Dumb Blonde - Ask, Tell, Confess: WTF?! Some Things Should Stay Secrets

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

This Ask, Tell, Confess compilation is packed with some of the wildest, most unhinged listener confessions we've ever aired. From pegging disasters and office bathroom confessions to explosive "ooey gooey" mishaps and one unforgettable night with a very grateful granny, these stories prove that nothing is off-limits in the Coven.You'll hear tales of porn addictions, stall peeping, ping-pong-ball tricks, accidental self-inflicted disasters, embarrassing bathroom moments, questionable kinks, and plenty of confessions that should've probably stayed secret.If you're new to ATC, welcome to the chaos. If you've been here from the beginning, get ready to relive some of the funniest, nastiest, most outrageous confessions the Coven has ever sent our way.You've been warned, babes.Watch Full Episodes & More: YouTubeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Before Wayfair, our outdoor space just felt unfinished. We had the patio, but we never actually used it. The furniture didn't match. There wasn't enough seating, and once the sun went down, it just felt dark and boring. It definitely wasn't giving come hang out here. Now we're outside all the time. Late night hangs, having friends over, sitting outside after a long day. It finally feels cozy and put together instead of random chairs thrown around outside.

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Tell Kvast Hello friends Welcome back to Another Us To welcome Nice You guys don't put out

I'm tired of it You've at least seen my butthole We're not going down this route again It's fucking deja vu every time with you guys Shut the fuck up Hi man, when are you going to show us your butthole Okay

I'm a little bit. Did you ever go look at it the other day? No, I'm just not that flexible anymore. I got to do some stretching. You got to just squat over a mirror. Take a video. Put the camera on the floor and stand over it and just spread it, dude. Is it hairy?

Is it hairy? Do you have a little Peter Cottontail? A little black Peter Cottontail? Just a little, a little. He's so hairless. It looks like a little. Peter Codentils wild. Yeah, that's, I have hair.

just not as much as that I've seen on other people where I'm like, oh, I don't know how I don't have that. Back hair. No, back hair hair. Good. Thank God. He looks like a seal. Yeah. He's really a baby seal.

No, he's like me. We're both hairless. You guys are very similar in skin texture. It's wild. There's so many porns that cater to like stepmother, stepson, step daughter. Mother-in-law. Mother-in-law. Like, it's all fucking weird.

I don't know. We saw fucking family. It's a weird niche. I could never get into that. I like people that are oiled up. That's my thing. I'm not into family members. She looks very oily people.

Yes. There's nothing better than watching two oiled up body slap skins. It is so exhilarating. Yeah. Love it. Shiny. I may say. Shiny.

All right. Well, we're in L.A. And we are doing Ask Talk and Fess. When I was 16, I met a neighbor guy. He was two years older than me and we started hooking up. It was a short summer fleeing, never seen him again myself, only heard rumors around town about him because he was a man whore. Fast forward 15 years later, my mother, she's 20 years older than me, said, I've been seeing a guy who's younger. His name is Destin. Of course, my brain goes to this guy back in the day. I asked her to show me his Facebook picture and it was. was him.

I told my mom like, dude, I fucked with him back in the day and I was so grossed out. Two months went by and my mom ended up getting herpes from him. So gross and no worries. I'm clean. Mom got the herp? The gift that keeps on giving. Damn. I had this guy who I used to peg.

He lived in his mom's apartment, but he had all the. Hardware. So I'm going to town on him because I used to get into it. Anything for some cash? I guess I'm a freak. So I'm going to town and he literally shit all over the place. I'm not kidding. It was a most disgusting thing in my life.

His whole room smelled. It was all over the place. Even on me. I took the hottest longest shower ever than I never ever answered his calls again. Staying anonymous. My question is, was it explosive diarrhea? Like, how did it go everywhere like that? If it was a log, I could understand.

or like little i'd rather have a log i'd rather have little little tiny shiplals and you open it that's similar to did she shake him i mean if you're fucking him okay but before you get anal you're supposed to clean your asshole out i doubt someone who's paying for it thought that far ahead what do you mean that's they're used to it they know they know it's coming yeah i feel like he was like you know what i'm just going to let it ride oh yeah yeah I've talked about pegging way too much today. This is weird. Would you peg Jason?

You won't let me. Would you if you let you want to? Yeah. Hey. He would never, he won't even let me see his butthole. I was just passing out from the rapping keyboard. Oh, God. Sugar's love.

Have you guys ever seen Beauty and the Beast? Yeah. And that one part where she says something and he goes, That is exactly what Haley just did, dude. It was so funny, dude. And it only gets weirder from here. I entered a new job a few weeks ago. One, I had been avoiding desperately for a long time,

but due to financial problems with my family, I was forced to take it. Simultaneously, I also had a relapse with a porn addiction I thought I'd gotten rid of. Often, I use my lunch breaks to watch porn in the restrooms and masturbate. Maybe it's the stress, anxiety, or maybe it's just for the thrills. I don't know. He's just whacking off in the bathroom? Just whacking off at work in the bathroom. What kind of job is this? It gets better. It gets better.

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It is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. Head to chime.com slash BUNN-N-I-E. That is chime.com slash bunny. It only takes a few minutes to sign up. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Bank. Banking services for My Pay and Chime card provided by Chim's bank partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges.

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Go to Shopify.com slash bunny. That's Shopify.com slash bunny. I don't know whose idea it was to make the walls dividing the stalls out of glass plastered with cheap plastic. Last week, I noticed there are several scratches on the plastic making little holes that allow you to peep into the next stall. Since then, I have been fighting the urge to peep in. There was never someone there, but, but I still felt anxious about it. Today, there actually was someone there for the first time.

Even before leaving my desk, I told myself I wouldn't even consider the idea that I would just do the usual. But as soon as I saw that girl enter, I gave in. My heart was racing and my hands were shaking, but I still touched myself when I saw her ass. After coming, I felt like shit, immediately. I can't believe I went through with it. And even hours after the fact, I'm still in

shock and disappointed at myself. Is this a girl talking or a guy? It could be a community bathroom. I'm not sure. I don't know. They didn't give me those details. Let me check again. Let me make sure. Hold on because I deleted it after I read it. Oh, God. That one's rough, right? All right. I hate shawls. Mimi said all right. I'm so confused. You literally have a desk job and you're whacking it.

Yes, it's a female. So it's another female. Does that make it better? A little. No. No, it does it. A little. No.

Just because I feel, I don't know, with a man, I just feel like it's pretty. You're going to the bathroom to take a dump and somebody's flicking the bean right next to you. How are you feeling? I'd rather have a girl flicking the bean than a guy jacking off. It's still fucking creepy. I'm not saying it's not fucking weird. Let me see somebody fucking sticking their eyeball through.

Okay, I'm going to fucking poke. I'll get an ice pick and fucking shove it through. Like that's crazy. You're going to watch me poo and just fucking flick the bean? Just fucking just and I mean, are we not using a vibrator? Are we going to pluck a fucking acoustic? That's crazy. No, I can't do that.

Bro. strumming the fucking old... Is that how you would do it? It's too slow. I was thinking about doing it. No, girls... Not so wide. It's not that big.

Yeah. Whose pussy is doing this, Jaime? Is there a camera on Jaime? Because the action that he's making right now is insane. Hey, Jaime, you have a girlfriend. How do you fucking play with her knob? Is that what you do to her? You want to...

Yeah, do it. Break it down? Yes. Yes. Well... Talk loud. Got a shower first myself. Not her, I don't really care.

I kind of like a little musk. You know, I don't mind. He says musk. I love it. Yeah. And, uh, why do you guys like that? I don't, you know.

Maybe it's the pheromones. I think so. There's a certain scent that comes off of. It's like animalistic. Yes, where I'm just like, I'm in there. Yeah. Like a cat? But yeah, I don't really remember how I do my hands and stuff, but I do make sure that

That's rule number one. Make sure they're clean. Hands are clean. Good job. Always. And then you gotta definitely work on the outside, then inside. Okay, but how are you doing it? Because the way you were fucking strumming the banjo was crazy.

I was thinking if I were to strumming like a guitar, so I was holding it like this. I was like. Why is it so wide? Have you ever seen a girl play with herself? Yeah. Okay. She's not strumming the fucking,

yeah. Yeah, we're not going like this. Yeah. No, no, no, it's more like a... Yeah, keep the hands. It's more like a... There you go. There you go.

There you go. There you go. There you go. I was feeling really horny and had been watching milk and big nipple porn and had been going from a semi to raging boner for close to two hours. Two hours? I was in the living room. Isn't that called gooning? Like when you start, when you're whacking off for that long, like having marathons, right?

I think that's good. Goody in general is just playing with yourself. I ambied off to bed and was watching CIM videos. I don't know what that means. Slowly stroking my cock. The thought of sucking my own cock really turned me on, but alas, I lack the flexibility. I have a reasonable length of six and a half inches and good girth,

so I've been told. So I lubed up my cock, folded a pillow in two, and placed it under my butt, and slowly stroked myself whilst looking at my gorgeous cock. Well, it is to me. And watching porn. Compilations. Edging myself over and over.

Alternating between slow hard strokes and gently massaging around the tip. Getting turned on by the amazing techniques of the women, imagining it was my cock, and they were working their talents on, and then it happened. I was just edging myself again with a tight grip, slow stroking, pulling down to the base, squeezing harder. when Angela White, shout out Angela White, we love you, baby. When Angela White was the next in the clip,

my cock got harder watching her beautiful mouth devouring the cock. My hip started to buck involuntarily. I gripped the base of my cock. I'm sorry. You got it. Someone's getting off to this tonight. The censored YouTube videos is just going to be beep, beep, beep. It's going to be a title.

I'm going to title it the most explicit confession we've had. God. My cock got harder watching her beautiful blah blah, blah. I gripped the base of my cock in a death grip, trying to hold back the mounting pressure, my cock pulsing. I couldn't stop it. My cock was pointing directly at my face and multiple jets have come shot out, landing on my face and in my mouth and over my chest.

I'm used to it on my chest and face. It's happened before. I was surprised how much got in my mouth. wouldn't have happened if I had kept my mouth shut. But there I was, mouth open, tongue out. I swallowed everything that landed in my mouth and licked my lips to remove what landed on them. My cock remained hard. I wiped myself down, lubed up again. This time, this fucking guy has stamina. All right? I wiped myself down, lubed up again, and this time stroking much faster, really going to town on myself, watching the pace of the video.

This time, when I felt I was going to come, I just focused on my cock, listening to the starlet, slurping and moaning on the cock. My mouth open, tongue out. I raised my hips and moved my head as close as I could and came again, hard. It felt good.

My aim wasn't great, but managed to get some of my mouth again. I moved what landed on my chin into my mouth and rubbed what landed on my chest into my skin. I'm laying cover and sweat and my own come. I think I've unlocked a new kink. I feel like I should have paid to have heard that. Imagine taking a shot every time she said cock.

I'd be so drunk right now. It's like you take a shot and she says cock and I take a shot at him from she says come. We'd be so much. We'd be fucking slashed. Thank you guys. Thank you. We asked for details. and you guys

You guys delivered. You're too many fucking details. Yeah. All right. I'm good. Between that and Christina's, let's put it in the middle. Yeah. Haley said not so much.

Yeah, tone it down. That was so funny. Maybe. The fuck. He scooped it in at the end. Dude, I mean, you, have you guys ever tasted your own vagina? No.

Oh, I have. Well, I don't know. Like, I guess technically, like, Jason would kiss me after. Oh, yeah. That's fucking hot. Not you guys, but just that. Yeah.

I didn't mean it like that. You know what I meant. I didn't fucking mean it like that. But there might be a book too. If this one does good enough, maybe I'll write a part due. All right, who's going to kick this off? Please don't ever do that with your eyebrows again. Don't ever do that with you.

What? I know it wasn't me because I have Botox. I mean, we don't ever do. do that again. What'd you do? What'd she do? Bro. Uh,

uh, the hell. Oh my. I had to look away for a moment. It was bad, dude. What is it? You have to wait until her face completely relaxes for her to do it again.

You guys are having to meet you moment. She looked like, she looked like Bert from Bert and Ernie, dude. It was like, she made, she was like, she made her eyebrows

twerk like it was crazy like nacho Libre bro I don't know what she did I don't know what she did but holy shit I need to see it dude we're all delirious all right we're gonna go back to Haley would you like to kick this off

here I'll go is this what you feel like with me and got it Got it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry.

Sorry. I get how Mimi feels. My face hurts. Yeah. How Mimi feels. She like made eye contact with me. That's what you can't make eye contact with her with her. No.

She didn't hurt the eyebrow thing and made eye contact with me. She's like, hold on. I'm going to try to do it. but I have so much Botox on my face. She was like, you're not. You're not even like. Why did I feel like it was moving so much?

Bro. This is me moving mine. Hers would like up here though. I can't. This is why I will never have Botox. Bro. You don't need it yet. I can't.

No, it's one of those things. She has to be completely relaxed to do because it was. I don't pass out. When I was 19, we lived next door to an older lady. She was in her late 70s. I used to go over and help her mow and do her trash and pick up around the house because she was disabled and had to move around via wheelchair.

She wasn't able to walk for very long, but one evening when I was helping her clean, she made a comment about how she missed having a man around the house and how thankful she was to have my help. That night, during conversation about my love life, she stated that she hadn't had any physical touches in over 20 years and that all she had was a vibrator. We both laughed and I noticed her staring down at my bulge multiple times. I was wearing gym shorts. And I knew instantly that she would probably never experience Dick again in her lifetime. So I outright offered her some. I said, well, I'm only next door. I can provide whatever you need whenever.

That was enough for her. At first she was shy, but eventually said to come back later that she would be ready. She called me over her. She had to shave that old hairy. Yeah, everything shower for sure. She called me over around 11 p.m. I had a key to her door, so I walked right into her in the bedroom. She was already laying there fully naked.

I was very young and fully bricked when I saw her. I got into her bed, wrapped her legs around my waist, and slowly slid it in. Okay. She was so tight, but opened up to me real quick. She was incredibly wet and shaking like a leaf. At first it started off like the Garth Brooks song where he talks about banging the old lady and then it turned into a straight up porn. Yep, they fucked for 45 minutes.

That was one of the best sexual experiences of my life. Sadly, she passed away a year later. We only ever fucked that one night. She called the next day to say to tell me she slept like a baby with my load in her. I'm 29 and I still love fucking old women. The last part was what got me. First of all, shout out to Granny for getting her fucking rocks off before she passed away. I love that for her.

You know, listen, we don't ever yuck anybody's yum. Exactly. So we appreciate the dickon. Okay, we appreciate the Charles Dickin. Okay. It's a Christmas story. That's a Christmas story. What?

No, I've heard the complete opposite that your pussy lips fucking go inside. That's what I'm saying. It's like, it's not this. I don't want to do. My pussy lips disappeared after IVF. Prove it. open it right now. You guys see my pussy all the time. Every time I'm fucking undressed. I haven't seen it in a minute. So I got a story for you guys

real quick before we wrap this up. Yeah, I heard about you. You had something exciting. I don't know if it was exciting. Oh, probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Oh. So every week we have people come to help us clean the house. I don't know what the correct terminology is. Um, house cleaners. Yes. Okay. We have house cleaners come once a week to clean. they have been cleaning our house for six years. I love these ladies. These are my little nuggets. Like I love them so much.

We're like every time they come in, hey, how are you? Like we talked to them. We love them. And I told you guys in the beginning of this podcast, I've been taking those new greens. So I literally shit every time. If I drink something,

it runs right through me and I shit, you know? So I'm in the middle of cooking lunch. And all of a sudden I'm like, oh my God, I have to get to a bathroom. So I had to run to the bathroom in the front of the house, which I never go to. I always go in my bathroom. But this time nobody was around. Everybody was upstairs. So I was like, okay, I'm just going to go in this bathroom and drop a load and, you know, wash my hands and finish cooking.

So anyways, fucking I go in there, mind of my business, just scrolling, you know. Next thing I know, the door flies open. Chachi comes barreling in, but it wasn't just Chachie. that came barreling in. It was one of the girls that had never been to our house before, comes barreling in while Chachi looks like he's chasing her, but he's not. He's trying to get into the bathroom with me. This woman was so scared that mid-loat she sat on my lap.

While I have a turd hanging out. We were eye-to-eye. What do you mean she said on your lap? We're right here. What do you mean? opened the door, came up against the wall and is in my lap right here, because there's not room in that bathroom. Yeah, no. So we're

this close to each other. While I'm sitting on the toilet, and I just, I'm looking at her. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, and it smelled. Okay? And I'm looking at her eyes. And I'm looking at her eyes and all I could muster up the courage to say was

you're fine. Get out. Hold on. I said, you're fine. Get out. I said it four times in the most calmest tone that you could think of. She wasn't getting it. She was staring. We were deadlocked. It took her a minute to register what was going on. And I had to say it four times.

What? Before she just stood there? And stared at me. Breathing in, basking in the ambiance. I got a story. This person wants to be kept anonymous. Oh, that means it's good. Yeah.

Juicy. She is an RN. So I was working urgent care and had a... We're listening. We're listening. What is happening? We started making faces. I'm sorry.

We got caught in the moment. We can't sit in class. No. No. You guys are never allowed to be in class together. We're too close right now. be passing notes the whole class. Our guess would be like,

I'm literally like the mom of the group. Yeah, we're always in trouble. We would let them cross the street earlier and these two take off. Green light cars coming. We look back. I said, should we wait?

She said, no, they left us. I said, we left them. She's like, I know. I just like to gaslight them. Keep someone walking.

No, but they did wait. They're good people. We did. That's a little bit. I laugh because every time I laugh, my chair from. seconds every time this chair sucks all right here we go am i am i good hyma i'm sorry dude i'm not

doing it on purpose could you imagine you and the guest tomorrow just no i can't sit like i will not sit like this i would never i would never that's just really funny fuck no i can't i'm not going to look at you okay don't all right go ahead sorry i'm proud of us for going to the gym and i we had long days since europe we have had long days you're up okay we have had a long days you're up okay we have had long fucking day. I think we're delirious at this point. I can't handle this. All right.

I'm going to be so thankful. This is all set up tomorrow morning though because that means I get to sleep in a little longer. You're welcome. Okay. So this one wants to be kept anonymous. She is an RN. So I was working urgent care and had a young girl come in. Hate you both.

I'm just going to continue. Under 18, but at least 15 years old. Say she had bad stomach cramps. I'm sorry you don't understand what she just did I'm gonna cry you don't understand what she just did I'm crying we both went like this we both went like this

I swear to God we were both like trying not to look and then we both go in our eyes met it was so funny dude We've clicked out. All right. All right. I'm just going to look over here. Go ahead.

She's so mad at us. Mom is so bad. All right. You're 15. I'm so sorry to whoever story this is, dude. We shouldn't have even filmed right now. We're both. We're all so fucking.

We're all so delirious. Me, me. I loved poop. Poop makes people laugh. I love a good poop story. How you do? I love the story. Like poop pranks are fucking funny.

Can I read and Astell confess that someone gave to me specifically? Yes. Because I had to do with poop. Yeah. All right. Here it goes. She's like I got it locked and loaded. I do.

It literally says, Hey ladies, this is a tell just for Haley. It involves poop and buttholes. So my boyfriend likes for me to wear a strap on and peeing his butthole from time to time. Okay, no biggie. it is a little awkward, but whatever he likes it. Well, where the situation comes in

is that when his prostate is stimulated and he comes from the stimulation, he shits all over the place. Full blown, hot, ooey-gooey, ripe-ass shit blowing out his ass-o. Who describes poop as ooey-goey? I described brownies as ooey-goey, not shit.

I don't like ooey-goey. The last time we did this, there was shit all over the bed, his ass, me, the strap on. Why are they doing it so much? Why is it a repeated? I like how it was the last time. Why is it a repeated adventure? Do they think it's going to get better every time?

Maybe it hits like a reflex in his butthole and if he can finally release everything. He needs to do an enema before. No, literally I'm reading down more and it says, uh, uh, I've told him going forward. If he ever wants his butthole poked again, he will need to clean it out first. Enimas are your friend. Amy. Thanks, Amy. I didn't need the Ui-Gui.

The Ui-Gui's. The adjectives you use for a while. Listen, after the first time somebody just shits Ui-Gooey-Gooey turds everywhere, I'm going to not want to fuck them with a strap on. It's not doing again. I would get the ick so bad. Yeah, like there's no way, dude. When I was 18 years old, I had my first serious boyfriend.

I'm pretty much one of those people that's down to explore anything at the time. Well, I decided to let him insert ping pong balls into my butt. Why, I don't know. But here we are ping pong balls from beer pong the night before. Yes, we watched them, you weirdos. Clearly, uh, anywho, they're in there. Three of them, in fact. All was fun in games.

And then it came time to take them out. Yep. Here comes one. Here comes two. But however, three would not come out. It was fully. stuck and I immediately started to panic as one does. We start to try to loob me up and insert fingers squatting as low as I could possibly go

and it would not come out. And I don't know what happened next. The next few minutes, sheer panic and the sheer will of hearing wild ER stories, I was not about to be one of those. The ball finally came out and to this day, do not insert any foreign objects near my ass ever. Like a human gunball machine. I have had the privilege of watching ping pong balls get shot out of a vagina.

Lucky. But never an asshole. How far do they go? They come out. Do they make a sound? A ping pong ball and a vagina? Like I'm talking like you remember those toys as a kid you'd stick them in a ball and then squeeze them They come out full force like I'm telling you these girls would shoot them out of their vagina on stage

I might have you Google that later I would like to see palomino club shout out to palomino club in Las Vegas they get crazy that's where the same place I saw the dude fuck the watermelon Oh yeah shit gets crazy upstairs and downstairs I don't remember this why have we never gone there? I told you guys about the dude hump in the watermelon yeah I've told this story before on the podcast You don't remember the watermoney? Was I dissociating? I don't know, maybe. But we went to go see male dancers one night, me and Tosh, and we went downstairs. Upstairs, they were shooting ping pong balls out of their vaginas.

And then downstairs, this guy is doing this dance. He comes out. He's hot, getting it going. Literally goes down to, like, dive on the stage and do that thing that, like, strippers do. Sticks his wiener in a freaking watermelon and just starts going to town on the watermelon on stage. Did you finish? I don't know. Was it watermelon season?

I'm sure. I wonder if it was seedless or not. Seedless would have you got a seed stuck in the... Okay, but how do you even think of like I'm... You know what? I think do you ever look at things that are not vaginas and think I could stick my dick in that? I've definitely a passing thought, but I don't dwell on it. I do.

It does pass my... I feel like most guys do. I do and I don't have a penis. Okay. You just wonder. You ever saw a hole and been like if I had a dick, I'd stick it in there? No. It depends on what the hole is.

No. I don't look at every hole like that. No, not every hole. You can't be sticking your dick in every hole. No. All right. There are some holes, though, that looked tempting. I was dating this guy for about six months.

Nice guy. Unrenounced to me, he had been cheating on me the whole time, yet anal fisting on a site called FetLife. I was unfamiliar with this site. At the time when all of this went down, this was like a year ago. My friend found his profile on Facebook dating and his bio, which I also didn't know he had sadly, referenced his BDSM stuff and what he was looking for, which was referenced into the fat life thing. So we looked onto that site. She said,

hey girl, isn't this your boyfriend? Sure was for the next five minutes, me and the girlfriends went down the rabbit hole. Easily found him on the site and he had been looking for anal fissing people from this site. He wanted to get fisted or he wanted to put his fist in a noose. I don't know. We found him in a local meetup group looking for, oh, here we go. We found out him in a local meetup group looking to host to do this after he got off of work.

We didn't live together and he got off work at 1 a.m. So I would have no way of knowing. When I confronted him, he admitted it. and we ended things immediately. What I also find interesting is that our relationship was very vanilla. None of this. BDSM inserts ever came up and he seemed really normal. He was a good boyfriend, so I would have never thought.

Yeah. Somebody probably shamed him at an early age for a kink that he had. And so he had to mask being a normal person in a relationship and then have his kinky, separate fantasy life. In the closet type thing. Yeah. Damn, dude. Getting fisted is rough, man.

She said, I can't even poop. I couldn't imagine getting fisted in my butthole. Especially right now with my fucking hemorrhoid. God. Clifford? Clifford. I named him Cliford. Not mine, but my sister's story.

And she's no longer with us. So I'm going to tell it. This is only for you because you like shit and buttholes. She said, my sister had a thing with this guy, hideous in my opinion I was 21 at the time we were all drinking and my sister's friend

ends up walking me home my sister had a migraine she gets in her purse and takes what she thought is Tylenol oh no they were laxatives her and dude

end up doing the deed I was not there for this but as my sister told it he was coming and said wow you're so wet then said do you smell shit my sister

shit his whole bed and it was graphic. She ran to the bathroom and threw herself in the shower to wash the shit off. She came out to him nowhere to be seen with a Walmart bag on top her shoes with her shit-filled pants and a sticky note that said, please don't contact me again. The sticky note? You could have just left. I think she would have known.

The sticky note is wild. How did you know where a sticky note was? She was in his house. Yeah, bored he'd go. Oh, that was. Oh, yeah. It was his house. Yeah.

that's he left his own that's even crazy he said I gotta go he said I need a sick yeah literally

my thing is is I don't care how fucking much diarrhea I have I know when it's coming out yeah you didn't know

that she was drinking she was drinking and laxative that's she probably felt like she was just like finishing and it was from a different hole.

Oh gosh. You know how, God, not because that he fucked the shit into her. Because I went on her pussy. Were they doing anal? Were they doing anal? I don't know.

I have so many questions. I'm funny going, I'm really into the story. I got to know. I started to fuck buddy. situation ship after getting out of a bad relationship, my friends with benefit was a dreamy 6-2 bartender I worked with at the time. He was hot. He had confidence and a swagger I couldn't deny. He bragged it how he loved going down on women and promised when I got to experience that,

it would change my world. That with the fact that he had a big dick. I was genuinely giddy when the time came to experience this alleged mind-blowing experience. We're in my bed and he starts making his way down south. He's butt-ass naked, fully bricked up, and he starts his magic. I'm laying there trying to get into it because it wasn't quite what I was expecting. And then it happened. He farted. One long, poof.

And it just kept going like nothing happened. And he just kept going like nothing happened. It smelled. very bad and I didn't know what to do. I pushed myself up and said I didn't think I could get into this into the right mood and he said we should chill out for a bit. He was offended and then told me that maybe, just maybe I had a weird vagina. No, bro. Maybe you should make an effort to hold it in when you've talked such a big game.

Was he in like sniper position or? I think he was crouching tiger. Crouching tiger. Oh yeah. That'll do it. I think it's wild. My face demonstration was wild. Stop.

Dude. Okay, first of all, ladies, if a man tells you he can eat pussy, he cannot. Nope. Any dude that brags about eating the cat and being a fucking a pro at it does not, can't even find the knob, all right? They're liars. I've, trust me. They don't know what they're fucking talking about.

Um, secondly, normally men who have big dicks and swagger and are super hot are just going to be a fucking letdown. Yeah. Not one of them is going to be a great story to write home about unless you just fuck them and leave and never talk to them again. Other than that, the majority of the time they are a disappointment. Speaking from experience. So, yeah.

I have one time. Oh. I'm sad. Say it. I'm ready. I'm thirsty. One time there was this guy. We used to call him Carlos Asada because he was.

Happy singer to my eye, everyone. Happy singer to my husband. So funny. All right. So we called him Carlos Asada because he was so hot. I'm talking like, oh my God. This dude was just unbelievably hot. And just perfect body, in shape, beautiful face.

And one night I finally got to take him for a spin and we went to his house and I had been drinking tequila and all that stuff. Anyways, I go down on him and he smells so bad, so fucking bad to the point where I didn't even want to have sex with him. I just ended up sucking him off. I get in my car to go home and all I can smell is that smell of him. And I'm literally on the 215 with a fucking bag from Smith's, a grocery bag, projectile vomiting. as I'm driving down the freeway because he smelled so bad. Nata on the Asada. No.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, not on the asada baby. I'm telling you. Oh. No.