Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: Shrimp in the Curtain Rod

Episode Date: August 29, 2025

On this episode of Ask, Tell, Confess, the gals dive into some hilariously petty revenge tales—think a stolen prosthetic leg, shrimp hidden in curtain rods, and even a rogue dildo. They sprinkle in personal stories too, like Bunnie finessing her husband for a lazy day and Haley’s awkward encounter with premature ejaculation. The laughs keep rolling with oddball moments, from stumbling upon cow semen to battling noisy mini roosters. The episode wraps with playful banter and a few teases about what’s coming next.Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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why and the hell are you not on patreon i don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on patreon let me break it down for you we have the bunny xo show we have meet the defaults we have popaganda we have more shows that we're adding and not to mention we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www.com.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there, guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away,

gifts every freaking month. I'm talking like signed stuff from Jay and I, lives. You just never know what kind of surprise you're going to get. It's like a cracker jackbox. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much. And that's a lot of kisses, actually. Got to go by. I'm talking best Hello friends

Have you guys ever seen that fucking that You guys have never seen that cartoon cartoon where the guy's like he's a cartoon salesman he's like walla walla washington no i thought you were going to say walla wala bing bang me too i was going for that i thought we were going for greece hold please oh here it comes hold please how can you guys not know about this classic god did you guys have childhoods when was this that isn't the question all right how do you even spell walla walla walla washington Walla Walla Washington. La Wala Waushington cartoon.

Take my shoes. I really like you. There he is. Oh. Hey, sir, I represent the little giant vacuum cleaner company, Walla Walla Washington. You remember the weirdest parts. All foreign particles from around the rule.

I realize that you may not be ready to purchase a little giant right now, but if you ever do, just remember the little giant vacuum cleaner company, Walla Walla, Washington. That's crazy that you would remember that. You would remember that is insane. Okay. Hold on. What's happened to God?

Okay. How could I not remember that? That was like fucking a huge part of my childhood. Okay. So anyways, how are you guys doing? Great. Did you guys want to judge me for Walla Walla Washington? Jaime, do you know about Walla Walla Washington?

Um, I can't say that I do. That was my first time. She asked the youngest one in the whole room. Is Jaime the youngest? I'm the youngest? Yeah. He's a day. I'm 29 now.

Haley, you're 20. You're 30 now? God, I keep thinking you're fucking old. I still think I'm like 24, 25. Crazy. And you're fucking 31? 31, right? I thought you were about to go.

God. We've been together a long time. Yeah, it's been a really long time. I was 23, I think, when we got together. I'm crazy. Listen, we've been with you through all your golden years. Mm-hmm. All right, I'm going to kick this one off, guys.

So we did it a little different this week. We did. We asked you instead of you ask us. Yep. We asked you guys to tell us some of the weirdest shit you guys have done. So this one. All right, you guys ready? You want to read the question of what we asked them?

Go ahead. Okay, we just asked what the best revenge. Yeah. Petiest. What was the pettiest revenge? And you guys came out with some bangers. All right. Once I found a dildo in my mom's sock drawer. Oh, it gets worse. While I was looking for money, so I borrowed it and it was a pretty good ride. Kind of thicker than what I'm used to. But anyway, when I finished, I was cleaning it off and there was something etched into the side near the base. Turns out it was the name of one of those services that makes custom printed dildos of real life dicks. And I've been too scared to even think about who's it was, but it was probably my dad's.

I shoved my dad's dick up my ass. Why do we go straight for the ass? Listen, that was a good one. That was a good one. I had to listen. First of all, okay. You put your dad's. Here's a thing, though, who in the right fucking mind is going to steal money from their mom?

from their mom and fucking finds her dildo and thinks it's okay to use the dildo. Yeah. Why are we skipping that part? Why did we borrow anything? Yeah. Like that's your mom's though. That's weird. Like, ew. If there's one dildo you never borrow in your life, it's your mom's dildo.

Or your dad's if he has one too. Why does dad have a dildo? I get it. Yeah. We don't. And obviously it wasn't, it's a dildo, so it wasn't a vibrator. So it was all action. It was all action.

And we just went straight for the ass. Yeah. What did we do? Had to kick it off right, baby. All right. Okay. We just like. Lisa wasn't poop like Haley is always talking about.

Oh. Let me just change my. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, I am. There I go ahead, Haley. Okay. Someone says it wasn't me, but I had a,

then we know it was them. I had a friend that stuffed fresh shrimp in her ex's curtain rods. Oh my God, that was one of mine. Before she left his house when she found out he was cheating. Then she pieced out. I can't even imagine what that house smelled like afterwards. How do you find that? How smart are you to fucking shove shrimp and the curtain rods?

You're never going to find that. And imagine if it gets hot because the sun beaming down on the window. Hot showers. It's going to steam it up. Oh, she didn't say shower rod. She said curtain rod, baby. Oh, my dad. So like those, right?

there above the window. Oh, imagine in, like, your bedroom or something? Bye. Can't find the smell. And trying to just light a candle and mask that smell. Like, how could you even, like, get intimate with anybody when your house smells, like, straight up, but dizzy? Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

No, I do know what you're saying. That's a great part. That's rough, dude. Like, okay. I think that's good. I thought it was great. I thought it was good. All right.

Picked up my sister-in-law. she left her abuser he was asleep so i took his prosthetic leg all right i mean that's pretty that's pretty gangster i love that i love that you're first of all first of all like the fact that she could even think to take his prosthetic leg like that's funny as fuck you're on a different level bitch you're on a different level of petty a different leg to make that man have to get up and hobble out of bed like that dude had to hop around and think about his life

decisions bro and those things are expensive like let's yeah those things are expensive you took a limb from that man yeah yeah but shouldn't have been an abuser karma's a bitch yeah exactly you shouldn't be fucking beating women up you're lucky

you can still have your other leg bro go ahead you go again Haley oh Jesus okay this one this one short but uh apparently she said he left his WhatsApp open on his phone so i sent his side chicks a picture of him shatting in a bucket while camping people are crazy that was the one i was going to open with but i like you switch it up you give a little switcheroo yeah people i was surprised are straight up

insane you know i've camped a lot in my life never shot in a bucket i've never camped camp. Excuse me? You've never camped. You've never gone camping. No. Imagine Hayley at a campsite. No.

Sounds miserable. Unless we are in a camper. Yeah, I'm not in a sleeping bag and a fucking tent. She's literally outside. What's that? What's that? It's the wind,

Hayley. It's just the wind. No. She's like, there's a bug on me. I'm out. Yeah, we're in their home.

Get away from me. Get away from me. Why is this happening? I would never take you camping. I love you, but I would never take you camping. You'd be terrible. Please don't. I mean, I'm not going anyway.

She said even if you invite me, even if there was a fire. Terrible. All right, you ready? Yeah. I've never had a massage before, but I got a gift card over the holidays, so I decided to use it and booked an appointment. The masseuse was an incredibly attractive and fit woman. I tried to relax and enjoy it,

but once she started rubbing my thighs without thinking about it, I got incredibly hard. Oh, it's a guy. Then she started rubbing my lower back, and it felt incredible. It was really awkward because I was trying to ignore how hard I was. Suddenly, it felt even better, and my dick started throbbing, and immediately I started coming. Hard. So hard that I accidentally let out a fart while coming.

It was the most awkward and embarrassing moment of my life. Oh, and I wanted to die. I apologized quietly, legitimately trying not to cry. from embarrassment. She said it was okay and just to clean up with the towel and grab another one and she'd be back in a few minutes. I did and she finished the last 15 of minutes or so of the massage while

both of us never said a word. Come fart. Have you ever farted while coming? No. I'm thinking about it now. No. I would feel like your muscles would be so tense right? It would hold it in. So I bet you it was squeaky then. Sliped out.

Oh, what if it was one of those hot ones that just yeah oh and you pops at like just so bad but like bro come get a hold of yourself dude like you i can't men can control right a fart yeah yeah not a fart but when you come not a fart but like when you come right uh for the most part yes for the most part of contact with the area directly i'm not sure why he reached completion yeah i mean but also Some dudes can come with no hands. I've seen it before. Yeah.

And buttoned his pants. Yeah. Some dudes can come just at like the thought of things. He really liked me. Tell us the story, that was it. That was the story. Was that the one that you were banging in the truck?

No, no. This was like, this was like 2017. 2018, yeah, no. Oh. All right.

Okay. You've never had a guy premature ejaculate. Oh, for sure tell us a story i mean there's not much to the story yeah it was it was like oh well there it is yeah i'm gonna go home now what are we going to do now you know it's one of those i kicked them out well it was like a teenager at the time did you really kick him out yeah not because of that i would i kind of feel like it was i mean yeah that's what else we didn't do but it got so awkward after that that i was just like i mean like what did you say to somebody is i i comforted the guy

I was like, oh, it's okay. Like, it happens. Nope. Yeah, it definitely is a like, like, it does happen, but just know it's a term of like, they're really into you. I mean, you know, it's definitely happened where you're like, oh, shit, it happened.

And then you get too excited. I think he also wanted to go to. I mean, it's kind of like wagging a tail. And you know, dogs get really excited. Men get really excited. They just come. I mean, but shooting a load and wagging a tail are two different things.

Yeah. I don't know. I kind of like they're the same. A lot of bodily fluid. Like, I wonder what, was there like a space of time between the come and fart? Or was it like, like, spontaneous combustion? I don't fucking know. Go ahead, memes.

This one said, my bestie had some bitch put nair in her hair conditioner at her boyfriend's house. Thankfully, she has super thick hair. So we both took turns peeing on her. toothbrush. I'm not proud of it, but it did happen. Golly. The amount of toothbrush stuff I read you guys was a little, it makes me scared. But I mean, no one's around my toothbrush. But I think back in my past about like when I used to live with people and what they could have done in my toothbrush. Ugh. I would fucking freak out if I found out somebody did something in my toothbrush. That's wild. Did you know that your toothbrush, if it's too close to the toilet in your bathroom can collect poop

particles. So I always shut my toilet when I flush it. Yep. So a lot of the majority of America is literally brushing their teeth with poop particles. Yep. All right. You have closed your lid? I know, but like mine's in like, my toilet's in a room.

Sorry, we're not all rich. Mine's not separate. I swear I came from the bottom now I'm here. but I forgot about that. Crazy. Your toilet has a separate room. Okay. Not mine.

Not mine. Okay. Is it my turn? Yeah. All right. Here we go. I've manipulated my husband strategically sleeping with him for more than 20 years. I've been married for going on 30 years.

Many, many years ago, I realized that on weekends, if I got up in the morning and did whatever I needed to do, made breakfast, took care of kids, cleaned, et cetera, my husband would just stay in bed all day and watch TV. If I wanted to take the kids somewhere or suggested we go shopping or hiking or hang out with friends or literally anything, my husband would just say he's worked hard all week and he wants to relax. So we'd do nothing all weekend long. But if I started the morning off by sleeping with him shortly after we were done, he'd get up and take a shower and be ready to conquer the world. So if I want to have a lazy day at home, I get up and do whatever I want. But if I want to go go do something. I sleep with him first thing in the morning. I know I'm intentionally

manipulating him and I don't actually care because I feel like he's getting what he wants and so am I. Wow. I like that. Sounds like a happy marriage. I feel like that was very much like you found a common ground. I feel like she cracked the code. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My husband doesn't work like that. I sleep. If I fuck my husband in the morning, he's going back to bed. He does not get a burst of energy. He fucking will roll over and saw logs. Hi, you, do you get a burst of energy? Honestly, yeah. You know, if we get a little morning session, I will pop up out of bed. I'm freaking wreck at Ralph. Just ready to concert. You got a little spring in your staff out. Yeah, I'll shower. Yeah. I'm like,

I'll get coffee. I never get coffee. You want to go get coffee? Like, I'm just very. Whatever you want to do, honey? Mm-hmm. It's very. It's very. Like, yeah, once I get that off the list, it's like, well, what else can I get off? The list is crazy. Okay. Brooke, now we know how to get him out of bed. Not my husband. That would never work.

What about you? Jason's they're ready to go. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, Jason's got a lot of energy. You guys both together have a lot of energy. It's kind of crazy.

Like, we're very, well, yeah. My mornings, I do my best to try to, like, hang for a second in bed and then catch up on emails and like do those kind of things but like if it's one of those days where it's like hey get out of bed and go it's like you're literally out of the house within 20 minutes and starting your day yeah we don't stop ever no you guys go i mean obviously when we went to fucking Disneyland i tapped out at like 3 p.m you motherfuckers were there until midnight even i was like ready to go yeah oh yeah that was so ready to go i remember that in a thunderstorm in SpongeBob's Castle thing.

And he was like, ready to go, guys. Anytime you guys want to leave, let's go. We would keep checking live 360. And I'm like, those bitches are still there. Like, that's crazy. Yeah. I mean, we all know that's my other child. So I was trying to please the children.

I was ready. Like early in morning until whenever they tapped out. And I honestly have to say if the thunderstorm hadn't happened, we probably would have longer. Yeah, we would have gone to a close. we really wanted to meet Shrek yeah that didn't happen my socks did get wet that was my only problem

I get it wet socks I hate wet socks I will punch somebody if I have to wear wet socks or wet jeans wet jeans is the worst and they're heavy fucking oh it's like have you ever tried to swim in jeans

and take them all it's yeah it's hard I can tell you've been through it I may yeah no it's rough dude The fucking, I don't know why I was wet with jeans on, but it's happened before and it's fucking just not a good feeling. I just don't like wet clothes. They're so heavy.

She saved the day, though. She bought us all, spent like $100 on ponchos. Yeah. And we all had Harry Potter ponchos as we try to make it out of the place. Because the day before, I did not get a poncho and we got stuck in the thunderstorm and that was rough. I was soaking wet, just like tromping through fucking Disney. We got everything but fucking ponchos. Didn't we get ponchos in the pack?

Backpacks, I thought. For the kids. For the kids. Adult sizes are different. Yeah. Oh, gotcha. You can just put it over your head. No.

I have a few rapid fire. Okay, rapid fire. Go. All right. Okay, I have a few rapid fire. One girl put hot sauce in his contact solution and left. Okay. Yeah.

He probably saw that unless it was. Maybe not. Unless it was the Claire Halapino kind. Oh. maybe not though if his contacts are in there and he can't see okay let's see it i just want to give a disclaimer guys do not do any of this shit at home please because these are some really good ideas and i'm going to save them for later on if i ever need to use them but do what is it don't don't do like me what is it do as i do as i say not as i do right yeah yeah yeah no one of them

I saw this girl was like I still had his care credit card after we split because he cheated and so I bought myself a pair of tits. I was like, okay, honey. I mean, I mean, this girl bought a thousand live crickets and let them go in her ex's house after found out he cheated. We will be charging that on the Patreon. That'll be one million dollars. We are jar it now. We are cutting that out. Jason we are cutting that up our bleep it actually make it sound like sweet music that comes out my tummy hurts I took antibiotics and ate a fucking 10 out steak I'm so I'm fucking feel like I'm gonna puke right now I'm going through it over here guys struggling to get

through the fact that I was mid reading and I saw you look I saw you lean over I was like should I just stop as so confessed has become so unhinged it's literally so unhinged you guys I'm sorry if you guys really wanted good content we're trying to we're trying to deliver i swear all right go ahead haley that was beautiful you want me reread it yeah okay this girl bought a thousand live crickets and let them go in her ex's house after she found out that he cheated a thousand you can't find those motherfuckers i know right i know and they fucking just sit there with their violins and shit just fucking going off tiny feet violins bro no no i feel but crickets are luck i would have put roaches oh yeah not crickets crickets are good luck yeah i don't know a lot of money

makes me want to punch people hearing crickets yeah they're not supposed to be going yeah if it's a beautiful night you're late like sitting out please but if you're trying to go to sleep and they're in the corner just fucking having a banjo time no thank you makes me literally so angry i i got these new chickens um and they're miniature roosters so when they crow they sound like kazoo's and they start at 5 a.m. and they don't stop till 7. I mean, that's your fucking fault. It is.

You did that to yourself, sister. It is. They're cool looking, but fuck that. Imagine them a little further away from the house. I would be fucking throwing shoes out the window. There's no fucking way, dude. Yeah, we have four of them. Oh, and they all four go off?

So they have competitions with the bigger ones. Oh, no. So it's like the one of them will kazoo and then the large roosters. When you say kazoo, what does it sound like? Like an actual kazoo? Play it. It sounds like a real kazoo. Like, I don't have it on my phone, but like if you-

Find one on YouTube. Okay. Because I've only heard, like, z-z-oh. No, like a kazoo is like a- Like that, right? Like that noise. You did it pretty good.

That was good. Yeah, that was way more spot on. That was great. I watched a lot of cartoons. So we have bantam. the hell that sounds like nails on a fucking chalkboard i hate that oh why is it getting higher pitched no fucking way and so they're like yeah they sound killed them all fuck that your neighbors probably hate you my neighbors actually love all my animals

they tell you we come outside and fucking bibby gun shot to the head fucking these motherfuckers are going to be taken out like targets. Fuck that. If my neighbors had fucking show. No, there's no way. I can't do it. We live in the country, though. I feel like it's expected.

You have neighbors. Where's your closest neighbor? Literally. They're old. They can't hear. If I had hearing aids, it's the same one that offered me cow come. Cal come.

Yeah, he's got a garage full of it. Cow come. Yep. Yeah. I've never heard this story. Oh, continue. Yeah. Our neighbor came to meet us and he said, hey, I got a bunch of cow sperm in my garage. Is your cow fixed? I said, it's a steer. And he said, darn. I've got a bunch of cow come that I got from a friend. I would like to know how the friend got to come. And I want to know what the cows look like. I'm just not going to inseminate my cow with your fucking, no, I need pictures. I need to see the parents. it's his own. I wasn't. He just really wants to see a cow human. On that note, we're leaving.

See you guys next week. Goodbye.