Dumb Blonde - Throwback Thursday: Gabbi Tuft - Transition and Transformation

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

Bunnie welcomes the beautiful and captivating Gabbi Tuft, a former WWE Superstar, Celebrity Fitness & Nutrition Coach, and a courageous advocate for the transgender community. In a candid conversation, Gabbi shares her inspiring journey of self-discovery, including her experiences with family, love, and her mission to combat the feelings of isolation that some transgender individuals face.Gabbi discusses the transformative decision she made in her 40s to fully embrace her authentic self and how her time as a WWE superstar helped her discover the tailored diet and fitness regimen to achieve her dream physique. Today, she pays it forward by empowering others through her coaching, guiding them on their own fitness journeys.Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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a question. I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me it down for you we have the bunny xo show we have meet the d forts we have propaganda we have more shows that we're adding and not to mention we have the visuals of the podcast head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up is this thing on bonnie who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast dumb blonde most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, I am super excited to have my guest here because

she absolutely fascinates me. And that's very rare because people don't fascinate me too much. But I am so curious about this woman, Miss Gabby Tuft. How are you, baby? I'm wonderful. It's so good to be here in Nashville. Oh my god, I love it. Dude, did you get a chance to go down on Broadway? No, I was so excited. Just look out the window in that beautiful Airbnb and just kind of enjoy everything. There were like party buses going by and all the kids were just dancing and stuff. So I was just kind of being a fly on the wall. It's a lot down

there. It is. I was down there before with WWE at the arena several times. Oh, okay. But Bridgestone. Yeah. At Bridgestone. And so I've been there, but it was just nice to watch from like a different perspective. Yeah. That's crazy. And to come back in a different time in your life too. Yeah. Slightly different. One or two things have changed. Yeah. We're going to definitely dive into that. But like I was telling you before you came on the pod or before the pod started recording, I love what you represent online. I'm, I'm, I'm into people who are just true to themselves and tell their story and whether people like it or not, you know,

and I love that about, you know, I think that's what grabbed, um, grabbed me about you is I came across one of your videos one time and you were just pretty much like, yes, this is,

I used to be a fucking alpha male WWE wrestler and now I'm a beautiful, gorgeous woman. But you do it with such grace. Thank you. And I think a lot of people don't do that. And I just love that about you. So I started following your journey and I was just like, this woman is awesome. Thank you. Yeah.

A lot of the people in the community, they tend to, I think we get a lot of people on the defense. Yeah. And I think it's the majority. Honestly, they're on the defense so much. a lot of people on the defense yeah uh and I think it's the majority honestly they're on the defense so much TikTok in general is on the defense god it's crazy people just so easily offended yeah you know everybody's kind of like a snowflake and I took the other road I think it's because I used to stand in my boots and underwear in front of like 10,000 people multiple times a week with you know what it's like to stand in front of like 10,000 people multiple times a week with, you know what

it's like to stand in front of a crowd naked. I'm literally naked in boots and underwear. My job was to get booed at. My job was to have people hate me. So I'm like, okay, well, no problem. I can handle it. Yeah, no, for sure. That's a, that's a fucking awesome way of looking at it though. Like my job was to have people hate me. I love that. That's what it was. And so now I'm like, well, why be offended at everything? You know, Like there's no need. I'd rather just educate. I feel like our generation is so much tougher than the generation below us. Oh yeah, absolutely. We're like so thick skinned cause you and I are around the same age. So it's like, we're so thick skinned. We're like, motherfucker, bring it, you know? Oh, totally. I'm the same way. I'm like, whatever. I used to

ride a bike without a helmet and drink from copper hoses. I'm still here. Dude, my parents put me on a bike without a helmet and sent me down a hill. And fucking I plowed into the back of somebody's fucking boat, dude. No, you didn't. That's how I learned how to ride a fucking bike. Oh, my God. We are not the same. No, we are not.

I remember the day I got my first bike. It was way too big for me. I wanted this rattlesnake-looking bike. I think it was a diamond back. My dad got it for for me and he ran me down the street and just let go and i mean it's a cold cul-de-sac i'm like well what kind of harm could i get into of course i crashed and hit the curb and scratches everywhere but that's how we learned yeah we got the fuck back up and we did it again there were no knee pads no elbow pads no gloves we didn't go cry in the fucking in our rooms and fucking get depressed and shit you know like that was it was a different time a different era brush off the blood pack it with some dirt

keep going we used to drink our own blood like i remember do you remember that did you ever do that maybe we you didn't ever did blood packs with with your friends or like i didn't do that all right well maybe i was listen i wasn't a witchy shit as a kid already dude so what was the blood pot? So you would prick your finger with your best friend and you guys would rub your fingers together and do the blood and then you would lick it. My mom warned me about that. No, as it came up, my mom's like, this is how you get diseases. This is how you get AIDS.

I'm like, what is AIDS? Maybe that's what's wrong with me. Don't worry about it. Listen, I've been into witchy shit since I was a kid and didn't even know it. I love that. I absolutely love that. So I did a lot of research on you last night. And one thing that I saw that was missing from Google was them kind of like humanizing you. They pretty much, you're a WWE star that is transitioning and that's every headline says that. And I just feel like I want to get to know the woman behind the transition behind who you used to be like I don't even know like where you

grew up or like anything like that so can you kind of take me I don't know if your listeners are ready for this shit oh they're ready they are ready everybody is so excited you're coming on I've had a lot of people hit me about it because you've been talking about it yeah I was I was talking about it ahead of time. Like, this is something to be excited about. It's funny. Let's do this. I love you.

No, I love you. I love everything you guys do. I love your story, too. Thank you. So where do you want to start? You want to start with my childhood? Yeah. So where did you grow up?

Where are you from? I was born in San Francisco. I was born at Kaiser in San Francisco. I fucking love Frisco. Right? They have the best food. Oh, my God. The food's amazing.

It's changed a little bit since I was a kid, but, I mean, it's still a fun place. I was born in San Francisco, raised in the North Bay, so I lived in Sonoma, kind of Napa area. Most people don't know where Sonoma County is, so I always say, oh, wait, what? I moved here from Fairfield. Stop, girl. Okay. I've been working in Napa and all that. Oh, my God. We're all west coast girls i love that so priscilla my soon-to-be ex-wife who's still my best friend she grew up in calistoga oh my god yeah i'm

okay i know exactly where that is yeah so i grew up in runner park and sebastopol on the way to lake bodega bay that's where I grew up. And my dad was a car salesman. He sold cars for 30 years and he was really good at what he did. A phenomenal parent. My mom was a real estate secretary. She was a real estate assistant. And I had one brother, five years younger than me. But my parents were awesome. My dad had so many opportunities at finance manager and management at dealerships, and he always turned them down. And I never understood why.

And I asked him, and he said, it's because I didn't want to work bell to bell and never see my family. And so he gave up huge amounts of money to spend time with his boys and his family at the time. So every Friday, my dad would pack up his truck in the summer, and we'd leave the house at about 5 a.m., and we'd take my grandfather, my brother, and I. And sometimes my mom would go, but a lot of times it's just like boy stuff. And we'd go to the lake, and we'd go fish and water ski all day long. We'd come home and take the fish, skin them, and have dinner, or what do you call it, clean them, and have dinner with the fam. And then we'd take these two-week vacations, and we'd go to a different lake with my mom and everybody and we just go hang out for two weeks

I had a wonderful like really wonderful family life going that's amazing I did not that so it makes me jealous to hear stories like that I'm like that's so beautiful I was lucky I was really lucky you know I kids grew up in households where people screamed and yells and there's a lot of abuse. I didn't have any of that. You have no trauma. They, they pushed me to do the best I could and they were kind of a little on the strict side, but nothing that's out of the ordinary. They were only strict cause they cared. Right. Well, and because we, like I said, have grown up in a different time where, you know, parents got to punish their kids and didn't get in trouble for it. You know? I mean, I never, I don't think I was ever spanked. I should have been. I absolutely should have been spanked. I remember this one time I was living in runner park. We lived there till I was 10 years old and I left my bike down the street and my mom goes, your dad's coming home.

He's going to park in the garage. Where's your bike? Oh, I left it down the street. Someone says, how? She goes, well, go get it. And so I'm running out the garage. I must have been eight or nine at the time. And I'm running down the driveway, and I just go, oh, shit. And I hear this, Gabriel.

And I'm, oh. You know, you stop dead in your tracks. And it's just like oh god what happened my mom goes what did you say and I said I said shoot you're like I said nothing and it went back and forth and I just I stuck to my story I said shoot I said shoot I said shoot and finally my mom's just going pick a brush I'm like no like the paddle on the brush your father's gonna spank I'm gonna tell him and I cried and I cried and I cried I'll never do it again I'm so sorry I'm so sorry and my dad's home and I'm crying and she goes

don't say anything and she totally let me out of it. Oh, I know. She didn't tell my dad. She looked at me and she's like, she just wanted to scare the shit out of you. And she did. Oh, she did. I never,

never cussed in front of her again, but you learned your lesson and that's all. That's what she wanted. Yeah. No, I still kept cussing, just not in front of her. Right.

So as a child, did you struggle with your sexuality or like have yeah you know any of that like I did okay it was interesting and I didn't have any context for what it was again you and I are very similar in the generation that we grew up yeah no cell phones right no internet there was no way for me to understand what was happening Frisco is is kind of like a gay capital, though, isn't it? Like, isn't there a lot of tunnel, which is now I think it's the Robin Williams tunnel with the rainbows on it. Right. You know, we got it.

We got a fisherman's wharf when I was younger. My dad would take us out to dinner and we'd see the rainbow tunnel. We're like, oh, look, rainbows. Yeah. We had no idea what it meant. Right. Right. Gotcha.

OK. I didn't know if like maybe there was an influence because of the city or, you know. No, no. It was literally, you know, like I said, my dad worked at the car dealership. He didn't get home city or you know no no it was literally you know like I said my dad worked at the car dealership he didn't get home till you know 4 30 some days my mom was that real estate secretary so I was the first one home from school my brother didn't get off till 3 15 3 30 something like that and so I would spend that short amount of time I would just kind of wander to my mom's closet and try on her clothes and I would just hang out like this feels right, but petrified I was going to get caught, you know?

So it was years of this years and years and years of this. I always had more girlfriends than guy friends. I had girls toys, which, you know, my dad kind of was all hmm you know yeah I had I had He-Man and Star Wars and things like that too but I loved loved My Little Pony I loved Barbies I wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid yeah so damn bad when they came out you remember like the yeah the craze yeah oh yeah I had all of them and then the Garbage Pail Kids came out oh I loved Garbage Pail Kids me too I was not allowed to have them though. Yeah. Me either. So trashy.

Cause they were so trashy. Right. And look at me now. I'm like queen of trash over here. We should start like garbage pail kids deep on now. Right. It would be us now in our, now in our forties.

It would probably sell though. If we started something like that. That would be amazing. See bunny XO as a garbage pail kid. Oh my God. All of us, all the TikTok creators is garbage pail kids. That would be so fucking hilarious.o as a garbage pile kid oh my god all of us all the tiktok creators as garbage pile kids that would be so fucking hilarious garbage pile moms yeah

damn it why do we got to get that title i know somebody hey let me take a note we gotta we gotta look this up later yeah make this happen yeah um but yeah i had this this short amount of time to to be you know feel comfortable about who I was do you think were you scared that your parents were gonna like be mad at you petrified okay yeah did your brother know no oh no nobody knew nobody knew until I was just about ready to transition wow yeah it was that deep deep dark dark secret that's gotta be heavy it was because as a guy you know I watched my friends get the crap kicked out of them if they acted feminine in any way shape or form they're not even gay just if you acted feminine if you held your hand in the wrong way you know those

kinds of things they were ostracized we played games like smear the queer right and I remember that it was just you know not to act feminine and so it was breaking every rule of being a male at that age and so I I hid it deep deep dark secret wow that's really heavy to have to carry especially as a child it was throughout your life it was I was always scared I was gonna get caught and then I buried it there was just a point when I just okay I'm just gonna bury this do you believe in reincarnation? I do. Yeah, I do too.

And that's why I feel like, you know, women such as yourself, I feel like you guys maybe can't. If I came back in another life, I would, as a male, I would totally transition because I love being a woman, you know? So I think maybe a lot of people that do transition are reincarnated souls, you know? I've thought a lot about that. I feel like I've been a woman in a previous life. Yeah, for sure. You carry it well. Thank you.

I appreciate that. Yeah, I know. Actually, I'm looking at you and I would never be able to tell that you've transitioned. Just don't let go of my hands. No, stop it. I love when you say that online. I think it's so funny. I'm like, let me hide these things.

There are some things that you cannot change, especially transitioning late at life. And that's the thing I've learned. You know, you start this transition going, I think I can do this. OK, I know I can. And then it's surgery after surgery after surgery until you get to a point where you go, oh, there there isn't a surgery to make me shorter. And there isn't a surgery to widen my hips, like my, my hip structure aside from the BBL and I can't shrink my hands. That ain't going to happen. So you better start loving who you are. Yeah, absolutely. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor, but you pushed it off,

made the excuse of I'm too busy. It'll heal on its own. I don't need help. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting, but thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care and more. I don't know about you guys, but when I'm sick, the last thing I want to do is get dressed, get in my car and drive to a doctor. If I can do it from the comfort of my own home, which is what I do, you bet your buttons I'm going to do it.

Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bunny to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash bunny. B-U-N-N-I-E. ZocDoc.com slash bunny. It's a new year, new you, new business. Okay. Don't put it off another year. I want you to manifest, put action behind it and thrive, baby. The best time to start your new business is this year right now. Shopify makes it simple to create your brand open for business and get your first sale. Their powerful social media tools let you connect all your channels and create shoppable posts and help you sell everywhere people scroll. Shopify makes it easy to manage your growing business. They help with the details like

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Was that pretty torturous or did you excel? Every kid hates high school to an extent. Right, yeah. We have a 15-year-old, so trust me, I get it. Yeah, wait, how old? 15. you, did you excel? Every kid hates high school to an extent. Right. Yeah. No, we have a 15 year old. So trust me, I get it. Yeah. How, wait, how? 15. Oh, so you know. Yeah. I mean, you knew going through it. Yeah. I was a nerd. I was a 4.0 GPA student. I was this skinny, scrawny little kid and I didn't have many friends. I had like four friends and we hung out on the quad. If one or two of my friends were missing that day, we were screwed. You know, it sucked.

And I got picked on for being a straight A student. So I ended up wandering the halls a lot, acting like I had something to do so people wouldn't know that I didn't have any friends. Oh, yeah. It sucked. I hate that. I hated high school. It really sucked. Yeah. Do you feel like why do you feel like you were such an outcast we moved from one city to the next from Ronit Park to

Sebastopol when I was 10 and it was right at the end of fifth grade and I had a decent amount of friends in elementary school I was doing just fine But when I got to this new school, suddenly it was different. I didn't know anybody. They all had their established friends. And for whatever reason, I struggled making friends. Everybody wore different clothing. It's kind of like a hippie town compared to where I was. And so my clothes didn't match.

Everybody played soccer instead of baseball. I couldn't kick a soccer ball. My life depended on it. I'd try to kick it at the person and go right and smack another person in the face. So I was last to be picked for every game. Everybody made fun of me and I don't think I ever recovered from it.

And that carried right into junior high. You have a little sensitive soul. What's that? I said you're just a little sensitive soul. I am, yeah. You're a water sign, right? You're a Scorpio. I am a Scorpio a water sign right you're scorpio i am a scorpio yeah i'm a scorpio stellium oh nice nine planets in scorpio wow you are like the ultimate fucking scorpio i i'm deep yeah and they're all in all in the house of

self are you very sexual am i very sexual. That's interesting because I used to be. Right. I used to be. As a male? As a male. Oh, yeah. When I was a guy, I was hypersexual. And Brisson and I had great sex.

Like, hours and hours. Like, our quickie was like an hour. Yeah. But now, I just don't have a libido. Really? It's like dead. If you get my motor running, then yeah, I'm good. Why do you think that is? I think it's the hormones has a lot to do with it. But honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there's more than just the physical involved. Now, estrogen is a hell of a drug. Let me tell you, it's, it's more than just the physical involved now. Estrogen is a hell of a drug.

Let me tell you. It's more emotional for me than anything. And now that I'm into guys, guys are gross. Thank you. I say that all the time on this podcast. People got to think I'm a man hater because I'm just like dudes are fucking gross all the time. They're hurtful too. And they're hurtful.

Yeah. I've been through all that but it's like if i'm gonna get my head down there in that area yeah you know things are gonna happen and yeah there's gonna be fuck my mind first before you suck my body yeah i really gotta like what's going on so no i'm the same way when i was younger and i wanted to get it on with somebody i was like a dude i was like come on let's fuck. We're going to fuck. And I'm leaving. I'm not going to talk to you afterwards. Like I wasn't one of those girls.

I'm gone now. Oh, my God. The thought of sleeping with somebody is like I can't. It just could never cross my mind. Like I'm just like there's so much that I have to go into it. You know? Yeah. So I'm thankful that I'm married.

You know? Oh, God. And I really desire to have a partner. And I don't know if it's long term or when it's gonna happen but I've done the hookup thing like I've been on Grindr many times and which is a shit show in itself oh my god I feel like dating apps are a fucking nightmare they're horrendous I have a dating app story fucking tell this is a long time ago you guys this was back when match.com was cool oh i tried and i met one of my friends he's amazing i love him i'm not gonna say his name because in case

he listens to this podcast but he's still a friend to this day but i had met this guy and he was super cute met him on fucking match.com i go to his house i'm like cool i'm just gonna fuck this dude and leave you know because i used to be a fucking little savage. And me and this dude are getting it on. And he's like, he's like, I can't come unless I'm in my closet. No way. And I'm like, huh? And he's like, let's go into my closet. And I'm like, OK, so we go into his closet, shut the door, turn the light off.

And he's like fucking me on his closet floor and finishes and I was like so are we gonna have to do that every time we have sex he's like yeah it's just something I've done since I was a kid and I'm just gonna be kidding no and that was my experience with match.com and I was like you know what I'm not gonna meet any more dudes off fucking match.com I'm done I can't right now yeah so's my, do you have any grinder stories? Oh, I've got horrendous grinder stories. Oh my God.

Where do I start? Oh, give me the best one. The best one. Okay. Let me wipe my nose. It's running. Sorry.

there's, okay. I'll tell you the best one. There's two. Oh, let's hear them. Okay. So the first one was my very first hookup ever. Yeah.

My wife and I are still together. She's still living at the house. Which we'll get into in a little bit. Yeah, we had freed ourselves to see other people as long as we didn't bring back the house at that time. We're like, everything's good. And so I'm out with my friend Jasleen, who is another trans woman. We're at this little wine bar

and I'm just like, girl, I need to just fuck a guy and get it over with and she goes get on Grindr what's Grindr and she looks at me like what do you mean what's Grindr I don't know I've been married for 20 years I haven't dated I don't know what's going on give me your phone and so she created an account for me and I this is before anything was happening where I was like very public about me dating other people I'm like nobody can know a fake profile no problem in five minutes she's got a guy on the hook and she's like oh I fucked him he's awesome he's got big she's like she's got a

big old dick he's safe he's six foot oh this is perfect I love her is that a good thing he's got a big dick she's like yeah I'm like okay I don't know this is like I've never been with the guy I've kissed a guy once then that was post transition this was your first so okay let's let's stop you right there so all through high school wwe you had never been with a dude no and no desire to no desire oh I thought like the thought of being with the guy I'm gonna open this yeah go ahead water here the thought of being with a guy pre-transition, I wanted to throw up at the thought of it. Yeah. And I wrestled dudes in boots and underwear and I'm just like, bro, you stink. I'll put on some deodorant. You know, something like that, but never like, you know, we do some

weird shit in wrestling where our heads are in weird places, but never once was it like, huh? Never attracted to men until after you decided to start transitioning. Never once. I cannot wait to dive into that that's amazing oh it's interesting yeah let me tell you so we run home and I tell Priscilla I go look Jasleen got me this this hookup he goes oh my god tell me about it let me see him so she's all excited and her and Jasleen are looking at this guy like damn he's hot and he's really big and built and so I go shower and I come out with like all these outfits and

they look at me and Jocelyn goes girl no this is a hookup don't get dressed up for him I'm like what really she goes yeah go put on some shorts and a tank top oh okay so I put on this these like little tiny trash shorts and a tank top we love love trash. Yeah. I was the next tooth. The story is going to blow your mind. Speaking of trash. Uh, so I go drive out and I meet this guy. I've got like minimal makeup on. It was back when I was still wearing wigs pre-facial surgery and I'm, you know, 220 something pounds of muscle still. And I knock on this guy's door. It's his apartment, and he is handsome, like handsome. I'm like, oh, stunning blue eyes, shaved head, bodybuilder. I'm like, wow, and he gives me a hug, and he's like, hey. I'm like, hi, and he just starts walking to the bedroom, and I go, oh. Let's get to the point.

Okay, this is what we do. Cool. I guess we just go there. And he sits down. He's kind of just making some chitchat. And he starts undoing his shoes. And I'm like, okay. I start undoing my strappy heels that I'm wearing. And I'm like, okay, I guess that's what we do. And I go, look, look, look. My girlfriend said not to say this, but I got to be honest.

I've never been with a guy before. And he looks at me and he goes, what? Yeah, I've never been with a guy before and he looks at me and he goes what yeah I've never been with a guy before and he goes wow okay and he goes well I'm gonna tell you something you were honest to me I'll be honest with you he says I've I've only been with one trans woman and I go oh my god that must have been Jocelyn because you know she fucked him you know a couple months ago. Yeah. He goes, it was like two, three years ago. And I looked at him like, what?

What? Oh, you're lying to me. OK, you're hot. I don't care. That was at that moment. I go, OK, guys lie all the time. He's totally lying to me. He wants us to go down.

I don't give a shit. And so we kind of are like getting things undone. And I look at him like, Hey, I don't even know your name. And he goes, do you want to? I looked at him. I said, nah. And I just took my shirt off. I took my pants off. Let's go. So you get down to business and things are going, go in my direction. I'm like, this is good. And in that, can I ask a personal question? Yeah. In that moment, do you decide to be a top or a bottom or how does that, or did he decide for you? So I, my desire is always to be a bottom. I wanted the female experience. I was so used to just being the alpha male and picking, you know, up my wife and throwing around whatever, which direction I wanted to, I wanted to have that other experience and he

actually crawled back on the bed at one point he goes so uh do you uh do you want to fuck me now I'm like oh okay I guess and so I put the condom on and as I stick you know and I go oh you're like now you found what turns you on and what doesn't instantaneous like but do you think it was because you were nervous or you just weren't attracted to that no I think it's I actually gave it a shot with like the wet noodle it just is not have you ever tried to put a limp dick in something? It does not work. Especially a butthole. That shit is so tight too. I couldn't imagine. Unless that guy had had a fist up his ass, it was not going in. And I can tell you right now, it was not going in. I don't think he'd done that before. So I was, I just made up something real quick. I'm like, it's the hormones.

He goes, Oh, don't worry about it. We didn't get down to actually him fucking me because I was I just made up something real quick I'm like it's the hormones he goes oh don't worry about it we didn't get down to actually him fucking me right because I was way too nervous I was gonna paint all over him and shit on the bed I'm like I can't I can't I've had poop balls fall out before it's the worst my worst nightmare let me tell you it the worst. I look like little M&Ms. Just little cookie dough batters on the bed. Yes. Horrendous. Yeah. But at one point, you know, I'm going down on him. And I'm kind of doing my thing.

And this is my first time doing this, right? Right. So you've never sucked a dick before? Never. Did you think you were doing a pretty good job? I mean, you had once. I asked him. I said, if I do something wrong, tell me. He said, no, no, me so no no no no don't even I'm okay yeah and at one point he goes so um yeah my girlfriend my ex-girlfriend she used to make me put her stockings on her on on me

and I just looked at him and I was all the top of his chest at that point and I'm gonna be careful that's how I got started yeah he goes oh no no no no no no it's nothing like that. And in my head, I'm thinking, yeah, in about a year, you're going to be coming to me asking what dose of estrogen you should have. Yeah, absolutely. So he finished up and brings me a wash rag. I'm like, oh, so that's what that feels like. Let me just tell off here.

And he basically shoos me out the door. I'm like, wow. I feel like this is how it feels for girls. she's me out the door i'm like wow you're like this is how it feels for girls literally i'm like this is what it feels like to to be not like just to be something that is a means to an object an object that literally objectified so that was item one item two um it was another grinder hookup this guy was chasing me for a couple months but he was the bad boy and he told me ahead of time he goes look I'm not gonna treat you like a princess I'm gonna tell you what a fucking whore you are what a terrible you know I'm gonna slap you around I'm like oh god that is my favorite

well at the time I'm like I really want this experience but I'm scared I love you because she she's so cute she's like I want this experience. I did. Literally. It's like being a teenager again. Yeah. It's just all new to you. You go through a second puberty and it's I'm, I'm 42 is this is all happening. And I literally had a summer of being a teenager. Right. But you know, as, as a born woman, as a natural born female, you have a lifetime to experience this. Right. Like that comes in a natural course of things things I had a compressed experience it was very quick I got it all out of my excuse me my system in like a year yeah so I would have these experiences I would process them and sit with them for a couple of days and go okay

I want more of that or okay I know I understand that now and next please I love that you're so analytical about it though and can separate you, like I find that I needed to. It was out of necessity to try to find out where I was in life. And, you know, I like to think that I do better now. But here I am sitting in a crop top. Listen, I wear crop tops every day. Thank you. You're good.

You got this baby. So this one day I hit up this guy. My mom was visiting from California and Priscilla was still living at the house and I have my 11 year old daughter and I just randomly sent this guy a photo and I said hey what are you doing and he goes well obviously you tonight and I said yep it's your lucky day and so he gives me an address he says meet me here at eight I go okay no problem see you there are these men do they portray straight to the world

yeah I don't I can't be with gay guys because they're gay it's feminine I swing both ways if I'm going to be with a guy I want to be with a guy I want to be with a masculine I don't want to be with a twink

nothing against the twinks but I don't want to be the masculine. A man's man. Yeah. I like it. I don't want to be with a twink. Right. Nothing against the twinks. Right. But I don't want to be with. It's just your preference. Yeah. It's just personal preference. So I sneak out the door. My mom's like, don't worry.

We got this. And I sneak out the door. I go. It's dark. And I have this F-150 truck at the time. This big XLT F-150 four-door. And I drive out to my little city of Leander to an industrial area. I know where Leander is.

That's awesome. Oh, God. Okay. So I live in Leander. Okay. Awesome. That's crazy. So we drive kind of past HEB up here.

And we take a left on Baghdad. And it's just this crappy industrial area, like commercial industrial. And he goes, meet me at my office. I'm like, oh, sexy. Okay. And as I'm pulling in, I text him. I'm like, oh, sexy. OK. And as I'm pulling in, I text him. I'm like, I'm lost. And it's getting weird.

It just does not look like a good area. And he goes, hey, do you see the stranger things light kind of flickering in the way across the way there? I go, yeah. He says, head that way. I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. You're like, well, are you taking me to slaughter me somewhere? I'm literally going, this is how girls die.

Yeah. This is how they do stupid shit like this and they die. And I see his office. I see him standing out there. He goes, hey, you see the creepy guy standing in the doorway? I go, yeah. He goes, that's me. OK, this isn't going to end well.

And I park. And I've got a Glock 19. I got a license to conceal carry. And it's in the center console. And I just go, I don't know where to hide this thing. I'm just going to leave it in the truck like a freaking idiot. Oh, no. So I shut the door and I walk up to him and I say, I've got a Glock 19, but I left it in the center console.

So don't kill me. And he goes, if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now. Right. And I just thought, all right, fuck it. Let's go. At least he's telling the truth. So we walk in, it's this giant like industrial office building. And I'm like, what the hell do you do? He goes, oh, you know, that Delta six string of weed. And I go, yeah, I guess we're the largest distributor of it in the nation.

You know, oh, so he's got money. Cool. So we walked him back to his office. And I want you to remember this carpeted floors are like that, that burlap carpet, the really rough stuff. So put that in the back of your mind for now. We walk into his office. And we just start the small talk. And he goes, lights on or off? I'm like, I don't care. And he goes, lights on then, cool.

And there's floor-to-ceiling windows just lying the entire wall. And he starts talking to me. He goes, how are your knees and I go oh I was running five to ten miles a day at the time like did I talk to him about my running like what's he going they're fine why he goes well you should get on him I'm like oh okay so I just kick off my slides and down I go and out pops this fucking hog I'm'm like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, what is this? I feel like everybody on Grindr is hung. What the fuck is happening?

I do not know. And this, he was just a white guy too. I'm currently kind of not seeing, but I've got a guy I see who's African American. Yeah. Jesus Christ. That thing. Listen, I believe you. Jeffrey Starr fucking pulled out his fucking roster when he was here and showing me dicks.

He was sucking and I was like good lord I've never seen fucking honkers that big dude oh it's scary honey yeah

I'm like what do you do with all that there is no cervix to hit with me but there is a colon I'm like please don't puncture it

yeah no for sure like where does it go where does it all go I don't know but then so what I what happened is like I came up for air and I get this right on the face,

like a slap to the face. Not too hard, not too soft. And I was like, I'm like this. Oh, oh, oh. If any of you that can't see, I'm holding the microphone right now with two hands. You have to get on Patreon to see this. This is hilarious. the facial expression and i i was all i kind of like that

wow and i learned really quick every time i would take my mouth away i get a slap so she's like all right i get it yeah so i just get a little pop every time. And I felt safe. He wasn't beating me up. Right. No, I love it. And then at one point, I come up for air and he fish hooks my mouth. He takes his fucking finger. I'm getting on Grindr. Fuck that. Goes like this.

And then I hear this. I'm like, oh my God. I just blew snot out my nose. I was laughing too hard. He spit in my fucking mouth. Dude, I love this man. It was was so hot but at that moment i just i'm like this i'm like i'm trash i'm trash isn't that the best feeling though i kind of like it yeah it's like use me and abuse me baby i don't even care that's what it was and he you know after

that he just he puts me on the ground bends me over and like you know he goes to town and i'm going well my knees really hurt right now oh fuck got on the burlap carpet and say something every time I come up he just shoved my head back down on the carpet so I'm just like smash face like this I had these big ass hoops on that I was so proud of I got them on Shein for like four dollars but they were massive they were triangles by the time we were done you know oh my god you got the full experience baby i did and i still to this day this is two and a half years ago i got rug burn on this knee still i got a scar that never went away damn did you ever see dude again fuck no

you kept hitting me up and i'm like that was the processing i was i was going yeah i i had that experience i i liked it yeah I can see why women go back. And I understand. And you know, I had a real interesting understanding at that moment. Right. Because I thought I was an object before I was definitely an object then. But what I realized is that again, this is pre facial surgery. Yeah, I was still very muscular, and very masculine looking and I I realized that I just wanted to be affirmed I just wanted the affirmation from a guy to tell me no he didn't even tell me I was beautiful he told me I was a fucking whore and a piece of shit and a bitch and all these things and I'm like but he's using my body to get what he wants right and it makes me feel good that I can do that for

him so I had this you just want to be loved I did at the time yeah and I can do that for him. So I have this. You just want to be loved. I did at the time. Yeah. And I still do. Yeah. But I had an understanding for women that go through that. I love it. Biological women that go through that.

My husband thinks I'm so weird because I'm like, call me a fucking whore. Slap me. Like, do whatever you want to me. And he's just my husband is the sweetest little fucking donut. He seems like it. And he's just he's so passive and like he's not you know aggressive at all so he's got this fucking big bodacious blonde who's like just fuck me he's just like never knows what to do with me he's like i'm like gently choke you oh yeah exactly it's the cutest

thing i love him it's the cutest thing ever he's gonna kill me for talking about that but yeah no it's the cutest thing ever i'm like if you're gonna choke me just fucking do it oh like other guys like punch me in the fucking face i love it give me a black eye that's happened when you were talking about how you got slapped by the by the dick i had an ex who had his dick pierced and he had this fucking huge prince prince albert and he fucking came up and slapped me right in my fucking face and the the piercing hit my eye no and i had a black no i had a black eye for like three weeks dude and i loved it everybody would be like what's wrong with you i'd be like i got dick slapped it was just it was my excuse to fucking talk about one of my sexual experiences and i loved it i love that you're so open about it too because a lot of people are so introverted no i'm taboo

we don't talk about no i feel it's a part of life and sex is what makes the world go around we all got here because of sex oh yeah you know so i think as long as you're having fun and it's not like hurting anybody i think you're good you know i love that yeah i love that so let's rewind back before we got on this fucking grinder thing i know we left off at you wearing your mom's clothes and stuff like that. So all through high school, it was lonely. You didn't have friends and stuff like that. What happens once you graduate high school? Because you had said that you were not attracted to men.

No. So you had girlfriends. I did, yeah. Okay. I started lifting weights summer of sophomore year. I got tired of being picked on. And I asked my dad. I said, you had this old rusty weight set in the garage.

And I just looked at him. I said, show me like okay cool let's do this show me everything and I just I hit the weights nobody ever picked on me again I blew up in size over the summer I didn't naturally did you do it naturally yeah I didn't do steroids until I was in my like mid-20s it was before I got hired oh god I just checked I just choked on my own spit. You're right. Took me back to the Grindr experience. I love those flashbacks. Oh, God, I was like, oh, yeah, okay. Freudian slip. But, yeah, I didn't do Star Wars until I was in my mid-20s. You got accepted into, like, you started wrestling around 2007, right?

Or was it before then? It was 2008 was my first. February 1st, 2008 was my first day at WWE in training okay gotcha yeah and I what started that journey because you started working out and your dad helped you and then all that stuff and I I realized that people didn't want to pick on me anymore you're a good looking dude I was a really good looking guy yeah I was telling them I was like I would definitely have banged him. Oh God. Gabe was a daddy and he loved sex. Trust me. He loved

hot blondes too. It would have been crazy. Do you feel like you're two different people now? I do. I didn't think that in the beginning but there's parts of me that are left. Like the soul is still the same. I always say that. The soul is still the same but

there's very little of Gabe left. You know, very little. The kind-hearted person I was, the big heart, the desire to consistently help people and contribute, that's there. But I look at photos and I'm like, I can't believe I was that person. Like, who is that? Yeah. It doesn't even – I kind of blow a fuse when I think about it. Yeah.

We were talking about – We were – Yeah. Where were we talking about? We were, sorry, we were talking about how you had started lifting weights and you had realized that people, you started to say that people, cause you were. Yes. So it gave me a platform. Right. And I started personal training. I've got a degree in civil engineering. I went through college.

I was way more outgoing once I, people stopped picking on me. Civil engineering is huge. I, yeah. I mean, you're a smart motherfucker I I don't want to be sound arrogant but I am yeah no toot your horn baby you deserve that I majored in hydrology minored in structure so I could technically design a bridge or a skyscraper if I needed to wow but I transferred all my knowledge over the last 15 18 years to fitness and nutrition so now I'm a licensed sports

nutritionist, CPT. I've got four extra certifications in the National Association of Sports Nutrition. And in the last 15 years, I've coached, or 13 years, I've coached 1500 people to success in health and fitness. So I learned early on that when people change their lives with fitness, when people change their lives with fitness and you watch somebody go through this amazing transformation, they become more confident in every aspect of their life. It spills over to their family. They become better mothers, fathers, parents, brothers, sisters, better friends. They get more confident at work.

I watch their careers take off. And so it wasn't just changing the physique. I was helping somebody change their entire life. You change your mind. When you change your body, you change your mind. You completely change your mind, which is actually what I do more of now. And we can talk about that later. But it put me in a position where I was doing a lot of training. I was surfing. I had started growing dreadlocks because it was part of the surf community. I just didn't give a shit about anything. I was working in the corporate world. I was still a civil engineer. And we had a friend who owned a gym. We did personal training and he owned a gym. We got to be friends because we were kind of competitors, but kind of not. So it's good to know people in your network.

You always had these big ass dudes around, just like six foot seven dudes around that were just jacked. Yeah. And a little did I, I didn't, I didn't watch wrestling. I stopped watching. I was like 10.

Yeah. I stopped watching when it was fucking Prince. What is it? Queen Elizabeth and fucking Randy Savage. Oh God. That was like the last time I was into fucking WWE. That was the last time I watched. It was the Hogan era, you know? And Rick Bassman was a scout for WWE. And these guys are

just giant wrestling stars around me. I had no idea. They were just my buddies. It was like Bear and Tom and just all these other guys. I'm like, Sean. I'm Sean. Okay. So one day he goes, Hey, I know you don't watch wrestling, but there's some scouts here. Why don't you come up and let them have a look? I go, okay.

So I went up to his gym and I don't know what I was getting into. There are 40, 50 guys in their boots and underwear up there and full gimmick. And I walk in like a good time. I know, right? Now I'd be like, hi.

What grinder date is this? Let's just, no, leave the lights on. yeah you can film too that's cool for sure but they just thought I was marketable and then go let's um let's see what we can do here so they sent me to training I did good and next thing I know I got a contract in my hand so it seems like anything you set your mind to you fucking crush I think that has a lot to do with being younger from our era where follow-through was the most important thing a parent could teach a child and it still is yes that's what we're trying to instill in our child right now it's critical and I'm doing the same with mine with her she's just now getting into the homework era she's 11 and the follow my mom knew I could be a straight

a student and she made me if I didn't get an a on a test she's like why not yeah and she goes we're gonna study and so she would study with me my dad would study with me uh and it taught me the value of follow-through and so if I set my mind to something I absolutely get it done no matter what the cost I have the same if you have this thing. If you look at your goals and you look at the reasons behind those goals, if you're not absolutely fucking ecstatic to cross the finish line, there's one of two things that needs to happen. First, pick different goals. And I don't know when I decided to do this, but I just don't pick different goals. And I think it's because it's what the heart really wants. You want that. The soul wants it. You want that. So why

fucking pick a different goal? The second option is get better reasons. So I just find better fucking reasons. I get more emotion behind it and I go do it. Yeah. I love that. That's fucking great advice to follow. So take me on this wrestling journey.

Okay. What do you want to know? So you go try out in this room with everybody. You get a contract. and what is that like you're and you're still again not attracted to dudes not thinking about transitioning you and your wife were childhood sweethearts when did you meet priscilla i met her when she was 16 years old okay i just turned 18 we had mutual friends. We didn't even know. She's a cutie pie, by the way. She's a goddess. Yeah.

She is hot. Yeah. And she's just as sweet. You know, the inside and the outside match. That's awesome. She's a beautiful soul. But the moment we locked eyes, we just, it was like lightning in the air. It was like, you know, it was like love at first sight.

And we talked about reincarnation before. Her and I have lived many lifetimes together. That's high poetry. It's as if we find, really same? Yeah. You find each other every time it feels like. Every time. And so we just, we knew.

But yeah, I. Did you guys date at 16? No. No? Okay. So you guys just met. Because I was, I just turned 18. I was obviously too old to date her.

Right. We stayed friends. And her dad was a pastor of a little Christian church. Oh. And so on her 18th birthday, or shortly after she turned 18, my parents are going to go see a movie. Remember The Mummy with Brendan Fraser? Yes.

Yes. That had just hit theaters. Back when Brendan Fraser was super hot. Oh my God. he used to be a babe dude right yeah i didn't think so at the time i mean i knew he was a good looking dude yeah damn you probably get all the girls yeah like as a guy you know what another good looking guy looks like yeah brad pitt i'm like fuck i hate you you're so hot yeah like come on yeah it's ridiculous it's a funny sidebar story you know when i now middle of my transition my mom comes and stays with me sometimes my dad comes every now and then he's got a bum knee so

it's hard for him to travel family is great but she came and we were watching fast nine in my loft upstairs and I looked at her and this was kind of like as her and I were developing the new relationship and I Vin Diesel was on I said you know mom I remember when I used to want to be Vin Diesel she goes oh yeah you were you're big and I said now I just want to lick him she's just like oh my god I'm not ready for this mom's like stop it right now so funny uh so yeah WWE was amazing uh oh no we were talking about Priscilla sorry and then we can go back into WWE. I go pick her up at her parents' house, but I called ahead of time. And I say, hey, Mr. Ingram, this is Gabe.

I'm a friend of your daughter's. I was wondering if I could take her to a movie tonight. My parents and I and my brother are going to go see a movie. And it's at whatever time. And he goes, okay, well, we'll see. Why don't you be at my house at this time? I'm like, oh, OK. So I shaved.

I had a beard at the time. I had a Backstreet Boy beard and goatee. I had earrings. So I shaved, a baby face, took out all my earrings, wore some preppy sweater, showed up with a dozen roses and knock on the door. And he opens the door. He goes, oh, thanks. Those are for me.

And he takes the flowers and walks away. I'm he sits me down kind of like your studio here there's a there's a chair there there's a couch here and so i sit he goes well actually he says sit here okay and he sits across the way girl he didn't say anything he was trying to intimidate you didn't say shit for what seemed like an eternity and he's just staring at me to where i'm getting fidgety i'm like is he gonna murder me i got no idea where priscilla is and he just looks at me and he he says one sentence he leans forward and he goes so what exactly are your intentions with my daughter and even as a guy i about pissed myself in that moment. You're like, well, I haven't thought that far. I really didn't. And I don't remember what I said, but I said all the right things. And he goes, OK.

And Priscilla comes out and is like, Daddy, leave him alone. And I go, no, we're fine. We're good. Yeah. It's like out of a movie. Yeah. It was literally out of a movie, which got even better because we go to the movies. And I was petrified about my mom talking to Priscilla.

She hated all the girls I had dated before. Oh yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I had dated some real floozies. Yeah. That just were not up to par with my mom. I mean, she had walked in on me and a girl previously. Oh, poor mama scarred. That ended terribly for that poor woman um not my mom but but for yeah yeah it ended horribly damn it jill poor jill i don't remember her last name but yeah it's okay oh yeah and so we get to the theater and priscilla sits right next to my fucking mom um all this is over before it starts i couldn't get those two to shut up through the whole fucking movie. They were just like two hands, like, so from that moment, I knew everything was perfect.

You just knew it was perfect, but you guys still didn't date or anything like that. You guys just continued to be friends. Oh girl, we didn't, she had made a promise to God to not be with the man or kiss a man until her wedding day. Oh, so I honored that that's amazing we dated

for five years and we didn't kiss or do anything so you guys from the start developed a best friendship we did our relationship was based on more than just sex trust me it wasn't easy yeah I think I still have calluses on my hands from jerking off so much. I got back into my early 20s. Right. There was a lot of solo time. But yeah, we developed something that people don't have was a deep emotional friendship. Yeah. Which explains the connection now, too.

It does. Yeah. It really, really does. That's amazing. All right. So take me on this WWE journey. You get this. Vince McMahon has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

He rubs everybody the wrong way. He seems like he's just not a good, like he doesn't have a soul. I don't think he does. Yeah. He's very vacant behind the eyes. You know, it's interesting. Being a business owner, you know, now I've actually scaled a couple companies. And I have 14 people that work underneath me now

and I've hired and fired a lot of people I don't have a lot of tolerance for you know stupid people and people that say they're going to do something or not and when I think about Vince and the empire he runs and created you don't get that to where he is by being

empathic right you get that way by being a fucking shark and not tolerating bullshit right i don't agree with a lot of things he does but at the same time he is just a cold-hearted businessman yeah i didn't get it at the time and he's a different generation too much different generation yeah much different i get it now though like and honestly if i could go back and see him again, I would probably shake his hand and say, I learned a shit ton from all the shit you put us through and the way that you did business.

I learned a lot from it. I didn't know it until 10 years later, but I learned from it. Thank you. I'd say thank you. Oh, that's amazing. But WWE was interesting. Yeah, it was very interesting. I got to, I spent February to June in training and I didn't run the indie scene

like everybody else. They go to these little indie shit promotions. They spend their life wanting to be wrestlers. I was the guy everybody hated because I got picked and they were starting to do this. They were looking for talent outside of the wrestling pool. So I didn't know shit. I was a quick learner. I learned everything very quick. And in less than six months, I was on TV. I did my debut. Yeah. And they started me off as a good guy. Didn't go too well.

I was this big jack surfer dude. And the bad guys were really small. And I got most of the psychology of a wrestling match is to get the shit kicked out of you as a good guy. Right. To build sympathy. Right. And the crowd just wasn't buying it. So they turned me into a bad guy.

And that's when the shift happened. Yeah. I was really good at being bad yeah i love that did you really enjoy wrestling was that like were you happy was your soul filled doing that or was it just kind of something that you were just using to pass the time it was the hardest thing i've ever done point blank physically emotionally all of the. It was such a mind fuck because we were in this era where the trainers made us job scared. Well, actually, I take that back. Nobody can make you feel any certain way. I believe we're the masters of our own emotions. Yeah. We don't come out of the womb feeling jealousy or rage or malice. That's learned behavior. Right. And so I was job scared based on everything that they told us. I allowed

myself to be job scared. And so did everybody in my crop. Yeah. It was you shut up. You're humble. You don't do anything. You do what they say. You just wait. You be quiet. You put your hands in your lap, that sort of thing. Don't ruffle feathers. Right. And that is what was the mind fuck, because you want to go break out and be a star. But how the fuck are you supposed to be yourself when you're not supposed to say when you're scared shitless right yeah so that was that was kind of the bulk of what I dealt with it was always waiting for somebody to just kind of okay is this okay I better do I do this do I not do this and it was a big mind fuck I loved loved being in front of the crowd. I loved it. It's you and another guy or you and two or three other guys if you're in a tag team.

And it's not like a football game. The whole fucking crowd's watching you. You know, with Jay. And WWE fans are fucking insane. It's crazy. It's a cult. Oh, my God. It's such a cult. Yeah.

But to be able to control the energy. There is an undeniable energy in an auditorium and arena you know that very well and if you can you know lift your hand and the crowd goes nuts over here and you're controlling 10 000 people yeah that's a fucking drug yeah to say the least i loved it i love to be hated because that was my job. Yeah. I loved being in the spotlight. I loved every moment of that. The politics fucking sucked. The travel fucking sucked. What is a travel schedule like for a wrestler?

Oh, God. So we do what, or we did what you would call house shows. And basically, I would leave San Francisco on a red eye Thursday night. I get to whatever East Coast, know midwest place we were going Thursday morning and then me and Chris Masters is usually who it was we grab a hotel room together and split the cost because the wrestlers paid for their own hotel their own gym their own rental car WWE covered the flight that was it wow oh yeah oh yeah and you everybody's like oh you're rich like no all your money goes to travel. They paid me $100,000.

Wow. And all the rest of my money went to travel. $100,000 a year. Wow. Is all they paid me. And I spent over a third of it on travel. Wow. And then Uncle Sam took a third.

So you don't make what everybody thinks you make. Right. So Friday, we do a house show. It's non-televised. And then we drive 300 miles, 200, 300 miles to the next town, sleep we do a house show it's non-televised and then we drive 300 miles to 300 miles to next town sleep do another house show drive another two 300 miles sleep do the next show until we get to Monday Night Raw which was live to TV then we drive closer to 300 miles so people can't buy tickets to the same show and they can pack that arena wow we taped Smackdown on Tuesday it would

air Friday we would leave wherever we were on the east coast wednesday i would walk in the door back home in the bay area about 3 30 in the afternoon and then i would see my wife and my daughter who was less than a year old for half a day and then i take off and do it again wow that's why i quit damn yeah you think you got that from your dad I do I think because your dad you know he turned down I think it instilled in me the value of family yeah and I'm so glad I did I walked out after SummerSlam I just walked what year how long was 2012 I was 2008 to 2012 was my TV run and after SummerSlam I just I called for so I'm like, I can't do this anymore. I can't be away.

Mia was crying every time I left. She couldn't quite say daddy. She would say, dad, I stand up. Dad, I don't go. Dad, I. Oh, dad, I. Oh, God. And it broke my heart.

I can't be a FaceTime parent. No. So I walked into Raw the next day. We were and I was finally our time. We were getting that push into Raw the next day. And I was finally in our time. We were getting that push, as we call it, where you get the machine behind you. And Vince loved our gimmick. My tag partner, Hawkins, and I, they came up with this gimmick for strippers. It was when Magic Mike had just come out.

Yeah. And Kevin Nash was in Magic Mike. So Triple H had a hard-on for the show. But Vince loved it. and we finally had Vince behind us we were doing great and I literally walked in I'm like Hawkins I'm quitting today he's like what and so I talked to everybody and Triple H was really cool he goes I get it I'm a dad door's always open for you no problem just head home you're good I'm like okay that's amazing yeah I drove home from Fresno that day,

which is crazy. That was my debut arena. And randomly the arena where I quit was Fresno, California. So I drove a couple hours home that day and that was, that was the end of it. What, uh, what year did you and Priscilla get married? 2002. Okay. What was the wedding night like after you had waited five years? Short. For more than one reason. It was painful for her. And very quick for me. Okay. It's been five years.

You're like the build up was. But in all honesty. We've never told this story. And it might as well. She'll probably shoot me for telling it. Tell Priscilla to come on next time you come on. That would be amazing. Oh my God.

She is. You'd love her. Yeah. You would love her. She seems like a doll baby. She, God, she's amazing. But again, big, strong guy, virgin female, tiny. She's tiny too. She's literally a virgin on her wedding night. And so we went really slow, but it was so painful for her. We couldn't really get things done. Yeah. And so we stopped and she cried about it and she was feeling like she was a

failure. And I reassured him, sweetheart, we have our whole lives to work on this. We just got married. Don't no big deal. Yeah. I'm fine.

And so that's kind of how wedding night went. And then slowly we kind of, we broke her in. Yeah. Now she's a professional. Yeah. Oh God oh god girl we went on this cruise on it was a carnival cruise and my grandfather paid for it was fantastic five-day cruise you need to get those little cabins and we were we were doing the honeymoon thing oh really really really really really noisy and i love that about day two we we kind of hear some chuckles in the hallway.

And we're like, oh, people walking by. Cool, let's keep going. And we're sitting on the bed one day, and we just kept hearing these chuckles. And we go outside, and parents would shoo their kids away from us. We're like, what the hell is going on? And we sit on the bed one day, and I go, hey, P, I want to try something. She goes, what? Because we just finished a nice loud round.

And I said, just, I'm going to walk outside. Just say something in a normal voice. And I shut the door. I'm in the hallway, you know, the cruise ship hallway. And she goes, can you hear me? I'm like, oh, fuck. Everybody was hearing you guys' sessions. I'm like, you can probably hear us on three decks below at this point.

Oh, my God. It was, I'm like, oh, God. I was mortified. She was mortified she was mortified it was like heads down the rest of the crew just sunglasses and fucking hoodies over your heads it was terrible oh you guys are adorable though that's so sweet so what happens after you quit wrestling like what do you what's going on like what's going through your mind how are you feeling were you happy about that decision were you did it take a minute to adjust it was the best decision I ever made the day I quit the next day my daughter took her first steps oh it was confirmation from the

universe absolutely yeah but I went into business with my wife's brother he'd done digital marketing forever so I started working for myself again. And I hated it. Girl, I hated it. I just needed to make money. Right. I had a couple of grand in the bank. I knew W.A. Paisley for, I think it was like 90 days. I had three months to get my shit together.

Right. I did. But I hated it. I wasn't making money. I was designing websites. I was really good at what I did. Yeah. It was hard.

I had to learn from scratch. I didn't know anything about web. I had to, again, I had to go learn something brand new. I was borrowing money from my parents, but I had a side project. I still love fitness and nutrition. My brother, he died in 2012. He committed suicide the day after Christmas. And he was a wonderful kid. He was addicted to methamphetamines he was in finance third marriage I didn't know anything about meth and it's something happened later in his life he died when he was 30 and it had been going on I don't know how long several years but it got worse and worse and worse and at one time he called me and he was paranoid again this was becoming more and

more frequent he was in a hotel is you know he'd left the house and he was telling me the CIA was after him and all this shit. And I'm like, well, bro, you're high. I don't want to talk to you right now. Call me when you get sober. And I hung up on him. But he'd also gotten us in some legal trouble. I had been doing his website and stuff and I had bought his domain for him because he's my brother. And some guy sued him. And then he sued me because i ran his domain and i'm like oh my god you gotta be kidding me i'm in a lawsuit because of some stupid shit you did yeah i don't have any money bro and i was really mad at him like you're wrecking my life like what are you doing like get your shit together yeah and so normal brother conversation for what was

literally literally and i didn't talk to him we didn't talk for a couple months and he facetimed me the day after christmas and i knew something was wrong but i was still mad at him and so i kind of waved from across the way i'm like hey i just tell something's wrong in his voice and the next day he was supposed to pack up his truck drive home he was in socal my dad was going to put him in rehab he stopped at a shooting range on the way and he shot himself in the head so i missed that opportunity to help him when he called me and i never forgave myself for that and so i promised myself that's heavy for you to have to carry that to go decade i carried that i carried that but that's why i decided to help people yeah so i i

wrote a little little silly ebook about fitness that's the that's why I decided to help people yeah so I I wrote a little little silly ebook about fitness that's the only way I knew how to help people and I put it on the internet and I spent the last 40 in my pocket to boost a Facebook ad and it worked wow it worked and it went I went from making a couple grand a year with this company I called Body Spartan, which was just, it was me pouring my heart and soul into motivation, not asking for a thing. And then I published this silly little ebook and we made seven figures higher. Wow. It was insane. You have a horseshoe up your ass. I say that to my husband. A what? A horseshoe up your ass. The lucky horseshoe? Literally. I said that to my husband too.

It's like no matter what he does, he always comes out on top. Well, I was kind of thinking I might actually like that right now. Yeah. In this stage of my life. Right. That'd be fun. Yeah. I would like to have that experience.

Tell me to do that. I know, right? I was like, who's going to be on the other end of that? Not fucking carpet guy. No, God, no. No, but we can welcome. I call my guy David. I don't want to give his real name away on social media.

I'm like Gabby after dark lives. I call him David. I could bring David over. He'd do that to me. I love that. So, okay. So you make seven figures. You're fucking kicking ass at life.

When are you starting to think about transitioning? Has this crossed your mind yet? Are you still just alpha male in it up? Total alpha male. I was on a ton of steroids during that kind of 2012 to 2020 time. OK. Got to be about 280 pounds, like six to eight percent body fat year round. You saw photos.

I dreadlocks. Yeah. Ass. You guys got to go. Go look. Go look up Gabby pre-transition she was i mean she's banging now but her gabe was hot too oh he was so hot yeah i i hate to say it it sounds so buffalo bill but like i would have dated me yeah i'd fuck me i've been avoiding

saying it this whole time but i'm like i would I would totally fuck me. I would fuck me. I'm waiting for all the, you know, the haters to be like, oh, God, she's such an autogynephile. God, who fucking cares about these people? I'm just like, yeah, I would totally fuck myself. Totally. No, I told them that. I was like, he was hot, dude. Yeah. So, but yeah, I was, no thought of transitioning.

About 36 years old, though, in the bedroom bedroom I had this resurfacing I I would walk into Priscilla's closet when she was not around like putting away laundry and I remember very specifically one day I was like putting away her panties and I just like huh kind of look at them like shit I kind of like halfway put them on them all Nope. Those are going to rip. Big ass dude. Yeah. I put them away real quick, but I had this desire to start getting back into female clothing and having that experience again. And it took me back to my childhood. Do you think it's because you suppressed it so much as a child and that I just started resurfacing?

I'm sorry. I'm coughing. No, no, it's me too. Excuse me. I told you I've got that esophagus thing going on so I cough a lot right now yeah but I think that was the beginning of it and I remember

that the very pivotal night I wanted to just get into female clothes so bad but here I am this giant alpha male I was slowly drinking more and more and more and my drink of choice was johnny walker black oh and i get those big ass handles at costco you know i would go through you know half a handle in a week like no problem but i was i was four or five very full scotches down that night laying face down on the bed and priscilla comes up and you know it's sexy time she's like what do you want to do and i'm just face down on the bed just drunk and i'm like put your panties on me she's just like what she had no inclination you had never did you ever tell her about your childhood at all oh god no it was the deepest darkest you could ever have like i said and early in our marriage she had tried to kind

of like slip a finger in the no-no zone and i was like oh fuck no no as much as i want to be like yeah go for it yeah inside of me i was like oh yeah good for that but at the the male i mean it's like don't you dare not yeah that's not going up there i'm gay if you do that no not not admitting that not i'm not feminine I don't want things inserted into me right so I said it again I'm just laying there with my head in a pillow I'm like put your panties on me bitch I'd fuck me yeah and I just remember her just like I'm down for anything let's's go. And so there she did. And it was this bedroom thing. Yeah. And, uh, the way I, I'm, I've got a much more level head now. Right. I drink, I stopped drinking almost two years ago post heart surgery and my heart does

not like it when I drink. So it was a reason to stop. Absolutely. So I stopped drinking, but, and hormones have leveled out quite a bit, much more balanced than in the beginning. I can't, that's got, I will get into that, but that's gotta be brutal going from steroids of testosterone to estrogen, dude. Holy shit. That's a ride. Oh, that's's that's like a 5g ride at six flags that never stops i couldn't imagine it's crazy but so you guys did the panties we did the panties and then we did the uh you know the let's put a let's put a finger in the butt kind of thing and then let's and priscilla didn't oh well because she's a virgin so she's probably not picking up on any of that. No, and it was just, I trust my husband. Our sex was good. Yeah, I bet.

I said it earlier, we would go for hours. Yeah. We would spend until the sun rose. I mean, we did crazy things. We would bang on the front yard sometimes. I love that. We were just such voyeurs. It was so bad.

I love that. But when I look back on it, I felt safe in the bedroom and I really had to analyze what was going on and I think the way I I really thought about it it was it was a safe zone because everybody's got a kink right and if I was ever if it was ever exposed for any reason I'm like it's just a bedroom thing fuck it you know the guys do weird shit in the bedroom all the time and it's secret like no big deal yeah but then it became when she wasn't around like i had a pair of panties that i obviously ruined when she put on me those are mine and she put them in my drawer she'd let you have them she was like you can have them i mean they were stretched and ripped ten ways from sunday

she's like well i'm putting these back on these would be for playtime like okay cool well playtime you know it evolved to when she wasn't around what does it feel like when you would put on women's clothes it was very well and I have to caution but be careful when I say this because there are so many people that go it's a sexual fetish and as a guy there's like there's a lot of testosterone floating around especially for a guy with you know a ton of testosterone and steroids in a system, but it was highly arousing. But also it was very comforting. It felt right.

And I didn't want to get out of them. Right. And so even there were just times when I wasn't aroused and I just put them on. I'm like, okay, I can just kind of wear these things around the house. Like a special blanket, you know, like, you know what I'm talking about? You know, like some guys carry around a blanket that they had when they were kids or a teddy bear, you know, like, you know what, you know what I'm talking about? You know, like some people, some guys carry around a blanket that they had when they were kids or a teddy bear, you know,

like panda bear. Yeah. It was like my panda bear. Yeah. There you go. It was just comfort. Did you ever watch South Park? Uh,

parts of it. Yeah. There was an episode where they did like a sexual harassment panda. And as I said that, I'm like, this is just way too. But yeah, I would just kind of, you kind of secretly wear them as much as I could. And it felt right.

It wasn't like a dirty sexual fetish. It was just like, this feels right kind of thing. Because I couldn't wear anything else. I walked around in boxers half the time. I wore boxer briefs. But I walk around in boxers. And guys walk around without a shirt on all the time. It's not like I wear a bra around the house and get away with it.

But when COVID hit, it became once in a blue moon to everybody's locked down and we got nothing to do. Let's everybody get drunk every single night. And that's kind of what we did. Mia would go to bed and she'd go to bed at like 7.30. She was pretty young. And she'd go to bed at like 7.30. She was pretty young. And we'd get drunk. And it became a once a month thing and a once every other week thing and a once a week and a once a night. To suddenly we're not having sex.

What was happening? I just wanted to get dressed up and be me. And we started having these incredible conversations. There was a lot of emotion in it. Sorry, my throat is talking to us. And we cried. She cried. I cried.

This whole other side of me came out. Yeah, and these conversations, what were they about? Just how you were feeling? It was deep emotion about our love for each other, about the universe. I was embracing femininity in those moments. And unfortunately, again, I have to be careful about how I say this.

Right. Because your journey is your journey. Right. And people are going to take this. They're going to twist it 10 waves from Sunday because they always do. But all I had was lingerie at the time because when you look around on the internet as a guy for women's clothing all that comes up are cross-dresser sites and you know a lot of these people never want to transition they just get off by being in women's clothing it's

true there's a lot of people that do that there's a lot of cross-dressers that and there's nothing wrong with that no absolutely not and i didn't know what the fuck was going on that's all I could find well I'll just buy lingerie because I'm 270 50 pounds varying depending on the day at that time and this is all I could find a fit it was like a you know a 6x in my size on these crossdresser sites but it helped me to slide into femininity. And they were just very deep conversations, and I would get to be me. And it's this other side of Gabe that nobody had seen, but I truly believe it was the side of me that I suppressed

as a 10-year-old kid coming back up and being able to connect with Priscilla about marriage and things that I was wrong on was wrong on that I had just slammed the hammer down on as a guy. Like, no, I'm right. Yeah. Where I didn't do that. We got to talk about her emotions a lot and I got really good at listening. I got really good at listening. That's amazing that you were able to hear her. It was different. It was different. Most guys don't listen. They to respond they do did i just smear my lip all over my face put on your lipstick you whore we like it um

it was just it was this beautiful experience and it suddenly sex exited the relationship and we had sex occasionally but um it was about getting dressed in the feminine as quickly as possible because i only had a couple hours and then once that time was up i had to go wipe off all the makeup now to get all the clothes and hide them get rid of all the residual eyeliner because i had to be gay the next day and my kid couldn't find out the motivational videos i was doing for all the alpha males, the millions of guys that followed me on social media, but like we were internationally known for body Spartan. I worked out with Mike O'Hearn's a good friend of our family, CT Fletcher. I still talk to him. Like we have,

we had workout videos with amazing, amazing icons. Do you also think Priscilla was backing off because she, you you did you know reveal your deepest darkest secrets and maybe she realized like hey this is my best friend i want him to live his most her to live her most authentic her most authentic life sorry it's a mouthful no it's fine don't it's hard when when we talk about me being gay right right it's i don't know i'm not like i said i'm not a special sniff like i'm always it's confusing even for me do i call myself a guy back then or not or i don't know yeah so even but i think then was the trend when it was starting to transition was she was realizing that you were gabby as opposed to gabe so she's letting you live your she was authentic and there

was a time when she came to me too i just uh insider.com asked me to write an article about this and it just got published two days ago. So I wrote, I wrote an article because people have asked me, Oh, you read it. Yeah. And so then you'll be aware of what I'm going to say. She came to me one day and she said, look, honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but in, in the daytime or the next day, whenever you're not Gabby and we're getting intimate, I still have these visions of you dressed as a woman. And I'm having a hard time being attracted sexually. And that was the moment where I just went, okay, this is a fetish. I can't do this.

It's ruining my marriage. Whatever. Don't worry about it, girl. She's like, no, no, no. I don't want you to. You don't have to stop, but I got to talk to you about it. I'm like, no, no, it's over. I'm like, boom, hammer down, done. That was the male mentality. You know, it's just like, ah, I was, I was very extreme in everything I did. Um, because that's just who I was. And so I buried it. I, I, I remember that night I took a big old,

And so I buried it. I remember that night I took a big old, I'd been off steroids for a while and I just loaded up a syringe with like test and trend and I just jabbed it into my shoulder. Do we think this is why we had heart problems? Well, what's interesting is my heart problem was genetic. Oh, wow. And they, Stanford theorized it was an aortic aneurysm in the ascending aorta. Oh my goodness. Yeah.

My mom had the surgery a year before I did. Stanford theorized it was an aortic aneurysm in the ascending aorta oh my goodness yeah my mom had the surgery a year before I did however I think I might have accelerated the need to have it before I was 60 because of my consistently high blood pressure right with the steroids you're lucky you survived that oh I'm very lucky most people have no I had symptoms I was one of the one percent of the population that had an aortic aneurysm that had symptoms what was your symptoms it was a deep ache like right on the left here just underneath my breastplate i'm like what is that it was just consistent and that's the aneurysm growing it's like a water balloon yeah my mom had one in her brain oh she did and she lived oh my god she's dead now but she lived she made it past that do i laugh the way he said that i mean it is what it is but i mean the bitch fucking made it through the aneurysm dude

not the she's gone to a better place she's fucking dead i'm sorry bunny I just was like what do I say oh my god you're good you're good god rest her soul yes yes uh but uh I yeah I think that my high blood pressure my extremely high blood pressure uh contributed to me needing the surgery sooner than most people do goodness gracious but I I stuck that that syringe in my. And I remember feeling like as I pushed that syringe down, I just felt like Gabby, her light extinguishing. And I felt like I killed Gabby. And so I went to the gym. I put on another 15 pounds. I was back up at almost 280.

But I kept all those female clothes in my closet. I had a wig and everything in there. I had a bunch of really terrible Amazon wigs that were like 15 bucks. Like my coming out video is that $15 Amazon wig. I thought I was so cute in it. That's the cutest thing ever though. It was, Oh God, it was speaking of trash. You had to learn, you have to learn how to be a girl. I did. And that's, you know, it's such an interesting thing that you just said, because it is a learning process. It is. I'm still learning how to be a woman. Shit.

This is why I love you. This is absolutely why I love you. I'm serious. It's a never ending fucking life lesson. Let me tell you. It seems like it's going to be that way for me, too. You've got it down pretty good, though. I have a lot to learn. Just hit me up anytime you have any questions. I got you. OK, well, cool. I like this. I got a lot to learn. Just hit me up. Anytime you have any questions, I got you. Okay. Well, cool. I like this. I got a mentor. Yeah. But I walked into my closet and I would kind of,

you know, turn my head from my clothes like this. No, no. And then every day I would walk in there, it got harder and harder. And one day I walked in and I think I was reaching for a shirt and I accidentally touched one of the wigs and I was running my fingers through it I had this epiphany it was this pivotal moment where I realized I didn't kill Gabby and Gabe and Gabby were not two separate personas they weren't two separate people they were one person one one persona it was just me but it was the me I'd buried since childhood and I couldn't bury it anymore and that was the moment I became suicidal because I my wife in my opinion Priscilla didn't want me to stop being me I had just taken it the wrong way and so in my head I'm like my wife doesn't want me to to do

this I'm 270 pounds right now I'm well you had shame. You had shame too. I had a ton of shame. A ton of shame. Yeah. And I, I went, started to get very suicidal. I just wanted to be as low to the ground as possible. I couldn't understand it. I just wanted to lay on the ground and just like let the energy leave me. It was a month of this.

I went, I had visions of me putting my gun to my head and pulling the trigger I literally could feel the cold steel on my head and it scared me it was very scary but it was also at that moment it was a very inviting release to the pain I was dealing with the emotional pain

it's brutal nobody gets that unless you've been down that low it's hard girl it's very, it's brutal. Nobody gets that unless you've been down that low. You know, it's hard. It's very hard. It's very, very scary. But yeah, but Priscilla, we had a blowout argument one night. Our marriage was over before I started transitioning. She was probably heartbroken.

You know, the man that she fell in love with, you know, it's kind of like you're losing your. I don't want to say soulmate because you guys are going to be you know partners in life no matter what but on her end too it was probably very like she wants to let you be you but at the same time she's losing her love of her life she was and I don't think it was the reason the reason our marriage ended it was a good catalyst we were rocky before and it it was going to end before. We had hoped that moving to Texas would be a fresh start for us. But there was just no saving it. Gotcha.

But this was a good, it was a good way to release each other in friendship. But we had had this drag him out, like knock him out argument the night before. She left, stayed at a friend's house. And she came back. And I was convinced that was the day I was going to die. I knew it I knew if she she didn't come home and she was gonna leave she was gonna take me which was good at that moment and by the end of the night I'd be gone um well I haven't thought about that in a long time sorry no you're okay uh it's very heavy it's very deep but it's real it was part of your story

it was interesting i i relived that moment for a second in those emotions and that was hard uh but she asked me if i wanted to talk she came back i said sure and she sat me down on the porch and our little kind of love seat on the porch. She said, I want to say what I want to say first. And she said all the things about our argument. And I looked at her and I said, you're right. I was wrong. Which was this massive red flag for her.

She's like, wait, Gabe's wrong at something? What's going on? You know, like. A Scorpio being wrong? Never. Me with all those planets. What the fuck's going on? You know, and at that moment she knew something was up and so she came and sat alongside of me and she said do you have something you need to tell me and it girl it took me like must take me five minutes to cough the words up

I just I couldn't get them past like my larynx I tried and they just would not come up but she said this is a safe place. You can tell me anything. I love you. And then I said, if I can't live my life as a woman, I don't want to be alive. And she looks at me and she keeps her hand on me and she says, honey, I know. I love you. And we'll figure this out.

She knew. Oh, my God. She knew before I did. She knew months before. And so much so that she had called her mom over the summer and said, you may want to come out, bring the family. I don't know how long Gabe's going to be Gabe. Oh my goodness. Kind of a thing. So her family had flown out and seen me right before I started transitioning. So from that conversation is when you decided

to start transitioning. That was the moment I was free. It was as if that heavy weight member I was telling you about that. Yeah. I was just released in my, I was free. It's like a thousand chains on my heart were broken. Yeah. And I instantly just was like,

let's go. And I've never looked back. And that was 2020. That was September, 2020, uh, October 13th. Actually. Wow today the 17th today's the yep i think so we are four days past my three-year anniversary of starting hormones oh i love that

everything's meant to be it is i didn't even realize that yeah that's amazing that's so amazing how did your family take to you transitioning and then let's get into this transitioning journey because i have so many questions. I got answers. And I'm sure people listening to this podcast that are dealing with the same thing that you are wondering about your journey as well. So I think it's you're helping people. I hope so. Yeah.

That's why I'm so open about it. Because for years, you know, decades, people hide this stuff and they usually end up committing suicide. So if we can prevent one person from doing that, then we've done our job for the day. Absolutely. But my, my parents, I was petrified to tell them, petrified to tell them. And I don't know why. I think maybe because I respected them so much. My dad's a man's man, you know, love me. We always hug, you know, even as guys. The bro hug, you know, very affectionate family. But I was petrified.

And I had to go through this whole process in my head of losing everything. Because I thought maybe, what if they disown me? What if they never want to talk to me again? And I lived that moment out in my head. And I went through that and I asked myself, can I be okay with this if my parents never talk to me again? And I decided, yeah, if that's the worst case scenario and I'm me, I'm okay. So Priscilla had a suggestion. She said, why don't you write them a letter?

That way you don't have to see their faces, see the reaction. That way you don't have to see their faces, see the reaction. You don't have to feel the moments of interruption, and you can just say what you need to say. I'm like, oh my God, that's a great idea. So I wrote them a, I hand wrote them a 12-page letter. And it started off with, Mom, Dad, I'm not sick, I'm not dying, I'm not on drugs, I'm not crazy. Everything's fine. But I have something I need to tell you, and I need you to read this letter from start to finish before you even pick up the phone or you contact

me. And I just spilled everything from my childhood to that moment. And at the end, I said, please don't call. Please don't text. Don't contact me until you've had time to process this. And if it's an hour, amazing. If it's 10 years, that's okay too. But when you do, just send me a text. Let me know you've processed. It can be an I don't understand. I have questions.

It can be an I hate you. It can be whatever. And it could just be I need more information. But text me first. And she said put tracking on it. So, you know, and you don't wonder if they ever got it. Right. It happened on a Tuesday. Priscilla's smart. Girl, she's so intelligent. It's incredible. She's one of the most intelligent women I know. Yeah. Happened on a Tuesday. And I was out front. I had just told my neighbors who were our good

friends about my transition. And one of my daughter's best friend's moms had kind of saw us on the front porch. We were having a couple glasses of scotch. I'm like, you want to come drink? She's like, yeah, let's do it. And I told her. Everybody was very happy and supportive. So I was feeling on cloud nine. And then my phone lights up.

And you always think it's going to be your mom that texts and things like this. It was my dad. And it just said, I love you forever. Right? The man's man. I love you forever. That makes me get choked up.

And then my mom with the essay followed 30 seconds later about we love you. How do we not know? I'm so sorry. How do we support you? Are you safe? Can we come see you? When can we talk?

Just full support from day one. I love that. Yeah, from day one I love that yeah from day one that's so amazing I was I'm very lucky in that aspect it was just it was wonderful and like I said I see my folks all the time I'm actually uh I'm flying to Disneyland on my birthday which is November 1st and I'm flying my mom down to meet me there so we're doing a mommy daughter Disney trip my kiddo didn't want to go believe it or not she's afraid to fly so i said can i go with gg she goes yeah go i'll stay here no problem like okay your daughter reminds me of our daughter they have like the same quirky personality and just yeah no enjoy the moments because when they turn 15 it's fucking their assholes oh god i know

right because she's already gone on 20 yeah oh wait just wait she was so i tell mimi all the time i'm like she was so sweet when she was 11 what the fuck happened as soon as she turned 13 i'm like who are you you're a demon what is going on no she's a great kid but golly i'm like that's the magic number 13 that's when i can expect the horns to start growing pray for me pray for me and my husband um so okay so you get this text from your mom everybody's supportive when do you start doing hormones and when like how did you even know how to transition did you have to research it like nothing okay I do not I knew nothing about the community I knew nothing about transitioning I had I just dove into research

what do I do I know that there are people that do this. What do I do? So you could write like a book on this. I'm someday I'm going to, it just doesn't feel like it's quite the right time yet. I'm still early. I've got a lot of life left in me and there'll be a time, but it's not quite yet. It's not quite yet. So, scientists, bachelor of science in civil engineering, and all these other accolades I have, I just started diving

into research. Yeah. And I understood the risks, and I got on hormones as quickly as possible, so I found this clinic called the Kine Clinic in Austin,

and it was so interesting, Bunny. No therapy needed. No nothing. They're just like, come on in. I'm like, okay. It took me a month to get an appointment with them, but I did, and I came in,

told them I wanted to transition. I said, okay, are you sure? I said, yeah. Okay, here you go. Gave me a prescription. I'm like, huh, that was easy. Right? I would think that it would be a lot like you

would have had a lot of red tape you think right that's crazy i was very relieved i didn't need red tape right because i want i had been dealing with this my whole my whole life i knew it was i'm i was 42 at the time well i was 41 at the time i was a couple weeks shy of my 42nd birthday i knew what i wanted yeah i knew i wasn't crazy I knew what I needed to do I'm very confident in that and I'm sure most people will look at me and if they listen to what I say aside from my quirky you know entertaining side on social media they get to know me they're like you're pretty fucking normal Gabby yeah uh but it was shocking that I didn't need any therapy before. Right.

It was really interesting. But long story short, I got the- What did they put you on? Estrogen and spironolactin. It was oral estrogen pills. It was 2.5 milligrams, basic starting dose, and spironolactin, which is an androgen blocker. So it shut down my natural testosterone production. Gotcha. And within a month, I could start to see some feminization starting. I'd

shaved my beard off. I wasn't doing the beard thing anymore because it interferes with makeup. Right. And then there's this whole presentation thing that happened and I told my daughter, I said look daddy's kind of going through a, she had this cool little app. It was called Gotcha Life that all the kids play and you make these little characters and stuff. And there was a button for a gender bend. And you could turn a guy into a girl. So if they wanted to make a guy character look like a girl, whatever, they could. And I said, well, daddy's kind of going through a gender bend.

And then she goes, oh, OK. And I said, so you might see me wearing hair and makeup and stuff like that around the house in girls' clothing. And she's like, OK. And I told her, I said, look, I'm not going to do this outside, though. So nobody will know. says why and I said because I'm kind of afraid people will make fun of me and she gives me this big hug and she goes daddy I'll never make fun of you that's why I start crying she starts crying I'm with big hugs and so she knew that was happening so there's no beard I saw feminization starting about the 30 day mark it's something in the eyes i don't know how to explain it but it's something around the

eyes softens your eyes probably i think that was really what started to happen and it was slow it wasn't happening at the rate i wanted it to so i'm like can i make this happen overnight you're like i need a magic wand literally give me a fairy godmother how are you mentally feeling at that time yes oh girl estrogen in the system yeah roller coaster oh I couldn't imagine a leaf would blow by I'm like it's so beautiful and at the same time Priscilla would say something and I'm like you hate me it was crazy I'm like I cry at everything what the fuck's going on you're like she's like yeah welcome to literally but she was so supportive she's like it's okay yeah these are emotions that will come out and it's okay now yeah and so I just let it happen. Yeah. Which was amazing. It was beautiful. Just all the

stress that I had felt guys, guys keep things bottled up. I think that's one of the reasons guys have such high blood pressure and they die young. Yeah. Cause all the stress they feel. Absolutely. They don't cry. They're taught by society not to cry. It's not a bad thing that we got some masculine men out there. I like that. But it's also not fair. Men's mental health needs to be talked about more i think so i really believe so and maybe there's a way to do it where it's around other men and they feel comfortable doing it but it's definitely a thing that we need to we need to address yeah because it'll it just leads to an early grave absolutely but yeah it

was interesting so febru October November summer January so four months later I went in I'm like I want injections okay they tossed me a needle and a syringe and they're like you know how to do this well yeah I got this it goes in your leg I'm like nope not going in my leg I don't like pinning in my leg every time I pin in my leg I hit a nerve and my teeth go numb oh we're gonna put this shit in my booty shit so yeah girl i was a human pin cushion for years doing steroids and i i would pin and for anybody that doesn't know pinning is injecting it's like the the industry term i would pin every other day it was like shoulder shoulder butt butt leg leg and every time i did my leg i hit a nerve or an artery not an artery but a vein so i'm like this estrogen's going in my booty i just i just started putting in the butt and

literally girl overnight overnight feminization i was wow whoa not to the point where you don't change bone structure right but i could see the softening of the skin happening when i say overnight i mean it wasn't literally right it was much faster accelerated rate softening of the skin emotions were of course even stronger now and then of course i said oh i want to get on progesterone too because that softens skin a lot too and that is the devil's drug holy shit shit. You poor women. Yeah. Progesterone sucks. Girl at that spike when you start that menstrual cycle. Yep.

Holy fuck. Cause I, I wanted my dose upped more and more. I'm like, I want to be more like a woman and I want to soften the skin and I want to accelerate the transition. I don't want a hundred milligrams. I want 200 milligrams a day.

I was a raging fucking bitch. I was going to say, it's like raging fucking bitch i was gonna say it's like fuck you grass like it's like i swear to god like i know how i feel right before my period and i'm ready to kill everything dude girl i like trust me this is the reason my my wife was just like i can't be around you and i get it now yeah i get it i was she's like love you but i'm gonna love you from afar literally she's like you are constantly on a period that you don't get, you know, for not having a uterus.

You are sure a hormonal premenstrual bitch 24 seven. Um, yeah. So I feel for you, but it accelerated the transition quite a bit. Yeah. And what I learned is no matter how much you soften the skin or the fat deposits start shifting, you can't change bone structure. Right.

And for all the trans women listening or people that know trans women, it will not change your face. You will not have a narrow jaw. You cannot. I had a girl in my filtered DMs today that I've starred I need to respond to tonight. Somebody's starting their transition. If I take birth control and my hormones, will it narrow my shoulders and widen my hips? No, absolutely not. Unless you start this in your teenage years, you do not get an oxytocin release. It is not going to widen your hips and your shoulders. That's your bone structure from being a guy for 40 years of your life. You can't change that. And no matter how many hormones you inject, you can't change the size of your hands. I'm very

aware. We talked about that earlier. Which I've been checking your hands out. They're not that manly. Thanks. Every time you lift them up, I'm like, they're not that manly. I have short nails. up I'm like they're not that manly I have short nails oh I went through a phase with nails girl I thought that early in the transition you want to you have this need to integrate yeah you want to go live your life and be you right and this is where the media picks up on everything and they see girls early in the transition and we got some we had some weirdos in our community for sure yeah everybody does but we're one we some weirdos in our community for sure yeah everybody does but we're one we got weirdos in our community too so it's like they're everywhere yeah um but there's always a kid that shits in the pool that's what i say so it's what i say we're in

the shower yeah oh man you're just not the stomp waffle the waffle stomp waffle, the waffle stomp. The waffle stomp. I call it cheese grating. You call it the waffle stomp. That's epic. But you want to integrate. And I remember thinking, like, if I had nails. You got to work your way up, baby. I had, like, me and these nails.

And you're a nail. Girl, I had those. I had those long-ass things. And I kept thinking, you know, if I'm out in public and I put my hands down at the cash register they'll know I'm a woman they they'll it'll help them understand I'm a woman I'm like what fucking delusional bubble was I living in you know I call it my bubble of disillusionment delulu we love it delulu I I just was in this bubble where if I got dressed up in female clothing in my transition early on, and I had my nails and my makeup and it was COVID. So I had my mask on. They wouldn't see my wide, you know, Popeye jaw. And I looked and I saw my eyes in the mirror. And I'd focus on this like,

my eyes look feminine. That's good. And I'm wearing girl clothing and I got nails and I got heels on. Omitting the fact that I was six, seven in heels. I'm like, that's girly. Okay, cool. And I remember this day, Priscilla would go everywhere with me in the beginning as my crutch. And I needed to kind of go explore on my own. And I was feeling good. I'd gone a couple places on my own. And I walked into our mall. It was the Lakeline Mall. And I was on my own and I walked into our mall it was the Lakeline mall and I was on my own I told her I was going to go just go walk around and try to find a coat I think I went to like JCPenney and there was this kiosk with the perfume and the clip and I walk in hair makeup mask a little cami top and I didn't have any breast forms at the time i had no breasts i had these little itty bitty breast buds and i get to this i pass this kiosk and there's this guy there handing out perfume and cologne and i just hear this sir sir sir and i'm i'm just

oblivious to it and he's he's like literally running me down and he and i kind of look over because it's getting louder like huh, huh? And he's like, sir, do you want some cologne? And I looked at him like, and for those that are on the video, I'm, I got this deer in the headlights.

Look, I'm like, what? I'm looking around. I go, Oh fuck my life. He's talking to me. I remember that bubble of disillusionment I was talking about.

It popped at that moment. And I panicked like full sweat. And I looked at him like, no, thank you. And I reached for my phone and I start walking, but I'm like shaking at that moment. I'm like, he knows. He knows. And then I look around and I look at people and I see people looking at me. I'm like, oh, fuck, everybody knows.

I'm like, Jesus Christ. And there was this moment of revelation, like the bubble was popped. I wasn't, it's not that I was trying to fool anybody. I was just trying to blend in, you know, and be me. But I'm like. You're trying to be accepted. That's literally what it was. I just wanted to be accepted and just to feel some sense of normalcy as who I was hoping to be.

And I realized it's a fucking sham. And I started walking. I didn't even know which direction I was walking. I was walking away from the exit door, unfortunately, and I didn't know what to do. And I picked up my phone and I called Priscilla. And it went to voicemail. She must have had it on do not disturb with Mia.

And I just kept talking to nobody and talking and talking and hoping that somebody would think I'm on the phone because I don't know what the fuck to do and I turned around I walked out as fast as I could walk to the truck and I cried for like 40 minutes in the truck I didn't present female for almost a week I didn't leave the house I didn't do anything I cried every day because there was the thousand mile journey being shown to me and there I was again this giant I was probably 220 230 at the time trying desperately trying to lose muscle mass and I've been called out and I'm like there's no way I'll never finish this journey I'll'll never. It's not possible.

And this is about a year into your journey? When was this? Let's see. Not quite a year. I didn't have my breast implants yet. It was probably March. March. It was. I think it was after I came out. Oh, no, it was after I came out

oh no it was before I came out so girl it was November December it was probably December or January it was before I came out to the world on extra TV so I was in the shower one day it was probably a week later and I still had a mirror

in there because I had to shave my face back then I wasn wasn't done with electrolysis and laser. And I was in the shower and I was crying. And I looked in that silly little $10 mirror. It was suction cup to the glass. And I had my hand on my heart because my heart was hurting, not physically, but emotionally. And I looked in my eyes and I just for some reason I just said I love me and there was a big pause and I looked into my own soul the eyes are at the window to the soul and I said it again I said I love me and then I said it again and again and again and again until I believed it. And it was that moment. I didn't care what I looked like.

I didn't give a shit what the world thought at that moment. I'm like, I'm okay. I love me for me. I'm a great human. I'm a wonderful parent. I love me. I'm okay with this. And I've never looked back since then.

That's amazing. I'm okay with this. And I've never looked back since then. That's amazing. I love that. Just that moment of being able to have those affirmations to yourself. And Mimi's over here crying. Mimi is over here bawling her eyes out. Just to be able to have that. I don't even know the word just to be able to look at yourself have those affirmations and confirmations to yourself and just say you know what I'm gonna embrace me in every form shape no matter who sees me as this or not this is me motherfuckers yeah going from being probably one of the most handsome guys I'd ever seen to some fucking ugly duckling in between.

Like I had been told I was good looking since I was five years old and to know that I wasn't anymore. No. That was hard. And then, but to be okay with it at that moment, I will at that moment, honey, I was something, I'm still something in between, but I was really something in between back then. I was not a good looking guy anymore. You're just a flower that's blooming.

I'm still in the process yeah very much in the process still so that was a very pivotal moment for me it was it was the life-changing moment right there it's a beautiful moment and thank you for sharing that with us yeah I really really like I'm sure people at home are gonna just love that because people need to hear that you know know, that's important. Did the estrogen make your boobs grow a little bit? It did. I actually, I had, um, gynecomastia from a kid. Okay. It was interesting. I hated it growing up as a guy. It's like, I, it's why I always wore dark shirts. Cause you could see like my swollen nipples my whole life. I hated it as a guy. Right. I think back on it now. i'm all now you can use it to your advantage well

yeah but i look at my child i'm like oh that's interesting why did i get gynecomastia naturally before steroids right i'm like i was growing breasts at 13 years old for some unknown reason but that being said the estrogen did and even though i have breast implants it's actually interesting i gotta go back and have them redone for a third time because my breasts have grown so much I've got the internal mesh bra after my second revision and now I've got like a ledge so yeah it sucks but I'm it's whatever I'm over it they're mine and I had my implants taken out I was like you did I had mine taken out in 2019 because um they were giving me I don't want to say I had BII I had a lot of the symptoms of breast implant illness but

I just went through a phase where my anxiety was so bad my body just didn't feel right I had scar tissue that was coming up underneath my left breast so much that my left breast was like this big they were so lopsided oh my god

my implant folded in half. So I started growing scar tissue around it and they didn't know that till they took them out, but it just, it was so painful. And I just was like, you know what? And I started looking really matronly because I just,

you know, I had such big tits. I was like, right. Almost an E and they just sagged and just didn't look good. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to go back to the itty bitty titty committee and fucking if i could you know like as you get older you want to

look more natural that's how i felt because i felt like it made me look matronly so that's the for my situation right that's what i wanted to do i can understand that yeah i totally can yeah and i you know on my third go-round i don't want the high round, high round profile where they're like bolt-ons. They look great though. They're very separate. I get that a lot. They're very separated, but it's because when my surgeon took his scalpel and cut me from here to here to save my life from my heart surgery, it severed all my pec muscles. And most women that have open heart surgery have the same problem. My mom so self-conscious she's like my boobs just go to the side and I hate it um so me I'm very open about everything and I get a lot of shit on social media for it but you know I I'm grateful to be alive and so but yeah the next go around I want something much more natural yeah not so porn starish I love it we all go through

that phase though everybody i mean we grew up in the pamela anderson fucking carmen electra jennifer mccarthy fucking era and those bitches were bad dude anna nicole smith all of them dude oh yeah i had the biggest crushes on all of them yeah same they're so hot they're still yeah just beautiful women yeah absolutely carmen doesn't fucking age. No, I'm timeless. Yeah, no,

I'm pissed off. Like, bitch, what are you doing? Can we get some of whatever? Yeah. What is it? Adrenaline?

Adrenaline? Adrenaline? Adrenaline? Adrenaline? Adrenaline? What's going on? I got enough money now. What's up,

bitch? No, I'm just kidding. How does that go? I'm totally kidding. I love the fact that you even mentioned that. That's so funny. Yeah.

Well, everybody accuses me and my husband of being in the Illuminati anyways. So might as well just feel the fire. I've gotten that i i had a sty in this eye so i had some makeup done by somebody and i think the brush had something on it oh that's the worst i still have like i have a little one here that i just bury with concealer i've been fighting it for four months but i had to have this eyelid flipped over and then to cut it out i had a bruised eye damn social media is like oh my god she's in the illuminati are you fucking kidding me you're like i had a fucking sty in my

i had a procedure done and i don't have a sty anymore and now my eye is black and blue like oh you're in the black eye club people fucking think anything dude speaking of procedures what have you had done to feminize a little bit more okay so when do you start deciding to get those you got your boobs done yep that was may 2021 so i came out to the world i had to get in front of the narrative because if somebody i mean my tattoos they're not common right i've got a big phoenix and dragon on my arm right you know everybody knew Gabe's tattoos right somebody called me out I was screwed I never be able to tell my story from my perspective so I got in front of it came out to the world on extra tv February 2021 and then it just snowballed from

there in a good way right so it was my decision at that point I wanted to get my breasts done It was my decision at that point. I wanted to get my breasts done because I had these little itty bitties and I'm like, well, breasts are female. I need this. Yeah. And again, I have to be careful how I say this, but I'm letting you go through the thought process that I had at the time of your journey. Yes.

What you're allowed to do. I think it's a common journey too, because I do coach some trans women. to do. And I think it's a common journey too because I do coach some trans women. 99% of my fitness and nutrition clients are biological females. But I coach some trans women from time to time and what I hear the most early in the transition is like, I want to get

my breasts. I want to get my breasts. And that's I think the male perspective, the male part of us, it's like that's one of the most feminine aspects of a woman are the breasts. And so I think as a transitioning woman we liken that to femininity but looking back I would have done facial surgery first if I could do it again I would have done facial surgery first yeah because it solved it it it helped the dysphoria in the beginning what does facial surgery consist of

oh girl it can range mine I did everything all at once right from what I what I heard and I'm It helped the dysphoria in the beginning. What does facial surgery consist of? Oh, girl. It can range. Mine, I did everything all at once. Right. And from what I heard, and I'm glad I did it, you only do it once. You're not going to go back for a thousand surgeries. A lot of girls will get their nails done, and then they'll do these other things slowly. Knock me out, do me once. Yeah.

And it was major surgery. So I had two breast augmentations because my breast dropped so much the first time so I was running I lost so much muscle mass there was no way to anticipate it so December I went back and had them done again I'd had a hair transplant December 2020 so I'm gonna be bald anymore I gotta do one more because all the surgeries the anesthesia my hair has fallen out again but facial surgery literally they cut me from back here was Dr. Peter Raphael in Plano Texas he's amazing by the way he cut me like imagine remember the movie Face Off with John Travolta just think of that moment when they peel the face down so behind the ear to behind the ear they cut you right across your forehead in the hairline.

And then he did a type 3 brow shave on me because my brow bump as a guy, it was huge. Girls don't have a brow bump. Some girls have a little one. But guys, when testosterone hits the system, you get a brow bump. And he had to cut mine off. So he cut my entire brow off, put it on a bench, shaved it down flat.

Wow. Stuck a bag on me and I don't know, plates or something. Is it crazy how fucking plastic surgery is so barbaric? It is. It's very barbaric,

but it's so precise at the same time. Oh, I love it. It's a skill. This is, I'll talk about, remind me to talk about the skill and insurance and things like that. Yeah. Because I paid all my my surgeries out of pocket and there is a reason yeah then uh cheek implants went in they gave me the higher cheekbones because guys don't have

naturally high cheekbones nose revision i had a rhinoplasty and then he cut a portion out of my chin he took the bone out from underneath my teeth and hair, and then he squished my chin together to give me the V-line. Wow. Trachea shave to get rid of the Adam's apple, which now I've had three. Get all this at once? Yeah. That was all at once, and then a hairline advancement. So he pulled me, scalped me, to say the least.

Yeah. And he takes a laser, and he pulls the scalp back, and then he cuts off a section of a forehead at the front and he pulls that hair forward to, to get rid of the receding hairline. The guy's receding hairline. Yeah. Uh, and then he stitches you back up and like, send you home to heal.

Yeah. Happy healing. Well, girl, I was on Dilaudid for the next several days. It's that bad. I have no recollection of the first week. Oh, I'm sure. I mean, I have flashes. I can't tell you the one thing I have.

You go with a night nurse. They send you to a recovery facility, and you can't see. You can see family the moment you come out, but then they take you to a recovery facility. You're there with a nurse on your IVs and stuff. Yeah. I woke up in the middle of the night, and my eyes are swollen shut. I woke up in the middle of the night, eyes eyes are swollen shut i woke up in the middle of night i swollen shut no idea where i'm at i thought i missed my surgery oh and a friend of mine bella

was with me and my mom was there not at the night nurse but that's he was going with me to go into surgery yeah and i'm scrambling around for my phone i'm like bella i missed me my alarm didn't go off and i stood up and i bolt for the door oh i, I had the catheter and still, Oh no, girl, that yanked me like a joke chain. Oh shit. My she stick. I thought I'm like, I want gender reassignment surgery, but this is not the way. God catheters are no joke either. Dude. I'm like, Oh dude. So yeah, my night nurse is like, Gabby, what the fuck are you doing? Oh my God. And then I don't remember anything after that.

I'm sure I went back to bed, but that's the glimpse of what I had going on. Damn it. But I had that done. I went back and I had my nose. I still need to have redone a third time, unfortunately. I went back a second time. It's so perfect.

Even your side profile is beautiful. Thank you. maybe I'm just dysphoric about it I think it's the it's the hanging call you Mella I want that and that's what I had told Peter in the first place my surgeon I think it looks great thank you gives you character too then I hear that a lot and I think I'll just keep it then yeah but I had my nose broken in Turkey when I was in WWE and it collapsed all the cartilage on the side. So I can't breathe out of the side. And when I got, I had a face and a neck lift in December last year. Oh, I can't wait to get a face and a neck lift.

That's next on my list. I got it. I got to send you to a guy. It's not my surgeon did a great job, but I discovered the vertical facelift afterwards. I have a Dr. Naram does them and that's who I want to go to wait what's his name dr narim that might be the same guy i was looking at yeah he's amazing the vertical facelift is the way to go i had the old school facelift yeah which i had lost so much weight i'm 100 it was your face looks tight though it's because of the facelift okay yeah i was like I had six or seven rolls here of just

I was horrendous girl of all this loose skin from losing all my weight so I did that December and I got another nose revision but unfortunately we pulled the splints out a week later it was too early and by the time I drove home that day three hours later it had collapsed again oh no so I have to go back in I haven't been able to breathe out of this side since 2011. Wow. But I had my voice done in May of this year. How do they do the voice? There's two methods.

Dr. Toby Mayer did my voice. And the reason I went with him is because you can talk the same day. Wow. Yeah. And he has a proprietary method that he doesn't tell anybody what he does. I know what it is because i insisted i know right and i i signed a deal saying i wouldn't talk um but he goes and he made the you can still see the incision here because it's not quite a year and it's still kind of red

so my first trachea shave was here when i did my face and necklace i did another trach shave because it wasn't quite gone all the way and then dr. Toby Mayer did another one when he did my voice and now there's nothing left like there's no cartilage there at all but he does something that lets you talk the next day the Korean method is where they go in through your mouth instead of having to cut you open right here they go in through your mouth and they they cut and re-splice your vocal cords wow so you can still kind of hear a little bit of bass in my voice, like the timbre in my voice. If I don't try, I kind of get down like this area,

like the morning voice. And so, I mean, I can do that too. I got this sultry voice that gets kind of deep, but I mean, Dr. Toby Mayer told me he said going in,

he's like, there's a 50, 50 chance. Cause you've had trachea shaves down here before you got a lot of scar tissue I'm gonna do what I usually do and there's a 50 50 chance so I got a bump in the pitch it's not perfect but I'll probably go back and get the Korean method done but then I can't talk for a month oh my goodness you can't talk for a month and that's why I'm like I'm building a business I'm coaching yeah hundreds and hundreds of women uh with fitness and nutrition and I need to be able to

talk yeah I need to be able to talk now yeah this is my business this is their lives yeah I'm not gonna let these women down so I did his method I could talk the next day and it worked out good so those are the surgeries so far I've had five I had two breast two breast dogs, face, voice, neck, and facelift. When are you thinking about doing gender reassignment? Is that something you do want to do? It is, yeah. I heard that's a pretty brutal process. Yeah, it's a big surgery.

And they want you off work for six weeks because of all the dilation. And there's just recovery that needs to happen. Yeah. And from what I've heard it it takes you need that long yeah and I'm not in a place where I can take six weeks off but I do know the doctor I want to use the surgeon it's Dr. Blue Bonnet NYU. Blue Bonnet. Yeah and so I love that. Yeah it's amazing she uh she did a couple friends of mine and she uses robotics in her surgery to minimize scarring.

Wow. And she used this method. It's the perineal pull through. So you get some lubrication, but not like a normal natural born female. But she's amazing. Yeah. And what's interesting is as soon as I had opted to go with her, I was relaxed on contacting her because she wasn't super well known or anything.

An influencer on TikTok used her and posted about it. And oh my gosh, shit, she used her. I better go get on her list. And it's a two year wait list for my fucking consult. Just to have a consult with her. So my consult isn't until 2025. Good Lord. Yeah.

So in the meantime, I'm planning on one more hair transplant to kind of fill in up here. It's really gotten thin up here from all my surgeries. And then I have for me to feel comfortable on my skin. I need to get a fat transfer. I don't want a Kim Kardashian ass, but I need the proportions to be more natural. Right. I've got a narrow pelvis. That's everybody born a male is going to have that. Yeah, for sure. I've got a narrow pelvis. That's everybody born a male is

going to have that. Yeah. I've got wide shoulders and I wear a shapewear. So like I've got hip pads on. It makes me feel, and what's interesting, the way I get treated when I wear a little tiny hip pad on each, like the little shapewear. Yeah. I get treated so much different. It's crazy, right? It's stupid. Like how different I get treated. It's it's crazy right stupid like how different I get treated it's people are much more inviting much more inviting and so if I can just mimic the shape where I have on right now I'd be happy but in order to do that I still have some muscle mass to lose so I'm very I'm as lean as I can be but I'm trying to get down to like the one eighties and then I, you know, the process, I got to pack on like 40 pounds of fat. So get it sucked out of you. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's a process where I'm still losing muscle in this, in this game right now. It's not a game. It's a

journey. It's definitely been a journey for you. And I think, and I hope what anybody can take, one of the things that somebody can take away from this beautiful podcast that we've done is be kind to people because you never know where they are in their journey. That's so important. Just smiling at somebody and saying you're beautiful could have really changed your trajectory in that day that you had in the mall. Instead of that dude running up to you saying, sir, sir, sir. If he would have said, ma'am, can you imagine how you would have felt oh completely yeah not that I expect anyone to ever do that because they're going to see what they're going to see yeah and it's a confusing world as it is yeah you know we don't know what pronouns to use half the time but with people and

it it's it's hard but just like you said, a smile. Girl, that changed lives. Yeah. You know, somebody, I would smile at somebody and then they'd smile back not being fearful of me because I didn't know what the hell I was or what I was doing. It changed everything. Yeah. I love that. It's a good world out there when we want it to be. Yeah, for sure.

Let's talk about what you do and where people can sign up to get work by you and stuff like that. Absolutely. Yeah. So I do online fitness and nutrition coaching. I've got an entire team of coaches underneath me. It's my business. I'm the owner. I have coached 1500 people to success in the last 13 years. No, sorry. That was my ADD. I was thinking, but go ahead. The crazy part, like I said earlier is 99% of my clients are biological females. Yeah. It's incredible. I was going to say, you actually said something the other day you were on a live and I was kind of eavesdropping in just to kind of get a feel for you. And, um, right now I have been working with a, an online coach for the past

two and a half years, T Miller fit, shout out, love you. She has done wonders for my body, but you said something the other day that I, that was profound. And you were like, you don't need tons and you don't need a, I think it was last night. You said you don't need, um, a gram of protein per pound that that's. And that was like music to my ears because my body has a hard time. Yes. And I'm like, I'm over it. Like I don't, and I don't, the high carb thing, I don't like doing it either. Like I feel so much better when I'm fasting and like doing a keto type thing, you know? Like, and so when you said that, I was like, maybe I need to talk to Gabby. It's so interesting.

Yeah. So high protein diets in every case lead to CKD, which is chronic kidney disease. Yes, that's what you said. Yeah. And so there's this myth floating around that you need a gram of protein per pound of body weight. Yeah. And so, you know, I got a girl that's your height and I got some, it was 200 pounds. That's a lot of protein to shove down your throat. Dude, it's so much. The amount of food I have to eat every fucking day. What, what an asinine thought when we look at why, why would we do that? And so it's

not your fault. It's this bro science that's floating around. It's influencers who are certified personal trainers or not certified personal trainers spreading things they heard. And this is where the scientist in me comes out because I put my nose in published medical data for close to an hour every day. I do a ton of research because my clients expect certainty. This is the reason I've coached so many clients to success. And what we find is it's more about your lean body mass. So you've got a percentage of body fat on you. You've got a percentage of muscle mass. It's more about the lean body, the lean muscle mass that's on you that you need to support with protein. Protein is critical for so many

functions in the body. Yeah. Carbohydrates are not. Even though you're going to hear people say, well, glucose is important. I mean, it plays a role. Your body burns energy in three stages. First, it goes for sugars, which is glucose. Then it goes to glycogen, which is your story in your liver. And then it goes to fats. And it goes to ketones after that.

And so once the glucose and the glycogen is out of your system, you go to ketones, which are exponentially more efficient and energy, which is why you feel better when you do keto. Well, isn't that like autophagy? Isn't that what they call it? Yeah. And actually it, I say this a lot. It's the correct pronunciation is autophagy. Autophagy. Okay. I didn't know. Everybody says autophagy and it'sy okay i didn't know everybody says autophagy yeah and it's not like it's not your fault um but it's because people say autophagy it's actually autophagy and that's that's a phenomenon it's incredible when you get to it can start in the 16 hour mark more than likely it'll take a day or two to see true autophagy now you got me saying true autophagy but it's what what happens we get these things called folded proteins right

and it's think of it as a corrupt computer code in your cells in the mitochondria and those folded proteins basically explode and autophagy and it makes room for brand new proteins to come fill in that corrupt where that corrupt code was it's like a defragmentation process on a hard drive yeah and there's oh look we can just put that fresh protein there, that fresh protein there. And the body starts to heal itself from incredible things like autoimmune diseases, funguses, bacteria floating around in your system. Absolutely. So I do, I live in a 16, eight window. And recently I've actually been experimenting with OMAD one meal a day, which I love the warrior diet literally. And when you look at the data over the last 10 years, that is what's been proven to work. It's OMAD and 16-8. I love

16-8. That's what I try to do. Girl, it's amazing. And if you're doing keto in the process, you don't have hunger cravings the way that you would if you're eating carbohydrates. It releases ghrelin, a hunger hormone into your system. Every time you have carbs and sugars, when you're, as soon as your stomach empties, you're hungry. And so when you're in keto, you don't get that. It's a very small amount of ghrelin released into the system. So my clients, less than 50% of my clients do keto. I always leave it up to you to decide what you want to do because if it doesn't align with you or you're not, uh, you're not mentally aligned with it, there is this incredible phenomenon called the placebo effect. The nocebo effect is the opposite.

So you don't want to do something, you've got a disposition towards it, it's not going to work well for you. The brain will release hormones and chemicals to basically slow your process down. But yeah, again, less than half my clients do keto. And I've got this team I built underneath me. A lot of master's degree degrees on my team, PhDs on my team. I have the director of public health from a specific state on my team. So we've built this. And the difference in what I do is I always say anyone can hand you fitness and nutrition. You've bought into it before, I'm sure.

Everybody listening has probably bought a fitness and nutrition program at some point. From somebody. Paid for a personal trainer or nutritionist. But what works for them doesn't necessarily work for you. Right, exactly. It's not a one-size-fits-all. No, and there's no cookie cutter in what I do. Everything is 100% custom for you.

Custom nutrition, custom workouts, your meals. what I do. Everything is 100% custom for you. Custom nutrition, custom workouts, your meals. I give you three to four meals per or three to four recipes per meal that are all custom for you. And my moms, my girls, they work out at home a lot of the time. Some of them work out at the gym. It's whatever you want to do. But the big difference is I look at behavioral patterns. I've been studying behavioral patterns for over a decade. And when I hand you something that's got good science in it, and a lot of people will do that. Like I said, you've bought these programs before. Why do we start and get to the goal and then rebound?

Right. Or why do we start and then life gets in the way? I hear this a lot. Life gets chaotic. Right. It's behavioral patterns. It's not that the science is bad. It's that we have these loops that we get into and we can't see them half the time.

Yeah. Because our heads are in the weed with life. You know, we're head down trying to grind. We don't realize that there are these cyclical, these strong neural pathways. And so what I do, I have a course I created called BPM. It's behavioral pattern modification. Every one of my clients goes through it. They work with me.

And I basically create these new positive neural pathways to replace these old behavioral patterns with new positive behavioral patterns and that's why they're so damn successful yeah no that shit works i have a um a therapist named glenn who does that and that's how he yeah glenn's amazing if you ever want to talk to him you can he does uh facetimes and stuff like that but he reprograms your brain within the neuropathways oh i love that yeah no he's amazing oh i'd love to talk to him oh glen i'm a sponge when it comes to that stuff oh he's fucking tell me more dude he's written a few books like he's amazing oh he'll be coming on the podcast soon oh i'm definitely listening to that one yeah sure no he's great no i just love i love your approach i love um what you what you're doing for people and i just love that you just want to help people and I think your story is so beautiful thank you so much and if if there's

anybody out there that needs help uh my website's coachgabby.com or you can just follow me on tiktok at gabby tuft is it it's g-a-b-b-i oh yeah we should talk about that yeah it's not the typical spelling it's g-a-b-b-i yeah Well, Gabby, thank you for coming on this podcast. I am like so honored for you to have came on here and shared your story with us. And just, I mean, I loved you before, but I love you even more now. I think the feeling's mutual. Yeah. Thank you, Bunny.

This has been so much fun. Dude, getting to sit in your energy is just awesome. And you're even more awesome in person than online. But if you guys are not following Gabby follow you where on your Instagram TikTok it's all Gabby tough that all the handles are the same yeah you guys go follow her you will not be disappointed I promise thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde I will see you guys next week. Bye. you you you