Dumb Blonde - Mod Sun: Running From Authority

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

Bunnie is joined by the sweet and brilliant Mod Sun, as he talks about everything from facing heartbreak and addiction to finding purpose through his music and art. Mod reflects on his journey from farm boy to rockstar, hitting rock bottom and how he manifested success. He talks about past romances in the public eye, his soul bestie Machine Gun Kelly, Bob Dylan, and why it's okay to be delusional. Mod also shares a sneak peek into his new music and the reinvention that came along with it. Mod Sun: IG | Website Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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additional taxes fees and restrictions apply see mint mobile for details hey guys i need to ask you a question i want to know why in the hell are you not on patreon i don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have propaganda. We have more shows that we're adding.

And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there, guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away gifts every freaking month. I'm talking like signed stuff from Jay and I, lives. You just never know what kind of surprise you're going to get.

It's like a Cracker Jack box. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life my writers if i could i would literally make out with each and every one of you i love you guys so much and that's a lot of kisses actually gotta go back is this thing on bonnie who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast dumb blonde most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and

lawyers and shit and i was like i want to be super hot make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife that was my goal as a child and here we are what's up sexy motherfuckers welcome to another episode of dumb blonde I'm sure you probably heard me and mod son talking about how he's the hot uncle what's up baby how are you I also take that role I like that role better than the hot older guy. Because we were talking about how Jay and I are like mom and dad to everybody. And Maude was like, yeah. He's like, I'm totally that too. And I'm like, no, you're like the hot uncle.

You're not dad yet. You're like hot uncle. Right? Am I wrong here? I like that. I like that. Am I wrong, people in the room? Are we wrong?

Are we wrong here? Okay, cool. Cool. We're on the same page. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you. been a long time coming yeah it has i slid in your dms like two years ago yeah and thankfully you didn't reply because i know i know this is the time i was supposed to have i swear to god it really is the time but i really saw the dm like three weeks ago and immediately was like all right i missed this one if you ever want to do it again

no and i'm just so happy to have and i listen why i did is because i listened to your podcast just outside of it that really makes me happy it makes me so happy when i have men tell me they listen to the podcast because that means a lot to me because i have such a huge female following yeah so when i get the men that are like yeah i listen to your podcast i'm like dude can i hug you because it's like i mean your conversations just like natural conversations do you have mostly female guests is it no i mean it's i do have a ton of female guests but i love you know having men on too so it's like it's a variety but definitely probably more female dominated but i think it's

because of my platform and just who i am i just have a more female fan base even when I was doing you're like uh you're like the super power female that's like says be like confident in yourself no matter what I appreciate and like fights back against people that talk shit I love that it's exhausting sometimes I even told them it's such a good it's such a good message to send though not being like i'm gonna talk shit back to you but just being like yo this whole thinking that you can't have your word against someone that's talking shit because you're a notable person and oh if i say the wrong thing this and that like that's like a whole wall that needs to be broken down right now i really needed to hear this don't you think so though i swear to god that's why i'm fighting

the good so many people like i i'm in a good place right now i feel like i have my light back around me right you look so happy thank you thank you i am happy i feel this is the most secure i've felt like in my skin as well in years and years and years but there was a time where it wasn't like that but then there was also this time where like i don't know when it happened but for some reason i got in my head like oh like do i have to like worry about saying the wrong thing or being a certain person or or all that stuff like yeah and that's why when you have this like message of like i will say my opinion back to you regardless of who I am or

how many people follow me that's like these they're like these are messages for the youth that they need to like understand that you know for sure 100 and sometimes I get caught up in the am I doing the right thing or should I not say this but I feel like as I don't like to call myself a celebrity you're a celebrity, but as people in the public eye, it's like, we're told that we're not allowed to talk back to people. It's like, no, don't say this,

or don't say, and it's like, why? Why are people allowed to bully? And that's why this problem has gotten so bad online. That's why bullying, it was because, they always tell you, if somebody abuses you, don't stay silent. But yet, the first thing they tell you whenever somebody abuses you online is stay silent. Yeah.

Like what are we talking about here? This is like mixed messages. I mean, my favorite times of being myself is when those thoughts never entered my head. The second they did, I felt like I was so fake. I felt so fake and not me. Do you feel like you've been silenced because of your celebrity? Well, yeah. I mean.

To a certain extent? Yeah, yeah, 100%. Or just even just thoughts of being like, don't put yourself. So, like, I've gone through things where I have put myself in the position to kind of speak my half of things. You know, especially with past relationships, right? That bleed into the public eye. things where I have put myself in the position to kind of speak my half of things you know especially with past relationships right I bleed into the public eye I have had a relationship where I was like no this and and and saying my word back and then it being like something that follows you forever and becomes a narrative and then I've had situations in the last couple years

where it was like I didn't even stand up for myself. And like, those things are just like, okay, understand. Yeah. Like my sister's my PR person. So she's like PR crisis. You know, is she a pit bull? Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. She's, she's my older sister though. She fights for me. Um, but anytime that I found any one of my great moments that people will come up and tell me affected them in a in a great way are always me having no thought of that no thought of that and I'm not saying like go make yourself look bad you know what I'm saying yeah not saying say some wild shit at 2 30 a.m that you wouldn't say the next morning i mean i've done that a few times i am guilty i almost did it last night you're awesome for what you do okay and like it just as myself i have felt inauthentic before and those moments like really kind of i let myself down you know and like where i'm at at this point in my life i'm like okay i

remember who i am yeah like i remember who i am i am 37 years old just just age in music right we love jelly because he really puts it on the line daddy roll he gives us daddy roll yeah he like gives this whole real talk about what it is it's like be so proud of your story do not try to hide it do not try to keep up with the other people and this and that like wear it and be it and love it and be proud of it and like that's what creates the light around you you know i've felt my shit dim. I felt it dim. And in the last year I had to just like reorganize my life, get back to just being in love with myself.

How did you do that? What were like some steps? Cause I know you went through a really tough breakup and we can talk about that. We can touch on it now or later on whenever you're comfortable with it. But I remember seeing a video of you on stage after that breakup and it broke my heart for you because I could tell you were holding in so much. And I think right at, right in that moment,

I just felt so much love for you because I was like, damn, I was like, this man is literally wearing his heart on his sleeve in front of hundreds and thousands of people each night. Like this is tough, dude. So how did you go from being on that stage

to finding yourself that was definitely like an like an authentic moment again I'm glad that you say that because that was a moment of like true authenticity you know like we went through this breakup while I'm on tour bled out in front of the world going on stage every night it's like my biggest song is with her and it's my song i know so i had to really be like okay like yeah this is the hardest thing but it's my song like i'm not gonna deny myself of that you know yeah and so i'm gonna keep playing it yeah it's hard as hell to play and hear that voice every night but i'm gonna keep playing because that's my song yeah and so I mean that kind of started this whole spiral of being like from there it was very um you know I would have to like do a meet and greet

every day and kind of like fake a smile you know what I'm saying yeah and that's fine you know um not like just completely just being in shambles in front of people like still being like all right I'm a warrior, you know? But so, like, I went on that tour and came home and had to, like, reorganize my life completely. And just, like, environment, so important. Like, your, I love to say this about people because I clearly look different than I did a year ago. You know what I'm saying?

I love the dark hair, by the way. I do, too. I love it. I love it. Yeah. And, what I'm saying? I love the dark hair, by the way. I do too. I love it. I love it. Yeah. And like, just you saying that, like, again, we've been told certain rules that are so backwards. We're told like, materialism is wrong, right?

Okay. I'm talking like, if you really in your heart believe that like a great outfit won't make you feel better about yourself you're tripping no it does you're tripping yeah but we're told like no no no don't or where you're told like your your appearance your your appearance like i changed my appearance i go out and people be like dude you look better than you've ever looked that That makes me feel great. That helps me feel secure. Right.

It's like these things that are that are just these little building blocks that like you've kind of been told are not the way. Right. Like a simple thing. You have to break down what it is to you. But for me, I've just figured out recently like what is happiness duh the most cliche thing ever what is happiness yeah i figured out what it is to me it's something to look forward to that's it all this all this like be present be in the moment all that is like get it love it thank you deepak chopra isms i I love it. Give it to me. I get bored. Like, I need to know what the next hurdle is. I want to wake up and have something to look forward to.

That makes me happy. It doesn't need to be some, like, career-driven goal. It doesn't need to be anything ridiculous. It can be something so simple as, like, I wake up and, like, I love the first picture that I have hanging on my wall in my room and that like makes me want to get up it can be also something giant I have something to look forward to let me create something to look forward to whatever it is you know and it's like once I realized that 37 years old into my life you know what I'm saying it Yeah. It was just like, boom. That's what it is to me, you know? And just realizing that there's these little things that are okay with utilizing in your life, like changing your appearance, changing your environment, building things to look forward to.

Obviously, keeping great people around you that give you the hard talks. The hardest talks are the ones that make your life easy the uncomfortable ones but those those are you have to be comfortable having uncomfortable conversations that's what me and my husband always say i love that you really do because i mean life's not always fucking cherries and fucking unicorns sometimes it's buttholes and cigarette butts you know like we don't life's not always a fucking bundle of joy so you have to be be comfortable being able to be like hey you know kind of looking within and having uncomfortable conversations with yourself like what do I need to change to make

myself happy yeah yeah for sure I really like dove into that in the last year and like focused on that and that only and um finding things that were like missing in my life yeah you know really really applying those you know like as a musician doing the work a hundred percent yeah i think that's a huge thing because it sounds to me like you're doing the work a lot of people are like looking for happiness but they don't want to go find it they want it to come to them and it's like no you got to get the fuck up yeah go find it go chase that shit and push yourself and it can be something so simple like when you when when people hear these talks like a lot of the time they're human condition it's like jump to something like gigantic right or like build a goal that's like a year from now goal right you know not

unattainable but at that moment yeah right. Right. Yeah. A hundred percent. It's like, dude, build a goal for yourself for the next six hours. Like it doesn't have to be healthy for a day. Yes. You know, like it can be so tiny.

Discipline. Listen to a record. Yeah, exactly. It's so good. Yeah. I'm a, I am in,

what is it? The six today? The seven. So three, today's Cinco de Mayo, isn't it? Or no, that was yesterday. Damn, I am in what is it the 6th today the 7th so 3 today's Cinco de Mayo isn't it no that was yesterday damn we missed it

so 5 days from now I'll hit 5 years sober right yay and why I know it's really I'm really like yeah

that's amazing let's definitely dive into your sobriety I would love to and like just piggybacking off that though like what's so great is like

another tip or advice or stance on life is drug addicts, whether you're a recovered drug addict or currently in a battle, just know you have the greatest discipline in the world. To wake up and get fucked up every day takes discipline. Dedication. To go meet the plug in a random parking lot at 2 a.m that is discipline yeah and i'm just like holy shit every day afterwards like you know and have to have that fix yes if you can do those things you can get a six-pack in six months you know what i'm saying you can do all these things you can get a six pack in six months. You know what I'm saying? You can do all these things. You can get that job that you want.

You can go through. Nothing can stop you. No. I have drug addict discipline. You know, like I hold that anytime I like talk to like addicts and shit like that. I'm just always like, yo, just know you could become president. You could take over the world with your discipline. If they just put that

channel that energy into something that's constructive it's so powerful yeah it really is so crazy way of looking at it but it's facts it's so true literally it's yo there's i look at like people that are just like so down and i'm like yo just know you could take over the fucking world i love you you are the type of motivational speaker that a motherfucker needs though because they'll listen to you because you have such a cool way of saying it. So people are kind of like truth bombs or like going off in their head. They're like, holy shit.

Yeah, that makes total sense. A hundred percent. If you can also just get away from the whole like positive speaking, Google search sentences and be like, all right, let's remove all those weighted world words and just like say the thing you're trying to say. Like Charles Bukowski is my favorite writer of all time.

You'd always be like, you have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph. Stop with all that. The wind blew through the window sill at night while I was, the twilight was glowing through the sheets of my room. It's like, bro, you found happiness looking out the window while the moon was out. That is so real. It's like, which sentence do you want to read? That's so real, though, because what did you just say? Say that again for me so that I can remember it.

I don't even. Oh, the paragraph. You just turned a sentence. Never. You have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph. I love that. That's going to be my new fucking motto yeah it's real you you you do that i do you you are like straight to the point oh no i tell paragraphs no i tell you think i'm looking at you going you do you're a paragraph person no i am i feel like i am i'm not saying talking a lot

i'm saying you say it how it is that's essentially what it is is like being like stop trying to fill this whole thing with all these isms and and all these blown out ideas it's like you say it how it is trust me i needed you here today i am a viewer i am like objectively is it objectively from the outside or subjectively i don't know here i am again didn't go to i'm not sure listen i didn't i didn't graduate ninth grade we'll go with objectively and if we're wrong it's all good it's all right i am from the outside looking in i watch you and i'm like i do have a good opinion of that like you say it how it is i appreciate you so much speaking of some crazy shit that i discovered whenever we're gonna take it all the way back you're you're like a you're a farm boy from min. Let's talk about this. Because you have a really crazy childhood story. I do.

I really love my story. It's actually really cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've lived many lives. And I totally just love it so much. I've never been the one to be like, does that I'm in LA? Should I tell people I'm LA or this and that? It's like, I'm Minnesota, like Midwest Minnesota.

I grew up on a farm, a farm with no animals. My parents were absolute, they were the animals. So I heard that your mom was a cheerleader and your dad was a biker. Yeah. Like your mom was a cheerleader in high school. Yes, yes. He literally rode up.

Married the bad boy. Oh, 100%, 100 100 for good and bad i got all i got a lot of my dad's good qualities and like all of my mom's good qualities so i kind of won with that um no my mom was like cheerleader straight a student my dad was like kicked out of catholic school and had to go to this other school and like pulled up beat up my mom's boyfriend at the time and like threw threw her on the back of his bike it was like you're mine yeah that's my kind of guy no no literally a hundred percent yeah a lot of girls at home are like that's hot and he was I'm telling you I know and when I say like threw her on the back of my bike like take it however you want it like that that is, my dad is like, he was, he was the real deal.

He was one of one. There's this quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. That's too weird to live, too rare to die. That was my dad. He couldn't get his shit together, but he was so rare that like we had to have him here. You know? And yeah, so we, we grew up on like a giant like what would you say like five acres sorry i'm talking off camera to my sister you're good we love that it's like five acres in the

middle of minnesota like i go back to this town it still hasn't changed a bit it's so small and uh i actually had this great conversation with someone last night that also like grew up in the middle of nowhere but it's like from age zero to six no neighbors no friends only my sister who older sister it takes a long time for your older sister to like you yeah like yeah trust me i'm an older sister i get it and and we'll get to this too but my sister sister was the, like my mom, the cheerleader, straight-A student. This one right here? Yes, yes, yes. I love that. So we were total opposites in so many ways.

But zero to six, grew up on a farm, no friends, total just imagination. What was life like with your parents? Were they pretty stable or were they just? No. Yeah. Not at all. Take me on that i mean my mom was the definition like of an angel like just just trying to caring about kind of zooming out and looking forward and

being like my kids shouldn't see or hear or know about things that are going on you know but my dad literally would have his girlfriends calling the house being like and my sister would answer the phone and be like he like my sister's like nine like bitch you know what i'm saying like like that was the first time i heard curse words was my sister like i love that sister was rowdy enough at nine though to stick up for mom hell yeah oh hell yeah and like i mean also my sister was like the mean also my sister was like the bartender my sister was like making them gin and tonics and old fashions at nine years old yeah yeah i i i was literally that my favorite picture of when i was a kid was me like drinking

a paps that like fucking four years old first of all iconic uh secondly that's crazy like band slip-ons my dad's like posted out i'm like drinking a paps like literally oh my goodness so you guys grew up rock and roll a hundred percent that's how i grew up too and we grew up uh like 10 minutes from bob dylan's farm in minnesota who's my favorite artist of all time minnesota white yeah um and so it was all rock and roll it was all like you listen to the almond brothers you're either a dylan guy or a beatles guy we are dylan people like and and the band and it was music all the time i love that and motorcycles like my mom and dad rode motorcycles like my first scar that i still have on my leg is falling off my dad's bike when i was four years old burning my leg on a thousand degree exhaust

pipe oh my goodness yeah it was wild it was wild for Minnesota like I know when people have this picture of Minnesota in their head they're not thinking like this this is what it was like growing up there for me you know and um but I but what stuck with me the most through those I don't even know if you call one through six formative years but they were so much for me okay yeah great thank you because i it it made me who i am yeah i am permanently in my own world in my own imagination because i had all this space and no friends and no neighbors and no nothing so i was in my head all day running around this field pretending I was whatever, superhero or a spy or any of those things. And I've never left that world, ever once.

I've like stayed there. I think that's part of your childlike charisma. You know, like you have this like, just sweet wonder about you. And I even told Jay that. I was like, he's just so sweet, you know? And now I understand where you get it from i from there thank you you're welcome it's horrible everyone you raise your threshold for compliments to not immediately throw someone back at other

people i won't let you just say thank you i tell this to all people i'm like raise your threshold like i gave you a compliment don't just give me one back. Just be like, damn, thanks. Like mod is dropping gems, guys. I hope you're fucking listening. I needed you today because I had a horrible day yesterday and today this is just, well, let's get into that too. At some point we're going to flip this and be like, welcome to dumb brown hair. No, we're not doing it.

Um, so I wanted to circle back on the Bob Dylan thing that you had said, and I wanted No, we're not doing it. So I wanted to circle back on the Bob Dylan thing that you had said. And I wanted to tell you something that you might actually enjoy. My husband is a huge Bob Dylan fan. Loves Bob Dylan. His son, Noah, was actually born to like a Rolling Stone. And I know that's your favorite Bob Dylan song. So when I heard that, I was like, oh my God, this is like kindred souls. It's crazy.

I so can tell the jelly roll fan and Bob like I can so see it oh he just went and saw him at um where were we in Austin what's it called the the whole big fucking festival they have out there the Austin City Women's or something like that yeah he went and saw Bobylan i was like did you record it and he was like no it's like yo yeah again it's like the great i tell every artist there's so many artists that are so lost right now especially the younger ones that um have had a different upbringing in a different kind of world of being an artist you know i grew up as an artist pre-internet pre-having a studio in your house where you had to actually work pre laptop and pro tools like this was like the growing up with instruments set up in your garage

and every day after school you came and jammed with your friends and if your friend didn't show up you couldn't jam you know what i'm saying right like i grew up in that world i grew up in the back of vans playing shows for free sleeping on people's floors all that the world that it's in now is a lot is is shifted in a lot of different ways. And a lot of artists get really lost because they'll have these giant peaks and valleys. My whole thing was just a giant slow lift, right? And there's so many. Yeah, absolutely.

And there's so many for young artists, peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys. And it gets hard. And I'm like, yo, study. I don't care if you hate bob dylan's voice i don't give i don't give a fuck just study his career like this is a man that was slated as the voice of a generation him and an acoustic guitar and harmonica the second that he was at his peak of this voice of a generation he grabbed an electric guitar showed up to newport jazz festival the first electric performance ever at newport jazz festival got booed off stage for a year after

that played like a rolling stone to his concerts and got booed by his biggest fans and never stopped playing the song and it is now regarded regarded as the top greatest song ever written. And that is believing in what you're doing and not putting the control in the hands of the audience. Of telling you that it's great or telling that it's successful. And then as soon as they loved him being electric, he went and made a country album. They hated it. As soon as they loved that, he went and made a blues record. They hate it.

As soon as they love that, gospel record. As soon as they love that, it's like made a blues record. They hate it. As soon as they love that, gospel record. As soon as they love that, it's like, dude just was like, never are you in control of my success and who I am, and I follow my instincts and follow my guts. Also a guy who disappeared for 10 years and came back and dropped what I think is his greatest record of all time, Blood on the Tracks. Like, it's just the greatest mentality for an artist to be in, to not think that, like. Not be put in a box oh they're gonna forget me oh they're gonna forget about me if i don't post today they're gonna forget about me if i don't drop a song right now they're gonna forget about it's like man just like create art as if you're already dead and gone

and it'll be the best art of your life. That's amazing. I love that you tell young artists to go and study Bob Dylan. My husband did that on his Goodnight Nashville album. We watched every Bob Dylan documentary that you could fucking find, and he just consumed Bob Dylan for, like, months. It was wild, and it was the best thing he ever did. Now look what he's doing. You can't put him in a box.

We love you so much, dog. No, like, not in a box we love you so much no like not only but i'm just saying what you're saying is real though like you told you tell people to go and study him and that you know he's one of your favorite artists and like my husband too and look what he's doing and it's regardless of the music it's like study the path that he took as an artist you know it's like my I learned a quote because I've been like I've been chasing art and I'm talking like the facets of art like painters for I've been studying painters I study the lives of people you know I've been studying painters since I was a very young kid and when I heard the quote at like 13 years old that was like a great artist reinvents themselves every 10 years right and like that's their periods you know as an art as a painter you have like periods

like you know you have the blue period or the abstract period and like all these people like lived by that and I put that into like my life as a musician. It was like the first 10 years of my career as a musician, I was a drummer, you know? And then my bands were doing good. Like my dreams were coming true. And I felt something that I had to do and completely abandoned all comfort and went back to ground zero and was like, I am Mod Sun now. I am going movement on dream stand on or not i'm starting this new thing and i did 10 years as a rapper calling what i did hippie hop and making positive rap music that like this was before kendrick lamar did like i love myself like

yeah we had day lost all and we had like more like positive kind of hip-hop but like in that term it was like i want to make hip-hop based around the secret and the law of attraction. Right. Which was like it was not it was goofy. You know, it was like it was an idea that people like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like, I'm pushing through this. I did 10 years of that. Then I did like a 10 year stint of being like back into my more like alt and, you know, really high register belting and then i'm in this like 10-year phase right now that's like so so raw and it's finally out like i was about to take three years off of music i went back to minnesota in august of this last year and i was like i'm just gonna paint and write scripts in direct for the next like four years because i don't really think I have the desire to try to outdo

myself right this is when I was very like lost this was like part of the being lost period that I just had where you had to rediscover yourself yeah and I went back to Minnesota isn't that crazy that you went back home yes to do that yes to like get your roots yes is mom still there yeah yeah because we're gonna circle back after with what happened at six. No, you're good. I love hearing. I could listen to you talk for hours,

but I'm trying to warn you that I have just, no, no, I love it. But I think that's amazing that through everything that you have accomplished, when you're going through hard times, the first thing you want to do is go back to that space where you were

able to just be away from everybody and isolated and just alone with your thoughts to just figure it out I like I came back home from Minnesota and like the first song I wrote like the end of the song is like you're searching for a high but you can't fly till you fall and it funny how you find yourself once you lose it all home is waiting when there's nowhere left to go you'll find love there i hope you know and it's like the last little part of the song and it's like it wraps up that whole feeling of being like searching for all these things i've fallen that was how you fly isn't it funny you can't fly till you fall yeah like i mean well there's nowhere up nowhere else but a bird has to be thrown from the nest to learn how to fly.

Like, bro, that is so, that's, there's more truth than poetry in that, but it is so poetic. No, it's so real. So let's circle back. Circle me back. I am. I got you, baby. Listen, my husband's a Sagittarius. I got this.

So six years old. Tell me what happens then. You're living this rock star lifestyle with your family. Mom's dad's girlfriends are calling the house. Shit's crazy. You guys are partying. Were you, were you guys exposed to drugs back then too and stuff?

Or was it just more alcohol? She, she would know better because I was, I was young. Like she has more memories than I do. We talk about this all the time where she was like, yeah, I was like nine. So there's a big difference between six and nine, you know, where it's like there's more memories. But basically what happened is like they got divorced and my mom was working for my dad had a, he owned a warehouse.

working for my my dad had a uh a he owned a warehouse and it was a warehouse that would hold um uh things that truckers needed to come in town and pick up like parts and stuff yeah like i think it was a lot like paint based like paint for industrial stuff and uh the loosest kind of career ever like i'm talking like it was party at the warehouse you know what i'm saying but it would just be truckers pulling up to this warehouse yeah picking up stuff and my dad was a trucker before his whole life which is why i love the road so much like um he was a trucker in his early life and um so they pulled up to their house anyway my mom was working at that place with my dad. When they got divorced, my dad fired my mom. Okay? Son of a bitch.

Yeah. Yeah. He fired my mom. And so my mom had no career, no money, nothing. And my mom was like, yo, you can't have, like, she fought for full custody. Right? She was like, no, no. And so my mom got full custody.

And due to that, got the house that we were living in. The house wasn't paid for. My mom had no money. House got foreclosed on. Okay? So this big, giant farm life that I was loving and was just like, shit, I think we're like, I think this is cool. We're good to go. Went to immediately living in a two-bedroom apartment.

We moved to the suburbs. She moved us to the suburbs. She's like, I'm going to bring you out of this farm, put you in the suburbs. We need to get you adjusted, all this. My mom went to being basically an intern at a job to top of the chain in like- That's where you get your drive from 40 years or what or i don't know how long it was that she worked at that job but she retired like 10 years ago now

she's been retired but she went from literally working for free to like top of the list right and but yeah yeah and through those times and like the first thing my mom did so this is this is part of my other formative everything is like my mom was like all right dude like you don't you're you don't know how to be social you know i'm seven years old now you don't know how to be social were you not in school did they yeah yeah i was in school like but but this school that i was in when i was on the farm was like five kids right you know what i'm saying it was like five kids that kind of time pretty much a hundred percent okay okay so now i'm like seven or whatever seven or eight and my mom's like i'm gonna put you in sports if you hate sports you can quit right you can totally quit but i'm

gonna put you in sports because i feel like it'll give you like this social uh acceptance of of being like a team and like kind of forced to make those friends right and you'll have a coach which is a father figure okay so was dad did dad cut you guys off like oh it was it was that kind of dad so he stayed in Minnesota for I want to say like four years after they had gotten divorced and then he moved to Long Beach California but in those four years it was the hey I'm coming by to pick you up this weekend and never show up oh it was that it was like me waiting in on the front step with a bag oh that's so hard and never and never showing up and when he did show up my dad always just wanted to be like i'm so fly i'm so like it like he would he would

go and like get a big house and like the really like poor neighborhoods like and and try to like show off and be all fly and this and that and like he was just dude he was he was the best hustler in the world he could sell headphones to a deaf guy i swear to god he was like the greatest hustler ever so i for a lot of his life i have no idea what he did but he could always have like a hundred dollar bill in his pocket and that was probably it yeah because he did die with nothing you know um sorry i just wanted to ask because you said that you needed a father that she wanted you to have a father no so i i had no father for sure yeah so she put me in sports and like greatest thing any any tip to people out there that have children my mom i put on ice skates got on the ice got off my mom looked at me and said you're a fucking

natural and like from that point on my mom told me that about everything and she might have been lying through her teeth but that inserted something in me that to this day i believe i am a natural at anything i do i have so much confidence in myself that like, I'm meant to do this, you know? And it's like delusion and delusion is a lot, a big part of success. Oh, absolutely. Delusion and manifesting. You're hand in hand. A hundred percent. It's so funny. I've done it my whole life. Opposite words. You're like delusion, negative, manifesting, positive. It's like, does delusion have to be negative? I mean, I feel like you're avoiding negativity.

It's not at all. I feel like you're avoiding negativity when you want to be in your own delusional world. Hell yeah. So I don't understand how it's negative. Hell yeah. Exactly. Oh, sorry. I'm telling myself that I'm worth it. Yeah.

Oh, the world hates that. Don't ever say that you are worth something because if you do, they're going to try to humble you. A hundred percent. Yeah. A hundred percent. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor, but you pushed it off, made the excuse of I'm too busy.

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code bunny B-U-N-N-I-E to get 15% off. That's life360.com code bunny B-U-N-n-i-e to get 15 off that's life360.com code bunny b-u-n-n-i-e so mom put you in sports yeah put me in sports told me i was a natural i began playing sports did you stick with the sports yeah for many years my first so like check this out so like my first i would say from like 8 to 13, I was totally, totally 100% thinking that I was a professional athlete. I love that. I was 100% like I'm a professional athlete. I played goalie in hockey. I played lacrosse. I was nasty at lacrosse.

Those are hard sports. I played goalie in hockey. I was nasty at goalie. I played catcher in baseball. My mom's like yo why not like choose the thing that's not all eyes on you if something goes wrong like she's like sitting in the stands like dude you're the goalie in the back that if the goal goes in you come home and you're like I want to fucking kill myself but she was just like all right you got this you know like I was a loner

right I was a loner I was an imagination person so I chose those look you know when I zoom out and look back on it I chose those positions because I was like sitting back in the net like by myself surrounded by no one just being like talking to myself like yeah we good because maybe in a way you always felt like it was like you against the world 100 yeah so 100 even as a child it was like, I always was like, I cannot rely on anyone else to make me get there. I was always, a lot later into my life, one of my like, basically like mentors in my life told me this thing that changed my life, which was like, your life will be so much better if you can just be 100 hundred percent responsible a hundred percent of the time when things go wrong there is it's a form of empathy to just realize that you're responsible somehow yeah for it going wrong and if you can stop being like oh poor me poor me like

and just be like all right cool lesson learned like yeah you'll you'll you'll be so much greater so like yeah i always had this be so much greater so like yeah i always had this like 100 responsible 100 of the time i'm gonna make it happen um so i was playing sports and then the wildest thing happened when i was 13 you know i'm flipping through espn and watching these sports games right professional athletes and then my sister is obsessed with hansen oh not a not a Hanson girl over there. Oh, no. Full on Hanson.

Full on Hanson, okay? And we're fighting for the remote and I'm flipping to hockey and she's flipping to Hanson and it just dawns on me, I go, I'm watching full on adults with their career. There is no child on the ice in the NHL.

Right. And she's watching children play to an arena of people at a professional level. These kids are like between 10 and 13. I think I can relate more to the youngins on the instruments than I can to the grownups on the ice. I was like, mom, get me a drum set for Christmas. Get me a drum set for Christmas. That was it. You were like, this is my path.

Get me a drum set for Christmas. Were you musically inclined before? Not one bit. Did you sing? Did you write? Not one bit. Really? Always to drawing and painting.

Okay. That was always my thing. Like, I think one of my other first career goals. Which is why you like directing now. Yeah, yeah. One of my other first career goals was to be a comic book guy that drew comic books. I love that. So always into, like, that side of art.

So I connected to that side of art. But as soon as I saw this young'un with hair down to here being like 10 years old playing drums to a arena of people and i realized in that moment i said i can't see what the hell the guitar player is doing from the tv screen i can't see i can't tell this is too confusing for my mind to understand this piano player no idea can't even see it from the TV. I can just see he's moving his hands. But drums, he's got sticks in his hand, and he's got four drums in front of him. I can see every move he's making.

Wow. I was like, I can learn from a distance. You know? I can learn that from a distance. From that, it led me to finding Travis Barker. Wait, wait, wait. Let's not skip over that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I play an instrument too, which is piano, which I suck at it now, but I grew up playing piano.

And to learn an instrument by watching somebody is a fucking talent in its own. But you see what I'm saying with drums. It's like the only one that you can look and be like. But that's still hard. You're going like this. You're going like this. You're going like this. No matter how fast you're doing it, I can still tell what what you're doing that's crazy that you were able to do that

so you got a drum set and you just sat there and you watched like a hundred dollar drum set did you discover blink 182 by then so i had the drum set and i was still in sports at this moment right had the drum set would look at it and be like this and like I took lessons for a second my mom put me in lessons I had one lesson it was from a dude who came over fully drunk and tried to pick up my mom on a date and my mom was like dude I don't think we can make this happen like I don't think I can just have like random men coming to this house to like teach you how to play drums, you know?

I love your mom. She's the greatest. What a great woman. One day you got to meet her because she is so cool. Like I just got this awesome new, new house in Tarzana. That's like my, it's my happy place. And like I have, she has her own room there full on. And I'm just like, I'm like, mom, when I get this house, like I'm going to get this house

and you have to spend six months of the year at least out here, period. End of story. You are a mama's boy, true and true true but in a good way oh it's i love it i love it i have great i have great i was raised by my mom and my sister right completely like i have great female energy to like make females feel safe and comfortable and open around me and it's my like one of my favorite qualities about myself that's why i'm so not alpha male that's that's amazing where there's too many fucking uh alphas running around in the world just hurting women that's why so many women have chosen the bear have you seen this whole thing that's going on online where it's like they're like if you got they've asked women have you seen this thing if you get lost in like a forest would you want to

be lost in the forest with a bear or with a man and about 99 of women have chosen the bear is that not fucking insane that's the fucking world we live in so we need men like you maude we need men like you baby please they need to make more that's so real it's wild but anyways circling back so you start playing the drums yeah and is this when you had started i had heard somewhere that you had started like watching the blink 182 and yeah so like drums sat for a minute like kind of got a little discouraged i'm gonna look at my notes too by the way because we're right here please do cut the camera cut to me she's not doing anything there's's nothing. I'm not texting, I swear. They kind of like went to the wayside

because I got a little discouraged, you know, by like the lessons and like, and like it just, there was only so many little videotapes that she took a Hanson that I could watch. Yeah. I mean, they only had like two good hits, right? Yeah.

I mean, don't say that around her. Oh, I'm not. She tripped it. She tripped it tripped she's like how dare you she shows her hansen tattoo i was not a hansen fan was not a hansen fan but do you really have a hansen tattoo okay i was like we got to talk about this sis um they really did only have like two hits though that i thought of right um bop and what was the other one that were like mainstream give it a goog come on you can talk you can yeah you can talk we love that yeah

we love that oh no look at she's already well you guys you're being a little hard on hansen over here i love that a different release pattern i I love that. That's amazing. That is hilarious. All right. All right. All right. They had two hits. Okay. So they're looking up to giving them two hits.

Giving them two hits might've been nice. You've never heard. You've never heard of. You're young. You're young. of Mbop? You're young. You're young. I can already tell. You're young. I already know how old you are.

If she doesn't know who Hanson is, she's too young for you, bro. 100%. 100 fucking percent. Literally had a conversation with someone the other night. He's like, you don't know Hanson? All right. Okay. I understand.

Oh, no. All right. So you started playing these drums. And you got tired of fucking Hanson. Tired of listening to Hanson. And then all of a sudden, it must have been 1999 or 2000, like 2000. All of a sudden, I see Blink-182. I see Travis Barker.

I see the coolest looking person I've ever seen in my life. And I'm like watching him play drums. And I'm like, oh, bet. I was like, I got a drum set in my basement. I was like, it's done. This is the person I connect with. And that was at the time just when like Napster and Kazaa and these other little things that you could download. This is 56K.

Dial up internet. Yeah. Those were the days. I just proceeded to download every single thing. I would have to stay up all night because the phone line would get used. So I'd have to stay up all night and download these things and I'd wake up right away in the morning as it was downloading all the,

and I'd go and I'd fucking make sure, did it come through? Okay, but while you could do this, this was actually the greatest thing. While you were downloading something, at these times, it took you like three days to download a music video, you know, real talk. But you could preview, you could preview it while it was downloading. So if real talk and but you could preview you could

preview it while it was downloading so if it had 15 you could watch 15 of it so i would sit this far from the computer screen and watch that five percent watch that 10 watch that 15 and sit there and just i'm watching every i can see everything you're doing everything you're doing and um that is crazy and and proceed to do that i mean the whole time my mom is going get off the internet go be a normal kid I can't use the phone like what are you doing down there and I'm like I guess this internet thing wasn't a fad yeah right so I guess I was kind of on to something huh yeah um and I just proceeded to watch every single thing and was always the kid that was like oh I can play like one song time to start a band you know so when did you start your first band first band 13 years old really 13 years you

just fucking were like one day this is this is my 10 year change you know how you said you change every 10 years this was like your 10 year change and you were ready to just do something completely different yep i love that about you and i started it started it had to like and and still again like it was it was really hard because when i turned uh 16 right um or or just so right as you're going into high school so right as you're going into freshman year that was when hockey because i was like slated to be like a pro goalie like i was a good min Minnesota is a is a hockey town yes and pros come from Minnesota and my city that I was in Bloomington Minnesota we had the scouts would come to our school to pick pros right wow I was slated to be a professional goalie okay and I was working with goalie coaches and like you're gonna be a pro like we got this right and i had to make like the hardest decision ever at that time which was going into high school

this is right when it right when it turned into like okay sports is a job now because you're gonna go to school all day fucking hated school barely made it through same and then you're going to practice immediately from school like your life is just and then you're going to practice immediately from school like your life is just you're you're in a nine to five yeah you know literally and I had to make the choice and be like no I'm gonna be I'm gonna be a drummer I'm gonna be a drummer and I had to quit and everyone like I had I had grown men goalie coaches coming to take me out to lunch to try to convince me otherwise. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Trust me. You're a goalie. You're not going to be a musician. Do you know how many times at this time I got told one in a million? And I was like, you're looking at the one. You're looking at the one, my boy. That's all it takes. Sorry to say, I'm going to be the one.

Yeah. You know? And I believed that. And I quit every sport, picked up a skateboard, started getting really good at skateboarding. And my life just became skateboarding and drums. And wearing Dickies down in here and Vans and Famous Stars straps t-shirts. And I had to change my whole appearance, like, overnight. Like, it all changed.

Like, I don't care. This whole poserism and this whole, like, oh, all of a sudden you're dressing the part like this. Oh, you like punk music. So now all of a sudden you got like Liberty Spikes and you're wearing the Sid Vicious chain. Like, yeah, cool. Change your appearance. Are people not allowed to grow? Yeah, exactly.

And experience different? But then again, that's the world shutting the door on them. It's like that word poser. It's like, yeah, for sure. The first day I showed up to the skate park not knowing how to skate and was like wearing the lame shit. Like I was posing. Yeah. To be like that word poser. It's like, yeah, for sure. The first day I showed up to the skate park, not knowing how to skate and was like wearing the lame shit. Like I was posing to be like y'all because I wanted to be like y'all. But like, don't ever for a second doubt that a year later I was one of y'all. Right.

Right. But you put in the work. Is everyone not a poser the first day they do something? You don't think Van Gogh picked up a paintbrush and felt like a poser the first time he painted? Tried to paint, yeah paint looking like at other paintings like everyone's a poser the first time they try to do something they want to do i love that the fuck is wrong with y'all like yeah yeah it's so real and it's like people just be so afraid of you know whatever it's so easy to do that it's human condition like you want people to like you you know i love that though that even at

13 you had such a confidence and such a strong mindset to say you know what no i don't care that these grown adults are telling me that i'm not gonna make it i'm gonna fucking make it like i have i've had that mindset my entire life even as a kid people told me you're gonna end up barefoot and pregnant you leave home i left home at 14 and never looked back yeah you know you have to be your fucking number one fan nobody else is going to believe in you and the way that you do and it's manifesting you're literally a powerful human being to be able to manifest something like that especially so young you know and to sit there i'm still mind blown but to sit there and learn how to play the drums by watching music videos that's like some fucking

like crazy like am i allowed to say is it politically correct if i say but it's like rain man shit like you are just like zeroed in and fucking just like you must have like your iq must be huge have you ever had an iq test no i never have we need to do one but i really barely i really barely made it out of high school you know that doesn't matter no i know for sure some of the smartest people yeah failed in school for sure like the you it's just not at school to me is a trap but don't kids if you're listening go to school for sure go to experience school yeah go to experience in school and just to have your friends and all that stuff but yeah to sit there and be able to like you know just be so headstrong at such a young age is admirable tell me about

this first band and where this took you first band I mean the first band was like was like you know a couple of friends like this really was when I was 13 14 and it was just like you're learning how to play guitar like you're the only one in this city because I was in the suburbs surrounded by jocks and cheerleaders for real like right that was what it was it was sports and cheerleading and that's it so i'm in those suburbs and i found like one kid that could play that was learning how to play guitar i was like that like we're in a band you know what i'm saying and it was really just me and a guitar player you know what i'm saying there was no like

and then we found our like kind of like other like delinquent homie that we're like just pick up a bass like everyone says like slap of the bass everyone's like you know like anyone can play bass like you know no disrespect to y'all bass players like but everyone that's kind of a thing in music we're like yeah you know Sid Vicious was put in the sex pistols because he looked so cool right they were like you just look so cool just pick up the bass bro yeah like whatever my dad's a guitar player and what was an extremely amazing guitar player and what was an extremely amazing guitar player and he in his latter years in life just switched over to bass because it was easier yeah 100 i mean you got four strings and you're usually only playing two of them and you only

have to do one at a time and you're just like yeah yeah it's awesome you gotta have groove you gotta have like falling in the pocket but for sure yeah um so that band was more just like we're learning our favorite songs you know what was the name uh almost there ah i love that almost there what that's the next band i was in though we were 16 we're called the sideline heroes i love that that's that name still to this day is so cool sideline heroes like why haven't you written a song called sideline here? I know I do. I really need to, I really need to,

I'd like writer cred for that. Yeah. We're going to write together. We're totally going to write it together. You're definitely doing the intro. We're taking something from this. Um, and,

uh, and we were rad. We were super rad. Like we, we were all like the bad kids in high school. We were all the, like, you know,

failing students in high school and the like anti everything. You know, this was like, oh, this was the this was the revolution starter of guys wearing girls jeans. You know what I'm saying? And getting hated on. Yeah. So you guys were wearing skinny jeans back then? Oh, not skinny jeans, girls jeans jeans because they didn't even make guys skinny jeans oh so you guys were literally just wearing girls jeans i love that 100 and i i dyed half my

hair blonde half my hair black and i came to school with i kid you not a briefcase not a backpack i walked through the hallways of high school with a briefcase and a scarf on in 70 degree weather you would have been one of my friends in high school because i loved anybody who was different like i have always been drawn to the people who are different because i'm different you know so i i loved people like you what was your relationship status in high school when you started playing in a band yeah all the girls start flocking a lot more you know i always had like like i said i have female energy right so i always had like uh like girls yeah i always i always did like and i i've been very fortunate with like the females that i've attracted in my life i don't think you have female energy i think you

have safe energy yeah and to females that's huge. We don't want to be around fucking predator Earl. Yeah. We want to fucking. And also not, Hey, let me talk to you though. In a way that I don't talk around my friends. Right.

Not that I'm like, I'm like, so the exact person in front of women. And you know what I'm saying? That's how my husband is. Yeah. Safe. Yeah.

Women are okay being around him and alone with him because they don't have to fear of anything weird and creepy. So I had a, I did have a really cute girlfriend in high school for sure. Yeah. What was her name? Uh, Jenny, Jenny Scoog. What's up? Jenny, what's up baby?

What's up? And I still, my sister is still friends with her and talks to her and checks in. But like, that was like, yeah, that was for sure the first love of my life for sure. We dated like all, I want to say like all through high school, but she was like the really pretty sweet girl that would like come to like, because we were playing like punk rock shows. There was a venue in Minnesota called The Garage. It was like a youth center and we would play there every weekend. And like we got big in the city. You know what I'm saying?

We really did. city you know what I'm saying we really did and um that that led me to being in um the first band that really like made it made it type of type of scenario like the first band I toured with the first band that like ever spoke to a label and any of that and we were called The Semester and I I got I got to be in that band because the two really good artists, musicians that were like musician kids that were like grew up in church playing instruments and giving guitar lessons to like grown men when they were like fucking 14, you know, really good. And I was self-taught, right? They were really good.

And I had to like try out to be in their band. You know, it was like, I'm like 16, 17, like trying out to be in their band you know it was like i'm like 16 17 like trying out to be in a band like this is wild um they were amazing and they were from a different city but the band i was in that was all from my same city would go and we'd play at this youth center and it was a whole scene it was all the like outcast kids from surrounding areas were there and they were starting a new band and my band was like breaking up and I was like all right I want to play with these guys and I ended up being in a band with these guys after three tryouts you know I ended up playing with them um and they would later break my heart and I would later bring

them back into my life and yeah well we gotta talk about it you can't yeah you can't go over well really quick though not to interrupt well to interrupt. I just wanted to say, isn't it crazy how your girlfriend was the sweet girl coming to the Bad Boys show? Isn't that so reminiscent of your mom and your dad? It really is exactly like that. Yeah. It's so funny because I've kind of never put that together in a string of sentences. Yeah, I had to circle back to that because I thought that was really sweet. And it totally was.

I'm not wrong, huh? It totally was. Yeah. So what not wrong, huh? It totally was. Yeah. So what did these boys do to you? What happened? Well, so like from so then so then I guess like sophomore year now is in this like really like good band where we're playing every day, writing our own songs, like recording and doing all this. And I was the mouthpiece. I was always the best mouthpiece.

Like I wasn't the best artist, musician in the band because I was self-taught you know right I didn't even understand what timing was right I was just like just play fast man what are you talking about you know we're playing punk music yeah yeah who's counting and I was I was the mouthpiece though I would get us into the biggest venue in town I would i was like dude i was the best at forming an email i could like hit the sentences that the grown-up would be like i believe in this kid right so i'll get us into the big venues i would get us on you know like i would get us on to go do like a little four show little mini tour by talking to other bands from other places and i was getting the eyes on us you know and uh the whole goal was

like i'm gonna be in this band for the rest of my life like we got out of high school the literally the day after i graduated and i barely graduated the day after i graduated we got in a tour event and went on a three-month tour around the country wow playing shows for 20 fucking dollars sleeping on people's floor the whole point of playing a show is to get on stage and go, hey, we got nowhere to stay tonight. If anyone here wants to let us stay at their house, like, that whole era of bands is done. It's long gone.

You know? My husband used to do that. When him and I first got together, I've seen him play shows to five people and rock the stage like he's playing a fucking amphitheater. I'm telling you right now, that's what separates us and them no for real you got not that we're putting down new artists

no now no but it's like you guys really were in these streets like you guys had to fucking yeah sleep on people's couches you guys had fucking we didn't have a tour van a tour bus when this shit first started out we had fucking a rental car or when we graduated from the rental car to a sprinter van or not a sprinter but the 18 passenger yes the white one then you would get to the sprinter but yes yeah yeah like there's levels to this shit yeah 100% I get it 100% I remember just being like what was your first show like that you played like first show ever yeah as a drummer yeah first show ever as a drummer was like at this you at this youth center okay so you were 13 when that happened or like yeah that would be

like the first show that wasn't like in our living room to like five people or like my mom and then we can circle back to my first show as my son because then you'll see how this whole thing like builds up and then boom and then builds up and then boom like those kind of things and it's been it's been wild with that but um uh so anyways back to how they broke my heart yeah sorry we we went on this tour okay i was like in contact with labels i was like this is it this is my whole life we got back from that tour they called me on uh three three the other three of them on the phone go you're kicked out of our band you're not good enough peace these were my like best friends these are everything they literally looked at me they literally called me and said peace you're not good enough to be in our band and that was it after you guys had just the rug out tour and fucking we're talking

did they get greedy pulled the rug out they just said i wasn't good enough for them that wasn't good enough of a drummer that's her and like them just pulled the rug out. They just said I wasn't good enough for them. That I wasn't good enough of a drummer. That's hurtful. And, like, just pulled the rug out. And, like, I, this is the most beautiful time of my life because it was so hard. And it created exactly where I am today. I went, I was living with my mom still. You know what I'm saying? Super broke.

Like, being in a band, you're broke. Like, right? Starving artist is real. Completely broke. And this is my first now year out of high school, and my mom's like, shit, dude, you were betting everything on this. And, like, you literally were like, fuck any other plans in high school or what I'm supposed to be thinking about.

Like, this is all I'm doing. And they just pulled the rug out. I mean, my mom's such like a, she's like, I'm going gonna go knock on their door and talk to their parents you know my mom's like nah like she'll fight for me right same with my sister and uh but I just like this was my first time ever feeling like depression right it's my first time I locked myself in my mom's garage and I was a stoner oh also I got kicked out of the band because I was like a stoner and also like had found drugs and like stuff like that maybe a caveat that i forgot to introduce let's not skip over that but these guys were also super straight laced and i was like i grew up with a dad like telling me to

party at age five guys like you guys were in church growing up and like like we live a different life but yeah i will finish that story and then we'll we'll slugger back to the yeah introduce introduction to drugs so maybe glossed over that part a little bit but i love that you take accountability for that because a lot of people would not a hundred percent i mean i'll never forget the first thought like again i told them i was like yo i tried cocaine and they were like how dare you they clutched their pearls they were like oh your life is over you know like that type of shit and i was like yeah dude like i was on mushrooms the other night that shit was crazy you know they're like they're like cool they're like bro this dude is losing it you know so again i do take

responsibility but the way they went about it being like you're not good enough you're out right yeah that was like heartbreaking um and then to just be like forget our number we're never talking to you again um so then anyways locked myself in my mom's garage, smoked weed all day and finally connected to Bob Dylan because when I was young, it was just listen to Bob Dylan, listen to Bob Dylan. When your parents are telling you to listen to something, you're like, no, dog, like you're my parents, right?

But I was always like, there's something there. And I like forced myself to like really get into it and I just smoked weed and listened to Bob Dylan all day and I was like, there's something there. And I forced myself to really get into it, and I just smoked weed and listened to Bob Dylan all day, and I was like, that's it. I love this because when I was in bands, I would sing along to songs, and then I'd turn them off, and I'd be like to my homies who were really good and be like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, hey, what key am I singing in?

You're not even in a key, dog. You can't sing. Don't ever sing. Telling me, you can't sing. You're not a singer. And I would hear, I hate Bob Dylan's voice. He can't sing, don't ever sing, you know? Telling me, you can't sing, you're not a singer. And I would hear, I hate Bob Dylan's voice, he can't sing. And I'm like, boom, there's our through line. They say this dude can't sing, they say I can't sing,

he fucking did something with it, I'm doing something with it. And that was it. I was like, I'm starting my own thing. And if I can't sing yet, I'll tell you what I can do. Like, I'm going to get there, but I'll tell you what I can do. I can play drums, and I got rhythm, and I can do like I'm gonna get there but I'll tell you what I can do you play drums and I got rhythm and I can I understand pattern I'm gonna rap wow you can't tell me I can't talk right you know I love that so it's like I love that nobody can tell you a hi-hat a hi-hat's like a rap and I was like cool I, I'm going to put that together. You know, you guys, there is no better time than to manifest a new business than the new year.

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and i'm and that's like my biggest thing that i'm working on right now is like understanding that like there's a difference between authority of like me being a kid and being like chased by the cops for skateboarding on a six stair there's a difference between like that authority and be like fuck you yeah and the difference between someone being like hey you want to like live how i live too yeah you want to like meet in the middle dog like you want to do that and not just be like i'm your plus one like to your life yeah like a hundred percent i'm really focused on like understanding that but it's a trigger are you in therapy i have done great great therapy sessions and then i like kind of stray away because of the authority probably yeah because you have somebody telling you what to do but they've given me so many of those like here's the starting point right you know which is what we

like here's the starting point like like my therapist gave me the greatest piece ever which was like this is why you do that because like i've seemed to uh end up in relationships with famous girls right it's been like a pattern and why you know people be like even my friends be like man you're a star fucker bro yeah okay i think you just like strong women boom who are driven boom boom boom i was in my head being like what is wrong with me why am i like like this why am i like so attracted to like a celebrity woman and whatever and it's like my therapist was like okay so you watch your mom get completely everything taken away from your for your father and think that she was feel worthless and powerless and you've seen you know her be abused in multiple ways you want to be with a strong woman and the

industry you're in the strong women you're surrounded by are the ones with fame if you were working in an office you'd want to fuck the ceo yeah you feel me and there's nothing wrong with that and i was just like boom i feel so much better about myself because i was like damn i'm a star fucker like what is that i'm like well i am from minnesota small town i used to see magazine covers and be like one day you're trying to rationalize it but there's nothing wrong with wanting a strong woman who has her own shit going on. 100%. It's the independence, I think, that attracts you to women who are famous because they can do whatever the fuck they want because they have their own money.

Yep. So, yeah, it does circle back to childhood trauma, but it doesn't always mean that it's a negative thing. True. Truly. Truly. And I am like, where's the normal girl in my life that works at Starbucks? Can we talk about some of your relations? We're going to circle back to the drug thing too. I haven't forgotten, but can we talk about some of your relationships? I did see a couple of them

online. Um, some girls that you have been with and I mean like Bella Thorne, beautiful, strong woman. Take me on that journey. Dude, that was a really really that was like a really fun one and then like ended like really traumatically and stuff and like that that was uh that was just like uh you know this was when i was a drug addict and alcoholic and this was like met her through friends was like look at this like wild child girl i was also like in like it's like I'm like very hippie ism like the way I live life is very hippie you know what I'm saying and uh she was on that you know I was like this girl with like hairy armpits it's like so beautiful I was like

why is that so attractive to me like she's a rebel baby it was like it really was I was like you're so like just naturally like don't give a fuck and whatever so um just like so many amazing times with her and you know i have i do have this like not only with authority like i don't want to be the plus one so it is hard to like match the energy of like oh you're like more popping than me you know and like so so a lot of it was that but like i was super supportive and i loved watching her shine and uh she was very like very you lived her life in like a grown way and took care of things and all that um but it ended poorly you know what i'm saying we're like in this

like maybe we're in like a like polyamorous like like throuple relationship with this other person and i'm a jealous fucking person too so i was like even if it's another female oh yeah oh he said oh yeah i'm just so jealous yeah like you're a lover boy i so jealous yeah i have a jealousy thing again like i know my things to work on you know what i'm saying march 10th i swear to god we've been sitting here this whole time and in my head pisces just keeps fucking replaying that is fucking wild total pisces yeah i love that i'm a pisces venus so i'm i love hard yeah like when we love we are just it's like an ocean and i dive off the cliff too i dive off the cliff into it um and like so so anyways like this was definitely like one of my first like really really you know i'd love to beat the two and a half year mark.

But these things with me seem to last like two and a half years, you know, and it was two and a half years of my life. That's when you really get to know somebody, though. And that's when the masks start falling off. People always say, oh, it's the first six months. No, it's not. It could be over a year and you don't really get to know somebody until like a year and a half, two years into the relationship. My husband and I fought like cats and dogs the first three years of our relationship. I do not know how we fucking survived it and made it to where we are because we literally had to learn to one.

We had to learn that we were both trash bags and then we had to fucking unpack the trash together. trash bags and then we had to fucking unpack the trash together and then we had to decide like hey are we going to continue to fucking be trash bags or are we going to fucking try to just level up together and i think that in relationships a real partnership like but you know that's two and a half two years is or two two and a half years is where you get to a point of like it's make or break and if the two people can't decide hey we want to do this together and level up which a lot of people aren't built like that anymore these like i heaven forbid if anything ever happened i would never want to date in this fucking society again because nobody knows how to work on things and like really fucking struggle with somebody you know like people don't they want they want the happiness and they want the fairy tale but they don't want to struggle they

don't want the lows they want the highs you know want the fairy tale, but they don't want to struggle. They don't want the lows. They want the highs. You know what I'm saying? So I think that's probably where you're meeting that situation over and over again is because you're picking partners who don't want to do the work. Or maybe you at that moment didn't want to do the work. So real. So real. Sorry, I'm not trying to over here be a therapist or anything. I'm actually like tuned into these conversations more than ever because I'm like, do I like just die alone?

Like for real? Like is that my journey? And like look, like obviously it sounds whatever, but it's also like so romanticized to me because I'm like tortured, locked up artist in the middle of the woods, painting and smoking cigarettes and fucking writing books. Would you choose the bear or the man? The bear. Because you said you were in the middle of the woods painting and smoking cigarettes and fucking writing would you choose the bear or the man the bear because you said you were in the middle of the woods so would you would you all day and that would be the same if i was a female too i'd be like the bear what yeah a hundred percent sorry i just wanted to make you laugh you're not gonna die alone you're not you know what there's a girl I know when I say that

it sounds like one of those things but I am like I'm such a lover boy in those things where I'm just like who like yeah

yeah I know it sounds like like sad but to me it's so romanticized and so just like you know what like I've

I've had it I've felt it and like we'll we'll see what happens but i'm i am in love with other things you know you have manifested not that a woman will make you any more than you already are your whole by yourself but you have manifested everything in your fucking life yeah you are going to manifest the perfect woman for you yeah you just have to believe that like you have believed in yourself and everything else that you have done in this life you have to start believing it

yeah stop romanticizing being alone and start romanticizing falling in love start visualizing your perfect girl i would tell you a trick to do but i don't know if i'll get in trouble on the podcast but it's it's it's like a um well then cut it if it is, but tell me. So when you're masturbating, Mimi is like, Oh, here we go. So when you're, when you're, no, when you're masturbating, envision the perfect woman that you want and masturbate to her and to you, you know, fruition. That's great because I don't watch porn. That's manifesting though.

But they say, I don't know if it's like a witchcraft thing or a spell thing. I'm not into that. But they say that if you do that, you're literally manifesting the person that you want. And these people will start coming into your life. It's real. Try it. Let me know how it goes. Call me afterwards.

I'm like, I gotta get past some of this previous manifesting that I've been doing. Yeah, clear the slate. You should have told me that like 20 years ago. Clear the slate told me that like uh 20 years ago clear the slate so if you're jerking off to celebrities you're manifesting celebrities you see that you know so i'm thinking i'm thinking maybe the therapist was wrong about the whole like start of the trauma i think we just actually found the reason. Let's rewind. Yeah. Wasn't the like mom thing.

It's like what you've been doing. It's a smorgasbord of all of it. But I mean, if you are whacking off to celebrities, it makes sense, you know? So moving on to. No, it's back in the imagination. It's the imagination. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah.

But I do think watching porn fucks you up. Yeah. See, I don't mind porn. It doesn't bother me. But when fucks you up. Yeah. See, I don't mind porn. It doesn't bother me. But when it's a problem. Yeah. Like if you're watching porn more than touching your partner, then that's a problem. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Which that happens in a lot of relationships. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. 100%. Moving on to your next relationship, the one that, your most recent one. Most recent, yeah.

Can we touch on that one? Yeah, certainly. That was a brutal year for you last year yeah can you take me on that journey how did you meet Avril um we we uh we met through music you know we met through music and it was like it was a great time like I worked on an album that she was doing and we had a song of mine together and it's called what what is it called our song is called flames flames yeah you guys gotta listen to the song it's a great song yeah it's a great song and like we met through like a really awesome way which was making music you know and it was lovely and she was like the true talent being around like really true

talent especially was as like I write songs for other artists as well, you know, and produce for other artists as well. And it was like amazing, like coming up with an idea and seeing someone like so fucking talented sing it. And it was like it was it was incredible. And also I've known who she was since I was a very young kid in fucking Minnesota. I heard you had her posters on your wall. A hundred percent. I had a poster around my wall. Manifested.

See? Start whacking off, Maude. Yeah. All right. Start manifesting and whacking off. Yeah. Yeah. Right?

I know. Low key. That's your homework. Low key. And she was, yeah, yeah. So it was like just a really. Sorry, sister. It was a really, it was a really beautiful time when we met.

And it was also in the pandemic. So like we, you know, like I said, I dive in fast as fuck. I just like completely dive into something. And I think she was that way as well. And we just like ended up immediately being with each other and living together. And it was in the pandemic where we were all stuck inside anyway so it was like um it was a way to get to know somebody really fast though yeah because that's what my husband and i did yeah we got married a month after meeting yeah and like that's that's like how i've always been hop into the fucking frying pan yeah like we're gonna figure this shit out

yeah and um and yeah it was like a really incredible time. She was like a very, she's like a grown woman, you know? And that was a wonderful change for my relationship types to be with, you know? That's like the most amazing compliment that you can give a woman. I love that. Yeah. Well, yeah. And again, like I want to give anyone that I was in a relationship, like the compliments, you know what i'm saying like when we spoke about bella a second ago it was like i was uh uh directing a video for a band

called palais royale yesterday and they're friends with her and the whole concept of the video uh even if this doesn't make it in i'd love to tell you this it's really great um they don't even know that i'm making this video for them okay their mother passed away last week there are three brothers in a band okay their mother just passed away and they have this giant song that's so good that was already slated to come out and they're like their label's like we can we shoot a video please it's a sensitive time like we don't we won't be on camera so their management came to me and was like can can you put something together? And the whole thing is like friends and fans and other people from big bands coming together to create this like moment of a special video for them.

Not like a sad video at all. Not like a dedication to their mom. Nothing like that because the song is very upbeat. Fellowship. Yeah. It's like showing them like we got your back. And like also like when you do a guerrilla video like that where you're just kind of like all coming together and on the spot yeah it's like usually just thrown together like i shot

them like an expensive crazy art video um anyways jump me back uh they their management knows that they're like good friends with bella and they were like yo would you be comfortable if we invited her and i was like literally was like i would love to say hi to her and and and give her a hug and send her my love you know what i'm saying yeah i was like i would love that you know a year after we broke up i was like if i ever see you in public like i'm gonna just give you the dirtiest look but it's like i have nothing but you know love for that so like jump me back yeah, it was being with a grown woman. It was awesome. It was we're two different people. But it was great. I think I think I had a great influence on her. I think she could have had a really more wonderful influence on me just from the side of like grown up and and being a grown up kind of, you know, because I'm learning later in life of how beautiful it is like I'm like I said I'm very secure of who I am right now and I've been a little lost in the last like three years as far as like where do I fit in or who am I and um you know there was there's great things that I could have like taken out of it but that just sends you a message again of you're not good enough

yeah yeah certainly certainly and and um and like on top of that too it's just like uh i had to like really regain this big big empathetic heart that i've been missing for a long time and like it's really come around lately this like leading with empathy you know i pray every single day right and like um in my prayers i'm just like allow me to lead with empathy and like be a shining light like and my form of empathy is just finally attached to like being like dude you to get outside of yourself. And when someone does you wrong, stop thinking, fuck them. You did me dirty. I'm out for revenge and this and that. It's start being like, just be in their position, like step outside.

And things have like formed in my life lately where I was just like, oh, my God, I don't I can't have any of those feelings for anyone. I couldn't force myself to anymore you know if we had done this like talk like three months ago i might have been like man fuck that person no i want i will ow she hears this you know what i'm saying i'm just like yo run into you all love i hope you're well because i i you know that's healing though as being able to you know put i don't maybe it's egos heartbreak aside and be like hey man i understand you were going through your own shit too even though you fucking shattered my heart yes stomped on it on the way out i still love you and i am responsible for what happened as well yeah in some way it trickles down to that it's like

you know i didn't give you what you communicated and a lot of times too what you needed you know and like that that was another great thing i learned from the relationship was communication because like i'm like a run from the problem person i'd like literally like leave the house like i don't want to fight i'm out of here yeah when you calm down i'll be back leave the house like i don't want to fight i'm out of here yeah when you calm down i'll be back that's so corny yeah that's so the wrong way to go about things um and so my communication skills have like gone through the roof lately and and and uh and just being empathetic and and also like i i don't think it's hard to get there when you're not in a good place yeah well you're when you're still emotional yeah when you're

still on the other side of it being like man like i i'm i feel like shit right now how am i supposed to be happy for you but it's like it's okay yeah you felt like that too yeah yeah i know i know and that's what you know my best friend is is uh machine kelly and he is he is he is i i talk to him if i'm not with him that day i talk to him on the phone for three hours every day. And he is like, we are so there for each other. It is like literally, talking about all these relationships and stuff, having felt emotional, I feel emotional talking about how much I fucking love my best friend. Tell me about you guys' relationship.

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Maude's eyes were floating. He had to pee so bad. Extremely caffeinated right now, everyone. Like, extremely caffeinated. So tell me about you and MGK's relationship. Because you got a little teary-eyed before you had to go pee. Yeah, I did. I did. Because we've met each other.

We've known each other for over a decade now. because he uh we we've met each other we've known each other for over a decade now um he has seen he sees me the way i would love the world to see me right and like i think i'm a pretty good representation of that you know what i'm saying but he really a hundred percent is just like i want you to i want the world to see how i see you you know and he is that person in my life that is uh like he he has like the truest like love for me as a person you know and wants to see me succeed and wants to see me happy and when i say these things too like am i just gonna die alone he's like bro no but you gotta start looking at the right but that's why i was really talking because we really talked to each other for three hours a day right now just about like such real life stuff

and and real life things as well as him like you know the next song i'm releasing is a song that i played for him and he was like yo it's great this is gonna be your greatest song but i want to help you take it there you know i want to help you take it there you know i want to help you take it there and then is it rap or is it rock it's a little bit it's it's it's it it's definitely not rock but there is a little bit of my like rap influence in it and um it's an interpolation and i think we're gonna maybe talk about like dropping this right around the release of the song yeah absolutely and um when will it be releasing what when will it be released june 7th okay yeah june 7th is when we're releasing it and um it's like me interpolating you are my sunshine which is like in in this such cool way it's like so cool

how we did it and how we made it happen um but i've always been avoiding writing the sun song like mod sun modern sunshine like i've always been avoiding like writing the Sun song like I don't want to put my finger on the pulse like that And like I finally did and I found this like really awesome way to do it It's like my favorite I've ever sounded my like coolest lyrics that I just feel like a different artist right now And every time I listen to it, it's like the first time but But he's there for me that for that kind of thing and then as well in his music like i've written songs with him for his music and and we just look to each other for that but more more importantly like our bond as friends is so powerful it is so you know meeting in the middle of two totally different people we're two totally different

people and so opposite. And I've just never had a friend that, like, truly, like, cares about me the way that he does. I don't know if I've ever had anyone in my life that cares about me the way he does. He's your soulmate. Yeah, like, he really. He's a soulmate. Like, we were meant to be best friends in this life and, like, probably crossed paths in another life. You guys were probably brothers in another life.

Cool. He's in your soul family for sure. Yeah, cool. And, like, it's so funny. Like, Megan says stuff like that for sure too. She's like, you know. But, yeah, I've just never felt like someone be so, you know, I don't feel like a burden to him at all.

Like, if anything, it's like I don't tell him enough. And I've been really good my whole life at avoiding conversations about myself. I really like to be the person. I read The 48 Laws of Power way too early in my life. And the first rule is never try to outshine the person in the room. I don't know if I agree with all of the 48 no and also it's one of those books that if you have read you just don't tell people i feel like it was like written by a narcissist or something yeah yeah i didn't know if it was okay to say that because i didn't know that was like your thing and it's also one of

those books that i'm like yeah i'm just not gonna tell anyone i've read that because they immediately are like if they've read it too they're like like, oh, so you're an asshole too. Yeah. Kindred souls. They're like, oh, so you're just like playing me right now. I tried to get into it because I went through a whole spiritual, I've been going on my spiritual journey since fucking, I got sober in 2017 and to now. And so I went through a phase where I like wanted to read books and I was like, this

is what I'm going to do. You know, even though I have ADD and fucking can't do it, but I can listen to audio books all day long. Fucking reading them. Can't do it. It's a, it's a task. Literally. You got to really push yourself to do it.

Push yourself and plan. It's weird how much you plan. It's like people are supposed to just like be like, oh yeah, this is my like read a book time. And it's like, it feels like serious work. It's like school. I do the same thing. I'm like, I'm going to read a book a week this year. And I's like, it feels like serious work. It's like school. I do the same thing. I'm like, I'm going to read a book a week this year. And I'm like, I get like one month into it.

I'm like, I'm going to read a book a month. My husband will do that and he'll read four books in a week and then he won't read for the rest of the year. Yeah. He's like, I'm taking all I need from it and I'm good for this year. Yeah, literally. But I did, I tried to read the 48 laws of attraction and I fucking started reading it and i was like is this like some fucking like weird linguistic fucking hypnotic type like program your mind type shit and i was just like i don't want i don't want

to consume this and there's there was information in it that i was able to like put towards my life yeah and then there was also stuff that made me way less human right it was like yeah i'm successful but i hate myself you know what i'm saying it's like i hustled everybody around me to get here what the fuck yeah no crazy right yeah i love hearing that about um you and kel's relationship because which i just recently started calling him kel's because my husband does oh thank god yeah they actually called me when they're in the studio. Yeah. Cause Jelly walked in and was like, Hey man, do I like call you like Colson now or something? And Kels was like, hold that thought. He got me on FaceTime and he was like, Hey yo, what should Jelly call me? And I was like, bro, if you don't call him

Kels, I'm going to be so bummed. I was like, you know him know him right I hate the Colson thing I'll never call him that that's like the first time it's come out of my mouth actually ever is that it's so proper I only call him cows and I'm just like hate the like oh I know Colson like that yeah I'm like when people say I know Jason I'm like oh you don't know him yeah Jason's my husband yeah yeah exactly I was like I think you're talking about jelly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. But, um, I love that you said that about him because I got that feeling about him too, because I'm really protective about my husband and who he brings around. And I'm always the, I'm the wife who's like, keep an eye on him. And every time I say that something

fucking proves right. And then when I met Kels, um, I looked at both of them and i was like i'm so glad you guys have this friendship i was like you guys both need each other because i feel like he needs a big brother yeah and i feel like jay needs a little brother yep and i feel like and we get you too yeah we get you too so now it's like it's just it's a sweet little family vibe yeah i mean i mean my other thing with kel's too is i'm just like, you know, he's had a hard time truly being misunderstood. So what he says to me, I want the world to see you how I see you. I'm like that times 10 with him because I'm like, you're so fucking misunderstood. If anyone got to have one conversation with him, they'd be like, sweetest guy ever.

Nicest person. Like, love this person to death cool as fuck not arrogant so humble so everything it's just the perfect fucking human being of like everything and he's definitely opposite of what i thought when i first because i've had girls on the podcast yeah who have dated them and um you know they didn't of course they didn't have great things to say but you get this idea of somebody once you hear it from numerous people. So when I met him, I was like, oh, this is just a sweet boy who has a wall up. You know, like.

A hundred percent. And it was just like, oh, I get it now. You know, so it makes sense. And genuine and authentic and all the greatest qualities of a person. And I can't wait. You know, I think he should do your podcast. I think he should do a podcast in general. I'm like,

it takes 10 clips to rewrite his narrative. And I just can't wait for the world to, to really know. And I, and that's not even saying that they don't like, he has millions of people that love him. Oh, absolutely.

It's really just being like, I can't wait for the other million that are out there that don't understand him to understand who he really is because he's the fucking greatest person I've ever met in my entire life. He's lucky to have a best friend like you. I'm so lucky to have a best friend. And the caveat on that is now we live two minutes from each other. And it'll be 3 a.m. and he just walks in my door or vice versa. And it's so great. It's the family you needed.

You got your sister. You don't have any brothers, right? No. There you go. I have a stepbrother. Oh, gotcha. I have a stepbrother. He's so great. It's the family you needed. You know, you got your sister. I know you don't have any brothers, right? No. There you go. I have a stepbrother. Oh, gotcha. Yeah.

I have a stepbrother. Super cool. So take me on the sobriety journey. Cause you said that you're about to hit five years, right? I'm about to hit five years. Congratulations. Thank you so much.

Sobriety fucking sucks. I tell everybody that. But it's like, it's the realest. And when I say sobriety sucks, I mean that in like a joking way because you really get to know yourself yeah and you have to fucking deal with some of the hardest shit you've ever dealt with in your life the minute you decide to come become sober it

i mean i it changed everything about me also uh the time that you know if you you can you can kind of backtrack to five years from now or five years ago um where the world of like cocaine which was my fucking everything you can kind of track where it got really scary and it's right around that point when did you start using 2011 okay how old were you i let's say i was what 30 so i was like 21 type shit like 20 oh i'm sorry like 23 22 so maybe it was earlier than that i started i really started doing cocaine at like 22 years old gotcha yeah um and like and and was that person it's so funny cocaine is such a fucked up drug because it was like i was anti that anyone who ever like did it around me i was like oh my god what the fuck yeah dude i did one line i was addicted from the first line because you have that gene yeah yeah probably get it from your dad

yeah and total alcoholic i mean my dad passed away from being an alcoholic like and party animal and you know was literally doing cocaine with me up and, you know, when I was fucking fucked up, like for real. So dad resurfaced. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to get into all that too. If we, if we, I know we've been talking for fucking what seems like it's about you, you know, if you want to talk about it, I'm not kicking you out. I love this. Okay, cool. Cool. Cool. This is your time. Um, I was addicted from the first line of cocaine i did i have the alcoholic gene where it's like i can just go and go and go and go and go like and uh and being on stage and being in that lifestyle and being all that it was always like i wanted to be the best

at everything so it became be the best drug addict be the best alcoholic and when you're trying to be the best at everything. So it became be the best drug addict, be the best alcoholic. And when you're trying to be the best drug addict and best alcoholic, it means you do more than anyone else. Yeah. You know? And cocaine's a funny fucking thing because when you first start doing cocaine, it's like, yo, like, you want to do, like, you want to do, like, let's do, okay, on the table right here in front of us. And it quickly turns into by yourself in the bathroom.

You know? Or, like, if you had a couple drinks. yeah you just wanted oh yeah but i was like a dark addict you know what i'm saying i was by myself doing eight balls by myself i did that one night not not to party just to fucking just sitting behind a microphone just like all right like i'm making this law you know what i'm saying like like all all night i mean um it was it was bender after bender after bender like i was a up for three days type of person an addict and it went on for you know like over a decade of my life and to the point that there was like really scary times really times where i was like able to hide

it because i was a fun the whole thing is i was functioning as a functioning addict alcoholic right um but to pass out to finally pass out after being like tweaked out on cocaine for two days my thought in my head was that i had to slam a bottle of whiskey you know to do it so it's just like the cocktail that kills you you know yes absolutely um i used to do cocaine and xanax that was my shit yeah so i'd get so low that i had to come back up and then i'd have to go back down again i don't my heart is fucked yeah 100% 100% yeah like my my heart is fucked because it's just like needs stimulation so much that now i'm like like i said i've drank fucking four shots of espresso today and a C4. And I'm like, but I don't know.

I don't know. Like, that's kind of like I operate in those ways. And it's not great. But regardless of that, so like I have been going, going, going on this journey. basically like one day after funny enough why i also have so much uh love in my heart for bella who we were talking about earlier is like that was the reason i got sober was the end of that relationship that relationship ended funny enough at coachella so fucking la i was about to say an la love story yeah it was so gross it ended at Coachella it's so good it ended at Coachella like literally at the festival and I had a friend who lived out in the middle of Joshua Tree and had

just had like airstream trailers and I just took all my drugs in a backpack and went to this airstream trailer in the middle of Joshua Tree and was like holed up in there for two days to the point that like my friend um who i was just with last night shout out losty uh he he was like my quote-unquote like assistant like living with me at the time kind of a caretaker in a lot of ways because i was like in my really bad phase of being an addict he like had to drive down from la to joshua tree like throw me in the he found me in an airstream in the middle of joshua tree like passed out with like a bag of cocaine on my fucking chest legitimately. And,

threw me in the back of the car and like drove me back up to LA. And from that moment on, I went on like a six day bender that if I shut my eyes for maybe an hour, every three days during that, like I really was like pushed it to my limits and uh like on a suicide mission i really did i really did and um it was also just mixing like fucking whippets and and uh ketamine and all the all ridiculous like stupid just like ridiculous but anyways um after this like long i wasn't staying at my house i was staying at my friend's house after this long like four or five days of being at my friend's house just out of my mind i

like came back to my house and lined up this like really fat fucking caterpillar line of cocaine snorted my eyes and rolled them to the back of my head and um my guy who was talking about lost he basically like found me just fucking out down and out like on my bathroom floor like came to didn't have to go to the hospital came to and was really like damn that that was it like i just got my second lease on life i'm fucking done i'm fucking done and i quit and i quit and i and and to everyone out there that is at all thinking of sobriety or what can come with it or, you know, how to do it or whatever. Like, I look at it in a way that I also made this great trade. And it's like, again, the world makes you think that it's not OK to ask for something when you're doing something that's like good for yourself.

Right. Oh, I asked for something. OK. I was was like I have I knew cocaine was going to kill me from literally a year into doing it I was like cocaine is going to kill me okay I had these big wide dreams in my eyes of being super successful as a musician and you know getting the big record deal, and making it, and getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and all that. And I was blocking my blessing because I was bringing around a suitcase filled with shame everywhere I went. Okay?

I felt shameful every time I did a lot of cocaine. Okay? So I can be working as hard as I've ever worked, and going so hard, and making great things, and doing all this.

But I am telling whatever is up here, I'm a God person ever since I got sober. It brought me to like faith and God and all that. Before it was just like the universe. And you're just telling whatever you believe in that you don't deserve it because you feel shame about yourself. Now, if you're an addict that doesn't feel bad about fucking drinking or doing drugs or any of that, I don't think you're blocking your blessing. I don't think it's great for you, but I don't think you're blocking your blessing because you're not telling the higher power that I'm a piece of shit. I was telling the higher power, I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. And so the second that I got sober, I was like, check it out. I was like, God,

I was like, whatever this is that I'm talking to, like, I'm going to show you that I'm worth it. And I'm going to make the great trade. And the great trade is I am going to change my life and stop all this shame, put down the cocaine, put down the alcohol, put down the drugs. And in return, I want you to give me my dreams. I want you to give me my fucking dreams. Give me my fucking dreams. And I swear to you not, like, within a year, like, every one of those dreams that I hadn't checked off of my bucket list happened just like that. And I'm just like, yeah, it can sound selfish to be like, I want something in return.

But I fucking did. And I fucking got it. And it helps me stay sober knowing that, like, I owe a favor. I even owe a favor of being like, you so much you did it and like whatever I do from here on out fucking extra credit it's extra credit because I know that I asked you for a specific thing and you fucking gave it to me that's amazing that is a beautiful story I love that even in your lowest moment you because most people will like overdose or go through something like that. And they'll be like, Oh, I made it. Maybe I should do it again. Or they don't learn their lesson.

And in that moment you were like, no, fuck this. I'm fed up and I'm going to do better. And it seems to be a pattern in your life of proving that you are worth it. And I think that stems from maybe your dad not coming around as a little boy. And, but that's been your drive. Yeah. What has been your cross to bear has also been your saving grace, you know, and it's beautiful. You're awesome.

No, but it's so real. And I'm so proud of you. Like I'm genuinely proud of you. That that's why I say sobriety does suck, but it's the most rewarding journey you'll ever be on yeah and i think a lot of people in this world need a role model like you they need somebody who's you know looks like you cool and tattoos and is in the music industry that is showing like hey i have fucking struggled

my ass off but i'm still fighting i'm still here You're not going to keep me down. And that's, that's a role model to me. That's what people need. I love that. And I would, I would love to be, I would love to be able to do that for anyone. You know, that is, that is truly my goal. Like in my prayers too, I'm just like, allow me to be of service, like allow me to be of service today to all, all the people down here and, you know and you know and and and just reminding myself that that that service can come as far it it can be as huge as is saying something that changes someone's life it can be as small as something is holding the door for someone you know and just like lead with that keep this light around you and you know finding your worth and finding your purpose and

all that is really important. But, like, it all boils down to, like, dude, how do you just, like, how are you just proud of yourself? Yeah. How are you just proud of yourself? How did you do something nice today that made you feel proud of yourself? Yeah. That's so real. Yeah.

Can you talk about doing drugs with your dad? Like, he came back around. Yeah. Like, how did that? Yeah. A hundred percent. Like he came back around and like, yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. So like my, um, my father, we, we had these points in our life where I would go years without talking to him, you know, through being like, man, fuck you.

You're a piece of shit or fuck you. You hurt my sister. You know, her relationship was even harder, like with him in a lot of ways, you know? And, uh, and like, you know, you can fucking go outside if you need to. Cause I know you can start crying if I start talking about shit i i have dad trauma too so i'll probably cry with you guys i'll give you a big hug i promise i'm sorry um and so like uh you know he was a couch surfer hustler all the way until the day he died but basically we had gone years without talking to each other and uh his

girlfriend one day because i had moved so he he was living out in long beach um i got by the way i got sent out in the middle of high school senior year my mom couldn't couldn't handle me anymore because i was just like a troubled kid she sent me to go in high school live with my dad in long which was like the funniest decision she could ever make because it was just like insanity. But free for all. Yeah. Yeah. And so we would connect. And then I was on tour one time.

This is why we had our big fallout. I was on tour one time and I ended a tour in California. This was like broke boy touring still. I was still in a band and I came and stayed at his house and I was there and like we got wasted together. Me and my band was there. We were having like this like party. We got wasted together.

I walked out on the streetlights with him. He looked at me. Both of us fucking blackout drunk. He looked at me and he's like, the doctor told me I got a month to live. And I was like, what the fuck? I was like, what the fuck? I was like, I'm not going back home. Like my band can go back home without me this is when i

literally like was like out because okay it's funny i kind of skipped over something in the band thing i got kicked out of that one band right i got picked up by another band to play drums that led me to be in in this giant band called scary kids scaring kids playing drums and it all them it all yeah i played drums to them and it all worked out my first tour ever as mod sun was scary kids scaring kids going yo will you play drums for us and i was like i'll only do it if i can open his mod son wow so my whole first come from it stands for movement on dream stand under none i looked up at the sky one night i said what is my name it came into, what is my name? It came into my head, and I never questioned it. It came into my head, M-O-D-S-U-N. What does that mean?

Movement on Dreams, Stand Under None. What does that mean? Modern Sunshine. Like, that was it. And I never questioned it once. There was never any other name. It happened in one minute. You're so spiritual without even really knowing it.

For sure. I mean, you might know it now, but back then, I don't know if you did. I like to believe it. It's hard to convince yourself sometimes that you're, like to something but i believe it for sure but my first tour is my son was literally performing to a hardcore post-hardcore like crowd being just boot off stage coming out rapping over miley cyrus party in the usa like getting just i would pay to see that somebody give me the footage yes real talk it's out there i'll send it to you um but anyway so i go after this tour my dad's like says this to me and i'm

like yo everyone can whatever i got my laptop with me i'm just gonna work on this mod son music that i really believe in and uh and he never mentioned it again after that night. And he didn't die. And I didn't see him go to the hospital. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here, dude? Like, why would you tell me that? And nothing happened. And I was, like, there for, like, fucking, like, four months. Like, being like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah. And I'm not going to say what I think was going on because i truly don't know but i didn't talk to him for like two or three years after that you know what i mean do you think maybe he knew he had a terminal illness and just didn't know how to tell you or do you think he was i don't think was that. I think it was something else that I would hate to say because if I was wrong, I would feel like an asshole. Okay, but it was a form of manipulation? Yeah. Oh, that's terrible.

I think, and maybe I'm fucking wrong, and he just was cured. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know, but it fucked me up. And I went like two or three years. One last piece of trauma, Dad. Thank you.

I went like two or three years without talking to him. And then all of a sudden sudden I was living in California. Okay. I had moved out to California by this time. Fast forward three years. I'm living in California. I'm living up in North Hollywood. And his girlfriend called my sister and was like, yo, your father's in the hospital.

He's on like, not like life support, but maybe, like, something like that. Dialysis or something? Yeah. Oh, shit. Are you talking about when he started living with me? Was this when I flew out and stayed in the hospital? Yeah. Okay.

So I guess he was in a coma. I love how detached you were from it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for real. You're like, no more pain. No, no, no, no, no. But check this out.

I drive down there. Okay? Drive down to the hospital hospital my sister's still living in minnesota at the time she flies out and basically his girlfriend had to show up to be like here's your dad's bag he can't live with me anymore okay kicking him out which i don't fucking blame her at all dude was like a fucking crazy right so i'm like here we go again let's open the door move up to north hollywood with me my dad ends up literally sleeping on my couch like i'm talking my grown-up father like sleeping on my couch and like being like my kid and my dad knows that when

i'm talking like this i'm not talking down because in the same sentence i'll be like coolest dude that ever lived coolest fucking dude that ever lived. Coolest fucking dude that ever lived. And I would not be me without him. You know, this is not like hate train. This is just like what it was. It's hurt. It's pain that you're allowed to talk about. Yeah.

And and, you know, so he starts living with me and we're having a great time because this is like my friend. You know, this is like truly my friend. you know this is like truly my friend and uh and so you know we're living at this house in north hollywood which is where my like cocaine days like really got out of control i'm talking like the ugly cocaine where you just have like a plate out at all times i've been there done that yeah i had a candle like a candle holder yeah that had lines just lined up on it all the time yeah we think it's so glamorous oh yeah yeah it's so my, it was so MySpace. Yeah. So rich. I know. I know.

And yeah, I mean, he just proceeds. What really fucked up was that the doctor was like, dude can never drink again. You know, if he ever drinks again, he's going to die. Did he have cirrhosis of the liver? Yeah. Okay. So it was like, he ever drinks again, he's going to die. He's in your care.

And I'm like, dad, you can't drink. You cannot drink because you're not dying on my hands you cannot drink he's like didn't tell me i can't do coke right they just don't want help man that's how my parents are and i'm like i'm like you're not wrong i'm like shit like it's 3 a.m i'm'm by myself. You want to, I guess, just blow these lines down. Like, yeah, you're not wrong. They didn't say that, you know? They just said no alcohol. And, like, again, dude was so cool. I wish everyone in the world could meet him because he was so cool and charismatic and funny.

Life was a joke to him. Life was literally, the purpose of life was to make people laugh. And he would make you fucking laugh. He would own every room he walked into and make every fuck it he had women like women loved this man charismatic he he could be living out of his piece of shit car and he would be able to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman like they loved him he loved this man probably his first life here yeah yeah true true certainly so he came in just fucking guns a blazing yeah life's a party yeah yeah and so i ended up moving out of that house to another house down

in laurel canyon and i got a room for him because i was like all right my dad like rolls with me like this is my road dog like you come on tour with me you do this with me like whatever and uh things were going fine and then i went into his room one night and i found a bunch of plastic bottles of vodka under his bed oh dad and i was like yo i was like you're out i was like you're out bro because i'm you're not dying under my roof yeah like i'm not gonna take the responsibility that I'll live with for the rest of my life that you fucking died under my roof. You're out. And it was so hard because, again, I had to disconnect from my father again.

Yeah. The same cycle all over again, you know. But I knew it was the right thing. I knew it was the right thing to do. So then he goes off, lives with another girlfriend. You know, that was kind of his thing. He'd go find a girlfriend to live with. And it's hard because, you know, we didn't die.

He didn't die on the best terms with each other, you know, because, like, another two years, whatever, went by. Damn, Dad was hanging on. Yeah. For dear life. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I got a call last night. I've talked about this before, so I'll talk about it again just because it is a big part of the story.

But I got a call from him one night. We always had this deal. He was like, like if i die you get my bird he had an african gray parrot his whole life this was his best friend he had a love relationship with this bird for real he was this was his his soulmate was his bird and he was like when i die she's yours right and so i got a voicemail on my phone one night that's like hey man i could hear it in his way hey man you know something's came up uh ruby's yours i'm like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck is going on so i get my car and i start driving down long beach and i'm calling him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and he finally answers he's like it's already done man

don't even just turn around just turn around it's already done the deal's already done just turn around i'm like dude i'm 20 minutes away just hold on i don't know just hold on just fucking hold on dude i get to fucking long beach i kick open the door and he's like sitting there with his like fucking wrist in the air like in a pool of blood and shit and i walk in slip on the pool of blood fall into it and i fart fucking just start slapping him slapping him just like what's your favorite allman brothers song what's your favorite allman brothers song he like his eyes come open he's like whipping post if anyone who knows the song whipping post like it's like i feel like dying it was like the craziest i just say in that

state but anyways that being said ambulance was called came um and brought him back to life saved his life brought him back to life all good you know shit happened that is so traumatic very traumatic like i'm trying not to cry very traumatic you know and all good and he he made it through and you know at that moment i was like dad you need to get help when you get let out of this hospital i stitched you back up You got these badass stitches now. All right, I know you like that, Mr. Hell's Angel. Like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, they let you out.

I'll put you anywhere you need to go to get help. I got you. Whatever you need. And he was just like, man, I was wasted. I don't even remember what happened. You know? My mom, who has this horrible relationship with him, calls him and is just like, you need to apologize to your son.

Apologize? You need to apologize to your son. And he's just like, I won't do it. You know? And so, boom, we split there. That was when I was like, whatever. But that was when I started going really off the rails. Because this was still drug addict days you know i went really off the rails that's a lot of scaring scaring my family won't pick up the phone you know the crazy thing is like when

when i got into my car after the ambulance came picked him up i was like you son of a bitch i was like you my crazy kind of narcissistic mind as well as like you you were giving me a story weren't you you were giving me some kind of crazy story from my life like weren't you like you son of a bitch i almost got from that story and i was going to say this in a second was i feel like your dad knew that you would save him yeah so i don't think he really wanted to die at that moment i think he just i don't think he did yeah so i don't think he really wanted to die at that moment i think he just i don't think he did he knew i don't think he did either and also i did i also part of me is like part of me is like my dad is a dude who doesn't want to look like a faker as soon as he

found out i was on his way that's when i think he did this i am so sorry and uh that's not okay no it's not okay and and and that was when that was when i really had to cut off this relationship that was when i really had to cut it off understandably yeah i really had to cut it off because i was like oh my god this is like fucking insanity i was like this crazy also and then in the same breath i was like you son of a bitch you wanted me to have this goddamn story of like pivotal fucking whatever in my life this is when everything changed and now i'm worth it to be an artist like i whatever tortured artist syndrome like van gogh cut off his ear that the whole goddamn thing through every artist and i think they have to be tortured to be brilliant yeah

my dad was like that i'm like you gave me this all right i'm gonna wear it as my badge of honor now and whatever i mean he's given you a lifetime of trauma. Yeah. I mean, that was, that was a huge piece of it, but he's started when you were young, baby. And, uh, he moved away, um, with another girl. And then, uh, even after he split his wrist, he just moved away with another girl. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, would reach out every now and then. The bummer is this. We were supposed to meet up. Maybe this was two years after this happened. We were supposed to meet up. He's like, hey, man, I'm coming down.

I had healed from this a little bit. I was like, yes, let's get lunch. You know? Let's get lunch. I had healed from this. You know? And I do want to talk to you god damn it i miss you you're my fucking dog you know you're my dad uh that little boy in you just

wanted your daddy yeah and um he was uh he was he was he made plans to come down um on a train and then oh my god i didn't zip up my fucking zipper after oh i can't fucking i went to the bathroom halfway but good thing we got camera angles but keep that in i'm a real person and uh and um so he was he was he had he was getting on a train to come down and the day before he's like hey man uh so can you pick up me and my girlfriend from the train station and then can you take us to this classic car lot we're gonna look at buying this car and i was like my girlfriend from the train station and then can you take us to this classic car lot we're gonna look at buying this car and i was like bro what the fuck i'm not trying to see you and your girl you were coming down to my you were coming down to see me now this is about you and your girl

coming down to buy a classic car like what the fuck i was like no i was like no dude no i was like i was gonna see you and i was like it was a lot for me to even say i was gonna go get lunch with you you know yeah and i was like no no it's not happening and um and then shortly after that he went into another coma and that was how he went out but but the caveat to all this is that when i got to go see him in the hospital i brought a little one of those little like JVC speakers in my pocket. And it was during COVID. So it was a one-at-a-time thing. And my sister went in. My sister never should have done all this, but she had to take on all of this, like the adult.

Because he had no one. He had no one. And my sister took just all this on. I love you. I love you. Look at she is getting on. You have my glasses? And anyways, cool rock and roll part about it. you i love you look at she is getting on you're strong you have my glasses um and anyways anyways

anyways cool rock and roll part about it is that i got my chance i'll just hug right now i feel like everybody's crying i feel like we need hugs and shit, come on. Seriously, come on. I did want to give you a hug. Yeah, my sister. Yeah, yeah, come on. You guys. You guys are making some shit, man. Yeah. Cap in the cool part. Here we go, okay? So, like, my sister goes in and sees him,

and, like, I go in and get my chance to see him, and I pull out this speaker, and I fucking turn it on full volume and play Whipping Post by the Allman Brothers. And I get kicked out of the hospital. Oh, no. Very rock and roll. And I gave, I know he was,

because when I said, I was like, what's your favorite Allman Brothers song in this crazy time? I was like, man, that might be the last thing that he heard, which is like his fucking song, dude. And, but I thought that was just the way that he wanted to go out. And I was like, I'm going to give that to you, pops. After all this shit, like, hell yeah, you know?

That's the way he would want me to get kicked out of the hospital coming to see him, you know? Oh, my God, dude. That is a lot. Yeah. A lot to unpack, a lot to process, a lot to hear. I couldn't imagine living through that. You know, you and your sister both are so, you guys are making me cry, man. You guys are so lucky to have each other. Straight up. A hundred percent. You guys are so lucky to have each other to just go through all this fucked up shit together. And, you know, I have trauma with my family, too. And I have learned with my dad, especially and my mom. And before my mom died, it was kind of the same thing with I inherited custody of her and fucking her and I ended up not talking and she ended up just dying abruptly one day in my care. Her and I ended up not talking and she ended up just dying abruptly one day in my care. And the biggest lesson that my mother ever gave me in her life was in her death.

And it was forgiveness. Forgiveness is on everybody's own terms and on your own time. But forgiveness is for you. It's not for them. But forgiveness is for you. It's not for them. And, you know, our parents, for some reason, that generation of human did not want to fucking fix their trauma. They were content being fucking wild hellions. And you weren't going to tell them.

They were going to live their life how they wanted to. It didn't matter who they hurt. And we are here to correct that you're a general you're breaking generational curses thank you every day i've i've i've been telling myself that for a long fucking time you are you're you're doing i was like my dad was so close to being the fucking coolest shit in the world and he just couldn't get past this one thing and I was like himself yeah I was like the the the tree was going like this and then you know for me on out it goes like this you know yeah no but you are you guys are both breaking generational curses you guys are

doing everything right and you guys are just beautiful humans and I want you to know that I'm so sorry that that is part of your story. It's really heartbreaking and there's not much more that I can even, no, thank you for all that. And it, you know, like again,

there's like that flip side to everything. And like, you know, my sister shortly after all this had happened, um, well, she had just moved out to, to LA,

but, but it, it really has brought us to like this thing where we're just like man fuck the world like we got each other yeah you guys against the world and she goes on tour with me she's she's tour managers and well no wonder she's banging the who are you banging oh yeah the drummer the drummer no wonder you're banging the drummer you're always with him i mean that now i get it now i get it it's the inevitable you got her on tour and everything i mean yeah for sure i'd be banging the drummer too yeah yeah but she's

my ride or die for sure thank you guys for sharing that that that was really heavy and yeah you know i just hope that you guys are able to find peace with everything one of these days whenever you're ready and yeah i yeah i feel like i i'm i feel like i have in a lot of ways you know like i've always felt like i've been able to like zoom out from the situation i have and like you know obviously just you know hope for my sister's gone through like everything i have but plus more because she was like had to raise me you know in a lot of ways you know because my mom was like a single mom so she had to work all the fucking time you know all the time yeah all the time my mom had to work and like greatest mom in the world and is my mom and always felt like my mom but then when i grow up i realized like

being able to talk to my sister that i was like oh no my sister like fucking had to raise me as well you know it's crazy because i don't know if you believe in it but soul families like we pick our families for the lessons that we want before we wait really so i this is what i believe not everybody believes it but i i truly 100 wholeheartedly believe that we have soul families and that can reach out to our friends. That can be, that can be like your sister, like your sister could have been your mom in another life. And that's why she's so motherly to you.

Your dad could have been like a son in another life. And that's why you were kind of like his father here. You know, my mom, I know it's crazy as fuck. And it's like mind blowing. But my mother, like Tyler Henry was just on my podcast and he even, yeah, it's, I, you guys got to see the clip on a TikTok. It's at like 2 million right now. Fucking it's me bawling my eyes out.

But my mom came through and she was like, I am so sorry for what I've done to you. And she, he said that she's, he's, she's showing me the mother and daughter inverted. And he, he said that you were like her mother and she was like your daughter and this, and that just confirmed everything that I've ever believed in. Because literally I feel like we pick the lessons that we want to go through in life before we get here. And I know it sounds crazy and it's weird, but it's like our soul. Listen, listen. Our soul yearns. It's maybe the least crazy thing that we've talked about today to me. I'm like, yes. Yeah. Yes.

No, but I feel like our soul yearns for those lessons. And so your lesson, I always say you have to find the blessing and the lesson in every situation that you have, you know? So it's like in the situation with your dad, what was the blessing and what has been the lesson? And then from that, that is what you have to work on in your life and what you're here for that's your life purpose is to figure out why your life took these turns and went in the trajectory that it did and your dad put you through what he did because your soul yearned for that before you came here i know it's wild but i mean i think i feel like you nailed it

for me like yeah 100% yeah well let's talk about something fun you want to talk about let's switch real quick you brought me a book yes yes did i ever wake up what is this tell me that's my first book so i have six books out but that's my first book. So I have six books out, but that's my first book. And it's the thing that really changed my life. Like that truly changed my life as far as like art. Like, yeah, yeah, of course. It's like, you know, this was a 21-year-old, my son, who was living his life by the law of attraction and the secret. And the only time I ever heard people uh speak on it especially at this time was much older people you know that i was like i want to make a version that youngins can

hear those words and actually connect the same thing with the hockey and the handsome thing yeah i wanted to make that i wanted to make my version of the secret or the law of attraction what that meant to from the the lens of a younger person um so it's like very like creative writing but motivational it's like the did i ever wake up is like basically being like how to live your life like it's a dream and believe that you're in a dream and believe that you're like able to to make manifest yes to believe that um and it changed my life i mean that book is sold like 200 000 copies it's it's it's the one thing that i've been able to like live my journey through is like this piece of intellectual property that is my book

you know and you have six books i have six books out yeah tell me uh this is the only one that's like in in this realm and then i have like two poetry books out and then i have three um journal kind of uh if i had one here it'd be really easy to understand. But it's like I go on some kind of trip and I write the first half of this 100 page thing or whatever. I write my story just day by day. This day, this, this, this, this, this. And then the cover is on the same cover is on the flip side of the back. So you flip it over like that.

It looks the exact same. But then you go to the pages and they're blank. So it's like two stories come to live together. And it kind of like influences like the younger generation, the importance of writing and not just diary entries, but like to write and literature and the importance of those things that live between the pages. All the answers are in the books, truly. And not my books the books i'm saying like period you know and uh so i just like to influence like the the world to to be in touch

with especially like the importance of literature and just like telling your own your own story not not for the simple fact of being like the world needs to hear my story but telling yourself your story you know documenting things living like your dad like that like living like your dad living making art like you're dead and gone how important would it be for your uh 100 years from now people connected to your family to find your journal it would be so amazing for them yeah they would love that like my brain is over here already know my brain is like going because i'm writing a book this year actually too about my life but great it's so important it's so important to it i think those things i tell as many people possible that like

also like check it out dude fucking music is is the one piece of art that i do that i feel has so little intellectual property. Because my favorite song is Like a Rolling Stone, let's say, right? Bob Dylan, Like a Rolling Stone. Regarded as the greatest song of all time. That is 99 cents right now, okay? A song that a kid just made, his very first song that let's just for all sakes of this argument call it terrible, okay? It's 99 cents.

That is fucked up to me yeah if this is a song that's regarded as the greatest song of the world why is it the same price as the song from the kid that just made it last night in one hour not knowing what he was doing yeah why is that okay a book that is intellectual property if i say that book is worth $3,000, that book is worth $3,000 fucking dollars, period, end of discussion, and like, I don't care how much it took to make it, I don't care how much time it took to take it, if I say that's how much it is worth, that's how much it's worth, and it's the same with my paintings, and it's the same with any of the things that I do outside of music, because music, I'm in this confine of a a world that's not changing and hasn't changed and

it's like that's just a crazy thing to me that there's a set price on greatness in that world but a painting you know yeah a fucking bosch painting is selling for 200 million dollars yeah and yeah i mean you know i've never looked at it that way yeah amazing it's like that that's why i love those types of intellectual property i think they're so important yeah you're not putting your worth compared comparatively like stuck in a world like you could literally tell you could say i'm making one book and i'm selling it for a hundred thousand dollars and you'll find someone to buy that book no for sure all you need to do is sell one at that price.

You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. That you made your money back. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. No, that's wild. I've never thought of it that way. Your mind is brilliant. It really is.

And I feel like, dude, you need your own podcast. Modcast. It's coming. Oh my God. Yes. Do it. I love that. I'll listen to it and I'll support it 100%.

Okay, please do. Please do. Yeah. You need one because this generation needs to hear what you have to say because you have so much depth and so many people, I do a lot of interviews, so many people do not have depth and you really need to have a microphone in front of you. That might be your calling. Thank you.

This podcast has been so fucking therapeutic for me. I know if you had a podcast, oh my God. I mean, i hear you allowing people to like find themselves when i when i listen to your episodes and then i also hear you stumble upon things that you're figuring about how about yourself when you're talking to someone asking and you ask the question yeah and you're like oh shit yeah i love it like you you i needed you today like i am i can totally admit that I needed you today. Mimi's shaking her head yes because I had.

No, I needed you today. Like this was such a blessing because I just fucking had the worst day yesterday and I was just like really questioning a lot of things. And then you just came in here and the things that you have said have just like sparked my flame again. And I needed that. So thank you for that. Thank you for your time. That makes me so happy.

That's why she's the manager. Watch this. So, so years go by and my, so I got one of the things that changed my life that this is awesome to mention is that after a year and a half of being Mod Sun and make and releasing music as Mod Sun, my brand of like rapping and this, I got chosen by Rolling Stone magazine to be one of 15 people put in a contest to be the first unsigned artist put on the cover of Rolling Stone. Right. And it was just like this thing that I was like, the law of attraction is real. Like, are you hearing me yet? Like, it's real. All my songs are about the law of attraction. And I'm about, I'm in five issues of Rolling Stone right now. Yeah. This is fucking nuts. Yeah. And so while that's going on, here comes the guitar player that kicked me out from the other band. And he was in a band that was signed and they break up.

And he sends me a picture of him having my logo at mass like this tattooed on his wrist. And he goes, so proud of you, bro. So proud of you, bro. And I was like, I have missed you so goddamn much. I have missed you so much. I was like, come be my guitar player you're so i'm going out to new york to do this competition for rolling stone and be on camera for a week come be my dj and guitar player bro i have missed you so much boom he's there we go on for years together to

tour the world together and he's guitar and singing and he's been featured on some of my songs his name's pat brown love him to death the what i do and my life and being an artist was not made for him so now he's um he's a tour manager now and he tour manages uh tiesto and like he's pop he's popping he's legit he did his thing brought him back around we fucking had an amazing run travel the world together still talk to this day the other guy that kicked me out he was my dj before he became my dj uh uh after after he kind of left around no no no it was before he was my uh first dj before my friend pat came around and then he decided to go to art school and went to art school for a while and then was like man this school shit's not for me I was like he came to my going away party to move to California I hadn't talked to him for like two years came to my going away party that my sister

threw me a surprise party she invited him he came we hadn't talked in a while he's like man I'm going through this rough relationship I just broke up like I want to quit school I don't know what to do I was like I'm moving to California tomorrow i got an extra bedroom there i have missed you i was like if you fucking want to pack your shit up come live with me bro just let's work together you make art and shit you can do all my covers and shoot some videos and dj play guitar whatever you want to do you know and brought him back around And now he's still out here. He's gone on to be a huge person, graphic designer for girls, skateboards, and now he has his own creative agency and stuff.

And so, you know, I'm super proud of both of them, but you broke my damn heart and I never held it against you. Yeah. He's a Pisces. He definitely held it against you. Yeah. Yeah. You sure you want to be in this same town as me? Yeah. I's a Pisces. He definitely held it against you. Yeah. Yeah. You sure you want to be in this same town as me?

Yeah. I love that. And then lastly, I know I've had you forever, but we have to talk about, you're going to be dropping an album. Yeah. Yeah.

We're going to be dropping an album. My first, my first song from this new run of things. I have left the internet for the last six months. I haven't dropped anything in almost a year. And I'm coming back with my song that I've worked so hard on this new music, but also just came into it so pure. Like I said, I went back to Minnesota.

I was like, I'm not going to make music for three years. And if I want to after that, cool, I will. I came in with so much pure intention to make music. And I stumbled upon making what I believe could be the song that everyone knows me for for the rest of my life. And Kelz helped write on it with me. One of my newest additions to my best friendography is this guy named No Love,

who is, I think, one of the most talented people around. It's just this tight knit group that we have and yes i'm releasing a song it's going to be out on june 7th so depending on when this comes out it's either out right now or it's about to come out and um from there i'm going to just continue releasing over the summer and then i'm going to go on a tour most likely this will be out when this gets announced too as well at the uh end of september and yay we'll be on tour too so I get my own tour bus whenever I go on tour with daddy and so hopefully our paths will cross

oh I can't wait you guys like we can either go to one of your shows or you come to ours or both or whatever yeah we'll have to link schedules yeah that'll be fun and I'm just I've never been more fulfilled with the music I make and and this the fact is that I was a drummer growing up, and I always wanted to play guitar and get good at guitar. And I've kept 12 guitars around me at all times throughout my whole life and just never clicked for me. And within the last six months, due to my really great friend, No Love, who's an incredible guitar player, it's clicked for me.

It's totally clicked. And I've been writing all my songs just me and a guitar and whether they get like a little production on top of that it's all very purposeful production but a lot of it my favorite song i've ever wrote that i've been trying to write since i was 13 years old it's called morning breaks it's gonna come out this summer it's just my my voice and a guitar the same time recorded playing it and it is the song i've been trying to write my entire life and my friends that mean the world to me are like i cried to this you know i cried to this song and i'm just like bingo i'm i'm fulfilled i'm just so fulfilled musically my expectations are start and end right there am i fulfilled absolutely good

let it out into the world whatever these things do grow up on your own and and have a great time out there songs but you have fulfilled me and i'm so proud of that and i have nothing but happiness to to share it with the world and that's all i want to do is share it grow your own legs go live your life i hope you become the biggest goddamn songs that i've ever created but either way you have made me so happy no say they will they will they will i know i believe they will but i'm also like you're a child that hasn't been born yet so i'm not telling you you have to be a goddamn superstar but i expect you to be a fucking superstar get the fuck up and let's get to work. I love it.

I'm excited to hear it. My favorite music is stripped down music like that, like acoustic, where you can just feel it. You're going to love it. Yeah. Send it to me. I want to hear it. Give me a sneak peek

so we can listen to it on the way home. I will. Maude, thank you for coming here today. Thank you. This is great. And I needed you. But also, also,

Vice versa, I needed you. I also vice versa i needed you like it's i think um you know i tell some of my close friends too like when they're when they're going through something i'm like well you know what go outside and be social go into a social setting you might be like man i don't feel like being around people tonight go out you'll be reminded how much people love you yeah and like that is so crucial to getting through a tough time like remind yourself how loved you are you know just like it's okay to do these little like hacks in life it's not all this like be present be in the moment make sure that you're focused on the right it's

like no allow other people to make you happy as well. And like, don't be so goddamn hard on yourself. Be gentle. Go out. Remind yourself. It could be one person that's like, damn, I miss seeing you. And you're like. I needed that. Yeah.

You're just like, I needed that. Thank God. I am great. Yeah. You know? I love that. What are you guys fucking doing over here? I'm fucking crying.

He's been crying so hard. I'm watching her looking at her over here. Everybody's fucking crying y'all my new best friends god you guys maude I love you and I want you to come back to the podcast as many times as you want I would love to

co-host with me one day or something I would love to that would be so fun I would love to thank you so much for having me on. This has been The Top Line. Why don't you tell people where they can find you, just in case they don't know where you're at.

M-O-D-S-U-N on everything. Mod Sun. And, you know, I would love to meet you all out there. Anyone out there. See you on tour. Great talks really happen. Great talks really happen. Great connections really happen. Friends are still alive and well.

It's never too late to make a new friend. Love you so much. Thank you. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.