Dumb Blonde - TBT: Tonesa Welch - First Lady of BMF

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

Throwback ThursdayThis week, Bunnie welcomes Tonesa Welch, the First Lady of BMF, for an unfiltered look at her life story. From her upbringing in Detroit to her involvement in the drug trade and her relationship with H, Tonesa doesn’t hold back. She opens up about enduring abuse, betrayal, and prison—and how she rebuilt herself on the other side. The conversation turns deeply personal as Tonesa reflects on grief, resilience, and her ongoing work in prison reform.Watch Full Episodes & More:YouTubeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Quince.com slash bunny. Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast, Dun Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, E-Sexxy motherfuckers?

I am really excited about this podcast, especially because we're doing it during Mob Wife March. But this is something a little different, someone who has a different story, but it's so amazing and it's so cool. And I just really admire this woman. She's a motivational speaker, producer, and director, survivor, mother, boss, and the first lady of BMF, Ms. Honisa Welch. Thank you. Did I do okay? Did I do it okay. Thank you.

I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you. Thanks for it. I'm honored. Thanks for having me. Thanks for asking me to be here. You're beautiful. Oh, so are you.

You walked in. I was like, she is so cute. She's sort of like this tiny little package. Like, you are just so cute. Thank you. So, okay. So for people who don't know who you are, you are the first lady of BMF. And I don't know if anybody that listens to my podcast is a BMF fan.

I'm sure they are. I know my husband is. Jelly is a BMF. fan like he has made me watch every season and all that stuff but besides that show there's a real story behind that TV show and it's your story and it's your story to tell and that's why I want you on the podcast so we're going to start from like the very beginning Detroit baby right so where did you grow up I grew up in Detroit Michigan on the west side of Detroit you know middle class family grew up with my three brothers my mom and my stepdad normal middle-class family hey yeah didn't think

that never just hey I'm living that normal innocent life you know yes yeah never any drugs sex and rock and roll it was just like that yeah come from a household my mom was adopted but still the sweetest mother ever once she got her children no drugs in our house no violence none of that I seen, you know, everything seemed pretty normal. What happened to me? I don't know. You know, I completely understand it because I was very attracted to the street life too. I ran away from home at 14 and started supporting myself.

So your story really resonated with me because, you know, we both kind of came from similar backgrounds and then just to go out and live completely opposite of how we were raised is wild. But sometimes we just have a journey to fulfill and that's why we came here, you know. So moving on from this. not, you know, you're, I think I, you got pregnant around 18. Can you take me on that journey? I'm pregnant 18. I had my first son in 19, and that was from my high school, well, my high school sweetheart. Well, he's out of school. But we started dating when I was 15 years old. He was in his last year of high school. And then he was my boyfriend from then on, college kids, smart, never got into trouble, anything, you know,

hey yeah I just knew I was attracted to this older boy and he got out of school and he would still come pick me up after school but dated him all through high school oh and then you guys ended up having a baby together we had a baby he went on to college followed him for a minute and then yeah yeah and then she was like no I'm gonna do my do my thug puzzle and then what is your oldest son's name I forget Marlon Marlon okay and then so take me on this journey of when you were 19 you went to what was the name of the club the rooster tail the rooster tail which was like a popular venue it was a popular venue in detroit but it was popular for more the people on the east side of detroit i don't know if you have any viewers that's from detroit no east side versus the west side

but it was uh east side club and i was 19 years old had never been to a club like that i don't think i ever went to a club that's why my first time going to a club was why my first time going to a club. Yes. And I went in there, it was like I went and I always say like a revolving door. You know how you go through a revolving door? I felt like my whole, when I reflect on my life, I think about, wow, you went in as one person, but once you, the night ended, you came out as a different person, the way I seen things. And why do you think that was? Was it just like the glitz and the glamour? It was the glitz and the glamorous. It was beautiful, you know. In my eyes, it was beautiful. might not be right but to me it was beautiful the people looked amazing you know I was this girl

from like I said the west side of Detroit grew up went to high school dated one guy all the way through high school it was a different world to me when I seen I'm like whoa I want to be a part of this right you know I don't belong over here I want to be a part of this everybody looked amazing from the jewels to the hair to the clothes and I always call myself like a fashionable person when I was, like, going up through school and stuff like that. So, but seeing that fashion there, you know, in Detroit, you feel like we're very fashionable, but seeing that fashion, I wanted to be a part of that, you know, just turned me right out.

Right, right out. This is where I need to be. Mama got, little mama got turned out. So after going to that club, how long after that did you meet Harold? I met him, and he was at the club. In the club that night. Yeah, he was from the east side, and Hero is, they call him H, and Detroit they called him H. And he was known to be, like, very fashionable, you know.

So just looking at him also, he was like, he was young, and most of the people there were a little older than him. But he was older than me, but they were older than him, and that was his crowd, his group of people that he hung out with. And so he kind of stood out to me because of what he had on. But, you know, then he caught my eye. We caught each other's eyes, but I was still young and very impressionable. And I was like, wow, okay. Yeah, just seeing him, you know, like everything he had on from the jewels, from the clothes, you know, just something different than I was used to.

Did he pursue you immediately? Oh, my God, yes. Yeah, he was like, I want to hurt. Something that I never had seen before. He didn't give up, yeah. And whenever he, and in the movie, that you have, the lady of BMF on BET Plus, you guys can watch it anytime. It shows like Carol going to your dad's house and your parents' house to pick you up

and your dad just does not like him, stepdad, correct? Yeah, your stepdad just did not like him. And could he tell that he was not good for you? He could tell right away. But you know, we don't want to listen to our parents. Ever. I didn't. They don't know anything.

Like you don't know anything. You don't know, you know. So yeah, right away, it was kind of like, uh-uh. Can you take me on this relationship with age in this journey? At first it was very, you know, very exciting. He took me out a lot. He treated me very nice. He bought me things right away.

You know, you didn't have to wait. You know, I'd have to wait on my little check or my mom to buy me things. You know how when you're in high school, your mom shops for you? We were very close and we would go shopping every weekend. But with him, it was like, He wanted me immediately to look the part, you know, look the part. Right. So immediately he started buying me things, you know.

Do you think it was kind of like a form of grooming you? I don't, I don't know. You know, when you think of grooming, you think like a pimp grooming his. Right. No, I mean like grooming you for the lifestyle. Yeah, basically, I think so. Yeah, he could have been. You know, I don't think he maybe thought in his head.

But I think I really know that when he, first he was very attracted to me and he just wanted you know it's always a guy from the east side probably wanted a girl from the wet side and I was different from probably the girls that he usually had been dating I still had an innocence about me even though I had a child you know I still felt like I had that and getting with him he knew that and he like you said maybe so what probably was a grooming you know yeah so he's buying you all these gifts you guys officially are together what happens after you guys get together oh we just felt like it was just a whirlwind romance and we you know I'm excited about his lifestyle I'm excited about the people that

he's hanging with I'm doing that now I had started um like the shopping the cars you know the trips and things like that and then after that I wanted to become a part of his world whatever he was doing I wanted to be a part of that when you talk about his lifestyle what do you mean he was into selling drugs you know so what was he selling heroin um heroin at first and then it came um cocaine then next yeah isn't it wild to think back um because i two dated you know drug dealers back in the day and um you're around all of these drugs at such a young age you're touching them you're literally inhaling the fumes packaging them and it's like you are so so we have like not a care in the world at that age.

Not a care. I won't even be in the same room as drugs now. Now I don't want to be around the same type of people. But then it was the excitement. It was like the naïveness, I guess. The very not, yeah, because I think of the laws now, when I, you know, I do a lot of into prison reform, understanding the laws and things. And I'm like, God, I could have been one of those people that got caught up and still

would have been in prison because it is people that I know. know that we're fighting for now that been in prison for 30 years has done less than me you know so when I think back about it I'm around all these drugs immediately having no fear it was because you don't understand you're very naive you're ignorant to what could happen to you all you thinking about was the excitement I was very excited about it all it made me feel just as powerful that you know as he did like I looked at him as you know he moved rooms and I wanted to move rooms too I wanted to people look at me look at me too you know just boss mentality boss mentality right you know and that's what came with it it came with the boss mentality the status you know yeah in a city like

Detroit and um I wanted to be a part of that and it just I had no fear like you said no fear yeah no fear so when did did you start moving drugs for him you know my I don't people like for him like we were I think we're more so a partnership right you know what's a for him like he would send me out and then I would go do you know like hey you go take this run you take this bag you do this I wanted to be his partner yeah no matter what he wanted me to do you know no you stay here you do this no I want to be right there with you right I can do this too I always thought that you know I was talking to my brother um not too long ago and he said I don't know what it was and he was he's older than me and he said I don't know what it was even when you

were a little girl you always had that kind of like like street mentality, I just didn't realize it. You know, probably even when I was playing, you know, in school or playing with my young, my people in my neighborhood, like even when I was in high school, I didn't really want to hang with the high school people. I wanted to be, because I had the older boyfriend, I wanted to be with the older crowd, you know.

That's what my head was. Like, oh, you're all too young for me. I want to do this, you know? I'm grown. I'm grown. I always felt grown. I always felt like I had to take on the response. responsibilities of everyone else you know even though I had the three brothers they were older I always thought I was the big mom of the house right even from my mom and dad now this is how this gonna go running the household so I wanted to took that out into the streets

so you guys were moving wait for the east side and then you guys you convinced him to start expanding it to the west side can you take and don't tell him I don't know why I sit that I just I was like why we stuck over here on the east side when there's a lot more players on the west side yeah and he thought about it because he didn't you know east side people at that time they didn't you know they didn't we didn't coexist with one another you know the east side stand on the east side and the west side say on the west side but i felt like i'm your connection now to the east side um i was popular because of myself and my brothers even though they wasn't in the street they were just you know my one my one brother always gave the parties and my other brother was just the handsome had all the girls and so we were kind of popular

so I knew that if you came over there I can find a people for you and I knew that they would spend the money and to me back then we were the wealthier side of Michigan of Detroit even though it might not been because you do have some amazing east side beautiful pockets and beautiful homes but it always seemed like to me the west side was the more people to have the money you know and so I said let's go over to here she's like let's expand baby come over here baby so everything wasn't always flowers and butterflies though age also became very abusive can you take me on that journey um you know uh I'm really can't remember like you know was later on the more power, the more drugs, the more money,

then the more violence, you know. And just started happening, you know. And when you look back, you be like, wow, this is, you know, you thought it was one time. And then you look up as, you know, as repeatedly has happened more and more often. You know, you think it's like, okay, maybe he was high, or maybe he was frustrated, or maybe something was going on. But later on in life, I realized that, you know,

this is how he grew up and now he's a grown man taking out what happened to him on me you know it was a cycle it was a cycle and i was you know you stay you think you're going to try to fix this person or you think because um they make you feel like i love you know nobody else love you i take care of you you know i felt like i can't go anywhere if i if i love that he probably would kill me or do something you know because It got to that point. It got very violent, you know. What happens next?

He comes home, he puts his hands on you one more time and what happens in that scenario. You know, it got to the point, I'm like, why am I doing this? Because I always knew I was a strong person, and I don't know what it was about him that in the beginning I allowed it or why was I, you know, fearing him. And I thought about it, I'm like, okay. that's enough you know you have these sons around here they're watching this you have to protect yourself you know i'm out here protecting everybody else watching his back you got to protect yourself so i really waited i knew he was going to come home this one time and i said okay i'm prepared

myself you know i had in my mind i thought like i'm going to kill him tonight i didn't think about the consequences of it, I just knew that he was going to come home and that was going to be the last time he put his hands on me. And so it happened exactly like I thought. He was going to come home. He was going to be violent, jump on me. And I had already put the knife under my pillow and I just waited. I pretended I would sleep and I waited. And that's when I stabbed him. I really, I really wanted to, like I said, I really wanted to kill. I was fed up, you know. I'm glad I didn't because even when they arrested me and I went to the county jail.

And that's back then that was when the person had the press charges on you for the, for it to stick. All right, y'all, let me put you onto something that actually makes sense. Old school banks love to hit you with random fees, overdraft charges, and make you wait forever just to get your own paycheck. Half the time, it feels like they're working against you instead of for you. Chime is the complete opposite. They're not like those banks that nickel and dime you. Chime is changing how people bank. With my pay, you can access up to $500 of your paycheck anytime.

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Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows at skims.com. So you didn't impress charges, but I realized when I was in the county jail and the officers were saying, you better hope, bitch, you better hope not, I'm sorry. But I was saying, bitch, you better hope him.

You didn't kill him. You better hope you didn't kill him. And as I'm laying in my bunk, I thought about it. Why don't you just leave? Why don't you just leave? What if he is dead? Because I didn't know what happened. I knew the police came.

They took him away, but you don't hear anything else. And I said, what if he dies? I won't get to see my kids anymore. You know, so that kind of, that really scared me that really had affected me for a while you know so dramatic too that you got pushed to that point yeah what you know why did I let myself yeah don't touch me right you know and during this time you and age actually had a child together too also so you had two babies at this time yeah we had three I have two yeah we had three and I'm sitting there like why why am I

allowing this and then why do you get to the point where you have to kill a person before you decide to You know, like I was, I had plotted it out like, oh, he's going to die tonight. I think I told my friends, oh, he's going to die tonight. And I didn't have a kind of friends was like, oh, girl, don't do that. You just need to love our girls. You need me to help. You need me to come over. I mean, it was so many things that happened in our lives.

He would blow up my car. I would go blow up his car. It was just getting to the point of craziness. It's tip or tight. And I had the friends type of friends that wouldn't say at that point in time, just leave right you don't have to take this you you out here you selling more than he can sell you doing your own thing you matter of fact you're doing more and that could be that could have been happening too you know you have these men to get very insecure and jealous of your power also he

didn't have no more control over me you know and once a man started thinking they're losing control what do they do you know they do things like that and I think all of that played a part I was becoming more popular on the West Side people were. I was getting a lot of attention. I wasn't looking like this 19-year-old girl anymore. I'm looking like this pretty fabulous, stylish, grown woman. I'm wearing these clothes, these jewels. I'm having the power, too.

And I think that started a lot of it, even though he grew up into it. That was the way that he could control me by beating on me. Men are something else, let me tell you. You build you up to tear you down. It's wild. It's a cycle. I was in an abusive relationship myself and I got to the point that you did where I was just like, I told them I bought a gun and I was like, if you put your hands on me one more

time, I'm going to blow your fucking brains out. And like, you really mean it. You really mean in your heart. You get to that point where you're just like, I don't care what the consequences are. You're not going to hurt me anymore. Right. Like I said, it wasn't until I was laying in that cell in that county jail, thinking about it like, wow, if you go to prison, you're going to go to prison,

for the rest of your life because back then we didn't have the laws that you know we have in place for women now you know we become where we're victims you know so many women were getting locked up they didn't know anything about um you know self-defense or anything like that they think oh you should have laughed you stay there they think of it as you're premeditated it you know but sometimes it it happens in the instinct you know you're just like oh yes I'm a kill them crime of passion crime of passion yeah Like I got this is the only way I can get out. Yeah. You know, I work in domestic violence with a lot of women and they feel like there's no way out. And I've been there. I was younger and I thought it was no way out. How can I get out of this? He's always going to find me. If you watch in the movie, they didn't show a lot of it. He would always, always come find me. No matter if I leave, he would always come find me. No matter where I was at by. And it was like that all the time, you know. Just moving, moving, moving. Then here he come here. he comes in. I'm back in that. I'm back in that cycle because then you get

addicted to the toxicity I guess or the fighting or you feel like it's the oxytocin whenever you guys do get it's it becomes like a drug it does and you think in your head this person really loves me yeah even though possessive so jealous that's love you we think of it's love and it's not love it's control no that's all it is it's really control and it's their egos their egos yeah you're you're literally just stroking their ego by staying in that relationship yeah absolutely so even though you got out of jail and he got out of the hospital you guys still stayed together yeah in the movie it looks like we we got right back together but it was a minute you know um that let's just say they just wear you down

he's wear wear you down these kids i love my kids and he's crying and you feel like i got to say this person to you know like I felt you feel in the back of your head that he has nobody but you right I understood you know by him talking to me all the time how he grew up I didn't grow up like that so I'm like somebody got to love this little man you know maybe me I'm thinking I'm saving him but really it was like I always say it was like it was somewhere and as a little young girl that I was damaged somewhere you know I was dealing with a lot of issues that I didn't understand that You know, that I felt like I needed to stay there, you know. I didn't never, like I said, never seen my parents do this.

So what made me feel like I had to save this person? Were you ever close with your father? You're a real father? Not my biological father. And, you know, as we grow older, we do fine at all. It's probably dead. It's a wound. The wound, not the love.

Trauma bond. Yeah, trauma bonding, not thinking. Like, I knew my stepdad. That was, I thought he was just the meanest person ever to me, but I think as I grew older and understood, he was always trying to protect me, always. And I thought, I don't want to be protected. I don't want to do this. You know, I was always fighting it.

But you stayed with H because he protected him. Yeah. Not wild. Yeah. It's like we don't want it from the parents, but we want it from. Right. Yeah. So I wasn't, I didn't have a relationship with my biological dad until I was much older.

actually they show it in the movie and it was probably at that point you know I was much older and my mom like you know maybe this is the missing part right maybe this is what you need you know you had to help fill that void yeah yeah absolutely it's always cathartic to bring the parents back even you know if you never had a relationship with them and even if you don't even like who they are as humans at least you get that sort of closure closure right like okay why yeah because it was a question why Why didn't you come see me? Why didn't you love me? And he was like, he thought it was best once my mom married my stepdad, because they got together when I was a baby, and he thought it was best. But I'm thinking, like, no, you thought it was best for you or him, but it wasn't best for me. Right. You know, and after that, I understood it, we talked about it.

Then, you know, as I grew, you know, until he left his surf, we grew close. We grew closer. So I had two amazing dads that even once I, they, you know, we all got together, they became good friends. You know what I mean? It was like when I, even when I went to prison, my biological dad didn't understand the whole lifestyle. And so we didn't tell him I was going to prison, but he got very ill when I was in prison. And my stepdad was the one that made way sure that he went and checked on him all.

the time to let me know what was going on so when I would call home you know the if I don't know if anybody know about the prison phones they say this whole recording right so I had my nephew on the other side with my biological dad my dad he's got the phone and they're like okay once the record and say this call is from a inmate or such and such they would have my biological dad the phone who was very ill at this time to let me say what I had to say until the day he died he still didn't know I was in prison. Oh, my gosh. He didn't even realize that he went into the dementia.

And then he passed away before I came home. That had to have been as heartbreaking as it is. It was very heartbreaking. I wasn't able to go home to his burial. You know, that was heartbreaking. That was another breaking point for me as realizing, like, you put yourself here. You didn't get to see, you know, and pass away. those are the moments that when you're in prison yet you realize hey you got to do something about

this I did yeah and I had a prison counselor and I have to tell this story it was um I went I was I was called out custody so at the end of my prison term I could go out and work in the you know the city around surrounding city so it's called out of custody so when they told me that my father had passed. The chaplain, and it came until my father had passed. And he's told me I was able, you know, I could go home to the funeral, but I had to go make the arrange with my counselor. I had a hard time with my counselor. So when I went to tell her, I said, hey, I know you heard that my dad died. I want to go home to the funeral, go to the funeral. She said, can I curse? Of course. Oh, yeah. No, we cut up a storm here.

Fuck you, bitch. Fuck your family. Fuck your dad. Fuck your mama and fuck your motherfucking kids. You shouldn't have came to prison, bitch. Now get the fuck out my office. And this woman is a counselor? A counselor in the prison.

When I first went to this prison, I went to two different prisons. Her anger's man. Yeah. And you think, okay, I'm here to be a real habilitated. But she gave me such a hard time. When I first went on the prison grounds, I was walking a yard. It's called the yard. you know trying to just figure out like what's going on in my world here yeah and uh one of the guards

came up to me said you knew here right and I said yeah he said you're going to have a hard time you know I didn't have a fear of the women that wasn't you know I had been in the streets forever so I'm not scared of the women I've been in more danger than this I can handle this and he said no you're going he said who's your counselor I told him I said her name is miss stockings I reached out to her since I've been home and just to ask her why and he says she's going to give you a hard time you a nice looking woman and she's going to give you a hard time and when I tell you the last part of my bit was the hardest time of my life by her saying that that was almost coming home but I had to deal with her for like 18 months straight taking my visits taking my commissary taking my phone calls

it was just madness all the time it was did she do it out of blue love or was she just an evil human? Oh, she was just an evil human. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around somebody being that evil to a human. It was it was the heart and I used to pray all the time. I met an older lady had did and by the time we met she had already been down like 20 something years and she would always tell me she said, don't let us see you cry. Don't let her see you break. I'm like, I'm not going to cry. That's what I'm not going to do. But she's like, whatever you do. And so every time something would happen, she was like, that's going to yard. And she would walk and pray with me. It's like, you're going to get through this. You're going to get through this.

But every day, can you imagine like, oh, I'm not going to make it through this. I'm not going to make it through the battles of the street. Right. But here I come here. And I'm feeling, you've got to fight your way through it every day. You know, not even a good night's sleep because you don't know when you're going to become, she's going to come wake you up out of your sleep. Or you have, I have sons who she took away my phone privileges. I can't even. call home to see how they're doing and that was all through that it was just my breaking point like you know what you're out never ever ever put myself in this picnic again in life so yeah let's circle back to to talk about what actually put you in prison we're gonna paint a I want to paint a picture

because you have such an amazing story and just the redemption and what you've done after you've gotten out of prison too is just beautiful thank you I want everybody to just know every facet of what you've had to go through to get to where you are today so you and h got back together and you guys expanded your business right and into texas went to texas and was chicago first then texas yeah and then he got caught up right and when he got caught up it was me left to here for myself you know it was decide if you want to what do you want to do if you want to stay you know you want to go to work or you want to continue on doing what you were doing by this time I'm addicted to the lifestyle.

I'm addicted to the money and all of it. You know, like you say, the power of it, the people looking at me and ask, you know, they have to come, you know, everybody has to come to me and get things and ask me for things and do this. So I'm like, I want to do this. So you go on and handle that. I'm like, no, I want you. I'm like, I got this.

I got this. So he goes to sit down for seven years. Seven years. And before that, he had brought in two people to. help you guys with your business and who were those two people those people were southwest tea and demetri's family you know mass the leaders are the bmath and as for your um listeners that don't know you can go back and relate to the music like with rick ross i wish i was big meech yeah blowing money fast you know all the rap music that surrounded around the two brothers so yeah he brought

them around and because the business was expanding and it was like like, okay, we can't do this all our loan. And then we already had some people, but you still have to bring in more people as the business expanding. And so he told me, said, hey, I met these two young guys, you know, I'm going to bring them around. You see what you think. So, okay. So we set up a meeting point. And that's when I first met them. And Terry says that it was love at first sight. How did you feel whenever you first saw Terry? I just thought they were young. kids. You know, I'm nine years older than him. And when I looked at him, I was just like, okay, a group of young kids, he's bringing in to work, you know, not like they're juvenile,

but they were, I think Terry's like 18, 19, something like that. And I didn't think nothing of it. I just like, oh, okay, you know, an induction, look for a minute, you know, say, all right. And I just didn't think nothing up. And they continued to work around us. And Terry was around us a lot more than Demetrius was, the Big Meach was. And so that's why when me and him, Terry, I mean, I'm sorry, H used to always have Terry, like, watch her back, do this. And so we became like, he was my confidant. He was the person that if I'm always, you know, you always got to complain.

You're always talking about something. You're always complaining about, I'm always complaining about age. So he was there, the person that was there to listen. And you guys developed a friendship. We developed a friendship, a closer friendship than H knew about so. Right. So H goes away for seven years, but he doesn't leave you with much money. Well, I don't know.

That's not that I don't want people to say. H is a type of person. He has a lot of money, but he's not going to leave you enough that you could just slash, you know. Be squandering, yeah, you know. I was good in a way. In a way, I still just wanted my own, you know, I wanted my own. I wanted to be independent because I knew once he was a chance to be free.

That's what I was going to say, just to be free because I knew, like, it took him about a year so before he was sentenced and he had to go away. I knew once he went away that this was going to be the end of us. And it helped me break away from him. It was much easier. I had already knew that when he come home from prison, that I was going to be on my own away from him. I didn't know I was going to develop this romantic relationship with Terry,

but I knew I wasn't going to be back with my ex-husband, who was age. And you just wanted to do your own thing. I just wanted to do my own. I just wanted to be independent. I just felt like I could. I felt like he was holding me back too. Right. And women also, before a relationship ends, you've already in your mind.

I've already in my mind. But because it's a toxic relationship and abusive relationship, he's not letting you go while he's out. on the streets right that's how i had to get rid of i don't want to say get rid of but that's how i actually was able to break it off with my abusive ex was he went to prison right and it was like i remember the day you went to prison i was really upset but at the same time i was like girl thank god you're free god i'm not i don't have to worry about you don't have fighting and you fucking fighting and right it's all the bullshit that comes with it you said you'd be upset like

oh my god he's gone in prison i feel bad i'm like You know, you're soaking at a minute. They're like, what is going on with you? You're free. Do you think, girl. It's like your wings spread out immediately. Yeah, and you realize who you are, you know. You just kind of holding me back.

Yeah. So, yeah. So take me on this journey. You are single, ready to mingle, technically. Mingaling, honey. Yeah. I was mingling. Just out there like a free bird, like air.

I was hanging, you know. just everywhere. I was traveling. I was just all, you know, at the clubs. I was, you know, me and my girls, we were just mobbing out, as they call it. We thought we were the baddest. Couldn't tell us nothing. Yeah. It was the best. You're invincible. Yes. And that's how we felt. And like you said, you feel free. You don't have nobody to answer to anymore, you know. I'm the boss now. I can do what I want to do. And Terry was always kind of somewhere in a back, you know, So we're in the back, you know, kind of watching or, you know, or shamingling with us, if you want to say, but it was never a thought of me being romantic with them.

Like I say, it was younger. And then as time went on, that happened later on in life. Now how they have it in the BMF Stars movie, you know, I was very upset about that because why would, you know, you put me in a movie like he's a kid, like he's in high school. I'm chasing behind his high school kid. because I had already developed myself as a boss. I was dating a boss. Why would I chase a high school?

You know, I guess women do it, but not I, not me. Having me having sex in at my job or, you know, around my children with this kid who still caring around his school books. Right. You just feel like you deserved more respect. Just more respect. Why didn't, why couldn't you, you know, you know, if you didn't want me involved in your story, I get that, okay, I understand, but don't do me like that.

Give me some type of respect because no matter what, when I tell my story and I talk about them, I give them respect. I can only tell the story how it happened. You know, it wouldn't be truthful if I didn't tell you how I met them. Right. I'm sorry that you met me under my ex-husband. That's how I met you. I can't, you know, tell the story any different.

You know, then it wouldn't be truthful. but it wouldn't be my story. It wouldn't be the way I seen it. I lived through it. So the way I lived through it, that's how I met you guys. I wasn't a person that was chasing this kid. And like I always, what I said now is I was already the kid. Like, you know how your beautiful truck outside?

You know, when you pull it up, it's already you. It's already fancy. I felt like when they met me, I was already that person. Right. So you didn't have to Terry of Meach, didn't have to develop who I already was. I was already, you know, in the streets doing my thing. When I came around, I was already with the jewels, the furs, the cars, the homes.

So when I tell the story, like, tell it the way it is. Don't make me or my ex-husband, which is my children's father, I'm sorry, look bad because he never speaks on them. They put him in the movie and made him look so bad. They put me in the movie, and I felt... When she says movie, just... When she says movies, she's talking about the BMF show, actually, not her movie. Not my movie, yes.

Yeah, not my movie. So I just want to clarify. Yes, there's a clear by now. There's Lady of BMF movie that you can watch on BET Plus and then there's BMF, which is their series, which we'll get into that in a little bit and talk about that. Yeah, but that's how it happened. So in one day, you know, he's under me and I don't know what that was going through. Maybe.

So you actually got your own plug. Yeah. And started on your own thing. Yeah. Big mama. Big mama, right? Little mama, little mama and a little body. Yeah.

Right. Like pinky in the brain. Right. Yeah. So I look like the Wizard of Oz, you know, behind the curtain. But it's like you just have no fear when you're that age. And it's none. And I think back sometimes I had so much drugs or around so much drugs.

And I think like whenever you feel, Fleck back, like, girl, you could have never came home. I would never been sitting on this couch. Yeah. You know, if I had got cotton with the things I had. Yeah. You know, and why did it? Like you said, no fear.

The people we surrounded ourselves with, I wanted to be, they look, no, they don't look dangerous enough. I need to go over here, you know. I wanted to be with the risk takers, you know. Every time you got away with something, you felt even better. It's a rush. It's a rush. You're like a drug rush or something.

well okay we can do that again all the time while you're doing it your heart's about out here and then like okay absolutely did that you know then that goes your ego bigger and bigger now I'm feeling more powerful than a man who are age I can do this I can do this on my own I don't need nobody and that's how I start feeling and so during this time is when you and Terry hook up and you actually helped put them on can we take me on that journey it was like you know they like they it was like why you know I had all this money I had been with this man who has all this money and even when he went to prison he still had money and I couldn't understand y'all you know like tear you've been in this life for a long time by this time I'm knowing you

about five about seven years where's disability you know what's going on you were up down up down he never had they never had like a abundance of drugs they never had a great plug that's what I would call like I had a reason for that yeah Right. They didn't have a plug. You watch the movie. Yeah, right. And so I looked at him. He was there and I was like, God, you know, this was all the time and I was talking to him.

I was like, I don't know, I just can't get it, you know, together. And I'm sitting here trying to always groom this person. I didn't realize that I'm grooming him. And one day I was that. You wanted to make him a boss? I wanted to make, he was my friend. You're with me. I had this special love for him, you know, not the romantic love yet.

And I wanted him, you know, I felt like this is my friend, this is my dog, we're always writing together, we hang it, I wanted him to be on the level I was, you know, and so I said, I got to help you, like tell me what it is, you know. So I said, I'm going to help you, let me help you get it. And then once you get it, you better keep it, you know, I did tell him I said, and I forgot I had said this, and it just, I don't know why I said it. You know, I felt like a millionaire. I felt like, you know, nature was a millionaire.

So I'm going to help you be a millionaire. And I said, I want you to change. Don't change for the money. Stay as, you know, stay as you are. But I'm going to help you become a millionaire. And that's what happened. You know, I gave him a plug. You work it.

You do this. You know, kind of like was, you know, he was really listening and it was working. And then it just took off. And one day it just took off. And he was like, you could sit back. now, I'm like, well, for me, because I was tired. Yeah. You get like, yeah, I'm tired.

I'm bored. You know, sometimes you be, because you always think like that day might come, you know. I have been around. I'm watching so many other people go down. And I'm always, you know, just there, you know, getting by, getting by, you know. And I'm like, okay, you got to quit this one day. You got to get, you know, my boys are getting older. You've got to quit this.

when he said it was like a sign of relief he can take over not like who and then you obviously trusted him oh yeah like you thought he was capable of being able to i knew he was i knew tear was very smart you know and i knew he was capable of it but i think he had so much so many other responsibilities like um in the movie they make it seem like um meech was the most powerful one but actually it was terry and terry was actually carrying on that burden for him and me so I think that was you know when you don't have enough drugs it's kind of hard to be sharing with somebody you know I'm gonna make this money and I gotta share you know this little bit with you and I think that was the thing that they could never get it

going you know and so once he started getting the supply the bigger supply he brought me chin now we can really work we can keep moving we can push better And then from there, once you start meeting one connect, it's kind of like clickish, you know, everybody knows. You know, like you said, everything is a click to me from the police to attorneys, drug dealers, pimps, everybody, and everybody kind of whisper and knows. So once you're selling so much weight that goes to the next connect, they hear about you. A word on the street, I hear you take it to the next city. Your name is already ringing.

His name started ringing in that circle, and then they take it. took it on to the next level to the next level to the next level what was your relationship with me each did you guys ever have a relationship as far as like a friendship you know it was on and off but I believe that when you know and I'm not afraid to say it at this point I used to didn't I believe it was a lot of jealousy you know because he had this little tear was the younger brother then he is now Terry's not under him or more. Terry is spreading his wings.

Terry's with this older woman and they couldn't believe it. And like I'm, you know, so I'm grooming him to be not this little boy anymore, this young man, because about time we started our relationship, I think he was about 20, he was like 25. He was just my friend at first. But I'm telling him like, you got to dress like this, you got to do like this. You got to hang, you got to do. Gaming them up. Came in them.

I'm really, you know, I am gaming them up. And I think that was a little. jealousy there and so he felt like I was taking his brother and now he doesn't have the control now we're doing everything you know this has become my friend and they're not together anymore so I think it was a lot of jealousy and that I mean with the whole family he's no longer running over there he's hanging over here with me and my people gotcha so the business is taking off you guys are making money hand over fist you're getting to lay up and you know be mama bear to the babies and just live the life and life is really good for a while

there and then Terry starts showing signs of kind of like getting a little too big for his bridges and you're saying hey hey yeah take me take me on this part of the journey yeah I mean you know if you've been around I've been around a long time you know if we when we first started this conversation I was young I was 19 20 years old so I had been to this row I've been on this rodeo a long time you know i've already seen so many people fall but the bigger they got the more the eagles and the things they were doing it was like i had never seen like i've been in a game so i've never seen people that show people like hey it was like they were writing it on their shirts and wearing t-shirt we are drug dealers you know like no because they were they had named themselves

bmf correct and it was like the change yeah but the bmf came because they wanted they did legitimately want to do you know start a record label right but the way that they went about mitch went about doing the record label you you're selling don't forget you're doing illegal things right and you can't be out there thinking like first get the company start the company let go the drugs and then you can do whatever you want to do but you can't mix the two and it was always everything had to be over the top right and that grew that started a lot of tension and that's when me and two Harry started that because I'm like, you go, you guys going to get me in dieted, you're going to get me in dieted, you guys going to get me a dieted.

And I would say it like all the time and so I don't know if I manifested that. But in my mind, I knew it. You can feel it. I did all, yeah, no matter how many times I could have a good time, but after the good time, I go right back to it. This is going to end soon. This is going to end soon. And it's fast.

They always say it was a long time. You know, the longest running BMF wasn't. M.MF with them started like in 2002, and by 2005, we were indicted, 2001, too, and we were indicted. And all those times, I don't even know how it lasted that long because I had already felt like they were doing too much. And I was very quiet. Like even when people from my hometown didn't know, they always thought that I'm getting taken care of by the man. They didn't know that I was doing my own things or in the back in the shadows. Even when the prosecutor and, you know, indicted me, she said, oh, I know about you.

You know, I know about you. You think you don't got away with some stuff this time. She's like, but I'm going to get you. I'm like, I ain't did none, sugar. You know, you can't get me because I had already, you know, pulled back about time they started. It was a little, it was a lot for me. Right. But when I sit back and look at the whole thing, I had jumped into the fire into the fire pan

because I had left H and jumped into this and never really pulling back and I was just moving I was damaged by this time already just damaged not really fixing who I was

you know you gotta think you're already out of this abusive relationship you didn't fix yourself you just jumped into another mixed up crazy toxic world and that's what I was just always on that roller coaster

always on that roller coaster so that's what happened It was like, was this the time that he had brought your children in to start working for him? It was my oldest son, my three nephews and my cousin. They all got involved in it. And at the time, I said, when I push back, my son was in Detroit. We were in Los Angeles by this time. And I didn't know, like, why I'm thinking like, tears, don't go back to Detroit.

You go back to Detroit, you're going to get in trouble. You're going to get us indicted. Don't go back Detroit. Look, you know. just keep that behind you right it's no longer act like it's no longer as this you know in that world for you but my oldest son he always was very close to my mom and he thought he was the prince of detroit so he didn't want to come like to l.a like that so terry and them had a their whole secret relationship tierie was bringing in my whole family and which even after you told

him not to not to don't get my family involved I had the whole conversations with my sons and my nephew don't get involved in this. And, you know, it's still, even though he brought him in, I still felt a lot, you know, responsible for it. You know, I held a lot of regret even when I went to prison and they went to prison because I feel like I still, even though without Terry, I still myself was in the street. So even if me and Terry hadn't gotten together, that was my life. After Hero went to prison, my ex-husband went to prison.

the streets was still my life. No matter if I had the little job, side job, you know, to throw, I think I'm throwing people off. After work, before work, the streets was my job. That's what I did. That's the only thing they knew.

You know, I made it seem so easy. Right. You feel like you made the appeal. Yeah, I made it appealing. You know, I said if I was a doctor, a lawyer, a attorney, or something, maybe that wouldn't have been so appealing to them. Right.

But I made it so easy. The money was easy. They wanted that power and ego, too. And they fell right into that hole with me. So even though I can be upset with him, I still have to take the responsibility for myself. Like, look, lady, no matter who you would have been with or what, you were still doing your thing and you showed them that it was easy, no matter how much you fought for them not to be in it, you still showed them that this was the life and I made it look easy. It's heavy. It's a heavy cross to bear because it's like, you know, you want to have accountability,

but you also want to be able to point fingers at Terry too. Yeah, I wanted to, but you still have to understand that, you know, you chose this life too. You brought them in at a younger, a young age. You know, Terry wasn't the first one. My ex-husband was, you know, a street guy. So what would I expect? You know, it's like. 70% of women that are in the streets or incarcerated,

70% of your offspring, one of them are going to end up in prison. Wow. Yeah. That is, that statistic is high, right? It's high. It's very hot. That's insane. So before you guys got indicted, you had taken a trip back to Detroit.

And H. had caught up with you. Is that a true part of your story? That's a true story. Can we talk about that? was brutal yeah it was brutal but you know I knew that you know even like we would have the conversations and even though he would try to act cool about it I just knew I knew him I knew him and I didn't trust him like that and not that I entrust him before I just knew him right no matter how I said oh he's trying to catch up with me so I wouldn't tell anybody when I would come back

to Detroit but I had a couple of friends that I were very close to and I my one friend she always like when you come to Troy let me know let me know let me know and I knew you know something told me all the time why she you don't want to see me that bad you know but I just I felt it in my soul and in my spirit it was telling me no something off but I told her okay I did it at first I told her okay and I did show up you know she invited me out, you know, and her and Herald had this secret relationship, my ex-husband went for the viewers and no, they had the secret relationship. But he did it, you know, after we talked about it, he did it because of that. He was, that's the way he was trying to get back at me.

He was going to, he was going to date my friends. He was going to date. He was going to date Terry's ex-baby mama, but he was like, nah, he tried that and looked at him. Like, I can't do that he can't I can't see how he did it but yeah the shade the shade right all right but he said so he was that was intentional on his part and he did it to get that's the only way he could convince me because he would always try to convince me to come meet him come see him I'm like no I'm not doing that and so she convinced me to go out when I come back to Detroit and that's what happened I pulled up to the bar to meet her and I changed my mind. It's something like God was just talking to me. Don't go in. Go home. Don't go in. I looked at the bar. I'm like, I'm going home.

Yeah. And before I could get home, he, that's when he crashed into me. He actually had the gun and he, I don't remember this part, but as, you know, time went on, we talked about it. he said actually put the gun out and pointed it to him like my head and something said don't do it oh my goodness he said it was like a person he beat you up just to clarify yeah he really beat me pulled you out of the car pulled me out the car beat me really bad and then at the at the end of the beating it was supposed to be the shooting you know he's supposed to shoot me but he said something he said when he looked around nobody was around the street was very dark but he said he could hear it clear as day don't do it

And he said he walked away, I mean, jumped in this car and left, left me there. And then the next thing I knew, I'm in the hospital. This is the mother of your children. You know, like, how could you? Yeah. They don't think about that. They just think about the anger and they think of it as the jealousy, you know. They think of it as betrayal.

No, the betrayal started a long time ago, you know, when you were meeting me years before that or cheating on me before that. And he thought that, you know, he thought I left because of Terry. No, I left because of you. You. Yeah. You. If Terry never existed, I wasn't going to be back with you, you know.

What is your relationship like with age today? It's good. You know, we don't talk all the time. He's actually about to get married, you know. Lucky her. We could coexist, you know, even though the boys are. I'm older, we could talk, have conversations. He's the one that actually when I was about to do the first trap queens and talk about it, I had to sit down with, I sat down with my sons and

ask them if they feel okay with it because I never talked about my abuse. You know, it was a thing that I just walked, you know, walked the life and it was inside of me. Nobody never really knew how I felt about it, how eternally how I turned out. But after talking to him, I said, hey, I'm I'm going to tell my story and he said you should and I said I'm going to have to tell you said you should he said women should know that this can happen to them he said I'm not that person no more and he apologized so like he told me stories that I had never heard about him and the apology that he gave me like it was so receiving to me like I never you know how people say you don't you don't need that apology if you never get to apologize

you don't need to get you okay i thought that but once i got it from them this most sincere apology behind the story you should tell your story i'm no longer that person i'm not shame you know i can talk about it anything that you if you need me for it just let me know you know you know i want to show me in that they he said he was in prison and he would hear the stories and he would just be embarrassed and his body would cringe and like how did I do that to somebody I love so much you know he said I loved you so much and he said I couldn't understand why I did that to you all the time but he said I was sick I grew up and in it my father did it to my mother and I thought I was okay and then it was the cycle that I did it to you and after I got that

apology it was just like okay at first I'm like it changed something in me with him you know at first i just would talk to him but like i wouldn't still want to be around him i couldn't have that conversation but after that apology and the explanation and telling me gave me the freedom to speak about it wow i felt i felt a relief a real relief that's amazing that is really cool i'm happy age redeemed himself yeah i wasn't expecting that answer no he came to the uh screening that he spoke a little bit, you know? Yeah. Even though he's, you know, the truth is out there about him to be able to face it like that,

that's some real man shit. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's amazing that he did that. He did. My abusive ex would never. He's still trying to shame me telling me the abuse didn't happen. Yeah. So can't wait for that day.

So let's circle back to when you guys did get indicted. How much time did you get? How much time did your son get and how much time did Terry get? I got 57 months, and that's almost five years, five years, three or four months. My son got 11 years. My nephew, one of my nephews, got eight years, one got nine years, one got 11 and one got 13. And, yeah, and Terry got 30 years. But he came home on the Kyrzat, so he's home.

But Demetri's is not home. So, you know, you spoke a lot about. being in prison what you had to do you know dealing with the counselor and how you had a change of heart and in prison it's pretty much like your lowest that's your lowest it's i mean it felt like you know um i end up working in a prison chapel i don't know how to happen you know the counselor you know at the first counselor gay you know end up working in a chapel in federal prison and everybody has to have a job. And it was only one out of 600 women.

It was one job, one person for one job at the chapel. And it was given to me. So I thought that was God put me on a path. I was in the middle of the desert. I was in prison, like in Victorville Prison. And if anybody know about Victorville Prison, it's in the middle of the desert. I grew up in Vegas, so I don't know about it.

And I felt like that this was, I was stripped, like I said, stripped of everything. This is my time to reflect on how did I get here. I walked on that yard. I was in the middle of the first night. I was in the middle of a sandstorm. And I looked up at the sky and I told, God, please help me. Why am I here?

Please change me. Let me figure out why I'm here. So when I got the job in the chapel, I was around. I knew God. We called on God all the time. You know, when you're in the streets, you're like, God, let me get through this. Okay, God, I'm about, you know, as you're going to. more time one more time you know you got all this drugs you're driving or you doing something come

on god thank you got i'm blessing him for the wrong things you know and when i end up in prison i realized that i had to call on him much more than i ever had to call on him in my life i was in the middle of the desert i was the only one that worked in the prison chapel so now i had to face god I didn't realize in my whole life how many different religions or that I was there and I just seen all these books and all these things that I had to deal with every day. I felt like I was stripped. I had nobody. You know, even though you have family on the outside, you have your children. But once I got, once I was in prison, I was alone.

No matter how many women were around me, I felt alone. And I had to call on this man and get on my knees and call on them like I'd never come. called on her before my whole family it was like I was in a fire once I got indicted I felt like I had like a fire head took over you know how when people say I lost everything I felt like I lost everything now I'm alone I'm in prison I got to do all these years I'm mad I'm bitter I'm angry I'm full of regret I'm feeling so sorry for myself like how you feel sorry for yourself talking to me you know why are you feeling sorry for you you belong here you had gotten away with so much in your life you belong here because at first i'm thinking i'm mad at terry and demetrius

how can you know as time went on i'm like well how are you going to be mad at him you've been selling drugs way before that you just got away with this you know i was just getting away i was just you know god was had been saving me a long time he's been saving me through the abuse through getting up with all the drugs. It was finally he said, I got to chastise you. You got to come here. You got to sit you down, baby. And when I was sitting down and I was all alone, I realized that how messed up I was, this criminal mind and this thinking, my heart and my soul, I was, I had to get it together because now I have five young men in prison. I can't talk to them. I can't hear their voice. I was in prison. I had to just imagine my son's voice, my oldest son, even though my

nephew was there, but it's different, your son. I feel bad for all of them, but I'm responsible. Now I don't hear my oldest son. He's 21, and he has spent 11 years of his life in prison. I got two sons at home just kind of fending for themselves. They're young men, and they never had been without their mother. And I'm sitting here in prison. I had to get it together. Did H step up with them whenever you went away? Remember, H was after the seven years, a few years later, H went back in the prison. Gotcha.

Okay, so you guys were both in. We were both in prisons, so, yeah. So, um, you know, my younger sons, they were out in the streets. They didn't have to be, I could say, go home to my mom. Now we're going to stay here closer to you because they wanted to come visit me. But still, they couldn't be, live their life no more, you know. Then I started. They did the time with you.

Yeah, they're doing the time with me because they're going to come visit me. got to come visit me they got to feel that hurt they don't have a father they don't have no brother they don't have a mommy they just out there alone and I felt that when I was in prison so that was the turning point of my life and I've said that I needed to go there I think that's amazing that you were able to look inward and reflect because some people go to prison like you said they get angry and just hate everybody hate everybody come home with that same ship same attitude blaming others and no I had to look at me look at me so you did your time and during this you weren't allowed to talk to Terry but you went in already mad at Terry because of listening to

some tapes listening to the wiretaps yeah what did you hear on those wiretaps oh my god because I don't think you guys really got into we never talk about that nobody never talked about but it was such you know like it's like the women he he he he he he he he It was just crazy. It's like you built this person up. You're thinking this person is loving you. You take in everything that I've given you and you take it and you're about to have a baby, you know, and then you're dating somebody that's very close to me.

Like if you watch this and I wrote this poem, how could you do this to me? You were like my sister, but it was them too. He was in a relationship that somebody I raised. So you were looking at her as a child and I raised her. so you end up dating her and on these wiretaps you're saying that you're leaving me then you have another woman that she's pregnant by you and the one the other woman he's pregnant by you when i'm thinking of myself like you know you build yourself you have a class about yourself and some reason men go find where'd you go find this woman like you know you know what i'm saying like and you don't want to

think like you know but it makes you it it and then the thought of it made me ain't angry. Like, least go get you a bad bitch. Like, you know, and then you have, you begging, like literally begging her to have, she wanted, she was saying, I'm getting abortion and he's on there talking about, you better not get rid of my baby. I'm like, well, what's y'all going to do with me? Right. When, when you tell me what am I supposed to do, you are already dating as child, I look at as a child, you're taking the hard on money that I gave you because when I got you, your child's mother lived in the worst part of the neighborhood and I'm like help her get out the neighborhood put your kids in a private school do better do be a better father I'm sharing my money

I'm sharing this with you so how could you betray me like this and everything that you were doing that I was asking you not to do like going back to Detroit the women the just everything now I'm saying don't do that don't do this it was all on the text it was like just ringing ringing in my ear like and that's all i could hear like every day you i'm upstairs you downstairs you in my house you know when you hear a man in your house with another woman it's something it's not like this was all his riches this was something i built too i'm going i'm in prison for this now you know i gave you this you know if i always think like if i didn't come into your life we're with But, you know, not like bragging the same,

but I don't know what we, where would you be? Yeah. You know? It was such a betrayal. And especially when you know these, I mean, I didn't know the woman that was having his child, but I knew the other one. Like I said, literally raised her. It was like you were watching me groomed this young girl to be with her.

And that was, that was very hurtful. And then along with, it's kind of gross, too. It's gross. It was really gross. It was embarrassing, it was gross. Then my sons, and I'm thinking about, dang, I don't put my sons in this life, and you do this foul shit to me. Like, as so many women in the street men could treat cheat with or do your thing with, why do that so close. So close to home.

So close. Like I'm up, you know, like I said, I'm in one door there in the next door. Y'all downstairs, I'm upstairs. You don't think like that. You're thinking this person is your dog, your home, your very best friend. Betrayal trauma is the worst. Yeah, it's the worst. You don't ever get over it.

You don't ever get over. And the worst is not seeing a person, but listening to emotions. Right. When you're hearing your man talk to another woman, you could tell when they're bullshit and what I was hearing all these emotions. Like you were in love. And you had me, it felt like you was just drinking me alone, you know. Yeah. I've been through it.

So I understand exactly what you're talking about. I still look at my husband, Kock. guy to this day his affair happened fucking five years ago I think you're still but I still look at

him like yeah I saw the text messages I saw the girl built a whole case on him yeah and sent it to me

whenever shit went south when it went back yeah and when you see the pictures the videos the songs of voices

and you know the songs he was saying these are my favorite songs oh don't get me started I still can't

yeah it's like turn it off what we can't hear literally we'll be somewhere and the fucking song will come on because it's ain't no sunshine when she's gone and nothing compares to you the chris cornell version anytime i hear those i literally look at him and i'm just like you motherfucker motherfucker like i swear to god mine's a secret love

oh no so i'm in the kitchen cooking and dad man and they're in the kitchen with me and he's playing because he called itself a DJ so he would play the song so you really antagonize me you're playing with my emotions and i'm not really knowing right you're doing this and it was Yeah, and you could hear them on the conversations talking about me. Like, you're really talking about me? Yeah, like you're really talking about me. Don't talk about me with other women. With other women.

And I used to always tell them that because I was a saying with my father, my stepdad was like, do not put your feet under another one, at least a man's table and talk about the man you got at home. Don't do that. You don't need to do that. And that kind of stuck with me as I grew up. You don't, you don't do that. And I would tell him that because he would try to talk about his child, his children. mother I'm like don't put your feet under my table talking about her you had two children back

something about her that you liked we don't need to and then to hear you on the phone talking about me was crazy but then I had a moment in insanity my mom had passed and he came home a couple months later so I thought you know like you said trauma bonding thought like this was history let me get back with him I think about five months I think it lasts about five months and I was like what the hell are you doing with terry with terry with terry and i think like you said you start hearing the music i started looking at them it wasn't like we never got married you don't trust it's no trust and i can see if like i told me you never you never even married me you know you wasted so many i wasted so many years of my life on you you know we never got married so it was like why did i you i wasn't good

enough to marry so let me just remove myself out your life man I just said I needed to get back to who I was. I felt like in all of this and all that, I lost who I was. And I know no matter what I did in my past, I still was a strong, independent woman that I knew once I put my mind to something, I can do it. I don't need a man like that. Somebody's so insecure. I need a strong, powerful man to be with the strong, powerful woman. That's right, baby.

No, that's right. That is right. Anybody, you know anybody? single mama single baby sliding them dms baby because the dm's popping but i ain't seeing nobody yeah so y'all keep coming keep them coming i know they're coming after this podcast drops they're coming yes yes i'm so happy that you that you had the heart to walk away and the knowledge and the self-respect yeah for yourself to walk away after you know try retrying again for five months just being like you know what this isn't for me it's not for me so when you guys ended did it end on good

terms? And I thought it ended up on good terms. You know, sometimes, you know, you say things to a person like, you know, this is, that's not for us. It's not for me. I don't want to try this again anymore, you know. Maybe it's somebody out there for you, you know, I don't know, but I don't think that person is me.

Right. And so you think that it's okay. I didn't, it wasn't, you know, fucking motherfucker. You know, none of that. It was just like, when I pay. packed up and left, I just said, this is it. Right. This is it for me.

But I think when you, when you go back to a person, you show them that, that they think they have something on you. They don't really think that you would leave for real, the good. And that was, that was my last time. It was like the, it was so small. I can't even remember, but it was like, hmm, it's not for me. And I look, when I look at pictures or somebody sent me some, people say something, we don't even match to me we like like you know you hate to say it

listen I never knew what the real Terry looked like until after I watched BMF and it was not what I thought yeah not what she thought right and I'm gonna be like kind of like a turtle right yeah and I just say you are you're you are fly mama you're beautiful thank you thank you so we don't you know so I said you know you sometimes you got to let people be with who they used to be with right and you I'm not her you go back over there and be with the people that you know yeah absolutely go back over there and see yeah and so i but at that point i didn't know it was a beat but you know um i lost my son in july yes i'm so sorry

lost my middle son in july i'm so sorry to tell me to still talk about that but um not a text not a flower or not nothing i said wow you must be really angry and you don't think a person's angry you know i think they should understand my my anger is not a anger or disappointment, like you said, that's self-disrespect and how they depict me in the BMF series. So I can't speak about that because I'm living. You did

a whole show around the woman that's living. It's not like my estate is mad, my children's mad. I'm upset about how y'all portrayed me in a movie and I didn't know that that's the way y'all felt about me. So here you are, not to gloss over

the fact that you lost your son, which I definitely want to touch on that too. I just want to highlight really quick here you are you know left terry thought everything was fine and then all of a sudden you hear about this tv show that's in the works well they teach your my their show had already been in the works okay the show their show came out in 21 2021 like i think at the end of 20 or something like that my son just passed 23 in july okay gotcha so um did they ever ask you to be a part of the show No, I had started working with 50 Cent in 2016 on BMF series. Okay.

So I was sitting in writers' rooms, sitting with Randy, the showrunner. It's a real big mess. You know, I can't talk about it right now. Wow. And then you don't find out you're not into it. And that was another thing. Terry, they wasn't going to even use Terry. Terry was in prison.

I hired the lawyer for Terry to make sure that he got his proper, you know. So do you feel like you came up with the concept for the TV show? I didn't come up with the concept, but I know I was very intricate in helping build that story. I'm intricate in the story. Right. Because you see you created a whole storyline about me. It's not like you had me in season two and three or one, and I'm worried. or season one and I'm out of there that my character keeps coming season two and season three

and if they have another season because how are you going to get rid of la la la la la is playing my character and they know she's a major part of that story when i found out that when i got the lawyer for terry and i said terry we're in the contract together terry somehow got once he signed his contract he told them to not to use me i didn't know he did this to me i didn't know it's just one the trail out the other and then i found out afterwards so i kept it i kept it to myself i didn't say nothing so i was trying to still work it they were trying to work something still out for me and um then i didn't end up in it and my son my younger son on the trademark who did it, the trademark in 2015, when nobody wanted to touch M.F. No more. Everybody was like,

if you mess with you, you go into prison, we don't want to touch it. So my younger son built this whole thing around. They said, I'm going to show it not as a gang as we were a family. We were a family unit. So he started selling merchandise t-shirt. He had this whole, if you look at his page, he'd been doing it for years. All of a sudden, when 50 cent got the contract with stars because before stars BMF series it was going to be a movie and the movie didn't go through because somebody else owned the rights

to doing the movie he ended up making it a series and here come all of them the muds and everybody and everybody want their BMF you know now here everybody comes but that was the betrayal so I didn't know until kind of

wow but you know what I don't know thanks for the betrayal he did me a favor because sometimes that's god moving you you know i might have not if i wasn't becoming aware of all the betrayal i might still been under there still under his kind of control and not being able to do me once i realize and say you know what i had enough of this i had enough for you your whole family i don't want no parts of this anymore i set back i released it a week later i get a call and say well i'm still soaking it i'm still upset anytime you break up anything, a relationship, you feel retrain. You still got to mourn that too. And once I went

through that, I said, you know, I was still, my oldest son, he said, I'm talking, you got 24 hours to 48 hours to soaking this and there you got to let it go. That's my motto. That's the one. I swear, I just told my kid that the other day. I said, you got 24 to 48 hours and you need to get the fuck up and stop crying. Yeah, and that's his whole thing. I'm like, okay. And right after I said, I can't let him see me doing this again. I got up. I mean, I kind of lick my wounds, and I got a call, hey, we want to do, how about doing your movie? Will anyone to sit out and have a meeting with you about doing your movie?

And I think that was what God wanted me to do because he wanted me to have my own shine, my own light, my own redemption, my own story. Not under the men. Not under them. And I would have been mixed in, like I am mixed in there now, and people don't understand the story until they talk to me or see me now. everybody's been like okay so we know who you are we've seen your story but it had to be because my journey is so different I had so many layers I never wanted to tell the story like they told the

story I don't think it's entertaining to talk about a woman in abusive relationship I don't think it's entertaining now to talk about selling glorifying the drugs selling the murders you know once you went through it and you caught you know you want to I'm I changed who I who I am it wouldn't it wouldn't have been a part of me like I wouldn't have felt good about like I don't feel good about that story it's theirs I wish them the best on it but I'm glad that I got the opportunity to do my own story and tell my truth yes and it's a beautiful story thank you thank you can we circle back to your son that you just lost in 23. Can we talk about that and what happened? If I don't get emotional. It's still

kind of. That's so recent. It was in in the first time I think about I can talk and then as soon as I started talking about it yeah so I'm still dealing with that a lot. He wanted to go home. He said he wanted to be with God and but the week before the week it happened he I was in Detroit he was in L.A. and he called me Saturday to see you and I said well I'll be there tomorrow and I flew to L.A. We spent the most beautiful time together just him and I

and we talked and we ate and we laughed and we had a great time so I left on a Friday and he said promise me you never we won't go a day without talking to each other you know because when kids get grown everybody get grown and getting their life you might

not hear from a couple days or three days so we made a promise you know if we pink in you're doing all that and say make a promise that we would never go a day without speaking. He said, okay. You know, I'm not thinking like I said, okay. And he said, um, and so I got home, I called him. I said, I made it. He said, okay, talk to you tomorrow.

Saturday came, but didn't talk to him. I'm like, hmm, you know, still didn't think nothing of it. Sunday came. I was calling him, didn't talk to him. I panicked automatically. I said, God, we're not supposed to, this is not supposed to happen. We're supposed to talk every day. something is wrong

something is wrong so I end up calling his wife which I never do and I said where's Jason I haven't heard from and she said well he's okay he's at home he's just going through a lot and I said well what is he going through

you know but he's just going through a lot and then I said okay we were talking we were chatting and I said I'm out to running Starbucks I'll call you back let me call you back because I needed my phone the app said let me call you back so about time I got my Starbucks, got back in a car, called it back, and she was like, he's gone.

I said, who's gone? I said, he's gone. Like, gone where? She said, he's gone. Just that fast. So he took his own life? Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.

Just that fast. Mimi, can we get some tissues? Yeah. I am so sorry. So, do you want to hug? It's going to make me feel worse. I don't know. I'm going to hug.

You said, I'm going to cry. Oh, yeah, listen, listen, if things are rough. No, I just kidding. Things are rough around here, okay? No, it's cute. But, yeah, so, you know, I just think, like. Was he battling? a mental illness of some sort?

No, and that's the part about it. Like, and people always think, like that you see it coming, but talking to therapists and everybody, you don't. Sometimes you just don't. Sometimes it's a break. He probably knew, but he would never show me that. He never wanted

me to see that. Or probably, his wife said he would go in and now, but she never thought that. You know, people in life get depressed, you know? It's life, and it's tough, and it's rough. It's been rough on my family since the indictment you know they made it people have made it really rough but I thought we overcame it I thought we were going to be okay and uh yeah so I'm so sorry

but I just thank God I said well thanks for giving me that time you know thanks for him saying that I want to be with her but you know my son was so handsome like gosh it was handsome and um seeing him you know laying that casket he looks so like he he looked like the little like a little boy like he was so like so fresh and it looked like he was in such a peace so i try to think about like all the time like he was out of peace so whatever it was so heavy on him that he's at a piece and i know the way my life has um been going to that he's up there just like an angel just because he always said he told me then he said forget about all this stuff no but you still just having a conversation forget about all this

stuff take care of you we are all grown we are all grown take care of you go be happy mom he said you haven't been happy you go be happy I said no you're not go be happy I don't need that toilet every minute he said me go be happy go be happy And I said, okay, he said, I just, it's just, because he still called me mommy. He said, Mom, he's just going to be happy. I said, okay, he said, we're going to be all right. We are going to be all right. And I never thought, I keep thinking how long did I lean, but that was just the journey.

That was our time. And just knowing that he said that he wanted to be with God, that's, that's the blessing. And seeing him, he looks so beautiful. like beautiful like at a piece like like the angels and god hitch just came and took them themselves he was that beautiful your life is such a testimony of just resilience and of what a strong woman really is i'm sorry i'm saying it has me just gutted right now um moving on from that situation of course yeah let's take it let's take a deep breath because i got tears still coming out of my eyes um moving forward from that that beautiful beautifully tragic story um

you have some really awesome things that are happening in your life and you are doing some really awesome things you said earlier that you are doing you know you help with prism reform you have a few shows that have been out which was what what are the three names again you have the movie you have the notorious notorious queens trap queens my mom i just got a new book deal um that my book will be out next year excuse me i like i said work in prison reform tomorrow always sorry guys you're good take a deep breath um just doing some amazing things helping women helping people filing motions um just in my community giving back, helping with expungements, you know, giving a lot of hugs and, you know,

uplifting people showing them, giving them hope because I am an older woman now and I don't want people to think you have to give up. You can never know what can happen in your life. You know, I have been through some things and I always say, why me? But then I'm chosen to help other people. And that's my path now. That's my journey that I'm out here. And even before that happened to my son. So it makes me happy most is helping other people. You know, I, I didn't, well, I'm a nominee in the Image Awards. Yes. You're going to win. I'm going to win. I already have my speech. You're going to win. She's so cute. When she came in, I was like, you're going to win. She said, I already got my speech. I already got my speech. And that's how you

know she's going to win. She's a manifesting queen. Manifested. And I'm already. You know, And even if I don't, I've already won. You know, just to be in that category, to be a nominee, somebody like we say, you come from the streets, you never know what your journey is, you know. We always think we don't get second chances, but now society is giving us second chances. And I know, I'm saying, I'm beyond my chances. I know I'm having more than second chances. And just to know that such a prestigious committee had looked at my story and seeing that my,

journey and the path that I'm on and say hey we want to put you in this category to be a nominee I already won yeah and is there a way for us to vote well voting is cut off already so I did vote whenever yeah you vote yeah I didn't know if it was still going or whatever it ended I think Friday what's today Tuesday or something Monday I'm like today's Tuesday so yeah and that that's amazing journey and I and I didn't want to write a book until that I had accomplished some amazing things that I said I told my son

my older son when I first came home to write a book I write a book to talk about what I had I knew I had some things that I had to conquer some things I needed it was some more work that I had to do within myself and when I talk about who I am

and me I wanted to mean value I want to see people to see I overcame and that I changed who I was Yes ma'am That is why I'm doing this series because everybody, I grew up in a street life too and everybody glorifies it. I mean, the movies, Hollywood, fucking social media, like everybody glorifies drug dealing and, you know, I talk about, you know, being an escort and, you know, to people, some people think that I glamorize it, but I don't because I don't really go in depth about it, you know, and I just, that was a part of my life. So being able to bring the women like you and Ramona and Renee and just really showing people that the real lifestyle and the shit that you guys have had to go through and overcome and just the beautifully amazing women that you guys are so inspiring. Thank you.

Your story is so incredible. Thank you. And it deserves to be heard. And I hope you don't stop screaming it from the top ever. No. I'm putting in the work, you know. People do need to hear it. You know, we, we were first to go through the shame and the guilt and now it's like, hey, this is who I am. I'd rather me tell it than anybody else tell it. I need you to know what happens. I am a, no, I'm not even a, what, a survivor. You are a survivor. I'm a survivor and people know. And we all don't make it out, you know. So many women have been losing their lives. And we all don't. make it out so this is a story that people need to watch it's a cautionary story and it's also meant to be inspiring as a end you know it was tough it was a tough life that I you know that I had and I want people to understand that hey don't think it's glamorous they all glitz and glamorous you know I was

blessed in a way that I had I didn't have to steal me in prison and due time but I was one of those chosen wants to say hey this don't happen often don't happen often that is amazing thank you where can people find you online and do you have a website what i have a website i have silent heart dot org and that's with the y s y s y l not s i and then you can watch me on our social media is his first lady tonisa tic-tac i think it's just my name i don't know my oh i'll have to follow you over there i didn't have you had one or not yeah i just started i'm You know, I'm not. Oh, we'll help you.

We'll teach you. Thank you. Thank you. Whatever you need. Thank you. But, yeah, at most of it, you could just Google my name or just follow me, First Lady Tonisa, and Facebook is my name, and Twitter is my name. And watch First Lady of BMF, and watch First Lady of BMF, the Tonysa Welch story on BET

Plus. It's well worth it, guys, I promise you. Haley and I watched it, and we loved it. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having. thank you for having me thank you i have too much enjoyed i'm a talker too

no i love it i love it what do you mean i felt so many feels through this whole interview it was just like laughing and then like heart wrenching and there's just so much and it's just really beautiful and i'm so happy to be able to have a platform to help you scream it even louder so yeah after you write that book and you do a book tour come back and see me and you know like this is a crazy crazy coincidence because you know jelly row is one of my favorite artist yeah we're gonna face time daddy after this yes yes yes I just went to his concert and then when I'm called you call me I'm like oh my god oh this can't be real yeah you were in a Detroit yeah yeah yeah so we're gonna be on tour again you got to come oh I've

already seen you gotta be in Wichita Kansas I'm thinking is it September okay just tell me I don't wait that long though I know because you don't start until what August August and then you're in Wichita because about time you Wichita would be the closest to me because my brother stayed there So I already tell them, heck, you're going to Oh, let's go, yeah. We'll have our bus there too So you can come and just chill on the bus

Yay, we love it. I'll bring you backstage to me, Daddy, you already. He'll fan out. Love it, love it. Ms. Tonisha, thank you so much. Thank you. I'm so sorry, Ms. Tonisa. Thank you, and thanks for having me on the Dumblin podcast, baby.

Yes, Domlai podcast. Thank you, guys. I appreciate you. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Dunblond. I will see you guys next week. Bye.