Dumb Blonde - Dr. Tara: Crygasms, Squirting & Sexual Healing

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

This week, sex therapist Dr. Tara joins the conversation to break down why it’s important to start talking about sex with kids as early as age 10—and why using medical terms helps remove shame. The discussion dives into everything from crygasms and squirting to the benefits of sexual meditation. Dr. Tara also opens up about her own journey from Thailand to the U.S., her career path, and her book How Do You Like It, which features quizzes and tools designed to boost sexual communication. Together, they explore the realities of maintaining intimacy after substance abuse, keeping the spark alive in long-term relationships, and how therapy and self-care can play a crucial role in healing from sexual trauma.Dr. Tara- WebsiteWatch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb blonde. Today we have the internet's resident sexpert. Okay, I'm going to try to pronounce, I actually no, I'm not. Dr. Tara, and then how do I say, last name. Suin Yati Chai Porn. I love the fact that you're a sex expert and the last word in your name is porn.

Okay. How fucking ironic is that? I'm from Thailand and porn means a blessing. Oh, I love that. But in America it means something completely different. Well, you know, it's funny because whenever I tell my last name to my students in college, there will always be boys students that go, it's a blessing here too. I mean, but you're hot too.

So I couldn't even imagine you being a teacher. like that would be wild. I get hit on. I was going to say you have to get hit on all day long. And then what would you teach? You weren't teaching sex, were you? I do. Yeah. I teach human sexuality in college. Oh my. Okay. So let's, we got to start. Let's start from the beginning here. So how does somebody get into this type of line of work? I mean, like, did you just, were you like suppressed in childhood? And this was kind of like your way of making up for being suppressed? Or did you just wake up one day and was like, you know what? I want to be like Dr. Ruth. Are you a therapist? Because that's accurate. Well, I mean, listen, I talk about sex all the time because I grew up in a really religious home. So I think my way of kind of like taking my power back as being a child was to be able to express how I want to and to be like out there, you know? So I'm only assuming that that might be what happened with you. That was a big part that contributed to me pursuing this career. I'm originally from Thailand, from Bangkok. And for those that,

don't really know Thai culture from like the local perspective. It's very, very conservative. I think movies, like Hollywood movies, like hangover, right, makes it look like Thailand super sexual. But that's only for foreigners. Right. It's like for tourism. But for us, people that grow up there, it's very sexually conservative.

Isn't that kind of like a like just a weird conundrum that you guys are so strict, but yet to the tourists, it's such a sexual. Yeah, because it's a big GDP. We make a lot of money from foreigners coming here to Fox. So we'll make it okay. But yeah, not for us, not for Thai people. So growing up in that environment and then also I went to an all-girls Catholic school. Oh, my goodness.

So all of those combined and also like never had any sort of sex education. Parents never talked about sex. They were the people that like closed my eyes when there's like some sort of sex scene in the movies. As somebody who grew up with parents who didn't talk about sex, how did you discover sex? Did you have to figure it out on your own? Like most teenagers, porn. And that's such a, I feel like,

and coming from the industry, the adult industry that I was in, I truly feel like porn is, now it's getting better, but back in the day it used to be so glamorous and like, it's just not realistic. No. You know, so the expectations that children are,

I don't even want to say children, but when you're of that age, Oh, I was a child when I found my first porn. Really? How old were you? And it was fingering porn. Oh. So I love getting fingered ever since then.

Right. I was maybe 11. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, statistically, research shows that people, like, kids nowadays actually find pornographic materials around that age, too. I know.

It's crazy. So when I tell parents, like, you should start talking to your kids about sex at around 10. They're like 10. Yeah. There are children. They're so young. I'm like, uh-uh, they're not. They have smartphones or if they don't, their friends do, they will run into something.

Like, it's better to just be open with your children. So they talk to you. Yes. You're the person they come to. Absolutely. And I didn't realize that until our daughter, who's 17 now, when she would come home and ask us. You look 17. Oh, I appreciate you so much.

When she would come home from, like, middle school and tell me, like, some of the stuff that the kids were talking about, I was like, and I don't clutch my pearls, but I was just like, oh, my God, you're only like 10 or 11. like this is crazy. How are you guys learning this stuff? How would you suggest that parents even start that conversation with their kids? Yeah, 100% start young. So even when they were young kids, use the right terms. Like don't use made up terms because what that insinuate to children is they should be ashamed of their sexuality and their body parts. I love that. People won't say vagina or vulva. They would just say, well, your flower. Like don't touch your flower

heart. I'm like, it's not a flower. It's a vagina. It's a medical term. It looks like a grenade went off in a deli counter, all right? I don't know about yours. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Mine love a flower. Maybe an orchid. She's like, mine might be a flower compared to that. But yeah, like I would highly suggest never using euphemisms with children because that does send a subconscious signal that children will process later in life that give them sexual anxiety. um that like that their body is dirty that their genital is dirty so just use medical terms there's nothing to be ashamed of to say vagina are we allowed to do you think using the P word is a little bit much pussy yeah i mean i would use the word pussy with my children but that's my barocative um but yeah

i think i mean the word pussy is a slang okay right so it depends so just always use medical terms yeah ever since their children like even if they're five and they're touching themselves which children are very curious. Right. And they don't know what things mean. It's adults that assign these, like, bad meanings. So if they're just, like, touching themselves, like, mommy, like, what's this? And, you know, why I don't have that?

That's dangling. Just say, like, well, you have a vagina. He has a penis. Right. And they are different. And, you know, just use medical terms with children. I love that. But when they get to 10 years old, I think 10 is the golden age of actually having a sex talk.

How would you even begin that? Like, you wait until they. bring it up to you? Or do you just sit them down one day and say, hey, look, we're about to learn about the birds and the bees? So you sit them down, but you don't say the birds and the bees. Okay, because that's, youphemisms. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. You just sit them down and say, hey, this is nothing serious, but I would love to know, like, any of your friends at school are talking about sex yet, you want to ask a question first. You never want to just tell them what to do. It never works. We have so much research that tells you.

us that telling kids what to do just doesn't work. Yeah, especially when it comes to exploring sexually. So what you want to do is create space. And how do you create space? What do you do right now? Ask questions. Right. So you're 10 year old or your 12 year old, like, ask, so have you been hearing people talking about sex at school or your friends or do you know anything about sex? Like, let me know. Tell me. Let's talk about it. Right. It's okay. Like to say, it's okay. Let's talk about it. I mean, I have sex, like, you know, and one day you'll have sex, so let's talk about it. So ask them the question and then they'll start telling you a little bit and then sort

of be inquisitive and ask them more questions. And then from there, it's easier. So I definitely want to circle back to your story, but I just have one more question to add on to this. How soon? Okay, so what if your child is like 14, 14 and they want to start exploring having sex? Do you still have that same open-minded conversation with them? Yes, 100%.

like I said you want to be the person they always come to you don't want them to learn from anywhere else exactly yes and I understand that but what if like you are just like you know if you want to like tell them to wait or like you know wait until you fall in love or is there a right time to tell a child when they can and can't have sex even if you say you can't they will if they want to right and what you don't want to happen is them hiding you hiding from you because the worst thing that happens is when kids feel too ashamed to talk to their parents is the saddest thing because they didn't have to go talk to someone else and sometimes they find a comfortable person to talk to online and that could be some creepy dude yeah you know

living in his mom's basement yeah yeah try to like be the comfort person that accepts her like you don't want that yeah you want her to come to you yeah so yeah always be open minded and if she's like yeah I don't know like my boyfriend and I have been together six months and we're thinking about it just like listen you know whatever you want to do you have the power to choose and I support you yeah but remember here are the qualifications of good sex like one he must respect you do you feel respected most of the time or all the time because you should and if there are times where you feel like I don't know he's kind of weird about that then don't have sex with him yet because you need to be respected at all times

And then two, like, do you think he will focus on your pleasure? Because remember, especially for girls, for young girls, like, your pleasure means more. Right. Right. Don't just let him. You're not there for just him. Right. Don't just let him take over and, you know, he comes, he's done.

Right? Like, no. No, I love that. I love teaching young women to have the boundaries. And luckily, our daughter is so open with me about everything that she does. That makes me happy. But in the beginning, when she first came to me, about sex, you know, like, especially because of the, the lifestyle that I was in, I just wanted

to shield her so much from it because I just know how bad it can get, like, if you get real deep into it. But then I also had to remember that her life isn't the one that I lived. So, yeah, totally. So circling back, you grew up in an all, you grew up in a strict home, went to an all-girl Catholic school, take me from there. Oh, well, so then I got the opportunity to go to a high school in Finland. So it was the very first time to branch out of my like environment in Thailand with like all the Asian girls to a co-at school with like girls and boys. And also in Europe where they don't care too much about nudity or genital or you know, they don't sexualize things because being naked is fine. Yeah, don't they have all the nudist beaches out there

and stuff. They do. And they also have saunas where they go in naked. Yeah. Like they don't wear bathing suits. They actually don't allow bathing suits. They go into sauna's naked And everybody out there is fucking so beautiful And they don't care Yeah They don't care What I really love is they practice body neutrality

So it's not body positivity Where you're like Oh love your body, you're so beautiful Right like they don't care about that And they're just like listen My body works Yeah You know my body is effective

And it's great I've never heard that before Body neutrality Body neutrality Like I love my body because it works Right I love that And you don't have to you know

beautify it or yeah no that's beautiful yeah and so in finland you know it was my first time being around like naked people going in saunas they didn't care being around boys girls and boys and people of all ages yeah so like teacher like you know grandpaws everyone yeah it was also my first time seeing an old person's dick oh god and they're weird looking man i'm back in my day i've seen a few and just the old wiry hairs i can't stand it dude what i hate it When I was a teenager, I didn't know. Because old balls that smell like fucking old spice, I can't do it. I'm having flashbacks.

Oh, shit. But yeah, that was like, that was my very first time just learning that like my body isn't bad and like genitals aren't bad. I wish America was more on the body neutrality. Yeah. Because that's such a beautiful, just a way to teach people how to just love themselves. Whereas out here, it's just, it's such a. fake, you know, body positivity, but everybody's had surgeries. We have, you know, I've had Botox, I've had my lips and we've all done.

I love Botox. Yeah, exactly. I love Botox. I will never live without it. But it's like, you know, if had we have been wired on the body neutrality, we probably wouldn't have felt the way that we do now. Yeah. Yeah.

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And were you away from your parents? Okay. The first time that it was away from parents, people were naked. I mean, this sounds like a great time. It sounds like summer camp. And just lots of tall, attractive people everywhere because Scandinavia. Oh yeah and they're all beautiful like it's just crazy. Yeah so it was it was really crazy. I had a lot of sexual exploration. Wow. A lot. Yeah.

Yeah like when people ask like when you just when you just start sexually exploring I'm like my whole face started a long time ago when I was a teenager. I love that yeah same is same for me too. I don't I don't know how much we can get into like your sexual explorations underage because you know everybody right right nobody nobody knows how to deal with anything like that and if we talk about stuff like that people get offended

but you did discover your sexuality while you were away and you were going to the school yeah and is that kind of like what inspired you to want to go on the path that you chose for living work yeah yeah so um out of all like my background combined right then i moved to the united states uh you know oh god you went from finland and freaking new united states yeah yeah well but i moved to L.A., which to me is still quite, like, sexually liberated. Yes. Comparing to Thailand, it is more sexually liberated. Definitely not body neutrality out there, though.

No. No, a lot of pressure. I'm from Vegas, so. Yeah, a lot of pressure for beauty. But in terms of, like, sex and sexuality, I mean, there were like everybody, right? There's West Hollywood. There's, like, there's just everybody. So it was really cool.

But, you know, people often ask, like, wow, like, becoming this, like, global sex expert. Like, were you always like this? Like, no, I was, when I first came to America, I was just like an anxious immigrant girl from Thailand. I was, I was anxious. I was quite quiet. And I really, like, it was hard for me to make friends because I didn't speak fluent English. My dad sent me to an accent reduction school so I can speak standard English. I didn't even know they had those.

Yeah, for international students. So you go to school to, like, learn how to not have an accent. Yeah, to sound American. Oh, yeah. So, I mean, I think it pays off because, like, I've received a lot of speaking opportunities. I think it's probably also because that I, um, that it's easy to understand me. Right. But yeah. So I moved to America. I was in L.A. and I was pursuing higher education. And at that point, I was doing my master's degree. And in my master's degree, I learned, uh, that sex is one of the most, oh, Actually, sex is the most universal problem that all couples around the world have, regardless

of their race, ethnicity, gender, age, how much money they make. Like, everybody has a sex problem at some point in their lives. I was like blown away. That is crazy. When you say problem, what do you mean? Because I feel like it's a great problem to have. Or is it? No, it's any kind of problem.

So it can be physical problems. Right. So like dry vagina, erectile dysfunction, can't last long, like any sort of physical problems. It can also be psychological problems. So sexual shame, sexual anxiety, sex addiction. It could also be almost like a relational problem. Like in a relationship where you are in a sexless marriage or you're in a relationship where one person is resentful because they initiate more sex than the other.

So there's a lot of problems. in different aspects. Gotcha. When you were saying sex problem, I thought you were talking about like, having too much sex. Yeah, and I was like,

I don't know if that's a problem. No, I'm not. Yeah. But yeah, I think when I read that, I was like, damn,

like I want to be the solution to that problem because it's so universal. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have anybody that inspired you to want to go down that route too?

Because I know that there was Dr. Rood. And then there was, what was that other lady's name who used to suck the bananas? Sue. Sue? I fucking love Sue,

dude. I love Sue. She's amazing. And I've always, like, been obsessed with those two women. And even when I started my podcast, I used to say the degenerate love child of Dolly Parton and Dr. Ruth. Because I've just, they were so influential back then, you know? So I love that they influenced you also. 100%.

Like, Dr. Ruth, yeah, 100%. I definitely, like, even now, like, you know, whenever I talk about brand, I always say, like, I am becoming the Oprah of Sex. Yeah. You know, like interviewing people about their sex. sex life and stuff like that. So yeah, I love it. So ever since then I started pursuing this career and then I got my PhD in four years. And then once I got my PhD, I became a college professor. And that's like my first career and still is my career as a college professor

teaching human sexuality. That's so cool. I love how driven you were and how you just, you know, coming from, you know, coming to America, not even being able to speak English, going to school to learn how to, you know, dampen your accent and then saying like, you know what, I'm going to take over America and become their sex therapist. Yeah. That's fucking dope. Thank you. I love that so much.

Thank you. So we have your man sitting over here too. Can you tell me a little bit about how you guys met? And then we're going to dive into some questions that my Patreon members have because there's so many of them. And I'm so excited to talk about sex. I love answering sex questions. Yay.

So my husband, Brent, we met on the plane. We were heading out to Europe. So it was from L.A. And it was like L.A. to New York. And it was that first five hours. Then he went to Italy and I went to Greece. But we sat next to each other. I remember when I got on the plane and as I was walking down the aisle,

like I kept looking at my ticket and I look at that hot guy over there. And I'm like, oh, I hope I sit next to him. And as I approach, I'm like, I am sitting next to him. Oh, he manifested. Yeah. And he was drawing. Yeah. So like.

Oh, go figure. He's an oil painter, guys. Yeah. Yeah. He's an oil painter big time. And as I approached, I was like, hey, like, yeah, that's my seat. And he was drawing. So, you know, as I sat down and got settled, I'm like, so like, what do you do?

Like, what are you doing? And so we started talking about his art and he just lights up. Like, I have never seen anyone in my entire life. It's just when people live truly in their passion, you just feel the energy. And at that time, like, I haven't felt that kind of energy in a man. So when he introduced himself and he started talking about his career, like, I was drawn. Yeah.

Like I was like, I want that. I want in. Well, I want him and me and I want in. But yeah, that's how we met. And then we sort of just been hanging out ever since and we got married two years ago. We met five years ago and we got married two years ago. Oh, I love that. That is so like serendipitous.

Yeah. Like, oh my God. Yes, because our original flights were canceled. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Oh, it was meant to be. So what's it like being, is his microphone over there?

Hold on. We're going to ask him a question because he's married to a sex therapist, so I have to ask, you know, okay, hi, Brent, right? Yes. So being married to a, what's it like being married to a sex therapist? Oh, it's, I mean, I think you know the answer to that. I mean, is it like amazing? Like, how do you guys? Well, okay, I'll say the one, one of the huge benefits that I think maybe people wouldn't think of is her communication is. Like, she's got a Ph.D. in communication. So I always know what she's thinking, how she's feeling because she's telling me. And she taught me that as well, which is like,

it is like the most valuable thing to have ever. Like any type of disagreement we get in, it's over in three to five minutes. And we're moving on to bigger and better things. Absolutely. Yeah. So that's a great part and great pussy. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. That's all given. Because that's really what I was getting out. I'm like, to be a sex therapist, I feel like the pressure is on. Like, you would have to really perform in bed all the time. You know, that's really funny because when I first started, I sort of feel like that.

But then I've been in this, you know, doing this for eight years. So for me, it's just being authentic in bed. I think people love authentic people everywhere, but particularly in bed, we're very vulnerable. So like, as long as you put in the effort, show yourself authentically and like be really into it. Because that's what people want. Like, people don't want, you know, people that just lay down. Yeah. Right?

Like, just be into it. Like, you know, even when you, even when I give a blow job, I'm into it. Yeah. You know, I'm doing that, like. Have you ever, have you ever given a class on how to give a blow job? Like, how suited? Do you remember how she would, like, put the condoms on the banana and, like, twist her hands and, like, really get it going? Like, have you ever done that?

I haven't, but I aspire to do that at some point. I know, but then they will delete it. I mean, I wonder if there's, like, some way you could do it. A lot of community guys. Guidelines. YouTube. Yep, Mimi said YouTube. You could do it on YouTube.

Some guy waxed his straight butthole on YouTube. I'm talking like spread cheeks. You could see it. I had him on my podcast. Bro, he's amazing. I love him. Leonardo. Yes, but he's straight up waxed his butthole on YouTube and millions of views, dude.

So you could definitely do it. Okay, so do you mind answering some questions? Let's answer the questions. Thank you, Brent, too. And you can chime in anytime you want. Oh, nice. yeah and then we're going to talk about your book too thank you okay this question to me was so I didn't understand it but then actually as I read the the the um the question it kind of made a

little bit of sense so she said when I have an orgasm why does it make me cry it's not a sad it's not sad or anything like that my partner and I have been together for about 12 years and everything is fine it's not like an ugly sobbing cry but more like a release I love this question. And it brings awareness to this topic. So that is called crygasm. I never knew that. Have you had it? No. Yeah. So crygasm is a very real thing. And lots of people, particularly women, but some men too, experience it. It's because when you have a really intense orgasm, your whole body and your hormones and your physiology is all like heightened and very enhanced. So it's quite normal to have different sort of release. Some people may release it through like grabbing something really hard.

Some people may release it through like squeezing their vagina walls really hard. Some people release it through crying. So crygasm is actually a good side. So that just means that she feels so good that the only way to just get it out of her is to cry. That sex is incredible. Yeah. Wow. Her man must be putting it down. Have you ever had a crygasm? Anybody here? Yeah. Crygasm? No. Damn, I think I may have I bet I you and I definitely yeah we have had crygasm yeah you guys do or don't we have we have we have oh I love you guys that means you guys are just really getting into it yeah can we talk about squirting yes because so many people are like fascinated by squirting and then the other people are like disgusted by it because they say that it's pee I know how to squirt and I know it's not

P. But what are your thoughts on squirting? How does somebody do it? What is it? All the things, squirting. I am a big fan of squirting. Like, I love to squirt, right? Me too. I'm a big fan. Yeah, she does. He makes me squirt really like so fast. Brent, look at you, buddy. Shit. Okay, so first of all, I love squirting. There's nothing wrong with squirting and people that feel disgusted. I think you should shift your perspective to enjoy it because it feels amazing for the woman but also to the partner. So what is it? It's liquids from the skin's gland.

However, so the liquid from the skin's gland is the majority of it. However, if you push the whole system really hard, sometimes there's pee in it. For sure. Sometimes. And again, pee is actually not dirty. Pea is sterile. Like, pee is cleaner than your mouth.

Wow. Yeah. Pea is sterile. Wow. That's Brent. He's a doctor. I never knew that. Yeah, yeah.

Pea is clean. It's sterile. So that's why some people drink pee, like when they do like these crazy. Oh yeah. I think that's like sort of a new age remedy thing. You've seen it right? Like people are drinking their pee. I've seen it on TikTok actually.

I've seen it on Instagram Reels. That's a dark, dark place in there. But yeah, some people I've seen drinking their pee. So that's why because it's sterile. It's sterile. Yeah. I mean, I don't recommend drinking pee. Yeah.

We do not recommend drinking pee. pee just a heads up however it's not disgusting to just like you know have a little bit of pee and your skin's glands liquids um on the bed or on you or in your face or on your fingers or whatever so that's what it is and then how um for the women you need to really completely relax yes you would say so right that's the key because before i was able to squirt it was because i couldn't relax too tense or if your mental is not there you're not going to be able to do it um so you have to be able to relax your whole body completely and that comes with like foreplay taking deep breaths and like really feel it building in your body and like sort of push it out um another thing is

using a vibrator on your clitoris yes when you get penetrated either by a finger by fingers or penis or a toy because when you come clitorily you have more capacity to like also have ejaculatory orgasm or squirting orgasm. So that can help too. For newbies, I think that might help them squirt easier and then one day you can try without it. Yeah. Also, there's a technique that a guy can use his fingers.

The come hither. Pushes down. Yes, the come hither when he pushes down on your stomach and goes like this. Yeah. You can squirt a lot that way too. There's so many ways. Is there a certain position that you would recommend to beginners who are trying to learn how to squirt? Yes. Well, so it's easiest when you are getting fingered. So I recommend putting a

pillow under the bud because then you're about 45 degrees up and then have him use like, or her, we use one or two fingers and then do the come hither motion while pushing on the mons, like the pubic area. However, even before you get there though, you do need to like warm up the whole body. Yeah, you can't just go straight in. Yeah, the vagina is not a separate system. Yeah, it's a It's to be warm it up in the wintertime. Yeah, so like lick the nipples, massage the breast, kissing. Like you need the whole body first and then, yeah, go there, start doing the cum hither, do the pillow under the butt.

And I think it's easier to squirt that way. I love that. I hope this helps people at home too. Yay. Let's dive into some more questions. Yeah. Um, I used to think all bras were just fancy torture devices. Wires, poking, straps, slipping, constantly adjusting.

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progress. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Bank. Bank, provided by the Bankor Bank N.A or Stride Bank N.A. Members FDIC. Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Fees apply at out-of-network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs, according to U.S. News and World Report 2023. Chime checking account required. I'm 31 years old and me and my husband have four kids. My husband is a very horny man to the point I cannot keep up. How and what can I do to up my sex drive? Have him do more chores.

Have him pull more weight around the house, right? That's my real first answer, because, based on research, women who don't have to do chores as much are hornier. Wow. Yeah, that's why we, I mean, I say chore play is foreplay. Wow. Yeah. Like, when women are so overwhelmed, there is no space to be horny.

Right. No space. Yeah. Mentally, you're just not there. Yeah. Even if I give you, you know, three tips to boost your libido. Like, you can't do it if you're overwhelmed. Right.

So chore play is foreplay. That's first. And then, like, once you're not so overwhelmed, then here are some of the tips based on research that really works. One is exercise because you need blood flow. If you are working at a computer and then taking care of your children and then laying in bed to go to bed, like there's no blood flow, right? Like maybe you walk a little bit, but you need that intensity.

Like you need the hit workout or like, you know, stay a master. Like you need to boost the heart rate and help with blood flow. When you say getting horny, it means that. your blood flow goes to your vulva, right, the whole vaginal area. So if there's no blood flow, there's not going to be blood flow that can go to your vulva and vagina and therefore you can't get horny. So exercise, walks, like whatever, move your body. That will be the first one. The second one is more foreplay throughout the day. A lot of long-sting and like teasing. Yeah. A lot of long-term couples tend to have a very dormant sex life. And,

and then try to have penetrative sex. Women can't do that. Most women can't. They have to feel, like, desired throughout the day. Like, I'm wanted, I'm desired, I'm sexy. Yes, fuck me, daddy. Right? Like, you can't get to, oh, I'm working on the computer

and my sex life is dormant and get home and be like, fuck me, daddy. Like, you know, you can't get there. So there needs to be flirting throughout the day. If you know it's your, like, sex date, day, throughout the day, there needs to be some sort of courtship going on. And that needs to be revived because I think people forget when they're in long-term relationships. And then lastly, I mean, there are a lot of like people that say, you know, meditation or sexual meditation

can help you feeling more horny. But there's actually real experiments and studies in big universities that show that it works. So sexual meditation is what I do every day. And it works in keeping me feel horny. Where would you find, like, sexual meditations at? Like, on Insight Timer or, like, YouTube. YouTube, yeah. I have a, I have, like, a bunch of guided sexual meditation on YouTube. Yeah.

If you search for me, go on there, press play, and just listen to me, take deep breaths, and do what I say. Ah, I love that. You're amazing. I could listen to you talk all day long. Thank you. Next time my husband says anything, I'm going to be like, chore play is for play. There you go.

Take the trash out. Yeah. To the dishes. Sure play is for a play. I need that t-shirt. Yeah, for sure. Okay. How do I get comfortable again with my new boyfriend after a domestic narcissist

relationship that was three plus years? It just feels like sex will always hurt. And every doctor said nothing is wrong. I'm just tense. I need help. I highly recommend seeing a somatic therapist. Have you heard of that? I've heard of them.

I don't know exactly what they do. Could you explain? Yeah. So in therapy, there are three different size of sex therapy. There is talk therapy, which is just like a regular therapy, but it's specifically about sex. Then there's somatic therapy, which is body movement. A lot of trauma is stored in the body. And sometimes just talking about it, it doesn't go away. But working with the body, you can heal from it from inside the body. So somatic therapy actually is very powerful for people in that. situation. And then the third type of therapy is called sexological body work. Have you heard of that one? I have not. It's very interesting. I actually discovered this only like five years ago. It's sexological body workers are the people that work on your body. So they touch you and you can touch them. All right. As a part of therapy. Where are they touching? Depends on where you have like trauma store. Gotcha. And like where you have. So it's not like they're like making you

orgasm in any way it's a healing type of therapy they can if you have orgasm problems a lot of women can't orgasm it's called an orgasmia and you can see a sexological body worker and they can basically therapeutically help you find your blocks and then like work on your body and you can also touch them so it's like a two-way touch if that's like what's agreed upon because of course you have to talk about it and there has to be consent yeah absolutely but i have a personal story about that let me hear i recently said saw a sexological body worker because I have never had anal orgasm. Well, that's hard. It's hard because it's fucking hurts so bad.

Like you're not thinking about being like, uh, relaxed because you're so tense. I'm sorry, anal sex hurts. I can't because also that's where poop comes out. And sometimes you got a hemorrhoid, you know? Yes. So it's like sometimes the shit don't feel me. Right. I know. That's for real. You're very real for that. It's true. But yeah. But yeah, Like I talked to some women in my field and they're like, oh my God, anal orgasms like amazing. It's like full body. It's so great. And I'm like, oh, jealous.

Like I've never had it. It has always been painful. Yeah. So I contacted this sexological body worker that actually like works on a TV show in the UK. And we became friends and she came to my house, had a bed and everything, right? Because like body worker, kind of like a masseuse, like they work on your body. How does someone get licensed to do this? So it's not licensed with the state or the country, but there is certification.

Okay, gotcha. Yeah, so you should only like get certified people. Yeah, don't find the guy on Craigslist, okay? Don't have some somatic body worker from fucking back page coming to help you. No, not the dude on Craigslist. That was like, I can come work on your body. Exactly. I know Craigslist is shut down, I think, right?

Oh, really? I don't know. I haven't been on there in so long, but I'm just saying it's like, just don't find somebody online unless they have certifications. Yeah, not the people. people that are like, I can come work on your butt hole. Yeah, exactly. All right. So let me hear the story. I'm sorry, I cut you off. So yeah, never had anal orgasm. So she came over and like literally it took all day of like talking therapy about my like butt and my anal stuff. And then go into like different exercises like breathing. So I lay down naked and I started like doing the exercise with her.

She massaged my whole body. She like held space for me. Then I turn around and she massaged my whole body. then massage my butt for a long, long, long, long time. And then she started, like, you know, having me, like, lay on the side and, like, you know, open my legs a bit so, like, she can open my butt cheeks. And then she started, like, massaging my hole. And then basically, yeah, like, took a long time massaging the whole. Then she taught me where the anal tissues are and, like, where the orgasms can happen. Right.

And it's, like, the 6 o'clock. Wow. So even in women, because I know in men, and we'll talk about that next, they have, like, a little walnut in there. Do us as women have? one also? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, not prostate per se, but like we can also, yeah, we can. Something that can stimulate an orgasm. We can have anal orgasm. Wow. Because I just had one. So she worked on my whole body, worked on my butthole for a long time. Put her finger in, put one finger in first, then two fingers, and then she used a toy. And then help me figure out, like, which part of the butthole,

inside the butt was pleasurable, which part hurts more. And then she started doing the stimulation. And Yeah, like it took a long time. And how did it feel when it finally happened? You know, it feels like a deep, like deep bodily release rather than, you know, clitoral orgasm, that's the easiest one, right? And that's when your legs are like shaking or when you have to close your legs. Yeah. It's not like that.

It's very like sort of deep and like in the body. Almost like it feels like in the tummy. Yeah. It felt great. Where were you when all of this was going down? She was overseas. I was back in L.A. I missed all of this.

I just should have done it on FaceTime. I'm like, where's Hovey out when this is going on? He's so excited, though, that now I'm down for anal. Right. So have you been able to orgasm with him now since doing that? Not yet. Yeah. No, I just did this anal retreat like a couple weeks ago.

Oh, wow. This is all brand new. Oh, my goodness. I'm even new. You guys are going to have to report back because I need to know. I'll let you know. So circling back to what we were just talking about, about, you know, the men's anal gland and the G spot that's in there.

Can you tell us about how, if a woman wanted to make her husband orgasm from that spot, how could we make that happen? Yeah, the P spot. I mean, there are different ways. First way you can massage the peranium or like the taint. You can massage that in like different sensations. You can do with just your fingers first and then try like loop and like a lot of loop to see what feels good for him. I heard that doing that, coupling that with like a blowjob is like, you know, fireworks.

So you can massage the perennium. You can also insert. And that's why some men really loves getting pegged or fingered in the butt. So you can also insert your finger, maybe one or two fingers. It's about one and a half inches inside the butthole. And it is a part of the whole like prostate system. So yes, men can have an orgasm. And it doesn't mean ejaculatory orgasm.

So they might not ejaculate, but they can have a bodily orgasm from that as well. But they can also ejaculate if you also stimulate the shaft. So you can do all of that combined and it should feel really good. That's why some men love when you give them a hand job and they're about to come. They're like, oh, put your finger inside me because it makes it more intense. But some men also just love full blown getting pegged. Right. Yeah.

So let's talk about that. Have you pegged men before? I have not. Do you want to? I've had people try to hire me back in the day in my old profession to peg them and I just never could. It wasn't my thing, but there was other girls who have done that. Can we talk about what pegging is and like for people at home who don't know about it?

And, you know, what are some fun things that people can do with pegging? Yeah, yeah. I mean, putting finger inside and stimulating it that way. It's also sort of like a, you know, pegging 101, you know, without any. Okay, so maybe I have pegged some people. Yeah, well, without any tools, right? But like, originally or traditionally, when we say pegging, we mean women wearing a strap on. That's what I was thinking you were talking about.

And then pegging men, so like fucking them in the butt. Right. And to do that, you need to go, then first, like, go purchase the whole harness, purchase the whole harness and, you know, the strap on, the dildo strap on. And usually if men are newbies, they want to start. with something really small. So like a four-inch dildo. Listen,

if men can't even handle anal at first, how do you guys think we can handle your big old shlongs the first time? Preach, sis. I know.

Yeah. I mean, like if you want to do me anal, I do you anal. Yeah. Like tip the tag, buddy. Yeah, it's not a me.

I'm we. I love it. But yeah, like if you're new to pegging, there's a lot of like resources online, like how to peg. But it's generally like

wearing the strap on, lubing it a lot with lube and then also start with massaging his butthole first so it's relaxed and warm when you say massaging do you mean like just putting your two fingers on the outside yeah okay but you can't have like super long nails so yeah i wouldn't think that these would be fun there that would not be good you don't have anal nails yeah no no but yeah massage the whole the starfish massage the hole um keep it like warm and loose and you can also even start with like just one finger and like kind of lobe it around like this and then yeah slowly inserting so I never knew

putting a finger in the butthole I have I actually one of my exes I I banged him with a dildo so I guess that's considered pegging too also okay yeah yeah got it so yeah I guess I have so you experienced I just never worn the strap on not that I have anything against it I just don't think that I don't I don't think my thrust technique would be great you know I need to work on my thrust I feel like it just feels so powerful to have a cock literally have you pegged people people? I have. Not him because he's not into anal. Yeah. Well, oh, you're not into it, but he's not into it on himself. He will. But here's another thing going back to your question about marrying a sexologist is I'm now, I'm open to anything. Were you like that before?

No way. No, no way. I grew up in a very loving parents, but very conservative. I was ashamed of sex. And we don't mean conservative in general. We mean sexually conservative. Sexually conservative. So marrying her and being with her, she's opened my mind that I'll never say never to anything. So I'm always looking to grow and learn. That means I get to peg him tonight. I was going to say, get the strap out, baby.

Let's go. He's over here blushing right now. He's like, nope, didn't mean that. Yeah, not tonight. I actually don't remember. remember the brand. I don't want to shout out anyone, but like I heard that there's a brand that makes a specific, um, strap on for his butt hole. Like they do like a, it's like a custom made. Oh. Yeah. I'm glad. They get the, the royal treatment. Meanwhile, women, we just have to take it.

It could be fucking eight, ten. Doesn't matter. Curved. Ten. Who have you met? I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Is it him? No, no, this is my name. His girlfriend's hot, though. His girlfriend is really hot. He's banging Brooke and she's beautiful. All right. We're going to ask you a couple more questions because I feel like this is so informative, but I'm going to go into my Patreon because, oops, hold on, I just hit Pandora. Let's do it. I can sit here and listen to you talk all day.

Like you are so informative, but you know what's really cool about the information that you give is you also teach people to, you know, work through their trauma. And I think that's amazing because a lot of sexual blockage is from trauma. And actually a lot of fetishes stem from. trauma too you know and we always say on this podcast we never yuck anybody's yum you know and we do a segment called ask tell confess every week and we get some pretty crazy questions and I feel like I need to just start shooting people over to you I'll be like go ask dr. Tara yes ask me all right hold on one second y'all already know sundays at my house are all about football whether it's the touchdowns

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at YouTube.com slash go slash NFL Sunday ticket slash terms limited time offer. Yeah, we could call in Dr. Tara on the lifeline. That would be amazing. This person, Haley, said, I want to know your opinion on womb meditation. I think it's lovely.

I've never heard of it. What is it? Yeah. It's like to honor the yoni and the womb. And I think it's lovely. I think any sort of like sex related meditation is lovely and effective. Because like I said, there's research that shows through the experiments that it works.

And honestly, as women, we don't give honor and love to our womb that much. We just take it for granted. and we take her for granted. So I think like womb meditation, Yoni meditation, whatever you call it sacral meditation,

I think it's super, super lovely. And when I say like research found it works, I mean, it really works on some of the people that actually had zero sex drive. There was a study that was about cancer patients who had like some sort of cervical cancer. So like these women had no sex drive. And then after doing this for like a certain period of time,

they all have sex drive so like it works yeah no i love meditation i'm a i am a huge meditation advocate i talk about it on the podcast all the time because i love that about you like i love anything that is um um a reset especially for your nervous system and i just say it's fucking amazing because we need more like celebrities to talk about meditation yeah because again like generally meditation is free yes and it's literally therapeutic and it's literally breathing it's breathing and getting in touch with your body i feel like especially because in this world that we live in we are all so detached from ourselves that it's like you deserve to give yourself 20 minutes a day of just being inside yourself and literally if you want to or you know

figuratively speaking but meditation i just think is so healing and so so so needed they should teach it in schools yeah oh yeah yeah yeah do you teach it in your class yeah yeah i talk about sexual mindfulness and meditation. What college do you teach at? California State University Fullerton. You're going to have everybody and their mom go sign up for your class. I mean, my classes are always full in the first five minutes. I bet. I could only imagine. If I had a class back in the day whenever I just was thinking about going to college, I would have gone to college just for your class. Thank you. So Joni wants to know, I need some advice on what to do about menopause. I've been going through the shit for half my life, it seems now. But what helps with hot flashes

and my sex drive. Mm-hmm. She said, evidently I took a wrong turn and got lost. Mm-hmm. So three things. One, there are

menopausal supplements out there that work. You just need to vet the website really well. Read their research. Like, read their clinical trials because there are too many supplements in the world.

And some of them are shit. Yes. Right? Like just made in... And don't buy them off Amazon. No. And it's just like made in some people's like scourash.

Oh. Yeah. Like, so make sure it's legitimate. And, but there are like natural supplements that can help regulate the menopausal process. Yeah. So supplements is one. Um, two is using a ton of lube for everything, including masturbation. Even if they have vaginal dryness, will the loop, will it still feel good to them?

It will still feel good. Yeah. I, I love silicone base loop because it stays slippery a long time. I literally preach silicone loop on the podcast. I tell everybody do not use water fucking base. No, it just goes dry fast. I don't like it. you get a fucking yeasty-beasty every time.

Silicon, I feel like you don't. Easey Beasty? Yeah, like a yeast infection, I can't stand it. That's so cute. It's like a cartoon. Like a, oh my God, we should make sex ed cartoon. Oh my God, that would be so fun. Easty beastie.

I'm serious because they're like raging. Like, I hate it. I hate Ease Infections. Girl, I just got one two weeks ago because I try a new loop. I won't say the brand, but I try a new loop. A brand sent it to me. So I tried it. And I got yeast infection.

It was the worst. No, it's the worst. The worst. Silicon, you never have that problem. No. So use silicone-based loop and just like become comfortable using it all the time. Because a lot of people have this shame still. Like I'm a woman, I should get naturally wet or else I'm not womanly.

No. But fuck that. There's also a lot of factors while you're dry. Like if you're taking antihistamine, like allergy pill, you're dry, bitch. Like it's normal. So people don't know that. They're, oh, I'm dry. Like I'm, you know, I'm not confident.

And then he goes down and he's like, why are you dry? Are you not horny? Like, no, like your head can be horny, but your pussy is dry. Yeah, there's so many factors. I take so many, like, allergy pills that, like, sometimes I'm just not that wet. I literally have silicone lube in my purse right now. Love it. Okay?

Like, I can pull it out right now. I love it. That's how much I love lube. I think there's nothing wrong with it. And, I mean, just fucking, you can have so much fun with it and never have to think twice. Yeah. How do you make sex fun again once you're in recovery from substance? substance abuse.

It was so much fun before, but now that I'm sober, it's very meh. I think it needs a complete rewire of the brain. Yes. And I've read a lot of literature or research into like sober dating. And what people will do is they will integrate like being sober into like their sexy date. And that sort of starts the wiring process. Yes. So like what that means is when you go on a date with your.

or someone you're dating is have like let's say like do do a mock tail tasting have like five different mocktails and do like the tasting and actually talk about it integrated into your romantic life first so that it's not it doesn't just feel like sex right because everything else like it goes together right so rewire the brain that like hey like when I feel loved when I'm in a romantic situation there's no alcohol yeah right then when you transition into having sex in order to make it more pleasurable because you used to just have drunk sex all the time and now you're having sober sex is to make sure that you integrate props like tools. The reason why you feel sober sex is not as good or it's awkward is

because your brain is literally trained that when you are drunk is the only time that sex is pleasurable. Like there is a neural pathway that tells you that. And in order to rewire that, maybe try something different. So not the same sex. So maybe it's not just like him trying to penetrate you. Maybe it's him using a toy on your clit. Yeah. And just change it. Yes. Change it open new pathways like neural pathways. When people ask me to like how come I can't have vaginal orgasm is because that pathway isn't open yet. You have to work on it and it takes some time. But once that pathway with your brain and your body is open and it's connected, you can have it all the time.

So, yeah, I would highly recommend her to have different types of sex than when she had drunk sex, including toys and tools and try that first. And once it's repositioned, then you can go back to the missionary and the other things you've done before. I couldn't agree with that more because I had to go through that. When I got sober in 2017 off of drugs and then off of alcohol, I got sober in 2018. Wow. So you don't drink anymore? Congratulations.

Thank you so much. Yeah. I had to relearn how to be sexy, not fucked up. And it's, I'm telling you, it is a journey, but you can get there. Because now I don't need anything to feel sexy. And it's kind of like empowering because you like, you know, you can turn it on at any time and turn it off and you don't have to have the fucking hangover. Right.

So everything you just said is 100% spot on. Thank you. Yeah. No, that was really great advice. I love that he's snoring. Do you see me over here? I'm like shaking them. So cute.

I'm going to ask you like two more questions. Then we're going to talk about your book. These are just so good. I feel like so many people have so many questions too. We already talked about squirting. I'm 57 years old and have been in a sexless relationship for 12 years. Any suggestions for a woman who is with a man who just doesn't want sex? Wow.

So first off, I want to tell you. tell her that you are beautiful, you are sexy, you are desired, you are wanted, and you don't need him initiating sex to tell you that. So I say that first because I know it's really, really, really hard to be in a relationship where the man, where it feels like the man doesn't desire you sexually. I have been in a relationship like that. And it wasn't my fault or anything about me at all. Actually, he was struggling with testosterone problem and he, he personally had really low sex drive. But still, it had that spillover effect on me and my self-esteem.

And the whole time in that relationship, I did not feel good about myself. Because I'm like, oh, like, even my partner didn't want to fuck me. Like, you know? So, yeah, like, I completely understand where she's coming from, although that sounds way more severe, 12 years. 12 years. Yeah. Would you suggest that somebody just like, I don't know, I would suggest like, hey, maybe

sit this guy down and if you guys can't. come to an agreement of some sorts of trying to work on it, then maybe you guys need to go separate ways. Get a divorce. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's so much life to live. And you're 57.

That's not that old. No, that's young. You still have freaking hopefully 20 more years to live. You know, like go get your fucking groove on, sister. Oh, yeah. And silver dating. I mean, I know it sounds kind of like bad. Silver dating.

I love you. I know, but that's like people over 55. Like silver dating. Silver dating is so popular. Yeah. So popular. horny old people my dad literally my dad passed away last year was banging all the way up until he croaked it was like they don't care these people no i'm telling you they old people are horny

who were who was just telling me about the you what were you telling me they do nursing home say it okay say that on the camera because i think this will be a good clip can we talk about how old people are horny as hell old people are horny as hell i mean they are some statistics out there that say like senior homes or like nursing homes have the highest STI rates in the in the country that's insane I can't even believe that all people are fucking way more than gen Zs like way more than young people why do you think that is why is everybody so horny because I feel like the older generation was so repressed do you think they're in like their sexual liberation now they are I think they are in their sexual awakening and yeah I think

when you're older you're in the fuck it mentality yeah yeah you know obviously if you're going around collecting STIs, like your badges of honor. I have 10 years left. Just gonna fuck it and fuck. Give me gonorrhea, chlamydia, and all of the above. I mean, they're already on antibiotics for like their hips or their back. So like it works anyways. So how are they even getting to STIs?

What the hell's happening? Who's doing this fucking review? Like, what are we doing? But for that woman, I really want her to be able to masturbate regularly because you can still get benefits from orgasms by yourself. Yes. And that's like the cocktail of happy hormones when you orgasm, you get oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin. It's incredible, like the benefits of orgasming. And you don't need anyone to help you. Like you can just grab a toy and loop and orgasm on your own. So I highly recommend that person like masturbating regularly to feel that sexual energy. And with him, I mean, see a sex therapist or sex coach that can help. But at the end of the day, if you can't talk and come to terms with it, I agree with you. Yeah, you have to.

Do you feel like if you don't use it, you lose it, you know that saying? Do you feel like that's true? 100%. Me too. Yeah. If you haven't had sex a long time as a woman, your vagina becomes, it kind of like shrinks a little. It gets cobwebs. Yeah.

And literally it hurts so bad to have sex again. Yeah. Yeah. So definitely always twiddle the twacker because it's going to keep us happy no matter what. Yeah. Help yourself. Dr. Tara, thank you for answering those questions. That was awesome.

Let's talk about your book. Yes. So you've just dropped a book, actually, or it's coming out. It is. It's coming out in October. Okay. But the pre-order is open now, and it's called How Do You Like It, a Guide for Getting One You Want in Bed. I love this.

Thank you. The book combines academic research with playful, no-filter advice. It includes quizzes, writing prompts, and sexual profile tools. Yeah. Tell me about this. Have you ever taken the Myers-Bricks test? I don't know. Have I?

Like personality test? Maybe. Uh, is that like the intergram? E-N-F-J, I-N-T-J, like that one? Yeah, so I'm like a seven, eight. Wait, that's an ingram. That's a number. So this one is like, E-N-F-J, I-N-T-P.

Oh, no, I need to take it. Oh, yeah. So that's the personality test. I basically came up with one for sex. So it's like a sex personality test. So when you take it, you'll know, like, who you are sexually. Yeah. And you can use it.

to talk about with your date or your partner. And it allows, it's a conversation starter. It really, my goal is to help people in the world start talking about sex together. And this will help them because there's a ton of quizzes in this book. So you take the quizzes, it will tell you like who you are, your sex personality, how you moan,

like your sexual expression type. There's all kinds of quizzes on there that will help you understand who you are and then be able to talk about who you are with your partner. I think that would be, that's amazing because it can actually

like bring couples together. Like some couples don't like to talk about sex. So maybe if they sat down and actually like did like a chapter a day or like a quiz a day like while they're laying in bed like it would just spark something between them.

That's actually America's biggest problem. I did a huge study based on 5,000 people. Wow. And I found that America's biggest problem is not talking about sex when it comes to romantic relationship. Wow. They don't.

People don't. who don't talk about sex? Do you think it's because they don't want to rock the boat with each other or they just don't know how to communicate? They don't know how to start. Yeah. And it's a very vulnerable topic. It's like, where do we start?

Where do we go? Do we just ask like, does this feel good? What else do you like? What if they say something that I don't want to do? Like, you know, there's a method to how to talk about it. And in my book, I talk about all of that. Yeah. Yeah.

I love that. So we all got to go. I would like to get a copy of your book too. So maybe can we order one. I don't have to. We'll order it. We love to contribute. Thank you.

How do you like it? Dr. Tara's debut book is coming out October 21st, 2025. I love the month of October. I feel like all good things happen in October. So that's amazing. And shout out to you for your new book. Thank you. Thank you so much.

So excited for you. Do you think this is going to be the first of many? Yeah, the first of many. Yeah. Yeah. And hopefully I become a New York Times bestseller. Oh, you will. We're putting it in the air.

We're manifesting it. I'm manifesting it. I'm manifesting it. I'm telling you. More people need books like this, and it's so relatable. And the way that you're so down to earth, I feel like people just are comfortable with you. And we need somebody like that in the world. So, yeah.

Thank you so much. And writing a book is a very hard feat. My book drops in February. So I literally, the fact that you did this speaks volumes because writing a book is not easy. Thank you so much. Yeah, absolutely. Dr. Tara, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today.

Thank you. It has been orgasmic. Yeah. Yeah. I'm having like a full body experience. I've got my orgasmic day notebook it's just a blank notebook that you can write your you know your journal do you journal? I don't I do I do you know you can journal every day I will write one sentence every day why you're proud of yourself there you go I will do that I'll do that

for sure shout out where everybody can find you your socials and all that stuff yes so my website Instagram and TikTok are lovebytes dot co that's L-U-V-B-I-T-E-S dot CO I love it thank you so much Dr. Tara. Thank you. Appreciate you. You got to come back, please. I will. This was so much fun.

You're like the best interviewer ever. Oh, I love you. So calm, but very like inquisitive. It's great. I love you. Well, I literally could sit here

for another hour and talk to you. So don't say that. I have so many on this paper right on this notepad right here. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to another episode of Dunblonde. I will see you guys next week.

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