Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: I'm In My IHOP Hoe Phase

Episode Date: May 9, 2025

Join the group chat this week on Ask, Tell, Confess! The gals hear a confession about the wild shiz that went down in an IHOP parking lot, a bedroom fail that was pure liquid gold, and Bunnie explains why she once pooped in a French fry basket. The crew tries to pressure Meme into wearing a whipped cream bikini and helps a listener curate the perfect housewarming registry.Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the bunny XO show. We have meet the defaults. We have propaganda. We have more shows that we're adding and not to mention We have the visuals of the podcast head over to www.patreon.com Backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Ask, tell, confess. Welcome back to another episode of Ask Tale on Fresh. I like when it fades off into the distance. It's very comforting for me. Hello guys.

Hey. How's everybody doing today? Can't complain. Can't complain. All right, who wants to kick it off? Please zoom in on her as she did that, please. I don't know what I just did. I got one.

This is a tell in the IHOP parking lot. That already sounds like a good time. Yeah, we love a good IHOP. Backstory, I was 18 at the time. It was still summertime at school. It already started. Recently started my freshman year of college going through my ho phase trying to get over my recent breakup. My best friend was with the brother of the situation ship. So best friend, the dad of the boys, their little brother who was 10, and the dad's girlfriend and I all load up

and go to the nearest IHOP. I'm Snapchatting the Snaphoes as one does. One of them snaps me back and tells me to meet him outside to talk. One thing led to another and we ended up in the very back of this dude's mom's SUV. Mid-sweat sesh, the little brother, who's 10, comes out and opens the damn car door. She said, I scream, he screams, probably scared for, scarred for his life. And the next thing we know, it's a show for everyone and full ass in the 10 year old's face.

Oh no. Mm-hmm. You just traumatized that kid, bro. In the entire parking lot. In the parking lot. Never is gonna forget that. Yeah, we get dressed and then dad starts a normal ass convo with the kid.

I was just banging in the back seat and I exposed a small child, the things he shouldn't have seen at that age. That's something you should have thought about before fucking in the parking lot. Not saying that, I haven't fucked your parking lots cause Lord knows I love to. I like a good parking lot.

But I like to make sure that no kids are around. Not, yeah, I mean. Maybe two nights or like, you know, back in the corner. Was it like mid-bite? Huh? Mid-bite, you're like, hold on guys, I just got to run to the car. Get one out here.

Maybe they're passionate. I'm fucking all for it. I'm totally all for it. What time of the day was it at you think? Yeah. Did they say breakfast? Was it breakfast? I don't know.

Was it brunch? I'm going to be honest, a pancake has never made me that horny. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'd have to finish my chocolate chip pancakes first. I will put the fucking pancake on my butthole if you have to finish my chocolate chip pancakes first. I will put the pancake on my butt hole if you wanna eat it off, all right? I will slap some flapjacks on my titties. I love food getting eaten off of you

is the fucking most- I've never had that happen. Really? You guys gotta do it. Do it for Jason. Do a little whipped cream bikini for him. No. Why?

Whipped cream bikini for him. No. Why? Whipped cream bikini? Wait, I wanna know why you said no so fast. Because I really feel like that is the difference in plus size people and skinny people. This is like booths and tables at a restaurant right now. You just don't understand the difference. Why? Maybe a tanky. I don't feel.

Why can't you just put little triangles on you? You know how many fucking whipped creams? I need the whole gallon container. Listen, dude. All you gotta do is put triangles over your nipples and a triangle over your pussy. You don't gotta fucking paint your whole body with it. I'd be in a full on one piece.

Like a swim dress. Like you're covered in shaving cream, just so I get it. I can't. I'm gonna go fast. Dude, listen, Jason. I would like for Mimi's birthday. I would like her to do a whipped cream bikini before she leaves. So we need to get this in motion in the next 24 hours,

please. Oh my God. If you see an Instacart order of just like five cans I'm sending it over. Fucking cool whip on the titties. Whatever we gotta do. Kids are going to answer the dorm. Mom, why is there so much fucking whipped cream? Cash is going to be huffing the fucking cans.

I walked into Olivia the other day. I was like, baby, you can't just go raw dog on the fucking. Oh, little whippets. I thought, I think she did a whip it the other day because I walk in the kitchen and she's upright with it. And I was like, stop everything. I said, turn it upside down.

And she was like, why? I said, you're probably gonna feel really good here in about a second. Dizzy as fuck. Don't fucking do that. Yeah, no. Oh my God, you guys. Oh God.

Yep, I'm sending over the whipped cream tonight with cherries. Please do it for me. A little chocolate syrup? Just a little, just a little, like make a little sundae on yourself. It'll be cute. A little sprinkle?

It'll be cute. And let Jason eat it off of you. Sprinkles could look like pubes. Oh my God. You're disgusting. Okay, now we're taking it too far. All right. What do you got memes? I hate you. How do we get off on that tangent? Because that's just what we do. These are lists like how we talk when the kids, the mics are off. Everyone feels like they call this the group chat. Yeah. Like literally they tell everyone if you want to become part of the group chat, like, go

listen to Ask Talk Confess. Yes. Oh, wow. I don't know. Let me just go into this then. Just going off of that, Ozempic shits during sex. I almost read that one. Oh.

If you know anything about being on a GLP-1, It's that if you eat too much greasy food or too sugary of foods, your digestive system will hate you. And I have had to learn that the hard way. You have to really watch what you eat. And apparently this person did not. They would like to keep anonymous. So this only happened as of last night and she's telling it while it's fresh in her mind. They had a late dinner so she just threw together some tacos. And as most of you guys know, shot and greasy foods or spicy foods don't mix. Usually I get the tummy rumble.

As a warning to get to the bathroom, window zempic shots strike, especially since I normally only go once a week. That's not normal that you only poop once a week. She goes the bathroom once a week? That's crazy, yeah. That's not normal. All right. She goes to the bathroom once a week? That's crazy, yeah. That's not normal. All right.

She's not lying though, because I remember how much I was shitting on those fucking shots. Yes. She goes to the bed and we're doing our thing and I'm on top. I reach back and fondle his balls. They were super wet.

Cool. I just got off a lot of this man making... I got off this man making me come like a waterfall. So I think it's just me. Then my hands are on his chest for leverage as I'm writing. He's got his hand around my throat and I'm grabbing this got really good. All right. This is crazy. And I'm grabbing his arm. So we're touching all over. He gets off, we are laying there for a second, he says, babe, I think you're bleeding. I'm like, fuck, it's not time for my period.

Then he says, I think this is poop. I instantly start to freak out. How could you not smell it? That's what I'm saying. You guys literally rubbed these juices all over you thinking they're cum and it's really poop? We've been together two years and this man knows my body but I'm weird about using the bathroom in front of people and I just smeared shit all over this man's chest, arms and sheets.

I'm in tears, he's trying to make me feel better and crack jokes, I just fucked the shit out of you. But that didn't help, I yelled at him to get into the shower while I cleaned up the shit and cried of embarrassment. I showered and we went to bed and he held me like nothing happened, made all the comments this morning about how sexy I am, but I am still mortified. It must have been some runny shit, dude. I don't know how it didn't smell though.

You instantly smell poop when poop doesn't hit water and it's in the air. Raw shit. It's a different fucking smell, man. Literally. I had to shit in a French fry basket one time and it is rough, dude. What the fuck?

Yeah, when you have to do like those, the poop tests that you have to do for doctors, they give you a French fry basket and you have to shit in it and catch your fucking logs in it. Bro, when I tell you it is the most humbling experience you'll ever go through, it sucks. I'm ace phase over there when you said it. He was like, yeah, it's like my dog. That's like

different when it doesn't hit water boy. It's mailed. Ah, wow. Um, that's how I feel like when we have to poop in bags on the tour bus. Yeah. That's exactly why you're humbled by how heavy that bag is. I get excited. I start weighing my hair. Everyone hold it. Yeah. That's exactly how you're humbled by how heavy that bag is. I get excited. I start weighing my terms. She makes everyone hold it. Yeah. She's like, feel this one. Feel this one. And we have, I'll be honest, to get really close when you're in those kind of quarters. I am proud of the weight that I lose when I do one of those. You know what it reminds me of? It's like when guys hold fishes in their profile pictures. That's Bunny with her poop bags. Yeah. We should start taking pictures. Because you don't realize,

you do not realize how heavy a log is until you shit three of them in a bag and have to pick it up. You're like, damn, that was just inside of me. Like I hope I lost some weight with that. Yeah, like for real. Big dreams start small. Like check your Chime account small.

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spends valid for featured game only and expire in 168 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos ends June 15th, 2025 at 1159 PM Eastern time. All right, my turn. We ready? She said, all right. All right. Leah said, which I thought this is actually a really cool question and we could definitely give her some advice. She said, for this week's Ask Talkefesh, nothing to do with buttholes or poop. It's all right, don't worry about it.

Mimi already covered it. My boyfriend and I close on our first home, May 8th. Congratulations. Congrats. So exciting. Financially on the struggle bus. So our moms want to throw us a housewarming party. What are some things we should ask for that's necessary?

I hate asking for things. So I don't want to be unreasonable. Also any advice for the first time home buyer or for two 23 year olds starting out in the real world. Oh my gosh. I have so many good ideas. I know Mimi is really good with this stuff. Yeah, give that to Mimi.

As far as like housewarming stuff, I would make an Amazon list because everything on Amazon is so cheap, but like great quality and do like everything, like kitchen, cookware, microwaves, toasters. I was gonna say can opener. Can opener. Can opener. Absolutely a can opener. Think of stuff. Can opener. Absolutely a can opener.

You can't live without every day. Literally. Go through your everyday. This is what I tell everyone, because I've actually been asked this question before. Go through your everyday life and write down everything you use. Yeah. It's crazy what you don't think of.

Can openers. Yeah. Cleaning stuff. You would not believe how many cleaning things I'd have to go, like just, I would go to like grab it cause it wasn't in my thought. I thought, you know, all the other necessities. And then I would go to find like a scrub brush. And I'm like, I don't even think I bought a scrub brush

for this house or like, you know, I'm a hor. Let me tell you right now, I've got four unopened packs. You ever look at their TikTok page? It's the best page ever. Their PR team is the most incredible. Their content creation is beautiful. I don't even know what it is. Are you kidding me?

But like the cleaning baskets, like I love to give people as a gifts, baskets that you can put underneath like sinks and stuff just full of cleaning supplies. You can, I love like all kinds of different. Laundry baskets. Yeah, laundry baskets. Hangers, I love like all kinds of laundry baskets, laundry baskets, hangers. I always need hangers. Good hangers. Always need hangers. Trash bags. You don't think about how many paper towels you go through. Ask people for necessities because the other stuff can come in time. Furniture pieces, side tables, all that will come in time. Get your necessities out of the way. Jay and I literally had to sleep on an air mattress

the first couple of weeks in our apartment. You know, like that's what makes the struggle is what makes it so much fun. And then you look back on it after like 10 years and you're like, bro, remember when we couldn't even fucking buy a wooden spoon? Yeah. Remember when we couldn't buy a toaster?

Like the struggle is part of life. And I think that a lot of people think that, oh, you know, because we have social media now. So you got, you know, 23 year olds who are literally, first of all, 23 years old, buying your first house. That's fucking phenomenal. Uh, that's amazing in this economy. You guys are already ahead of the game because I was 23. I wasn't buying a house. There's no fucking way I couldn't afford it. And my credit was shot. But the fact, huh? I think I bought mine at 22. Yeah, at 22?

Yeah. We built our first house. Yeah, well good for you, bitch. Yeah. No, but anyways, I think that's great. I think also just being able to like live in the moment. Yes. It's so important to live in the moment.

It's just, don't stress about what you guys don't have because it's all gonna come. I love that you said air mattress. Jason and I's first couch when we moved to Tennessee was a half deflated air mattress that we folded in half and pushed up against the wall because we couldn't afford furniture. I love that.

I know, I was like, we're gonna make do. So we're gonna put our mattress on the floor in the bedroom and we're gonna deflate the air mattress and fold it in half and it made a couch. You've always been so good like that though and like responsible. So even if you guys slept on a fucking air mattress, you just said you still owned a house at fucking 22 years old.

Oh yeah, that's amazing. I didn't believe in renting. So when I met Jason, his credit score, and I'm sorry to throw you out there like this, Jason, he had no credit score. Mine was terrible. And so my job was, like as a wife, to be like, that's not, like, we're gonna fix this together.

But a lot of people at your age are not thinking like that. They're thinking about going to their next party, especially in Vegas too. We're not thinking about anything like that. Yeah, I did a lot of phone calls to credit agencies and all that kind of stuff wiped all his medical. Nobody's doing that I did I started doing that when I got with Jay and I was like fucking 38. Yeah no I remember you and I was 36 talking like when we first met we would they go over credit stuff because you were all

about like paying your bills down to zero because you thought that was the idea of I was like no you need to keep 10% because your credit grows that way. Like you have to have a 10% usage within your credit so that people think you have it. But now you guys know why I let Mimi handle everything in the business because she's so, like yesterday she's handling like deals for me

and I'm just listening and she's like, so what do you think? I'm like, eh. I'm like, what? I'm like, what the fuck did I just listen to? I'm like, I don't care. I just want the money. Like what else do we gotta do? I'm such, what the fuck did I just listen to? I'm like, I don't care. I just want the money. Like, what else do we gotta do?

I'm such a analytic person. It's kind of crazy. That's my obsession. You're a numbers person and I'm an analytics person. So patterns for me, I obsess over. So I obsess over patterns too, but it just depends on what it is. You're a number pattern person.

Like an algorithm, I can figure that out in a fucking heartbeat. You know that like your numbers will increase with the said movement right versus I'm like, I'm like a path person because I can't do numbers. I'm just number dyslexic. Yeah. So I can't do number I mean you are literally yin and yang with pattern recognition. Yeah. I didn't think it's so cool. Yeah, I think we're really good

creation, bro. You are you're're not, you're very, very, very smart when it comes to if you were ever to be like an architect. Because you- That's weird, that's what I used to wanna be when I was younger. See, because you know- My grandpa said there was no money in it. No, you know the beauty-

And architecture? Oh my gosh. I thought there was so much money in architecture. So much money in that. Well, I think he was thinking back home. That's true. Oh, yeah, yeah. In Chicago or where are you guys at?

Southern Illinois, yeah. Southern Illinois, yeah. Yeah, that's where you- That's crazy, that's what I- I know, cause that's like where you find the beauty in the structure. All right, so who's next? Okay, I have a short kind of funny one.

I like this one. I like it, it's my humor. Great, is it dicks and buttholes? No. Okay. Hell, I had been dating a guy for two years and it was clear he wasn't ready to commit long term, so we ended it. A few days later, he came over to my place to do the super sad and awkward stuff exchange. As he's walking towards his car, he turns around and says my name.

I froze, thinking he had maybe changed his mind about our relationship. Then he said, you still have my pizza pops. What's a pizza pop? So funny to me. She said, I went to the freezer, took out the box, went outside and threw them at him, game over. I just love that one. I still wanna know what a fucking pizza pop is.

Giving it a go. Giving it a go. God, that was so funny. Wait, what's a pizza pop? I've never heard of a pizza, is it like a- Oh, they're like pizza rolls. I'd ask for them best pizza, like a- Oh, they're like pizza rolls. I'd ask for that best. Where are they from that they call them pizza pops?

Oh no, they're like- Like empanadas. Empanadas, nevermind. Why did he not just go buy another box? No, my thing is so funny. That is fucking hilarious. That's something I would do. That's such a, I don't know why, but it was like such a Napoleon dynamite moment.

Yeah, literally. God, it's so funny. All right, guys, love you so much and we will see you guys next week. Bye.