Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: Guys, We Bleached Our Bholes

Episode Date: September 4, 2026

Ask, Tell, Confess is back at the kitchen counter, and somehow y’all managed to outdo yourselves. This week, the gang is diving into your absolute WORST date and hookup stories—and there is truly no preparing for where these confessions go.We’re talking puking in mouths to Alan Jackson, surprise butt play with ZERO warning, period disasters on white sheets, boogers on boobs, and enough poop and puke stories to last us a lifetime.Bunnie, Meme, Hailee, and Jaime break down every unhinged detail while getting into sex and consent, period sex, butt stuff myths, bleaching buttholes before surgery (yes, really), and the red flags you should NEVER ignore just because you’re “already there.”Consider this your reminder: sometimes it’s better to just get dressed and go home.Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTube

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So you guys only have to. Actually, some of you guys said you loved at the kitchen counter and then some of you guys were like, I missed the old set. A lot of people really thought this was like more personable. I got it. Yeah, I know. It's giving Shane and Met. I get it. Yeah.

What did you say we need to? clear up this week. I forget. Oh, we were off season. Yeah. Everyone was like, you guys just stopped doing us till confess. We were off season. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes we have to take a break in between and kind of switch it up. We're also not going to do long breaks anymore, though. I think that's what people are confused about. We used to take like an entire month off. Now we're just going to sprinkle them through the year, so it's more consistent. Yeah. Well, that and also we got to make sure that you guys yearn for us. We do love. We do love. We do love. love when y'all yearn for us. So here we are back with another Astell Confess. And what is today's

topic? Today's topic is. It's late at night here, by the way. We want to know your guys is worst date slash hookup. And you guys submitted some really good ones on that. Yeah, man. If you want to submit to Astell Confess, go over to our Instagram. They will be on the screen right now. Jason insert everyone's Instagram over us right here. We're done. And yeah, that's how you submit. Just DM us or we sometimes ask in our stories. So we ask. You guys tell.

And then we confess on here. All right. I'm ready to kick it off because I got some good ones. Okay. All right. I think this person wants to stay anonymous, but she said, he was hitting it from behind and told me to arch my back.

I arched it up like a hunchback. And he says, no, the other way. She said, I'm still trying. commentized 13 years later. Needless to say, it was my first time doing doggy. Like a cat. No. That's crazy. It was all tailbone.

She was all tailbone. And the fact that the dude, the fact that the dude was like, no, the other way. How do you not stop in that moment and lose your? No, I would leave. I would already, I'd be like bent over calling my Uber.

Imagine what happens. though when you go that opposite way. Yeah. Like, bro. Stop. Yeah. That's funny. So that was the one I wanted to kick it off with.

Yeah. That was nice. No, that was good. No, I got a good chuckle a few times when I read that one. Because that's something fucking we would do. We would do. It would do just. Tasha's shoulders forward.

Oh my God, dude. This was a really short one. We cannot film late at night. No. Every time we film late at night, this fucking happens, dude. I'm just not going to look at you. All right. Go.

All right. Wait. Okay, this one's short and sweet. Give me two seconds. Not looking. Puked in a guy's mouth at a bonfire while Alan Jackson Chattahoochee was playing. Romantic. I kind of like it.

Did he swallow it or spit it out? Did he spit or swallow? Which one was he? I don't know. During the verse or chorus. You guys do that's romantic? Was it during that it gets hotter than a hoochy-coochy? Because that would be memorable.

What's it way down yonder? Oh, damn. That's a hard, that's a hard pick. That's a really hard pick. Oh, yeah. I can't, I, you know what? If someone, I don't know. I don't want to talk about puking him else.

I'll throw up right now. I puked on, never mind. All right. Who's next? Who's next? I got one. All right, go, go, go. Because I've locked and loaded, baby.

I got like seven. Oh, all right. All right. This one also wants to be anonymous. I went to this guy's house for the first time. Ended up being a nice fifth-wheel trailer. No biggie, not uncommon for the area I live in. Kind of hot.

Got my world rocked for him to proceed to want to talk and cuddle. And he tells me about how he's always wanted to kill a person. I sent my location to my sister so fast. As I'm trying to get dressed, he puts on a gun holster that goes around his shoulders as if to hide it under a jacket. It has a 45 in it. He was butt-ass naked, by the way. he then proceeds to do the helicopter

while still wearing the gun and holster. The helicopter? We dug to him lost me. Everything was hot to the helicopter. Oh, you thought that was hot? I literally was going to ask for his number. Like, everything was hot.

You guys thought that was hot? I thought she was about to get killed. No, but then he starts fucking swinging his dick around. There's nothing hot about that. Don't swing the dick. I saw an elephant trunk. Like, nobody wants to see that. Guys, I had an ex who did that.

You guys want me to find the video? I have a video of him. I'm doing it. No, literally put it in the chat. And it's in slow-mo. Even worse. Even worse. So you can see like his thighs.

Have you ever done it? The helicopter? Yeah. Absolutely. Why have been like doing that? It's like, I don't know. No, I would do that if that one. I feel like the back and forth is harder than the helicopter.

Yeah, back and forth. Slap it on the thighs. Yeah. Exactly. Or like, let it up and down. It's a sound. It's a little weird. But when you're like trying to get it in a circle, like Alvira does her titty.

Like, no. Nobody wants to fucking see that. Yeah. What is the thing with the helicopter? Helicopter is cool, but the thigh hit, that sounds cooler. Yeah. I like to call that the dinglehopper. The dinglehopper.

Yes. I gave it a nickname long years ago. All right, here we go, guys. I got one. I hooked up with this girl in Hollywood once, and she was so adamant about me doing Coke with her, which I didn't do. She wanted me to put Coke on my dick and hit it from the back while actually punching her in the head. I was like, you mean like be a little rough, right?

She said, no, I literally want you to get me high and hit me in the back of the head. Needless to say, I did zero percent of that. Zero percent of that. And that was from our good friend, Boko Hyde, our little baby. No way. Yes. That's insane. I don't know about cocaine going inside of vagina.

Listen, I've done some crazy shit. That's a yeasty, beastie waiting to happen. Yeah, I feel like your pH is going to be very off after that. That's like it'd burn, right? I mean, but is this the same thing as putting it in your butthole, though, like the immediate high? Well, that's a different high. And that feels great. That's right.

But I feel like, wouldn't that be the same? Don't do it at home, kids. I don't know, because I've never done it in my vagina. Can you guys tell us if you've ever blown Coke into your vagina? I don't think she wanted it on his hog. Yeah, I know. Someone's got to have it inside of them. And wouldn't that, like, dry you out?

Because all the chemical. I don't know. I can't even think about doing drugs. It grosses me out now. But I've done a lot of weird shit and never done that. Remember the DARE program? Let's bring that back. I got Ron and Rebel Feet. What was that?

George Dare. He was fucking part of the DARE program. I don't remember the song. I don't remember George. I didn't remember the Vegas thing. I didn't remember the T-shirt. George Dare. No.

No, he was a real person. I thought Dared stood for. Yeah. No, he was a real person that represented Dair. Drugs. Abuse are really extra. No, it was drug abuse, resistance, education. Oh, guys.

Who really paid attention to dare? I did. I just made it up. I just made it up. And Mimi was going along with you, dude. I was going off each other. I was like, that is not what it means. I actually have a shirt that's a crop top that says dare, drug resistance education.

I remember that. I remember the seduce. Wait, yeah, drug resistance. Yeah, I wore the ribbon. No, drug, dare. Drug awareness. Awareness. Awareness, resistance education.

Yeah, there we go. Wait. That's drugs are really knowable. It's a bad. That's dirt. My baby daddy and me were in the middle of a breakup sleeping separately. We were drunk. I was in my room and I woke up to my finger being moved around and it felt like it was

being shoved into food. But when I woke up, his drunk ass had my whole finger in his asshole all the way up to the knuckle. Mowing so heavily. Like I had to wrap my head around it. The finger was never the same. I tried not to make him feel bad because I knew he was gay. but I threw up

as soon as my drunk ass woke up and realized what was happening. I would just like the record to reflect just because you like fingers up the wazoo does not mean

that you're gay but obviously she knew something about him she found porn on his computer and he was into gay porn yes so but his friend could have sent him that as a joke

can we not brush by the fact that she said she thought her finger was in food yeah that means it was wet it was like what the fuck was she like moving around

the loaf of bread? Like what? Was she literally like going up against a turd? No, but also like, no consent? That's what I'm saying. Don't fuck people's fingers that are asleep in your butthole. Don't do anything if someone's asleep. Yeah, that's right.

And you guys are in different rooms. Yeah. So he literally snuck in, pulled his pants down, took her finger and said, he had to, guiding that in. He was like flipped up upside down trying to just shut. What if you just backed into it? Just put the finger out and just. Sorry.

I imagine she had nails too. Oh. Those nails? I sent you one. Those nails coming? I may also sent you one. We love you. How do you clean your finger after that?

What if it's under your nail? You get rid of the entire nail. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant finger. I would have cut it off. Yeah. My finger? Yeah.

Same. To the bone. To the bone. Just strip it. Just fucking take that knuckle off. Yeah. Just guillotine. To the knuckle.

stump. Stump it up, buddy. Don't stop. All right. Go Jaime. Ready for it? Yeah, we're ready. Had no idea I got my period.

Great start. We were in the dark for like an hour and it was a blood bath. I left and never spoke to him again. And he was a professional hockey player at the time. Ha! She put that in there. I was like 19. We never even had sex.

It was just a finger blast and BJs. Even worse, L.O.L. Anonymous. Oh, damn. Oh, my goodness. I don't know why guys are scared of blood. I get it. Like, when I'm on my period, the first two days, I don't want to be touched because I'm like, it feels like an axe wound.

But other than that, like, it's fucking. Ass wound's crazy. Other than that. I turn into Brucey, dude. How do you feel about what? That's Bruce. American Psycho? No.

No. Finding Nemo. Stop. What? The shark who smells blood. Oh, God. Hyne, you like blood? I don't like it.

I'm just saying if like, you know, if I'm in the mood and Brooks got me hot and bothered, I'm going in. You're fucking no matter what. I'm getting in there. I don't, I just can't bring myself to do it the first two days. Day three, it's on and cracking. I'm ready. Yeah, like, let's go. But for day one and two, no.

Like, I don't want to subject them to that. That's cool. Like jellyfish, just red jellyfish falling out of you. Oh, I thought. What a clock comes out on them? Oh, okay, wait. That's fucking terrible. about to say.

Yeah. No. Okay, when I was younger, I had snuck into this guy's house. Oh my God. Mom, don't watch this. Mom. Susan.

Susan. Don't watch this one. Skip over this part. I snuck into this guy's house and it was like his uncle's house. So we went in like the spare bedroom and we were doing it and I didn't know my period had started. But it was like the heaviest period ever. Bro, antique. It was like one of those antique rooms that were set up and we did it on like, bro, white sheets.

Fuck that thing up. it was Claudie. White? Oh, man, that's so rough. I have a short and sweet one. Go ahead, baby. All right. Hooked up with this guy and a booger fell on my titty.

I kicked him out immediately and cried for a bit and then blocked him on everything. Oh. What? That's embarrassing. He should have manned up and like... Guys, I don't like that. Figured it out or something. I knew me who was going to hate that one.

Bro, I think I might throw up. Mm-mm. Rip. Was it like a shower booger? Like a burger that's been there all day. Like a swimming booger? No, I'm going to say probably a shower booger because it's stuck. I've been traumatized by boogers for a decade.

I hooked up with this guy. Oh my God. He asked me to touch his nipples. And that was my assignment and I shouldn't forget it. They were incredibly long. And stop. Whoa. And it was weird.

And it was weird. Stop. He was playing with my nipples and told me he paid attention to the left side more because it was closer to my heart. And asked me if I wanted his BBC, but it was only a B.C. Please don't post my name. You guys. Love nipple. Okay.

Do you think his nipples were stretched? If some dude's got long weird nipples, I'm not fucking them. Okay. Do you think he was stretching them and that's why they were so long? I don't know. No, sometimes my nipples get puffy. Yeah, but there's difference between puffy and long. I see a long.

Like that's, I think that's my one no. Like, if I see a dude with long nipples, I can't. Like little fucking, like darts. Top notes.

No, I can't do it. Like the, the ice that comes, it's not like a pellet. No, it's like a pellet. You know what I'm talking about?

I know. The ice that are like little logs. Oh yeah. I said, Harvey, let me see your nipple. He goes, he's shy.

Show us. Show us. We need to see. Pull up your shirt. Pull up your shirt. Let the lady see. Oh, you got tiny.

You got good nipples. Can I, wait, can we wax the little hair? We still gotta wax Dylan's lower back. Okay, we'll do Dylan's lower back too. Wax party. Wax party? Oh, speaking of buttholes. Yeah, how's yours going?

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He walked off. Go ahead, Jaime, roll that beautiful bean footage and put that clip right here. Can we bleak our assholes on the podcast? Yeah, I'll have it on my asshole and I'll report back to you. I guess what I just said, guys, I have slathered some medical bleach on my asshole And as we speak right now, we have gloves. Yes. I'm just gonna tell the truth,

I'm like, dude, I shot a little video the other day. Didn't like the coloring. Didn't like the coloring at all. Didn't like the shade. Didn't like the shade. We're bleaching our buttholes, Chotch. Right now? Yeah. I would put gloves on if you'd have to

get on your skin like that. Me too. Little, little guys. Little, little. Okay. You're doing it right now? Yeah. I'm just eating mango.

So I haven't checked. I've only done it once. But I'll check tonight and I'll get back to you guys. No, I'll check tonight and I'll get back to you guys. But yeah, you know, sometimes a girl needs to bleach her butthole. It just, it has to happen. I'm looking. Oh, yeah.

I'm having surgery tomorrow. I'm going to be a photo. I will. I'm going to put it on my story. Having another surgery, you guys. Yeah. So I'm having another surgery tomorrow and hopefully I have a pretty butthole going. Did it burn?

No, it didn't burn at all. I didn't feel anything. I will say, guys, she was sitting right here. So be careful when you put your food down. But also, I talked Mo into it, and I had her bend over, and I put a glove on, and I rub some on her little brown hole. I bet you show me it. Huh? Mo.

Mo. We just saw you. Mo. How's your butthole look today? Can I see it? Show us your butthole. Oh, let's see. Oh, Sam.

Sorry, that was our main story. I thought it was Moe. So sorry. Thank you, Sam. Thanks. Oops. We should not be filming. So yeah, I'll report back next week and let you guys know how my butthole looks when we're back in studio.

I'm excited about it. I got catfish when I went to go meet up with a Tinder hookup just trying to get it in. When he opened the door, he was five inches shorter than me. It was too late to turn around and I felt bad to just leave. Things went on. He went to hit it from the back. In the middle of that. He said, hold on.

He went to his closet and proceeds to put on his platform Air Force ones. And instantly I said, nope. That just kept getting worse and worse and worse and worse. I thought you were going to say he was going to grab a stool. That's where I thought it was going. I was going for step stool. I was going for step stool. Platform shoes.

I thought he was going to stand on his tippy toes. You probably did that in the Air Force. Yeah. And his calves probably hurt. so he went ahead and put the... Yo, for real, what if you look down and you just see, like, on, like, he looks like he's doing crap raises.

That's what I'm saying. I think that's what's happening. Your child's probably got tired. She said, nope. He said, nope, nope. All right, next. It wouldn't let me type the whole story. My son was at his dad,

so I had a guy over that I met on P-O-F. Plenty of fish. Okay, God, thank you for clarifying. We had an okay night. Sex was just all. right. In the morning when he went to leave, he gave me a huge, wait, he gave me a, so. Got that, James. No, don't. That was a lot. He said huge. My eyes got big. I was like, my fault. Sex was just all right. In the morning, when he went to leave, he gave me a hug.

And I felt something in his pocket. He had stolen my son's body wash. So weird. What the fuck? That's what you get for banging somebody off a P-O-F, dude. Stop. He stole the old spice. I thought it was like, you know, the SpongeBob one? The little bubble bath. The L'Oreal, they're like fish. I've stolen some weird shit from people.

I was young and went to a house party and stole somebody's retinae. I get that. That's expensive. Yeah. I got it. I sold the redne because I had like pimples. Have you ever stole food from someone's house? No.

Wait, food? Yeah. Have you ever sold food from someone's house? No. No. No. Just saw it and pepper shaker. Some dude stole $100 at my purse.

I went to a buddy's house and someone stole the meat out of the freezer. What? That's crazy. Someone stole the meat out of the freezer, bro. And then I saw a meme about it the other day and remembered about it. I was like, damn. You can't really that's not the only person who does it. If you have people coming over that you're stealing fucking meat out of the freezer, like you can't trust nobody.

No. That's great. The frozen goods. What if it was a good try tip? It could have been like a sirloin or something. That's what I'm saying. Sirlloin though. Shit.

Deer meat. Deer meat's good. Dude, deer meat's fire. Game meat. brother no what does me mean i'll bring you it just like taste earthy but like what does that mean taste earth like what's the flavor of earth tastes like it tastes like in fucking a lotcha tastes like worse that's a midwest thing same with duck so taste picked a girl up and she got in my car we went to the drive in and started fucking and all of a sudden i felt witness running down my leg

thought she squirted but then it smelt like shit god she straight sharded all over the car as well as my legs you got a like man Some of you guys are loose booties. There's a lot. Okay. I'm just going to say it because I wish I could bear down and fucking shit on somebody's leg, dude. Instead, I have to fucking go through a whole fucking rigmarole.

Not a rigmarole. She's a lot of ass on a mat. Yeah. Like, come on my mud hole is tight. There's no way that I'm fucking just shitting on somebody's leg like I never know. I did get a lot of poop stories, but I felt like we were overdoing it on the pooping on people. so I went with the puking, but, you know, there was a lot of pooping. I reeled it into the OG fans.

I had a short one too, but. Yeah, a short one. No, yeah, I definitely had one about a sex club and some dude just shot all over the wall. I love that. Shat. She did? William Shatner. Shat.

And on that note, we will see you guys next week back in studio. Love you. Bye. Bye. When you're running a business, you learn real quick that you cannot do everything yourself. And trust me, I definitely. didn't have it all figured out when I started. That's one of the reasons why I love using Shopify for my storefront at bunnyXo.com. I've got a million things going on at any given time. So I need something that makes running my business easier. Not something that adds more work to my plate. Shopify makes it easy to set up your store and start selling in just a few simple steps. And one of the features I love is sidekick AI. It's like having an extra set of hands there to help you figure things out along the way, which is huge when you're trying to juggle everything else. And I love. love that I can keep up with my storefront, even when life gets crazy, whether I'm traveling,

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