Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: His Bush Was a Dream Catcher

Episode Date: May 22, 2026

On this episode of Ask Tell Confess, the Coven cracks open the DMs and dives into some of the wildest anonymous confessions yet. From disastrous hookups and unhinged bedroom requests to “did that really happen?” horror stories and full-on relationship chaos, Bunnie Xo, Meme, Hailee, and Jaime react with zero filter. They call out red flags, hard dealbreakers, questionable kinks, and the moments you know it’s time to walk away, all with their signature mix of brutal honesty and unhinged humor.Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTubeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Cavalche. He's still going. Mm-hmm. Going. Okay. It had to be dramatic. How's everybody doing? We're doing, Gary.

It's rainy day. Very rainy day. Love it. So, Haley, you're looking really fucking snatched, sister. You're looking so good. You're really tiny. Tiny, tiny. Never heard that before.

Yeah. That's first. Tiny fucking tiny, man. Yeah, how do you feel? Great. I feel like every time you're on the show, you get smaller and smaller. A hundred percent. Yeah.

It's crazy because, like, when I, watch myself, I still feel like I look the same. Well, that's called Buddy of Smorphia. Okay, cool. Welcome to my world. That's where I'm at too. Man, it's losing weight in general just for women. We have it so fucking hard.

Yeah. Like if we fucking gain three pounds, we're fucking, you know, razzed for it. But if we lose 20, we don't feel like we look good. It's crazy. Such a strange concept. Yeah, it's a very, very strange concept. skinny too, man. Oh, you're so whittal.

All right. Who's going to, Jaime, everybody wants you to read and ask tell, confess. Is that true? So why don't we let you kick it off? He said, is that true? That true? Why don't we let you kick it off, buddy? Yeah, you start.

All right. All right, this person remains anonymous. Way back when I started dating this cop, he was bald and had a dangerous, badass biker edge, which made him more attractive than he actually was. was. We finally get to the night we are going to do the deed. And as I'm sitting at the foot of the bed taking off my shoes, he walks over about a foot away from the bed and drops his pants. Out pops a 1970s bush. And I busted out laughing uncontrollably. I don't know how, I don't know why this took me off so, so off guard and to hit my funny bone just like a ton of bricks. But that was it for me.

The relationship didn't last long. He said he wasn't into the metrosexual thing of shaving. I explained that he could buzz it down just a tad. He then declined. I gave it one more chance and I couldn't let that fuzzy, funky bush near my body. Never mind my face. His loss. Please don't use my name.

Can we please name this episode fuzzy, funky bush? Okay. Listen, I don't blame her. Nobody wants a fucking snake in the grass. You gotta dig for that thing. Snake in the grass. Nobody, you know, because it like pokes out. And then it's just, and pubic hair is not attractive on anybody.

I don't care who it is. It's weird. It's curly. It's coarse. It's in your mouth. Yeah. It's in your teeth, bro. And it fucking literally holds smell.

It does. So it's like, and you have to imagine if a guy sweats or like even farts the wrong way, that hair down there's like a dream. It's like a dream catcher. Oh. It fucking catches all the, everything, good or bad. Yeah. Of the part.

Give it a middle part. Yeah. You have to brush it to like lay it down. I can't do it. I don't blame her, sister. Listen, I understand wholeheartedly how you fucking are feeling. There's no way. I'm diving in the fucking.

Just imagine a clock clip in the bush. She said put a bobby pin in it. Ew. Just to like, what if you gave it like a little bump? Remember the bump hair? Oh, I used to wear those. Yeah, the little bumping hairdo. I'm fucking, that's so funny.

I can't do it, dude. So you're no bush, team no bush? Team no bush on male or female. You guys know how I stand. We know how she feels. She's still, she named mine. Yeah. I forgot what we named it.

What was it? Do you remember? What she named my vagina? Oh, man. maybe show us and it was a good one it was a good one i can't fucking remember the name damn it i don't remember we don't even smoke weed in our fucking barney barney rubble yes oh barney stubble yeah barney stubble yeah because i'll cut it down like yeah cut it down y'all if you're still overpaying for your phone bill every month i need you to stand up because some of these wireless companies are out here acting real bold

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I mean, it's like skin. Well, what's more uncomfortable having? So it's like five o'clock shadow on your piss, like we talk about. I know. Isn't it uncomfortable if you're having intercourse with somebody who just shaved down there? Start a fucking fire. Yeah. That's what I want to know.

That's my thing. That's why I don't mind a bush, to be, to be honest. I don't, I'm not a, when Brooke says, oh, you know, I haven't shaved a little bit. I'm like, great. I'm in it. Wilderness Explorer. I'm going in. Wow.

But not having shaved in a little bit is way different than having straight up bush. So yeah, there's like a full on untamed bush. I agree. That's not okay. But if it's a little hair, I like a little hair because I don't know, too much we'll have fumes, I call them. You can't have fumes. You can't have fumes.

You can have fumes. You just call them with pubes fumes. Fumes, yeah, that's where the smell stays. But yeah, and even for a dude, I feel like it's a little more appropriate for a guy to have just a little bit because if it's just completely shaved on there, that's like a, like a Velcro strap, like. I don't like when it, yeah, sometimes I don't like when it's like two. freshly shaved because it just looks like a naked mole rat.

Yeah. It does. You know, it really does. Yeah. Like, you remember the thing from Kim Possible? Yeah.

That's what it looks like. Yeah. It's a little too. Give me fucking bare skin, but not a freshly shaved. Like, I don't want to have sex right after I get out of the shower and shave because that hurts.

But give it like a day to just reset it. Yeah. It just looks like a day after. All the time. Yeah. Well, everybody's day. I know a girl who would shave and like five hours later she'd have like five o'clock

shadow. Oh, God. It takes me a week. Yeah. Yeah. I can't grow hair like that either. I haven't shaved my legs in at least four days. Yeah.

All right. You guys ready for mine? Yes. I'm ready. You guys are fucking weirdos. I still can't get over the Bobby pin. Like the clips you used to put her hair back, like her bangs. Like clam clips.

Ready? Yep. I remember you guys had a story a while back about someone going to the doctor and then finding something in their coach. Well, when I was a medic, I was working at an urgent care and a woman in her 20s came in with pelvic pain. We did do STD testing at this particular site so the doctor had me set up the room for screening as the woman had requested. She said she had been to the river that past weekend and when she got home, she noticed a bad smell and lots of pain down there. The doctor on site was a male, so I stayed in the room to make sure she was comfortable.

When we started the test, the entire room smelled awful. I mean like something dead was inside. The doctor used the speculum and turned the light on to look, and he pulled out a frog. From her hoot nanny, the girl looked absolutely shocked, but all I have to say is, thank God it was during COVID, and we were all wearing masks because my facial expressions would have gotten me fired. And there's no way.

That thing hopped in there by itself. Frog puss is insane. Frog pus, wart puss. Okay? Frogs give warts, dude. That's not true. Wait, really? Can you imagine walking around

with a fucking frog in your pussy? Did she not fucking feel that? Was it alive? They make noises. I need to know. I don't know. Bro, it sounded like that thing outside the window earlier.

Could you imagine? It had to be a small one. Are you sure it wasn't a toad? The difference. I don't know. I don't know either. I think toads are like whiter. Frogs are like more narrow.

I don't know. I just, when I read that story, I fucking die. Stop. A frog in the pussy. It just sucked it up. Frog pussy.

Frog pussy. Oh. You guys, what? I feel like it would have made of sound. If it was a lie. It had to be dead then. It was like,

how do you not? So it just sucked it up like a vacuum? Wait. Like a shot back? What she doing like? Cliff jumping or something. Maybe. Like landed on it.

Could have killed it on. Killed it on impact and it said, or what if it was like a tadpole and it swam up there and grew a little bit? That's actually a possibility. It could have, yeah. How long? How long did she?

She said she went to the fucking the river during the weekend. Okay. Okay. I'm going in with a thing stuck in people's puss. Okay. Okay. Okay. This one says,

um, okay, this, she said, so I was 23, freshly out of my only long-term relationship since I was 16, basically a sheltered Victorian child, released into the world with zero knowledge and too much confidence.

A guy I vaguely knew, friend of my ex, comes over at 1 a.m. I would, I very clearly tell him, I'm on my period. We cannot do anything. He says,

cool, still comes over. So already read, like behavior, things escalate fast. I remind him, I have a tampon in. He hits me with the classic, I'll just put the tip in. And somehow, my brain fully disconnected from reality and we end up having sex. Immediately after, I go to the bathroom, the tampon is gone.

Oh, no. I spent 45 minutes squatting over the toilet like a gargoyle, sweating, panicking, basically performing a architectural dig on myself while bearing down with God. promising I would become, while bargaining with God, promising I would become celibate if he just helped me find this tampon. Finally, I find it. And when I tell you, that thing was so far up in there. It was that Christopher Columbus, discovering new land. Never spoke to that man again.

And to this day, every time I inserted a tampon, I think, remember what happened last time, you little slut. I mean, we've all had a tampon story. You guys have heard mine. So, I mean, I can't judge her for that. Do you have a tampon story? No. I've never gotten one stuck. one time.

What? Huh? Mm-hmm. One time I pulled out two. This was like over a decade ago. Damn. How big is your cervax? I don't know.

Lucky you. I just found out. I got an insert. I don't know. It was probably like the one on top of the other. But I like thought I didn't have one in. So I put a new one in. That's crazy.

I always thought it just hurt putting a tampon in and then I realized. I don't remember. Mine smelled. I like went to the. I'm sure. Like, don't tampons always smell like blood? And they didn't find it. And they never found it.

Because I have a tilted uterus. Okay, that's what I was going to say. I just found out you have to put tampons in differently if you have a tilted uterus and I didn't know that. Nobody's ever told me that either. Yes. You have to put them in at a different angle than normal people.

I don't fucking wear them anymore. That's why they hurt me. Yeah, I can't wear them. You're not supposed, it's not supposed to hurt. Yeah. If you put it in correctly, found this on TikTok, then it doesn't hurt. I'm good. I don't want the fucking toxic shot.

Yeah. I like the period panties. It's fun. Period. Piano. I found out free bleeding, like my period doesn't last as long. Yes. Same. Well, yeah. They say that the chemicals from pads and from tampons is what extends the bleeding.

And makes the cramping works. Yeah, I'd be like five or six days, sometimes seven. And now I'm down to like four and a half. And then barbecue sauce. Yeah. The old barbecue sauce. Go ahead, Haley. My husband and I went away for some much needed alone time.

and we packed a few friends for the trip. Along with my emotional support spongeball blanket that absolutely cannot sleep without. One morning we had ourselves a great time, left the room looking a small tornado hit it and headed out for lunch. It was already afternoon, so we figured housekeeping had already come through,

and we didn't put the do not disturb sign on the door, but thought nothing of it. Well, lunch turned into a casino trip, so we were gone for a few hours, and we finally get back to the room and open the door and nearly died on the spot. My spongeball blanket was spread perfectly across the bed like a luxury display and our toys were neatly lined up

on top of it like they were posing for a family Christmas card. Oh my gosh. So who fucking put them out? Housekeeping lined up their toys. Oh, I believe it. Perfectly on the bed. They'll do that. They don't care.

I'm telling you, they do not care how housekeepers will fucking put you on blast. One tried to sit in my lap, you know? Yeah, I don't care. I remember that. That was crazy. They don't care. Man. They're there to do a job.

I'm not. They did the dogs. I'm sure they had gloves on. No, I've never seen my house cleaners use gloves. No. We're just raw dogging people's toys. What if they picked them up and sniffed each one? I would.

That's wild. That is crazy. Okay. So I've been with this guy for going on three years, and he was always breaking up with me all the time. Shit he assumed I did. For example, this last time he accused me of having an email I had no knowledge of, being able to get into due to the fact that an email had been revived from Timo in 2025,

a few days passed. And he proceeded to start telling me he loved me again and acting as if everything was back to normal. Then he realized I messaged the girl I caught him talking to. She was supposed to be his ex, but she said she doesn't want him. she just used him. But then comes at me sideways because I had sent those messages to her. So he says he's done with me due to being a sneaky conniving whore supposedly. So what I want to know is if y'all feel like he is going to choose another woman over our relationship.

Yeah. I mean, I think you have a lot more to worry about than him choosing another woman. Like you guys don't even fucking get along. Like why are you, why would you want to be with somebody who acts like that? No. You're clearly not happy. He's not happy. Why do you guys...

I mean, if you had to write in to ask us, I think you know your answer. Yeah. And I mean, if he's cheating on you with some of the girl and she's using him, like, girl, cut the cord. Yeah. Let it go. Be free.

Let it go. Let it go. That's all I know. Can hold me back. I'm clearly the mom here. Yeah. Get out of that. That sounds like a fucking toxic cesspool.

Hate it. Yeah. All right. This one short and sweet met a man that checked on my boxes then told me to shit in his mouth or it was over. She is now single. Why? Okay. Did he want it soft or hard?

Yeah. What? How are you? What's the problem here? In the mouth? And I shit's on the bitch. Like notorious B.I.G. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, listen. I've been paid to pee on people. My other one says one time I had a guy Want me to pee in his mouth Yeah, I've been paid to pee on people I know I don't get that But in the mouth

Two girls one cup Did you ever watch that? I heard that was fake Was it a Frosty? I did it too I heard it was fake too Yeah I don't know so I mean more power to you sister

I feel like you dodged a bullet Like how many other fucking What is his he's got a porta potty for a mouth Like you're kissing now? man and he's got fucking all sorts of other women's turds. I wonder if they kissed before he asked. Maybe with a little bit of corn in it. Oh.

She said he checked all of her boxes. So obviously they've been doing some stuff, you know. But I wonder what the tradeoff is like are there other qualities that are maybe good? Like maybe he pays all our bills. The shit in his mouth, absolutely not. Men are fucking just, I fucking hate all of them. He could be a nice guy. He didn't cheat.

I'm sure he's a great guy, but, you know, eating turds is probably the last thing you want to fucking do. Well, he probably doesn't eat it. He probably just has it in his mouth and spits it out. I feel like you know a lot more about this than you're willing to admit. I'm just saying, like, I didn't hear anything. I just hear something that he likes to do behind closed doors. I didn't hear anything wrong with, you know, if it's a, you know, no harm, no foul, you know? It's like a foul.

That's 100% a foul. We'll just put out some garbage bags. I mean, do you like to eat shit or something? Could you imagine if he lined it like we do the toilets on the tour? What if she had a fucking hemorrhoid and she's got a she's got to lay a stand over him and scrunch? Like nobody wants to see that. There's nothing attractive about that. Yeah.

What if it's diarrhea and it splashes in his eyes? What if she had food coloring and it was fucking green? There's so many. What if she ate? What if she ate asparagus the day before? You know, she's peeing. And you can't poop without peeing. Yeah. So I feel like that's, you're coming with both. Yeah, two for one. Yeah. What the fuck. Okay. All right. Who's next? I read mine. Okay. You guys are got, you guys got some strange ones this week. This week was wild. I have nothing like yours this week. Yeah. I feel like people. Come harder in my inbox, please. When I was in my early 20s in the town I grew up in,

there was an old penitentiary. The grounds are covered in trees and it's basically in the middle of a small town. I was on a walk with a guy I was seeing and it was the middle of the night. We decided to walk through the trees in the old penitentiary and started getting all hot and heavy.

We ended up screwing in the middle of trees and when we got done, we put ourselves back together. We watched a police officer walk away from a tree. He was just watching us get it on and he didn't say anything, just walked away. Oh.

I think that's hot. Was the cop hot, though? That would make a difference. Yeah. Like if it's some old fucking howdy-duty looking dude. I bet you he was back there beating him. He was a hundred percent. Yeah.

Yeah. For sure. Peep and Tom. I don't like that. Watch your whole family eat dinner. But if it was a hot cop, join in. Okay. Yeah.

Let's go. Three-some independent entry? I like that. I like that. people watching you? No, like Sex. Oh, me too.

I love that. Like, please. I think that's the dark side of me. Someone's hot and heavy. She said, I think I read this because I knew it would turn. Oh, my God. Sex outside.

I forgot what that's like. No, it's a good time. I like to have sex anywhere, but the fucking bedroom. Yeah. Please, get me out of the fucking bedroom. Like, if I have to stare in these fucking floor walls again, like, bend me over a fucking graveyard.

Something. Graveyard is crazy. She has. Have you heard the story? What? Mouth beat, blood everywhere. Was it at least at nighttime? I did weird shit when I was on drugs, guys.

So I don't think I would have sex in a graveyard now. Okay. Maybe outside of it or something, you know? Looking at it. I just like that ambiance of a graveyard. I think it's romantic, you know? I don't know. It's interesting.

very Edgar Allan Poe. But I just feel like there's so many other places I could get bent over these days. Name one. Staircase. Yeah. What's your number one? Outside? If I could get bent over somewhere.

Probably somewhere with like, probably like on a vacation, like, you know, looking over a balcony or something. I think that would be hot, you know. What about you guys? Maybe like in a castle. Yeah. Very like dark, romantic Dracula vibes. Oh, yeah, if I could do that too. How many times have you watched Dracula?

A lot. Do you play with yourself every time you watch it? No. Oh. No, no. Have you not jacked off to it? No, not to do it. Yeah, she has.

I feel like she has. The way she said no. Yeah. Yeah. I would never do that. Yeah. That's funny enough. No,

Dracula's hot, but you know what? The real Dracula was supposedly like fucking hideous. Yeah. Yeah, like he was not attractive at all. I actually watched the original one,

the like, prom story, and I didn't like it. The one with Winona Ryder. Yeah. I didn't like it as much. Yeah. He's somehow been like romanticized

throughout the year. Yeah, the new one is definitely way more like love and romantic. Yeah. That's probably why like... Yeah. I feel it.

How many times, though? All the time. Over 10. Damn. I know. It's my comfort. It's rolling. It's not like any movie is that good to watch 10 times.

I don't know. It's just I like the vibes it gives me. In a row, I can't do it. No. No. I need like yearly breaks, you know, like when I watch beaches or something like that, like every five years. Mine's show dirt.

Yeah. Yeah. That was his finest work, David Spade. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Tommy Boy was too. There's a lot of, like, David Spade really is so iconic and it's hard to, like, think, like, he's done so much.

Mine would be bench warmers. Benchwarmers is yours for sure. Yeah. Benchwarmers are grownups. Those are my comfort. I love Joe Dirt so much. I birthed Joe Dirt. Yeah.

You have a mini Joe Dirt. It did. It does. It's funny, dude. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So sweet. All right, guys.

Keep sending it. all your weird shit every Sunday. Oh, I didn't do mine this this Sunday. I completely fucking spaced it. Every Sunday on our Instagrams, ask tell confess, just send us DMs that say ATC. We'll open them up and hopefully you'll make it on the show. Woo. Love you. See you later. Bye.