes advantage of that and dumps it in my office. But there were at least probably six, seven, eight hundred teacups in my office at one time. if that just and you saw a stack of like 80 something thousand of them we we someone in this in this uh duck commander ordered 100,000 too many oh I was about say you said too many because the number was actually higher but yeah if we yeah yeah I'm just saying it if that's fair it was reordered you know

they ordered two minute they ordered two minutes where we're they come up with that ideal about stacking them. But the fun part of that was when John Luke was pushed into it in a bubble. And then Christian dove in it, he disappeared. Oh, that's the thing.

Willie disappeared. That's how you know it was really that many. You made Willie disappear. You've done something. And Martin. So in the very first steps of the revival, it says that Willie fully semi-retired. So who is the new seat?

Oh no, he's still the CEO. He got some clowns around here that try to run it. Just like he did. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But, oh, you've seen them on there. If you've watched every episode, you see them.

They're the ones that have the titles below their names. I'll say not Willie's assistant. Yeah. Didn't know that was a bad thing. Yeah, never knew that was a bad thing, says a Rolex. Um, the, uh, slang it out there, son. It's my everyday rig. I do it out there.

Good news is they ain't going to listen to this anyway. Well, goodness is also I just wasted $28 on a pizza. How'd you waste it? You know, there's a difference between 117 Kings Lane and 117 Kings drop. Ow. He went to drive? No. Hey, but he made it.

I just want to point out Domino's made it on time to a mythical address that doesn't exist, but they did make it there on time. Where was it? That's free pizza. Oh, right? He's almost here. He said he's on the way, so it's not going to make it

by the time we're done with the show, but... So my man really stopped him, like, had a crumble cookie or something. No, no, I can't track him now, though. Oh, you can't, because it says my pizza's delivered. This is a bad day. It was so close to be good.

I hate I'm going to eat your $30 pizza when you leave. I told him not to bring it. He goes, well, I'm already on the way. I said, just leave it at the front desk. Somebody will eat it. Oh, man. And while you said just the name tags, and the people who tried to take Willie's job,

I remember in the original Duck Dynasty, it was Willie's CEO, Jace, Willie's brother, and then Alan, Willie's beardless brother, Jeff, Willie's other brother. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, as a tip-up. I've had the same tag the whole time,

just Duck Commander. Employee or Duck Commander, and that's it. So, huh? Now the pizza's lost. What happened, Beth? now it's not. Well, John David, do you want to come across the hall? Okay.

Yeah. I'm going to go be on a different podcast. Where are you going? You go roast Christian for missing the target. You're welcome to come to me for like five minutes. Yeah, we're at the end of this. Let's close this one out. So we'll wrap it up.

But yeah, if you're asking me to roast Christian, I don't see why I would ever pass up that opportunity if it's sanctioned. Yeah, we get to go. Because you do it anyway. Yeah, I mean, if it's sanctioned, most of time I don't do it where I'm recorded but if you're asking me to okay um happy to um Carson well then we all if you've watched that much of this you know that we always close with a Bible verse do you have a favorite Bible verse do you have one that means a lot to you yes I do what is it buddy John 10 10 okay do you know it by heart

or do we need to look it up I know it by heart fire away these come to still kill and destroy but I've come to have life and I will have it abundantly amen amen thank you so much for joining us cars and look thank y'all for watching us here right here on the duck car room we'll see y'all we're out booyah pizza's here soon we did get it in the episode but we did get it what it did it let's move two on the phone roll i was a little i was wrong on the address but that is the power of a cell phone side you can have a pizza in 30 minutes What about do you get that? Huh?

I don't know what he said, but he left some pizza. Just for proof, we got the pizza. That ain't bad. That ain't bad. I feel. I thought he would have said that ain't much. How about that, Silas? Is your right there?

I got to go, boys. Peace.