Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: This One Had Us Gagging

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

On this episode of Ask, Tell, Confess, the Coven dives into some of the most outrageous listener stories yet. From hookup disasters, balcony adventures, strip club confessions, and absolutely horrifying bathroom mishaps to questionable hygiene habits that will leave you speechless, this episode goes completely off the rails.But beneath the laughs, there's also a powerful and emotional confession from a woman navigating life while her husband serves a life sentence after protecting their daughter. The Coven opens up about loyalty, sacrifice, prison relationships, and the difficult reality of choosing your own happiness when life takes an unexpected turn.Equal parts chaotic, hilarious, and emotional, this episode is packed with jaw-dropping stories, unfiltered conversations, and the kind of honesty that makes Ask, Tell, Confess what it is.Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTubeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That first whistle was like pre-com. Ooh. A little edging. Ugh. You guys ever been with a dude who's like, has so much pre-com, their dick is wet all the time? I'm going to have to, yeah, I'm going to have to say no on that one. So no for me, dog.

Have you? I'm sure. I'm sure. Just like anytime they are excited. the pre-cum just fucking shoots out of their dick. I think so. It's like calm down. It's just way, yeah.

Like, chill out. It's so gross. It's a little much. I hate it. I can't. It is a little much. I'd like them dry. I like my bones dry.

Okay. I don't want it so wet that you could jack it off with it though, you know? Like, that's wet. Yeah. You get like that? I don't think so. I don't think so. I would say that I wouldn't have any comments.

I've never experienced stuff like that. You don't have pre-cum? I do. You never felt a guy's day with pre-com? Yeah. No, not a lot. You never jacked off a friend. Just if I can reach over and gave him the old handy J.

Yeah, everyone does it. I've thought about it. What's wrong with you? No, never have. Yeah, I've thought about it. Yeah, I mean, I have a lot of thoughts. Let me hear some of them. I figured out that there's a different.

I didn't know that chickens and hens were like the same thing. No, we're talking about you dragging off your friends. Different kind of cock. Yeah. I want to know more about this. You just found out chickens were chickens? Yeah. Well, I didn't know that like when someone said a hen, I thought that was different than a chicken.

Go back to the dicks. Yeah, yeah. So how often do you think about dragging off your friends? Because a couple people were offended that you were defending the person on the podcast a couple weeks ago with the shitting in the mouth. Oh, yeah. I saw that. I just, I'm not a kink shamer. I get, I don't know. It's just, if he's not hurting anybody, I wouldn't share like a cup with him.

Yeah. A cup of what? Like orange juice. I don't know. Like a water bottle. I wouldn't like actively share things with that person, like a vape. Oh, poop vape is wild. Yeah. But no, people were upset. This is why you can't drink after people. What's the difference between a babe and a cup? Your mouth's still on it. I know. He said he's not doing it. Yeah, I'm not doing either with that person because I know that he likes to do that in his spare time. So what if he didn't tell you. Like how many joints have you shared with your friends in the past? What if they were all shit eaters? What if they were poop mouse? I'm going to now think about that. So a lot of people never sharing joints again. Never again. Actually, that's pretty gross. Remember back in the old days

when people used to sit around in like a smoke circle and everybody would hit the same blind. Back in the day. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if they still do it. Oh, they for sure do. Yeah. Yeah. Until I almost died. I was doing anyone that handed me something. I was sharing. We had one. I know. I don't know where your mouth has been. Haley. I feel like there's some stories that. Haley, you've been getting some dick lately.

Dick down. Yeah, you've been getting some. Grandma don't watch anymore so we could talk about this. Revenge body for sure. You have been getting some dick lately so we don't know where that mouth has been, girl. Tell everybody how you're getting eaten out on your balcony. And then sent the dude home afterwards. She said,

I don't care. You guys, let me paint the picture, though. Haley's neighbor is right across the way. Window. That was a free window. We literally, I remember looking into your neighbor's home. I know what kind of dog they have.

I know he's a redhead. They know what your vagina looks like is. It was covered by his head. I know, but you weren't moaning in that alleyway like a fucking alley cat. Br. Because it's like she lives in like this alleyway.

Imagine your neighbor's being like, is there cats fighting out? Honestly, like, you know when you're drunk though and you like really can't hear? Yeah. So you don't know what was happening. Maybe I don't know how loud or I don't know. Why did you just send him home afterwards? Why did I? Yeah.

I don't really like him. How can you know? I see. I hope you're not watching this right now. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Like, listen. If you are going to fucking.

No, please. be honest. I love that. If you're going to get me head though, you're definitely sticking your dick in because I don't feel fulfilled after getting head. You can't just get head. Like, if you're going to eat me out, you're sticking it in. Like, this is a full time job. You're not doing fucking, I didn't want to part sense. Have you been dick down by him before you know what it's like? Oh, you didn't even know what it was like. I didn't want to know when it's like. Damn, you were just like eat me out and fucking. It was my birthday. That was my birthday present. Did he lick the bottle? What else have you done on this balcony? I don't like that. You don't like your buthole.

Have you bent over on the balcony? I have not. I've never had sex on my balcony. Oh. I have performed acts, though. Oh, so this isn't, there's been a lot of mouth usage out there, too. And you're drinking after this bitch. I brush my teeth.

Don't matter. It doesn't matter. Haemann said, don't matter. When did I drink after you? Yeah, not. Well, listen, we're just proud that one of you, that one of us is getting dig down like that, Haley. Like, we're proud of you. I wore a baseball hat to the bar the other night.

And this lady leans over of sitting at the bar. She goes, men are women. And I said, men. Or no, at first I said, huh? And she said, men are women? I said, men. And then I paused and I said, sometimes women, she goes, I can tell. I was like, Mimi, no wonder I didn't get hit on because they probably thought we were a

letting me a couple the whole time. She holds my hand through every bar because I'm nervous. and I don't like a lot of people. Yeah, that was. Jason has really eaten that up. Lesbians. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

That's why you're getting eaten out at home. That's why you didn't get any dude that night. Because they were like, I'm not going to fight that bitch for her. I've already got a really bad arresting bitch face. They're like, I'm not going to. And then Jason's like the third wheel. Jason didn't go.

Oh, he didn't go. There was just me and her twice now. How was it though? You guys went to losers, right? Was Savannah and Justin? Yes. That was so much fun. That was a lot of fun.

And then we ended up at right. Good live music. I requested Nickelback. Oh, good. Heard everyone up. That was great. I love it. All right. Well, who's going to kick off this ass tell?

Wait, we were talking about pre-com. I want to go first. Okay. Oh, God. Yeah. Can't get away from it. I grew up in a large city. When I was halfway through high school, I moved to bum fuck nowhere.

Weirdly enough, I was a city kid that knew no one. I got invited to a party. I saw the cutest guy ever. I told one of my friends, I'm going to go on. to date with that guy and we are going to get married one day. I got laughed at so hard, well, he didn't want to be the guy in the school that dated the city girl. Somewhere after graduating high school, I bought us a hotel room for a night for his birthday and we were having a little makeout sesh laying in his in our underwear. I go to take off my panties and he comes. As he's

taking off his boxers, mind you, we weren't even dating just a situation ship. The sex, that night, then we had sex later that night. Two months later, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I have been dating for six years. And he recently told me that night was the night he lost his virginity. Oh, that was my next thing. I was going to say, was he a virgin? Yep. And let me tell you, he's the person I am meant to be with.

And I want to have his babies. Oh, well, I love that. That's a sweet story. I think that was very sweet. And at least he fucking. Is that one of yours? Oh. Yeah.

At least he, you know, redeemed himself and was able to, he obviously put it on her enough to keep her around. Yeah, I mean, they were able to do. Anyone like that? Like as soon as you got naked, they came. I did have a man want to lose his virginity to me whenever I was a hooker. Did you? Yeah. Oh, I was his first.

I told you about the one guy that I literally kit as soon as I, like, like, unzipped his pants, he came. Yeah. I've never had that problem, guys. Yeah. I mean, I know I've had guys who have came. I just can't remember, you know, it's been so long. Imagine losing your Virginia to that. And then he kept wanting to book me more, like that whole week.

I know, but I was like, I had to tell him. I was like, look, dude, you need to go find a good girl. You need to go find somebody who's going to love you. He felt in love. Falling in love with the stripper. And then they don't talk to you outside the bar. Yeah, but I told him the truth. Remember what happened to you?

Yeah. I told, wait, what? Do you remember? It happened to me? Do you remember when you befriended that girl and then on the way out? You were like, hey girl, and she was like, no. Haley doesn't remember these things. Is this the one I got the lap dance from?

Yes. Hated it. Hated it. Country paid for a lap dance. I remember. Yeah, and I had to go in the corner. I said we can't do it in front of my friends. And she goes, corner.

I said, okay. I'm just sitting there like, what perfume do you wear? It smells good. And then I looked at her. I said, you don't have to do this. I said, we can just sit here.

It was so awkward. It's awkward for dancers too, though. We don't want to just sit there. That's why I said, get off. Like, you don't have to do this. You're like,

let us move around. Take the money and go. I used to love dancing for women whenever I was a stripper. I loved it way more than men. Yeah. Way more than me. I actually,

you know what? I have made men come at the strip club in their pants dancing for them. Yes. So I have had that happen before too. Do they tell you? I mean, you can normally fill it because it gets wet.

And also a lot of the times guys go in the strip club, they wear like windbreakers or like really thin material pants. Those are the pros that you know, that you know, come in all the time because they want to feel everything. Yeah. They just leave with wet spots. Pretty much.

Yep. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I literally, they were walking out. I'd be like, I know.

She's like outside the club like, oh, you came. I'm telling you, men will find a way. That's crazy. All right, I'm next. Speaking of fucking disgusting men. I'm getting married soon to my soulmate, but he has a cousin who I've known since kindergarten.

This cousin is very horny all the time, and he has a very horish personality. He said he's slept with at least 12 women in the last couple of months. He got an STD and decided to share this information at the family cookout of few days ago. Well, after we all ate, I had to go pee, so I went inside, not my house, and caught him squeezing pus out of the head of his dick, and he wiped it on the toilet seat and his pants. The end. Excuse me? If I saw somebody doing that, I would lose my shit. There is no fucking way. I would have beat his ass with his dick out. Like, I wouldn't even let you zip up. I would start whooping your ass. But that goes back to touching,

people's hands and like letting people in your hands no I get it no squeeze and pus off their head of their dick I hate that fucking word yeah that's on my list who does that what kind of monster would be like yeah yeah and also why was the door open yeah I have a lot of questions and why was she watching for so long to watch him wipe it on the toilet seat and his pants And she'd hear somebody come in? How do you not hear someone walk in? The more I visualize this, the more fucking disgust it I am. Unless they were comfortable.

Unless she's one of the 12. Yeah. Be, never know. Oh, we're over here starting rumors. Sorry. Yeah. She's married to her soulmate. Let's not put that on her.

Yeah, my bad. But man, you know, I don't like it. I don't like it either. You don't want to be sell of it. It makes me never want to. sit on a fucking toilet seat ever again or touch anybody's hand what did she say she said yeah right she said makes me want to be celibate i said yeah right haley's in her horny era her horniness picked up again every time you ovulate you were just during ovulation then after those three days don't fucking

you got to catch you have a breeding kink then you like to you want to be bread no i don't well subconsciously you do because you're ovulating and that's when you get pregnant so your body is like, give me your sperm. I want sperm. Yeah. I want to get filled up like a big cum dumpster. Okay. Twinkies?

No, I don't do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. What does someone say the other day on my comment section and say, why be a hostess when you could be a Twinkie or a Ho-ho? Oh, gosh.

What's on the outside? What one has a little swam? Oh, yeah. The hostess is on the outside. Yeah. Twinkies. Damn. They're both fucking nasty.

What? It both tastes like plastic. Swiss rolls all the way. Love a good hostas cake. Swiss rolls are good. Swiss rolls. Yes. Yeah.

When I was a fat fuck, I loved them. Do you remember when hostas had those like 100 calorie packs, though, and they had the strawberry little ones? Nope. I've been a full calorie dish from the life. All that shit tastes like plastic to me. Yeah. I was on South Beach diet when I was 12. Sorry.

Oh. Say I was to eat the hostess. Mom trauma. And I remember I was on this diet as a kid. And you had to take these shots. of like these detox shots and then like not eat for 24 hours and all you could have was who the fuck is giving you this shit my mom Susan my mom was big into diets anything that's in women's world oh yeah I understand making a kid eat healthy you know Bailey gets so mad at me and hates

me because I make her fucking eat healthy or tried to make her eat healthy but putting a child on a fucking diet shot or a diet like you know special K diet and the um south beach diet I did the fucking Jillian fucking ab workouts my mom did you have the wheel with the handles yep I had a shake weight yeah I had shake weight

and I look back and I wasn't even fat I know same the soup diet where you lived off a soup anything that was in the woman's world but my lunches would literally be like sugar-free jello cottage cheese and like a cheese string or something yeah that's terrible

to do to a kid man insane I get not wanting your child to be overweight, but to like, you know, but still, that's wrong. That was always chubby. Just try to change their eating habits. It's like that starts at home. Yeah, it's like I'm not buying the groceries. But what was crazy? Like we didn't, my mom never kept bad stuff in our house. So it's so weird to me because no, like we didn't go to daycares or anything like that. I didn't try white bread for probably the first 12 years of my life. She only carried wheat in our house. Nothing was named brand. Like it was, we didn't. We didn't.

have junk food in our house. It's very weird for me to think back. Like, it was always... Did you eat, like, at your friend's house? Because I know that we didn't have junk food in our house, but if I went over to my friend's house and she had fucking cookies, I'd eat the whole fucking... I didn't really go to friends' houses. We were like, we were outside, like, majority of my friend time was just spent, like, on the street playing with your friends. Then you'd come right back to your house. And yeah, I never went to people's houses like that. It was very strange. Like, I always used to like, my great aunt would carry, like, junk food. and by junk food, I just meant like, um, bagel bites.

And I thought that was like, I literally thought having a bagel bite at my great aunt's house was like literally the most top tier thing you could possibly imagine because we never kept stuff like that in the house. Remember bagel fools? Yeah, bitch. Do you remember those? What? Bagel fools.

I wasn't allowed to eat that shit. Do you hire me? No, I wasn't put on a diet as a kid. Yeah. When I was pretty hot pockets. Oh, yeah. The ham and cheese ones. The ham and cheese were fine.

The ham and cheese were fired. Ham and cheese are like... They're like so cheesy and just... I've never been a big marinara fan. No, hell no. It was never. I love... All right, go ahead.

Haley, you're next. We got way off topic. You're talking about it. Okay, so my boyfriend ripped his friend's underwear off of him. Oh. The friend proceeded to bend over and spread his cheeks and his crack was fully covered

in shit that resembled peanut butter and corn. 20 years later, the guy's nickname is still no wipe. Um, so his friend ripped his pants off of him. Yeah, so can we start there? Why? Why are we taking people's underwear off? Why are we ripping his underwear off?

I used to stick my hand down my friend's pants and credit card their assholes and then make them smell their own assholes. You still do that. You always do that to us. I haven't touched any of your assholes. On the outside. Touched my vagina. Oh, you've definitely.

Not on the nails. No, I would put my hand down their pants and swipe up. She's changed. Well, one time. One time I did it to my friend. I love her. And if you guys ever meet her, you guys will love her to death too.

But I did it to my friend and I pulled it out and it smelled like a fucking Big Mac. And it was so rough. And no, it didn't matter how much I washed my hands. This smell was still on it. And I remember we were on the strip eating at McDonald's when it happened. Yeah. I don't think I like that.

No, I didn't like it either. Did that stop you? Did it break the habit? It did. Have you eaten a Big Mac sense? Oh, I love Big Mac. Have you guys seen the new, is it? Have you guys seen the new whoppers that they have that are fucking huge?

Bro, the whoppers are back. Yeah. The BK CEO has put in his foot in this man. Have you guys seen this like comeback? Shout out to the CEO of Burger King. They're great. I saw it after the McDonald's CEO wouldn't take a bite. He was like, like Squidward.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he looked like he. I mean, after you heard what fucking McDonald's food is. made out of. Fun. Don't. Sorry, cut that out. Just bleep that.

Just bleep it. I'm about to conspiracy theorists, don't know if this is true. The farmers who farm the potatoes for their french fries are forced to spray a chemical on the potato to stop its growth at a very certain point. So there will be no like malfunctioned type impurities in the potato itself. And when they do spray, the farmers can't go on their property. for 24 hours because it's so toxic. Damn.

But it makes the perfect potato that is then sliced to have the perfect French fries. But I'm still eating the fries. Their food doesn't mold. I've seen that where they had the burgers. Yeah. But then have you even when Burger King put theirs and theirs and they molded? Yeah. Yeah.

They were like, oh, sorry, ours molds. Yeah. I mean, that's what fucking food's supposed to do. It 100% should mold. But like, have you guys seen where they put like our breads that we eat underwater? and it doesn't soak it up or you like cream. Oh yeah, you squeeze it. Squeeze it and it goes right back into place.

Yeah. That's so crazy to me. Yeah. I thought we're consuming. All right. Who's next? Me. Okay, this one says, I have a confession.

This is a very short and sweet one, but she said, a guy and I used to date and I did anal. Afterwards, I was standing in his kitchen while he was making us chocolate milk. I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt. I sneezed and I shit all over his refrigerator. Please keep me anonymous. I have this one, too. You guys stop doubling up and sending only send your shit to one of us because a lot of us have been getting like duplicates.

Yes. That is fucking hilarious. And also. He was making them chocolate. I mean, what do you do after anal? What do you do after you shit on a fridge? Was it Nesquick? I hope it was Ovalteen.

It's my favorite. But seriously, like what are you? I don't even know what that is. Oh my God. I got to make you some ovalteen. It's so good. My dad loves Ovaltine. Yeah.

It's like old people chocolate milk. Yeah. It's so good. Okay, but yeah. And you get all your vitamins in it? Are we shitting? I mean, but how do you spray like that? Do you think it just hadn't tightened back up?

You cleaned it up. Listen, I've had anal before and my butthole is usually swollen and clamped shut afterwards. So I need to see what some of these girls' buttholes look like because, I mean, if you're spraying all over. Do you think it was gaping? A rosebud? I don't know. Maybe. Do you know what a rosebud is?

I think you explain that to somebody. Google it right now. Put it on the TV. No, okay. Hold on. Fuck. I'm not watching it,

but. Wait, Rosebud. Yeah, Rosebud anal, put that. Yeah, you,

I think you, you scarred Taylor holder with that. You showed up. You forced Taylor holder. Taylor. Yeah, he said to this day, you have scarred him.

He said in your birthday. Oh. Oh. You guys do not Google Rosebud unless you want to be fucking grossed out. I saw a guy. Oh, a guy? He was like suspended in the air. Oh, what exactly did you type in?

What is your shit? God. Rosebud. It goes based on past algorithms, didn't it? I went with the first one that it gave me. And it was all blurred. Oh. I said, I don't know what I was getting.

Unblur. That was a super. Surprise. Yeah. Surprise, Shorty. I don't know. My kid was like, I'm going to grab a t-shirt to sleep.

And I said, okay, dude, tell me why my kid walked out with a rotten.com shirt. That's hilarious. I said, Olivia, don't tell anyone you're wearing that. I remember as a kid one time my cousin brought up rotten.com and I walked by and a girl was putting a bowling pin inside of her. Oh, my goodness. I think I saw that too. All right. As to confess, I have an ask.

My husband is in prison for life without parole plus 40 years. Let's just say he deleted someone who tried to do inappropriate things to our daughter. The man never got to do anything, thank God. A man is a hero. But he's been locked up since 2014 and I have held him down from day one. However, I found out he's had and has girlfriends. And I want to know if I'd be a horrible person, if I divorce him. He never did this crap when he was home.

We've been together since 2006 and I can't stand the disrespect anymore. But he did protect our daughter and I'm feeling super guilty even thinking of divorce. What are your thoughts? He can still protect your daughter, but you have to protect yourself. Amen, sister. 100%. And also it's like, dude's in there for life. Like, does he get conjugal visits or is this all just a fantasy land where he's just

throw away your whole life. Exactly. You didn't delete the person. He did. And it's not like you guys won't still have a relationship if you get a divorce, but at least you can go frolic and have fun. Yeah. And let him do his thing.

Yeah, because he clearly is doing his own thing. For sure. And the man's never coming home. So, I mean, unless you guys can have conjugal visits, like I was saying, what's the, you know, like I get that he did a heroic thing. And that's amazing that he, you know, was there for your daughter like that. for you guys' daughter. But at the same time, it's like, you guys have been together since 2006.

Like, there should be a little bit more respect there. But I have heard that meant, and I have to be very careful what I say about, like, prison wives and stuff like that because I know that it's a very touchy subject. And I don't know much about it. But from what I have heard is that these men always do have multiple girlfriends and, like, some sort of, like, con going on on the side. And this is, like, just prison. Like, everybody has to be.

too all over TikTok. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like everybody in prison just knows that this is like what they do. So it's like if this is what you signed up for and you want to be a part of it, then rock on. If not, then make yourself happy, dude. You guys have been, you've held him down for a long time. Yeah. Well, if you're having, I always say this, if you're having to ask us and I think you know your answer. You know your answer already. Yeah. Don't feel bad though. I mean, like I said, you're still going to be a part of his life. You'll still probably put money on his books. You'll still probably be there. But you don't have to be romantic and you don't have to worry about getting. your heart broke, you know? Yeah, because that's already heartbreaking enough to find that he is having girlfriends. And are these women going to visit him? Because that's like a hell of a thing.

Don't drink after people. And are these women putting money on his books and holding him down like you are? Or is he just selling them? How do these women even find these men? That's, have you not seen that on TikTok? Uh-uh. That's a thing. You can shop them online. And create relationships with them. And like that one girl, she like literally found him on one of the websites, created a relationship with him. he got out and now they like live together and stuff like this is literally there's a entire community of women who search out these inmates well and create relationships yeah my uncle uh got with a woman while he was in in there wow really they're still together to this day yep he got out go uncle go uncle go uncle all right who's next i got a kind of long one when i was 12 my mom went on

vacation with her boyfriend and left my sister and I at home with our grandma. My grandma snores so loud she wears earplugs to bed and she told us, don't wake me up. The toilet was clogged and we had no toilet paper, so we snuck out to go to the speedway down the road to use the toilet. My sister and I got caught and ended up in juvie that night and had to sit the whole holiday weekend. I was young and always have been anxious and we had cells to ourselves, but there was a small window with a piece of construction paper covering it and the JDOs would periodically walk by and lift the paper to check on you. I waited two days to poop because I was worried they would happen to look in while I was taking

a shit. When I finally got the courage, I shit so much I ended up clogging the toilet. I was too scared to let anyone see or to even ask for a plunger. I ended up using my hand to grab pieces of toilet paper and rearrange the turds to get it to unclog enough to flush it down. Definitely one of the shittiest experiences of my life. Well, I want to know what happened to grandma. She's just still sleeping.

Haley. Just the grandma's not storing and it's wrong. While shit's like swirling around. I love a Benadryl coma. This one will wake up 12 hours later and be like, oh, I wake up to like 30 fucking group text messages and I'm like, hey guys, just catching up. Sure. She will. It would be like 30 inch.

She'd be like six hours later. He's like, yeah, hate that too. And you're like, what? Okay. What a shitty situation though? Shit got you. Literally. Shit again is just.

Yeah. Shit after shit. A lot of people picking up their turds. What would you do in that situation? What would you do? I'd fucking let the place clean it up. Like, sorry, but I mean, I fucking had to shit. It's not like that she did it on purpose, you know?

Yeah. Remember the poop knife story? Yeah. I just try to find something to top it up. Yeah. Why wouldn't she just like take her sandal or something and chop it up a little and then wash off the sand. Isn't there anything in a cell you could use to chop it? I don't know.

I feel like against the rules. Yeah. To chop your shit in a cell? To have something choppable. True. She's like, you guys don't provide poop knives? What is happening? What kind of fucking jails this?

All right. Guys. Don't touch your poop. We love you. to stop picking your turns up out of the toilet. Love you. See you next week. Bye.