Dumb Blonde - Mama Tot: Ophelia Tells All

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Bunnie's guest this week is the mama to millions of people online every day, Mama Tot, aka Ophelia Nichols. In Part 1, she talks about the trauma she endured growing up, getting pregnant at 15 years old, and how she decided to take the high road and help others. Get ready to be inspired.  Mama Tot: Podcast | TikTok Mama Tot IG   Bunnie: Website  Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Get those dollar bills ready. She's got an ass that shakes like Michael J. Fox. So get up there and throw, throw, throw them dollars. Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Today, I have somebody that I have been looking forward to meeting. Not only me looking forward to meeting, but my husband was more excited about this guest than I was.

Ophelia, a.k.a. Mama Tot Mama Tot is in the house baby. How are you? That is me. I'm perfect. I'm so excited to be here. Like I didn't realize how much Tennessee this area is just like Mobile, Alabama. Oh yeah we're like sisters. Yeah there's no difference other than the downtown area being just more lively than it is in mobile but man everybody acts the same looks the same like so it feels like home yeah it you know what nashville reminds me of what a southern version of la absolutely a southern yes and we're getting the traffic here too yeah it's fucking bullshit let bullshit. Let me tell you. It gives me anxiety. I had anxiety getting here.

Speaking of anxiety, how was it checking into the Airbnb yesterday? It was a little difficult. You know, everything is so technical and computerized and, and I'm not too savvy with that. I mean, I can barely work. I don't like it. But it was different give me give me a key in a hole that's all I need really like literally my husband says okay yeah that's what he said um but yeah uh it was a little stressful for that but it was beautiful oh good

like it's beautiful good yeah we were laughing before the camera started rolling because the Airbnb host I was like so is there a parking pass and he sent me like fucking three paragraphs and I'm just like bro I can't handle this shit Airbnb aside we got Mama Tot in Nashville so did you go out last night in Nashville did you get recognized um yes every time I went to the restroom I was in there for 20 minutes hugging people yeah okay and taking pictures um one of them there was a a bathroom attendant in there and we had a whole therapy session she just i mean in tears and i i mean i ended up like tipping her 30 dollars because we just had it was it was beautiful but everywhere i went honey there was somebody somewhere um I mean every I had no idea that

it was this many people that that knew me in this area like I'm I just think people in Mobile know me or something I don't know that's why I think you're so much like my husband because my husband will go places and he always has people breaking down crying to him telling them his stories and how his music has touched them. Because he's a Mason. But so are you. And that's what I'm trying to say is you guys both have that same where you're just like oblivious to how much you touch people's souls.

Yeah, I don't think about it. I just think that I'm talking to my besties every day on those videos. But I'm going to go out tonight and and take some extra tissues because it was just pull them out i was i was i was i was a hot mess yes honey we was drinking at 11 a.m at the pool okay we came back got a shower and then went back out again and we bar hopped um which that was fun yeah okay um my bestie rissa she is just a ham she's hilarious she's hilarious very protective over you she's amazing yeah um but her and gibson are like buddy buddy they're besties um but we had a great time so we're gonna go out again tonight and then head on home I'm so fucking stoked

to hear your story I just let's you know let's start from the beginning because I know that you have a story um you know with your mom and stuff like that if I'm correct but um so where were you born mobile oh so you're just a lifer never left left. Oh, I love that. Sorry, my nose is running. I mean, it's home. It's, you know, I don't have much family there, but, you know, I've established family with, you know, my husband's side of the family and then my kids' sides of their family. But yeah, I was born there. I'm 40.

I'll be 41 in September. You're beautiful. I'm 42. We're just crushing it i feel like i'm trying to i feel like women that are 40 and above are crushing it right now like we're in our prime you know it's funny if you look at photos from like the 70s or 80s and see people in their 40s they looked like they were 60 right but you see people today in their 40s and you you you can't even guess their age no that is wild to me yeah you don't look like you're gonna be like you're

40 to me at all I I hope not you know speaking of my mother my mother was a beautiful woman um I I will say that till the day I die um and she really did have some pretty daughters I will say that so you have sisters and brothers this is how this how it goes because I don't know if I've ever explained it in detail I've searched this right I've searched for like answers and I couldn't find it so I was really curious as to that story well I'm the baby I'm the baby okay so many many moons ago my mother got married now I'm not too sure how old I would think probably in her early 20s they got married young back then they did yeah they did she got married and she had three children with that marriage and I love him that's that's my sibling's. We call him Papa. After some time, they divorced.

And then, you know, years later, she meets my dad and then I was the only one they had together. On my dad's side, he gets married to this lady when he's 21. They have a daughter. They get divorced. He marries this other lady. They have a son. They get divorced and divorced he marries this other lady they have a son they get divorced and then he marries my mom sounds like so I have two siblings that are my half siblings from my dad and I have three siblings that are my half siblings from my mama but between my mom and dad I was the only one they had together right same with me yeah so so it went like that so my mom and dad were were married until he passed away and tell you the truth if i think about it now i if he wouldn't have passed away they probably would still be married because he just loved the hell out of her craziness he he was the only one

that could really um rein her in if i can say it like that right um he knew how to work her he knew what not to do to set her off he he just knew the tricks of the trade when it come to her um so did your mom suffer from mental illness it sounds like she might have been bipolar possibly. She was bipolar. I think she was diagnosed, I want to say maybe mid-30s, early 40s. It was around the time where I was about eight or nine years old, I think. And I remember the conversations about that, like just in the house. She never came out and told me that. I just remembered hearing it. And then as I got older, I remember seeing certain medication on the table and, you know, seeing what it was for and stuff.

So she never came out and said anything. But I just remembered it. It's got to be tough as a child to try to figure out, you know, put the pieces together. Why is mom acting like this? put the pieces together why is mom acting like this you know it's wild because when I was in elementary school you know first grade kindergarten second grade to me I'm thinking that's how every mama was it's not you know I'm not realizing that mine was was quite different right until I started to get a little older fourth grade fifth grade I would stay at other people's homes you know slumber parties right birthday parties and I'd start

seeing all these other mamas that would just be so nice and sweet and you know I there was um a little girl named Jessica that moved in the neighborhood I met her on the bus and we became instant friends and her um mama's name was Miss Carmen oh she was so pretty she was just a blonde bombshell back then um I would start going over Jessica's house and her mom just the nicest thing y'all want some lunch here sit down you know it was just heavenly heavenly so it wasn't till I was about in the fourth or fifth grade I started to realize that I have someone different in my home this this this this is this isn't normal you know um there were just was she physically abusive oh yes when did this start when did the as little

as I can remember you know I tried to think about this the other day when somebody else asked me that question and I can remember things back from kindergarten right and so I remember at least I had to be five six years old when the physical abuse started now she wouldn't do this in in front of my daddy at all and there was one situation uh I think I was maybe about nine or ten I hadn't hit middle school middle school in Mobile's like starting at sixth grade so I was still in elementary school I don't remember what it was for which was probably nothing um but she beat me so bad with a belt and you know if that's happening you're you're gonna start you know holding your bottom trying to well as I did that there were whips um just up my arm just

it completely up my forearm I she'd sent me to my room after that well i'd went to sleep of course i cried myself to sleep my daddy must have come in there at night time when he got off of off of work just to check on me and my arm was laying like this and i had on a short sleeve shirt and he sang that and i got woken up by him just verbally because he would never be physical with anybody, just verbally in threatening my mother. Like, don't you put your hands on that baby. Just really, you know, doing what he could. So he was very protective over you.

He was my angel. He was my protector. So when he was around, because he owned a car dealership. So he was not at home Monday through Saturday. He was quite a workaholic. Cars was his life. So he'd be gone throughout the day. And she was a stay-at-home mom.

That was my next question. So I would only really be alone with her unless it was after school or in the summertime. Right. So it was much different for me when he wasn't home but the second he came home she would be nice or try to be kind or that's how my stepmother was i grew up in a very abusive um with a very abusive childhood a very abusive stepmother and she would play me and my dad against each other and it's evil would when you said that you would go over to other people's houses and see how nice them like that like

makes me just want to cry because I remember that same feeling as a child you're like why can't my mom be like that you know I just recognize like you just want to be loved as a child that's all kids want they just want that love so growing up with that in the house was it did the abuse continue as you got older oh yes oh my goodness it didn't quit it it got worse were you the only child she abused in the home no no she okay she did it to the other three um the thing is is and i i feel it's okay i can tell this story i mean i know it's not my personal story but i i know my big sis would be okay right and if not we can always cut it out those kids got the hell out of there and they went to live with their dad in florida from they

were little they had the option to leave they had the option and my mama didn't fight for them he came their daddy came down there and got those kids my siblings and my mother never fought never nothing it was okay you know that's why my siblings grew up in Florida and I grew up here so I would see them from time to time they would you know come for the summertime it was just like as if as if she had custody of them and they would go to the dad's home it was just flipped right you know so they lived with him full time and then they would see her just you know in the summertime and in stuff like that um so I was the only one that was completely raised in that home with her because I didn't have an option to go nowhere. You know, they were married, you know, they weren't separated or divorced. They were in their marriage. And they were both your parents. And they were my parents.

So, you know, and it's like my sister said, said thank goodness you know thank goodness because they've got a great daddy you know that's what we just love him to death I mean he's I mean I was just right oh yes yes we love my husband loves him too yeah um but he he was wonderful he's a great dad always has been um and now he's an excellent grandfather but so I didn't have that option right now there were a few times that one of my sisters you know came down during high school years to try to you know see how it would work living there right they didn't even last a year well they didn't last a year they they got I even resented one of my sisters when she left. Because you felt like she abandoned you.

She abandoned, yes. And I come home from school and all of her things was gone because she protected me too because she was a teenager. You know, she would fight back against our mother for, you know, how I was being treated. Right. Would she ever tell your dad, like, is going on oh yeah yeah he would just yell at her and like you know he didn't really have a choice you know I'll take you to court and I'll take you know because in his mind for whatever reason he thought that that was gonna that was gonna work but it didn't work because you're not

dealing with a normal person right you're not dealing with someone in a rational way um and it's so hard to explain that to people because everybody was like why why did he stay well i was he was she abusive to him too no no no she never laid a hand on him he never laid a hand on her the only thing i ever seen between my mom and dad was just was just arguing and it she was just like a completely different human with him oh yeah wow yeah and i can tell you even me being a little girl I would recognize that the arguments would would be started by her that's so wild as a little girl being in the backseat of the car thinking well you shouldn't have said that because now he's gonna be upset you know I was old enough to recognize it what happens whenever you're a child that grows up in abuse is you become hyper

aware of your surroundings and you become you're in constant fight or flight so you're zeroed in on everything like you're like literally you're on a battlefield waiting for the next to step on the next bomb you know is what's happening and that's how it fails yeah no 100 i grew up like that too and um that's why you were so zeroed in you could read your mom so well because you were waiting to see when her next mood swing was coming or what was happening. And that's just a lot of pressure to put on a child. I have terrible, terrible anxiety. Me too. Of the fear of the unknown.

I have terrible claustrophobia you know and elevators and things like that that stems from she made me sit in the bathroom for six hours one day as a punishment with the lights it was so those things with the lights off i was scared of the dark i was only uh eight years old and but what i'm trying to say is every day when I would get on the bus to go home from school I would be okay you know riding the bus in the neighborhood but the closer it got to my home my heart would start racing I would start shaking because I didn't know what kind of mama I was gonna get when I walked through that door um because it would just it would change at any moment was she ever nice to you at any time in

your life there were times you know was it real or was it just because she needed something or wanted something you know I can recognize her uh the fakeness because that was always done in front of people you know people at the church oh yeah at a baby shower my stepmom was something like that she would beat your ass in the car and then go praise god you know that's precisely how it was you know and just i was sitting in the pew one time the night before she had hit me so hard in my mouth that it had cut the inside of my lip because of my tooth you know it had hit that bottom tooth and I was sitting in the pew and she was just standing up praising

Jesus and I remember just looking behind her thinking so much anger do you even know what what you did to me last night yeah that's that's a lot of emotions as a child to be going through oh it was it was horrible so I did everything I could to kind of stay away from the home. Right. You know, when school was out, I'd throw my book bag on the couch. I'd dart out the door. Because when I was in first grade, on the bus, I met my friend Sarah, my childhood friend Sarah. And we met that day, and we found out we lived four houses

down from one another and that was it we have and we've been friends almost 40 years later um but her mama Miss Jenny was everything to me she she did everything she you know when I got my period for the first time I went to her you know when I was 15 and was worried I was pregnant I went to Miss Jenny you know I she was the mama that I so very much wish I had when I went home every day um God sent you an angel oh she was a complete substitute of a mother to me yeah and my mother was getting that the feeling of that and she didn't like anybody to be better than her she didn't like anybody to know what she did behind closed doors she was always very afraid of what people were thinking of her and always thought someone was talking bad about her sounds like she has narcissism too Oh terribly mm-hmm 100% yeah so then she would try

to forbid me you know having fun having that friend down the road because because it brought you happiness yeah she couldn't stand to see you happy she she didn't like that she didn't want me to tell people my stories when I was little. You know, why did I have this bruise on me? Why this? You know, she didn't want. It's so wild how that really affected her about how bad she didn't want people to think that she was a bad person. Or I hate to use this word, you know,

crazy, right? That she would go out of her way to try to be a different person in front of them so that they couldn't find something bad to say. Narcissists hate somebody else paint exposing them and painting a picture of who they really are because they they've built up so many personalities they're like puppeteers you know so it's like behind the curtain they don't want people to know what's going on behind the curtain they want it to seem like they're just this perfect package and they have all their shit together when really they're just falling apart that is very very true so i heard you mention that um you thought that you were pregnant at 15 as you started getting older um did the abuse continue up into your teens um okay so it did wow it did now did you ever think to just fight back because i finally did well that's what i was getting at so my dad died when i was 13

oh no and that entire year after he passed i I didn't really see my mama. My heart goes out to her because, and I'm getting emotional even thinking about this, because God forbid something happened to my husband today. I wouldn't know what to do either. I would probably do the same thing. So she just kind of disappeared to her room. You know, didn't wake me up for school, didn't cook, didn't do anything. Wow.

So I didn't see her for weeks and sometimes months at a time. Now, of course, I don't know if she'd come out of that room while I was at school. You know, but when I came home, if I tried to open that bedroom door, I got hollered at, you know. And she has suffered from depression her entire life. Again, I feel for her with that. But I cannot imagine what she went through getting that phone call saying your husband just had a heart attack. If I ever get something like that, I would be the same boat I couldn't imagine so I I will never ever hold this area against her because of that that speaks volumes of you

Ophelia I empathize with that I'm like trying so hard not to cry over here that speaks volumes of the human that you are that this woman has put you through so much pain and so much hurt and you just still have so much love and compassion like well i have to you know it you know i i don't have time to be angry and bitter and frustrated just because i got dealt a couple of shitty hands in my life you know it takes so much more energy to just be that way when you can just, you know, continue being a blessing that somebody else's life, you know, um, sorry, I'm over here fighting tears so bad because this, this really like touches home. Like I've, I've can really relate to your story. It's your life. Yeah. It's crazy. So, so I didn't see her for, um, I would say about a year.

How did your dad passing away affect you? Sure. Okay, so like I mentioned earlier, he owned a car dealership, and it was used cars. And he had just an amazing reputation in Mobile for being a used car lot. He would go out of his way for families. There was this family that showed up one time they had just enough money for the car and my dad uh knocked the price down then drove the car to

the gas station next door filled it up for him like he my daddy was best man on planet um so he had a wonderful business wonderful business uh but he refused to buy local he did not trust the vehicles um and that's probably why he has such a good reputation you know so every monday he'd fly out of mobile or excuse me pensacola and fly to saint petersburg in florida and he purchased from uh those big auctions down there in florida and then he would have the vehicles transported on one of those transport trucks well he had been he was a smoker menthol saline light 100s um he'd been coughing for about three weeks a cough just wouldn't go away just wouldn't go away uh he goes to the doctor and he's told that he's got congestive heart failure now from what

we understand that doctor told him you've got to take some time off of work yeah you've you've got to relax you're a workaholic your heart is not doing good let's let's take some time off treat your body good he took about two weeks off and said, I need to go back out there and get some cars. Well, my mama asked him to take my brother with him, you know, my dad's son from a previous marriage, my brother Brad. And my daddy said, no, no, I'll go. I'll be fine. Don't worry about it. That was Monday.

We get a call Thursday, and this is about two hours past the time he's supposed to be home and of course my mama just thought he was just running late um and we get a phone call and I answer it and it's my grandfather which is my father's dad um and he said uh Opie I need to I need to talk to your mama and I said okay well she's in her room and he said I love you I said well I love you my grandpa was great I said I love you too grandpa and's in her room. And he said, I love you. I said, well, I love you. And my grandpa was great. I said, I love you too, grandpa. And he said, let me talk to your mama. It's serious.

And I'm thinking, serious? Okay. You know, I was 13. That is not what's going to cross my mind. I go in there and I open the door and I said, mama, my grandpa's on the phone. And I just kind of left the door cracked because I was going to listen to the phone conversation. Yeah. We all did that as kids. and I just kind of left the door cracked because I was going to listen to the phone conversation. Yeah.

We all did that as kids. And Mama sat up on the edge of the bed and I could see her back on the phone at the nightstand. And all of a sudden, with about 10 seconds, she starts screaming, saying, no, no. Then I opened the door again and I said, Mama, what is it? And without, and I don't hold no grudge against this. Again, I'm really putting myself in her shoes. She just turned around and screamed, Your daddy is dead, and just starts crying and screaming. I'm just really on the phone with my grandpa,

and I thought, Did I really just really on the phone you know with with my grandpa and I thought did I really just hear that so I stood there just in in shock and waited till she got off the phone and I really don't remember what happened after that disassociated other than I do know that I was the one that chose to call my sister, my dad's first child. My mother hated her for all the wrong reasons. You know, she ain't never did anything to her, just didn't like her. I was the one that did call my sister and have to tell her. And you were 13?

13. He died December 15 15th 1994 so right before Christmas so I don't only remember pieces of the funeral I remember my dress being too tight because I had outgrown it you know I remember just these tiny little unimportant things about disassociated because you were under so much trauma that your brain just couldn't handle it. You pretty much like your brain just fragmented to cope and to be able to get through life. Yeah. In that moment. And I still I still do that today.

There are so many things that I have forgotten about that I'd even went through until I'm just driving down the road. And all of a sudden a memory just pops in my mind you know um I remember there was a lot of people at that funeral because he was so well loved in our community he just kind of bent over backwards for just everybody you know he always sounds like an amazing man he oh he was he was perfect yeah he said that's how he was so blessed because he enjoyed blessing other people you know he he did the same thing for miss jenny you know gave her a car for almost nothing you know he just would do anything for anybody but um so yeah i didn't see her for about a year. I just continued getting up, going to school every morning.

You know, I set my alarm clock and got up. I rode the bus, and then I get into middle school. That's a lot. You have to deal with so much in such a short time of your life. You know, I just can't imagine just all that weight on your shoulders as a child, just knowing that you have to get up and be responsible for yourself, that you have to be the adult. But when you're doing it, Bunny, you don't even think about it.

I know. You just do it. You literally just do it because that's your life. And you don't think, oh, this is going to be hard. Or, oh, I shouldn't be doing it. You just survive. Survive, yep. And sometimes just exist.

But, you know, so I'm turning 14, and I'm getting the feel of middle school now, and boys, and attention, and, you know, what it looks like to go to a party and all that. And then I just, things changed. Uh-oh. Things changed. I started smoking. I started smoking marijuana

weed the devil's grass I you know just stupid stuff yeah stupid stuff but you're that's normal that's what all teenagers go through oh of course you know I started doing that stuff at that I left home at 14 and never went back. So, you know, I imagine what I did on the streets of Vegas. We were doing snorting glass and I mean, doing crazy shit. So yeah, no, I totally get it. But that's as a teenager, especially after all the trauma you've been through, you were just looking for an outlet. That is all you're doing. You are looking for any way you can to relieve whatever it is you're dealing with absolutely so because I feel like because I wasn't getting the nurturing and the love and the

attention from nobody else you know it was just me and her in that home that's it that's just me and her and I couldn't talk to her I couldn't I couldn't do anything with her um she gets physical with me when I'm about 14 14 and a half I don't remember what it was but that was the first time that I had fought back I pushed her over the coffee table good for you um but I wouldn't mean to I wouldn't mean but still it was just I wanted her away from me right you just had enough get off of me yes is where that come from yes and when I did that I don't think she messed with me physical again really I don't like a bully I don't think she ever did I think it was oh okay she's my size now I can't control her now physically right you know I think it probably resonated with her like oh okay I may not need to do that now right um so i so i did

and she got up and she walked off and i walked out the house and you know back then there wasn't cell phones or social media we all had them pagers honey yeah the pages the codes with the codes and i walked to the neighbor's house and called somebody to come get me and I don't even think I come home for like one or two weeks and I still went to school I stayed at my friend's house I still school was very very important to me very important to me um and then I turned 15 you know this is you know cutting everything a little bit shorter you know we don't have all the time in the world here i mean i'm loving your story so you take your time so i'm 15 now and i meet this boy lord have mercy did i fall in love with him no he was just he y'all lord i fell in love and this was that first love he was something else um and i got i have sex not thinking not knowing this could be life changing

you know you're not thinking that at the moment it's the attention that you're getting it's the love that you need that affection it's it's all of that that you're missing you're just that doesn't make you that you're not a bad person you literally have been through a lot of shit you're a kid that's experimenting what you've what you're doing is normal for you know a child that's been through all the shit that's precisely what the hell was happening yeah um so i so i didn't see what's crazy is that i didn't know anything about the symptoms i didn't know what did you get pregnant the first time you had sex? I have a similar story, too. I ended up having to get an abortion because I was living on the streets. Sure.

Yeah. That's crazy that the same exact thing almost happened to me. Our stories are so eerily similar. It's crazy. I did. But, you know, when my daughter was 16, 17, you know, we had already had a million dadgum talks. Right.

You know? Oh, that's how I am with Bailey. With Bailey, it's like I try to keep the lines. I try to do everything that my stepmom did not do with me, you know, and break every emotional trauma that I ever went through and every generational curse, you know, and with Bailey, I try to tell her curse, you know, and with Bailey, I try to tell her everything, you know,

like we should, if anything happens, she comes and sits down and talks to me. And just like you, I couldn't go and talk to my, my stepmom like that because I never knew what kind of mood she would be in or, you know,

she was never diagnosed, but she would trust her at all. And if you did anything wrong, the whole family knew about it. Like it was just one of those things, you know? Um, so you have sex for the first time you get pregnant, get pregnant, had not had no idea, no idea the, what, what happened and what made me, okay, wait a minute here. What's what's happening to my body. I got my period, I think, when I was like 12, 12 and a half. That was the first time I got my period.

Yeah. And that's a whole other story. Because it's hilarious. But I woke up that morning. I think it was on a Saturday, something like that. And my boobs were so sore. Now, from the time I first got my cycle, had never had that symptom now I'm 40 and two days before I start my period these things are engorged you know um a little app that tracks

everything in my life I never had that symptom so I'm thinking what's going on here didn't think anything about it at the time my friend Sarah Miss Jenny's daughter, was pregnant. She's probably about six months, I think, six months along. And I ended up calling her. I said, why are my boobs hurting? What did I, did I like pull a muscle? And she said, oh, Opie, you know, have you and Garrett, have y'all been having sex or doing? And I was like, no i said no she said are you sure and i said no i mean i just did it just like that she said okay i'm coming to get you the thing is miss jenny worked at a clinic a pregnancy test clinic wow um now it was christian based so there are a lot of things in there, a lot of anti-abortion and all of that stuff. And, um, but because she worked there, um, you know, she can bring tests home or I could

come there. Um, so I ended up going to Miss Jenny and Miss Jenny gives me a test. And as I'm waiting on it, she comes back in there she says you know what would you do you know if if you're not pregnant this has to be a scare tactic you you've got to do things a little differently with your life now don't you think you know was not scolding me but helping me understand hey I might if this is a negative this is a good thing and I need to I need to take care of myself she was being a mom she was being a mama um so we had a little a little conversation you know 10 15 minutes and um she said okay well I'll be back and she comes back in there and she says you're pregnant and I wasn't scared I wasn't I didn't I think I wasn't, I didn't, I think I wasn't, it wasn't registering how serious

this situation was for a 15 year old. Right. Because it is. Oh no. It is. Um, so I said, okay. And I said it just like that. Okay. Um, And she said, but now we've got to go tell your mama. Because, you know, you need to go to the doctor. You need to, you know, make arrangements for things. And my mother is extremely religious. So, you know, I knew right off the bat abortion was not going to be something that my little self was going to do. Right. Now, I am a Christian, but i'm also pro-choice i would have never you have to be yeah i got a daughter running

around on this world and i want my damn daughter to have a freaking choice okay i could have gone back in time and not got the what happened was uh i uh, I ended up getting the abortion. They didn't give me enough medication. I was awake the whole time. So I felt them ripping the baby from my body and I was crying and telling them to stop and they wouldn't stop. Well, the doctor ended up messing up something inside of me. Um, and I had two ectopic pregnancies after that. Really? Yeah. So I paid for my choice as anything that I've ever done in my life that I've ever felt that I shouldn't do. And I still did it. I always my karma always comes back around. And, you know, I always get taught my lesson. But I was, you know, as a baby, I didn't know what was happening. And I was pressured by the guy that I got pregnant by. And, you know, it was just I was living on the streets. I was a runaway, you know? So it was like, that was. What the hell was you supposed to do? What was I going to do?

You know, but I 100% respect your decision. I think what you did was amazing and brave to do at 15. Yeah. It's, I mean, even though, even though, and I hate talking about politics, but this is, this is important to me because I feel like I feel like I'm a good representation of what a real Christian looks like you know um is abortion for me probably not just because I'm an old sappy woman and I'm in a different situation than someone who has to make a decision like that I've never been in something like that, you know? Um, and truth be told, nobody likes

abortion, nobody, but the people who have to go through that, I can't even imagine, you know, but I think the government needs to stay out of people's business. I'm gonna say that. Yeah. This whole thing that's happening in Texas is in Illinois, right? Is it, or is it just, yeah, that's just, I mean, there's. There's a lot of things I would love to speak about on that too. I just don't understand it. And I think a woman's body is, you know, her body. And if what if somebody gets raped, or that's what I'm talking about? Or that's what I'm talking about? There's just so many. It's too many scenarios. It's not black and white. It's not black and white. It's literally there's so much gray area.

And what they're doing, I think, is just not right. It just wasn't in the cards for me personally. Yes. When you told your mom that you were pregnant, how did that go? She threw a Bible at my stomach. She was standing. Actually, I'd probably sit just like this. And she was standing in front of me because i'd walked in the door now miss jenny sat in that vehicle outside i'm so mad at your mom to

make sure that i was going to be safe delivering this information because she knew how your mom was because sarah was like just wait till you start showing and I said no I I have to be honest and I have to tell her right now and I told her the same day I wanted I wanted to do everything the right way as I felt should have been done right you know um and I couldn't hold that from my mama even though she wasn't a good one you have such an amazing moral compass I was still her child and I would certainly be devastated if my daughter kept something like that from me right so I wanted her to know that still as her daughter I respected her and I needed her to know is what I needed um and I said well I've got something to tell you.

And she stands there and she says, what? You know, just an old attitude. And I said, I'm pregnant. Just like that. She looks at me. And I don't know if you've ever seen one of these Bibles before. It's one of them big, thick Bibles. They're old, like from the 70s.

And they usually sit on people's tables at somebody's grandma's house and they're heavy yes she picked up that bible and threw it at my stomach as hard as she could as hard as she could and she said you are on your own with that bastard child and walked away and i sat there a little bit in shock because I'm sitting here as a 15 year old child because I was a child trying to process trying to figure out is this a bad thing that just happened do I need to go tell miss Jenny is is the baby okay like that's really what I'm thinking because you know you know, you don't know this stuff. You see stuff on movies and, you know, pregnant women fall down and they lose the baby.

I'm really not thinking of me. Right. I'm thinking of this very teetiny, you know, probably six-week little baby in the inside of me. So she walked away and went back to the room. And I grabbed my things and I walked out the door and I knew Miss Jenny would still be sitting out there. And she was. And I got in the car and she says, are we going home? And I said, yes, ma'am, we're going to your home. And she didn't say anything in the vehicle.

We just drove. It was me, Sarah and Miss Jenny. I sat in the back. That brings me to tear up too again. Just looking out the window just crying you know because I didn't need anything from my mother at that moment other than support I you know no money no nothing I just needed her to say it's gonna be okay yeah i never got that you know ever but i got it from miss jenny when i was getting out of the car when we got to her house um

she gets out of the car and she walks over there and she says that's okay i love you and we're gonna figure this thing out praise jesus for miss jenny right she was wonderful wonderful you know here she was has her own daughter pregnant at 16 and then she's got little ophelia because that's what she always called me pregnant at 15 we're all in here crying this is so i needed no i needed the emotional release no it's just it takes you back to those little girl moments don't it yeah that's what happens when my tiktoks is people just they feel in those moments and it makes them think that was me when i was 17 or that was me when you do uh emdr i always say When you do, uh, EMDR, I always say it wrong. I don't know if it's EDMR or EMDR. I think it's EMDR therapy. I don't know if you've

ever done that. They have you go back to the child and you, and have these conversations with the child, um, of yourself, you know, and it's one of the most emotional things you'll ever do, but it was really freeing one of my other therapists that I've had told me about it I don't know maybe about three years ago yeah but it I said no I think I think that one would be a little bit too difficult yeah we do it when you're ready but I've done I did about two sessions of it and it felt it was just such an emotional cleanse that I needed I was about to say it's probably a release yes and so whenever you're ready I would definitely look into that and you know take that time for you because yeah I feel like just from you know just the beginning of

your conversation now the little bit I know you're such a um you're a lot like me it's like it doesn't matter what we go through we're always going to put other people's emotions before ours because deep down inside, we just don't want to hurt, you know? So, and as you know, I'm 42 and I didn't get depression until I was 40 years old because of all of the abuse and trauma that I didn't deal with. So the past two years, I've been on this spiritual journey of just trying to heal and just, you know, whatever tactics I can do as far as therapeutic and therapy to help with that. So I just don't ever want it to hit you like a ton of bricks one day, like it did me, you know, um, after you moved to Miss Jenny's, did you stay there the entire pregnancy? I didn't move there.

I stayed there for a few weeks. Okay. Gotcha. And then my mother called me, um, at Miss Jenny's house and said, um, I've made you a doctor's appointment. So I'm going to come get you cause I need to take you to the doctor. Now she was being like a normal mom at the moment, and I said, okay. And I was very grateful.

You just wanted her to love you. Oh, my gosh, yes. Oh, yes, Lord, yes. And she did. She got me from Miss Jenny's, and she took me to my first doctor's appointment, and I was like six and a half weeks. And then we left there and I went home and tried to, you know, be normal. Now, this was in the summertime that I found out I was pregnant, if I'm not mistaken.

But when school starts to happen, which I think is August or September, I go in there in the room. Now, things are okay. They're okay for those few months. Now, she was still mean and hateful, but there was no abuse, physical abuse. There were verbal. There would always be that. But it wasn't just so, so difficult that I needed to get out of there. It was tolerable, you know.

It was like a walk in the park for you if you weren't getting hit finally for once. Right. That's exactly right. But no, it was nothing physical during that time, which I was glad. But school was about to start and that was the first year that Mobile County made it mandatory for kids to wear uniforms. You know, everybody's going to wear khaki pants, white shirt or whatever school color you have.

Um, and they, the reason they did that and they did this years ago back in 1998 or 97, I think, um, was to cut the bullying down. You know, not everybody's able to have nice clothes and, you know, clean clothes and, you know, stuff like that. So they felt like, okay, well, if all of y'all are wearing the same thing, you don't have anything to say now, do you? I liked the idea. I thought it was cool, but here's where my problem fell in.

So I went in there in my mom's room and i said um what am i gonna do about uniforms and she said i'm not buying uniforms i said well that's you know we can't wear normal clothes no more she says i'd be damned if i go anywhere to have to buy maternity uniforms you are not going to that school and embarrassing this family that's like just you know easily come out of her mouth just it was nothing to her to say that i'm sitting here thinking um i'll be 16 in like two weeks you know birthdays in september i have to go to school you know uh it became a huge argument uh i called my big sister laurie that's me and laurie is like this um and i said can you please talk to her because if i don't have uniforms i can't go to

school i i gotta go to school because honey i didn't care what i had to do i was gonna be a forensic anthropologist yeah that was my goal that's what I was gonna do I was going to university in Knoxville Tennessee that's where I was gonna go and I'm sitting here thinking if I don't get to school what in the world am I gonna do you know so my sister gets involved it becomes a huge conflict with my mother it doesn't work so I couldn't I I dropped out of school because she wouldn't go and sign me up. She wouldn't do anything. There was no other guardian that I had that was connected to my school records.

I even called Miss Jenny and I said, can we lie? Can we say I lived with something to get me? I did everything I could. And Miss Jenny said, you know, Ophelia, I love you, but I cannot get involved with something like that regarding you know your school stuff with your mom because my mama was terrible right it was terrible and I understood that I would be putting Miss Jenny in harm's way um so I dealt with it um where was the father of the child during all this um when I told him I was pregnant we

we stayed together and then when I was about three months, he broke up with me. Just out of nowhere. He's a butthole. A butthole. Me and him are, we're like, we are just, I mean, we've been friends for 24 years. Oh, good. He didn't know what the hell to do. I mean, you guys were babies.

He didn't. Yeah. I have never hated him. I never asked for child support. I never did nothing. Right. I just brought this young'un into this world, and that's it. Anytime he would call throughout the years to see Gibson, absolutely.

Of course, you know, he will defend me for anybody. He is, I love him. He just got scared. He didn't know what the hell to do. And yes, I figured it out and he could have to, but he didn't. And I'm not, men have it easy. Men can just walk away and it's not, oh, honey, he was living it up. He was living it up. He was partying know at this time i think he had turned 18 so now he was the big shot going in the clubs now and um oh i was so angry at him oh yeah i hated him um the pregnancy was terrible oh no um i developed preeclampsia at 32 weeks. I kept going into preterm labor.

What is preeclampsia for people at home who might not know what it is? Well, there's preeclampsia and then there's toxemia. I've actually had both with my pregnancies. Preeclampsia is when the blood pressure of the mother is elevated so high where if i'm i hope i'm saying this right creatine um spills over into the kidneys and they're able to see that through our urine when we pee in a cup but the blood pressure skyrockets and the only way to cure mama is to deliver this baby so if mama gets preeclampsia when she's 28 weeks pregnant that's bad they're gonna have to induce you and take that yeah it's really really bad do you think it's because of all the stress that you were under um i asked the

doctor that um which i thought was a smart question being so young. But I knew my daddy had high blood pressure. He says it could be. He said sometimes it just happens spur of the moment for mamas. He says sometimes it's hereditary. He said with you, there's really just no telling. And I said, well, what about because I'm young? And he said it has nothing to do with it. He said your age during the pregnancy

any woman can get preeclampsia or toxemia but that's it the the only way to save your life is to induce the labor and have a c-section or if they feel you're okay to have a natural birth they'll do that um I had went into preterm labor several times up until this point i was constantly being taken to the to the er my mother constantly taking me to the er just dropping me off um getting them to check everything out you know um and we were out yard selling one sat, and I didn't feel right. I looked in the mirror, in the, you know, the pull-down mirror in the car. My face was very puffy.

I noticed my feet were swelling. I had read that book, What to Expect While You're Expecting. So I knew the feet swelling was going to be more of a bigger issue once later in my pregnancy. swelling was gonna be more of a bigger issue once later in my pregnancy but I'm 32 32 weeks I'm thinking okay well that might not be a good thing so I tell my mom I said I don't feel right something don't feel right with me I don't I don't I don't feel good so she says are you having the Braxton Hicks again are you having the contractions again and i said i don't think so i don't i don't think so because i didn't really know what what to feel like right it was your first pregnancy each time that i had went into which i think was about four times prior to this

my uterus was not contracting for me to recognize what a contraction was right I had just had severe pressure down below which they said you know that that's usually part of a contraction but I wasn't I didn't know enough about a contraction to know that was a part of that right so those other times I'd went into preterm labor my stomach never contracted I never had Braxton Hicks. I had other symptoms that was diagnosed as preterm labor. So this time I felt my stomach getting hard. I was so young. I didn't know that was a contraction, you know? Um, so I said, I just don't feel right. Can you, can you take me? She threw a fit. She was real mean about it. And she said, well, I'll take you.

I'll just drop you off. And I'm thinking to myself, well, that's fine because that's what you always do. Right. But, you know, well, she drops me off and they take me to the back. They get a urine sample from me because when the nurse walked in, she said, how long has your face been? Are you swollen? And I said, yeah, you know, because I knew. your face been are you swollen and i said yeah you know because i knew um they immediately ordered the urine because they had they said they already thought this looks like preeclampsia right here

preeclampsia uh and they tested sure enough uh it was when about two hours the doc came in he said okay little lady i've got to induce your labor um you have a pretty bad case of preeclampsia um so we're gonna have to take this baby right now is that safe to do oh yeah oh yeah the i mean people get in people people get induced all the time yeah it's it's very safe uh it's normal yeah um it's now i don't know what it feels like to just naturally go into labor, walking through the mall and your water breaking. Yeah, it must be nice, right? Yeah, because all four were induced because of preeclampsia or toxemia. Gotcha.

So I said, okay, okay, you know, and I called my mama and she said, okay. And I didn't see her until, you know know after the baby was born but um you did it all by yourself oh yeah with a nurse that i fell in love with was so good to me through the whole thing um i used to go and see her every year on my son's birthday i'd take him to to go see her um yes I was it was just me that nurse the doctors and the other nurses and I delivered him um for a brief moment they thought they were going to have to do a cesarean um but things took a turn for the better and I was able to just push that little three pound baby out oh my goodness it was the size of my hand. Oh my goodness. It's so tiny. Like a puppy. Um, like a little puppy. Yeah. He came out looking just like his father.

No, I was like, really, really lowered after all this shit. This is what I got to deal with. In that moment after you gave birth, how did you feel? Did you feel the love that everybody says? This blissful moment? No. I didn't feel any of that. I told you I was going to come on this podcast and be truthful. No, I was exhausted. And then I was like, oh, you're going to put him on, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. I was 16, still not realizing I'm legit a mom but those good feelings didn't really come until um after i had unfortunately after i had him um i had a seizure due to the preeclampsia oh my goodness so i had to end up in icu for a little bit um after i had him so he was being taken well taken care of by the nurses while i was you know your poor thing man um so once i was able to come out of there move to a normal room and they brought him in there to me then it was the okay he's all mine yeah he's all mine um so what happens after this after you have the baby do you go back home I do go back home and I've I've told many

stories about you know things that happened after that on my social media mainly on my tiktok can we touch on them a little bit just in case of people this is their first time here yeah because especially since I've brought up miss Jenny um because I was out and about with my mama that day um you know yard selling and i go into pre-term labor and her dropping me off but don't come back until i had until you know it's time to be discharged so i didn't have anything i didn't have no shampoo no body wash no brush i didn't have anything um i called my mama after i'd gotten out of ICU because I was in there a few days. I called my mama and I said, can you bring me some hygiene stuff? You know, I don't have a toothbrush and all that.

And she told me no. I said, okay. You know, a couple hours later, after I'd called Miss Jenny, and I said, okay, you know, a couple hours later, after I'd called Miss Jenny, and I said, Miss Jenny, you gonna come see the baby today? And she said, Of course, I'm coming. Of course, I'm coming to see that baby. And I said, Well, can you see if Sarah can bring me like a pair of shorts or shorts? I said, I don't have anything here. Now, I didn't say anything. I didn't say I don't have toothbrush. I just said, can you ask Sarah to bring me a few clothes I can sleep in comfortably? And she said, of course I will. Well, Miss Jenny shows up at the hospital, walks in the

door with this big old basket. And in that basket was body wash and toothbrush and everything I needed to get myself back together. And I said, Miss Jenny, how'd you know I needed all that? She said, honey, your mama dropped you off with nothing. So I came back with everything. Oh. I couldn't. She always came in those moments that I needed her.

You know? She was a real, she was a mom. Yeah. She was the mom that you weren't given she thought she birthed me yeah that's how good she was she was to me but but yeah I go home I remember um being wheeled out of the hospital um and I was holding so tiny so tiny now he was so little you know he had to stay in there a few tiny. Now, he was so little. You know, he had to stay in there a few weeks, you know, because he's so little.

Then he had to have a surgery. I know it. Because he had pyloric stenosis. Pyloric stenosis is like this muscle between the esophagus and the stomach that makes it where the formula comes out projectile. Whenever you have a baby, you'll always hear a pediatrician, look, you look for these things. If you see this, you need to bring the baby back in. That's one of that.

Because the projectile vomiting could mean pyloric stenosis. And sure enough, I paid attention. And they'd seen it in the hospital. After I'd called them in there, I said, hey, this came out like the poltergeist. This ain't right. And they x-rayed him. Sure enough, he had pylori. So then he had to have surgery.

But the day we were leaving, they were wheeling me out. And I was holding him. And I, no lie, I looked down, and I told, I said, I'm going to do everything I can to keep this baby safe and happy and healthy and so much better than what I had because, you know, we had the finances. We had the beautiful home and the nice car, and I had nice clothes. I had anything I wanted material wise right I just didn't have the only thing I needed which was which was that love you know

he picked you though you know your son picked you he knew you needed him oh he saved me and he he probably don't even have any idea because I don't is that the one that I met okay my oldest 24 so 24 years ago I had him but I you know I don't even think those youngins know just how bad it was for me yeah because I don't I don't want I don't even want the memories or of me telling this right in their minds right you know well you've guarded them so much because you know you just didn't want them to ever hurt like you did ever or have a you know so what happens now after you have the baby you go back home what happens now yeah I go home you know um and it was about I don't know maybe two three days late and I could have the time frame messed up because I this is I have terrible

PTSD from all of this mess but um my mother's understandable you've been through some shit my mother leaves and goes somewhere I want to say maybe she was shopping I don't even know um I'm in my room and I'm I'm feeding the baby I'm feeding Gibson and she come through the door out of just out of nowhere she opens the door and she says you need to leave and I said huh you know what she says I don't want you here anymore I don't want you or that bastard here anymore she would always call my baby a bastard like I could I could physically harm somebody today calling my child that yeah I don't know what it was about that word in her and referring to my baby as that but it infuriated me but I knew I could tell by her eyes I could tell by her face she was in a manic episode right so i had learned

throughout the years when to don't say nothing right don't don't fight back right agree and walk away keep the peace you you need to be safe your battles yeah there is a baby right here right we need to be safe right so i i just said okay just like that I said okay and I went to get some stuff and she said no you're not taking any of this because I paid for this what just an evil shit of evil I don't know what honey and I put the baby in the car seat which she didn't pay for. I had gotten a baby shower that I had was given. I grabbed the baby. I didn't have no clothes. I grabbed what I could fit in his diaper bag, what I could fit in there. And again, there were no cell phones back then. But I went to go use the phone in the kitchen and she was right behind me and she snatched it right out of my

hand very aggressively again i knew that if i did anything this would escalate right and she could harm this baby right and the only thing i needed to do mom i need to get the hell out that house with that baby what i needed to do yeah so after she snatches the phone and this is this was i don't think i have ever been so afraid and so quiet in any of her episodes as i was at this moment on this one and it was because this baby was here right um i grabbed the car seat and i walked out that damn door. Now, our nearest neighbor was about a mile and a half because there were wooded areas between us. And I took that carrier and I walked to my neighbor's house where my friend Amanda lived.

And I mean, I wasn't crying. I was upset. I was afraid because I didn't know if she was going to come behind me in the vehicle and try to run me. I just didn't know. You can't trust her. It was the look on her eye. It's the look on her face. It was, I've never seen her. I call it shark eyes. They look like sharks whenever they get like that. Her eyes in general were traumatizing enough. Right. And my feelings were right. She was. Stay tuned to next week's episode to see what happens in part two of Dumb Blonde Podcast.