Dumb Blonde - Renee Graziano: Family Business

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Renee Graziano of Mob Wives fame joins Bunnie for a no-holds-barred conversation about surviving years of abuse, addiction and trauma, and her incredible journey to becoming a recovery advocate. Renee holds nothing back as she spills all the details about tumultuous time on Mob Wives, dealing with the painful loss of her father, sobriety and how she became the tough-as-nails fairy grandmother she is today. Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comRenee Graziano: IG | TikTok See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and shit and i was like i want to be super hot make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife that was my goal as a child and here we are what's up you sexy motherfuckers. Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, we have our fairy mob mother here. This is Renee Graziano. How are you doing, mama? I'm wonderful. It's such a pleasure to meet you. Dude, I'm so happy you're here. You're so striking in person. Like, you're beautiful online too, but you're just so striking. No, I'm prettier in person. I love it. And I'm smaller.

You're tiny. Yeah, people will always think I'm taller. I'm actually, you know, I did just lose like almost 20 pounds. So I am a little bit smaller than normal. But thank you. It's your presence online. Thank you. That makes people think you're bigger than you are. Because you are such a, just a power, like a powerful woman.

Thank you. Like any room you walk in You demand attention So Yeah I think that's where My addiction comes from I love that Absolutely

We'll definitely get into that Sure But I mean you are a real Sicilian princess Yeah You're like My father Spared no expense

On any one of his daughters Like I miss him terribly. We're coming up on five years. And my life was really very much like a movie. And I think that's another reason why addiction played such a really big part in my life. But growing up with like a mob boss as a father and you could do no wrong and everybody else was wrong.

It was like the perfect combination. It was the perfect storm for me. Absolutely. And so for those of, um, those people who don't know, who is your father? Uh, my father is, uh, Anthony Graziano. He was the consigliere of the banano crime family yes that sounds powerful it doesn't he you know and and my father's story is quite remarkable uh no higher than an eighth grade education um you know when he passed away i found out that the first time he was ever arrested

was for robbing cornflakes to feed his sisters. And he lived in a trailer with newspaper as the shades. And his mom's boyfriend was sexually molesting his sisters. And at 12, my father was shipped off because the man suddenly died in an electrical fire. Oh. So. Do we think dad had something to do with that allegedly i hope he did yeah anybody that hurts children anybody that hurts children deserves i i hope he did i truly do because for me i now it makes so much more sense why he was the way he was with us like we had to be covered and you couldn't do this and you couldn't wear a bikini.

And I was always like, what's wrong with my father? You know, and it was like, God forbid, you said you had your period. It was like, you couldn't come out of the, like your room. I remember I had my first breast reduction at like 18. Wow. Yeah. Oh yeah.

I had an F breast naturally. Yeah. I think God made me upside down and backwards. So my ass was flat. My boobs were huge. Stop it. Yeah. I kid you not. My nickname was sheet rock. Okay. breast naturally yeah I think God made me upside down and backwards so my ass was flat my boobs were huge stop it yeah I kid you not my nickname was sheetrock okay so you wonder why I have all these like you know who nicknamed you sheetrock well okay so my ex-brother-in-law named me spongebob squarepants and then my ex-husband that evil bastard bastard, that rat, no good prick. We'll get into him later.

Yeah, we will. Yeah, I was just always picked on. That is terrible. And you don't look like sheetrock. You're beautiful. No, because I got my ass done like four times. And we're going to talk about that too. So circling back to childhood.

You know, your dad was this huge mobster. And what was life like for you? Did you guys talk about it were you allowed to say the word mob like I know I've talked to the other girls and they all have such different upbringings were like Ramona's family did not talk about it not at all but Karen's family they were just like you know okay so so Ramona's grandfather and my father were very dear friends, same family. Right. So they were very close. So growing up, all I knew was my father worked, like most fathers work nine to five. My father worked five to nine.

Right. So it was the opposite in the hours. And there were times that he, you know, wasn't home. But it was not something that we would ever question because you're not allowed to ask questions right however when I was about 16 I remember being in um pastels which was you know the nightclub in Brooklyn and I was at the end of the bow with my best friend Teddy Persico and a man comes over and he introduced Teddy introduced me he said oh this is TG's daughter and he said yeah you know her father's a captain I go my father doesn't drive a boat oh he goes what I go he doesn't sail a ship Teddy tell this guy but I didn't know what the words were and I went they're looking at you like I went home

Teddy's going shut up I go home I go dad is this something you want to tell me I was like is that why you're not home on the weekends? He's like, what are you talking about? I was like, you're a captain. And he was like, oh my God, sit down. And it was like this moment of, you don't ever ask a question like that. Understand, you're a little different than everybody else. And I didn't know what it meant, but I started to understand because I had like that flashback when these kids in fourth or fifth grade glued an article of my dad to my desk. Yeah. So, you know, there were two young girls

that I went to school with that bullied me. And one of the girls, her father was found in a trunk. So I love how you say that so matter of factly. I know. So this is, you know, what's crazy because now I finally realized all these things gave me trauma oh which i never knew they did absolutely baby but it was normal to me trauma starts at the moment of conception so like if your mom and dad were fighting her pregnancy that's trauma like you the minute conception starts trauma really oh that makes so oh wow I had to get my son into therapy immediately were you were you close to your mom growing up um closer to my father I'm like my father's twin but I was also born very sick so I had spinal taps for the first six months of my life I'm the only addict in my

family um well I'm the only confessed addict in my family for drugs and alcohol not alcohol actually drugs um i'm sure my father was an addict because of his lifestyle yeah you know what i mean all that stuff that goes along with the mob my sister jennifer threw herself into work you know everybody has an addiction mine just resulted in drugs right you know so when you were born you had to have spinal taps which is trauma right there yeah for you just so you came out of the womb already having trauma yeah growing up you like you said you did not know that your father was in the mob how did they hide that from you um okay so i remember i was 13 when I first experienced the feds broke down the doors and like sledgehammers and they came in to get my father.

And I remember like losing my mind and saying, you're not taking him. Like I was on top of him. Like, yeah, and I didn't know. And he was like, Renee, don't worry about it. I'm coming right back, Renee. Just don't worry about it. And I didn't know what it meant, you know, and it wasn't explained. It was like, oh, don't worry about it. You know, but then there's things in the newspaper. What do they say? Like daddy ran a red light?

So bookmaking. So the reason Pete Rose didn't get inducted into the Hall of Fame is because he got pinched on my father's case. Wow. So there's a lot of that that was when he was like really coming up right now and um i knew i was different i knew i was because my father would when the candy man would come on the corner of the block my father would buy out the truck for everybody on the block he was always doing stuff for everybody else you know and that's why i i have this love for my father because my father's never been charged with murder. So therefore, in my eyes, he's not one.

Okay. So all the other little things that mobsters do, it's kind of in their own community. As far as, you know, what I knew or if I watch a movie, I don't really get too much into that because people like to say, well well how could you defend your father he was this and he was that but at the end of the day he was my father and all you knew from him was love exactly like and when I told you this man loved me like there was nothing greater in this world that when he died I wanted to die I literally wanted to go with him. You have two other sisters. Were they as close with him as you are? Lana is nine years older.

So my father was more in the street when she was younger. So there's a little bit of a resentment there. And I got all the attention because I was the sick child. So Lana actually hung me when I was six with a red, white, and blue plastic jump rope. Hoisted me over the chandelier. I'll never forget that. Oh, my God. And then the other time.

So and then this other time. That is not normal, Renee. I know. But now I know why I have trauma. Then this other time, she put the dog leash around my neck. And she hung the cord from the other side. And she's like, just jump off the stairs and swing. I'm like, okay.

And you know, I was like a stick figure. I was a stick figure and she was heavier. So my father was harder on her. But her things were like, lose 50 pounds, I'll buy you a car. Lose 50 pounds, I'll give you 15,000, 20,000. So it was different. I didn't have to. I was skinny. There was like, if I turned sideways, all you saw were my boobs. Right. So it was different. I didn't have to. I was skinny.

There was like, if I turned sideways, all you saw were my boobs. Like there was nothing to me. So there was definitely a jealousy factor. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. And then my little sister. So you're the middle.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And a cancer. So my little sister in first grade had an eighth grade reading level. And in eighth grade, I had an eighth grade reading level and in eighth grade I had an eighth grade reading level so I was the less scholastically intelligent sister right so I had that complex from birth I was ugly according to Lana and I was dumb according to Jennifer so which is normal for sisters and brothers and sisters to do it it's not nice, but they do it.

So hurtful. It is. I took it on. I became that. I became ugly and dumb. That's what I saw. I literally saw it. And I automatically became promiscuous because of that too.

At what age? I was 13. Oh my goodness. I just got goosebumps. You're a baby. I wasn't a baby. My body didn't look like a baby. I looked like I was 18 years old at 13.

I was like a triple D. If you've seen pictures of me at 13, you'd be like, who is she? I look younger now than I did at 13. Wow. So, yeah, my first boyfriend, I was like 13 and a half. He was 17. And his name was Frank. It's a little weird.

Yeah, and he was abusive. And that was something I hid from my father. I always hid my abuse. Abusive, getting abused by a boyfriend at 13. Yeah. What would he do to you? So, um, we, it was my skin call. Cause you're such a baby.

Yeah. It's funny. His daughter actually reached out to me on like Instagram. I was like, how's your fat father doing? Did he fix his nose yet? Did he like, you yet? Did he? Like, you know what? Because you know you get scarred.

You get so scarred. And rightfully so. He deserves that. But I just, it's, you know, we're painting a picture here for people. And I don't think a lot of people have got to hear this from you. No, they don't know this. And they don't understand what makes you so, I don't want to say aggressive, but just so brazen. And so like, you know, this is how it is. Like you have been molded by trauma since birth. Thank you for this. Because a lot of people don't know these things about me because I always had

to hide everything, you know. But Frank was abusive very young. And I remember being 15 and we were going, Tony Danza was at my sister Lana's wedding so we were attending something and he was jealous because he couldn't come so he stabbed I'll never he stabbed me in the side of my leg with a fork as I was coming down the stairs but cocaine was already in place at 14 so you were already doing drugs I was yeah 14 yeah absolutely well let we're going to talk about the abuse but then we're going to rewind back to the drugs. So I think for me, I just stayed because I thought that's what I deserved. So he stabbed you in your legs?

Like in my leg. I still have like two little marks left in my leg. Yeah. And I remember I had gone home one day and I had a black eye and my my father was on the couch and I walked in he goes come here and like he didn't see anything I was just walking straight to the room you know and he was like come here and I go what's up he's like what happened to your face I I said, oh, I walked into the door. He goes, oh yeah, you did? Sit down.

And I was like, oh shit. You know? He's like, what door? I said, uh, uh, the door. Like, what do you say? Like, you know, cause at this point I'm not really a liar and I suck at lying anyway. Um, so I'm trying to like come up with a story in my head and I know I can't at this point. And I remember I, oh, and this is why I never told on somebody afterwards.

So I said that he hit me and my father goes, okay, watch this. So he makes a phone call and he calls up the father and he says, I need you and your son to meet me at my restaurant. And it was on Forest Avenue called Mama Rose's. And then he called two other guys who have now passed on. And my father goes, get in the car. And I'm like, oh my God, what's going to happen? I'll never forget it. I was singing the Isley Brothers in between the sheets in the car.

And he goes, what the fuck do you know about that? I was like, nothing. It's a song. And he's like, don't talk. I swear to God, it was so scary in the car with him. It was in his big Lincoln. We get there and he goes, go in the restaurant and don't go by the window. So what does that mean?

That means go by the window. Right. You're going to go look. So now there's two Lincolns outside frank his father and these two guys and i look out the window and lo and behold now frank has a cast on his arm needless to say we know what happened how it got broken and it was that very second that i knew i could never tell on another human because it would be my sin that they got hurt. And that's so wrong to think that way because he deserved to have his arm broken. But because I had this

relationship with God at a very young age, I felt it was a sin. So I have to protect my father and protect the other person. So it's really my fault it happens. And that's exactly where everything started. That's, that's really where it all started. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor, but you pushed it off, made the excuse of I'm too busy. It'll heal on its own. I don't need help. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting, but thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking

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That's Life360.com, code BUNNY, B-U-N-N-I-E. You just felt like you couldn't be honest because you were scared of the repercussions that would happen if, like, somebody hurt you. Yeah. So when I met my son's father. Let's rewind really quick before we get into that. You said that um at that age you were already using drugs when did you start using drugs uh and why were you using okay so when I was about 13 I remember I did like mescaline like double purple double barrel never

forget it I had every bit of clothing that was on the closet on me. It was in the closet. My girlfriend's mother was like, what is Renee doing in the closet with the clothes? So I, yeah, so I knew like that wasn't the drug for me because I didn't like that type of feeling. I don't even know what that is. What is that? Yeah, they don't even make that anymore. It was like some kind of trippy drug.

I don't like- Like acid or- Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not like, acid was really strong. This was like some little acid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not like acid was really strong. This was like some little stuff. Yeah. And then I wanted to be very much like my older sister. So, you know, if there was partying going on, I wanted to do it too.

So I remember it started with black beauties and yellow jackets. So those are uppers. That was like speed. Diet pills and stuff. Yeah, correct. And then it just, when I met Frank it was cocaine so by 14 I was you know partying 14 15 um by the time I was 16 I was dating like the biggest drug dealer in Staten Island secretly and who is this are we allowed to say he was so gorgeous, I can't say it.

But it wasn't Frank. No, his first name is Jay. He was just like, oh, he was beautiful. And he was like, you can't tell nobody because, you know, your father would be upset. How old was he? 22. 22 and you were how old? 16.

Oh, God. I'm having this argument with our kid right now. She has 20-year-olds hanging around and she's 15. No. And I i'm like there's something wrong with them yep okay good and that's a crime i think that's a crime okay good because what i know now first of all i would kill somebody i have three granddaughters you're not making it home yeah like no you're warped in the brain that you want to be with a little girl yeah because good I'm glad regardless the woman could be grown you know physically we could look a certain way but mentally no and that's where they condition you you're conditioned in your early teen years you know what I mean so for me

it was like I felt popular I felt special I felt I wasn't ugly yes I felt I but it was a secret yeah so it's still you know it's not fair to me and I just stayed in a you know looking back it's so sad it's so sad I could have been so much more in life you know I could have had the healthy relationship, but no, I, you know, I went from my first boyfriend to that like relationship for a few years when I was in my 16 to 18 to meeting my son's father when I was 20, getting engaged a month and 19 days after I met him because I wanted this. And my father said, you want it? I'm going to give you what you want. Now you're going to let you, when you make your bed, you got to lay in it.

And my father didn't want me to marry him because he wasn't Italian. He was Puerto Rican. Did you ever experience abuse in the house? Was that? No, there was never any abuse. No, Lana always got hit. I'm trying to figure out where your attachment style came from. Okay.

I don't know. Because my father never hit my mother. Yeah. Ever. But what I do know is this. At 16, I found out about an affair my father had. Mom, I'm sorry if you ever hear this. And I remember what I did.

And I lost it. Like lost it. Because I have the most magnificent mother in the world like Raquel Welch gorgeous and such a good woman but in the same thing I didn't want to be her anymore I wanted to be her and then I didn't want to be her because to me it was weak right and I just said that's what her because to me it was weak right and I just said that's what's going to happen and I ended up being the same damn thing just with a big mouth so my father never hit my mother ever ever that's like just not happening in my household Lana got hit a lot because Lana was really bad like she would rob the car all the time and

you know like flip the cars and trying to hang you off chandeliers. Absolutely. Had me swinging off banisters. But I think for me, I just wanted something. You wanted to be loved. And I had such a hole in my soul. I was born with a hole in my soul. Literally, I was born with a heart murmur.

I think that was the hole. Yeah. And I would have done anything anything anything in the world oh god I'm gonna get so emotional right now it's okay I would have done anything for someone to say I love you looking back do you feel like you finally found that love within yourself not yet you're Not yet. You're still looking for it. Well, I love you. I love you too. You want a hug? Oh yeah.

Okay. I'm so sorry. I just don't know. No, you're good. I was like, I'm not going to cry today. I got you, mom. You are so kind. You know what?

Thank you. You know what's funny? Now I have it with my grandchildren, you know, they love me oh I bet and they you are like the ultimate gma you're like glamour that's yeah that's the name of my company too I just they actually I play superhero I um I do all these things with the kids and uh it's this feeling of it's a different love yeah and it does unconditional yeah it does fill the soul you know it it is now for me it's things are changing and um do we have any tissue mimi we'll get you we usually travel with a box oh my gosh we'll get you some i'll rip the eyelashes

off in five minutes i don't even care take the shoes off I don't care um yeah you know I think it's a journey I think life is a journey of literally learning how to fall in love with yourself yep it really is and I for women like us who have grown up with trauma and the women at home that are listening like that's really all we've ever searched for in this world is to give love and to receive love and it starts with us it does and uh what i'm finding out now is nobody's gonna do it for me but me absolutely you know and that's that's the sad part because i know how i love on somebody so i'm like what you know where are these people and my sister my sister Jennifer would always say to me, Renee, your expectations of people are way too high.

Nobody's you. No one will ever do the things you do. You pay people's bills before you'll even pay your own. You'll take care of everyone, strangers on the street, and not yourself. And I think that's what it was. I've always been trying to save a life, but it was my life I had to save. And I just felt like that my life wasn't good enough. I wasn't

good enough. Why should I be alive? Why should I have all these things? Even when I was young, I would give everything out. Everything my father'd give me, I'd give everybody else because I felt like God gave me so much. Why would I not share it? You know, not everybody gets the lifestyle that I lived as a child. I had a fur coat at seven, diamond nameplates. Like, I think I came out of the womb as a mob wife. Like, you know, with the big jewelry and the whole bit, you know. And now I look back and I just, I have three granddaughters and I have one grandson. Now I look back and I just, I have three granddaughters and I have one grandson and all I want them to do, all I want for them, I should say, is to know that they are so loved and nothing matters and nobody will ever hurt them.

And I say that and I don't care if the feds will listen in on this one. I would go right to the wall for them. You know what I mean? As every parent should for their child, every parent, any parent that doesn't shouldn't be a parent that's how I view it did you ever pour that feel like you poured that love into AJ you know what AJ AJ is is very loved uh very very very loved he doesn't Doesn't really show me that, though, anymore. I know I hurt my son. I definitely did.

AJ witnessed some stuff that he doesn't talk about ever. So when AJ was like five, and it was November 29th, and his father gave me a really bad beating. And his face was pressed between the two little lats on the stairs. And his eyes never left mine as this man dragged me down the stairs backwards. And I just remember looking at him. And I said, I got to get him out of here. And I went to church.

And there was a piece of paper in the church. And it after the long dark storm there will be light and there was no other piece of paper in the whole church that said that and I'm all over the church like oh my god God's talking to me like I know this man's having a conversation with me. He is. No facts. I left the next day. I packed what's crazy crazy, I took my son, my clothes, and my television. When you're in those situations, you do crazy shit. My TV, no, because I swear the TV meant something to me all my life. Like I wanted to be Lucille Ball. That was my dream.

Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball with Blondie and Joan Jett twist. That's all I wanted to be when I grew up. You know what I mean? But then again, I wanted to be Diane Carroll, up. You know what I mean? But then again, I wanted to be Diane Carroll, but then my mother told me I couldn't be Diane Carroll because she was a black woman. And I,

and I argued with her for like years. Yes, I can. She was like, no, you can't Renee. You don't understand. But,

um, yeah, I left him right there and I, I left with AJ. I went home. My father was like, okay, no problem.

Stay. You can't go back now. And what's crazy is my ex-husband's last name is Pagan. So for someone who believes in God so much, right? I've always thought that. Okay. I got married in a church called Our Lady of Pity. Oh my goodness.

A black crow flew in my church and sat above me on my wedding tape wow i just got goosebumps i married the devil i i kid you he's the spawn of the devil how did you guys meet where did this come from because i read somewhere that he was a friend of your No, not at all. He's a liar. Okay. He wishes. I met him on May 7, May 17 of 1990. He had just come home from doing like four years for like gun trafficking. So for me, it's like, oh, the SI report. I love it. Oh my God, he's gonna fit in my family just fine. Yeah. You know, and I remember going home and saying to him, I got a boyfriend. I want you to meet him. And he's like, what's his name?

I'm like, ask him when he gets here. He goes, what does that mean, Renee? Because I couldn't say his name was Hector. Yeah. I didn't know what was going to happen. Yeah. So when he got to the house, my father goes, what's your name? He goes, Hector.

He goes, Hector? What's that? What are you? So he said, I'm Puerto Rican. And he goes, no, your name name is Junior that's where he got that name from from my father and because he was in jail with a friend of my father's who was Joe Messina who was the uh mob boss of the Bonanno crime family who also became a fucking rat um and he's he's dead now too um my father gave him a pass. He started abusing me immediately,

immediately. And you were how old? 20? I was 20. I got engaged a month and 19 days after I met him. I said, daddy, this is what I want. And my father always gave me what I wanted. So even getting, you know, beat by him. My father never knew. Never knew. He never told him. He's my abuser. And when I say that, I mean it in every way, shape of the word. So whatever comes before abuse, emotionally, mentally, sexually, physically, that's my abuser. I've heard you say that he was your rapist. It's hard to believe that people give this man a platform you know it's hard to believe that women don't report this because you don't know it's a crime when you're married i didn't

know that that's a crime right you know if your husband comes home and he's a little bit forceful and you have to submit that's a crime i didn't know that and I had a therapist her name was Renee um and she was the one who told me no that's rape Renee and I was like I don't think it's called that where I'm from and she's like no that's what it's called period what would he do he was just the drugs The drugs were bad. He is an alcoholic and an addict. So he would just come home from, we had a strip club, my father's. And his girlfriend worked there. Her name was Danielle. Whose girlfriend?

My ex-husband's. Juniors, okay. Filthy bitch. Filthy. And he would just constantly compare me to her and he was very forceful from being drunk and high. And I really didn't have many choices. Uh, I also didn't understand. And I think I didn't understand a lot because I was never really developed in that sense of the word. Physically, I was very developed, but I wasn't mature enough to be. You're still a baby at 20. Yeah, absolutely. But I was doing it from 13. So you know what I mean? I figured, oh, I'm going to

make a guy like me. I know what I can do. And every guy liked me, trust me. But not every guy wanted me because one, it wasn't just the fact that you had to deal with my father. I don't shut up. Right. You're going to follow suit. Right. If you can't equal up to my father, you're going to follow suit. Right.

And I'm going to lead. And that's really what it was. And my ex-husband resented me for that because guys would kiss me hello before him. So, you know, that mob thing, they all kiss each other. They wouldn't kiss him before me. And I kept saying to him, but you're not Anthony's daughter. I am. So I am to be treated that way because I am the mob royalty if you don't mind.

And he's also not Italian. No. And that was the thing. Then he became so close with my father. My father loved this man. Oh with my father my father loved this man oh my god he loved this man and he was gonna give him our last name so he could imagine this and this man ratted on my father beat his daughter the abuse I went through he shattered my coccyx bone broke uh cracked a rib punctured a kidney broke my cheekbone like and i would never tell

renee i yeah i never told why would he do these things like he just would come home drunk he was just because he would say really mean things to me and oh god this is so bad sorry lois his mother's lois she died she was a heroin addict died hiv so he would be really mean to me and I'd be like your mother's oh true it's true your mother's this or your mother's that because that's my only defense because I'm getting smacked so what else could I do I'm like a little peanut and this man is six feet professional boxer no man should ever hit a woman no matter what he was he was just evil. Yeah, I know that he had his own trauma, but I don't like to give him any little bit of grace whatsoever because he doesn't deserve it.

Because you could walk out that door. You walked out that door and gave your girlfriend my car and left me while I was pregnant, throwing up. My body shut down. I lost 25 pounds in my fourth month. I, my body, I collapsed. And I stayed in the hospital for like at least two weeks. And he made me take a cab home.

Like the things, like a lot of it's flashing right now. So forgive me. No, you're good. You know, because my ADD is also active right now. No, you're fine. And it's like, oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my.

What was I doing? I could have had anything and anyone. I went through it, too. I went through a severely abusive relationship. So everything that I'm hearing from you just breaks my heart because I, too, stayed no matter what. And it was like we had the most amazing sex. And, like, he was always sorry after he would do it and then now this man is trying to gaslight me because he knows i'm writing a book oh good so where was his address and it's telling me that everything that happened

is embellished and that i'm lying and that he he never hit me closed-fisted but he bopped me in my nose you know like it's like the the these men are just crazy so to me you know hector sounds a lot like my ex well yeah because they're uh what's the what are they called narcissist narcissist asshole my ex-husband the sex was horrible horrible horrible horrible um you should be embarrassed um but hey you know, it's so crazy. His girlfriend, he has a girlfriend now. It like stalks me. Of course.

I'm like, bitch, please have a seat. You're the one that got away. Like, please have a seat. He probably triangulates you with her. He just knocked her out cold in a parking lot in Staten Island maybe like six months ago. He moved out here. He lives in Lake Tahoe. And if I had his address, I'd give it to you.

No. For anybody who wanted to ring the bell. I don't care. So I really don't care. They could come and say, Renee, you're not allowed to say that. I'd be like, yes, I am. So let's rewind it back. So you're going through this horrific time with him.

You're pregnant. You know, you have AJ. AJ's having to witness the abuse. When do you guys finally break because I know on Mob Wives you guys ended up getting back together okay so it was um November 30th I love that she remembers dates yeah oh I have a thing with numbers okay um it was yep 1999 because I remember for New Year's I remember that Prince song playing in my head. Um, I left and then I found out that the affair he was having at that time was with his sister's

friend who I always said it was, and she was pregnant. So here's this one. So now I show up at court. I didn't know she was pregnant yet. So I, I go to court, he gets pinched. I go to court. I have to put the house up for him and he's there with her and I'm sitting there and I and I'm looking and my cousin Alexis who's this tiny tiny little blonde we call her Barbie and she says Renee I go there's a ring on her finger he's married to me I get up the court and the judge goes who's here for you know Hector Pagan I go me he goes in your name I go Renee Pagan he goes goes, who's here for Hector Pagan? I go, me. He goes, in your name? I go, Renee Pagan. He goes, well, then who's the woman that he's with? That was one. I walk out of the courtroom and I remember getting into a fight with him in front

of the federal building that he took me by my throat and dangled me in the street. While you're pregnant? No, she was now pregnant. She was now pregnant. I was, no no AJ was already born okay he was having this affair sorry and then I find out he's engaged two weeks later my son says to me uh he he was with his dad I was away I had a boyfriend at the time and uh a wise guy boyfriend too he was cute um and uh AJ calls me and says that um what was his name Vicky made him pee in the tub because she was on the toilet bowl and he was playing in the snow. And I said, okay, mommy will be there in no time. You were in the bathroom with my kid?

That's a no. I made it home from three hours away in like two hours and I gave her a beat. And that's why I'm not a fighter at all. And that's how I ended up finding out she was pregnant because he said, I'll kill you. She's having a baby. And I didn't even know she was pregnant. And that's how I ended up finding out she was pregnant because he said, I'll kill you. She's having a baby. And I didn't even know she was pregnant. And that's how I found out. So you're married to me, engaged, having a child, still beating me. And this is where we're at. So at that point I was like, I'm done. He went to jail for eight years. I had nothing to do with him. No communication. I then started working for

50 cent and I, you know, my life started to pick up and I had this really fun and exciting life. All of a sudden I was experiencing everything from different races and culture. And I was like in heaven. I was like candies. Yeah, that was me. Um, and, uh, matter of fact, my friend that lives here you know who I'm talking about the witch I'll tell you afterwards anyway so he came home and he then got a girlfriend

as mob wives going on no no no he came home in 8 so mob wives happened in 10 2007 you had an overdose didn't you yeah can we talk about that

sure because this was before mob wives even started yep so okay so I um from the damage in my back they put me on oxy 80s and um I was hooked I think in a week and I was on two oxy 80s ready six rocks these Xanax water pills diet pills everything the doctor gave me oh my gosh yes doctor gave us enough to kill you but it did obviously yeah and then um on July 4th in 2007 I OD'd for the first time. They were like four cop cars. I was a wild lunatic. You couldn't contain me, nothing.

Can you tell me on that day what happened? My girlfriend, Nancy, I said to Nancy, you got to take me to my mom's. I'm going to die and I know it. I said, I have to get off drugs. She got me there. She gave my mother everything that I had and I hit the floor. And that was it.

And my mother did not understand addiction and was embarrassed. So she put me in a 72-hour holdover as opposed to detox, and I was sexually assaulted in the mental ward by a man named Stanley Guido on July 7th at 435 in the afternoon two hours before I was being released and then I was straight jacketed after that and so they let me get this right your mom has you admitted committed committed and a man forces himself on you yeah he was a patient oh he was a patient he's a patient okay and i remember there was this young black boy there and they kept giving him so much thorazine and i would give him my cookies because i knew it would change the chemicals. Like, so I

know I'm not crazy, you know? So, but I saw what they were doing to people and it was breaking my heart. So they drugged me and the man came in my room and held me down. That's why I like, I, I shake on my left side. So he held me down. He sexually assaulted me. I remember like losing it and they wouldn't get me a gynecologist. They wouldn't call 911. So I found a way to set a fire. And I knew if the police, if the fire department came, the police department would come. The police department, the man was Detective Gorham. He was the the head of SVU but he used to be organized crime and knew my father and he said tell me what happened I told him he the man admitted it this I have a police report that backs this up and he tried to orally violate me the man um the cop

turned his face and I did what I did and they straight jacketed me because I like attacked him. Like you couldn't get me off of him. You couldn't. And the man said he did it. So now the psychiatrist tells my mother I'm lying. My mother believes the doctor because she thinks I'm trying to get out. They kept me there for two weeks.

I spent my 37th birthday with a one-on-one in Staten Island Hospital. And it changed me for the rest of my life. It changed me for the rest of my life because it was different than the abuse from my husband. This you took from me. He did that, but it was different because he was part of my, it was my relationship. This stranger relationship this stranger did it to me yeah and um they started giving me eight milligrams a day in xanax eight milligrams a day so much even at 125 pounds even two milligrams yep is a lot i used to take literally a quarter of the xanax like a piece of a piece like you know it takes me four milligrams to knock me out oh my tolerance is so high to drugs so high wild and that's what happened to me and um it changed me I'm so sorry it's okay

you know what I actually have some forgiveness there and I think it's because when I realized it was my fault and what I say it was my fault is what he did to me wasn't my fault, but it was my fault I was there. Because if I didn't do the drugs, I wouldn't have OD'd. If I didn't OD, he couldn't have done that. So that's mine. I have to own it. And when I owned it, it was like, oh, okay, I get it. And it didn't feel as bad. I didn't smell him anymore. It took me years. I was like maybe three or four years. I'd smell this this human I would scratch my skin off my body my neck like there's parts of my wife's like my neck would be ripped apart because I the the feeling would over like the pains in my body when he tried to like eat forcefully push his fist inside of me like I'd get pain and then all of a sudden it was gone it was just gone

I dealt with it I don't know maybe it's because I prayed so much on it like I would always just ask God just please just take this one like you give me so much and I know they say like you can only God gives you what you can handle but like I had a time out I said God yeah I'm done I'm like I'm tapping out dude like there I'm done. Like, I'm tapping out, dude. Like, I'm done. I want to die. I just want to die now. And that's what it was. I just wanted to die for a really long time, but I was too chicken to do it,

and I'm Catholic, and it's a sin. So I would never, you know, do it, but it's been in my head, you know what I mean? And then after I lost my father, that was it for me. Then I really, so when you got out of the mental, we're going to circle back. We'll get to the, this is when your dad passes, when you got out of the mental hospital and you were just at that breaking point of like, this is enough. I've had enough. When you got out, were you able to stay sober or did that what happened to you in that hospital just oh yeah yeah yeah that was that was the start of xanax addiction right that was it so xanax i would say

i'm sober at least nine months a year absolutely yeah um my using is a little different i'm definitely an addict but i'll use maybe two days cocaine two days and then I won't use for like two months Xanax I was using like consecutive and it was like to the point where I couldn't feel so I couldn't think I couldn't feel it was great yeah oh my god it's the it's the most it's the most wonderful drug in the world I love if you use it correctly it is a good drug i didn't use it correctly i overdosed on it twice i'm sorry loved xanax so people that don't understand people that don't have dysregulated nervous systems don't understand the feeling of chewing on a xanax that was my favorite thing or putting it under my tongue and just letting it go that taste is so horrible it's it's horrific but the feeling you get is euphoric that's why

that's why they were two and three in my mouth at a time it was just like okay you know oh wait in 15 minutes i'm not gonna feel anything and i have i suffer with severe insomnia since my 20s so i don't sleep i go two three days no sleep yeah i was hospitalized i've woken up under general anesthesia i've woken up under general anesthesia. I've woken up under propofol. Like, I mean, something happens to me when they put me out and I think I'm so afraid that I like the adrenaline pumps and I get back up. So yeah. And I think also the not sleeping had to do with the lifestyle. You know what I mean? Not the drugs, but the lifestyle of waiting up for my father or waiting up for my ex-husband to come home by the window always waiting waiting waiting and it's just

it's so much trauma man like I'm just figuring it out now yeah like healing trauma you're never healed it's literally a journey and we're gonna have to figure out our trauma until the day we're not here anymore like that it's a journey my son has a hard time with this one he's like why can't you just stop men are wired differently i'm like you know what they are but they're not okay they don't share with us enough right but i think they're just they could be just as, or weaker. Yeah. I definitely think so. Like, look at a man that gets traumatized by a woman. He becomes a creep afterwards. You know what I mean?

We don't become creepy. We just like, we're worse. I'm not laughing at men becoming creeps. I'm laughing at how she says stuff. I'm laughing at men becoming creeps. I am. I said it and I stand on it. I just think, you know, from my son, he's so strong. He's also probably super empathic and super sensitive because normally when you're, no. No, the kid, no.

Not at all. No, he's so cold. Oh, he got his dad. You know, after his father did what he he did AJ had to like be cold because we don't know it just hurt him too bad AJ had unfortunately suffered a serious situation where somebody hurt him very badly because of his father oh my gosh yeah 14 staples oh my gosh. Yeah. 14 staples. Oh my gosh. And this was after he ratted on your dad. So let's rewind back to that. So, okay, you know, 2007, you had the overdose,

this horrific incident with the mental hospital. And then when does Mob Wives Come Knocking, 2008, 2009? Okay, so after what happened to me in the hospital, I worked for Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin. That was like a great... Was Alec cool? Because I've heard so many horror stories about him. He was great with me. Always. Tina is my favorite person

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apply. New customers only. Opt-in required. Casino credits are non-withdrawable and expire in 168 hours. Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. So 2010 Mob Wives starts. My sister Jennifer says, Renee, you can't be on the show. Jennifer actually is the EP and creator of Mob Wives. And that's your sister. Yes. And she said, you can't be on the show.

I can't deal with you. I'm like, well, could I do wardrobe? What could I do? And all along she had a plan for me to be on it, but wasn't telling me. And so like a few days before she was like, that's what you get. I was like, okay. So Mob Wives kicks off. My ex-husband is home at the time.

I have plastic surgery, season one. Gone terribly wrong. I die. Yeah, we're going to talk about that. I lose, yep. I lose 6.3 pints of blood. Merced through my body. Read my last rites twice.

Vancomycin resistant. It was, you were having, so you, okay, so the show starts. You're doing the show. Correct. Hector comes home yes okay you decide to get your body done yes and this is on the show this is all playing out on the show so if you guys are not mob wife's fanatics go and binge this series you will not be disappointed but take me on that journey you decide to go get your body done did you get your body done for him i got my body done so nobody could talk about me anymore. And I thought I was going to have this fabulous figure.

The doctor was another evil individual. And he decided he was going to give me a full body lift at 165 pounds. That doesn't even make sense. You're not supposed to do that to somebody so small. So I went in for a BBL and a tummy tuck. I ended up, uh, my ass was even more concave now at this point.

Um, I'm dying. I have MRSA. I have a hole this big in my back. So you go home from the surgery. Okay. So the surgery happened on June 11th in, um,

2011. I go home. My mother comes to the hospital. Okay, no. Sorry. Okay. Surgery day, I go in. He does a seven-hour surgery in like four and a half hours.

They put the garment on me. They rip me open. I bleed out. Emergency second surgery. Come out. Never calls 911. I lost 6.3 pints of blood. The next day my mom comes and she hears me and I, she comes running and I said, I'm dying. And she's like, what do you mean? I said, I'm dying. And I was cold. I was blue. I remember the woman in the ambulance saying, stay with stay with me stay with me and I was like

just let me go just let me like and they were like you have to have a transfusion now I think I'm gonna die because I have to have a four pint transfusion I don't want the blood they take my rights away from me I have the transfusion I'm in the hospital for a week I go home and I smell something so I'm like must be the antibiotics you know because for females that yeah absolutely so I said to the doc I called the doctor I said hey you know I have 101 fevers like get to the hospital I said okay he's like I'll meet you there I get to the hospital the hospital's 10 minutes for me within 20 minutes I'm at. The doctor comes in and his name is Dr. Raj. He touches me and MRSA just was everywhere.

Everywhere. So now they have me like in like a little incubation thing because nobody can come around me. Now, you know, I could kill somebody with MRSA or whatever. They start with their vancomycin. I'm vancomycin resistant. Four days. Read my last rights twice. Dr. Addy, his name is.

He was a doctor from Africa who works with HIV patients. So now I think I have HIV. This is like, you know, you got to understand. Well, you don't know. They don't tell you what's going on. No, infectious disease. The man's coming in from Africa. What the fuck?

I'm like, oh my God, it's over. And he comes up with a cocktail and I remember being upstairs and my father calling didn't speak to me and my sister your dad was your dad was yeah we'll talk about that too let's finish the story so he was away so my father calls and the priest said you know you should say goodbye to your daughter and he said what has she got you bullshitted to father and that my mother said no Renee's dying like it's a real thing there's she's vancomycin resistant they can't fix her and then I think my father might have threatened the doctor and the next day I was I was on my

road to recovery and they said that I've defied medical history my plastic surgeon never showed up ever wow yep and then there's a lot that goes into that story with the doctor which I'm not going to touch on that because we've had so many damn lawsuits over it um my ex-husband then comes back comes to the hospital I'll never forget it. And he brought me this Rolex. And it was the one Rolex I didn't have. And he gave it to me. And he said, I love you. And in my brain, I said, I had to die for him to love me. Mind you, this is my abuser.

I go back with him. I move him in. I come home from the hospital this is all on the show everything playing out on the show this is real life none of this is scripted oh you couldn't script me the only thing fake about me is my nose right you know what I mean like my ass is mine it's just fat from a different part of my body I say the same thing my nose is not mine yeah modified and then let's let's let's cut back real quick your dad did stop talking to you guys because of the almost because didn't he get shelved from the mob or they said

he was shelved technically okay he wasn't at that this particular point not at all right it wasn't until he came home and i'll like i'll touch a little bit on that okay um so my ex-husband now says I love you I want to be with you blah blah blah blah okay great and I think there was a an episode where you even said to him like you never say I love you to me oh listen this this creep this creep this did you think you think that he did all this because he knew i know he did i know he did he only came back to me to set my father up my father came home august my father was gone and i wrote my father a letter before he came home and and you could verify this with my mother and said dad you're gonna go back to jail right before thanksgiving i know it please don't talk to anybody don't don't don't day before thanksgiving

they took my father away and i knew it i wrote it it. Like when I tell you what my premonitions are so real, I knew it. And I just knew something wasn't right. But I was so high because I'm on Dilaudid now. Eight milligrams, like, I'm sorry, six milligrams. Every time I take my Dilaudid, it's six milligrams. I had been sent home with a medicine ball. So I had the pick to my heart. Every day I had to do this. A nurse three times a day, like changing my bandages, all of this. He comes back to me. I love you. I love you. I love you.

This, that, and a third. We're going to therapy. All of this. God, he even committed to therapy? Well, he was cooperating with the government since 2006 because he's not even a real man and can't tell you that but i know his paperwork so i'll give you that so we can put that up there too because since 2006 he's been a rat fucking cocksucker excuse my mouth it gets me very angry is that why your dad went away um yes okay so nobody knew that it was no so this is so november 20 right

before um november 21st my father was in the hospital my dad had cancer uh prostate bladder urethra kidney and i was gonna kill myself i'll never forget it i i took saraquil i'm like i can't live like this no more so dramatic but s But Seroquel, where was I going? Anyway, my father ran from the hospital to the house. And I remember my white marble floors, there was blood everywhere. And he was like, what's wrong with you? What's going on?

I was like, dad, something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but something's wrong. I can't take it. But I'm so polluted mentally with so much Deloited and Xanax and he's giving me cocaine and I'm just like hi and um I watched his behavior he was acting strange going outside for phone calls I think he's cheating on me right right because he was always through his phone exactly was always cheating on me with Drita actually right what happens is this. He turns himself in. My son comes home November 21st and he hands me a letter and he said, this is from dad. I says, you know, I got pinched nine years. Me, I'm like, I'll put the house up, whatever. I called home. I said, dad, I can't find him.

My father, I swear to God, you could see the phone conversation. And I said, he said, mind your fucking business. Get off the phone. And I was like, what are you talking? Get off the phone, Renee. Don't get on the phone today. And I'm like, dad, I can't find him in this, in the system. Renee, Renee, please, Renee. And I couldn't understand what was happening. And then I call him back. I'm like, dad, dad, I can't find him. And I hear my sister, Jennifer's son opened the door and he said, poppy, it's the police. And I said, Dad, I'm coming. I'm on my way. And he said, Renee, stay home. I'll go to jail for murder. Don't come here.

And I hung up the phone and I knew it was over. He was home three months after 12 years. And the next day in the newspaper it read, Mob Wife Starthus husband's a snitch. My whole life ended. My identity was wiped. I was nothing at that moment.

But I got sober that day for like almost a year and uh this is all playing out on the show and I mean you're having to not only deal with this in your own personal life you're literally having to live this with millions of people having an opinion the first thing I thought of whenever that was going down was, is that what maybe brought you and Karen a little bit closer? Because you kind of had to go through. So Karen and I, our fight, the first fight we had on the show, it was more planned.

Because we were good. Karen, I stayed with Karen before the show started and I got sober and I lived with her for a while and she helped me out. So that night we had to do that scene. It turned real. When I had to say what I had to say about her father and she had to say, well, you can't think for yourself.

And it was like real then. But the love we had for each other was not going to go anywhere. We were still going to stand on it. We just had to say these things to one another. So when Karen came to my house, I actually, I would be, I was the one that would say, don't talk to the daughter. I would be, I was the one that would say, don't talk to the daughter. And then people were doing it to my son. And it was Karen that helped my son out. Because I, yeah, I had a nervous breakdown that day in the house. Karen was there.

I collapsed in the bathroom. Then I ended up spending two weeks in the hospital afterwards from a nervous breakdown. All these things were happening to me. Like, you know, it's like this, everything is happening. Everything's happening and happening and happening. And you can't put a finger on anything because you're not, I'm not okay up here. You know, for all that time I was using, not just what I was prescribed because I had MRSA. So I literally had a hole in my back. The pain was excruciating. It was down down to my spine like this deep into my back but now I'm on cocaine and then

I stopped everything stopped that day that I found everything out so when I get home from the hospital my money's gone I'm like where's my money and I take his watch collection oh this fucking rat bastard I take his watch collection and I go to the jeweler. And I said, listen, I got to pay my taxes. I'm screwed. This man left me with car notes, this, that, and a third. Did the FBI take your money? No.

Okay. Things just disappeared on his behalf because he said he left me everything. And he didn't leave me anything but crumbs. The crumbs in my fucking bed. Wow. And embarrassed and humiliated is what he left me. So the jeweler comes and says, Renee, sit down. I go, for what?

Just give me the money. I got to go. He said, Renee, sit down. The watches are all fake and they all have wires in them. I took my watch off. He said, take that watch off. The watch he gave me in the hospital, Bunny, had a wire in it. Get the fuck out of here, Renee.

My son shouldn't see tomorrow. How about that? What a piece of shit. So when he's sitting there doing these interviews, he's a fucking liar. He's a disgrace. He doesn't deserve to breathe. He put my father, who wanted to give him my last name

so he could be the gangster he wanted to be and you're a rat you're a pussy you're a pussy that's what you are you got your son hurt you beat your wife you're a pussy I have no respect for a man like that I have no respect for any man any woman or any man that does those type of things to another person because that's disgusting you murdered somebody not my father you killed him but you put my father away because you are the murderer because you couldn't do your time you fucking pussy that's how i feel about it good lord yeah that is heavy so the watch he gave you while you're laying on your death that's right telling you he loves you has a wire in it

I don't even that's right and I haven't spoke on this like I said it on mob wives you'll see it he wrote how he was going to murder me and I've read that letter on purpose on television with Ramona because I was afraid at that point. At that point, I said, this guy's a killer. I know what he is. So it is possible. I didn't have my father anymore. He was in jail. My father's also now very, very sick at the time, you know, with the cancer. And I'm saying to myself, what am I going to do? Okay, I got to use my brain. Everybody's like, get a restraining order. I'm like, I can do okay I gotta use my brain everybody's like get a restraining order I'm like I can't I'm a rat and everybody's like no you're not and I'm like no I'm just gonna read

the letter and maybe that was a little snitchy okay I don't think it was snitchy I don't think it was I had to protect myself I had to and I had to show that me and my son are unified and against that man so my son is my like my life I'm gonna die for my child and my father you know and I remember Jennifer saying that day shut the shut it down shut it down shut it I said don't you shut this fucking show down we're gonna show every little bit of this because this is what this life is about literally it's not about who could dress the prettiest it's about death it's It's about murder. It's about betrayal. And nobody has been betrayed more than me, from mob wives to the men. And I say mob wives because of the one mob wife, which isn't Karen or Ramona that you

interviewed without saying her name. She's no good neither. That's betrayal. You want to use, party, have a good time, but you want to tell on me, but I'm not going to tell on you, but you want to tell on me. So you expect me to hide your lies while you tell my truth. Fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at in life. And we're talking about, you know, yeah. And everybody wants to walk around. Oh, Renee, you're in recovery. You know, you got to let things go. No, you don't. I don't have to let anything go if I don't want it. She can't influence me to use over it.

She can't influence me to feel bad about myself anymore. But the truth of the matter is it's people like her that say horrible things about a good person like me who does hide your lies. And I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about multiple lies. I'll hide your lies and and I'm not talking about drugs I'm talking about multiple lies I'll hide your shit for you because I believe that you're not supposed to do that to another person but you sit there and tell your friends to call me a junkie okay like you know I'm so over the girls that you want to be a whore okay own your shit too like you know fuck, you know, fuck that bitch. Like, if I want to sleep with you, I'm going to. You want to talk about me? Who cares? You want to call me a drug addict? So what? You know, if I'm a drug addict and a little bit of a tramp, oh my God, I must be the worst

person in the world, but I'll feed your kids. I'll give you everything I got. So this whole thing of mob wives and this mob lifestyle, like you're jealous of me that I'm actually a mob boss's daughter. Hey, that's my father. That's not me. That's my father. That's who I became because of him. So when I was stripped literally of everything in life, from money to everything, I had to reinvent myself over and over and over and I couldn't anymore I just couldn't I didn't want to anymore I didn't know who Renee was I'm just finding out who I am now and yeah you know what I was a mob boss's daughter I'm now a grandmother I'm a an advocate for people in addiction mental health I'm way more than a mob wife.

Absolutely. Way more. And I don't have to tell you I'm going to beat you up to be cool. Like, okay, if that's what you think is cool, that's bullying. Yeah. And yes, I might have been a bully on the show.

Absolutely. But what they don't show you was every situation I was put into, I fought by myself. Everybody was against me. You know why? Because they were jealous of Jennifer. You know, not all of the girls.

A lot of them had problems with my sister. But my sister's your boss. Who's on welfare? Who's this? Who's broke? And at the end of the day, she put a paycheck and a very tremendous paycheck

for everyone. Maybe we didn't like we didn't get what we we thought we should have but nobody was getting 8 000 an episode day one walking in the door nobody was yeah what were they giving a jersey show was like 1500 nobody was getting 8 000 for your first season nobody you know and there was just so much jealousy and you know even on my part not and I'll say that like Ange had a show not Renee Ange this not Renee but Renee is the one who's doing all the work so if you really want to talk about the show season uh one I think we all had equal parts. Absolutely. Season two, we know it was all about me with nine extra episodes added.

So now everybody got the same paycheck. I didn't get a bonus. Yeah, I had a problem with that. Absolutely. Because it was your life. Exactly. And nobody's doing what I'm doing. I'm giving you everything from addiction.

I'm dying on TV. I'm ODing basically on TV every year. To one point, I know for a fact when everybody, Ramona left and Karen left, I was like 75% of the show. I did the work. There was a lot of unfair shit, you know, but I can't blame my sister for it because it's the network that's given us the money, you know? You guys literally

became an iconic moment in time I don't even think you guys realized how oh I did yeah and Renee's like yep yep I did yeah yeah I I think that you guys are gonna be a part of history and that that whole lineage like look at you guys have mob wives ret-trending on tiktok now it's insane how do you feel about that tiktok trend i love it i i love it i love watching chloe kardashian first of all i love chloe yeah yeah um and i know chloe from many many many years ago um she was always so much fun a beautiful she's my favorite i think she's just a beautiful spirit and strong and she says what she said and I love it yeah I'm watching everybody Joe uh Joan Collins the other day had it did the mob wives aesthetic I'm like this is I wanted to be Joan Collins and Joan Collins wants to be us

now so for me it was this moment of wow yeah you Yeah. You know, but again, like, I watched my mom do that. Like, I'm telling you, I came out in a fur coat with big diamonds and all of that. So I think it's wonderful. Like, if you, you know, I don't like the fact that they attach the negative part to it because fashion is fashion. So they should, you know, leave it alone. But I do understand. understand they say how do you glamorize the mafia well i don't know you guys are the ones making the movies yeah hollywood has

always glamorized the mob because it's there was something to it i'm from vegas the mob is glorified in vegas do you know that um meyer lansky so my therapist Renee Meyer Lansky was her uh godfather and Bugsy Siegel and Meyer Lansky opened the first catholic church yeah wow yep the first catholic church in uh Vegas wow that's amazing I love all those like I want the house where Bugsy Siegel lived that they said is haunted I would live there with him I would feel like I have somebody. She said, I would live, I'd live there with him. He'd love you. You and that, you and that ghost could make out every night.

Absolutely. Snuggle up baby. I love that. All right. So let's circle back. You're going through all this shit on mob wives. The, the show's kind of imploding at this point.

And I, it's one because of the Harvey Weinstein thing, but two, also, I feel like the cast members were falling apart too. Falling apart? Like what episode are we in?

What season are we in? I think towards the last season we're just getting to the point where... They were reaching. Yeah, it was getting... Yeah, they were reaching. I guess they wanted like new blood. Alicia had left the show at this point.

Karen came back. That why alicia left um and it just and then the other natalie left carla and drita stopped being friends like it was see so do we ever know what happened with carla and drita the real story because yeah i do can we talk about it because you you were just with Carla the other day, weren't you? I was, I saw Carla when I was in Florida. Yeah. So the truth of the matter is, and I don't, it's really for Carla to speak on, but I'll tell you this much. So obviously it couldn't just be me and Karen that thought she was shitty because it was her best friend then that she stopped speaking to. So it wasn't just me, Ramona, Karen. It was all of us felt the same way. So now, obviously, who's the common denominator? She is.

So my thing with Drita is this. She had this thing where she had to be the top dog. Dorit is funny. I'm going to give her that. Me and Dorit have some of the- She's great with the one-liners. We had some scenes together that we would be crying laughing so hard. But the jealousy, it's stupid.

It's like you're- Look, if you look up in the sky, there's millions, billions of stars, right? Everybody could be a star. Not my fault. I'm the North Star and you're not. Right, right. Yeah, I said it.

Mimi's over here falling out of her seat. Yeah, North Star status. Sorry. God said, you know what? I'm going to give you a lot of shit, so I'll make you the North Star. Okay. But what are you in competition with? You can can't be me and i don't want to be you you're not my father's daughter you don't have my upbringing you can't be me i can't be you yeah so be you over the fuck there and i'm over here so i'm i'm i'm confrontation we all know i don't i

don't give a shit um i don't feel that girls have to put their hands on each other. I can have an argument, a verbal argument with you. Okay. So what? You're fast with your words. You would. Okay. Good for you.

I'm not saying you're not a star. You definitely are. Yeah. But you don't have to be this person to, to down everybody else. Right. You know what I mean? I, I'm saying what I'm saying because when a person knocks you and knocks you and knocks you and kicks you and kicks you,

fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at. You know what I mean? And it's sad. It really is because we had something really special, all of us. But, you know, it's my understanding that VH1 was not happy with her either. The demands. The demands.

Like, I remember we had to go to like an OK Magazine party and they sent us like Ubers and it wasn't a black car and she threw a fit. Who are you? I was born in a limousine, bitch. I don't even complain. Yeah. Like, I'm really about that life. Right. Do you't even complain yeah like I'm really about that life right do you know what I mean I'm really from that life so you know Drita's always saying I

you know she was brought up in the projects that but you didn't riding around in a limousine so what are you complaining for you got a car someone's driving you I don't care that it's not a black car you're still driving me to point a to point B. I don't got to worry. Yeah. Like, what is that about? Like, the demands are ridiculous. They were ridiculous. And what about the other girls on the show? Are you guys close? Are you guys friends? Like Carl? I mean, of course, Big Ang, we know rest in peace. You guys all loved Big Ang. Absolutely. Um, I talked to Karen and I talked to Ramona. Uh, I text texted Ramona this morning. She's so beautiful. Yeah. You know what?

She's so gorgeous. I have to tell you, I didn't talk to the girls for quite a while. Yeah. So, you know, there was a falling out with a lot of everyone. And, of course, I'm Jennifer's sister, so, of course, I'm going to always stay on my sister's side. But then I got to a point where I had to make my rights. You know, I had to make the right wrong that I've done. So I did a lot of apologizing.

And I'm very grateful that the girls have forgiven me. I do talk to Natalie Garcia, the one that I choked in Vegas. It's growth, Renee. It is. It is. it's growth on everybody's behalf you know so i speak to everybody but drita and i don't see love at all you know what i mean but everybody fell off love was like online for the longest time and then like completely disappeared i don't she i she slept with my son's father too so i'm it's just it's so it's just so annoying all this stuff like to me it's just like hector not hector hector the garbage collector he hated that and from this mob wives just frenzy you guys literally were a moment in history and just brought so much realness to people's televisions.

What does Renee do after the lights go off? Renee continued to work. So I did Celebrity Big Brother. I did Marriage Boot Camp, Family Boot Camp. Yeah, can we talk about the Marriage Boot Camp? Oh, please, let's talk about it, that fucking idiot. You had another asshole. Asshole? Okay, that was not my boyfriend at all okay so here's that story okay so you know there was always like that flirtatious thing or whatever um so we get this the show or whatever

and we do it but he decides he's gonna get drunk and he likes to uh grope so um they have me downstairs doing my scene for hours and he by the time he gets down the stairs he's wrecked and he starts cursing about my son's father and saying the word spic and this and that and i'm and there's a spanish kid there and i'm like don't say that. That's not nice. I'm trying to control the situation. By the time we get upstairs, he tells me that I'm an N lover and I'm a disgrace to my father and this and that and this and that. And I said, what'd you say? Like now my girlfriend's in the house, prima Donna and her, her husband. And he's saying the Nword and there's two bodyguards big guys

and he's saying the n-word over and over telling me i'm uh he used the c-word he used words that no one's ever and this is my ex-husband's never even called me the words that he did this is somebody that you're not even dating right and he's drunk did you guys just decide to go on the show together yes so we so what happens is he turns around and he says something and i said joe my son's gonna hear and he goes your son's no good like his father i crack him like i i don't when i tell you i don't raise my hands like it takes a lot for me and i don't hit men i cracked this guy so fucking hard that everybody was just sitting there like did she just like hit him they were probably relieved they got ready the

bouncer goes like this don't don't i was like i got you and i picked up uh like uh there was a big heavy statue and i went to like crack him in the head with it and they were like no you can't do yeah i lost too far renee too far you're telling me you're cursing at me and my son you're telling me my son's no good now watch what I do to you so now they were like we want you to press charges I'm like I ain't pressing charges on nobody cops come they throw him out of the house I make him sleep in the tent outside basically and he had to stay to finish the show but you know it was like that redemption when I get up there and I'm like he's like well you know are you like getting married fuck you I was like I'm good I'm leaving without you I wouldn't have

married him dead yeah um you know that was that was acting turned real right so for me that got really very real every scenario was very real for me so even though he wasn't my boyfriend we were talking about reasons why i i have a problem dating so for me is i don't trust nobody yeah how could i yeah how could i there might be a nice guy down the road somewhere there might be and if if he comes along he's got to come with a letter from god because that's the only way he's allowed around me like it's got to say love god yeah like you know like so xoxo like there's nothing anybody can really do to me anymore you know Do you think you'll ever be able to trust somebody in love again to, like, fully get the love that you've been yearning your whole life? Well, you know what, Bunny?

Nobody knows this, but I'll tell you this one. So the last guy I was dating I found out was gay. Renee, you got a picker on you. Gay. Sucking dick. Oh. Renee. Okay? He wasn't just cheating on me with a girl he was cheating on me with a russian guy so the girl which one was this do we know who this is are we allowed to say uh his name is i can say it um he lives in long island um and his license plate is I suck dick.

Bleep his name. You can bleep his name, but bleep it. Because I'll run with this like a motherfucker. T-shirt, Hector Hector, the garbage collector, and I suck dick. Okay. Not me. The boyfriends. How long were you guys together for?

We were dating. But this is me. Wait, then the one before that was a con man. Okay, not me, the boyfriends. How long were you guys together for? But this is me. Wait, then the one before that was a con man. The things that have happened to me. Renee. The things that have happened to me. Okay, no dating anymore, okay? No, definitely not. You need to run them through me first.

I'll do background checks. Yes. I need to meet them. I was so, the one before last, he actually studied me and um it was a real con game and uh he said you know what he said he was away with my dad he knew everything about my father so for me was he an obsessed fan yeah so he used me he opened up a strip club and he wanted 50 cent to do the grand opening and i got 50 to do do me a really huge favor for a lot less than he charges. And I love Curtis to this day.

He's one of my favorite people on the face of this earth. I hear really good things about him. I love him. For as much shit as he does not tolerate, like I've always heard really good things about him. He's a cancer. Yeah. He is one of my favorite people ever. He truly is. He's always been so kind to me. He had, you know, he got, he was on the phone with

my dad. He's met my mom. He came to my father's house. I'll never forget. We were sitting on the couch one day and my ex-husband didn't believe I really worked for him. So he was coming to the house because he knew he was there. He put his arm around me. He goes, watch this. I go, okay. worked for him so he was coming in the house because he knew he's they put his arm around me he goes watch this like okay he goes I'm so glad she's your ex-wife I was like yeah um I love him he's always been a good friend to me I would do anything in the world for him anything um but yeah where was the con guy okay the con man right his name was what was his name okay it's okay we don't need to know her name no i can't remember actually um texas i'm gonna have to bleep it anyways in texas he was in texas damn he was a southern boy yeah from the bronx oh yeah

but i find out like you know what it was oh this long distance dating was different so i'm not always around where do you find these men how do they fall in your lap so okay so this one booked me and was it was I was getting money with him and he was just really nice all the time like we'd show up with flowers but I see I don't know what a con game is yeah so I like I mean you shouldn't have to know but not I'm excuse me I like convicts not con men right um so for me I think that's where I kind of got lost in it. Like, I would never think somebody would do that, you know, because I don't, I don't come from that. Right.

You know, I come from like real money in the street. Yeah. And yeah, so he used me, comes out that I got engaged and then he didn't want to pay for the ring. So I had to bring the ring back and he just wanted a TV show. Yeah. Okay. What a scumbag.

That's all right. I got even with him already. So let's move on to I suck dick. Okay. Then came I suck dick. So let's say he sucks dick because I know I do. He sucks dick. So this girl reaches out to me and

she tells me that she's his girlfriend I go what are you talking about I'm the girlfriend so she's where did you meet this guy where did you meet I suck dick again through my getting money okay so he was like let me I'm gonna manage you for a minute because I was quiet not doing anything and I figured okay maybe I'm looking at like the statistics the numbers and his numbers were right but I didn't know him and he he was in the street um with that letter okay so me I go from you know the Italian mob then I dated BMF my BMF boyfriend was a like a high on the food chain for years I I have an interview with Tony tomorrow. Okay.

Okay. So I'll tell you who it is when we're done. Yeah. So I was with him for a really long time. So then I kind of just always stayed in the street because street guys for me were what I know. I married a street guy. Jay is a street guy. Right.

Exactly. So I know the street. However, the streets changed. guy right exactly so I know the street however the streets changed so the people that I was now associating with aren't they're not even chewed dirty gum on my sneaker they're degenerate low lives like they're they belong in the sewer they're filth um yeah they all go in the hectare category so she tells me this. She sends me an article. I read the article and then I start realizing everything in that article is what he's doing to me.

And there's a conversation with him and the guy. And it said, why didn't you? Oh my God, how gross. I threw up for a week. Why didn't you suck my dick last night? I was like. Oh my gosh. Wait. He wants to call the cops on me because now I go public. Yeah. why didn't you suck my dick last night? I was like, Oh my gosh. Wait,

he wants to call the cops on me. Cause now I go public. Yeah. Now he calls the cops. The cops come to my house in Florida and they're like, Ms. Graziano, are you harassing him?

I said, yes, I am. Why? What's the problem? The cop was like, you know, you really can't do that.

I go, yes, I can. He's like, no, you can't. I go, no, he's gay. you can't I go no he's gay and he told me he wasn't and he's gay and the cop was like your life at risk yeah and the cop was

like I gotta tell you something I go what he goes you know I'm from Long Island so I know who your father is your father would be devastated he'd roll over in his grave because now he's not even my own nationality. Right. Okay. So now the cop is saying this to me. He's on the phone, the gay man. And I love gay people, but I don't sleep with gay people. Right.

Right. Well, it's just. A straight woman wants a straight man. Absolutely. Okay. It's got nothing to do with that. I love everybody. Everybody.

I'm not racist. I love everyone. It's also a health risk. Anytime somebody cheats on you. Well, yes. It could be with a. I love everybody. Everybody. I'm not racist. I love everyone. It's also a health risk anytime somebody cheats on you. It could be with a man or a woman. The statistics for HIV are way higher with anal sex and da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So anyway, the cop says,

wait, he called you? I said, yeah, he's at the precinct. I'm harassing him? The cop goes off on him and he goes, I go, matter of fact, he's threatening to send my son naked pictures. He goes, Ms. Graziano, that's a felony. Would you like to press charges? I said, you know what? I'm not a rat.

But I can't do it. I just couldn't do it. And he was, you know, then he started to realize the position he was in. Yeah. And I said, I OD'd over this. This is, this, this, like, I just lost my whole life. Like, it was like I couldn't come up for air. Jennifer wasn't talking to me for a year and a half.

Everything in my life was falling apart. My son didn't want to talk to me. Nobody wanted to talk to me. And they were like, what are you and they were like you had lost your father look what you're doing to yourself look who you're with we will not associate with this and everything just started piling up and piling up and piling up and piling up and i just i gave up and this was in what year I gave up and this was in what year 20 the one that just passed 2022 right 23 2023 yep okay gotcha and I stopped speaking the last time I dealt with him was uh April and when did you overdose and I I uh May and I just like, like lost my shit, man. And then I got back up on the horse and I was sober June, July, August, September 18th.

Someone gave me a bag of fentanyl when it was supposed to be cocaine. And, um, was it somebody you trusted or you just got it from a dealer? A girlfriend of mine. I said, make a phone call. Do me a favor. And she's like, OK. I vouch for him. I said, OK.

I have the text message on my phone, too. He said I accidentally gave her. I died in a restaurant in Florida. I was dead. I was intubated for three days. And no one in my family came to the hospital. And I spent nine days there learning how to walk again. And that was it for me.

I said, okay. I was always afraid of heroin. Like, I never touched it, you know, never did anything like that. And my father's sister, Belinda, she was, uh, an addict. And, um, she died HIV. Mm. But she was sober many years before she died. And, uh, for me, it was always that one thought and

that was it for me that was it and i was like okay like i'm gonna die for real so you matter of fact i'm dead again you did a line of this stuff and how i don't remember anything you don't okay three days are wiped from my brain literally you just that was it you didn't feel anything i don't know i don't know what happened at all i don't remember anything that day september 18th is 18th 19th and 20th are wiped from my brain and why did nobody from your family come see you they were just all mad they said i wasn't gonna make it and my family didn't want to they just couldn't do it enough i mean unless they were like really torturing me in some sort of way but yeah that was it that was it for me and it's fine and I don't blame them I don't

uh I've put them through hell hell I put them through um when my father died in 19 19 and 20, they told me that if I had shock treatment, that I would not be sad anymore. So I did. So you had shock, what do they call that? Were they shock your brain? Electric shock. Yeah, I think that's what it is. Yeah. I did six sessions and it destroyed my brain you don't feel like it

helped you at all no i know it didn't it made my addiction terribly worse and i um that's the first time i'm actually saying it because nobody knows that but yeah you need to speak on these things because because, you know. I would have done anything, Bonnie. If they would have said, Renee, jump off the bridge, and you're not going to be in pain, I would have said, San Francisco or Verrazano, pick it. I'm going. I'm there. I don't care.

Renee, tie bricks to your ankle and stay underwater for a day. You're not going to live, but you won't be in pain. Okay, let me do it. I would have done anything anything in the world to remove that pain of losing my lifeline because he was my identity he was Rene Graziano I I that because of him I was Rene Graziano when you're older it's hard to figure out who you are and it's sad and lonely circling back to the shock treatment though they had recommended that for me whenever i was going through my depression so i think hearing somebody who's actually been through it could possibly help somebody you know yeah um so I I would not recommend it um

six months I did start to sleep but then everything went haywire so I lost uh a lot of my memory um I now take Adderall because of it because the Adderall actually does help me um I take a very low dose I haven't been on Adderall in four months now but I think I have to actually go back on it because my I can articulate but not as good as I normally do right you know what I mean so my brain isn't as sharp as it was right and the one thing that the Adderall did do for me was I don't have to take any antidepressants. So I actually have ADD, ADHD. And it's that that contributes to my addiction. So when my brain is here, I can't live in my past.

Right. So when I'm living in my past, that's why I constantly want to self-medicate. So when I'm on the right medication, my brain is like sharp, extremely sharp. And it does, it did help with the, you know, um, memory loss meds i take prozac for menopause actually now uh which i had to be forced into menopause at 44 they lost my uterus from all the scar tissue my stories are crazy um and i take i was on stratera with welbutrin and that's giving me a hard time yeah those i don't like it at all. It's like a pointless drug. It doesn't work.

Right. It slows the brain down, but it doesn't help you get it out. Right. So that I just stopped and I, um. Let's talk about where you are now. Okay. So you did the last, you had your overdose. You had to learn how to walk again in the hospital.

Yeah. I was there for nine days. And then I was okay. Like, it was like nothing happened to me. You're a fucking warrior. Well, if you saw my car accident on January 4th of 22, if you Google it, there's no car. And I'm standing outside the car, like, with a full face of makeup.

I remember I felt my father my ample into and my cousin Anthony pulled me out of that car and they're all dead and I kid you not they like google it there's nothing there's no driver's side yep um you have nine lives Renee I told you that when we first you first got here yeah well I like wearing black for that reason too the cat that I am I'm just gonna have to learn how to land on my feet yeah um but you know what I just got a job uh working in treatment um doing business development I'm doing you left uh Florida and ended up Florida I went to to Texas first to get well at Recovery Unplugged, but they didn't have a program that was a little bit more modified for the extreme

trauma for me. Right. So after we did my trauma egg, it opened up everything again and they couldn't follow up. So then Lamar Odom, who's a dear friend, had me come to his place, which is Vanity Wellness out here in California. And now I work for them. And my objective is to help someone realize that they are special and you don't have to have a hole in your soul. And it's okay if you do, you know, just spread love, give love. And it's really about that, you know just spread love give love and it's really about that you know and and I know I'm harsh with other things that I say because I'm a real person who feels you know and I hate the fact that so many people have done me dirty when I've really never done anything to them um but you know a lot of people don't like the truth so that's what I tell you the truth a lot of

people have to tell me the truth so why can't I say it back you know and it's just I'm not weak by any means and I was told I would never think you're weak okay well you know a lot of people will say it because uh you're weak because you do drugs no I'm not weak if I I think I would have been dead a long time ago if I didn't self-medicate yeah and I'm not saying it's okay to self-medicate I'm just saying I would have been dead a long time your journey yep I had to numb everything you know it's to have an uncle blown up on on a street friends murdered and you're just cooking sunday dinner and like oh okay honey yeah i'll leave it on the counter what is that i i spent a year in black going to funerals so i'm realizing that is trauma and although it wasn't you know in my household it still was trauma you know losing life is

when you're a loving person you know you're separated from somebody that you love like it started with my grandmother when I was 13 um and now in life I have my four grandchildren are you and AJ on good terms my son just left uh my son and I I'm sober since the third of November and my son and I have spoken every single day since then um and shout out AJ yes he's I'm sure that's detrimental to your sobriety also yeah yeah not that we're putting pressure on him I'm sure that's just so healing for you to be able to he's good now he knows he made the phone call because I told him that he wasn't going to see me ever again on the third and I said I can't do it anymore I was like I'm not going to kill myself but just in case something happens and he said stay right there't move. And he made a phone call

for me. And, um, my friend Phil O'Hara, he got me placed, he put me in and, um, it's just every day he talks to me every day and he's proud of me. And he says it, he'll call me and be like, what's up home slice? What are you doing? I'm like, I'm like, Oh my God, do you know how much money I made on TikTok today? Do you want half of it? And he's like, this is what me and my son doing like I'm like oh my god do you know how much money I made on TikTok today do you want half of it and he's like this is what me and my son do I'm like I send him money all the time and he's like mom you know you can keep your own money and I'm like no no no go buy the kids stuff and I'm having so much fun and he's like mom I just took them to Disney last week they flew here with the two older ones we got rained out Disney, but we ended up at Universal for, you know, a beautiful day. And it's just my family's talking to me. Everyone in my family's

talking to me. My sister Jennifer and I are working together again. She's part of my management team again. I'm so grateful and happy. Yeah. I mean, I'm a little angry at a few people and maybe now that I said it, I have to work on that. Um, but if I don't like you, I just don't like you. Right. I probably don't have to talk about you. Right. But I can't respect a person that is me. That's right. Cruel. You know what I mean? Like my ex-husband. That's evil. I don't like evil. How do you feel about him doing these interviews now?

I think he's a twat. I think he's a twat. He sounds like a jerk off. I live for an A everything. No, you didn't. You never had anything. It was always my money. You never had any money.

You always had my money. I bought the house. I don't care what anybody says. It doesn't matter what time of year it is I never get tired of online shopping especially during the holidays here's the thing it's kind of gross out even those of us that embrace the chilly weather needs something to break up a long winter nights something I love to do is treat myself to a little something but I don't want to spend a fortune on my winter blues. That's where Quince comes in.

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Alone. Like I have not spoken to you in 13 years. Leave me the fuck alone. Take your jerk off girlfriend who's a Mob Wives fan and follows me and stalks me and calls me a junkie. And like, bitch, you just got knocked out cold by a man. You should sit the fuck down too. Does he have a relationship with AJ at all no he's he's he has to he he should you know what God works in very mysterious ways though because he has blood

cancer now oh am I smiling oh shit no I'm sorry hey I'm telling you man evil I can't help it I you know what I I I know I'm supposed to be like I know God he's the God's not even mad at me forget it he's not even mad how could you be mad at the girl that this man beat and did all these things to and she smiles because you're sick yeah you're he's really sick though like he's uh diagnosed sociopath with psychopathic tendencies like you should really sit down yeah you sound like an asshole yeah doing interviews you're a rat yeah you want to profit from being a rat you put my father in prison my best friend's husband my uncle you destroyed a family many families and how about the girl that doesn't have a father anymore you did that so you should be talking to god not people doing podcasts because you want to earn money go get a fucking job yeah get a fucking job

and stop beating women already stop it's disgusting like you're not getting into heaven like you're you know you're still and you know i'm gonna say it i'm gonna i wasn't gonna but i'm gonna so he was threatening to hurt me again okay just recently the threats the junior yeah threatening how he's gonna kill me hector he doesn't even deserve he doesn't know he doesn't the threats the threats the threats it's just to the point where it's gotta stop he just recently that's like that could be detrimental to your sobriety yep so my poor son had to do this he said he said you chose to do what you did and be on podcasts. You shouldn't be mad or anything if you get stuff said about you. And at the end of the day, you abused her and you're still trying to abuse her.

You're trying to hit her so she falls back down. I don't know how you think you're trying to be a protector or how you say you want the best for her when clearly that has never been the case my son had to actually do that for me you know how disgusting you must be as a parent that your child has to defend his mother yeah and you know what that did to me that my son now I know my son knows do you know what I mean like I he knew, but now I know he feels it. To say you abused his mother. Go the fuck away. They never do.

Just go away. I don't want you anywhere by me. I don't even, unless provoked, I don't talk about you because you are a non-fucking factor. You're a degenerate loser. Go the fuck away. Take your girlfriend and go away. Yeah. And she needs therapy, that bitch.

How are you with, like, how do you not see what's happening to you? It's the same reason that we didn't see what was happening it takes a woman seven times you know that that's this is that's the number seven times she'll have to be hit before she leaves yeah well i'm pretty sure she's probably around seven now yeah that's it that's about right because that's what it took me to leave yeah a few years and being beat up a few times took me 10 years 10 years I couldn't Renee I'm so proud of you thank you you have come so far and I'm not saying honey I'm so excited to see what you do in the future and I want I if you ever need to talk you just call me just text me call me if

you're ever having a rough time or anything I I'm always going to be here for you. I appreciate it. And I love what you're doing. And I love the energy you put out. It's positive. Even like I could watch your face when I'm saying certain things. You're like, oh, shit. But, you know, I don't often talk the way I do in an interview, but I'm so comfortable. And I've been holding all of this for so long that it that's

what makes me sick so it's your secrets keep you sick oh sure do you know now everybody knows I'm a little bit of a tramp though I don't care they love you I don't care I don't care I don't care anymore I'm so tired of caring about what other people think of me caring that's what that was my huge lesson last year was I had to stop. I had so many people attacking me because of this podcast and just, I got to a point where I was just like, I don't fucking care. I'm doing this. You're not. This is my life. Well, it's jealousy. Yeah. It's wild. Isn't it insane that, and you know, the comments that people say, the things that people say to hurt another human.

Like what people say about me when I read them, you know, the way I look or this or edit it. I love my fucking apps. Leave me alone. I created a mob wife app. Yeah. You know, just for the fun of it. Because I love the way it looks. I love AI pictures.

I don't always look good. So why shouldn't I? It's your your world you can do what you want just like everybody does what they want on their own apps and on their own platforms who goes on a person's page and says those things weirdos yeah straight up weirdos yeah I agree well what's next what's in the future for you what do you have in the works okay so mob. I have my jewelry line still mob candy. I have a new app with drop me in AI called mob wife by Renee Graziano and people could download their photos and they get to look like a mob wife for $8 as opposed to going buying that fur coat.

You get the free fur coat. Um, I have, I'm working on a project hopefully it'll come to fruition with tv I did do my own pilot for my fairy mob mother unfortunately it was part of my relapse um there were a lot of things that I touched on that I obviously didn't deal with and I started to self-medicate again so So I'm going to leave that there. Yeah. That's not for me. Um, and right now I just want to help somebody get sober. That's it. That's, that's really my focus. I have four grandchildren that I have to worry about. Um, and maybe I'll find love one day, you know, but in the meanwhile, I'm going to love me enough. Yeah.

Yeah. That's, that's beautiful. And I think that's all you can do after all the shit you've been through. Renee, you are still fucking standing. You're still punching life and telling them it hits like a bitch. Like you are one tough cookie,

dude. Thank you. I just, I love your aura. I love everything about you. And I can't, I cannot wait to see how much hell you give the world continuing on in these years this time around as Renee just Renee

I I look forward to to see who I'm gonna be in it about a year from now I'm excited you gotta come back and visit me absolutely and come come to a concert we're gonna be everywhere we're going on tour so come i'm such a like a country fan too yeah like i love country that's hilarious that you're a mob wife and love country oh my god goth brooks when i get married the song from hope floats that's gonna be like my my wedding show i love that absolutely absolutely i love it it's just like it's it's real come to yeah come to a show. Jay would love to meet you. Oh yes. I'll call him.

I'll call him when we're done with this podcast so you can say hi. Yes. And he, let me tell you something. My mother is a huge fan. That's hilarious. I love that. It is because she calls me. Wait, I get, I get messages.

Do you know what Jelly's doing now? He's working with the, what is it? Something to towers, freedom towers. She tells me everything. She's like, Renee, what is it? Something to Towers, Freedom Towers. She tells me everything. She's like, Renee, he's remarkable. And she's like, he spoke to Congress, Renee. I'm like, yes, mom, I know. She's like, oh my God, this is wonderful.

You have a friend like you. And I'm like, you know what, Ronnie? You just got to stick your foot in your mouth all the fucking time. I love it. Yes, thank you so much, doll. Well, why mouth all the fucking time I love yes thank you so much doll well why don't you tell people where they can find you on your social medias so social media for Instagram is Renee Graziano and it's the real Renee Graziano on TikTok where

I make all my goofy dances go follow the OG mob wife and go pop into her lives and give her all your gifts yes thank you so much, Renee. You're welcome. It's been a blast. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.