Dumb Blonde - Saraya: Born Fighter

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

This week, Bunnie is joined by the one and only badass and beautiful Saraya of AEW. The wrestling powerhouse gets real about her journey from the UK, and what it was like to grow up in a wrestling family through WWE and beyond as she's now dominating the AEW ring. Saraya relives her family roots depicted in the film 'Fighting With My Family' and opens up about battling personal demons with addiction before finding her way back in the ring. Bunnie gets the scoop on Saraya's steamy romance with rocker boyfriend Ronnie Radke and their move to Nashville, along with a sneak peek into Saraya's upcoming new book. Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSaraya: TikTok | IG See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there, guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away gifts every freaking month. I'm talking like signed stuff from Jay and I, lives. You just never know what kind of surprise you're going to get.

It's like a Cracker Jack box. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much. And that's a lot of kisses, actually. Gotta go back.

Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife that was my goal as a child and here we are what's up you sexy motherfuckers welcome to another episode of dumb blonde today we have the ultimate badass in the house and i'm so happy to have you here serea yeah thank you for having me i'm excited to be here dude i love i love your tiktoks i love you mostly i love you but you're very very entertaining you're very good

person you and jell you're both just like amazing people we love you me and ronnie ronnie i know you're gonna be watching this too he loves watching you as well yeah uh just radiate just love and like happiness and that's such a good quality and so rare these days because people just aren't like that dude oh my dad would kick my ass honestly i feel like it was mostly to do with like my job as well like you you get accustomed to try and be like as nice as you possibly can with everybody crew you know you because i've seen people be fucking assholes dude yeah just evil to people it fucking breaks my heart but i remember one time and this is just a fan story it's not about like people in general but like a fan story i traveled like all night and we had to go to europe and i

end up in england and my dad had met me outside the hotel right but there was a ton of fans there and i just was like a little tired a little frustrated and there was that was the one time i've ever snapped at anybody and i was like just let me go to fucking sleep you know and my dad cussed me out in front of everybody he was just like don't ever fucking speak to people like that ever because that's what they remember right they people can never like people remember they won't remember conversations or what you did or whatever but remember how you made them feel how they made you feel yeah so i always and i remember that from emma bunton back in the day fucking bitch who's you know baby baby from uh baby spice oh my god okay yeah yeah let me tell you about

that one she made it up to me recently it's fine but um yeah there was i was really young she was like the nice one wasn't she supposed to be oh so they say yeah no i was uh i was really young this was in the early 90s right and um my parents were doing this tv show called the big breakfast in england and they were doing they were just showing off wrestling moves or whatever and um they brought me along and they go up to emma bunton and they were just like our daughter was a big fan of you can she get a picture and she looked at me said no and they took pictures of everyone else right and i remember that i remember how that made me feel and i was like i remember it to this day i'm in my 30s now i remember it yeah but then i ended up uh tweeting at her one day nothing malicious i was like, I remember it to this day. I'm in my 30s now. I remember it. But then I ended up tweeting at her one day.

Nothing malicious. I was like, I now understand why. Like, it can be, you can just have a bad moment, a bad day, or whatever the case. But she hit me up and she apologized. And I was like, you don't have to apologize. I understand. But it made me feel like inner child was instantly, like, fixed from that one interaction. I completely understand that because the same thing happened when I met Jewel. Yeah. And exactly what you just said, I've said numerous times when

I tell this story is like, I met Jewel, we were walking, I was in the Palms in Vegas in the middle of the night. And she was walking by herself, you know, just trying to go to her room. We walked by each other. And I'm like, Oh, my God, Jewel, you know, because I'm a kid. And I'm just like, it's fucking Jewel, you know? And I'm like, Can we take a picture because I'm a kid and I'm just like it's fucking jewel you know and I'm like can we take a picture and she goes one right here right now oh no and I was like fuck it I don't even want a picture like I didn't even take the picture but then I understood as you get into the entertainment industry there's sometimes that you just fucking are having a moment and you don't want to fucking talk to people exactly it could be very overstimulating yeah like and you you deal with people constantly talk to people. Exactly. It could be very overstimulating.

Yeah. Like, and you, you deal with people constantly, whether it be fans or just people behind the scenes or people bring their families or whatever the case may be, or just production people or whatever. Yeah. And,

um, you're, you can already do so much. Like I have a social battery, but I try and not like show people, you know, that if I'm exhausted or tired or whatever, I just save it for when I get home.

Cause that's just how my dad was like, that's how you have to be. You know, you're an entertainment baby. Yeah. I hear. So speaking of that, I hear you talk about your dad a lot.

You guys are so close. You guys had that movie come out fighting with your family. We had it. Yeah. It came out five years ago. Yeah. Five years ago fighting. Is it fighting with my family?

Yep. Yeah. Jay and I watched it again the other night. Cause I was like, I need to dust up on it. Cause we actually saw it when it first came out. Yeah. Um and I watched it again the other night. Cause I was like, I need to dust up on it. Cause we actually saw it when it first came out. Yeah. Um,

cause you know, we support you guys, but also Jay and the rock are friends. Yeah. So, um, we went and saw it and I remember the, the movie was so touching.

And then the other night we watched it with our kid and we were all like bawling. Oh, I'm like, so happy. No, literally. It's such a good movie.

So you guys, if you guys haven't seen Soraya's life story, go watch Fighting With My Family. Yeah, and it's actually toned down. Yeah. So from how my parents actually are. Yeah, that was my next question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're batshit crazy.

Like, you know, they show little aspects. What was growing up with them like? Like, tell me about your childhood. Tell me. We'll start there. Yeah, yeah. my childhood uh was it was actually quite difficult as as a child because my family were away a lot and we didn't have much growing up and that's the way that my dad would like get money is he would you know he created his wrestling company waw still going today but he would constantly be traveling for wrestling and he wouldn't be earning that much like 20

pounds which is like 40 bucks maybe like every like every day and then my mom would have to scam to get money i don't know how she did this dude but she would walk into a bank not have a bank account and walk out with money i don't know how she did it but she did it but um did we never figured out how mom was doing that no no and then we went to uh to get clothes and stuff like i mean we'd eat food around the grocery stores you know and then to get clothes we would even go to the cheaper shops but then we'd walk in and i remember this one time my mom's like go up the escalators put it in your you know your trousers or whatever it was or my shirt or whatever it is then come back down right do it as you come back down so i was like okay and then i got busted

you know because i was young but um my mom started crying just being like I can't believe she would do this and I'm like mom but she was just like you know we're getting away with this you know and then I end up getting banned from Primark which is the store in England but um she was just always trying to get us the best of everything and And that would obviously come with, you know, felonies. She was a hustler. She was. And like, she was fiercely protective too. Like, I remember this one time I got beat up by a crackhead.

I was 13 years old. What the fuck happened? I don't know. Honestly, I was with my friend and we got in like a little argument, you know, as kids. And then she runs to this crackhead's house and then not, and then she comes out and beats the shit out of me. I'm talking like I was covered in bruises. She beat the shit out of me.

My, my mom and dad went around, they were wrestling in like the Isle of Wight where you have to take a ferry to get to. Was it like her mom or? No, it's like a family friend. Oh, a regular at her mom's pub.

I don't know. But like, but she beat the shit out of me. And she, it turned out that she was what we call a grass, like a rat for the cops. Oh, wow. So my mom, she left the wrestling show, took a ferry,

went all the way back to Norwich where we're from, knew where this lady's flat was, apartment, kicked in the door, beat the shit out of her, pulled a knife and shoved it up her nose. And she was like, I dare you to sneeze, bitch. Like that, right? I fucking love mom love mom oh she's batshit fucking crazy she pulls out her phone and calls the police right in front of my mom my mom's just like well so she like beats the shit out of her grabs the phone goes outside sits on the curb and she was like you better get

eggs i'm gonna fucking kill her she shoves the knife fucking stabs herself in the ankle oh no she gets arrested but eventually she gets let go because the lady ultimately beat the shit out of a child yeah that's wild but my mom would terrorize after that oh she was like do you smell a fucking rat around here and she would oh man it was and then this lady got off because obviously she was a stooge for the cops but it was just growing up with my family. I felt very protected. Always. It was like a family where my dad grew up in, you know, he was grew up with gangsters. He was in prison with one of the Craze brothers in Norwich. And then he would be called, sorry, he would be called Patty the Bat.

So we always grew up around like kind of violent men, but they all so sweet just like gentle teddy bears gentle teddy but you would never know but they would always take care of me and my dad would always take care of me but it was just hard because they weren't around as much which and then they always felt like they would have to save people too so we would get a influx of people going in and out of our house constantly and and i mean i've never told anyone this but like i mean it's gonna be my book i'm writing a book coming up and i saw you're writing a book too which i'm very excited about but um ultimately you know you have so many people come through the door one of them's not going to be a very nice guy right so like yeah so they were so they always wanted to save people but in the middle of that i got affected by it a little bit so it's really hard for me to like and me and my brother only just

started talking about now we're in our 30s we only just was like that's not okay what happened it's not their fault so this is guy i will i will say his name his name name is Carl. And he went under Carl Ramirez. And his dad, which my parents had no idea was in prison because he was a pedophile, right? And then his mother didn't want nothing to do with him. And so my family took him in and he was a problem kid. Like he was like 18 or something like that. And so at nighttime, my mom used to do this thing where we'd act out stories, right? We would do like the Red Riding Hood and Three Bears or Snow White or whatever it is, and we would like act it out

before going to sleep. She didn't just read, she acted it out. Anyway, after a while, she would get busy, and she would send Carl up to do it, but and me and zach my brother zach used to share a room and it was so it was so difficult because then he he was a pedophile so he would um instead of acting this out he would do like inappropriate things to me and to my brother and my brother is such a freaking angel and i'll never forget it is it zach or another brother okay zach so he was on like the opposite side to me. And any time that Carl would start trying to do stuff to me, he would tell him to come to his bed because he was so protective of me. Oh, my God. Broke my heart every time.

That gave me chills. Gosh, you'd be like, Carl, come over here. You know, and it wasn't my parents' fault. It's not their fault. Like they had no idea. You know, they thought they were just trying to save this kid. And this kid was like an angel to them. They didn't have any reason not to trust him and it's only recently that we had this

conversation with my parents and my mom when she was younger she wasn't believed by her family and she made it like her mission to know that she believed me you know she was like i know this i believe you 100 if you need me i'm so sorry and i'm like it's not your fault it's not your fault it sucks but it's not your fault so yeah we went through that i'm telling you this is i'm about to spill all the book right now but we went through that and then i'm not laughing at that no it's just everything no but then after that he finally like got kicked out the house mom dad didn't kick him out for that because they didn't know they kicked him out because he was stealing from them and zach never told zach never told him yeah zach that's got to be heavy on zach too oh yeah he

ended up in a wheelchair at one point because of his body just broke down from a lot of stress oh my god he's fine now but like he went for a stage where he couldn't handle the weight of it anymore and uh it really messed him up big time and so we end up speaking to my mom and dad about it and that's how me and Zach started talking about it. Oh, my gosh. And yeah, we got through it, which is great. I love that your family was there for you. Oh, they're amazing.

I love my family. They're amazing. You guys do all seem super close. So you have you, Zach, and is there other brothers? Yes, there's Roy, my oldest brother. There's Asa, who is in a hospital he has uh paranoid schizophrenia um psychopathic tendencies autism like everything he has like an alphabet of what's what's wrong with him but he's like incredible and he loves me so much and all he wants to do

is move over here with me and i wish he could and then you have my oldest sister nikki okay and then you have uh adoptive brother isaac who passed away um but yeah we have like a big family yeah and again they're all very sweet very protective like i hope you get to meet them one day because they're just i'm very lucky with how i you know thanks for doing it and bringing me into this world with this family yeah if they're anything like you, I would love to meet them. They're even better. I'm telling you, they're just good people. So you guys, you grew up in a wrestling family?

Yep. Like, you were, like, born into it. Yes, yes. Let's talk about that. So when were you, do you ever feel like you actually got an opportunity to do something else, or did you just know that this would make your parents happy and this is the route that you wanted to go so i always say i've been wrestling since i was a fetus because my mom just had zach not too long before me popped him out and then like a couple months later she

got knocked up again and didn't realize so she was wrestling and she was like she was seven months pregnant but she was so small and she was still getting periods i tell people that happens like even when you're pregnant you can still have periods you know absolutely but to be seven months and still seven months she's tiny she's tiny didn't have any clue right it's all in the mind she says because she got like gorilla press which is pressed over your shoulders and thrown from the in the ring to the outside right she gets caught by this uh trayo this wrestler who's now a trainer for wwe called robbie brookside and um then she had to go to hospital she was like i'm not feeling too well and she was like thrown up she was just like i felt awful like i don't know what's wrong with me and then he was like i don't know whether it's

good news or bad news but you're actually pregnant and then instantly my mom was like my belly just started growing like she felt like her belly was good so she was like of course like i was seven months in so i'm like i gotta have this baby but she was really excited about it because she realized it was a little girl and she's always wanted to call her little girl serea and where she got the name was the 80s she was at a slayer concert miss heard it for serea because she was tripping on acid and was like this would be the perfect name for my kids so i'm does she also wrestle under that name too yes yeah she does yeah yeah in the movie they lie and say that you know it was her wrestling name like she came up with it for a wrestling when i was named after her wrestling name but i was born first before she named herself that um but yeah

it's after slayer technically but um that's a pretty fucking uh rock and roll story yeah yeah yeah it's like well done yeah i love my name so it's great yeah and then different it's beautiful yeah yeah she killed it i was like thank gosh but yeah she's uh um what was i saying oh yeah so yeah what the fuck was i saying you were just talking about how your mom ended up having you like right after zach named you serea oh yeah tripping acid at a slayer concert yeah yeah that's it and then then so, yeah, she had me. And then, you know, the whole family want you to wrestle. That's how my dad is. He's like very like wrestling orientated and being a family business.

And I was kind of stubborn with it. I was like, no, I want to work with animals because I love animals so much. I'm like, I want to be a vet. I want to do zoology. I want to do all these different things. And I kind of fought against it until, you know, and I was always in the ring messing around and training so i already knew what you know wrestling and then my dad was short on a girl

one day and um he was like ray you're gonna have to get in there you know how old were you 13 okay yeah and so i was like okay and then my brother again zach who's my hero he said uh i'll drink i'll dress as the pink power ranger wear a mask, so then you feel comfortable wrestling. And so I wrestled him. We love Zach. He's amazing, you guys. My brother is an absolute frigging diamond. And so I'm very, very lucky to have him, yeah. And so he wrestled me.

I got knocked out. It was amazing. And the three people that were in the crowd got their world rocked. So I like the biggest adrenaline rush you know and i was like man i like this is why people love wrestling so much and i again i try to fight it but then i started wrestling when i was 13 and then i started sending out resumes to all these different wrestling companies so i was like i want to be in the wwe i want to be a diva i want to you know because these women are beautiful and they're badass i was

like i want to do that that's like i want to be like leah like that's who i loved so much you know and um i got turned down a lot because i was a girl not because of my age like people didn't really care back then about age or anything like that but um this one company was like irish whip wrestling they said we don't hire women they're not good enough kind of thing and i was like you'll regret that one day yeah you're gonna fucking regret that so i started traveling by the time i was 14 i was going to norway switzerland turkey i was wrestling all over the place my dad would be like where are you going this weekend i'll be like spain you know i was really excited and i'd go by myself yeah and i'd go do the all these wrestling companies yeah it's amazing at

such a young age that you were just like ready to rock oh yeah i knew what i wanted that's the thing i didn't take school as seriously as i should have like i finished high school i didn't do anything after that and i finished high school with awful grades like it wasn't i didn't do fantastic but i was so obsessed with becoming a wrestler and becoming a wwe diva that i was like i don't care yeah i would tell people now to stay in school because you always want to have that backup of being a you always want to stay in school but i feel like nowadays with how you can just make a career out of anything you know as long as you go to school just so you learn how to have that consistency and responsibility i think it's okay i'm not telling you to go flunk or anything like that stay in school it's cool to stay in school but you know also know that there's other avenues

that you can take too yeah it's a lot easier to make a make a living these days with like social media and stuff like that yeah we didn't have that luck back then no we didn't have phones back then yeah like you know nokias you know nokias i was like man it was yeah the we didn't have phones or social media or anything back then so it's like way more difficult to try and get our names out there and try to be spotted and stuff but you had to really fucking like make a name for yourself yeah to ever get noticed back then and it was really hard to get into the wwe too at the time because i looked a little bit more different i mean now i feel like i look a little bit more similar with my boobs and stuff like that but back then i was very you still stand out yeah i was you still stand out everyone is more thank you but

everyone i feel like is more uh has more of an edgier look now which is which is cool it's like you know it's cool to see because back again when i started with wwe the reason why i got signed is because i looked so different to how everybody else was like everyone just i mean they look like you a fantastic beautiful bombshell like just stunning yeah just stunning and i got told like you know when i first did the tryout there that you know essentially i wasn't pretty enough to be there by by one of the uh talent recruiters he's not there anymore thank god he let go yeah i was just like do you feel like you influenced um people to be able to be a little bit more edgier in that sure yeah to some to some i feel like a lot a lot of women kind of just were a little bit more afraid to dress like

that or be like that because they felt like they had to be a certain cutter yeah yeah they had to be a certain way for the queen elizabeth's yeah exactly you know just these beautiful like just gorgeous models you know i mean like they were they were stunning like i would see like women like eve or kelly kelly when i first got there like on my tryout and i was like oh my gosh i'm blown away like this woman is gorgeous even in her rollers you know i'm just like she just looks so stunning and there's me who barely brush her fucking hair still can't you know and still beautiful but uh i would uh yeah i i felt very insecure when i first got there i was really insecure and i felt like i had to try and be the way they were so i like i dyed my hair i got a tan and so that part of the movie is true yeah but i did that on my first tryout that wasn't actually when i when i

got there right so like i did that my first trial i was like this is how i gotta be right so i got the tan i took my piercings out i took my gauges out you know my hair was lighter i wore color which is like awful in color let me tell you that's how i am when they try to put me in color like my stylist i'm like no give me black please black just looks so good on it just yeah yeah it can be classy it can be chill it's just perfect color dress it up dress it down exactly yeah so um yeah well let's let's rewind really quick to so you put in all these applications yep and then one of them finally got accepted yes and it was the wwe yeah so like i got the ball rolling with the independence which is the non-wwe you know so it's the smaller shows that which had like maybe a hundred people if we're lucky you you know? And so I wanted to get a name for myself on the independence and that WWE

hear my name, you know? And so there's this guy, rest in peace, who was my dad's friend called Drew McDonald. And he was a talent scout for WWE. And he would always tell me, I'm not going to give you a tryout unless you actually, you know, work for it, you know? And I appreciate that so much. It wasn't like handed to me with him. And even if he got me the tryout, WWE would ultimately have the decision on whether i stay there or not you know and so like i oh my gosh he came to so many of my matches and every time he's like not good enough not good

enough not good enough and i was like do you feel like he was doing that to push you yeah because he knew what the wwe was gonna want exactly yeah and so like um it was a little frustrating i was a kid though so i'm like why like now you know but it took me a few years you know to get the ball rolling and like when i was 18 he finally was like all right i think you're ready and i think it's because i actually turned 18 and that's the age you have to be the trial oh gotcha but also it was the drizzling shits when i watched matches back when i was a kid i was like fucking hell and like people saw me back then my gosh just awful and so um he gave me the tryout i did the first tryout and oh gosh it was like it was bad it was me and this other lady called lisa fury who again just was so stunning like had the body of a goddess you know and it was just me like again like you

guys do have banyan bodies man though you fucking chicks in the wwe i'm like come on you should see some of these women now man i'm like they really take care of themselves built like wonder woman dude i was like wow like rhea ripley and jade and just i'm like wow like incredible yeah but um yeah so we had to do we had to go to raw and smackdown which is two wwe shows and then smackdown is when you have to do like these matches and like so i had to wrestle this girl in front of everybody all the wrestlers like you got signed so i'm talking randy on edge like big show you know gold dust like all these massive legendary wrestlers all just sitting around the ring watching us and i'm like i'm gonna my pants like this is the worst thing ever and so i get in there and i make the girl bleed i bust her in the face

and she starts bleeding and i'm just like i'm fucked like of course i'm not gonna hire a girl that's making people bleed you know it was an accident it was an accident yeah because i love lisa we did the independence together we've had matches together and yeah it was that's a heart she took it like a champ and she was like it's okay you know it happens it's wrestling there was one thing in the movie that i did catch was that you guys say it's not fake it's fixed it's fixed yeah yeah so it's frustrating when people are just like well it's fake but i mean we all have injuries all the time it's like uh it's like live action stunt you know like uh you you go it's like watching a movie and it's like live and you see all these stunt people doing crazy things someone's gonna get hurt eventually absolutely and so of

course you know everyone's not stupid they know like how the matches are formatted and how they're laid out and who's gonna win or whatever it is but it hurts and and it's not it fucks your body up like you're you can't walk properly you know like you're constantly tired your body's just hurting and like you know and it's hard not to get addicted to stuff you know, like you're constantly tired, your body's just hurting. And like, you know, and it's hard not to get addicted to stuff, you know. That's how I end up ultimately getting addicted to drugs and alcohol because it was very hard for me to sleep because I was just in so much pain and with all the travel and stuff like that. When did you start your, you know, popping pills and stuff like that? It was, I was very lucky enough that I wasn't getting injured a lot but like the the okay so it happened when I started hanging out with certain friends in like an area because

I wasn't very social I was always so busy so I didn't have many friends and I've never had many friends when I was growing up like I was always like work orientated and I just felt like um I was very socially awkward so it's hard for me to hang out with people I got a lot better now though I'm very I'm I feel like I'm pretty good at talking to people now yeah no you're a sweetie but um yeah so I always end up talking and then I get like your addiction brain when did your addiction start no you're good I got you I end up like making some friends with like an ex-boyfriend I had. I met like one of his friends' girlfriends and then her friend introduced me to her friends. And then I ended up in this girl group. Right. And I loved it because I felt like I didn't have

a childhood and I didn't get to experience things with like a girl group. And like, you know, it was just, I felt really cool. How old were you? Um, like 21. Okay. Yeah. So you were already wrestling. Yeah. I was already wrestling, i was already wrestling you know and i was i was keeping it together and i had aj with me at the time and so aj was straight edge and she like was like my mentor but then she left wwe and i was like oh and then i realized how much she had like protected me in that way so then i was like i would travel with her and all that kind of stuff but then i started making friends with just the wrong people and i'd want to go out drinking every night i want to go out partying and then i just felt really cool and everyone wanted to hang out with me for the wrong reasons you know and so and i would always

be willing to pick up the tab and all that kind of stuff and i felt good about it because i could i grew up with not a lot of money yeah you know and so i felt like yeah like i feel like a big boss like i knew this face like the bitch right you know yeah and so like um you know i started getting introduced to like coke and so i was like this was back when you could actually do lines of coke and not have to worry about dying with fentanyl exactly oh my god i'm so happy i don't have that now it like makes me so paranoid just like it's scary scary it's one of like it's i think it is the leading cause of death yeah in america it's really sad yeah it's really sad it doesn't take a lot for you to die

it's you can just be right next to it and ingest like you know the fumes of it and die it's really scary so um but back then it wasn't cut with that it was cut with like baby laxative yeah exactly just shit my brains out every time i would do lines i don't know why people think fucking cocaine is a glamorous drug because everybody has skid marks. I'm telling you right now. Everybody is shitting their drawers and has skid marks. I don't care who you are.

Yeah, it's bad. It's really fucking bad. It's really, she gets it. I'm telling you, man. She gets it, yeah. It's really fucking bad. But yeah, so we're all shitting our pants back then. But we're all so high as pants back then but we're all so

high as a fucking guy just having a fucking great time oh yeah we're wilding out so yeah we would do a lot of that and i would take like a bump and it would just be to sober up yeah i mean because you want to keep drinking well you get so low and then you'd have to like get yourself high oh yeah yeah and so like i would constantly be doing that and then it would like build up to more and more and more and then I'd be extremely fucking paranoid of everybody I think everyone's got their cameras out and everyone's looking at me you know and it just it got me really paranoid and then I started getting um my neck injuries and stuff like that and um I started getting percocets and let's circle back real quick because during this time were you dating somebody

were um I think I had read somewhere that you were in an abusive relationship was this around the and let's circle back real quick because during this time were you dating somebody where um i think i had read somewhere that you were in an abusive relationship was this around the same time yeah so um i try not to talk about him too much okay we don't have to touch no no it's okay it's okay like i i i reference a lot about a person that i was with just frustrating because you just want to leave that in in the past and it's like it's not and you continue to be that person yeah with the next person but it's like i just try not to talk about him and it's like it's not and you continue to be that person yeah with the next person but it's like i just try not to talk about him but it's like i i always feel like if you weren't such a shit human to me i wouldn't have to tell the truth about you exactly it's like

i that's what i don't understand about especially being in abusive relationships they try to control the narrative yes if they can't control you right try and fucking spin it to make you look like the bad guy right and you're just like listen if we're in we're in this relationship at first yeah i'm gonna fucking fight you back bitch you know like because i'm much more stronger in the beginning of our relationship but then you start breaking someone down yes to the point where like you stop fighting back and you become very submissive to it and then you're in this bubble where it's so hard to get out of and you don't realize you're stuck in this bubble either. Cause they make you think like you're safe with them. Yes. And no one else likes you. Your family hates you. Just you're alone. And you don't realize

that. I had a conversation with him the other day on the phone and, um, just even him tell, he invalidated the abuse said completely that it never happened, that I'm making it up or whatever. And I found myself just sitting there listening to him because I knew fighting back to him with him was not going to get anywhere. And it's crazy that you get beat down so much in that situation that you learn how to just kind of become just a submissive rock. Yeah. Almost cold. Yeah. Very cold.

Yeah. Just like whatever you want to say, dude. And it's and it is crazy because, you know, you look at women like you and you're so strong-minded and i felt like i was very strong-minded too so you don't think you'll ever be in that situation right and then they manage to weasel away and they end up fucking like you know chiseling away they find a vulnerability and they prey on that yeah yeah and it's really really difficult so that's why like even now like they just their ego won't let them be the bad guy I was with someone that wasn't good for me like mentally physically wasn't a good

person for me yeah but then also I was surrounded by people that weren't good for me so it's like I always say for people like because I did therapy I was speaking to like three therapists a week three different therapists and one was for drugs and alcohol one was just for my mental health and then this the third one was the one where you just lay down and they push on your pressure points and like acupuncture and stuff like that that's wonderful i love that right but it really helped me yeah so i did that um and it really it took me a long time because ptsd i tell people all the time it will never go away it just gets less frequent and it and again it really helps with the community that you surround yourself with as well because you need those people to uplift you elevate you encourage you that's why I bring my friend Shelby over there

because she's such a wonderful person I actually know Shelby from Vegas I know she told me I was like well it's so small it's crazy right crazy but like you both bang the same wiener i think or something and we will not give that dude any fucking clout ever but it's like it's so important to have community like you know you have the loving ladies over there that's always you know oh yeah these are my i love they're my writers yeah and i like i i have my small group too you know and it's it's just so important it's it's just so important it's so important so yeah I went through that stage where I didn't have a good around the same time while you were doing drugs was this that that's when that relationship was going on or

okay yeah bad relationship bad people bad community bad place that I was living bad mentally physically everywhere it just wasn't a good time for me Were you excelling in your career at that time? So I was starting to, and then everything kind of just happened at once in that year and a half. So like, again, bad people around me, and then these tapes got released on me. And so this was when I was 19, right? And again, in England, I didn't have male relationships like that. You know, I had't have male relationships like that. You know, I had a couple of boyfriends, which was just like very short lived. I was, you know, but when I first got over here, I was very lonely. And so like, and I was young and very, you know, you get easily influenced when you're young.

Listen, I've done some shit on camera. Yeah. And you're like, it's always like an older man that fucking weasels that way and you know it's just fucking and always like you know i get i get weirded out when i see guys like getting pervy over 19 years i remember being 19 grosses me out i cannot stand it if there's a huge age gap between people too i think it's so fucking weird yeah i don't like it weird and it's the same with women too you know i mean like i don't care what fucking gender you are it's fucking weird yeah dating someone super young yeah so you know although i do say if jay and i ever break up i will have a cabana boy just fanning me and feeding me grapes just like a 26 year old 30 year old

cabana boy just feeding me grapes solid age not 19 yeah exactly so uh fucking yeah so i was easily influenced by this guy and um and he was giving me the attention that i wanted like at 19 and i wasn't so used to this older man like you know and you don't realize you're used to these old men because when you're younger these older men are still doing that shit when you're like fucking 16 14 you know what i mean but when you're younger too you think oh my god he's an older guy he's paying attention to me this is so cool he probably thinks i'm so grown up yeah so like mature and not realizing that he's a real fucking perv yeah so i was like talking to this guy that was working with me too and so he gave me like this attention

and it made me feel good he made me feel like a million dollars you know and then we started like being together and then he started being like i want wanted pictures and i want to do videos and all that kind of stuff and i didn't want to do it like i was very like scared to do that kind of stuff and like i was like well i feel like i have to drink to do that you know to like dutch courage kind of thing yeah and so i was like okay and you just want to make him happy so you're just like okay yeah let's give it a whirl you know yeah and you know the other guy that was in the video again he's a sweetheart he doesn't he had like no idea that i felt like that you know and he's give it a whirl, you know? Yeah. And, you know, the other guy that was in the video, again, he's a sweetheart. He doesn't, he had, like, no idea that I felt like that,

you know, and he's a good guy. And he also gets shit too, of course, but he's still in the WWE. Again, good guy. But this guy was, like, an evil fucking genius. You know what I mean? Like, he's, like, the mental, like, you know, manipulation for a child as a child.

Yeah, absolutely. And so, like, he was like, yeah, send me pictures and do all these things. And I'm like, okay, yeah, whatever, you know, manipulation for a child. I was a child. Yeah, absolutely. And so, like, he was like, yeah, send me pictures and do all these things. And I'm like, okay, yeah, whatever makes you happy. Like, this is so cool. You know, and so I do it and stuff like that. And he saved them all. And then we did, like, the video, which I was like, fuck. Like, even at that point, I felt so gross and dirty in it. And I'm like, and I'm not judging anybody that does that.

It's normal. Like, if you want to do that, that's fucking but if somebody if you're doing it to like make somebody happy of course it's going to make you feel a certain because you don't really want to do it yeah girls that are doing porn half of them want to do it exactly you know so yeah i understand what you're saying again yeah i just don't want people to think i'm judging them if they do want to do that fucking do it you live your life yeah i'm happy for you right absolutely but then uh yeah i just did it and i felt like i was being taken advantage of for being so young and so yeah i did it and then like i never thought i'd see the light like that would never see the light of day because again that's so many years ago that's like 13 years ago whatever

and so um yeah around that time you know i just had my first neck injury. I was doing drugs. I had Percocets from my neck injury. What caused the neck injury? It's just wear and tear, but I got kicked and I took a bump on the ground. And then I felt like a pop. And then at first I felt like no one really believed me. I was like, my neck is hurting. But I was already starting to look like a mess.

So I understand why people didn't believe me too much. But I never complained about injuries ever. So then like it started really hurting. I remember I couldn't even pick up a cup and then like it would just fall out my hands. I was so weak and I couldn't sleep at night. And it was so painful that I just kept doing drugs because it helped me sleep. And so I went and got an MRI done and then they were like, okay, yeah, you need to have surgery. So I have six screws all together, but that was the first three screws on my fusion.

And so I had that. And then so I was away from work for a year and a half. On top of that, I popped two drug tests back to back with WWE too. And they announced it publicly. One was like on my birthday. And then one was like when I came back the second time, like fuck. And then from Coke. And then I tried to lie. on my birthday and then one was like when i came back the second time like fuck and then uh from coke and then i tried to lie and i tweeted out that it wasn't it was prescription pills and that

they're only doing that to me because i'm not big on the roster like some of the men are right i just don't want my dad to be disappointed in me that's all i cared about is my dad's gonna be so upset because like uh you know addictions run in our family and i didn't want to be like that the the circle continued you know yeah and so that was the only thing i cared about was like upset my dad and so like he was sticking up for me online you know and being like you can't leave her alone you know we love dad that is so sweet he's always got my back but uh yeah but then debbie reed came out with like you know a statement that said is that she coke she's lying oh fuck that was no love right there i was like fuck you know i was cold but i understood because they were getting a lot of shit because of what i said and i was

just and also probably probably trying to give you tough love too yes you know yeah and they helped me a lot they really did they were constantly trying to call me and be like come to the office like just say you need help and we will be there for you and they never stopped they were constantly like on the phone with me trying to text me and i cut everybody out my family everybody no one could get a hold of me i would constantly change my phone all the time like just because you were so deep in addiction and yeah and just the person that i with the people i surrounded myself with i was just i was i shut everybody out and so and my friend renee who's also was in wwe and now in aw with me she came around one time i let her in the only person i let in my house at the time

and she was just terrified for me because i got really skinny i have a picture i have to send you the picture so you can show people but yeah i was really really small i was very like you know how people's face kind of just sunk in yeah like very sunk in i looked very just very sad god anytime i was addicted to drugs i always got fat oh lucky i was always jealous of people like you i'm like how do they get skinny doing drugs i'm over here just eating fucking dominoes trying to feel better oh no i wouldn't eat i feel like with coke it won't let me eat yeah but then poker sets did want to make me yeah i was on coke too much so it was just like yeah so yeah i did all that and then it's all on the internet for everybody to see my relationship all the time was on the internet for everybody to see like you know i just was a fucking mess and i was so embarrassed

and then so when the tapes came out that was it fucking i i tried to kill myself on facetime to my mom. Like, I started trying to chew on pills and shit like that. And then instantly regret it. Fucking spat it out because I was like, I just felt at the time I was really embarrassed. So low. Yeah. Like, you know, I would cut myself.

It was just silly. It was, I just, I never thought I'd be the one to do that kind of stuff to myself too. And I would never do it again. But like, like i just hit you were just hurting so bad and yeah i was in a really bad spot and like and i mean you also have to think like what happened to you as a child also did affect some of your actions as you got older and that was a lot of shit that you were holding in so i think that in a way it was kind of like your inner child was rebelling exactly i just felt like my childhood was kind of taken away from child was rebelling exactly i just felt like my childhood was kind of taken away from me whether it be from that guy or the fact that i was so

wrapped up in wrestling or whatever that i just i didn't enjoy myself as a child and when i was in school i got bullied you know we talked about earlier it was good having that family but in school it was rough you know and my mom actually went missing for six months when i was a kid too and when i was in school people would bully me for that and i remember i got kicked out because i beat the out of this girl because she said something about my mom and so when she was on the toilet she was taking a but i kicked in the door and i was swinging on her with the trousers down to her ankles and stuff i love how violent you are on her i was like you a piece of and then why did mom disappear for six months she just she had a mental breakdown so my mom when she was younger she was also abused by her stepdad

and she was also gang raped and so she went through a really tough time and her family ditched her they didn't believe her and my dad did though he was just like come here you know and he took care of her and um but she had a really really tough time getting over that and she uh i don't think that's something you'll ever get over no i think it kind of takes a piece of you and you just exactly it just learns to feel different yeah and she had like an eating disorder along with it so whenever she you know she's feeling bad all the weight just drops off she stops eating completely and she gets so sick that she can barely walk around you know so yeah i feel like in a way i kind of take after my mom that way yeah so just rebelling and going through that whole thing what what was the light at the end of the tunnel up for you what

was the final straw that you know those tapes came out you said you tried to commit suicide on facetime with your mom and thank god it didn work. But in that moment that you're thinking about taking your life, was that the moment that you were like, I've got something's got to give. I have to change. Actually, no, it wasn't that moment. I was still really low. I remember just like falling asleep on FaceTime to my mom and she's just sobbing. Yes. But my, you know, it took a while still to get over that.

But I remember going into a grocery store. Right. And my hair was matted. it took a while still to get over that but i remember going into a grocery store right and my hair was matted like i had a huge mat in the back of my hair because the extensions i hadn't hadn't changed like the glue ones oh god i remember those yeah oh it was bad you know like the tiktoks you see where a woman has to like it was that bad it was so bad i end up cutting it out myself you had dreads baby oh it was like fucking thick yeah it was like the size of my head but i had it in the back of my head and I was trying to cover it with a cap, you know,

and again, really skinny. I was in the liquor aisle and this little girl came past and she just thought I was this fucking Wonder Woman superhero. Like she was just, she hadn't read the internet. She's too young, you know. She just looks at me as Paige at the time, you know, and she thought I was just the coolest thing since sliced bread.

And like, I realized at that moment, because I always thought that role models were perfect right they're not role model is not perfect the thing that makes your role model is the fact that you fuck up but you know you end up getting out of it and going on the other side and like you know taking ownership of that and kind of helping people get through those kind of things you know absolutely that gave me goosebumps yeah it's so real you're a mom role model you've been through so much shit in your your life i know because i i fucking i mean i love you i think you're amazing and you're very inspiring same i feel the same about you you've just gone through so much fucking shit do we have girl crushes on you this is what's happening you're you're incredible and you're a role model i appreciate right you're you're one of

you're a you're a bad bitch and i look at you and i appreciate right you're you're one of you're a bad bitch and i look at you and i'm so inspired by you because you know we have very similar stories you know and it's just you know you inspire me so i look at this little girl and she's looking up at me not knowing like anything that's going on in the world but she just thinks i'm the coolest thing ever you know and it kind of like makes me think about that and i'm like what the fuck am i doing and then you know paired with waking up one day with the person you don't want to be with and the switch kind of flip on there being like what the am i doing and everything just starts like falling into place it was so

weird it all happened like very suddenly like everything was just like flip flip it was like an epiphany yeah i'm like what the is happening so i woke up one day like that and then I called WWE and they bought my flight and took me back to Florida and I moved in with my friend Duran Raquel and they took care of me and I got back into training training again and then I start wrestling again and it was like this big moment and then bam my neck gets kicked and I have to retire so I get to that point though and I'm so much stronger mentally that everyone was really worried like oh my god she's gonna fucking freak out again but I was at such a good stage in my life at that point coming out of it I was like I'm never gonna hit that rock

bottom again you know I'm never gonna be that person you learned your lesson yeah that's the most important part I think of fucking up is it's okay to up but learn your lesson and don't let yourself become that person again exactly that's such a like key point that we need to point out for kids especially if they're listening although you shouldn't be listening to my podcast it's okay to up yes as long as you learn from it and like i say to people all the time i don't regret anything that i went through and i wouldn't change anything that i went through because i felt like we were picked i'm not a religious person but i feel like you know the universe kind of picked us to go through it because we're strong enough to get on the other

side and help people with it i'm like i went through this so i can help you yeah like uh i go recently i went to the women's shelter you know and i try and like i love speaking to the women and they made me realize like as well one of them this was a couple of years ago she was like we're not victims we're survivors and i never thought about it like that and i was like fuck you're so right yeah i love that no it's real yeah it's real absolutely survivors and so like now i use that i'm like this this one woman told me like she wasn't a victim she was a survivor and i was just like i fucking that's the most beautiful thing i've ever heard i think it's beautiful and i always tell

everybody that like i never want to be looked at as a victim i want you to look at what i did after i went through some shit don't look at what the shit i went through that's just a blip on the radar but look at what i did after yeah so you have you know you you go back to wwe you're kicking ass you're sober you broke up with fucking by the way i i googled that dude and he looks like a fucking clown okay what was i doing i was like this is a weird thing i know i don't know what happened i don't yeah i was blinded by the fucking pills yeah something happened because the university all the time i'm like all right calm down like you and him fit so when did ronnie come into the picture so he had come in years before that

actually so I met him I was actually with a boy at the time he was like my boyfriend at the time um I was young I was like 21 so I went to like a a festival and um I was filming Total Divas at the time which is a reality show that I was on and like I see across the park and there's all the buses you know how it is backstage at a festival, all the buses and stuff and then this band. And Bobby Schabensky, who's the owner of Black Craft and he's one of my favorite people in the world. He's like my brother, but he's also Ronnie's best friend. Right. So I was talking to Bobby and then I just see Ronnie in the background. I'm like, who the fuck is that? Right.

So I've never been blown away by someone ever. Like I've never looked at a guy and been like wow like then like like now ever like ronnie is the only person where i've looked at i've been like blown away by just how he looks right and his energy i was just like wow he's so fucking handsome right so he starts walking towards me right and it felt like there was like doves flying a fucking smoke machine fireworks his hair is blowing in the fucking wind yeah that's a fuck of morning you know and so like i get like introduced to him and i'm trying to like keep it my composure a little bit i didn't know who he was once uh bobby told me i was like oh shit i listened to escape the

fate back in the day when he was in that band you know yeah and but i didn't know that was him like i was never good at like ban people's faces or anything like that just like the music but I realized who it was and I was like holy fuck that's I listened to your music back in the day you know and then I started listening to Fallen and Reverse because of him you know and I was like man he's got a fucking good voice he's sexy he's like fucking got this masculine energy about him like very protective energy about him and I just yeah did he remind you of your dad they're very similar they're very similar it's weird and i know it's weird to say that but women

go after men like jay is the spitting image of my father like it's wild yeah and they're both born on the fourth too like it's crazy oh him and him and jelly are both sagittarius's yeah yeah yeah i like the fire yeah i like to play with fire yeah i'm fine too yeah baby i love that all my friends growing up were leo's leo women are my jam oh and yeah leo's and sagittarius is compatible too so i was like oh yeah they're soulmate signs yeah yeah so i was like well that works out yeah so um but i just yeah i fell in love with him and i was absolutely fucking obsessed with this guy um but i never let him know that you know and so like we became really good friends and nothing ever happened like that and so we had met up one time when we're both like kind of drinkers and

stuff like that and hung out or whatever but i wasn't in the right place to do anything other than what we did that night you know and then he was the same way we just weren't ready for each other then yeah and i'm thankful for that because if we would have been together then it would have been a fucking shit show you know so we um right right person wrong time exactly yeah and so like we were best friends for a long time and then when i got out of that relationship at first he was i was like i'm fucking in love with you pretty much you know and uh he would i remember him writing on my Instagram and this is how like we got in contact again because I stopped talking to everyone like I said right and he commented on my Instagram hope you're well and I was like oh my god you're like he's sliding my dms here we go gosh I fucking like it's just always been

Ronnie it's always been him there's no no question about like I've been with other guys you know and it's just never been the right guy like ronnie is my right guy you guys do make sense when you look at each other like you guys look like each other's person yeah i i love him i love everything about him like you know i just love him i even if he talks on the internet i love you you know like i don't care like i don't care yeah um i just love how outspoken but you know how he is not online you know so i i think that people can come to you and be like oh how can you be with a man who's this and transphobic and blah blah blah which he's not those things he's not and you know that so it's like when people say that to you you're just like okay you only get to see a piece of him yeah you get what he's trying to do online and he leads into like the heelish character you know when it comes to like the grinch yeah yeah like a bad guy he's

like everyone he's a bad guy you know it's like yeah i mean it works for him you know yeah and so like we um he wrote that and i go to bobby because i had moved to pittsburgh for just a little short time because me and i know it was i was there for one day okay i'm like i've been to pennsylvania on tour and it's fucking dreary shit hole i was like i'm fucking depressed like what around i'm fucking depressed i stayed in that house one day and i was like i can't be here so i went back to florida even though florida's like a little bit of a shit hole it's sweaty sweaty shit hole the weirdest shit happens in florida it's fucking weird dude like every time we do like weird stories that we find on the internet it's always in fucking florida

it's fucking weird but uh they got the cream of the crop out there yeah probably the reason why i moved out there was like you're too you're too good for florida yeah you're fucking right you're right about that bud but uh he so he had commented on that and then i told bobby to like link us up via text again so then we started texting and at first he said you know i want you to be able to get over what you went through first he was like i'll be there for you as a friend you know i just don't want to rush into anything like that right and so i did and i i had like you know a rebound for a second and just live in life again like a normal person you know i just wanted to be like normal you know but i was always still texting him you know who is my buddy or whatever and then uh

eventually i was just like i maybe i should stay single, like just for a little bit, just so I don't have to, you know, worry about whatever. But then he texted me. He's like, no, I'm going to fight for you. And I was like, oh, so horny. I was like, fine. Like, we're fine. We're together. This is absolutely fine.

And then like, it was like, I have my dog Lobster at the time, you know. How does a dog get the name Lobster so i love friends so much and phoebe's like he's her lobster okay gotcha and so i'm like he's my lobster so i call him lobster gotcha and so you know ronnie was like in florida on tour just doing the um what tour is he doing like the just, just a small, smaller tour, like an acoustic tour. And Willard was there and he, I got my friend Joey, he grabbed all my stuff, drove it to,

actually he was in Atlanta. He drove it to Atlanta where, where the bus was and then we just took all my stuff and went to California and never looked back. And so we've been together

ever since. And I love him so much. Like I love him. We've been together for nearly, well, it's going to be five and a half years. So it's a long time for us. This is a long relationship we've ever been in, and he's the reason why I'm sober.

He's the reason why I'm a lot fair. I'm not saying he's the whole reason because I have to want to do that too. I feel like you guys have balanced each other out. Sure. I feel like you guys have both been really good influences on each other and that's a true testament of a relationship because when jay and i first got together we were both fucking hell on wheels too yeah and we came together

and both made each other better people and that's what you and ronnie have done and that is a testament of a real relationship that you guys both can like be each other's yin and yang yeah actually jelly was talking to us about what you know on the set of this other thing and he was just talking about you oh and he was just like you know he was complimenting ronnie and i saying that we're very similar to you guys but i look at you and i'm like you fucking saved jelly you know like you really did like and ronnie and i talk about this all the time like yes like we help balance each other out and like help each other in that way but you took a guy you know that was playing in front of like what 50 people living on couches and all that kind of stuff and then you fucking took him and you know kid and everything and you just like fucking embrace that

dude and like you kind of the one that was supporting him for a long time and that's pretty that's well it's fucking incredible for for like you're a badass bitch i appreciate that but i always like to clear the record and say that my husband is a hustler and he would have figured it out himself he also helped me a lot when i listen i came into that fucking relationship guns a blazing i had fucking baggage from getting my ass kicked from my previous relationship i had fucking childhood trauma i my ass kicked from my previous relationship i had fucking childhood trauma i didn't know how to have a real fucking relationship especially when you argue you have to try and figure out how to communicate when we first got

together the first three years of our relationship was toxic af like it was bad and i mean i was on drugs i was fucking popping pills i was snorting coke jay was drinking lean and fucking drinking every night like it was wild but you know when you find that person that grounds you you want to be better you want to break generational cycles and curses and shit that you've been through with that person and i think and i always say it the biggest flex of a relationship is you guys healing together and i feel like that's what you and Ronnie have done. Oh, for sure. For sure.

Because like at first it was really hard for both of us to communicate. Ronnie wasn't in like a real like long, long relationship since like high school. Yeah. So it was really hard for him to communicate, especially because he wasn't very good with women at first. Sagittarius men love women, but they hate being told what to do. Yes. And they do not want to answer to anybody. Yes.

So you have to find a groove around that. You have to make them think that everything is their idea. Yeah, you're like, great, babe, great. Yeah, but Rodney had a rough childhood, too. His mother just didn't want him, completely ditched him. And so he had a really bad relationship with women because he felt like women would always leave him, you know, so he never really tried. Yeah. And so like, but with me and him, I mean, yeah, like you said, I feel like we bounce each other out.

Like I give him like, you know, time to like vocalize, you know, how he feels and stuff and vice versa. I mean, we do have our times where we're just like, fuck you know how he feels and stuff and vice versa i mean we do have our times where we're just like fuck you that's like that's relationships yeah and i like that we do that because it's like this passion you know we care about each other yeah like people who don't and it's always fun to make up it is fun to make up yeah and he's so sweet when he does make up too like he will like he's not scared to apologize that's for sure and i appreciate that so much like he'll come and he hugged me and he'll apologize. You know, if he knows he's in the wrong or whatever.

That's how my husband is too. I'm a little hard to apologize mostly. Oh, I won't. I will not. My husband will tell me that all the time. He'll be like, you bitch, I'll come to you and I'll apologize 10 times. He's like, I think in the whole eight years we've been together, you've apologized to me twice.

It's hard for us. I don't know what it is. Because we're always right. I mean, come on. I'm just kidding. Yeah. I'll apologize in different ways. You you know like i won't come to you like i will now because finally we're just at that point where i'm just be like all right i'm sorry i was pmsing i was being a bitch but before i would like you know you may get up to him in other ways like

give him an extra blow job or yeah exactly yeah exactly something like that it's always like ronnie's always worried about me when i'm on my period because that's when i get like a short fuse with stuff i just feel like i i have endo right so i'm fucking in pain dude do you have pmdd have you ever looked into that it's premenstrual disfor what is it premenstrual dysphoric disorder and i it was something that i had because i have endometriosis also yeah and it And it intensifies your PMS. Like I would be a raging fucking lunatic. Yeah. Before.

And what I had to do was go and get my blood checked and find out my vitamin levels and my hormone levels and stuff like that. And then they put you on like supplements, you know, like vitamins and stuff like that. And they level it out and you feel so much better, dude. You know what? I've gone to so many gynecologists and like people like i have to try and find someone that specializes in endometriosis you need a holistic seriously well you need a holistic doctor i have one out here and if you if you guys end up moving out here which

are we allowed to say you guys are looking looking to move to nashville which is exciting but if you do i have a um a nurse practitioner that that does all of this and her name's danny she's been on the podcast everybody loves her and she will i'm telling you girl i have a um a nurse practitioner that that does all of this and her name's danny she's been on the podcast everybody loves her and she will i'm telling you girl i don't even get pms like that anymore maybe like one day i'll have like a little where i'm just like on edge but nothing like i used to get it like a whole week before and it would dude it was so bad yeah and you know it's like you can always tell when it's gonna be a bad one depending on your mood yeah oh yeah oh no it's like literally like the theater faces like happy ronnie says the same thing really your face changes when i know your periods come in your face completely changes

yeah and i'm like i just can't help it like i'm in so much pain and it's not just physical it's like mental too yeah like i like you know i i can be very secure at times but also i can be very insecure yeah like when i'm on my period. That's women too in general. It's women in general, yeah. But like he already knows because like I'll be secure all month and then be like, do you still love me? Like I start getting really emotional. I'm like, who's that?

You know, like I'm very like, yeah. I did the same thing. I did the same thing. So if you guys do come out here, I'll give you Dani's number. But even if you guys don't come out here, look into Eastern medicine because Western medicine just wants to put you on like hormones and throw pills at it i don't want to do that eastern medicine wants to get to the root of the fucking problem and figure out what it is so yeah i have anytime you have questions about that shit just hit me up and i got you girl i will because everyone yeah

they do try and put you on pills and i i'm so sober that i don't even take like ibuprofen or anything like that i just that's that's awesome. Well, I can't, I have, like, drug fucking paranoia now. I feel like I won't drink a bottle of water if the fucking lid doesn't crack or if I don't bring it myself. Like, it's weird. Ever since I got sober,

I have, like, a weird OCD thing now, too. Yeah, it happens, though. It happens.

And, like, my brother was, like, that growing up, actually. He would always, it's weird that he would test it out on me,

though. He's just like, here, crack, crack something in a can. If it's not in there, he goes, you drink it. In drink it in case it's poisoned and i'm like oh you want me to go first yeah fuck but um i know what you mean like if i don't hear a crack or anything like i get so grossed out if i know that this is my bottle right but if there's someone else's bottle

on the table i can't touch it anymore i'm the same way it fucking grosses me i leave bottle bottles of water everywhere dude oh it's so i just is it sobriety that does maybe maybe i just get really grossed out because i'm like so i don't know someone else could have drank out of it that or it's just too close your energy yes it's fucking hopped into my bottle no i get it oh gosh okay i'm glad that you think the same way because i get so grossed dude i'm the same way your bottle named my bottle i'll even like write it and then again yeah if it's too close i'm like, I can't do it now. You ruined it.

I feel better now. I feel like I'm not that crazy. It might be a sobriety thing. Everybody makes fun of me on fucking TikTok because I talk about my OCD and how weird I am with shit. Like, I don't shake people's hands. I'll hug you, but I'm not going to shake your hand. Like, there's so many things and they're like, you're fucking weird.

I'm like, no, I'm sober. Yeah. Like, that's what happens when you get sober. You just want to be like extra clean. It's weird. Yeah, because I i was in my pants for so long everywhere dude eight balls of cocaine and smoking newports i don't you know i just fucking smoking too my god i was fucking like ripping some cigs dude bro just stinky ass breath stinky fingers smelling like a pack of cigs. I cured myself one night.

I did an eight ball of cocaine with my homies and fucking I smoked two packs of fucking Newports. I woke up in the morning. My fingers were brown. My tongue felt like it had hair on it. I couldn't get it off. Like my lips were stained yellow. And I was like, this is fucking gross. Yeah.

Like something's got to give. Like, look at you, you fucking schlub mess yeah completely disgusting ronnie's really grossed out by cigarettes oh i don't like him either yeah he got me onto vaping when we first started and then he just threw him out was like no more none of this you know and i was like that's fine but i'm like fuck you're like can i get a fucking warning now what am i supposed to do i'll eat like there we go well let's talk about your comeback now so you you're sober you're in a great relationship and you ended up having surgery for your second neck injury correct yes yes and you got cleared to fight are you not freaked out

so okay so i got i got my surgery for my neck over five years ago oh i'm sorry i retired from my neck over five years ago i got my surgery like sorry. I retired from my neck over five years ago. I got my surgery like a year into it because I couldn't wrestle anymore. So I wanted to just like wait for my next surgery. Yeah. I'm like, why am I wrestling? You know, so I got my next surgery. And so Ronnie was there.

Such a sweetheart. He paid for like a jet to get me home and stuff like that. So I didn't have to like worry about anybody around my neck and stuff. It's really sweet. And so, and then, yeah, yeah again got told i never wrestle again and then i was kind of sitting at home because wwe was just like well you're not wrestling and then the pandemic is happening and all these things so i was sitting at home for years and it just felt like i hate doing nothing yeah like it's so it feels like childhood trauma yeah i feel like around yeah it gives me it gives

me anxiety it kind of makes me feel like a bum you know and i just like i you have to have a goal yeah yeah and that's like that gives you a purpose dwayne said that he was like you always want to be humble and hungry you know humble because you want people to work with you but hungry because you don't want to get complacent and they just felt like i was in the same spot and it wasn't you know going to you it was just really annoying so like i just felt like a bum and so ronnie was trying his best like during the pandemic he did i'm not a vampire revamped and i was in his music video so like beautiful you're like the ultimate vampire dream he was so you know what ronnie was like we were just watching what jensen was putting together like the concept and then he looks at me

and he was like this this is for you and i was like really and i didn't believe that you'd want me to actually be part of it and then the time coming it was really sweet like he was and that was a time where i was wearing a lot of makeup all the time and so he was like you need like hardly any makeup your hair's gonna be like ringlets and stuff and i was like oh god but he made me feel really beautiful oh it's really sweet well you looked beautiful thanks i felt good in that i was like yeah and i was like you know what it was costing a shadow with my butt chin a little bit i was like can we can you help me out with that fucking you look like a fucking porcelain doll i remember i watched the video and i was like good fucking god man they killed it they it's just like the way they fucking edited it and you look like that

in person stop and give yourself some credit do you find it hard to say compliment i hate it yeah that's why i'm always like you want to make out yeah i make jokes like that too yeah i can't do it it's yeah i'm so awkward at taking compliments i'm the worst but you need to it's okay to say thank you because somebody thinks you're beautiful because you are that's what the therapist would say too she was like you have to accept it like if someone's saying compliments to you like you don't have to make a joke just be like thank, thank you. Even if it makes you cringe inside. Yeah, it does. It makes me like my heart. My thing is, is I appreciate that.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I say I appreciate that too. I say that a lot. I'm like, I appreciate that. Yeah, I say that a lot. So yeah, it was really hard for me to take compliments. And everyone was very like receptive for that video too.

And they were just, it was really sweet. So he did that for me during then. And then I started Twitch. And then I became like the biggest female streamer on there for subscriptions. Like people were just, we had a ball. We're having the time of our life. You know, we're creating these. I remember that era.

Oh, it was fucking fun. The sound bites from him on TikTok are still funny. He's fucking batshit crazy. We were having a fucking wild time, dude. And he had his stream room and he made like our bedroom look like a fucking evil lair. You know, like there was just like 30 monitors everywhere. And he was having the time of his life. And then I had the stream room and he made like our bedroom look like a fucking evil lair you know like there was just like 30 monitors everywhere and he said the time was like and then i had the other room you know and so we were just having a good time it got us through the pandemic and stuff and then wwe tried to take a part of my twitch money and i said no because i was just like you

know you're making me sit at home i'm not doing anything ever if i was actually working and participating then sure you can take a percentage but you can't take that from me right now so i kind of had a fucking meltdown with it and i went on my twitch and i did like a whole video and it was posted everywhere and and it was just like wwe is trying to take my my twitch money you know and then they didn't bother me with it anymore and then my contract was coming to the end so they quickly got my green card situated which thank gosh they got that done for me that was very sweet of them but ultimately i didn't re-sign with them and they don't they didn't want to re-sign with me at the time and so i was like all right and i was so scared because the whole time i've been over in america i've kind of i've had that

stability of that check every week and even if i'm doing outside stuff i still had that check every week that made me feel like you know so i kind of had a meltdown to ronnie like what are we gonna do he's like you're gonna be fine everyone's gonna be fine that's how jay is with me every time i have a freaking meltdown it's you're gonna be okay you're like how are you so calm melt down with me like yeah freak out please like you know but it helps you know it does even in that moment i'm like stop being so fucking positive yeah you know um but yeah so he was like everything's gonna be okay like we'll figure it out and then we're moving into another house which he had paid for for us because he was like don't give me any money i'll pay for this house and then

you know when you start getting money then we can figure it out right so ronnie kind of took the reins on like financials even though i'd saved money it's just that check had gone and i was paranoid because i didn't want you grew up in a family we don't have a lot of money you feel like that's it I'm gonna be homeless I'm a money hoarder yeah yeah I hoard money too I'm like Ronnie says that I'm a little I could be a little stingy but my husband calls me cheap all the fucking time I'm like I'm not cheap I'm frugal there's a huge fucking difference dude yeah and so like uh yeah I would run it Ronnie's a little bit more like doesn't care. You know, he's like, same.

My husband fucking is just old fucking best friend Bob over there. Oh, yeah. Fucking splurge and spin. Like it's nothing. But close. He's just like, yeah. And if you want something, you get it. And I like I admire that. I'm like, I wish I could be that.

I wish I could do that, too. But I cannot. Like I can. It's just instilled in me not to do that. Can't do it. And so I'm like, everything can be gone tomorrow. That's why I keep it. So like, yeah. So when it comes to like that, I was like, can it's just instilled in me not to do that can't do it and so I'm like everything can be gone tomorrow that's why I keep it so like yeah so when it comes to like that I was like okay thank you like he really saved me from like having a meltdown there and I was really appreciated appreciative of him for doing that but then I started getting a call from AEW and

then WWE called me at the same time right so Hunter came back this was like two months into it we were packing to move into a new house hunter is texting me being like i would love to get on the phone with you and i was like okay hunter's triple h from wwe um and so he calls me and he was like why did you leave and i'm like i i didn't like my contract ran its course and you guys didn't resign me and i was he was like well i feel like we could still get a lot of money out of you like what's the deal and i was like yeah he's like i see you blowing up online again please come back and so he was like um he was like you know we can do gm role like a general manager role like i

wasn't cleared to wrestle at that point yeah right like i was still like never knowing if i would ever again and so we did the you know we had the call and he was like i'll give you a call like like with money like you know an offer at some point so i was like okay but then i started getting a call from aew and i started getting a call from chris jericho and right i was gonna say so what is the difference between wwe and aew for people who don't know so it's like the two biggest wrestling companies and now like it was ultimately only the wwe where you could be successful in wrestling. But now there's an alternative, which is AEW, which isn't as big as WWE, but it's really fucking close.

Like we're doing like the big arenas, you know, we're doing like, we have an amazing show. We're like, we're filling it out. We have amazing wrestlers. There's just another option for people that want to make it in wrestling. There's another platform, which is awesome. It's like, so WWE is on USA and then AEW's on TNT and TBS. So it's just a different platform for people, which is awesome.

Like we, like it's nice to see alternatives. Like it's not just one spot. Different owners? Yes. Okay. So you have, well it was Vince,

not anymore, but it's Nick Khan and Triple H and Stephanie McMahon and now it's under TKO, which is, owns ufc too so they're like a combined brand now and then tony khan um who is the owner of um i should know that the jacksonville jaguars and fulham football club and then he also has aw2 so um yeah so two different owners and um it gets competitive at times and there's like very tribalistic fans and it's fine but yeah listen wrestling fans are a different fucking dude let me tell you sister it was rough coming to aw at first because w fans can be like hardcore and

then aw fans love their homegrown talent yeah so coming over like i would think they would fucking welcome you with open arms so they were great at the first week right so i so tony calls me and then i'm like okay and then he offers me freedom which is something that is really really great for me because i want to be able to do stuff outside of wrestling and with with wre you can't do that you have to ask for admission and then nine times out of ten it's a no right but and i wanted to keep my name i want to be saray i want to build my brand of saray now instead of just page so what was the defining moment in that so it's just what would me want to be called saray i got so used to during the pandemic to be going as saray that i actually

began to like it and at first i never let anyone call me saray i felt like it was it was very personal for me and that was the one thing in my life that was like not public knowledge, you know. And so like when the movie came out, people started realizing my name was Soraya. So it was kind of hard not to hide the fact that my name was that. And so, yeah. And then I started going to Soraya on Twitch and changed my social medias to Soraya and stuff like that. And so, yeah, I end up liking that. It felt like I was in control of my own uh like what's the word my my own um

just fucking destiny exactly like my own life you know my own products like it was everything it was mine yeah and I was so used to being controlled by a certain thing that you know I don't want to be controlled anymore by anybody right yeah and so having Soraya it felt like I was taking back control a little bit so when he said that we'll keep serea you can use ronnie's music you know and and we'll do something with your brother eventually you know it was and you can have this freedom and it just was fucking angels call on i'm telling i was like this is what i wanted it was too good to be true too good to be true and then everyone in that company was texting me to try and get me to go over there too and i was like okay so we kept it like a secret from everybody though and uh even Hunter

at the time and I remember I was about to walk out at AEW and I had text Hunter being like I'm really sorry like thank you for everything you've done for me like you know but I'm gonna go to AEW because of xyz right and I remember seeing a text pop up and I just gave my phone to Zach my makeup I was like I can't read it because I felt like a guilt yeah because like you know WWE did so much for me and I do love them I really do and I don't have anything bad to say against Hunter and stuff like that so yeah you know they helped me they built my brand essentially you know and so like uh they're like a family you literally grew up with them I grew up with them yeah and so like I just felt like a guilty but at the same time I'm like you guys let me go though so i didn't leave like

like see you later i'm ditching my contract no you guys let it run out and that's that's it right so then i walk out and the crowd just fucking erupts like it was loud i saw i watched it i watched your first walk out and it was wild it was bonkers and i was like how do i do this and i was so nervous i hadn't been in a wrestling ring in over five years and I was terrified I was like all these people like and I didn't know how to act anymore I was like what do I do so I'm just like walking around and then I lose I'm like the girls are supposed to be in a certain place and they told me they were going to be in that place but I'm looking somewhere else like where are they you know like looking around like oh shit you know I just didn't know what I was doing everyone was really great like it got really good views really good reaction it was

really good and then the next week I did a promo which is talking in the ring and again they don't give you creative in in aw they don't give you something that you say like in wre they ever give you bullet points or they give you a script right and it helps guide you yeah here they don't no they're just like you're just freestyling yeah yeah and i'm like i don't even know why i'm here because i like i'm not cleared yet i don't know if i'm gonna wrestle i don't know whether i'm gonna be doing anything so i don't know what i'm gonna say on this microphone right now and i was so nervous and i used to be a good talker right i was very confident on the mic but i hadn't been in front of a crowd that big in like five years and you're sober and i'm sober yeah and so there was

nothing to like shield me or help me or like comfort me into that and so i start talking i fuck it up and then i instantly just say i'm really sorry everybody i'm just really nervous like i don't know how to do this anymore you know and i just was very like honest with them but my god they fucking tore my ass up afterwards i was like oh and i was just like i regret coming back to wrestling i hate it everyone's but it was really bad dude I cried I was just like rookie mistake by even looking at social media after you do something first of all so I just delete it off my phone these days after I do something I'm like no I'm not gonna look at

it it's a good idea I should start doing that it's easier just to delete it because me and Ronnie both do that but I was crying and I was sobbing I was just like I made a mistake coming back to wrestling like you know and and I realized like, fuck them. It's just tribalistic fans, like making fun of me. And like, you know, I go to the opposite company that they want me to go to. And I do a hiccup and like, you know, and they're instantly just like, see, she's the shit. We didn't want her anyway. And like, she's a piece of shit.

She's a has-been, she's this. And it was just fucking awful. Porn star. They call me all these fucking just everything under the sun. it was just really it made me really fucking sad and so after a while you know i just decided okay i'm just gonna fucking delete this off my phone i'm not gonna read into it and then i got the opportunity to do an in-ring promo with brit and i was talking to john moxley which is another wrestler there renee's husband renee renee's one of my best friends but um he helped me with the promo and he was like you have to be real like don't think of being a character he was like you're serea now so just speak about experiences

and stuff like that and so when i got in the ring i talked about my i'm yelling at her being like you didn't go through what i went through i went through these tapes i went through addictions i went through this and i just was like it felt like therapy in the ring but it was so passionate and everyone was just like holy and they loved it yeah and i felt like i kind of took my power back a little bit with that promo and it made me that's your testimony though too yeah and how cool is that that you actually are not using a storyline this is your real life this is my life yeah and so like yeah i don't have to pretend you know like i'm really speaking from the soul here like this is me and and so it really helped me after that and then you know i got teamed with

like ruby and tony storm and i fucking love them sweet angel babies but they made me feel comfortable again and now i'm having a lot of fun and now i do not give a fuck what they say i don't care if you think i'm being the shits in the ring if you think i'm being shits on the microphone i don't care if you think i'm being the shits i'm having the fucking time of my life and that's all that matters i feel like wrestling fans though that's like how they are like one week they're gonna love you the next week they're gonna fucking hate you like it's just so quick that's how it is that's how it is on social media in general some some weeks you're on fire some weeks you're you are the fire the dumpster fire you know what the fuck did i do this week like oh girl i gave up asking what i do anymore i literally just breathe the get

mad so i see myself trending and i'm like what the am i training for now and it's either me or ronnie the reason why i'm trending because again we're like a package deal so he'll be going on his on his you know social media rants or whatever but like we said earlier with ronnie like yeah i'll never stop him from voicing his opinion that's not that's not my place yeah you know and some things we're not gonna 100% agree on but i'm never gonna be like you're a fucking bad but like now yeah and people think he's this that and the other they think he's fucking transphobic and all that kind of thing but i know he's not yeah i know he's not like he's for sure he doesn't hate trans people in any way shape or form he just he

just views things a certain way and if you go against what people think on the internet oh yeah they instantly like you're a phobic this phobic that and you're just like no i'm not actually everybody wants you to to think the same way they want us to be like robots and it's wild weird i said on a podcast i think it was i said he's um i was calling him a bitch but i was trying to be politically correct about somebody i was talking about and i said oh he's he sounds like he's embracing his feminine side yeah i got called homophobic for a year now that's so weird but i don't gay men embrace their feminine side i didn't even know the dude was gay yeah you know so that was why that was the cherry

on top i found out he was gay afterwards and i was just like oh even that's not homophobic like why would they take it like that i got called to transfer because fucking all these people man yeah don't get me started with these people but i was under like one of ronnie's videos i like i'll clap back at people but if you come for my man you're fucking you're done see i'm the same way right don't come for my husband if you don't want to fucking deal with me yeah exactly i'm sure people probably i'm probably the ronnie in the relationship online because jay fucking hates social media so he never really comes out i never see him doing anything ever but i'm always the one you do it in a good way though you do it i appreciate it i appreciate sometimes there's a couple times i'll

get under a picture and be like listen you fucking asshole yeah i'm the same way like that but that's for ronnie i'm just like listen you fucking piece of shit yeah totally they call me transphobic because i said why are we labeling everybody yeah like if you're a trans woman fine i'll call you a woman if you're a cis woman i'm just gonna call you a woman i'm not gonna label people because you're marginalizing everybody yeah you want to be a woman i'll call you a woman yeah but it's like why does everybody want to be in a box that's why you're fighting to be out of the box that you were put in your entire life but you're putting yourself back into a box by labeling yourself exactly and that's the only thing i said was like i don't want to label people like i don't want to be called sis i'm not going to call you trans because then i'm just reminding

people that you weren't born a woman i can't keep up with all the shit and everyone's got different names it's a new thing every week too and i'm not talking shit i'm just saying like i i don't all the labels it blows my mind i can't do it so bone brittle the other day what the fuck is wrong with her what is that bone brittle what the fuck you call it bone braille bone brittle bone brittle yeah what does that mean it said it's a gender thing and now that she's a species it's fucking insane i'm not laughing at that person i'm laughing at i don't understand what bone brittle means i don't either it was their gender pronouns that they choose they chose but i'm just like when do we draw the line here like i don't understand like i'm not gonna

call you bone bro i'm gonna i'll call you they if you want to be called they i'll call you they i'm not gonna call you bumbril i'm not gonna call your cat i'm not gonna encourage that right but like i i don't i'm not transphobic for saying that i don't think we should have labels it's ridiculous like i don't think i should be called a sis i don't think you should be called trans i think we should just be called woman just which i think trans is like not allowed to be used anymore. Right. I'm not positive, but I think you're not even allowed to use the word trans anymore. But you, but they say you have to still use cysts.

So I'm just like, why are we, why are we doing that? That's the confusing part. Like it's wild because Gabby Tuft came on the podcast and she doesn't even use labels. No, she's amazing.

I love Gabby. I just saw her. She's amazing. I love her so much. She's making her comeback too. Right. Yeah. So she came to a W a couple of days ago and oh my gosh,

she's just, she has such a great soul. Yeah. Yeah. She has star power too. Like when she walks into a place, you know, she's there.

You know what I mean? Like she has such a great energy with her. She's so humble and sweet. Yes. Like I don't think she realizes how cool she is. Yeah. She's super cool. Like she,

and she's so like positive all the time and like she posted a picture of us and i said to her i was like i'm really sorry if there's response from people on the internet that's gonna call me transphobic or whatever it is she was like i could not give a shit i was like they can't make me change my mind about you i know you're not yeah i know you're my friend like there's no there's no yeah it's always people who have never met you in real life that have the most to say. Always. If some, I can't form an opinion on somebody until I have actually in their energy.

Thank you. You know, I don't understand people who are like, oh, she's this and she's that. And I'm like, have you ever shook her hand? Have you ever hugged her? Yeah. You know, like. At a conversation? Yeah.

At all? Yeah. Apart from looking at pictures online, you just judge people. That's how I am too. Like, someone will ask me, like, if they go to like work with, well, how's this person? I'm like, I'm not going to tell you because it's not my business too. Like I formed like a certain relationship and it might be different with you. Yeah.

Figure it out for yourself. Yeah. You figure it out. Like I'm not going to be caught being like, fucking piece of shit. Like I'm not going to do that. Yeah. I'm like, fuck that. You can figure it out yourself, you know?

But yeah, people, people just judge us on anything. They just think that I'm some fucking transphobic, fucking surgery filled, fucking, you know, piece of shit.

Yeah. Let's touch base on that really quick. I did see that you're always getting accused of having plastic surgery on your face. And I want to say when I was younger, I looked a lot different too. And people always try to say I've had surgery on my face when I've only had fillers I've only had a few like fillers under my eyes my lips and like yeah around I'm trying to think about and Botox yeah and people will be

like oh she's had full-on surgery first of all why wouldn't we admit it but two people grow up and grow into their adult faces yeah lose baby You lose baby weight. Yeah. Or when you're drinking, you kind of hold onto that like water weight. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you look a certain way because you're not taking care of yourself and all that kind of stuff. But now I do, now I do take care of myself and now I make sure that my skin looks better. Make sure I drink water. Make sure I don't drink alcohol. Like do these drugs. But also I had my lips done over five years ago.

I went to town on him back then, but then I stopped and now like they get smaller but they never go away unless you get them like melt or dissolve dissolved and i'm kind of scared of that it hurts yeah i was gonna say you had it done right it hurt yes i did it last year and i was like i first of all i had like no lips after i remember when i did it it was like all teeth okay and i was like i'm never doing you i don't know once you have your lips plumped up and then you get them dissolved it is to look in the mirror at yourself with no lips you're like holy fucking shit holy teeth yeah like it's like you don't have any lips so i was like pump these suckers back up dude but do it right yeah

no i i just i chose not to keep on doing it yeah i was just like because i went a little too crazy where i look like a psychopath i'm just like okay cause I went a little too crazy where I look like a psychopath. I'm just like, okay. Like I was all lips. You know what I mean? Like it looks terrifying. Yeah. So, um, I stopped doing it.

And so, you know, you have like the little particles that still in there. Cause I, I did a lot. They're not as big as they used to be though. But, uh,

people think I got my cheeks out. I'm like, my mom has great cheekbones dude. Like I don't like, I get it from my mom. Right. And then I get Botox for sure. I get Botox.

I don't get it here. I get it here across here, right here, you know, the usual i get botox i don't get it here i get it here across here right here you know the usual spots yeah that's all i do people think i've had my nose down my cheeks down i'm like thank you but no i haven't no i appreciate it i saw that you had to deal with that too and i was like good lord people will do anything to fucking yeah just pick a woman apart but they don't realize that makeup too oh i love it oh dude you could change your whole fucking bone structure breathing like i have no fucking nostrils like it's gone but like people don't realize the art that goes into makeup oh yeah like you can make you look like you have

tiny eyes big eyes like fucking like you know even more it's an illusion it's literally an optical illusion yeah and it's mostly men you know that don't realize always that look like fucking human thumbs every time you go look at somebody's profile talking shit they look like a thumb like it's just crazy everybody though i always say that it's not it's not you never see a decent looking person talking shit ever it's always fucking algos yeah i'm like you're just projecting you're fucking hideous yeah you know and like so it's again i don't take offense to it unless i'm on my period and then it's like i'm not fucking good surgery i've had my tits done twice yeah you know and that's a nice rack by the way solid rack i actually saw my doctor on the fucking plane and he didn't remember

me oh you son of a bitch you're like he's like i only recognize you by your tits you're like i did your chest and i was like yeah yeah it was a long time ago but you did them like twice and I you know when you first get them done I felt like they weren't big enough so then I did them again like six months later and then now I'm like maybe I'll go a little bit smaller I just can never be happy yeah stuff no I uh I had my boobs done and I went way too big when they gave me the twilight shot I went in I was like pump them up dog and he I really grabbed him like I was in and I was like, pump them up dog. And he, I really grabbed him. Like I was fucked up. I was like, pump them up.

And he fucking takes me in the emergency room. And I'm talking about, I came out with the biggest fucking Kazanga's dude. They grew to be like a size E. Like it was, they were huge dude. And I had them, I had my implants taken out.

I was like, fuck this. You don't have any implants. I have nothing in. They did a little lift and like, you know, took the implants out. You've got great boobs. No, I love you. I appreciate you. I'm scared if I take them out, don't have any i have nothing in oh no they did a little lift and like you know took them great boobs no i love you i appreciate you yeah yeah i'm scared if i take them out they're just gonna

be like skin it's wild how much the human body fucking kind of knows what to do like they fluff back up that's good yeah it's wild i might do that listen when i'm 60 and my titties are fucking like runny eggs i might fucking get my tits done again. You never know. Just roll them back up again. Like fruit roll-ups. Yeah. Well, Soraya, what, okay, so you guys are planning on moving to Nashville.

What can we expect in the future from you? Yeah, so I was talking about my book coming out. So we're figuring out a date for that, but it's finally got done, which is a lot of work, as you know, like pen to paper. Yeah. And you don't realize, like, you forget shit all the time. And then you're like

wait let's go back to that it's really like it's wild process so you've been writing it for the past like year yeah yeah and now we finally got it done and now i got the photos done for the cover like everything's kind of oh yeah exciting yeah so that's really cool and then you know we me and ronnie do have some fun things collaboratively coming up in a few months. So fingers crossed on that because it's really exciting. I'll tell you after the podcast. Yay. Are you going to be singing on a falling in reverse track?

Oh, no, no, no. He tries. He tries. I have a phobia with singing. Really? Yeah, I have a phobia with singing. Why? I am terrified of it.

He got me in the studio one time and he was trying to get me to sing. And I had like this full like body shake sweating and i'm like like i got it fucking terrifies me because i would do it when i drink karaoke was my jam i love that shit oh man get me doing it sober yeah no thank you but he got me to do it he managed to get me to and he was like this is good it's good then he like recorded it i think shelby heard it too he recorded it on like some backing track or whatever oh no no i sang run up that hill that was it and uh he started showing everybody and i was like will you fucking stop you're gonna kill me dude but yeah he's very excited for me i love that what is the name of your book do you have the name yet we do yeah i might as well just

say it yeah it's gonna be called hell and boots. Because I'm always in Doc Martens. And I wrestle in Doc Martens. And growing up, I always wore Docs. Do they sponsor you? Huh? Do they sponsor you? No, they should, though. Yeah. What the fuck?

What the fuck? My little ass kickers. And you're still not freaking sponsoring me? Literally. And you've been wearing them for years, too. Yeah, I love Doc Martens. We need to work on that. I mean, they're a bitch to break in.

I'm going to be honest with you. That's what Mimi says. She wears them all the time, too. And she's like, dude, my fucking feet hurt so bad. So I wrestle and all my gearbox got stolen from work. Like someone stole all my stuff. And I had my broken in Doc Martens in it. And I had to wrestle like the next week.

Dude, I went to Doc Martens, bought them. And for a week, I was trying to break them in. And I was in so much pain. I had blisters all the way up here. I was crying. Anyway, sponsor me because I really enjoy your shoe but they're a bitch dude they fucking hurt i've never i haven't gotten into the doc martens just because of that like i'm a puss when it comes to anything on my feet like i don't give me a blister don't give me a splinter

nothing like i have like that baby feet i can't wear them yeah i feel like women who can wear red bottoms have skinny feet and I have feet like fucking Fred Flintstone. Me too. So like fucking spread out. I'm like, close them up, sister. Close them up. Yeah.

Like I can't. They're too wide. I know what he's talking about. Yeah. With these, Renee actually told me that the best way to do them is to have like a pad that you stick to the back of your. Have you done that? Does it work for you?

Yeah. Mine sometimes slips off. So I started using um they're called boot socks oh it's a pad in the sock okay when you walk it's not moving does it work oh okay okay i'll give it a whirl why don't you guys just buy a bigger size was that give you more blisters too then you're like sliding oh yeah and then they're quite heavy too they're not like yeah oh i fucking love them yeah're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like. They're not like.

They're not like. Oh, I fucking love him. Yeah. It sounds like fucking torture. It's like your feet have to bleed. They have to fucking blister. Like, fuck that. I'm good.

Actually, it was my manager the other day. Actually, he was like, I'm surprised your feet aren't fucked up because like I was, I was doing the shoot for my book cover and like,

you know, they're trying to get me in these shoes or whatever. And he was just like, I'm actually quite surprised by your feet because you wrestle in doc martens and stuff like that and you have pretty feet they're not bad i don't like them i feel like i've got like hammerhead toes or something like that i take off my mom's toes are fucked up they're throwing up west side yeah oh my sister roasts my fucking toes all the time a little too bad ronnie has pretty feet and

i don't like feet and i was like you have you have nice feet. What happened to me? What the fuck? My husband has the most soft feet ever. And mine have like calluses and I have to like get out the, the fucking thing to shave them all the time. You're touching them with your feet and he's just like, ow, you know? I feel like guys have the sweetest feet.

I don't know how they fucking. Eyebrows, eyelashes. Yeah. Naturally good skin. Tired of them. And they age good. Let's leave.

They all fucking age good together let's do it yeah bye tyler yeah bye tyler yeah so um do you have a drop date for your book not yet we're figuring it out okay but soon but yeah and then uh every week on tbs or tnt for collision but yeah they can watch me every week but yeah it's gonna be an exciting year so i can't wait but there's so many projects where you can't be like i can't say anything but there's exciting shit coming up i promise you so make sure you pay attention we'll tell everybody where to follow you so that they can keep up with you if they're not already following you yes okay so saraya on instagram twitter and tiktok it's just s-a-r-a-y-a that's it that's it go follow and watch the show

babies yeah thank you for coming on the podcast you make it so easy oh i appreciate you you i usually hate them some people come on the podcast and don't say anything and you fucking were just it was great i don't stop talking i'm sorry no i love it you started i'm like no please i love that i hate having to try to pull shit out of people and i just love how warm and welcoming you are. So are you. I really appreciate that. I love you.

Let's go make out. We're going to make out right now. Excuse me. Is that coming? Yeah, no. But usually people would like, sorry, I know I'm still continuing. No, you're good. But sometimes people ask me the same questions over and over and over again.

And you're just a breath of fresh air. So I thank you so much. Oh, I appreciate that so much. Well, I can't wait to hear and see and watch and just everything and are you and ronnie gonna get married or what's happening oh gosh um you know what i know i'm one of those people that doesn't want to force it i only want to be married once yeah and i want to be married to him like he's my he's my end goal here you know so i just whenever he's comfortable yeah and i don't push it again i'm not being like tick tock in my head i'm like tick tock but like i would never like my biological clock is ticking even my mom's asking she was

not about like wedding she was like you want to have like a baby like are you just gonna be an animal mom the whole time and i'm like well it's very difficult for me to have a baby i got uh i actually nearly died oh one time we're going into another fucking story i'm sorry you're good you're good ronnie was on tour and it was like his last day tour thankfully and he was like a stone for away so he just had to get like a 40 minute flight and um and i didn't realize at the time that i was like even pregnant but um i started bleeding out because i was having an ectopic pregnancy oh my gosh i've had two it's terrifying it's the most painful thing in the fucking world oh my gosh we had cameras in the fucking world oh my gosh we

had cameras in the house but i wasn't answering ronnie because i was throwing up too oh i was like projectile farm i was crawling on the floor you know it's fucking painful and then i also had a cyst so it was even more fucking painful so then i just like uh he calls that ambulance for me they come um i had crawled out the door and closed the door but when you close the door it locks so then i had to like they had to carry me all the way around to go for the doggy flap. Cause they were scared of lobster. Who's a pit bull. So I had to climb for the fucking doggy flap to unlock the door so I can get

all my belongings. And like, they had left like something, something was in there. Right. But, um, they took me to the hospital nearby and then a trainee doctor.

I didn't know she was a trainee doctor, but like I'm covered in blood and they're trying to clean me up and stuff like that you know they're giving me morphine and then she's just like i'm like what's going on she's like you have an ectopic pregnancy and i'm like am i gonna die and she pretty much just confirms that i'm gonna die right so i'm just like and i start calling ronnie i'm like i'm gonna fucking die like why would she tell you that you're gonna die it's okay to cry and i'm like so i start fucking panicking and i'm calling ronnie ronnie's he doesn't cryonnie's sobbing he doesn't cry but he's sobbing and he gets on the plane it gets to the house drives over right

he comes running in and he's fucking sobbing his eye right he's like i'm so sorry he's like apologizing to me and i'm just like i don't know what to do like this is it this is the end of me like see you later but then like i'm not laughing at you i'm just laughing at you like this is the end of me see you later you know and then my doctor actually comes in she was in a surgery so she comes in later on and then she was just like uh and i tell her and i was like i don't know she was like i don't know why she said that to you she's not supposed to give you any kind of you know information she's a trainee doctor she's supposed to be here just to keep an eye on you like what the fuck lady yeah but she was like you're safe you're fine we're gonna get you into surgery right now we'll

get it all fixed did they remove your tube everything like like they they fixed everything for me yeah which is great and then they removed the cyst too like it's good it's like i was saved and ronnie uh he couldn't sleep over but he was right next to us so he came early the next day put me in a wheelchair i'm like ram yellow i haven't even paid the bill yet you know but he was just like he just wanted to get me home and he and he took care of me so yeah so my mom was asking about like when are we gonna have kids and i was like i don't know i'm pretty terrified so i'm gonna freeze my eggs yeah and maybe go to like the surrogate room or whatever it is but it's runny already has a child

willow and i'm pretty pretty happy with being a step mama you know as you know you have your daughter too you know and it's really nice when you have you know a stepmama, you know. You know, you have your daughter too, you know, and it's really nice when you have, you know, a kid that really likes you too. Absolutely. Willow's awesome. When we have her here, she's like really – she wants to be around me all the time, which is nice. She probably thinks you're cool as fuck.

Yeah. She was like, you know, when you and my dad get married – because she'll say it to him. She'd be like – she was like, when are you going to get married? It's been like five years, you know. She's like, I want to be a flower girl, dad. Oh, she loves it. Chop, chop.

She wants like a sister. She wants like, you know, it's really sweet. She's a really good kid. Jay and I tried to do the infertility thing, the fertility thing. And I went in for a test. And I forget the name of the test, but it's where you go in and they shoot stuff in your tubes to find out if they're. That is the most painful test I've ever been through and I went by myself and they're like this is worse than child

labor and they tell me this after because I'm like I'm hurting and like I'm walking to the car and I'm just in so much pain and I told my husband I was like I love you but unless you really want to have kids like let's go the surrogate route i was like i don't think i can put my body through any more shit it's been through some shit and yeah she's just like no ma'am you know so like breeze right now yeah and that's fine it's okay you can do surrogate you can adopt like there's so many other fucking avenues that you can do and that's kind of like how i want to do it too like i i don't i don't know if i'm comfortable enough to carry but i would i would love to have a kid i feel like you know you know, I'd be a good mom. Yeah.

Oh, I think you'll be an amazing mom. You are an amazing mom. But you don't have to compliment me every time I compliment you. No, I'm fine. You fucking stop. I'm like, no, but you, you, stop saying anything about me. Yeah, no, I'm really bad like that. I'm sorry.

You have a lot of love to give. And, you know, I think that it's all going to happen. You're living your fairy tale right now. So it's just all unfolding in front of our eyes. Thank you. Yeah. Well, thank you for coming on. I accepted it.

Yeah, I know. I'm proud of you. She did. I'm like, thank you so much. Well, thank you for coming on the podcast. And please come and check in with me, you know, every year, every couple of years. And just come back and let me know what's up. Absolutely.

Thank you, sister. I appreciate you. Thank you guys for listening to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.