Dumb Blonde - Shanna Moakler: Her Side of the Story

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

Bunnie welcomes the gorgeous Shanna Moakler to the show this week. She's not just a pop culture icon but truly embodies the essence of being unbothered. Shanna takes us on her journey – how she got into the world of pageantry, modeling and acting, and eventually found her way to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.Get ready for some real talk as Shanna opens up about everything from the lawsuit with Trump, her relationships, with Oscar De La Hoya and Travis Barker, and where things stand with her family today.Shanna: IG | OF Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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lived a full life and not just because of her exes but because of hard work tenacity and her sheer will to shine miss sh Shana Moakler. Hello. What you doing? That's a nice introduction. I mean, listen, girl. I fucking, I've always loved you. Thank you.

But I really had to kind of study you for the podcast, you know? Sure, sure. And you're resilient as fuck. Thank you. And you've been through some shit. Yes, I have. A lot, a lot. And I can't wait to touch base

on it and i feel like the media villainized kind no aren't they sweet they're so they're so kind to me i've never had to deal with it on your level i'm just now getting into it sure and just the outright lies yeah i don't know how you you have are like a pop culture icon thank you literally like everybody knows who you are and if they don't they fucking i don't even live you you have are like a pop culture icon thank you literally like everybody knows who you are and if they don't they fucking I don't even live under a rock like for sure thank you love you more I got you baby I got you but I just love that no matter what life has thrown at you you've always made it a positive you've always got back up on your feet and you've always just been like you hit like a bitch and I'm just going to keep doing me. Yeah. Yep. And you're outspoken. East coast. I love that. So yeah,

let's talk about it. So you grew up in Rhode Island. Yeah. I was born and raised in Rhode Island. I was born in Providence, raised in a small town called Barrington and I was born and raised there. And I just always wanted to get into the entertainment industry. So, um, there wasn't a big booming one in Rhode Island. So I started out in pageants that's how I got into pageantry and yeah and I graduated high school I moved to Miami I modeled there I went to New York I modeled there let's uh let's let's slow it down okay I can tell you're so used to doing interviews because she's like let's get it in all yeah but we're gonna stop right there so you grew up in Rhode Island how was your relationship with your parents because I know that they both yeah I lost both my parents that is fucking tough dude yeah yeah it's brutal

um I'm very grateful that I had my parents for as long as I did and and I mean it's just one of those parts of life you know where you know it's gonna happen one day but you just are like no it's never gonna happen but you know I um I'm they were married for 52 years, and they were honestly two of the most incredible human beings. And I'm so grateful that I had them. In fact, I kind of thank them. I think my strength and my resilience is because of them, because I had such a strong family supporting me through all the craziness and the roller coaster ride.

So losing them, this is my first year without them. And I'm like, I'll cry. I'm like talking about them. How are you feeling? I'm going to start crying. But, you know, this is like my first holidays without them. And it's it's hardcore. It's just I mean, it's just that part of life, you know, that you just never wanted to have happen, but happened. And so, yeah, it's been it's been a really gnarly year for me but that's brutal yeah but they they were my strength they always supported me and they were so good to me and you know without them i wouldn't be where i am today and i'm just so grateful you know i know i i have friends that you know didn't even know their parents and yeah didn't have that so i'm just really happy i got to have him for as long as i did he's so awesome.

Chachi's just sprawled out, dick and everything, just hanging out right now. So cute. My heart breaks for you. I lost my mom last November, and then I found out my dad has stage four cancer this year. So I'm watching him die. So I couldn't even imagine, you know, what you're going through losing them. Yeah, I was prepared for my dad to pass. You know, he was really,

I'm the last of four. He was, he was like 85, 86. And, but my mom was like, just a, like a super surprise,

you know? So my condolences, honestly. No, same to you. Um, uh, now I got all emotional too,

thinking about it. I forgot what I was going to ask. Um, Oh, you said that your mom was surprised. Do you think that she possibly died from a broken heart? She actually died first. She died January 3rd.

Yeah, she had a massive heart attack. Just out of nowhere. No really healthy and doing well. I mean, I thought I was going to have her for another... I thought she was going to drive me crazy for another 20 years. But after she died, I knew when one went, the other one would be really close, like some notebook-style stuff.

At one point, my dad was just so sick that I just was like, God, please, Mom. That's where I'm at with my dad. Come take him, please. Yeah, I don't want him to hurt anymore. No, I totally. Well, back to your childhood. Let's get off the sad subject.

Yeah, sure. Back to your childhood. So when did you start modeling? As a baby or in childhood? No, I started modeling when I was – modeling as a as a baby or like no i started modeling when i was i went i wanted to be a model so bad my dad had this uh it was a dentist and he had this uh model from new york who would come to just see him and she was a revlon model and i just when she would come i would be like wow but i would watch like you know barbie commercials and

stuff and be like i want to do that that. You know, like I don't want the Barbies. I want to be in the commercial. Yeah. I always loved that. And, uh, so my mom put me in a John Casablanca's like model. I remember the John Casablanca's. They used to be at the malls. They asked you like in the malls and stuff. And my mom, only the real OGs know that. Yeah, totally. And, uh, and, um, I was like four 11 and like 75 pounds. My mom was like, I don't know how to tell you. You know, I'm not going to. This isn't going to work out for you. This isn't a dream you're going to have.

Yeah. But she put me in modeling. And the pageant, the Miss Rhode Island Teen USA pageant, people were there. And they were like, you should come do the pageant. I was like 15. And I was like, OK. And I did it. And I placed like first runner up.

And then I finally, I just became like a kid model. And I started making bank like being a kid, like a junior model. And my parents were like, oh shit, maybe like she can do something with this, you know? Because I was doing like national campaigns, but as like a kid. But then I finally hit puberty and I grew. And the next year I ended up winning the Miss Rhode Island Teen USA pageant I went to Miss Teen USA um what is doing pageants like I mean especially at a young age do you did you feel like all the competition how were the girls like did it

create like insecurities in you because I would hate to be judged that young because I was so fucking awkward as a teenager i guess i looked at it more of like the glamour part of it like the show like i was like i want to be part of the show and the lights and the um and i was excited to interview and like you know share my personality with people and um and the girls were great you know you made friends and they had events for us and um and they would teach you like beauty stuff, you know, and there was lots of networking, you know. So like, you know, they would go to John Castle Blankers. They would go to modeling schools.

They would introduce you to agencies. And that's what I was trying to get, you know. And so even so even at such a young age, you really just had your eye on the prize. Oh, yeah. I was like what you wanted. I was so ambitious. Yeah. I was like, I'm going gonna and people would laugh at me.

You know, my I remember being in school and writing down like, I want to be a model and an actress. And like, it was like out of a movie that everyone like pointing and laughing, you know, but I was like, I'm gonna, you manifest it. Yeah, I was like, I'm gonna do and it's funny, because I always wanted to be a model. And they were like, Oh, you're too little. You're too this, you'll never be a model. Then when I when I became a big model, then they were like, Oh, well, I was like, I want to be an actress. And they're like, Well, you're too little, you're too this, you'll never be a model. Then when I became a big model, then they were like, oh, well,

I was like, I want to be an actress. And they're like, well, you can't be an actress. And then I became an actress, and it's like, oh, well, you did TV. You can't do movies. It's always like they always will tell you something. I love that. I was just talking about that on my TikTok Live today. I was like, they said, I forgot what the question was, but I was like,

oh, they said, as an entrepreneur, what would you say? I said, never give up on yourself because you are the only one who's going to have your back 100%. So no matter if they tell you no, do it anyways. Yeah, try. Even if it doesn't work out. I mean, there's so many things I've tried and failed at, but you've got to try. And I think just even the first step, just getting yourself out there, that's the hardest part. Once you do that, then you just keep one step at a time.

Absolutely. So take me on this journey. You were doing pageants. And then how did you end up in L.A.? Sure. Yeah. Was that at a young age, too? Yeah.

Yeah. I graduated high school. I moved to Miami. I did season there for, you know, like there. And then, you know, we follow seasons. And I moved to New York. And I competed in Miss New York USA. What does that mean we follow seasons and we I moved to New York and I competed in Miss New York USA what does that mean follow seasons so in modeling there's like seasons where you know the weather is really beautiful and all the clients and everyone go to Miami and shoot and then when the weather

gets too hot everyone goes to New York and then the weather gets nice there so then everyone they follow the season I never knew that yeah that's awesome yeah that's so that's what I did. And I I loved doing Miss Teen USA so much that I wanted to do Miss USA. So I did Miss New York and I won that. And then I went to Miss USA. I was actually first runner up and the girl who beat me went to Miss Universe. So I inherited the title of Miss USA. And back then we were based in Los Angeles. So I moved to L.A. to be Miss USA for a year. And that's how I got to L.A. I was 19 years old. I was like the youngest Miss USA in like a decade. It was pretty crazy. That is so crazy that you accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. Yeah. And I feel like people don't focus on that with you.

They don't focus on your accomplishments. They want to just focus on like comments or shit that gets said. And it's like, yeah, they want to focus on who I dated, you know. And I'm like, I have like. And we'll get to that, but that's not you. Yeah, it's crazy to me because I'm like, you know, I've really worked my ass off. You have. I've like beat the streets of Providence, Boston, Miami, New York, LA.

And I've auditioned for everything I've ever done. I had to audition. It wasn't like I was just handed to me. One role was handed to me, but everything else was not handed to me. You know, I don't think people realize that no thank you for that of course and that's really one of the things I wanted to highlight in this interview is like you're so much more than what is in the tabloids thank you and um so going back to you doing all of this like where are you living how are you supporting yourself well when I moved to um, when you win Miss USA, you got an apartment

in LA for a year and you've got free transportation and, um, and they flew me all over the country. And I worked with different charities like special Olympics. I, I went to huge Hollywood, um, uh, you know, um, what do they call them? Premieres and things. I, and I signed with William Morris and that was like, yeah, that's, uh, my career took off pretty quickly that's when I got on Pacific Blue and uh became a series regular and um my yeah everything kind of took off so and then after my year was over I uh crowned Allie Landry the famous Doritos girl yeah and um and uh yeah I just got a little apartment in LA and I just hit the hit the streets hit the streets running baby yeah so okay you're 19 years old yes you're in la yes how is 19 year old shana feeling just man coming from fucking small rhode

island yeah which is beautiful but yeah la was hard at first to get used to especially coming from the east coast um east coast people will come to LA and do pretty good LA people will go to the East Coast and they usually come back real right real quick they don't like yeah it's much over there but it was hard you know LA's you know it's a bigger city it's very spread out and it's very clicky people you know they see a lot of people come and go they see a lot of Hollywood people and so they don't let people into their cliques very easy so it was hard to make friends but i eventually did and um i just i just i look back now and i mean i just had the time of my life it was just kind of felt like where your soul belonged yeah oh yeah this was like home and

you know the my og the old crew of hollywood i'm actually going to see them all um we're going to be celebrating one of our og's uh birthdays um coming coming up this Saturday and I'll see a lot of the old school people. And it was just like the best time ever. It feels like a million lifetimes ago, but it was like the most amazing, amazing time of my life. Isn't it crazy? Cause you and I are around the same age. Isn't it crazy to think back to 20 years ago and we're just like, bro how the fuck did it fly by so fast yeah it's gonna be like 30 years for me i'm 48 i'm gonna be 49 and i you know i moved here when i was 19 la when i was 19 and i'm like how did i like how did where those two decades go i was like where's my 30s go you know and i'm like wait my 40s no like it's so crazy dude my 20s and 30s were a blur i grew

up in vegas so yeah i could only imagine i we spent hella time in LA too so I can only imagine living in that 24 7 yeah it's so crazy take me to one of the first premieres that you ever went to like how did you feel like were you excited was it like were you nervous yeah you know um I uh god one of my first premieres kind of I don't even know it would be my first one but I mean one of the most memorablees, I don't even know it would be my first one. Or one of the most memorable ones. Oh, God, I have a really funny story for you. You'll like this. Okay, so I was friends with Cato Kaelin back in the day. Oh, my God.

And he was like, I got a friend who needs a date to a movie premiere. And I'm like, who? And he's like, Bill Maher friend that needs a date to a movie premiere. And I'm like, who? And he's like, Bill Maher. And I didn't really know. Back then, he just had like, his show was on like Comedy Central or something like that. I'm not a huge fan of Bill Maher,

and I'm sorry if you guys all are, but I'm not. Yeah. So, but I was like, all right, I'll go. Like, fuck it. It was like this Sean Penn movie, you know? Oh, geez, yeah. And I was like, okay.

And so I go, and he, you know, he picks me up and he takes me to this movie premiere and we do like the red carpet and it was like really cool. And I meet like all these huge celebrities and all this stuff. And Francis Ford Coppola sitting in front of us with his daughter. And I'm just like, this is the fucking coolest thing ever. But I'm with Bill Maher, you know? And I'm like, whatever, fuck it. You you know how old was Bill back then I don't know because he's always been old I think he's like the same age as me but he's like real fucking proud to have me like on his arm and he's like with like the guys like you know like oh his friends I'm just like oh Christ you know like no like it's not happening anyway so we uh

after the premiere Sean Penn goes up to him and he's, we're going to go to Jack Nicholson's house. Good old Jack. Yeah, come on up with him. And I had known Jack, and I had known Sean, whatever. And we get in the car, and Bill puts his hand on my leg, and I'm just like, oh, no. I don't want them like, no. I'm not, no.

But this is terrible. This is a terrible story. It's fucking awesome. I don't even fucking care like i can't stand him so uh this is this is payback bill so um like he cares um but we uh so we go up there to like jack nicholson's house and you know and and it was really fun and he's trying to get jack jack is a fucking icon oh he's he introduced me to my um basically to oscar de la jolla i was like at jack's house and he was like this is the golden boy you know all the ladies love this guy you know

i love jack yeah and i was like he is hot you know and um and then i remember when i i went out like then like that week and i met oscar and i was like that's the guy that jack was telling me about you know and uh when oscar and I actually ended up. Did you meet Oscar with Bill Maher? No. Okay, just two separate. Yeah, two separate things. So how did it end with Bill Maher?

And we'll move on to Oscar. Yeah, and then we'll go over there. So, you know, he's trying to get Sean on his show. And he's trying to get Jack on his show, whatever. And then he wanted me to sit next to him. And I didn't, I was like comfortable. So I like. How old were you? I was like 20 so I like how old were you I was

like 20 okay yeah baby I was like a baby yeah and crazy how like and Bill Maher's the same I swear how old is Bill Maher can we google that because he was old back then I feel like yeah I feel like he's not the same age he's always kind of looked like the same yeah yeah he's like one of those people

that like constantly old yeah you know what I'm talking about? Like Mr. Rogers love Mr. Okay. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. I was 40 when I was 20. That's crazy. That's even worse, Bill. Come on. So like, yeah, whatever. So, um, anyway, we ended up leaving and he was really angry that I didn't like when he was like, when I moved from sitting next to him. He wanted the guys to think that he had this hot little blonde with him. And I was like, no, I don't want them to think that I'm with you. Bro, you're like old as shit.

Yeah. And in the car, he was really angry with me. And so I just started talking to the driver and stuff. And then we got out. I love how nothing phases you, girl. I need to do your birth chart because I know you're an Aries. But what's your moon? I think I'm a Virgo.

OK, gotcha. I could see that for sure. I think so. I'm not sure. I need to do your birth chart after the show. OK. It's just how unbothered you are is fucking priceless. Oh, I was like, you're not going to ruin my time.

I was like, I came out here just to have fun. No expectation. Yeah, no expectation. I wasn't here to date you. I was just like, we were I came out here to like you know like just to have fun like I no expectation yeah no expectation I wasn't here to date you I was just like we were just going out as like friends and you know whatever um and then he got out of the car we got out of the car and I remember I walked I had a doorman I was on Wilshire corridor back then and my doorman knew me and you know he walked in and he goes I just want to let you know that you are one of the most disrespectful young women I have ever met in my entire life. And I was like, excuse me.

And he's like, shh. And I was like, did you? Did you just shush me? And he was like, he goes, and I just want you to know I will never, ever be seeing you again. You should have let those men know that you were with me. And you are completely disrespectful. And I was like, first of all,

I'm not your bitch. I'm not your girlfriend. And I don't need to let anyone know that I'm with you. And I was like, and I'm totally fine. Like not seeing you again. And I remember he left in my doorman and was like, what the fuck was that? And I was like,

I don't know. And ever since then I've been like, boo, fuck Bill Maher. I'm like, fuck Bill Maher. Oh God. That is, that's a priceless fucking story. For sureher i'm like fuck bill maher oh god that is

that's a priceless fucking story yeah i'm like thanks kato fucking caitlin yeah where the hell is kato caitlin i don't know he did big brother too not too long ago like celebrity big brother but i feel like he pops in at the weirdest times yeah the weirdest like he popped in for the oj shit yeah he popped in for like and i did big brother and he popped in and did a little stint on there and then just like ran off into the sunset. Yeah, that dude has made a fucking career off just popping in. And like being like people's friends. Yeah, really weird.

It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. That's what he's known for. He's not an actor or anything, is he? I don't know what he's ever done. OK. I know. Like he's a guest house.

I know, but he's somehow a fucking household name. So he figured it out for himself. That's Hollywood for you. You know, but he's somehow a fucking household name. So he figured it out for himself. That's Hollywood for you. You know, people can like. Yeah. No, but make a name off themselves. Just being themselves, I guess. Being roommates of people.

Exactly. So let's move on. So how old were you when you met Oscar? I was like 22 turning. I was like 22, 23. So you had originally met him when you were 20 didn't really know who he was and then kind of just like you guys crossed paths yeah yeah yeah okay so take me on that gap in between 20 to 22 what are you doing out there just i'm working i'm

on i'm on the usa show pacific blue yes i'm i got that list right here. I was working. You did a bunch of shows. You did Pacific Blue. You did CSI Entourage, which is iconic as fuck. People love that. How was it on the Entourage show? Oh, I mean, that's such a great show. And you know, that show was so successful. So good. When you have a show that is so successful and everyone's making money, the set's really fun because there's a lot of money and everyone's really happy.

And so it's a nice place to work. How are all the boys? They're just amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin Connolly is like so awesome. I've known him forever. He's such a good guy.

And yeah, everyone on the, on the show. I love all those guys. Just amazing. I love that for you. It's just such an iconic show, you know? And you also were on the wedding singer. Yeah. That was my first, that was one of my first roles I ever did.

I was at a barbecue and Adam Sandler was like, hey, do you want to like, that's the one role where he was like, hey, do you want to, you know, be in this movie? And I was like, sure. How do you just go to a barbecue with Adam Sandler? I don't know. I'd shit my pants because that's father. You know, that's the thing. Like, you know, back then, every night you went out, you know, you were just everyone

used to go out. It wasn't so pretentious. Yeah. Like there's so many celebrities just ran in the circles like that's how Vegas was. Vegas and Hollywood were so much alike. Like I would go to the fucking Palms and Pamela Anderson would be there. Yeah. Anna Nicole, you know, like everyone.

Nobody had security. Going out. No one had security. Yeah. Like really fun. It was like the Playboy Mansion. Yeah. Part parties when he first, you know, lit the candles in the grotto. Yeah.

And after his marriage, I mean, those parties were awesome. Everyone went like Leo and oh, yeah. I think Leo is still partying. Yeah. I don't think he's stopped. Pussy posy. Yeah. All those guys.

And I love all those guys. Yeah, absolutely. So getting intoosse. Yeah. All those guys. And I love all those guys. Yeah, absolutely. So getting into TV. Yes. How did you get into it? Like you were like, OK, I'm going to do TV. I'm done with modeling. I don't want to do pageants anymore. Is that what I won? The big the big one, you know. And so there's really no more to do in pageantry for me. You know, I could have gone and done Miss America. But it's a scholarship pageant for girls that really want to go to college yeah and I wasn't gonna go to I had no desire to go to college so she's like I already know what the fuck I'm doing yeah I'm like I want to you know and I for me being in entertainment you know going to college would have taken years of you know where I need to be auditioning and stuff absolutely um yeah so um yeah I was just beating the like just auditioning auditioning auditioning i have a question though so girls literally strive their entire life to make it to that

miss america pageant yeah how do what do they what is life after pageantry for those girls who are like hard lifers for a lot of them miss america you know is it's not really a beauty pageant it's really girls that are have like a platform and really want scholarship money to pay off their tuitions and stuff so it's more of an interview they say it's a talent pageant but it's really more of an interview pageant and so those girls you know they really they really want to be you know they have like a plan already like they want to be in aviation or doctors lawyers you know there so there is life yeah there's life like they're going you know to go do stuff where in Miss Miss Universe, those girls are more entertainment based. They want to be, you know, they want to be in movies, hosting, acting, modeling.

So we always say, you know, Miss America is the girl that lives next door. And Miss USA is the girl you wish lived next door. But it's more of a beauty patch. It's more on physical beauty it's it's not so much uh college based all those girls are gorgeous didn't donald trump used to host those he owned it yeah i worked for donald for a long time did you meet him did he ever grab you oh i haven't met him yeah he and i were in like a crazy lawsuit together and against each other and together? Did he ever grab you by the pussy? No. Okay. I just had to ask. He wasn't my biggest fan.

Oh, no. What happened? Can we talk about it? Oh, yeah. We can totally talk about it. It's actually pretty famous. You know, there was my title. I used to run. I was the executive director for the Miss California USA pageant.

Right. And I had a title holder named Carrie Brigine, and she was a very religious girl and uh when she competed at Miss USA Perez Hilton asked her about same-sex marriage because at the time Perez is coming on the podcast tomorrow oh nice oh yeah yeah tell him I said what's up tell him if he says another thing about my daughter Alabama we're going to the mattresses I will I will tell him that please tell him that I will. Yeah. I'll tell you a little more. OK. Yeah. We'll talk about that. We'll talk about Perez later too. But yeah. So Perez asked her about same sex marriage at the time is very controversial. We had like prop eight going on and it was a very big deal. And she was religious. Yeah. She was. Yeah. She was. She was very. Yeah. She was very religious. Right. And so she just said that, you know, she stated, you know, that she just felt like, you know, marriage was between a man and a woman. said that you know she stated you know that she just felt like you know marriage was between a man and a woman and you know that was like her opinion but the way it came across was really offensive to a lot of people especially in

pageantry there's so many you know we have we have just have a huge gay community yeah and so uh it was really offensive to a lot of people and then she basically uh kind of like breached her contract started kind of like running all over the country a huge church the in Nam it's called the National Organization for marriage it's very it's kind of what created prop a and it's very is highly funded right and and then you know like the Baptist churches from the south kind of latched on to her I think I remember that yeah I wanted her to kind of be like the face of,

you know, of anti gay marriage and stuff. Right. And started paying her like massive money, amounts of money to go to these churches that kind of had like anti gay rallies. Right. You know, associated,

you know, homosexuality with like bestiality. It was like awful. So, you know, we were trying to like, be like, you're under a contract.

You can't just go do these appearances without us and all this stuff So Trump at first we had to go to Trump and be like we can't control her like and she's losing her mind And he we had like this big, you know press conference over at the Trump Towers It was like cans been film festival with the cameras and stuff and I wanted her to lose her crown I thought you know her behavior just the way she treated us wasn't very pageantry like it was you know because you want little girls to be able to look up and everybody's entitled to their own opinions but at the same time it's like you don't talk about religion and it got just gross it got nasty we had sponsors you know that are like I'm a gay you know we're we just gave you hundreds of thousands of dollars. And she hates me. It was really bad.

And he let her keep her crown. And I resigned. I quit. I was like, I'm not supporting this. I'm out. I quit. I mean, I was on CNN. I was on, you know, it was really big news, Ryan Seacrest.

And then I think even she, Trump got sick of her. And then Trump ended up firing her and asking me to come back, which I did. And then she sued all of us. And so she sued Trump and I, and we all had to like go to- What did she sue for? She sued for religious discrimination. Wow.

Yeah, and so that was- How did that end up? This is amazing. She sued us. So she was suing you and Trump. You guys weren't suing each other. Correct. Yes.

She was suing Trump. She went after Trump and then myself and my partner in the Miss California USA organization. She had a boyfriend who sent all her... She masturbated a lot. And she took videos of herself masturbating. Well, that wasn't the turn I was thinking was about to happen. She masturbated a lot and she, uh, she sent, uh, isn't that against religion? I'm all for masturbating.

I will leave a snail trail anywhere. I am totally fine for it. You know, I'm please be proud, masturbate and be proud. But she, um, her boyfriend sold all her masturbation videos to tmz and um now you have to understand that now at this point she's become where she was a little religious right she then was getting making a lot of money with these with these churches and so then she kind of became this really very religious woman right but she was not right not to that extent you know and i always feel like when people are like that they're always hiding something really very religious woman, but she was not, not to that extent, you know?

And I always feel like when people are like that, they're always hiding something. Yeah. I grew up in a very religious environment and my family was the most hypocritical people you could ever meet. It's always that preacher who's like, you know, and then he's found in like a motel with the,

you know, having a homosexual relationship. Smoking crack and fucking, yeah. Doing weird shit. Yeah, exactly. So,

um, so we ended up the lawsuit, um, you know, presenting that, you know, and she denied it until, like, the, you know, the camera went up to her face from her vagina to her face, you know. Yeah. And then she, so we settled out. Oh, good. Yeah.

Ended it. Crazy. Yeah, that was my first year as a state director. So why did he not like you, though, just because you quit and you took a stance against him? Because I quit and said that I will not support him. I wouldn't support him. Because you have to understand, the contract that she signed is the same contract I signed at Miss Teen USA and Miss USA.

And I had to abide by the contract. I couldn't go tell my state directors to fuck off and go do whatever I wanted to do. And I felt like, well, why does she get to breach it? Because she's bringing in press? Donald loved press. And it's like, I that but like right she's also like killing our business right our sponsors are dropping and she's you know people are offended and hurting people hurting people yeah crazy yeah okay so moving on that story was awesome though though. Yeah, she's crazy. So you're doing TV. Yeah. When did you do The Wedding Singer? I was about 20, 20 years old.

Yeah, when I did The Wedding Singer. And you met Billy Idol. I did. I met him on that. I met him on that set. Yeah. How's his wiener? He was a really good lover.

I'm not going to lie. I do. See, I had a feeling because those rocker dudes, for some reason, I love musicians and rocker dudes, but they the majority of them, not all of them are pretty passionate. He was he was actually really fun and really cool. And he actually was really awesome to talk to. He just knew like a lot about like history and was like really fun conversations at home. And he stimulated you intellectually.

Yeah, he did stimulate me intellectually and he just um he was just a lot of fun but i was just so young i was never gonna like baby settle down with like anyone i was like wild as hell so you're literally living uh everybody's dream you know he was super fun though i love that so you're doing tv you're doing these movies how are you feeling did you ever fall into like the drug scene in L.A.? No, I never did. No, I never got into drugs. I wasn't even like too much of a drinker, really.

You know, I just was high on life just running around. And I just wanted so badly to to be a movie star and to break into movies. And I just was very nuts. I wouldn't call myself like a star fucker because I just ran in those like circles of people back then I don't even think that was a thing now it's more like clout chasers but back then it was like it was where you were and who you knew yeah I mean people were just everywhere yeah you couldn't avoid you didn't pursue them you literally just ran into them yeah but I um I just was I just was so zoned in on just being successful and and I just

wanted to prove everyone that in Rhode Island that told me I was never gonna be shit that I was gonna do it you know yeah I love that the tenacity is yeah it's awesome so moving on you meet Oscar yes I do yeah take me on this journey yeah am. So my one of my best friends from Rhode Island was a security guard at this. I think it was called it was a big club in West Hollywood, the Eden or something, Garden of Eden or something. People will know that I'm looking at my notes. I'm not I'm not just taking a phone call right now or anything like that. I literally have. No, you're totally fine. You're like, I'm sorry, I'm going to drink. No, you're totally fine. You're like, sorry, I'm going to drink. No, you're good. I'm so dehydrated. I know you said you were, can we say it?

You said you were hungover. I'm a little hungover. I actually, I've been on this terrible sleep. So I went to bed at like nine o'clock last night, like I told you. And I woke up at like six in the morning and I didn't know what to do with myself. So I went and played like some cards, like some, and I just had like a couple drinks and I was like, oh my God, I got to go do this podcast too. I'm drunk.

I got to like, Mimi's fucking hungover too. I was like, I got to get it together. They didn't come barreling into like 3am. I was like, I got to do this podcast somewhere. I'm not drinking with you guys. So yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah.

So I, my, I went to this nightclub and, uh, Oscar, I remember he walked by and I, I used to go run around Hollywood and then I would go to this bar to meet my friend and wait for him to get paid and we would all go get like pizza or go to you know whatever after food spots we all used to go to. And and he walked by and the other security guards were like Shayna, do you know who that was? Do you know that was? That was Oscar de la Jolla. And I was like oh that's who Jack told me about you know that's what I was like oh that's who Jack was talking about he's really cute and they're like do you want to meet him and I was like okay and so they like brought me over to him

and um and we just like we just looked in each other's eyes and it was just like ding and that was like it um do you feel like it was um some sort of like a connection like from your life type thing oh my, my God. Instantly. And I knew I was like, I'm and back then I was like, I'm never going to have babies. Like, I'm never having kids. Like, I'm just going to like live my life. And and I met him and I was like, oh, I'm going to have your baby.

Like, I was like, I'm going to have your baby. And we're going to be like and I was so happy. I was like, yeah, had a quite a whirlwind there does he dress up in women's clothing really no he doesn't because i mean i well i remember when that was going down and i was like well how do we explain yeah these pictures what was happening you know he he does drink a lot he had like a drinking problem for sure and he's the kind of we've all done some weird shit we all do some weird shit but he's the kind of drinker that like you know he can drink a lot yeah but he's like wasted off the first shot you know those kind of people like we have to like babysit him i feel like some latin

americans cannot drink like they can't like some indians they have a really hard time yeah it's like you know it's some people's like biochemistry or something like they just like but like when he drinks like two drinks and he's like like as if he had 50 he can drink 50 but he's like as wasted off the first as he would be like on the 50th right and um so and but he's very fun like he's a fun person and he's um you know and he loves to sing and he's and he's very social he's very charismatic and you know and he really just you know and you know he's in training you know he very charismatic and he really just, and he's been training. He would train for three, four months in Big Bear at a time and then he wanted

to let loose and go crazy after the fights and just be young. He was 25 when I met him. And I was 22, 23 years old. Oh, you guys were babies. Yeah, we were like babies. But he's like one of those people that would put the clothes on just to be funny and silly.

Oh, gotcha. You know what I'm saying? And then somebody took the picture and just made it. And then someone took the picture and then tried to basically blackmail him. That is terrible. Yeah, it was terrible. The media is fucking terrible like that. I've always wondered that.

I was like, is that his kink? No, it's so not. Because I know there are some people with kinks like that. No, no. So take me into you guys' relationship. Yeah. You guys met that night and then it was just a whirlwind six months later and i remember saying to him like did you just move in with him yeah we like moved in with each other and we just were like madly in love and i you know like he i think our first date like i went to big bear and we took a private jet

to vegas and he took me to like a George Foreman fight oh damn that's iconic yeah it was really cool and I just remember people being like champ champ and like I'd never been with an athlete and you know there's a difference between fan like fans of athletes and fans of movie stars yeah there's a real difference what's the difference they're just way crazier oh way more fan bet. Way more fanatic. Yeah. You know, fanatical. And I just was like, this is crazy. And I didn't really know anything about the boxing world or, you know,

him, really. I just fell in love with who he was. He was very romantic. And I just loved his culture and the Latino, like, kind of, you know, energy of him. And I'm half Portuguese. I'm Portuguese and Irish. Me too. I'm Brazilian and white trash yeah we just like we just fell in love but you know we were so young and we had so he he had so much money and had so much

power and he had so many people just pulling at him from every direction I mean you know we just did an HBO documentary and, um, I was actually really surprised that he kind of let me be as candid and he was as candid and really as brutally honest about, you know, his drinking, his drug problem, you know, his womanizing, his sex addiction. Do you think he's trying to right his wrongs now, now that he's older? Yeah, absolutely. And you know, I, I, he has, he did me pretty, pretty dirty, you know. Yeah. Let's talk about that, because you had so you had Atiana. Yeah, I had Atiana. She was about one and a half, two years old.

And I knew things were going on. I you know, they were like you always know when they're cheating. Yeah. You always know. It's not it's never fucking not noticeable. Yeah. And, you know, and that didn't bother me so much as like there were all these third parties there was like you know he had just lost his first fight and there were lots of new businessmen in and they were making changes and stuff and basically like um he went to go he wanted to sing he was doing like an album and yeah we were like and i was like you're singing now like what the fuck is happening? Like, it was really weird.

But I remember we like, I met him at the Hilton at Universal. Every time I pass it to this day, I still remember. And I met him at the Universal and I just like,

was like, do you want this anymore? And he was like, you know what? He's like, I'm going to go to New York. I'm going to go do Letterman and when I come back,

we're going to start fresh. He's like, I want you and the baby. You're my girls. We're going to start the, you know, he's like, go,

he's like, go buy some art for the house. Go get some get some you know new things for the house when I come back we're gonna start fresh and I was like okay that was like on a Friday and then do you think he really genuinely in that moment meant that or do you think he was pacifying the situation because he wanted to avoid confrontation I'll never know you'll never know I'll never know I I obviously I I i it was everything i wanted to hear in that moment um but i'll i'll never know but i i was i was in our home our mansion in bel air and um my daughter was sleeping in her nursery my mother was there my girlfriend and we were watching the latin grammy awards and um and i just remember they were like oscar de la joya is about to hit the red carpet and meanwhile I'm calling him like hey honey did you get home all right like where are you you know and he's not answering and I kind of like my

we all looked at each other like Oscar de la Hoya's on the red carpet like what the the fuck is he doing there this is in it's in LA you know we're like wait what and they go to a commercial break and so we're waiting and I'm like what is he doing there why the fuck am i not there like what's happening and then um he uh it comes back and there he is holding hands with his now ex-wife millie corday or i don't know how to say her name whatever millie and um and i just time you know and kill bill when that yeah yeah when everything just slows like yeah i mean i just like i just remember i lost my breath and i just was like and he was holding her hand and they were like a couple

and i just like i my mom and everybody had publicly known that you guys were together right yeah we were a couple and they just accepted this there was no backlash of like there was really no backlash and he was so powerful and the media was just so he had such control of the media that wow um you know yeah i i didn't stand a chance and um and the next day they had a lawyer come to the house and say you and the baby need to you know need to move out and i was like i'm not moving out i don't i'm not i like this is my home and you know uh and it just became like a world like a shit show a whirlwind like a shit show and we were in like you know we fought for probably like did you ever

get him back on the phone no he never called me again uh he had his um assistant Raul come to me and tell me that he no longer wanted to be with me and I remember breaking down in Raul's arms and crying I think Raul was crying. We were both crying. And I just was like, is this really? I couldn't even like, I just remember sitting on the balcony of that Bel Air mansion with a bottle of vodka and a cigarette and being like, what the fuck am I going to do now? And I really thought in that moment that my life was over. And I was.

How old were you? I was 24 years old. You're a baby. Yeah. But I like, I, you know, I quit working to, you know, I thought I was going to be a you're a baby yeah but i like i you know i quit working to you know i thought i was going to be a wife and a mom was he very controlling about your working because i know that culture a lot of the men do not like they did not he did not want me working i quit working for him i quit like everything so i you know at that point i didn't have like a manager i didn't

have an agent anymore and back in the day you had to have those to even do anything there was no social media like we have today no i don't even i don't even think we have phones like we had i think we had like a flip the brick phone a motorola or something you know the sidekicks yeah there was no uh yeah like literally like doing the you know one word like the t9 literally like that exactly you know that's how i'm texting him where are you yeah 15 minutes later you know but um yeah i was like so it's kind of like that and i i remember the fact that everybody could publicly know that you guys were together yeah and then him be able to just present a new woman on the right that would never fly oh in today's day and age like are you kidding no yeah and the fact that you just had to eat it i had to fucking eat it behind

the scenes like did you go through were you were probably going through postpartum during this too yeah well no my daughter was about two one and a half two years old you know no i just um that's why i ended up um uh you know what he said to me i you know this is so crazy this part of it i remember because i he wouldn't see me and i remember i went out to a club and par Paris Hilton was there and he was fucking Paris Hilton at that time, even though he was with Millie. You and Paris have a long, extensive history. He was fucking Paris.

And, um, and I got it even though he was with Millie. Yeah. Even though he had just started dating Millie and, um, and I knew he was there to meet her and she was like hanging out with me. And I was just like, why are you hanging out with me? Like if you're, and I, and, and he saw me and I, me and I and I left I left the club and um he wanted to meet me and so I went and I met him like the next day and I and he and it was the first time I'd seen him since how long ago was how long uh after it was about a month since the Latin Grammy Awards okay gotcha and um and uh we were in the car talking

and he uh he he came to meet me and I just said to him i'm like why did you why did you do that like why did you internationally humiliate me like you know like and i have nothing you know i have nothing now i don't even like know what to like how to like move forward from this yeah and meaning when you say nothing not monetarily you're just meaning like your family or you're talking about i just felt at that point in my life like my career was over yeah i had no agent i you know my future i thought i had this whole future planned you know and that was like ripped away from me in a matter of 24 hours and i just like you know i didn't know i didn't know what to do yeah and he just said oh i had a chemical imbalance that's what he he said to me. And I said, I was like, okay.

And I just was like, well, I don't wanna legally go after you. Can you help me? I don't know what I'm gonna do. Where am I gonna live? I don't know what to do. And he goes, you know, Shayna, and at that point, we had gone to court and figured out our child support. And he goes, you know, you was like and he goes you know shana he goes and at that point we had gone to court and figured out our child support and he goes you know you already took me to court for

child support and i'm not happy about that and he goes and if you sue me for palimony he goes i'm not gonna see you or the baby till she's 16 years old and um did you guys make out or did you just have a conversation no we just had a conversation i mean i was bawling and i mean i was still madly and madly in love with him and i just like i thought i was losing like you know this was the man like i thought you had your first baby with yeah i worshipped him and um and he said you know he goes i won't see you or the baby till i was till she's 16 and i just was like no fucking way no way would you do that and then he, and he got out of the car. I'll never forget this. And he went around to the drive, sitting in the driver's seat.

And he knocked on the window. And I rolled it down. And he goes, I have more money than God. Don't be too hard on me. And he left. That gave me goosebumps, dude. And he fucking left. And I sat in that car. I'm going to cry thinking about it.

I sat in the car. And I cried for like, fuck, man. And I just was like, there's no way he didn't. I sued him for palimony and I won. I love that you didn't back down though. Yeah. I really didn't have a choice. I honestly was scared.

And you know, and I, and I was like, and I was saying to him in the car, I was like, well, I don't want to sue you for palimony. I don't like, let's figure this out. But can you help me? Like, can it like, I don't even know if I have a fucking car. Like, I don't like, can you, can you at least like give me you know something so that i i can raise our daughter in a safe environment and i can put her in a good school and i i know like i have some support or you know um security but he wouldn't he wouldn't talk to me so i really didn't have

a choice and you know in the news back then they were like shana sues him for 200 million i didn't want not knowing the background of what's going on. Yeah. I mean, that was half of his money back then. But any woman that has been hurt the way that you were. Yeah. I think you were pretty fucking nice. Yeah.

You didn't slander him in the in the public. I wanted him back. I wanted I wanted him back so bad. But he didn't see the baby and I until she was about 16 years old. Wow. Yeah, he didn't. My heart just dropped. I feel so bad for Atiana.

Yeah, she didn't, you know, didn't know her father growing up, you know, and they've made amends. And he's made amends with me and he's apologized and he's apologized to her. How long did it take for him to apologize and to make amends like did he has he been consistent in her life since she turned 16 he was he was being pretty consistent he has a new girlfriend and i think he's midlife crisising out a little bit damn it oscar he's definitely you know he he's he's trying he's doing the best that he can do and he's really owned up to a lot of his mistakes and his faults and i i will honor and respect him for that you know he's not he didn't have an easy life and he's not a perfect person yeah and i will always love him as the father of my daughter yeah but he's tried but you know

atiana looks at him like a father and she loves him immensely but travis is her dad oh yeah travis is her father like her daddy oh i love that being a bonus parent i that really makes my heart happy because yeah it's it's such a hard role to take on and we'll get into their relationship sure yeah how is your relationship with atiana are you guys good are you guys i have a great relationship with my kids you know you know it's it's hard you know there's a you know parental alienation is a real thing and we can get into that a little later but um you know i was a i'm a i'm a goddamn good mom i'm a fucking great mother and i raised all my kids and i i did a good job with a lot of heavy shit yeah and you know even without tiana when she was little you

know i made sure that because her dad wasn't there i would go to the schools and be like i want her in classes with all male teachers i want her to have positive male role models you know i i would have her go and spend summers with my mom and dad because I wanted her to see a functioning, healthy, loving, you know, um, uh, relationship. I made those choices for her to see, see those things and be a part of those things. Um, I'm, I have a great relationship with my kids. My kids and I never had any bumps in the road until my ex-husband started dating the, uh, Kardashian crew, you know?

Gotcha. And, um, and I don't fault my kids for some of the things that they said they were kids and they were influenced and, you know, but a teenager saying one thing one time. Yeah.

Doesn't take away the years that I did raising my children. I'm very confident in who I am as a mother and, um, how I raised my children. Um, uh, but I'm,, um, how I raised my children. Um, uh, but I'm, I'm not estranged from my children.

I'm very close to my children. I love that. We have great relationships. Yeah. We'll dive a little deeper into that once we get into their births and stuff like that. But yeah, I just wanted to know where you and Atiana stood because I mean, you guys were babies growing up together.

We really were. Yeah. Do you feel like the bond, like she's more of like a sister? No, I'm definitely her mom. She's like, no, I'm mom. No, no, no, I'm definitely her mom. I love it. She's beautiful, too.

She is. Goodness. I mean, all your kids are fucking gorgeous, dude. I'm very proud of all three of them. But she just has a very incredible, sweet, kind soul. She seems like that. She seems very peaceful. She seems very peaceful. She is.

She's more conservative and much more chill than the other two by far. The other two are your karma. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. God gave me Vamalast for a reason. I love that. So moving on, you're going through this heartbreak. You're having to go through this.

I did Playboy. Yeah. So is that what you did as soon as through i did playboy yeah so is that what you did as soon as you broke up with yeah that's what i did and he never would i was on pacific blue and they wanted me to be a celebrity pictorial and he would never let he was like no absolutely not he's like no way you know mexican you know no no no um but at the time i needed the money to like pay my attorney to you know to um uh, um, uh, do the, the palimony suit. Which did you guys settle in the palimony suit?

Yes. We ended up settling. He ended up being very, I don't know. Like, couldn't we have just done this like a year ago? I think he just wanted to see if you had it in you. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't have a choice. I was like, you know, I'm like, I'm doing a motherfucker. I don't want to do this. I was like, I love you. Please don't make me do this. Like we'll do it. You know? But, um, yeah. So, uh, I'm doing it, motherfucker. I don't want to do this. I was like, I love you. Please don't make me do this. Like, we'll do it. You know, but yeah. So I ended up doing Playboy, but they wouldn't make me a celebrity pictorial after that.

See, so it like ruined it, hurt my career. Right. And so they said, we'll give you, make you a playmate. You know, you can pick your month. Wouldn't that be better to be a playmate, though, than just a celebrity pictorial? Because isn't that like a one-time thing? Yeah, it's a one-time thing, but you get paid a lot more. Gotcha.

Yeah, you get paid a lot more. So it's hundreds of thousands of dollars worth $20,000. Yeah. And as a Playmate, you have to do a video, you have to do certain things. But you know what? My Playboy experience was the most epic, coolest, amazing. Like shooting at Playboy Studio West was Steve Weta,

Arnie Freytag, like just, you know, the kings of photography. It was just such a really cool time. And Hef and just was so good to me. Yeah. I never dated Hef. No, you don't have to fuck Hef to be a playmate. Like he was a complete gentleman, a class act to me and welcomed me into his home. I love I love that whole era of playboy.

I felt like that was the time that like women kind of all came together for just a cause. And like, it was just like, you know, it was like a girl gang and it was like, if you were part of that girl gang, I did work for playboy TV.

I wasn't pretty enough to make it in the magazine. Um, but I did. No, I don't listen. I shot with, uh, i think his name was bill white at playboy west okay okay yeah and yeah and they they were just like no they were there you know they i mean sometimes they power tripped a little bit yeah which is fine yeah which is fine

but i was all i you know partied i yeah did the whole playboy thing yeah like um but that era was just i don't know like even though it was for a nude magazine it was so wholesome it was it was so wholesome and like it's so weird to say that but it was it's so true though and you know um it was and you know it was good teaching women to embrace their bodies yeah really yeah and every it's so interesting because it's like a sisterhood all the playmates are like a sister, where, you know, the pageantry, there's sisterhood in that. I used to try to get the pageant girls to go to dinner with the playmates, but that

never went well. So. Dude, that, how epic would that be to have a pageant playboy edition? Yeah. That would be crazy. Yeah. There's a lot of girls now that, you know. Do it.

Now that their pageants are over, they're like, I want to do it. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I wish you did it years ago. It was so cool, you know. Tell me about it. so i've met hef a couple times too and i thought he was always so sweet he was a little disconnected like he was just yeah he was just kind of like there and just kind of did his own thing i first met him when i was miss usa and i was doing a charity event and he was still married to kim at that time and i remember he came up to me and he goes you know you're truly a beautiful young woman and I

just thought like what a compliment what a fucking compliment from him like you know I mean I went to bed that night like holy shit you know I remember when I was like this is crazy weird people are gonna think it's weird but um I remember my dad used to have like playboy you know say it my dad did too yeah in the bathroom in the bathroom he would have him in the bathroom I remember looking at them and I just thought the women were so beautiful and I remember being on the bus and kids were like what do you want to be when you grew up and I was like a playboy bunny yeah I didn't know what that meant and I remember everyone being like oh my god yeah and and then you know to ironically end up becoming a playboy bunny later is very very funny but but I was yeah

I was 19 when I first met Hef and then you know was with Oscar, and I wasn't allowed to do it, but then when I was 25 turning 26, that's when I became a playmate, and I vied for Playmate of the Year. It was between me and Darlene. They made us go shoot on just a white backdrop, completely naked, and it was between she and I, and that's when he had seven girlfriends, and I think five of his girlfriends

were in the contention that you know, that year. But I never felt pressure or anything like that. But I was the first playmate to ever have a belly button ring. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And I had like a little rabbit head. I feel like back in the day, they didn't let tattoos either. Yeah.

They didn't have, you weren't allowed to have piercings or tattoos. Hef didn't like them. But he changed that as he got older. Yeah. And times changed. How do you feel about all the stuff that's coming out about Hef now it's disgusting yeah yeah it's disgusting i mean there's just you know there are playmates that i think do things for money and for attention and for fame and you know the the playmates who really knew half and were part of that family you know are just completely it's

just vile and just you know let him rest in peace what the fuck are you guys doing yeah ripping this man apart and he can't defend himself yeah i have no respect for that shit you know at all i love that you're standing up for him though yeah oh i just love he and you know i spend every easter there with my with travis and my children you know i mean he was a wonderful man yeah yeah i love that i love that you're taking a stance especially in a time where it's easy to go fuck off into the sunset seriously gross gross he did so much for so many women yeah so much and and if any of those women were homeless or had a drug addiction he would have he would have housed them taken care of them and gotten them sober it's disgusting for them to do that yeah i never knew that i never

knew that he um rehabbed women like yes he did, he did. Wow. Numerous. Crazy. So after you did Playboy, Stella's getting her groove back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take me on this journey. Yeah, I met Travis very soon after. And it was literally the minute I got over. I never really got over. I didn't get over Oscar for a decade or so. But the minute I kind of got past it, I was out in Hollywood.

And my girlfriend was like, I met this guy and his name's Rob skinhead Rob from the transplants yeah yeah yeah she was like yeah I met this guy like come with me like I was gonna be her wingman I was like alright and we went to this I think it was called like the standard or something on sunset oh my god yeah I had a lot of

drug nights there a lot of people did I think I think I almost died there one night cocaine and Xanax was a lot of drug nights there. A lot of people did, I think. Fuck my life. I think I almost died there one night. Oh, my God. No, cocaine and Xanax was a hell of a fucking binge party. Let me tell you. Yeah, that'll do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so I went there, and she was with Rob. And I think, like, George Clooney was there that night. He was everywhere back then. He was fucking everywhere back then. Dude, he used to. I can't even believe I'm going to say this. When I used to work at the Palms, he would come and group together all the fucking cocktail waitresses.

And they would go upstairs and fuck him. Like, I was there when it happened. I wasn't in the room, but I was working. I was never one of the cocktail waitresses. He had a pig and he was doing his thing. No, George Clooney was the man, dude. Like, all he had to do was walk by and bitches would pass out yeah dropping their shorts he was a fine motherfucker

though he was yeah he was yeah he's still sexy where the fuck is he he got married like disappeared with his wife and yeah just doing his thing he's just living the dream he's living the dream go george go go george go go george go yeah i think i was like talking to him at the bar or something and then you know she introduced me to travis and he had a big mohawk back then and not you know back then no one had mohawks yeah and he was fucking you know he was tatted up pretty not as much now but he was still tatted up pretty pretty uh tight and i was just like i thought this is who the fuck i i didn't know who blink 182 was and um and i was like, oh, I think it was like with Oscar, like, oh, that's who Jack. And I was like, oh, didn't they have like little people on the MTV Music Awards on bungee cords like flying around?

Like that's how I like, you know, remembered him. And what kind of music did you listen to to not know who Blink-182 was? I listened to hip hop and rap. OK, gotcha. Yeah, I listened to hip hop and rap. And yeah. And R&B. Gotcha. Yeah. So I had no clue. you hip-hop and rap okay gotcha yeah i listen to hip-hop and rap and uh yeah and um r&b gotcha yeah so uh i had no clue and um and i just remember being like wow he's really you know oscar's so

clean cut more suits and shit he doesn't even have tattoos not one tattoo not one and i was like god this guy's really fucking tattooed and i was like all right i'll be your wingman you know and they were like oh he's getting a divorce he's in the middle of a divorce oh i didn't know that travis was married yeah he was married to a girl named Melissa. Just a regular. Just a regular girl. Yeah, she's a real estate agent today. Nice person.

And I was like, I don't want to fucking deal with a guy going through a divorce. Like, Jesus, like, what a mess. I was like, I'll just be your wingman. George, send me a beer, you know? Like, that kind of a thing. Go, George, go. Yeah, and so we just, like, talked. And I remember he called me Oscar. Like, he was like, what up, Oscar? Like, kind of a thing go george go yeah and uh so we just like talked and i remember he called me oscar like he was like what up oscar like kind of teasing me about oscar because i was

you know i was known as oscar's girlfriend the gold digger you know i was like you know i was like okay and i was like what um and then the next week because you know you would go to the same club every week every thursday you went you know the same thing and she was like i missed that because that's how it was back in the day like yeah we used to have like wasted space out here yeah you were like Wednesday we go here Thursday we go here every week you know that's what you did and my girlfriend was like I'm gonna go meet Rob again like come with me and I was like fuck okay and um and I guess I'll go I guess I'll go so I was like yay and so I went and Travis was there again and this time like he like he came up to me and we like I'll never forget it like it was something stupid like I

was just like what's your sign like I said it like what's your sign or something like that um and we just started talking and then Rob and my girlfriend at the time Natasha we all went to like back to his hotel because he was staying at a hotel to be away from his wife. And and we Travis's hotel. Yeah, we went to Travis's hotel. We were all just like listening to music and drinking and having fun. And he and I kissed. And I remember like looking like stepping back and being like, what the fuck was that?

Like, holy shit. Like, I just met like the love of my life and I was like I'm gonna have your baby oh here we go again I was like I'm gonna have your baby and I just knew it and six months later I got pregnant oh my goodness which I was but I mean and I I was so madly I mean even like I never thought I would love again or kind of meet that kind of connection but Travis is definitely more the love of my life more way more than Oscar what is Oscar's sign uh he's an Aquarius okay yeah that's crazy Aquarius and Aries and Travis is a Scorpio yeah which is crazy to me that but if you have a Virgo moon then that makes sense because Virgo and Scorpio are soulmates I would

love to see you guys's charts I'm. I'm sure somebody's done them online. But do you feel like you and Travis were twin flames? Oh, 100%. Because you guys had, like, a long, tumultuous relationship. Yeah, yeah. People don't even realize how long after. They're like, oh, they got divorced in 2008. I'm like, yeah, we lived with each other,

like a married couple, until, like, almost 2012. Yeah. Yeah, people don't know that. Take me on this journey. You and Travis what happens after that you guys just instantly like instantly connected and he was touring with the transplants and I would drive to his house like every weekend and we would just see each other as much as possible and I just was I mean we just were together I mean did he love bomb you as much as he loved bombs we were the we were the OG love bomb please like I do remember watching that was just like I was like oh Christ you know like this is

hard to watch well he definitely has a pattern you know it's what I think he did I feel like it was a little more acceptable when you guys did it yeah because it felt more real yeah I you know and I'm not talking shit about them I'm just saying like you guys did do yeah because it felt more real yeah I you know and I'm not talking shit about them I'm just like you guys did do it first and it was just more accepted back then too yeah and we you know we got our we you know I got pregnant six months later and and were you guys living together by basically already yeah I told him on Valentine's Day and and yeah we just we were just it was really one of the happiest times of my life yeah and when we had Landon we had Landon and then that's when MTV came

to us and asked us if you know the newlyweds were going off and asked us if we wanted to meet the Barkers and back then you know reality TV was so new I mean you had the Osbournes and you had the newlyweds that was really it yeah there was no other you know that they were the pioneers of reality tv so that's when we did meet the Barkers and that you know that was really our I watch those episodes now and I didn't like who are those people you know it's like another lifetime ago I watched all all the original reality tv the newlyweds meet the Barkers and uh the Osbournes loved all of it and i feel like that's when tv was fucking great yeah and because back then it wasn't scripted right i mean they really just had two teams of people following you around with cameras that was your life yeah and you didn't

have to get you know legal to say oh you can go eat in that restaurant or you can go into that store people you didn't have to sign their lives away you could just you just went to that store you know i know how tv shows are shot and i know that they're edited and you know they're they're there's always a narrative that they want to paint exactly how do you feel about people always saying that oh shane all she did was ever lay in bed oh it's so fucking annoying it's so fucking annoying because i'm like what do you guys think i'm like narcoleptic or something like it was supposed to be funny it was supposed to be like a little like it was supposed to be entertaining you know it was supposed to be like a funny part i mean that bed looked

comfortable as fuck i i look man i love my beds i i love my beds and i do love sleeping um i do have chronic fatigue like i was diagnosed with that when i was like 19 so when i work um when i first start any work schedule i usually relapse and it's very very hard for me to like function and get up and um and I you know I get real irritable with people but I um you know what they don't understand is that I was the one rocking babies all fucking night long right so I would Travis wasn't he was on tour and he was at the time he also had a pretty heavy pill addiction you know that he's been very open and candid about um I didn't know that at the time i was so naive i didn't even realize it um you didn't know that he was an addict no no i didn't know at all and what was he taking like laura tabs that was he was taking like darvasets or like like narcos or

something yeah something like that like some loved a good norco back in the day yeah i'm like i don't even like i don't even know you know if i took a nor I'd like throw up now. Yes, I would, too. But back then, that's what I used to look for because they had less aspirin in them than the blue pills. OK, I have no clue. Like, I didn't even know he was like on him, you know, he just that's how he functioned, you know. And but I would be, you know, the cameras would stop rolling. They'd leave around 10 o'clock at night and then, you know, Travis would go to bed. But I would have to go put like Atiana in her bed and I'd put on like you know a movie and then I would go and like rock Landon and mind you I was pregnant and then you know I'd rock Landon and then I'd go lay down with Atiana until she fell asleep

and then I would go lay down and then one of them would wake up like five minutes later you know and then I would go rock the baby and then I would go you know lay down with her and then when I had Alabama on the show well then I had to go put Atiana down go rock Alabama you know you know then go rock Landon and then one of the you know I was constantly so by the time like our nanny would come at like eight in the morning and the crew would show up I was exhausted you know and it was like I need to sleep I've been up all night like working the graveyard yeah you know so I mean so when people say that all the time like oh you're a deadbeat i think i did one episode where the nanny came in and i i the nanny um stayed the

night right and i actually got like i was like i need to get like eight hours of sleep like a solid eight hours of sleep like i can't have it broken up every three hours which you do with the newborn and stuff and uh so i had liz who's still with us to this day um yeah she uh came over and and they filmed it and they asked her they she can't unmute the barkers they filmed her and and um and i said how were they last night you know so all the people at home thought that i had a fucking nanny the entire the entire time every night and it was just like one night and then it's like i'm a deadbeat mom that never like who slept and never took care of her kids that's exactly why i wanted to ask that question because i i know being in the industry and having to film our reality

show that we do yeah fucking i know exactly that there's always more to the story yeah and i don't think people comprehend people on the other side of the keyboard don't comprehend that what you see on TV is completely edited. Yes, it's real, quote unquote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's completely chopped up and edited and there's so much shit you don't see. Yeah, to make a storyline, to entertain you. It was supposed to be funny. Yes.

I honestly think the worst thing you can do to a woman is to shit on her as a mother. Yeah. I think it's really one of the cruelest and most vile things and i honestly can't imagine going up to a stranger or to a person or going online and saying to someone you're a fucking piece of shit mother you're a deadbeat mother like yeah i don't fucking know you from a hole in the wall i can't imagine saying that to a stranger and and saying that to them about you don't know what's going on in someone's home what's going on with their husband and people you know because we had that show they and i know i'm a public person and you know and it's like and you know i put myself

in that position but at the same time fuck you you don't get to do that this is where i stand up for us and i have been standing up to online bullies and they fucking hate it just because we are open online does not give you the right you're right to tear us apart for no fucking reason they're like well you're a celebrity you should be able to handle it how about go fuck yourself you'd never say this to my face yeah exactly you know I'd stand up to the bullies and I don't fucking like it and Instagram is the worst like I can't go live right oh get on TikTok girl you ain't seen nothing yet yeah yeah well instagram's like the well i mean in the way that they don't defend you oh at all like you know i told someone to like go fuck themselves or i called him a bitch the other day you know shooting on my daughter like or shooting on me

as a mother or something and you know and i just was like bitch get off my page yeah 30 days and it's like and it's just yeah i know they probably have a computer that's just like i said the word bitch so now i can't go live for 30 days but it's like did you see the comment yeah that person blocked is that person you know is there any repercussions for these people's actions for that like you know what if i what if i wasn't as strong as i am and i go fucking blow my brains out like you know do you like i i don't i don't understand it it's really you know it's it's but i back to, I don't understand it. It's really, you know, it's, it's, but I, back to what I was saying, I honestly think criticizing women like that, especially as a mother is really the grossest and lowest form of harassment you can do to a woman. I could never

go to somebody's page and just say anything mean. And if I don't like you, I don't want to go to your page. Yeah. Even if I don't agree with it, I'm just like, eh, and keep scrolling. You know, I don't have to, to word vomit on this person's page just to make myself feel better if i don't like something i don't view it i don't go to their pages i scroll on by you know like absolutely i don't pay attention to it but you know it's i mean people and i used to when my space was big back in the day i love my space we never had problems we had the top fucking A we had we could put music on our profiles we could design our profiles it was so Tom didn't

fucking fuck with us nobody got violations yes like bring MySpace back please Tom where the fuck are you like bought it Justin bring it back Tom followed me on fucking tick tock and I was more excited about that than fucking like I matched

with him on a dating app Tom you dirty boy you yeah he was on the league you only get like three people a day and he's like yes it's really me oh my god that is so funny we never have it was the same picture and I was like is this really the Tom

oh my god that's weird I would love to see Tom in person I gotta get Tom on the podcast um all right so moving back to meet the Barkers is that kind of where you guys's relationship started falling apart a little bit a little bit towards like the end of the season I think what really happened or really started to affect our relationship which is the irony to this day for me is he didn't want to be known as like a couple or a reality star he wanted to be known as a musician right which i understand and i respected 1000 you know and you know back then i was like you know i i want to do all the things that you see reality stars doing now like i wanted to start a clothing line and a brand and

he was just so against all of it like he was so punk rock and that was so against like what but he had famous stars and straps yeah he did but that was but that was yeah straps famous stars and straps but that was like its own company he wasn't using the tv show he had already created that you know um he wasn't an opportunist with the tv show and um and uh and so you you know, we kind of put an end to it. Isn't that the point of having a reality show, though? That's what I thought. To capitalize. And I'm not talking shit.

I'm just saying, like, I would think that you would want to capitalize off whatever you could, especially with the attention that you guys were getting. Yeah. And I just think for him, you know, he was the star. And I think when it became about us, like as a couple, and I wanted to be like a power couple, you know, and he didn't want that.

He wanted to like, you know, I think he was used to being the man in the center and the musician. And he wanted to be known and taken seriously as a serious musician. And that I could respect. But that's kind of like where it, like it started to decline

when did the affair with Kim Kardashian start it started after the affair with Paris Hilton okay yeah and here comes Paris again yeah there comes Paris and I had already got like mind you in that club I had gotten Paris Hilton's face you know like well when when Oscar and I were having a conversation she bippity-bopped in And I was like, aren't you fucking this one here? Aren't you fucking this one? And she was like, I don't even know him. I'm like, yeah, you do. And so she leaves.

And, you know, he and I continued arguing. Oscar and I left. So she and I had already had words like that night. And then, yeah, I don't know. He and I were arguing. And we kind of like separated. But we were still living in the same house. How did you know he was having an affair with Paris?

They caught him making out on camera. And it was all over TMZ and everything. And I was just like, wow. I feel like back then Paris was the party girl. And I don't feel like she really even knew what the fuck was going on. Because I had met Paris a few times out here. And every time I met her, she was sloshed, dude. And I'm not making excuses for her

no we were all partying and fucking doing our own thing but 100 she was a kid like yeah i mean and i was a kid i mean i was probably 26 27 and she was like i think like 17 years old or something yeah she's yeah she was young yeah she was young a lot of these men had taken advantage of her absolutely i i would agree with that 100 yeah 100 but um yeah she i remember this is the big incident with her um we uh i i was i was doing dancing with the stars and i think bama was like six months old and um and the dancers back then yeah you know all the famous ones now couldn't get into the clubs and they needed me to get them into the, to the clubs. So we went over, there was like Hyde on Sunset and then there was this other club and, uh, God, I remember Hyde. Yeah. Yeah. Awful. And, um,

I was just there for the first time since this incident, like last week for Jason Momoa's vodka launch party. Not for him, but for his vodka. I was like, nice. He was there, but I've known him since he was 19, but like. Have you guys never hooked up? No, no, no, no, no, no. I've known him since he was like. He's single now.

Since he was a model. I mean, he's cute. Yeah. He's cute. He was like young Elvis when he first moved to LA. He was like a model and stuff. But yeah, anyway. But yeah, so I was at this one club, and my girlfriend came up to me. when you know when he first moved to la it was like a model and stuff but yeah anyway um but uh

yeah so we were i was at this one club and my girlfriend came up to me she was actually at that party and she was like you you need to leave and she was like mind you i'm married to travis and she was like um travis and paris are coming in like you need to leave and i was like and so where you guys weren't split at the time we were separated he was like I think doing the whole hotel thing oh yeah when I was at the house with the baby gotcha and I only I wasn't gonna go out that night I just went to get those other dancers those kids into the club and and so when I went down so I went down to hide and and I was just like doing my thing and and Cheryl Burke I'll never forget this came in and was like Parrish is here and I was like why is she here she was just making out with my husband at the fucking bar

down the road you know and um and then i i was like you know what i'm just gonna leave i'm going home like i can't i gotta get the fuck out of here this is you know it's humiliating to be asked to leave and then you know this you know whatever and and there she was with stavros. She was making out with Stavros. Yeah, she was with him. Yeah, she was making out with him. And I was like, I have a fucking six-month-old at home, and I have a fucking two-year-old and a five-year-old kid, and you're fucking making out with my husband a block down,

and now you're making out with this dude. You don't even love my husband. You're destroying my family, and you don't even fucking love him. It's not even like this is your soulmate, or you think you're gonna have something with him. And I'm sure you were really hurt, dude. I was destroyed. I was destroyed.

And I went up to her, and I was like, you're a real fucking bitch. And she looked at me, and she went, you're a, she used her voice, you know her voice that she does,

and she went, you're a fucking bitch. her voice, you know, her voice that she does. And she went, you're a fucking bitch. And I just went at it. You punched her in the jaw, right? Yeah. Allegedly. Allegedly, yeah. And I was about to go at it, and Stavros fucking shoved me down the staircase.

And if there weren't people coming up the staircase, I probably would have rolled down the stairs and fucking died. Oh, my gosh. And then, yeah, and he came up to me, and he got in my face he poured a drink on my head he got in my he had like my wrist and was like bending it back and i need him in the in the nuts to get him like away from me and um sam like the owner and stuff they were all like yelling me and they like basically shoved me out the door the front door to the the paparazzi and that's what all that footage is like if you google it's terrible and i had to walk from that fucking bar down to the other bar to go get my car while

paparazzi you know the paparazzi was like chasing me it was terrible so that was like kind of like the end of it all but and then he went to um paris which is in his book um it's kind of like and he was with paris and at the time i I guess he was talking to Kim, too. I don't know. I think that's when they first started talking as friends. And he came back. He got flown back from tour because he was so fucked up on drugs. And I got him sober.

And I remember telling his friend, little Chris. So even after all of this um even after you know the situation with paris and stuff like that um and then you know knowing about the kim situation i didn't know about kim at that point you didn't know about him at that point okay gotcha um he still came back to you he came back yeah hey i really need help i have a problem and i helped him and i told little chris i was like you and paris was still trying to call him i was like i was like look at your fucking friend right now look at him that's that's what you do to your friend don't bring another fucking drug into this house right don't you do it you know and um it was like some johnny cash type shit you know like i mean i was egging people's cars and stuff like

you know like whose cars did you hate his man like his assistant you know trying to pick him up to take him out to meet bitches and give him drugs. Everyone wanted to be a rock star. They needed him to go party and drink and meet bitches and feel cool. But he had a family. You were trying to help him heal. Yeah, so, and we got back together.

And we were trying to heal over that. I actually helped create the girls line of Famous Stars straps and I did all the campaigns and I got all my playmate friends and you know Adrienne Curry and Tiffany John Tiffany Yeah, I think Johnson adds a model, you know big models and stuff and I did all the women's line and stuff And then that's when Kim came in and she was just starting. They didn't have their show or anything. Wasn't Kim. Kim was best friends with Paris. With Paris.

Yeah. It was like the two of them had like a like a who can we fuck competition in L.A. You know, like, you know, whose husband can we fuck? You know, like it was pretty crazy. I mean, they really did. It was like wild. Yeah. That's why today when they have issues now, I'm like, oh, you know, and I always say life

always comes back around. It always. Yeah.'m like oh you know and i always say life always comes back around it always yeah and like i said and i'm not defending their actions yeah they were so young they were and i mean i've done shit that i fucking completely regret that i did in my 20s now that i'm in my 40s i'm like why did i do that yeah yeah for me it's like hey you did what you did yeah you know at least just say sorry or yeah and that's yeah that's fine but it's like hey you did what you did yeah at least just say sorry or yeah that's yeah that's fine but it's like you know don't be shocked when you you know when you when you deal with an angry wife yeah is that tiktok sound you're shocked yeah yeah yeah so kim came in and then what happened there so she shot for famous stars and straps and this was the first time that he handled the shoot

gotcha my mind you she's wearing the stuff I designed, you know? And I was just like, why is this girl on your, because I associated her with Paris, and, you know, and I was like, why is this girl on your computer? Like, why, what's going on? And he was like, oh, I just, you know, she's up and coming, and I just wanted to, like, you know, get involved and stuff, and I knew, like, things were getting weird. And at that time, we were still, like, you know,

kind of working on things. And I had a house in the same neighborhood, and so we were, like, going back and forth to each other's homes. And someone anonymously and randomly text me their conversations. And I'm pretty sure it was Paris. I'm pretty sure it was Paris. I don't know. So somebody just text you from a random number and it's screenshots?

Yeah, of all Travis and Kim's conversations. And what were those like? They were trying to meet up at her sister's house to fuck. Which sister? I don't know. Oh. I don't know. Wouldn't that be crazy if it was Courtney?

Yeah, I know. I know. I think Courtney, for sure. How would that person have gotten those screenshots? That's crazy. Someone got in her phone, for sure. Wow. And I remember I went to the house, and showed them to him and I was bawling.

I was just so, I was just fucking broken. It's exhausting. I've been in relationships like that. And it's like, it's, it just tears you down as a human. And as a woman, you just, your self-esteem is just shot at this point. I just, and I wanted, I wanted, you know, I felt like such a failure with Oscar. I wanted this relationship to work. And, you know, you know, I felt like such a failure with Oscar. I wanted this relationship to work. And you know, we did get married,

and we had a successful TV show, and you know, and I was so in love with him, and so happy, and I wanted to have what my parents had for my children. I wanted my children to see their mother and father in love, and to walk in on them dancing, and have what I had, you know, and I just knew like I wasn't gonna be able

to give my children that at that moment. Right. And I showed him the text messages, and he deleted them, and so I had, you know, and I just knew like I wasn't going to be able to give my children that at that moment. Right. And I showed him the text messages and he deleted them. And so I said, I don't see anything. And I was like, we're going to do this. Like, we're going to do this. Wow. And I mean, that's the biggest admission of guilt. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like and then she called. I called her. We had words. And and she just said to me that she didn't like white guys. She only dated black guys. And I was like, Kim, fuck anyone to be famous. Like, you really will. And you fucked like, Kim, you'll fuck anyone to be famous.

Like, you really will. And you fucked that little singer boy. And you fucked the NSYNC kid. You fucked the NSYNC kid, you know, or whatever. Who? Which NSYNC kid? I think she was with, I don't know all their names and stuff. Yeah, I don't know. You can Google it. It's out there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. It's definitely out there. But I was like, you'll fuck anyone to be famous. Because they didn't have their show yet and then they just got their show and then travis and i really um never really recovered from that yeah well it's hard because that was multiple times and just as a woman it's like your self-pride and your dignity you know i felt stupid i was like you're just making me look dumb you you know, like over and over, you know, over and over. So I filed for divorce. What year is this? Uh, 2008, 2008. So you file from divorce for divorce from Travis. Take me on this. You're starting over again, but this time you've got three babies. Yes.

We're starting over again. I go back to my house. Um, uh, uh, he gets into a plane crash and well, we, we actually started working on things again. We started talking. This is where the twin flame thing comes in. Yeah, we started working on things again. And I guess things, you know, according to his book, everyone can read it, you know, they decided that, you know, they would just be friends. But, you know, I think there's a lot more going on there.

But, I mean, if you read his book, when people read his book, you know, there's TikToks and stuff about it too. And I'm like, he was fucking married. Like, i mean i caught him with like lindsey lohan kimberly stewart tara connor fucking paris kim like you know he you know he was living the rock he was living the rock star life you know so um but he you know we always came back to each other and that's why i always say twin flames because no matter what you guys went through you guys always came back yeah do you think that he'll come back again if things don't work out with him and courtney i don't know you know would you let him come back i don't know i really people

ask me that you know i'll always love him i'll always love him immensely and deeply and um and i'm not bitter or jealous um i i don't know him anymore right i really don't i don't i don't know him as a human being anymore at all so if i ever did hang out with him i would have to relearn him relearn him and and get to know him as just a friend first and as a person you know but i'm as the father of my children and as just like as someone that i i i look back fondly on some of the most amazing memories of my life i'll always love him for sure yeah so he gets in this plane crash yeah which is a brutal yeah I was at the house we were together at that time so this is after you filed for divorce yeah after we're not but we're now we're rekindling we were talking about getting remarried and and he he it was he had just finished tour and he had to go do this uh show with djam

in north carolina and he uh he didn't want to go they got a private jet and he was like you know mama like this is this jet is really little and i was like you know and he wanted me to go on it and i and i had this really weird feeling in the kitchen. And it was so strange. And I remember going, if we both die, who's going to take care of my kids? I remember just having that thought. And I was like, my mom and dad are too old. And his mom and dad are too old. And who's going to raise my children?

His sister? What's going to happen? And I just said, honey, I don't want to go like I would think I should stay back with the kids and I was like you know you're gonna want to go play and come home and I'm gonna want to go and party you know and you're not gonna want to and it's gonna be a big fight and and I was like just go and come back and like like let's start our life together you know and he was like okay but he took the plane there he did the show and he wanted to get back and dj am and then had another show and he was supposed to stay another night and fly home

like commercially but dj am wanted to come back for a gig and so they voted on getting this plane basically and he was like i'm gonna come home early and i remember when he got there he was like honey i have a really bad feeling about this plane and i was like you say that about every plane we both say this about yesterday that's how i am every time we're about to get on a flight yeah i was the same way yesterday like i was like about to cry on the plane i was i sat next to a pilot and he until dita von deese showed up and i was like we're both not going down dita not not today gothic angel arrived yes yeah dita the angel the airline angel arrived but um yeah, so he, it was so weird because I felt like, he called me 15 minutes later after the plane crashed.

And I felt like they just landed. I don't know how to explain it to you. It felt like hours went by and they like, and Alabama was in the bed and it was so weird. Alabama sat up and she went, mommy, where's little Chris? And I went, where's little Chris? I was like little chris is with daddy honey like lay down go back to sleep and i was watching a movie and i got a call and

it was a paramedic or a police officer and he was like ma'am is this shana mochler and i was like yeah and he's like there's been a terrible plane crash and i said uh and i thought they were fucking around like joking and i was like that's not funny you know like i don't think that's a funny joke and he's like no ma'am there's been a bad accident and and I was like guys it's not it's not funny and he goes ma'am I am deputy blah blah blah blah blah and there's been a horrible plane accident you need to listen to me and then I heard Travis screaming and and he was screaming I'm on fire I'm on fire and and he's like we need to airlift him to the Atlanta

something and he didn't want to and then I talked to him and he was like, we need to airlift him to the Atlanta something. And he didn't want to. And then I talked to him. And he was like, they're all gone. Like, little Chris is gone. They're gone. And he didn't want to get on another, like, an airlift. I mean, I don't blame him. So they drove him.

You know, I mean, and he was burned on, like, 70% of his body. And I think I packed, like, a shoe and a remote control and a battery. And I fucking flew to North Carolina. Yeah, in that moment you just are like, whatever. I was just so out of it. And I was with him for the first like three, four weeks there in Atlanta. And then we took a tour bus back from Atlanta to the Byrne Center in Los Angeles. And I was there with him there for the first like two three weeks and this is where it went bad we got his computer to I've

never shared this with anyone before so it's kind of crazy I got his computer and and we were doing it so the kids could FaceTime with him because it mind you the kids hadn't seen their dad now for almost a month and a half. And, uh, we just, and we were hoping that him seeing the kids would also give him the strength to keep fighting,

you know? And, uh, was he fighting like infection and stuff like that? He didn't have infections, but just the pain, just the, just the,

what they had to do and what he had to endure surgeries and the removal of skin. And just, it was really fucking horrifying. Um, I, I wouldn't have lived and i was supposed to be on that plane you know i would have and we definitely wouldn't have lived because there were four guys and we would have let them have the back of the plane and travis and i probably would have sat in the front and we wouldn't have had our seat belts on and we would have we would have died for sure so um yeah i always think about that.

But when I was setting up his computer and he FaceTimed with the kids, and he was getting a blood transfusion, and I looked in his email, and I saw all the emails from all the women. Oh, goodness. And I just like, and that didn't bother me as much as back then you had to,

when you went to TMZ and and you wrote a comment right what tmz will do you write a comment and then they'll email you a link and you have to click the link um to approve the comment you can write you know bob or cindy lou or whatever you want but you have to still you still have to send it to an email and then you have to click the link and then tmz will will you know approve it and i saw all these comments in his email that he was posting about me on tmz about what a shitty mother i was and chris little chris about what a shitty mother i was and what a terrible person i was and you know and i had even read some of them and i couldn't fucking believe that he was the one behind some of those comments. Wow.

And I left the hospital. It'll make me like cry. I love the hospital. That's so hurtful. Yeah. And I went home and I cried in my mother's arms for like hours. It was terrible. I was like, it's terrible.

And so that's when I was like. Because this is a man that you love. And I'm like by his side. Like, you know, like I flew to be by his side. And I just fucking was like i can't go back and i called his drum tech and the godfather of our children i was like i'm not coming back to the hospital and i'm like and this is why and i need to like work i need to figure some shit out and um and and i granted looking back now i probably should have just fucking ate or licked my wounds and been by his side while he was still recovering from that.

But at that time, I felt like he there was only like two people allowed into the room. And he was in L.A. and he had his father and his sisters and he had a huge hundreds of people were going to the hospital and visiting him every day. And I felt like he had a good support system. And for me, I just was like destroyed. And do you feel like he held that against you and that was kind of like ammo for his arsenal and later on for sure yeah yeah yeah and uh and you know and so i just was going out getting drunk you know and i think like they they took pictures of me with like i i i was friends with gerard butler i had known him since i was like 20 and now i'm like I guess I'm like 34 at

this point and I had saw him at a club and the paparazzi took pictures of us and they made it seem like I was kissing him and stuff but I wasn't yeah and um and then Travis saw that and then we just like never really recovered it's crazy when yeah when they can do it but if you do it yeah yeah for sure all men are yeah I'm sorry that you went through that. And that's very hurtful. And I don't think that you should have had to have licked your wounds. And, you know, I understand most women would be like, well, she should have. Most people would be like, oh, she should have sucked it up. No.

When you've already been through so much hurt with somebody. Sure. There's always that one thing that happens that literally breaks the straw. Yeah. Camels back. Yeah. That's how I am in relationships. Like I'll give and I'll give and I'll give yeah and then if something happened it could be the fucking

smallest thing which that was a big thing for you but it could be the smallest thing and i'll be like i'll never talk to this person again yeah exactly you know yeah well we ended up talking yeah i know you guys are just a glutton for punishment it's just because you guys really loved each other and I really feel like we could always feel the chemistry between Travis and you like it was just real it was I feel like you and Travis are going both of you are going to be searching for that connection that you guys have for the rest of your lives whether you guys I am I'm still searching for it yeah yeah I'm single so yeah I mean but men are men and you know him and his other situation

could be very happy and you know whatever but it's just when you have a love like that with somebody it's very hard to ever yes for sure yeah it's a once in a lifetime kind of a love yeah absolutely so even after he hurt you you still went back we got back together and i'll never forget it was the first he got out of the hospital but he was still like on a lot of medications and very and still healing and um and he wanted to go to a restaurant and i i said okay and i remember watching him it was the first time i had seen him since i stopped going to the hospital and he got out of the car and he grabbed alabama and he took her out of the car and he grabbed Alabama and he took her

out of the car and he looked fucked up like he just looked like he has been through it you know he had like a beard and you know and and but I and I remember him grabbing our daughter and I just was like that's it I'm done like I'm going to heal this family I'm going to heal this marriage I'm going to let all this shit go and all this hurt and this pain and these affairs and everything. And I'm going to love this man and I'm going to make this family right. And that's what I tried to do. I, like, cooked for him and I helped give his medications and I wiped his balls and I changed his dressings and I was there for him, you know. And he just was, like, convinced because of the Gerard Butler that I, like, cheated on him, you know. I was he just was like convinced because of the gerard butler that i like cheated

on him you know i was convinced that i did that stop being a scorpio travis yeah like just convinced and he just like you know and we were trying to date again but we just like there was just so much water there was just so much and we just couldn't we just we couldn't do it and um but we we ended up living together you know and like was it just as friends? Were you guys still fucking? We were co-parents, you know, like co-parenting. But were you guys still banging and like? No, but we were just so in love with each other, but couldn't.

Just didn't want to let go. Didn't know how to do it. And so and we wanted to like, you know, be like there for our kids. And so we lived together like a couple, I think, till like almost 2014. Wow. You know, and then till I met my ex my ex-boyfriend Brian who was a Hells Angel and and then I got kind of serious with him and then I was like okay I don't think we should be living together anymore like we're not together you don't want to work on this I can't be living with you like you know like you should have your days and I should

have my days and we did what was like a nesting agreement where at first, you know, we lived together all the time. And then we did where the kids stayed in one house and then I would go to the house like Monday to Wednesday. And then he would go to the house like, you know, Wednesday to Sunday.

And then, but the kids would stay in the same place and we would go from our houses to that one house. I love how the kids were always the focal point though. For sure. Always. Whatever happened, no matter what we've focal point, though. For sure, always. Whatever happened, no matter what we've been through, we're going to try to fucking make this work.

I mean, that was the one thing, and to this day, it's the one thing that he and I agree on is our kids and just trying to give them the best life possible. Absolutely. Yeah. So you move on, he moves on. Yeah. Is it over from there, from 2014? Yeah, it's over.

I mean, I stopped talking to him about around 2014 we didn't and we started following each other right before he and courtney i don't know how long they've been together maybe two or three years i'm not sure um and then uh when he got with courtney we we we stopped even just being cordial we we co-parent you know if there's some i mean my my oldest daughter's 24. People still shit on me to this day. Raise your kids. I'm like, I have a grown adult.

My daughter is 24 years old. She's a young adult. I don't need to rear her anymore. You want me to change her fucking diapers? You're like, I already had a baby. My son is 20 years old. He's living with his girlfriend. What do you want me to do? What a handsome kid he's they're both just so all of them are so beautiful thank

you so much i'm really proud of them and i'm he's so talented they're all talented and then alabama she's gonna be 18 you know on christmas eve this month so it's like she is your fucking twin yeah she's and and internally too she's like me you know she's she has that tenacity and doesn't give a fuck and just yeah it's so ambitious and like you know people hate on her i mean you want to talk about bullying a fucking kid that kid has got it since she was 12 and she does not care yeah yeah i mean she's been raised in it yeah so it's like it's probably second skin to her you know yeah yeah but still no child deserves to be bullied like that child yeah ever yeah how does it make you feel whenever they did take to like public platforms and kind of talk shit about

how you didn't raise them and stuff like that were you guys just a heated argument and it was kid shit or i feel at the time when travis got with courtney um there was like some parental alienation going on there where you know i you have you have to understand, too, you know, Travis, even when we weren't together, always wanted to be the super dad. I'm the best parent. I'm the this and that. And I'm like, bro, you win. Like you're the winner here. Like you have all the money and you have all the this like you. You're the winner. You know, give the drummer some, you know, like you're the you win. Like I'm not competing with you, you know give the drummer some you know like you're the you win like i'm not competing with you you know like um but i think you know when the kardashians first came around they were enamored

just as like young kids would be enamored by them and i think there was a lot of glitter and fame and you know they watched them on tv and now their dad's dating one and they're gonna be on the show and you know and i think they got caught up in that you know which young kids would do yeah and you know they're buying them prada and they're buying them gifts and they're going to these events and they're meeting Kanye and, you know, all this big stuff. And I can't give them that. I don't have that. I don't have access to that. I don't have the money to do that.

I can't buy you guys Prada every, you know, other week and stuff. I can't do it. And my house isn't a mansion like Travis. I don't have a movie theater. I don't have golf carts for kids to drive around. He you know he's everything you know and um uh and so i think comments were made and i think they were influenced and um and it was hurtful and it was you know and it was like you know and i've had conversations with them since and they you know they've apologized but i'm not going to take one comment that my angry teenage kid says to me.

And now all of a sudden, 24 hours, I'm a fucking deadbeat mom. No. Like, they all know I'm not. We all know the truth. I go to bed at night. I sleep very, very well with who I am as a woman and as a mother and how I raised my children. And, you know, and I think now, as time's marching on i think they're seeing things and they're realizing and as they become young adults they're like yeah they see they see through

things that they didn't before yeah no i get it teenagers will be teenagers i went through it with our daughter who's gonna be 16 yeah yeah you know she she was like yeah we went through a rough patch this last summer and it's like that's just how kids are. Yeah. What fucking teenage girl gets along with their mom? Yeah, yeah. You know, very rarely. Very, very rarely. And I, you know, at one point I just was like, you know what?

The difference between a lot of people is, you know, that shit was all getting played out in the press with one of the biggest, most powerful families in the world, you know? And I'm, I don't, and they're a media machine. They own the fucking media. I don't. So I just got fucking hammered and bullied and just, you know, and over my fucking kids. Who does that?

Who does that to someone over, with their own children? Fuck you, that family. You're disgusting. So they haven't ever been welcoming to you? No, and I would never, ever want to know them. Ever. Like ever like and you know and i'm tired of people shitting on me i don't have to like that fucking family right people do not have to like that family you don't like just because the media shoves them down your throat does not mean that you have to like that there are people that don't like that family don't watch that fucking show and don't give a fuck what

kim kardashian's doing with her ass there are people that don't. And don't give a fuck what Kim Kardashian's doing with her ass. There are people that don't care. I don't fucking care. And I'm not afraid of them. And I don't like them. But what I did do is I removed myself. I removed myself so that they couldn't bond with my children over hating me. And I removed myself. And I took a step back.

And I was like, you know what? Go do what you guys need to do. And when you're ready I will be here loving you unconditionally and I will be here as your mother and I will wait and that's what I did that's what a real mom does yeah you know you gotta let your kids kind of fall and you know figure it out for themselves because in the end they'll respect you more than trying to control the narrative exactly yeah you know so yeah yeah good so you're you're so everybody the relationship is great yeah they're doing good yes they're doing good and uh everything everything you know this year like i said it's been a little little rocky for me with the loss

of my parents and um you know and i had a another pretty bad breakup and yeah let's move on to that so matthew you're talking about matthew about Matthew yeah Matthew yeah that was a public breakup also a public breakup too you guys were together for um three years almost three years yeah yeah and I love him I love him very much yeah yeah I'll always I'll always really care and love him we quarantined together and you know there's something about yeah I remember watching you guys with someone I was watching your stories during quarantine. Oh, God, we were so drunk. We just talked, actually, last night, and we were laughing about quarantine. We were like, wow, we really did the damn thing.

So are you guys friends now? We're working on being friends. It's probably got to be hard to get back with somebody who has slandered you in the public eye the way that you did, too. It's like you can't trust somebody like that. I'm just so used to being slandered at this point by everybody i'm like i'm like whatever you're like what who else wants to shit on me let's bring it let's go you know so yeah yeah um so you guys split and you

guys are definitely just not yeah he's on the east coast and i'm on the west coast and you know i don't know what i'm doing in life right now. I'm just kind of floating and kind of just putting my journey in the hands of God and in the universe because I've suffered so much loss this year that I really don't know. And I really don't, even career-wise, I don't even know what I want to do. And I'm not stressing myself out about it. I'm just kind of allowing myself grace and to heal you know you deserve a break thanks you have been going at it since you were a teenager you know pageants pregnancy divorces drama like you spent a ride you probably need to take two years of just peace and healing and sitting be still

yeah you know i get a lot of my fan base is a lot of women who are divorced and single or going through breakups and you know they ask me like how how do you do it how do you you know and it's like you just gotta feel it you just gotta feel that pain and you gotta feel that hurt and and it's not fun and it's uncomfortable and you know I tell some of my some of my fans like you know some days I get up and I make a coffee and that's a good day no you know that's a good day I got up and you know I was able to do that for myself you know so now it's like that's all I'm doing is I'm just trying to like just heal you have a lot of hurt and I can see it in your eyes whenever you talk about it. Do you do therapy? Have you considered going to therapy?

No, I don't like therapy. I don't like it. But I definitely am doing the self work and, you know, the shadow work. The shadow work. I definitely do do that. I mean, I do a lot of meditations. Meditation saves me. Yeah.

Yeah. I do lots of visualization and meditations. I do a lot of journaling. I do I do a lot of like, you know, self-centering work. And I know I'll get through it. I'll overcome it. But I think with the losing my mother and father, that was like my that's where I went to heal. You know, that's where I went. And so I have to kind of learn how to heal without that. And that in itself is its own own journey I feel like you are always there for everybody else and who's ever there for yeah it's okay but it's not like it and like you know we can laugh about it and smile through our pain but at the same time it's like you deserve to be able to just take time off and just you know

fall in love with yourself absolutely yeah just Yeah. Just fucking do what you got to do to fucking just. Yeah. At this point, you've raised your babies. Exactly. You're good. Yeah. You've done the mom shit. Yeah.

You've done the acting. You've done everything. And I still have, you know, I still believe in love and I still have hope. Like, you know, I, I think there is that person like out there for me. I love marriage, but I definitely know that I don't want to go into another relationship broken. I want to be healed, and the next relationship I do get into, I want it to be one where I understand boundaries, and I understand communication, and all that stuff, and break that sort of narcissistic cycle. Yeah. You know,

you sweet baby. Well, Shana, it has been amazing talking. Yeah, thank you so much. You have such a great story, dude. Thank you. Thank you. I feel like like we're best friends now. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like we've had moments before I even met you. But you just you give that energy too. I love that. No, I appreciate that. and i want you to come back come back and visit me and sit on this podcast and talk about whatever you want i'm excited to see what you do next and thank you thank you you know like you're just your precious commodity to the world and i want you to know that thank you why don't you tell everybody where they can find you at yeah you can find me pretty much on all social media platforms it's just my name so at sh Shana Mochler on Instagram.

And wait, we forgot to talk about one thing. OK. You have an OnlyFans. I do have an OnlyFans. Yes, I do. We got to make mama money. Yeah, make yes. Go visit my OnlyFans. Yes.

Yeah, I love it. I don't do anything like pornographic. I don't like, I don't masturbate. But God, if you did. Yeah. You would probably. I made millions masturbate. But God, if you did. Yeah, you would probably. I mean, I made millions on OF. I could only imagine if you fucking went down.

Yeah. Would you ever go down that road? Or no? No, no. I don't think it's like for me. But I do like what I basically like Playboy style stuff. You know, I do like customs, you know, and things like that. But I don't I don't get too crazy on there.

Yeah. But I have a lot of fun and I chat and talk. And yeah I have a I have a lot of fun on there all right good but you know and I you know and I think OnlyFans isn't as taboo as as it used to be and especially with OnlyFans TV I do pageant stuff on OnlyFans TV you know so yeah you know I'm teaching girls like interview skills on there so I love it yeah it's cool I just had to make sure that thank you yes and yeah you can go to my OnlyFans it's Shayna Moakler OnlyFans. It's Shayna Moakler, OnlyFans.com, at Shayna Moakler. And my Instagram's at Shayna Moakler. My Twitter threads, everything.

We've got to get you on TikTok. You need to be more active on TikTok. I just am starting, so I would love to learn from you guys. If you please teach me what works, because I do not know. And I'm not even verified on there. I don't even know. Oh, you will. Once you start getting more active and getting more views they'll verify you for sure there's

no reason why they wouldn't verify you okay cool okay i'm like but i'm learning and bama just like laughs at me i'm like how do i do this just be yourself yeah literally that's exactly what bama does she just gets on there and does her makeup thing yeah yeah i'm gonna try i'm gonna do a live on there this month since i can't do one on instagram so i going to do a live on there this month since I can't do one on Instagram. So I'm going to do a live on there. Start moving your Instagram over to TikTok. OK. Like they all talk to themselves. But TikTok is sure it'll grow your business tenfold.

Oh, yeah. You guys have masters have to teach. Teach me. Teach me. We got you, baby. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you.

Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.