Duck Call Room - Willie Robertson Threw a FLASHBANG at Martin!

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Uncle Si can’t get over some of the hilarious and harmless hijinks the boys have pulled off, but all agree that Willie is on a different level when it comes to prank wars especially with flash grenades. Si once cracked his dad up so hard by justifiably sinking his neighbors boat that he escaped punishment for it. Martin was forced to roast Willie for his birthday, but Si wanted no part of it. John-David is shocked that someone would get Si’s face tattooed on their bodies and Phillip came up with a genius way to get back at a bell bottom wearing classmate in high school. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

God bless me and then he gave me just one order. Now you help bless somebody else. And you do that. And he really has. Every Friday night there's like, hey, guys, you bless. Willingly. I'm just,

I didn't even hear what he said. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. And so did our friends from the great state of Arkansas have come down here. They blessed us. Hey. Ben's mom. Hey, whoever made that?

You can, no. Now, here's still. That was excellent. They didn't just make one for each of us. whole pan was full. That's right. And me and Martin has done delve into it. It's since done got clear.

Hunter ate two. See, y'all think I'd be upset. So did Martin. But there's a very similar pan that says honeyhole on it back where I'm from. Yeah. They came by the store, all 15 of them kids, they brought pictures that they drew of the, of the duck men. Uh-oh. We didn't make it feel.

How much ink they use on me? They did. One of them did give you a little something there. Okay. But they all made fun of Willie in all their drawings. Well, good for them. Those kids got here. I got a high IQ.

It's fun making full of all. This one. Making fun of Willie. This one has a picture of Willie counting money. And it says one, two, dot, dot, dot, dot. What comes after two? That's because Willie ain't ever been that poor. Oh, he's counting by millions.

Yeah, he didn't ever have to get to three. Yeah. And Gobbin put a swimming pole on the roof, so. Well, hey, them kids were cool, though. The man does love a cup of water. Hey, they actually got some talent in the artist, artist department. Well, that's awesome. Yeah, so I didn't, I was out of town traveling.

Yeah, okay. Bella sent me a text. She said, there's a bunch of folks here for this birthday party. We're doing birthday parties over in a store now. And she said, there's a bunch of folks here, but they brought y'all something. And I was like, why did they bring us something for their birthday party? Like, that's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. And then she sent me a picture of them.

them and she said what do you want me to do with them i said i want you to put them in a refrigerator and we're going to get back on them monday so that's what i want you to do with them and i had one fresh boy are they good let me tell you something refrigerated they don't it doesn't have it in a refrigerator you know sire he said it ain't bad which means it's really good yeah when sire took a bite and he said not bad yeah um that's like three thumbs up that's high on the rector scale yeah 100% yeah here we go look they all showed up to the honey hall there was like little dude perfect redneck looking kids and flat bill duck commander hats love it look at that we were all hanging out for a bit look at that and you get to advertise your store on there man that's awesome

i love i mean i love life man that's cool life's awesome i'm wearing the exact same clothes i was wearing friday i wasn't going to bring that up oh it's a different shirt okay wow that's good news we're not in the full blonde sweaty season yet you can reuse pants right now Now hearing about I can't Here in about two Three weeks you can't No

Sorry that's I'm not allowed to Rerun anything at this time of year Oh man It hits 80 I'm sweaty Oh there you go Yeah It don't ever hit 80 in this building

So That's good news It actually smells better Since you turn the air on Yeah it did have kind of a mildewy smell When we walked in here Well that's what makes duck commander Duck Commander

That and the parking lot bushes Well I really Well I really thought the flowers outside Would maybe change the smell in here by now but shocker they haven't. They built this building on a swamp. Yeah, they say that this thing's on concrete, but we're just floating.

I mean, we, it kind of. If it was taller, it would be like the leaning tower of Pisa. Well, that goes with the, instead, we're the sinking ship of commander. That goes with the territory. What's that? Hey,

building on a swamp. Yeah. I know, but see, but then they go around here, they go around here fixing things, and it's like, man, why are you trying to put lipstick on that pig? It's still just a pig.

Like, you know, I just don't, I don't get it. That's why they started doing all the additions. I was like, look, we got a big enough slot in the back. Why don't we just build a new building? No. No. It would be a little fun. Huh?

Probably it would be no fun. Yeah, heaven forbid we get something air and water tight. Yeah. Yeah. Sinking shit. I love it. I don't know where to put the bubble gum anymore. Everybody's more comfortable.

I just want windows in some of these rooms. I ain't had a window since I've been here. Not one. I never had one. No, not one. Hey, you don't want those distractions. No, get to work. It's called sunshine.

Yeah, it's just called, what's going on out there? Like, I just like to know what's going on. But, yeah, you don't want any distractions. Uh-uh, get to work. So I tell them how to work. The folks up at the front of the office get annoyed because about every two hours, I walk up to the front door and I just stand there and look outside. Yeah, you need to.

Just to make sure, you know, that Jesus ain't come back or. Oh, no, you tell me. I mean, like, all the things, just trying to, you know, trying to make sure I made it. It gets quite. in the opposite of Martin's like. I missed something. Yeah. Hold on.

I was left out. In Germany, we went 45 days. It was nothing but downpour. In Vietnam? No, this is in Germany. I feel like that's what we're stuck in here. Every day, look, every day it rained. It rained and rained and rained.

And rain. So, hey, look, the first day that it's sunshine, the general of the joint said, hey, everybody, get outside, forget work, go do something, and have fun. Amen, buddy. You know, because, hey, you're talking about everybody was biting each other at you? Mad. No, no, yeah, I mean bad, man.

Yeah, that's why them folks in Scotland's all got attitude. Yeah. It's got us to be in the sun. If they're lucky, they get an hour of sunshine a day. I mean, from the three weeks we spend over there, you was lucky to see the sun for an hour at night. Hey. What?

Remember when they were going to change daylight savings time? Yeah, we've passed it. What happened? Well, it's still a federal deal, so you've got to wait for the federalis. I'm sure they're up there hard at work. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Sure they are.

Getting rained on. Sure they are. Sorry. I just thought of that. It is nice. It's the time of year you can go outside after work, play outside, do stuff. Yeah, you still got a full day after work, kind of. You don't have to be in a rush.

You ain't driving home in the dark. It's a nice time of year. I just wanted to quit raining long enough for me to work in my yard. Amen. I'm tired of mowing in knee boots. Me too. Just let it grow. Frost will get it.

I can't anymore. The HOH is on him. I got twin. No, they don't care. We ain't got no HOA. Amen. No, sir, buddy. Nah, I keep my yard, though.

No, but I like to keep the grass short. That way, the boys just go, hey, look out now. They just go wander out through there. That way, they're having a good time. I don't want the grass as tall as them. That's true. You don't want to lose the feet in the tall. Yeah, no, you'd find them.

You'd hear them. They make too much rackets and they're not fine. Speaking of yards and grass. What happened? We almost ended up in a cast. So you ain't got to the point where they get quiet. No. That's dangerous.

The kids never get quiet. They're around. No, Carter. Carter took a tumble yesterday. Hiddy? Oh. El Presente. What happened?

He was on Segway. There's like my nieces have these little miniature segways. Oh, wrong. Bad thing. Yeah. They say 16 plus on it, Janice. That's my mom. Don't know.

she's buying these things. Well, Carter Falls, about breaks his arm. I send him to school this morning, and he gets there like, yeah, he needs to go get this checked out. But he could touch his nose, and his elbow was all the size of his knee. Is that the criteria? Is that the arm test? Like, I don't know.

Well, it's clearly his elbow. So I was like, can you touch your nose? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, okay, it's probably just sprained. Man, you were really close to like having a rookie of the year moment. We still might. I mean, he may be, I mean, he's. may be able to throw the heat.

Yeah. Well, I was there getting x-rays all morning, which are good, but now he's in a sling. So anyway, so Carter is now in a sling and just milking it. And he's been in a sling for four hours. Of course. He told his teacher he couldn't do his homework because he can't write. I love it.

Because his arm's in a sling. I love my dog, ate it. He's left-handed, though, and it's his right arm. He had the teachers convinced he was right. Right-handed. And they had to call Allison and be like, hey, we thought Carter's been left-handed. Is he right-handed? And she was like, no, he's left-handed.

So he's over there going, can't do work. I'm stuck. I'm stuck here in this sling. They're like, I love it. I love it. So I got to have that talk when I get home. I'm just glad to know that another president can fall. Yeah, hey, off a motorized vehicle.

Yeah, who knew? Maybe age isn't the only requirement there. The guy that's supposed to keep him safe. Yeah, Secret Service failed. He was out in the middle of that field. Yeah, he failed. And then it's a good thing I've been working out because that was the first time I've had to carry Carter in a minute. Mm-hmm.

Boy heavy. He's grown man. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I weighed him. He's 95 pounds. Well, he's a president. But he's 10 now, and I'm like, dude, if you're going to get hurt, make it closer to the house.

Yeah, well, he's 10 and 212s, also known as 1-6th, you know. It's 10 and 212. All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up. that means, that means more outside cook. And y'all know we love to eat beef around here. And that's what, because of our friends over at Triedells beef, makes such a good product, baby.

Ain't it good? It's so good. Our friend, Sall Robertson would say, buy on the grill! Look, before we got Triedells, getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things, grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef comes from.

But with Triedales beef, we skipped the grocery store, and do it a different way. Triedails comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while. Now, look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way.

Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of ribbys on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire, that's all you need. Look, because I'll tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. the tenderness and the flavor are fantastic.

So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Triedails beef. I know in size case Christine loves it, which is just a, she doesn't eat meat. She isn't a big meat easier, folks. Yeah. Just go to trybeef.com slash. That's tribeef.com slash.

Support ranch families and eat some dang good steak. As of today. Oh, anyway, that's my wild morning. It is a Monday for sure. Weird weather all weekend. Yeah, I was up in Kentucky, so I don't. How was Kentucky? It was fine.

Did you catch a fish? I didn't. Oh, I did catch a fish. But I wasn't there to fish. I mean, but then I looked down, I was doing the little kids fishing rodeo thing. They were like 300 kids at this deal. And they ain't catching nothing. Like, I mean, they ain't, they ain't catching nothing.

And I looked down there on the bank, and I'm like, well, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, sitting on bed right here. Like, water's crystal clear. So I get to looking around, I'm like, what's one of you kids got a jig? So I go scarfing through everybody's little tackle box, finally find me a little jig, and I put it out there about three times. I don't caught me a big mega croppy. No, he got that long. A little tiny thing.

But then I proceeded to just go down the bank and start catching cropping all them kids sitting there looking like. So you won the kids fishing contest? Well, I didn't turn them in, you know. But they was all catfishing. You know, they all had them big old corks and chicken livers and- video some of that? I videoed me and the kid that told me

that was on my Instagram. I don't think I saved it. His name, I believe, I'm not mistaken, is Mark. And he come up to me. And he is, was a gym of a kid. I say kid, he's 21. Did not look 21. What did he look?

14. So he had the opposite effect at 21 that you had? Absolutely. No, 100%. No, he did. But, I mean, he was just a gem of a human. He's got down syndrome. But when he walked in, like, he was wearing the old school Duck Dynasty shirt with the four faces.

I was like, when he walked in, I said, oh, he's one of them, buddy. That's my guy. Yeah. And my man come up there, didn't get in line, didn't do nothing, just come up, grab the chair right beside me and sat down. I love it. And I said, what's up, big dog? And we went to talking. And then he got to explain it to me how he just got a three-year plan to come work here.

And I said, well, buddy, let me tell you something. I said, if you do your three-year plan and it comes to fruition, and I'm still working at Duck Commander, I said, you got a job. If you're a man at 21 who's got a three-year plan and you come up to me with that much ambition to just pull up a chair and sit down, I will make a place for you. I don't know what it may be. You may be dimple and read. You may be sweeping the floor.

But if you show me that, I'm in on you, man. So, no, he was fantastic. He made me laugh. He knew every episode and asked me about all of them. I didn't remember some of them. I just kind of had to give it to, oh, yeah, man, that was a wild one. Yeah, that was a good one. And I was in it.

Like, you know, that's the wild part. But, I mean, he knew him word for word. And his parents were just, this parents like, thank you so much for entertaining him. And I said, entertaining him, he just entertained me. Like my man just he just acted like we've been buddies our whole life Just pulled up a chair and sat down I said alright he's here let's do this When I gave him a fishing pole and he was walking around

He said oh I catched a crappie with this I was like you bet you will buddy Hey let me tell you something I like that Carter milked it you know what I mean Oh yeah I mean that's funny he's like oh It's killing me I don't get a question

I would have done the same thing It's an opportunity But as a father I've never passed up off as a father because look I don't know this yet because mine barely talking oh just wait as a father they won't stop that you like that he did that but is it okay that he lied about which hand he writes with as a father okay I'm just asking I'm going to tell you the story because it's hilarious to everybody but me so so so I'm fine with that I'm the one that's going to have to deal with it I think I would laugh about it and then I would

pull him to the side and I'd say hey that's pretty funny that you try to do that but look, let's be honest with people. That's when you teach the story because it is funny. It's hilarious. It's clever. The worst part of being a parent is when your kid does something hilarious that they need to just be thrown across the room for. Just like, blah, but you can laugh at it and then you can address it. The other day, me and my cousin, Heath was in town.

We're sitting on the couch. Carter comes flying over the back of the couch. And I said, son, kid, just walk around and sit down like a normal him. You're going to tear up the couch. he goes it's just my vibe bro and I don't mess with my groove and I got

I was like he just said that and I want to laugh he learned it from him and Heath just goes and put his hands over his mouth and look down and I was like

I'm gonna pick this kid up I'm just gonna drag him to his room and I don't know what's gonna happen but I also am trying not to laugh that'd really ruin his vibe bro yeah the bruh phase has got to go I've got to

I've got to tell y'all story now. No, no, look, this farmer, okay, that live next door to us, has got a boat, okay? Okay. And it rained and sunk. This is just a wooden boat. It sunk. So it's been sunk for five years.

Did it feel blame it on them fat boys? No. Oh, I was just wondering if that started back. Oh, anyway, look. I remember that one. Look, me and the neighborhood kits, okay. you know he's watching us from the from the first moment we put it out okay it had two or three holes in it you know i got with dad and said hey i need some tar gun and some tar and he said well what do you

got i said i found old sunk boat and i want to repair and fish out of so this guy's watched me from the beginning and me and his kids we work on this thing for like two months okay and the day that we've got it all good and fishing in it Yeah, Dunroad SS Gen. Oh, yeah. And having the time of our life. Okay. He comes down and he says, hey, you know,

what are you kids doing in my boat? You know, I've been watching him watch us, y'all. And I said, well, it was on the bottom. I didn't figure nobody cared. He said, well, I do. Put it back where it was at. And, you know. So, you know, I've paddled back up to the bank,

told the kids who get out and hand me the axe. okay no oh yeah yeah so you know so hey i pal them back up they hand me the axe and and the guy's looking at me funny okay and i said go ahead push me back out he'll swim back yeah so hey they pushed me out i stand up with the axe and i said you said put it back where it was at no come on boom hold in the bottom boom right side out boom left side out out put the axe over my shoulder like Paul Bunyan come wading out. He just started going down. Oh, no.

He's screaming. Y'all. He said, wait until I get with your father? I said, I ain't worried about it one way or the other. So you just axed it up and let it sink. He said, put it back where he had it. He said, put it back where you got it. He's a rule follower.

So I did. You all right. I come home. How mad was your daddy? Oh, no, no. Yeah. Uh-huh. when I walk in

I said I know he's they he's told you he couldn't help but he was laughing he said you know I order you'll strip some hide off

you're behind right and I said yes sir I know you should yeah he said sit down and I said first question I said

I said hey I'm guilty I said but look That's an important part of life. No, no. I said, I'm guilty. I said, but hey, he did say put it back where you found it. And I said, I did. Y'all and he said, yeah, but you went to the extremes.

I said, well, hey, I said, I'm willing to pay the punishment for the crime. I said, but hey, he was watching us the whole time. I said, Daddy, what makes people that way? He didn't give two cents about that boat. until you got it until I got it and was having fun and he just couldn't stand

that I was having fun yeah some people are fun suck well no no that's right yeah so he said well he said this one you get away with it's a freebie you know and I said I know

well it ain't a free I mean you did what he said now you could have just merely sunk it and after you knew what you did it oh yeah no yeah now he did it with a little bit of the reds. Oh, no, no, because I did it. I did it on purpose. Yeah, pure spite. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. You'll be put it back? It's definitely not an accident. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, it wasn't an axe. I got one. I got one. You know, Beth even chuckled at that. Well, look, Godwin,

ain't even got to be here for them kind of jokes. So I went to summer school every year of my life. And I'm sorry. Get out, Pastor. What? Hold on. No. No, no. No, no. No, no. I got questions. I got questions. I was It's a terrible student. I got to college. Hey, welcome to the club. You had to run back school every year? Yeah, welcome for the club. Yeah, everything.

So anyway, there's a certain population in summer school, people that don't care and didn't do their work. And, you know. And you're just part of that. I'm one of them. I'm probably the president of it. But I'm in summer school. And the teacher says, you cannot go to sleep in class. You can do anything you want, but you're not going to sleep in class.

Well, the first chance I got, I went to sleep. And this is back when we could. people could smoke in the smoking ring, you know. In school? In junior high and high school. Yeah. Yeah, you had cigarettes and lighters and you just got to where you're supposed to smoke. And that's what people are?

Yes. How old are you? 54. All right. So this guy lit me up while I was sleeping. But he was 14 then. That's junior high. I feel like that was like 100 years ago, not 30 years ago.

I don't think Sagert's been around that long. So anyway, he lit me up with a lighter when I fell asleep. sleep. His name was Andy. He lit you on fire? He let my butt on fire behind. He got up behind me and lit my butt on fire. So I jumped up out of the seat and fell over and everybody was laughing and the teacher was like, what's going on back there? I was like, oh, nothing. It's all good. And I said, that day I said, because he liked to go out and party, see, I said, he's going to come to school and he's going to fall asleep because there's no way he can make it through some of these nights and not sleep the next day. So Andy loved to wear bell bottoms with no socks on

So I brought my lighter and just waited And finally finally he gets to class and he goes to sleep And everybody knows I'm after him So they kind of got out of the way Kids are kids boys So I just hit that butane Now it ain't lit yet It's just

Underneath the bell bottom Under the bell bottoms And look I mean I was like sigh I'm going to get mine So then when I hit it hit the flick the switch. It just went, whoo,

woo, woo, and fire shot out of his bell bottom, and he took off running out the door, pah, hollering, and screaming, uh, Philip McMillan coming to the office. Gross is a principal.

Look, it was hilarious. I got in pretty good trouble over it, and my dad had to come up there and get me. And we got in the car, and he laughed. He said, that's the funniest crap I've ever heard of

in my life. He said, Now, don't you ever do that again? I mean it. But it was the funniest crap I've ever seen in my life. See, sometimes you got to, like, slide a little credit for ingenuity. Yeah. A bell bottom bomb is, I mean, that's next level.

Most people would just have set it on fire. You created a pocket of gas. Oh, no. But that's right there with, like, convincing your teacher, your right-hand. Oh, yeah. It's all the same. It's like, I can't do this. I can't ride, man.

What you want me to do? Like, I don't know. Some kids would roll, kitchen matches, big long kitchen matches up in the newspaper and waits to get in the beat. And then I'll always wait until it was the hottest day in school before getting out. This is in class? Oh, yeah. And then it had popped that thing and it makes the foulest older. Oh, no.

Yeah, I mean, bad. Is that what happened in this room before we got here? Well, I'm just saying, that's what happened in some of my classroom. That's terrible. Oh, no. Hey, I mean, that. You know, that room would be useless for two weeks. That's how bad it's stuck.

You didn't have no air conditioning. Yeah, no. Yeah, so there wasn't nothing going to pull it out of it. No, there ain't nothing going to get it out. Yeah. You can open the windows, you know, and I mean, they did. They'd open them and leave it for like three weeks. They let the windows open for three weeks.

Hold on. Hey, this time, I don't know what it is about a rolled newspaper for kitchen matches. He's the fact checker. I'll have to say here. It was three weeks. Lord, have mercy. But, hey, kids are going to be kids. be asked.

Kids are going. So this is all what's coming for me. Oh, yeah. That's good to know. Yeah. I wasn't quite that dubious, but. I never set anybody on fire. No.

Well, you didn't get set on fire. Yeah, but kids are mean. Okay, so, hey. The worst we ever did. Gabe, I'm sorry, if you're listening. We rolled his house every weekend for like two months. and he came to school he's like guys if there's toilet paper in that they had one tree there's a live oak a tree they had a tree and we would put like 200 rolls of toilet paper in a tree you can't afford

do that now yeah it would be more expensive way more expensive we'd go to Walmart and we'd just be walking out and he came he don't have toilet paper and he was like guys if y'all do that one more time my mom's going to ground me and we're like sucks to get grounded and then we'd go back because we weren't getting in trouble. Y'all just kept running it back. Just kept running it back. The meanest one we ever did. We found somebody's leaves that they all,

which we used to like to go find people that bagged up their leaves and then put them back in their yard for them so they could do it again. That's terrible. Hey, but we stole this one to try to add my neighborhood. I do. You'll have a behind-full of the show. Oh, no.

I never got caught. Oh, you'd have a behind-full rock. I knew I'd like to whip your butt in school. Oh, no. Look. I knew it. If people had them piles of leaves in bags, I'd be like, back in the yard, boys, get your rake out tomorrow. It's Saturday.

You'd have tried down in our neighborhood. You'd have heard boom. But then, look, we took a bunch of them to Gabe's house from other people's yards, and we emptied out all the leaves in front of their front door and made a pile. And then we pushed up against it, and then we rang the doorbell. Y'all need to have y'all's butt guy. And took off running. I hope Gabe shops at Academy now. He does.

I love you, Gabe, if you're listening. I hadn't talked to you in a long time. That's why. Look, when you open that door, all the leaves just come flying into the house. It was, we had a lot of rude stuff we did to people's yards. Mainly just Gabe. That's the last time you talked to Gabe.

We were in a fantasy football league not too long ago together. I mean, do we need to do like a wellness intervention? Like a welfare check on him? He's probably doing a, All right. Big Dave, big Dave wore your butt out a lot. Big Dave never caught me. Oh, yeah, he did. Not doing that. But we, I was, I was just, I was mischievous and would play pranks on people, which were very rude. But I wasn't like out drinking and partying. Let me ask you something. On this leaf debacle. Because I think I know who you are. I think I do. Did you actually physically pile the leaves or did you direct the others how to stack them? I can answer that. Where you were, like, kind of out.

in the shadows, just giving orders that way if the light did flip on and you's gone, buddy. Guess his car we were in? Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. I knew it. He was the driver. Flight rear. I was the director.

Uh-huh. Hey, one time we had this guy, we would ring his doorbell every night at like 2 a.m. He was waiting on us. That's the best. That's how much we rang his doorbell. And all of a sudden, my buddy Jenkins comes running by. Well, I'm in the car. Gone.

We didn't see it. We had everybody's out. We didn't have phones back. in. Well, we did, but you couldn't talk to each other on them. I guess that's all you could do. I don't know. It took us about an hour to find everybody again.

Uh-huh. Johnny D. He always around until that meat gets on. Johnny D. I knew. I was ready to roll, son. When the rubber hit the road, he'd gone. I knew it.

I knew he was the one. I knew he was the one talking me into doing bad stuff. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, it was always my idea. Always a ring leader. Uh-huh. Hey, let me tell y'all.

But I was never getting caught. I got one more I need to tell y'all because me and and some of the kids of the children's home, it snowed at the children's home. And so we went out and we started making snowmen at all the deal of different houses, you know? You want to build a snowland? You want to build a snow land? So I know that song. The kids came, the other kids came and they would like tackle the snowmen. Oh no. Did something make one out of a mailbox? No, a fire hydrant. Even worse. Some of the guys was like, they want, they was, somebody wanted to knock this one down and they put, they made the snowman over a fire hydrant. And hey.

You're trying to hurt somebody now. We had somebody end up in the ER. You're trying to hurt somebody now. That was, somebody got hurt on that one. Yeah. Yeah. But hey, don't be knocking down snowmen. Ah.

Man, y'all some. Pay the place. You're some dubious people, man. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. But we never tore anything up. We just made a mess. That was our thing. Man, we just like shot songbirds and caught fish.

I don't know. That ain't true. I don't believe that. That ain't true. One of your favorite stories is you're driving a four-wheeler off a cliff. What? That was not intentional. Obviously.

I mean, I wouldn't like out there a hot ride, and we'd just riding full-wheeler's. Like, you know, that's just part of being. That's what I'm saying. We just do a redneck stuff. It wasn't like,

hey, watch this. Hey, but on that four-wieler. It was sheer panic as I got to the edge. Had you seen somebody's leaves all bagged up on the side? You know what's really fun? Just driving that four-wither straight into them and sending the leaves all back into the yard. No,

Hammer, I was the one raking them leaves. No, that wasn't fun. Are you kidding? I wasn't one raking the leaves and putting out the pine straw. Uh-uh. You just spread it everywhere.

No. No. Yeah, see, you all, yeah. You ought to come down. Have you ever woke up? If y'all had come down Dumas Road, that'd have been a bad deal. That'd have been a tough.

Nobody goes down Dumas on accident. That'd have been a toughie on y'all because I got Clark at the front of it and me at the back of it. That'd have been a bad deal for y'all. Golly. We rolled somebody's house one, time I say we I watched it I was like this is dumb well it seems like a person who

good waste of toilet paper so I just kind of sat there and they just kept doing it and then the next day one of them I don't remember who it was he said he he told on everybody that did it so then we's out there cleaning it up oh see no that guy got yeah he's out yeah he's hanging out with and then one of them come up with a bright idea to like the toilet paper on fire to get it out the tree no I don't yeah yeah well it does then the tree catches on fire too so Yeah, it's called fire department. You want to know what a minute? Yeah, then you got a real situation on your hands.

Then it's going to set the house all fire. Yeah. Yeah, you just created a wick. Yeah, yeah. That is what you did. I said, oh, that is not good. But you never, like, went around to the fancy neighborhoods in Monroe with a couple bottles of dawn and just went to all their fountains and gave them snow in the morning?

No, we just drank beer of Rofoeuvre. I'm telling you. Next time you run by Dollar General gets you just a big thing of dawn. And then the next fountain you see, walk up to it, squeeze it, throw the bottle in, and leave. And then drive by about an hour later. When he'd come back, when he'd go out there riding around on White's Ferry and you get that ski lake and he'd probably look and said, boy, who's that bunch of rednecks over there? That's all us. Like, we'd been up all night.

Yeah, had a little fire going out there. Yeah, riding in the mud, running yo-yo's on the river. Like, that's the stuff we did, but I don't... We just terrorized neighborhoods. Yeah, yeah. I think it took me till I was about 22 to learn my way around Monroe. That's how little I went over there before then. Like, I just didn't...

I ain't mess around over there. That's where them people that went to Neville when it lived. Yeah, I didn't mess with it. Yeah, you can just make all their yard bubbles. Yeah, well, I mean... I've never done that to anybody that lives near me now. Willie got a fountain. No, but his brother does.

they woke up on Christmas it wasn't me I've never admitted to that one I was like one Christmas morning Jason Mrs. Yard was just full of bubbles Was it really? Oh somebody got them They got got got by I guess a bottle of Don

Who knows? In the swimming pool? Allegedly No in the fountain in their front yard I don't know who it was Will Dawn kill grass? It messed up a lot Oh you said oh

Yeah Don't think that fountain's been on since I mean I know when you I know when you like spray chemical on water, like on water grasses. You use Dawn as a surfactant, so it sticks to the grass. Jason misses y'all, because my parents lived past them. The only reason I ever saw it. When their entire yard was three foot of bubbles.

It was amazing. Wow. Whoever did it? We used too much. He used the whole thing. He used the whole bubble. He or she used a lot. Do you know who did?

I have no idea. Hey, he don't know. I don't trust him. It's hard to say. Okay. Were you teaching Carter what you used to do? No, no, no. I'll tell you how his arm.

Carter's going to be down there with one arm tonight. Dad, I can't help you with my right arm. This was like a decade ago. Oh, when they first, yeah, they hadn't been there long. Yeah. Willie still just had to one house. Yeah. Boy, that'd be cool if Willie got a fountain.

Mm. No, that was no. First birthday or Christmas. I would do that. All right. You don't want to go. go that route. Oh, no, no, no. I don't go that route with no kind of. No, because he'll burn your truck. Yeah, he'll get you.

Like, he's the guy. He'll set it on fire. Yeah, he's the guy. Like, you play, you can play a harmless enough prank on Willie and then he's going to do something that's going to break your legs. Right. Oh, yeah. It's not congruent to the situation. You were there when he threw my phone in the fire, weren't you? Uh-huh. I was like, your whole life's on that phone. Yeah. Yeah, he rethought that one. I grabbed it. I, no, I grabbed the phone out of the fire. I was also there. I was also there when the boy tried to blow me and Willie up with a flashbang when we were cooking. I remember that. So then Willie in retaliation, my man, I mean, Willie thought about this that night. It's incredible because the guy who did it was flying out the next day. Everybody went

sleeps at me and Willie because our ears are still ringing. Like, you legitimately have been hit by a flashbang grenade. Yeah, I see why they work on crackheads because I was perfectly sober. Oh yeah. Like, and I didn't know what to do. Yeah. Like, I just ran the direction I was facing. So did Willie. The problem is he ran into the wall. At least I ran to the wide open basketball area. But we were sitting there on the couch and Willie said, come go with me. I was like, okay.

I mean, I could barely hear. Don't ask any questions. What? So we went upstairs to old boy's room and grabbed all of his luggage. And I was like, well, what are we doing with this? Well, they got a big walk-in freezer. So we went and opened up his luggage. He's flying out the next day, mind you.

Open up his luggage, got the water hose, drug it in the, walk-in freezer and just we filled up his expensive cowboy boots to the top first left them sitting in there and then we took his suitcase unzipped it stuck the water hose in it until the water started pouring out zipped it back up and left it in a walk-in freezer for him to find before he flies back to Colorado the next day icicles baby yeah so long story short that lug has just got thrown in the trash can once he found him two solid blocks of ice but yeah i mean willie he he he don't mind tearing and stuff up. I mean, the boy dropped off a rental car flat as a pancake.

That's true. That happened. I took it back. It was flat. Oh, can you explain that one? Huh? Can you explain that one? Yeah, it's called a D-9 dozer.

Over the rental car. Over the rental car on top of it. Well, he went through a destructive face. Then they picked up the flattened car. Like, no, not four flats. Flattened car. Car, no, like that. they picked it up with the forks from the trackhoe

and put it on the trailer and drove it back and dropped it off in the parking lot was he mad at them is your car back yeah I have so many questions about no that's what happens when people with a bunch of money get together one time arguably willie's the lowest one in that tax bracket too yeah for sure like of the people he was hanging around

oh yeah hey one time I was in a green room with Willie and my wife was there and Allison was like hey Willie can I get a Coke out of that refrigerator and Willie goes you can take that TV off the wall with you if you want to like that's sometimes you just want to tear stuff up yeah I mean he he don't apparently his his level of prank it's up here that's why when he had the birthday because he can write you a check and everybody was roasting me and just say yeah sorry that's funny wasn't it they were like hey do you want to Cory call me she was like do you want to roast Willie because I got a bunch of good scoop on him you know oh yeah you did I was like, no. No, are you kidding me? No, I don't want the payback. Try being the guy that gets made to roasting. Ooh.

He also still signs his paycheck. Yeah. And I was like, I'd quit at that point. And I still wouldn't even do it. They was like, he's like, no.

I was going to do it. I went light. It's scary. Oh, but you did good. Oh, the problem with that with the roasting is I went super light too

because he knows enough about me to really. Oh, no. to really turn the screw. I mean, like, even though I work for him, like he could have really embarrassed me in that whole, like, no matter what I did, everyone was going to say,

hi, that's Willie. He just talking about some of the stuff. I did with him. Like, I mean, you know, I watched Phil's kids,

the boys when they was growing up. No, you don't, you don't want to mess with that bunch. Yeah. Because they're crazy. Okay. And Jay so,

Jace will sneak you. Oh, yeah. I think they could get you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he'll sneak you. Oh, yeah. He'll sneak up behind you with a two-by-fold.

You definitely don't want to mess with an hour and get Al on a really arm. Oh, Al's tough. And Al's always got a microphone. We rolled Al's house one time. Me and all my friends did because he was a preacher. Y'all drove out to the Calhoun. Let's just go roll the preacher. Why?

I don't know. Well, Spring. Yeah. And Phillips' old hood. That's my old hood. I wonder who did it. What's in that inbox, Johnny, do you have anything? Inbox.

Okay, this is. I'm so. sad Alan emailed in. The video didn't work, Alan. So that stinks, but I got the picture. His daughter Charlie and her best friend Tavon sang the national anthem at a baseball game.

And normally that's like something neat. But that is the two coolest outfits I've ever seen. And God bless America. Yeah. It's all I have to say about that. Wow. And I'm sad that the video didn't work. That's tight. Oh. Well, congratulations. And I bet they did a fabulous job with it.

Oh, that's going to have to be Carter's next. entrepreneurship outfit there. I need that suit. America's got snacks, baby. America's got snacks. Yeah, they could work for Carter. Yeah, well, Carter's... If he wants to expand his franchise.

Well, we never went... Did we ever get an update on that? You know, America's got snacks, but the competition had a cotton candy machine, so we didn't win. Anyway... Oh, boo. I mean...

Cotton candy trash, anyway. Thank you, but boy, did it go over well in the... Pretty. I'd rather have a Snickers, you know? You think so? And a doctor pepper. Or a homemade oatmeal cream pie. One of those oatmeal cream pies.

All right. And then we got a prayer request from the Whitley family from Texas. Abram, my man, he's got leukemia. So they asked to get a shout out to that. He is in remission right now. But the cars and the, I don't even know what that had is, but that kid, I like him. I just like the picture so much. And he's on a hog, man.

He's on a, man. Harley. Harley. Abrams his name. That's Abram. He's in remission, but a long road ahead of him. Absolutely. Super happy two-year-old.

But he likes eating barbecue, wearing hats, and playing outside. So I wanted to give them a shout out. Also, remember that comedian that came in here that day? Not John Chris, the other one. He went and got Cy tattooed on his leg. I love it. I love this guy.

I'm not stupid. I'm funny. That's what's what Sai told him. I don't know about putting sile on your body. That's going a little too far. Hey, we've been worn as underwear and t-shirts. What's the difference? You know.

You can take underwear off. Maybe not. Some of that stuff was made out of. It's going to last until Jesus comes back. It wasn't cozy stuff. Martin will be looking out the window just to check and make sure. And then this one. But that's a way cooler point.

I guess he sent you a message. Yeah. Okay. All right. Hey, if you have a side. Then I'm in. Hold on.

If there's any more side tattoos. Can we see them? Hello at duckcaught room.com. Send them. We're going to have a sci tattoo contest. Currently Layton's in the lead. Um, and I'm going to rank them.

So send me your tattoos of America's favorite uncle. That one is awesome. That's number one. That's currently number one. What are we to do if some of them are, um, questionable? Questionable locations. I'm not going to show it.

it but you'll still rank it but I'm going to have to rank it. He got to rank it. It may rank itself. This is for scientific It may rank itself, he said. Yeah. I mean, what are you talking about, Martin? I'm going out. I might get one in the end of the contest. Hey, doctors got to look at stuff they don't want to look at. This is for science. All right. This person said, if it be possible, please

don't use this name. He's having a problem. Bobby. I really like this girl. And I'm pretty sure she really likes me too. But there's one problem. And it's a really long story. Are you ready, Martin? He's ready, I can tell. I used to date her sister. And she dumped me.

And I feel like if I start going out with her sister, it would make it awkward. Oh, it's going to be awkward. What do you guys think I should do? Well, it depends on how big the town is, my friend. But since you're asking us, I'm assuming these are the only two girls you know. I've got to have what Martin goes tell her. Martin Martin you

Martin you got a mouth on you he wants to keep it I just scolded me about the last thing I said when it comes to my mind so I ain't doing it again There's another tattoo Yeah What

Hunter's over here Just sending me tattoo My bro Do you not think these sisters have talked Oh yeah Like Oh wow Oh wait I like that

Oh that's me Oh no That's like 10 out of 10 on quality art I'll fix. Say, somebody's going to money on that. Yeah.

That is pretty good. He's the artist. Yeah. Wow. What a life. Leighton, I got bad news. You're in second.

You're in second. You're in second. Suddenly. I don't know who's in first, but it's this guy. So my man, my man. Anyway,

he likes a girl. He got dumped by her sister. What's he do now? Hey, you leave that family alone. Actually, wouldn't you Owens be better suited for this? Yeah.

You don't, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't pack your bag and leave, buddy. You're part of a family whose brother's married sister. That's got nothing to do with dating the same sister. Oh, hey. Well, how you don't know? My dad didn't date Mary and Matt didn't date. Hey, great buying steak alike.

How do you know they didn't swap one there? That's right. You asked them? You asked them? Well, what if they're like, oh, no, I'm really into him, not him. I'm really into him, not him. That's exactly right, Mark. Martin. There's a long story that includes Celebrate Recovery while we know that that's not the case.

That's a good point. Meth, anyway. Yeah, that's methed up, man. I would say, hey. You got a lift. I would move to a new town, my dude. All right, back to this guy's problem, not my family's issues. Yeah, big dog, run.

I don't know. Are there no other girls? I don't see it that way. Okay. Date them both. and hey if the sisters next in line that's the one you'd be dating

I mean I feel like this is a start to a really bad TLC show first off I'd watch that show if you're gonna do that hey if you're gonna do that you might as well just go away like Stone's always telling me if you're gonna be a bear

be a grizzly hey take them both out on the same night yes okay he didn't say he's from Utah how was that kiss darling he says from Utah Oh, boy.

Now, that's a weird TLC show. Yeah. That thing went straight to Netflix. Documentary. Yeah, just find somebody else, bro. That's weird. All I do is, hey, Willie Nelson's got a song. Rolled again.

To all the lot, girls I've had before. Does Alicia have a sister? Yes. But not that you know about. Well, I'm just at, would you date her? No, I know. She doesn't have a sister. Oh, okay.

Why are you trying to get me in trouble for? No, I'm just, I'm like, Johnny Dees, the one that's in-bred. Brittany's got a sister, but she's 10 years younger. So, like, that would never, I mean, I'd have to be like 60 before the math worked on that. Half your age plus seven, it's a rule. Hey, I had first to experience with this. Don't do it. Wait.

Wait, you've made his sisters? Yeah. You didn't tell me that. Put the mic up to your mouth, stop. Now I'm going to pay attention. There's the reason he's America's favorite uncle, ladies and gentlemen. Hunter, we can now edit out, me being mean about latent statutes. Well, hey, here's the thing.

Here's the reason that happened. I dated sisters. Yeah. You dated sisters? Yeah. Here's the reason to happen. This could not be a story. Harold dated her older sister.

And then you dated both of them? And no. And I dated a younger sister. Okay. And she was a fine little hamlet. Oh, sure. Okay. Yeah, you didn't date no other than one.

Okay. But what? Hold on. That's not two sisters, though. You didn't date both the sisters. No, I didn't date both of them. Oh, okay. That's legal.

I dated a fine. A sister. You dated a sister. We've all dated a, well, my wife's an only child, so I've never done. That's why I tell the boy, hey, you need to move on. What? You need, hey, you know, it's one of them deals, you're a hunter. You need to hunt somewhere else.

We have a Bible verse. Something about sisters. Dating sisters' Bible verse. Something about sisters. I hope it says don't do it. All right. First Timothy 5-2. Treat older women as mothers, younger women and sisters in all periods.

Well, there you go. Treat women with respect and don't date their sister. All right. We'll see y'all next time right here. We're out.