Duck Call Room - Willie Robertson Embarrassed Bella's Husband When They First Met

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

Uncle Si opens up about his wild dating years—from a streak of Italian girlfriends, including one whose family made the stinkiest yet most delicious pizzas, to drive-in movies and the occasional late-night run-in with the law. John-David takes notes from Si and Godwin on how to greet his daughter’s future boyfriends, and Jacob admits it took time to win over Willie when he started dating Bella. To cap the silliness of young men, Si confesses he once planted golf balls hoping they’d sprout into baseballs. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did I watch, I'm like a Pentecostal kind. I don't ever watch TV like that growing up. Did you have a TV? No. You really didn't have it? My parents didn't allow us have TVs in our room. I was like, I watched TV in the home. Oh, yeah, I just never watched it because my brother would beat me up for the remote.

So I just kind of forfeited that kind of. They had a TV. You had a TV? No, no, I didn't have one. The store. The store. You go down to the store and sit around the heater. We had a store and the post office.

You spit on the side of that. One at the store as a TV. Where was your house? My house was down the roof. Three hundred yards down the rope. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can spit on the side of that wood burning stove. He goes.

At the store? Yeah. Oh, you had to have a heater. That's what you need to get at the honey hole. This is an old day, son. A woodburning heater, one of them Franklin haters. They need a quarter. That's where everybody met.

Yeah. Just just, you know, found out what. Well, see, What's going on in a small town. You can load them things up out, they'll glow red. I don't want people hanging out, though. Oh, yeah. I want them showing up buying things and making a new park.

Oh, no, no, no. No, you guys, they get to talking about fishing and. This was like a dairy. Oh, I got to have that bait. It was like a Derek one. They go buy that. That's like McDonald's at 6 a.m. in Westmore Road on Well Road. There's like a bunch of old people that go there and drink coffee and just shoot the hand.

And then just coffee drinking. My dad did that. And McDonald's? Sambo. Y'all don't even remember that. That was way over there. Sambo. This was a wild start to the podcast.

And speaking of old men who sit around at restaurants, Martin is not here today, but he used to always. He's not an old man. He's probably a waffle house. It looks like an old man, but he ain't old man. But he ain't. That is true. I was the old man in this outfit.

When I first met Martin, I thought he was 15 to 20 years older than me. I said, yes, sir, no, sir. and then he was like, we went to high school together and I was like, oh. But he used to always sit at Waffle House with all the old men until he realized what that was doing.

Mothered and covered. That's what he'd get. Every morning. Well, I'd love for you. Yeah, you're there. Every morning. Okay, yeah, you're... We could be going somewhere

and we pass a Waffle House. His truck just automatically pulls into it. You can't stop it. Mother can covered, baby. Yeah, new cars have LDA lane direction assistance. His head WD.A. That's right.

Waffle direction assistant. This is why we bring Jacob into the duck car room. Jacob Bellet's husband's here again, and he just taught us something. LDA. Yeah. Well, what is that? His new truck has got it? What's LDA?

So it's like you turn on your car. Yeah. Put it on crew. These new cars, I don't know what it's... They're like spaceships. I guess. I mean, I don't know what year it started, but you can turn it on. And essentially, if you hit a line, your car feels you hit the line, it'll, like, put you back in the middle.

Yeah. Does your car do... Well, no, no, no, it'd done that to me one day, all. that new fort I had. Uh-huh. And it's scared to literally, you know what I'd be. You thought so. Okay, look, I'm going along and then all of a sudden, this is going.

And I'm going, no. He was pushing back on it. He wanted to go off the line. I was trying to make it go back and wouldn't. It just kept going over. Wait a minute. Yeah. So when I got, you know, Philip showed up, I said, hey, question.

He's what? I said, that truck took over and it was driving. I said, turn that off. You can turn it off. Yeah. And I said, turn it off. Yeah, I said, turn that off. He said, oh, okay.

Yeah. And he looked around. Okay. LDA is the devil. I put Paula's car on cruise, it'll do it. You can just take your hands off at it back. Yeah, because if you go toward the line, it'll put you over in the area. It'll be, beep, beep, beep.

Yeah, it'll go over. It's just like a smooth little. The first time it did it, I said, they've gone to him too far. Too far. Too many bells and whistle boys. How big is your steering wheel? You was holding out pretty wide. Well, hey, no, no, no, I was fighting.

That's like that dairy shot in their mills. He was holding on. Yeah, no, no, no, it won. I know. It won. That was like that deer he shot down there off the middle levee. This one? Oh, he got a tape measure after.

Hey, how big was it? Hey, it was a 30-inch inside spray. Mm-hmm. That is my wife. Well, I went home that night. Look, I went home that night, and my wife is over her. She said, you are crazy as a bedbug. Because I had a stupid ruler, one of the...

You just had that on you? No, that's at the house. That's the honover. I was like this to y'all and I'm going out and I got the two feet. And I said, I said to myself, sigh, two feet is a monster. I said, yeah, but boys, it ain't there. So I run it out. Yeah, I'm going out.

Yeah, I run it out another three inches both ways. you know and I said 30 inches I said now that's what I'm talking about that was that wasn't a deer that was a elk no no I told him when I said when he was asked what shooting out of shots that I'm shooting at a moose this out here that's a bull the mysterious Louisiana

Phil look I'm still shooting at him and Phil is on his four wheeler with it still running and said what are he shooting at I said I'm trying to kill that big buck right there and he said where And I said, hey, last time I shot him, I shot him six times. Six times. He was putting pins.

He went, look, here was what it started. He started, y'all, a door in the yearling, come up on the end of the levee, walked about 15 yards toward me. That was like 125 yards. Then they went over and went into the lake because we had it pumped up for nothing. Well, I looked and I've seen something, my dear. He's coming and he's got his head down. And I said, that's a buck. So I just got my rifle ready and I put the scope on him.

He's walking through the wood. I said, oh, my goodness. He's a monster. So he comes up on the levee. He does the same thing the yearling and dodo. Walks by 15 feet toward me, turns and stops at 125 yards. I just put it right behind his shoulder and just, pia. He was sick.

Well, he didn't jump, didn't do nothing, but he just wheeled, went back on the other side, went to the, you know, went out, and, hey, then he turned a lift and starts running toward me. I got a bow taxi, so, pia! Complete with sound effects. So he runs up there and stops. So what do you do the second time? Hey, well, the second time, no jump, no hunch or none of that, y'all.

So I shoot at him, what, three times? And he's not even scared yet. Hey, he goes back the other way. He has his muffs. So I shoot two more time when he turns around and runs back. Now he's nervous. No, no, no. I've got one shell left.

And fail pulls out. Hey, he's 30 yards. I don't feel any show up yet. He's coming down the levee. I can hear him and see him. But the deer is looking at me at 30 yards. You all and I put it right there on the white spot. Just, I was buried down this time.

I said, piao! Expect him to fall. Well, he don't. He takes off, y'all. I think that was the fourth shot. I shot two more times at him running. When Phil comes up,

what are you shooting out? I said, that big deer just running away. The moose. So I told him, yeah. And I said, hey, look, I'm going to stay right here, and I'll direct you where I shot every time and use check, y'all. So he goes out there, and I's right there. Stop and look for blood.

He said, no blood, no hair. I said, come forward right here. Stop right there, look. Okay. And I said, hey, look, the last time, y'all told him, I said, he was standing right to 30 yards. He said, right here? I said, yeah, right there. I said, it should be blood there.

He said, no blood. No blood. Yeah, so I missed him six times. Okay, so you never killed him. No. So I go home. And I thought, you know, I said, that guns always been true just, you know, I said, I said, oh, that's right.

I forgot. My son borrowed that at 30-0-6. That's what I'd have said. No. No, no, no. So I called him. I said, hey, you know, the last time you borrowed my 30-0-06, something happened. Why didn't you tell me about it?

He said, oh. You know, I saw all I heard of him. He said, oh, I'm so sorry. I said, Scott, did you realize you didn't tell me you did something that gun? World record. missed a moose of the lifetime in Louisiana he said yeah I should have told me I dropped it out of the deer stand when I was getting ready to go oh y'all so I go the range put some bullets in it shoot on you like a four by four target it don't hit the target I'm going on I need to get me one of them sons so I can blame all my stuff on I know. So look, and I finally get it on paper and they're shooting 18 inches high and 18 inches to the right.

And I said, yeah. That's a good way to get it. That's a way to miss. You should have aimed 30 inches to the left. You might have. No, no, that's what Phil said. He said, the first time if I had a shot and he didn't fall, I'd have been moving that scope somewhere else. And I said, well, hey, you don't understand.

When I threw that rival in, I could strike a mat to at 100 yards. Yeah. Well, we should have an air tag on that deer just to see what it's still out there. Oh, he's seen him for 10 years after him. Oh, hey, he died. And then his son. He died of old age. That deer died of a thing.

Because nobody, look, that deer, if he'd have been killed, he'd have been on the front page of a bun and roll paper. Oh, yeah. Well, it's almost hunting season. Yeah. Martin's already said it's. But, hey, look. Still teal season. Oh, well, no.

Yeah, that's right. It's still till season's close. Have you got your duck stamp? I only got my duck. Well, you know you can get it online at duckstamp.com now and just have a digital version on your phone. Oh, I've seen that. I've seen that. Are you going to have yours on your phone? Well, hey, look, I'm glad they finally come up with it. I said, because look, they, Martin done it last year. And when I got, I got a book.

My husband was actually a book. Oh, yeah. Welcome to Louisiana. Oh, in my wallet. I couldn't get it out of my pocket. Well, you can get it on your bone now. Put it on L.A. W. My wife has done wages like $3,000 buying me three phones. I started out with a flip phone, the other one. Not a thousand dollar flip phone? That's on her, man. And the last one was $1,000.

It's just digital. None of them things were work for me. I remember where Missy one time. Hart said, hey, look, usually you go drunk with me, so I'll have it on my phone. There you got. What was Missy doing? Missy brought Phil a phone one time and was showing him. It was a flip phone.

Yeah. And she went through. And he was real patient. He listened to her. She gave a good definition. Yeah. He was acting like he was going to care. He said, punch number one for Jason, and it'll call Jason.

Punch number two for Al, and it'll call out. Punch number three. And she went through all the stuff, and she went to hand it to him. He looked at her. He said, I ain't that busy. But he's always asking us, get on that black box. Get on that front. Where's that front at?

All right, look, springtime is here. warming up. You know what that means? That means more outside cooking. And y'all know, we love to eat beef around here. And that's what, because of our friends over at Triedells beef, makes such a good product, baby. Ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Sall Robertson would say, buy on the grill. Look, before we got Triedells, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef come to them. But with Triedale's beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way.

Triedales comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living,

you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Tritails Beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She ain't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah.

Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's trybeef.com slash support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. That's the thing. That was when I had my band, and when I was on the road, I needed to be a contact. So they bought me a phone, and they had done the same thing. Phone would not work with me.

Did you slam it on the ground? No, it don't make any difference. I had a guy that worked for me in the Army. The lieutenant had one of them, what was that what you got? Walkie dokey. iPhone? Swiss watch. $10,000.

A Rolex? Yeah, Rolex. He had a Rolex. He had a Rolex. Not a 10,000. The lieutenant had a Rolex. They don't work. Look, I had a kid in my platoon.

He's a Swiss watch. And the lieutenant is fixed to the hand. He has Rolex to that kid. Yeah. And I said, sir, don't give that to him. Because if he puts it on his wrist, that Swiss watch is dying. Why?

Well, I'm just, this kid had something in his blood. Yeah. Because, hey, the lieutenant said, oh, go ahead, put it on, look, and see if you like it, y'all. So as soon as you put it on, it broke. Hey, the second hand, come on. Locked up.

No, I said. Oh, no. We walked over there and I said, sir, you better not let it put it on there. I said, he's going to kill it. And he said, I'll go ahead and put it on, sir. So he slid that band over his hand, that second hand. So I said, hey, dummy, I told you. Look, hey, it got so bad.

He took a jeweler where he bought it. They couldn't resurrect it. You know? Resurrection. So look, no, they sent it back to. Switzerland, where it was made. And hey, they got a little letter saying, sir, sir, our experts have tested it.

The only person could raise this from the dead is Jesus Christ. The Swiss said that? Yeah, that's what they said. Hey, that old little boy killed that watch. So look, if you want to paraphrase version of what just happened, is it, saw I missed a moose in Louisiana six times. Six times. Somebody got him a phone.

Didn't work. And it didn't work. All it said was, darling. And then a pretty woman in Nashville could not fix the situation. You could fix it out. He was fine to look at you. She could have fixed it.

All right, we ain't going to go there. Yeah, all that way, I got to go there. She could have fixed the situation, but because she didn't, his lieutenant gave some kid a Rolex in his pontoon. What's that point? And because he gave him the kid. Ponto.

I know. That was the point. Yeah. And because he did. Lieutenant gave the kid in his pontoon a Rolex. We got to keep him on, boy. I like it. I think so.

He'll translate it. I feel like we just found Jacob Mayo's spot here in the duck call room. He will take 15 minutes of rambling and condensed it. I wish he would have been in my platoon. When I got trouble with a colonel, I'd say, I'll say, hey, translate this. We went from Buck. Oh, yeah. From a moose to broken phone

The only thing good about that was It was a fine little lady That's the best part of us Boy, she'd have been combing her hair It'd have been something That's right, if she'd only been on the end of my bed It's combing her hair We'd are really at something.

All right, all right Commercial break That's what's up We was in Arkansas We was in Arkansas, that come from We was in Arkansas, duck hunting and a bunch of myelards come in and we raised up

and we tore them up except for Sy. He never shot. He was just sitting there watching. Hey, we killed them all. And Cy said, that ain't killed them. I shot and I said,

hey, you know what this like? Like taking a tea break and not putting your mic back on? Hey, yeah. Well, hey. I said, you know what this is like, boys? I said,

this is like you're at your house and you got a fine looking woman. Oh, goodness. I'm sitting on the end of Your best. Oh, boy. Coleman, your hair. Your hair.

I call her Allen. Everybody elected each other and said, what? Everybody looked at you and said, what? We just shot a vote of valor. I said, that's that. That's right. That's right. Anyways.

What if we get you one of them children phones? Have you seen those? Fireflies. Well, they got all these phones for kids now because parents don't want to give their kids an actual phone. Look, I've, I, you haven't finished the tea break yet. Well, hey, I've had three phones, so don't waste your money on buying me. I'm about to get Carter a phone that can only call because I think he's got a lot of funny stuff that happens and I want him to call and tell me about it. Because I would call my parents when they were at work, but he doesn't have any way to call me.

Y'all don't have a home phone? Who got a home phone? I don't know. I don't know. I did growing up. I don't know. We had what phone. It was a home.

Was it a rotary phone? Did you used to call girls on it? No, but I used to- Punch button. No, they called me. I used to get people with my home phone number. Y'all missed it. What do you say?

I said, did you call girls on your home phone? He said, no, they called me. Hey, I'd love to see what they wrote in your yearbook. Oh, yeah. Why did your eyes get so big? Do you remember it? Do you have something in a yearbook that we need to know about? Oh, yeah.

Oh, they wrote in his crack. There was like 20 girls that combed their hair in that yearbook. It was probably something like, hey, he is the wackiest. Hey, no, he will be the last one to become anything. Yeah. No. But did they still leave their number? They still leave their number?

Well, how? They still call me. There you go. So they didn't believe what they were saying. Well, how are they still calling? Yeah, they called you. No, because if you met any of the girls that I dated. Oh, boy.

Oh. What would they say now? They would say, hey, look, what would Gertrand say? That was the best, okay? and I'll laugh all night long. The best date I've ever had if I laughed all that long. Thanks for adding the date.

I'll give you an example. In my date, look, I mean, that was the best. And I laughed the whole time. No, no, look. I don't got to paraphrase that. Because everybody else is. When I drove my brother's car,

I didn't take a young lady to a movie house We went to the what do they call the At the drive-in. We went to a drive-in. We went to a drive-in. I'll give you. I don't even remember who was on the screen.

Oh, goodness. Oh, yeah. There's children listening, remember. Hey, everybody that saw it said it was a really great movie. Is it Jaws? Okay, no, no, but anyway, well, look, she was an Italian. And look, I chased that girl from the front seat

to the backseat from the front seat back to the back seat all night long. Hey, and we had a blast. Are you all playing musical chairs or what? Musical chairs. No. Had some spaghetti. She was trying to hide and I was seeking. Okay.

All right, Pepelepew. All right, Pepea Lepew. We got a cut. No, no. Just play it. Like a heat-seeking missile, baby. We had a wonderful night. That's what I like to call high school.

What movie was no. There was nothing bad happened. We had a good time. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What movie was it, though, for real? For real, I don't know.

But what movies did you go see at the driving? I never saw one. I didn't go there for the movie. He paid for a parking spot. That's what I. I'd have went out in the woods somewhere. No, no, Jacobs, right. Might not just go park out in the woods somewhere.

Go parking. I'm surprised you didn't take these girls in the woods. the mattress store and ask the day with comb their hair and you just sit there and watch them. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's what I told you were going to say.

You got everyone to comb and say, hey, just go in their store. Sit right there and comb your hair. That chair is always open. Oh, just starts the clock. If y'all don't understand me, y'all are going to see what I said because I got a translator.

Oh, that's so funny. I don't know how. A silly poster pizza. Well. Well. I used to take girls to Starbucks. Yeah. Starbucks.

They liked coffee. Pioneer pizza. And a pizza, right? Well, yeah. Get a pizza parlor. That's what we would go to Pioneer Pizza. And there was an old pizza shop over in Munro. I forget what it was called.

But, hey, that just reminded me. I'm hung up on Italian women. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah. Look, I dated another one from New York. New York, I mean, not New York, New Orleans. And Italian from New Orleans? Hey, yeah, hey, that's a good one.

The Italian from New Orleans, okay, that was a Cajun, too. Creo. But anyway, yo. How was her driving movie with you? No, no, look, she takes me home to meet her family. Oh. Okay, okay. This sounds more of a humble beginning here.

You know, soon as we walked in, she said, oh, you're so lucky. And I said, why am I so lucky? She said, because, hey, we're going, we're going to make you an original. Italian pizza. So they started getting out of all the ingredients and some the cheese they use

this was like somebody used the bathroom and you know. He's a bathroom. Oh yeah because you're talking about, you know, the cheese had been dead for centuries. Centuries? What do they have a dungeon of cheese? Hold on, hold on.

Hold on. Now it's better. They had a cheese. They had a cheese. You just said. An Italian woman invited me over for the best pizza ever, and then they took a dump on the plate. Well, hey, the cheese, hey, you're talking about rotten smelling. Oh.

No, no, but here, because, I mean, I just, when they was cooking it, I was sitting there and going just, good grief, y'all. But then when they brought it out, you know, it looked so good, and it was. It actually, but you're talking about it stink. That cheese they had was raunchy. What did they call it? I have no idea. I have that catfish cheese.

They said it, well, they was full of Italian because they were speaking Italian a lot. Speak Italian. No, no, and they actually talk with their hands too like I do. They're my Italian. But, hey, here's the thing. The pizzo was delicious. Even after that smelling that bad, I really wasn't going to eat it because it's just the way. It stunk.

I'm surprised you did. I said, hey, I don't know if I've ever ate it. Then I ate the whole thing. I don't know if I've ever ate any pizza. I said stunk. No, no. Hey, I'm serious. Anything that's got a wang to it.

Well, no, no. Anything that's got a wang to it. Her mother and everybody in there, the grandmother, everybody in there, laughed at me because I said, yeah. I said, man, that thing's stained. Yeah, that thing's turned. I said, that thing stinks. Are you really going to eat that?

And I said, oh, you'll love it when you, you know, it just got a bad, bad odor. She said, but the flavor in it is excellent. It's the table's right. I ate the whole thing. It was 14 inches. 14 inches. Yeah. Did they give you gum after?

No. Did your breath stink? Did you kiss me? I believe it. I can believe it. We didn't kiss each of that night because I, ooh. No, that's exact opposite purpose of a pizza day. I'm serious.

But hey, I'm good. I don't know what kind of cheese it was, but it had a delicious flavor. I'm glad I didn't park in the movie theater with the blind premiere with you and Christine in the car. I'll tell you that. Speaking of, go see the blind in theater. I will not be in the parking lot. I was like had fun. Yeah, yeah.

And I got a little cardio workout. Oh, my gosh. The doctor told him to it. He's like, man. Hey. That's why he still kicking even after all that COPPD. A lot of cardio. He told me like the third time on here.

He likes to giggle and snuggle. Well, hey, look, y'all. He's lovable. He's a lovable man. I don't. Well, look. Hey, Lord. Hey, any woman that you go out with, they smell good.

Okay. They comb their hair. They comb their hair. Y'all. And they. And they hide pretty good. Oh, no. And they hide.

Unless they're hiding from the greatest center of all time. You can throw them in the trunk. Hey, and they're very ticklish. Okay. Here we go. That's why y'all was laughing. There you go. Don't you ever tickle me while we're doing this?

No, no, that's the story of my life, right there, boys. Yeah. It's a good story. Oh, hey. Yeah, I loved it. That's why he passed P.C. I loved it. Wow.

I had something. I've had an exciting life. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, and a whole lot of fun. Hey, you know what I did in high school that was a whole lot of fun? What? We would go looking for people like you that, like, you,

that like to park at like Forsype Park and levy and get the biggest spotlight we could find and park next to them and then just shine 10,000 lumen straight in their eyeballs. I had a cop dude. That'd say it one night. What?

And he asked the stupid question. What are you doing? And I said, I'm changing this good looking like all over this car. Well, we're glad you never got arrested. Yeah. Did you? No, now that I've never had the pleasure of it because no.

Yeah. The pleasure. Anytime I have anything to do with John Law. Who's John Law? Well, that's just. The man in blue. Oh, you dip. You dip, right?

You're gone. Yeah. Oh, it's always, hey, whatever, when he pulls me over, it's yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. You're not the guy that just runs away?

Oh, no. No, because I had told Jay's once. So I said, Jason, you don't understand. You can be innocent. I said, there's a lot of innocent people behind bars right now. And I said, if you doubt it, hey, check, check with the warden sometime. I don't want no deal with John Law. Wait, you think the warden else is innocent.

They lock the door behind you. Then it's up to you and a lawyer. And, hey, like everything else, you've got good ones, you got bad ones. You got some of them that are overworked, got too many clients. and he ain't got time for you guess what you're gonna do you're gonna be in them bars a long time I've never thought about a police officer

and a warden with clients yeah yeah and then your lawyer's overwork tired got three kids a drinking problem and you're stuck in jail the rest of your life and you're stuck in jail and you ain't getting out I feel like all of them say they didn't do it yeah if I was in jail I'd want to be considered

I didn't do it well that happens all the time they've you know found new DNA oh my goodness How long would you stay in there, sir? Oh, I was in 25 years. You just watched Shawshank Redemption or something. No, no, I'm serious.

The guy, it was in the newspaper here all, what, eight months ago? How do you remember? Sir, 20 years. You get the newspaper, first of all. Really? 20 years. Is it the news star? I don't know what paper.

They still have that. I know my grandma gets it. My grandmother gets it, too. That's how she used to look for garage sale. I think I saw it on television. It was a show. show when they checked into closed, so-called closed cases.

Mm-hmm. And they, you know, found new DNA. He wasn't, he didn't, he wasn't the one that done it. He wasn't the one. No, and he spent 20 years in prison. He was just trying to play high and see. That would stink. Oh, no.

That would, if you were wrongfully in jail, that would, that would be a buddy. You know, a bad guy. You know, he don't care one. Well, he was pretty close to something that was up to no good for him. him to even be suspected. Probably. Well, no.

I ain't never, top they never come to my house. Well, no, no, but say, hey, it happened to, I can't think of his son's name? A son, I'm telling you. Hey, no, he was there. Just at the wrong time, but wrong not. He wasn't there.

That happened to me one time. He was not there. Oh, he wasn't there? No. There might. Just he said he was there. He was there. No, it looked like.

He had an alibi. That happened to me one time. Well, I'm just saying, wrong place, wrong time, it can happen. I just drove past the farmer's market to pick up a friend, and the friend picked up a tomato that was just sitting there because they were closed, waved it. I said, put that down.

Dude, they're going to think we stole it. He puts it back down. He gets in my truck. We drive off. A private investigator was watching the thing because people kept stealing from the farmer's market. Yeah. And then they said it was us. And we had to pay like $200 fine or something.

I was like, I didn't do it. I just picked somebody up. But I'm glad I didn't go to jail for 20 years. For a tomato. Tomato Joe, we still call them that to this day. Joe, you owe me $200 if you're listening. You're a pharmacist now. You know what we did as teenagers that was stupid?

And I can't, I don't really want to tell it in case they're listening, but we would go ring everybody's doorbell in the entire city of West Monroe at midnight and then wait until they opened and then run. And just scream out. You waited until they opened it? Yeah. That way it was scarier. I really feel bad.

about it. Well, they know who you were then. Well, yeah. The idea is to ring it and run. Yeah. Well, we would ring it and wait so they could see us and then run just to freak them out a little more. And now I'm thinking like... And then you got a phone call. Your daddy coming there said, hey, boy, come here.

It's lucky I'd never got shot. Which proved my point when I said, hey, teenagers do stupid things. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'd done it. I did it. What did you do, Jacob? The new age team. You had the internet. That's terrifying. No, I did the same thing. I found out where one of my substitute teachers lived and we would just do her house

over and over again until she got in her car driving around the neighborhood looking for us. I've hidden in a ditch from this one guy. Do you ever roll somebody's? Oh yeah, all the time. That's my favorite thing to do. Oh, here's a good one. Why don't she gets you the next day at school? Because she didn't know. She was old. That's why it was bad. Yeah. Paul is, she wasn't, uh, folks, hey, this is, don't do this. I got, I got a good one. One of the father-in-law, he said. It was Christmas, and Jackie, her brother, had his house all lit up, you know, decorated. He thought that was so stupid.

He said, y'all never, he said, I'll never decorate that house. So we went over and decorated his height. We got done it the most. We bought lights. They would light. And then we put up a video camera, turned it on, waited for him to get home. And he came, of course, he said a few choice words. He was tearing things off.

Because you decorated his house for Christmas? Yeah. Well, it was kind of trashy. It was kind of trashy. It wasn't. Because he just kept on. I never. And then during Christmas dinner, we turned it on the TV.

And look, we did it the next year, too. He'd grab it. It was so. We put a plywood painted sand on in the front yard and everything. We had it. I used to love making the reindeer go into the rut. You drove past the two reindeer. You just get the one and put it with the other one.

Yeah. You were the connector. That was always fun. But the best prank I ever pulled, we went and found a bunch of leaves from somebody's yard that they bagged up. And we stacked them in front of. of our friend Gabe's front door, and we just kept stacking leaves, and, you know, the door opens in.

Yeah. Then you ring the doorbell, then you run, and then they open the door. Oh, it falls in the house. And all the leaves fell in his house. And Gabe came back to school the next day and said, my mom said, if y'all roll my house again, she's going to ground me. He got grounded the next day, which is really mean when you think about it. But why would you tell us that?

Yeah, one of the first days of my sophomore year of high school, I had a new buddy. And he, I was staying in Monroe, and he picked us up to go roll somebody's house. And who's not down to roll house when you're a teenager? I would go right now. That's what I'm saying. If somebody said tonight they had 50 rolls of toilet paper and just an address, I'm going. I'm in. You know what I mean?

We should roll Willie's house. Sardine. Well, you can't get into the hood. You can put sardines on top of the motor. Put soap in their grass fort range, you know. Sardines on top of the motor. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So look, we went and rolled these people's house. My buddy of mine, you know, he, I'm just saying he had a Miller light in his hand. We wasn't too far down the road. He knew what we were doing. I had no clue. I was like, we're going to roll this house. Well, we roll this house. I'm talking about two a tea, fun.

Good looking. Yeah, it was great. Decorated to me. If rolling a house was Christmas Day, you know, we was the... Crushed it. We crushed it. Like, we're going to win a prize. Well, we live right down the street.

He drove, but, I mean, we just rode back. Well, the next day, he knew this. This was his buddy. They were either having a wedding there or having, like, a rehearsal dinner. And I drove by that house on the way home, and the mom was out there sobbing. Oh, you're a bad person. I felt so bad. You know, you should.

But that's all, hey. I bet you did. Right place, wrong time. Show business, baby. Right place. When somebody was having a giant party and the kids just rolled my whole house. Think about that. I felt so bad.

Well, they got something to remember. remember you, but they never knew it was me. I mean, they came to school. They'll never forget that one. Philip McMillan and a family of camouflage people just showed up. But y'all don't miss the best part. Well, I'm glad the kids weren't here for that part. Yeah, me too.

Now we're talking about stupid stuff you can do when you're in high school. I don't know how we got here. We've been discussing how stupid teenagers can become. rolling houses with toilet paper and all this junk. But before that, I was talking about all my dating years. And we're not allowed to go back there because... And the director is saying, cut that. No, we're not cutting it.

It's going to roll. Anyways, Jacob, you recently were in the dating world. Tell us how about that. Well, not more recently than the rest of us. How long have been married? How long have you been married? Fort a year. Four.

Four. Four. Not four years. Four years. Four years. Four years. So, like, you were on, like, dating apps and such. No.

No? I didn't do that. I wanted you to tell us about dating apps. I mean, you can tell them about it. I've got a question. I would love to read Sides dating that bio. What is it like dating Willie Robertson's daughter? What is it like?

Yeah. He's never... I felt like he's pretty same dating anyone else, I guess. What did they do the first time you showed up over? Gave me a nickname or something. But cut. Yeah. He did.

Got a nickname first. But y'all know how Willie is. I mean, if he wanted to be involved, he could. And if not, he's just like, dispass appears. Whatever. I mean, it's your daughter, but, you know, hey. I think, I mean, I think it took time for him to.

Go adjust. Yeah, just or also just respect me as a man. Like, you got to gain respect, you know. I just human, like type of deal. Not a man, a human being. We get to genders later. Oh, my daughter was dating, Tracer. Yeah.

Were you rude? Were you rude? I was not, I was probably a little crude. Crude. Yeah, because I told him, I said, you know when you feel, you actually feel that someone is watching you, I said, you are. And I said, not only are they watching you,

you've got a crosshair on you. I found, is that up? We can't air any of this episode. We've gone. Santa calls a sass. Hey, this is life. Yo, the first thing you got to do is, scare the young man.

I thought you about the time. You better treat this young lady with respect and kindness because, hey, otherwise, you're in trouble. I'm interested. I need to know these things because my daughter's six now and she comes. I'm talking about some boy names. And I hate him so much because his name's John David.

So kind of was there first. I remember her 16th sweet, no, 16 birthday. Traces? Yeah. I really wish she was here right now to verify this. All the. kids in the neighborhood always coming to my house.

Really? Yeah, because it was always fun. Wasn't scary? Yeah. Your, Paul, it's fun. Okay. They all called you, Pa?

Well, no, that's what I call myself. Oh, okay. That's just third person. My grandkids call me Poonpa, which is German for Papo. Pupai. Poonpa. Based on your stories,

I thought the Italians have a more of a new boyfriend. More of a. She brings him over to meet the family. Yeah, yeah. Well, the first thing I do is when he walks in, I've got all these German deer head mounts. They're skull. Okay, they're skull about.

Right. I said, hey, look, you treat her wrong, your head will be up there. Oh, my goodness. You said that? Yeah, I said it. And did you say poo-paw was going to? gonna be on the plaque.

And I said, I said in the Poonpaw. I said, hey, and it will read killed by Poonpaw on a date. And we'll weigh you up. Yeah.

Measure you up. Put the floor on there. Okay. They go out. Y'all hit open the door like he should a gentleman. Okay. You only got to say

you make her cry. I make you cry. No, no. I did. Is that what you said? I said, you heard her? And I said,

Oh, you can't believe how much you're going to hurt. Yeah, I mean, he said he's just going to make him cry. You're like, you're going to rip people's arms off and beat them with it. Cruel. I will. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a bully in high school. Oh, wait, 250.

Okay. He's twelfth grade, trust grade, okay. What are you? So, hey, I'm in twas grade, too. How much did you weigh? Oh, look, a new kid comes in a time. No. Buck 20.

Okay. How much did you weigh? You know, Alan was about, oh, five, six. A little short guy. This 250 pound dude? Yeah. No, no, no. The big guy, no, no.

The big guy was all. I was old. I was a character. No, no, about 6-2, well, about 250. Y'all, and he was in there. So look, we all did it. We knew what's going to happen. You know, opening day of school, got a new kid in the neighborhood.

We all knew it. You know, so, hey, we all watch it. You know, here comes Allen walking down, you know, Alan's a new one of the class. Yeah. He's the 5'4 weighs about all 140. He's cranking. Yeah, but he lost two inches.

Well, no, no, no. Well, I'm just saying, hey, well, five, six, whatever, but about 140. So I used to be taller too. Hey, he's got, what, 150 pounds on him? Yeah. Bull he has. Well, he walks up and gets in front of Allen, and Alan stops him, looks at him. Steps left, the big bully step left.

he stepped back to the middle bully stepped back stepped to the right he stepped so all that takes a step back and he said hey I'm fixing to take a step forward he said and if you're still there in front of me

he said I'm fixing to walk all over you this is what the little kid says yeah the little kid saying this when a little kid says that you get out of the way look he stepped forward and that the big boy stepped up with his fist out next thing no they still talked about today

and we've never come up with, how many times did Alan hit him before he hit the ground? Hold on. Who are you talking to about this? That's not like Tony Neal. Every time we'd get together, we'd say, hey, how many times did Alan hit him before he hit the ground? Alan was quick, y'all.

He hit him right in the go now. Hey, he become my best friend, and guess what? Hey, he got beat out in the semifinals of Golden Glove. So this kid is a box. You knew one of the greatest boxers in the world, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. From Vivian Louise.

You were forced to go. Look, look. Oh, yeah. Tell me I put it on him. I would say. All you heard, all you see was just this flying. What kind of noises did the bully make? Oh.

All he was going, all you hear was thud, thud, dud, dut, tud. He didn't whimper. Then he fell. I knew it was coming. I tried to pick up my computer. Then it was a loud crash. And the fight was over. It was over.

And the crowd went wild. Do you think they could make a movie out of your life? Or would it? I mean, because it's wild. It's more like a Netflix TV series. Yeah, it is wild. I really think it's out there. I don't think anybody could act to do it.

That guy in the blind did a all right job of society. But he was the serious side of the side. Yeah, but hey, no, they could, I don't think. No, the young one. The young ones are one. They couldn't find somebody as crazy as I am to pull it off. I think it had to be like a TV show because there's so many different season. Yeah.

Just a bunch of different seasons. Oh, no, no, no, that's the reason my book that I wrote was a hit. Humble brag. Humble brag. Get it on Amazon, suckers. No, no, I told my life. I got a free triple wide. I told my whole life story from a childhood.

A story. Was there a chapter in there about parking? Here's the best part of it. Yeah, you left that out. It was the best part of it. Everything in that book, 95% of it is true. 95. Yeah.

I heard it here first. 95% I mean You're legitimately Forrest Gump Do you know the guy that started Red Lobster? Who's that what?

I was just checking Red Lobster I was just checking Where'd we go From my life to a Red Lobster I don't know Hey I ain't a lot of little Red Crot ads

Did they stink? Do all? What are you talking about? Those stink Those do stink Do they stink But taste good? I love it how

You say something It reminds me Look, please be the pizza. My uncle. Please be Italian women. No, no, my uncle. We're talking, we're fishing, talking trotline. We're at the house making them trot lines, men feel.

My uncle says, hey, guys. He said, look, I know y'all saying bait. Y'all and catch, like, little perch and crawfish to use his bait. He said, but y'all throw the best part of the bait away. You know, and I said, what are you telling me? He said, them pot gut mimas. Oh, good man. John the pot gut miller.

He said, that's the best catfish bait there is. I said, well, they're too little to put it on the hook. He said, oh, you don't put them on the hook. He said, you get one of them giant sour pickle gallon jars. He said, eat all the sour pickles out of it, empty it out, cleaned it up real good. He said, then you buy you two bags of giant cotton balls. What? Put it in the jar.

And then when you go sanding first, catching your trot line bait. He said, y'all always stole the pot-gut minerals away. He said, don't do that. Put them in a jar full of hot balls and then put a lid on it and put it out in the yard for about all a month. Well, hey, you leave anything in the hot sun in a hot jar for a month. It's going to go back to being, you know, just, you know, dead, dead chalers.

Yeah. Well, all them cut balls soak up that stuff. Okay. So we, you know, we're kids, teenagers, stupid as usual. Please, please. So we do this. Look, we had to take a hack saw and cut the lid off after that thing. You know, fermented for 30 days.

And then, look, we went to Red River and Phil had to bathe them. I couldn't do it. Because the whole time, if I put them, grab one of them cotton balls, I'd start puking. I'm about to be afraid of it up to trot line. We put it out across Red River. We did not catch one fish off of that junk. Okay, we left it out.

Okay, forgot it. That trot line is. I thought this was a cool story. You know what it is? Hey, look, that's just how stupid teenagers are. I thought you were going to eat. Our uncle, our uncle just made us. I heard a story that you planted golf balls

because they told you they was going to grow in the bacon. Baseballs. Well, I did. Hey. What? Look, I did. I told you that teenagers are stupid. Phil and Tommy told him they grow into baseball.

Hey, I was fixing to make me a mint selling baseballs. Why don't you just sell the golf balls? Hey, I got them from the golf course. You stole golf balls. Well, no, no, no. I didn't steal them. They was in the ponds. I went down by the ponds.

Watched them up. That's a business nowadays. Watch them up. Hey, and look, I had them in nice rolls where I was saying, okay, let's see. I will count them. Hey, I've got 45 baseballs fixed to come out of these ground right here. How old were you? Oh, about 12.

Had you done any drugs before they told you that? No, I didn't do any drugs. I tell you how stupid teenagers are. Well, 12's not a teenager. Hey, but you're talking about disappointment. I'd be disappointed, too. No, no. after the allowed time.

They never sprouted. I said, hey, maybe it's like potatoes. You didn't fertilize. You plant pieces of tomato. It grows into a potato plant, y'all. And then they're on the ground. You got to dig them up.

So I said, well, that's what's probably happening with the golf balls. It's probably a baseball by now. So let me dig them up. Okay. And I dug them up and guess what? What? They were still stupid golf balls. Did you only have to?

Hold on. Hold on. How did that happen? Because you're lumping all 12 and 13-year-olds in together. How old are you, random child? Hold it. She's 11. He's 11. Would you have followed this?

He's a female. He's smart. You knew golf balls didn't grow into baseball. You need to ask the kid there that's a boy. Boys are stupid. Well, he's not 12. Don't call the young kid with the cool hat that just walked in here. He calls me that all the time.

All right. But for you, sir, you grow out of it. Okay. Yeah. You're okay. You grow out of it. He hasn't grown out of it yet. Well, I ain't grown up.

Well, that's true. See, I refuse to grow up. That's all so boring. Yeah, none of them plant golf balls that'll turn into baseball. Well, look, hey, you need to have a little wonderment in your life. Could you imagine if it happened, though? Wonderment?

Look at the whole. Is that a word? Yeah. Wonderment? Yeah. It's a word. Do you have any idea how bad I wish I could have seen young. size face.

Don't ever lose you, Wonderment. Yeah, don't lose you wonderment. Are you singing I hope you dance right now? By Leanne Womack. That's her.

I like that song. I love her. I like that. It's a great song. It is a jam. It is a jam. Are you singing? Hey, it's a gym and a gym.

Yeah, he said he hopes you never lose your side of wonder. I love this song. Hey, don't ever lose your excitement. Yeah, so go plant golf balls. Yeah. Hey, they're baseballs. Golly.

Boy, I don't do that because, hey, all they do is disappoint you when they don't turn into baseball like they told you. Yeah. Then that was a grown-ups that told me that. They were grown? That's another reason I ain't going to grow up. They lie to you.

Well, we need to end this. I don't know how. Leanne Womack and Cy both hope you dance. So Psalm 149-3. Let them praise him with dancing, making melody to him with the tambourine and the liar. There you go, Sa. One day we're going to dance with Liam Wilmack in heaven.

That's right. I don't know how it works, but it could. You don't hate to sing or in key. Well, you sure know. God didn't say that. That is good news. God didn't make a Lord of your joy for noise. That's right.

He threw in some instruments right there.