Dumb Blonde - Karma Rx: Limp Fetish and Trauma Bonds

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Bunnie is joined this week by the absolutely gorgeous and drool-worthy adult film star, Karma Rx. She talks about what it was like going from homeless to collecting homes, getting clean, and her love of a good trauma bond. She and Bunnie also talk twin flames, hot fetishes, and what's next for this sexy siren.  Bunnie: Website  Karma Rx: Website | IG | OnlyFans Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, guys, it's a new year. And you know what that means. Out with the old, in with the new. But I do gotta say one thing. I will be bringing old with me into the new year. Lume whole body deodorant is the bee's knees, baby. I know when I go out on New Year's Eve and I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off,

I don't have to worry about sweating or smelling. Because why? I got Lume on. Clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. All Lume products are baking soda free, paraben free, and pH balanced for safe use below the waist. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off. All Lume products with our exclusive code.

Use code BUNNYXO at LumeDeodorant.com. That's L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. Lume's solid deodorant stick is formulated and powered by mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts. It also provides 72-hour odor and sweat control for pits, privates, and beyond. Lume's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like a mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. Once again, as a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack.

That's code bunny XO at L U M E D E O Da-n-t dot com for 15% off your first purchase. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lume. I don't care what anybody says. It doesn't matter what time of year it is. I never get tired of online shopping, especially during the holidays. Here's the thing. It's kind of gross out.

Even those of us that embrace the chilly weather need something to break up long winter nights. Something I love to do is treat myself to a little something, but I don't want to spend a fortune on my winter blues. That's where Quince comes in. I'm absolutely obsessed with my Quince luggages. I took them on tour. I brought them home and they're still like brand new. I'm pretty much obsessed with this brand, but there is something else that everyone needs in their closet, in my opinion. Quince's iconic Mongolian cashmere sweaters, which start at $50. Or if you want to really up the luxe factor, check out their Italian leather handbags, washable silk skirts, and European linen sheet sets.

Whatever you're looking for, all Quince items are priced 50% to 80% less than similar brands. Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices. Treat yourself this winter without the luxury price tag. Go to quince.com slash B-U-N-N-I-E for 365-day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash bunny, B-u-i-n-c-e.com slash bunny b-u-n-n-i-e to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash bunny i did a lot of fucking drugs yeah

never fucked a dog no me either i've been high as shit never never looked at a dog and been like hey is this thing on all right gentlemen coming to main stage next this is bunny get up there she's got a tornado of titties coming your way get those dollar bills ready she's got an ass that shakes like michael j fox so get up there and throw throw throw them dollars dude that is fucking iconic what's up you sexy motherfuckers welcome to another episode of dumb blonde today we have an icon in the midst karma rx is in the house baby what's up what's up we got two dumb blondes today i know i'm so excited about this two not so dumb blondes really if you think about it i mean depends on who you ask i suppose do you think

people have that misconception here i love it when they do i love being the underdog like that's why i'm always for the underdogs because literally literally, I love when people judge me. Oh, yeah. Because I'm like, oh, bitch, you have no idea. You've only uncovered one layer, you know? Yeah, I mean, I feel like they haven't even really, I mean, the assumption that just because you're hot, you're stupid, is just, you haven't even uncovered one layer.

I feel like that's old time fucking way of thinking. Yeah, because there's lots of hot, stupid girls, and all of them are poor. Yeah, right. All of them are fucking dogs in the backyards of fucking porn houses. We were just talking about fucking, I guess all the girls in porn are fucking dogs now. Supposedly, that's now a thing. I don't know.

We'll get to that. So what the fuck are you doing in Tennessee? You're in my neck of the woods now. Yeah, I live here. I don't live in this town, but I live a couple towns over. You live in Clarksville, right? Can we say that? Or do you have stalkers? Well, I don't live in Clarksville i live you know a couple towns you live in clarksville right can we say that or do you have stalkers well i don't live in clarksville so we can't say that okay cool but yeah no i live in the i live by outside chattanooga oh okay gotcha gotcha and

also this cool place i built like or i built i bought so like in order to get to my home there's like a long driveway so i'm not that scared yay good i love that though yeah you gotta like really commit to come into my house like you had a lot of opportunities to make a different choice long driveway so i'm not that scared yay good i love that though yeah you gotta like really commit to come into my house like you had a lot of opportunities to make a different choice right right like you're gonna be tired as fuck by the time you get to my door you're not even gonna want to do anything to me by the time you get to my fucking door what brought you out here though like california i don't so california you're just like over california like i mean there's people like if you get to know me like there's people who don't like california and then there's me and there's

like i so i go out there every you know every couple months to work still and like dude just when i get off the plane i can feel like my shoulders coming up and like i feel like i mean it makes me so fucking enraged that's how i get with vegas because i grew up in vegas yeah i don't like vegas either but california especially la like just the the rudeness of these fucking people yeah and like i'm i was i feel like i was meant to grow up in a little southern town you know where i live now yeah so i could be nice but like i mean i was homeless in la for four years i have like it's not's not like I'm, I'm, I'm not a country girl. Right. I'm like a LA killer.

No, no, no. I totally understand. But like in the worst way. And I don't like anything that it, anything that that whole fucking state represents anything about it. Even the weather is trash.

It's not that good. It's fucking windy. Like fuck your weather. Yeah. The town that I live in, we don't even have wind. Like the most we get is like a moderate breeze. Like fuck LA. No, I, no I I told it listen if anybody can be compassionate with that whole situation it's me

because the minute I get off the plane in Vegas I'm so happy to like be back on the west coast because you know once you're when you're from the west coast you're like I'm from the west coast it's a vibe you know and then after I've been there like two days I'm like I want to go home yeah because like coming here is so peaceful i try to tell everybody that like it's so good for your soul to just be out here in the country away from all that fucking you know razzle dazzle on the other side of the world i mean i think i stayed a little too long to where i don't have that at all i don't even have that i don't want anyone to know i'm from california i go there and it literally like it makes me just from i i fly a

lot so every time i would fly i mean i always look at like the world from the air you know yeah and la is so fucking dog shit dude and then like when i come like fly back to chattanooga like to chattanooga airport like beautiful oh it's so pretty there's lakes and yeah it's green and there's lakes and i'm like oh god i want to look that's where i want to go the first tour that i went on with my husband went outside like i had i traveled all the time you know i was a hooker all i did was fucking fly around everywhere but i had never really got to see the world from the road right and going to all these cities with him i was like oh my god there's trees oh my god they're look at

these old houses and like he used to get so amazed by how amazed i was with their culture you know so it's i think it's a good change for both of us. It's much neater. I'm much nicer out here. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Because, well, you probably feel like you have to be on defense while you're out there too. Is your, is your whole family out there? Were you born in California? What part? Uh, um, outside LA, San Fernando Valley. So you literally, we were just fucking born there and grew up there. I spent a year in in utah in one of those lockdown facilities and then i was in i live in colorado for about a year but other than that i've lived my entire life and let's talk about your childhood a little bit california all right um you were born in cali yes i was and are your

parents still together like what kind of childhood trauma are we dealing with? Some good ones. Can we talk a little bit about it? Cause I talk about trauma a lot. I'm a huge advocate for working through trauma and trying to, you know, uh, I think the, there's a misconception between beautiful women and their trauma. Like people think that we don't go through shit or like we don't have

really fucking cool stories to tell that we've actually like been through or survived. They don't look at us like survivors. They look at us like the world just handed us fucking shit all the time right so i like to paint a picture for people to know kind of where you came from and you know well like i said i was homeless for four years so i definitely wasn't handed much but so you grew up in cali i grew up in cali i i long i mean home life was rough. It was real rough. Are you parents together? No, I had a restraining order on my father for most of my life.

He's a bit of a psychopath. Was it their abuse there? Like physical abuse? Not towards me, towards my brothers. Yes. Not towards me. Never towards me, which drove me crazy because I loved my brothers. I still love my brothers.

I'm like weirdly protective of them. And so when I was a little kid, like my brothers would choke me or strangle me or something. I'd go tell on them. Then my dad would beat the dog shit out of them and then they'd be like thanks a lot i was like oh sorry i'm like hysterical like you know it probably looked more violent to me at five than it even was you know yeah um but so i spent most of my childhood you know trying to save my brothers from everything yeah and i would beg him to hit me just so that i wouldn't feel like so guilty right or like the you know like i was the favorite they always call me the favorite and i like wanted to kill myself over yeah i was like no i do not want to be the favorite i think it's

a natural instinct i was telling karma before we started recording her birthday's one day before mine so i understand her way of thinking even more so now and it's like we don't ever we want to be against the grain we're like natural born rebels we don't know why we fucking are against everything but we literally like so you begging your dad to hit you because you didn't want to be the favorite you know like that's such a cap Aquarius yeah how was mom growing up mom was battered bitch syndrome um I bought her a house right next to mine so I mean we definitely had our differences in life so she's out here too oh yeah I moved her out here with me cool I was I bought my brother a house too,

but he got arrested. So he's in prison now. Um, so instead of living with me, his, you know, living up in Wasco, but it's cool.

Oh no. How long is he up there for? Five years. Shit. But, um, what did he do? There's the answer to your question.

What did he do? Are we allowed to talk about that? That's what I'm saying. That's probably what I don't want to talk about. that's what i'm saying that's probably what i don't want to talk about yeah because it's not my story right tell and nope i respect it 100 i'll talk to you about it later yeah no worries so mom had battered battered bitch oh yeah so she i love that i've never heard that before so she i think you know tried to do she did the i think you know she did the best that she could for us given the circumstances which you know the best

she could do was leave my father and you know we took i took that as like i mean i remember screaming at her for dropping us off every week like how could you fucking do this to us right how could you leave us here you know and like i get now like how horrible that must have been for her because legally she had to or they would give him full custody yeah the courts are not on fucking yeah no they were in their divorce lasted 10 years they were in court for 10 years it was like it was horrific um they fought over ever i mean my father fought over every oven mitt you know and mostly about us and um you know so i would i would call dcfs on on him all the time and then my brothers would lie and i was too young because i was the youngest i was too young so they wouldn't listen to me and my brothers would say everything was fine and i'm

like how could you do this yeah like don't fucking protect him yeah you know because he wasn't hitting me like i said he was hitting them so i was already trying to rescue them and like um but so so you know mom did the best she could um what was your outlet from all the abuse oh goodness well um i went i cycled through them all so i had an eating disorder when i was young i slit my wrists for years um i would like you know carve weird shit and you know it was like everything until i found drugs right and then when i finally found drugs i was like oh this is what you're supposed to do um i started doing meth every day at 15 i did meth yeah so my jam yeah so i mean i had done other drugs before that i was ever fucked up every day at 15 i did meth yeah so my jam yeah so i mean i had done other drugs before that

i was ever fucked up every day of ninth grade and most of eighth grade probably um on stupid shit like triple c's like whatever stupid shit kids get ecstasy and weed and stupid shit that i you know not a fan of and when i found meth i found it from a you know a much uh older gentleman yeah who uh it's always the old little meth perverts that fucking turn the young girls on to it. Yeah. So,

and then, so he and I. I used to smoke it. I smoked meth. I did for the first two years. And then I started shooting it when I, after Utah.

Yeah. So. What happened in Utah? I did hear you say that you got, you went to a facility. Yeah. It was like the one Paris,

well, Paris Hilton just did like a whole thing yeah yeah about Provo that was where I was wow so who sent you there um it was a by the school system technically um because I mean I was in continuation at some point and then I stopped going to that it was like it was very well documented like the problems that I had right so I you know I had straight A's in high school all my report cards were AUU which it makes me chuckle because it's still me in life right like I'm still successful but I just unsatisfied with everything yeah um that's just me me as it sums me up as a

person but I never even got less than an A on like a on an assignment so they put a lot of extra care I think into like the trying to make you a better, the detriment. Yeah. And so, and then, um, so my father had tried to run me over with his car in, when I was in ninth grade in front of my high school. So the, you know,

the, the, the LAPD that worked at my school was who served him his first restraining order. It was technically an emergency protective order. and so I think that was part of what, was he on drugs? No,

he's just naturally, he's got that narcissistic personality. When's his birthday? Uh, July 30th. Oh, the Leo. Okay.

I think he's an Aries. Is it Leo? I don't know. July 30th. Oh yeah. That'd be my, my brother's an Aries. I don't know.

I don't know the fucking, the signs too well. Um, but, um, yeah, no, he was definitely,

he was something. I think he also tried his best, you know, but like, well, it's like I tell everybody nobody taught and this is not an excuse for shitty parents you know it's not an excuse for shitty behavior nobody taught our parents how to work through their trauma right you know they're

they are literally working off all the pain that they went through yeah I think there are some I mean I don't have doesn't mean that you fucking I don't have children because i for many reasons you know same porn to i mean from every fucking for every fucking reason but the the number one reason is that i refuse to treat children the way that i was treated yeah and even though i've been sober for you know minus three days a decade and i've been in therapy for over a decade um i still don't think that i am in any way shape or form capable of raising children yeah and to me it's hard to like really write off like well because i hadn't dealt with my trump there are some things that you just don't do to another human being and especially not to

a child and i just don't fucking care like i can excuse my mother's feelings yeah you know yeah my father sucked right um and so and i i you know I talk to him well enough now yeah um I mean we're not gonna you know I'm not gonna help him with stuff yeah absolutely you forgive him for yourself but you don't forgive him for I've never forgiven him for what he did to my brothers right so I mean the same as anybody it's like you know I've been accused of having low self-esteem for this. But, like, you know, I won't, like, even Mark, the guy that ended up getting me hooked on meth,

and he was a large part of my story. We're going to go back to Mark in a minute. Yeah, I'm still friends with him, too. But, like, you know, Stockholm Syndrome's a thing. Oh, yeah, no. And it's, like, one of those things I can forgive him for everything he did to me, but if there was another little girl, like, I would fucking hate him forever. Yeah.

Touching back on the stockholm syndrome thing i totally 100 agree with that because i was in an abusive relationship for four years and like i forgive the dude i actually like thank him for what he did to me because i'm like i look at it like you humbled me and i needed that because i was a fucking force to be reckoned with you know and like if i had never gone through that then you know i would still be a fucking raging lunatic. Like I was that shit that happened. I mean, forced me to reassess my life. I guess we just try to turn, uh, bad situations that have happened into better situations. So one that it doesn't hurt us as deep and two, so that we can actually take a lesson from what happened, if that makes sense. So let's talk about Meth Mark.

Sorry, buddy. How did you meet Meth? Is Mark still on Meth? He is, yeah. Damn it, Mark. And you know what? Let me tell you something. Meth users live forever. Forever, yeah.

And they don't age. Dude, so I relapsed February 5th of three years ago. Almost three. Whatever. I'll have three years again in february right so like and it was with him damn it mark i'm tired of this mark i mean yeah it's not his fault obviously no i get it i mean i'm gonna say when i was a kid it was like he knows that so you know he had ended up you know just before i go into it he ended up getting busted um and then he he did time for being with me and you know just before I go into it he ended up getting busted um and then he he did time for being with me and you know and then he ended up in in you know the pedophile groups or whatever and he ended up staying like five years later than he needed to so Mark is a is is a pedophile

I mean they have to I mean I was 15 so right you know I wouldn't I wouldn't call him how old was he 28 when we met okay i wouldn't call him that based on like what i know about pedophiles i think that he was a meth addict who made some poor choices i'm not and not to not to jump in that but like a textbook pedophile no right he's not right um he's not like fucking scouring fucking children's playgrounds he's not looking for eight-year-olds you know what i mean i think that like at some point like and i don't want to sound like i'm defending anybody but i you know i have a lot of history with pedophiles and and I don't I wouldn't use that word right um some people will take what they can get even if it's underage

and that's like that's a whole different sickness that also needs to be addressed yeah absolutely there's so many of that in the world but I don't think he would have taken what he could get if it was eight you know what I mean there's a difference between 15 with double Ds and like. Oh, absolutely. Not that it makes it okay, but I'm just saying it's a different word. And I respected that, you know, even after he was allowed to not go to the groups anymore, he continued to go. And he's still like, if he meets a woman that he's like talking to, he tells them that like

he has a victim and he tells them like it's something about me, which I think like, I think is, you know, my hat's off to him for that. Yeah. Granted, he never got clean but um for him to admit you know to admit his wrongs is actually a huge step and and to you know go out of his way out of his way to to make sure that he doesn't repeat at least those ones yeah um I mean that being said I don't know that I would I mean I don't know I'm it's easy for me to forgive people yeah so um either way I it's it's easier to forgive them than to hold on to yeah because I tried that for 10 years and it tears

you up inside well it was like I you know you know people talk a big game about what they do to people like that but they didn't right you know right and like I was the only one who actually tried and it didn't work and I was like well I guess let's be buddies because like I can't live like this you know like how am I gonna sit there and and especially like blame somebody else for my choices right um you know now some of them like when I was right around when we had met like yeah I was pretty young I was pretty stupid you know at some point like I was making my own choices and decisions I wasn't like a you know I wasn't child yeah so were you kind of like on your own when you met him?

Like in fifth, you didn't really have much protection. I would say not a lot of structure. I haven't had that. No, I didn't have the restraining order on my dad yet, but I was not in his custody. Right.

Um, because of some other, you know, he liked to, he liked to try to kill me. Fucking dad, man. But,

um, dad is a psycho. He was a psycho he was a lot he was interesting um i'm sorry you had to go through all that man i mean you know that's one of those things like yeah i wouldn't thank anyone for like you said i wouldn't i don't think i would thank any of these people right but it's different situations too yeah but but but i also you know i think about too like i used to be envious of people who had like normal upbringings and i'm like they don't It's different situations too. But, but, but I also, you know, I think about too, like I used to be envious of people who had like normal upbringings and I'm like, they don't turn into very interesting adults.

They turn into dickheads and they're half the time they're fucking drug addicts and fucking weird fetish closet freaks and fucking like do weird shit. Those are the ones who want me to like rub balloons on my face or like wrestle them or like pop their head like a watermelon. Like, yeah, no,

there are, have like clown fetishes like the one that joshua wolf was talking about like those are the people who had normal upbringings yeah what is really fucking normal you know right which you know so after you met meth mark this started your whole journey with meth and then was it like a down rolled down it went downward very quickly within three within maybe a month I would say actually I was like 80 pounds wow and I'm 140 now right so I was just actually texting my mom when I was driving here I was like you you ever thought about that I was literally 60 pounds less than this when I was on drugs

and you're so tiny already yeah I mean I'm pretty big because I'm trying to put on weight and stuff right now she's like don't call me tiny yeah i'm like listen i'm tremendous i caught on to that she's like don't call me tiny bitch no but i mean i mean i normally before i started training i would be i was i walked around at like 110 120 right so um you know so i'm more now than usual but right um but i was thinking about that like yeah how like it's crazy and you think you're like so hot when you're on drugs too i would be xanaxx out and fucking coked out and methed out and all of it. And just think I was the hottest thing ever. And I look back on pictures now and I'm just like,

bro. Yeah. I'm going to say like, I didn't because I lost so much weight so quickly that like, I looked like a monster. Yeah. And, and it,

it broke my heart. I remember seeing, cause I, like I said, I had an eating disorder previous to finding meth. And so when I saw a picture, like I saw a video of myself when I was like deep in my active addiction and I was like of before and I was like dude why did I hate that girl yeah like there was nothing wrong with her there's something

wrong with me now right but like that girl was beautiful you know and it was like pretty sad because now I was like this I mean my fucking cheekbones stuck out about that far and like I had I had double d's when i was like a teenager and then i you know you lose a lot of weight really quick so then i just had these like horrible saggy tits and i was like 16 you know so like yeah it wasn't pretty and then i would get so dehydrated that my lips would swell up and my hands and my feet like i couldn't put shoes on because they were too swollen fuck isn't it insane what we have put our bodies through yeah i mean and this was at like 15 16 like yeah and you're still growing right at that age yeah so like i might i don't think my reproductive system ever

learned how to work you know so i don't have periods it doesn't but just didn't really happen for me lucky you i wish i didn't know i'm fucking you can have my ovaries i'm so tired it doesn't work down here anyway so it's like i don't know why i have periods i know it seems a little like ridiculous sometimes if i if i'm on certain kinds of birth control I'll have periods I'm like what the fuck is this yeah you're like why like I'm like I guess other people like are used to it and I'm like no absolutely no no I fucking listen I hate I literally have to plan my life around my period so you're very lucky absolutely not I hate them so when did you end up going to Utah was this this is after you met meth mark right and got into your addiction yeah so so meth mark and i we so within are we

allowed to call him meth mark i don't think i'm fine so within three months i was no longer at home um i was a missing kid i had posters everywhere you ran away from home yeah it's one way to put it that's what i did too so my mother told me um if i wanted to live in that house that i could no longer do drugs i took that as like a get out of my house. So I, what is challenge accepted? I mean, she knew what we had an understanding. Right. Um,

that being said, she had to file that I was a missing person. Right. You know, she's same thing happened with my family. So my father who I had a restraining order on at that point, took it on himself to like, that he was going to find me.

My mother was like, Oh Jesus, dude, just let her fucking go. She's gone. Like I was gone. Um, and so he, even if he had caught fucking go, bro. She's gone. Like, I was gone. And so even if he had caught me, he couldn't come near me.

Like, I don't know what the fucking point was. So he went on this insane fuck. I got on a high-speed chase with him on Christmas morning one night at 5 o'clock in the morning going like 120 down a side street with the lights off. He has a 357 chasing us. I'm just trying to think of his logic here i don't know you know so with actual narcissistic personality disorder the way it was described to me at the time was that like so he would he would always think that

he was the good guy right so his brain couldn't tolerate so his his opinion of himself truly was so low that he couldn't tolerate negative information about himself he couldn't stand that you didn't like him and one well i was an extension of him i had to be perfect because otherwise i reflected poorly on him it was like if he you know if if he wasn't a good father that reflected poorly on him everyone was out to get him he could never see his part in any situation but it was like so a situation would happen like when he he swore he didn't try to hit me with his car in front of my high school everybody saw it right it was valent's day. The whole school was in the front. Like the cops saw it.

Everybody saw it. Oh my God. I got goosebumps. And that was the day that I realized it was actually interesting. That was the day that I realized that I wasn't crazy because my whole life, like I thought, you know, your parent is supposed to be right.

Right. My mother has a, like a, a habit of lying. So between mine, between her and Sagittarius, cause mine is, mine's a Taurus,

but, um, but she just liked to lie. And I think she learned that from probably from being with my father because you learn how to lie when you date somebody like that oh yeah or when you're married to somebody like it was horrible um and so between his truth being wrong and her lying i just didn't know what was going on ever right um i was so confused about like what was what and so yeah and i thought i was crazy my whole life until like until that day i realized like oh other people saw what I saw it was like the light bulb went off right I was like oh my perception

isn't wrong how did you feel in that moment was it like did you feel vindicated yeah a little bit feel sad I'm gonna say I felt vindicated a little bit but it was probably the worst thing that could have happened because I was on drugs and then I started thinking that everything I thought was real right which it wasn't because I would been I'd been up for months right and so like I just all the like crazy shit that I saw my like tweaker fucking paranoia like I started thinking all that was also real no because I'm not crazy oh yeah so that got ugly especially when I was missing so like you know I about the paranoia was unbelievable but I didn't sleep for that whole time that I was like technically missing um but so what had happened is I had got um they took me to a psych

ward at some point um when I first got well when I first got missing I got arrested they took they took me right to a psych ward because I guess my pulse or whatever was obscene they took me to a hospital they checked me to the high psych ward and then the psych where I was there for 14 days not 72 hours you know because that's what the good crazy ones do it yeah but so from then they had an extended stay. Yeah. I was only there for 48 hours. Yeah.

I was, I definitely had the extended stay. And then they sent me to a rehab, which I thought like, okay, rehab, you can leave. It's California. Right. Turns out if the psych facility mandates that you stay there for 60 days that you have to. And so I left and they considered me a critical runaway. So the FBI was actually looking for me. And my paranoid ass. Because they had said that I was in danger to myself and others.

And that I was gravely disabled. Which means that I'm. But I just feel like that doesn't help a child. It probably would have helped. How old were you at this time? I was 15 or 16. Yeah. All you needed was love.

And just somebody to just kind of hug you. By the time I found meth, I needed a lot more than love. I needed a fucking lobotomy. Right. I was a maniac. I was a fucking psychopath. And, like, my mother sometimes would be like. We'll do that to you.

Well, like, so my mom let go of me real quick, you know, and she feels a little bad about that. And I'm like, honestly, like, I thought you were kind of a piece of shit for that at the time, but there was nothing that could have been done. The best thing you could have did was turn your back on me. If she would have tried to have held you, you would have just... My parents tried to...

They nailed my fucking window shut, took my door off the hinges, did all that shit, you know? My dad did that shit, but he was such a... It was just... I didn't take it as he was trying to protect me. I didn't take it like that either. I left. I was like, you're trying to control me, motherfucker?

The day I told him I got raped was when he took my fucking door off the hinges. I wanted to talk to you about that. That's insane. I wanted to talk to you about that. I heard a quote that you say that you had gotten raped more than people have had sex. Than some women have had sex, yeah. Yeah, what do you mean by that? Being homeless as a teenager was like, I mean, and so I told my, I was talking to my therapist

about these the other day. I would say that I was violently raped one time. It was New Year's when I was 14, 13 maybe. Yeah, because my birthday's in January. I think it was right before my 14th birthday. I was beat up. I was fucked up. It went horribly wrong.

My father said I was a whore and he could never trust me again. Who was it? Some dude at a fucking, I was at some party I shouldn't have been at with a bunch of grownups when I was 13. But it was violent. It was horrendous. I crawled home, like to my mother's house i wasn't in her custody no okay i mean not that it would matter yeah no i i know i don't know

i wasn't um i just you know for that to be if you were a virgin it's still a fucking terrible situation so i was raped with a tree branch when i was an infant so like i i i make the joke that like i shouldn't make these jokes but like okay some people some people deal with their trauma joke about it and I understand if you've been through enough trauma like there's only some things all you can do is laugh about them so don't fucking judge me for how I do with mine nobody listen there is a no judgment zone here I promise you um okay so what happened when you were an infant? Who did that? So I had my whole life. I thought it was like a grownup.

The story I heard was like expressly because a grownup, I found out last year or two years ago that it was a little kid. It was like a little four year old boy. And I was like, dude, that's fucking heartbreaking. I wish somebody would have told me that. Cause like this whole time you thought that it was an adult.

Yeah. And then I was like, why the fuck was I in some bathroom with some random adult? And when I was in diapers, like where, how did this happen? Like I need more, way more information than what i have right but like so the story that i heard more recently was that it was a little kid and i was like dude who the fuck you know

supposedly well who fucking hurt him that's what i'm saying because it wasn't like it wasn't like a little thing it was like you know i've never had a hymen i have like an immense amount of scar tissue um because it just didn't grow correctly you know it's so small did he hurt you yeah bad i mean evidently there was blood my brother was in the room like it was like a whole fucking thing so um so that you know and my father had waited my whole life to he told me my whole life when i was 10 he had something to tell me i thought i was going to fucking hogwarts it was that and like framed as that like so you're not a virgin anyways like he was like he's really what a fucking douchebag he is a fucking really special that

guy he is he is um i mean again i really believe that his intentions were good you know and everything but like again that's what i'm saying that's like me thanking my abuser for beating the fuck out of me and choking me and almost killing me i don't forgive and i don't think that like you well he nobody taught him how to get past his trauma like some people shouldn't reproduce and if they should and if they do, you know, they should be removed. Yeah. Like all those times I called fucking DC best when I was five,

you know? And DCS never has any of the kids fucking best interests at heart. That's what I feel like. I feel like they, they literally just fucking throw you guys to the wolves. Yeah. And even if they do take you in, they put you in shitty fucking foster homes.

Or you get raped by your foster parents. Exactly. So it's like, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. Granted, we had a pretty, you know, our mother was not the best, but she was fine. She didn't abuse us.

Your mom sounds like she was a little bit of an empath. Yeah. And your dad was the narcissist. Oh, yeah. So that usually goes hand in hand together. The empath usually always gets with the narcissist. Yeah. It's very rare that you have two narcissists that get together right yeah i'm gonna say my husband yeah and me and kaylee

right kaylee's viking barbie for all you guys that viking barbie and uh karma are their wifeys they love each other seven years yeah they love each other my longest relationship we're gonna definitely get to that let's um let's scoot back though to where the let's get back to your trauma let's get back to the rape all right so so yeah but so i um i was violently raped maybe one time everything else was this blur of like i couldn't use the word rape because i stopped fighting a lot like that first time i got i you know i had well they say that you either react one of two ways when something like that happens to you you either fight it or you'd shut down yeah i shut down so i had to just i have a very well documented dissociative disorder so like and it probably started way before that because well because of the abuse in your home yeah and even

like the you know the infant stuff like you when a small brain can't deal with stuff it splits you know it does things absolutely so um most of my life after that like again i could i wouldn't use the word rape but it was like i just didn't say no i didn't say yes i didn't say anything people would start to do things and i would literally just go limp and just let things happen and like so much especially being underage as a like and homeless like it's like you have victim tattooed on your forehead everybody knows that nobody gives a fuck about you yeah no and so it was like am i gonna try am I going to try to tell, I mean, and also things seem scarier if I said no, and then they're going to do it anyways.

You know, there was never in my head that like they were actually going to stop. Nobody was going to stop. Nobody ever fucking stopped. Right. You know? So, you know, I make that joke about like, I've been raped more than most women have had sex. Yeah.

And really like, I wouldn't, I can't actually say that word because that's something that I don't like when people do now. Yeah, but don't minimize your trauma. Well, and i'm not it's just that you weren't consenting even if you just lay no i'm gonna say because i was underage yeah then we can still use that word right but it's so something we deal with in my industry a lot is girls will not say no right and then they say that like oh well he should have known like well how should he have right you showed up here so so that's that's kind of why i make that distinction it's important to me that we don't call everything right i just don't want you to minimize i and i don't and i

don't because because you're trying to make everybody else feel better about what you're saying i think it's not that it's just that i want there you know there's there's two things that i need understood one is that like you can have a traumatic moment without somebody else being an asshole or being a rapist. Right. And the other is like, don't fuck kids. You know,

granted I was a kid. Stop fucking kids. Yeah. Seriously, please. Can you stop fucking kids? I read somewhere that you said that you actually have a limp fetish and I was wondering where that was coming from.

And then just now when you said that you would just kind of went limp, I was like, there it is. So it was much more, I've had more sex with my body completely. Yeah. wondering where that was coming from just now when you said that you just kind of went limp i was like there it is yeah so it was much more i've had more sex with my body completely limp yeah i've done it before too i think it's hot it's kind of hot so my thing is like i like being greased up and oiled up and like i love oiled up bodies that's just like wet sex to me is just hot me and wifey have like some i won't bring her into this i'll let her tell her she talks about you on the podcast yeah but i i mean like i'll talk about my own fetishes i don't know what she shares with other people you know what i mean yeah but um i think kaylee's an open book she does not care that girl

um yeah she's amazing yeah um but i yeah i definitely that's one of them that that really stuck like my pussy barely doesn't barely works like it doesn't get wet really unless my body's limp right um and it's not even but that's due to you know shit that's happened well i used to you know even like like i used to cum sometimes like and then i would feel and i would feel very ashamed and like i even had a guy comment i was some fucking creepy motherfucker like was like groping me was he a pedophile yes he was 28 and like balding and i was 15 and like in the back of a car it was like this whole thing but his name was peter fuck you peter fuck you peter peter the pedophile yes we got meth mark and peter the pedophile peter the pedophile was such standard like typical pedophile looking

mother but now did he have the room glasses bro like i think he did like i'm gonna be honest like and like i swear they all have donuts yeah i have fucking the weird fucking glasses dude everyone they have beady eyes yes all of them have beady eyes um they take little fucking awkward steps and they tuck their shirts in and have belts and like it's just a whole thing he's like groping me and then he made a comment about he's like well how did you get in the car with peter i needed a ride to get a meth pipe so like you know i mean we make our choices in life whatever the best this was the best case scenario no i just say okay like that because i've been there and i get it yeah like i i was cold and i was walking i walked everywhere like whatever i needed an adult to one

thing you know one thing people don't know about meth meth will make you walk oh yeah you got nothing but time to fucking travel oh yeah i walked a lot um so anyways yeah no so he's like groping me and then like my pussy was like soaking wet and he's like well you could have just told me you like this and i was like like i like i got caught i was like so ashamed then i was like maybe i do like this like why is why have you betrayed me you know and then like it took a couple years before when at some point i realized like no that's probably why women get ashamed about rape like otherwise why would you be ashamed that you're physically overpowered by, like, a big man?

Right. It's not shameful. I love that. I have, like, a, not, I don't want to say a rape fetish, but it's, like, I like physically fucking violent sex. Right. Same. Like, throw me up against a wall, punch my fucking tooth out. Like, I don't give a fuck.

Like, just fucking make me cum while you're strangling me. That's all I care about. I mean, and that's, you know, I think it's like my limp fetish. Like, I got more of that than, like, the violence. I don't mind violence. I like rough sex, but I like passionate rough sex. Right. I don't really like rapey rough sex.

Right. Because, like, that's not. Don't be rapey. Yeah, don't be rapey. Well, I mean, if you are, that's fine, too. I'm, like, pretty, you know. Yeah. I've dealt with most of my sexual trauma.

But, so, you know, I realized at some point, some point like that's what the vagina lubricates itself to prevent injury like that's normal it's supposed to do that it wasn't betraying me right it did me a fucking favor so this like grown-up wasn't you know like hurt rip you yeah i wish i had done that when i was a little baby oh stop it i don't think it worked yet um so okay so you went on this whole meth journey how when did porn get introduced oh goodness okay so because you were around the right fucking crowd let me tell you some stuff had been filmed when i was underage um there was a whole case um they were trying to you know the question was about my age at the time you know who filmed i mean oh you can't okay well i mean we know who

it is but i don't want to you know gotcha okay people who i'm friends with now so um is his name rhyme with heath what was his name fucking uh heath i can't even think of anything right now yeah there you go um heath lark that's what we'll call him so so stuff had been filmed so so eventually um so i was i was missing they eventually they finally found me from like the long whatever i left the psych ward i left the rehab i was missing for several more months they finally found me when you were in the provo thing too like what paris went through or i mean i could i had talked some of those teachers reached out to me when that

documentary came out and they're like did you feel like we abused you and i was like what do you mean feel like and she's like but do you think that that was like the intention when and i was like it doesn't matter wow way to gaslight well i mean because so i didn't get physically abused the worst that happened to me is i was on a two-hour restriction because i came in there was 85 pounds i thought i needed to sort her so i had what was called two-hour restriction which meant i couldn't like use the bathroom for two hours after i ate because i didn't want me to puke or whatever which I didn't do I was just underweight because I was on drugs right but so at some point I had to pee so fucking bad I was like crying I was like please can I like you can

stand in there with me just let me fucking piss they wouldn't let me I ended up pissing on myself oh they made me walk around in it all day oh like because they thought I did it on purpose I was like why would I do that on purpose like yeah I wasn't I have to pee I don't want a fucking bladder infection there were girls who I mean I literally couldn't hold it i held it until i couldn't you know there were girls who did like a lot of weird shit there but i wasn't really one of them i was like not to say that i was the non-crazy person in the crazy place like but i just did a lot of drugs like i was pretty i mean i'm pretty even killed right when i'm sober right and so um it was it was fucked up i mean that i would say that was about the, you know, or they,

they'd make a shit with the door open and like with like some dude watching us, which was kind of weird, but I wouldn't say there was a lot of sexual abuse. Who wants that job? Yeah. What's your job title? Watching girl shit.

Yeah. Like what a fucking way to go, buddy. An obscene amount of the, of physical abuse. The worst was this little girl jazz was a little black girl who was very, very, very, very autistic. And I'm talking like, I mean, she couldn't function. Like, I've never seen anything like it.

She terrified me. But she was so sweet when she was normal. And then she would, like, be this monster. But she was tiny, dude. And, like, I watched, like, you know, grown men throw her around. There was a little girl, Leticia, who was 14. She was she was like maybe 60 pounds or some shit they broke her jaw I watched them bash her face into the wall until they broke her jaw and she had like a bunch of stitches and all this shit they told her parents she was headbanging like this girl sat there and hit their head on the

wall I was like do I literally watch do you guys do it but that was the thing is that we were all legally insane and so nobody believed us i remember telling my mom and she had told me like even if you were telling the truth which i don't believe that you are i still think you're better off there and i was like i mean fair enough thanks mom but to be fair she wasn't wrong and that's why i've never held any provost saved my life it was a terrible place but where i came from was worse right you know i was not doing it headed anywhere good yeah you know no for sure especially so when i was in utah is when this you know this the child porn was came out right and so when you say came out online as in my mother found it okay okay i know that porn hub fucking let's like yeah so i don't know

at the time um i i don't know the how did mom find it oh shit because i had a coffee oh gotcha okay so i mean at the time like it was like videos with my boyfriend i didn't know like that they maybe that other people were watching them right you know you were innocent you didn't know i mean you know as innocent as you could be you know i thought i was dating the guy you didn't have life experience no i mean and it's like it's one of those things especially like and and i hope that i don't know i kind of hope that younger women aren't really watching this right now but if they are like you're not the exception ever you're never the exception you're not the only underage girl that he's with because you're so mature right you know and that's what i thought i definitely thought i was so cool

that like this older guy was interested in you know and like that's how it is that's how it goes like i thought it was so cool and like you know it wasn't necessarily the case yeah no i get it i i dated nothing but older dudes when i was younger and you know what it's funny because now i love the young boys i'm like give me the little little cabana boys i love me and kaylee are just like yeah yeah she's like we like them young yeah yeah yeah i fucking don't yeah i like them like fucking old skin and shit no wrinkly balls yeah i think my men have been so far around the block that like they the wheels fell off a few miles back i like a one foot in the grave yeah fucking well meth mark so i'm sure i between all my exes i maybe have a full set of teeth it's not even a joke um no but so so anyway yeah anyway so this shit had come out um

it was given to the police he got arrested mom gave it to the police yeah so they were trying to have martin meth have been through some shit oh So then, that's not even the half of it. You guys have serious trauma bonds. Oh, yeah. I feel like all I do is trauma bond. I don't really have normal bonds. And now it's funny because I have a hard time making friends. And I think part of it is because I don't want all the building blocks. I don't want to have to do all that.

Can we just kill somebody together? Yeah. I just want a trauma bond. Just be friends. No, because if we just trauma bond really quick, we won't have to do all that creating. Extra shit. shit yeah and i'm like i'm just lazy dude i'm too lazy to have like a legitimate friend because i'd rather like just do some way out shit and then we're stuck together forever yeah like me and mark you know i'll never be closer to anyone in my life you know

when's mark's birthday december 10th he's a sagittarius yes he is my husband's a sagittarius you guys are gonna be lifers for sure it's because I'm actually, I'm hanging out with a guy right now who has the same birthday and I call him, I tell him it's his birthday twin. He's like, oh, I don't know if I like him. He's like, fuck, that's not a compliment. I'm like, well, to be fair, like I've never been closer to anyone in my life. Yeah. I never will.

Because also I was young. I was innocent. And like, do we like, and that's the thing, like he wasn't necessarily a good guy, you know? But like if I, if I'm being very like, and that's the thing. Like he wasn't necessarily a good guy, you know? But like if I, if I'm being very honest, like that dude loved me, he was very fucked up,

but he loved me. And my mom, and my mom understands that. She's like, dude, I knew him. Like I not, you know,

she's like, it's hard for me to hate him. Like he fucking ruined your life. But like, it's hard for me to hate him because at the time, like things aren't always what it looks like on paper, you know? And,

um, you know, it's not black and white as awful as he was and he was he fucking beat me up he I mean like every fucking thing he used to examine my body because I'd be covered in bruises and he was like determined I was cheating on meth bullshit but it was like I mean every way that he could have fucked me over he did you know um well he was all meth addicts aren't really the most fucking no endearing humans no and especially with you add in paranoia and distrust

and every fucking thing else, and violence and lack of sleep deprivation. It gets fucking ugly, dude. Real fucking ugly. No, for sure. But yeah, we're trauma-bonded like nobody's business. It was kind of like some Bonnie and Clyde shit. I've seen some memes about you fucking return stolen shit from Home Depot. You're not Bonnie and Clyde. And I'm like,, you know, I've seen some memes about like you fucking returned stolen shit

from the Home Depot. You're not Bonnie and Clyde. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's basically us. Yeah. But at the time, I mean, even like being missing, like we're like fucking runaways. And she did. It was great. It was so much fun.

Like it was awful, but it was also so much fun. And part of me is like, I'll never have that again. He just knows you like most people would never. Right. One. And throughout my life afterwards, it's it's i don't know that you know my therapist doesn't think that it's a very unhealthy relationship other than that like i got loaded with him right um for the most part it's pretty healthy i allow him to repay me

right he does things for me right whenever i ask i was stranded in vegas one time like a couple years ago because it was like the one night that it snowed in vegas and my flight was canceled and i was like called him like hey can you come pick me up hadn't talked to him in months he dropped everything he was doing drove all the way to vegas from california and picked me up and drove me out you know like like that where it's like i i think that actually psychologically i'm allowing him to be better right like letting someone rather than holding somebody you know calling somebody evil and then writing them off. Like, not that anybody should do this. I'm a psychopath. But like allowing somebody to actually repent.

He's your twin flame. Yeah. I mean, it's fucked up. He is. The more I hear you talk about it. Yeah. I mean, so, so when my brother had gotten arrested three years ago was when I relapsed and I started hanging out with him again, with Mark again, and then like relapsed with

him. Right. And, and that was when I realized like, yeah, like all our Stockholm syndrome shit aside, like that's not going to work. He won't get, he's never going to get clean and I can't be around him and not do drugs. Twin flames don't necessarily mean soulmates. Twin flames is a lot of pain and a lot of lessons. A real twin flame is going to put you through hell and you guys are going to separate and

come back together and separate and come back together. Yeah. So it's definitely a twin flame is going to put you through hell yeah and you guys are going to separate and come back together and separate that's been our whole life yeah yeah so it's definitely a twin flame it's definitely it's nice because if i hit him up on like a fucking christmas morning and i'm like hey i just want to let you know i love you he knows what it's about that my dad tried that my dad got in a we were in a high-speed chase and like whatever i have trauma on this day and i have a hard time getting through it. Like he just knows that or he can say some shit to me and I know what he needs. And it's, we're not close. We don't even live in the same state anymore, you know, but it's, it is cool to have a person that understands.

Did you move to kind of get away from him? Not him. Okay. My brother, but. Gotcha. Let's talk about, so the porn got released. Yes. What happens after that?

Okay. So he goes to jail. They try to get me to, to jail they try to get me to well they try to get me to testify i didn't testify obviously um they told me all types of shit that i found out later wasn't true which i thought was very mean of them you know like made the situation seem like there was a bunch of different girls yeah they told me that there was like all you weren't special there were all these little girls and it made it sound like a whole thing like it was a ring like yeah that he that you know he met me intently to commit this crime and like whatever

it wasn't that wasn't what happened right so i found that out years later but for many years that's what i thought right happened um i still didn't testify because i you know i came from like crime and like you don't i guess i would never do i'll never take the stand no i mean so i so i found out later like i wouldn't have been a rat for telling on him because he was you know right because of the situation but at the time I was like dude you don't tell I don't right I've been interrogated for seven hours before like I don't I was fucking solid I was a solid ass little kid dude right which I'm proud of and it's actually funny because like you know I haven't committed a crime in a long time but my name in like San Fernando Valley is still so good gangster yeah group yeah because yeah i have

street cred like a motherfucker because like even i was like an inebriated teenager yeah i held my weight better than these fucking grown men who just snitch on everybody yeah um so that's funny like i'm not involved in any loyalty though no and and you know it's something that's actually something that's what me and tommy bond on it's actually like um we were tommy vexed people yeah i wore his sweater but it was too hot how many fucking girls have hit me up since he's been on the podcast and I'm just like here let me help you out I just fucking siphon him over to fucking Tommy I'm like I don't want to be the middle person yeah just hit him up if I could just yeah I mean he's easy guys just fucking hit him up um but that's part of what so so now other than Mark

like you know there's a lot more to my story obviously but like yeah we'll keep touching on it at some point you know for one it sounds like i'm lying when i tell mr so i really don't anymore because there's too much i love it too many things have happened that like it just it's ridiculous at this point i love that people get soap opera see that i love that people get to see the side of you though because you know all i see is the pretty pictures and the fucking beautiful videos and you know they don't people get to see the side of you though, because you know, all I see is the pretty pictures and the fucking beautiful videos and you know, they don't really get to see what goes on or they know, might know about your addiction, but they don't know

where it came from or, you know, like, so I think it's really cool that people get to hear the side of you. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot to talk about. It's exhausting, you know, when you start fucking siphoning through it. I guess I've talked about it, you know, it's not something that i never taught i tell everybody because i i realize at some point that i'm one of those people who like i just try to desensitize my things myself to things by like putting them on everybody else yeah i'm like here's all my fucking problems

word vomit yeah but also because like there's so much at this point that i don't need you to find out some fucking detail about me down the road and now you have a problem with me like here's all the shit that i am like here's what has a problem with you from finding out something from your past and that's you don't want that person around you i mean you know there's things that happen to me and then there's things that i've done you know i mean we've all done fucked up shit not everybody has done fucked up shit like me and tommy have done fucked up shit you know what i mean i don't know you that well but that's kind of what we bond on. It's like, to some extent, like, not everybody does, like, I feel, you know, you know, that terminally unique bullshit in NA or AA.

I don't know which one you're in or if you're in NA or just happen to be sober. But anyways, so we talk about being terminally unique and it's a fucking joke and every fucking addict thinks they're terminally unique. I actually do think I'm terminally unique. Even at some point, like, dude dude i go to meetings and people's fucking best day or their worst day sounds like my best and i'm like and not that nobody has it as bad as me like i don't know my life is great now it's fucking easy but like it's just like at some point i don't really feel like i can relate to other people anymore right and the ones that are like

me are in prison or they're dead or they're fucking murderers or they're you know there's not people who have stories like I do anymore so often right that are okay that I can be friends with and the ones that I can are not capable of intimacy right um and me and Tommy joke about that one a lot talking on microphone oh sorry you're good it's okay none of this was important anyways no you're good but it's But it's like, yeah, at some point, like, it's hard to find anybody that I can, that I feel like I'm not an alien. He's definitely like, I would consider him. But you guys are like besties.

Yeah, I would consider him one of my very best friends. Yeah, Tommy's a sweet soul. Yeah, but I also, you know. I see past the tough exterior that he puts out. Yeah, it's fun. It doesn't even look that tough. Yeah. We're just talking shit about you, Tommy.

Yeah, I'm like, all you have to do is read his lyrics. He's a big softie. Yeah, he is. Well, I'm married to a musician, so I know how that goes. You know, they're hard on the mic, but they're, you know, sweethearts to people that they love in their life. But the thing is, yeah, to people that they love in their life. And that's the thing is that Tommy isn't a softie.

Right. You know, nor am I. Yeah, well, neither is my husband. But to people that they love, yes. Yeah, and that's that thing is like, you know, people will be like, people who act tough are not really tough. Like, sometimes they am I. Yeah. Neither is my husband. Yeah. People that they love. Yeah. But, but, and that's, that thing is like, you know, people would be like people who act tough or not really tough. Like sometimes they are both, you know, um, a lot of us, you have that, like, what is it? The fucking pineapple, the like rough exterior and sweet on the inside. But like in the, in the center of that, do pineapples have cores? This was a terrible analogy. Um, but like, no, I'm the

perfect example of that. Everybody's like, Oh, you might, you're, you're so like business-like. And so, um, you know, just like, I don't know, cut, I don't want to say cutthroat cause that makes me sound fucking like evil, but it's not, I'm cutthroat because I just like to get shit done. And people are like, Oh, you must be really sweet. And I'm like, no, I'm not, I'm really not like, I don't, I did not come to play, you know, but I, but the people that I love, I love them wholeheartedly, you know, like I love hard. So I totally understand that. Like that lyric. Um, yeah, I mean, same.

And then, I mean, I am sweet. I'm, I'm a lover, you know, and then also I will fucking murder your whole family. I'll murder your family with a smile. Yeah. I mean, but like, I don't want to, but that's like the homeless person in me. Like, dude, like people don't understand that.'m not being tough I get terrified yeah I'm violent because I'm terrified because I've seen things that most people haven't fucking seen Mimi how many times have you heard me say I'm not nice I'm extremely violent that's like that people don't

believe it I will I'm such a violent human being I mean I feel like I'm not unless I'm scared like I'm calm and I'm cool I always say I'm not unless I'm scared. Like I scare easy. I'm cool. I always say I'm cool, but I'm not that cool. I'm cool until I need, need to be. So let's,

okay, we'll get back to you and Tommy, but so when did you get into porn? We'll just fast forward to, Oh gosh. Okay. I got into porn four or five years ago. Okay.

Um, I had gotten married. So you're kind of like a newcomer or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I don't know about all that, but I mean, I i'm fucking aging so i'm an aging hoe with no real

look bitches us older bitches are fucking winning okay like we're making money that fucking 21 year olds are making yeah i mean i wish i would have been making this money since i was 21 i don't because i wouldn't have known what to do with it you're right yeah i made a shitload of money but i just fucking never knew what to do with it. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're right. Actually, I don't think people should be able to do porn

before they're 25. Yeah. At least 21. Yeah. Because I don't think that your brain is developed enough to really understand the consequences of your actions. So I started at 24. Right.

What made you want to get into porn? You were just like, you know what? I'd been doing the Snapchat stuff for several years before that, like with Viking Barbie. And so I had been I was with a guy we are we had gotten married we weren't married anymore um I owned the snapchat company with him well technically he took 20 percent whatever um I always take his motherfuckers so Eddie so when I so I when I had left him I kind of just ditched everything that I owned and I just left you know um and um he had had I don't know actually I never asked him about this we talk now so I realized this is something that I just assumed my website didn't work anymore so I always assumed

that he had had it hacked or whatever had it taken down um so that was my only source of income at the time and I was like oh well fuck you all right I guess I'll go do foreign you know I figured it would be I'm not asking for help or I'm not going to fucking swallow. No, absolutely not. But also it was like hilarious because like he was very, so at the time I was still a little vengeful and, and, um, he was very humiliated by me doing porn. Um,

so that made me, and I was like, well, that's what you get for hacking my website. Why would you do that? Like, that was rude. I didn't fuck with any of your businesses.

I would never fuck with your money. I literally, I paid his bills for like, like his, cause I mean, not that he needed me to, but like all the, the water bill and the power bill and all this stuff was in my name. So I just kept paying it for like six months.

Right. It's like, whatever. I'm not, I've never tried to fuck with anybody's money. I don't, I don't do that. I don't act like that.

Um, I'll stomp on your heart. There's so many people I've been like, fuck you. I'm not paying that. Sorry. Not happening. Like,

I don't want people to take advantage of me. I guess I have have and then that's just where that ends and and i always i really do see it as like the cost of not having a shitty friend anymore right yeah whatever like you think you got over on me like but you could have got me for a lot more if you weren't such a fucking idiot right um i would have given it to you nicely if you would have just fucking yeah literally i had there's a guy in porn i won't say his name but like that owes me money that like he had asked me you know like he had this whole sob story and asked me for 700 and i just gave it to him like that day and i was like hey just don't fuck me that's all i said i just met him that day and i was like i don't like that dude i don't give a fuck i'll fucking land anybody if he would have just asked me for it i would have asked him

to pay it back but he said a loan and i was like all right it's a loan right you know you owe me yeah and then he never wanted to pay me back and i was like you know you could have fucking got 20 grand out of me you stupid fuck yeah right dumb man so you started doing porn four or five years ago yeah what so you it was because it was not it wasn't like a revenge porn but it was like you just didn't want to have to go back to that situation well i didn't see a whole bunch of options um i can't just have a normal job yeah me either can't work for the man well it's not even just that like i mean i had worked i had had one real job um when i was with my husband i worked for him um so you know i managed his like vape and tattoo shop or whatever but mostly like i'm

very severely bipolar and i don't take medication so So it's very difficult for me to work a normal job. Sometimes it's totally cool, and then I get, you know, when I was with him, I think I stayed awake for 31 days one time without being on drugs. Right. And then, like, there's a crash that happens after that, and good luck getting me to go to work. Like, I physically can't, you know? So, like, granted, I could take medication, but I'm not going to.

It's each their own. Yeah, that's just not up for debate, really, granted I could take medication, but I'm not going to. So it's each their own. Yeah. That's just not up for debate really with me. Um, but so yeah, working a real, a normal job is pretty hard for me, especially at that point. Like I was already pretty famous from, I think I had like $800,000 or some shit at that point before porn. Um, but I was pretty, I'm pretty recognizable. Not that I'm super famous, but I'm very recognizable.

I have like pretty distinct figure features and tattoos and whatnot so I it just like what I went also I was making like 300 grand a year at that point and like I wasn't gonna go back to like making eight dollars an hour right um so porn just kind of made sense absolutely um and it wasn't like for me it wasn't really a big decision there I was never gonna work for office like right you factor the whole rest of my story about homelessness and fucking drugs and every fucking thing like in crime and like yeah it wasn't like a big leap like right nobody was disappointed in me nobody was surprised no no my mother was like my mother said to me she's like you know if anybody's actually kind of perfect for porn it's you yeah do you like shooting porn i love it yeah um it's got do you love sex

because all the trauma that you've been through i love sex yeah i actually was able to use porn as a way to get over a lot of trauma yeah that's right that's what i tell everybody because i was an escort in vegas for fucking you know years and i tell everybody like i work through like sexual abuse and shit that i've been through by being a fucking hooker right and people like think i'm crazy but really you can work through so much shit being sexual yeah i mean i think it's it's like the um the idea of like if you're if you have a phobia of elevators the only real way to get over that is get on the fucking elevator and ride it until you're fine yeah and maybe do it with somebody who you trust yep and so that's kind of what porn is for me it's like this safe environment to work through stuff so like one very specific one which was pretty public was um i had an issue with anal i couldn't do anal

because i'd have rape flashbacks and so james dean is like my one of my other bestie bestie besties like one of my favorite people in the fucking world um and so i had asked him to help me like get over this fucking thing which basically i was like can you fuck me in the ass until i can get through it without crying um and so we were trying to figure out what the exact triggers are, because sometimes it would, sometimes it wouldn't. And we figured out it was, like, violence. So, like, if I got smacked in the face. And it was, like, if I got smacked hard enough that, like,

I had any kind of, like, a blackout, even for a second. Yeah. And so one of them was on film. And I ended up posting it because, well, because, you know, James had some accusations that i was pretty irritated about because i didn't believe that they're very accurate um so i posted what were the accusations he had like a bunch of girls came out and you know said he raped them or whatever stupid shit and like 15 out of the 16 like came forward and publicly said that they lied and nobody heard that

part you know whatever i know the world is so quick to fucking help yeah but also i mean he had been waiting for a fucking court case because then he could prove that he was innocent but he never got the opportunity which is fucking irritating to me right um because he's my friend and also because he saved my life like three fucking times um but so anyways there's this video that like it went pretty viral of like me fucking having a rape flashback which I thought was beautiful I was like whatever like it's for the world like and so many girls hit me up like dude I've never seen anybody like feel the way that I feel you know and I was like that's cool um but so i had a feeling you're healing people making porn too well it was like you know it's i'm sorry for my actually i can't

even say that i'm not gonna say some bullshit um i was gonna say i'm sorry for the people who my porn is hurt like i'm sorry that you are watching things no i'm not i'm not sorry yeah i'm not sorry i'm not responsible people come on my'm not sorry. I'm not responsible. It's like when people come on my page and talk shit to me, I'm like, why are you here? But literally, it's like saying that

alcohol is responsible for you being an alcoholic. Absolutely, yeah. My porn is not the reason that you have a porn problem. You should go seek help and go to fucking therapy. I used to care.

Dude, I really don't anymore because I really realize it's like a cop out. I'm fucking sober because I don't use drugs responsibly. So I have to not do any cool things. I don't get to drink ever. I don't get to do any fucking drugs. I don't use drugs responsibly yeah so i have to not do any cool things i don't

get to drink ever yeah i don't get to do any fucking drugs i don't get to smoke weed i don't even get to fucking gamble because i'm a psychopath so if i can do all that you could not watch porn right so fuck off no but preach sister preach i'm tired of it yes no i love it um i like when she gets spicy it kind of turns me on i I'm like, go karma, go. But I get tired of people like trying to fucking guilt me. No, this world is crazy. This world is full of people who won't take responsibility for their own fucking lives. You're a grown up.

You're a fucking grown up. Everybody is fucking mad at everybody for no fucking, for being more courageous than they could ever be. Right. You know? And it's just, it's wild to me. I deal with that every fucking day too. I even just quit smoking like four months i smoked for 16 fucking years smoked a pack a day and then like basically like to prove a point i fucking just quit smoking in

the middle of a day like somebody's like and i was like fine i don't smoke anymore and i haven't smoked since like i have that same exact mentality i swear to god you can ask me me if like literally i woke up one day i used to do cocaine and fucking take lortabs all the time lor derbs were my specialty and fucking i just woke up one day and i was like you know what i'm not doing this anymore and i haven't for six years that's cool you know like i just will not touch it and fucking alcohol i did the same thing i got really shit faced one time i mean scary shit face woke up the next day i said i'm never drinking again and haven't drank huh you know like yeah i definitely with drugs needed a little more help than that well yeah i definitely did all that very hard yeah i don't know i did all the na and all that shit i overdosed on glass

which fucking i literally almost died doing it and i almost lost my hand doing meth so i have to like go through like really traumatic experiences to have to fucking get off of shit but yeah it works yeah i mean i i had a definitely near near-death experience when i originally got clean in in 2012 yeah and then when i relapsed i ended up like i don't even know what the fucking dope is mark yeah i just had to throw it in there um it's it's definitely not crystal meth like i remember it anymore so like and i had six mini strokes and i was like well i mean i kept fucking slamming more of it i was like because i didn't even have a rush i didn't get nothing and i was like bro i didn't fucking stay clean for seven years to like not get a rush and i was like and i was like a psychopath dude i fucking kept putting this

trash like i think it was like well what's that bullshit that they're putting in all the fucking drugs now fentanyl yeah so i think i was just slamming fentanyl dude it's so scary now like do you remember when you could go to like parties and fucking do a rail off a stripper's ass and not have any questions asked and now it's like if i ever had to walk into a party and there was drugs there i'd probably get anxiety just because you don't know what anything is anymore yeah i mean it definitely and it didn't even do what it was i was so you know i was mad and and honestly it wasn't because i gave up my seven years clean it was because like i didn't even get fucking high i mean i got something right psycho but I for I like forgot went all the like good parts about

meth and went right to like psychotic and fucking well it hits you differently too as you get like older no I'm not like age shaming or anything like that but your body changes like now if I take a lortab like after I had my implants taken out fucking I took a lortab and I was so fucking depressed the fucking next day I was like, I don't remember feeling like this. Like, what the fuck happened? So your body changes. And drugs, the chemicals react differently with your body. Yeah, well, it was, I mean, it didn't make getting clean and getting any easier.

It was fucking horrible. It was actually, I think, harder that second time. I only got loaded for three days. And, like, day four, I was like, dude, if I keep going, that's it again. Like, am I really trying to do this again? Like, I don't know that I want to. And I know that, like, three days is the habit with meth like it's three and if you do that fourth day that's it you're fucking you're done and I don't have any choice any in the matter anymore you know I don't

think I really have a choice once I put a fucking substance in my body I really like I'm a psychopath I lose my mind I'm not the same human being um and that's why I don't do drugs but it's so good that you have that consciousness of knowing that you are you know can be a monster but you know when to turn it off right and that's kind of like you know i've been accused of not having sympathy for addiction and i'm like you know i don't maybe i don't but like i i don't think that's it well it's like i really you know it is fucking hard it's hard to get clean that's why only two percent of us ever do it right but like should the whole world suffer because the other ones couldn't like absolutely it's this is the same mentality of like letting weakness like we have to coddle the weak

right and like no that doesn't nobody coddled us no and that's why i'm fucking clean even like the homeless like i i've gone on like i've talked about homeless people a lot right and like people think i'm a fucking asshole and i'm like first of all i was homeless for four years look at me now not homeless i ran away from home at 14 but listen like so after utah i was like for real homeless like not like when i was 18 i was like i was just homeless for like another year and a half um and i like slept on concrete and i was like legit homeless i had like a little homeless squad and all that did the whole fucking thing the homeless homies yeah but like and i fucking would walk to the fucking library every day and research because you could use the internet for free at the library research how to change my

fucking situation yeah and like figure out how to get off the street absolutely and like it was like dude i was 18 years old and i never even finished high school i figured out how to get off the fucking street i never panhandled i never begged a day in my life not one time i never took a dollar from anyone what i would do is i would recycle fucking cans so i'd be in the trash I was like a dumpster tweaker I'd be in the trash every day fucking collecting cans so I could recycle them and I would cheat I would put fill them with washers and make them extra heavy because it's based off I remember when you could do that and I had the can pressure yeah I would use my feet and my boots oh shit like a whole you know but it was like I left home at 14 and i had my own apartment by the time that i was 17

it's just it's a frame of mind you don't allow yourself to become a victim well i mean i think i was a victim for long enough too that like it was like but at some point it was like if somebody had tried to rescue me i would never be where i am now i'm so obsessed with not being homeless right still oh yeah i now like awkwardly collect homes I hoard good which is great I love that it's not a normal like oh I bought another house I'm like obsessed with it I have to own all the houses yeah so that even like a monopoly board yeah even if they take a couple of them I still go I'll never be homeless again that's part of your trauma yeah and part of it is that literally there is no safety net for me nobody picks up the ball if I drop it right I take care of my brothers I

take care of my mother she lives in a house that i own i fucking pay for all her stuff everybody in my life i pay for my my you know my brother's court case every every fucking thing is on me everybody in my life all my boyfriends every fucking dude i've been minus the husband who was fully self-supporting right um but everybody in my i think about how many lives would go to shit if i fucking fell right you know it's not even just mine and at this point which a lot of pressure to have on your shoulders yes but i mean we also put that pressure on ourselves yeah i love it dude i work better under pressure well i think about like dude when i was poor i was poor for very for a very long time especially like i got off the street i was very poor yeah you know um i still ate dumpster

chinese food for several years after i got off the street because I couldn't afford food still. And I still wouldn't ask anybody for help. But so, like, around the holidays, like, we're almost, we're hedging up on Christmas right now. Around the holidays, I would fucking disappear around, like, November and then show up in February. Yeah. Because I was so fucking embarrassed that I couldn't afford to get anybody presents that I loved, you know. And so, like, people are like, how do you fucking, I'm like, ridiculous. I love holidays.

You have to fucking love them. And then it was like, with all the trauma that you have, like, how do you fucking love Christmas so much? Because you didn't have one. Well, and also because I'm not going to let some fucking asshole steal holidays from me. It was like anal, dude. Like, so, like, back to my, no, my James Dean anal story, like. Holidays are like anal. Christmas is like anal like like i mean i got off topic about like about porn and like getting through working through trauma i like just hearing you talk so i don't mind and a lot of like a lot

of that was the same thing like some fucking asshole stole the joy of anal from me right like fuck you you don't get to be the reason that i never get to like anal like and i literally re-traumatized and I don't even, it wasn't even re-traumatized. I made myself do this until I was desensitized to it. Yeah. I literally cried and cried and cried and had flashback after flashback after flashback.

Um, you know, so that I could fucking enjoy the bandaid off so that you could bleed. I was just telling my kid this last night, Jay and Jay, Jay's daughter is ours full time for custody and fucking she's going, trying to work through her own trauma and she's 13. So I'm like,

Oh Lord child. I'm trying to tell her that ripping the bandaid off, bleeding and fucking letting it all come out and then healing up is how you have to get through it. You know? And that's what you did. Yeah. I mean,

yeah. I mean, other things and other things. Yeah. I mean, I learned how to make the limp thing. Like just embraced that that's my well the reason i like violent sex is because of shit that i've been through you know so it's like we all have our own fucking fetish our fetishes stem from our trauma right because you could either let it at some point

consume you or fucking you consume it at some point i can either just shoot myself in the head or i can learn to make my problems mine right and like and own them and profit off them i fucking absolutely child porn so like when that video came i was so humiliated the stuff when i was a kid like my mother saw it the fucking police department devonshire division fucking fuck you by the way um but they they made a joke with me on the phone when i was in utah that like oh no we only watched like 30 40 times and i was like how is that appropriate that's a horrible thing to say yeah um but but moreover i feel like all men are pedophiles in some sort of way i know there's some fucking books about that um but that's but it was like so i felt so exploited

and like um being able to so doing porn as an adult i feel like i've got to even reclaim that that it's when i fucking say i can say cut cut anytime I fucking want. And it all ends, you know? That's why I was an escort. I fucking would show up, take men's money, do what I wanted to do. Half the time I fucking robbed them, you know? Fucking, you know, so, and I'm very vocal about that. Somebody actually commented that under one of Tommy's pictures. They're like, well, if it was about Ivan Moody or some shit like that. And they're like, well, if you can stop robbing people for money and fucking,

he, you know, I forgot what she said. And I was're like well if um you can stop robbing people for money and fucking he you know i forgot what she said and i was just like bitch i will still rob somebody like don't fucking way of what i want yeah like listen it's just it's embedded in you but it's your it's a control thing yeah you know you're controlling the narrative and that's what helps heal right and so i don't i feel like i've i've probably cured you know healed those things a while back and pretty much all the stuff that i have sexually which is great because now i can enjoy like i i like i make love i make jokes you know like in that in uh 50 shades of gray where he's like i don't make love i fuck that's the opposite of me that's what i tell people i'm like i don't fuck i only make love how's dating for you now like god well i have like i have like 18 lovers the lovers are a whole thing i love it but like i mean it boils down to like at the end of the day

so i moved into the middle of fucking nowhere yeah and um i moved there with a guy right who i intended to like stay with and that didn't work out um that's i had taken a year and a half off porn i quit porn for the dude was it your ex or just a new guy my no my ex and then um so and we ended up splitting up and then i went back to porn right um but so you know i moved there with like a whole different idea than what ended up you know now i live alone in the middle of fucking nowhere sometimes i do weird shit i'll be like crying on my stomach on like the island in my kitchen because like there's nobody there there's nobody within miles to see me you know and like how healing is that i think it's yes and no bro it's yes and no sometimes it's the best thing and the worst fucking thing for me like i'm too i'm too good at being alone till like i start doing weird shit i'll start where's mom

i'll notice on the counter i mean she lives like a while. I mean, she's my closest neighbor, but that don't mean she's close. I did that specifically because I didn't want neighbors. But so, and she likes to, she'll leave. Like during the holidays, she's been going out of town, I think partly because I get crazy on the phone. Right. Which it's not her job to deal with, you know. I'm a 28-year-old woman.

Right. But so like some of it is awesome, you know, but there's nothing but you in your head in a place like that, you know, and it's beautiful, but also like you better learn how to fucking like yourself. Right. And sometimes. Get to know yourself and fall in love with yourself.

Yeah. And so for me, like I'm go, go, go, go, go, go. And whenever I take a fucking break for a second, like everything catches up and it, I think it was in Peaky Blinders. He said something about it. It starts when you stop. And I was like, that's me. Oh, the silence is so loud it fucking gets me dude every time and i always have to like i have to go through my little fucking manic cycle and it's

fine and i've accepted it and like most people in my life understand what that looks like and you know don't take it personally and if you do fuck you yeah well it's like if you know like i don't know what to tell you yeah i don't i don don't care. Yeah. There's nothing I can do, dude. I'm very, very, very bipolar. Like there's nothing I can fucking do. Yeah. Other than take meds, which like I said, not going to do. But yeah.

So, so as far as dating, like, you know, I don't know. It didn't really, none of this really went how I had planned. Right. And so. So you're newly single in a new city and you're just like, you know what? Well, here's the thing. Smorgasbord of lovers. Yeah.

So I ended up with like, I realized thatmort is bored of lovers yeah so i ended up with like i realized that i could have all these lovers and it's you know i don't like fucking friends with benefits that's fucking stupid dude i don't need that i don't need like a fling i don't need a fuck buddy dude i shoot porn right literally there's nothing that i care about less than a fuck buddy right like go fuck yourself what i need is like the illusion of boyfriend in lots of scattered among lots of different yes i need boyfriend experience scattered among enough people that not one of them ever gets clingy or starts thinking they fucking own some shit so they can start telling me that i can't do my job or some stupid shit and like and and now i'm so paranoid of getting um

i dude i i'm i'm a people pleaser and i'm super codependent and i hate to say that but like when i'm with a dude and then i start feeling like oh oh, I go to work and now he seems sad. Like he doesn't have to be controlling as in tell me to do or not. I'll stop doing things on accident. You know, I just start like molding myself into what I think they want. And like I'm so scared of that because of how far it went with my ex that like to where like places I didn't even want to be who I was anymore by the time I realized like what had happened. I like dude I don't even like myself yeah it's so important

when you're in relationships to always have remain have your own identity right right and and moreover like I mean for me it's because my job and and so that always becomes an issue right and and having so many lovers like I do now yeah if one of them gets weird I just fucking let him go dude yeah or don't talk to him for a little bit put him on sometimes well yeah sometimes they just have to if you have like you're allowed to have like be upset about something but i don't need to hear about it right i'm like i don't come to me if it's about my job no listen if it's about something else that's fine if it's about my job yeah there's nothing to talk about right go figure it out if

you want to come back, doors open. If you don't, later. Sorry that it didn't work out. Like, 16 other ones, like, it's going to be fun. I feel like men always try to, that's, like, the first thing they go to. Like, my abusive relationship, I used to get beat up all the time because of how I made money. But he didn't make money.

Right. So it was like, how are we going to fucking afford this lavish lifestyle? Yeah, in your magical thinking, what do you think it was like yes this is always how it is how are we gonna fucking afford this lavish lifestyle in your magical thinking what do you think it looks like yeah like where do where do we go from here you're gonna be homeless together like it's crazy but yeah you want to beat me up to where i can't fucking work but yet you want to complain that fucking we don't have nice things physically maim your body so you can't go shoot oh my face was he's literally tried to kill me a few times yeah i've done these i've done these we've been danced this dance before yes well what can everybody expect from you in this next year are you gonna keep doing porn so here's i've been

saying this since the day i came out of the womb like yeah bro you know your guess is as good as mine i have no fucking idea i just live life like i do you're not a man with a plan no i don't have any fucking plans i'd like to pay off like a lot of this fucking property that I just bought. But like, I don't even know how I'm going to do that. You know, maybe I'll keep doing porn. If I,

if I shoot a scene tomorrow and decide I never want to shoot another one, I won't. I don't do anything that I don't want to do. I have a really hard time getting myself to do shit that I don't want to do. I have an authority problem too. Yeah. I kind of want to like. If I feel like somebody is making me do something I don't want to do,

ask Mimi. She tries to get me to work all the time. I'm like, I don't want to. My mother does that with my soap company now. She'll like, are you going to make soap today? I'm like, you've made it into your business. And I feel like you're my boss. So no.

No, I'm not. You know, like the whole point of owning businesses was that nobody would nag me. Right. And then porn's the same way. And, you know, but just everything. And now like really what I want now, I'm like so obsessed with jujitsu right now. Like all I do is fucking workout. And I started rock climbing cause it helps with grip strength for,

for jujitsu. But my whole life is basically. Yeah. So for those of you guys who don't know, karma is into jujitsu a lot right now. I love it. I'm obsessed. I'm completely obsessed.

Um, I train like six hours a day. So, wow. But it's great. So like, so with what I've got going with porn right now is I'll fly out for two weeks to LA or, or, but usually la and then i'll come back and train for six weeks yeah

and i can have my lives be completely separate and then i have six fucking weeks like yeah to regroup and well to just fucking do nothing all i want to do really is quit my job and just train jiu-jitsu which is like a fucking joke you ever plan on fighting in the cage like well i mean if i wasn't like if i didn't have to shoot porn yeah you know like i can't afford to get my face fucked up right um like grappling is fine because we don't punch each other in the face right but if like you know kate like any kind of like i'm sure there's a fetish i'm sure there's a fetish for black eyes and porn i think i look so this is actually like what i think my like that's the type that people want when they want me right like i look like a fun time behind a dumpster with a split lip and a black eye stop but that's what I look like no

because here's the thing because women are always trying to sell like what sells right instead of what they are and like I've accepted that that is what I am right as like a sexual enigma that's what I am right and like if I just sell that I make a lot of money as soon as I start trying to sell a girl next door like yeah not really viable yeah no i get that somebody wants the fun time behind oh no they do they definitely do but you're so beautiful like yeah but you could be beautiful and a fun time behind the dumpster with a black eye you know and a split lip i look great with a split lip no i love it i love how i look with black eyes because you can't see the bags and i feel like that's why like men hit me so i'm just oh lord we are not we're not making light of domestic violence again like no but

again like so i make jokes about that too yeah no you've been beat up as much as i have you can make fucking jokes too it's like people who who fought in the war and make jokes about killing babies like dude you don't have a fucking right to judge them right how do you deal with killing babies other than to laugh there's nothing seriously what what the fuck do you do i have especially living out here like everybody i know now is like was in the war because everybody in tennessee served oh yeah pretty much every single fucking man yeah in tennessee no it's crazy and so they've all got these fucked up stories and it's like how dare you fucking say what i can and can't laugh about the karens of the internet can suck my dick the fucking world is so judgmental

now well and then when you have literally no leg to stand on because you have literally not been through fucking anything yeah like i don't even know what to describe they're always the most opinionated dude it's crazy yeah like they're trying to tell me about homeless people i'm like you i know i fucking fucked all the homeless shut the fuck up i am the homeless like don't tell me about you've literally never gone without a meal shut the fuck up yeah you have literally no place to speak yeah watch your fucking mouth it's like telling me about porn like okay bud yeah you know or telling me about fucking i mean i just like i would never think to tell you about the music industry right or your husband about to me or tell me about i don't

fucking know anything about the music industry what would i fucking know no other than what people tell me which isn't much but i mean whatever happened to just letting people live right right like how hard is it to not comment on somebody's fucking life and let them live i mean but so like i think about like social media and like i've had this like this horror story of a life right like and we got into like it's a small part of it you know and there's a lot more. Oh, we're going to have you back on because there's so much to undig. I mean, it never ends. It's a never ending fucking shit show.

But I look at like all this stuff, like all the tragic shit, the like terrible decision, like horrible shit that I've done and that's been done to me. And I somehow escaped the weird gene that like I see a picture of a woman that I think is ugly and i feel the need to comment about it right yeah like how did i go through like every fucking horrible thing and i'm like such a piece of shit according to society and yet i see girls on the instagram and i don't tell them that they look fat right yeah no i'm saying how what happened to these people who say that because i think they're the normal ones without any trauma no like it's just they're

so fucking be that i think it's because we've lived ugly and it's horrible shit and we know what it's like to hurt people to be hurt right so and to hurt people and to hurt people so it's like we are choosy with who we are going to choose violence with you know we're like also i guess like i've said stupid shit to a guy that i was with and got the fucking dog shit kicked out of me yeah and you learn to watch your mouth yeah and like not that it made it right but i'm kind of glad if that's the like if that's what it took you also grew up on the streets too and so did i there's consequences there's a code of ethic whenever you grow up on the streets you just know when to not run your

fucking mouth right you know or you learn quickly yeah and yeah these fucking instagram like idiots that'll sit there and like talk shit yeah like it doesn't bother me i've had people comment on every single i have flaws on my body that even being a woman i had no idea i had until instagram like they will find try getting on tiktok yeah they will find some shit that you didn't even know was wrong with you like my thing is they pick on my husband all the time they tear us apart for being together like he's not deserving of love and that like pick on me all day tell me ever i don't call me old call me ugly i don't give a fuck but when you come for my husband like i feel like this is how my fucking account gets deleted all the time because i'm super careful about me but it was like even tommy like somebody said some stupid shit about time

and i'm like what the fuck did you just say you fucking shut your fucking little poor cunt mouth like yeah and then my okay sorry and then my account's deleted and I'm like oh Jesus yeah for bullying like yeah my bad or like yeah talking about my fucking wife it's absolutely not gonna happen yeah um and then everybody's like dude nobody can we don't care I'm like well they shouldn't fucking know better and then it's also the disrespect of somebody to say something to me about someone I fucking love. You are literally asking for. Yeah.

There's a disrespect towards me to fucking speak to me. Like you're literally asking, are you a piece of shit? You're poking me. Are you like a fucking coward piece of shit? I just tell everybody. I'm like, just show up to a concert, baby. Don't be shy. Oh, yeah.

Tell me who you are. Yeah. Yeah. Like we'll just, we'll end it right there. Cause I'm not going to sit there and fucking internet keyboard. Sometimes I do bro. Like I can't, but again, only when it's about someone I love and like I need to check fuck I've learned to insult people so deeply, but so kindly now that it's like fun when I do

it. I feel like sometimes I need them to understand. It's just like, I just want to be angry. I'm yeah. But I'm just tired of people like questioning like don't poke me in the loyalties yeah wound like yeah if there's one thing that i am it's that loyal yeah no we're loyal to a fault nobody in the world can say that they've ever caught me in a lie or that they've ever heard me break my word or that i've ever been disloyal to somebody

and that's actually good qualities to have because a lot of people don't fucking have that anymore. I mean, I mean, again, part of why I feel like an alien in the world, like my therapist always tells me that I'm like, especially with honesty, because I'm like, I'm obnoxiously honest. Like it takes courage to, to be honest. Yeah. And, and I will fucking always accept a hard truth over the other lie.

And I, and I have no respect for people who lie to me, even about anything either and so my therapist so like i'll be trying to make friends i don't have many friends i'll try to be trying to make friends and they'll they'll do like this tiniest little thing that's not even really a lie and i'm like and i'm like that was it my therapist will even tell me she's like dude like i'm the same way with not everybody yeah but she's like dude at this point like you know you're gonna have a hard time making friends like with like because it's just as we expect i know and i'm like is it that is what i expect that fucking outlandish to not be a fucking shit bag like is it that outlandish no because i literally i don't ask anybody to do shit that i don't fucking do every day no i know i know it's amazing how pathetic everybody is i'm like do i really have to dumb down my standards like okay you can lie

to me and be a disloyal and talk shit about my mom I know I get it well karma I have had such a good time with you here and I just absolutely love the person that you are I think it's amazing and I'm happy that people at home have got to see a little glimpse I mean we barely even chipped the iceberg it never ends like there's no point I know but I want to keep you're gonna come back i want to keep bringing you back and have you on just to talk more and just to i think people talk about politics and pedophiles like i don't talk about politics that's one thing i do that's why me and tommy can't have a podcast it's gonna be horrible oh it'd be the worst dude yeah we're gonna fucking make so many people so angry. I'm already, I'm so anti-government and establishment that I just don't even care. Well, same, though.

I mean, like, fucking before anarchy became, like, some weird thing that the left uses. Yeah, that everybody uses now. Well, okay, but, like, first of all, that is, like, literally the opposite of the definition of anarchy. But whatever. Like, be an anarchist, wear your mask. Like, what? Like, how does that even work? Even the punk rock community, like bro it's so fucking backwards

yeah but like i mean that's who i am it's funny that i've been an anarchist my entire life and then like one day i became a trump supporter like without changing any of my views right i'm like it's weird how that happened because like my views are the same right i don't like the government fucking meddling with my life right it's like whoever i have to vote for that gets me closer to that that's who i'll vote for right you know i like people call me i'm so and this is all we'll talk about because i will not get into politics i'm so against the government that i won't even vote yeah like that to me our votes don't matter last year was the first time our votes really don't fucking matter yeah no no matter what we do whoever is picked behind the scenes to go into office is gonna fucking go into office it doesn't matter like

us being sheep at the polls yeah i mean i imagine you're probably right and that's why i never did and then at one point it was it became like to where it affected my life so my personality you wanted to make a difference yeah but it was like if it does make a difference like i don't want to be what if i was the one vote that like swayed the election i get one more person that fucking voted like imagine yeah no i get it yeah no politics are trash karma i can't wait to have you back on tell people where they can find you like what are your socials not on tiktok she is gonna get on tiktok though because she's already on there so she might as well just be raking up those views on her own yeah um my instagram if it's still up there it's been like two hours since i checked it so i might be deleted again that's how i live that's how i live my life every day uh it's karma period rx my twitter is karma underscore rx anything else

you could find on one of those two things yep and then do you have a porn hub account or anything yeah i mean fucking google it just go on just google karma rx it's not that hard to find my titties you know i actually did not see your titties and i'm like i know i really didn't i didn't want to see that side of you. I wanted to see the other side. What did you Google? Karma RX clothes? Interviews.

Oh. Because I was like, if you just Google Karma RX, it's like nothing but. I've surprised some people's parents, let me tell you. No, I actually was very surprised when I gargled. Gargled. Gargled. When I gargled Karma. Whenever I Googled Karma RX interviews, you were fully clothed and everything.

Oh, yeah. So I just kind of like. Probably dressed like this. because I like people to not try to talk to me about porn the whole time. Another reason me and Tommy are friends because he let me be a person. Yeah. I literally don't even care about that. I really wanted to talk to you about your trauma. That's really what I like.

You got like the trauma podcast. Yeah. Kind of a little bit. It's a little bit of everything. It's a lot of sex and a lot of uh trauma so sex and trauma i guess is really what the podcast is based on pretty hand in hand yeah but it's you know i have men that come on here too like tommy talked about his trauma too oh yeah i fucking watched that so it's like everybody's got a fucking story they just need a platform to tell

it and the right person to talk to about it you know so well i appreciate you and i appreciate your story and you're beautiful you really are so hot now i can see why kaylee i mean i always saw why you were hot but now that i get to see you in person and actually feel your presence i can see why kaylee's like i fucking because we're the same person we're like a a dirty old man like trapped in like a hot girl body yeah waiting for somebody to figure out that we're imposters. No, I totally see it. You guys are like fucking soulmates for life, dude. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week.

Bye.