Duck Call Room - What Uncle Si Did for His Baby Sister Is the Absolute Sweetest!

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Uncle Si drops jaws with his confession about his little sister. Si also reveals himself to be a man of limited tolerance for strong smells, especially those created by children. Martin and John-David don’t let him off the hook that easily, though. Godwin asks a question that divides the room. There’s a short list of things Si can’t do well, and he knows exactly why God refused him one particular gift. A weird regional recipe gets panned by all the boys, and John-David’s traumatic experience with rancid mayo has the boys losing their minds and almost their breakfasts. -- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John Davis been here since 7.30. You made it here earlier today than any time you ever worked here. I dropped my kids off at school and I was like, well, I can drive home and sit down and then stand back up and come back here. Or just come on door. Or I can just come here. So then I went and I started pressing buttons on the door, couldn't remember the code. Then the door was locked. And then I was like, do I still have a key?

Yes, I do. So I got in. I've been hanging out in the dark. And I refreshed him on every code we had, so he was able to get in. I was in. No police involved. Yeah. There you go.

Here I am. I did find it funny that 720 you're texting me for get in here. I don't have nothing to do. That never happened. Even when you took kids to school when you worked here, you were still never here at 7.30. Yeah, I worked in and start until 9. Yeah. I'm doing my own thing.

Yeah. I guess maybe you showed up for big soccer matches or something. Yeah. They need somewhere to sit. Yeah. would show up early. Guy one, you getting cremated or getting buried?

Oh, that was a good, that was a, that was what we did talk about. Probably cremating. Really? Cheaper. It is cheaper. Yeah. My man.

All right. Sy's doing appearances at crematoriums now if that tells you where he's at in life. Oh, I ask, I actually ask the guy that owns it. I said, what was this? You just had to sleep this night and what he, you know, let me invite Uncle Sy. him in the obituary column for you know come see him at the crematorium marketing 101 there you know your crown hey hey man but it was it was interesting know your customer yeah yeah it was

interesting uh it would be funny if they had like a size special like i mean i don't know what it would be but oh they talk about get your get your remains in a tea glass yeah they talk about it not today guys it would be so funny no don't go there i don't know i have enough i have enough i have enough have enough people saying, hey, I heard you died. Oh, now that is, yeah. We've been dealing with that. You died. Once or twice a year.

Oh, yeah. For the last 10 year. Yeah. But you keep on coming back. Just news like a time, man. Thanks a little to meet. I've passed. Oh, man.

Yeah. What a life. What a life. Well, Gobbin, what have you been up to? Five two, eyes of blue. How about you? You're taller than five, too. Yeah.

I've been trying to get that woman on a deer up there in Arkansas. She ain't killed another yet? She picked a bow up the other day. There's a bunch of doze out there. All I could see was backstraps walking around. No doubt. She picked it up. She put it back down.

I said, no. She's a snob. She's waiting on a buck. I said, you're getting too greedy. Yep. I said. Don't you like eating these things? Yeah, we ain't got about three or four packs of deer me.

left from last year. Yeah. It's a way to be over. No, no, she's managing. Okay. Managing her. I want to manage something in my belly. Yeah.

Well, that's when y'all just both need to take a weapon. And if she ain't prepared to do that. I ain't bought my license up there yet. Oh, you, you're that tight now? No, I'm just right on her. That's my problem, Arkansas. I clicked that little auto-renew button. And every, every August,

I get a bill for like $400 saying your license renewed. And I'm like, oh, yeah. Maybe I'll actually deer hunt there this year. Well, there's more than that this year. They went up. I don't. I've already been charged. Yeah, everybody already went up.

Whatever it is, I've already been charged. So I'm committed to hunt at least once in the state of Arkansas. Yeah, even the senior thing went up. Oh, yeah, it won't up. I was shocked. You poor boys. It cost $10 to hunt. Nogli.

Unbelievable. Where? There? There? No, it's fine. for the combo for the combo yeah yeah five dollars if you do it online they charge you a five convenience fee and i don't mind paying that convenience fee well you could always just call john david he'd do it for you yeah boom all right and then fishing yeah they just clipped me for a grand because for

christmas oh you're doing the double lifetime i did the double lifetime for the boys they're going to be really excited to open that it's going to mean a lot to them they're not even going to be a hunter at the ripe old age of one that would be the pets wouldn't it hey i don't care if they are if they ain't that's up to them that's a 500 dollar investment i made in them that they won't have to buy nothing but a federal duck stamp in this state ever again so you know i'm cool with it what just was it yeah i'm cool with the gamble like once they can pay for it it pays for itself in like five years so it's not good for them you know they ain't having to hit me up for a hunting license and i don't have to worry if they're legal with me or not like they got it

We're good. It's a convenient thing. You know what duck hunters eat with crackers? I mean with cheese. Oh, quackers. Yeah, you gave that one away. Quakers. Yeah, you got it.

He ain't had enough coffee yet. You know, with duck underers, with crackers? I mean, quackers, I mean cheese. Yeah. Cheese, crackers. Give it away. Hey, Gowin, you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're good at it.

Jacob, I tried, man. I'm sorry. I thought he can't. You can't stump the man. Wow. He knows them all. Really? Man, I had no idea.

Have you ever seen him? No. That's what I'm talking about. Hey, they're good at you. Suckers are good, boy. I've all ever seen. You'll never see him up in the tree. I read that email, I said, boy, I'm going to stump Godwin with this.

From my man, Jacob. And Godwin said that was a softball. Yeah, that one was too easy. It wasn't. No, for him. I mean, it wasn't for me. I had no idea. Yeah.

Yeah. I was thinking of something about trunks and trees, and I was trying to figure out the pun. I never would have went with so simple as they're good at it. Hey, hey, you never see them because they're good at it. There you go. They are. Hide and seek champions.

Hey, They are. Never find them. You'll never see them. If you can't find an elephant, that's a bad deal. There's one in every room. Yeah. Boodon.

What? You don't know that phrase? The elephant in the room. Oh, that went over my head. Oh, wow. What a lot. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up.

You know what that means? That means more outside cooking. And y'all know we love to eat beef around here. And that's what because of our friends over at Tritels beef makes such a good product, baby. Ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Sal Robertson would say, buy on the grill. Look, before we got Tritels, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things,

grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef. come to them but with tritails beef we skip the grocery store and do it a different way try tells comes from a family ranch out in texas they're a fifth generation american ranch so they've been at it for a while now look the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door we threw a couple of ribbys on the grill look salt pepper garlic hot fire that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living,

you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Triedails beef. I know in size case, Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. Well, you weren't here at 7.30, but at about 8.30, when Sye showed up, the whole building began to shake because the back door was locked. Mm-hmm. Just. Well, hey, I hit it one time, and then I sat there for about a minute, and I just hammered it.

I mean, and then somebody screamed, we're coming, we're coming, hold on, hold on. He nearly broke the door. Hey, have y'all noticed that they're building stuff down? I don't know the name of it. It's air mixed with concrete. Do what? Yeah. It's air mixed with concrete.

Marshmallow. A lot of voids. No, no. And it, you know, it's, they just, you know, lay it in a line, you know, it's fancy. That's phone. That's expanded phone. Well, whatever it is, it's concrete. Mixed with air.

We're going to need somebody smarter than us to email it. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not up to snuff on this. And BBS had it on. And guess who's using it. Oh, there it is. The military. No.

Bevers. No, Indian. Okay, the Native Americans. Okay, I was about to ask from Asia or from here. Yeah. Okay. It was very interesting, though, okay, because it's built like a teepee, okay? You know, like they used all the buffalo hides to build their teepees.

Right. Which sticks. Okay, but I didn't know it's a family thing because what they would do, they'd put the first teepee down, and then they do it in a circle with the rest of them. So nowadays with this new air concrete foam stuff, they're making them circular, okay, and connect it. Like they'll build the first one,

and it's just about big rounds of these two tables. You know, it's a round dome. And then they build the next one and hook it together. And when they actually get them finished, and built inside. It's pretty good. 15 bedroom, home? Oh, hey, yeah.

You just add your whole family. 15 bathrooms. Yeah. I can see this coming up on Airbnb here for long. I don't know. I don't really understand still what's happening. Yeah, I don't either. What's the advantage?

Because is it lighter? It's lighter and stronger. You used less. And warmer. And warmer because, like, in the reservation that they were talking about. Is this what we're talking about? Yeah. The pine crows.

Reservation in South Dakota. That's in Kansas. Oh, they don't got fancy now. Concrete. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they didn't got fancy with that one. Oh, that. I didn't see that one last night.

I'm just Googling. Yeah. Random things. Yeah. Anyways. But, hey, I just thought it was cool. And look, they're also into solar panels. Yeah.

Okay. Well, there ain't no trees up there. Yeah. Who? Yeah. Solar panels. No, no. Yeah, solar panel.

You know, that's the thing. It just looks like a mirror and it takes the sunlight and then stores it and has you got energy. No, I know that. Electricity and all this. Who's using this? Huh? Who's using this? The Indians, the Sioux, I think.

Okay. Dakota's, it's Dakota. Yeah. Yeah. So I just thought it was actually cool. Okay. Yeah. Concrete.

Concrete. Concrete tea piece? Mix with air. I found everything. It's mixed with air. It's concrete mixed with air. I'm telling you. It's light.

Okay. It's very good. Like, as they said, they were talking about, you know, it was 40 below. It gets cold in Dakota. Oh,

I'm out. Yeah. When you said 40 below, guess what? I'm heading south. Oh, I ain't even going to have that to camp. I know this summer.

I am a fair weather person. Look, I know this summer was hot. Yeah. But I can deal with heat. That 40 below. I am a fair wither hunter. Because even at 110, I still went outside.

Oh, yeah. At 40 below, you can't go nowhere. No, no, no. Hey, oh, yes. Your breath freezes. Yeah. Yeah, that's when you die. Yeah.

You know, that kind of cold, you die. Lisa, heat, you can go sit in the shade. You manage for a little while. Hey, I'd rather burn up and, hey, freeze to death. He said, that's when you die. Say, look, that's another, that's another crematorium plug. I'm saying. Hey.

He'd rather burn up than freeze to death. Look, hey. But would you rather freeze to death or burn to death? No. Because there's a reason. I'm not going to do either. You'd rather freeze to death. There's a reason.

I'm not going to do. Or a thing and hell is fire. Well, here's the thing. If I've got matches, I'm not going to freeze death. Because I will set fire to everything I can get my hand on. Even him. Okay. Even a fat person.

We're all in trouble, boys. Oh, what? I'd be, I ain't going to lie, I'd be a pretty good wick for you. Well, no, I'm serious, okay? Yeah, I probably got a pretty good layer there that you could burn for a while. Oh, no, because look. Hey, the coldest I ever been, I've ever been was in Germany, and we was out in the field, okay, and here comes, we can see it coming. Here comes a fog that is everything as soon as it moved through is iced over.

Yeah. Nope. No. Now. It's time to go. Oh, no. That's what I told. the commander. I said, hey, we need to call this field off. Let's go back to gas. He said, no. I said,

well, break out the Herman Nelson Heaters. And look, I had to put the tent up, put the Herman Nelson heaters together, and then I had it running red all the way out the top. And he said, you fixed to burn the tents up. I said, hey, trust me when I tell you this, you see it, this and a half out there. I said when the tents burn down I'm going to put gas on that and light it and we're going to stay warm with that I said I will burn everything the United States Army has got

before I freeze the death and you can take that and put it in the bank you know and I got to tell you he is after duck hunting with him for about 15 years he ain't bluffing. He will burn it down he will burn everything he is lit shotgun shell boxes on fire

his jacket yeah like the boy boy ain't going to get cold. You know you cold when you set your jacket on fire. Now that was unintentional, but he did use the heat from it to stay warm. I see it. I see it. Hey.

Like the jacket, the jacket was unintentional, but once it happened, he's like, don't put it out. Why you make it? Don't put it out, yeah. I fell in the lake and got wet, and I'm trying to drive my clothes. He said, yeah, but they're on fire. I said, that's okay. I'm warm, though.

Yeah. I'm warm. Yeah, that boy ain't going to get cold. I ain't going to get cold. He will do everything. No, sir. He's like somebody's scared of the dark. Their woods ain't going to go dark.

They got 17 flashlights with him, you know? That kind of deal. The boy ain't going to get cold. Got to have a side, baby. That feels the same way. There ain't no more who's a man. Phil at 50 degrees like that fish cooker down there. He just gave a little flame down there.

Oh, yeah. He just down there like that. He just down there like that. Hey, we had it camouflaged. But hey, they pulled a camouflaged netting off of the white big five. got on propane. He said, them old men, they're the flaring the ducks. Yep.

You know, and Phil said, I ain't ever flared ducks. Yeah. Yeah, they got. He's a little bit. Some of them got them 20 gallon tanks in them. Oh, yeah. On the back back here. Phil ain't going to get cold no more.

No. Phil got 20 gallon propane tank? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like the kind that would be outside of trailer house and stuff. Them tall, long ones. Yeah. Yeah.

Big ones. Yeah. He got them back here in the boat run of the duck blind. He ain't getting cold no more. I can tell you that right now. Like, them boys, they don't come a long way. Well, hey, here's how bad it is. He got beaver socks.

Yeah. And 20 gallons worth of propane says, I'll stay here all day. Look, it iced over. We go to the lake. And we're coming in, when we pull the boat in the blind, there's a beaver sitting on there. And he's about to freeze to death. Okay.

He's sitting. And y'all go on duck hunt. And we're going duck hunt. Okay. And Thone's already been out there with a motor busting an ishole. Mm-hmm. Okay. So we can chew.

I never have understood that. Everything is froze over. You go out there and you take a change saw if you got it and cut a round hole and then slide that up under the deal. And just wait. Throw your decoys out. Hey, here they come. Hopefully. Oh, no.

It works. No, no. No, it works. It works. It works. It works, and I'm saying, wait a minute, hold it. If they fly over your head, it works. Yeah, you're just picking a random spot in a iced over 100,000 acres.

And you cut a circle in that 100,000 acre, a little bitty one, throw some duct decoys out and get in the blinds sit there. And, hey, here comes a duck. Mm-hmm. How do they know that you cut a hole in the ice? Yeah. We generally just go turn the pump on. Keep the water moving. Yeah.

Make some current. Inside. insane. He said it. Oh, wow. What's insane is we ain't taking a break yet. Let's do it right now. We'll be back out after this.

Thank you, boy. I need to. Anyway, that's why, hey, I'm telling you, you need to do what I do. And every once in a while. Hey, sleep 18 hours and get rid of all that. Let it go somewhere. Let it go somewhere else. Well, you take care of my kids and maybe I can sleep 18 hours.

Whatever this was. I would not be a good what. Caretaker. Babysitter. I wouldn't be a good baby. Why not? I just wouldn't. I'm a kid myself.

Oh yeah, you ain't going to change no diapers. Never mind. That's right. No. Yeah. He got serious with that. No, no, no. It's because I cannot.

Oh, come on. Okay. Don't. I'm serious. I'm not letting you have to look for this. We don't have one bad accident. The kid has got all, you know, he's done number two. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. You want to make that worse with me vomiting? Vomiting? Yeah. because hey that's why I can't do it I'll tell you what now that the boys are on real food it's weird

oh yeah oh no no that's why hey there's some changes going on down there here is a a medical deal if you get pregnant darling you need to breastfeed your baby ah I mean to each is on

oh no cause hey they don't not stink is bad okay when they're spitting up and then when they do number two that good grief. Yeah. It has to do and it's healthy. You are clearly.

It helps their immune system. You are clearly a formula baby then. No, oh no. Hey, formula is out. Oh, here we go. No, formula is out. No, this all dude right here

started eating hot dogs straight out the womb. That's what happened. He had tea and hot dogs. Just double fisting, both of them. Hey. What? Hold on. But you've never changed the diaper.

So like, where's the signs coming in? Yeah, where's the research? Why can't you? You can skin a deer. Hey, come on. Hey. Can you skin a deer? Huh?

Which is one of the nastiest things on her. Not a gut shot. So Smales get you. Smales get me. Yeah. My brother in field is just the opposite. Nothing bothers him. Yeah.

And he ain't ever changed a diaper either. That don't bother me. But he just, hey, he just did it because, hey, he's the motto. Who's a man? I ain't got time for change the diaper. But mine is, hey, I can't do it because all I'm going to do is make it worse. Okay, it's bad enough you've got to clean shout up, but now you're going to clean what I do up.

That's crazy. I mean, I'm not good with smells, but, you know, just pull the old... Nope. Well, no, they got that deal now, like... Shirt over the nose and... They got that deal now that that old boy sent me. It's actually really cool called the dad nose. You just put it over your nose, and it's like a scented thing.

That one... That one... That wouldn't work. Oh, buddy. That one worked. Nothing through that. I don't like mixing toddler poop with vanilla scent. Hey.

Huh? I don't like, I don't like good scent and bad scent mixed. No, these are like different. These are like pine. Yeah, pine and poop don't go together.

Yeah, sure they do. You don't tell me. They can go to elementary school? Mine is a mental thing. Is it medical or a medical? Yeah, mental and medical probably.

But anyway, because, hey, you could put all the, all you wanted to cover up to my nose. I'm still going, who! God, when I got a note,

you're from kind of this generation. Did you change a diaper? I changed 976 of them. He counted. Hey, he was keeping score. Because when I didn't change one, I got told, you didn't change that diaper. You ain't changed, you don't change no diaper,

so I started keeping count. Two stories. But here's the deal. When that baby cries, but you've got to be quick. You just, as soon as that baby cries, you say, your turn, every time.

Man, all you people that just have one at a time, y'all live in life, man. You ain't got that luck with two of them. Because now they're into the sympathy cry. One of them cries, the other one starts crying. Ain't no your turn. It's like, one of them poops. The other one's like, hey, that sounds fun. Me too.

My wife, go to the store. I'll be back in a minute. I'm with the kid. Which kid? Tracer. Okay. Sorry, Tracer. She's done number two.

This story coming out to the world. We go outside, take your clothes off, and I bring out the hole. Oh, amen. And then, hey, she run naked until mom come home and put a new deal. Hold on. Well, she's clean. Why didn't you just put one on her? No.

Now, when we went to potty training and they were in underwear. Yeah, that's fine. If you crapped your pants. Yeah, wad it up, throw it away, start over. No, out in the yard. Yeah. Get naked. I'm a hose you down.

That's that. Then you're going to stay that way. And then they're like, I actually don't want to get hosed down ever again outside in the front yard. And then they never poop their pants again. It's good training. See, the problem is, though, if you have a kid like Sine that don't mind being neckin. Well, it needs to be cold water then. It would be.

Really cold. Or high pressure. Just make sure you're potty training somebody like Sye in December and just spray them down. They will never. Never again. They'll make themselves sick holding. That's probably that's why. There you go.

Yeah, I think I did that with all three of my kids. Party training 101. There you go. You didn't know you're going to get that today, people. You never do. We didn't either. That's the beauty of this one. Oh, yeah.

Did you have to, did y'all throw away diapers or did you have to like, wash them? I didn't do nothing with diapers. But, okay. What did your kids wear? Like, you've got to be. No, no, they had the. With like baby pins? Yeah, oh, yeah.

No, no. Okay, no. These were hanging out on the line and all that, y'all. I'm officially with Sa. Yeah. Disposable diapers might be the greatest invention of all time. That's one of the deals like you're talking about. Okay, if that happens, throw the thing away.

Okay. Start over. Let's go. Hey, I throw my own clothes away. Yeah. Hey. Like, all the problem is I had to hose myself off. Nobody was there to do it for me.

There was a golf course in eighth grade. It still has a pair of my underwear. I didn't make it back to the clubhouse. And I said, well, leaving these here. I can't tell you how many long-sleeved shirts I used to have. That's right. That's now or short-sleeve. They conveniently turned into three-quarter, then the elbow.

Then next thing, you know the cutoffs. I mean, you just, you never know. The young Willie Robertson. At first, it was just the wrists, a little bit gone from the wrist. Yeah. It's a special leaf you got to be. He's got the pop-eye. No sleeves, period.

You ain't got to do that more, though, because them dude wipes thing coming in them little packs. You can keep a whole bunch of them in your backpack while you're hunting. You ain't got to go to your clothes. But hey, I've said this before. My hat's off, okay, till the fathers did do that. Well, good. Okay.

We just got a hat off to ourselves. I feel better. Well, no, no. Hey, that makes the one I changed this morning feel okay. Well, no, no. I think you're doing a good job, Martin. Well, good. No, I'm serious, okay.

For those that can do it, okay, they are too. For those that can do it. Everybody can do it. No, no, no, not everybody can do it. You can do it. It's not. You don't want to do it and you didn't have to do it. That's the difference.

Now. If you would have had two of them, trust me. You would do it. I'm just saying the kid would have just stayed dirty. That's terrible. Do you like being covered in crap? Hey, look, I'm just telling it. That's terrible.

It says it right there in the box. holds 18 to 24 pounds. Yeah, that's the kid. Once they get up full. Not the excrement. Like, that's not like feel dressed in live weight.

I mean, hey, brand new baby. Diapers hold eight to 12 pounds. Somebody got to come home sometimes. Yeah. I was like, unbelievable. I've just told you. I love the old generation, though,

man. They didn't do that. They didn't do that mess. Any new fathers out there listening for life advice? This is bad advice. has given you. Yeah.

Change a diaper. It's really not that bad. If you can. Not if you can. No, just do it. There's just certain things that I can't do, boys. That's a lie. You're great at everything.

I've seen you. Nope. Nope. Like I will say you can't sing, but you started a band. Why can't you change a diaper? Like, I don't understand. I mean, you toured for, trying out loud. Oh, no, here's the thing. Hey, you know, I toured. I tried to change the diaper.

He tried to do it. He tried to do it. No, no. Look. And then I heard a scream from my wife saying, what are you doing? I said, I'm throwing up all over your child. What do you expect me to do when I had to do this? You couldn't even turn away? Hey, hey, it wouldn't make no difference. Trace, I apologize for the last 10 minutes. We're both. He's sick and mad, and I am too. Oh, man. Scott, we also apologize to you. If you were part of it. If your children's therapists are listening to this, a lot of it's making more sense. Oh, no. Hey. They got vomited on his young children.

You need to just play this. Scott, Tracea, y'all, here, we'll get y'all this recording. Y'all can take it in. We're solving a lot of histories right now. Oh, man. What a life. I love it. Let's take another break.

We'll be back right after this. What are some other things that you cannot do, Sam? Yeah, I'm interested. There's a bunch of them, right? As a man that can do a lot because I've witnessed it, what are, so all right, we know. Now, our opinion is you can't sing. You can sing. I actually enjoy your singing, especially in church.

It comes from the heart and from the soul, so I can appreciate that. And you started a band. You did. But so you, but you physically can't change a diaper. What else can you not do? Yeah. Let's go down the list. I cannot.

No, I will not. I bet. Let's change you. I will not be cold. Okay. I will set everything on fire before I get caught. That's true. Very true.

And I'm not a firebook. Can you sew? Oh, yes I can. Okay. I'm just trying to, I'm just going down a list here. Doug Dynasty season two, sir.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I had a fifth grade teacher, okay, and guess what we're doing in class? What's that? Set stuff on fire. Oh, did you? Yeah, my little sister, Jan Robertson,

had the most beautiful dog clothes ever was made. You made them? And I'm the one that made them. Well, hot dog, that's cool. Okay, hey, I'm talking about suits, whatever. Did y'all use machine or hand? Oh, hand.

That's cool. Okay. That's cool. That's what they're in hand-stitched dog clothes, but you can't change a diaper. Yeah. I got a feminine side to me, okay? It doesn't sound like it. What do you have?

It doesn't sound like it. Well, I do. Sounds like you're feminine when you want to be, but masculine when you need to be. No, no, hey, I'm a man, okay, but I can sew. Well, if I get a rip in my clothes, I can sew it up. Okay. That's cool. No, I was wondering.

I cannot. Oh, no, in the headstay, I could not be a nurse. Too many needles, too much blood. I prove that in my life, too. Because I know this because, hey, I went, took my doctor to the, took my daughter to the emergency room. Well, she had stepped on something and it had festered up. when the doctor cut her to let the bass out yeah yeah yeah you fell out oh hey heartbeat

you're on the floor oh hey the blood hey immediately really that's crazy okay one of the greatest hunters of all in America yeah no I blood blood and blood and especially see my child's blood. I'm with you. Now, hi. Yeah. So, you know, this is about okay.

I mean, again, those that can do it, you know, like, you watch, you know, your child being born. Now. Yeah. I regret that. No. I did that one. And that's the first time I can honestly say, my knees got weak on that one. I was like, yeah, where's that chair?

Like, my brother. I was standing there. And then I was like, where? Where'd that stool go? I mean, I didn't go out, but I needed to get off of my feet really quick. I was like, I brother, the who's the man, motto? Okay. After he watched one of his children born was, my head is lost to womanhood.

Amen. Amen. Amen. So, hey. Yeah, that was, that's, yeah, that's crazy. Well, see, I was thinking they're like, I have tried on stuff. like I have zero musical ability outside of a duck call.

I can play the spoons. Like none. No, no. I have none. I have always said that it was a gift from the Almighty. Oh, music? Yeah.

Yeah, I have none. And the reason I say it is because, hey, you know, the longest songs I know of is like the Gap Band. That's like 13 minutes. Okay. Rush 21, 12, about 20 minutes and something. Well, no, no.

Hold up. Your side is one song. 18 minutes, okay, and hey, you don't know music, you can't read music, and yes, somebody hands you a guitar and you listen to the gap band, and he does this 13 minutes on, okay? Yeah. And I'm saying, wait a minute, you don't read music. You, nah.

See, that's the way my mom is. Yeah. She don't read music. She can hear it and play it on a piano. Like, she can just hear it. That's insane. And she finds it. And I'm like, why didn't know what?

Why didn't I get that, Gene? Like, that was one you could have passed down. That would have been cool. Well, that's one of those things because I know why God didn't give it to me. Because then I'd spend the rest of my days in a bar, sing. Okay, because I love, if I could play a guitar. Yeah. Yeah.

I've tried all that stuff. I took music. I couldn't even play that recorder in elementary school. Well, no, no. They got, like hot cross buns and three blind mice. I couldn't do that crap. They got the, what? I figured out in fourth grade.

when they made you do their quarter, if you just sit there, they didn't, there's 50 other kids, so they don't know if you're playing or not. Oh, yeah, they know. Yeah. That's why it's a gift, because, hey, I'll use a conductor. A conductor? Oh, yeah, of an orchestra.

Not a train. 1,000 people have got an instrument in their hand. And he goes, they start, and then he goes, stop! Third fiddle. Okay, you're playing a D when you should be playing an instrument. E. Really? Yeah. Okay. How'd he know that? The only time I've ever...

I've always thought those conductors were just a formality. Like, that's just part of being in an orchestra. I figured everybody knew what they're supposed to do. He only saw that on an episode of Bugs Bunny is the thing. That's the only time he ever saw somebody stop the whole thing. They ain't wrong. He watched a Seinfeld episode where the old boy broke his stick and then, you know, Maestro couldn't, he couldn't be a...

Well, he used his finger. Yeah. What else can't you do, Zai? Oh, a bunch of stuff, but I mean, you know. Yeah, no, I was just curious.

Like, it's, I mean, there's very, I can't sew. Well, that's something I would want to know. What? You're talking about sewing.

And he said, I could sew up. What, why do they call it darn in your socks? When you get a hole in your sock, won't they just say you're sewing it up? Why don't they say, you're going to darn your sock?

Well, you would have to tell me first, my first question. Darned if I know. Because I ain't got a clue. You'd have to give me the definition of darning. Yeah. I don't know.

That's what I don't know. I've never heard the words, Darning your socks. I throw away socks. Oh, darn you socks. Yeah, if I take my shoe off and there's a hole in my sock, I throw it away and save the other one and hopefully they match up again. That's what you wipe your gun off.

We're done. Oh, I don't have to worry about that. If I walk by my wife, with underwear, t-shirt, sock, or anything that's got a hold on it. Oh, no, the next thing's going to happen,

I'm going to be naked. Well, she's fixed a... Family show. Family show. Family show. Family show. She's going to tear it off.

Okay. Good. Hey, trash cap. What's wrong with that? Trash cap. Wow. I'm serious. I'll start walking by Brittany with holes in my stuff.

It's not going to work for you. You ain't got that strut. She's going to look at me and judgment. Oh, no. That's all. That's all I'm going to go. Oh, no. The first time it happened, it's chalked me.

Okay, because I walk by in a bedroom, I got a hole in my underwear. Well, don't we all? Hey, go on. Well, tell us about the word to come from. From that day, I started cutting holes in the underwear. Word to darn it. He went through a pair of weeks. But back to darn it.

That's why I got so many times, John. He's ripping them on purpose. Yeah. What is the definition of darn? Yeah. We apologize, ladies and gentlemen. No, we don't. To darn is to stitch up a small hole in a piece of clothing.

Oh, so it can be anything. So, like, if you have a hole, you put another. Oh, it's a patch. It's a patch. Yeah, you could darn it underwear. Okay, so it's a patch. I got it. Why do you go to underwear?

My mama done that all the time. Just put patches on stuff. Yeah, my grandma did. Like, growing up, if I busted blue dinky, you know, I was husky now. Oh. Now you don't do it. You just leave them real. Hey, no.

No, I can't stand a rip. No, no, no, no. It's got worse than that. Now they go to a store and they pay $150. That's what I'm down about. For a pants, a pair of pants, it ain't nothing but holds. That's what I'm talking about. Pay on.

And I said, hey, you're stupid. Yeah. Uh-oh, people. I used to, my mama used to put patches on all the stuff that I had holes. Now, when we did that fake date, there wasn't a patch big enough because when I sat down on that deal, my bridge is split from my crotch to my. ankle. I ain't believe it.

That's the one deal I just knew they were going to show. I was like, oh, man. And then they didn't. And then they should have. Yeah. Oh, that was hilarious. But my, so behind the scenes of Duck Dynasty, whenever we had the fake date,

side was Tiffany. Yeah. My britches, when I went to sit on that pallet ripped from my crotch to my ankle. Like, because it was just at the wrong angle. And I still husky. I'm still husky. And they just went, I was like, oh, no.

Oh, no. This is like from top to bottom. All the way. All the way. Yeah, there wasn't no darning that. Yeah. No, you thought that would be a big darn. You just needed some relief.

That would have been a darn big darn. That's what that would have been. See, we actually are teaching the people. Yeah, I had no idea. I had no idea what darned meant. Thank goodness God of them was here. I heard darn, but I didn't know. I said, why do they call it that?

It used to be a phrase. Why don't know what it did? Something about a stitch a day. So could you darn your time? So could you darn your tire if it's a pack? No, it seems to be sewing into. Fabret. Okay.

It's a fabric. It's a fabric. Okay. Well, good. Well, let's take our last break. We'll get in that mailbag when we come back. Boy, I got clawed up. I put on a lock.

I hung a lock on. And I have got. Now he's all clawed up. I'm talking. Them briars. I eat you up. They ain't going to eat me up. Look, I got like old people when they get.

cooked. I hunted a stand last night that I had forgotten about and went in there. And the one time I ain't got a limb saw with me and I needed it. And all I had was my saw on my multiplayer. Do you have any idea how long it takes you to saw a limb with a saw on a multiplayer? Yeah. I did it. I did it.

You know, well, it's sharp because you don't ever use that. And you're like, why did they put the saw on these multipliers? I always wondered that. Last night I found out. Case you don't get on a stand for a while. Yeah, in case you do something like that. And you need it. By the time, you know, what is about 90 degrees yesterday?

By the time I got done, there wasn't going to be no deer come within 300 yards of my stinking butt. But I mean, I just up there. But next time I hunt there, I'm ready. You ready? Next time, boy. But I forgot about it. It was in a persimmin patch. And I just happened to, I was like, I wonder if it's got any persimmons left.

And I walked in there was still a bunch of them. But no deer. Let me cry a lot up here. There was a whole family of raccoons, though. And that was actually really cool to watch. Oh, though. them worked together were there any 50 pounders no no but they sent the smallest one up the tree to knock the persimmons down and the four sat on the ground and would gorge himself and he would get one every

once in a while but the ones on the ground they worked as a group like it was it was cool to see i've watched those stand up and well in a hoof i mean he was just cut them off hang of limbs and you know some persimmons that produce fruit are like that bit i mean they're tiny And he was laying them things over and they were falling and they were just fighting and squalling. I mean, it was actually for a deer hunt that turned into a raccoon observation, it was actually a lot of fun. I was like, oh, that's cool. Just to see them work. One day those raccoons will be 50 pounds.

No, they're going to go. They got to eat cat food to do that. They'll get snuffed out before they get that big. All right. All right. Go ahead. Hayden from Zanesville, Ohio, Trailcam Diaries. Uh-oh.

Is this a 50-pound raccoon? And he says it is, and it proves sigh right. That's a big one. No, I'd say that was probably 25. But look, here's something else about that picture. That's not a buck either. No, that's two phones. But look.

Looks like. If you got cones, you got bucks. Really? That's what Paula says. Because every time she's killed a bug, there's a cone come out there. So now she's hunting cones. That's a big one. She sees a cone.

She says, she lied to me. I didn't see a buck last night. He's saying that. Oh, he's seen you. I had too many of them. They probably smelt me. I'll tell you another thing you watch if you see. If you see a skunk coming down a trail.

What? Go the other way. No, just wait. Here comes a buck. Following the skunks. Following the skunk. I ain't got no skunks. Hey, the biggest skunk I ever seen was in Alabama in the mountains up there on

Pay Rock Valley. Was he conducting an orchestra? No, no. And look, and he had more. More white on him than I've ever seen. But he was as big as that cone. The skunk was. Really?

I'm talking about, look, he's 90% white. Okay, beautiful thing. I started to shoot him just, but I said, I won't be able to clean. Yeah, well, you and smells. I started to shoot him. I've already put the rifle up. I said, now, if you told me you cleaned a skunk, but you can't change a diaper, me, and he's about to have a big issue.

Nah, it's true. That's true. Yeah. Hey, if one of them are close and do it. I throw up too. Really? Do they eat them? I think.

I think they do. I met a guy from West Virginia one time who told me about possum head cheese and I've never grossing. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. My mom and dad ate. I mean, hog head cheese ain't great. It's edible, but it ain't great. My mom and dad ate possum and I sold it the whole family.

Possum? Yeah. No. That's out. I don't understand where they come from too many times. Yeah. Speaking of weird foods from different places, Yes.

Isaiah lives in North Carolina, originally from Virginia. North Kakalak is better. Nothing against Virginia, but hey, North Kakak Lack is... I've got something against Virginia now, I think. Virginia's for lovers. In Virginia, we put mayonnaise in our pentos, and I was wondering if people down in Louisiana put mayonnaise in their pentose. And pento beans?

No, that'd be mustard. No. Put mustard in them. Now, I have my grandpa. No mannays. Why are they putting mayonnaise in there, Mark? Who knows? Martin, I was disturbed by the mayonnaise.

I don't know why you put mayonnaise in anything. You know what goes in beans? Sausage. Why? Ham. Ham. Like bacon. Ham.

Ham. Bacon. That's the only way to eat pinto beans is just a big old ham bone in the middle. Halapinas, mustard, and barbecue sauce. That's what goes in. That was deep. Why are they putting mayonnaise? He's probably making a kind of a great.

or something. Most people treat mayonnaise kind of like butter, and I just, have you ever tasted butter? It's good. Like, I like mayonnaise, but. Like that almond butter and that big old block. Like on a ham sandwich. You can eat it like ice cream. I don't.

Oh, no, I, I've said people to just grab butter. That block butter, that omish butter. Table spoon. Oh, it's nice. And I'm going, Thone's one. Oh, yeah, I can do it. Thone loves butter. That's that Amish butter.

I love butter. He puts it in his coffee. Col and clandrum Now I like cooked my steak and butter The salt salt butter But We're aware of that What else you got in?

I don't know No mayonnaise and beans that's out Manehs though I was scarred as a child In the youth group They hit me with the whipped cream pie And I knew it was coming It was a play for the kids

And it was mayonnaise And it was spoiled mayonnaise And they all thought it was real Rank I didn't eat mayonnaise Like a decade after that In other words that was set out too long.

Yeah. Now, they did it on purpose, but. Oh, yeah. They's mad at you for being a rich kid. Are you like an elephant? Did you forget? No, I'm just saying, that was. That's what it was.

We finally got a way we can get him. They weren't going to get you no other way. Oh, I don't even know what that means. You were a victim of bullying. Right there. Uh-oh. They did it to you. Yep, they did it to you.

And I asked the question. Was you like an elephant? Did you forget or? No, I'll never forget that one. Well, I'll fix that. I'll never forget it. getting hit in the face with a plate full of rancid mayonnaise that I thought was whipped cream, Martin.

I did just gagged. Look, you know what you do when you get hit with the whipped cream pie? Eat it? Yeah, you're like, oh. No, you didn't. Oh, 100%. You put it in your mouth? I just licked it off my face.

I went. Yeah. And I said, something's wrong. And there's, you know, there's 42 kids under the age of fifth grade staring at me. And I was like, something's wrong. Boy, one of them was sinister. whoever got you It was Billy Loveland

Really? Mm-hmm Oh Okay My neighbor Yeah Ask him about it He turned out to be a man

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh He did I've bought so many Ducks

Stamps from Billy Oh Yeah I do love Billy And he helped Raise me But that one That

I was a wrong I haven't forgot Billy Hey, that was a raunchy one. I'd like to know his side of that why he did that thing. I pulled out. Everybody thought it was hilarious. I pulled in the road the other day.

They had chains all cutting one of my trees. It was laying across the road. He said, I'm going to get this and cut it up for firewood. You don't want it, do you? No, no, we'll be all. I ain't got a fireplace. Yeah. You got got my rancid mayonnaise.

Speaking of rancid mayonnaise, you want the verse of the day? Yeah. 1 John 3 8 he who does what is sinful is of the devil like putting mayonnaise and pentobanes not sure I'm sorry that's a stretch but he who does what is sinful is of the devil because the devil has been sinning from the beginning the reason the son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work first John 38 that's a good one boy we'll leave y'all with that we'll see y'all next time have a best day