Dumb Blonde - Brittany Furlan Lee: Comedy Queen

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

The iconic Brittany Furlan Lee is here to crack us up and get candid about exes, mental health and living life in the spotlight. She opens up about her wild ride in comedy and beyond, including skyrocketing to fame on Vine and finding zen with husband Tommy Lee. Brittany and Bunnie talk about how what you see online is not always real life, and Brittany gives a sneak peak about what's ahead for her LoveLee jewelry line and "This is the Worst" podcast. Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comBrittany: IG | TikTok | LoveLee Jewelry | This is the Worst See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I have been following this woman for such a long time. We've talked, and it has finally come to fruition. Brittany, is it Furlon? Furlon. Furlon. I never want to pronounce it the wrong way. That's okay. Everyone says it differently.

Brittany Furlon, baby. What's up? What's up, dude? I'm so happy to be be here dude i you are just like a warm hug your energy is always so sweet even when people are attacking you you're so fucking nice sometimes i want to be like leave my girl alone you know and like go crazy but for some reason i just you know i just always want to give you the biggest hug oh thanks bunny you know you're so it's so funny because we're meeting in person for the first time but you know how you meet someone and you just feel cozy like you're a cozy person oh you want to climb inside of me yeah i want to give you a big hug no i'm like it's crazy like you're just like you you know how well for me i'm always nervous around people yeah just everyone yeah well yeah you don't know what to

expect i'm very uncomfortable all the time almost so like when you meet someone that you're like okay i can just chill like it's nice i can let my tits hang out yeah you're that person you're that person i just take my top off yeah that's what i strive for yeah exactly it's to get you naked you're a comfort person i'm dead they're gonna have to pay more on the patreon for that yeah for sure it wouldn't be the first time we've had some titties flop out on the podcast Really? Who took their titties out?

I know Jessie Lawless off the top She's a full lesbian Gorgeous tits I feel like every fucking lesbian Has the nicest tits Wow she's with Jenna Jameson Yeah that's crazy Jenna might be coming on the podcast We yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's crazy jenna uh might be coming on the

podcast we're waiting to see but yeah yeah that's crazy man yeah i know i hate that because like i would pull my tits out my husband would be like uh but you know uh i hate it because people are always like your tits are fake that's like the worst because and they're real though yeah they're real 100 i actually wear sports bras because i don't like my tits you got a beautiful set of knockers i've seen them in bikinis thank you i mean it's like i flashed at the motley show because my husband wasn't getting he always asked people to like you know and he wasn't getting any so i flashed there and i was just like oh his his crowd finally got too old to start clapping their titties they're, we don't really want to do that.

So my husband's like, you come out and flash your tits. And I'm like, I could care less. Like, might as well show them while they're nice. You know what I mean? They're not going to be nice forever. Oh, listen, I have my butthole on the internet. Stop. Listen, I'm going to go to a Motley Crue show just to see Brittany's titties.

I'm dead. Well, I don't know if I'll show them again, but I can show you later personally. And I'll let you feel them too if you want to prove that there's no implant in here. I hate that. Really? People are constantly, like I've done filler and stuff in my face.

I'm always very honest. I've been very transparent about it because I never want anyone to feel less than, you know, I never want anyone to look at me and go like. Or like unrealistic expectations. Exactly. Like I will always be honest. I get laser, you know, i do filler here and there botox but i've never touched my body below my neck ever

so it's just like weird when people are just like they just have to like yeah and give it to you and it's like they want you to fucking draw blood just proving that yeah proving and then once you do prove it they still don't believe you like the internet i have to argue with the internet about my age people people tell me i'm like i'm 44 and people are like no you're not google says you're 29 right and i'm like i'm not trust me fuck i would go with 29 like why would i say i'm 44 i'd say maybe 34 or 36 but yeah not 29 but yeah that's just how i'd be pumped about that i'd be like yeah that is true google said it i'm 29 bitch yeah i'm a fucking eternal vampire until one day i wake up and i'm just fucking old and haggard every year it's 29 they're like it's still 29 literally

yeah literally that's what i always say so i wanted to just kind of deep dive into finding out more about you like i googled you last night and I was like, this girl has lived a full life. I'm tired. You know, I told my husband, my husband's 61 and I'm 37. And I am just like the fact that like I'm going to probably live till 60. I'm like, I don't know how people do it. Yeah. Like what do we do?

What are we supposed to do? I'm so physically burnt just from like being anxious and being in fight or flight my whole life that I'm like, how do I do another 30 years? Like, I don't even know. Like, I'm so exhausted at 37 that I can't even imagine being 60. Like, it's crazy. I get that because when I was going through my, like, suicidal ideation, and that's another reason I've always been, like, been like super like attracted to you is that you are so open about your mental health journey, which we'll dive into in a little bit. But I think that right now, especially in the times that we live in is so fucking important because people try to act like everything's fine all the

time. And I love the fact that you're like, I am fucking about to get on a flight and I am scared to death. And like, you're just so real about it, you know? So I just, I really, really appreciate that. What I was saying is when I was going through my suicidal ideation, I remember looking at Jay and I was like, I don't know how I'm going to live till 50. I don't want to be here till 50. Now I'm kind of like, shit, I might want to hang out till I'm 80, you know? I'm kind of like shit I might want to hang out till I'm 80 you know but back when I was feeling like you know really depressed it was really brutal just thinking about having to live another 10 years you know I mean when I was younger and I wasn't on any antidepressants and I grew up you

know with a mom who has borderline and my dad worked all the time and I just was really struggling and I remember I used to want to die all the time I'd pray to God I don't want to wake up I don't want to wake up I don't want to be here anymore and then finally when I was 16 um I was a cutter and so I got caught at school cutting they sent me to the hospital I got put in inpatient and then from there they ended up putting me on an antidepressant at 16 yeah so I've been on the same one since 16 and um it's called effectser xr it's a gnarly one like it basically it really works right so like I have really bad panic anxiety and it does a good job to the point like where I'm able to like go on tour with my husband I'm able to you know do things like when I got put on it they put me on like 150 milligrams now I weaned myself down through the years to the starting dose

wow um but I've tried to get off of it completely because you know my life has changed and your life does change and that's what I think people need to remember is that you know you may be in a season of your life where things are horrible and you won't you don't want to be here but that doesn't mean that spring isn't coming you know it does it comes you know people sit there and they think this is forever it's not nothing's forever good and bad right so I wean myself down to the lowest dose of that and so I've just been on that forever and it just kind of helps me get through you know what I mean and um it's hard it's really hard you do you take anything to help yourself I don't I'm just fucking raw dogging life um I'm not against it though there was I had a Xanax addiction because my anxiety was so bad so that's hard to kick man I did it

cold turkey and I I have to caution you guys you cannot quit Xanax cold turkey I'm just telling you yeah my story and that's how I did it but i don't know how i fucking didn't end up having seizures because i was on so much of it but the fact that you made it through that is insane because benzodiazepine like children's benadryl getting off of it that is so fucking crazy we have that in common so when i got off of the effector for what i only did one year i was off of effector right before vine started yeah i was off of effector for what i only did one year i was off of effector right before vine started yeah i was off of effector for a whole year and you know and i'm still have this issue with effector and i'm sure anyone that has taken it will relate to this as i say it's almost as hard

or if not worse than kicking heroin your body your brain is so addicted to it i don't even know why they prescribe it i mean other than it does work for depression and panic. But the getting off of it is unreal. I got off of it the whole year. My head, I couldn't walk straight. I was spinning. I felt like vertigo. I felt like I was going to throw up. I started going to the balance center on La Cienega to help me learn how to walk straight.

Because I would walk like I was on a boat for a year. And I would call my doctor and I'd go, this effector fucked my brain up, man fucked me up and he would gaslight me and say no it's not it's not you're fine you're fine and blah and I used to take children's benadryl all day it's a savior all day and people be like how are you taking that not falling asleep yeah because my nervous system was so wrecked right and so I was taking this children's manager all day and then I fought for a whole year I said I'm gonna give it a year if I don't get better then I'm gonna get back on it and I just couldn't do it a year later I was still sick I started doing vine I was getting all these opportunities and I couldn't go to the meetings because I was too

just sick like shaky confused it gives you brain fog like i think it permanently changed the chemistry of my brain right yeah so then i went back on it and it all went away that is insane so it's kind of fucked that's what i tell people about getting off xanax they're like well when did you start feeling better and i'm like honestly probably 2023 and i got sober in 2017. I'm like, it has taken. And I'm still not 100%. You know, like when you have, when you take pills that mess with your neurological system. Oh my God.

I don't, it takes forever. I'm so proud of you. Oh, I appreciate you. That is really fucking hard, dude. People don't realize. I mean, I would do anything to not be on anything. But I also know that in my family, there's schizophrenia, there's borderline, there's all this stuff.

So like if I didn't take it, I'm really putting myself at risk for not being healthy. And like, I'm like, you know what, this is a tiny bit. And I try to just give myself grace and just be like, it's not, you know, I don't take benzos. I don't do any of that. So that's the only thing I take. I've always wanted to ask you, where do you think the trauma started that you have that have such a dysregulated nervous system like that? I know my trauma started when I was fucking probably at the moment of conception, you know, because I do say trauma starts in the womb. So I mean, I feel like my mom was already my mom was diagnosed schizophrenic. So it's definitely in the family to dad's a narcissist. um so it's definitely in the family too um dad's a narcissist so you know the trauma starts as children like tell me a little bit about your childhood well i i mean it's like the body keeps

the score right so that's a really big book so my mom was pregnant with me and i was born with a really severe birth defect i was born with clubbed feet so my feet were bent in completely almost backwards and at that time 1986 uh there wasn't like a really good surgery for that so they didn't know if i was ever going to walk so immediately upon being born i'm taken from my mom and i'm putting casts heavy casts and they bent my leg straight, which was painful. And they put these casts on. Oh my gosh. And so I couldn't move. I couldn't roll over as a baby. And I'm like, I can't even imagine just even as a baby, obviously I don't remember, but my nervous system immediately, as soon as you enter the world, you're being thrown in these heavy casts. You can't roll over,

you can't do anything. And I do have memories of just being really scared all the time and I don't know why I was just scared my parents my mom yelled a lot oh I'm so that yelling I just like it just would yeah freak me out and throw shit break stuff and I just was like I can't handle this as a kid I remember and do you yell as an adult now no yeah I'm like the same way meager meek person because of that um and uh and so I remember laying in my crib and I just remember being really scared all the time probably my earliest memory is that my dad felt so bad for me he used to sleep on the floor next to my crib and that would be the only thing that made me feel safe and I couldn't roll over because I had casts on my legs and I remember my dad would try to army crawl out of the room

and I'd go and then he just lay back down but I do remember just being up all night staring to make sure he wouldn't leave and then I would like sleep during the day and I still have this weird thing with night time now like I'm up all night. Me too. Until like three or four. Yeah. And then I fall asleep like during the day. It's so weird. My husband's total opposite. But yeah, so I think that's like kind of how it started was my feet.

And then, you know, my mom struggling with the borderline. And my parents got divorced really, really young. And then my dad just raised us by himself. Where'd mom go? Well, she freaked out in front of the judge oh because normally a mother would get custody right um and so they were in custody court and my mom you know people with borderline they can only mask it so much right and i think the judge said something she did not like and then boom there went the trigger and the judge saw it wow and it

was right about when my parents were going to get 50-50. And then the judge saw that and was like, nope, now you don't get any custody. Wow. And you can only have visitation with your kids. I had to be too super. My aunt and my grandma were supposed to be there. Wow. So they really gave it to her.

And I also feel really bad for my mom because my mom was a nurse. And so, you know, nurses, like, they don't think that they need help because they're a nurse. You know what I mean? So it's like – I feel like that generation, too. Yeah, too. They just don't want to take anything for it.

And, you know, my mom, I have to say now, she takes something, and she's doing great. Yay. It's her mom. And it's like crazy. Like, if this could have been her when I was younger, it would have been amazing. You know what I mean? But back then they kind of were just anti that stuff. You know what I mean? And so she really like, you went through it. I mean, she was just

tormented by her own brain and it was really hard. So I didn't really see her much. And my dad worked a lot. And so it was like by myself a lot. Really bad depression. And then there was cutting. And I didn't have a lot of friends. I just had my one friend that I'm still friends with. When did you start cutting? Well, I wanted to like die. So I was like not strong enough to like kill myself.

So I would just like try. And then like I couldn't like kill myself. So it was like really sad. And then. When did that start? Like how old? Like I was probably 15 14 15 yeah it's when all like your hormones are kicking in yeah and I just remember just feeling like I've always just felt really uncomfortable in life I always felt like I don't belong and I would like

go to school and like I would make people laugh and like then I'd come home and just be like I'm so sad and it was just weird it was they say the funniest people are the saddest yeah like I would entertain everybody and then I'd be like okay well the job's done and like you know it was like so sad because like I never wanted anyone else to ever feel sad so I would go in and just make everybody I'd be like the clown you know I got voted like class clown out of the girls and the guys and then I would go home and just be so depressed and feel so empty you know so it was just really hard. And, you know, um, did cutting get, make you feel like a sense of relief? Well, you get like endorphins, you do get like a surge of endorphins, you know? So I would get a little bit of that,

but also I was just like hoping that one day I could fully do it. You know what I mean? But then I also felt so bad for my dad. Cause I was like, my dad was trying so hard. He was working so much to support my brother and I. And so it was trying so hard he was working so much to support my brother and I and so it was really sad so I will say the medicine did help me but the thing that was the best for me was just getting the fuck out of Pennsylvania yeah getting away from Pennsylvania is kind of dreary anytime we've gone there on tour it's always like just melancholy it's depressing yeah like I like as soon as I moved to California when I was 17 as soon as I graduated I moved right to you're like fuck this I'm leaving bye-bye and I just was dad okay with yes and the

whole reason it happened was because my stepmom grew up in California and like we went and visited here on a trip and I was just like I just feel so much better here and I feel so good yeah and like being away from all the drama and you know and I was and I was in theater and I was like loving theater and loving acting. And I knew I wanted to do something in entertainment. And so I was like, I'm going to go try, you know what I mean? So I just came by myself at 17 and then like just worked a bunch of fucking odd jobs and did stand up and open mics. I'm like, oh, God, it's just like such a journey. So let's talk about it.

So your first night in la you came here by yourself yes what is 17 year old britney doing well so my dad was like you have to go to college because you can't just go out there with nothing so i enlisted in the easiest college i could find which was fashion school oh nice literally i was like what's the most dumb shit like you know what i mean like our quizzes were like what outfits are cute you know what I mean like this one not that one right like there's not a wrong answer yeah like it's like not even like what colors they're on the color wheel like it was just so stupid it was a dumb as shit I'm like I can't believe we're paying for this but but I loved it you know and I met some good friends there um and uh so I was in fashion school and that was in downtown LA in 2006.

Yeah. So there was like primetime LA. There was nothing there though. Downtown. There was nothing. It was like fucking homeless people and businessmen during the day. Right. No LA live yet.

There was nothing. Wow. So I used to have to like walk through all this craziness to get to school. I lived on seventh and Bixel and it was just insane. And I thought like walk through all this craziness to get to school. I lived on 7th and Bixel. Wow. And it was just insane. And I thought like, wow, this isn't Hollywood. I was like, this place sucks, you know, because I lived in downtown LA.

I'm like, where the fuck's all the cool shit, you know? So I eventually ended up moving into a house in the Hollywood Hills with my friends. And then that's when it kind of the whole thing begins. And I start doing open mic comedy and stand up. I feel like 2006 in LA and Vegas was like peak times. Yeah, yeah. It was like peak times of just, it was kind of like, I don't want to say innocent, but it was like, it was. And like we had so much fucking fun.

Yeah. Well, you did. Yeah. I did. I did not have fun. Damn it. I struggle city. Aw.

Dude, I was, I mean, it was like was like it wasn't i was happy to be out here right way better than being in pennsylvania but i was struggling like financially or just like spiritually all of it i mean i i had to pay my rent was i lived in a three-bedroom house that was gorgeous and 2006 my rent my quarter of the rent was 750 a month so i had to come up with 750 i mean that's nothing these days right yeah we look at that now and we're like but no back then back then it was a lot and and so i um i was super skinny i was like maybe like 105 pounds and so my i got picked up to be a fit model from my school to the the fashion district downtown so i would have all these like like fashion companies that were owned

by like all these asian people and they would stand around me and speak another language and they would try clothes on me all day and they'd be like oh no no no and like then trying outfits on me because they would make the pattern and everything and they like to use live models right and so this job was great i got paid like two hundred dollars an hour wow and you'd be there for like four hours like every couple times a week, right? Getting fitted. It was great. And I would stand there,

but the one rule was that you couldn't gain weight. Oh my gosh. So I would see girls come in and they measured us every day. They would measure us and make sure like, uh-oh, and then one of the girls would get fat and then they would like whisper to each other and they'd be like,

and she'd be like, what? What do you mean? Like, get the fuck out cassandra you fat ass like you know what i mean like she like guys they're so cutthroat they don't give a shit when a girl would get called into the office we were all like fuck like damn right so i would just see girls coming and going all the time yeah but i would like make them laugh so i think they liked me right yeah i lasted two years there wow which is crazy because i saw a million girls get come and

go come and go come and go and come and go, come and go. And then finally they got rid of me. How were you not gaining weight? Did you develop an eating disorder? No, I was on Adderall. Oh, gosh. Like my roommate was on Adderall. And she was like, dude, you're really ADHD.

You should go see the doctor and get on Adderall. Because this was back then when they would prescribe anything for anyone at any time. And then I went and uh psychiatrist at the time because i was on such a high dose of the effector at that point um he because it would make me really tired but i was still very adhd and he's like you know what adderall would be great with this and he gave it to me mixing it actually was great yeah and i did great and i only like you know i i did actually really well on it and for someone who has anxiety i didn't really have anxiety on it. And I did really well on the Adderall Effexor combo. And then one day in 2015, or no, I'm sorry, 2000, probably 13, I got a really bad flu and I stopped taking the Adderall, you know,

because I was sick. I was like, I'm not going to take Adderall for it. I'm like sick. And then my body just felt so tired. And I was like, oh, this is speed. And I was like, I gonna take adderall for him like sick and then my body just felt so tired and i was like oh this is speed and i was like i don't want it anymore and i and i kicked it and i didn't want it anymore and my doctors even now have tried to give it to me because i'm tired all the time really and i was like guys i can't i'm too anxious so i can't like take anything you know what i mean i can barely drink a little bit of caffeine oh i have coffee i'll fucking be rocking back and forth i can't have a coffee my heart pounds out of my chest but i try to drink the um the strawberry refreshers from starbucks those will crack you out too but they only have 45 milligrams of caffeine and so i ask them to make it with extra water yeah and i'll have a little bit of that and that'll make okay yeah

but yeah it's i did really well on the like high dose of effector low dose adderall for years but it does it for me i was already thin and then adderall on top of that you just don't eat and then i became obsessed with my weight because of the fit stuff and so i was very skinny yeah it was really bad but yeah no i mean i was surviving you know what i mean right you know i wouldn't say it was a bad time i would just say it was like a more like me hustling like what was I gonna do you know and I was trying to act and I was trying to do comedy and so it was a crazy time and then that's how I met Josh. Josh Adam Meyers. So we love I was I told them about that the other day they were like we love Josh. Josh is my ex-boyfriend which is so funny. Yeah it's just crazy how worlds collide.

It's weird. Yeah he's a sweetie pie. He's a sweetheart. Such such a sweetie pie he um so he and i met through stand up and we dated when we were both really young i mean i was probably like 21 maybe how did you get into stand up you just one day was like you know what i'm a funny motherfucker i'm gonna go stand in front of a crowd because it's that's a tough thing to get into yeah especially for somebody who deals with anxiety oh yeah but i was like at that time i don't know why it's like i was so driven and i was again on a higher dose of my medication so i wasn't as scared and so i would go do the open they have open mics at the comedy store you can sign up and the improv you can sign up you know at like six o'clock you do get like five minutes right and so i would do

the open mics at the comedy store and i remember tommy who used to work there as the manager he doesn't work there anymore you know i never had material so i would just go up there and riff with the audience the little audience that was there right and i always had so much fun i was so good at it and tommy who worked there was like you got to stay with this you're so good at this you know and he doesn't work there anymore but then i so then i got uh i was doing a open mic at this place called, what was it called? It was on Melrose. I forget the fucking name of it. It was this bar.

And a casting director from E! was watching the open mics. And she was like, you're so funny. I want you to come audition for this show on E! And I was like, this is how it happens, baby. I called my parents. I'm like, I don't even know you anymore. Like, I'm famous. And like, you know, like, and so I it happens, baby. I called my parents. I'm like, I don't even know you anymore. Like, I'm famous. And so I ended up auditioning for this show.

It was called Reality Hell on E. And it was basically from the creators of Punk'd where they were doing like a prank show where you would prank people and make them think they were on a reality show. But they weren't. Right. And so I did a couple seasons of that show. And then I ended up doing Prank My Mom on TLC. And so I was doing all these like prank shows and i was dating josh and josh would like show everybody he'd be like look

how cool my girlfriend is she's on tv it was so funny but then i stopped doing stand-up because like i was you know doing the show i'm like i already made it this is what all the stand-ups want to do you know what i mean and then those shows went nowhere right right um and then i met my i josh and i ended up breaking up and I met my boyfriend Randall who was a music video director and I was in a music video and then he bought me my first iPhone and then Vine

came out and then Vine was crazy I remember you on Vine I was never I never did the Vine thing but I had an account and would watch them I was like one of those weirdos and I loved you on Vine you had like fucking like what nine million followers on vine 10 yeah it was crazy wild and like it was weird because i was when i got on there was like all these people that i looked up to like james urbaniak and um uh what's his name goldberg

and uh fucking uh simon rex and yeah you know all these people had all these nasty or what is Simon dirt nasty yeah Will Sasso like all these like comedians had really big followings on there and then I started surpassing them and I was like this is crazy and then it started turning into you know brands calling me and being like hey it's Benefit Cosmetics calling can we pay you ten thousand dollars to do a video and I was like yeah I did this video for like free lip gloss like you know what i mean like i'm so glad they offered it first because they were like can we give you like one blush i'd be like yes one blush is fine you know yeah so i ended up then then i ended up that taking off i started getting all these brand deals and then when when when uh talent agencies see you're making money that's when they come

they're like little sharks it's like chum in the water oh we signed with i'm signed with wme right oh yeah so i'm with wme yeah i didn't know that wme sisters i love that and so um icm caa and uta all emailed me in the same week i wanted to take a meeting and i had my first meeting with icm and you know places don't usually do this but when i was going to leave they were like we really want you to be with us like sign this paper and blah blah and I had a really like shitty manager at the time and she was like yeah you should just do it instead of taking the other two meetings and so I ended up signing with ICM they did absolutely nothing for me they didn't help me at all they didn't they just collected money so it was just like a nightmare but you know it is

what it is yeah it's a learning you live and nightmare, but you know, it is what it is. Yeah. It's a learning. You live and you learn, but you know, I feel like the, the talent, uh, agent industry is like very different now. They kind of just want to,

you to do all the work, you get the followers, you to make the money. We talk about this all the time. I love you Sloan, but yes, we agree. Everybody like,

I mean, they do. They literally, I mean, my husband has these friends that are like incredible musicians. Like band their music is un-fucking-real yeah but then they try to get signed and the first thing these agencies say are how many followers do you have yeah and they're just indie guys they don't care about instagram which you can blow up nowadays social media if you get on a tiktok or something literally you gotta get something yeah you gotta get these guys

are not into that and so it's like they end up suffering and not making it and it's like you know so i've just had like bad experiences you know i just i went from one to the one to the one and i'm just like this just like nobody nobody wanted to do anything everyone wanted to just collect kind of mood yeah so you also during this time i'm gonna look at my notes really quick if you see me i'm dead you took notes notes? I love you. Holy shit. I feel so bad I had you on ours and I'm all just like, hello. No, you're good. During this time, you got an award, right?

Or something like that. You were in a Pitbull video. Oh, yeah. He's the best. He still follows me. I love him. Oh, I love that. You are the most followed woman on Vine.

Yeah. And your influence was so big at the time that Time magazine in 2015 listed you as the 30 most influential people on the internet. Yeah, with Kim Kardashian and Barack Obama. That's fucking huge. Dude, I cut that shit out. I was going to say, do you have it framed in your house? I'll never forget it. The issue of Time, it was a TV on the front with a reflection in it.

Yeah. They made it reflectible so you could see yourself. And it was really cool. And I bought like 30 copies and I sent it to my family and I'm like, guess who's not a failure. Like I'm not a failure. Yeah. Cause you know,

everybody, somebody at home is waiting for you to fail. Everyone's waiting for me to fail. Yeah. They still are waiting. Keep waiting. I think you've done pretty damn good with that though. I try.

And then, yeah. So amazing stuff happened. I got really, you know, I, I say it's. I try. And then, yeah, so amazing stuff happened. I got really, you know, I say it's a blessing because, you know,

God, I feel like, you know, not to get religious on your podcast. No, you can. I love Jesus.

I have a lot of faith. Jesus is my homie. I have a lot of faith and I think that God, I pray all the time. Yeah. And I think God has really come through for me.

Prayer is, to me, prayer is a form of manifesting absolutely like you're literally you're asking the universe and you're asking god like hey this is what i need your words are spells so as soon as you put them in the in the universe it gets grabbed you know so i i love you can get religious as you want on my podcast yeah absolutely and you're so right about that you know i pray to god every night i pray before I eat um and I just you know I feel like God has really come through with for me and I know a lot of people are like some people don't believe in it whatever but it's like it's such a personal

experience and I really feel something so you're so wholesome oh you really are like I would never picture you to be as wholesome as you are like you're just really such a sweetie pie thanks I mean I'm a goofball when I'm you know know, performing or online, but I have a very like real serious side too. And, and. Do you feel like there's two different Brittany's? Oh, for sure. One that you present to the world and then one at home?

A hundred percent. Yeah. And you probably relate to this too. Oh, absolutely. A lot of people with autism or I don't want to say I have autism, but I do say that I. Have autistic traits. I, I mask where like I perform. Right.

And then I come home and I'm like, OK, and I take it off. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's almost like taking off a heavy coat. Yeah. And then I'm like, OK, now I can be me again. You know what I mean? And there's just so many other little weird things I do.

I won't get into. But well, you took the test. I did. I got a one. So the next step is we have to get diagnosed. I know it's so have to get diagnosed. I know. So to go get diagnosed, I looked into it because my brother's son is autistic. Right.

Excuse me. My brother has some things he's struggling with, and then he was going to get the official test for it as well. And then they were like, it's $2,500. And then I was like, OK, and then what do they do as an adult? Because with children, when my nephew got uh you know he got diagnosed now the government actually will send people to your house to help you work with your autistic child which is really nice there's a lot of government programs that's amazing that will so a couple times a week they

send someone over to my uh my brother's house and they teach them how to work with my nephew so that he doesn't get overstimulated they learn his triggers they learn you know they say autism is hereditary now is what they're saying so i definitely think my mom had some things going on because she was super ocd like i am and like you know so i would there's so many different versions and i don't really think anyone's normal you know like we all have our own things and quirks and you know i think that there's really high-functioning autism mixed with ADD and all kinds of other things that's harder to diagnose and things like that, you know.

I don't think anyone can particularly put people in, like, a box. Right, right, right. There's not one size fits all. Yeah. Like, I feel like we all have a little bit of, you know, and it all kind of intertwines, you know. So. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

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But hurry, Santa's favorites won't last long. Minky Couture, making your holidays merry, bright, and oh so cozy. But yeah, so then I did the Vine thing, and then I was, you know, I dated a really horrible guy who cheated on me with prostitutes, and then I went through that breakup. Damn it. Yeah. And then I met my husband on Raya in 2017. So it's been seven years. So what is Raya?

Because my doctor reached out to me the other day and she's like, hey, I need you as a reference for Raya. Your doctor asked you for a reference? And I was like, what is Raya? And she was like, don't worry about it. Just can I use you as a reference? And I was I was like I was like what is Raya and she was like don't worry about it just can I use you as a reference and I was like sure I don't care what is it so it's like basically like when they first started it it was like it's like a celebrity dating app well it's not like that I don't feel like anymore I mean there's a lot of famous people on there still like I know Drew Barrymore's on there a bunch of people are on there playing with it

Drew Barrymore's on Raya that's awesome she said she was on something like that and then uh yeah so when I got on I had no idea so basically because I had a big following the creators reached out to me and said hey we want to you know give you an account they weren't charging for it at the time you just had to be we need to put Haley on Raya you had to be approved you have to be approved yeah so it's a kind of a gnarly thing so they were like we just want to put you on there it's a dating app we know you're single and like we think you'd be great who's doing the approving the guys who run the app god that's crazy i don't know i don't know if it's the guys who create at first i think it may have been the guys who created it and now they

have a team and now they probably have a team but um so they put me on there and i remember the first time i opened it i'm scrolling and it's like josh Elijah Wood John Mayer like and I can say all this now because I'm never going back on the app you're usually not allowed to talk about it or they'll take your account away well I'm going on Raya yeah I'm just kidding people go on there for like just friends we're like yeah right yeah right yeah tell us how your relationship's not working out uh it's so crazy um so so i got on there's all these famous people i went out with a bunch of them uh maybe like any horror stories um not really actually everyone was really nice damn it i'm tired of these nice guys actually i you know i don't have any um with like, famous people. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, most of them are pretty.

They're peas and cues. Yeah. Like, they're really sweet. Like, I did go on a date with Elijah Wood, and he was just, like, so sweet. Is he tall? No, he's very small. Yeah. And I wasn't, like, attracted to him, but I really liked his personality.

And he was, like, so nice. And he has this really cool house that has, like, a big movie theater, like, in the, like, living area. And he was just like so nice and so cool but not like romantic vibes right you know like homie huh like a homie yeah he was just really cool guy and i think he's like i think he has a wife now and a kid and you know whatever i've run into him since then he's just a really sweet person yeah um yeah and so i mean everyone that i went out with was pretty cool i didn't't, I didn't like click with anyone cause I, I am so particular. You know what I mean? People are

always like, Oh, you're just with Tommy for his money. I went out with so many other people that I could have been with for their money if that was the case, but I was making so much money on Vine. People have no idea. Like I have money. You were like one of the first people to monetize that platform, right? Or to even monetize social media. Exactly. I'm like, I did not need, and I still don't need. I still always, I do my jewelry, and I do my own things still because. The necklace you have on is from your jewelry line. Thanks, I made my necklaces. Yeah.

What is it? It's called Lovely Jewelry. And it's just kind of something fun to do with my hands and not be on my phone. Yeah. So I love that. I want to start crocheting. Yeah, it's amazing. I swear to God.

It looks hard. I'll let you know how it goes. Okay, let me know how it goes. Dad, you're like, I did one stitch and I hated it. I do. I want to crochet. I forgot to tell you.

I've dived into this. I'm going to try to do this in March when I take every March off. So I'm going to try to learn how to crochet during March. Fuck yeah. You just turned into a full-on grandma. Next time I do your podcast,

you're just covered in like a fucking, you're just like this. I'm going to make you a blanket, bitch. You're just knitting during the whole podcast. Uh-huh. Yep. Rocking in your chair with a cat in your lap. With my bifocals on.

Literally. And a Bible just like full on. I'm like, wow, Bunny's taking a turn. Well, one extreme to the other. Yes. Yes. So no, I, so I do the jewelry and I like, I always try to make my own money. I actually don't like to spend any of my husband's money because.

The same way. Because I, my grandma told me this quote when i was younger and she said if you give them the power to feed you you give them the power to starve you yeah and that hit me like a ton of bricks i was like ah you know what i mean like i gotta always have my own you know plus like i'm i have a fear of abandonment all the time so i'm always like i gotta make sure i'm okay you're always afraid the carpet's gonna get yanked out from underneath you always no i'm the same way we were checking into the the hotel here and they're like well miss d ford i just want to let you know your card is on file and it has your name on it are you okay with that and i go yeah i run my own ship i said i don't ask my husband for anything exactly you

know i was i just thought it was crazy that they would ask me that like how many wives do they have are like no put my husband's card on file yeah that was crazy no shame in that at all yeah i wish i could be that person so like easy going free yeah yeah yeah and my husband's very nice i mean he gives me a card and he you know i don't ever have to yeah i'm not for want but you know it's my own personal thing that i'm like no i, I want to make my own. And he probably loves that about you, too. Because men test women, too. Yeah.

He does love that about me. Yeah. Especially because this is the weird thing. Like, when it's their birthday or Christmas, like. You're going to go buy something with their own money. Like, I'm like, what? Like, no. Like, that's so weird.

That would make me so sad. You know what I mean? Like, here, you bought this for yourself. Happy birthday. You know what I mean? Like, here, you bought this for yourself. Happy birthday. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of fun. Here's my pussy. It's all I got to offer. Exactly.

No, I'm not talking shit about women. No, I mean, like, if that's your bag, that's your bag. It's fine. It's fine. It's just not. I'm not comfortable with it. So, yeah. So, I just.

I've kind of just done my own thing. And, you know. So, 2017. 2017, we met. Swiping on raya we match and it's so funny because he is just so funny tommy's just like a very like just no you know how guys try to be cool and like not text you right as soon as we match he's like hi and it's like 30 messages and he's like what's up how are you like want to hang out listen to this new song check it out

did you listen to it yet like it was so funny it was like like and like normally girls would be like that's a red flag but for me i'm like oh like he's so fun and i was like he's a puppy yeah and he was just so nice and i was so tired of people that played games or guys that would like you like if you want to talk to me talk to me like you text them back and then they wait three days to respond and you're like but then they like are still engaging and they're trying to be cool and i'm just like whatever so he was not like that guys don't do that that shit's don't do it the girls like it's cool to care yeah it's cool to care that's a good yeah that's a good saying it is cool to care so he cared and he was very persistent and he invited me to um pride which is so fitting and we met up

at pride and we just fucking held hands and like never let go and we started hanging out every He invited me to Pride, which is so fitting. And we met up at Pride. And we just fucking held hands and never let go. And we started hanging out every single day. And I've told this story before. He was dating Carmen Electra. And then we got together. And he just, boom, just dropped everybody. You guys were searching for each other.

Yeah. You guys really needed each other. I feel like that's how Jay and I were. When. Like, when you meet that person, you just know. Yeah. And it's like, there's no questions asked. No words have to be spoken. It's like, you literally link up and you never leave each other. It's like comfortable.

Yeah. Safe. And safe. And I don't feel comfortable with, like, a lot of people. So the fact that, like, when I first hung out with him, I felt instantly very cozy. I was like, this is a weird thing. Like, I'm not used to this, you know? I'm so used to being so worried.

And I was just so comfortable. And we just hit it off right away. I think I moved in after like three weeks. And we got engaged after six months. And then, yeah. Jay and I got married a month after hanging out with each other. Amazing. One month.

And everybody's like, you guys are not going to make it. And here we are eight years later. Same, seven. Yeah. Yeah. So we were a year after you you were 2016 it's so wild dude isn't it yeah no i love that for you though i mean you guys found each other safe space i'm so happy like i really am like it's just so nice to not be in that world anymore because la is like bleak for dating man we were just talking about this at dinner last night i feel bad for anybody who has to date in this fucking environment god bless so the girl we went to

dinner with last night should i tell her story said that she went on a date with some guy he's like hey i'm making steaks come on over and then they he goes she goes over there she's like all right cool i didn't really want to go anyways but i went because i was like you know whatever and he opens the door and is like hey where's your steak and she's like, all right, cool. I didn't really want to go anyways, but I went because I was like, you know, whatever. Yeah. And he opens the door and is like, hey, where's your steak? And she's like, you told me you were cooking steaks. And he's like, all right, well, I have one. So, you know, come on in. So he started he cooks the steak.

He's like, hey, you want a bite? And when it's done cooking and gives her one bite and throws the fork away and proceeds to eat the steak right in front of her. I was like, if that is what dating is like, I don't fucking want it, dude. He said I'm cooking steaks and then asked her where her steak was. Fucking BYOB steak hangout. Like, what the fuck?

BYOS. BYOS, bring your own steak. Well, I'm sorry. You can have a little nibble of mine. That's crazy. No, for sure. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, Brittany my

We do the podcast This is the worst Brittany Schmidt Comedian She's Yeah we're gonna talk About your podcast too So funny

And she's single And the stories Oh Oh my And she likes NBA players Oh my gosh She likes That's like a glutton

For punishment Right there But she's tough As a girl Like she can take some shit But I'm like dude She's got like some crazy shit that goes on and i'm just like oh my god i can't like no i couldn't handle it no i

wouldn't want to do it it's just i i always say if jay and i don't make it i'm literally gonna gonna be like share i'll be 76 years old dating fucking little 25 26 year olds just so there's no like emotional commitment like everybody knows what older women too like not that we're older but I mean older than them you know yeah yeah well they've got mommy issues so yeah like I meet young guys I'll be at the grocery store young guys are always like hi and I'm like get away from me child like what are you doing why are you staring at me like that looking at you like you're a steak yeah like chill bro no it's kind of crazy so let's circle back to you and tommy you know just hooking up getting together the media attention oh boy that you guys got what was that like in

the beginning for you like you're i feel like and we talked about this a little bit off camera is like the internet is just so cruel yeah and it's i don't want to say having to live in a shadow of his former relationship, but pretty much like the internet will not let him move on and live happily ever after with you. Never. How do you, how do you feel about that? How do you deal with that? Like, where did we start with that?

I mean, it's so heartbreaking because it's like, I've been my husband, I think, longer than any of the relationships except for Heather. I think he was with Heather for eight years. You're friends with Heather, too, right? I love her. She's so sweet. I mean, that's the thing is like if people are nice to me, I am nice to them. If they are not nice to me, I am not nice to them. And like, you know, you see a lot of what's on the media, but you don't know what's happened in real life.

And so people make their judgments like, oh, this person's so sweet and this person's this and this person's that and i'm like like you don't people don't realize what is really happening you know they are fed what says what media wants to want yeah it's a machine people personally you don't know the way they've treated people and things like that and it's it's not what people think it's very different and you know there's a lot I can say and there's a lot I can't say obviously because there's kids and Tommy's relationship with his kids but do you get along with the boys I do I like the boy yeah I mean and Tommy had a crazy drinking problem and I had never been around someone that had a crazy

drinking problem when you guys first got together yeah so I didn't know like how bad this was and i you know we were we would be together and you'd be drinking all day but he was still kind of like pretty he was pretty regular you know what i mean because he was such an alcoholic he could he could drink like a whole liter of titos and be talking to you oh my goodness it's pretty scary but like for me like i'd never been around his liver he's great now oh good yeah now he's great then not so much so you know he was doing that and you know it caused a lot of contention because the kids were living with us at the time and you know he didn't want to go out in the living room because they were there with their friends and so he'd be like babe can you go get me a drink and I and I'm like I'm so a sober person I really don't I haven't had a drink in like 10 years like

I don't like it and he would want me to drink with him but I'd already been sober pretty much before that and so I wasn't into drinking I wouldn't drink with him you know what I mean and so I would go to the kitchen and I would fill his glass with mostly water and then I'd pour like a little bit of vodka in because I was like man he's already had like way too many drinks so I would just put mostly water but just enough so he could you know taste it and then when he would go to bed at night I would dump half the vodka out and I'd fill the bottle with water and I'd like shake it so that hopefully it wouldn't freeze because vodka doesn't freeze right so I had to make sure like and then he would get mad sometimes because it would be frozen he'd be like you put

water in it again you know what I mean but the boys didn't know I was doing all this. So they would like see me going to the kitchen and they'd be like, I'm making him drinks and enabling him. And so then they started to hate me. And you know, then that was when that whole thing happened with Brandon, like the intervention, the punching,

all this stuff. It was horrible. And then, um, I talked to Tommy's manager. He has a really, a manager that really loves him. And I told him, I was like, like we gotta get this guy sober like this is

crazy you know like he's killing himself and so we convinced Tommy somehow to go to rehab and yeah and the day of he didn't want to go and then Nikki Sixx came over and helped me put his ass in the car and took him over to rehab and

he was there for 45 days and he did really great. And since then, he's been doing really great. He's fallen off the wagon like twice, but it was like really short stints, you know. Which is expected, you know. Yeah, he's not perfect. From Tommy Lee, you know. He's not perfect. I mean, he was a massive alcoholic.

And to go from that much of an alcoholic to nothing, you know, it was a lot. It was a lot. And then, you know, when you lot it was a lot and then you know you have to when you become sober living with all those feelings and all these things that he hasn't felt in so long and you know um it took him a while but now i feel like he's finally like really found his zen you know he doesn't even really talk about drinking he'll like make a joke here and there but it's like and that's what i think is so fucked is like people will be like oh he's all coked out or whatever like no tommy is sober tommy does not use drugs like stop fucking spreading shit about people he fucking clips bonsai yeah he's hyper he's adhd he's a 17 year

old man like man 56 you know 61 year old man he's a child he's like a very young personality yeah because he got famous at 17 and so he's kind of always stayed like very childlike you know and that's what's sweet about him is that he's like a little like kid you know big kid but um so yeah so i mean it's like i'm just so proud of him because now he's really found his peace proud of you both yeah i mean we're doing it's just so nice and we just we're just trying to live our life and not be pulled into you know the bullshit man like it's just crazy yeah i saw what you were having to go through when the pam and tommy documentary draw or not documentary but the show oh the who in the hulu thing yeah well that's like funny because like so i started dating tommy and seth seth rogan

follows me and i remember him watching he would watch my stories and I would post with Tommy and then all of a sudden like a couple months later it's like Seth Rogen's producing a Pam and Tommy series like completely out of nowhere and I was like god I hope I didn't give him the idea I'm pretty sure he dm'd me I have to check and was like oh my god is that Tommy Lee or something like that because he was shocked um but I have to check but he was following he follows me and he was following me then and like saw I would see him see it you know and I'm like that's weird and then he now is producing would produce that show and like that you know Tommy had nothing to do with that right neither neither of them did and so you know people would

say oh Tommy gave it his blessing but not really only reason um Tommy ended up in any way involved was because, God, who's the guy who played him? Now I'm like having a fucking, Sebastian Stan. So Sebastian is friends with Fred Durst. Gotcha. Because they did a movie together. Fred Durst is the director. And so Fred called Tommy and was like, Sebastian really wants to meet you. He totally understands if you don't want to meet him, it's whatever.

But he really wants to meet you. And so Tommy was like,'t want to meet him, you know, it's whatever, but he really wants to meet you. And so Tommy was like, okay, I'll meet him. Tommy's just so nice. You know what I mean? Tommy's just a nice guy. And so we went out to dinner with Sebastian,

of course got papped. And then everyone was like, Tommy's supporting it. And it was like, it wasn't even Tommy supporting it. It was literally Tommy just being nice to a guy who's friends with Fred. And like, Sebastian actually is such

a nice guy and it's not like you know what I mean an actor is just taking a job. Yeah. You know you can't hate the actor. You know what I mean like you're just like they're trying to make money so you know people spun out about that and we're like oh well why are you mad not mad about this but you're mad about that and I'm like nobody's like like what are you talking about we were friends we were just being nice to Sebastian. It's crazy that they can come up with so many assumptions off one picture I'm so exhausted can we address the TikTok that that oh yeah that kind of caused so much it was so stupid on my part

even but it wasn't even a bad TikTok like joke I could kind of understand where you were coming from because you do get attacked so much online but it was like a joke it wasn't even to be like that was more like because what had happened is as soon as that documentary came out immediately within hours people were flooding my page going you're interrupting true love they need to be back together meanwhile I've already been with my husband for five years yeah you know longer than the whole relationship and I'm like this is just so insane and I remember like you know I I don't have great mental health and so part of me whenever anything makes me uncomfortable my first thought is like let's make a joke same I laugh at the most inappropriate

shit all the time and I don't think sometimes before I act and I was just like this is funny and so I just did it and even Tommy was like it's funny whatever yeah and then i posted it and i was like oh god this is gonna get taken the wrong way and of course it did and then so i just took it down right away it was more just like an intrusive thought like acting on like an intrusive thought and then it was somebody already screenshotted it and sent it to the daily mail i literally posted it for like three seconds and then people spun it the internet is like that telephone game you know like yeah it's yeah. Where you just, like, you ask for something, and then by the time it gets to, like, the fucking 20th person,

it's like, you know, yeah. It's just crazy. So I was just like, you know what? I just need to shut the fuck up at this point. And I'm just like, I'm so, like, now I'm just, you know, I'm just used to it now. It's like I get constantly still get it, and I'm probably going to get it forever.

Have you ever reached out to Pam, or has she reached out to you to just kind of like be like just an olive branch no I I think it just because I mean I feel like if I was Tommy's ex in this relationship I would reach out to you and be like hey girl like love you I'm sorry I mean when I first started dating Tommy, you know, and all this stuff happened with Brandon and Tommy's alcoholism, she blamed me in a public diary and said, Brittany's the reason Tommy is drinking so much and that she's an alcoholic and he needs someone to behave bad with. Gotcha. This has since been removed from her like online open journal thing, but it was on there. And I remember being really hurt by that. Never got an apology that you know even though i'm like i don't even drink what are we talking about like this is crazy and i think it's on like somewhere and then of course

everyone it's like yeah i could see britney she's a alcoholic drug addict and i'm like they're ridiculous i'm like scared of everything like let alone fucking getting wasted and so i was really hurt by that. And then also it was just like, you know, the texting Tommy here and there and being like, yeah, like, hey, like pictures of yourself, whatever. So it was just like annoying. And it was more just like, oh, like this is not a good vibe. Whereas with Heather, like Heather would text both of us. Yeah.

And be like, do you guys want to like come over? Do you want to hang out? Blah, blah, blah. Just like a totally different vibe. And it was a very friendly, like welcoming vibe. And so um you know i wish her the best i really do i hope because it me it's sad like i really i can't imagine like being so in love with someone still and like not being with them and then being with someone else like that must really hurt you know what i mean like fuck the pain like that must really fucking hurt and it's really sad probably and like you know for her sake she's beautiful

she's you know still looks great and I hope she meets someone else and falls in love I really do because that the pain of wanting something like I love my husband I'm not going anywhere you know what I mean like I mean let's god forbid some freak accident happens you know but like it's gonna happen I just like man like I and I and I almost like I get upset I was upset at first now I'm just like I'm more like I feel bad and I'm like that must suck you know to like really care for someone so much still and not be with them you know so I have sympathy absolutely you know I try to I try to put myself now that's very mature though I try I try to put myself now that's very mature though i try i try to put myself in other people's shoes like is it my favorite thing no but like it's like you

know like i think i think like a lot of women who get it are people that have a baby mama that is still in love with their husband you know what i mean and i think they get it but i think if you don't have that you don't get it you know what i mean so Jay has two baby mamas one I can get along with amazingly she's a great woman and the other one is a fucking nightmare so there's just it just depends like it's just you know that's just life you're gonna get on there some people and some people not I mean yeah you know and and that doesn't mean that you know they're a bad person it's just that you know it's not that it's not the vibe and and we've you know I've always you know the thing is same thing as you is like I've always want to be friends with everybody because that's how I am but it was like from the get-go it was immediately like made very clear to me that that was not

you know that was not the vibe so I was like okay cool um you know I didn't know my place um but also like this is my husband so that was the hardest thing too is like going through all that and having people be like it's none of your business and I'm like how is this none of my business this is literally my husband that I like worked really hard with to like get healthy and like we're like so happy and just want to be like just be able to be happy and have everyone stop making shows and tv movies and hallmark and fucking whatever else you know what i mean and have people come on my page and tell me that like you know whatever you know do you feel like you're not allowed to ever have an opinion too whenever it comes to that yeah i can't say shit everything

i'm always the bad guy i'm probably gonna get get hate for this. I think you're being very honest, and I think you're being very open, and I think that's fair. Yeah, I mean, it is what it is. You're allowed to have feelings and not have to push them down, and you haven't said anything that is, I think everything you've said is so, like, grown and mature. Yeah, I mean, I just, I get it. We're all hurting from something.

We're all trying to live our lives and get along the best we can and that's all we can do you know what i mean you know i'm not perfect i've definitely you know i already struggle with my mental health and so i've said and done things where i'm like god britney like fucking think sometimes before you speak you know but what can nobody gives us a handbook on life no and how we're supposed to react to certain things. And people don't realize when you're not in the spotlight and you're not getting hundreds of thousands of shit thrown at you every fucking day, like you'll never understand it. The people that are trolling literally have zero followers. And I don't mean that to be to insult anybody, but you don't know what it feels like to live

in shoes of people who are online and have to, you know, who have opened ourselves up to that. So, yeah. Yeah. I think it's frustrating to like see stories made up about you. Oh. Like that one's like, that one blows my mind. Yeah. Really big gossip column online.

And they wrote something like when the documentary came out like oh well don't feel bad for britney because all she does is complain about her husband anyway and i was like what you're like when and i wrote to the girl who runs the page because she published it and the girl was like oh it's someone from your yoga class that sent this in and i'm like bitch i don't do yoga yeah like i don't even walk fast like let alone i don't exercise like i don't even fucking. Yeah. Like I don't even walk fast. Yeah. Like let alone I don't exercise. Like I don't even fucking touch my toes. You know what I'm saying? Like she's like I am not limber.

And I said to her I said I don't do yoga. I said I don't even have a yoga class. I'd appreciate it if you took it down and she didn't. You can't. They just want to have fake shit out. I've learned that lesson. I learned that lesson actually this month. It started last year when I started getting dragged on TikTok for having a podcast with people who come and tell their side of the story.

The only reason people hate me is because of this podcast. Literally. Which is insane. It's wild, right? And this year, somebody, I didn't learn my lesson last year. So the universe sent me the same lesson this year with another bitch who fucking tried to like paint this picture of me being this terrible human when i reached out to her like hey girl this is the truth this is what's going on if you do this this is what's gonna happen like i just try to keep it real and keep it to you with everybody

twisted my words twisted screenshots posted them made a video her and this other girl tried didn't didn't put everything in there though they only put what fucking made narrative. And I didn't respond for once in my life. I was like, you know what? God, give a fuck. Think what you want. People are going to fucking make up whatever they want. Yeah. You know, and it's like you can't reason with those people because your narrative doesn't

make them money or get them attention. No. So they want they have to paint their own narrative. It's so crazy, dude, how people spin shit. And I didn't even hear anything about that. So this bitch can't even be that. Oh, no, she's not. I never heard anything about it.

That was like when the whole thing happened with Trisha Paytas, who like, I don't have anything against Trisha Paytas. I'm friends with Jason, who she was seeing at the time. And they dressed up as my husband and his ex for Halloween or a bunch of pictures or something. And then they tagged him and in every picture yeah and my husband saw it and he wasn't sober at the time and he made like a rude comment oh and then I did never said anything to her but she had also on Twitter been like why is Brittany Furlan with Tommy Lee that That's so weird. And then when I responded to her, she was like, oh no girl, I totally stan it.

And I was like, okay. Anyway, so then I actually wrote her a DM and I think I still have them where I said I was so sorry about that. You know, he's struggling with alcoholism, whatever. I sent her a message. I'm pretty sure I probably still have them, but I was so nice and she was like,

uh-uh, I'm making a YouTube video about it and you're going like da-da-da-da-da. And like, yeah, no matter how much I was like i'm making a youtube video about it and you're going like da da da da and like trisha did yeah no matter how much i like was like nice she was like uh-uh like did it and i was like okay like cool well i said my piece and you know i apologize if we hurt you in any way but ended up becoming a huge thing and i'm just like everybody just yeah it's just a thing for like i i'm not used to that like if we're gonna a situation, let's fucking come to talk to each other like grown ass women and let's move on from it. Like I literally can't stand when everybody wants to go to the fucking Internet.

No, like you don't have to fucking post every as your life that boring that you have to just take screenshots that I fucking wrote and fucking post them online of me literally explaining a situation to you. I wish you would have posted what we wrote. But yeah, of course. But anyway, I was talking about my my person. Yeah, you're that person. But yeah, yeah.

Yeah. No, I get it. Like, honestly, like, I'm just like bygones be bygones. People grow. People change. You know, like, I don't have any. Yeah. Whatever.

I think, Tricia, you know, since she had her baby and is married and actually found like real happiness in her safe space yeah i feel like i've seen a lot of growth from her she i don't know her she seems really happy yeah so that's great and i think that makes a huge difference with how people treat other people yeah if you aren't happy in your life at that moment and i think her and jason had like a really fucked up relationship i don't know the details and i don't even care to get into it but i think when you're going through that and you're just fucking hurting you're just your normal reaction is hurt people hurt people yeah and i know she struggles with her mental health i mean it was more on jason because jason and i

have known each other forever yeah like you know through comedy and like i was just kind of like really jason like really like i don't deal with this enough? You know what I mean? Like, it's just exhausting. But then I also, like, it's a growing thing for me where I have to learn I can't control it. I just got to let people do what they're going to do, you know? I can't be mad at everybody that wants to fucking, ugh, whatever. I just don't like when people pretend to be my friend and then they do that stuff.

That's hurtful. I'm just like, okay. Like, I'm fucking done guys like i don't know like what more you want to fucking do yeah it's exhausting yeah can we move on to uh tommy's bonsais oh yeah for sure oh my god he loves bonsai trees it saves his life yeah he's just so zen i mean he's probably got like 200 oh my god yeah dude he's people are like oh tommy's on cocaine like every time i see a post of him they're like oh I mean, he's probably got like 200. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. People are like, oh, Tommy's on cocaine. Like every time I see a post of him, they're like, oh, look at it. Like he's on drugs or whatever.

I'm like, no, this dude is literally sitting there fucking like Mr. Miyagi just fucking clipping his little trees. It probably helps his ADD. Do you do it with him? I know I asked you this earlier. Hell no. I am way too impatient. I mean, I do my jewelry.

Yeah. Like I'll go in my room and do my necklaces and he'll be out there doing his bonsais. Or sometimes like I'll lay out in tan while he, I do my jewelry. Yeah. Like, I'll go in my room and do my necklaces, and he'll be out there doing his bonsais. Or sometimes, like, I'll lay out and tan while he's bonsai-ing. Yeah. And I will sometimes just, like, sit with him and talk to him while he does it. But, you know, he's just, like, a different guy, you know? He's no drama.

He's just very peaceful. He just wants to do his trees. He just wants to have a happy life. He doesn't want to deal with anything. He doesn't want to deal with anyone. He just wants to be peaceful, you know? It's's just us and our dogs our little wiener dogs and we are so in love with them and we just have our happy little little safe space safe vibe happy vibe we cook dinner together every night we sit and have dinner together every night and you know

life is good man i'm so grateful like i love it i really am and and I'm so grateful for his sobriety and his commitment to his sobriety and his health level of intimacy is when you get sober together oh yeah I mean I was already not you know I was already on the I was already on that path right having him also is amazing and you know now he's gonna try to quit smoking wow I mean he's like cigarettes yeah he's been smoking cigarettes his whole life wow and he really going to try to quit smoking. Wow. Like cigarettes? Yeah. Okay, good. He's been smoking cigarettes his whole life. And he really doesn't want to anymore, you know? But it's like I think when you're in – Acupuncture.

Really? My dad got off smoking Marble Reds by getting acupuncture where they put a wire in your ear. And anytime he would get a craving, he would hit this pressure point and it would take the craving away. Stop. Yeah. Look into that maybe. Yeah, look into that for him. So that's his next thing that he really wants to try to do but you know he's like i'm not gonna you know rush it because it's like the one

thing he has that keeps him kind of yeah you know he has like that addiction personality and so he's gonna try you know and like i would love that then he's gonna like literally live forever yeah like this man is so healthy he's gonna be here forever Like it's kind of crazy Because people are like Oh his organs must be So fucked up And all this shit But we went and did

Those body scans Yeah Oh with Doc Amen No no no I did the brain scan With Doc Amen I did do that How do you feel like that was

Is it a scam You know I really like Dr. Amen I don't really know The science behind it Or what it sees But it was almost like I sat with him and i kind of told

him everything that i'd been through and then he told me what i had i think it would have been cooler if like i had the brain scan didn't tell him anything and then he told me right you know i was the opposite i was gonna do it but then i read a bunch of reviews and you know i'm not knocking it at all but i just listen i don know. I think he's a nice guy. And I think he does care about helping people. I don't know enough about the technology. Right. But I did think it was cool because it did show me my brain.

But I wasn't sure exactly. You know, he explained like, you know, these parts lit up meant trauma and that kind of thing. But I'd already told him like I had trauma. So I was kind of not sure if it was. It's kind of like a psychic when you go to a psychic and tell a psychic everything and they're like oh who's Mike and you're like I just told you about him dude I gave you his last name too you can't even remember it what the fuck yeah yeah so I mean I don't know but I do think he does really care about people and I do think that you know he tries to help people and so I always

like love that um so I don't know but then we did do a full body scan and mine is like a mess and like i have a cyst in the middle of my brain i have polycystic i pcos which is um polycystic ovarian syndrome so i have do you pcos too hayley oh guys you both do do you take metformin or nothing yeah and you neither metformin made me so sick made me so sick and so i just i just barely eat have you ever had your hormones checked oh yeah and so my so i have technically don't really show pcos on my hormones but then when they did my mri they saw it everywhere yeah so they did it my i my ovaries both are full of cysts and you know i've thought about getting a hysterectomy but then that comes with its own menopause and so i already have such

anxiety that i was like fuck and then you can get a partial and it's like kind of complicated but i have a bleeding disorder so i'm like god what if i die on the table then it'll be not worth it so i get paranoid but anyway so mine was a mess his literally was perfect like i was like nothing wrong with the liver nothing wrong i have cysts in my liver you're like you son of a bitch i'm like this motherfucker cyst in my liver cyst in my breast cyst in my ovaries i'm so sisty i have early onset spine disease which is probably from my breast where's this body scan i want to go get one done so um this is called prenuvo. Okay. So it's like $2,500 and you get a full body MRI and they tell you everything that's wrong with you.

How long do they have to, do you have to stay in there? Just one hour. And you watch Netflix. It's so close. They put Netflix. I know if you're claustrophobic. I am so claustrophobic. But it's open on both ends.

Yeah. And there's a tech in there with you and you have a little thing in your hand that if you get uncomfortable, you squeeze it. Because I'm like that too. Yeah. it pernuvo and you get a full report wow of everything like that literally from your head to your tippy toes so they found everything in me they you know the spine disease i had um i have uh the cyst in my ovaries a cyst in my breast a cyst in the middle of my brain um god i'm trying to think i had fluid in my ovaries, a cyst in my breast, a cyst in the middle of my brain. God, I'm trying to think.

I had fluid in my cul-de-sac. Do they give you any options for like healing this stuff? So I went to my doctor, who I love, Dr. Imrani, and he basically told me like, you know, well, he had me do no gluten, no dairy for like a year and all my cysts went away but but i love it too much to like dude no gluten and no dairy like bitch i was eating like i do i was i'm no sugar how do you fucking eat dude i eat the same like eat the same thing every day that's it and so we were on tour and i did it for a year and i had no cysts and I didn't feel any different though. That was the thing. I only had no cysts, but I didn't feel any better.

Right. And so I, on tour, ended up being like, fuck it. I'm just eating whatever I want again. And all the cysts are back, but I don't feel any different. Cysts are no cysts. You know, it's kind of weird. Like I still have really painful periods. I still have like really bad endo.

Like, you know, so it kind of is what it is. And, you know, my doctor's like, you don't really need to worry about it it's like benign shit like he had my breast cyst checked they're just cysts right you know my liver cysts are just cysts it's just cysts so they're not gonna do anything the only one i have to watch is like the one in my brain if it grows it can cause neurological issues like i need more of those it's like already happening right now you never know it could like do the complete fucking opposite at this point like what do we have to lose let's roll the dice right i could just fucking not i should be like are you okay no but apparently like that's the only thing i really have to look out for and then the spine

disease so i try to wear i try to my dad's always telling, he's going to yell at me, put your shoulders back. So like my boobs are so heavy. They pull my spine forward. When I had my boobs done, that was the same way. The implants were so heavy. You still have big boobs. These are my real ones.

I had my implants. And you're like a D still. Yeah. I had my implants taken out. But yeah, that's exactly i would hunch over too and i still do that now because i'm so used to having those i had those fucking kazongas for like 13 years so you got a nice rack i'm a fucking 34 triple d they're nice i'm gonna show you when we're done i can't wait they're crazy i can't wait hurt i mean and then

i thought about i do and i've thought about a breast reduction but my husband's like don't you dare you're gonna have that crazy scar and like they're so not if you go to a microsurgeon really they'll be able to do it like super super thin really I always feel like I had one girlfriend of mine who she they took the nipple off and yeah I took and then they put it back on it looks crazy yeah that's someone chewed on the nipples and sewed them back on like someone ate the pepperoni and then fucking put it back on i'm like what it's like a kid's pizza yeah i'm like what is that she had the beautiful nipples and then now they look like they fucking damn it frankensteiner back together i was like oh fuck we hate that shit dude yeah so i don't know i don't know what i'm gonna do yours look great i love you you had the explant yes I did good yeah because that causes its own issues yeah well my fucking I had one I had a

lobster claw size scar tissue because my implant folded so it was a whole thing but it was because I was having such bad anxiety like I did everything I could to clean my body out and just to try to fucking heal you know you look great I love you and you like got good energy you're good yeah you did a really good job you walked in here and i'm like i can tell and she's like i don't eat sugar i'm like how do you live like i'm over here like chugging my sugar ass like i'm like i need it or i'm gonna start shaking yeah oh i appreciate you so much that's crazy pretty i can sit here and talk to you all night long i feel bad because we did your podcast before this and i mean i could just literally sit here and just pick your brain all day long but i'm really looking forward to us

hanging out and chilling because i adore you we gotta get tommy and jay together yeah they would love each other yeah we have to get them together because i have a feeling that jay's so childlike too yeah they have the same fucking energy they just play video games together literally i'm dead we're just sitting there does tommy play yeah oh my god i we gotta link them on the game then he plays the golf like top golf jay does the what does he play a call of duty yeah so he's always doing that shit oh my god these guys but god bless them they're we're lucky to have them they're good guys definitely well they got good women too amen yeah they got good pickers yeah thank you for coming on the podcast and come back every anytime you want to check in if you have anything you want to promote or anything like that they got good pickers yeah thank you for coming on the podcast and come back every time anytime

you want to check in if you have anything you want to promote or anything like that um yeah i mean we have our podcast this is the worst with me and britney schmidt and we talk about all the worst things that have ever happened to us and anyone else you can write in and tell us your worst stories and um i do the jewelry which is just lovely jewelry on Instagram lovely with two E's yeah yeah and then I'm doing stand-up I post dates just like randomly I'm not like on tour right now but I've been doing LA so if you're in LA which I'm so proud of you for doing

that for getting back into it yeah it's therapy for sure yeah thanks for having me thank you so much thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde I'll see you guys next week bye