Duck Call Room - Willie Robertson Blamed Korie for the Ball of Grease in His Septic Tank!?

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Willie & Korie Robertson almost had a "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" moment at their house after a big ball of grease clogged up the septic tank. Uncle Si claims he'd only need one thing to survive on a desert island ... but it has one big drawback. Stone gets the boys talking about how they deal with an upset wife. Si recalls a batch of ice cream that made him sick. John-David and Martin compare the candy at their grandparents' houses. Stone remembers a time his Army training came in handy when he needed to relieve himself in the middle of a lake, and then the boys discuss their strategies for not having any pieces re-emerge. Stone says he wants to get his first Dickies jumpsuit, and the boys all want to help him find the one he should buy, plus the accessories to complete "the look." The boys are shocked to hear Si's unpopular opinion about Shaq-style basketball. The boys laugh at their favorite "Joe Dirt" lines. Martin and Stone give advice for what a new girlfriend should cook for her boyfriend's family. And who has the better cornbread: Lisa or Missy? --- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm hungry. Oh, boy. He's hungry, boys. He's hungry for it. We just sitting here before we're rolling, talking about w sauce and the things we cooked with it, and J.D.'s like, uh. I'm hungry. Well, it happens, man. That's good for you. Maronette you some boneless chicken thighs in that W. Okay.

Deal, did you bring them? No. Oh, dang. You don't have to day. It ain't like that pork belly. Stallan tastes me a nice that I said. I'm back on that pork belly. I said, Lord, have mercy.

My wife found pork belly on sale somewhere. About four of them. Good for her. That's a good woman right there. I guarantee you. She's been shopping with Kaye for too long. Yep. All of them.

Kay would have called, said, how much room we got in the freezer? She'd come back with nine of them. She'd have had a whole hog worth of belly. By a buck, boys. What's you doing over? Oh, I'm looking at the fan rode in. Isaac Barnett. Okay.

Isaiah. And guess what he's done? Battlevision, baby I'm in full Camel Battlevision, man I didn't know they made a Chartreuse crayon That looks like a homeless Rambo That's it, boy

He got a knife on his shoulder A grenade A tea glass So I appreciate that And an M4 But you know what? His eyes ain't going to get put out No

That boys, hey, I got him protected He is protected Isaiah did that. Isaiah. Well, thank you, Isaiah. From southwestern Pennsylvania. Here you go. Our man.

50 years old and liked the podcast. Appreciate it. He's 50? 15. Oh, I'm about to say. I was expecting a little more talent for 50. But for 15, I respect to you at. That's good.

Yeah. Oh, it looks just like it. Our man that celebrated his birthday with us sent us a box of stuff too. It's behind Johnny D. Uh-oh. He sent a bunch of salt. salsa and peanut butter candy it's like he knows us i know he was here for 10 minutes other day and figured out how to get to our heart so salsa and peanut butter yeah 100% that's all that's

i'd get you a lot of places with me so there you go thank you for that and hope you had a happy birthday buddy that's cool what uh i don't even know what it's raining out there what's we got another cold front coming Mm-hmm. And everything is closed hunting-wise. This is, I don't like this time of year. No, it's the saddest time of year. It rains every day because it'll warm up for about two days

and you're like, man, I want to go fishing. Then next day, you know, wake up in morning, it's going to be 28. And you're like, tonight? No. 30? Yeah. Is this supposed to be 30 tonight? Yeah.

30 tonight. Yeah, when you woke up this morning was as warm as it was going to be today. That's it. I was wondering. You had a jacket on and I had shorts on. Pre-planning. I feel like I made them. It's free-planning.

It was 64, and it's going 30 tonight. Yeah. Yeah, I had the air running yesterday in my house. Tonight I had a heat on. So that's just, that weird time of year. That's why you get sick this time of year. Yeah. Up, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Up down, up down. Yeah. Yeah, one of my boys had a fever last night. That's the first time for that in four months. He ran a little fever. That was not a pleasant night. He was running hot, boys. Yeah.

There were them teeth popping through? I didn't see none, but, you know, whatever. He's fine this morning, but last night he was grumpy. Boy, he acted like his mama last night. Damn, I'm here to tell you. Hey, a little grumpy on. Oh, son. A little grumpy.

He woke up all smiles this morning. So I was like, okay. Mama was grumpy. It ain't no fun. I got a question for you. Has your wife ever just not talked to you for days on the end? Oh, yeah. Have we talked about this before?

I don't know. I just think that's a trade of the women that we married. And I say something for mine because she lippy. She's like let her opinion be known about things. But I've had her. She'll just go silent? Not silent, but you can tell it's. There's something in the air.

Something's a miss. Yeah, it's a vibe you have. But I've also learned there's also a certain time period where you wait before you ask what's wrong. Don't go in there hot because if you ask too early, they're just going to say nothing. So I've learned 20 years of marriage not to even ask. There you go. You don't even ask what's up. locked answer anyway. Even though that you are, it's just eating you up, like, I got to know what's wrong

with this woman. You know what? You ain't got to know. You don't have to know. It ain't like you're going to understand. No, you're not going to understand. We got the wrong chromosome for that. Don't be that, that guy that goes, what's wrong? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? That's going to drive them crazy. Oh, yeah. So I've learned over the years just to play the same game that she plays. who's better at it who's better oh I can I can sit there

and keep my mouth shut with the best of it you don't play that game walk around and I'm gonna say nothing I'm gonna sit there I ain't gonna say nothing either I won't even look at you

and she's probably thinking why doesn't he care what's wrong he ain't interested why I'm sitting over here for three days and not said a word to him I say this early in our marriage

when I can tell something was wrong with Brittany I was the one what's wrong nothing okay you're You're obviously not telling the truth. I'm wrong.

I try to get it out of there. Now, if I ask, what's wrong? She says nothing, I just move on. Like, she'll bring it back up whenever she wants to talk about. In years from now, you won't even ask. Yeah. No, you just know. I go out.

Now, what I do is I use them boys. I say, go in there and ask you mama, what's wrong with her? Bring me some refund. Bring me a little intel on what we're doing here. I need you. You're on an intelligence gathering. Don't tell her. I told you to ask her either.

Just go and say, Mom, what's wrong? What's wrong? Yeah. Oh, no. She pulled that stunt a couple weeks ago. Went two days without saying that, you know. I didn't, it did not phase me at all. 20 years, maybe.

Because this happened before. But I attribute a lot of that to her robbers in blood. Did you figure it out? No, hey, look, it's just like, did you ever figure it out? No, I didn't care. Well, no, no, no, here's the thing. No, no, it's just like this. All hunting dogs have their own little quirk.

Well, same thing was human being. Oh, no. All human, all human. He said human being. He didn't say women. All human beings have quirks. Praise God. Okay.

I was hoping you wasn't going to call Nann a hunting dog. I didn't know how that was going to go. Oh, no. No, no. You know, me and Nand's got an understanding. She's gold. I mean, because I know she's going to listen to this. I know she loves listening to all.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, she's just waiting by the YouTube. You know what you're tuned in. Oh, yeah. You know what I love about Nand. I know she become obsessed with these peanut butter pies. About every two weeks she'll text me and say, let me know when you want another one. I'm like, yeah. You got something new you want to try it, don't you?

Yeah, bring it on. I'll let you know if you did it, right? Always fine. And I look up there, I get a text. She says, it's in the refrigerator at the office. You know what? I open that refrigerator, and there it is. There it is.

She didn't want a couple weeks ago with a chocolate crust. See? She always, like, she's fine-tuning. That's that Robertson in her and like, this is really good. Now, let's change it. Make it better. Make it a little better each line. No, no, no.

I'm telling you, the Robertson's have gone. a little mad scientist in them. Either mad scientists or they don't feel like going to the grocery store. Oh, no, no. I remember when daddy fell on the oil rig, broke his back and had to stay at the house for, you know, like three months. Well, I would hope so. No, no, for the whole summer.

Yeah. Well, hey, he got into a baking just, I don't even know what to call it. Your dad? Oh, yeah. Was a baker? Oh, yeah. I's something. I ain't got the skill set.

No, no, no. I'm talking about cakes, pies, the whole deals. And then he moved from cakes to pies till we make a lot of, in the summertime, a lot of homemade ice cream. I'm in on that. No, no, no, no. But look, they made him and the mama got in there

and got to throwing all kinds of ingredients in there. You know, and they all, everybody ate a bowl of it, except me. Because as soon as I tasted his first little bite, I said, that's a bunch of crap. You know, they all ate a whole bowl, and was thick for about two weeks. But not the kid. Hey, butterscotch ice cream.

Hmm. So how'd that go bad? Oh, hey, I don't know, but it was. It wasn't bad. That scarred. It was raunchy. Do you like butterscote? No.

He's been talking about that particular batch. One little bite of it was a spoon, teaspoon, and just spit it all out, and they all ate a whole bowl, and they were sick for about three weeks. Upset, stomachs, vomiting, and all the scrap. So was it bad milk, you think? I don't know what it was. Bad pal.

But I said, hey, whatever you died there didn't work. Because let me tell you, butterscotch is good. No. No, that wouldn't. Well, I'm not saying that was, but I'm just saying in general, butterscotch is good.

I was talking about that one batch of ice cream for 60 years. It's too sweet. It's too what? Too sweet. Man, I see a butterscotch. That tells me back to my childhood. My grandparents always kept a thing of Werthers sitting there. Oh, yeah, Wurthers.

You know what? Right by the door on the way out. So whoever was there getting a piece of a piece of, candy and walk out the door. And, you know, little old husky J.M. down here at about 150 pounds in the fifth grade, he'd get him a handful for it. He left my mom's house. My mother's house were legit. That's what I'm saying.

Did they have reasons? No. The R-E-I-S? Yeah. No, no dog tics. What did you just call that? Dog tics. To me, that's what a raisin look like.

It looked like a tick. It doesn't dry it up. No, reason. Yeah, I know. The candy. Yeah. The candied raisins, right? No, no, no.

Oh, no, no. These are, it's like a big piece of chocolate that's, like, kind of hard to chew. Oh, I ain't have him. Oh, no. There were Wothers and them things. Sounds like I need a reason to try them. Yeah, no you don't. No reason required.

Yeah, I got to find them. Wothers, and then she always had the, you remember the little strawberry candies that looked like strawberry on a wrapper? Oh, yeah. She had them, too. Yeah. That was part of my childhood growing up, and Pap Paul kept a pocket full of candy right there for when he couldn't smoke his pipe.

He toaded that pipe around everywhere. The only thing ever... That thing. Oh, I'd eat him. Have you ever had him? Uh-uh. I thought he was talking about the little things of raisins. No, raisins are terrible.

That they tried to camouflage with some cats. Raisins are bad grapes. Oh, no. No, them things right there were with the Werthers in my grandmother's house, and they weren't there when I left. You'd chew. They'd be in your teeth for four weeks, but it was worth it. Yeah, I don't know how.

ever caught on other than that Christmas album. That was the only thing they ever did. That Christmas album is legit. Yeah, there you go. No doubt. Well, let's take our first break. We'll be back right after this. All right, look, springtime is here.

It's warming up. You know what that means. That means more outside cooking. And y'all know, we love to eat beef around here. And that's what because of our friends over at Triedale's beef makes such a good product, baby. Ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Cy Robertson, would say,

bye on the grill! Look, before we got Tritels, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef comes from. But with Tritales beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Tritales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch.

So they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference.

The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Tritale's beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat either, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. You've never had a reason?

Oh, reason. Me and my kids were watching the top ten candies of all time by Tyler Tony. And he put them at number two and they're like, what is that? I was like, he's right. Alma Joy's good. What was number one? Amma Joy. Something terrible.

No, Alma Joy. Oh, yeah, number one. With almonds. What it? That's your favorite candy is an almond joy? Armand joy. Because it's got nuts. It's got chocolate, it's got coconut, and it's got almonds.

I didn't think you like coconut. Oh, what are you talking about? He loves coconut. Yeah. That's the best pie that can't cook. What's one of you weirdo Robertsons don't like coconut? Because I love it. Somebody, one of you don't.

Jace? I don't know. Or does it feel? I don't like coconut. There's one of y'all. I don't have a little. I don't know. like it. Oh no, yeah. Now, if you got a real

coconut and drill a hole in it? And drink it? That's good stuff. Oh, no, no. That's real good. I can survive on an island. As long as you got a coconut. I'm serious. How are you going to find enough coconuts for you and the boys? Hey, hold on. Hey, me and the boys would be all right. You're going to run out. I send them up the tree to get the coconut. That's right.

He's looked like Tom Hanks at the end of Castaway for years. Oh, no. Hey. Yeah, I could survive all the island long as the coconut trees were good and had its coconut. Tom Hanks still be on that island if it had a battle vision would have floated up. What J.D. said, drill a hole in a coconut, drink the milk. That is good. Bucket that joker up and get you a knife and pop you out of big people. Oh, I love coconut.

Fresh coconut. I probably wouldn't even put almond joy in my top ten. One side effect on those is bad. What? If you eat the whole coconut, you'll have the squirts. The squirts. It'll get you, boys. You got to eat the whole coconut.

But you can watch. Hold on, you don't want to do that on an island. No. Why not? What you going to replace it with? Squirts on an island? Yeah. Just get in the water.

Shark refellet. Short group. Hey, I got to use for everything. And catfish bait. There's it. All at the same time. Bottom feeders. You know, that reminds me when I took my wife on an anniversary trip a few years ago to Lake

Washetaw, a beautiful place. They got coconut? No. We rented one of them boats, what are they called? Not a party barge, but like a platform boat or whatever. Pallor? No. Foot peddellor? No, no, it was, it had a, this is an hour. I thought she was going on an anniversary trip. Let's go pedal for three months. Well, no, no, I thought of y'all, hey, give man a workout. Oh, no. Yeah, that's what she needed. She bought that big anyway. Hey, Kay, we used to pedal boat, payroll. There you. But anyways, we, uh, we, uh, we, uh, we, uh, we're, uh, We rented this boat because it has a bunch of islands on the lake.

And I thought, we'll go island hopping. It's a beautiful lake in the mountains, clear water. Yeah, it's before that thing turns to mud down here. For lunch that day, we ate some Mexican food. Uh-oh. And we got out in the middle of that lake, and it hit me. And I started stripping. She's like, what are you doing?

Oh, yeah. She's like, what are you doing? That's when you just wink at her. Because there was a boat's going by. I don't want you get a big smile or you face. I said, I'm going to show you something I learned in the Army. I know what's coming place. So I jumped in there, and once you figured out what I was doing,

she's just, you're talking about to get mad. She didn't talk to him. She said, are you seriously? Are you polluting a lake? Relieving yourself in that lake. I'm like, look. You got to go. You got to go.

And it turns out, that's one of the best BMs you could ever take. is stripped down, jump in the lake. You just better make sure that current's going the right way. Well, that's the deal. Because when you go to paddle and you pull it to you. It'll pop up like a submarine coming up. And then once you start swimming, you pull it towards you. Here it goes.

It's falling in you. So you got to go under and then come up. And it's gaining on you. I'm talking about it. That's right. Yeah. I recommend getting off the front of the boat, letting it go under the boat.

and then by the time you get out, you clear. Just let the boat. So you stay in the boat. No, no, no, no, hold on to the front. Hold on to the nose. Yeah, hold on to the bow. Let it go that way. You go back around the boat.

You know, they make those, they make those trail motors now with the remote controls where they've been out a while. Yeah. But if you hang on to the back and you put the trailer motor on low and just hold on and just hold on. And just hold on. So you got you a little. There you go. Now, my fishing buddies, you don't want to pull the stunts you or something. try to put it. Why? Because hey, you think

go in the water, right on top of it. Well, I'm in the water anyway. Right, because, yeah. I'm saying I'm already in the water. I'm just holding on to the bow at a boat instead of the stern. Do your fishing buddies push you in the water? Would they push you in the water? Yeah, they push you in the water. But Johnny, do you like a bidet? That's like a bidet. That's like a bad. That's like a bad. No, that's just a full-blown soak there. It's one of the best. Why do you think kids do it all the time? No, no.

Bad. They're like, oh, perfect. One of the best fishing trips I ever had is in the Army. We went to Lake below Alexandria, Fort Point. I can't say it. Bundick Lake. Fully big crappie. So we're drinking beer, okay? And I've got, look, I've got.

These are the best fishing stories. No, no, no. I got two buckets full of shiners, and I always just crushed ice. I'm putting crushed ice in to keep shining. Shiner bought? Yeah, you know, in the bucket. Oh, you're talking. about minors. Yeah, to keep them alive. I got you. Yeah. So we've been fishing all day and

and his kid is from up north somewhere. His brother was under me, E-500. So we put in on the creek and when we was paddling out to the main lake to fish, you know, we come around and a bin, there's a little old four-foot alligator and I said, hey, don't burn nobody move. I said, that's about $200 there if I could catch him. You know, I was just climbing around with a guy, you know, so I get up there and he hit the boat and scares the they'd And the gator and the gator goes on her. So I come around another bend. There's another one.

There's a 10-footer. I said, boy, that's some big bunnies there if I can get him. You know, he hit the boat, scared him. I said, I'm going to get you for all this. You know, so we've been drinking beer. So, hey, it hit him. He had to take a leak. So he went back.

He got overalls on. Okay, no shirt. Got overalls on. He puts his knees on back. Soggy bottom boy. No, no. He's taking a leak, right? And, hey, he had poured cold ice water,

one of the shining buckets was limping. He poured it on meat. And I just told him, I said, I'm going to get you. Yeah, I said, I'm going to get you when the least expected. So, hey, he's back in, you know, he's taking a leak. I just put my foot on him and just head first in the water. Okay, look, this kid was back in the boat. Okay, and I had to do this.

I had to feel his hair because he had went under the water. Okay. He was back in the boat, and his hair wasn't anymore. wet. He's quick. And look, hey, his eyes was this big around, he was just, you push me in the lake with all them out of the gaiters.

Now, how had a man getting the water in his hair? No, no. That's why I literally had to, I was doing his hair with my hands and it wasn't even wet. I said, hey. When you're scared, you're scared. He literally walked on water, just like Jesus did. I'm serious. He wouldn't just, I don't think Jesus was wearing overalls and drinking beer

when he did it. No, well, that's true. That's true. That doesn't sound anything worse than being in a lake with only overalls and no shirt on. No, but let me tell you, I got a myriad of them stories involving overalls, beer drinking, and falling in the water. That is an all-too-common occurrence. Look, yes, yes. And that pack of Saggert's in that front pocket just getting ruined with the only lighter you got.

Like, I'm just telling you, I've seen it down there on Lafouch Lake and Beth River so many times it make your head spin. It ain't ever me. I'm always a spectator. but I've seen it. That's what them rednecks do. Oh, yeah. Fall in the water? Well, no.

Were y'all running yo-yo's too? No. Oh, because that's generally where these stories go. Can't pose. I mean, it was, you know. I'm serious. The boy didn't even get damped. Because y'all from Caldwell Parish, what it sounds like to me.

That's where God was falling from. The boy did not even get damp. What age is it okay to switch to overalls only? I don't know. Because I'm thinking about making a wardrobe change. Well, your dad used to wear it. Oh, 100%. That's all he wore.

That's why I'm asking. I think I'm going to go. No, no, some people can wear them and they look really good in them. I don't think his was a fashion statement. It was more about functionality. He wore them well. I don't think he was concerned about the way. Well, no, no.

They must be comfortable. He needed his snuff, his glasses, and his little notepad up top. And that overall offered that option. Yeah. Right there. Yeah, right here. That pocket, right here. You know, I think that's a great idea.

I'm either going to go with overalls or those blue dickies. The dicky's jumpsuits? I used to work for a man. I used to work for a man. He had a different color dicky jumpsuit for every day of the week. Blue, khaki, white, it didn't matter. We's landscaping. Oh.

Well, you know, that's coming back. I see these young women and girls like Sadie and them, they wear them things all the time. I see overalls and blue jumpsuit dickies all day every time. Oh, 100% you do. And a red handkerchief hanging out the back pocket, ain't it? Guaranteed. They go to aisle one, head to the end, start tying jigs, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

I think I've told this story about a real big, regular thing. Well, just in case you rank, let's tell it when we get back from this break. Yeah. Stone's just, Stone's going to the store after this. I'm, I'm serious. I'm going with the dickies. All right, he's going with them, boys. He's going with.

You would, hey, you would look good at it. Next time y'all see me, I'm going to be wearing dickies. Well, you please get, hey, will you go by enough to get you. to get Diego, Maine or some, too, and y'all all walk in. You wear a different color than they got, though. Hey, hey, you need to get you a big straw hat to put on with it. I don't know about straw hat. Yeah, I don't know.

You got to have a baseball hat, but I'm going to be wearing dickies. But you got to stand. There's other thing. There's a way to stand when you wear them dickies. You got to arch that back back. You got to have that waistline just out in front of your shoulders and you tell. You think they sell them on Amazon? Oh, 100%.

Oh, Amazon, baby. Get it. 100%. I'm very excited. Yeah. Hey, Ambul I want to get them for you. No doubt.

But you got to get you a package of them red and blue handkerchiefs putting your back pocket. Oh, that's right. You got heavy sweat. Yeah, wait a minute. The big ones. The big rib. Mm-hmm. That's good.

It's cheap, too. Yeah, look at $40. $30 for a pair of pants. Oh, that's red. That's not even on brand. No, that's a gar there. That one's too thick. There you go.

Dickies. What is this girl wearing? What's Sadie wears? With vans. Look at that. And that's a lot. And they look good in them. Right there.

Young ladies look real good. We got dark navy. That's the wintertime one. Yeah. Oh, that's 12. Yeah. The summertime one is almost see-through. Especially when you get to sweat.

Oh, I'm very excited. Oh, dad wore them Liberty overalls and all the... Your dad scared you out of me. Me too. Go to look. I pulled up to the bank at the ATM. Get some money. Oh, yeah.

He's up there working on flyer bed. And he's doing something. And next time I know, someone has opened my truck door and is in the truck with me. Mm-hmm. And I guess I had such a shock look on my face. That's him. Yeah. He said, oh, I'm Martin's dad.

Then I went, oh, okay. Yeah. He's up there working on flyer bed because, you know, that paper mill didn't give him enough to do. He did all the maintenance at all the credit unions there for a while. He always had to be doing something. worst thing ever happened that man was retired. He scared me that day.

He had overall no shirt and it was hot in summertime. And he had one of big red handkerchief when he got in the car, he was wiping his brown. Sucker had a big old belly but was strong as a hot. Was that your red handkerchiefs story? No, no. Oh, yeah, what is you red?

No, no. We got another one. Is it involved bumble bees? No, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, that's why he didn't know. In high school, we had a football, a basketball team. We'd go and play basketball at night.

And this was the local people, okay. Oh, so a pickup game. Yeah, anybody could play. We had a farmer. He reminded me of your dad, big guy. No, no, big guy, okay, stout. Oh, yeah. I'd about say stout because my dad wasn't about 5'10.

He wasn't a big guy. Well, this guy was 6'4 and he was a man. But anyway, he's a farmer. So he buys him a breeding bull, 20 grand. Brings him home, puts him in a pen. Okay, and one day he's walking across the pen With that big red hankstaff in his overalls, back of his overalls, like a big flag This is like a bud's bunny cartoon

And it's the fifth different price of bulls comes He don't hear him coming, but anyway, that bull saw that big red hankstiff Runs over this guy Okay, so he gets up and he's dusting himself off and here comes the bull, he's turning around He's coming back for a second time he sidesteps this bull when he's running and look with his fist he hits that bull right here and tell me that bull goes to his knee

and just falls over stone cold days his wife is watching all this she runs out there and scream what did you do for those new to the podcast But this guy was a sound, though. We have already fact-checked this, and some dude has punched a cow to death. Yeah. He was in Japan.

Look, I'm telling you, that farmer's hand was bigger, what, four times bigger than my hand. He was two inches taller than you with me. No, no, he was six, four. And weighed about two, ninety, right? He's close to 300. And not an ounce of it fat. If he grabbed you, you're not going anywhere. Big old boy.

And he had big old boy. His hand, I'm telling you. And he's paid seven different prices for this bull. His hands would have covered that completely where you couldn't even see it. He had boxing gloves for hands and he punched cows to death. One. That we know of. Hey, the forehead of a bull.

$20,000 when you were in high school? Yeah. You could have bought like a whole town. Oh, no, no, no, no, his name was Vivian. No, hey, no, my name was Vivian. No, I was talking about the guy that punched the... No, I can't remember his name. But he was a big old boy, he did kill a bull with his fist.

That's why. Hey, look, right there on the bull, ain't nothing but just bone. Indentia. And thick bone at that. His name was King David. You don't want to go in the fist fight with this boy. He key. you.

Hey, I'm serious. Then he went down and got five smooth stones out of the river and took out of giant. No, he used his fist. Oh, okay. I was just thinking the only other person I know that killed lines and bears and all that. Hey, if you ever seen the movie Thor? Have you? Yeah, that guy's fist was like the hammer of Thor, buddy.

That big. There you go. There you go. He never could drop it. And when he threw it? That's too heavy. If you ever threw it on you and hit you, you're dead. Was he any good at basketball?

Yeah. He had to be. Oh, he had run over you. Did he deflate the ball? No, no. According to you, his hands were the size of the ball. He could hold it just like this. Stohn, you got a confused look on your face.

What are you thinking about this one? Well. This guy didn't know what foul meant. F-O-U-L or F-O-W. He was like, who's the guy that was everybody thought was so great at Shaq when he was at LSU? No, he was. Look, if you're seven foot tall and weigh 400 pounds.

Oh, here we go. And then you push everybody out of your way and dunk it. You ain't good. So I'm saying Shaq's a fraud. Well, no, no. If I was a referee, he'd have foul out the first three minutes. And then Johnny D. Wouldn't like you.

That's right. Because you're a referee. And I didn't care. I'm against all referees. You were against all referees? You think, did you just say Shaq's not good at basketball? I said, hey, I said, hey, look, if you're seven foot tall, way 350 pounds, you just push everybody out

and dunk it. No, he ain't no good. Shack was seven foot tall and 350 pounds and could jump over you. He didn't do that though. He just pushed you out of the way and then dunked it. He didn't have to leave his feet to do it. Side need to go wash him with blue chips. Hey, he didn't even have to jump

to dunk it. I'm not going to disrespect my elders. But I do have a problem with you disrespecting Shaquille O'Neal, sir. Kill. I had a poster of Shaquille. Neil on the back of my door in my room. You got to understand. Was he in a magic jersey?

The man was a pro. Okay. He could play the ball. So now he was. But he did foul a lot. And, hey, if I was referee, he had fell out of the game. Look, Johnny Dee. Johnny Dee.

I refuse, as you know, to watch a basketball game. But I will watch inside the NBA. Oh, we're shacking. With. I'm shacking. Charles Barkley? Charles Barkley. That's one of the best shows on TV.

Now, hey, Charles. And big urn. They turn the basketball on and then it goes downhill. But beforehand, the pregame is amazing. And half time's fantastic too. I mean, Charles, man, what are you doing? Me and Willie met Charles Barkley at a golf tournament.

I was Willie's caddy. And they introduced Willie. And they were like, on the first tee, Willie Robertson all of a sudden I hear, boo! Boo! And I turned around. It was Charles Barkley. And I just started giggling.

I was like, keep doing it, man. I ain't telling you to do nothing. How can you not? He was huge. Yeah, he's a big man. He is very large. Yeah, very big man. But he wasn't no good because he'd just bigger than everybody else.

Yeah. Well, hey. Look. Like saying Tiger Woods wasn't no good at golf because he's the first one worked out. I mean, come on now. He was the first one not walking around smoking Sagrett, so he wasn't any good. Yeah. You know.

Saehan got on this new age basketball where they're just supposed to shoot three. Yeah, he is Steph Curry guy. No. Yeah. Charles, Dan Martin, for hour. That's not. Now, when you, as soon as you throw the ball, you don't even, you don't even catch it. You just, you just, you just flak in the air.

Well, that, I mean, that is talent. What are you here? What are you here? I'm not, see, but I'm not going to say that's not talent. Nothing but net. I'd like to see him stop Shaq. He can't. Jack, can't get out there quick enough.

So I watch your eyes now. You don't want to. You don't want to put nothing out. You don't lost your glasses. Hey. Hey, I'm as big as a cat, son. Here we go. I know you all.

Let's take a break. We'll be back right after this. Judo Chops. Judo Judy Chub. Hey, he just said, it's hot in here. My glasses. I took him off because he was fogging up.

My man says Shaq wasn't no good at basketball. No, I didn't say that. I said he'll foul out if I was the referee. I mean, he just made number 44 throw the ball at him. That's my favorite picture video. He pushed the guy back, then dunked it, and then, hey, then fell in his, around his chest with his leg. They just teaback.

Then when he hit the floor, he pulled. Push him again. He didn't do that. That just happened. Oh, no. That's a side effect. No, it didn't just happen. You know where I don't hang out, train tracks.

Don't get under there. That's right. Don't get under there. That happened to being. The one time I made the news for basketball, I was that other guy. He was one. Did you throw the ball at him? No, I said, I'm sorry for being in your way, sir.

Yeah, next time I'll step out the way. And I was like, we were going to get beat by 50. We all knew it. These dudes were like all getting offers. Who was it? Jonesboro Hodge and we weren't no good in it. Charles Scott running back. Yeah, the running back for LSU. Yeah, he played on that team. He didn't start. That's how good they were at basketball. Yeah. And this dude, I threw a ball. They stole it. And then he starts running at me.

And I was like, well, here's my chance to block a dunk. And then I forgot that I can't get that high. Yeah. I hope I get to charge. He slammed it. He slammed it. He slammed at home on me. And I got up off the ground. I looked over and, oh, Aaron's Aces was over there with the KTV camera. And I was like, Oh, no. Yeah. And you ain't gonna be the ace. I done got, son. And you ain't gonna be the ace.

No, he was the ace. Nope, I was on his highlight reel when he went to college. He sent that to scouts. Look what I did to this poor kid. Here was the cushion. And you was the cushion. But he wasn't no good at basketball either. No, he wasn't no good.

He fouled you. There's nothing more entertaining in Washington, a bunch of private school kids. Uh-oh. Play basketball. Uh-oh. Here we go. I'm interested. Well, hey, that's what I leave.

That's something I never did. What I miss? Our games with the farmers, it was very interesting. It was very entertaining. What position you play, Senator? No, I played all over.

I was just wondering if you were any good or not. Yeah, I was like JD. Most of them, I just got knocked out of the way and it'd, you know, make the point. And that person wasn't no good, though. No, he wouldn't. Except for that time you were wearing a magic shoes. That's up.

Scunk Slatheed School. Shoes. How many points do you school? Huh? That's the best night I ever have. You put a Fitty on? His coach kept saying, get on him, guard him. He said, coach, the guy thinks like a skunk.

He said, I don't care. Get on him. Wouldn't do it. Wouldn't do it. Wait, you showed up to a basketball game after getting sprayed by a skunk? No, no. My brother's the one that got sprayed. He had on a brand-new tennis shoes.

Phil. Phil. He called it in a trap. It cucked. You got to get rid of the bullets. He was running a trap. He was running a trap. He didn't have any bullets.

Mama made him get naked, okay, buried all the clothes, buried the shoe. Well, hey, look, two months later, here comes this basketball time. I need some shoes. So when I was there and dug them up, I wasn't wrong with them. There's a brand new tennis shoes. Except they may have had a little older to them. And they wouldn't guard you? And they wouldn't guard me.

So you mean to tell me, skunk spray a hold on to fabric after being buried for two Oh, yeah. That's wild. It's a powerful. By the way, that's not me doubting. I'm just asking. You know, they say, you know, okay, here's how you get it off of you. You know, take a bath in tomato juice.

What? Who is that? Well, no, everybody, they all got a cure for getting rid of skunk scent. I'm getting head nods around. That's the thing. You ain't ever heard that? Hey, here's the deal. It's like tomato juice and squeeze lemons in it or something crazy.

And hey, here's the deal. It don't work. Basically, you make like a Bloody Mary, but, you know, you're the olive. You don't drink it. You're the eyes. You know. But, hey, let me tell you the truth. It don't, no, it don't go away.

That's a wild ride that you just. How long does it take to fill up a bathtub with tomato juice? It's a lot of calories. Now, I could probably get it a quarterful at the house. The problem is. Currently? I'm currently right now. You have that much tomato juice at trial?

Hey, yeah. Mr. Mrs. Tees, baby. Forget the Bloody Mary. Okay, just drink the tomato. Just keep the blood. Forget Mary. That's right. You don't need Mary.

Forget Mary. Forget Mary. You don't need her. Hey, if you won't marry, how you get proud of Mary? What is that? I don't know. I don't know. Buy a tree save a life, you know what I mean?

That's right. Hey, hey, there you go. I'm just reading his socks. He's looking at my socks, boys. Buy a tree, save a life. Oh, change a life. Oh, change a life. I'm sorry.

Yeah, so Willie called me the days. There's something going on over here, you know, with the sinks. So I ease over there and I got to listen and the singing and it made a a gr-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. I think the septic tape might be fool, which it shouldn't be, you know. You wouldn't think. You wouldn't think. Yeah.

But so I go to another sink. I put my ear to it and go l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l. Yeah, that's a bad deal there. Bad deal. So I call my man. I got an old guy. So he shows up with the hose. Well, when I walk up, the only thing I can think of is Christmas vacation.

He's standing over that hole with that hose. Uncle Eddie. And I walked up, and I said, what about it? But you know what the problem was? It was not full. I looked down in the bottom of that septic tank, and there was a ball of grease the size of a beach ball. Mm-hmm.

Willie's not afraid to put anything down a sink. Yeah, he don't wipe out a pan and then put that in the trash can. It just all goes to the sink turned upside down and hope for the best. Well, that was funny because Willie said, day gum, Corey. Yeah. Yeah. And we all know Corey don't cook. Yeah, the woman that opens a bag of lettuce and puts it in a wooden bowl.

That's her fault. If there was a bunch of burnt toast at the bottom of the stuff. Yeah. Then maybe it could have been Corey. If there was the tops of burnt bread in there? Okay. But grease, that's all hemp. Then we went, put the camera in on the other side of the house.

They got a camera that it got in there about 110 feet, about where the kitchen is. Yeah. And guess what? Clog. Clog. That hard. Hard. That grease had done cooked itself to the inside of that pipe.

Uh-huh. So we got to go in there with that. I made that mistake one time of draining something down the sink and it caught right there about the pea trap. And then everything come back up at me. And I was like, nope. No more. Never, never doing that again.

But I was just in a hurry. You know, I was like, oh, it'd be fine one time. Not one time wasn't even good. Grease and the bottom of

septicate it looks like concrete almost. Mm-hmm. They like that thing that hit Joe Dirt. Yeah. That's what I thought

that said. Oh, boy. That ain't no meter up meter right. I did it awful space. Yeah. Si I've seen Joe Dirt.

I love it. Have you seen Joe Dirt, son? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's one of the greatest movies of all time. And you get the greatest piece of business advice of all time in Joe Dirt. Yeah. You need more in Snakes and Sparkler, son.

You mean to tell me, you ain't got no kitty chasers? Wusker doosk or don't. Scooter stick with her without a scooter stick. Oh, my gosh. I just love the fact. Now I'm picturing Cy sitting there on a. couch watching Joe Dirt. That's my favorite.

And is Tommy John and his socks sitting in his Yeah. Yes. With a bottle of Omega XL beside him. Good, 9-11. Let's take another break. Let's take our last break. He tries a 15-passenger van now.

Did you know that? I didn't know that. Like Mr. Tees. It's awesome. On the 18. Yeah. The only thing it's missing is free candy. But we'll be back right after this.

That's the goal change. Johnny D. Hello. We're back. What is in that hello at call room. com, hello at dot callroom.com inbox. Anything interesting?

Anything about Joe Dirt? Nothing about Joe Dirt. But for the YouTube commenters, my wife was recently on an episode. And they all are coming up with this new joke, apparently, that she's way better looking than me. Duh. I know that. And we've known that for years. Yeah.

In your face. Anyway. And I think that can be said for, yeah, all of us. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and speak out of term for Gobwin and McMillan, too. Yeah, all of us. All of us.

You know what that tells you? We're great salesmen. We believe in our product, boys. I still can't. Allison's never going squirrel hunting, but hey. Hey, that's fine. Take what you can get. Yeah.

All right. So Rosie emails in from Garland, Texas. Rosie. Garland, Texas. Rosie, if you're listening, we're probably a little late on this, but I've been trying to get to it. And it's an interesting question because she's pursuing a career in culinary. Oh, okay.

So I like a chef. So anyway, here. Here's her question. She's talking with this guy. They both really like each other. He knows she can cook, so he's a smart man. Whoa, whoa. So for one of their dates, he's trying to get her to come over and cook for his family.

So she's about to meet the fam. So here's her question. What does she cook? Oh. She ain't cooking just for the boyfriend. She's cooking for his whole family. Well, I'm going to assume him and his parents. Something.

And they're from Texas. And her chef that she's under said to go big and cook lamb. No. No. Not in Texas. No. Not in Texas. Lamb, cow's king.

Yeah, cow's king in Texas. Lamb. Damn. Dang about it. Yeah. But I'm not into. Forget the lamb. Well, the right piece of lamb is really good.

But it only takes one bad piece to make you never want to eat it again. I ain't big on lamb. Yeah, I ain't either. No, beef. Beef. Beef is king in Texas. Yeah, beef is king in Texas. Oh, yeah. Well, just find out what his mama likes.

But don't make her specialty. But don't use her recipe. And don't make her specialty. If she's like known for, I love mama's fried chicken. Well, don't make fried chicken. Don't compete with it. Because you don't want a bunch of people comparing you to hers. Actually, you may want to find out like, man, what do you really like?

But your mom ain't that good at cooking. Yeah. And then you slide in and you're like, boat, got it. This is what I bring to the table. Because I found out one thing. Nothing fires women up more than to tell them so-and-so's cornbread better than yours. What was, that happened to me the other day. Who'd you tell? Well, we had something. I said, man, this is really good. And Allison goes, what? You don't like mine?

And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did we go? Oh, this comes from. No, I just said this is good. I was surprised at how close it was to yours. But the last time you had hers, you didn't say this is really good. You took it for granted because it's there all the time. I forgot what it was. But, man, I was dip dodging, ducking and diving. Oh, that was a war going on there for about a year in our neighborhood between Lisa and Missy over cornbread.

I'm out. Well, I'm going to vote right now without even tasting them. Missy. Huh? Because I'm more afraid of her than Lisa. Yeah. No. No.

Hey, let me tell you something. No. No. You shouldn't be. No. No. Hey, let me tell you something right now. Lisa comes from a Gibson clan.

I'm on Lisa's good side somehow, some way. Well, we all are, because we like to eat. You know, do you want to get Lisa mad at you? Let her put something out there in front of if you don't eat it. That's a bad deal. The problem is she cooks so good. You ain't really good. That don't happen often.

Who eventually won the cornbread war? Well, nobody. There were no winners. No, it was just all bloodshed. It was just carnage. Because it's this recipe, huh? I don't know. I've got Lisa's screenshot on my phone from her little index card out of her kitchen.

That's the one I use. If you say Mexican cornbread? Yeah, Mexican corn bread. Lisa wins the pipe. Here it is. See, I knew where that was. Page 55 of Kay's first cookbook. Yeah, Mexican cornbread.

And it says a note from Lisa on here. And I've always went by the recipe in the book. Then I had Lisa's one time and I said, okay, now I know. Yeah, I'll figure it. I got Laces on a little yellow note card. I know a little adjustments to make him. Whenever I make Lisa's cornbread, I'm assuming it's hers. People are impressed with me, and I'm like, well, you say Mexican cornbread.

All right. Yeah. If I want to have it, I'll go to Lisa. You know what? I say this, too. That woman's throwing out on a pot of beans like it ain't nobody's business. Allison got that recipe from Lisa, and then I do the cornbread and Allison does the pot of beans. Yeah.

That's five, 50. years of improvement. That's right. Rosie, that's what we're going with. Okay, it's always. beans and cornbread. It's never the same. It's never the same.

We're always putting something else in there and telling me, well, hey, let's kick it up a little bit. Oh, Rosie, you're in a tough spot. Every time I cook for family members, I just cook wild game because I know they don't hunt. Yep. All my other one, I cook, because they can't compare mine to nothing else, and I don't want to hear no trash if they say this ain't as good as the other one. So these are going to be the best duck wraps you ever had.

You know why? because you ain't ever had them. So deal with it. You ain't got no duck. And they're good anyway. I'll serve them the premiums. I don't serve them mallards. You know, they get the Woody's in the teal.

I would say just cook whatever you feel really good about and go with it. Absolutely. And then add like a weird pizzazz, Willie style. Or a peanut butter pie. Oh, peanut butter pie. Peanut butter pie. Peanut jelly on. Oh, Lord.

I'm starving. How do we always end up back at food? I don't know. All right. All right. Our next email is from Joshua, and he's either from Newington, Connecticut, or Waltham, Massachusetts. They're probably really close to each other. I'm assuming so, but my man. That East Coast, wild.

He's got a really cool signature on the bottom. He's a builder, and he runs things. But he said, I need Stone, the girl dad. So he's, they have a little girl, second daughter do in May. He loves the outdoors, and he's got a dream. And that dream is to be like, Stone and Bullfrog. So he's asking for advice on inspiring a love for the outdoors. Well, I would say a lot of that depends on their genetics.

Because I got one, my oldest one, she don't care nothing about it. Of course, that could have been my fault. But with Bullfrog come along, I thought. You know what? I'm going to do everything I can to make this fun for her. But she's kind of deadpan like her mama. She's not very emotional. But I started training her when she was about five.

Shooting BB guns. You know, we play, I made little games that she could play with it. And, you know, and taught her the right way to shoot, you know. But she's always been that type where she wants to do whatever Daddy's doing. My other daughter, nope. she didn't care just the opposite so i think there's only some way she can do to make that happen but i would say the best thing you can do is to keep it fun yeah keep it fun when it turns and if you gripe and complain and if she can associate anything negative with it she's not going to want to

go but if everything's fun and positive well that's something they're going to want to do all the time but uh she just kind of took a liking to it and now my young one she's eight she uh she asked me all the time to go hunting so i'm starting the same process with her but she was a little more high strong than bullfrog so i had to i had to wait a few years her you know some of that you know bad bloodline in there somewhere or hurricane sage no she's a tornado a tornado she's not much on patience her nickname is tas the Tasmanian devil. My boys.

But I guess what I can tell you is, and look, there's nothing more special than having your daughter out there hunting with you and fishing with you. You know, we've made good night. So many good memories over the years that I'll take with me to my grave. And just keep it fun for them. And because, golly, man, they grew up so fast. So fast. People say that all the time. You don't really think about it.

But a man told me when I was about 25, he was about 65. He said, you better enjoy it. He said, because hey, you'll blink, you'll be my age. And that's true. I blinked and I was his age. There you go. Wearing charterge's glass. I'll say.

No, no, I have to say this, what he said there, dude, about, hey, make it fun. If it's a wintertime and it's cold, make sure you've got the correct clothes for the child to wear. That's right. Bring a heater. because if it's not fun Yeah. Okay. They're not going to get it.

And what I've seen... BK is my hunting and fishing partner, his daughter. And hey, she doesn't show much emotions except when she straps me every time we go hunting. She will smile when she starts. Or every time we go fishing. Okay.

She'll, you know, yeah, I got you again, old man. What I've seen, though, from this, when you have an axe to grind with your quarry, Like if you like you need to go hunting, that's not a day take your kid. No. Go when you have been satisfied with whatever you're doing because like they're not going to want to stay the whole time. And that's fine. Well, they're attention span.

They're going to want to leave. And if you're fishing, it's going to be tangled city. If you got a problem with getting knots out, then don't go that day. Go catch you some fish. Take her the next day. Like that just make sure that you're there for them and not for yourself. That's right. When you go for yourself, go by yourself.

Like, don't take the kid. I've just seen my buddies do it. And that's notes I've made with these two boys I got coming up. I figured out, like, because there's days where we all have an axe to grind with our quarry. Like, I need to go kill me some ducks. I need to go on a nice, relaxing, fun duck hunt. And that's not a day I need to take my kids. I need to take my kids the day after that day when my blood pressure is at a minimum already.

And if we flare them, we flare them, who cares? Like, you know, ain't no big deal. And look, it is very therapeutic, and it will teach you patience. Yeah. You start taking your kids because when I take him and bullfrog fishing, I don't fish. No, you're a duck hand. I tie jigs from the time. I mean, when the time that motor shuts off, I'm tying jigs.

Yeah, you're just a duck hand. Till the motor comes back on. Tie jig, take fish off. That's it. I got five poles I'm leaning up on the rail there. And I keep it, I'm just constantly tying eggs on, and I hand it to them, they'd break it off again. Hey, you got to get in the brush top to catch them. You got to get it off.

I don't mean you got to leave it there. Well, I know, but, hey, you forget, you know, if a crop you don't hand it, hey, you get caught. There you go. Hey, look. Well, that's been fun. Johnny D, you got one to close this out on? Yeah, Tristan, who gave us the salsa and the peanut butter candy. He wrote Colossians 317 at the bottom of his letter, so I'm going to do that one.

Perfect. Whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Amen. That's just a solid one. Yes, sir. You'll never go wrong. Never go wrong. We'll see y'all next time right here in the duck call room.

We're out.