Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: I Can't Believe How Many Skid Marks He Left

Episode Date: July 17, 2026

You Think YOUR Family’s Messy? Watch This.Things go completely off the rails in this week's Ask, Tell, Confess. We asked for your wildest family secrets, and somehow y'all managed to outdo yourselves. From a small-town Arkansas revenge story involving a curling iron (yes... there) to an 80-year-old grandma convinced she's dating Elon Musk while sending nudes to a scammer, these confessions had us laughing, cringing, and questioning humanity.Bunnie, Meme, and the gang dive into scam culture, internet oversharing, trampoline bunnies, and a hookup story that takes an unforgettable turn into full-blown skid mark territory. Plus, special guest Matt Mathews pops into the studio with perfectly timed commentary as the conversation spirals through cheating scandals, family drama, loose buttholes, and why some people absolutely should not have access to online banking.If you've ever thought your family was dysfunctional... just wait until you hear these stories.Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTubeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Confavs. How's everybody doing, man? It has It has been a week. What the fuck did you just do? It has been a fucking week, dude. Holy shitballs. And it has done.

Fene over. The week is over. Mimi's over there holding their fucking tittyes. Mimi's got some new tities. I haven't even revealed my tities yet. I think you should show everybody yours. Yeah. They look.

so good. Yeah. Come on. They look like Frankenters right now. No, they don't. Yours looks so good. I know. I'll reveal them next time.

Matt Matthews is in the studio right now. Do we have a microphone for him in case he wants to give any ad lib? No, no. Just give him a microphone to ad lib. So let's get down to it. What was the topic today for us? We want to know everyone's family secrets. Yeah, worst or yeah, craziest family secret that was,

dropped at a holiday. Yeah. No, I just got that. Oh, mine wasn't dropped that as a holiday. It was just, yeah. Just family secrets. Damn, I had a holiday on there, so maybe I shouldn't have done that. Oh, what did you get some good ones?

I think. A little spiciness. All right, who wants to go first? You go ahead. Oh. Okay. So this person said, in my grandma's small town in Arkansas, a lady found out her husband was cheating on her,

but he did not know that she knew. So one night she decided to dress sexy and cook dinner to get him going. going to then lead him to the bedroom for what he thought was a good time. She blindfolded him and took him to the bed to handcuff him and tie him up. Then proceeded to start to get to get it on as nothing was wrong and proceeded to put a curling iron up his ass. She plugged it in and turned it all the way up and then walked out and left him alone. He was so badly burnt by the time someone found him that he had to have reconstruction surgery

on his ass and insides. He's still alive and she served her time, not saying people deserve pain, but damn, she was creative. I heard about a pimp in Vegas doing that to somebody. That's crazy. What the hell did you just say? That's crazy.

You have to be next level insane to be able to physically hurt somebody like that. I mean, a fucking curling iron up the ass. That's why they have the tag on it that says for external use only. Oh, you think? is not supposed to be in your asshole that's crazy

no that's but also like did he not complain that you're putting up there in the first place? Well his hands were tied so she might be like wriggled this motherfucker I don't know

like what if he liked that and then he didn't know I mean as soon as it's hot going in oh she turned it on she turned it after she stuck it inside of him maybe they were just freaky I don't know that was crazy

I feel like handcuffing was the reason he even got up there that makes sense. I feel like you got to be one weird bitch to fucking want to harm somebody that bad. Like I've had men cheat on me before and I've never in my life wanted to. I wouldn't have thought about, leave them with a curling iron just fucking burning their rectum. Like that's crazy.

The fact that she left him though, turned it on and left. Do you think it sizzled? Yeah. All his little bubble hairs. Because you know how the buttholes moist. Oh, it's like when you just probably like melted on to. it and how do they, like, you know, when you, like, cook the pieces of, like, beef

salami. Salami. Yeah, on the rock. I know exactly what you're talking about. You just look about it on the rock. I wonder what his butthole looks like now, probably like a piece of, like, cooked tuna, right? You know, like how tuna goes from being red to, like, white?

It's definitely, it's definitely super dark. Or, like, when girls bleach their butthole too much, it starts to look like a piece of chicken. What? That I don't know about that. That's very interesting. Yeah, like when girls... I have to give that one a goog.

When girls bleach their butthole, it looks. like a piece of like boiled chicken after a while like because they're doing it so much like shredded chicken or yeah possibly yep yep even like that yeah that texture an inspirational portrait of a farmer's son who rises from humble beginnings to build a luxury fashion empire brunello the gracious visionary traces brunello cochinelli's life journey his commitment to craftsmanship ethical values and humanistic philosophy directed by academy award winner joseppe tonatore the film blends documentary and fiction, an intimate look at the Italian entrepreneur known as the King of Kashmir. See Brunello, the gracious visionary, in Select Theater's July 24th.

Do I believe to my boy, ho? Oh, hell no. Oh, you got a ground, round, brown. Don't really stop a camera. Oh, my God. My shit ain't brown. My face is pink. Is it pink?

I bet it is because you're a little fire crotch underneath there. No, I'm not. I'm not a ginger, bitch. How many more time I tell you did? I'm always done. She'd be calling him a ginger every chance she gets so funny. Every chance. I can see it, that little strawberry.

He does. You have a little bit of red in your, you got a lot of like, what about you all, please? She's great. She's good. She's nice. She's purring again.

All right, go ahead to me. Wait, I saw this funny ass. TikTok the other day and the girl was talking about how she got like a reconstructive surgery and they pulled her so tight upwards that now she pees out straight. No.

Yes, she said she has to like lean down into the toilet because they pulled her so tight that her vagina now just tees out like. Damn, where the hell did she go? I don't know. That's a lawsuit. That's fucked up. Imagine that. So the first time you go to pee. How does she have sex then?

Not down. Does he got to like. Maybe angle her? Straight on. She's like making out. She's like making out with his chest when he's on top. He has to like just scooch on up in here. She just scoches in there.

Yeah, just let me scooch on up in here. Damn, dude, I feel bad for her. Not making fun of you, sister. I fucking hate that way. Yeah, that's crazy. I'm never getting surgery done on my fucking shit like that. All right. This one says that my 80-year-old grandma is convinced that she's talking to Elon Musk.

She's given this person $15,000 and has forced my grandpa to move out. Oh. And even sent several naked pictures to this man. How old is she? She's 80. Damn. When Elon hacked into her eye cloud with information that she gave him, he sent her naked pictures out to everyone in grandpa's contact list.

Family, his friends, everyone. He also hacked her bank account with information that she gave him, began running money in and out of her account. She is now banned from having her bank account. Just recently, the cops had to escort her home after walking around a local grocery store for four hours waiting for Elon to come pick her up. We had her tested for dementia and Alzheimer's and it came back completely clean. She's just bat shit crazy.

Damn. Or like just renewed her driver's license, too. A hundred percent. Yeah, poor grandma is convinced. I mean, well, we're, she shouldn't be fucking talking to strangers on the internet. And given, I don't understand that. You know, like, there's a lot of people who get, who get scammed because of us. You know what?

The bunnies jumping on the trampoline got me. So I might be that when I'm older. She falls for AI all the time, bro. It's wild of shit. You re, you reposted that one. The bunnies jumping on the trampoline. You remember that one? I don't remember.

I repost a lot of shit. You guys don't look at my repost. No, that's where I live. Don't look at mine. I repost. I repost more than I post. Yeah, for sure.

Oh, same. I love it. I live in my repost. My mom used to work in banking for like her whole life and the amount of people who would get scammed is insane. They'd be coming in and they're like, why is my whole bank account drained and she would go down the wormhole and they're like, well, did you talk to someone on the phone for 20 minutes? And give them your bank.

Yeah. You're like your routing number. I did. Yeah. They said they were going to. that they were going to wrong. Invest for me. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it happens so much. They can't. All right. This one's a little long, but here we go. Hooked up with this guy I've had a crush on since high school. So well over 13 years. Great sex.

I'm talking porn star status. Amazing night. Five hours of fun. Bro, five hours of fun. Five hours? Tag me out. Dude, that's too long. No.

Not even a snack? All teflon pussy. Just raw at that point. that in Teflon post is wild. Oh, and then it just swells up like a baseball glove and you can't get anything in there the next day. It just gets all swollen. Terrible.

Hate when that happens, huh? I love it. Anyways, couldn't have been more stoked. He leaves in the morning and looking back at the bed after taking my shower. What do I see? Skids, baby. Skids.

Not just a little boop like skids. Hours and hours. I'm so OCD. I said to myself, oh my fucking God, you're kidding me. What's the odds? Bleached it all. He comes over a few days later.

And we, okay. If you're finding fucking big old skid marks, you're gonna fucking circle back. Was the sex that good? Okay. Bunny? Bitch, I know you're fucking lying. Anyways, bleached it all.

He comes over a few days later. And we get to business again. And I'm thinking maybe it was a one. off hopefully nope. Skid marks on the white fucking sheets again.

On the newly chloroxed everything marking his damn territory without permission. Genuinely don't know if he

even noticed but damn dude I'm about to tell this dude he's just got to do better. How do I say it nicely?

You don't? Don't? Yes you do. That's what I did the shit stain. Nope. Duky butt. He's not wiping.

He's apparently he's not wiping. Or maybe he's pushing too hard and he has a loose butt hole. He might like it in the ass, though, and that shit gets a little too loose, and he's just spraying the sheets. He's not wiping. He's not wiping.

That's all that boils down to, dude, is like not wiping. Okay, but also, how do we get to the point that where you're just scooting your ass across the sheets? What's happening? Well, there was this one time. Oh, I mean, you guys remember shitter, the client that I had that I made like hella money off of that one night. And we were doing hella drugs and cocaine. and I'm telling you, every time he would scooch forward to do a line, he would literally leave a skid mark.

So we call them his nickname was shitter because it just, he lit, by the time we left, those white hotel sheets were literally just had brown streaks all in them, dude. It was, he paid us a lot of money, okay? So that's why we stayed, but I'm upset. I don't like that. Listen, guys, you got out, you have to wash your asses. Please. How many have you ever left shit streets?

Baby wipes. No. No. I'm so, like, scared about that kind of thing. And I think, yeah, well, I think I was also, when I was a kid, probably shamed for it a little bit, you know. Did you leave Skidmore? Yeah. Well, you know, when you have the tidy whiteies, it's just bound to happen. And I think someone called it out when I was, you know, middle school.

You've got trauma. Yeah. So I'm like, I'll freaking jump in the shower if I have to. I mean, but it's, I think every man, every man should carry around dude wipes or baby wipes. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There's no, it's 2026. There's no excuse for you to have a fucking dirty asshole. No. Period. Sprayed down. What male? I never had a skid mark in my life. Have you ever farted a wet fart?

Yeah. And did it go on your pants? No. Oh. No, I've shit on myself one. But I've never like had a, like, shitting on yourself when a skid mark is not the same time. I haven't yet. I haven't either.

Oh. You've never. No. I know. I wish I could be a part of that club. I shit myself last week. Yeah, you did. She goes, you guys want to see it?

We all said, no. No, the fuck we don't. She would show us. She's showing us photos of it in the toilet. Yeah. Hey, that one was very impressive, though. The LA one? It's burned in my brain.

I haven't had one like that sense. This one goes, it's a nice color. Yeah. I know. I haven't had one like that since. I don't know what got into me out there. It must have been the L.A. food, but we're going to L.A. next week, too, guys. I can't wait.

I feel like we haven't been in so long. If you see me running down the street streaking, no, you didn't. I'm about to turn the fuck up in L.A. guys. Yep. Just so everybody is aware, that's where I'm turning the fuck up at. I can't wait, guys. It's going to be so fun. We'll do it all.

Do we cut that out? Yeah. Yeah. Got that out. That's our spot. Yeah, we don't need. We don't need TMZ showing up there. Fuck no.

Shout out, though, to Harvey Levin because. He had your back. I fucking love that man, dude. I can't wait to give him a hug when I mean. I'm like, he always has my back in everything. They did a live the other day on the live on TikTok. On the TikTok. He dead ass had bunnies back so hard in that entire conversation.

Go him. No, he's awesome, dude. You know, honestly, TMZ's always been nice to me. So I'd like to keep it that way. Yeah. They're our friends. Yeah. We think.

Can we continue that? It was my aunt-uncle's wedding day. My step, great-grandmother's boyfriend at the time, mind you, they're in their late 70s and I was 17. He had gotten way too drunk. And I walk into the cocktail party and this sick fuck pulls me in for a hug and then attempts to shove his tongue in my mouth. I had my lips sealed shut and he for a good 10 seconds just tries wiggling that tongue in my mouth.

Excuse me? I completely blacked out, did not know how to react. And if I could go back, I'd slap the shit out of him. Why didn't you? I'd have fucking bam. Oh, bro. I would have. No, the family knows, though.

I would have fought that person. Why would she not tell the family? The theme is family secrets. I know, but if somebody's trying to fucking stick their tongue down here, like, you need to tell the family. And what he was dating grandma. She might have been scared. I don't know. She was 17.

Oh, my God. That's terrible. I'd be. An old man breath, tongue fucking, dingers. Ew. Yeah,

like geritol and fucking gum disease. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, man. If somebody's trying to fucking give me a fucking ginger kiss, I'm not, you're getting punched in your,

your tongue is wild. Yeah. Fighting. No, that's crazy. This one says, my cousin's husband found out at Thanksgiving that she took

our other cousin secretly to prom because neither had a date and no one knew they were related. They did the deed at an after party claiming they had to prove that it wasn't a pity date. Cousin's brother was the one who told

he only knew because he snuck into that party. Only knew because he snuck into that party. All my pain pills right now and I feel like they just kicked him two seconds. When he stutter in front of your friend. Maybe he said everything just slowed down. Wow. Get up and leave. all just came right now.

Needless to say, they're no longer together, and we don't see that part of the family any longer. You know how many amount of cousins fuck each other? Oh, those are all my DMs. It's crazy. A lot of incest. Matt, you're from Alabama.

Have you ever fucked a cousin? Bitch. I know you're fucking a line. I've never fucked a cousin that I know of. No. Why are we fucking so many cousins? I don't know, man. I did get a lot of DMs that said, like,

either they married a cousin. Mine were all inbred. Yeah, a lot of it inbred. Our cousins are all cousins related or only like... First is related. Second's not related. My mom's adopted. Yeah.

So would you fuck a cousin? No. Would you fuck a stepbrother? No. Maybe. I mean... Whoa. I saw it change.

I have watched those like short drama reels on TikTok and some of them are hot stepbrothers. would you fuck a stepbrother? I mean, we're not blood. Not mine. But a stepbrother, that's hot? Only if it was the relationship was real fresh. Yeah. Oh, not if my parents have been married for like 10, 50 years.

No, no, no. No, like, it's like as soon as we meet. As soon as it happens, sure. Yeah. I can't watch those porn. I can't watch like the, the mom, the, the other. Yeah, that's a little weird. Are you lying, Haley?

Is that the shit you watch? Yeah, me either. No. Is that the porn you watch? No. I thought you watched like 80s porn. Yeah. Dude, she loves vintage porn.

She loves 80s porn like bush, flowers. Like the fucking, not even the bush. I like that era. Hold on the dream filter where everything's like blurry. She does. If it's like foggy, like Vaseline on the fucking. Yeah. The point is illegal in Alabama.

It's illegal. We just talked about this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that fucked up. I know. Why are they making it hard for everybody getting to just have a little.

bit of pleasure in their life, you know? All right, one, two, three. So, uh, family birthday barbecues, sister-in-law slurs out after a few too many, stop correcting her. She isn't even your daughter to my brother in front of the entire family. The daughter was 12. DNA test came back, as Maury said, and the test proved you are not the father. That's how you find out. Damn. That's terrible to do that in front of the kid, too. That's dysfunctional. That's messy as hell. There's a lot of messiness in my DMs about this. It was a lot. Yeah, it was also, it was either inbred or finding out that. But no, and there's

like a lot of evil females and like ladies, I'm normally on your side, but some of y'all are fucking crazy. I read one. I didn't end up screenshoting it, but like she literally named it after her affair that she had. Oh, that too. Did you get that one? Yeah, she named the baby after her affair and then convinced the dad who was in prison that it was his. Wow. Were they having conjugal visits? How to, no, he had just gone.

She got pregnant around that time. I was like, oh, I'm pregnant, but it could have been one or the other. So she names it after the other. Yeah. Crazy. I know. And the kid ended up telling him. Bitches be trifling.

Yeah. They do. There's some really scary. Okay. Little pirate, dirty pirate hookers running around. So here's a little backstory. My mom passed away and my father remarried twice after that. The second one was an absolute awful woman.

She was a liar manipulative. And over the years, she successfully drove a little. wedge between my father and all of his children. One summer, um, we were all at our camp hanging out. My father's wife wanted a drink. So my brother-in-law offered to make it for her. After he made it, he reached in his pants and pulled out some pubes. Put it in her drink and stirred it around with his finger. My siblings and I were all aware of this, so we sat and watched her drink down the whole thing. Sweaty pub hairs and all. She asked for another one after that, claiming that it was so good. To this day, no one outside of our family knows that that happened.

Dude, I don't care who you are. You know when you have a cube in your throat. How do you not feel? It's like, it's, it like sticks in your throat. Like, they don't go down. It's literally like just the curliest cue. You ever get one caught in your teeth? Probably.

I've had a lot of shit in my mouth. Yeah, no. I don't know how she didn't fucking. Save your pubs. A tube. Why is it caught in her teeth? I just asked one time it got caught in my teeth. That's wild.

That's different. Yeah. When you're married, you know, if I had blowjobs or schedule, I didn't know that time. That's a random DJ. Not you guys scheduling blowjob. You got kids.

You can't just knock them out whenever. What do you put it on Google Calendar? Like, how does that work? That was my question. This did each other. Tomorrow at 7.35 p.m. Yeah. Well, no, it's just whenever the kids aren't, you know,

hanging out. Barge in everywhere. You ready to have a kid, Matt? Fuck. I had a great uncle. that took a guy's eyeball out with a spoon because of a bad horse deal. What the hell? The old spoon in the eye trick.

What trick is that? What do you do with the eyeball? It's like an old cowboy trick. It's like an old cowboy trick. You know about this trick? Huh? You know about this trick? No, but I can envision it.

I just figure, that sounds like something that would have been done like during the dock holiday. Wild West. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like a bar type. Yeah. Like just stick it in his eye and scoop it out.

Like gun smoke. You got to be a real weirdo to be able to do that. Did it just hang there? Depends on how much it. Can you sever it? Oh, I envisioned it. I thought they are like attached. They are.

That's where I'm wondering if he popped out the eyeball, did it just hang? And then he might have just ripped it off. That might be one of those old wives tales that like gets passed down in families, you know? And it's like really he punched the guy in the eye. but then by the time it got to the great, great-granddaughter, it was like, he scoombed the eye out. Yeah, exactly. That's wild.

Hi-May. Hi-May, you got one? Sure, I got one right here. Give us one and then we're out of here. We got shit to do. I got to take Matt to go see the new compound. We got the little, the cows and the donkeys moved this week. How are the donkeys at it?

Oh, they're so bougie. I walked out there and they acted like they didn't even know who I was. Oh, yeah. They didn't give a shit. We're probably going to corral them a little bit to get them off some of that fresh hay. He said, sorry. we have new grass. Yeah.

Who are you? They're like, hell of room, who does? Like, they did not care. They're going to go out tomorrow and put them in a smaller pin. Why? There's too much fresh grass for them. You don't want them to found her. Yeah.

It's all cut down, but still, it's a lot of grass. Yeah. I would be hell of drunk off that grass. That's what they are right now. Ah. They looked good. This is with espresso martinis. She's like a field of espresso martinis.

It would be her dream. Go ahead, Jaime. All right. My seemingly healthy 40-something-year-old cousin died in November. It was a shock to the whole family. He was living in Las Vegas with his girlfriend at the time. And she claimed she had no idea how he died and told our family to stop asking. Because it doesn't matter how he died.

Immediate red flag. Why wouldn't his family want to know the cause of his sudden unexpected death? We're thinking this bitch murdered him. We're literally accusing her of murder. finally my cousin, his brother, is able to get a report from the coroner's office. He died jacking off. Bro had an auto erotic asphyxia. Autoerotic exfixiation.

Damn. I don't even say half the word and you knew one. Yeah. All right. I'm into it. Only me and my mom and his brother know his real cause of death. Everyone else thinks he overdose per his. brother's request.

Yeah. Didn't a famous singer? The lead singer of NXS died. He was literally hanging himself. We talked about this. In the closet and was jacking off. To get hard, right? Well, I mean, not to get hard, but sometimes

when you come, it makes, like, you know, like when you get choked. Yeah. It's like so hot because it makes you come harder because you're being choked because you're like lack of air. Yeah. So that's, people just get addicted to that high and they chase it. So he was strangling himself and then.

Yeah. I mean, we don't know what he was doing. She could have been doing it too. Oh, maybe that's why. Yeah. She doesn't want everyone to know. She was choked on. Yeah.

That's a heavy secret. That is a heavy secret to have. Yeah. Well, are we going to film another Ask Talk and Fest before we go to L.A.? We'll have to begin in next week. You guys leave comments below. Let us know what topics you want us to cover in next week's Ask Tell Confess. And we'll pick one from the YouTube comments.

And if we use yours, we'll shout out your username. also. Yeah. Love you guys. See you next week. Bye.