Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: WTF is WRONG with US?!

Episode Date: August 22, 2026

BEST OF ASK, TELL, CONFESS: PART 1, baby. We pulled together some of the most unhinged, most talked-about ATC moments and crammed them into one chaotic episode… and this is just the beginning.We kick it off with the guy who checked every box—until he made one disgusting, deal-breaking request. From there, it’s the infamous mouse nest inside a penis pump (yes, that really happened), pre-cum debates, and Hailee’s balcony adventures with the neighbors basically getting a free show.The girls also spiral over their whitewater rafting trip, weigh in on a lawyer dating a guy who might become her boss, and react to some truly tragic hookup etiquette. Plus, disappointing “pretty boy” sex, a chaotic gift unboxing, and plenty of peak Dumb Blonde energy.If you’ve missed any of these—or just want to relive the chaos—BEST OF ATC: PART 1 has you covered.Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTube

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Hello, friends. Welcome to another ask. Hello. Caval. He's still going. Mm-hmm. Going. Okay.

I had to be dramatic. This one short and sweet met a man that checked on my boxes then told me to shit in his mouth or it was over. She is now single. Why? Okay. Did he want it soft or hard? Yeah. What?

How are you? What's the problem? In the mouth? And I ships on the bitch. Like notorious B-I-G, he says that. I mean, listen, I've been paid to pee on people. My other one says one time I had a guy want me to pee in his mouth.

Yeah, I've been paid to pee on people. I have been peeing on people, but no, I don't get that. But in the mouth, two girls, one cup. Did you ever watch that? I heard that was fake. You heard it was fake? Was it a frosty? Kind of a frosty vibes.

Yeah. I heard it was fake too. Yeah. Kind of looks fake. I don't know. So, I mean, more power to you, sister. I feel like you dodged a bullet. Like, how many other fucking, what is this?

He's got a porta potty for her mouth. Like, you're kissing that man and he's got fucking all sorts of other women's turds. I wonder if they kissed before he passed. Oh, maybe with a little bit of corn in it. Oh. She said he checked all of her boxes. So obviously, yeah, obviously they've been doing some stuff, you know. But I wonder with the tradeoff.

is like are there other qualities that are maybe good like maybe he pays all our bills you know the shit in his mouth absolutely not men are fucking just I fucking hate all of saying he could be a nice guy he didn't cheat I'm sure he's a great guy but you know eating turds is probably the last thing you want to fucking do we probably doesn't eat it he probably just has it in his mouth and spits it out I feel like you know a lot more about this than you're willing to admit I'm just saying like I didn't hear anything I just hear something that he likes to do behind closed doors. I didn't hear anything wrong with, you know, if it's a, no harm, no foul, you know, like if it's definitely a foul. That's 100% of foul.

We'll just put out some garbage bags. I mean, do you like to eat shit or something? Could you imagine if he lined it like we do the toilets on the tour? What is she out of fucking hemorrhoid? She's got a she's got to lay a stand over him and scrunch. Like nobody wants to see that. There's nothing attractive about that. Yeah. What if it's diarrhea and it splashes in his eyes? What if she had food coloring and it was fucking green? There's so many.

What if she ate? What if she ate asparagus the day before? You know, she's peeing. And you can't poop without peeing. Yeah. So I feel like that's, you're coming with both. Yeah, two for one.

Yeah. My partner and I bought a house in the country last year and have been battling a mouse problem. We finally felt like we got it under control. control. I was home from work one day and my dog was fixated on my partner's nightstand like he would like he would track down critters and other parts of the house. I open the top drawer and see nothing. Close it. Open the bottom drawer. Well, that's where we keep all of our adult toys. When I open the bottom drawer, there is a nest of shredded paper and six pink baby mice in his penis pump. I was beyond baffled. I phasedimed him at work and the look of disbelief was

incredible, but so valid. We've been so tickled by this and wanted to tell someone because it's hilarious. So this is my throwaway account. I've been waiting all week to share this with y'all. Oh. In the penis pump as well. Did they take a picture? Because I want to see a picture.

They burrowed in. They burrowed in because it's like a little hamster cage. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You could never use that penis pump ever again. I hope they didn't use it again. And why does dude got a penis pump? Those things don't even really work.

My ex-execu is when I've told you guys, I walked in on him in the closet. Oh, in the closet. I remember that one. And I mean, he already had a fucking hog on him. So it was like, I love that you refer to it as a hawk. Yeah, like, so I'm like, what are we doing? Like, it doesn't do anything different.

Yeah, that's trauma. It stretches the penis out and like hurts it more. I don't think it like. Trauma dick is wild. Maybe they like. they like it because it makes all the blood rush to it. Maybe for a sensitivity thing. But yeah, no, that's hilarious.

I hope you guys fucking bomb the fuck out of your house, though. I would freak out with that many mice next to my bed. Oh, God. Yeah, what'd you do with the mice? I'd like to know where they were in the fucking toilet. Yep. Yep. Listen, I free.

Listen, I free ladybugs. I do all of that. But mice living in your house, you got to make an example. Take it out. Oh, no, I get it. I live in the country. I got a cat for this exact reason because we have little mice out in the chicken coops and in the barn.

And I can't handle that. And I'm terrified of them getting to the house. So we, you guys all know the series of barn cat scar. But that right there, what were they doing while you were sleeping? That's what I would like to know. Were they running on your bed?

Oh. Yeah. I just got the chills. Yeah. Flesh the whole house down the drain. I can't fucking do it. Just they burn the whole motherfucker down. Burn the whole motherfucker down, pokey.

I'm over it. That first whistle was like pre-com. Ooh. A little edging. Ugh. You guys ever been with a dude who's like, has so much pre-cum, their dick is wet all the time? I'm going to have to. Yeah, I'm going to have to say no on that one.

That's a no for me, dog. Have you? I'm sure. All the time. Just like anytime they are excited, the pre-cum just fucking shoots out of their dick. I think so. It's like, come. Calm down.

It's just way. Yeah. Like, chill out. It's so gross. It's a little much. I hate it. I can't. It is a little much.

I'd like them dry. I like my bones dry. Okay. I don't want it so wet that you could jack it off with it though, you know? Like, that's wet. Yeah. You get like that? I don't think so.

I don't know about that. I would say that I wouldn't have any comments. I've never experienced stuff like that. You don't have pre-com? I do. You never felt a guy's did with pre-com? Yeah. No, not a lot.

He never jacked off a friend. That's crazy. Just if I can reached over and gave him the old handy J. Yeah, everyone does it. I've thought about it. No, never have. Yeah, I've thought about it. Yeah, I mean, I have a lot of thoughts.

Let me hear some of them. I figured out that there's a different. I didn't know that chickens and hens were like the same thing. No, we're talking about you dragging off of your friends. Different kind of cock. Yeah. I want to know more about this. You just found out chickens were chickens?

Yeah. Well, I didn't know that like when someone said a hen, I thought that was different than a chicken. Go back to the dicks. Yeah, yeah. So how often do you think about jacking off your friends? Because a couple people were offended that you were defending the person on the podcast a couple weeks ago with the shitting in the mouth.

Oh, yeah, I saw that. I just, I'm not a kink shamer, I don't know. It's just if he's not hurting anybody, I wouldn't share like a cup with him. Yeah. A cup of what? Like orange juice. I don't know.

Like a water bottle. I wouldn't like actively share things with that person like a vape. Oh, poop vape is wild. Yeah. But no, people were upset. This is why you can't drink after people. What's the difference between a babe and a cup?

Your mouth's still on it. I know. He said he's not doing either. I'm not doing either with that person because I know that he likes to do that in his spare time. But what if he didn't tell you? Like how many joints have you shared with your friends? in the past. What if they were all shit eaters?

What if they were poop mouth? I'm going to now think about that. A lot of people. He's never sharing joints again. Never again. Actually, that's pretty gross. Remember back in the old days

when people used to sit around in like a smoke circle and everybody would hit the same blind back in the day. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if they still do it. Oh, they for sure do.

Yeah. Until I almost died, I was doing anyone that handed me something. I was sharing. We had one. I know. You know? Very small.

I don't know where you're. Your mouth has been. Let's be real for a second. Bank fees are one of those things that just drive me crazy. You're already trying to get ahead. And then your bank turns around and charges you for existing? No thanks. That's honestly why I like chime.

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I feel like there's some stories. Haley, you've been getting some dick lately. Dick down. Yeah, you've been getting some. Grandma don't watch anymore so we could talk about this. Revenge body for sure. You have been getting some dick lately, so we don't know where that mouth has been, girl. Tell everybody how you were getting eaten out on your balcony.

And then sit the dude home afterwards. She said, birthday. I don't care. You guys, let me paint the picture, though. Haley's neighbor is

right across the way. Window. That was a free window. We literally, I remember looking into your neighbor's home. I know what kind of dog they have. I know he's a redhead. They know what your vagina looks like is.

It was covered by his head. I know, but you aren't moaning in that alleyway like a fucking alley cat. Bras. Because it's like she lives in like this alleyway. Imagine your neighbor's being like, is there cats fighting out? But honestly, like, you know when you're drunk though

and you like really can't hear? Yeah. So you don't know what was happening. So maybe I don't know how loud or I don't know. Why did you just send him home afterwards? Why did I? Yeah. I don't really like him.

How can you? I see. I hope you're not watching this right now. Oh my God. Sorry. Listen, if you are going to fucking, no, please be honest. I love that. If you're going to get me head though,

you're definitely sticking your dick in because I don't feel fulfilled after getting head. You can't just get head. Like, if you're going to eat me out, you're sticking it in. Like, this is a full-time job. You're not doing fucking... I didn't want to part sex. Have you been dicked down by him before?

You know what it's like? Oh, you didn't even know what it was like. I didn't want to know when it's great. Damn, you were just like, eat me out and fucking... It was my birthday. You guys, we're going to Jackson Hole tomorrow. I'm so excited. You guys...

I love Wyoming. We're going fucking white water wrapping. Not excited. Okay. I have such bad anxiety. Fucking terrified. No, I have anxiety. too, but you want to know why.

Because anybody we ask that has gone white water rafting, we're like, oh, was it fun? And they're all like, no. Yeah, not a single person. But it was somebody else, too. There was somebody else who had gone. Who was that? Jeffrey.

Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey was like, why? What? Jeffrey Starr was like, you know when Jeffrey's asking us why we're doing something that it's, and he's already done it? It sucks.

Yes. So nobody has literally said that white water rafting is cool. And I'm pet. And then not to mention, you're going through all these fucking crazy waves and literally you have a string to hold on to. Would your mom say? In an inflatable boat. Yeah. Her mom said, like, dig your toes.

Dig your feet like under so you don't come out. But I'm like, what if the whole thing flips? So you don't come out. What the fuck does that mean? Oh. Have you watched it? Because you're bouncing. You're bouncing.

That's why the waiver says, like, you have to sign that basically you could fall out, hit your head. and hit your head on a rock and die. You didn't see that part? It's like riding a bull. I didn't read the waiver. Oh, I read every single line. It's like riding in a bull. The entire time?

Yes, except you could draw. It's two hours long. Yes. Haley didn't know. Haley. Haley just found out. Two hours on that fucking raft. Two hours is just bucking all the time.

I don't believe that. There's no way. Also, I have a broken neck. I can't fucking do that. be so sore from that and then we're going to have to use the same string to white water. I could do, I got 10 minutes. I wonder if they just like pull us out of the water. Wait, you know when they like don't actually send you and they just like set you in one spot?

Like a mechanical ball. Can we just go circles? And Jeffrey also said it depends on the day because it's sort of like hot air ballooning. It's like it depends on the weather. So like had it rained a lot or anything, it's going to be. be extra or if like if the water's like calm and cool I'm good with two hours if it's a category six like my mom said is like for Olympic like type level that's when she said I wouldn't do it she did category four it can't be like that the whole time I'm not getting on it if it's like

that the whole time okay I'm just going to tell you guys that right the fuck now we all get there in our wetsuits and she says no and we like squeak away Oh my name is so funny. Like, dude. No. I wish they had a simulator so we could like feel like what it would be like prior. I wish I could watch the people before us. If anybody has gone white water rafting, please leave us a fucking comment.

Let us know because we do it like Sunday. Yeah, after this comes out. So you guys have time. DM us. No, don't DM us. Leave it in the fucking comments. I need to know. We have to know immediately.

And I need truth. don't sugarcoat it. Have you ever gone, Jaime? No, I've never gone a white rat, no. Oh, okay. It sounds scary, though. We have to wear a helmet in the water. We're going to have gopros on too.

Yep. Oh, God. It sounds like a very white activity. We're going to be, listen, we're going to be vlogging this shit, so, oh, man. Oh, okay. Who's holding the camera? I'm not. I think we connected to our, for me.

Jason got a check. All you see is my nose the entire time. Like those 360 cameras of like the horse, where it's just the side of a horse. No, I'm pretty sure Jason got us a chest strap for one of us to wear. She says, all right, buckle up because this is one of the dumbest things I've ever done. So last year on a random Sunday, me and my husband were deep in the Sunday scaries. Dreading work the next day, super anxious, so we convince ourselves alcohol as self-care.

We start drinking. Damn. A few drinks in, I don't know what this means. A few drinks in, the conversation somehow shifted to boofing. I've heard of that. I've heard of that. Cash chat. Well, well, yeah.

It explains. I guess I know what it means now. Oh, okay, go ahead. I started talking about how I'd heard stories of girls soaking tampons and vodka and shoving them up their asses to get drunk faster. Did I have tampons? No. Did that stop me?

No. So what I did have was a stainless steel straw. So in a moment of pure brilliance, I grabbed the metal straw, put a little lube on the end, and shoved it up my ass while my husband attempted to blow beer through the straw like we were conducting some kind of hillbilly science experiment. The second the beer hit my ass, I realized two things. Beer is freezing cold internally. Carbonation has no business being in your colon.

It felt so cold and bubbly that I immediately started laughing uncontrollably. And apparently when you laugh with carbonated beer in your ass, your body turns into a pressurized keg. The fizz and the pressure built up for approximately half a second before the beer launched directly back out of my ass through the straw and straight into my husband's mouth. Mouth. Because he was blowing it. Oh. She said, needless to say, our experiment ended immediately and we spent the next 10 minutes scream laughing while he wiped Coors light ass foam off his face. Dude.

That's fucking so gross, dude. Oh my God. That's love. Yeah. That's love. Yeah. I'm looking for that. Yeah. That's what I'm looking for. Someone get here at cores light and a strong. I used to put cocaine up my ass. How? So you would take, you know, little baby syringes. You don't put the needle on it, but you know the thing that you, you know, you feed my kids. You would cut the line out and then you pour the line into that little thing. And then you put water in it and you shake it and then you stick it up your ass and just inject it in your ass yeah a lot of people do stuff like that best way to ever do cocaine would never do it again

this was in my 20s guys don't yeah don't do no yeah don't do not do not do as i say okay do not do it's too scared to do drugs nowadays i am so fucking dude no i won't even touch a rail at a bar because i'm afraid somebody did like a line there yeah la la no way could never Who told us the story the other day that someone accidentally dropped? My friend told me an ass tell confess in person at the redneck rumble that his friend was at a certain bar that I cannot say on Broadway. And it was a... The friend had just gotten a bag of weed. No.

Was it weed? Oh, it was coke? Okay, well, I thought it was weed. No. This makes it even worse. He dropped it in the toilet. Wait. And he was so like...

Hard on times. Yep. That he got it out of the toilet. And still... No, no, no, no. He drank the water. Yeah, you know what? I stopped listening.

Hold on. I have to retell that story. This man accidentally spills the cocaine into the toilet water and was so hard on times that he drank the toilet water. Hey, Tiffany Stratton here from the WWE Smackdown. Tiffy Time can be crazy, y'all, and when I get a break, that means it's Chumba time. Chumba Casina has hundreds of online social games and new titles landing every week. There's always something fresh to try, and the daily boosts make Chumba even more fun. There are little epiphanies that make my day sparkle.

Ready for a fun way to switch off and take some time for yourself? Let's Chumba. New purchase necessary. VGW group. Void were prohibited by long. Cetis and Cs, 21 plus. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. You know, it's funny is because he DM'd me a little after and was like, I heard my friend told you about my story.

You know the person? I don't know him, but like he is always like liking my stories and stuff. Well, that dude might be hard on money and you might need to help the guy out because who the fuck would drink toilet water? No. No. Listen, I have done some weird shit when I was strung out on. drugs too, but I have never drank toilet water. Like, that's crazy. That's disgusting.

Especially at a bar. Yes. This wasn't like his toilet. This was a throw up. Yeah. I mean, listen, let's just pray for that dude because he's obviously not. I just want to know. Did you flush before or not? Or like, what if you had you? You can't flush because it won't have drugs in it. No. If you had peed and then drop the bag. He was probably just in the stall to do the cocaine. Yeah. Someone's asking our advice. They said that they've been seeing a guy for about a month now and they're both lawyers. Lawyers or voyers? Lawyers.

Okay. They're lawyers. Big difference. And they work in two different legal fields at law firms over an hour away from each other. The last time I saw him, he did tell me he is considering bringing his clients to the law firm that I have been at for four years and he would become a partner at that same firm. So he would essentially then become one of my bosses.

Should I end things before that happens? I don't want to be the associate who's sleeping with the boss. But in all fairness, I was sleeping. with him before he became my boss. I'm very afraid to mix business with pleasure. That's a good one. Haley. Be happy.

I think that if you end things with him before he gets there, it's going to make things awkward between you guys or you're going to have sexual tension all the time and end up just banging in the fucking. Are you horny, honey? No, I'm not. And they'll end up banging in the office. But I also see her other point is like she doesn't, you know, but they were, you guys were dating before.

I feel like it should just be said to the firm, like, ahead of time before that transition happens. Send an email. Yeah, send an email. Per my last email. Are they not publicly dating? Is that what the problem is? It doesn't seem like it's, I mean, it's only been a little bit. Maybe be public.

Yeah. Yeah, but they might not hire them if, if they're dating. Some firms are like that. Like they won't let. Yeah, mix business and pleasure. Yeah. That's a tough one. I don't really know how to answer that.

I don't know, but I love sexual tension. I think it. Listen, I always say follow your heart though. Like if you think this dude is the one and you guys like have a chance, I almost feel like it would be messier to end it too early. Yeah, I do too. Yeah, and I don't hear any other issues. Like if he was like cheating or,

but this seems to be the only issue is how you feel, how you think you're going to feel when everyone else finds out. That doesn't seem like a. That is true. You're kind of playing off of an emotion of what could happen versus what is. what is happening. We call that future tripping. There you go.

Your future tripping. So, I mean, but. Future maxing. Yeah, future maxing. Yeah, I think I say if I can just go for it and just be honest with people. I started a fuck buddy situation. After getting out of a bad relationship, my friends with benefit was a dreamy 6-2 bartender I worked with at the time.

He was hot. He had confidence and a swagger I couldn't deny. He bragged at how. he loved going down on women and promised when I got to experience that, it would change my world. That with the fact that he had a big dick. I was genuinely giddy when the time came to experience this alleged mind-blowing experience. We're in my bed and he starts making his way down south. He's butt-ass naked, fully bricked up, and he starts his magic. I'm laying there trying to get into it because it wasn't quite what I was expecting and then it happened. He farted.

One long poof. And it just kept going like nothing happened. And he just kept going like nothing happened. It smelled very bad. And I didn't know what to do. I pushed myself up and said, I didn't think I could get into the right mood. And he said,

we should chill out for a bit. He was offended and then told me that maybe, just maybe I had a weird vagina. No, bro. Maybe you should make an effort to hold it in when you've talked such a big game. Was he in like sniper position or? I think he was crouching tiger.

Crouching tiger. Oh yeah. That'll do it. That'll do it is wild. Distration was wild. Stop. Dude. Okay, first of all, ladies, if a man tells you he can eat pussy, he cannot.

Nope. Any dude that brags about eating the cat and being a fucking, a pro at it does not even find the knob. All right. They're liars. I've, trust me. They don't know what they're fucking talking about.

Secondly, normally men who have big dicks and swagger and are super hot are just going to be a fucking letdown. Not one of them is going to be a great story to write home about. Unless you just fuck them and leave and never talk to them again. Other than that, the majority of the time they are a disaffirm. appointment. Speaking from experience. So, yeah, I have one time, oh, I'm sad. Say it. I'm ready.

I'm thirsty. One time, there was this guy. We used to call him Carlos Asada because he was happy singer to my everyone. Happy singer to my. So funny. All right. So we called him Carlos Asada because he was so hot. I'm talking like, oh my God, this dude was just unbelievably hot and just perfect body, in shape, beautiful face. And one night I finally got to take him for a spin and we went to his house and I had been drinking tequila and all that stuff. Anyways, I go down on him and he smells so bad, so fucking bad to the point where I didn't even want to have sex with him. I just ended up sucking him off. I get in my car to go home and all I can smell is that smell of him.

And I'm literally on the 2.15 with a fucking bag from Smiths, a grocery bag, projectile vomiting as I'm driving down the freeway because he smelled so bad. Nata on the Asada. No. Yes. Not on the Asada, baby. I'm telling you. No. No. It was so bad, dude. God. I never looked at them the same and never,

didn't double dip. What it didn't run it back? It was just putrid. It was so, I don't know. You know how some guys come smells really bad. Yeah, it was real. It was that. She's having PTSD flashback. It was that. It was that. I can't do it. If guys, if, if, If you don't eat right and you're just eating fucking garbage every day, your ejaculation is going to smell so bad. Clean it up. I'm kind of gagging a little bit. No, stop. No, I'm a little nauseous. Oh.

So anyways, honey, we're sorry that you experienced that. So, yeah. All right. Yep. How the fuck do I follow out of us out of? I told you guys. I got some good ones this week. Hey, can we open our presents real quick?

So Jason gave us some presents and we don't know what's in here. This whole segment could be cut. Yeah. All right. You ready? I'm not prepared for my husband's humor. Dude, he stapled these, or taped them shut. It's Christmas bags for me and it's May.

You used my Christmas bags. It's fucking May 5th. Do you want this back? No. Okay, I was like, I can't get it open without ripping it. I got a stash of them. I got tape. Yeah.

We're taped. I'm nervous. God, you guys are faster than me. Mine's great. Mine is great. What does your say? Wait. Wait, all they're different.

Jason. Mine says, eating beef, blast and queefs. What is your say I mean? This is lesbians eat what? And it's a bunch of cats. And it's got a bunch of cats on the thing. That is so funny. Mine says in my cream pie era.

Oh my God. That is fucking awesome. Pound my cake, Daddy. I love that. Wait, do we wear these next episode? We should. Yeah, let's find out next episode. We're wearing these next episode.

Totally down. Jason, where did you find these? This is insane. Do you like this, eating beef blast and quiffs? I think you guys don't even know what's happening. All right, we love you guys. See you guys next week. Bye. Can I ask y'all something? When was the last time you actually looked at your phone bill?

Because I swear it just keeps creeping up. That's why Mint Mobile makes so much sense to me. During their summer sale, every plan is just 15 bucks a month, even unlimited. It's a great way to free yourself from big wireless and all the gimmicks and gotchas. You still get premium wireless on the T-Mobile 5G network with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text. Plus, you can keep the phone you already love. Keep your current number and choose the plan that works best for you. Three, six, or 12 months.

Switching to Mint was honestly so easy, and I haven't noticed a difference in the quality of my service, which was the biggest thing I was worried about. I'm still getting great coverage. I'm just paying way less for it. I should have switched a long time ago. If there's an easy way to save money every month without giving something up, I'm all for it. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash BUNN-N-I-E.

That's Mintmobile.com slash bunny. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash bunny. That's it. There's no catch. Up front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required, $15 a month equivalent taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only, greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20 gigabyte hotspot, capable device required.

Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com.