Dumb Blonde - Gabbi Tuft: Transition and Transformation

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Bunnie welcomes the beautiful and captivating Gabbi Tuft, a former WWE Superstar, Celebrity Fitness & Nutrition Coach, and a courageous advocate for the transgender community. In a candid conversation, Gabbi shares her inspiring journey of self-discovery, including her experiences with family, love, and her mission to combat the feelings of isolation that some transgender individuals face.Gabbi discusses the transformative decision she made in her 40s to fully embrace her authentic self and how her time as a WWE superstar helped her discover the tailored diet and fitness regimen to achieve her dream physique. Today, she pays it forward by empowering others through her coaching, guiding them on their own fitness journeys.Gabbi Tuft: IG | TikTok Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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forget to sub to Patreon so that you can see the visuals because not only do we have episodes of the podcast, we have exclusive content that nobody else sees on any other apps, behind the scenes, photo shoots, and we're dropping a whole bunch of surprising stuff this year. So if you guys don't want to miss out and you want to be the first to know, go over to our Patreon, www.dumbblondunrated.com. Love ya. Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife.

That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. And today I am super excited to have my guest here because she absolutely fascinates me. And that's very rare because people don't fascinate me too much. But I am so curious about this woman, Miss Gabby Tuft. How are you, baby?

I'm wonderful. It's so good to be here in Nashville. Oh, my God. I love it. Dude, did you get a chance to go down on Broadway? No, I was so excited. Just look out the window in that beautiful Airbnb and just kind of enjoy everything. There were like party buses going by and all the kids were just dancing and stuff. So

I was just kind of being a fly on the wall. It's a lot down there. It is. I was down there before with WWE at the arena several times. Oh, okay. But Bridgestone. Yeah, at Bridgestone. And so I've been there, but it was just nice to watch from like a different perspective. Yeah, that's crazy. And to come back in a different time in your life too. Yeah, slightly different. One or two things have changed. Yeah, we're going to definitely dive into that. But like I was telling you before you came on the pod or before the pod started recording, I love what you represent online.

I'm into people who are just true to themselves and tell their story and whether people like it or not you know and I love that about you know I think that's what grabbed um grabbed me about you is I came across one of your videos one time and you were just pretty much like yes this is I I used to be a fucking alpha male WWE wrestler and now I'm a beautiful gorgeous woman and but you do it with such grace thank you and I think a lot of people don't do that and I just love that about you so I started following your journey and I was just like this woman is awesome thank you yeah a lot of the people in the community they tend to I think we get a lot of people on the defense

yeah and I think it's the majority honestly they're on the defense so much TikTok in general is on the defense god it's crazy people just so easily offended yeah you know everybody's kind of like a snowflake yeah and I took the other road I think it's because I used to stand in my boots and underwear in front of like 10,000 people multiple times a week but you know what it's like to stand in front of a crowd naked absolutely i'm literally naked in boots and underwear my job was to get booed at like i can definitely relate my job was to have people hate me so i'm like okay well no problem i can handle it yeah no for sure that's that's a fucking awesome way of looking at it though like my job

was to have people hate me i love that that's what it was and so now i'm like well why be offended at everything you know like there's no need i'd rather just educate I feel like our generation is so much tougher than the generation below us oh yeah absolutely we're like so thick-skinned because you and I are around the same age so it's like we're so thick-skinned we're like motherfucker bring it you know oh totally I'm the same way I'm like whatever I used to ride a bike without a helmet and drink from copper hoses I'm still here dude my parents put me on a bike without a helmet and sent me down a hill. And fucking I plowed into the back of somebody's fucking boat, dude. No, you didn't.

That's how I learned how to ride a fucking bike. Oh, my God. We are not the same. No, we are not. I remember the day I got my first bike. It was way too big for me. I had I wanted this like rattlesnake looking bike. I think it was like a diamond back.

My dad got it for me and he ran me down the street and just let go. And I mean, it's a cold, cold to sack. I'm like, well, what kind of harm could I get into? Of course I crashed and hit the curb and scratches everywhere. But that's how we learned. Yeah. We got the fuck back up and we did it again. There were no knee pads, no elbow pads, no gloves.

We didn't go cry in the fucking, in our rooms and fucking get depressed and shit. You know, like that was, it was a different time, a different era. Brush off the blood packet with some dirt. Keep going. We used to drink our own blood. Like, do you remember that? Did you ever do that?

Maybe we, you didn't ever did blood packs with, with your friends or like, I didn't do that. All right. Well, maybe I will listen. I wasn't a witchy shit as a kid already.

Dude. So what was the blood? So you would prick your finger with your best friend and you guys would rub your fingers together and do the blood and then you would lick it my mom warned me about that as as it no as it came up yeah my mom's like this is how you get diseases this is how you get aids i'm like what is maybe that's what's wrong with me about it listen i've been into witchy shit since i was a kid and didn't even know it. I love that. I absolutely love that. So I did a lot of research on you last night.

And one thing that I saw that was missing from Google was them kind of like humanizing you. They pretty much you're a WWE star that is transitioning. And that's every headline says that. And I just feel like I want to get to know the woman behind the transition, behind who you used to be. Like, I don't even know like where you grew up or like anything like that. So can you kind of take me? I don't know if your listeners are ready for this shit.

Oh, they're ready. They are ready. Everybody is so excited you're coming on. I've had a lot of people hit me about it because you've been talking about it. Yeah, I was. I was talking about it ahead of time. Like, this is something to be excited about. Yeah, it's funny, let's do this. I love you. No, I love you. I love everything you guys do. I love your story, too. Thank you. So where do you want to start? You want to start

with my childhood? Yeah. Like so where did you grow up? Where are you from? I was born in San Francisco. Oh, I was born in Kaiser in San Francisco. I fucking love Frisco. Right. They have the best food. Oh, my God. The food's amazing. It's changed a little bit since I was a kid, but I mean, it's still a fun place. I was born, born in San Francisco, raised in the North Bay. So I lived in Sonoma, kind of Napa area. Okay. Most people don't know where Sonoma County is.

So I always say, oh wait, we're what? I moved here from Fairfield. Stop girl. Okay. I've been working in Napa and all that. Oh my God. So my. We're all West Coast girls i love that so priscilla my soon-to-be ex wife who's still my best friend she grew up in calistoga oh my god yeah i'm okay i know exactly

where that is yeah so i grew up in runner park and sebastopol on the way to lake bodega bay that's where i grew up and um my dad was a car salesman. He sold cars for 30 years and he was really good at what he did. A phenomenal parent. My mom was a real estate secretary. She was a real estate assistant. And I had one brother five years younger than me. But my parents were awesome. My dad had so many opportunities at finance manager and management at dealerships and he always turned him down and I never understood why and I asked him and he said it's because I didn't want to work bell to bell and never see my family and so he gave up huge amounts of money to spend time with

his boys and his family at the time so every Friday my dad would pack up his truck in the summer and we'd leave the house at about 5 a.m. and we'd take my grandfather, my brother, and I, and sometimes my mom would go, but a lot of times it's just like boy stuff, and we'd go to the lake and we'd go fish and water ski all day long. We'd come home and take the fish, skin them, and have dinner, or what do you call it, clean them, and have dinner with the fam, and then we'd take these two-week vac vacations and we go to a different lake with my mom and everybody and we just go hang out for two weeks I had a wonderful like really wonderful family life that's amazing I did not that so it makes me jealous to hear stories like that I'm like

that's so beautiful I was lucky I was really lucky you know I kids grew up in households where people screamed and yells and there's a lot of abuse. I didn't have any of that. You have no trauma. They, they pushed me to do the best I could and they were kind of a little on the strict side, but nothing that's out of the ordinary. They were only strict cause they cared. Right. Well, and because we, like I said, have grown up in a different time where, you know, parents got to punish their kids and didn't get in trouble for it, you know? I mean, I never, I don't think I was ever spanked. I should have been. I absolutely should have been spanked. I remember this one time I was living in runner park. We lived there till I was 10 years old and I left

my bike down the street and my mom goes, your dad's coming home. He's going to park in the garage. Where's your bike? Oh, I left it down the street. Someone says, how? She goes, well, go get it. And so I'm running out the garage. I must have been eight or nine at the time. And I'm running down the driveway, and I just go, oh, shit. And I hear this, Gabriel.

And I'm, oh. You know, you stop dead in your tracks. And it's just like, oh, God, what happened? And my mom goes, what did you say? And I said, I said, shoot. You're like, I said, shoot. I said, shoot. Nothing. And it went back and forth.

And I just, I stuck to my story. I said, shoot. I said, shoot. I said, shoot. And finally, my mom's just going, pick a brush. I'm like, no, like the paddle on the brush. I'm like, mm-mm. She's like, your father's going to spank.

I'm going to tell him. And I cried, and I cried, and I cried. I'm like, I'll never do it again. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And my dad's home, and I'm crying. And she goes, don't say anything. What?

And she totally let me out of it. She didn't tell my dad. She looked at me, and she's like. She just wanted to scare the shit out of you. she told i know she didn't tell my dad she looked at me and she's like she just wanted to scare the shit out of you and she did oh she did i never never cussed in front of her again but you learned your lesson and that's all that's what she wanted yeah no i still kept cussing just not in front of her right so as a child did you struggle with your sexuality or like have yeah you know, any of that? I did. Okay.

It was interesting. And I didn't have any context for what it was. Again, you and I are very similar in the generation that we grew up in. Yeah. No cell phones. Right. No internet. There was no way for me to understand what was happening.

Frisco is kind of like a gay capital though, isn't it? Like, isn't there a lot of tunnel which is now I think it's the Robin Williams tunnel with the rainbows on it right you know we got it we got a fisherman's wharf when I was younger my dad would take us out to dinner and we'd see the rainbow tunnel we're like oh look rainbows yeah we had no idea what it meant right right gotcha okay I didn't know if like maybe there was an influence because of the city or you know no it was literally you know like I said my dad worked at the car dealership he didn't get home till you know 4 30 some days my mom was that real estate secretary so I was

the first one home from school my brother didn't get off till 3 15 3 30 something like that and so I would spend that short amount of time I would just kind of wander to my mom's closet and try on her clothes and I would just hang out like this feels right but petrified I was gonna get caught you know so it was years of this years and years and years of this I always had more girlfriends than guy friends I had girls toys which you know my dad kind of was all hmm you know yeah I had I had He-Man in Star Wars and things like that too but I loved loved My Little Pony I loved Barbies I wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid yeah so damn bad when they came out remember like the yeah the craze yeah oh yeah I had all of them and then the

Garbage Pail Kids came out oh I loved Garbage Pail Kids me too I was not allowed to have them though yeah me either so trash because they were so trashy. Because they were so trashy, right? And look at me now. I'm like queen of trash over here. We should start like Garbage Pail Kids 2.0. Right. It would be us now in our 40s. It would probably sell though if we started something like that.

I'm sure it would. That would be amazing. You see Bunny XO as a Garbage Pail Kid. Oh my God, all of us. All the TikTok creators as Garbage Pail Kids. That would be so fucking hilarious. Just Garbage moms now. Yeah. Oh shit. Damn it. Why do we got to get that title? I know. Somebody, somebody take a note. We gotta, we gotta look this up later. Yeah. Make this happen. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I had this, this short amount of time to, to be,

you know, feel comfortable about who I was. was do you think were you scared that your parents were gonna like be mad at you petrified okay yeah did your brother know no oh no nobody knew nobody knew until I was just about ready to transition wow yeah it was that deep deep dark that's gotta be heavy it was because as a guy I watched my friends get the crap kicked out of them if they acted feminine in any way shape or form. Not even gay just if you acted feminine if you held your hand in the wrong way.

Those kinds of things they were ostracized. We played games like Smear the Queer. Right. I remember that. Remember that? It was just you know not to act feminine and so it was breaking every rule of being a male at that age. And so I hid it. Deep, deep, dark secret.

Wow. That's really heavy to have to carry, especially as a child. It was. All throughout your life. It was. I was always scared I was going to get caught. And then I buried it. There was just a point when I just, okay, I'm just going to bury this.

Do you believe in reincarnation? I do. Yeah, I do too. And that's why I feel like, you know, women such as yourself, I feel like you guys maybe can't, if I came back in another life, I would, as a male, I would totally transition because I love being a woman, you know? So I think maybe a lot of people that do transition are reincarnated souls, you know? I've thought a lot about that. Yeah. I feel like I've been a woman in a previous life. Yeah. You carry it well. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. No, you actually, it's, I'm looking at you and like, I would never be able to tell that you've

transitioned. I love when you say that online. I think it's so funny. There are some things that you cannot change, especially transitioning late at life. And that's the thing I've learned. You start this transition going, I think I can do this. Okay, I know I can. And then it's surgery after surgery after surgery until you get to a point where you go, oh, there isn't a surgery to make me shorter. And there isn't a surgery to widen my hip structure aside from the BBL. And I can't shrink my hands. That ain't going to gonna happen so you better start loving who you are yeah real quick absolutely take me through

high school how was high school for you was that pretty torturous or were you did you excel every kid hates high school to an extent right yeah no we have a 15 year old so trust me i get it yeah how wait how 15 oh so you know yeah i, you knew going through it. Yeah. I was a nerd. I was a 4.0 GPA student. I was this skinny, scrawny little kid and I didn't have many friends. I had like four friends and we hung out on the quad. If one or two of my friends were missing that day, we were screwed. You know, it sucked. And I got picked on for being a straight A student. So I ended up wandering the halls a lot, acting like I had something to do so people wouldn't know that I didn't have any friends. Yeah, it sucked. I hate that. I hated high school.

It really sucked. Yeah. Do you feel like, why do you feel like you were such an outcast? like, why do you feel like you were such an outcast? We moved from one city to the next, from Ronit Park to Sebastopol when I was 10. And it was right at the end of fifth grade. And I had, I had a decent amount of friends in elementary school. I was doing just fine. But when I got to this new school, suddenly it was different. I didn't know anybody. They all had their established friends. And for whatever reason, I struggled making friends. Everybody wore different clothing. It's kind of like a hippie town compared to where I was. And so my clothes didn't match. Everybody played soccer instead of baseball. I couldn't kick a soccer ball. My life depended on it. I try to kick it at the person would go right and smack another person in the face.

Yeah. So I was last to be picked for every game everybody made fun of me and i just i don't think i ever recovered from it oh yeah i didn't that carried right into junior high soul what's that i said you're just a little sensitive soul i am yeah you're a water sign right you're a scorpio i am a scorpio yeah i am a scorpio stellium. Oh, nice. Nine planets in Scorpio. Wow. You are like the ultimate fucking Scorpio. I am deep.

Yeah. And they're all in all in the house of self. Are you very sexual? Am I very sexual? I that's interesting because I used to be right. I used to be a male as a male. Oh, yeah. When I was a guy was hypersexual and

persona I had great sex like hours and that like our quickie was like an hour yeah but uh now I'm I just don't I don't have a libido really dead if you get my motor running then yeah I'm good you know why do you think that? I think it's the hormones. It has a lot to do with it. But honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there's more than just the physical involved now. Estrogen's a hell of a drug, let me tell you. It's more emotional for me than anything. now that i'm into guys guys are gross thank you i say that all the time on this podcast people gotta think i'm a man hater because i'm just like

dudes are fucking gross all the time they're hurtful too and they're hurtful yeah i've been through all that but it's like if i'm gonna get my head down there in that area yeah you know things are gonna happen and yeah there's gonna be fuck my mind first before you fuck my body yeah i really gotta like what's going on so no i'm the same way when i was younger and i wanted to get it on with somebody i was like a dude i was like come on let's fuck we're gonna fuck and i'm i'm leaving i'm not gonna talk to you afterwards like i wasn't one of those girls i'm gone now oh my god the thought of sleeping with somebody is like, I can't,

it just could never cross my mind. Like, I'm just like, there's so much that I has to go into it, you know? So I'm thankful that I'm married, you know? Oh God.

And so I, I really desire to have a partner and I don't know if it's longterm or when it's going to happen, but I've done the hookup thing. Like I've been on Grindr many times, which is a shit show in itself. Oh, my God. I feel like dating apps are a fucking nightmare. They're horrendous.

I have a dating app story. Please tell. This was a long time ago, you guys. This was back when Match.com was cool. Oh, I tried Match. Jesus. And I met one of my friends. He's amazing.

I love him. I'm not going to say his name because in case he listens to this podcast, but he's still a friend to this day. But I had met this guy and he was super cute. Met him on fucking match.com. I go to his house. I'm like, cool. I'm just going to fuck this dude and leave, you know,

because I used to be a fucking little savage. And me and this dude are getting it on. And he's like, he's like, I can't come unless i'm in my closet no way and i'm like huh and he's like let's go into my closet and i'm like okay so we go into his closet shut the door turn the light off and he's like fucking me on his closet floor and finishes and i was like so are we gonna have to do that every time we have sex he's like yeah it's just something I've done since I was a kid and I'm just like you gotta be kidding no and that was my experience with match.com and I was like you know what I'm not gonna meet any more dudes off fucking match.com I'm done I can't right now yeah so that's my do you have any grinder stories

oh I've got horrendous grinder stories oh my do I start? Oh, give me the best one. The best one. Okay. Let me wipe my nose. It's running. Sorry. Okay. There, there's, okay. I'll, I'll tell you the best one. There, there's two. Oh, let's hear them. Okay. So the, the first one was my very first hookup ever. Yeah. My wife and I are still together. She's still living at the house. Which we'll get into in a little bit. Yeah. We had freed ourselves to see other people as long as we didn't bring back the house at that time. We're like, everything's good. And so I'm out with my friend, Jasleen, who is another trans woman. We're at this little wine bar and I'm just like, girl, I need to just fuck a guy and get it over with. And she goes, get on Grindr. What's Grindr? and she looks at me like what do you mean what's grinder i don't know i've been married for 20 years i i haven't dated i don't know what's going

on give me your phone and so she created an account for me and i this is before anything was happening where i was like very public about me dating other people i'm like nobody can know she's got a fake profile no problem in five minutes she's got a guy on the hook and she's like oh i fucked him he's awesome he's got she's like she's got a big old dick he's safe he's six foot oh this is perfect is that a good thing he's got a big dick she's like yeah i'm like okay i don't know this is like i've never been with the guy i've kissed a guy once then that was post transition this was your first, so okay, let's stop you right there. So all through high school, WWE, you had never been with a dude. No, and no desire to. No desire to.

Oh, I thought, like the thought of being with a guy, I'm going to open this water here. The thought of being with a guy pre-transition, I wanted to throw up at the thought of it. Yeah, and I wrestled dudes in boots and underwear, and I'm just like, bro, you stink. Go put on some deodorant. You know, something like that, but never like, you know, we do some weird shit in wrestling where our heads are in weird places, but never once was it like, huh.

Never attracted to men until after you decided to start transitioning. Never once. I cannot wait to dive into that. That's amazing. Oh, it's interesting. Let me tell you. So we run home, and I tell Priscilla,

I go, look, Jaslyn got me this hookup. She goes, oh my God, tell me about Yeah. Let me tell you. So we run home and I tell Priscilla, I go, look, Jocelyn got me this hookup. She goes, oh my God, tell me about it. Let me see him. So she's all excited. I love that. And her and Jocelyn are looking at this guy like, damn, he's hot. And he's really big and built. And so I go shower and I come out with like all these outfits and they look at me and Jocelyn goes, girl, no, this is a hookup.

Don't get dressed up for him. I'm like, what? Really what really she goes yeah i could put on some shorts and a tank top oh okay so i put on this these like little tiny trash shorts and a tank top we love trash yeah i i was the next tooth the story is gonna blow your mind speaking of trash uh so i go drive out and i meet this guy. I've got like minimal makeup on. It was back when I was still wearing wigs, pre-facial surgery. And I'm, you know, 220 something pounds of muscle still. And I knock on this guy's door.

It's his apartment. And he is handsome. Like handsome. I'm like, ooh, stunning blue eyes, shaved head, bodybuilder. Just hot. Wow. And he gives me a hug. And he's like, hey. I'm like, Oh, stunning blue eyes, shaved head, bodybuilder. Wow. And he gives me a hug and he's like, Hey, I'm like, hi. And he just starts walking to the bedroom and I go, Oh, let's get to the point. Okay. This is what we do. Cool. I guess we just go there and he sits down. He's kind of just making some chit chat and he starts undoing his shoes and I'm like, okay, I start undoing my strappy heels that I'm wearing. And I'm like, okay. I start undoing

my strappy heels that I'm wearing. And I'm like, okay, I guess that's what we do. And I go, look, look, look. My girlfriend said not to say this, but I got to be honest. I've never been with a guy before. And he looks at me and he goes, what? Yeah, I've never been with a guy before. And he goes, wow, okay. And he okay and he goes well I'm gonna tell you something you were honest with me I'll be honest with you he says I've I've only been with one trans woman and I go oh my god that must have been Jocelyn because you know she fucked him you know a couple months ago yeah he goes it was like two three years ago and I looked at him like what what oh you're lying to me okay you're hot I don't care that was at that moment I go okay guys lie all the time he's totally lying to me he wants us

to go down I don't give a shit and so we kind of are like getting things undone and I look at him like hey I don't even know your name and he goes do you want to I looked at him I said nah and I'm like, hey, I don't even know your name. And he goes, do you want to? I looked at him. I said, nah. And I just took my shirt off. I took my pants off. Let's go. So you get down to business and things are going.

Go in my direction. I'm like, this is good. And in that, can I ask a personal question? Yeah. In that moment, do you decide to be a top or a bottom or how does that or did he decide for you? So my desire is always to be a bottom. I wanted the female experience. I was so used to just being the alpha male and picking up my life and throwing around whatever which direction I wanted to.

I wanted to have that other experience. And he actually crawled back on the bed at one point. He goes, so do you want to fuck me now I'm like oh okay I guess and so I put the condom on and as I'm putting it on I'm just noticing like the the life leave my little she stick you know and I go oh uh-oh you're like now you found what turns you on and what doesn't instantaneous like but do you think it was because you were nervous or you just weren't attracted to that no i think it's i i actually gave it a shot with like the wet noodle

it just is have you ever tried to put a limp dick in something it does not work not especially a butthole girl that shit is so tight too i couldn't imagine unless that guy had had a fist up his ass it was not going in and i can tell you right now it was not going in i don't think he'd done that before so i was i just made up something real quick i'm like it's the hormones he goes oh don't worry about it we didn't get down to actually him fucking me because i was way too nervous i was gonna paint all over him and shit on the bed I'm like I can't I can't I've had poop balls fall out before it's the worst my worst nightmare let me tell you it is the worst I look like little M&M's little cookie dough batters on the bed yes horrendous yeah at one point you know i'm i'm going down on him and i'm kind of doing my thing

and this is my first time doing this right so you've never sucked a dick before never uh did you think you were doing a pretty good job i mean you had i asked him i said if i do something wrong tell me so no no no no don't even i'm okay yeah and at one point he goes so um yeah my girlfriend my ex-girlfriend she used to make me put her stockings on her on on me and i just was like what not the dick coming out of the mouth. I just looked at him and I was all a tap his chest at that point. And I'm going to be careful. That's how I got started.

He goes, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. It's nothing like that.

And in my head I'm thinking, yeah, in about a year you're going to be coming to me asking what dose of estrogen you should have. Yeah, absolutely. So he, um, he finished up and then, and you know, brings me a wash rag i'm like oh so that's what that feels like let me just the words just

tell off here yeah and he basically shoes me out the door i'm like wow you're like this is how it feels for girls literally i'm like this is what it feels like to to be not like just to be something that is a means to an object an object literally objectified so that was item one item two um it was another grinder hookup this guy was chasing me for a couple months but he was the bad boy and he told me ahead of time he goes look i'm not going to treat you like a princess i'm going to tell you what a fucking whore you are what a terrible you know i'm going to slap you around I'm like oh god that is my favorite I well at the time I'm like I really want this experience but I'm scared I love you because she she's so cute she's like I want this experience I did I literally it's like being a teenager again yeah you start hormones

all new to you you go through a second puberty yeah Yeah. And it's, I'm, I'm 42 as this is all happening. And I literally had a summer of being a teenager. Right. But you know, as, as a born woman, as a natural born female, you have a lifetime to experience this. Right. Like that comes in a natural course of things. I had a compressed experience. It was very quick. I got it all out of my, excuse my system in like a year yeah so I would have these experiences I would process them and sit with them for a couple of days and go okay I want more of that or okay I know I understand that now and next please I love that you're so analytical about it though and can separate you know like I find that I needed to it was out of

necessity to try to find out where I was in life and And, you know, I like to think that I do better now, but here I am sitting in a crop top. Listen, I wear crop tops every day. Thank you for making me feel better about this. So this one day I hit up this guy. My mom was visiting from California and Priscilla was still living at the house. And I have my 11 year old daughter. And I just randomly sent this guy a photo and I said hey what are you doing

and he goes well obviously you tonight and I said yep it's your lucky day and so he gives me an address says meet me here at 8 okay no problem see you there are these men do they like do they portray straight to the world and okay they sure do yeah I don't

I can't be with gay guys okay because they're gay right it's feminine it's and i don't you're attracted to the alpha yeah i mean i swing both ways but it's far if i'm gonna be with a guy i want to be with a guy right i want to be with a masculine man's man yeah i don't want to be with a twink right you know nothing against the twinks right but i don't want to be with sister preference yeah it's just personal preference so I uh I sneak out the door my mom's like don't worry we got this and I sneak out the door I go it's dark and I have this f-150 truck at the time this big XLT f-150 four-door and I drive out to my little city of Leander to an industrial area I know where Leander is oh god okay so I live in Leander okay awesome that's crazy so we drive kind of past HEB up here and we take a left on Baghdad and it's just

this crappy industrial area, like commercial industrial. And he goes, meet me at my office. I'm like, oh, sexy. Okay. And as I'm pulling in, I text him like I'm lost and it's getting weird. It's just, does not look like a good area and he goes hey do you see the stranger things light kind of flickering in the way across the way there I go yeah he says head that way I'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me like what are you taking me to slaughter me somewhere I'm literally going this is how girls die yeah this is how they do stupid shit like this and they die yeah and I I see his office I see him standing out there he goes hey you see the creepy guy

standing in the doorway? I go, yeah. He goes, that's me. Okay. This isn't going to end well. And I park and I've got a Glock 19. I got a license to conceal carry and it's in the center console. And I just go, I don't know where to hide this thing. I'm just going to leave it in the truck like a freaking idiot. So I shut the door and I walk up to him and I say, I've got a Glock 19, but I left it in the center console. So don't kill me. And he goes, if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now. Right.

And I just thought, all right, fuck it, let's go. At least he's telling the truth. So we walk in. It's this giant, like, industrial office building. And I'm like, what the hell do you do? He goes, oh, you know that Delta six string of weed? And I go, yeah. He goes, we're the largest distributor of it in the nation. Oh, so he's got money. Cool. So he walks him back to his office. And I want you to remember this. Carpeted floors are like that burlap carpet, the really rough

stuff. So put that in the back of your mind for now. We walk into his office and we just start the small talk and he goes, lights on or off? I'm like, I don't care. And he goes, lights on then. Cool. And there's floor to ceiling windows just lying the entire wall. And he starts talking to me. He goes, how are your knees? And I go, oh, I was running five to 10 miles a day at the time. Like, did I talk to him about my running? Like, what's he going? They're fine. Why? He goes, well, you should get on them. I'm like, oh, OK.

So I just kick off my slides and down I go. And out pops this fucking hog. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, what is this thing? I feel like everybody on Grindr is hung. What the fuck is happening? I do not know. And he was just a white guy

too. I'm currently kind of, not seeing, but I've got a guy I see who's African American. Jesus Christ, that thing. Listen, I believe you. Jeffree Star fucking pulled out his fucking roster when he was here and showing me dicks he was sucking. And I was like, good lord. I've never seen fucking

honkers that big, dude. Oh, it's scary, honey. I'm like, what do you do with all that? There is no cervix to hit with me big oh it's scary honey yeah i'm like what do you do with all that there is no cervix to hit with me but there is a colon like please don't puncture it yeah no for sure like where does it go where does it all go i don't know but uh then so what i what happened is like i came up for air and i get this get this right on the face like a slap to the face not too hard not too soft oh oh oh if anybody can't see I'm holding the microphone right now with two hands you have to get on patreon to see this this is hilarious the facial expression and I I all, I kind of like that.

Wow. And I learned really quick. Every time I would take my mouth away, I get a slap. So she's like, I get it. Yeah. So I just get a little pop every time. And I felt safe. He wasn't beating me up.

No, I love it. And then at one point I come up for air and he fish hooks my mouth. He takes his fucking finger. I'm getting on grinder. Fuck that. Goes like this. And then I hear this. I'm like, oh my God.

I just blew snot out my nose. I was laughing too hard. He spit in my fucking mouth. Dude, I love this man. It was so hot. But at that moment, I just, I'm like this. I'm like, I'm trash. I'm trash. Isn't that the best feeling best feeling though I kind of like it yeah it's like use me and abuse me baby I don't even care that's

what it was and he you know after that he just he puts me on the ground bends me over and like you know he goes to town and I'm going wow my knees really hurt right now oh fuck on the burlap carpet and say something every time I come, he just shoves my head back down on the carpet. So I'm just like smash face like this. I had these big ass hoops on that I was so proud of.

I got them on Shein for like $4. But they were massive. They were triangles by the time we were done, you know? Oh my God. You got the full experience, baby.

I did. And I still, to this day, this is two and a half years ago, I got rug burn on this knee. Damn. I got a scar that never went away. Did you ever see a dude again?

Fuck no. You kept hitting me up and I'm like, that was the processing. I was going, yeah, I had that experience. I liked it. I can see why women go back. And I understand. And, you know, I had a real interesting understanding at that moment right because I thought I was an object before I was definitely an object then but what I realized is that again this is pre-facial surgery yeah I was still very muscular

and very masculine looking and I I realized that I just wanted to be affirmed I just wanted the affirmation from a guy to tell me, no, you didn't even tell me I was beautiful. I told him I was a fucking whore and a piece of shit and a bitch and all these things. And I'm like, but he's using my body to get what he wants.

Right. And it makes me feel good that I can do that for him. So I had this, you just want to be loved. I did at the time. Yeah. And I still do. Yeah.

But I had an understanding for women that go through that like biological women that go through that my husband thinks I'm so weird because I'm like call me a fucking whore slap me like do whatever you want to me and he's just my husband is the sweetest little fucking he seems like it and he's just he's so passive and like he's not you know aggressive at all so he's got this fucking big bodacious blonde who's like just fuck me he's just like never knows what to do with me he's like i'm like gently choke you oh yeah exactly it's the cutest thing i love him it's the cutest thing ever he's gonna kill me for talking about that but yeah no it's the cutest thing ever i'm like if you're gonna choke me just fucking do it oh like other guys like punch me in the fucking face i love it give me a black eye that's happened when you were

talking about how you got slapped by the by the dick i had an ex who had his dick pierced and he had this fucking huge prince prince albert and he fucking came up and slapped me right in my fucking face and the the piercing hit my eye no and i had a black no i had a black eye for like three weeks dude and i loved it everybody would be like what's wrong with you? I'd be like, I got dick slapped. It was my excuse to fucking talk about one of my sexual experiences. And I loved it. I love that you're so open about it, too. Because a lot of people are so introverted.

And it's just taboo. We don't talk about it. No, I feel it's a part of life. And sex is what makes the world go around. We all got here because of sex. Oh, yeah. So I think as long as you're having fun and it's not like hurting anybody i think you're good you know when was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off made the excuse of

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Yeah. I love that. So let's rewind back before we got on this fucking grinder thing. We left off at you wearing your mom's clothes and stuff like that. So all through high school, it was lonely. You, you know, didn't have friends and stuff like that. What happens once you graduate high school? Cause you had said that you were not attracted to men. No. So you had girlfriends. I did. Yeah. Okay. I started lifting weights summer of sophomore year.

I got tired of being picked on. And I asked my dad, I said, you had this old rusty weight set in the garage. And I just looked at him. I said, show me. It's like, okay, cool. Let's do this. Show me everything. And I just, I hit the weights.

Nobody ever picked on me again. I blew up in size over the summer. I didn't do any steroids. And naturally? Did you do it naturally? naturally yeah I didn't do steroids until I was in my like mid 20s it was before I got hired oh god I just choked on my own spit you're right back to the grinder experience I love those flashbacks oh god I was like oh yeah okay Freudian slip but yeah I didn't do steroids so I was in my my mid-20s you got accepted into like you started wrestling around 2007 right or was it it was 2008 was my first February 1st 2008 was my first day at WWE in training okay gotcha yeah and I what started

that journey because you started working out and your dad helped you and then all that stuff. And I realized that people didn't want to pick on me anymore. You're a good looking dude. I was a really good looking guy. Yeah, I was telling them. I was like, I would definitely have banged him. Oh, God. Gabe was a daddy. And he loved sex.

Trust me. He loved hot blondes, too. It would have been crazy. Do you feel like you're two different people now? I do. Yeah. I didn't think that in the beginning, but there's parts of me that are left. Like the soul is still the same. I always say that. The soul is still the same, but there's very little of Gabe left. You know,

very little. The kind-hearted person I was, the big heart, the desire to consistently help people and contribute, that's there. But I look at photos and I'm like, I can to consistently help people and contribute. That's there. But I look at photos. I'm like, I can't believe I was that person. Like, who is that? Yeah. It doesn't even, I kind of blow a fuse when I think about it. Yeah. Where were we talking about? We were, sorry. We were talking about how you had started lifting weights and you had realized that people, you started to say that people, cause you were.

Yes. So it gave me a platform. Right. And I started personal training. I've got a degree in civil engineering. I went through college. I was way more outgoing once people stopped picking on me. Civil engineering is huge.

Yeah. I mean, you're a smart motherfucker. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I am. Yeah. No, toot your horn, baby. You deserve that. I majored in hydrology,

minored in structure, so I could technically design a bridge or a skyscraper if I needed to. Wow. But I transferred all my knowledge over the last 15, 18 years to fitness and nutrition. So now I'm a licensed sports nutritionist, CPT. I've got four extra certifications in the National Association of Sports Nutrition. And in the last 15 years I've coached, or 13 years,

I've coached 1,500, I've coached 1500 people to success in health and fitness. So I learned early on that when, when people change their lives with, with fitness and you watch somebody go through this amazing transformation, they become more confident in every aspect of their life. It spills over to their family. They become better mothers, fathers, parents, brothers, sisters, better friends. They get more confident at work. I watch their careers take off. And so it wasn't just changing a physique.

I was helping somebody change their entire life. You change your mind. When you change your body, you change your mind. You completely change your mind, which is actually what I do more of now. And we can talk about that later. But it put me in a position where I was doing a lot of training. I was surfing. I had started growing dreadlocks because it was part of the surf community. I just didn't give a shit about anything. I was working in the corporate world. I was still a civil engineer. And we had a friend who owned a gym. We did personal training and he owned a gym

we got to be friends because we were kind of competitors but kind of not so it's good to know people in your network yeah you always had these big ass dudes around just like six foot seven dudes around that were just jacked yeah and little did i i didn't i didn't watch wrestling i stopped watching i was like 10 yeah i stopped watching when I was like 10. Yeah. I stopped watching when it was fucking Prince, what is it, Queen Elizabeth and fucking Randy Savage. Oh, God, yeah. That was like the last time I was into fucking WWE. That was the last time I watched. It was the Hogan era.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. And Rick Bassman was a scout for WWE. And these guys are just giant wrestling stars around me. I had no idea. They were just my buddies. It was like Bear and Tom and just all these other guys.

And Sean. Okay. So one day he goes, hey, I know you don't watch wrestling, but there's some scouts here. Why don't you come up and let them have a look? I go, okay. So I went up to his gym, and I don't know what I was getting into was getting into there 40 50 guys and their boots and underwear up there and full gimmick and I walk in like a good time I know right now I'm like hi what grinder date is this let's just uh leave the lights on yeah yeah you can film too that's cool for sure but they just thought I was

marketable and then go let's um let's see what we can do here so they sent me to training I did good and next thing I know I got a contract in my hand so it seems like anything you set your mind to you fucking crush I think that has a lot to do with being younger from our era where follow-through was the most important thing a parent could teach a child and it still is yes that's what we're trying to parent could teach a child. And it still is. Yes. That's what we're trying to instill in our child right now. It's critical.

And I'm doing the same with mine. With her, she's just now getting into the homework era. She's 11. And the follow, my mom knew I could be a straight A student. And she made me. If I didn't get an A on a test, she's like, why not? Yeah. And she goes, we're going to study.

And so she would study with me. My dad would study with me. I love that. It taught me, why not? Yeah. And she goes, we're going to study. And so she would study with me. My dad would study with me. Uh, it taught me the value of follow through. And so if I set my mind to something, I absolutely get it done no matter what the cost. I have the same. If you look at your goals and you look at the reasons behind those goals, if you're not absolutely fucking ecstatic to cross the finish line, there's one of two things that needs to happen. First pick different goals. And I don't know when I decided to do this, but I just don't pick different goals. And I think it's because it's what the heart really wants. You want that. The soul wants it. You want that. So why fucking pick a different goal? The second option is get better

reasons. So I just find better fucking reasons. I get more emotion behind it and I go do it. Yeah. I love that. That's fucking great advice to follow. Um, so take me on this wrestling journey. Okay. What do you want to know? You got, you got it. You go try out in this room with everybody. You get a contract and what is that like? You're in, you're still again, not attracted to dudes, not thinking about transitioning. You and your wife were childhood sweethearts. When did you meet Priscilla? I met her when she was 16 years old.

Okay. I had just turned 18. We had mutual friends. We didn't even know. She's a cutie pie, by the way. She's a goddess. Yeah. She is hot.

Yeah. And she's just as sweet. You know, the inside and the outside match. That's awesome. She's a beautiful soul. But the moment we locked eyes, we just just it was like lightning in the air it was like you know it was like love at first sight and we talked about reincarnation before her and i have lived many lifetimes together it's as if we find really same yeah you find each other every time it feels like every time and so we just we knew

um but yeah i i did you guys date at 16 and no okay so you guys just because i was i just turned 18 i was obviously too old to date her right we stayed friends and her dad was a pastor of a little Christian church. And so on her 18th birthday or shortly after she turned 18, my, my parents are going to go see a movie. Remember the mummy with Brandon or Brendan Fraser? Yes. That had just hit theater.

Back when Brendan Fraser was super hot. Oh my God. He was, he used to be a babe, dude. Right. Yeah. I didn't think so at the time. I mean,

I knew he was a good looking dude. Damn. You probably get all the girls. Yeah. Like as a guy, you know what another good looking guy looks like. Yeah, for sure. Brad Pitt. I'm like, fuck, I hate you.

You're so hot. Yeah, like, come on. Yeah. It's ridiculous. It's a funny sidebar story. You know, when I'm in the middle of my transition, my mom comes and stays with me sometimes. My dad comes every now and then. He's got a bum knee, so it's hard for him to travel.

Family is great. But she came and we were watching Fast 9 in my loft upstairs. And I looked at her. And this was kind of like as her and I were developing the new relationship. And Vin Diesel was on. I said, you know, Mom, I remember when I used to want to be Vin Diesel. She goes, oh, yeah, you were big. And I said, now I just want to lick him.

And she's just like, oh, my God, I'm not ready for ready for this mom's like stop it right now so funny uh so yeah ww was amazing uh oh no we were talking about priscilla sorry good and then we can go back into we go to this i go pick her up at her parents house but i called ahead of time and i say hey mr ingram this is this is gabe i'm in front of your daughters uh i was wondering if i could take her to a movie tonight. My parents and I and my brother are going to go see a movie. And it's at whatever time. And he goes, OK, well, we'll see. Why don't you be at my house at this time?

I'm like, oh, OK. So I shaved. I had a beard at the time. I had a Backstreet Boy beard and goatee. I had earrings. So I shaved, a baby face, took out out all my earrings wore some preppy sweater showed with a dozen roses knocking the door and he opens the door he goes oh thanks those are for me and he takes the flowers and walks away I'm like oh shit and he sits me down kind of like your studio here there's a there's

a chair there there's a couch here and so I a couch here. And so I sit. He goes, well, actually, he says, sit here. I go, OK. And he sits across the way. Girl, he didn't say anything. He was trying to intimidate you. He didn't say shit for what seemed like an eternity. And he's just staring at me to where I'm getting fidgety. I'm like, is he going to murder me? I have no idea where Priscilla is. And he just looks at me.

And he says one sentence. He leans forward. And he goes, so what exactly are your intentions with my daughter? Aw. And even as a guy, I about pissed myself in that moment. You're like, well, I haven't thought that far. I really didn't. And I don't remember what I said,

but I said all the right things. And he goes, okay. And Priscilla comes out and is like, Daddy, leave him alone. And I go, go no we're fine we're good yeah it's like out of a movie yeah it was literally out of a movie which got even better because we go to the movies and i was petrified about my mom talking to priscilla she hated all the girls i had dated before oh yeah yeah and i mean i had dated some

real floozies yeah that just were not up to par with my mom. I mean, she had walked in on me and a girl previously. Oh, poor mama scarred. That ended terribly for that poor woman. Not my mom, but for Jill. It ended horribly. Damn it, Jill. Poor Jill.

I don't remember her last name. It's okay. Oh, yeah. And so we get to the theater and Priscilla sits right next to my fucking mom. Damn it, Jill. Poor Jill. Poor Jill. I don't remember her last name, but yep. It's okay. Oh, yeah. And so we get to the theater, and Priscilla sits right next to my fucking mom. And I'm like, well, this is over before it starts. I couldn't get those two to shut up through the whole fucking movie. They were just like two hens, like, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. So from that moment, I knew everything was perfect.

You just knew it was perfect. But you guys still didn't date or anything like that. You guys just continued to be friends. Oh, girl. She had made a promise to God to not be with a man or kiss a man until her wedding day. So I honored that. That's amazing. We dated for five years.

And we didn't kiss or do anything. So you guys, from the the start developed a best friendship. We did. Our relationship was based on more than just sex. Trust me, it wasn't easy. Yeah. I think I still have calluses on my hands. From jerking off so much.

They're deep. I got back into my early 20s. Right. There was a lot of solo time. But yeah, we developed something that people don't have. It was a deep emotional friendship. Yeah. Which explains the connection now, too.

It does. Yeah. It really, really does. That's amazing. All right. So take me on this WWE journey. Oh, girl. You get this.

Vince McMahon has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. He rubs everybody the wrong way. He seems like he's just not a good, like he doesn't have a soul. I don't think he does. Yeah. He's very vacant behind the eyes you know it's interesting being a business owner uh you know now I've actually I've scaled a couple companies and I have 14 people that work underneath me now and I've hired and fired a lot of people

I don't have a lot of tolerance for you know stupid people right and people that say they're going to do something or not and when i think about vince and the empire he runs and created you don't get that to where he is by being empathic right you get that way by being a fucking shark and not tolerating bullshit right i don't agree with a lot of things he does but at the same time he is just a cold-hearted businessman yeah i didn't get it at the time and he's a different generation too much different generation yeah much different i get it now though like and honestly if i could go back and see him again i i would probably shake his hand and say i learned a shit ton from all the the shit you put us through and the way that you did business i learned a lot from it i didn't know it until 10 years later, but I learned from it.

Thank you. I'd say thank you. Oh, that's amazing. But WWE was interesting. Yeah, it was very interesting. I got to, I spent February to June in training and I didn't run the indie scene like everybody else. They go to these little indie shit promotions. They spend their life wanting to be wrestlers.

I was the guy everybody hated because I got picked. And they were starting to do this. They were looking for talent outside of the wrestling pool. So I didn't know shit. I was a quick learner. I learned everything very quick. And in less than six months, I was on TV. I did my debut.

Yeah. And they started me off as a good guy. Didn't go too well. I was this big jack surfer dude. And the bad guys were really small. And I got most of the psychology of a wrestling match is to get the shit kicked out of you as a good guy right to build sympathy right and the crowd just wasn't buying it so they turned me into a bad guy and that's when the shift happened yeah I was really good at being bad yeah I love that did you really enjoy wrestling was that

like were you happy was your soul filled doing that? Or was it just kind of something that you were just using to pass the time? It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Point blank. Physically, emotionally. All of the above. All of the above. It was such a mind fuck because we were in this era where the trainers made us job scared.

Well, actually, I take that back. Nobody can make you feel any certain way. I believe we're the masters of our own emotions. Yeah. We don't come out of the womb feeling jealousy or rage or malice. That's learned behavior. Right? And so I was job scared based on everything that they told us.

I allowed myself to be job scared. And so did everybody in my crop. Yeah. It was you shut up. You're humble. You don't do anything. You do what they say. You just wait.

You be quiet. You put your hands in your lap. That sort of thing. Don't ruffle feathers. Yeah. It was you shut up. You're humble. You don't do anything. You do what they say. You just wait. You be quiet. You put your hands in your lap, that sort of thing. Don't ruffle feathers. Right. And that is what was the mind fuck because you want to go break out and be a star. But how the fuck are you supposed to be yourself when you're not supposed to say when you're scared shitless? Right. Yeah. So that was that was kind of the bulk of what I dealt with. It was always waiting for somebody to just kind of, okay, is this okay? I better, do I do this?

Do I not do this? And it was a big mind fuck. I loved, loved being in front of the crowd. I loved it. It's you and another guy or you and two or three other guys. If you're in a tag team and it's not like a football game, the whole fucking crowd's watching you,

you know, and WWE fans are fucking insane. It the whole fucking crowd's watching you you know with you know jay wwe fans are fucking insane it's crazy it's a cult oh my god it's such a cult yeah but to be able to control the energy there there is a undeniable energy in an auditorium and arena you know that very well and if you can you know lift your hand and the crowd goes nuts over here and you're controlling 10,000 people. Yeah. That's a fucking drug. Yeah. To say the least.

I loved it. I love to be hated because that was my job. Yeah. I love being in the spotlight. I loved every moment of that. The politics fucking sucked. The travel fucking sucked. What is a travel schedule like for a wrestler?

Oh, God. So we do what or we did what you would call house shows and basically i would leave san francisco on a red eye thursday night i get to whatever east coast you know midwest place we were going thursday morning and then me and chris masters is usually who it was we grab a hotel room together and split the cost because the wrestlers pay for their hotel their own gym they're on rental car ww covered the flight that was it wow oh yeah oh yeah and you everybody's like oh you're rich like no all your money goes to travel like you don't they paid me a hundred grand and i all the rest a year a hundred grand a year wow is all they paid me and um

i spent over a third of it on travel. Wow. And then Uncle Sam took a third. So you don't make what everybody thinks you make. Right. But so Friday we do a house show. It's non-televised. And then we drive 300 miles,

two, 300 miles to the next town, sleep, do another house show, drive another two, 300 miles, sleep, do the next show until we get to Monday Night Raw,

which was live to TV. Then we drive closer to 300 miles so people can't sleep, do the next show until we got to Monday Night Raw, which was live to TV. Then we drive closer to 300 miles so people can't buy tickets to the same show and they can pack that arena. Wow. We taped Smackdown

on Tuesday. It would air Friday. We would leave wherever we were on the East Coast Wednesday. I would walk in the door back home in the Bay Area about 3.30 in the afternoon

and then I would see my wife and my daughter, who was less than a year old, for half a day, and then I'd take off and do it again. Wow. That's why I quit. Damn. Yeah.

Do you think you got that from your dad? I do. Because your dad, you know, he turned down the financing. I think it instilled in me the value of family. Yeah. And I'm so glad I did I walked out after SummerSlam I just walked what year how long was 2012 I was 2008 to 2012 was my TV run and after SummerSlam I just I called for so I'm like I can't do this anymore I can't be away

Mia was crying every time I left she couldn't quite say daddy she would say daddy and she'd stand up this dad i don't go daddy and it broke my heart i'm like i can't be a facetime parent no so i walked into raw the next day we were and i was finally our time we were getting that push as we call it where you get the machine behind you and vince loved our gimmick we were my my tag partner hawkins and i they came up with this gimmick for strippers. It was when Magic Mike had just come out. Yeah. And Kevin Nash was in Magic Mike.

So Triple H had a hard on for the show. But Vince loved it. And we finally had Vince behind us. We were doing great. And I literally walked in. I'm like, Hawkins, I'm quitting today. He's like, what? And so I talked to everybody. And Triple H was really cool. He goes, I get it. I'm like Hawkins I'm quitting today he's like what and so I talked to everybody and

Triple H was really cool he goes I get it I'm a dad door's always open for you no problem just head home you're good I'm like okay that's amazing yeah I drove home from Fresno that day which is crazy that was my debut arena and randomly the arena where I quit wow was Fresno California wow so I drove a couple hours home that day and that was, that was the end of it. What, uh, what year did you and Priscilla get married? 2002. Okay. What was the wedding night like after you had waited five years? It's the most wonderful time of the year. Holidays on the house at DraftKings Casino. With the season's offerings, you'll unwrap everything that you wished for, from table games and jackpots to a slot at the top of everyone's list.

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You're like the buildup was wah, wah, wah. But in all honesty, we've never told this story. And it might as well she'll probably shoot me for telling it but so I'll Priscilla come on next time you come on I would be amazing oh my god she is you'd love her yeah you would love her she seems like a doll baby she god she's amazing but again big strong guy virgin female tiny she's too. She's literally a virgin on her wedding night. And so we went really slow. But it was so painful for her. We couldn't really get things done.

Yeah. And so we stopped. And she cried about it. And she was feeling like she was a failure. And I reassured her, like, sweetheart, we have our whole lives to work on this. We just got married. No big deal. I'm fine. And so that's kind of how wedding night went. and I reassured him, sweetheart, we have our whole lives to work on this. We just got married. Don't, no big deal.

I'm fine. And so that's kind of how wedding night went. And then slowly, we kind of, we broke her in. Yeah. Now she's a professional.

Yeah. Oh God, girl, we went on this cruise on, it was a carnival cruise and my grandfather paid for it. It was fantastic. Five day cruise.

You know, you get those little cabins and we were we were doing the honeymoon thing oh really really really really noisy and i love that about day two we we kind of hear some chuckles in the in the hallway and we're like oh people walking by cool let's keep going and we're sitting on sitting on the bed one day and we just kept hearing these these chuckles and we go outside and you know parents would shoo their kids away from us like what the hell's going on and we sit on the bed one day and I go hey p I want to want to try something she goes what because we just finished a nice loud round and

I said just I'm gonna walk outside just say something in a normal voice and I shut the door I'm in the hallway you know the cruise ship hallway yeah she goes can you hear me I'm like oh everybody was hearing you guys. You could probably hear us on three decks below at this point. Oh my God. It was, I'm like, Oh God,

I was mortified. She was mortified. It was like heads down the rest of the crew, just sunglasses and fucking hoodies. Oh yeah. It was terrible. You guys are adorable though. That's so sweet.

So what happens after you quit wrestling? Like what are you, what's going on? Like what's going through your mind? How are you feeling? Were you happy about that decision? Were you, did it take a minute to adjust? It was the best decision I ever made. The day I quit, the next day my daughter took her first steps.

Oh, it was confirmation from the universe. Absolutely. Yeah. But I went into business from the universe. Absolutely. Yeah. But I went into business with my wife's brother. He'd done digital marketing forever. So I started working for myself again and I hated it. Girl, I hated it. I just needed to make money.

Right. You know, I had, I had a couple of grand in the bank. I knew WAP pays you for, I think it was like 90 days. I had three months to get my shit together. Right. I did. And, uh, but I hated it. I wasn't making money. I was designing websites. I was really good days. I had three months to get my shit together. Right. I did. But I hated it. I wasn't making money.

I was designing websites. I was really good at what I did. Yeah. It was hard. I had to learn from scratch. I didn't know anything about web. I had to, again, I had to go learn something brand new. I was borrowing money from my parents.

But I had a side project. I still love fitness and nutrition. My brother, he died in 2012. He committed suicide. Oh, my goodness. the day after Christmas. And he was a wonderful kid. He was addicted to methamphetamines. He was in finance, third marriage. I didn't know anything about meth. And something happened later in his life. He died when he was 30. And it had been going on, I don't know how long, several years, but it got worse and worse and worse. And at one time he called me and he was paranoid again.

This was becoming more and more frequent. He was in a hotel. He'd left the house and he was telling me the CIA was after him and all this shit. And I'm like, bro, you're high. I don't want to talk to you right now. Call me when you get sober. And I hung up on him. But he'd also gotten us in some legal trouble.

I had been doing his website and stuff. And I had bought his domain for him because he's my brother. And some guy sued him. And then he sued me because I ran his domain. And I'm like, oh, my God. You've got to be kidding me. I'm in a lawsuit because of some stupid shit you did? Yeah.

I don't have any money, bro. And I was really mad at him. Like, you're wrecking my life. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, get your shit together. Yeah. And so. Normal brother conversation for what was going on.

Literally. And I didn't talk to him. We didn't talk for a couple months. And he FaceTimed me the day after Christmas. And I knew something was wrong. But I was still mad at him. And so I kind of waved from across the way. I'm like, hey.

And I just tell something was wrong in his voice. And the next day, he was supposed to pack up his truck, drive home. I'm like, hey. I just tell something was wrong in his voice. And the next day he was supposed to pack up his truck, drive home. He was in SoCal. My dad was going to put him in rehab. He stopped at a shooting range on the way and he shot himself in the head. So I

missed that opportunity to help him when he called me and I never forgave myself for that. And so I promised myself that's heavy for you to have to carry that to go decade I carried that I carried that but that's why I decided to help people yeah so I I wrote a little little silly ebook about fitness that's the only way I knew how to help people and I put it on the internet and I spent the last $40 in my pocket to boost a Facebook ad. And it worked.

Wow. It worked. And it went, I went from making a couple grand a year with this company I called Body Spartan, which was just, it was me pouring my heart and soul into motivation, not asking for a thing. And then I published this silly little ebook and we made seven figures that year. Wow. It was insane. Do you have a horseshoe up your and we made seven figures higher. Wow. It was insane.

Do you have a horseshoe up your ass? I say that to my husband. A what? A horseshoe up your ass. The lucky horseshoe. Literally. I say that to my husband too. It's like, no matter what he does, he always comes out on top.

Well, I was kind of thinking, I'm actually like that right now. Yeah. In this stage of my life. Right. That'd be fun. Yeah. I would like to have that experience. I know, right?

I was like, who's going to be on the other end of that? That would be real. Okay. I can think of to have that experience not fucking carpet guy no god no no but we can we can welcome i call i call my guy david i don't want to give his real name away yeah on social media i'm like gabby after dark lives yeah david i could bring david over he'd do that to me i love that so okay so you you make seven figures you're fucking kicking ass at life when is when are you starting to think about transitioning has this crossed your mind yet are you still just alpha male in it up total alpha male it was on a ton of steroids during that kind of 2012 to 2020 time okay got to be about 280 pounds like six to eight percent body fat year-round you saw photos i dreadlocks yeah my ass no you guys gotta go go look go look up gabby pre-transition she was i mean she's banging now but gabe was hot too oh he was so hot yeah i i hate to say it it sounds so buffalo bill but like i would have dated me yeah i'd fuck me

i've been avoiding saying it this whole time but i'm like i would tell you i would fuck me i'm waiting for all the you know the haters to be like oh god she's such an autogynephile who fucking cares about these people i'm just like yeah i would totally fuck totally no i i told them that i was like he he was hot dude dude. Yeah. So, but yeah, I was, no thought of transitioning. About 36 years old though, in the bedroom, I had this resurfacing. I would walk into Priscilla's closet when she was not around, like putting away laundry. And I remember very specifically one day, I was like putting away her panties and I just like, huh, kind of look at them like, shit. I kind of like halfway put them on. I'm like, away her panties and I just like huh kind of look at them

like shit I kind of like halfway put them on them all nope those are gonna rip big ass dude yeah I put them away real quick but I had this desire to start getting back into female clothing and having that experience again and it took me back to my childhood do you think it's because you suppressed it so much as a child and that i just started resurfacing i'm so sorry i'm coughing no no it's me too excuse me i told you i've got that esophagus thing going on so i cough a lot right now yeah but i think that was the beginning of it and i remember the the very pivotal night. I wanted to just get into female clothes so bad. But here I am, this giant alpha male. I was slowly drinking more and more and more.

And my drink of choice was Johnny Walker Black. And I get those big ass handles at Costco. I would go through half a handle in a week. No problem. But I was four or five, very full scotches down that night, laying face down on the bed. And Priscilla comes up. And, you know, it's sexy time.

She's like, what do you want to do? And I'm just face down on the bed, just drunk. And I'm like, put your panties on me. She's just like, what? She had no inclination you had never did you ever tell her about your childhood at all oh god no it was the deepest darkest secret i ever had like i said and early in our marriage she had tried to kind of like slip a finger in the no-no zone and i was like oh fuck no no as much as i want to be like yeah go for it yeah inside of me i was like oh yeah good for that but at the the male in me, I was like, oh, yeah, go for that.

But the male in me is like, don't you dare. Nuh-uh. That's not going up there. I'm gay if you do that. No, not admitting that. I'm not feminine. I don't want things inserted into me. Right.

So I said it again. I'm just laying there with my head in a pillow. I'm like, put your panties on me. Bitch. I'd fuck me. Yeah. And I just remember her just like, I'm down for anything. Let's go.

And so there she did. And it was this bedroom thing. Yeah. And the way I, I've got a much more level head now. I don't drink. I stopped drinking almost two years ago. Good. Post heart surgery.

And my heart does not like it when I drink. So it was a reason to stop. Absolutely. So I stopped drinking, but, and hormones have leveled out quite a bit. I'm much more balanced than in the beginning. I can't,

that's got, I will get into that, but that's gotta be brutal. Going from steroids of testosterone to estrogen dude holy shit that's a ride oh that's that's like a 5g ride at six flags that never stops i couldn't imagine it's crazy but so you guys did the panties we did the panties and then we did the uh you know the let's put a let's put a finger in the butt kind of thing and then let's and priscilla didn't oh well because she's a virgin so she's probably not

picking up on no any of that okay no and it was just i trust my husband like our sex was good i said it earlier we would go for hours yeah you know we would spend until the sun rose i mean we did crazy things like we would we would bang on the front yard sometimes. I love that. We were just such voyeurs. It was so bad. I love that. But when I look back on it, I felt safe in the bedroom.

And I really had to analyze what was going on. And I think the way I really thought about it, it was a safe zone. Because everybody's got a kink, right? Right. And if I was ever, if I was ever exposed for any reason, I'm like, eh, it's just a bedroom thing. It was, it was a safe zone because everybody's got a kink, right? And if I was ever, if it was ever exposed for any reason, I'm like, eh,

it's just a bedroom thing. Fuck it. You know, the guys do weird shit in the bedroom all the time and it's secret, like no big deal. Yeah. But then it became when she wasn't around, like I had a pair of panties that I obviously ruined when she put on me.

Those are mine. And she put them in my drawer. She'd let you have them. She was like, you can have them. I mean, they were stretched and ripped and wasted Sunday. She's like, well, I'm putting these back on. These would be for playtime. I'm like them in my drawer. She'd let you have them. She was like, you can have them. I mean, they were stretched and ripped ten ways on Sunday. She's like, well, I'm putting these back on.

These will be for playtime. I'm like, okay, cool. Well, playtime, you know, it evolved to when she wasn't around. What does it feel like when you would put on women's clothes? It was very, well, and I have to caution. Be careful when I say this. Because there are so many people that go, it's a sexual fetish. And as a guy

there's like there's a lot of testosterone floating around especially for a guy with you know a ton of testosterone and steroids in a system but it was highly arousing but also it was very comforting it felt right and I didn't want to get out of them right and so even there were just times when I wasn't aroused and I just put them on I'm like okay I can just kind of wear these things around the house like a like a special blanket you know like you know what you know what I'm talking about you know like some people some guys carry around a blanket that they had when they were kids or a teddy bear you know like panda bear yeah it was like my panda bear yeah there you go it was just comfort did you ever

watch shop park uh parts of it yes there was an episode where they did like a sexual harassment panda and as I said that I'm like this is just way too incidental but yeah I would just kind of you know secretly wear them as much as I could and it felt right it wasn't like a dirty sexual fetish it was just like this feels right kind of thing because I couldn't wear anything else I walked around in boxers half the time. I wore boxer briefs. But I walk around in boxers and guys walk around without a shirt on all the time. It's not like I wear a bra around the house and get away with it. But when COVID hit, it became once in a blue moon to everybody's locked down and we got

nothing to do. Let's everybody get drunk every single night. And everybody's locked down and we got nothing to do lets everybody get drunk every single night and that's kind of what we did Mia would go to bed and she go to bed at like 7 30 she was pretty young and we get drunk and it became a once a month thing and a once every other week thing and a once a week and a once a night to suddenly we're not having sex what was happening I just wanted to get dressed up and be me and we started having these incredible conversations uh there was a lot of emotion in it sorry my throat is talking to us um and we cried she cried I cried this whole other side of me came out. Yeah. And these conversations, what were they about?

Just how you were feeling? It was deep emotion about our love for each other, about the universe. I was embracing femininity in those moments. And unfortunately, again, I have to careful about how i say this right because your journey is your journey right and people are going to take this they're going to twist it 10 waves from sunday because they always do but all i had was lingerie at the time because when you look around on the internet as a guy for women's clothing all that comes up are cross-dresser sites and you know a lot of these people never want to transition they just get off by being in women's clothing it's true there's a lot of people

that do that there's a lot of cross-dressers that and there's nothing wrong with that no absolutely not and I didn't know what the fuck was going on that's all I could find well I'll just buy lingerie because I'm 270 50 pounds varying depending on the day at that time and this is all I could find a fit it was like a was like a 6X in my size on these cross-dresser sites. But it helped me to slide into femininity. And they were just very deep conversations. And I would get to be me. And it's this other side of Gabe that nobody had seen.

But I truly believe it was the side of me that I suppressed as a 10 year old kid coming back up and being able to connect with Priscilla about marriage and things that I was I was wrong on that I had just slammed the hammer down on as a guy like no I'm right yeah where I didn't do that we got to talk about her emotions a lot and I got really good at listening I got really good at listening that's amazing that you were able to hear her it it was different it was different most guys don't listen they listen to respond they do did I just smear my lip all over my face put on your lipstick you whore we like it um it was just it was this beautiful experience and it suddenly sex exited the

relationship and we had sex occasionally but um it was about getting dressed in the feminine as quickly as possible because only had a couple hours and then once that time was up i had to go wipe off all the makeup now to get all the clothes and hide them, get rid of all the residual eyeliner because I had to be gay the next day. And my kid couldn't find out. The motivational videos I was doing for all the alpha males, the millions of guys that followed me on social media,

but we were internationally known for Body Spartan. I worked out with Mike O'Hearn, he's a good friend of our family, CT Fletcher, I still talk to him. We had workout videos with amazing, amazing icons. Do you also think Priscilla was backing off because she you did, you know, reveal your deepest, darkest secrets and maybe she realized like, hey, this is my best friend. I want him to live his most her to live her most authentic, her most authentic life. Sorry. No, it's a mouthful no it's fine don't it's

hard when when we talk about me being gay right right it's i don't know i'm not like i said i'm not a special sniff like i'm always it's confusing even for me do i call myself a guy back then or not or i don't know yeah still even but i think then was the trend when it was starting to transition was she was realizing that you were Gabby as opposed to Gabe. So she's letting you live your. She was. And there was a time when she came to me too. I just insider.com asked me to write an article about this and it just got published two days ago. So I wrote, I wrote an article because people have asked me, Oh, you read it. Yeah. And so then you'll be aware of what I'm going to say. She came to me one day and she said, look, honey, I don't know how to tell you this.

But in the daytime or the next day, whenever you're not Gabby and we're getting intimate, I still have these visions of you dressed as a woman. And I'm having a hard time being attracted sexually. And that was the moment where I just went okay this is a fetish I can't do this it's ruining my marriage you know whatever don't worry about a girl no she's like no no I don't want you to you don't have to stop but I got to talk to you about it I'm like no no it's over I'm like boom hammer down done that was the male mentality you know it's just like I was I was very extreme in everything I did because that's just who I was.

And so I buried it. I remember that night I took a big old I'd been off steroids for a while and I just loaded up a syringe with like test and trend and I just jabbed it into my shoulder. Do we think this is why we had heart problems? her. Do we think this is why we had heart problems? Well, what's interesting is my heart problem was genetic and they Stanford theorize it was an aortic aneurysm in the ascending. Oh my goodness. Yeah. My mom had the surgery a year before I did. However, I think I might've accelerated the need to have it before I was 60 because of my consistently high blood pressure with the steroids. You're lucky you survived that. Oh, I lucky most people have no i had symptoms i was one of the one percent of the population that had an aortic aneurysm that had symptoms what was your symptoms it was a deep ache like right on the left here just underneath my breastplate i'm like what is that it was just

consistent and that's the aneurysm growing it's like a water balloon yeah my mom had one in her brain oh she did and she lived oh my god she's dead now but she lived she made it past that do i laugh the way he said that yeah i mean it is what it is but i mean the bitch fucking made it through the aneurysm, dude. Not that she's gone to a better place. She's fucking dead. I'm sorry, Bunny. I just was like, what do I say? Oh, my God. You're good.

You're good. God rest her soul. Yes. Yes. But yeah, I think that my high blood pressure, my extremely high blood pressure contributed to me needing the surgery sooner than most people do. Goodness gracious. But I stuck that, that syringe in my shoulder. And I remember feeling like, as I pushed that syringe down, I just felt like Gabby,

her light extinguishing. And I felt like I killed, I killed Gabby. And so I went to the gym. I put on another 15 pounds. I was back up at almost 280. But I kept all those female clothes in my closet. I had a wig and everything in there. I had a bunch of really terrible Amazon wigs that were like 15 bucks. Like my coming out video is that $15 Amazon wig. I'm like, I thought I was so cute in it. That's the cutest thing ever though. It was, oh God, it was speaking of trash. Oh, stop it. You had to learn. You have to learn how to be a girl.

I did. And that's, you know, it's such an interesting thing that you just said because it is a learning process. It is. You know, I'm still learning how to be a woman. Shit. This is why I love you. This is absolutely why I love you.

It's a never ending fucking life lesson. Let me tell you. It, it seems like it's going to be that way for me too. You've, you've got it down pretty good though. I have a lot to learn. Just hit me up anytime you have any questions. I got you. Okay. Well, cool. I like this. I got a mentor. Yeah. But I walked into my closet and I would kind of, you know, turn my head for my clothes like this. No, no. And then every day I would walk in there, it got harder and harder. And one day I walked in and I think I was reaching for a shirt and I accidentally touched one of the wigs and I was running my fingers through it. I had this epiphany.

It was this pivotal moment where I realized I didn't kill Gabby. And Gabe and Gabby were not two separate personas. They weren't two separate people people they were one person one one persona it was just me but it was the me I'd buried since childhood and I couldn't bury it anymore and that was the moment I became suicidal because I my wife in my opinion Priscilla didn't want me to stop being me I had just taken it the wrong way and so in my head I'm like my wife doesn't want me to to do this I'm 270 pounds right now I'm well you had shame you had shame too I had a ton of shame a ton of shame yeah and I I went started to get very suicidal I just wanted to be as low to the ground as possible I couldn't understand it I just wanted to lay on the ground and just like let the energy leave me. It was a month of this. Um, I went, I had visions of me putting my gun to my head and pulling the trigger.

I could, I literally could feel the cold steel on my head. I, and it scared me. It was very scary, but it was also at that moment it was a very inviting release to the pain I was dealing with, the emotional pain. So, yeah. It's brutal. Nobody gets that unless you've been down that low, you know. It's hard, girl. It's very hard. It's very, very hard.

It's scary. But yeah, but Priscilla, we had a blowout argument one night. Our marriage was over before I started transitioning. Well, she was probably heartbroken you know the man that she fell in love with you know it's kind of like you're losing your not I don't want to say soulmate because you guys are going to be you know partners in life no matter what but on her end too it was probably very like she wants to let you be you but at the same time she's losing her love of her life she was and

i don't think it was the reason the reason our marriage ended it was a good catalyst we were rocky before and it was it was gonna end before we had hoped that moving to texas would be a fresh start for us but there was just no saving it gotcha but this was a good it was a good way to release each other in friendship but we had had this drag him out like knock him out argument the night before she left stayed at a friend's house and she came back and I was convinced that was the day I was going to die

I knew it I knew if she didn't come home and she was going to leave she was going to take me out which was good at that moment and by the end of the night I'd be gone well I haven't thought about that in a long time me, which was good at that moment. And by the end of the night, I'd be gone. Well, I haven't thought about that in a long time. Sorry. No, you're okay. It's very heavy. It's very deep, but it's real. It's part of your story.

It was interesting. I relived that moment for a second and those emotions and that was hard. But she asked me if I wanted to talk. She came back. I said, sure. And she asked me if I wanted to talk she came back I said sure and she sat me down on the porch in our little kind of love seat on the porch she said I want to say what I want to say first and she said all the things about her argument and I looked at her and I said you're right I was wrong which was this massive red flag for her she She's like, wait, Gabe's wrong at something. What's going on? You know, like a Scorpio being wrong. Never me with all those planets. What the fuck's going on? You know, at that moment she knew something was up. And so she came and sat alongside of me and she said, do you have something you need to tell me?

And it, girl, it took me like, must take me five minutes to cough the words up I just I couldn't get them past like my larynx I tried and they just would not come up but she said this is a safe place you can tell me anything I love you and then I said if I can't live my life as a woman I don't want to be alive

and she looks at me and she she keeps her hand on me and she says honey honey, I know. I love you. And we'll figure this out. She knew. Oh, my God. She knew before I did.

She knew months before. And so much so that she had called her mom over the summer and said, you may want to come out, bring the family. I don't know how long Gabe's going to be Gabe. Oh, my goodness. He's going through kind of a thing. So her family had flown out and seen me right before I started transitioning so from that conversation is when you decided to start transitioning that was the moment I was free it was as if that heavy weight remember I was telling

you about that yeah I was just released in my I was free it's like a thousand chains on my heart were broken yeah and I instantly just let's go. And I've never looked back. And that was 2020. That was September, 2020, uh, October 13th.

Actually. Wow. The 17th. Yep. I think so. We are four days past my three year anniversary of starting hormones. Ah, I love that.

Everything's meant to be. It is. I didn't even realize that. Yeah, that's amazing. That's so amazing. How did your family take to you transitioning? And then let's get into this transitioning journey because I have so many questions. I got answers. And I'm sure people listening to this podcast that are dealing with the same thing that you are wondering about your journey as well. So yeah, I think it's you're helping people. I hope so. Yeah. I think you're helping people. I hope so.

That's why I'm so open about it. Because for years, decades, people hide this stuff and they usually end up committing suicide. So if we can prevent one person from doing that, then we've done our job for the day. Absolutely. But my parents, I was petrified to tell them. Petrified to tell them.

And I don't know why. I think maybe because I respected them so much my dad's a man's man you know love me we always hug you know even as guys the bro hug you know very affectionate family but I was petrified and I had to go through this whole process in my head of of everything. Because I thought maybe, what if they disown me? What if they never want to talk to me again? And I lived that moment out in my head. And I went through that and I asked myself, can I be okay with this if my parents never talk to me again? And I decided, yeah, if that's the worst case scenario and I'm me, I'm okay. So Priscilla had a suggestion.

She said, why don't you write them a letter? That way you don't have to see their faces, see the reaction. You don't have to feel the moments of interruption and you can just say what you need to say. I'm like, oh my God, that's a great idea. So I wrote them a, I hand wrote them a 12 page letter and it started off with mom, dad, I'm not sick. I'm not dying. I'm not on drugs. I'm not crazy. Everything's fine, but I have something I need to tell you. And I need you to read this letter from start to finish before you even pick up the phone or you contact me. And I just spilled everything from my childhood to that moment, and at the end, I said, please don't call. Please don't text. Don't contact me until you've had time to process this,

and if it's an hour, amazing. If it's 10 years, that's okay, too, but when you do, just send me a text. Let me know you've processed. It can be an I don't understand I have questions it can be and I hate you it can be whatever and it could just be I need more information but text me first and she said put tracking on it so you know and you don't wonder if they ever got it right it happened on a Tuesday Priscilla's smart girl she's so intelligent yeah she's one of the most intelligent women I know yeah happened on a Tuesday and I was out front I had just told my neighbors who were our good friends about my transition and one of my daughter's best friends moms had kind of saw us on the front porch we were having a couple glasses of scotch I'm like you want to come drink she's like yeah let's do it and I told her she

was everybody was very happy and supportive so I was feeling on cloud nine. And then my phone lights up. And you always think it's going to be your mom that texts and things like this. It was my dad. And it just said, I love you forever. Right? The man's man. I love you forever. That makes me get choked up.

And then my mom with the essay 30 seconds later about we love you. How do we not know? I'm love you. How do we not know? I'm so sorry. How do we support you? Are you safe? You know, can we come see you? When can we talk?

Oh my goodness. Support from day one. I love that. Yeah. From day one. That's so amazing. I was, I'm very lucky in that aspect. It was just,

it was wonderful. And like I said, I see my folks all the time. I'm actually, uh, I'm flying to Disneyland on my birthday which is November 1st and I'm flying my mom down to meet me there so we're doing a mommy daughter Disney trip my kiddo didn't want to go believe it or not she's afraid to fly so

I said can I go with Gigi she goes yeah go I'll stay here no problem like okay your daughter reminds me of our daughter they have like the same quirky personality and just yeah no enjoy the moments because when they turn 15 it's fucking their assholes oh god i know right because she's already gone on 20 yeah oh wait just wait she was so i tell mimi all the time i'm like she was so sweet when she was 11 what the fuck happened as soon as she turned 13 i'm like who are you you're a demon what is going on no she's a great kid but golly I'm like I hear that's the magic number 13 that's when I can expect the horns to start growing pray for me pray for me and my husband um so okay so you get this text from your mom everybody's

supportive when do you start doing hormones and when like how did you even know how to transition did you have to research it like nothing okay I do not I knew nothing about the community I knew nothing about transitioning I had I just dove into research what do I do I know that there are people that do this what do I do so you could write like a book on this I'm someday I'm going to yeah it just doesn't feel like it's quite the right time right I'm still early I've got a lot of learning left in me and there'll be a time but it's not quite yet it's not quite yet so scientist bachelor of science and civil engineering I and all these other accolades I have I just started diving into

research yeah and I understood the risks and I got on hormones as quickly as possible. So I found this clinic called the Kind Clinic in Austin, and it was so interesting, Bunny. No therapy needed, no nothing. They're just like, come on in. I'm like, okay. It took me a month to get an appointment with them, but I did, and I came in, told them I wanted to transition.

I said, okay, are you sure I said yeah okay here you go gave me a prescription I'm like huh that was easy right I would think that it would be a lot like you know it had a lot of red tape you think right that's crazy I was very relieved I didn't need red tape. Right, right, right. Because I had been dealing with this my whole life. I knew it was, I was 42 at the time. Well, I was 41 at the time. I was a couple weeks shy of my 42nd birthday. I knew what I wanted.

I knew I wasn't crazy. I knew what I needed to do. I'm very confident in that. And I'm sure most people will look at me and if they listen to what I say, aside from my quirky, you know, entertaining side on social media, they get to know me. They're like, you're pretty fucking normal,

Gabby. But it was shocking that I didn't need any therapy before. Right. It was really interesting. But a long story short, I got, I got the. What did they put you on?

Estrogen and spironolactin. It was oral estrogen pills. It was 2.5 milligrams, basic starting dose and spironolactin, which is an androgen blocker. So it shut down my natural, natural testosterone production. Gotcha.

And within a month I could start to see some feminization starting. I, I'd shaved my beard off. I wasn't, wasn't doing the beard thing anymore because it interferes with makeup. Right. And then there's this whole presentation thing that happened. And I told my daughter,

I said, look, daddy's kind of going through a she had this cool little app it was called gotcha life that all the kids play and you make these little characters and stuff and there was a button for a gender bend and you could turn a guy into a girl so if they wanted to make a guy character look like a girl whatever they could and I said well daddy's kind of going through a gender bend and then she goes oh okay and I said so you might see me wearing hair and makeup and stuff like that around the house and girls clothing. And she's like, okay. And I told her, I said, look, I'm not going to do this outside though. So nobody will know. She says, why? And I said, cause I'm, I'm kind of afraid people will make fun of me. And she gives me this big hug and she goes, daddy, I'll never make fun of you.

And so I start crying. She starts crying. I'm like, big hugs. And so she knew that was happening. So there's no beard. I saw feminization starting about the 30-day mark. It's something in the eyes. I don't know how to explain it, but it's something around the eyes.

Softens your eyes probably. I think that was really what started to happen. And it was slow. It wasn't happening at the rate i wanted it to so i'm like can i make this happen overnight you're like i need a magic wand literally give me a fairy godmother how are you mentally feeling at that time yes oh girl estrogen in the system yeah roller coaster oh I couldn't imagine a leaf would blow by I'm like it's so and at the same time Priscilla would say something and I'm like you hate me it was crazy I'm like I cry at everything what the fuck's going on you're like she's like yeah welcome to literally but she was so supportive she's like it's okay yeah these are emotions that

will come out and it's okay now yeah and so i just let it happen yeah which was amazing it was beautiful just all the stress that i felt guys guys keep things bottled up i think that's one of the reasons guys have such high blood pressure and they die young yeah because all the stress they feel absolutely they don't cry they're taught by society not to cry it's not a bad thing that we got some masculine men out there i like that but it's also not fair men's mental health needs to be talked about more i think so i really believe so and maybe there's a way to do it where it's around other men and they feel comfortable doing it but it's definitely a thing that we need to we need to address. Yeah.

Because it just leads to an early grave. Absolutely. But yeah, it was interesting. So February, so October, November, summer, January. So four months later, I went in. I'm like, I want injections. OK. They tossed me a needle and a syringe.

And they're like, you know how to do this? I'm like, yeah, I got this. They go, it goes in your leg. I'm like, nope, nope not going in my leg i don't like pinning in my leg every time i pin in my leg i hit a nerve or my teeth go numb oh we're gonna put this shit in my booty shit so yeah girl i was a human pin cushion for years doing steroids and i i would pin and for anybody that doesn't know pinning is injecting it's like the the industry term i would pin every other day it was like shoulder shoulder butt butt leg leg and every time i did my leg i hit a nerve or i hit an artery not an artery but a vein so i'm like this estrogen's going in my booty

i just i just started putting in the butt and literally girl overnight overnight feminization I was wow whoa not to the point where you don't change bone structure right but I could see the softening of the skin happening when I say overnight I mean it wasn't literally right it was much faster accelerated rate softening of the skin emotions were of course even stronger now and then of course I said oh I want to get on progesterone too because that softens skin a lot too and that is the devil's drug holy shit you poor women yeah progesterone sucks girl at that spike when you start that menstrual cycle yep holy fuck because i i wanted my dose upped more and more i'm like i want to be more like a woman. And I want to soften the skin.

And I want to accelerate the transition. I don't want 100 milligrams. I want 200 milligrams a day. I was a raging fucking bitch. I was going to say, it's like, fuck you, grass. It's like, I swear to God, I know how I feel right before my period. And I'm ready to kill everything, dude. Girl, trust me, this is the reason my my wife was just like i can't be

around you and i get it now yeah i get it i was she's like love you but i'm gonna love you from afar literally she's like you are constantly on a period that you don't get oh you know yeah for not having a uterus you are sure a hormonal premenstrual bitch 24 7 um yeah so i feel for you but it accelerated the transition quite a bit yeah and what i learned is no matter how much you soften the skin or the fat deposits start shifting you can't change bone structure right and for all the trans women listening or people that know trans women it will not change your face you will not have a narrow jaw. I had a girl in my filtered DMs today that I've starred. I need to respond to tonight.

Somebody's starting their transition. If I take birth control and my hormones, will it narrow my shoulders and widen my hips? No, absolutely not yeah unless you start this in your teenage years you do not get an oxytocin release it is not going to widen your hips and your shoulders that's your bone structure from being a guy for 40 years of your life right you can't change that and no matter how many hormones you inject you you can't change the size of your hands i'm very aware we talked about that earlier which i've been checking your hands out they're not that manly thanks every time you lift them up i'm like they're not that manly i have short nails oh i went through a phase with nails

i thought that early in the transition you want to you have this need to integrate yeah you want to go live your life and be you right and this is where the media picks up on everything and they see girls early in the transition and we got some we got some weirdos in our community for sure yeah everybody does but we're one we got weirdos in our community too so it's like they're everywhere yeah um but there's always a kid that shits in the pool that's what i say so it's what I say. Or in the shower. Yeah.

Oh man. Not the stomp waffle. The waffle stomp. The waffle stomp. I call it cheese grating. You call it the waffle stomp. That's epic. But it's like you, you want to integrate.

And I remember thinking like if I had nails. You got to work your way up, baby. I had like me and these nails and your nails. Girl, I had those. I had those long ass things. And I kept thinking, you know, if I'm out in public and I put my hands down at the cash register, they'll know I'm a woman. It'll help them understand I'm a woman. I'm like, what fucking delusional bubble was I living in, you know?

I call it my bubble of disillusionment. Delulu. We love it. Delulu. I just was in this bubble where if I got dressed up in female clothing in my transition early on, and I had my nails and my makeup, and it was COVID, so I had my mask on. They wouldn't see my wide, you know, Popeye jaw. And I looked and I saw my eyes in the mirror. And I'd focus on this.

I'm like, my eyes look feminine. That's good. And I'm wearing girl clothing. And I got nails. And I got heels on. Omitting the fact that I was 6'7 and heels. I'm like, that's girly. Okay, cool.

And I remember this day. Priscilla would go everywhere with me in the beginning as my crutch. And I needed to kind of go as my crutch. And I needed to kind of go explore on my own. And I was feeling good. I'd gone a couple places on my own. And I walked into our mall. It was the Lakeline Mall. And I was on my own. I told her I was

going to go just go walk around and try to find a coat. I think I went to like JCPenney. And there was this kiosk with the perfume and the clip. and i walk in hair makeup mask a little cami top and i didn't have any breast forms at the time i had no breasts i had these little itty bitty breast buds and i get to this i pass this kiosk and there's this guy there handing out perfume and clone and i just hear this sir sir sir and i'm i'm just oblivious to it and he's he's

like literally running me down and he and i kind of look over because it's getting louder like huh and he's like sir do you want some cologne and i i looked at him like and for those that are on the video i got this deer in the headlights look and i'm like what i'm looking around I go oh fuck my life he's talking to me oh I remember that bubble of disillusionment I was talking about it popped at that moment and I panicked like full sweat and I looked him like no no thank you and I I reach for my phone and I start I start walking but I'm like shaking at that moment I'm like he knows he knows and then I look around and I look at people and I start, I start walking, but I'm like shaking at that moment. I'm like, he knows,

he knows. And then I look around and I look at people and I see people looking at me. I'm like, Oh fuck. Everybody knows. I'm like, Jesus Christ. And there was this moment of revelation. Like the bubble was popped.

I wasn't, it's not that I was trying to fool anybody. I was just trying to blend in, you know, and be me. But I'm like, you're trying to be accepted. That's literally what it

was I just wanted to be accepted and just to feel some sense of normalcy as who I was hoping to be and I realized it's a fucking sham and I started walking I didn't even know which direction I was walking I was walking away from the exit door unfortunately and I didn't know what to do and I picked up my phone and I called Priscilla and it went to voicemail she must have had it on do not disturb us with Mia and I just kept talking to nobody and talking and talking and hoping that somebody would think I'm on the phone because I don't know what the fuck to do and I turned around I walked out as fast as I could walk to the truck and I cried for like 40 minutes in the truck I didn't present female for almost a week.

I didn't leave the house. I didn't do anything. I cried every day because there was the thousand mile journey being shown to me. And there I was again, this giant, I was probably 220, 230 at the time,

trying, desperately trying to lose muscle mass. And I've been called out and I'm like there's no way I'll never finish this journey I'll never it's not possible and this is about a year into your journey when was this let's see not quite a year I didn't have my breast implants yet. It was probably March, March. It was, I think it was after I came out. Oh no,

it was before I came out. So girl, it was November, December. It was probably December or January. It was before I came out to the world on extra TV. So I was in the shower one day. It was probably December or January. It was before I came out to the world on extra TV. So I was in the shower one day, it was probably a week later. And I still had a mirror in there because I had to shave my face back then. I wasn't done with electrolysis and laser.

And I was in the shower and I was crying. And I looked in that silly little $10 mirror. It was suction cup to the glass. And I had my hand on my heart because my heart was hurting, not physically, but emotionally. And I looked in my eyes and I, I just, for some reason, I just said, I love me. And there was a big pause. And I looked into my own soul. The eyes are at the window to the soul. And I said it again. I said, I love me. soul the eyes are the window to the soul and I said it again I said I love me and I said it again and again and again and again until I believed it and it was that moment I didn't care what I looked like I didn't give a shit what the world thought at that moment I'm okay I love me for me. I'm a great human. I'm a wonderful parent. I love me.

I'm okay with this. And I've never looked back since then. That's amazing. I love that. Just that moment of being able to have those affirmations to yourself. Oh, Mimi's over here crying. Mimi is over here bawling her eyes out just to be able to have that I don't even know the word just to be able to look at yourself have those affirmations and confirmations to yourself and just say you know what I'm gonna embrace me in every form

shape no matter who sees me as this or not this is me motherfuckers yeah going from being probably one of the most handsome guys i'd ever seen to some fucking ugly duckling in between like i have been told i was good looking since i was five years old and to know that i wasn't anymore no that was hard and then but to be okay with it at that moment i will at that moment honey i was something i'm still something in between but yeah i was really something in between back then i was not a good looking flower that's blooming i'm still in the process yeah very much in the process still uh so that was a very pivotal moment for me it was it was the life-changing moment right there it's a beautiful moment and thank you for sharing that with us.

Yeah. I really, really like, I'm sure people at home are going to just love that because people need to hear that, you know? That's important. Did the estrogen make your boobs grow a little bit? It did. It did. I actually, I had gynecomastia from a kid.

Okay. It was interesting. I hated it growing up. As a guy, it's like, that's why I always wore dark shirts because you could see like my swollen nipples my whole life. Gotcha. I hated it growing up as a guy. It's like, I, it's why I always wore dark shirts because you could see like my swollen nipples my whole life. I hated it as a guy. Right. I think back on it now. I'm all, huh. Now you can use it to your advantage. Well, yeah, but I look at my child and I'm like, huh, that's interesting. Why did I get gynecomastia naturally before steroids? Right. I'm like, I was growing breasts at a 13 years old for some unknown reason. But that being said, the estrogen did.

And even though I have breast implants, it's actually interesting. I got to go back and have them redone for a third time because my breasts have grown so much. I've got the internal mesh bra after my second revision. And now I've got like a ledge. So I'm like, yeah, it sucks. But it's whatever. I'm over it. They're mine.

I had my implants taken out. I was like. You did? I'm over it. They're mine. And I had my implants taken out. I was like, you did. I had mine taken out in 2019 because, um, they were giving me, I don't want to say I had BII. Um,

I had a lot of the symptoms of breast implant illness, but I mean, I just had went through a phase where my anxiety was so bad. My body just didn't feel right. I had scar tissue that was, um, coming up underneath my left breast so much that my left breast was like this big and my, they were so lopsided. Yeah. My implant folded

in half. So I started growing scar tissue around it and they didn't know that until they took them out, but it just, it was so painful. And I just was like, you know what? And I started looking really matronly because I just, you know, I had such big tits I was like right almost an e and they just sagged and just didn't look good so I was like you know what I'm gonna go back to the itty bitty titty committee and if I could you know like as you get older you want to look more natural that's how I felt because I felt like it made me look matronly. So that's the only, for my situation. So that's what I wanted to do. I can understand that. Yeah, I totally can. Yeah. And I, you know, on my third go round, I don't want the high round, high round profile where they're like bolt-ons.

They look great though. They're very separate. I get that a lot. They're very separated, but it's because when my surgeon took his scalpel and cut me from here to here to save my life from my heart surgery, it severed all my pec muscles. And most women that have open heart surgery have the same problem. My mom is so self-conscious. She's like, my boobs just go to the side and I hate it. Um,

so me, I'm very open about everything and I get a lot of shit on social media for it, but you know, I, I'm grateful to be alive. And so, but yeah, the next go around, I want something much more natural. Yeah.

Not so porn star-ish. I love it. We all go through that phase, though. Everybody. I mean, we grew up in the Pamela Anderson, fucking Carmen Electra, Jennifer McCarthy fucking era. And those bitches were bad, dude.

Anna Nicole Smith. All of them, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had the biggest crushes on all of them. Yeah. Same. They're so hot.

They're still. Yeah. Just beautiful women. Yeah, absolutely. Carmen doesn't fucking age. No, I'm timeless. Yeah. No, I'm pissed off.

Like, bitch, what are you doing? Can we get some of whatever? Yeah. What is it? Is it adrenochrome? What's going on? I got enough money now. What's up, bitch?

No, I'm just kidding. How does that go? I'm totally kidding I love the fact that you even mentioned that that's so funny yeah well everybody accuses me and my husband of being in the Illuminati anyways so might as well just fuel the fire I've gotten that I I had a sty in this eye so I had some makeup done by somebody and I think the brush had something on it oh that's the worst I still have like I have a little one here that I just bury with concealer.

I've been fighting it for four months, but I had to have this eyelid flipped over and then to cut it out. I had a bruised eye. Damn. Social media is like, oh my God, she's in the Illuminati. Are you fucking kidding me? You're like, I had a fucking sty in my eye, you fucking idiot. I had a procedure done and I don't have a sty anymore.

And now my eye is black and blue. Like, oh, you're in the black eye club. People fucking think anything dude speaking of procedures what have you had done to feminize a little bit more okay so when do you start deciding to get those you got your boobs done yep that was May 2021 so I came out to the world I had to get in front of the narrative. Because if somebody, I mean, my tattoos, they're not common. Right. I've got a big phoenix and dragon on my arm. Right. You know, everybody knew Gabe's tattoos.

Right. Somebody called me out. I was screwed. I never be able to tell my story from my perspective. So I got in front of it, came out to the world on Extra TV, February 2021. And then it just snowballed from there in a good way right so it was my decision at that point I wanted to get my breasts done because I had these little itty-bitties and I'm like well breasts are female I need those yeah and again I have to be careful how I say this

but I'm letting you go through the thought process that I had at the time, which of your journey. Yes. What you're allowed to do. I think it's a common journey too, because I do coach some trans women. 99% of my, my fitness nutrition clients are biological females,

but I coach some trans women from time to time. And what I hear the most early in the transition, it's like, I want to get my breasts. I want to get my breasts. And that's, I think the male perspective, the male part of transition. It's like, I want to get my breasts. I want to get my breasts. And that's, I think the male perspective, the male part of us,

it's like that's one of the most feminine aspects of a woman are the breasts. And so I think as a transitioning woman, we liken that to femininity. But looking back, I would have done facial surgery first. If I could do it again, I would have done facial surgery first. Yeah. Because it again, I would have done facial surgery first. Yeah. Because it solved it. It helped

the dysphoria in the beginning. What does facial surgery consist of? Oh girl, it can range mine. I did everything all at once. And from what I, what I heard and I'm glad I did it. You only do it once. You're not going to go back for a thousand surgeries. A lot of girls will get their nays done and then they'll do these other things slowly knock me out do me once yeah and it was major surgery so i had two breast augmentations because my breast dropped so much the first time so i was running i lost so much muscle mass there was no way to anticipate it so december i went back and had them done again i'd had a hair transplant december 2020 so i'm going to be bald anymore. I got to do one more because all the surgeries, the anesthesia, my hair has fallen out again. But facial surgery, literally, they cut me from back here.

It was Dr. Peter Raphael in Plano, Texas. He's amazing, by the way. He cut me, like, imagine, remember the movie Face Off with John Travolta and Nick Cage? Just think of that moment when they peel the face down. So behind the ear to behind the ear, they cut you right across your forehead in the hairline. And then he did a type three brow shave on me because my brow bump as a guy, it was huge. Girls don't have a brow bump. Some girls have a little one.

But guys, when testosterone hits the system, you get a brow bump. Some girls have a little one. But guys, when testosterone hits the system, you get a brow bump. And he had to cut mine off. So he cut my entire brow off, put it on a bench, shaved it down flat. Wow. Stuck a bag on me and, I don't know, plates or something. Is it crazy how fucking plastic surgery is so barbaric? It is. It's very barbaric, but it's so precise oh i

love it i love it it's a skill this is well i'll talk about remind me to talk about the skill and insurance and things like that yeah because i paid for all my my surgeries out of pocket and there is a reason yeah then uh cheek implants went in they gave me the higher cheekbones because guys don't have naturally high cheekbones nose Nose revision. I had a rhinoplasty. And then he cut a portion out of my chin. He took the bone out from underneath my teeth and hair. And then he squished my chin together to give me the V line. Wow.

Trachea shave to get rid of the Adam's apple, which now I've had three. Get all this at once? Yeah. That was all at once. And then a hairline advancement. So he pulled me me scalped me to say the least yeah and like he takes a laser and he pulls the scalp back and then he cuts off a section of uh forehead at the front and he pulls that hair forward to to get rid of the receding

hairline the guy's receding hairline yeah uh and then he stitches you back up and like send you home to heal yeah yeah happy healing well girl i was on dilaudid oh i bet for the next several days it's that bad i have no recollection of the first week oh i'm sure flashes i can't tell you the one thing i have you go with the night nurse they send you to a recovery facility and you can't see you can see family the moment you come out but then they take you to recovery facility you're there with the nurse on your IVs and stuff yeah I woke up in the middle of the night and my eyes are swollen shut I woke up in the middle of night eyes swollen shut no idea where I'm at I thought I missed my surgery oh and a friend of mine Bella

was with me and my mom was there not at the night nurse but that's who was going with me to go into surgery yeah and I'm scrambling around for my phone i'm like bella i missed my alarm didn't go off and i stood up and i bolt for the door oh i had the catheter in still oh no girl that thing yanked me like a choke chain oh shit my she stick i thought i'm like i want gender reassignment surgery but this is not the way. Fuck. God, catheters are no joke either, dude. Oh, girl. It tugged. I'm like, oh, dude, what is that? So yeah, my night nurse is like, Gabby, what the fuck are you doing?

Oh my God. And then I don't remember anything after that. I'm sure I went back to bed, but that's the glimpse of what I had going on. Damn it. But I had that done. I went back and I had my nose. I still need to have redone a third time. Unfortunately, I went back a second time. I think it's so perfect. Even your side profile is beautiful. Thank you. I maybe I'm just dysphoric about it. I think it's the

it's the hanging call, Yamela. I want that. And that's what I had told Peter in the first place, my surgeon. I think it looks great. Thank you. Gives you character too. I hear that a lot and I think I'll just keep it then. Yeah. But I had my nose broken in Turkey when I was in WWE and it collapsed all the cartilage on the side. So I can't breathe out of the side. And when I got, I had a face and a neck lift in December last year. I can't wait to get a face and a neck lift. That's next on I can't wait to get a face and a neck lift. That's next on my list. I got to send you to a guy.

My surgeon did a great job, but I discovered the vertical face lift afterwards. I have a Dr. Narim does them, and that's who I want to go to. Wait, what's his name? Dr. Narim. That might be the same guy I was looking at. Yeah, he's amazing. The vertical face lift is the way to go. I had the old school face lift.

Yeah. Which I lost so much weight. I'm 100. It was your face looks tight, though. It's because of the facelift. OK. Yeah. I was like, I had six or seven rolls here of just it was horrendous girl of all this loose skin from losing all my weight.

So I did that December and I got another nose revision. But unfortunately, we pulled the splints out a week later. It was too early. And by the time I drove home that day, three hours later, it had collapsed again. Oh, no. So I have to go back in. I haven't been able to breathe out of this side since 2011. Wow.

But I had my voice done in May of this year. How do they do the voice? There's two methods. Dr. Toby Mayer did my voice. And the reason I went with him is because you can talk the same day. Wow. Yeah. And he has a proprietary method that he doesn't tell anybody what he does.

I know what it is because I insisted I know. Right. And I signed a deal saying I wouldn't talk. But he goes and he made the, you can still see the incision here because it's not quite a year. And it's still kind of red. So my first trachea shave was here. When I did my face and neck lift, I did another trachea shave because it wasn't quite gone all the way. And then Dr. Toby Mayer did another one when he did my voice and now there's nothing left. Like there's no cartilage there at all.

But he does something that lets you talk the next day. The Korean method is where they go in through your mouth instead of having to cut you open right here. They go in through your mouth and they cut and re-splice your vocal cords. So you can still kind of hear a little bit of bass in my voice, like the timbre in my voice. If I don't try, I kind of get down like this area, like the morning voice. And so, I mean, I can do that too. like the morning voice. And so, I mean, I can do that too. I got this sultry voice that gets kind of deep, but I mean, Dr. Toby Mayer told me he's going and he's like, there's a 50, 50 chance. Cause you've had trachea shaves down here before. You've got a lot of scar tissue. I'm going to do what I usually do. And there's a 50, 50 chance. So I got a bump in the pitch. It's not perfect,

but I'll probably go back and get the Korean method done. But then I can't talk for a month. Oh, my goodness. You can't talk for a month. And that's why I'm like, I'm building a business. I'm coaching hundreds and hundreds of women with fitness and nutrition. And I need to be able to talk. Yeah.

I need to be able to talk now. Yeah. This is my business. This is their lives. Yeah. I'm not going to let these women down. So I did his method I could talk the next day and it worked out good so those are the surgeries so far I've had five

I had two breast dogs face voice neck and facelift when are you thinking about doing gender reassignment is that something you do want to do it is yeah um I heard that's a pretty brutal process yeah it's it's a big surgery and they want you off work for six weeks because of all the dilation and there's just recovery that needs to happen. Yeah. And from what I've heard, it, it takes, you need that long. Yeah. And I'm not in a place where I can take six weeks off, but I do know the doctor. I want to use the surgeon it's Dr. Blue Bonnet NYU. Blue Bonnet. Yeah and so I love that. Yeah it's amazing she uh she did a couple friends of mine and she uses robotics in her surgery to minimize scarring and to use this method it's the perineal pull through so you get

some lubrication but not like not like a normal natural born female but she's amazing yeah and what's what's interesting is as soon as I had opted to go with her I was relaxed on contacting her because she wasn't super well known or anything an influencer on tiktok used her and posted about it and oh my gosh shit she used her I better go get on her list and it's a two-year wait list for my fucking consult just to have a consult with or semi-consult isn't until 2025 good lord yeah so in the meantime i'm i'm planning on one more hair transplant to kind of fill in up here it's really gotten thin up here from all my surgeries and then i have to for me to feel comfortable on my skin i I need to get a fat transfer. I don't want a Kim Kardashian ass, but I need the proportions to be more natural. Right.

I've got a narrow pelvis. Everybody born a male is going to have that. Yeah, for sure. I've got wide shoulders, and I wear a shapewear. So I've got hip pads on. It makes me feel better. And what's interesting, the way I get get treated when I wear a little tiny hip pad on each like the little shapewear yeah I get treated so much different it's crazy right stupid

like how different I get treated it's people are much more inviting much more inviting and so if I can just mimic the shapewear I have on right now I'd'd be happy. But in order to do that, I still have some muscle mass to lose. So I'm very, I'm as lean as I can be, but I, I'm trying to get down to like the one eighties and then I, you know, the process I got to pack on like 40 pounds of fat. So get it sucked out of you. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's a process where I'm still losing muscle in this, in this game right now. It's not a game. It's a journey. it's definitely been a it's a journey it's definitely been a journey for you and I think and I hope what anybody can take one of the things that somebody can take away from this beautiful podcast that we've done is be kind to people

because you never know where they are in their journey yeah like that's so important you know just smiling at somebody and saying you're beautiful could have like really changed your trajectory. And that day that you had in the mall and said that dude running up to you saying, sir, sir, sir. If he would have said, ma'am, can you imagine how you would have felt? Oh, completely. Yeah. Not that I expect anyone to ever do that because they're going to see what they're going to see. Yeah.

And it's a confusing world as it is. Yeah. You know, we don't know what pronouns to use half the time, but with people and it's hard. But just like you said, a smile. Girl, that changed lives. Yeah. You know, somebody, I would smile at somebody

and then they'd smile back not being fearful of me because I didn't know what the hell I was or what I was doing. It changed everything. Yeah. I love that. It's a good world out there was doing, it changed everything. Yeah. I love that. It's a good world out there when we want it to be. Yeah, for sure. Let's talk about what you do and where people can sign up to get work by you and stuff like that. Absolutely. Yeah. So I do online fitness and nutrition coaching. I've got an entire team

of coaches underneath me. It's my business. I'm the owner. I have coached 1500 people to success in the last 13 years. Go ahead. No, sorry. That was my ADD. I was thinking owner. I have coached 1500 people to success in the last 13 years. No, sorry. That was my ADD. I was thinking, but go ahead. The crazy part, like I said earlier, is 99% of my clients are biological females. Yeah. It's incredible. I was going to say, you actually said something the other day, you were on a live and I was kind of eavesdropping in just to kind of get a feel for you. And, um, right now I have been working with a, an online coach for the past two and a half years, T Miller fit,

shout out, love you. She has done wonders for my body, but you said something the other day that I found that was profound. And you were like, you don't need tons and you don't need a pen. I think it was last night. You said you don't need, um, a gram of protein per pound that that's, and that was like music to my ears because my body has a hard time. Yes. And I'm like, I'm over it. Like I don't, and I don't, the high carb thing, I don't like doing it either. Like I feel so much better when I'm fasting and like doing a keto type thing, you know? Like, and so when you said that, I was like, maybe I need to talk to Gabby. It's so interesting. Yeah.

So high protein diets in every case lead to CKD, which is chronic kidney disease. Yes, that's what you said. Yeah. And so there's this myth floating around that you need a gram of protein per pound of body weight. Yeah. And so, you know, I got a girl that's your height and I got somebody that weighs 200 pounds. That's a lot of protein to shove down your throat.

Dude, it's so much. The amount of food I have to eat every fucking day. What an asinine thought. When we look at why would we do that? And so it's not your fault. It's this bro science that's floating around. It's influencers who are certified personal trainers or not certified personal trainers spreading things they heard. And this is where the scientist in me comes out because I put my nose in published medical data for close to an hour every day.

Yeah. I do a ton of research because my clients expect certainty. This is the reason I've coached so many clients to success. And what we find is it's more about your lean body mass. So you've got a percentage of body fat on you. You've got a percentage of muscle mass. It's more about the lean body the lean muscle mass that's on you with that you need to support with protein protein is critical for so many

functions in the body yeah carbohydrates are not right even though you're going to hear people say well glucose is important i mean it it plays a role yeah your body burns uh your body burns energy in three stages at first it goes for sugars, which is glucose. Then it goes to glycogen, which is your story in your liver. And then it goes to fats and it goes to ketones after that. And so once the glucose and the glycogen is out of your system, you go to ketones, which are exponentially more efficient and energy, which is why you feel better when you do keto. Isn't that like autophagy? Isn't that what they call it? Yeah, and actually, I say this a lot. The correct pronunciation is autophagy.

Autophagy, okay, I didn't know. Everybody says autophagy, and it's not your fault, but it's because people say autophagy, it's actually autophagy. And that's a phenomenon. It's incredible. When you get to,

it can start in the 16-hour mark. More than likely, it'll take a day or two to see true autophagy. Now you got me saying true autophagy, but it's what, what happens? We get these things called folded proteins, right? And it's think of it as a corrupt computer code in your cells, in the mitochondria. And those folded proteins basically explode and autophagy. And it makes room for brand new proteins to come fill in that corrupt, where that corrupt code was. It's like a defragmentation process on a hard drive. Yeah. And there's, oh, look, we can just put that fresh protein there, that fresh protein there.

And the body starts to heal itself from incredible things like autoimmune diseases, funguses, bacteria floating around in your system. Absolutely. So I do, I live in a 16, eight window. And recently I've actually been experimenting with OMAD one meal a day, which I love the warrior diet literally. And when you look at the data over the last 10 years, that is what's been proven to work. It's OMAD and 16, eight. I love 16, eight. That's what I try to do. Girl. It's amazing. And if you're doing keto in the process, you don't have hunger cravings the way that you would if you're eating carbohydrates, it releases ghrelin, a hunger hormone into your

system. Every time you have carbs and sugars, when you're as soon as your stomach empties, you're hungry. Yeah. And so when you're in keto, you don't get that is a very small amount of ghrelin released into the system. Yeah. So my clients, less than 50% of my clients do keto, I always leave it up to you to decide what you want to do because if it doesn't align with you or you're not mentally aligned with it, there is this incredible phenomenon called the placebo effect. The nocebo effect is the opposite. So you don't want to do something.

You've got a disposition towards it. It's not going to work well for you. The brain will release hormones and chemicals to um to basically slow your process down but uh yeah i've again less than half my clients do keto and i've got this team i built underneath me a lot of master's degree degrees on my team phd's on my team i have the the director of public health from a specific state on my team so we've built this and the difference in what i do is i always say anyone can hand you fitness and nutrition you've you've bought into it before i'm sure everybody listening's probably bought a fitness and nutrition program at some point from somebody paid for a personal trainer

or nutritionist but what works for them doesn't necessarily work for you right exactly it's not a one size fits all. No, it's, and there's no cookie cutter in what I do. Everything is a hundred percent custom for you. Custom nutrition, custom workouts, your meals. I give you three to four meals per or three to four recipes per meal that are all custom for you. And my mom's, my girls, they work out at home a lot of the time. Some of them work out at the gym. It's whatever you want to do. But the big difference is I look at behavioral patterns. I've been studying behavioral patterns for over a decade. And when I hand you something that's got good science in it, and a lot of people will do that. Like I said, you've bought these programs before. Why do we start and get to the goal and then rebound? Right. Or why do we start and then

life gets in the way or life? I hear this a lot. Life gets chaotic. Right. It's behavioral patterns. It's not that the science is bad. It's that we have these loops that we get into and we can't see them half the time. Yeah. Because our heads are in the weed with life. You know, we're head down trying to grind. We don't realize that there are these cyclical, these strong neural pathways. And so when I do, I have a course I created called BPM. It's behavioral pattern modification. Every one of my clients goes through it. They work with me and I basically create these new positive neural pathways to replace these old behavioral patterns with new positive behavioral patterns. And that's why they're so damn successful.

Now that shit works. I have a, um a therapist named glenn who does that and that's how he yeah glenn's amazing if you ever want to talk to him you can he does uh facetimes and stuff like that but he reprograms your brain within the neuropathways oh i love that yeah no he's amazing oh i'd love to talk to him oh glenn i'm a sponge when it comes to that stuff oh he's fucking tell me more dude he's written a few books like he's amazing oh he'll be coming on the podcast soon oh i'm definitely listening to that one yeah sure no he's written a few books. Like he's amazing. Oh, cool. He'll be coming on the podcast soon. Oh, I'm definitely listening to that one for sure. No, he's great. No, I just love, I love your approach.

I love what you, what you're doing for people. And I just love that you just want to help people. And I think your story is so beautiful. Thank you so much. And if, if there's anybody out there that needs help, my website's coachgabby.com. Or you can just follow me on TikTok at Gabby Tuft. Is it, it's J-A-B-B-I. Oh yeah. We should talk about that. Yeah. It's not the typical spelling. It's G-A-B-B-I.

Yeah. Love that. Well, Gabby, thank you for coming on this podcast. I am like so honored to, for you to have came on here and shared your story with us and just, I mean, I, I loved you before, but I love you even more now. I think the feeling's mutual yeah thank you bunny this has been so much fun dude getting to sit in your energy is just awesome and you're just you're even more awesome in person than oh you know online but if you guys are not following Gabby follow you where on your Instagram TikTok it's all Gabby tough all the handles are the same yeah you guys go follow her you will not be disappointed I promise thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.