Dumb Blonde - Combat Barbie: Female Marine calls out the Military

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

This week, things get real when Bunnie welcomes Combat Barbie, Rianna Conner Carpenter, to thank her for her sexy service. Combat Barbie opens up about growing up on a farm, turning family trauma into her power, and what it was really like having spreads in magazines like Maxim and Playboy. She also shares what she's learned from being married 3 times, and what she's looking for in a man now.  Combat Barbie: IG  Bunnie: Website  Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Is this thing on? All right, gentlemen, coming to main stage next. This is Bunny. Get up there. She's got a tornado of titties coming your way. Get those dollar bills ready. She's got an ass that shakes like Michael J. Fox. So get up there and throw, throw, throw them dollars.

Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, my lady boner is standing at salute right now i've got one of the hottest you're a sarge right yep one of the hottest sarges sitting on the dumb blonde couch right now combat barbie aka is it rihanna or rihanna either or it's supposed to be rihanna but i'm white so i'm like rihanna listen my name is alissa so i hate people are like allison alicia and i'm white so i'm like rihanna listen my name is alyssa so i hate people are like allison alicia and i'm like no i just got to the point where i don't even correct people anymore what's up baby

how are you i'm gary i can't even talk right now i'm so nervous i'm so excited honestly um i've been trying to do this for what two dude since 2019 we've been trying to get together but you're a far you're a you're hard to tie down lady i am sorry no it's good what's been what's been going on so far like god where do we start right well let me let me look into my uh interview i wrote out in 2019 and get some notes right here um you were doing traveling back then actually and you you just made a recent move right from vegas where are you at now north carolina good old fayetteville i actually i'm allowed to cuss on you yeah of course this is my yes this is my show we encourage cussing fayette nom is where i live now but what what was what what was about uh north carolina that fucking was like i gotta move here

so um vegas god i haven't told anybody this is the first i've told anybody in the world besides you you know um i was really bad on drugs and porn and everything in Vegas you know it goes hand in hand there so I needed to get somewhere so far away from any of that you know like weed's illegal in North Carolina so I was like I need to go where I can't even get access to it in Vegas my drug dealer lived across the street from me so I was like I need to get so far away from the industry the people everyone there sucks I mean you're from there you know everyone's up out for themselves and just shitty fucking people and so i was like what's so far away so different the south and i was like okay why north carolina well i met a stupid army guy there that didn't work out that's why he's fucking stupid but i feel like

army relationships are so fleeting i feel like the dudes in the army are like hard to deal with yeah but they're fucking hot i mean yeah at least you like your own kind, though. We're going to touch base on Vegas a little bit later, but I wanted to let people get to know you a little bit. I was doing some research on you, and you did, what, seven tours or seven years? Seven years in the Marine Corps, yeah. Yeah, tell us about that. Okay, so I'm trying to get emotional. I'm very proud of everything I've done.

No, please. Join the 18th. Let it all out. Oh, God. I said don't cry until later. Um, join the 18. Let it all out. Oh God. I said, don't cry till later. Crying is good. Listen, we, this is a safe space here. We encourage all fucking emotions here. All right. Well, you're about to get them all. Um, I joined at 18. I wanted to get so far from my hometown, you know, come from nothing. Um, should I talk about my, yeah, we could talk about, let's start. Okay. Where'd you grow up? And then we'll get into that. Yeah. Cause I'm like, that's a whole thing. Okay. Let's, of thing um should i talk about my yeah we could talk about let's okay where'd you grow up and then

we'll get into that yeah because i'm like that's a whole yeah okay let's let's start from the beginning and then we'll just fucking go from there awesome thanks so i grew up in a small town it's kerman california the very middle of california so all farms and actually it's funny um the only thing i'm proud about about that area is that 70 of america's food comes from the central valley in california so it's literally just farms and that's it so one stoplight town i graduated with like 90 people um but my whole family like lives and dies on that farm and people are like oh you're from a farm and they think oh cutesy but no we were fucking broke like dirt broke the only thing we made was raisins and um you know the company's son made yeah they would buy our raisins and send us a check back but that's only like 40

000 a year and you know 10 000 of that goes into the tractors oh yeah running a farm dude it's a lot yeah we didn't realize that until I started doing these episodes on my patreon called working girl and I went I saw that I went and worked on a farm and I was like how do these bitches do this I was like hey the city girl is not made out for this no it sucks man and my whole family like five generations half of them are from Sicily italy the other half are straight from mexico so like half my family's illegal and half of them are freaking cartel people yeah she said illegal and cartel let's uh save that for later yeah gotcha but seriously so um super broke like had nothing and then my parents decided oh let's just start doing fucking drugs so they were like on meth like my entire childhood so not only like we were working our ass off in the fields my

grandpa was a hard ass um one row of raisins we had 40 acres one row would take 10 hours and every day after school i don't give a fuck you're gonna do this row pick the entire row before you go to sleep so we didn't have weekends or summer vacations it was just work work work and then i looked around i was like i don't want to be any part of this anymore. And we were broke, broke. Like, we had to choose between keeping the water on or electricity on sometimes. And so sometimes it was both of them are off and like. Isn't it crazy when, as a child, that you can be so in tune and know that, hey, everybody around me is people I don't want to be like. Exactly.

That's exactly how I was as a child. And I ended up leaving home at 14 and never went back. Damn, that's young. Yeah, I wish I i could but i tried so many times to get away but i've just come right back because there's no way nothing it's hard you don't know what to do yeah i got a boyfriend like at 15 i would spend most of my time in his house just stood away from like the yeah craziness and my parents and like but i remember um we were starving my mom refused to get on welfare because she's conservative republican doesn't want to live off the government but we're but she'll do meth yeah yeah so and i'm like dude so she want to be on welfare but we were starving so i remember uh

going to vaughn's which is like i'd ride my bike all the way to vaughn's which is freaking miles down the road which is our like kroger whatever yeah i'm from the west coast so i know all these stories yeah yeah um i actually loved bonds actually bonds was like more expensive than I'm from the West Coast, so I know all these stores. Oh, there you go, because most people are like, what the hell is Vons? Yeah. I actually love Vons. Actually, Vons was, like, more expensive than, like, Albertsons and Smiths for us. Yeah, but it was the only thing, like, closest to our house, so I was like, fucking Vons. Yeah. And I don't know if their cameras didn't work or what, but I'd be shoplifting every other day there.

I would fill my whole backpack up with, like, Pop-Tarts, Doritos for me and my sisters to eat food, and then I got arrested for that. And then, you know, it's just crazy, like, looking back at everything, and we had no clothes at all for school I'd wear the same shirt I turned inside out like and so there was like a Macy's down there and I'd ride my bike to Macy's and what I would do is I'd go in the dressing room and I would just take a bunch of things to try on and layer them and then put my jacket on and take off running and that was me and my sister's clothes for school like it was it was fucking bad so um but it you know, made me who I am. And you seem like you're close to your parents now.

How's that relationship? So they just got sober about three years ago. Thank God. Yeah. So, and you know, it's like, at first I was so mad my entire Marine Corps career. Cause I, I joined to get the fuck out of there. And then I held such a grudge, but I'm like, you know, holding a grudge does me no good. And forgiveness is, oh my God.

It's yeah. It's so there you can't put a price tag on peace yes exactly that's what i tell everybody because i mean we could all sit here and be pissed off at our parents but honestly our parents weren't raised in a generation where they were taught how to take care of their emotional trauma exactly the damage that was done to them so they inflicted it on us and i feel like the generational curses stop with us i feel like we're so strong and we have so much knowledge now that we're like fuck no we're not going to be like our

parents we're going to completely change this around so it's crazy to say that though because me and my brother were just talking about that like how everyone we know all of their parents were in that shitty yep era yeah yeah and now our generation is the one that's got our shit together because we refuse to to live like that well you can either do one of two things you can be just like them or you can be not be like them at all and i think the strong ones not saying the ones that that caved in are weak but we just want a different you know so how old were you when you enlisted in the army 18 so the army or the marines marine corps yeah that's the thing that's a pet peeve for marines we're like right yeah no i want to say the right thing because they'll come after me they can't they've come

after me online before no well let me know and i'll fucking come after them yeah that's what made you want to uh get into the marines over like any other like the army the navy and talking whatever else they have um so yeah i just graduated high school and first off i'm the only one in my fucking family to graduate high school um And not have kids at 15. Everyone has kids. Thank you. So I was like, I graduated. I'm the first to do that.

So I'm going to be the first to join the military. So I had nowhere else to go, nothing to do. But I was like, I want to get the fuck out of here. And I want to make a difference. So I rode my bike to the recruiting station. I'm always on my freaking little mountain bike. You are in shape, motherfucker. I can't even ride a bike around the block right now.

And I work out all the time. Riding a bike, as a kid, you even ride a bike around the block right now and i work out all the time riding a bike as a kid you can ride a bike and it's like nothing you get on a bike fucking after 25 and you're like how the fuck did i do this every day all day yeah like instantly winded i tried the other day i was like yeah i can't even walk to the mailbox i'm out of breath but right um yeah and then i walked up to the recruiting station and my hometown they're all in a row the army the navy marine corps and the air force and they all have glass windows you could like look in all of them and then when you're in there you can look out so i walked in and i was like i'm gonna join the air force because you know who want who doesn't want to you know it's cool and i'm a girl airplanes and shit yeah so i was sitting there in the air force recruiter's chair and he

was like having me sign right away he's like yeah let's go let's do it you gotta high gpa all this stuff whatever um and then i look past the window and i see out the window there's a marine walk by in his dress blues and i was like oh shit just like frozen there not because i thought he was hot or anything but because of like his presence yeah he's put together he's he's got his shit i'm like there's something about the marine corps uniform it gives me chills talking about it i was like i remember that day yeah And so I walked out and I was like, Oh, I'll be right back. And he's like, No, don't go because he knew. So I walked out, I chased the Marine, I walk up to him like, Hey, how do I become a Marine? And he looked at me, he's like, you want to become a Marine?

And he kind of laughed. And I was thinking the same thing he was. I'm like, Yeah, I want to become a Marine. Come on. And he's like, I don't think you can. I'm like, I want to and I walked in and he's like, OK, follow me. I walked in the office and all the posters, everything on the wall. I was like shaking, scared and intimidating me. That's why I want to join the Marine Corps, because I didn't think I could. Nobody else thought I could, but I wanted to give it a shot. So the rest of my life, I wouldn't say like, what if?

Yeah. You know, if I failed, I could join another branch. But I was like, it scares the fuck out of me. And that's why I want to do it. So, yeah, if your dreams don't scare you you're not dreaming big enough exactly yeah exactly so and then i um i didn't care what i did i had nothing i knew nothing about the marine corps the ranks and nothing um but i was like sign me up and he's like what do you want i was like well i don't want to be fighting and killing people but i want to be helping the ones that do so

i want a desk job and he's like okay easy enough so he made me a supply chief so uh bullets beans band-aids boots that was that was my so your first like okay tell me when did you take off like how are you feeling I took off a week later than that like a week so they just like were like bitch you're gone and I had nothing I had nothing in my name nothing to lose nothing I was like let's just do it like I've only only something to gain so um what did your family say whenever you went home and were like, I'm going to the Marines? My mom cried. And my dad, my stepdad, laughed at me. And he was really abusive at the time.

You know, meth makes people. Yeah, of course. Was he always abusive to you growing up? Always. And he was my stepdad since I was seven. And he was. Physical? Oh, yeah.

Not sexual, thank God. But every other way you can imagine. I mean, abuse is abuse you don't minimize it emotional abuse is is worse than physical abuse i feel and i've had both so yeah it's really hard to get over that he would just um so i'm half mexican and he was he's full white so he would you know be like get in the kitchen and do the dishes you spick and like you've been there and then he was when i'm doing the dishes he would stand next to me and be like don't you hate that your eyes are brown the whole world has brown eyes you're not special and would stand next to me and be like, don't you hate that your eyes are brown?

The whole world has brown eyes. You're not special. And I want to cry right now. He's like, don't you hate that your hair is black? My real hair color is black. Me too. That's probably. I'm Brazilian.

I'm Brazilian and white trash. So yeah, I get it. Yeah. And he, but he would whisper that in my ear. Like, don't you hate your, your hair's black. You're not fucking special. You're not pretty. Does your mom know that?

She just let him, because if she said anything like leave him alone, he'd start beating her ass. So he would, she would just let him and you know, anything like, leave him alone, he'd start beating her ass. So she would just let him. And, you know, drugs and shit. Yeah, so I was mad at her my whole life for that. Like, how could you let a man do that to your children? I had an abusive stepmom, so I get it. I left home because of the abuse.

Wow. Yeah, it's different whenever, especially, can't talk, when you're a child, you want to be able to love and trust your parents. And you want their approval so bad. Oh, yeah. Even if they're not, if they're a parental figure, they don't even have to be blood, you know? Yeah. So to have a step-parent that doesn't even, that isn't even related to you tell you these things about yourself has got to be just so heartbreaking.

Yeah, I never got told. That's why I love Marilyn Rope. Everyone thinks it's so cliche, but she said, I was never told I was pretty growing up. And every child should be told they're pretty. Yeah. So, like, I kind of, it made me into this I am now, you know, and the approval of the world because of I never got it from. It's crazy.

As an adult, everything we look for, all our actions are based off of what we didn't get as a kid. As a child, yeah. Yeah. I never got that good job or, like, you're pretty or you're worth something. I'm going to cry right now. Sorry. No, it's okay.

It's okay to cry. They say that when you cry, dude, it's just a release. And it's like, I don't know. I fucking wish I could cry more. I went the opposite way. I'm like a fucking cold, stone cold killer. And fucking when I can cry, it's like fucking Niagara Falls, dude. And it's like ugly cry.

Like Kim K ugly cry. I'm trying to fuck my makeup up. If you weren't so far away and we didn't have these microphones in front of you, I would stand up and hug you. Oh, thank you. I hate that for you. I totally, you know, it's when you meet kindred spirits, you can just see their inner child, you know, and that's why you are the way you are, though. That's why you're so very positive and upbeat and stuff like that, because as a child you were tore down so much. Oh, yeah.

But I think it's beautiful that you've turned that around and you didn't become a victim. upbeat and stuff like that because as a child you were tore down so much oh yeah but i think it's beautiful that you've turned that around and you didn't become a victim yeah that's why i don't let's when i told myself before i walked in here i'm like don't talk about the sad but you know it's part of my story it made me strong but i also my whole life i'm like it's made me i don't know if i have like a not a god complex because i don't think i'm a narcissist but like um an alpha chip on my shoulder because i have i had to be strong so i'm like i don't want to be weak i don't know if I have like a, not a God complex. Cause I don't think I'm a narcissist, but like, um, an alpha chip on my shoulder because I have, I had to be strong. So I'm like,

I don't want to be weak. I don't want to be the victim. But sometimes, you know, it gets me into situations where I'm like, it's pushed people away that I've loved. I've been married three fucking times in military dudes, but I was like,

we'll get into that too. I've been married three times too. But yeah, it's because we're looking for love. Yeah. And all the wrong places, you you know it's just like you said as a child so let's get back on track to you telling your mom that you're leaving for the marines she cried my dad didn't believe in you no he said where's your real dad oh um we don't know

so i do okay so he's straight from mexico michigan mexico which is like cartel center you know yeah um so he's in and out of my life the whole time my mom got with him she told me i wanted to be with the bad boy so she's like i love him and i asked my dad he'll call me every now and then i'll ask him like you know if you talk to mom he's like you know every now and then i'll always love her but we can't be together my mom tells me the same thing i'll always love him but we can't be together yeah so he's still out there doing his thing but uh yeah i can't really say much about that but he loves me he called me when i got the cover of playboy and he's like baby is it true what your mom said and i was like yeah and he's like and you weren't even

naked and i wasn't naked on purpose because i just got them required stickers on my nipples yeah but props to the girls that are yeah do um and he's like you know what i'm fucking proud of you and my real dad i'm like okay okay your dad's proud that you're in playboy okay that's all that we searched for so you left a week later yes well um i wanted to say i know i'm bouncing around i talk a lot no you're good my stepdad laughed and then he spit a loogie went and spit it right in my face he's always does that and he said see you in a week when you fail bitch so the whole time i was wrong with that guy that gave me goosebumps he's just a piece of shit he doesn't he doesn't want women he wants power he

wants every you know and i have two sisters so it's like us four girls that's three girls my mom he just would like to tear down and make himself feel like something like yeah but yeah and i was like okay and i wiped it off and i just i never showed reaction i know i learned don't show reaction i'm a fucker the minute you do do. Oh, yeah. They own you. React and they own you. Yeah. He would like smile. And so I didn't show him anything.

I'm like, all right. Just walked away and grabbed my bag and never looked back. And yeah, didn't go back home for years. I think it was like four or five years. I was like, no, I'm not going to go home. OK, so what was that like? What did you do? You got on a bus.

Yeah. Well, walk us through. I rode my bike again with my backpack to the recruiting station. And I walked in there and he's like you're early i'm like yeah i need to go i need to go now and he's like all right i'll drive you to sacramento which is like the meps what does it even stand for military examination process system i don't know but it's where they get you ready to be shipped off so he drove me to sacramento for my hometown which was like two and a half hours um and a nice cadillac too in his uniform and he's like and he he was so he was so awesome he told me he's like you can have a Cadillac one day you can you can be me you can do this like don't let anybody tell you otherwise and I was

like okay thank you and he's like you can fucking do it like he just kept giving me pep talks we get there you needed that too and that time oh yeah I had nobody it like to tell me you know so I was like yeah the Marines did that for me and I was like to tell me you know so i was like yeah the marines did that for me and i was like wow okay like you actually so i get there and they make you strip down butt naked and do the craziest tests and meps like what is it what do you gotta do they make you do the duck walk naked like why like you know what i'm saying in front of dudes or just all girls it's all girls in one section and dudes in the other room but i'm like what are we doing like the weirdest shit like and they make you describe every scar.

And like in high school, I used to have, well, obviously I was really depressed. So I used to try to, you know, find outlets. I used to burn stuff onto me. Like I burned safety pins on my stomach to be like cool. I don't know. I just did stuff to like to feel something. That's where all the emo music comes in. Yes, I was a rocker.

I was never. I'm always a rocker too. I never into the the self-infliction because i'm too vain but i fucking love me some emo music yeah that's my shit yeah that's why i always notice your music is the same taste as mine i know i'm like we're so similar yeah yeah and then i burned this one on my hand i tried to burn a peace sign in my hand so the marine corps was like uh what what's that and she was like writing it down i was like oh i burned my hand on a carburetor i don't know i just said that because you can't you can't say that you used to hurt yourself and stuff like that it's crazy is that as the marines pretty tough against like strictest like the strictest is that a word strict most strict the most strict yeah strictest i think strictest is a word though

isn't it i've always said that we don't we don't have but we're not the grammar nazis here so don't worry about it okay because i'm like a dumb blonde podcast i'm like you're fine we know you're not a dumb blonde and everybody on here knows i'm not a dumb blonde so we're good okay yeah what was i saying uh that you told him that you burnt this on a carburetor yeah and then like okay good oh um you can't have ever said that you broke a bone you can't ever have done one drug or drank alcohol not even once i don't know why like and he's the recruiter was like do people like that really exist i don't know but we gotta you gotta lie to them they put you at a table under a light like interrogation like have you ever broke a bone and i was like no have you ever did drugs have you ever smoked weed have you ever drank alcohol i was like no if you're gonna rest it no um even though all that was wrong but i was like they can't look back

that far in my records and that's what the recruiter was like they can't look back so just tell them no um and did you ever have a drug habit as a child no and i just just because you saw how your parents oh yeah i promised myself i remember um hiding in a closet one time my parents were beating each other's asses and breaking everything in the house they were just high i hid my sisters in the closet with me and i like covered their eyes and i was like promise me you guys will never do drugs like promise me and we would we just cried and hugged each other and they promised me and i'll never forget that but then you know life gets crazy and trauma happens yeah so but um no never did drugs but always fucking i would like chug nyquil i would fucking um i love a good night full sleep

my friend had like norcos she stole from her mom we like crush him up and snort him and shit so yeah has anybody ever tried to snort a fucking laura tab do you know how much powder that is i've tried it before too my thing was xanax and fucking laura tab so i get it i tried to snort everything you could think of i used to snort xanaxx too, but snort, snorting a fucking blue Laura tab. So much powder. Like you can't fucking snort at all. Narcos were a little bit smaller, but the blue ones,

the hydrocodones were fucking brutal. Been through some shit, but that was the only like drug I had touched as a kid, I guess. And then I'd obviously smoked cigarettes. Anytime I could fucking find one. But, um,

yeah, so I lied to the recruiter about, or the meps people about that so they're listening now well there's nothing they can do about it now yeah i mean i'm sure they know everybody's lying yeah they have to know that yeah yeah but they just want to see like how how bad you want to be there and what year was this um 2011 okay yeah so and then i passed a little test somehow some way and then um they're like all right we're putting you on a bus taking you to paris or put you on a bus taking you to the airport and then flying you to paris that was

the first time i've ever been on an airplane paris island yeah south carolina oh okay it's actually a little island i didn't believe it was true i was like there's no way there's a fucking island just for marines there it's literally just its own little island there on the border of south carolina yeah um and at the time now it's like they're integrated so at the time everybody lives on the West Coast. All dudes go to MCRD San Diego for their training. And all females, no matter where you live, have to go to Parris Island. But now it's finally like if you live in the West, you go to the –

so it's finally integrated now after all these years. But, yeah, so first time on an airplane, I was fucking nervous. No one in my family has ever been on an airplane. I was like, well, if I die now, at least I got out of my hometown. Right. So, yeah, I get there fucking just fucking three months as long as boot camp too out of all the um what was boot camp like brutal you know how evil bitch i should say bitches women can be right yeah imagine when so is it all women there's no dudes there yeah oh my god is everybody horny banging each other no because they give you okay it's that's what i mean that three months without dick i'd be like fuck this

no it's like it's i mean i'm married now so i'm used to it but it's nuts and it's funny because they say too that they put stuff in the food there to make you not horny and make you like they put all kinds of like shit in your food to make you um see that you never poop you're always constipated i think i poop like once a week i know that's no that's i i fucking yeah that's crazy that they make you stop your period birth control inside of your food too like how is that legal it's the government they own you you're part of government property once you sign those papers so i never knew that they do that to you guys that is all kinds of stuff to make you is everybody going crazy there no so the stuff i

don't know what's in it but it makes you very um controllable yeah you're just a zombie kind of like i'm just i don't know what the fuck they don't tell you what it is no but then too when you first get there you all stand in a line and there's people i would say at least um well it has to be even numbers so 10 people like two on each side you walk through and you just step forward one step get shots in two arms step forward get shots in two arms do they tell you what the shots are no and you're not allowed to ask oh my god my anxiety could never yeah i have panic attacks and shit there's no way did it make you feel weird or anything oh yeah one of them was called the peanut butter shot so they say because it was so thick and they shot in your ass you had to sit

on the floor and roll around on your ass so all of us like they make you do it for 30 minutes otherwise it'll make a big old mass on your ass oh who knows like there was one they shot right in your belly button because a lot of marines were going to japan at the time and you know they have sars disease sars disease is that like covid sars sars i guess it like it attacks your intestines and just makes you shit yourself till you die it's like oh my god asian countries yeah so a lot of marines are going to japan so they're like just in case you go to uh japan they shoot it right in your belly button into your intestines and i'm like dude what like so if if there's a stars epidemic here i guess i'm good i don't know oh my god you poor baby so all right so three months in fucking boot camp what was your first day like so what they do at first to see if you really want

to stay there they try to break you so you have no sleep and no food for three days oh my god and they that's you're at this point you're delirious you're seeing things you're like what and you're just beating down and they're running how do they keep you up because they want to see who who wants to stay or not so they um just statistic like how do they keep you up just screaming just constantly and then come and shaking you they're allowed to touch you, shake you, scream in your face. Like, you're a fucking disgusting bitch. Like, the craziest, the worst things you could ever, like, people, they would look at me because I was the skinniest one there.

And they're like, and I had blonde streaks still left in my hair and stuff. And they made me dye it black while I was in there. They're like, no. And they threw a box of hair dye. Dye your fucking hair. And I'm like, okay. But they would look at me and they're like, all of them would gang up me, all three drone searchers. They're like, you're the tiniest bitch here you think you're gonna fail

we think you're gonna fail everyone thinks you're gonna fail your family back home things you're gonna fail you're gonna fucking fail and they would tell you this shit every day in your face like spitting on you and i'm like i would just be like in my head fuck you i'm gonna make it i'm gonna make it i'm gonna make it so after three days of no sleep and food um they have everybody we sit at a table we all put our heads down at this big table and they say uh who wants to leave raise your hand no one will judge you so everyone so we don't know who's raising their hand and like 70 of the people left so they did a statistic or a study so they do let you leave after the third day but then you're other than honorable discharge technically but you're allowed to walk out and they're like all right we're going to tell you

this at the beginning and right at the end and see who and it's crazy one out of every i think it's 40 000 people that actually go through that make it to become a marine so that's why it's the few the proud you know the right but i had nothing to lose and i was like i'm not going back to that hellhole that i'm from so i'm gonna push through no matter what like i no matter what and i've been through some shit before like my stepdaddy used to fucking pull us out of bed at 3 a.m. when he was drunk and start kicking, beating us. And so I'm like, whatever,

if I could do that, I could do bootcamp. Like at least you're on your own. That's how you felt. Yep. Yep. So yeah, I looked up.

Well, after we're done, a bunch of people left the room and there was only 20 of us left. We're like, uh, is this right? Like they would then merge platoons. They had three platoons at once.

Then we made a platoon of 60. It's all the people left over after everyone decided to leave. So there's 60 of us. And at the end there was 40 of us. So it's like, it's, it's, you know, it's crazy, but, um, three months to hell. So, so you stayed in there for seven years. Does it get easier? Oh, so this is the thing.

Once you're in that title, you're not treated, you're not cussed at. They can't cuss at you or spit on you or treat you like shit tell you what to i guess treat you like shit but you're you're an adult you're a marine at that point once you get the title um but it's different right before we graduated my journal search i'll never forget they sat us down and at this point we're marine so they're talking to us like humans and it's we started crying because we're like they're actually talking to us like we're we are fucking i want to cry for you guys god that's fucking emotional yeah but they're female marines and she's like uh they would tell us only five percent of the marine corps at the time only five percent of the marine corps is female marines and no matter what you do and this

was the day before we graduated no matter what you do so we get our ega like a week before we graduate so we're marines for a week with them but she said no matter what you do you can be the fastest runner you do the most pull-ups you could be the best at your job you're looked at as one of three things you're either a slut or you're a fucking bitch or you're a dyke so pick one because no matter what you do the mills are going to label you as one so fucking pick one now right and obviously i'm not a dyke well i'm into girls now but i don't look like you know and i'm not a bitch so i was like they're gonna think i'm a slut because i'm pretty ish you know at the time like and that was my whole entire career it was I'd walk in the room good morning sergeant sugar tits and I and it's the guys so you have to laugh it off like huh fuck you the

minute you act like you're upset they're like this is why girls shouldn't be in the Marine Corps you're fucking crybabies you're weak so you have to always my drone sergeant taught me that like no matter what you do never show weakness because you have to work twice as hard to be looked at as twice as less and i was the fastest runner in my battalion i got i did 20 pull-ups that's that's 100 points for males i used to be on my shit um i was the highest shooter my entire regiment and they would still be like whose dick do you suck to get that award it didn't matter what i did that was my entire marine corps career so uh when did combat barbie come oh god to play right away really okay so that's did you dub yourself that or did other people dub you I took it ran with it

because um so I don't want to give this website any fucking recognition because fuck them they talk so much shit about service members especially females but I joined and I um it was when I first got to my unit and I got the highest shoot in my entire regiment the shooting badge and i was fucking proud i took a picture next to it and i had um we're allowed to have french tip and earn that thank you my nails are at you right now but i took a picture next to it and i had you know streaks and french tip and i posted on my facebook but it was public and i didn't know that people were gonna take it and fucking slamming me all over the internet this website took it and they're like yeah let me guess she banged every dude to get this award there's no way a female can shoot like this.

They spread it all over the internet like wildfire. I remember I went from like, and I had an Instagram at the time. I had 300 followers and went to like 9,000 the next day. And I was like, what's happening? I didn't, I couldn't. Isn't it crazy how the internet just craves chaos? Yeah. Like you could do, so you could really be like, you were the best shooter and that gets

overlooked because somebody was talking shit you know like people just thrive on fucking other people's drama yeah and i was 18 years old at the time like i i didn't i didn't want to take it i've never been like online or like bullied online i've been bullied in person but i was like what the fuck and i i'm like i can't like confront this person they're online oh i know i trust me i deal with it every fucking day yeah i mean i'm sure you do oh yeah there's nothing anyone could say that I haven't heard before. And when it's. Try marrying a 500 pound dude. Literally all day long.

I get told you're with him for his money. You're a gold digger. You're this. You're that. And that's why I started this podcast. Because I wanted to have a voice to where I could tell people my story and girls like you that could come on

where people just go and see your profile. And I think, oh, she's a pretty girl. She probably fucked her way to the top. No, they get to hear your backstory you know that's exactly why i started this it's empowering i love that i remember um it was actually like a year or two ago i watched like all your early episodes and i could literally sit there for hours and watch them and i'm like and on your youtube and everything i'm like thank you yeah it was awesome um so this website took your

picture oh yeah you went everywhere and like who the fuck so you started going viral from it yep all over the internet all over facebook instagram twitter facebook is the worst yeah i feel like they're worse than tiktok yeah people on facebook are just they wake up mad fuck at the world i feel like it's all older like older generation too on there too so they don't understand anything yeah for sure sorry my nose is running it's snowing outside i did not do cocaine just for the record. No, you're good. I keep going like this and I'm like. Oh no, my nose is literally dripping over here too.

I just haven't wiped it. Like I have post nasal drip so bad from this fucking weather. Look at me. I didn't even get dressed today because I'm just like, what's the point of trying to look cute in snow? You look cute though. I appreciate you. So yeah, just for the record, I'm not on drugs.

I've been sober since I moved to Carolina. Oh yeah, we're going to get there. You just have such a beautiful story that i just want to paint every thing that you've been through so that people when you get to the end people can be like wow you know i appreciate that and i bounce around a lot i think i have adhd i'm not sure yet they haven't you're fine i do too so i'm not worried about it and believe it or not it all comes together in podcasts like it really does like when you when you listen back you're gonna be like holy shit i really told my whole fucking story um so after you went viral on uh all these platforms did that's when they started calling you combat barbie yeah they're like who the fuck she is i

think the first one was battlefield barbie and i was like you know i should have ran with that and then someone said oh yeah i'd like to have her save me in combat this little bitch well combat barbie and i fucking hated it yeah i hated it and it went that went viral and i was like what the fuck and i was 18 and i was trying to get respect from the marines trying my working my ass off to be one of the dudes and show them that i'm worth something i remember walking into the chow hall and uh everyone's like look it's combat barbie and everyone's pointing laughing i got so embarrassed i broke out in hives and i was like i went to the hospital and then my commander is like yeah we saw this stuff online just stay in pointing laughing i got so embarrassed i broke out in hives and i was like oh from the stress

i went to the hospital and then my commander is like yeah we saw this stuff online just stay in your barracks room for a few days like let's just let it cool off and i'm like what i need to go to work like just stay in your room so i was like okay while i was in my room i deactivated all my social media i was like no they need to respect me i'm a marine i'm not a laughingstock i'm not a whore i'm not a slut i'm not all these things they're calling me at the time i only slept with one fucking guy in my high school love i'm like i'm not a fucking stock I'm not a whore I'm not a slut I'm not all these things they're calling me at the time I only slept with one fucking guy in my high school love I'm like I'm not a fucking they kept calling me walking mattress because I'm pretty out I was like you know I only slept with one guy fuck these motherfuckers so I deactivated everything and then I was laying there on the

second day I think it was like maybe the third day in the morning I woke up and I was like no no I'm gonna be strong and I'm gonna accept my story and who I am and I'm not gonna let them hide I like I like to post things I'm like I'm not gonna let them story and who I am and I'm not going to let them hide. I like to post things. I'm like, I'm not going to let them fucking do this to me. So I was like, I am the Combat Barbie. Fuck you guys. So I reacted to all this shit and I changed my name to Combat Barbie. I was like, how can you make fun of me if I fucking like it?

Yeah. And then they were pissed. You take away people's power. Yeah. That's why I named the podcast Dumb Blonde. I love that. Because people look at us like we're dumb blondes and really it's just tongue in cheek.

It's like, no, motherfucker. There's so much more to me. But you want to call me that cool i'll own it yeah that makes you feel better warm and fuzzy inside okay so yeah i fucking owned it and i just went with that and they were pissed it went viral again and i was like fuck it i like it and from then i was like i fucking like i am the kind of very i am who i am fuck you i am girly and i'm a marine yeah and i and you're just a badass thank you yeah but I just you know and then a lot of magazines and websites and stuff at the time I was never in a magazine until a few years ago but a lot of websites were like check out the combat Barbie and you know it with every good article comes a lot of hate and I was just like fuck it I don't care that's who I am

so so were you modeling too while you were in the art not the army I'm so sorry while you were in the marines no it was not allowed I remember one time I first got my boobies done the first time I saved my deployment money and I took leave so the marines wouldn't know because I don't want them to like talk shit about me oh she got her boobs done you know right the guys so I took my 30 days paid vacation a year took the 30 days off spent my deployment money from Afghanistan to get my boobies done and I had nothing because I'm skinny I literally had just nipples like a negative a cup no so I got like my rack looks bodacious now baby thank you i'm about to get them done again i want a bigger no i love them yeah two boob jobs later but um

yeah i got like a tiny little a just so i had something there and i took a picture with a little bikini on the beach and i posted to my instagram and the marines called me to their office my sergeant major who the fuck do you think you are you cannot be posting a picture in a bikini and i'm like i am a female so outdated yeah it's the good old boys club yeah that's what i wrote a poem about that actually write poetry um the good old boys club and i'm not i didn't say the marine corps in it directly but everyone knows like it's like the culture is like the 70s in there like i would literally like bend down for something they come up smack my ass like morning toots like and everybody would laugh it's like the culture is like an old it's just like everything the world is evolving but but the military stays the same

i don't understand that why why are they not held to a different standard they're all boys like i would go to my sergeant major's office i was like hey we were just running right now and i'm after my boob job i was like running with the marines i was in the front some marine reached over shook my titty i heard they were fake while we're running i'm like fucking stop well i go tell my sergeant major hey my titty just got grabbed i appreciate it like i'm not grabbing dudes dicks i'm not like what if it was your daughter or your wife he's like i understand um we're just gonna sleep this on the rug because it's gonna make us look bad it's gonna make the marine corps look bad so i'm just gonna move you sections from him for a little bit so you guys can cool off and i'm like that's how i feel like that's there's so much

swept under the rug oh yeah military because they want the the military to look good to the american public you know but it's but we all know the shit that goes on now you know like the there shit's been blown off the roof many a times and there's a lot of uh domestic violence domestic violence and domestic abuse yeah in there you said you got married three times was that while you were on yeah you're a woman after my own heart so what is dating first of all what is dating like in the military um it's like non-existent because when you meet someone you think they're hot and you want to bang or whatever um you're so desperate to get out of the barracks and the barracks you're in like it's a little jail cell basically it's this tiny it's tinier than half of this room

this room's pretty big but it's a it's brick walls actually too it's just cold you have like one little cot and it's uncomfortable and you know the water in every barracks room is like brown it's just shitty and you're just it's just horrible there's cockroaches i think there's flying cockroaches and we call it the crack house the barracks at camp penulton yeah we live in the crack house ceilings leaking so when you get married though they pay you like freaking two thousand if you're like a private or lance cripple but a lot more to be married and so and then you get a house and on base housing and all this stuff and um so it's such a rush to get married so if you see someone you like and they're hot you're like let's both get out of here let's break free for the barracks you get married gotcha they call it a contract marriage it's like you're not in love

but you're doing it so you guys can get more money and have a better life so it's it's pretty sad because you know soldiers don't get paid shit like i was getting paid 500 every two weeks for my first like two years in the marine corps it was it was bad wow yeah but at least I was able to have a free little barracks room but it wasn't so when um so you got so you ended up getting married and getting out of the barracks or whatever and how how was that did it work out obviously it didn't but like did it work out for did it work out for a while or did was it just like one of those things that happened and then it was over so my first marriage I don't regret the rest the other two I'm like yeah it was pretty shitty stupid idea but the first one i don't was to my high school sweetheart so we got married was he in the marines also so he joined

and he yeah but he got hurt he like hurt his back so he was like discharged medically so i was like you know what we he's the only guy i ever slept with at the time and i was like and he's from your hometown our mamas were friends. My brother's his best friend. Yeah. Yeah, we got married, but then, you know, he was a stay-at-home husband, I guess, because he got hurt. But that was his dream to become a Marine, and I kind of, like, went with it, too.

But I know dudes are all about their ego, but it started to get to the point where I'd come home with awards and stuff, and he'd be like, well, how did you get that? Why did you get that? So everything that I was getting told online, he was starting to tell me in person. And he's like, I came home with my green belt in Marine Corps martial arts. And I had to get my ass beat. Like, you got to get your ass beat to get a martial arts belt.

Like, I'm just getting beat up for weeks. Bloody, I broke my nose like three times. Like, just scabs, sores everywhere. And I came home and I was like, I finally got my green belt. Like, finally. And he's like, who'd you sleep with to get that it's so he started saying that shit to me and i'm like yeah it's like you have to you have to go out in the world and fight dragons you don't have to fight them when you get home yep everybody online everybody at work and

now my own husband so i was like yeah and then one day i was like i'm getting promoted to corporal which is a big deal in marine courts nco yeah that was my next question like when did you start moving up the ranks yeah well pretty fat because my my score is not I wouldn't say super fast but but faster than normal I guess because it was my dream to be the first female sergeant major there's still to this day never been a female sergeant major and I was like if we're gonna change this shit show yeah you're gonna do it from the top down like you got to be in charge because nobody gives a fuck you have to be in charge so I was like I'm gonna be the first female sergeant major. I have chills talking about it because,

because you're proud. I wanted that. I still do. But, um, something happened to me at the end of my tour. I don't want to really get into that, but,

uh, I mean, you can play this part, but, um, what can you tell what happened? Um, it was,

I did not just take a deep breath. Yeah. Something really bad happened to me, um, by someone that was in charge of me. I hear about this all the time. Yeah. Like, I've read so much stuff about this where it's people that are in higher rankings that are praying. The top dog.

So nobody, you know. Yeah. And there's nothing anybody can do about it because they're so high up, you know. But I'd be damned. And I try to tell everybody and then I finally wrote. What happened? I don't want to. Okay.

Yeah, I don't want to be a victim. But you know what? It made me who I am. It's not about you being a victim. It's about telling the story so that people who are going through it know that there's so much more life. That's what I want because I was in a severely abusive relationship. I never drop his name, but I always tell my story because it helps so many other women, you know?

Not that I'm forcing you to talk about it, but whenever you are ready, you should definitely talk about it because you're going to, not only are you going to heal yourself, you're going to help heal other women who are going through it too. Yeah. So you guys, you went through like a really hard time and something happened something out of my control but you know to this day i'm like i'm not even mad about it because it made me strong and i'll be fucking damned if that ever happens to me again

or if i ever let anyone brush it off as if it's nothing so i the command wasn't doing anything so i wrote the fucking commandant of the marine corps the common out of the marine corps and that's the highest in the marine corps and he was like okay and i you know um showed him all the evidence that i had got and everything and he's like all right uh he flew down from quantico virginia to paris island south carolina and he was like you can stay in and finish your contract you have a year left because every every enlistment's four years so i'm supposed to do eight because i did four signed up for another four that's why i got out at seven he's like or you can get out tomorrow and you'll get benefits the rest of your life. I said, get me the fuck out.

You cannot. Nothing will ever make me. I mean, you held seven years is a long fucking time to be in the fucking military. So it's not like you just fucking quit day two. You earned your stripes. I wanted to be a female sergeant major. It's sad, but you know what? It's not my battle to fight.

I feel like I don't want to discourage people. No, you're not. Because everyone's like, you should have stayed and fought. Be the change you wish to see. But I'm like, it's so hard when you're one against literally an entire army. It's so hard. There's got to be some change, but there needs to be a lot of people to rise up and change the culture and stand together because, um, it's, it's hard for one person to carry all that weight. The day I got out, the weight was lifted. I'm like, it's not

my battle to fight. I always say we're powerful in numbers because we really are. Yeah. So you got out of, um, the military. What happens next? Like, how did you feel the first night that you were like home did you go back to california no i went to my third husband so i got married a few times it's all right i've been we've all been there but dude i'm like my mom was like dude you have trophies on your walls you married a dude from every branch the marines the army and the air force i'm just looking for navy so if you hear this okay yeah navy is sliding the dm you're a sailor and uh i heard navies that they are fucking dirty boys out there because they're you know they're on boats so they have to hire all the hookers from when they dock and shit like

that yeah that's true every port they go they all get diseases and spend all their money that's what i've heard well it sounds like a fun time nothing scares her getting those dms boys thank god um as long as it's curable yeah for sure yeah don't give us any lifelong fucking diseases please god i've been 29 years i'm good but yeah yeah so my air force husband he was actually stationed in north dakota which by the way i was getting ptsd today because i was like i don't mind me in north dakota it's just snow everywhere oh no because everything was snowed in everything was shut down oh i hate it it's fucking bad like i feel so claustrophobic and trapped in snow you know like you're crazy yeah and i can't get any delivery last night okay you poor thing i ate a

fucking racy species she literally flew in the middle of a snowstorm like i tried to hit her the night before and tell her like hey they might cancel your we are still baffled that your fucking plane did not get canceled like we're like how in the fuck did they fly her through that you know like that's kind of scary yeah yeah they didn't give a shit so you went home to your air force husband north dakota yeah yeah that lasts all of seven months i think god damn that was bad because it's we had a long distance relationship or marriage I should say yeah fly to each other and it was like the honeymoon stage and then yeah you know you never really know someone so you live with them oh yeah for sure every day too that's like yeah that's really getting to know somebody yeah when did you start modeling how did that come about so after that marriage blew up in my face I'm like well here

we go again I'm like what do I do now because i literally got out of the marine corps i was living off of him i started going to college there by the way um first thing i'm gonna go to college i gotta i just want to say it because i'm proud i got a uh scholarship at the university of dakota based on my gpa so i want to say that because people are like oh she's fucking stupid i'm like no i got a scholarship you're like no motherfucker i am not a dumb blonde yes so um I went to school there a little bit. Still broke, though. Had no money. But I was like, at least I'm out of the fucking military. That blew up.

And then I'm like, I'm just going to drop out of college. I'll pick back up on it later, whatever, online or something. And I called my mom. And I was like, well, mom, another divorce. And I have no plan. And she's like, come home, baby. It's time to come home. Like, after all these years in the Marine Corps, come the fuck home.

And I'm like, OK. But I obviously couldn't live with her because she's still with my you know abusive stepdad and right so I was like well who do I live with and she's like your brother you know he has a nice house my brother did well for himself because like he said this generation we have we have to get our shit together because we don't have parents we can lean on or so it's just us so he's like sis I'm coming to get you I'm like what he flew all the way that was his first time on an airplane too flew to North Dakota picked me up and he's like and I'll beat that motherfucker's ass if he says a word to me I'm like thanks brother he helped me pack my shit and we um I had two jeeps at the time a Jeep Wrangler and a Jeep Grand Cherokee and then um because I have a thing I'm like I

have to keep cars forever because I didn't have shit growing up I don't know I'm like that too I hoard everything yeah I'm like I have clothes from high school me too yeah like i'm so weird about shit like i don't know what like memories i'm like it's a broken down ass but i'm like i gotta keep it it's my first car i have to um so we took the two jeeps somehow made it across country and the worst blizzard in like 35 years it was seems to be your thing traveling in snow i know okay it's weird every time I travel somewhere the way it's like rains or snows I'm like am I a bad no no no not at all okay I don't know but so then I live in my brother's house but he has four kids well three kids I should say sorry not four they're trying to have four but um he I call it a little closet because it was so small it was

like a little tiny his office was a side room and i remember twin size bed in there and like this much like a few inches of room to walk around it and that's it and i literally lived in my brother's closet i had 40 dollars my bank account i they were about to repossess my jeep wrangler i kept getting notices i had no fucking money and no plan and i would sit there and stare at the ceiling and just be like this is my life three divorces later a failed marine corps career because i i mean it wasn't my fault but it wasn't failed though it wasn't failed look how much you got from that you know all the lessons all the fucking hardship all the fucking you know you left there with a fucking title you know so it definitely wasn't failed thank you but that's how you know I don't know when you have that pity

party and you're just that's how I felt like fuck I can't do anything right three divorces got out of the Marine Corps early that's life baby that's life like you're gonna have to go you're gonna have to go through it to get to it you know like you were you were put through those lessons so that you could tell people your story and look dude you reach people millions of people every no you're good you reach millions of people every day on your platform dude and you spread so much light and positivity even if you're hurting inside I already know because I'm the same type of person even if you're hurting inside you're still touching people you know and that's what you're here for so don't ever feel like it was failed it's just a chapter in your book baby

there's a lot of shitty chapters but thank you it's all good girl we fucking have all been through some shit let me tell you I you know there's a lady that um that just reached out to me about publishing my book i'm gonna talk to her about you please you have a really good story thank you and i think a lot of people need to hear it well this is the first time i'm telling anybody about my childhood you know that right no i didn't know that yeah i was like well who better to do it within you i love you i respect you and i'm like i'm gonna tell you what my childhood and the shit that went on with me in the marine corps um i got interviewed by inside edition when i first got out when i first started I love you. I respect you. I appreciate that. I'm going to tell you what my childhood and the shit that went on with me in the Marine Corps. I got interviewed by Inside Edition when I first got out.

Well, when I first started modeling, I guess a little bit after my brother's house, but I'll get into that. Yeah. They asked me the hard question about the Marine Corps and I broke down crying and it's on national television. They cut it and then they're like, we're not, we're not, we can't. And I was like, thank you. Cause I don't, I'm not ready for the world. I've never told anybody about what happened to me.

I'm not ready to say exact details. Yeah. You can put so many together. I mean,, thank you. Cause I don't, I'm not ready for the world. I've never told anybody about what happened to me. I'm not ready to say exact details. Um, but you can put it together. I mean, yeah. Yeah. So you just have a really cool story and you know, of triumph and you're still living it, you know, like you're still going through it, which we're going to, you know, get to the present, but we had to talk about the past to get to the, to the present. Um, my thing is, is they let let you you guys serve and literally dedicate your lives so much to the military and then they just put you out on your ass yeah they don't give you any resources or you know you don't get like a monthly check or something definitely not and it sucks because right now i'm trying to get to the va because i think i have adhd um i scheduled

an appointment in september and they said the closest appointment is in february i'm like this is why vets kill themselves not saying i want to to kill myself, but I can't get help at all. And I had to jump through hoops, like 10 different phone calls just to be told my appointment's not until February. I called the VA hotline, the crisis line, the every kind of veterans group. I'm like, this is shitty. So I'm paying out of pocket now to try to find a therapist

or this or that to figure out, like, you know, fix my mood a little bit now that I'm sober off drugs because. Listen, sobriety. We'll get to that, too. But sobriety, there's no harder battle in the world than getting sober and getting to know yourself. Oh, yeah. It's fucking brutal. It's dark.

I've been battling depression the past two years. So I get I've never had fucking depression in my entire life. And not only did I get depression, I got suicidal ideation depression. So I trust me. I understand what you're going through so when you started modeling as soon as you got out or sit in my brother's closet and just wanting to die like you said it's just i was depressed and my brother would i wouldn't eat ever and he'd knock on the door and he's like i made you a sandwich sis like he's so sweet and i was like brother what's the point of me being here i feel like a failure i want to die

like i just i want give me a reason to stay alive. I'm sorry. No, you're good. Give me a reason. And he would try to remind me of all this shit, like I've overcome and everything I've done. And he went into my old Marine Corps box in the garage.

He's like, remember this? And he like brought me my medals. He's like, remember that? My brother kept me alive. Sorry. That's like making me tear up,

dude. He kept me alive. like i wouldn't be here my brother and uh you know i was on instagram i was already had followers because of stupid combat barbie stuff and he's like do something with it and i'm like but what brother what do i do he's like just reach out to these people i'm like i have flaws i have crooked teeth a big nose and i have crazy tattoos i don't think i could be a model at the time you know this was back in where you did you get did you have your sleeves um i had this one and i didn't have this one yet but i was like but my tattoos are shitty and you know you see at the time on instagram there's only like a few ogs that were like modeling

um i think you were one of them you know but there's only a few girls definitely an og but there's only a few esther hanukkah like all them yeah and i'm like there's only a few i was like i don't have what it takes to be like them like i just but he's like just do it reach click on their pages and see who they're shooting with and message the photographers my brother told me that and i was like okay he's like you can do it you can rihanna and i'm like brother we love you yeah my brother's name is eric by the way eric we love you if i ever have a boy i'm naming him eric because i love my brother so yeah um see older younger he's two years older than me so it was him and then me and then my two younger sisters who i took care of um

when's his birthday um may 7th so he's a tourist oh yeah he's a bull so is chachi so is my baby over here yeah they see he's not stubborn he's the sweetest man i've ever met so like maybe he's some i don't know what his movie sign is but yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so he's like, do it. And so I reached out to them, and then I remember, I'll never forget, Robert Alvarado, he does like old pinup photography. He said, he was the first one to say yes. A lot of people were saying no at first. I was so discouraged.

They're like, oh, I'm busy. I don't have time. Or you don't have the look I want. It was a weird world back then. Yeah. It really was. Yeah. For modeling.

Now it's like everybody can fucking do it. Yeah. But back then, trying to break into it photographers were fucking creepy actually we should start a me too movement on fucking instagram photographers do i have a list i have a list me my friend my girlfriend's made a list of like weird fucking ones or just assholes or scam artists like yeah no there's so many of them we have luckily been blessed to work with some of the coolest people and i'll recommend them too i'm sure you've probably worked with them too but i don't know but i love your i love all your photo shoots and everything then yeah so i'm like i need to hit up i see but kind of stopped doing that recently too

but i think we've all went through it fucking 2020 really threw us for a loop and everybody's just you know we have fucking only fans now and it's just yeah so then it's like what's the point they like they like and it's selfies better like exactly to them exactly i tell everybody that and instagram is literally falling apart the algorithms on there are fucking garbage i'm shadowbanned right now by the way me too i don't know i'm a little literally a walking community guideline i could fucking post a fucking a picture of me fully clothed then it'll get taken down because i fucking like it's just crazy i can't on all platforms they always come for me it doesn. Doesn't fucking matter. All right, so you started modeling. When did you start getting published in magazines and stuff like that?

It took about two years, but like I said, Robert Ararato, he invited me, and I was like, he's like, you know, I do military type, and you're a veteran. And I'm like, that's perfect. So I freaking went up there with a little corset thing and a little saluting, and he had all the outfits. I think I remember the photo shoot. Yeah yeah it was my first ever like real photo shoot in my life and he gave me 50 bucks because i remember my brother loaned me money so we're in fresno we're two hours away from la oh i hate fresno yeah it's a fucking shithole that's the

word i got named the dirtiest city in america dude it's like the butthole of california if you ever want to live in the butthole of cal, go to Bakersfield or go to Fresno. On the streets of Bakersfield. I love that song. I don't even know that song, but I know Bakersfield. We should play it right now. Yeah, for sure. Jason, insert whatever she just sang. but you don't like me say you're careless how do you

how many of you that's in just me gotta walk the streets of Bakersfield yeah cause it says hey you don't know me but you don't like me from the streets

of Bakersfield oh lord I need to google that dude Jason please find that please we'll definitely insert it that's hilarious um what was i saying yeah um my brother love me guys so you did your photo shoot with what's his face to to do the art the not the army god the fucking the military pictures or whatever and he says he usually uh girls usually pay him but he's

like i was like honestly i don't have any money right now i could pay you in a week maybe and then he's like how about i give you money and i'm like what you're paying me so you gave me money to get a hotel that night otherwise i was sleeping in my jeep um and i was totally fine with sleeping in my jeep that night but i was like okay and so he got me a hotel gave me some money and then he's like i'll edit these for free for you and i'll give them to you tomorrow and i was like wow that's quick okay i posted them and then um foxnews.com and like Sports Illustrated, or not Sports Illustrated.

That's the one that they don't fuck with me because of my tattoos, but Maxim and Fox News. Can we talk about that though as soon as you're done talking about that? I feel, go ahead. So they don't fuck with you because of your tattoos, but Maxim and everybody else.

Yeah, they're just like, check out this hot Marine Combat Barbie. And then I went viral and then I got more followers. I was like, like whoa and then i applied for a verification badge and i got it i was like yay lucky you i had to fucking wait 10 years and have a fucking management company get it for me my husband's management company had to get it for me like they don't they don't instagram hates fucking ig thoughts like they do not like maybe that's why because i never got a violate and i wasn't really at the time right it's just blossoming into an ig thought and i wanted to be one but yeah i was just blossoming and then i was like what the fuck that was quick and so once i got

my badge though this is a shallow and shitty part then photographers are like i want to shoot you now so i'm like wow you didn't want me before but now you want me but fuck it i'll shoot with you and then that's when magazines started hey let's publish you i'm like okay cool like what magazines have you been in playboy and maxim so the playboy let you shoot with your tattoos yeah and so it's crazy because hugh hefner hated girls with tattoos i know he died and he sold it to some company what the heck is it called still a com or something i don't know the hefner brothers manage it but it's not the real playboy it's not playboy usa nobody can get in playboy USA. You have to be, their thing is about like,

what is it? They're super like liberal progressive. Their thing is like, they have bald ladies on there or like, which is fine. Or they had a dude on the last cover. So they want like transgender. Right.

You'll never see a hot blonde on the cover of Playboy USA ever again. Like that's not a thing. Like it's, yeah. They just totally took the whole, the whole fucking. They like,

they had like, it's just crazy. Like, I don't know. It's the craziest things, but it's fine so they just totally took the whole yeah they like they had like um it's just crazy like i don't know it's the craziest things but uh it's fine i mean everyone wants to feel included but yeah yeah so i like that everyone wants to feel included i love it yeah i mean but i am but it's like let's keep it let's keep it g you know like playboy was built off busty and blonde yeah blonde boobies. Yeah. That's what we all aspired to be growing. That's why we are blonde with big tits is because we all wanted to be in playboy.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Seriously. But playboy that I will say, I don't know if I should cut this part out or not, but it's, it's play to play,

play to what? Pay to play. Pay to play. No, I was actually going to say that we met a photographer in LA who was like yeah we can tell he's like I can't get you in Playboy because of your tattoos I'm like whatever I don't care he's like but if you want to be in any other magazines you can pay and I was just like I don't want to be in magazines if I have to pay for them and who the fuck buys magazines

anyways nowadays you know like everything's online so that that dreams I've always wanted to do Playboy just to say I did it because I did I worked for for them. I did a TV show for them, but they would never. Yeah, they would never let me in the magazine. They always told me I was too overweight. So it's been you. They told me I need to lose 15 pounds. Bill White, I think, was his name. The guy, the photographer who shot me.

He was. And if I showed you these pictures, I was fucking literally 120 pounds. Told me. But I've always had hips, you know i have a brazilian body yeah so he was just like you need to lose 15 pounds so it's always been my thing to be like you know what it's always been a fuck you like okay cool well whenever you guys want me to be in your magazine to cover my podcast i'm gonna do it but it's gonna be a fuck you you know like because you guys told me i had to lose weight um and the crazy thing is you have the body that everybody wants now so it kind of backfired on them.

Yeah, it's weird, but Playboy's always been fucking weird, man. They've always been, like, real stereotypical and, you know, like, I don't know, borderline pedophile-ish, okay? Like, it was kind of weird. So after you started doing these magazines, where's your mental health at now, and, like, how are you feeling, and are you feeling better about yourself? Is life getting better? So, I mean, i mean you know started making money for the first

time in life in the marine corps i was barely breaking three thousand a month and like living on my credit card so when i got out and i and i was fucking broke broke i finally i started only fans right right when i started modeling you know i i don't even say i was a model i mean i guess i don't call myself a model either. I call myself a thought. Yeah. I hate photo shoots. You can ask my team. I shoot probably faster than any bitch you've ever met in your life.

Like I hate being in front of the camera, but I do it because it's our brand, you know? So I started making money, but I never did anything nude at the time. And even the photo shoots, because I was so, I guess, traumatized or brainwashed from the Marine Corps about being respectful. So I never did anything nude at the time and even the photo shoots because I was so I guess traumatized or brainwashed from the Marine Corps about being respectful so I never did anything nude so my only fans for the first two years so sorry guys like for the whoever subscribed for the first two years um it was all implied so like hair covering my nipples or my hands or chocolate or whatever and they were pissed off but I would make about I'd make good money doing that I guess like you know starting out um and so I started making money and i finally got my own apartment moved out of my brother's house and as like a thank you i did his whole backyard because it was all like rocks and dirt i like bought him all new

grass and the whole backyard shit so i was like thanks brother i appreciate you and um fast forward a few years later i paid off his house for him because he's the reason i'm alive like so i but at the time i was i was making what should i say or is that tacky no you can i say it all the time I throw it in people's faces shit when you come from nothing you're happy that you fucking made it to where you have yeah I was making like 15 to 20k and that was a lot for me I know it's not a lot now I mean I make more now because I do porn now but anyways I actually we all do porn now baby it's okay I know the world is crazy now but yeah yeah I was like this is some good fucking money and I was like helping my family out any way I could my mom did meth her whole life so she had rotten teeth

so she said baby all I want is is to be able to smile so I got her all veneers to pay like sixty thousand dollars to get her and before my my own teeth I'm like I could have got my teeth done but I wanted to do that for my family I was like uh I forgive you mom yeah because she's like I'll get clean if you get me new teeth and she got clean. So my sisters check on her to make sure they like check her drawers, make sure they don't fucking. Yeah. So she did that. And, you know, I helped her out. But yeah, so I make any money and then started doing modeling, you know, living in fucking ghetto Fresno, though, but driving to L.A. every other weekend, flying out. And then I got an offer to go to the Sausage Castle. That's OK. So that's where I found out.

I started seeing who you were because my husband's friends with Mike. And I, you know, I've met Mike a few times. Shout out Mike Busey. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember you. So what was up with you guys? Were you dating?

I was madly in love with that motherfucker. He's a fucking Sagittarius man. They are assholes. And that's the strongest match for Leo. My husband's a Sagittarius. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, he is. I'm just like, ugh.

Because he has so much about him. And I had my own shit. I had my own money. And that's when I first started hanging out there. He invited me to hang out there. And he's like, shoot some guns. We got flamethrowers. You could ride a tank. That's really combat Barbie for your brand.

I'm like, really? Thank you. And didn't ask a dime from me. And I never asked a dime from him. And he's always telling me, like, I respect veterans. He does. He respects veterans and military. He came from nothing as well.

So he connected on that level. And yeah. And and then he was like you never asked me for anything most these hoes have nothing going on for them you got your own shit you're a badass bitch he would give me positive every day i was like i feel like somebody around you like you you make me feel like i'm worth something you know um i fell so in love with him god God. But I was so new to that lifestyle and all these, you know, strippers. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard being with a dude whose whole brand is based on women. Sex and, yeah. But I was like, it's okay.

Do your thing. I know you've got to film and do crazy stuff. But the girls there in the house, like his, I'm not going to name names, but they were mad because he liked me the most and they all wanted to be the top girl. Right. Cause they wanted his money. Those bitches had nothing.

I know. I already know. That's why I stay away from, I love Mike's brand. I love what he's built, but the, the energy there is not it. It's fucking trifling.

I don't know. It's, it's, it's, it's rough. And they're just bullying me around, like hide my shit, like my makeup or my curling iron,

or just do shit like that to me or like sit on his lap right in front of me and kiss his cheek and then look at me and i'm like okay i'm not a jealous person but i'm like you're doing this to try to get it it's got too much and i went on tour with him i think that was we actually went to nashville that was the last time i was in nashville so i was like oh this is bittersweet um i finally said enough is enough that night i couldn't take it anymore um was he good to you though or he was so good to me. And I loved him for a while after we broke up. But I just told him I couldn't deal with the life and the girls and the brand. I'm sure he's used to that. You know, Mike is so easy.

I've seen, no offense, but I've seen so many girls come and go since I've been with Jay with him. And I'm just waiting for Mike to want to settle down. Because my husband was the same way. When I got with him, just a revolving door of women. That's how Sagittarius men are. I think it's really ego driven because of how they are. They're so successful

that it's just like a revolving door, you know, of women for them. But I'm waiting to see when Mike actually wants to settle down. Well, I think he, he kind of has,

so we've kept in contact over the years. I think, you know, it's been what, a year, maybe two years now. Has it been a year? I think it's been longer. Two years? Well, we kept in contact. We would i think you know it's been what a year maybe two years now or has it been a year i think it's been longer two years but we kept in contact we would like text all the time

facetime all the time and i just brought back all the memories and we just like talk human to human and whenever i had a crisis i'm like this guy in vegas just screwed me over this guy he's like calm down this is what you do i always ran from device and then he got with this new girl that he's with now i don't know her name but she's very beautiful um so if you're listening this mic i hope you guys are happy i really do i mean that um so he's been with her for a while now i think this is the longest girlfriend i've seen him have so maybe he's gonna settle down with her i don't yeah i don't know but um i always have a spot my heart for him he's awesome but i just at the time i could not deal with that life yeah so what brought

you to vegas how did you end up in Vegas? Fucking got scammed. No. Yeah. So I was in California. It's that big Leo heart. Yeah. That's my fucking resolution. Resolution? Yeah, that's how you say it.

Yeah. New Year's resolution. New Year's resolution is just to be more, not bitter, but like skeptical or like just not to be, to not be so trusting so fast to people because that's where all my problems you know because i believe people when they tell me things and i want to i see the best in people even when they show me red flags i'm like i give them benefit of the doubt because i'm like i'm like okay he's been through this he's been through that so that's why he acts like that but i just you know i need to um just be more guarded i guess that's what was it for

are we allowed to say his name or no oh we can we can. Wait, we have to make it rhyme. Was it for Schmander? Schmander. No, it wasn't, but I met him there. But so this fucking photographer dude, I want to say his name right now. You should, because these photographers need to stop fucking scamming bitches. I sued him, and then I was told never to talk about him again.

Oh, gotcha. Okay. So he invited me to Vegas for a reality show. He said, we're going to have a house. Oh, gotcha. OK, so he invited me to Vegas for reality show. He said, oh, I know exactly who you're talking about. Yeah. Fuck him. Oh, can we even say that? I don't think we could bleep that.

Jason bleep that for me. Yes. And a fucking scam. He said that he has producers from VH1 or MTV or both or something coming to film us. But it was covid so that he hit me up, too. And I was just like so you had all these girls fly out from like LA um Texas New York Florida so we all flew out five blondes in the house he's like I want to know like I want to film a day-to-day life of an OnlyFans girl so and you all have your own themes like one of the girls is like gangster you're a rock and roll and military one of the girls is like a stripper blah blah so y'all have your own thing and i'm like that'd be

cool that sounds fun and we all met before we moved in the house all of us girls and we all got along so we're like we're not gonna fight on camera i'm like i'm not gonna be crazy like that on camera like i'm not about that anyway like unless i'm like pushed to my limit i'm not gonna yeah so we like unless you can control the narrative yeah yeah and so we moved in and then he's like oh we're like when is moved in and then he's like, oh, we're like, when is filming going to start? And he's like, oh, next week. It's because COVID. It was the height of COVID.

Next week or this week or whatever. And then he's like, but I'll film on my phone in the meantime. Like, so he's filming on his phone. But then he was like catching us in the shower and like weird. And at the time, I never did anything new. It only did implied. So I was like, what the fuck? Getting us in weird situations, horrible angles, like telling me one thing about a girl and

then so i would go up to her and then tell her other things to make us fight on purpose for his phone um just crazy shit and then he'd be like okay rent's due we lived in this like basic ass house supposed to be a mansion right living a basic ass house in vegas and i didn't find out so later vegas houses are super cheap to rent oh so cheap and he was like the rent's 10 000 so i need this much from all of you and then he'd be like oh actually it's 15 now and then and then we need money for this we were giving this guy all of our like only fans money and he had the password to our only fans as well no and i couldn't even log on he would change our password i'm like i can't even log on see what you're doing and he's like don't worry i'm messaging all your fans i'm doing this i'm doing that i'm like but are you

making me any more that's what i want to know are you making me any more money because what's the point of you managing it right if i'm staying the same and you're just taking all of it right and then he was like oh i deposit he put his bank account for all of our only fans and then he's like i'll take my cut and then send you your money back i'm like no no no we should get our money first and then we'll send you the cut yeah i was like i only lasted seven days in that house i was the first to leave i stood up to him custom in front of everybody and then all the girls too the night before said we're with you the minute you stand up we're following you right out that door i stood up cussed his ass out i was like you're a fucking scam artist piece of shit he would he was former army he would talk down to

us like we're i was getting pt i'm like you're not gonna talk to me like that yeah like i fucking did that for seven years bro yeah we were at dinner one time and he was like you know um instagram only fangirls they're like less than dirt and they think they're hot shit but their their worth is less than dirt and all of us are sitting here like but he's living off me you guys and we're like what the fuck do you think of us like you're talking about it like how dare you constantly so after seven days I was like I'm fucking out of here and I'm suing your ass like fuck this fuck you you're not gonna talk to me this you're not gonna take my money good but the I looked around at the girls they're all just sitting there still they didn't follow me out

like they said they would I was like okay so I was a bad guy so I left they blocked me on everything i went and talked to my lawyers about everything i'm like and all the girls were mad at me like you you ruined this and i'm like no and then after a few weeks i think it lasted two more weeks after that then they finally all left and they reached out to me you're so right about him it just took me a while to get the courage it makes you not want to be friends with people like that though they don't have your back from the get like bitch don't come crying to me now yeah so i keep it casual i'm like okay like but i'm like you could have walked out when i walked out you would have saved your ass a lot one girl gave him twenty thousand dollars you could have saved your ass but whatever be stupid i guess but those girls didn't really i feel like he was

brainwashing them like like the military like they haven't they hadn't been through it before so they were like you know i'm talked down to but he's supposedly helping us and but anyways that's why I moved to Vegas so that only lasted seven days so then I was like what do I do now I love how you're always goal oriented because I'm the same way I'm always like okay well what am I gonna do now yeah like now I can't go back I just left California and I'm like I can't crash and burn and run back just yet like I gotta figure it out so um I knew a friend there she was an Air Force vet i stayed on her couch for a while and then i got my own place rented it and then um i was invited to a party online um but i think it was like danny banks or somebody and she's fucking awesome i love danny her work ethic is impeccable and she's a cool ass bitch have you ever talked to her in

person i have i've talked to her i've never met her in person she's fucking cool i'm like you're real and genuine and cool as fuck like she might that. Yeah. That's awesome. And that's where I walked in. It's hard, especially girls in this industry. Not a lot of them are really cool. Oh, yeah, no. I don't think any of them are. Like, maybe one in four. Viking Barbie is.

She's amazing. She's one of my really good friends. So I like her. I actually look at her stuff. I'm like, I can relate to her a lot. And then I see that you guys, you say you guys are twin flames. And I'm like, I can relate to you a lot and her a lot. I'm like, maybe I can be friends with them.

No, Barbie's an amazing woman. She seems amazing woman she's just as real as it gets she's just like danny and her work ethic is amazing we love barbie shout out viking barbie yeah let's do this hayley i have a crush on her i actually told her that like last week i was like i have a crush on you she's like hello well oh i was like i either laugh or get turned on by your story listen be careful she will fuck you okay no she really will barbie loves women okay so be careful slide in those dms maybe i want to i'm gonna put in a good word for you no i'm serious if you're down yeah i listen i got you thank you um so you met schmander at this party yeah because i remember seeing you guys online and i thought you guys were super cute together it was like love at first sight but that whole crew to me just seems like a bunch of you met Schmander at this party. Yeah. Cause I remember seeing you guys online and I thought you guys are super cute

together. It was like love at first sight. But that whole crew to me just seems like a bunch of F boys. See, that's the thing I don't want to get sued. No, well, we're just not going to use any names.

I came into Vegas and thinking, cause good old me thinking, uh, these people are actually my friends and like, yeah, we do what we do for money, but we could have like genuine friendships. So,

but I got that wrong with her and all the other people there because, uh, fuck, like for instance, I was recovering from surgery. I got my butt done and she said she would be there to pick me up and take care of me. And she never showed up. And the nurses, I had to pay them like a hundred dollars and out an hour extra to stay. I was there for, I was like, I have nobody in Vegas to take care of me or help me. And so I had to call my grandma. She had to get a quick flight out there and I never heard from her for a week. And then the next week, Hey girl, what's up's up i'm like you left me there i was you said you'd be there for me i was there for your surgery shit like that like i learned

she's not my friend but not everybody not everybody that makes it has a soul or a heart yeah when you have a good heart and you actually help people along the way in your journey that's when god blesses you but if she's the one who's out here just hurting people repeatedly that karma has no time limit it comes back trust me and life has a way of humbling motherfuckers is it sad that i like wish that like i wish that like no is that no it will and trust me baby it will we all get ours and she would deny it all and then i would show her my proof and then she'd be like oh my bad i'm like how come it takes me showing you proof for you to say sorry but that's crazy anyways we'll get back on track so you and schmander i thought you guys were adorable thank you um so we call each other twin flames because we're i don't know so he comes from a small farm town in west virginia he joined

the army we have a lot of same story and then he kind of was broke no no direction what to do and then moved to vegas and started the whole you know he was a male stripper porn all that yeah um made something of himself yeah and so and talking him we would like finish each other some decisions shit we've been through a lot of shit together it was good but uh drugs tore us apart man what'd you guys start doing so i was in love with cocaine god damn it i every time i would get drunk i would want to do blow too for the minute i woke up like i was just like 10 grams a day honestly it was so that you might be adhd yeah because i love the upper and it gave me confidence that i never had before and i was like able to do everything without it i couldn't even do a pile of laundry but so i it was a year long of me fuck man it

was bad but then i started taking um adderall and coke i don't know how my heart didn't pop like i was and then i wanted to come down i was so high sometimes i take xanax to come down so my heart's like what do i go up down yep that's what i would do i was always doing those too yeah almost overdosed like four different times like legit my body went into shock throwing up pills i had to take me to the hospital and i was doing that for him though too so i don't know to like keep up with the lifestyle yeah i don't think i think he's told this on podcasts himself but yeah we were helping each other we were taking each other to the hospital so we're like we had each other you know like bonnie and clad ride or die but after a while it's like i need someone to

say no yes i need you to help me and i can't help myself you can't help yourself well so we're just kind of like in this little like we're making so much good money that i went from like 15 to 20k a month to like 100 to 200 000 doing porn with him he convinced me to do porn for the first time ever my fans love that shit but yeah at the height of it i was making so much money and i was like fuck yeah i'm high on drugs i have confidence it was fun while it lasted but it was a year of that and i was able to pay off all my immediate family's debt and then i was like well now what like i'm not i don't want to keep doing this shit um you know i'll still do sexy little things, but like hardcore crazy shit. I was like, this isn't me.

This never was me. But it was fun while it lasted. You gotta always stay true to who you are. Yeah. And I just stopped all that in August. So. And that's when you decided to move to North Carolina. Yep.

Just completely changed my life. Like, so. How's sobriety going for you? It's so hard. August, September, October, November, December, January. So you've been sober six months. Yeah. I'm proud of you.

It's fucking hard. No, I know. Dude, I used to take Xanax and fucking Laura tabs every day. And then Jay and I were on the trial by fire tour with yellow wolf in 2016 or 2017. I can't remember. I think it's 2017. And I just looked at him one day and I was like I don't want to be on because Jay never you know he's like teach their own my husband's really cool

like he's just like whatever you got to do to fucking get through whatever and I was just like I don't want to do these anymore and he's like okay and I never touched them again but it has been sobriety has been the hardest battle of my life getting to know myself without being stimulated by something and I think after drug use for so long it your brain's never gonna be the same absolutely how do i you know what i mean you're never gonna feel that good again i don't know yeah it's gonna it's gonna heal itself but it's gonna take fucking time dude and it's you know you're you're doing the right thing and they always say you know the walking the straight and narrow is the hardest.

You know, all roads lead to hell. And it's like that one road that fucking leads you to fucking sobriety and redemption is like the thinnest road. But it's, if you can just stay on this path and just keep it going, you're going to figure it out. Thank you. Yeah, it's just hard to, and plus,

while I was doing it, it's, I was blinded by all the money and the fun with it. And that's why we say we're twin flames. But it doesn't mean twin flames are soulmates. They're not supposed to be with their twin flame. Well, twin flames, there's a lot of pain. That's what people don't realize. Twin flames think, oh, twin flames are so cute.

And we're soulmates. And we're going to be together. No, twin flames is separation, hurt, pain, lessons, mirroring each other. That's what a twin flame is. We literally mirror each other. We do. And that's why I'm like, I need to be with someone a little bit different than me because I need someone to pull me out of this shit. I need to. But it was so much fun. I was like, I don't even

know where I was going with that right now. Yeah. Well, you were talking about getting sober. Yeah. Cut that out, please. Jason. Yeah. You were talking about Schmander. And, you know, now you're on this road to sobriety and it's hard yeah it's it's fucking hard but i i looked in the mirror and i was like i look like my mom right now because you know after i would only sleep once every seven days and i would eat like one bite of an apple once every seven days like it was bad and i looked in the mirror and you know like sometimes you get paranoid you start picking your face so i had like scabs on my face i'm looking in the mirror i'm like i'm making all this money but like who the fuck am i and i looked i looked in there i saw my fucking

mom i was hallucinating probably from being up so long i was like fuck i never wanted to be a drug addict i never wanted to but it just goes with it everybody in vegas is fucking the first party i walked up to i'm not gonna say her name but she's one of the world's famous porn stars one of the top five she came up to me and said put this in your your tongue. And I was like, just in shock that it was her. I was like, okay. I let her put it on my tongue. And then from there,

just Nicolette Shay. I'm just kidding. I'm like, who is it? I want to guess who it is. We'll bleep it out. Oh yeah. Barbie has done so much stuff with her.

She's the sweetest. She actually grew up and had to steal food for her family. And like, she only came to the U S because her pimp, like married her, said he would give her a good life or like beat her ass. So she saved money in a sock and then enough money to leave him one day. And because she got into porn, like all the porn you Google, like mainstream porn. She was like drugged up and her pimp would take all the money. So eventually she so she's a cool fucking girl.

But yeah, drugs are I've done every drug except heroin and meth. Yeah. Fuck, man. Well, I every drug except heroin and meth. Yeah. Fuck, man. Well, I did meth, but not heroin. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I've had some meth coke before. Like, yeah. You just know when it's yellow.

When it's a little meth-y and you fucking can't take the edge off for a week. You're like, yeah, I got to hold some fucking meth. It's for real. Yeah, for sure. Well, what does this next year? What does 2022 look like for Combat Barbie? Are you going to do like, like yeah like self-healing yeah i need to figure out who i need to get you with my psychic who just did my reading for the

year she'll make you feel so good she does my readings every year i need that i never believed in that shit till like a year ago and i'm like how is this so spot on and i'm like no i used to think it was some weird hippie shit but i'm like this is legit like the truth like it's crazy yeah so but yeah just i'm trying to be sober i mean i still drink alcohol now so that's the thing i got sober in august but fuck i started drinking like crazy because i would i wasn't high i was like i need something i can't be sober my thoughts so i moved to north carolina and man i was doing like fucking two bottles of tequila a day like i think i was drunk every single day since i've been there but i'm like

at least i'm not on drugs but yeah well you, you're healing and you're learning how to deal with it. So, you know, it's what you have to do to survive and get through right now. But as long as you're conscious enough to know, Hey, this is not going to work out in the long run. I can't keep doing this.

No, I don't, I don't want to have to rely on a substance and I just want to be me again and be sober and be happy. So, um, yeah, I'm just trying to figure that out. And I've been writing a lot. All I do is write now.

I still do fun, sexy stuff. I'm an OnlyFans, but obviously not hardcore shit like I used to as Xander. Right. So I do a little sexy stuff there, you know, and I write a lot. So I just sit the house right. And then, of course, Fort Bragg. I'm single now. So run through them fucking soldiers. so what do you look like what do

you look for in a dude oh i just like the typical military douchebag dude like military douchebags mount up yeah tattoos muscles and oh that uniform but um i can't be with marines because i did seven years with marines i fucking cannot so that's why marines come at me i'm like sorry i'm sure you're a good guy but the way they treat women i'm like i can't be with you guys but soldiers you know there's a lot of female females in the fucking army so they treat their women like nice like i asked soldiers have you ever heard this said to a girl have you ever done this he's like no you'll get fired instantly you'll kicked out i'm like good he's like our women like are badasses and so that's why i like army soldiers because uh they respect women like are bad asses. And so that's why I like army soldiers because they respect women like that.

And then I tell them I'm a Marine and they're like, fuck yeah. And I'm like, yeah. Well, I'm excited for you for this next year of self healing and getting to know yourself. And I can't wait to see,

I know that you are, you're so tenacious. I know that you're going to fucking have some breakthroughs and you're going to just keep soaring and doing everything to make your heart happy. Thank you. But I'm still awesome. 29 years old. And I'm like, I still don't know what the fuck I'm going to just keep soaring and doing everything to make your heart happy. Thank you. But I'm still awesome. 29 years old. And I'm like, I still don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

But girl, I'm going to be 42 in two weeks. I thought you were 35. I love you so much. I heard you say that you're in your 30s. Yeah. No, I am going to be 42 in two weeks. And I still don't know what the fuck I want to do with my life. How do you look younger than me?

Fuck you. I love you. I'm getting a facelift soon. So motherfuckers, don't know what the fuck I want to do with my life. How do you look younger than me? Fuck you. I love you. I'm getting a facelift soon. So motherfuckers don't play. I've been announcing it every podcast. So I'm like, when I do it, don't be fucking surprised. Don't come for me, internet. You don't need it.

Your face is tighter than mine. I'm like, who's your lady? Do you have a Botox? I'm like, yeah, she's great. I actually need to go see her. But we're going to be on the West Coast next week. You're going to be in the West Coast, too. I got to get a car back from somebody.

I don't know if that's going to get old. Well, we're going to be out there, so you got to come hang out with us. I would love that. And I want you to come back on the podcast every year and just kind of, you know, just be a regular guest because I know everybody on here is going to love you. Thank you. I said some crazy shit today, though. It's the first time the world's hearing about this. I really appreciate it, though.

You have such a cool story. You've been through a lot, girl. Like, I don't think you've slowed down enough to process everything you've been through. I think it's the ADHD. Well, that's where the drug use and the drinking comes in. Because you, you know, we weren't taught how to cope with stuff as kids, you know. So now I think this year is going to be your year that you're going to learn how to cope and navigate through all the trauma that you've been through.

Thank you. I hope so. I don't know that it's a big old question mark, but I'm excited. I'm hopeful for the first time in my life. I'm really hopeful. So hope it, listen, hope gets motherfuckers through. When I'm fucking depressed and don't want to be here anymore. The only thing that gets me through is hope of not feeling like that anymore. So having hope is number one key of survival. And you're going to do this. I'm really proud of you. Thank you. I'm like, why are you depressed though? You have a life that I wish I had. So I'm like, why are you depressed? I wish I could fucking tell you. I'm actually going to doc. Amen. And like, uh, in February

to get a scan of my brain to find out,, you know, I was in a severely abusive relationship. So I do feel like I might have a traumatic brain injury from all the damage that he did to me. And it's not that I'm depressed with my life. It's a when you I never understood depression until I felt it. You can't pick and choose like, hey, I don't want to be sad. It just fucking happens. And my husband actually battles severe depression, too too we have everything we could ever fucking want but money and fame and all that shit that doesn't control uh chemical imbalances in the brain you know so I'm I'm seeking answers and

I have been seeking answers for the past two years I haven't given up so vitamin regimens if you need help with any of that like I've been through so much shit with vitamins you know mimi and i have two and she she's actually microdosing now mushrooms yeah so if we can help you with any of that we will we're all about healing and fucking self-healing and doing it the holistic way around here i love that yeah so yeah no hard drugs yeah no hard drugs baby no party you got to stop the party and the party's got it's not a party if it happens every day that's what i always say not a party if you fucking die. So thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I really appreciate you.

Sorry to talk over you. I have such. No, you're good. Oh yeah. And what's your socials? Where can everybody find you? The combat Barbie.

Cause fuck those guys. Yeah. Just Google the combat Barbie and you guys will find her. Thank you so much. Thank you. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.

Bye.