Dumb Blonde - Jessi Lawless: Born Lawless

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Jessi Lawless is one disobedient, feisty, and unruly human - and that's why she is our hero. She joins Bunnie this week to take us through her early years of rebellion and her mom's magical healing moment, and then catches us up on life today as a stylist and creator and brand owner with millions of eyes watching. She also shares what type of woman she's into and how she felt at a young age knowing her sexuality but not always being accepted for it. Stay tuned at the end for a tit-alating surprise.  Jessi Lawless: OF | TikTok  Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.com  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, I have one of my favorite TikTokers here, Jesse Lawless. I'm so happy that you have came on this podcast and sat down with me today. I'm like so excited to dive into your story because I get to see you online and like you're just like so positive, always making me laugh, always coming up with these like quotes and shit that you have. And I just love it. So I'm really

excited to just dive deep into your story. How are you? I'm good. Yeah? It's great to see you. Thanks for having me here. Are you good, though? Because you had, let's just, you know, let's rip the Band-Aid off and let's just like dive into it.

So you had to like, okay, we had booked you a flight to come here. And then fucking hurricane whatever is happening now. Nicole, I think. Oh, my God. It even has a name. So it's going to be a bad one. It's over. It was one. It was a oh my god it even has a name so it's going to be a bad one it's over it was one it was just it was a one and we don't even count it until it's a three oh okay that's such a floridian thing we don't count it till it's destruction yeah okay

so anyways you guys thought that it was going to be worse and they ended up like closing down the fucking airports and then right or something like that um well anytime winds reach a certain speed they close down the airports because take off you know you don't want your airplane flying sideways yeah no never a soul plane like how they do on soul plane right yeah no yeah never want to do that so anytime winds reach a certain speed we just don't even count flights yeah so you ended up having to drive i did you and divinity right right that's how i say her name that's over is that her real name that's her real name that is really pretty her mom is creative oh well you can see that in her daughter yeah she's a really sweet

creative woman oh i love that so you and divinity um you know how to take a road trip and 12 hours in a car with somebody can lead to who knows. So what happened with you guys on your way here? We had, I wasn't going to even have the discussion because I was just, I really wanted to keep this weekend as peaceful as possible. But one conversation led to the next and I was like, I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to bring this up. I didn't want to talk about this. And that conversation led to the next and I was like I didn't want to do this I didn't want to bring this up I didn't want to talk about this and that conversation led to the end no um has this been a

long time coming or like yeah because you guys seem so cute on the internet but internet can fool you oh no what was going on can we talk about Yeah, we can talk about it. I mean, it wasn't all bad. You know, I appreciate and I'm really grateful for what she brought to my life because she really did. She amplified a lot of things. She did a lot for my style for sure. And I appreciate everything that she brought into my life, but I've found that I have more scars from holding on to things that weren't for me than, you know, wounds from letting go. Letting go, it can be really hard, but it's so much better for you in the long run. And I felt like, honestly, I was just fucking with somebody else's soulmate. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's real. How long were you guys together for? I think that we made it like a little over four months officially. Oh, okay. It was a whirlwind. Yeah. Kind of like over four months officially. Oh, okay. It was a whirlwind. Yeah. Kind of like a love bombing thing.

Oh, man. It happened really fast. She told me that she thought that I was going to be her wife on day two. Aw. And I just, I didn't believe in fairy tales. And she convinced me. She convinced me. Sometimes we need that hope.

It's always nice to kind of believe in a fairy tale every once in a while. It was a fun little ride for sure yeah what happened though so you guys are driving and you're just like look this isn't working or we just have a very different approach to things we actually were discussing a hair situation that she she has she's a um a colorist and i'm a barber so we talk about hair things a lot and i've been an instructor and I'm a master colorist and I've, I've done it all, you know? So in situations like that, she'll ask me, what do you think about this? And I'm brutally honest. You know, when, when you ask me a question about business, you get business, Jessie, and there's no sugarcoating.

And I know that I can be a little harsh, but I think that that's, that's what's made me grow. So that's what I give people. Right. You know, I think that's, you appreciate, a lot of people appreciate brutal honesty. I do. She didn't really like, you know, my response. And I had some things to say about the fact that she didn't like my response and I don't want to get into too much detail because I would never want to paint her in a bad light I still have respect for her and for the relationship that we had absolutely um we're just built different you know I'm the type of person that as soon as you say Jesse I think you're being selfish I'm okay, time to look in the

mirror. Let's evaluate the situation. I'll call my closest friends sometimes, not often, because most of the time I rely on myself. Yeah. I'm like, all right, let's see here. What have I done? And if I see it, I'm like, you're right. You know, I'm real quick to admit what I fucked up. Right. So I just. Accountability is huge. It really is is it's a really big deal to me and i think that that was one of the straws that broke the camel's back right just a series of issues and you know what's cool though is that you're only four months in which is four months with somebody is always cherished but you were able to spot it early on and didn't let it linger for like years you know right and it's hard because

man we really do have a very significant connection and I've never been with anyone that could keep up with me on the business side of things and you know she's got a mad hustle like that girl works she really does and I respected that tremendously hell yeah you know we're both content creators we're both hairstylists. We very much understand each other, but there's, there's an upside down to all that. And it's, it's as good as it is. The good was the bad was just, we just didn't, we were all in water. We were really, really all in water. When's her birthday?

She's a Leo, August 14th. Okay. And aren't you a Leo? I'm an Aquarius. Oh, you're an Aquarius. I'm an Aquarius. That's awesome. So Aquarius, that's crazy because Aquarius and Leo are actually like soulmate signs.

Maybe she just has a lot of growing to do. You have a lot of growing to do. And if it's meant to be, you guys will come back together. I won't close the door on anything. You know, if we could not be oil and water, if we could find a way to coexist, I would love that because. Well, Leo's are very, um, cause I, I was married to one are very fucking emotional and Aquarius.

We are not cut it off, baby. You know, you know, I try to be sensitive enough to say, all right, let's acknowledge your hurt or your anger or whatever it is. It's got you in whatever emotional state you're in.

And, and I'll be there for you. Let's talk about it. Go ahead and unpack it if you need someone to talk to. But let's wrap it up. Let's not stay here. Let's not dwell. Let's not take our emotions and wrap them around us

and turn ourselves into an emotional fucking burrito. Absolutely. I 100% agree with you. Let's wrap it up. That describes my fucking life. If I even start feeling a little bit of emotion, I'm just like, okay, let's move on. You know, like, let's not sit in it. Let's fucking go.

Well, you know, you guys, I really hope that you guys can figure it out because I think you guys are super cute. And if not, guess what? There's going to be mad bitches who are excited that Jesse Lawless is fucking single now. You heard it first on Dumb Blonde Podcast. That's right, baby. All right. So let's's take it back jesse where did you grow up a tiny little town outside of birmingham in alabama okay i didn't know that about you i looked it up um i googled it not long ago and i think that according to the last census report the town population is like 350 holy shit

balls yeah smaller than most people's graduating class that's crazy i couldn't imagine that's a small small small town talk about everybody knows everybody oh everybody's probably related and so i mean is that wrong to say i'm not no no it's not not an alabama joke i swear no roll tide listen i lived right down the street from an inbred family i'm not kidding that's That's real life. That's real life shit. It was, they lived about a mile and a half from where I grew up and it's, everybody knew. Everybody knew. And it just, it just existed. They just let it roll.

Yeah. We were just like, they ain't hurting nobody. I know, right? They're happy. They're peaceful, whatever. I'm really glad my mom went to Florida to find someone to breed with. So I'm for sure that my parents aren't related. I love that.

So was it it were you raised by a single mom or did you have mom and dad or how'd that go uh my dad didn't even know I existed until I was 14 wow so I mean I felt like the stork dropped me off honestly my mom's this just gorgeous dark she's got a lot of Native American in her you know um she's got a nice tan skin dark hair and I was just this goofy ass looking big tooth redheaded are you a red I'm a ginger as fuck oh I love it that's awesome so I just I was just goofy ass looking little kid running around playing in the dirt while my mom's like laying out in the front yard in her bikini and all my friends were making jokes that they want to bang my mom oh so that was awesome but uh it's always cool having a hot mom

it kind of was she was kind of kind of not kind of she was a preacher oh so there's counterbalance wow so was she a preacher from the time you were born or was that something she evolved into i have these crazy like little glimpse memories of just some crazy shit you know and my mom's she would probably lose her fucking shit if she heard me mention oh no well mom don't listen to the podcast mom turn it off right now right now but i remember seeing like tarot cards okay and black candles and her and her friends well she's native american that's part of her are you has a native american in her that's part of her culture too so next thing you know like we're in church i grew up in church i was in church every single time the doors were open oh yeah me too sunday morning middle of the day sunday

for prayer mating sunday night wednesday and if there was a revival then it was over i was sleeping on a church pew till possibly 1 a.m that's crazy if the preacher was done by then you know so it was an interesting situation with my mom you know so as a single mom were guys, was she struggling or was she always able to provide? Kind of paint a picture of your childhood for us. I was a handful, if you can believe that. An Aquarius baby? Never.

Aquarius ginger baby? Yeah, exactly. I was an absolute lunatic. I think we're just born rebels. Yeah. We literally are born to fuck shit up. I was literally born lawless yes it is not just a name it is a way i know i can't believe that's her real last name maybe that is absolutely

my real last name it's crazy right yeah when i went to go book her flights i forgot to tell you that i think that's fucking cool as shit yeah yeah i love it so i don't know if it's a blessing and a curse. Yeah. You know, I have no fear. I'm an absolute adrenaline junkie. I got a need for speed. If it's got a motor, I want to drive it. I love it. And my mom's just like this. I mean, I don't want to use the word prissy because she wasn't just a prissy woman.

She was just womanly, like woman, just a woman. She was very womanly. Feminine. She was just in her divine feminine very woman feminine she was divine feminine would exude femininity she always her nails i always remember her beautiful hands my mom has beautiful handsheds beautiful nails she did her makeup just to the nine she always looked top-notch we were poor as fucking dirt but my mom always looked top-notch and she she kept me looking good too you know I wasn't running around in in rags it was mostly hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes but she made me look good

yeah it doesn't matter if you have a five dollar shirt or a fucking five hundred dollar shirt you're gonna make it look good no matter what I prefer the five dollar shirts she she had a way and she still has a way my mom's still alive I don't know why I'm talking about her past. I was just about to ask, did she pass? Well, based on the mother of my childhood versus my mom now, they're different. Okay, we'll get into that for sure. They're a little different. They're kind of like two different people there. So it was just you and your mom growing up.

Did you ever have a stepdad, anything like that, nothing? I've got to give her mad respect for the fact that she never dated. Wow. There were no men in the house ever. Not one time. She tried to, she did her best to protect me for sure. I love that. Go mom. Yeah, she, that's, I mean, I can't thank her enough. Yeah, for sure. So when did you guys start getting heavy into church?

Yeah, for sure. So when did you guys start getting heavy into church? Well, when I was, I think I was five, five or six. It was right in that period of time. I remember my mom, this is after the tarot card stuff that I remember. She doesn't mess with any of that anymore. It's the devil. Yeah.

Oh, she probably had something happen. She real sick she almost died oh she um her white blood cell count was through the roof and I spent a large portion of my childhood in hospitals because I thought my mom was dying you know she had a hospital bed and everything she I hardly ever saw her actually walk and um you know my I remember her what was she dying I think the cancer research just wasn't far enough along at that point. But her white blood cell count was through the roof, which is a pretty good indication of something. Leukemia. That was what they're now thinking that she had at that point. So this is probably the craziest part of my entire story um my aunt

you know sat me down with my mom and said you know your mom is gonna have to go on a trip and you'll see her again eventually but um this is gonna be a long trip so you're gonna come live with us and I was like I didn't get it. How old were you? Like five or six. Oh, so this happened young? Very young, yeah. So she, we thought she was going. We thought that was it to the point where they were getting ready to get me set up and squared away.

So I got a crazy aunt, like real crazy. She's his mom's sister? mom's sister okay yeah this isn't the aunt that i was gonna go live with this is the other aunt that's now passed away she she she died in a trailer full of cats oh naked so yeah she went out with a bang she did indeed she really did but um when she wasn't in a mental institution um she was deep throat in a bottle i think vodka was her thing i don't know and those were both your mom's sisters uh no the one sister When she wasn't in a mental institution, she was deep throat in a bottle. I think vodka was her thing. I don't know.

Quit me. And this was both your mom's sisters? No. The one sister I was going to stay with. She was cool. Right. Family woman. Got a husband and kids.

Just really settled down. Typical Alabama white picket fence life. Right. And then my Aunt Karen was, she was a crazy one. So was she just like a best friend or? No, she was my mom's sister. She was your mom's sister. She was Zipper Blood's sister. She had several siblings.

But she talked my mom into going to this church meeting thing. She said, this man's got healing hands. He's known to heal people. You got to come. Is this after she was sick? This is while she was sick. While she was sick, okay. And, I mean, she even told my Aunt Karen.

She was like, Karen, I can barely walk. Karen was like, I don't care who will carry you in the church made a real big deal out of it I'll never forget it was the most powerful moment in my entire life because I thought I was losing my mom it was all starting to come together for me it's got to be traumatic at five or six years old that's she was everything I didn't have a dad so I didn't have nothing else that's your mama man we went to this church situation his name was Jesse DePlantis I don't know if you ever heard of him he's a very famous in the whole Christian thing um he called her out he walked down the aisle he said Lord's gonna heal you tonight and he I got chills he got her up he said in the name of Jesus you stand up right now

and she stood up that was one of the first times I ever saw my mom stand up all by herself. Oh, my gosh. Calls her out in the middle of the aisle. I swear to you, Bunny, this is 100% true. I love that. Puts his hands on her, starts praying and ah-sh-la-la-la. Yeah, speaking in tongues. Right, right.

And the next thing you know, she falls out. I'm like, he killed her. That's it. Oh, no. So I'm like a roller coaster of emotions. And a couple minutes later, she got up and started running up and down the aisles of the church. Holy shit.

Yeah. That's like shit you only fucking hear about, like, you know. I watched it happen. Like the Benny Hens and all that stuff. You know, I grew up with all that stuff around me, too, when my dad decided to stop being a rock star and wanted to go fucking full-fledged Bible thumper. So that's like stuff that you just like see on tv but you actually got to see that with your own eyes it

was crazy shit i've ever seen in my life does that make you a believer now it did for a long time and i was really cemented in my belief because i'm like god showed me a miracle it would be like the worst form of blasphemy to just ignore him after this like he literally showed me a miracle but um i gotta it's hard for me that's a the christianity thing is real hard subject for me because it was forced upon me same you know so much throughout my life and i'm gay obviously i don't know if you guys knew that i didn't but i had no idea i don't know it's weird don't tell me that did you always know that you were gay or i did okay so you were just born and i don't know. It's weird. Don't tell nobody. We'll get into that. Did you always know that you were gay? I did. Okay. So you were just born and just liked women. I didn't know what it meant.

I just knew that I was not interested in the boys at all. Yeah. And I just, I felt really uncomfortable, but excited when I looked at girls. Right, right, right. So that was a, that was an issue for me and my mom. So after mom gets healed, she goes home and everything? She threw all of her medicine away really when she divorced her husband she did you know what she she was married to a man okay

for the first part like i don't even remember like i just there was a dude right and she was married to him and then she divorced him when she got better so i mean my memories are a little sketchy you know pre-six years old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But she left him and then we went and moved in with my grandparents. They were both sick. She took care of both of them until they died. Wow. So she literally went to this church service, was healed, came home, threw out all of her

stuff, kicked dude to the curb. You guys moved in with the grandparents. How old are you? How long do you guys stay with them? Until they died. She's still, we still own the house okay my grandfather left it to her and his will and then when i was in the military she gave it to me but then she divorced after after i moved out at 18 she married another man um who she divorced gotcha and and she was gonna come back and live with me um in the house and i was like i'm going to go

back to florida you can have it you're good i love her very much but we cannot live together gotcha so teenage jesse talk to me i would have eaten a cat turd if you told me to get me high oh so you were an addict oh big time i never knew that you know it's that's a hard one for me i don't know if you'd say i was an addict so that's the aquarius in you yeah that's the aquarius in you i always try to tell everybody i don't know if i was an addict because i really had anxiety but i fucking overtook my medicine you know oh no i i did as many drugs as i could get my hands on yeah yeah but it was more of just like a partier it was a partier and attention okay i was an attention whore i'm not gonna lie so you weren't like addicted to anything.

I was addicted to attention. Okay. And the more fucked up I got, the more attention, you know, I got. At that point, I hadn't figured out what to do good. Right. I had no outlets. I had no way to, I hadn't figured out how to do good yet. You know, I just hadn't found that in me.

When did this start? I mean, the first time I smoked weed I think I was like 10 or 11 oh wow on a trampoline oh my god who had the weed um I was being babysat by it's always the fucking babysitters always the babysitters doing some weird shit I think my mom and my babysitter sister had gone to a church service and I talked her into letting me stay home. And I went over to her sister's, her friend's house, whose little sister watched us. Me and the girl's two kids. So she had weed and smoked it on a trampoline.

I jumped so high I didn't think I was coming down. For real. It was crazy. Never been able to get that high again. Oh, no. Dude, I remember the first time I got high. It was there when we were driving to this fucking arcade called Mary Kay's. And the whole time I was so fucking high.

I thought we were going to Marie Callender's. So when we pulled up to a fucking arcade, I was like, where the fuck is Marie Callender's? I'm fucking starving. So, OK, you were rebellious. You started you smoked weed. arcade i was like where the fuck is marie calendars i'm fucking starving um so okay you were rebellious you started you smoked weed what did that go into what kind of other drugs were you doing oh i mean for a long time it was mostly just weed when i probably when i was 12 or 13 you know 13 i started eating pills and that was like i was just like tic tacs just pills i didn't care what kind it was. Will it get me high?

I'm going to eat it. I can't believe I'm alive, honestly. That's crazy. Yeah. That is such a young age to be just popping pills. By the time I was 15 or 16, that's when, you know, like I said, I would have eaten a cat turd if you told me to get me high. Two if it was good. Were you still going to school and like getting good grades or how is that working out for

you? Oh man. I got kicked out of high school the second week of my 10th grade year. going to school and like getting good grades or how is that working out for you oh man um i got kicked out of high school the second week of my 10th grade year oh for what it was an accident first of all i know listen um assault and battery upon a board employee oh no i was in a fight on the bus and oh the bus driver like we had knocked the shit out of each other and one's over here on this side of the bus and one's over there on that side of the bus and we're coming back out of each other here comes a bus driver and i went to cold cock the shit out of this girl

and next thing you know i knocked the fucking bus driver out oh no they kicked me out of the whole school system that's a fucking accident you didn't deserve that i had a little bit of a reputation at that point i'd already gotten into a lot of trouble for fighting me too i picked on a lot you know me too i got jumped and then i fucking started beating the fuck out of everybody and that's it and when you knock somebody the fuck out people stop fucking with you that is the highest level of fuck around and find out yeah no that's exactly what happened to me i got bullied so i became the bully and literally but the thing was i wasn't a bully that went looking for fights i would fucking finish it though like you're not gonna talk to me crazy yeah yeah like for real like we'd fuck around and find out exactly like you said um

so you're getting in trouble where's mom at during all this how is she like she's losing it you know she's just like trying to keep control of her damn kid. We were really poor because my mom didn't work. And what she told me is like, I can't keep a job because you're always in trouble. I got to give that to her. I guess that makes sense. But yeah, I was... Hell on wheels. Absolutely.

I really was. And I'm not proud of that. And, uh, my, my, my rough past has created a person who I really do love today. I love, I love myself. I think that, you know, I've grown tremendously from where I came from, but, uh, yeah, I put my poor mom through hell. That's part of your story though. Part of your journey. Um, so I heard you say that you went to the military. How old were you when you went to the military I actually enlisted when I was 21 okay um did you graduate sorry not to mean to cut you no I didn't I got kid I went to private school for just a few months I convinced my mom to let me quit and go get my GED oh so and I was like mom just let me just let me quit please stop don't make me go to this private

school and she she eventually was like fine but you have to go to the community college and take ged classes so i agreed to that and when i was supposed to go take those classes i went and got fucked up with my friends instead but i killed the ged right like i passed it with flying colors and funny story two of my friends that I went to high school with their senior year they were like fucking Jessie Lawless got kicked out like two years ago went and took the GED and she's she ain't gotta go to school let's do that we're gonna do that both of them failed twice that's crazy I actually passed my and I am not a test taker I am the worst test taker ever in the world I passed mine the first

time too. Nice. I got kicked out for fighting. They wouldn't let me. I got kicked out of private schools. I got kicked out of church for beating girls up. Oh, shit. I mean, it was crazy.

I finally got kicked out of Las Vegas High School and had to take my GED. Went the first time and fucking nailed it. Nice. So, yeah. No, I totally respect that. Respect. Respect. Back at you. So so you went to the

military what was behind that decision when I was 17 I had ran away from home and I'd been gone for a couple of months and it was the first time that I considered actually like using intravenous drugs and I watched my buddy do it and you know they did the whole thing and yeah and I watched him and it freaked me out and man I was in a just just beat down trailer park in Alabama and there was this guy in the trailer next to us and I mean I never should have been there he's a nice enough guy I mean he's cool or whatever so I got kind of freaked out by the situation and he had drugs so I went over to his trailer and did his drugs without having to shoot him up and I just woke up the next morning and I was like what what movie is this and he was like that's the news and i was like what and about that time the second plane hit the second tower oh my gosh and i was like holy fucking shit he was like you want some of these

tie locks and i was like sure and i called my mom i was like hey mom uh i want to go to the to the army and i'll tell you where i'm at if you promise to take me to the recruiter station she's like there's no fucking way no she didn't say fucking because she's a woman of God at that point she's like there's no way yeah and I was like well I ain't gonna tell you where I'm at then she was like listen just tell me where you're at I promise I'll take you to the recruiter station my mom's a woman of her words she would never make a promise she wouldn't keep I was like all right I told her where I was at and she took me to the recruiter station they They made me take an ASVAB. And I nailed it. What's an ASVAB? It's the test that you take to determine how smart you are for the military.

Wow. What job you can take. You know, what job you can do. And I took the ASVAB. And they were like, your daughter has a lot of opportunity in the Army. And my mom said, I promised, because they wanted her to sign release forms because i was only 17 and uh she said i promised to take you to the recruiter station i did not promise to sign anything oh she didn't want to lose you i was fucking furious i was probably one of the

biggest fits i ever threw she didn't think you were serious is what happened. I was. I don't know why not. I never showed her any reason not to believe me when I said, when anytime I say I'm going to do something, I've done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be an Aquarius dream. Longstanding reputation for that. Yeah.

That's crazy. She didn't want to lose you. That or she might have been scared that she wouldn't have got you back, you know? Right. Well, you know, it was, the towers got hit that day. I decided to go enlist in the army the day that everybody realized we were about to go to war she was like she's a fucking crazy person i'm not letting her do this shit so where how were you did you have girlfriends and stuff during high school did your mom know that you were gay i came out to her um probably

when i was like 15 or so. I wrote her a letter and she cried and looked up and asked God what she did wrong. So that was awesome. She didn't approve at all. So, I mean, any girls that I was involved with, it was usually like secret. You know, I was everybody's secret little fling back then. Nobody wanted to admit to. Well, our age, age yeah people were not i was banging my neighbor my next door neighbor with socks in my pocket

giving her hickeys on her neck dude like i've always liked girls no it's crazy because like i love dudes i love men i love feeling you know just penetration but fucking i've always loved women too ever since i was a little girl. I've always made out with girls. Like that's always been my thing. It's like, it's weird. It's like once you know, you know. But in our generation of growing up, that shit was hidden. Like nobody talked about it.

Nobody talked about the little girls playing house and shit. Yeah. I was a lot of teenage girls little secret when I was a teenager. How'd that make you feel? It sucked. little secret when I was a teenager how'd that make you feel it sucked you know I felt like I they were ashamed of me but it wasn't that we're in the south we're in a tiny town in Alabama you know what I'm saying so I don't know how they didn't know what as fucking tiny as that town I mean everybody knew that I was gay no no no I mean like even like the little girls hooking up you know like I just don't know how nobody knew.

They were too afraid of anybody finding out. We were pretty, pretty quiet about it. I mean, a lot of the interactions that I had with girls were like my friends and we'd sleep in the same bed together. And then something would happen in the middle of the night and then we just pretend like it never happened. Right. Gotcha. And then we just kept spending the night with each other, pretending like it wasn't happening. Right. Oh, poor Jessie. Just looking for love and just wanting to be loved plenty of girls out there that say that they hooked up with me that did not so

it's even it's a balance oh yeah i bet they're wishing they spoke up now for sure we'll get to that part though um okay so you and your mom wouldn't sign the paperwork what happens next um i did more drugs you know i just went on a rampage um what do you well what void do you think you were filling with the drugs you still think it was for attention i didn't think that i was i didn't like my life i just didn't like my life and i think honestly i was just trying to slowly off myself oh um i i can't think of i just hated it hated everything about my life you know there was a lot of fucked up things that happened in my childhood that just kind of fucked me up, honestly.

Like, can we talk about some of them? There's some bad doctors out there. You know, I don't want to go into too much detail about it, but there was, my mom spent a lot of time, you know, in the hospitals and stuff. And she, she had a physician that just got a little bit too fucking comfortable with me he ended up being my babysitter for a little while oh no i had a really really cool babysitter that kind of saved me from him and she was my hero she's my favorite person and then she died of a brain a brain aneurysm so the only person i ever felt was a

hero to me i lost right so Right. So I just hated. And you had this fucking gross old man touching you or molesting you. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You know, I don't reflect back on that. Did your mom know that that was going on? I told her, you know, later. Not too much later. I mean, it was right after she was better.

You know, I didn't want to tell my mom that because she was sick and i just you just don't want to add to the pain that's already going on when she got better i told her because he was still babysitting me so i told her and she didn't believe me so you felt like you weren't protected right so but um you know losing my baby Becky the one who saved me from from him uh that was I think that was probably one of the things that how did she save you she literally saved me like I called her from his apartment and I was like will you please come over his name was Dr. Don I don't give a fuck yeah i don't even know if he's still alive now oh if he is i hope somebody fucking gets i feel like evil lives forever yeah it's crazy he was pretty old then yeah he was probably in his like late 50s at least oh

then hopefully he died a slow death yeah hopefully but uh you know i called her and i was like hey will you please come get me from Dr. Don's apartment? And she came over and he had me sitting in his lap. And I was just like blink twice for help. You know what I'm saying? I was giving her that look and she saw it. And she grabbed me. She was like, you know what?

I'm just going to take Jesse to my apartment. You don't even need to babysit her anymore. I'll take over from here. And I never had to stay with him again. Oh, that is so sweet. I think I was about 10 years old when she died of a brain aneurysm god that's got to be so i think that might have been you know now that i'm looking back that might have been that me entering into my villain era right no definitely i

knew there had to have been something that triggered it because you know you know i know we're born rebels but the drug use you were numbing something you know something sort of was hurting you or something i think i just didn't want to be here in any way that could rightfully so if you think about it jesse you're getting molested the one person that actually protected you that wasn't your mom fucking came and saved you and then she passes away like that's fucking brutal man like you gotta realize that that's very traumatic and that's something that that's very traumatic and that's something that you've gone through and it's affected your life you know i like to try to you know push it away yeah i just push it away there's no point in thinking about the sad stuff

you know i get it but i will give you this advice and i gave the same advice to trashly i never dealt with depression until I hit 40 years old. And two days after I hit 40 years old, granted, okay, like I had 40 years old, January 22nd, January 24th, I was I had a suicidal depression that I had never dealt with in my life. And it was fucking terrible. It was horrific. And all the trauma that I fucking never dealt with, I had for the next, literally, I've been on my spiritual journey from 2020 till now. I'm a completely different human. If you would have met me last year, I was a shell of a human because I had so much anxiety and just so much depression that I was going through. And it was a battle, but you have to deal with it

sometime in your life, because if not, it comes out in other ways. You'll deal with it sometime in your life because if not it comes out in other ways you'll deal with it when you want to i'm not preaching to you but you'll know when it's time for you to work through it and to when you're gonna have to revisit it and stuff like that and when you do i have a great therapist who can help you and you can do zoom calls with him and everything he's great and i've trust me i fucking did the dirty work because finding a fucking therapist that actually like you want around you and like to be able to confide in and like in anything like that is really hard. You have to date your therapist, you know, and date in quotations, not really date them. But, you know, to find somebody that you trust and that can help you actually really work through your shit so whenever you're ready so um moving on to your military thing uh when did you get to

go did you ever get to my major drug bender that's when i decided to do crystal meth so right after i was smoke it man i'd snorted smoke it whatever i could get it in my face i'd eat it on a burrito yeah yeah but uh meth is whoo god i i okay older brother dude i ever on weird uncle yeah there you go weird uncle i overdosed on glass i did six lines of glass in this nostril six lines of glass in this nostril and when i tell you that that was the defining moment of my life that something was wrong wrong, dude. And I still kept doing drugs afterwards. But I'll never forget how I felt when I overdosed on glass. It was terrible. So you went on this drug bender.

You fucking are doing meth. Yeah, I ended up overdosing on pills. Oh, what kind of pills? I climbed on top of my house and just ate a handful of fucking pills. It was just like Lortabs and Oxycontin and fucking Xanax, Percocets, fucking just a handful of pills. Smorgasbord. Yeah, I just fucking ate all of them

and I was in the hospital for two weeks. Oh my God, what happened? I was trying to not be here anymore. No, I get that. What happened when you took the pills? Did you pass out? Yeah, I actually, I had the phone, the cordless phone back when we used house phones up there with me. That was was like my spot I hung out on top of my house a lot

yeah um so apparently my cousin called me and she somehow talked me down from on top of the house and I walked in front door and just collapsed and started seizing out and throwing up and my mom sent me to the hospital I called the ambulance and shit and that was a that was a defining moment for sure yeah I kind of I kind of slowed down a little bit I was still I was still doing drugs after that I went spend a little bit of time with my dad but so you're you met dad when I was 14 14 okay I told my mom if she didn't help me find him that I was gonna go find him myself and I ran away enough times at that point she knew I was not fucking around right so what was it like meeting your dad for the first time I'm a clone oh do you guys still have a relationship now oh yeah he's

my best friend oh we love dad yeah we love dad that's awesome like I said I felt like the stork dropped me off you know and when I met my dad I'm a clone he's this big tall broad-shouldered red-headed very very handsome fella. Mom's hot. Dad's hot. Look what we got. He's charming. Thank you.

But he's very charming. I see where I get it from. I really am a replica of this man. I love that. Was it easy when you first met him? Or was it like an awkward stage after you met him well I was you know I grew up just like this feral child in the woods yeah quite literally right that's where I spent all my time and um he had built a multi-million dollar seafood company so he was doing quite well for himself and he came down he looked at me he was sitting in my front yard we were busting open dungeness crab he brought me some seafood i

love seafood couldn't afford it so he brought me some crab and he looked at me he said baby do you realize that you live in poverty oh i knew i was poor i didn't know i was that poor but i was um so did your mom just hide you from him or she just never told him she was pregnant? Man, their story. It's crazy. My mom won a bikini contest behind a hotel in Panama City Beach. And my dad, my dad's a successful realtor. Yeah.

He's in real estate. He's been a pretty high profile developer in Tallahassee. I don't want to say too much about his past, but my dad embodied the bad boy image. He was, he was a gangster a little bit, you know, um, my dad was badass. Um, I don't know where I get it from. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but my mom won a bikini contest out of thousands of women, uh, spring break, 1982, uh, Panama city beach. My mom won the contest and my dad said i want that one and he got her and i was probably conceived that night oh gotcha so it was a you were it was a spring spring break fling kind of yeah they went to um my dad had some some business to attend to in texas

and he told my mom she couldn't go and she said i'm going he said you're not going she said i'm going she went um and then he went to handle some things say that and he came back and my mom was on the hood of a cop car two men had gotten to a fight at the bar over her because she wanted to go with him to the business meeting and he said no here's some money go to the bar do your thing two guys got into a fight over at the bar, and one of them left in the cop car, and one of them left in an ambulance. Oh, no. My dad woke her up the next morning and said, you can go anywhere you want, but you can't stay here. Oh.

So she said, well, I'm pregnant. He was like, I don't believe you. My mom destroyed her inside. She shot herself in the stomach in her early 20s, so all the doctors said that she wouldn't be able to have kids it was impossible she told my dad that story so they didn't use any contraceptives right so uh you know she went to Bakersfield California and she called him again she said Andy I'm pregnant and he was like I don't believe you but here's some more money here's some more money and um good luck if you ever try to contact me again you will be speaking to my attorney she was like all right fuck you then she raised me

until i was 14 and i was like if you don't help me find him i'm gonna find him and that brings us to me finding him so he was receptive and meeting you yeah he he genuinely didn't believe my mom good dude though finally you know like knowing the truth like oh shit i really got a kid let me go meet my kid right there is no need for a paternity test yeah i'm literally just a fucking clone oh we have the exact same crooked teeth on our bottom row i have my dad's arms and elbows and feet like it's weird the shit we get from our dads right yeah it's so weird he made me a fucking linebacker whatever so he looked at you and he said baby do you know that you live in poverty what happens then does he take you guys out of that he sure did oh yep he uh he got us an apartment in uh one of the fanciest neighborhoods in tallahassee florida

it's called calarn anybody knows tallahassee you know that's a fancy fucking area yeah he got us a place there and he put me in one of the best schools around. He took me shopping. He got me, you know, geared up to look like one of the cool kids. And finally, I just wasn't that, you know, rough around the edges, little poor kid. I was one of the cool kids, which was, and as you know, like your appearance, your clothes. I mean, I was wearing all Tommy Hilfiger back then. They called me Tommy girl.

It was crazy for me I love that but were you still using drugs when you were in Florida or after you got taken out of Alabama I don't think I've ever not smoked weed since I was 10 years old right um I I was still yeah I was still dabbling you know but not nothing like after the overdose and stuff like that well that was before okay the overdose okay gotcha so i was i was in a better place i saw hope right i saw a different path i saw potential so i chilled a little bit you know sometimes hope is all we need you know i really was i was on the basketball team i was a starting point guard for the varsity team like it was it was a whole new world yeah and then him and my mom my mom is a wonderful lady but she is hard to have a conversation with sometimes

she some women just raise their voice real fast. She's one of them women. Quick-tempered. I don't know if I'd say tempered. She's a very small woman. It's all vocal. It's never physical. She never physically did anything to me.

She hollered at me like, hell, though. She hollered at my dad just a couple too many times and it was the most dramatic thing you'd ever seen my mom's standing at the top of the stairs hollering at my dad my dad's standing at the bottom stairs hollering at my mom it's raining it's like downpouring it looked like a scene from a movie and i'm crying i'm like dad please don't leave yeah you're like i just got you back right and we were there for like, maybe a year. Were they dating? Oh, no, not at all.

He's remarried. Oh. Yeah, he was remarried when I met him. Well, that was nice of his wife to like, you know, because a lot of wives will not fucking, well, okay.

She's like, no. She was cool. Like, Patty was cool. You know, we got, I could tell she didn't really care for me though right just this little wild animal coming into their house i had no home training at all right um but you know she stuck it out she did training and and you know i've heard from multiple sources that you know my father and fatty never planned on having children until i showed up next thing you know i got a little brother so she wasn't gonna let me have that spotlight for too long no but whatever you know i see what she went through and i see how women can be triggered emotionally and if that's what she needed to feel secure in their relationship

then yeah good for her i'm glad i have my little brother he's awesome he's almost as cool as I am oh are you guys close I wouldn't say like I mean yes and no we don't really get to he lives in Tallahassee he's also a realtor um a very successful one at that so he's busy he just proposed to his girlfriend if you're listening bubba congratulations um but. But yeah, he's a great guy. We don't get to communicate a lot because he's very busy. I'm very busy. And we live hours away from each other. Yeah.

But if he ever called me and said, hey, let's hang out, I'd probably come hang out. Oh, I love that. So mom and dad are yelling at each other. What happens after that? Moving truck showed up the next day. He was like, all all right you guys gotta go he gave me that trait i'm real i'm real quick to just cut and dry all right it's over let it go just let go so uh moving truck showed up and i remember him saying i'm sorry baby but i got to

put some distance between you and between your mother and me so he sent you guys back to Alabama. Sure did. Oh gosh. Back to that little shack. No. But I mean, I can't blame him. Like my mother's the type of person that could make you do things that you wouldn't normally do. I just feel like that our generation of parents,

um, didn't realize the trauma that they inflicted on us, you know? And I just feel like there's maybe he could have like put a mediator in between you guys instead of being so right you know bringing a kid out giving them the world and then fucking shipping them back like i mean you know she's she sued him for child support after she swore that she wouldn't you know he spent a lot of money moving us to florida and paying the rent on the apartment and everything else.

I don't know. I think my mom just thought that like he owed us more. Right. I was happy. Yeah. You know, I was good. So she sued him for child support and that pissed him off pretty bad. So I was taken care fine a little bit better financially

right you know but that was but still you didn't have your dad that sucked yeah like no amount of money can ever make up for you know i still got to go to florida from time to time and spend time with him so i mean he always kept his pet his foot to the pedal on our relationship. Yeah, that's good. So you're back in Alabama. You're fucking just a wild hyena. Yeah. Back on drugs. And then this is after, this is when the overdose happens. Yeah. Okay. Yep. So you went to the hospital, you spent two weeks in the hospital. Were they holding you for like a mental hold or something? Okay. Yeah. I was in the ICU for two days. Um, and then after that, you know, straight to the mental facility, they thought you were trying to kill yourself or did you tell them you were trying to kill yourself?

I told them cause I'm a genius. Yes. You never realize how much shit you're in until you're in the shit, you know? Maybe I shouldn't have said that man I've always let my mouth overloaded yeah so what was that like oh my god I mean just people who were just very emotionally unstable right um I actually met a girl I almost I kind of forgot about that I met a girl in there and in the mental hospital I don't remember her name oh okay but we were writing love letters back and forth to each other. I ended up, when we got out, we stayed in contact. I went over, I don't even remember where it was.

I was in Birmingham somewhere. We met up and I kissed her one time. Oh. I don't even remember her name. Oh. It was just like a little mental hospital love affair. Yeah. I love that.

She said, I just met up with her and kissed her. Yeah, I did. That was it. i love that she said i just met up with her and kissed her yeah i did that was it i love that so after the minute after you get out of the mental hospital you're you're just like bro i need to change my life i met a girl okay and not the mental hospital girl not the mental hospital girl i met a girl and um still doing drugs but um i met this girl and she was at that point in my life she was probably the prettiest girl i'd ever seen and she was married one of my friends called me and said jesse i'm at the girl of your dreams but you and you can't have her oh what a dick i was like fuck you um and then i met her and i was like fuck dude but I'd never what's your type um man I mean it depends I've got kind of different branches of my type okay um because I know every girl

right now listening wants to know what Jussie Lawless's type is well I mean especially now that you just announced you're single those DMs are about to be flooded i mean i feel like divinity was a 10 yeah no she was beautiful um i i um is beautiful yeah she's she's a beautiful girl um i'd say i mean man divinity is kind of the standard at this point man oh i love dark hair yeah i love light eyes i love tan skin yes i love tattoos so kind of like your mom right like the dark hair like you know i every dude i've been he said that to me she's like you got fucking mommy issues no listen i have daddy and mommy issues it's okay we we love the issues around here but i all the dudes that i dated before jay all looked like my dad you know

so i mean it sounds fucking weird bill ew but you know bill's my dad but like i love tall dark-haired musicians that's my shit yeah i love tiny little tan women i've dated um a lot of my exes have been biracial or mostly like Chloe was black, mostly Dominican. I think her grandmother was mixed. Chloe was the one before Divinity, right? Correct. Okay. I think I might have seen something online about Chloe too. I don't think I've ever seen her, but I think I saw like a comment or something about her

and I was just like, huh? But I don't get into people's business. So you met a girl I did who was it her name was Shelby and she's you know what she's one of my absolute best friends to this day that's so awesome she broke my fucking heart son of a bitch isn't that crazy how it works like they break your heart and you still give them friendship for the rest of their lives she's an incredible person she she never faltered like there she didn't break up like we she didn't break my heart and you still give them friendship for the rest of their lives. She's an incredible person. She, she never faltered. Like there, she didn't break up. Like we, she didn't break my heart cause she fucked up. She didn't like cheat on me or do anything like that.

I was still fucked up. I was still fucking eating Xanax. Well, she was married, right? She left her husband for me. Wow. You got it like that, Jessie? I, I believe, I don't know. I think the count's up to five now.

Women who have left their husbands. Wow. I love that. up to five now, women who have left their husbands. Wow. I love that. Oh, man, it's rough. Oh, my God. She left her husband. We were together for about a year. And I just didn't get my shit together.

Damn it. Well, yours are young, too. I was. I was like 18 years old. Yeah. You know, I met her right on either the day after or like the day before my birthday my 18th birthday and we moved to Florida and man she was the best thing that ever happened to me I ain't even gonna lie that girl is the

best thing that ever happened to me that's crazy that you can still say that this long hundred percent yeah after her daughter was like two like just barely two years old at the time obviously if you get left for a lesbian you're gonna be bitter as fuck so yeah the kid's dad um who's a total piece of shit i'm not gonna get into that because that's not my business to tell right but um he uh he was trying to take he was threatening to take the kid away because in the 90s that was still a big deal yeah that was a possibility oh you're a lesbian we're gonna take your fucking kids you're a bad parent yeah so um when he started threatening to take the kid shelby couldn't she was like i love you but you're a fucking psychopath and you're putting

me in jeopardy like if they see your behavior right you're a fucking psychopath and you're putting me in jeopardy. Like if they see your behavior. Right. You're going to get my kid taken from me. I understand that. Yeah. I get it. I 100% got it.

And I was. She never got back together with him, did she? She did. Damn it. She did. After we broke up, we, uh, she got back together with him for like six months. Yeah. It might've been like a year or something like that. I didn't really keep up, but, um, yeah, they broke up again. I was like, I don't even care if I'm with her or not.

I'm just glad that he's not. Yeah, just a douchebag. He was a piece of shit. But she's a wonderful person. And she stayed close to me. You know, if I ever needed anything, she literally drove across the state of Florida one time because I needed her.

My car broke down like in Tampa or some shit. And she came and like rescued me. When's her birthday? October the 10th. Oh, Libra.th oh Libra Aquarius no I lied it's the 13th October 13th Libra yeah I love that yeah she's incredible I love her I love you Shelby ah Shelby we love you so after the breakup what happens then is that when you go off to the military um No, I kind of settled in, you know, and just established myself. She had really taught me, you know, the foundation of being an adult. You know, she kind of showed me what she helped me.

She older than you? She was 23. Okay. And you were just turned 18. I just turned 18. So she kind of like taught me how to open up a bank account and stuff like that um she made me save money yeah when when we broke up she sent me away with like 1200 bucks oh she's like here you saved this much money because i would just come home

give her my check and she would cash it and you know put the money in the drawer so when i when i save it for you, yeah, she was awesome, man. So she sent me away like, I think it was like 1200 bucks or some shit. And I don't know, man. Um,

I think after that, I just, I just tried to like be better. I saw, I had hope, had hope again. Yeah. You know,

I had a job. Couldn't get a job in the town I grew up in. Cause you either were, you either own the coal mines or you worked in the coal mines right kids can't work in the coal mines no so um you know it's a tough job for anybody much less a fucking child right so um i had a job i had money i saw potential you know i work harder get more money. And that's when everything kind of started to click. But I'd always wanted to be a soldier. I always wanted to be a hero. I just wanted to be somebody's hero.

I was obsessed with that. Like Becky, right, Becca? Right, like Becky. Becky was for you. Becky was my hero. So I didn't care like what avenue I had to take to be a hero. I just wanted to be a hero. And I really prefer to do it in a really cool uniform. Yeah. And just be a hero i just wanted to be a hero and i wanted i'd really prefer to do

it in a really cool uniform yeah just be a badass yeah i just wanted to embody your badasses dude dude i fucking lied my ass off about so much shit when i was a teenager like i made things up because i just wanted to sound cool right you know and at some point i was like i'm gonna stop lying and i'm gonna do the cool shit yeah so that i'll stop getting caught in these embarrassing lies i'm trying to like portray something that you weren't right so instead of uh trying to pretend to be the thing that i wanted to be i became it yeah so i went uh i mean i enlisted i got into another relationship with a woman who left her husband for me.

They were married for 10 years. That is your repertoire. Man, it's really not. She's like, I don't want to be in these love triangles anymore. Man. But, and Deb, we love Deb. We love her. Deb.

Deb was after Shelby. I've had these incredible women come into my life and just like take care of me you know structure me teach me um Deb was 30 wow and I was 19 and um we were together for five years wow yeah she taught me so much you know she taught me how to balance my checkbook she taught me how to put my shoes away instead of just like leaving them in the middle of the living room you know she's like I got two kids I don't need another one pick your shit up oh my mom didn't have money so she just babied me right I never had to do chores I never had to do anything I just had to go to church so Deb was awesome we love Deb I think mom might have felt a little guilt too for being sick

and you know I can see that for sure yeah you know so she probably just wanted you to just have you already had it hard enough she didn't want to make it hard for you at home like that and I got bullied so bad at that stage of my life I came home crying pretty much every day yeah for sure okay Deb and then you wanted to go off and you wanted to be somebody else's hero, explain to us your, you know, going into the military. I told Deb, I was like, I really, I just, I really feel like I'm supposed to be a soldier. Like, I really want to do this. And I wanted to be a Marine.

That was my first choice. And she was like, listen, if you're going to run off to be a bullet catcher, can you not be one of the first bullet catchers? She was like, the Marines are the first one to go they're in the most danger you know blah blah blah i'm like it depends on your job yeah she wasn't buying it she's like um what about the air force you know she really tried to help guide me in my decision and i wish i would have chosen the air force honestly because the army was kind of a shit show. Yeah.

I think it's all dangerous, right? Like, is there really a safe space when you're in the service? 100% Air Force is, I mean, it depends on the job. Yeah. It really depends on the job because there are people in the Air Force that have a more dangerous job than some people in the Marines. Right. It's just dependent on your MOS.

Gotcha. I was a 63 Juliet, which is a quarter mastering chemical equipment repair wow so i worked on like the electrical interfaces of like water purification systems and um smoke generators um heating and air you know washers and dryers like i was a glorified maytag man yeah but i did all the i was a fancy mechanic glorified maytag man no Yeah. But I did all the, I was a fancy mechanic. Glorified Maytag man. No. So, um, how long did you serve for? I was only in a year. Okay. I, um, I hurt myself in basic, but I wouldn't go to sick call because what's sick call? It's the, I'm hurt. Help me. Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. You know, I don't really like doctors. Yeah. Well, so

I like, you know, you gotta, if you gotta get fixed, that's where you go. And I didn't want to go because I knew that the, my injury could be significant enough for me to be recycled, which means you don't graduate basic. You got to stay back, heal up and do it again oh and i was like fuck that what kind of injury was it hip oh um femur tibia i had stress fractures oh shit like from my hip to my ankle oh my gosh yeah i looked like one of them vases that are just crackled shit how did you do that i'm carrying too much weight just kind of being too gung-ho i was always the front of the pack um i pushed really hard yeah and when i went into basic i was 117 pounds when i came out i was like 155 just muscle yeah yeah so i mean i was pretty frail at first and i

just my body couldn't take it you know i pushed too hard my I was more mentally strong than I was physically might never matter yeah so I mean but you gave it your all I did indeed did they do honorable discharge yeah I got a general a lot happened um yeah I finished basic I got to AIT um I got to AIT and I was all right like I was all right enough until we got to phase five and that's when like you get to wear civilian clothes and go off base and drink you get some like regular human privileges back so I really wanted that and my phase five PT test was coming up and I knew I was hurt but I also knew that I had to take this test right and. And my drill sergeant was like, lawless, why are you falling out of formation? I'm like,

listen, drill sergeant, my, my, my, my legs hurting real bad. I just, I'm not real sure what it is,

but I have my PT test tomorrow. So I don't want to go to sick call. She goes, no private, you got to go to sick call. I was like, please don't make me go to sick call right now. I promise I'll go to sick call tomorrow after my,

after I finished my PT test. You know, you got to get in your class A's and B inspected and all this stuff and answer questions about America and shit um she uh she was like you're not gonna pass your PT test private you got to run two miles I was like watch me I ran two miles in 17 flat oh I'm pretty much a broke hip golly yeah i didn't give a fuck i was drinking beer ah you're a fucking animal so i went to sick call i got their x-rays back they're like you're fucked up you can't carry any weight at all like you don't get to even carry your weapon like you no way like you're gonna shatter it any minute now oh god you're lucky you didn't i was

i had already been invited to go airborne and air assault yeah which are two very prestigious honors to be you know 82nd airborne and 101st dude i was so excited about that like i'm like i'm doing the thing i'm gonna be a badass and then they were like my drill sergeant came to me she was like private you can't jump out of an airplane oh yeah you'll fucking hurt yourself even more so i was supposed to graduate with prestigious honors from ait but i failed my test when my last test i shocked myself doing like the physical test and my fucking instructor wouldn't let me retake the test he told everybody else in the class you can retake the test but you can't get more than 70 he would not let me read i was cocky i was an asshole i understand why he was hard on me but even if he would have let me retake

the test to get 70 i would have graduated with honors i graduated third in my ait class and i went to fort hood and i was supposed to deploy and they told me to go to sick call get x-rayed i didn't i just said i didn't they told me to go do it again i x-rayed i didn't she said i didn't they told me to go do it again i still didn't oh i'm i'm pretty sure my squad leader just drove me there herself yeah i was just like we gotta figure this out and the x-rays came back and they were like we're i was supposed to deploy like two weeks from that moment yeah like you can't deploy i'm like what the fuck am i here for what am i doing here i'm not here cleaning up the grease spots off your motor pool floor and pick the fucking weeds out of your flower garden get the fuck off me man give me some good shit like sit me over there dude and they wasn't so in true jesse

lawless fashion i threw a fit because i was still a fucking child and i got real fucked up and i was spending all my time at a strip club i met a real pretty girl there but you're still with deb right no we broke up okay you broke up when i came out of ait okay gotcha so i uh i got real you know i got real involved in the strip club scene made some new friends yes having a blast oh my god and uh strip clubs are where it happens in texas closes at like 3 a.m. Yeah. Formation's at 5, 6, just depending on your squad leader or sergeant. I danced in Austin at the Palazzo. I think that's what it's called. I love 6th Street.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Austin's dope. But, you know, we parted our faces off quite often, and I showed up to formation uh you know oh 600 like my my squad leader was like hey lawless are you fucked up right now and i was like nope and she was like um hey guys hey called everybody to attention we were gonna run a mile today but private lawless is fucked up so we're gonna run six oh no i threw

up the whole time and she told me if you ever come to my formation again i promise you i will take you to the mp station and i did it again about a week later never it's like you can't tell an aquarius not to do something we're're going to do it again. And she was not fucking around. I fucked around and I found out and I did 30 days in jail. Oh, no. Took me straight to the MP station. I think I don't know what I blew, but it was way over the limit. Wow.

Yeah. So I'm in jail. I got out of general under honorable discharge. They understood. Like they honestly were pretty lenient with my situation because I was a good soldier. Yeah. I was a good soldier. I, I was a good soldier. I just, I was an asshole.

I'm sure they knew. There's a lot of soldiers that are assholes, I'm sure. I told my first sergeant to get in the front line and rest one time. Oh, no. Yeah, it didn't go over well. I was going to say, I couldn't imagine him or her being thrilled about that. That was Article 15. So you get discharged, honorably discharged. And again, thank you for your service it is veterans

day today um what happens next what does jesse lawless do next goodness lord oh i went back to alabama i was trying to really reconnect with my mom you know she had gotten married she was doing really well her husband was a millionaire uh he owned a coin and jewelry shop, rare collectibles. One thing about mom, she's going to figure it out. Mom has never married not a millionaire. Except for that one guy, Fred. Fred. We didn't like Fred.

Oh, fuck Fred. I mean, Fred didn't ever do anything wrong, but I don't know. Fuck Fred. Fuck Fred. But Janet always married well. Good. You know, she always married well. Um, but she had gotten married. She's doing real well. So I was like, I don't know what I'm about to do. I just got out of the army. I was planning on being in the army for like ever. So what do I do now? And she's like, well, come work with us at the coin and

jewelry shop. So I learned how to appraise diamonds. And, um, you know, I know a lot about, uh, sports memorabilia. Um, I got to learn a lot about the history of the United States. Um, some of the items that I held in my hand in that shop were just like mind blowing. Wow. Um um so that was a really cool experience but did you manage to stay off drugs or did you ever yeah oh yeah by that time i was good to go you're good to go good 100 good to go by the time i joined the military i was like okay i've been a complete fuck off yeah for my whole life so we're gonna do good now yeah that's when i decided to not be a whole ass fuck yeah right just a half yeah Just a half. Yeah, just a little bit. Just a little sprinkle here and there.

The attitude will never get rid of. That's awesome. So you're doing jewelry. You're doing all that. What are some highlights from then until? My mom developed a nonprofit organization. I was her vice president. I still am on the books, but I don't think the company exists anymore.

If it does, I'm still the vice president, but we don't know if it's still there. She's certainly not running it. Right. We got hit by an F4 and F5 tornado. It made an X on the town we lived in. I was pretty much in charge of all of the relief effort that my mom had signed us up for. I'm taking motorcycle trailers full of diapers, water, just all the things that you need after a disaster like that.

And then my mom just left. My stepdad, I had a BMW 325i and she wanted one of those. Yeah. She's like, I like Jesse's car. Yeah. And Doug was like, well, you know, we'll look into that. And I found one online. I was like, Mom, this is a cool car. Like, I did research. I looked into the people who were selling it and stuff. I was like, this is a cool car. She told Doug,

like, I want this car. And he didn't want to buy that for he wanted to, like, do more research. Doug's a very thorough man. You know, was a absolute angel we love Doug oh shout out Doug so uh he did not get her he bought her an Audi A4 A4 A6 a fancy car right a beautiful Audi's are expensive yeah Audi's are nice um and she didn't like it he bought her the wrong car so she left him mom and now she's gonna tell you there's a lot more to that story yeah that's it mom i listen i i'm never gonna say anything bad about mom because i think she's awesome for raising you but mom what the hell i mean she'd come home to like two dozen long stem roses with a little card that would say i hope you had a good day miss baby oh we love mom too mom's gonna get real pissed if

she hears me saying i love dog because she's so her and doug never got back together no they did not get back damn mom's stuck to her guns janet does not fuck around yeah well i wonder where she that's where you got it from yeah i got, I get it. From both sides. Both sides. I hadn't, there was no way to avoid it. So let's move forward. When did you get on TikTok? I did not want to be on TikTok. Me either. I fought it with everything inside me.

Me too. Are we not a lot alike? It's crazy, dude. Literally. I fought Mimi. I was like, I am fucking 40 years old i am not getting on fucking tiktok so are you like her assistant manager manager i love that that's awesome so manager and hairdresser she owns a salon oh that's fantastic yeah my assistant at the time was like

you need to be on tiktok and i was like no and they now at the time they were not they they were it doesn't matter I'm still learning all of I am too but I should they taught me a lot right it was a hard journey right you know I always try to keep an open mind and I want to I want to respect people as much as I can right um I I don't care what you want to be called I'm going to call you what you want to be called yeah absolutely so um so they taught me a lot about about you know that whole thing but back to tiktok uh they were like you need to be on tiktok like your haircuts are fucking fire and you could easily go viral right and i was like no and they were like again like you really need to be on tiktok and I was like maybe you can like download it I'm not downloading it like you can like you can upload the content for me make a page and you can post videos of my shit I'm not putting the app on exactly what I

told her I was like I will be the the source of your content I'll be your muse I'm not putting the app on exactly what i told her i was like i will be the the source of your content i'll be your muse i'm not doing it right and they were like all right fine flash forward just like a couple weeks they've been managing my tiktok it's doing pretty well i think i had gone to like five or six thousand in just like a couple of weeks and um i got banned on facebook for posting a picture of mark zuckerberg in a hitler costume right it was basically like a picture of hitler and then they just like superimposed took my whole fucking page down and that's what i use for all my hair networking facebook is hometown right you know um so i was pretty much small town famous just for like the shit that i did with hair

right um yeah facebook doesn't fuck with me either i'm always in trouble with them so as soon as my shit came down i was i couldn't get my page back i come to micah and i'm like so what's up with this TikTok thing and they were like you actually have a viral video right now and you're about to hit 10k followers and I was like wow I didn't even realize the potential

of TikTok I was like wow 10,000 followers I'm famous no I was the same way I literally I think didn't my Instagram get taken down and then that No, I was the same way. I literally, um, I think didn't my Instagram get taken down? And then that's when I was like, so what's up with fucking tech talk?

And then I went over there and I start browsing and I was like, like, I forgot what got me addicted, but I think I had like a hundred thousand followers or something. Like for some reason, it's always followers are, have been easy for me to get. And so when I saw that, I was like, holy shit. Cause it's taken me fucking nine been easy for me to get and so when i saw that i was like

holy shit because it's taken me fucking nine years on fucking instagram to even reach almost a million you know like it's just two different platforms so you over here you're right baby it's like it's sawing logs so i remember i saw that and i was like holy shit and then i just got looped into the fucking wormhole dude yeah i i never was like a scroller or like a watcher um you know they were like you're going viral right now and somebody said something about my dreads and so i mean i don't understand the pc of tiktok at this point i had only been on facebook and in real life where people just don't say that shit right fucking face no it's crazy keyboard fucking warriors so somebody said something about my dress and i clapped back but like very

gracefully right you know i was like don't you think that we have enough shit enough division in our country like everybody's mad at everybody for everything like you really need to yeah is this is my hair that big of an issue of a deal like it's my hair it's my hair you ain't gotta wear it's not yours not making anybody else do it like right what the fuck you know but the but the way you know I approached it I was like hey you know I just I hope that you find a place to put your energy into that's more productive than, you know, talking shit about my hair on TikTok. Yeah. And everybody was like, oh my God, she just burned the shit out of this fucker.

And she barely cussed. Yeah. You know? And then. That's what I do. That's how I clap back. I never cuss at them. I'm always just like.

And then one thing led to another and people, every time somebody would say something snarky or something rude, I would just kind of bend them over my knee and spank them on the button virtually yeah you know and um people loved that yeah I'm I used to I used to be very opinionated right so that we kind of mentioned it to you whenever um you first came in um when you came onto the scene on tiktok you were more of a political i didn't mean to be right but do you think that maybe because being in the you know in the service maybe that is where it came from or no nobody knew i was in the army oh okay gotcha i made a video basically saying like because i it was gay pride month and this is the first thing i got canceled for i mean cancel like five fucking i love you know what it's just like i told kelsey when she

came on nobody ever really gets fucking canceled right literally you might get like you're in trouble for like fucking a month or two and then it just fucking blows over right so um what was that you were talking about uh this was the first time you got canceled. Yeah. So I made a video basically saying like, I see all these gay pride videos coming across my page. And I'm like, why are all these people whining? What's going on right now? Like, is there something I don't know? Like, did I miss something on the news?

And so I made a video. I was like, listen, guys, we have lit the white house up with rainbow colors we can get married in pretty much every state i'm i'm pretty sure at this point we there's nowhere that we can't get married there's nowhere where you know our love is not recognized i fought for equality i fought to be able to walk down the street holding my girlfriend's hand and not get like a milkshake thrown at me or somebody trying to fucking fight me. I didn't mean to. I steal wives, motherfucker.

I did not need to be celebrated. Right. You know, and I kind of said that. I was like, we fought this battle. We fought this battle in the 90s. Yeah. Like Andrew Shepard, you know, like, yeah, we've done this. Like, why is everybody so upset? And, and I said, at the end of it,

I was like, at the end of the day, like, you can have your rainbows and glitter. My pride flags, red, white and blue. Yeah, everybody lost their fucking minds. But they did. I don't even think they knew at that point that I was a veteran right you know and i was a lot more proud of the little bit of service that i did you know i was proud of what the army taught me i didn't get to go go over to the sandbox but what you said wasn't bad they lost their fucking minds man and i said it a couple more times and then i started being inflammatory right i started seeing i got it got the best of me i started seeing the views go up and i was like i'm just gonna poke at these motherfuckers.

Right. And it was a mistake. Right. It was a mistake. Um, they're just, they're literally a fucking hornet's nest. They're waiting to attack anybody.

A hundred percent. If it's not you, it's the next person. Like they just want to be pissed off about something. Yeah. So that kind of brought me into political tiktok and you know people started asking i don't ever want to be on political tiktok they're scary i was deep in there for a second and i didn't i was there before i knew it right and it was just because i was a

lesbian who was you know pro second amendment um very fuck around and find out right i don't fucking care about your feelings let's not wrap ourselves up in an emotional burrito let's fucking do shit yeah you know um and i guess the conservative community really liked that yeah it was appealing um and next oh you're every girl you're everything they would love to have represent them because look it makes them look better exactly you know and and at this point like i know gun toting liberals that i get along with quite nicely absolutely and i know some pussy ass fucking conservatives and that's not necessarily to say that the whole party are those

two things because that's very opposite from the stereotype but i don't fucking care who you voted for i don't care who you love or what you got in your pants or what you're gonna have in your pants next week I don't fucking care are you good to the elderly the disabled children and waitresses who wait on you for your food like just how do you treat people in general I'm gonna say something about that that was my first red flag with divinity oh I'm a big tipper. Yeah. I take a lot of pride in that.

I think that especially after the pandemic and everything, these servers are out here. Bartenders are busting their ass. Even if you're a fucking barista at a coffee shop, you're doing everything you can to survive. We tipped our Instacart driver $200 the other day. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Because they were homeless.

Oh, my God. I wanted to give her $1,000, but we couldn't get her fucking cash app damn i know i felt so bad but i tipped this one instacart chick in fucking when we were in denver she fucking went through great lengths to bring me just bottles of water and i tipped her like fucking 300 bucks that's awesome i just feel like you know they're in the service industry but divinity isn't a good tipper or she just doesn't she called me on it she was like why are you such a big you need to stop spending so much money tipping these people like you just give them like a dollar and move on oh no you know and i was like like we got into it yeah like that was my first big red flag i was like i can't be with somebody who has a problem with me trying to bless other people because that's my whole thing yes that's my whole fucking thing i

love blessing people i love knowing that i was the reason why you smiled today even if it's because i contributed to your life financially right yeah that's a big red flag somebody who doesn't want you to i when i first got with jay he used to give away money all the time, too. And I would just like, babe, you know, it's your money. Do whatever you want to do with it. But like, you know, you don't have to do that. And then now I come. I'm just like him.

I just want to fucking help everybody around me that's in my circle and anybody that we can help. So, yeah, I mean, maybe divinity wasn't raised that way. I think it's also taught to maybe or no, I don't know. I got no idea. i'm trying to think of an excuse for i know i feel bad so after you finally get a get away from political tiktok do you start still growing on tiktok like tell me how tiktok has changed your life all right so my page came down my first page was at 350 we all lost our fucking first pages yeah and then i made another one if in a couple weeks after that i think i hit like 85k it came down and i made another one it's

still sitting at like 98k never went anywhere yeah um and we had my first podcast page did that really literally sat and would not get views wouldn't get nothing dude and it's just sitting at a hundred thousand yeah like if you look at the analytics on the my other page there's not even a for you analytic oh shit they're like this bitch does not get any for you time nothing like literally it was all like it wasn't even there yeah like there wasn't even like a 0%. Right. Nothing. Yeah. So I was like, all right, well, fuck it. Let's make a new one. And this page that I just made went from zero to a million in six weeks. Wow.

So this is a new page that you have. This is a brand new page. Wow. Yeah. I was wondering where you went. It was actually four weeks because I got, I caught a permanent ban and I hired a fucking lawyer shout out to brawn law for getting my fucking page back she got my shit back and uh and I hit it was all together four weeks not including the two-week ban including it six wow that's crazy I didn't

know lawyers could get pages back but now that we know that that's always amazing she's a badass yeah if i ever need them i'm gonna be you need her i'm gonna be hitting you up for sure i get scared all the time they fucking took my main page in june saying that i was underage what yeah saying i don't that i'm 13 do i look like i'm fucking like flattered flattered you look stuff it i was like flattered but no give me my fucking page back so literally i raised so much fucking hell they gave me my page back within six hours wow yeah i was very very lucky are you not verified on tiktok oh tiktok well i have articles in people magazine jay and i have tons of articles

on the internet the podcast is huge over a million downloads a month fucking they will not verify me and i think it's because i'm a sex worker literally even though that's not i don't even represent any part of my sex work on fucking tiktok i have my whole other brand i have two brands i have porn star bunny and then i have fucking this you know business bunny and i think that that stigma just follows me no matter what when they start diving deep I have articles that talk about you know former escort took her implants out and stuff like that so I think that that has followed me and they won't fucking verify me they're very against sex workers fuck them I know it's terrible but you know what can you do

hopefully they'll verify me soon we're gonna we just keep resubmitting we're just like hey maybe one day somebody will fucking verify me my backup page just hit a million so i'm just like bro how what more do i gotta do right whose dick do i gotta suck around here okay like come on just fucking verify my page so what has tiktok done to change your life like are you a full-time creator now are you still do hair i'm still doing hair okay um i'm trying to like if i can get like a thousand subscriptions because you know they got the live subscriptions i just told everybody i'm like when i hit a thousand live subscriptions i'm going to quit my job and i'm just going to travel around and do hair for free yeah but i can't do hair for free if i don't have income otherwise right and i'm pretty close I'm getting pretty close but um not to a thousand

subscribers but being able to find a a route right you know to have income other than my hair career absolutely yeah you know so um that's the goal I'm actually uh recently one of my bigger brand deals it was just supposed to be a brand deal and the next thing you know I'm part owner of a coffee company yay oh is that the coffee you brought yeah that's very cool so tell us about that uh savage sip coffee it's premium fucking shit like when they hit me up on cameo because that's how they found me they were like hey make this video like they did like the whole paid business advertisement video is like 350 bucks or something i was like i'm gonna make this one good and i read all the things they wanted me to say and i was like i'm not gonna say that i've never drank your coffee i don't even know what your shit tastes

like right so i said something really short and sweet and they were like we love that i'm sorry for telling you how to do your job i was like glad you like it so i ended up like getting really close with the owner like he's almost like a fucking brother to me at this point. But he, um, he was like, you know, we wanted to offer you a brand deal.

We talked, I told him about the things that I was doing. Um, I just moved a young man from Louisiana to Florida to try to give him a better life. And they were like, we love what you do. We love the charity that you do.

Um, we would actually like to make you a better offer. And they offered me equity in the company. Oh, that's so cool. So, um, I've been busting my ass for them. Uh, girl, you're going to be drinking coffee every day on tech talk. Well, I'm doing a lot of behind the scenes work too. You know, I'm working with anybody that I can in my community to carry Savage sip coffee. Um, one of my best friends just opened a gun range and he's, he's carrying it. They're selling it retail and also serving it and it's getting great reviews so far. Love.

It's like grown in volcanic soil at like 1500 to 2000 meters. Like it's pretty fancy coffee. Nice. We're going to give it a taste too. I have to drink like minimal coffee cause I have really bad anxiety, but Mimi's a coffee drinker. She'll fucking drink the shit out of some coffee. So I'll definitely take a sip of hers and let you know what I think about it hell yeah I'm excited so that's really cool she gets fucking coffee deals I get fucking sex

doll deals like what the hell is going on I can never get fucking cool shit it's always fucking just weird shit maybe we can work out a coffee deal there you go there I'm telling you, man, it's just always fucking weird shit. But I literally turn down every offer that I get. I don't know why. I'm just that person. Like if I don't fucking believe in something, I will not represent it. I've said a hundred times. I still got a little bit of cocky in me, I guess.

But I've turned down more brand deals than most people have been offered. Yeah. I won't do it if I don't believe in it. Right. Yeah. Same. I literally have emails every day and I'm just like, delete, delete, delete. Like, I just can't do it.

So what do you think 2023 is going to bring for Jesse Lawless? Now that you're single, ready to mingle, you got a fucking coffee brand, you're fucking, you know, doing your thug thizzle on fucking TikTok. The sky's the limit. You know, I've always had a lot of confidence um and everything that i've ever said that i was gonna do has happened i said that i was gonna make a million dollars this year and it ain't quite it's the year's not over yet we still got a little bit of time left but keep speaking it in your life keep living your life like you've already

made that million dollars you know it's funny story like after you know the breakup and everything i went to the mall and this just caught my eye you know um because if i ever did decide to become part of the institute of marriage this is what i would want this is this would be you know so is that a wedding ring that you bought no it's it was a 40 costume jewelry ring that was in one of those little things in the mall but i'm like you know what i'm married to my goddamn self now yeah i'm the bitch i'm working for i'm the bitch that i'm taking care of and at the end of the day when you when you don't have anybody else you got yourself absolutely um and the institution of marriage isn't bad if you find somebody who's as free as you because jay and i are both we do not

want to be tied down. Like that's not our thing. And fucking we make it work, dude. And you end up just being married to your fucking homie, like your best friend. Yeah. And that's really what it is. People get so hung up on the romance and the passion and all that shit. No, I want a fucking BFF and the other shit comes after that. You know, I'm committing to six months single. Do it. I'm going to hold you to it. Do it. Do it. I'm, I'm, I'm doing it. Like if anybody wants to hang out, I see you start slipping. I'm going to be like, ah, I'm going to repost. I'm committing to six months single and I'm going to stitch it every time. Jesse, I'm just here to

remind you. Yeah. I, uh, I really need to, when, when i got out of my last relationship i was really focused on focusing on me yeah and man you know i just felt like passing up the opportunity to see where it went with divinity would have been a disservice to myself i mean she's fine as fuck i know dude i couldn't resist i literally could not resist spell on me so So, um, I'm just going to try to stay as far away from, uh, women. Yes. There you go. Just do not fucking go anywhere where there's going to be a bunch of divinities. Right. Yeah, I know. Hot girls beware. I love it. Well, Jesse, thank you for coming on the podcast. I really appreciate you being here. It was, it was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. It was a blast. Of course. Why

don't you shout out your socials where everybody can find you um jesse.lawless on tiktok and jesse underscore lawless on instagram i'm on facebook um it's just jesse laws the i is what gets everybody's jesse with a i j-e-s-s-i lawless i'm also on twitter i don't do a whole lot over there but follow me anyways maybe i'll be more active are you ever gonna do an only fans i have one you do shout that out baby yeah oh i'm going to subscribe i didn't know that yeah the link is in my instagram bio okay be careful they will delete you for that on instagram absolutely no shit yep link tree any sort of link in the bio like you need to get what i'll teach you about all this when we get off but yeah for sure all right well i'm gonna go see uh jesse's tiddlywinks whenever we get off of here

you want to see all my tattoos yeah do you do nude on there oh yeah okay yeah i ain't showing nobody my butthole but you can see my boobs i love it i mean you have a nice rack too they really are yeah honestly i feel like every fucking lesbian i've ran into has the nicest tits i've ever seen stupid like the the tits that god gave me are just like i got porn star tits all day long so i'm like man i might as well make some money off of this i believe it my friend roachie is um hold on my husband's calling real quick and I'll, babe, I was just telling Jesse Lawless about Rochi's tits. He brooms his gat

little boobs. Big old titties. She was hiding them for her whole life. Dude, and remember I made her pull her tits. And they were like the beautiful pink nipples too. I was just like, it was in love.

I love it. I love you so much. Maybe we're wrapping up this, um, last interview and I'll call you. Yo, what up Jay? Hey,

when you're going to come get a haircut or I'll just come here. She said she wants to be your barber. Let's go. All right. Love you baby. Um, yeah yeah so roachie has really nice tits it sounds like you just described my tits yeah i'm telling you man if i can you guys solid d that your tits are yeah nice can you see them you want to show them i'll show them to you right here don't tell nobody i showed them to you though i mean can we censor them out we will we'll edit them out don't let nobody know i showed you my tits well it's gonna be on patreon but it's gonna be censored fuck it okay i love it i love it i love it let's see it now

your of is about to go off dude but we will censor your tits let me see these fucking knockers hold on we are looking at jesse lawless's tits right now i'm so look at her cute little body look at those fucking titties those are porn star titties those are beautiful and your skin is so pretty it's like you're like twilight vampire white and your nipples i'm describing this for everybody at home and your nipples are like a perfect like rosy pink i love that they're beautiful you guys you guys have to fucking subscribe to her only fans because they are definitely worth being seen jesse thank you so much for coming baby you're welcome thank you so much for having me it's been a blast i appreciate you so much and i love your story and i i can't wait for everybody to hear it because you got a really dope story so i love that thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde.

I will see you guys next week. Bye. What's up guys. Don't forget to sub to Patreon so that you can see the visuals because not only do we have episodes of the podcast, we have exclusive content that nobody else sees on any other apps behind the scenes, photo shoots,

and we're dropping a whole bunch of surprising stuff this year so if you guys don't want to miss out and you want to be the first to know go over to our patreon www.dumbblondunrated.com love ya