Dumb Blonde - Throwback Thursday: Mod Sun - Running From Authority

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

Bunnie is joined by the sweet and brilliant Mod Sun, as he talks about everything from facing heartbreak and addiction to finding purpose through his music and art. Mod reflects on his journey from farm boy to rockstar, hitting rock bottom and how he manifested success. He talks about past romances in the public eye, his soul bestie Machine Gun Kelly, Bob Dylan, and why it's okay to be delusional. Mod also shares a sneak peek into his new music and the reinvention that came along with it.Mod Sun: IG | WebsiteWatch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And not to mention we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there, guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away gifts every freaking month. I'm talking like signed stuff from JNI, lives. You just never know what kind of surprise you're gonna get. It's like a Cracker

Jack box. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much. And that's a lot of kisses, actually. Got to go. Bye. Is this thing on?

Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, and now hosts the podcast, Dun Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up you sexy motherfuckers. Welcome to another episode of Dun Blonde.

I'm sure you probably heard me and Mod Son talking about how he's the hot uncle. What's up baby? How are you? I also take that role. I like that role better than the hot uncle. What's up baby, how are you? I also take that role. I like that role better than the hot older guy. Because we were talking about how Jay and I are like mom and dad to everybody. And Mod was like, yeah.

He's like, I'm totally that too. And I'm like, no, you're like the hot uncle. You're not dad yet. You're like hot uncle. Right? Am I wrong here? I like that. I like that.

Am I wrong, people in the room? Are we wrong? Are we wrong here? OK, cool. Am I wrong? People in the room. Are we wrong? Are we wrong here? Okay, cool. We're on the same page. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you. This has been a long time coming. Yeah, it has. I slid in your DMs like two years ago and thankfully you didn't reply because I know, I know. This is the time I was supposed to have you. I swear to God, it really is the time. But I really saw the DM like three weeks ago and immediately was like, all right, I missed this one.

If you ever want to do it again, I'd love to. No, and I'm just so happy to have you here. Why I did is because I listened to your podcast just outside of it. That really makes me happy. It makes me so happy when I have men telling me they listen to the podcast because that means a lot to me because I have such a huge female following. So when I get the men that are like, yeah, I listened to your podcast, I'm like, dude, can I hug you? Because it's like so sweet.

Your conversations are just like natural conversations. Do you have mostly female guests? No, I mean, I do have a ton of female guests, but I love having men on too. So it's like, it's a variety, but definitely probably more female dominated. But I think it's because of my platform and just who I am. I just have a more female fan base.

Even when I was doing- You're like the super power female that's like, says be like confident in yourself no matter what. I appreciate it. And like fights back against people that talk shit. I love that. It's exhausting sometimes. I even told them I was like-

It's such a good message to send though. Not being like, I'm gonna talk shit, I love that. It's exhausting sometimes. I even told them I was like. It's such a good message to send though. Not being like, I'm gonna talk shit back to you, but just being like, yo, this whole thinking that you can't have your word against someone that's talking shit because you're a notable person, and oh, if I say the wrong thing thing this and that like that's like a whole wall that needs to be broken down right now I really needed to hear this don't you think so though I swear to God that's why I'm fighting the good side

people like I'm in a good place right now I feel like I have my light back around me right look so happy thank you thank you I am happy I feel this is the most secure I felt like in my skin as well in years and years and years but there was a time where it wasn't like that, but then there was also this time where like I don't know when it happened, but For some reason I got in my head like oh like do I have to like worry about saying the wrong thing or being a certain? person or or all that stuff like yeah, and that's why when you have this like message of like I Will say my opinion back to you regardless of who I am or how many people follow me?

That's like these they're like these are messages for the youth that they need to like understand that you know for sure 100% and sometimes I get caught up in the am I doing the right thing or should I not say this? But I feel like as I don't like to call myself a celebrity you're a celebrity but as people in the public eye It's like we're told that we're not allowed to talk back to people. It's like no don't say this Don't say and it's like why why are people allowed to bully and that's why this problem has gotten so bad online That's why bullying it was because they always tell you, if somebody abuses you, don't stay silent. But yet, the first thing they tell you whenever somebody abuses you online is stay silent.

Like, what are we talking about here? This is like mixed messages. I mean, my favorite times of being myself is when those thoughts never entered my head. The second they did, I felt like I was so fake. I felt so fake, and not me. Do you feel like you've been silenced because of your celebrity? Well, yeah, I mean. To a certain extent? Yeah, yeah, 100%. Or just even just thoughts of being like, don't put yourself. So like, I've gone through things where I have put myself in the position to

Kind of speak my half of things, you know, especially with past relationships, right? I bleed into the public eye I have had a relationship where I was like no this and and and saying my word back and Then it being like something that follows you forever and becomes a narrative and then I've had situations in the last couple years Where it was like I didn't even stand up for myself and that follows you forever and becomes a narrative. And then I've had situations in the last couple of years where it was like, I didn't even stand up for myself. And like those things are just like, okay, understand. Yeah, like my sister is my PR person. So she's like PR crisis, you know?

Is she a pit bull? Yeah, oh yeah. She's my older sister though. She fights for me. Oh, I love that. But anytime that I found any one of my great moments that people will come up and tell me affected them in a great way are always me having no thought of that.

No thought of that. And I'm not saying like, go make yourself look bad. You know what I'm saying? Not saying say some wild shit at 2 30 a.m. that you wouldn't say the next morning. I mean I've done that a few times. I am guilty. I almost did it last night. You're awesome for what you do. Okay. And like if just as myself I have felt inauthentic before. And those moments like really kind of I let myself down, you know? And like where I'm at at this point in my life, I'm like, okay, I remember who I am. Like I remember who I am. I am 37 years old, just age in music, right? We love Jelly because he really

puts it on the line. Daddy roll. He gives us daddy roll. Yeah. He like gives this whole real talk about what it is. It's like, be so proud of your story. Do not try to hide it. Do not try to keep up with the other people and this and that. Like, wear it and be it and love it and be proud of it. And like, that's what creates the light around you. You know, I've felt my shit dim.

I've felt it dim. And in the last year, I had to just like reorganize my life, get back to just being in love with myself. How did you do that? What were like some steps? Cause I know you went through a really tough breakup and we can talk about that. We can touch on it now or later on,

whenever you're comfortable with it. But I remember seeing a video of you on stage after that breakup and it broke my heart for you because I could tell you were holding in so much and I think right at right in that moment I just felt so much love for you because I was like damn I was like this man is literally wearing his heart on his sleeve in front of hundreds and thousands of people each night. This is tough, dude. So how did you go from being on that stage to finding yourself again?

That was definitely an authentic moment, again. I'm glad that you say that, because that was a moment of true authenticity. We went through this breakup while I'm on tour, bled out in front of the world, going on stage every night. It's like my biggest song is with her. And it's my song. So I had to really be like, okay, like, yeah,

this is the hardest thing, but it's my song. Like, I'm not gonna deny myself of that, you know? And so I'm gonna keep playing it. Yeah, it's hard as hell to hear that voice every night, but I'm gonna keep playing cause that's my song. And as hell to play, hear that voice every night, but I'm gonna keep playing, because that's my song. And so, I mean, that kind of started this whole spiral of being like, from there, it was very, I would have to do a meet and greet every day

and kind of fake a smile, you know what I'm saying? And that's fine, you know? Not like just completely just being in shambles in front of people, like still being like, all right, I'm a warrior, you know? Yeah. But so like I went on that tour and came home and had to like reorganize my life completely. And just like environment, so important.

Like your, I love to say this about people because I clearly look different than I did a year ago. You know what I'm saying? I love the dark hair, by the way. I do too. I love it. I love to say this about people because I clearly look different than I did a year ago. You know what I'm saying? I look different. I love the dark hair, by the way. I do too. I love it. I love it.

Yeah. And like, just you saying that, like, again, we've been told certain rules that are so backwards. We're told like materialism is wrong, right? Okay. I'm talking like if you really in your heart believe that like a great outfit won't make you feel better about yourself, you're tripping. No it does. You're tripping. Yeah. But we're told like no no no no don't. Or you're told like your appearance,

your appearance like I changed my appearance. I go out and people be like dude you look better than you've ever looked. That makes me feel great. That helps me feel secure, right? It's like these things that are just these little building blocks that like you've kind of been told are not the way, right? Like a simple thing, you have to break down

what it is to you, but for me, I've just figured out recently, like what is happiness? Duh, the most cliche thing ever. What is happiness? I figured out what it is to me. It's something to look forward to. That's it. All this like be present, be in the moment,

all that is like, get it, love it. Thank you, Deepak Chopra-isms, I love it. Give it to me. I get bored, like I need to know what the next hurdle is. I want to wake up and have something to look forward to. That makes me happy. It doesn't need to be some like career driven goal. It doesn't need to be anything ridiculous.

It can be something so simple as like, I wake up and like, I love the first picture that I have hanging on my wall in my room. And that like, makes me wanna get up. It can be also something giant. I have something to look forward to. Let me create something to look forward to. Whatever it is, you know?

And it's like, once I realized that, 37 years old into my life, you know what I'm saying? It was just like, boom. That's what it into my life, you know what I'm saying? It was just like, boom. That's what it is to me, you know? And just realizing that there's these little things that are okay with utilizing your life, like changing your appearance, changing your environment, building things to look forward to,

obviously keeping great people around you that give you the hard talks The hardest talks are the ones that make your life easy They uncomfortable ones, but those those are you have to be comfortable having uncomfortable conversations. So what me and my husband I love that you really do because I mean life's not always fucking Cherries and fucking unicorns. Sometimes it's butt holes and cigarette butts, you know? We don't, life's not always a fucking bundle of joy. So you have to be comfortable being able to be like, hey, you know, kind of looking within

and having uncomfortable conversations with yourself. Like, what do I need to change to make myself happy? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I really like dove into that in the last year and like focused on that and that only and Finding things that were like missing in my life. Yeah, you know really really Applying those, you know, like as a musician doing the work a hundred percent Yeah

I think that's a huge thing because it sounds to me like you're doing the work a lot of people are like Looking for happiness, but they don't want to go find it You know, they want it to come to them. And it's like, no, you gotta get the fuck up. Go find it. Go chase that shit. And push yourself and it can be something so simple. When people hear these talks, a lot of the time

their human condition is to jump to something gigantic. Or build a goal that's a year from now goal. Unattainable, right. Or not unattainable, but at that moment. Yeah. Right. Yeah. 100%.

It's like, dude, build a goal for yourself for the next six hours. Like, it doesn't have to be this. Eat healthy for a day. Yes. You know, like, it can be so tiny. Discipline. Listen to a record you haven't.

Yeah, exactly. It's so good. I am in, what is it, the sixth today, the seventh? So three, four. Today's Cinco de Mayo, isn't it? No, that was yesterday. So, damn, we missed it. So five days from now, I'll hit Five Years Sober, right?

Yay! And why, I know it's really, I'm really like, yeah. That's amazing. Let's definitely dive into your sobriety. I would love to. I would love to, and like, just piggybacking off that though, what's so great is another tip or advice or stance on life. It's like, drug addicts,

whether you're a recovered drug addict or currently in a battle, just know you have the greatest discipline in the world. To wake up and get fucked up every day Takes discipline to go to go meet the plug in a random parking lot at 2 a.m. That is Discipline yeah, and I'm just like holy shit every day afterwards like you know and have to have that Yeah, if you can do those things you you can get a six pack in six months. You know what I'm saying?

You can do all these things. You can get that job that you want. You can go through all... Nothing can stop you. No. I have drug addict discipline. I hold that. Anytime I talk to addicts and shit like that, I'm just always like, yo, just know you could

become president. Yeah, no. You could take over the world with your discipline. If they just put that channel, that energy, into something that's constructive. It's so powerful. Yeah. It really is. It's a crazy way of looking at it, but it's facts.

It's so true. Literally, it's facts. Yo, I look at people that are just so down and out, I'm like, yo, just know you could take over the fucking world. I love you. You are the type of motivational speaker that a motherfucker like, yo, just know you could take over the fucking world. I love you. You are the type of motivational speaker that a motherfucker needs, though, because they'll listen to you, because you have

such a cool way of saying it. So people are kind of like truth bombs or like going off in their head. And they're like, holy shit, yeah, that makes total sense. 100% if you can also just get away from the whole positive speaking Google search sentences. Be like, all right, let's remove all those weighted words and just like say the thing you're trying to say.

Like Charles Bukowski is my favorite writer of all time. You would always be like, you have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph. Like stop with all that. The wind blew through the window of steel at night while I was, the twilight was glowing through the sheets of my room. It's like, bro, you found happiness looking out the window

while the moon was out. Like, you know what I'm saying? That is so real. It's like, which sentence do you wanna read? That's so real though, because what did you just say? Say that again for me so that I can remember it. I don't even, oh, oh. Oh, the paragraph, you just turned to send.

You have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph. I love that. That's gonna be my new fucking motto. Yeah, it's real. You do that. I do. You are like straight to the point.

Oh no, I tell paragraphs. No, I tell paragraphs. You think I'm looking at you going, you do. You're a paragraph person, no. No, I am, I feel like I am. I'm not saying talking a lot, I'm saying you say it how it is. That's essentially what it is, is being like,

stop trying to fill this whole thing with all these isms and all these blown out ideas. It's like you say it how it is. Trust me. I love you. I needed you here today, Mod. I am a viewer. I am objectively.

Is it objectively from the outside or subjectively? I don't know. Subjectively, possibly? Here I am again. Didn't go to the incredible. I'm not sure. Listen, I didn't graduate 9th grade. We'll go with objectively and if we're wrong, it's all good. It's alright. I am from the outside looking in.

I watch you and I do have a good opinion of that. Like you say it how it is. I appreciate you so much. Speaking of some crazy shit that I discovered whenever. We're gonna take it all the way back. You're like a farm boy from Minnesota. Let's talk about this. Because you have like a really crazy childhood story. I do. I really love my story. It's actually really cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've lived many lives like, and I totally just like, I love it so much. I've never been the one to be like, does living in, does that, I'm in LA? Should I tell people like I'm LA or this and that? It's like, I'm Minnesota, like Midwest, Minnesota. I grew up on a farm, a farm with no animals. My parents were absolute wild, they were the animals.

So you tell, so I heard that your mom was a cheerleader and your dad was a biker. Yeah. Like your mom was a cheerleader in high school. Yes. Yes. He literally rode up. Married the bad boy.

Oh, 100%. 100%. For good and bad. I got a lot of my dad's good qualities, and all of my mom's good qualities. So I kind of won with that. No, my mom was cheerleader, straight A student. My dad was kicked out of Catholic school and had to go to this

other school and like pulled up beat up my mom's boyfriend at the time and like threw threw her on the back of his bike. It was like your mind. Yeah, that's my kind of guy. No, no, literally 100%. Yeah, a lot of girls at home are like, that's how he was. I'm telling you, I know. And when I say like threw her on the back of my bike, like take it however you want it. Like that it, that is, my dad is like, he was the real deal, he was one of one.

There's this quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas that's too weird to live, too rare to die. That was my dad. He couldn't get his shit together, but he was so rare that we had to have him here. You know? And yeah, so we grew up on like a giant, like what would you say, like five acres? Sorry, I'm talking off camera to my sister.

She's here. It's like five acres in the middle of Minnesota. Like I go back to this town, it still hasn't changed a bit. It's so small. And I actually had this great conversation with someone last night that also grew up in the middle of nowhere. But it's like from age zero to six,

no neighbors, no friends, only my sister, who older sister, it takes a long time for your older sister to. Like you. Yeah, like. Yeah. We were. Trust me, I'm an older sister, I get it.

And we'll get to this too, but my sister was the, like my mom, the cheerleader, straight we were. Trust me, I'm an older sister, I get it. And we'll get to this too, but my sister was the, like my mom, the cheerleader straight A student. This one right here? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, I love that. So we were total opposites in so many ways. But one, zero to six, grew up on a farm, no friends, total just imagination.

What was life like with your parents? Were they pretty stable or were they just... No, not at all. Take me on that journey. I mean my mom was the definition like of an angel like just just trying to caring about kind of zooming out and looking forward. I mean like my kids shouldn't see or hear or know about things that are going on you you know? But my dad literally would have his girlfriends calling the house being like, and my sister would answer the phone and be like, hey, like my sister's like nine, like bitch.

You know what I'm saying? Like that was the first time I heard curse words was my sister like. I love that sister was routing up at nine though to stick up for mom. Hell yeah, oh hell yeah. And like, I mean also my sister was like the bartender. My sister was like making them gin and tonics

and old fashions at nine years old. Oh my goodness. Yeah, yeah. I was literally, my favorite picture of when I was a kid was me like drinking a Paps that like fucking four years old. First of all, iconic. Secondly, that's crazy. Like band slip-ons, my dad's like posting it all. I'm like drinking a Paps that like fucking four years old. First of all, iconic. Secondly, that's crazy. Band slip-ons, my dad's like posted it all.

I'm like drinking a paps, like literally. Oh my goodness. So you guys grew up rock and roll. 100%. That's how I grew up too. And we grew up like 10 minutes from Bob Dylan's farm in Minnesota, who's my favorite artist of all time. Minnesota white, yeah.

And so it was all rock and roll. It was all like, you listen to the Allman Brothers. You're either a Dylan guy or a Beatles guy. We are Dylan people. And the band, and it was music all the time. I love that. And motorcycles. My mom and dad rode motorcycles.

My first scar that I still have on my leg is falling off my dad's bike when I was four years old and burning my leg on a 1,000 degree exhaust pipe. Oh my goodness, yeah. It was wild. It was wild. For Minnesota, like I know when people have this picture of Minnesota in their head, they're not thinking like this, this is what it was like growing up there for me, you know? But what stuck with me the most through those, I don't even know if you call one through six formative years, but they were so much for me.

They're extremely formative years, but they're worth so much for me. Okay. Yeah. Great Thank you because I it it made me who I am Yeah, I am permanently in my own world in my own imagination Because I had all this space and no friends and no neighbors and no nothing So I was in my head all day running around this field pretending I was whatever, superhero or a spy or any of those things. And I've never left that world ever once.

I've like stayed there. I think that's part of your childlike charisma. You know, like you have this like just sweet wonder about you and I even told Jay that. I was like, he's just so sweet, you know? And now I understand where you get it from. From there, thank you. You're welcome.

It's horrible. Everyone, raise your threshold for compliments to not immediately throw someone back at other people. I won't let you do that. Just say thank you. I tell this to all people, I'm like, raise your threshold. I gave you a compliment. Just give me one back.

Just be like, damn, thanks. Mod is dropping gems, guys. I hope you're fucking listening. I needed you today because I had a horrible day yesterday. And today, this is just everything. Well, let's get into that too at some point. No, we're not here to talk about me. Because we're going to flip this and be like,

welcome to dumb brown hair. We're going to. No, welcome to dumb brown hair. No, we're not doing it. Um, so I wanted to circle back on the Bob Dylan thing that you had said, and I wanted to tell you something that you might actually enjoy. My husband is a huge Bob Dylan fan, loves Bob Dylan. His son, Noah was actually born to like a rolling stone. And I know that's your favorite Bob Dylan song. So when I heard that, I was like, Oh my God, this is like kindred Stone. And I know that's your favorite Bob Dylan song. So when I heard that, I was like, oh my god,

this is like kindred souls. It's crazy. I so can tell the Jelly Roll fan and Bob, like I can so see it. Oh, he just went and saw him at, where were we? In Austin, what's it called? The whole big fucking festival they have out there? The Austin City Women's?

Austin City Women's or something like that. Yeah, he went and saw Bob Dylan. I was like, did you record it? And he was like, no. It's like, yo, yeah, again, it's like the great, I tell every artist, there's so many artists that are so lost right now, especially the younger ones that have had a different upbringing in a different kind of world of being an artist. You know, I grew up as an artist pre-internet, pre-having a studio in your house. Where you had to actually work.

Pre-laptop and pro tools. Like this was like the growing up with instruments set up in your garage and every day after school, you came and jammed with your friends. And if your friend didn't show up, you couldn't jam. You know what I'm saying? Right. Like I grew up in that world.

I grew up in the back of vans, playing shows for free, sleeping on people's floors, all that. The world that it's in now is a lot, is shifted in a back of vans playing shows for free sleeping on people's floors all that The world that it's in now is a lot is shifted in a lot of different ways and a Lot of artists get really lost because they'll have these giant peaks and valleys my whole thing was like just a giant like slow Lift right so many. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely And there's so many for young artists peaks and valleys valleys, peaks and valleys. And it gets hard and I'm like, yo, study, I don't care if you hate Bob Dylan's voice.

I don't give a fuck. Just study his career. Like this is a man that was slated as the voice of a generation, him and an acoustic guitar and a harmonica. The second that he was at his peak of this voice of a generation, he grabbed an electric guitar, showed up to Newport Jazz Festival, the first electric performance ever at Newport Jazz Festival,

got booed off stage for a year after that, played like a rolling stone to his concerts, and got booed by his biggest fans and never stopped playing the song. And it is now regarded as like the top greatest song ever. And like that is like believing in what you're doing and not putting the control in the hands of the audience of telling you that it's great or telling that it's successful. And then as soon as they loved him being electric,

he went and made a country album. They hated it. Soon as they loved that, he went and made a blues record. They hated it. Soon as they loved that, he went and made a blues record. They hate it. Soon as they love that, gospel records. Soon as they love that, Jack. It's like dude just was like, never are you in control of my success and who I am and I follow my instincts and follow my guts. Also a guy who disappeared for 10 years and came back and dropped what I think is his greatest record of all time, Blood on the Tracks. Like, it's just the greatest mentality

for an artist to be in. To not think that like... Not be put in a box. Oh, they're gonna forget me. Oh, they're gonna forget about me. If I don't post today, they're gonna forget about me. If I don't drop a song right now, they're gonna forget about me.

It's like, man, just like, create art as if you're already dead and gone and it'll be the best art of your life. Hmm that's amazing I love that you tell young artists to go and study Bob Dylan my husband did that on his good night Nashville album we watched every Bob Dylan documentary that you could fucking find and he just consumed Bob Dylan for like months it was wild and it was the best thing he ever did now look what he's doing you can't put him in a box we love you so much what you're saying is real though like you told you tell people to go and study him and that you know he's one of your favorite artists

and like my husband too and look what he's doing and it's regardless of the music it's like study the path that he took as an artist. You know? It's like my, I learned a quote, because I've been like a, I've been chasing art, and I'm talking like the facets of art, like painters. I've been studying painters. I study the lives of people.

You know? I've been studying painters since I was a very young kid. And when I heard the quote at like 13 years old, that was like, a great artist reinvents themselves every 10 years, right? And like that's their periods, you know, as an art, as a painter, you have like periods, like, you know, you have the blue period or the abstract period and like all these people like lived by that. And I put that into like my life as a musician. It was like the first 10 years of my career as a musician,

I was a drummer, you know? And then my bands were doing good. Like my dreams were coming true. And I felt something that I had to do and completely abandon all comfort and went back to ground zero and was like, I am Mod Son now, I am going movement on dream, stand on it or not, I'm starting this new thing.

And I did 10 years as a rapper calling what I did hippie hop and making positive rap music. This was before Kendrick Lamar did I Love Myself. Yeah, we had Dayloss Wall and we had more positive kind of hip hop, but in that term it was like,'m gonna make hip hop based around the secret and the law of attraction which was like it was not it alt and you know really high register belting and then I'm in this like 10-year phase right now that's like so so raw and it's finally out like I was about to take three years off of music I went back to Minnesota in August

of this last year and I was like I'm just going to paint and write scripts indirect for the next four years, because I don't really think I have the desire to try to outdo myself. So this is when I was very lost. This was part of the being lost period that I just had. Where you had to rediscover yourself. Yeah. And I went back to Minnesota. Isn't it crazy that you went back home to do that?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Is mom still there? Yeah, yeah. Because we're going to circle back after with what happened at six. I tried to warn you. No, you're good. I love hearing. I could listen to you talk for hours.

I tried to warn you that I have just rammed the man. Lord, I was born a man. No, I love it. But I think that's amazing that through everything that you have accomplished, when you're going through hard times, the first thing you want to do is go back to that space where you were able to just be away from everybody and isolated and Just alone with your thoughts to just figure it out

I like I came back home from Minnesota and Like the first song I wrote like the end of the song is like you're searching for a high But you can't fly till you fall and it funny how you find yourself once you lose it all? Home is waiting when there's nowhere left to go. You'll find love there, I hope you know. And it's like the last little part of the song, and it's like, it wraps up that whole feeling of being like, searching for all these things.

I've fallen, that was how you fly. Isn't it funny? You can't fly till you fall. Yeah. Like a bird. Well, there's nowhere up, nowhere else but up. A bird has to be thrown from the nest to learn how to fly. Like, bro, that is, that's, that is so,

there's more truth than poetry in that, but it is so poetic. No, it's so real. So let's circle back. Circle me back. I am, I got you, baby. Listen, my husband's a Sagittarius. I got this. So six years old. Tell me what happens then.

You're living this rock star lifestyle with your family. Dad's girlfriends are calling the house. Shit's crazy. You guys are partying. Were you guys exposed to drugs back then, too, and stuff? Or was it just more alcohol? She would know better, because I was young. She has more memories than I do.

We talk about this all the time where she was like, yeah I was like nine. So there's a big difference between six and nine. Where it's like there's more memories. But basically what happened is they got divorced and my mom was working for, my dad had a what he owned a warehouse and it was a warehouse that would hold things that truckers needed to come in town and pick up like parts and stuff

yeah like I think it was a lot like paint based, like paint for industrial stuff. And the loosest kind of career ever. Like I'm talking like it was party at the warehouse. You know what I'm saying? But it would just be truckers pulling up to this warehouse, picking up stuff. And my dad was a trucker before his whole life, which is why I love the road so much.

Like he was a trucker in his early life. And so they pulled it to their house. Anyway, my mom was working at that place with my dad. When they got divorced, my dad fired my mom, okay? Son of a bitch. Yeah, yeah, he fired my mom. And so my mom had no career, no money, nothing. And my mom was like, yo, you can't have,

like you, like she fought for full custody, right? She was like, no, no. And so my mom got full custody, and due to that, got the house that we were living in. The house wasn't paid for. My mom had no money. House got foreclosed on, okay? So this big, giant farm life that I was loving,

and was just like, shit, I think we're like, I think this is cool, like we're good to go. Went to immediately like living just like, shit, I think we're like, I think this is cool, we're good to go. Went to immediately living in a two bedroom apartment. We moved to the suburbs, she moved us to the suburbs, she's like, I'm gonna bring you out of this farm, put you in the suburbs, we need to get you adjusted, all this.

My mom went to being basically an intern at a job to top of the chain in like- That's where you get your drive from. 40 years or what, or I don't know how long it was that she worked at that job, but she retired like 10 years ago now, she's been retired, but she went from literally working for free to like top of the list, right?

And- Go mom, go. Yeah, yeah, and through those times, and like the first thing my mom did, so this is part of my other formative everything is like, my mom was like, all right, dude, like you don't, you don't know how to be social. You know, I'm seven years old now. You don't know how to be social.

Were you not in school? Did they not have you in school? Yeah, I was in school. But this school that I was in when I was on the farm was like five kids. Right. You know what I was on the farm was like five kids. You know what I'm saying? It was like five kids, that kind of town. Like homeschooling pretty much.

100%. So now I'm like seven or whatever, seven or eight, and my mom's like, I'm gonna put you in sports. If you hate sports, you can quit, right? You can totally quit. But I'm gonna put you in sports because I feel like it'll give you this social acceptance of being a team and forced to make those friends.

And you'll have a coach, which is a father figure. So did dad cut you guys off? Did you just disappear? It was that kind of dad. So he stayed in Minnesota for, I want to say, four years after they had gotten divorced. And then he moved to Long Beach, California But in those four years, it was the hey, I'm coming by to pick you up this weekend and never show up

It was that it was like me waiting in on the front step with a bag Oh, that's so hard and never and never showing up and when he did show up my dad always just wanted to be like I'm so fly I'm so like it like he would he would go and like get a big house and like the really like poor neighborhoods Like and and try to like show off and be all fly and this and that and like he was just you dude He was he was the best hustler in the world. He could sell headphones to a deaf guy I swear to God he was like the greatest Hustler ever so I for a lot of his life

I have no idea what he did but he could always have like a hundred dollar bill in his pocket. And that was probably it. Yeah. Cause he did die with nothing, you know? Sorry. I just wanted to ask, cause you said that you needed a father that she wanted you to have a father figure. No, so I had no father figure for sure. Yeah. So she put me in sports and like greatest thing, any, any tip to people out there that have children. My mom, I put on ice skates, got on the ice, got off. My mom looked at me and said, you're a fucking natural. And like from that point on, my mom told me that about everything and she might have been lying through her teeth.

But that inserted something in me that to this day, I believe I am a natural at anything I do. I have so much confidence in myself that like I day I believe I am a natural at anything I do. I have so much confidence in myself that like I'm meant to do this, you know? And it's like delusion and delusion is a lot a big part of success. You know? Absolutely. Delusion and manifesting. Yeah. Hand in hand. It's so funny. I've done it my whole life. Opposite words. You're like delusion, negative, manifesting, positive. It's like, does delusion have to be negative? I mean, I feel like you're avoiding negativity. It's not at all. I feel, you're like, delusion, negative, manifesting positive. It's like, mm-mm-mm. Does delusion have to be negative?

I mean, I feel like you're avoiding negativity. They throw that on it. It's not at all. I feel like you're avoiding negativity when you wanna be in your own delusional world. Hell yeah. So I don't understand how it's native. Hell yeah, exactly.

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Yeah, for many years. My first, so like check this out. So like my first, I would say from like eight to 13, I was totally, totally, 100% thinking that I was a professional athlete, right? I love that. I was 100% like I'm a professional athlete, okay? This is what I, what sport? I played goalie in hockey. I played lacrosse. I was nasty professional athlete. I love that. I was 100% like I'm a professional athlete. I played goalie in hockey.

I played lacrosse. I was nasty at lacrosse. Those are hard sports. I played goalie in hockey. I was nasty at goalie. I played catcher in baseball. My mom's like, yo, why not choose the thing that's not all eyes on you if something goes wrong?

She's sitting in the stands like, dude, you're the goalie in the back that if the goal goes in, you come home and you're like, I want to fucking kill myself. But she was just like, all right, you got this. You know, like I was a loner, right? I was a loner. I was an imagination person. So I chose those. You know, when I zoom out and look back on it, I chose those positions because I was like sitting back in the net, like by myself, surrounded by no one, just being like talking to myself, like yeah, got this, like we're gonna be good, you know? Because maybe in a way you always felt like it was like you against the world. 100%.

Yeah, so even- 100%. Even as a child. It was always like, I always was like, I cannot rely on anyone else to make me get there. I was always, a lot later into my life, one of my like, basically like mentors in my life told me this thing that changed my life, which was like, your life will be so much better

if you can just be 100% responsible 100% of the time. When things go wrong, there is, it's a form of empathy to just realize that you're responsible somehow For it going wrong and if you can stop being like oh poor me poor me like and just be like, alright cool Lesson learned like you'll you'll you'll be so much greater. So like yeah, I always had this like 100% responsible 100% of the time I'm gonna make it happen So it's playing sports and then the wildest thing happened when I was 13. I'm flipping through ESPN and watching these sports games, professional athletes.

And then my sister is obsessed with Hanson. Oh, not a Hanson girl over there. No, full on Hanson, full on Hanson. And we're fighting for the remote. And I'm flipping to hockey and she's flipping to Hanson. And it just dawns on me, I go, I'm watching full on adults with their career. There is no child on the ice in the NHL.

Right. And she's watching children play to an arena of people at a professional level. These kids are like between 10 and 13. I think I can relate more to the youngins on the instruments than I can to the grownups on the ice. I was like, mom, get me a drum set for Christmas. Get me a drum set for Christmas.

That was it. You were like, this is my path. Get me a drum set for Christmas. Were you musically inclined before? Not one bit. Did you sing? Did you write? Not one bit. Really?

Always to drawing and painting. OK. That was always my thing. I think one of my other first career goals. Which is why you like directing now. One of my other first career goals was to be a comic book guy that drew comic books. I love that.

So always into that side of art. So I connected to that side of art. But as soon as I saw this young man with hair down here being like 10 years old playing drums to an arena of people. And I realized in that moment, I said, I can't see what the hell the guitar player's doing from the TV screen. I can't see, I can't tell. This is too confusing for my mind to understand.

This piano player, no idea. Can't even see it from the TV. I can just see he's moving his hands. But drums, he's got sticks in his hand, and he's got four drums in front of him. I can see every move he's making. I was like, I can learn from a distance. You know, I can learn that from a distance.

From that, it led me to finding Travis Barker. Well, wait, wait, wait. Let's not skip over that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I play an instrument too, which is piano, which I suck at it now, but I grew up playing piano. And to learn an instrument by watching somebody is a fucking talent in its own, but you see what I'm saying with drums It's like the only one that you can look and be like but that's still hard. You're going like this. You're going like this

You're going like this no matter how fast you're doing. I can still tell what you're doing That's crazy that you were able to do that So you got a drum set and you got a drum and you watch what? Did you discover blink 182 by then So you got a drum set and you just sat there and you watched what, Hanson videos? Or did you discover Blink 182 by then? So I had the drum set and I was still in sports at this moment, right? Had the drum set, would look at it and be like this. And like, I took lessons for a second. My mom put me in lessons and I had one lesson.

It was from a dude who came over fully drunk and tried to pick up my mom on a date. And my mom was like, dude, I don't think we can make this happen. I don't think I can just have random men coming to this house to teach you how to play drums. I love your mom. She's the greatest.

One day you got to meet her because she is so cool. I just got this awesome new house in Tarzana. That's like my, it's my happy place. And like I have, she has her own room there full on. And I'm just like, I'm like, mom, when I get this house, like I'm gonna get this house and you have to spend six months of the year at least out here, period. End of story. You are a mama's boy, true and true, but in a good way.

Oh, it's, I love it. I love it. I have great, I have great, I was raised by my mom and my sister, right, completely. Like, I have great female I love it. I have great I have great I was raised by my mom and my sister right completely like I have great Female energy to like make females feel safe and comfortable and open around me And it's my like one of my favorite qualities about myself. That's why I'm so not alpha male. That's amazing There's too many fucking Alphas running around in the world just hurting women. That's why so many women have chosen the bear.

Have you seen this whole thing that's going on online where it's like, they're like, if you got, they they've asked women, have you seen this thing? If you get lost in like a forest, would you want to be lost in the forest with a bear or with a man? And about 99% of women have chosen the bear. Is that not fucking insane? That's the fucking world we live in. So we need men like you, Mod. We need men like you, baby. Please, they need to make more. It's wild. But anyways, circling back,

so you start playing the drums. Yeah. And is this when you had started? I had heard somewhere that you had started like watching the Blink 182 and like recording. Yeah, so like drums sat for a minute, like kind of got a little discouraged. I'm gonna look at my notes too, by the way, because we're right here. Please do, please do.

Cut the camera, cut to me, she's not doing anything. There's nothing. I'm not texting, I swear. They kind of like went to the wayside because I got a little discouraged, you know, by like the lessons and like, it just, there was only so many little video tapes that she that she took a handsome that I could watch yeah I mean they only have like two good hits right yeah, I mean don't say that around her

I was not a handsome fan was not a handsome fan, but do you really have a handsome tattoo? Okay, I was like we got to talk about this says not a Hanson fan was not a Hanson fan, but do you really have a Hanson tattoo? Okay. I was like, we got to talk about this. This, um, they really did only have like two hits though that I thought of, right? Um, bop. And what was the other one that were like mainstream? Give it a goog. Come on. You can talk. Yeah, you can talk. We love that. Yeah. We love that. Oh no. Look at, she's already, well, you guys, you're being a little hard on Hanson over here. I love that. A different release pattern. I love that. That's amazing. That is hilarious.

All right. All right. All right. They had two hits. Okay. So they're looking up to giving them world one I feel like that I remember. All right, all right, all right. They had two hits, OK? So back to it, they had two hits. They're looking up the second one. Giving them two hits might have been nice. You've never heard of Mbop? You're young. Yeah. You're young.

I can already tell. You're young. Yeah. All right. I already know how old you are. If she doesn't know who Hanson is, she's too young for you, bro. 100%. 100 fucking percent. Literally, I had a conversation with someone the other night. You don't know who Hanson is, she's too young for you, bro. 100%. 100 fucking percent.

Literally, I had a conversation with someone the other night. He's like, you don't know Hanson? All right, OK. I understand. Oh, no. All right, so you started playing these drums. And you got tired of fucking Hanson. Tired of listening to Hanson.

And then all of a sudden, it must have been 1999, 2000. All of a sudden, I see Blink 182, see Travis Barker, I see the coolest looking person I've ever seen in my life, and I'm like watching him play drums, and I'm like, oh bet, I was like, I got a drum set in my basement, I was like, it's done. This is the person I connect with, and that was at the time just when Napster and Kazaa

and these other little things that you could download. This is 56K dial-up internet. I just proceeded to download every single thing. I would have to stay up all night because the phone line would get used. So I'd have to stay up all night and download these things. And I'd wake up right away in the morning as it was downloading all the,

and I'd go and I'd fucking make sure that, did it come through? Okay. And, but while you could do this, this was actually the greatest thing, while you were downloading something, at these times it took you like three days to download a music video, you know, real talk,

but you could preview, you could preview it while it was downloading. So if it had 15%, you could watch 15% of it. So I would sit this far from the computer screen and watch that 5%, watch that 10%, watch that 15% and sit there and just watching every I can see everything you're doing everything you're doing and that is crazy and and proceed to do that I mean the whole time my mom is going get off the internet go be a normal kid I can't use the phone like what are you doing down there and

I'm like guess this internet thing wasn't a fad. Yeah, right? I guess so. I guess I was kind of on to something, huh? Yeah. And I just proceeded to watch every single thing and was always the kid that was like, oh, I can play one song, time to start a band. So when did you start your first band?

First band, 13 years old. Really? 13 years old. You just fucking were like one day this is this is my 10 year Change, you know how you said you change every 10 years This was like your 10 year change and you were ready to just do something completely different. Yep I love that about you and I started it started it had to like And and still again, like it was it was really hard because when I turned 16 right? And still, again, it was really hard because when I turned 16, so right as you're going into high school, right as you're going into freshman year,

that was when hockey, because I was slated to be a pro goalie. I was a good. Minnesota is a hockey town. And pros come from Minnesota. And my city that I was in, Bloomington, Minnesota, we had the scouts would come to our school to pick pros, right? Wow. I was slated to be a professional goalie, okay? And I was working with goalie coaches and like, you're gonna be a pro, like we got this, right? And I had to make like the hardest decision ever at that time, which was going into high school. This is right when it turned into like,

okay, sports is a job now, because you're gonna go to school all day. Fucking hated school, barely made it through. Same. And then you're going to practice immediately from school. Like your life is just, you're in a nine to five. Yeah, literally. And I had to make the choice and be like,

no, I'm gonna be a drummer. I'm gonna be a Literally. And I had to make the choice and be like, no, I'm going to be a drummer. I'm going to be a drummer. And I had to quit. And everyone, like I had grown men goalie coaches coming to take me out to lunch to try to convince me otherwise. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Trust me. Nobody ever thinks. You're a goalie. You're not going gonna be a musician. Do you know how many times at this time I got told one in a million and I was like, you're looking at the one.

You're looking at the one, my boy. That's all it takes. Sorry to say, I'm gonna be the one. And I believed that and I quit every sport, picked up a skateboard, started getting really good at skateboarding, and my life just became skateboarding and drums. And wearing Dickies down in here and Vans

and famous stars' traps t-shirts, and I had to change my whole appearance overnight. It all changed. I don't care, this whole poserism and this whole, oh, all of a sudden you're dressing the part like this, oh, you like punk music, so now all of a sudden you got Liberty spikes and you're wearing the Sid Vicious chain, yeah, cool.

Change your appearance. Feel stoked. Are people not allowed to grow? Yeah, exactly. And experience different? But then again, that's the world shutting the door on them. It's like that word poser, it's like yeah, for sure. The first day I showed up to the skate park,

not knowing how to skate and was like wearing the lame shit, like I was posing to be like y'all. Cause I wanted to be like y'all. But like don't ever for a second doubt that a year later I was one of y'all right right but you put in is everyone not a poser the first day They do something you don't think van Gogh picked up a paintbrush and felt like a poser the first time he painted try to paint Looking like at other paintings like everyone's a poser the first time they try to do something they want to do I love that the fuck is wrong with y'all? Like, yeah, yeah. That's amazing.

It's so real. And it's like, people just be so afraid of, you know, whatever, it's so easy to do that. It's human condition. Like, you want people to like you, you know? I love that though, that even at 13, you had such a confidence and such a strong mindset to say, you know what, no,

I don't care that these grown adults are telling me that I'm not gonna make it, I'm gonna fucking make it. Like, I've had that mindset my entire life. Even as a kid, people tell me you're gonna end up barefoot and pregnant, you leave home. I left home at 14 and never looked back. You have to be your fucking number one fan. Nobody else is gonna believe in you the way that you do.

And it's manifesting. You're literally a powerful human being to be able to manifest something like that, especially so young. And to sit there, especially so young, you know and to sit there I'm still mind blown but to sit there and learn how to play the drums by watching music videos that's like some fucking like crazy like am I allowed to say is it politically correct if I say but it's like rain man shit like you are just like Zeroed in and fucking just like that. You must have like a your IQ must be huge. Have you ever had an IQ test?

No, I never have we need need to do one on him. But I really barely, I really barely made it out of high school, you know. That doesn't matter. No, I know for sure. Some of the smartest people failed in school. For sure. Like the, it's just not, school to me is a trap,

but don't, kids, if you're listening, go to school. No, for sure. You have to. Go to experience school as well. Yeah, go to experience school and just to have your friends and all that stuff. But yeah, to sit there and be able to like, you know, just be so headstrong at such a young age is admirable.

Tell me about this first band and where this first band. I mean, the first band was like was like, you know, a couple of friends. Like this really was when I was 13, 14 and it was just like you're learning how to play guitar like you're the only one in this city because I was in the suburbs surrounded by jocks and cheerleaders for real like right that was what it was it was sports and cheerleading and that's it so I'm in those suburbs and I found like one kid that could play that was learning how to play guitar I was like that like we're a band, you know what I'm saying? And it was really just me and a guitar player,

you know what I'm saying? There was no like, and then we found our like, kind of like other delinquent homie, we're like, just pick up a bass, like everyone says like. Slap of the bass. Everyone's like, you know, like anyone can play bass. No disrespect to y'all bass players. But everyone, that's kind of a thing in music.

We're like, yeah, you know. Sid Vicious was put in the Sex Pistols because he looked so cool. Right. They were like, you just look so cool. Just pick up the bass, bro. Yeah. Like, whatever. My dad's a guitar player. And what was, an extremely amazing guitar player. And he, in his latter years in life, just switched over to bass because it was easier. Yeah, 100%. I mean, you got four strings in, you're usually only playing two of them.

And you only have to do one at a time. And you're just like boom, boom, boom. Yeah, yeah. It's awesome. You gotta have groove. You gotta have like fall into the pocket, but for sure. So that band was more just like we're learning our favorite songs. What was the name? Almost There. Ah, I love that. Almost There. That's the next band I was in though. Almost there. That's speaks volumes though. The next band I was in though. We were 16. We were called the Sideline Heroes.

I love that. That name still to this day is so cool. Sideline Heroes. Why haven't you written a song called Sideline Heroes? I know, I do. I really need to. I really need to. I'd like Ryder Cred for that.

Yeah, all right, done. We're gonna write it together. Totally good. We're totally gonna write it together. You're definitely doing the intro. We're taking something from this. And we were rad. We were super rad.

Like we were all like the bad kids in high school. We were all the like, you know, failing students in high school and the like anti everything, you know, this was like, oh, this was the, this was the revolution starter of guys wearing girls jeans, you know what I'm saying? And getting hated on.

Yeah. Heavy. So you guys weren't wearing skinny jeans back then? Oh, not skinny jeans, girls jeans, because they didn't even make guys skinny jeans. Oh, so you guys were literally just wearing girls jeans. I love that. 100%.

And I dyed half my hair blonde, half my hair black. And I came to school with I kid you not a briefcase Not a backpack. I walked through the hallways of high school with a briefcase and a scarf on in 70 degree weather you would have been one of my friends and in high school because I love Anybody who was different like I have always been drawn to the people who are different because I'm different, you know Yeah, so I loved people like you What was your relationship status in high school when you started playing in a band? Yeah, all the girls start flocking a lot more You know, I always had like like I said, I have female energy right so I always had like

Like girls. Yeah, I always I always did like and I I've been very fortunate with the females that I've attracted in my life. I don't think you have female energy, I think you have safe energy. And to females, that's huge. We don't wanna be around fucking Predator Earl. We wanna fucking be around mods.

And also not, hey, let me talk to you in a way that I don't talk around my friends. Right, exactly. Not that. I'm like so the exact person in front of women and you know what I'm saying? That's how my husband is. Yeah safe Yeah, like women are okay being around him and alone with him because they don't have to fear of anything weird and creepy So I had a I did have a really cute girlfriend in high school. Yeah you? Yeah. What was her name? Jenny. Jenny Scoog. What's up? Jenny, what's up baby? What's up? My sister's still friends with her and talks to her and checks in. But like that was like yeah that was for sure the first love of my life for sure. We dated like all I want to say that all through high school but she was

like the really pretty sweet girl that would like come to like because we were playing like punk rock shows there was a venue in Minnesota called the garage it was like a youth center, and we would play there every weekend, and we got big in the city. You know what I'm saying? We really did. And that led me to being in

the first band that really made it type of scenario. The first band I toured with, the first band that like ever spoke to a label and any of that. And we were called The Semester. And I got to be in that band because the two really good artists, musicians that were like musician kids that were like grew up in church playing instruments and giving guitar lessons to like grown men when they were were fucking 14, you know? Really good, and I was self-taught, right? They were really good, and I had to try out

to be in their band, you know? It was like, I'm like 16, 17, trying out to be in a band, like this is wild. They were amazing, and they were from a different city, but the band I was in that was all from my same city would go and we'd play at this youth center. And it was a whole scene. It was all the like outcast kids

from surrounding areas were there. And they were starting a new band and my band was like breaking up. And I was like, all right, I want to play with these guys. And I ended up being in a band with these guys after three trials, you know? I ended up playing with them and they would later break my heart

and I would later bring them back into my life. Well, we gotta talk about it. You can't go over it. Really quick though, not to interrupt you, I just wanted to say, isn't it crazy how your girlfriend was the sweet girl coming to the Bad Boys show? Isn't that so reminiscent of your mom and your dad?

It really is exactly like that. Yeah. It's so funny because I've kind of never put that together in a string of sentences. Yeah, I had to circle back to that because I thought that was really sweet. And it totally was. Like, I'm not wrong, huh? It totally was. Yeah.

So what did these boys do to you? What happened? Well, so then I guess like sophomore year, now I was in this really good band where we were playing every day, writing our own songs, recording and doing all this. And I was the mouthpiece. I was always the best mouthpiece.

I wasn't the best musician in the band because I was self-taught. I didn't even understand what timing was. I was just like, play fast, man. talking yeah you know yeah yeah yeah who's counting and I was I was the mouthpiece though I would get us into the biggest venue in town I was like dude I was the best at forming an email I could like hit the sentences that the grown-up would be like I believe in this kid right so I'll get us into the big venues I would get us the big venues. I would get us on, you know, like I would get us on

to go do like a little four show, little mini tour, like talking to other bands from other places. And I was getting the eyes on us, you know? And the whole goal was like, I'm gonna be in this band for the rest of my life. Like we got out of high school, literally the day after I graduated, and I barely graduated, the day after I graduated, we got a tour event and went on a three-month tour around the

country. Wow. Playing shows for twenty fucking dollars, sleeping on people's floor. The whole point of playing a show is to get on stage and go, hey we got nowhere to stay tonight if anyone here wants to let us stay at their house. Like that whole era of bands is done. It's long gone. My husband used to do that. When we him and I first got together, I've seen him play shows to five people and rock the stage like he's playing a fucking amphitheater. I'm telling you right now, that's

what separates us and them. No, for real. Not that we're putting down new artists now, but it's like you guys really were in these streets. Like you guys had to fucking sleep on people's couches. You guys had fucking, we didn't have a tour van, a tour bus when this shit first started out. We had fucking a rental car or when we graduated

from the rental car to a Sprinter van, or not a Sprinter but the 18 passenger. Yes, the white one. And then you would get to the Sprinter van. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, like there's levels to this shit. Oh, 100%.

I get it, 100%. I remember just being like. What was your first show like that you played? First show ever as a drummer. Yeah. First show ever as a drummer was like at this youth center. Oh, OK. So you were 13 when that happened or like 16?

Yeah. That would be like the first show that wasn't like in our living room to like five people or like my mom and then we can circle back to my first show as my son because then you'll see how this whole thing like builds up and then boom and then builds up and then boom like those kind of things and it's been it's been wild with that but So anyways back to how they broke my heart. Yeah, sorry. We we went on this tour Okay, I was like in contact with labels. I was like, this is it. This. Yeah, sorry. We went on this tour, okay? I was like in contact with labels.

I was like, this is it, this is my whole life. We got back from that tour. They called me on three, three, the other three of them on the phone, go, you're kicked out of our band, you're not good enough. Peace. These were my like best friends. These are everything.

They literally looked at me. Why? They literally called me and said, peace, you're not good enough to be in our band. And that was it. After you guys had just did this tour and fucking were talking, did they get greedy? Pulled the rug out.

They just said I wasn't good enough for them. That I wasn't good enough of a drummer. That's hurtful. And just pulled the rug out. And this is the most beautiful time in my life because it was so hard and it created exactly where I am today. I went, I was living with my moms though,

you know what I'm saying? Super broke, like being in a band you're broke, right? Broke. Starving artists is real. Completely broke. And this is my first now year out of high school and my mom's like, shit dude, you were betting everything on this.

And like you literally were like, fuck any other plans in high school or what I'm supposed to be thinking about. Like this is all I'm doing. And they just pulled the rug. I mean, my mom's such like a, she's like, I'm gonna go knock on their door and talk to their parents.

You know, my mom's like, nah, like she'll fight for me, right? Same with my sister. And, but I just like, this was my first time ever feeling like depression, right? Same with my sister. But I just like, this was my first time ever feeling like depression, right? It was my first time. I locked myself in my mom's garage and I was a stoner. Oh, also I got kicked out of the bank because I was like a stoner and also like had found drugs and like stuff like that. Maybe a caveat that I forgot to

introduce that. Let's not skip over that, buddy. But these guys were also super straight laced and I was like, I grew up with a dad like telling me to party at age five, guys. Yeah, during and perhaps we'll ever. You guys were in church growing up. And we live a different life. But yeah, I was like.

We'll finish that story, and then we'll slugger back to the introduction to drugs. So maybe glossed over that part a little bit. But I love that you take accountability for that. Because a lot of people would not. 100%. I mean, I'll never forget it the first time. Again, I told them, I was I was like yo I tried cocaine and they were

like how dare you? They clutched their pearls. They were like oh your life is over you know like that type of shit and I was like yeah dude I was on mushrooms the other night that shit was crazy you know they're like they're like cool they're like bro this dude is losing it you know so again I do take responsibility but the way they went about it being like they're like cool. They're like bro. This dude is losing it, you know, so again, I do take responsibility But the way they went about it being like you're not good enough. You're out, right? Yeah, that was like heartbreaking and then to just be like forget our number. We're never talking to you again so then anyways lock myself in my mom's garage smoked weed all day and Finally connected to Bob Dylan because when I was young it was just listen to Bob Dylan, listen to Bob Dylan. When your parents are telling you to

listen to something you're like no dog like you're my parents like yeah right but I was always like there's something there and I like forced myself to like really get into it and I just smoked weed and listened to Bob Dylan all day and I was like that's it. I love this because when I was in bands I would sing along to songs and then I'd turn them off and I'd be like to my homies who are really good and be like la da da da da da what hey what came I singing in you're not even in a key dog you can't sing don't ever sing you know telling me you can't sing you're not a singer and I

would hear I hate Bob Dylan's voice he can't sing and I'm like boom there's our through line they tell they say this dude can sing, they say I can't sing, he fucking did something with it, I'm doing something with it. And that was it, I was like, I'm starting my own thing. And if I can't sing yet, I'll tell you what I can do. Like I'm gonna get there, but I'll tell you what I can do. You play drums, and I got rhythm,

and I understand pattern, I'm gonna rap. You can't tell me I can't talk. Right. You know? I love that. So it was like. I love that nobody can tell you no. A hi- me I can't talk. Right. You know? I love that. So it's like. I love that nobody can tell you no. A hi-hat's like a rap.

And I was like, cool, I'm gonna put that together, you know? So you're... Who's got a teenager? We do, and guess what? She is ridiculously hard to keep track of. And if I didn't have Life360 on my my phone I would never know where this kid is the entire family and I have life 360 and my husband actually uses it more than I do he knows where everybody is at every time which I think is so funny but I'm telling you right now life

360 if you have a teen especially one that's newly licensed you want to know how many miles per hour they're driving you want to know how long it took him to get from point A to point B it sounds sounds crazy, but in this world, it's not. Life 360 has been a game changer for our family. Life can get chaotic sometimes with that to do list for yourself and things to do with or for your family. One thing you don't have to worry about is where your family members are. Thanks to life 360 life 360 is an app that makes it easier to organize your

family's day-to-day routines and lets you see in real time where they are so you can Eliminate the stress of wondering and asking them where they are I gotta admit I was super iffy about the family having each other's locations in the beginning because I just felt like it was kind Of a breach of privacy But I'm telling you right now Peace of mind is priceless and knowing that our daughter is okay at all times means so much to me. Knowing that my husband made it to another city when he's on tour, them being able to check on me and know where I'm at. If my battery is low on my phone, they tell me to charge it. If they're missing me, they send

me a little I love you message. Like it's the cutest app and I absolutely love Life360. I never want to live life without it. Family proof your family with Life360. Visit life360.com or download the app today and use code BUNI, B-U-N-N-I-E to get 15% off. That's life360.com code BUNI, B-U-N-N-I-E. I see a pattern here that all throughout your life if somebody tells you you can't do something you're gonna fucking prove them wrong. It's my gift and my curse because it goes to authority too and can ruin great relationships that I'm in because I cannot be told what to do. Does that trickle over into like women too?

100%. 100%. I run so far from authority and that's like that's like anyone just being like Try living your life the way I live it too and me being like how dare you tell me to change my lifestyle Yeah, how dare you to tell me that I shouldn't be staying up till 6 a.m Every night and sleeping till 2 p.m. How dare you tell me that I should try to like move with the Sun How dare you try to tell me that I should live like this or you know what I'm saying? Yeah and that's like my biggest thing that I'm working on right now is like understanding that like there's a

difference between authority of like me being a kid and being like chased by the cops for skateboarding on a six there. There's a difference between like that authority and be like fuck you. Yeah. And a difference between someone being like hey you want to like live how I live too? Yeah. You wanna like meet in the middle, dog? Like you wanna do that and not just be like, I'm your plus one, like to your life.

Like a hundred percent. I'm really focused on like understanding that, but it's a trigger. Are you in therapy? I have done great, great therapy sessions. And then I kind of stray away. Because of the authority, probably. Yeah.

Because you have somebody telling you what to do. But they've given me so many of those, like, here's the starting point. Right. You know? Which is what we need. Here's the starting point. Like, my therapist gave me the greatest piece ever,

which was like, this is why you do that, because I've seemed to end up in relationships with famous girls, right? It's been a pattern. And people will be like, even my friends, be like, man, you're a star fucker, bro. I think you're just strong women who are driven. Boom, boom. I was in my head being like, what is wrong with me? Why am I like like this? Why am I like so attracted to like a celebrity woman and whatever? And it's like, my therapist was like, okay, so you watch your mom get completely everything taken away from her for your father and think that she was feel worthless and powerless and you've seen you know her be abused in multiple ways

you want to be with a strong woman and the industry you're in the strong women you're surrounded by are the ones with fame. If you were working in an office, you'd wanna fuck the CEO. Yeah. You feel me? And there's nothing wrong with that. And I was just like, boom, I feel so much better about myself. Cause I was like, damn, I'm a star fucker?

Like, what is that? I'm like, well, I am from Minnesota, small town. I used to see magazine covers and be like, one day. You're trying to rationalize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a strong woman who has her own shit going on. 100%. It's the independence, I think, that attracts you

to women who are famous because they can do whatever the fuck they want because they have their own money. So yeah, it does circle back to childhood trauma, but it doesn't always mean that it's a negative thing. True, truly, truly. And I am like, where's the normal girl in my life that works at Starbucks or something? Can we talk about some of your relations?

We're gonna circle back to the drug thing too. I haven't forgotten, but can we talk about some of your relationships? I did see a couple of them online, some girls that you have been with, and I mean like Bella Thorne, beautiful, strong woman. Take me on that journey. Dude, that was a really, that was like a really fun one and then like and like really

Traumatically and stuff and like that that was a that was just like you know, this was when I was a drug addict and alcoholic and this was like Met her through friends was like look at this like wild child girl I was also like in like this like I'm like very hippie ism girl. I was also in this very hippie-ism, the way I live life is very hippie, you know what I'm saying? And she was on that, you know? I was like, this girl with hairy armpits, it's so beautiful.

I was like, why is that so attractive to me? Because she's a rebel, baby. It was, it really was. I was like, you're so naturally naturally like don't give and whatever so just like so many amazing times with her and You know, I have I do have this like not only with authority Like I don't want to be the plus one So it is hard to like match the energy of like oh you're like more popping than me, you know

I had like so so a lot of it was that but like I was super supportive and I loved watching her shine and she was very like, very, you lived her life in like a grown way and took care of things and all that. But it ended poorly, you know what I'm saying? We were like, in this like, maybe we're in like a, like polyamorous, like, like, throuple relationship with this other person and

I'm a jealous fucking person too. Even if it's another female? Oh yeah. Oh he said oh yeah. I'm just so jealous. Yeah, cause you're a lover boy. I'm so jealous. Yeah I have a jealousy thing again like I know my things to work on. When's your birthday? March 10th. I swear to God we've been sitting here this whole time and in my head Pisces just keeps fucking replaying. That is fucking wild, dude. Total Pisces. Yeah, I love that. I'm a Pisces Venus, so I love hard.

Like when we love, it's like an ocean. And I dive off the cliff too. I dive off the cliff into it. And so anyways, this was definitely one of my first really, really, you know, I'd love to beat the two and a half year mark, but these things with me seem to last like two and a half years, you know? And it was two and a half years of my life. That's when you really get to know somebody though, and that's when the masks start falling off.

People always say, oh, it's the first six months. No, it's not. It could be over a year, and you don't really get to know somebody until like a year and a half two years under the relationship Yep, my husband and I fought like cats and dogs the first three years of our relationship I do not know how we fucking survived it and made it to where we are Because we literally had to learn to one we had to learn that we were both trash bags And then we had to look like an unpack the trash together Yeah we were both trash bags. And then we had to unpack the trash together. And then we had to decide, hey, are we gonna continue to be trash bags

or are we gonna try to just level up together? And I think that in relationships is real. And a real partnership. But that's two and a half years is where you get to a point of it's make or break. And if two people can't decide, hey, we wanna do this together and level up, which a lot of people aren't built like that anymore these like I heaven forbid if anything ever happened I would never want to date in this fucking society again because nobody knows how to

work on things and like really fucking struggle with somebody you know like people don't they want they want the happiness and they want the fairy tale but they don't want to struggle they don't want the lows they want the highs you know what I saying? So I think that's probably where you're meeting that Situation over and over again is because you're picking partners who don't want to do the work Or maybe you at that moment didn't want to do the work Sorry, I'm not I'm not trying to over here be a therapist or anything I'm actually like tuned into these conversations more than ever because I'm like do I like just die alone like for real Like is that my journey and like like look like like obviously it sounds whatever

but it's also like so romanticized to me cuz I'm like tortured locked up artist in the middle of the woods painting and smoking cigarettes and Writing would you choose the bear or the man? The bear. Because you said you were in the middle of the woods. Yeah, the bear all day. And that would be the same if I was a female too. I'd be like, the bear. You said the bear what? Yeah, 100%. Sorry, I just wanted to make you laugh. You're not gonna die alone. You're not. You know what? I know when I say that it sounds like one of those things, but I am like, I'm such a lover boy in those things where I'm just like, know what like I've had it I felt it and like we'll see what happens but I'm I am in love with other things you know you have manifested not that a woman will make you any more than you already are your

whole by yourself but you have manifested everything in your fucking life yeah you are gonna manifest the perfect woman for you yeah you just have to believe that like you have believed in yourself and everything else that you have done in this life. You have to start believing it. Stop romanticizing being alone and start romanticizing falling in love. Start visualizing your perfect girl.

I would tell you a trick to do, but I don't know if I'll get in trouble on the podcast. It's like a... Well then cut it if it is, but tell me. So when you're masturbating... Yeah. Mimi is like, oh, here we go. Hard. This is great.

No, when you're masturbating, envision the perfect woman that you want. Yeah. And masturbate to her until you, you know, fruition. That's great because I don't watch porn. That's manifesting, though. And they say, I don't know if it's like a witchcraft thing or a spell thing. I'm not into that, but they say that if you do that, you're literally manifesting

the person that you want. And these people will start coming into your life. It's real. Try it. Let me know how it goes. Call me afterwards. I'm like, I gotta get past some of this previous manifesting that I've been doing. Yeah. clear the slate. Should have told me that like 20 years ago, maybe? Clear the slate. So if you're jerking off to celebrities, you're manifesting celebrities. Yeah. You see that?

You know? So. Wait. Wait. I'm thinking maybe the therapist was wrong about the whole start of the trauma. I think we just actually found the reason. And I was like, uh, yeah.

Wasn't the like mom thing. It's like what you've been. It's a smorgasbord of all of it. But I mean, if you are whacking off to celebrities, it makes sense, you know? So moving on to your. No, it's back in the imagination. It's the imagination.

It's like, you know what I'm saying? But I do think watching porn fucks you up. Yeah. See, I don't mind porn. It doesn't bother me. But when it's a problem, like if do think watching porn fucks you up. Yeah, I see I don't mind porn It doesn't bother me, but I when it's a problem Yeah, like if you're watching porn more than touching your partner, then that's a problem. Oh, yeah Yeah, which that happens and a lot of relationships Yeah, yeah definitely Moving on to your next relationship the one that your most recent one are we most recent? Yeah, can we touch on that one? Yeah, that was a brutal year for we? Most recent, yeah. Can we touch on that one?

Yeah, certainly. That was a brutal year for you last year. Yeah. Can you take me on that journey? How did you meet Avril? We met through music. We met through music. And it was like, it was a great time.

I worked on an album that she was doing. And we had a song of mine together and It's called what what is it called? Our song is called flames. Yeah, you guys gotta listen to the song. It's a great song Yeah, it's a great song and like we met through like a really awesome way, which was making music You know and it was lovely and she was like the true talent being around like really true talent Especially was as like I write songs for other artists as well, you know and produced for other artists as well and she it was like amazing like coming up with an idea and seeing someone like so fucking talented sing it and it was like it was it was incredible and also

I've known who she was since I was a very young kid in fucking Minnesota. I heard you had her posters on your wall. 100% had a poster around my wall. Manifested, see? 100%. Start whacking off, Mod. Yeah. Start manifesting and whacking off.

Yeah, right? I know, low key. That's your homework. Low key. And she was, yeah, yeah. So it was like just a really, it was a really, it was a really beautiful time when we met and it was also in the pandemic.

So like we, you know, like I said, I dive in fast as fuck. I just like completely dive into something. And I think she was that way as well. And we just like ended up immediately being with each other and living together. And it was in the pandemic where we were all stuck inside anyway so it was like um it was a way to get to know somebody really fast though yeah because that's what my husband and i did yeah got married a month after meeting yeah and like that's that's like how i've

always been hop into the fucking frying pan yeah like we're gonna figure this shit out yeah and um and yeah it was like a really incredible time she was was like a very, she's like a grown woman, you know? And that was a wonderful change for my relationship types to be with, you know? The most amazing compliment that you can give a woman. I love that. Yeah. Well, yeah, and again, like I wanna give anyone

that I was in a relationship, like the compliments, you know what I'm saying? When we spoke about Bella a second ago, it was like I was directing a video for a band called Palette Royale yesterday and they're friends with her and the whole concept of the video, even if this doesn't make it in, I'd love to tell you this, it's really great. They don't even know that I'm making this video for them. Their mother passed away last week. They're three brothers in a band.

Their mother just passed away. And they have this giant song that's so good that was already slated to come out. And their label's like, can we shoot a video, please? It's sensitive time. We won't be on camera. So their management came to me and was like, can you put something together?

And the whole thing is like friends and fans and other people from big bands coming together to create this like moment of a special video for them. Not like a sad video at all. Not like a dedication to their mom. Nothing like that, cause the song's very upbeat. It's like showing them like we got your back. And like also like when you do a guerrilla video like that

where you're just kind coming together on the spot, it's usually just thrown together. I shot them an expensive, crazy art video. Anyways, tell me back. Their management knows that they're good friends with Bella and they were like, yo, would you be comfortable if we invited her? And I was like, literally was like,

I would love to say hi to her and give her a hug and send her my love. You know what I'm saying? I was like, I would love to say hi to her and give her a hug and send her my love. You know what I'm saying? I was like, I would love that. You know, a year after we broke up, I was like, if I ever see you in public, like, I'm gonna just give you the dirtiest look. But it's like I have nothing but, you know, love for that. So like, draw me back. Like, yeah, it was being with a grown woman. It was awesome. It was, we're two different people, but it was great. I think, I think I had a great influence on her. I think she could have had a really more wonderful influence on me just from the

side of like grown up and, and being a grown up kind of, you know, because I'm learning later in life of how beautiful it is. Like I'm, like I said, I'm very secure of who I am right now. And I've been a little lost in the last like three years as far as like, where do I fit in or who am I? And, you know, there was great things that I could have like taken out of it. But that just sends you a message again of you're not good enough. Yeah, yeah, certainly, certainly. And like on top of that too, it's just like, I had to like really regain this big, big empathetic heart that I've been missing for a long time.

And like, it's really come around lately, this like leading with empathy. You know, I pray every single day, right? And like, in my prayers, I'm just like, allow me to lead with empathy and like be a shining light. Like, and my form of empathy is just finally attached to like being like, dude, you gotta get outside of yourself. And when someone does you wrong stop thinking

Fuck them You did me dirty. I'm out for revenge and this and that it start being like just be in their position like step outside and And things have like it formed in my life lately where I was just like, oh my god I don't I can't have any of those feelings or anyone I couldn't force myself to anymore. You know, if we had done this talk like three months ago, I might have been like, man, fuck that person.

I want, I want, I hope she hears this. You know what I'm saying? I'm just like, yo, run into you, all of love. I hope you're well. Cause I, I, you know. That's healing though, is being able to, you know, put, I don't, maybe it's egos, heartbreak aside and be like, Hey man, I understand you were going through your own shit

too, even though you fucking shattered my heart, stomped on it on the way out. I still love you. And I am responsible for what happened as well. Yeah. In some way it trickles down to that. It's like, you know, I didn't give you what you communicated and a lot of times too,

what you needed, you know? And like that was another great thing I learned from the relationship was communication. Cause like I'm like a run from the problem person. I'm like literally like leave the house. Like I don't wanna fight, I'm outta here. When you calm down, I'll be back. That's so corny.

That's so the wrong way to go about things. And so my communication skills have gone through the roof lately and just being empathetic. And also I don't think it's hard to get there when you're not in a good place. Yeah, well when you're still emotional. Yeah, when you're still on the other side of it being like, man, I feel like shit right now. How am I supposed to be happy for you?

But it's like. It's OK that you felt like that, too. Yeah, I know. I know. And that's what my best friend is, is Mashiina Kelly. And he is. He loves the Kells. He is.

I talk to him. If I'm not with him that day, I talk to him on the phone for three hours every day and he is like we are so there for each other it is like literally I I Talking about all these relationships and stuff haven't felt emotional. I feel emotional talking about how much I fucking love my best friend He is like the greatest. Tell me about you guys' relationship. I want to hear all about it. Look at my eyes right now. You see this?

I know. That's why I want to hear about it. All right. We're back, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, we just had to take a bathroom break. Mod's eyes were floating. He had to pee so bad. Extremely caffeinated right now.

Like, extremely caffeinated. So tell me about you and MGK's relationship. Because you got a little teary-eyed before you had to go pee. Yeah, I did. I did. I did. Because he we met each other We've known each other for over a decade now He has seen he sees me

The way I would love the world to see me right and like I think I'm a pretty good representation of that, you know what I'm saying, but he really a hundred percent is just like I that you know what I'm saying but he really a hundred percent is just like I want you to I want the world to see you how I see you you know and he is that person in my life that is like he he has like the truest like love for me as a person you know and wants to see me succeed and wants to see me happy and when I say these things too, like, am I just gonna die alone? He's like, bro, no, but you gotta start looking at the right.

But that's why I was really talking, because we really talked to each other for three hours a day right now, just about like such real life stuff and real life things as well as him. Like, you know, the next song I'm releasing is a song that I played for him. And he was like, yo, it's great.

This is gonna be your greatest song, I want to help you take it there you know I want to help you take it there and then is it rap or is it rock it's a little bit it's it's it it's definitely not rock but there is a little bit of my like rap influence in it and it's an interpolation and I think we're gonna maybe talk about like dropping this right around the release of the song and when will it be releasing what when will it be released June 7th? Okay. Yeah, June 7th is when releasing it and it's like me interpolating you are my sunshine, which is like in in this such cool way, it's like So cool how we did it and how we made it happen

But I've always been avoiding writing the sun song, like Mod Sun, Modern Sunshine. Like I've always been avoiding like writing the sun song, like, oh, I don't wanna put my finger on the pulse like that. And like I finally did. And I found this like really awesome way to do it. And it's like my favorite I've ever sounded, my like coolest lyrics that I just feel like

a different artist right now. And every time I listen to it, it's like the first time. But he's there for me for for that kind of thing and then as well in his music like I've written songs with him for his music and and we just look to each other for that but more more importantly like our bond as friends is so powerful it is so you know meeting in the middle of two totally different people we're two totally different people, we're two totally different people and so opposite.

And I've just never had a friend that like truly like cares about me the way that he does. I don't know if I've ever had anyone in my life that cares about me the way he does. He's your soulmate. Yeah, like he really, like we were we were meant to be best friends in this life and like probably crossed paths in another life. And you guys were probably brothers in another life. Cool. He's in your soul family for sure.

Yeah, cool. And it's so funny, Megan says stuff like that for sure too. She's like, you know. But yeah, I've never felt like someone be so, you know. I don't feel like a burden to him at all like if anything it's like I'm I don't tell him enough you know and I've been really good my whole life at avoiding conversations about myself you know I really like to be the person I read the 48 laws of power way too early in my life and the

first the first rule is like never try to outshine the person in the room. I don't know if I agree with all of the 48 laws. Fuck no. And also it's one of those books that if you have read, you just don't tell people you've read it. I feel like it was written by a narcissist or something. Yeah, yeah.

No, sorry, Ellie. I didn't know if it was okay to say that because I didn't know if that was your thing. And it's also one of those books that I'm like, yeah, I'm just not gonna tell anyone I've read that because they Immediately are like if they've read it too, they're like, oh so you're an asshole, too They're like, oh so you're just like yeah Right now I tried to get into it because I went through a whole spiritual

I've been going on my spiritual journey since fucking I got sober and yeah 2017 and to now and so I went through a phase where I like wanted to read books and I was like this is what I'm gonna do you know even though I have ADD and fucking can't do it but I can listen audiobooks all day long. 100% Fucking reading them can't do it. It's a it's a task. Literally. You got to really plan out. You have to push yourself to do it. Push yourself and plan. It's weird how much you plan. People are supposed to just like be like oh yeah this is my like read a book time and it's like it feels like serious work. It's like school. I do the same thing I'm like I'm gonna read a book a week this year and I'm like I get like one month into it

I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna read a book a month Yeah, my husband will do that and he'll read four books in a week and then he won't read for the rest of the year Yeah, he's like I've taken all I need from it. Yeah, I'm good for this year Yeah, literally, but I did I tried to read the 48 laws of attraction and I fucking started reading it and I was like Is this like some fucking like weird linguistic fucking? hypnotic type like program your mind type shit and I was just like I don't want I don't want to consume this and there's There was information in it that I was able to like put towards my life Yeah, and then there was also stuff that made me way less human.

Right. It was like, yeah, I'm successful, but I hate myself. You know what I'm saying? It's like I hustled everybody around me to get here. What the fuck? Yeah. No, crazy, right? Yeah.

I love hearing that about you and Kel's relationship, which I just recently started calling them Kel's because my husband does. Oh, thank god thank god yeah they actually called me when they're in the studio yeah because Jelly walked in was like hey man do I like call you like Colson now or something and Kels was like hold that thought he got me on FaceTime and he was like hey yo what should Jelly call me and I was like bro if you don't call him Kels I'm gonna be so bummed. I was like you know him right? I hate the Colson thing I'll never call him that. That's like the first time it's come out of my

mouth actually ever is that. It's so proper. I only call him cows and I'm just like hate the like oh I know Colson like that. Yeah when people say I know Jason I'm like oh you don't know him. Jason's my husband. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was like, I think you're talking about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. But I love that you said that about him because I got that feeling about him, too, because I'm really protective about my husband and who he brings around. And I'm always the I'm the wife who's like, keep an eye on him. And every time I say that, something fucking proves right.

And then when I met Kels, I looked at both of them and I was like I'm so glad you guys have this friendship I was like you guys both need each other because I feel like he needs a big brother yeah and I feel like Jay needs a little brother yeah and I feel like and we get you too. That's what I was like watching them on the studio the other day. Yeah we get you too so now it's like it's just it's a sweet little family vibe. Yeah I mean I mean my other thing with Kels too is I'm just like you know he's had a he's had a sweet little family vibe. And I really dig it. Yeah, I mean, my other thing with Cal's too is I'm just like, you know, he's had a hard time truly being misunderstood. So what he says to me, I want the world to see you how I see you, I'm like, that times 10 with him. Because I'm like, you're so fucking misunderstood.

If anyone got to have one conversation with him, they'd be like, sweetest guy ever, nicest person, like, love this person to death, cool as fuck, not arrogant, so humble, so everything. It's just the perfect fucking human being of like everything. And he's definitely opposite of what I thought when I first, because I've had girls on the podcast who have dated him. And, you know, they didn't, of course, they didn't have great things to say, but you get this idea of somebody once you hear it from numerous people.

So when I met him, I was like, oh, this is just a sweet boy who has a wall up. 100%. And it was just like, oh, I get it now. And genuine and authentic and all the greatest qualities of a person. And I can't wait. I I think he should I think he should do your podcast I think you should do a podcast in general I'm like

it takes ten clips to rewrite his narrative and I just can't wait for the world to to really know and I and that's not even saying that they don't like I he has millions of people that love him oh absolutely it's it's really just being like I can't wait for the other Million that are out there that that don't understand him to understand who he really is because he's the fucking greatest person I've ever met in my entire life. He's lucky to have a best friend like you I'm so lucky to have best friend and the caveat on that is now we live two minutes from each other and like it'll be 3 a.m. And he's just like walks in my door or vice versa and it's so great. It's the family you needed. You know you got your sister and now you don't have any brothers right? No. There you go. I have a stepbrother. Oh gotcha. Yep I have a stepbrother

super cool. So take me on the sobriety journey because you said that you're about to hit five years right? I'm about to hit five years. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Sobriety fucking sucks. I tell everybody that. Butbriety. That it's like, it's the realest, and when I say sobriety sucks, I mean that in like a joking way, because you really get to know yourself. And you have to fucking deal with some of the hardest shit you've ever dealt with in your life

the minute you decide to become sober. It changed everything about me also. The time that, you know, if you can kind of backtrack to five years from now or five years ago where the world of cocaine, which was my fucking everything, you can kind of track where it got really scary. And it's right around that point.

When did you start using? 2011. OK. How old were you? Let's say I was what? 30? So I was like 21 type shit? Like 20?

Oh, I'm sorry. Like 23, 22? So maybe it was early in the day. I really started doing cocaine at like 22 years old. Gotcha. Yeah. And like, and was that person? It's so funny.

Cocaine is such a fucked up drug because it was like, I was anti that, anyone who ever like did it around me, I was like, oh my God, what the fuck? Dude, I did one line, I was addicted from the first line. From the first line. Cause you have that gene in you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably get it from your dad.

Yeah, and total alcoholic, I mean, my dad passed away from being an alcoholic, and party animal, and was literally doing cocaine with me up and you know when I was Fucking fucked up like for real like so dad resurfaced. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I would love to get into all that too if we if we I know we've been talking for fucking what seems like it's about you Yeah, if you want to talk about oh Your time I I'm not kicking you out, baby. I love this. Cool, cool, cool, cool. This is your time. I was addicted from the first line of cocaine I did.

I have the alcoholic gene where it's like I can just go and go and go and go and go and being on stage and being in that lifestyle and being all that, it was always like I wanted to be the best at everything so it became be the best drug addict, be the best alcoholic, and when you're trying to be the best drug addict and best alcoholic, it means you do more than anyone else. You know? And cocaine's a funny fucking thing,

because when you first start doing cocaine, it's like, yo, like, you wanna do, you wanna do, like, let's do, okay, on the table right here in front of us, and it quickly turns into by yourself in the bathroom. You know? Or like if you had a couple drinks. Oh yeah.

And like you just wanted. Oh yeah, but I was like a dark addict. You know what I'm saying? I was by myself doing eight balls, by myself. I did that one night. Not to party. Just to fucking. Just sitting behind a microphone just like,

alright, I'm making this up, you know what I'm saying? Like all night. I mean, it was bender after bender after bender. Like I was an up for three days type of person, an addict. And it went on for, you know, like over a decade of my life. And to the point that there was like really scary times, really times where I was like able to hide it because I was a fun the whole thing is I was functioning. I was a functioning addict alcoholic right but

to pass out to finally pass out after being like tweaked out on cocaine for two days my thought in my head was that I had to slam a bottle of whiskey you know to do it so it was just like the cocktail that kills you, you know. Yes, absolutely. I used to do cocaine and Xanax. That was my shit. So I'd get so low that I'd need to come back up and then I'd have to go back down again. I don't, my heart is fucked. Yeah, 100%. 100%.

Yeah. Like my heart is fucked because it's just like needs stimulation so much that now I'm like, like I said, I've drank fucking four shots of espresso today and a C4. And I'm like, but I don't know. I don't know. Like that's kind of like I operate in those ways and it's not great. But but regardless of that, so like I have been going, going, going on this journey. And I basically like one day after, funny enough, why I also have so much love in my heart

for Bella who we were talking about earlier is like that was the reason I got sober, was the end of that relationship. That relationship ended, funny enough, at Coachella, so fucking LA. I was about to say an LA love story. Yeah, it was so gross. It ended at Coachella. Because it's so gross. So fucking LA I was about to say an LA love story. Yeah It ended at Coachella

ended at Coachella like literally at the festival and I had a friend who lived out in the middle of Joshua Tree and had just Had like airstream trailers and I just took all my drugs in a backpack and went to this airstream trailer in the middle Of Joshua Tree and was like holed up in there for two days to the point that like my friend, was just with last night, shout out Losty. He was like my quote unquote like assistant like living with me at the time, kind of a caretaker in a lot of ways cause I was like in my really bad phase of being an addict. He like had to drive down from LA to Joshua Tree

like throw me in the, he found me in an airstream in the middle of Joshua Tree, like passed out with like a bag of cocaine on my fucking chest, legitimately, and threw me in the back of the car and like drove me back up to LA, and from that moment on, I went on like a six day bender that if I shut my eyes for maybe an hour

every three days during that. Like I really was like pushed it to my limits. And You were like on a suicide mission. I really did. I really did. And it was also just mixing like fucking whippets and Academy and all the all ridiculous, like stupid,

just like ridiculous. But anyways, after this like long, I wasn't at, I this like long I wasn't at was staying at my house I was staying at my friend's house after this long like four or five days of being at my friend's house Just out of my mind. I like came back to my house and Lined up this like really bad fucking caterpillar line of cocaine snorted my eyes went rolled into the back of my head and My guy who I was talking about, Losty, basically like found me just fucking out, down and out, like on my bathroom floor, like came to,

didn't have to go to the hospital, came to, and was really like, damn, that was it. Like I just got my second lease on life. I'm fucking done. I'm fucking done. And I quit. And I quit. And to everyone out there that is at all thinking

of sobriety or what can come with it or how to do it or whatever, like I look at it in a way that I also made this great trade. And it's like, again, the world makes you think that it's not okay to ask for something when you're doing something that's like good for yourself right oh I asked for something okay I was like I have I knew cocaine was gonna kill me from literally

a year into doing it I was like cocaine is going to kill me okay I had these big wide dreams in my eyes of being super successful as a musician and you know getting the big record deal and making it and getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and all that. And I was blocking my blessing because I was bringing around a suitcase filled with shame everywhere I went. I felt shameful every time I did a lot of cocaine. So I can be working as hard as I've ever worked

and going so hard and making great things and doing all this, but I am telling whatever is up here, I'm a God person ever since I got sober. It brought me to like faith in God and all that. Before it was just like the universe and you're just telling whatever you believe in that you don't deserve it because you feel shame about yourself. Now, if you're an addict that doesn't feel bad about fucking drinking or doing drugs or any of that, I don't think you're blocking your blessing. I don't think it's great for you, but I don't think you're blocking your blessing because you're not telling the higher power that I'm a piece of shit. I was telling the higher

power I'm a piece of shit, I don't deserve it, I don't deserve it. And so the second that I got sober I was like check it out. I was got sober, I was like, check it out. I was like, God, I was like, whatever this is that I'm talking to, like, I'm gonna show you that I'm worth it, and I'm gonna make the great trade. And the great trade is I am going to change my life and stop all this shame, put down the cocaine, put down the alcohol, put down the drugs,

and in return, I want you to give me my dreams. I want you to give me my fucking dreams. And I swear to you not, like, within a year, like every one of those dreams that I hadn't checked off of my bucket list happened just like that. And I'm just like, yeah, it can sound selfish to be like, I want something in return,

but I fucking did and I fucking got it. And it helps me stay sober, knowing that like, I owe a favor. I even owe a favor of being like, thank you so much. You did it and like whatever I do from here on out, fucking extra credit. It's extra credit because I know that I asked you for a specific thing and you fucking gave it to me.

That's amazing. That is a beautiful story. I love that even in your lowest moment, cause most people will like overdose or go through something like that and they'll be like oh I made it maybe I should do it again or they don't learn their lesson and in that moment you were like no fuck this I'm fed up and I'm gonna do better and it seems to be a pattern in your life of proving that you are worth it and I think that stems from maybe your dad not coming around as a little boy.

But that's been your drive. What has been your cross to bear has also been your saving grace. And it's beautiful. You're awesome, thank you. No, but it's so real and I'm so proud of you. I'm genuinely proud of you. And that's why I say sobriety does suck,

but it's the most rewarding journey you'll ever be on. And I think a lot of people in this world need a role model like you. They need somebody who looks like you, cool, and tattoos, and is in the music industry that is showing like, hey, I have fucking struggled my ass off, but I'm still fighting. I'm still here,

you're not gonna keep me down. And that's a role model to me, that's what people need. I love that. And I would love to be able to do that for anyone. That is truly my goal. In my prayers too, I'm just like, allow me to be of service. Allow me to be of service today to all the people down here, you know, and just reminding myself that that service can come as far, it can be as huge as

saying something that changes someone's life, it can be as small as holding the door for someone, you know, and just like lead with that, keep this light around you, and you know, finding your worth and finding your purpose and all that is really important but like it all boils down to like dude how do you just like how are you just proud of yourself yeah how are you just proud of yourself how did you do something nice today that made you feel proud of yourself yeah that's so real yeah can you talk about doing drugs with your dad like he came back around and like how did that?

Yeah, 100%. So like my father, we had these points in our life where I would go years without talking to him. Through being like, man, fuck you, you're a piece of shit or fuck you, you hurt my sister. Her relationship was even harder with him in a lot of ways. You can fucking go outside if you need to, because I know you can start crying if I start talking about shit.

I have dad trauma too, so I'll probably cry with you guys. I'll give you a big hug, I promise. Aw, I'm sorry. And so like, you know, he was a couch surfer, hustler all the way until the day he died, but basically we had gone years without talking to each other and his girlfriend one day because I had moved so he was living out in Long Beach. I got by the way I got sent out in the

middle of high school senior year my mom couldn't handle me anymore because I was just like a troubled kid. She sent me to go in the high school live with my dad in Long Beach which was like the funniest decision she could ever make because it was just like insanity. It's a free for all. Yeah, yeah. And so we would connect and then I was on tour one time. This is why we had our big fallout. I was on tour one time and I ended a tour in California.

This was like broke boy touring still. I was still in a band and I came and stayed at his house and I was there and like we got wasted together me and my band was there we were having like this like party we got wasted together I walked out on the streetlights with him he looked at me both of us fucking blackout drunk he looked at me and he's like the doctor told me I got a month to live and I was like what the fuck it's like what the I was like, I'm not going back home. My band can go back home without me. This is when I literally was out.

Because OK, it's a funny thing. I kind of skipped over something in the band thing. I got kicked out of that one band. I got picked up by another band to play drums. That led me to be in this giant band called Scary Kids, Scaring Kids Playing Drums. Oh, I heard of them. Yeah, I played drums to them.

And it all worked out. My first tour ever as Mod Sun was Scary Kids, Scaring Kids going, yo, will you play drums for us? And I was like, I'll only do it if I can open as Mod Sun. Wow. Where did the name Mod Sun come from? It stands for Movement on Dreams, Stand Under None. I looked up at the sky one night, I said, what is my name? It came into my head and I never questioned it came into my head M.O.D.

SU and what does that mean movement on dream stand under none? What does that mean modern sunshine like that that was it and I never questioned it once there was never any other name It happened in one minute. You're so spiritual without even really knowing it for sure Yeah, I mean you might know it now, but I don't know if you did. I like to believe it it's hard to convince yourself sometimes that you're like connected to something but I believe it. For sure. But my first tour as Mat-Son was literally performing to a hardcore, post hardcore like crowd being just boot off stage. Coming out rapping over Miley Cyrus party in the USA. Like, getting just booted up. I would pay to see that. Somebody give me the footage. Yes, real talk.

It's out there. I'll send it to you. But anyway, so I go after this tour. My dad says this to me. And I'm like, yo, everyone can whatever. I got my laptop with me. I'm just going to work on this Mod Sun music that I really believe in.

And he never mentioned it again after that night. And he didn't die. And I didn't see him go to the hospital. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here, dude? Like, why would you tell me that? And nothing happened. And I was like there for like fucking like four months, like being like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, and I'm not gonna say what I think was going on because I truly don't know

But I didn't talk to him for like two or three years after that, you know What I mean, do you think maybe he knew he had a terminal illness and just didn't know how to tell you Or do you think he was I don't think it was that just didn't know how to tell you or do you think? I don't think it was I think it was something else that I would hate to say if because if I was wrong I would feel like an asshole. Okay, my mind of manipulation. Yeah, I think Maybe I'm fucking wrong and he just was cured. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know but it fucked me up And I went like two or three years of trauma dad. Yeah And I went like two or three years. One last piece of trauma, dad, thank you. Yeah, I went like two or three years without talking to him.

And then all of a sudden I was living in California. Okay, I had moved out to California by this time, fast forward three years. I'm living in California, I'm living up in North Hollywood and his girlfriend called my sister and was like, yo, your father's in the hospital, he's on like, not like life support, but maybe like something like that.

Dialysis or something. Yeah. Are you talking about when he started living with me? Okay, so I guess he was in a coma. I love how detached you were from it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like no more pain. No, no, no, no, no, but check this out. I drive down there, okay, drive down to the hospital. My sister's still living in Minnesota

at the time. She flies out and basically his girlfriend had to show up to be like, here's your dad's bag. He can't live with me anymore. Okay. Kicking him out. Which I don't fucking blame her at all. Dude was like a fucking, crazy, right? So I'm like, here we go again. Let's open the door. Move up to North Hollywood with me. My dad ends up literally sleeping on my couch. Like I'm talking to my grown up father

like sleeping on my couch and like being like my kid. And my dad knows that when I'm talking like this, I'm not talking down because in the same sentence, I'll be like coolest dude that ever lived. Coolest fucking dude that ever lived and I would not be me without him. This is not like hate train. This is just like what it was.

It's hurt, it's pain that you're allowed to talk about. Yeah, and so he starts living with me and we're having a great time because this is like my friend. This is like truly my friend. And so, you know, we're living at this house in North Hollywood, which is where my like cocaine days like really got out of control. I'm talking like the ugly cocaine where you just have like a plate out at all times.

Been there, done that. Yeah. I had a candle, like a candle holder that had lines just lined up on it all the time. Yeah, we think it's so glamorous. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's so My. Oh yeah, yeah. It's so MySpace. Yeah, so rich.

I know, I know. And yeah, I mean, he just proceeds. What really fucked up was that the doctor was like, dude can never drink again. If he ever drinks again, he's gonna die. Did he have cirrhosis of the liver? Yeah. Okay. So it was like, he ever drinks again, he's gonna die.

He's in your care. And I'm like, he ever drinks again, he's gonna die. He's in your care. And I'm like, dad, you can't drink. You cannot drink because you're not dying on my hands. You cannot drink. He's like, didn't tell me I can't do coke. Right? They just don't want help, man. That's how my parents are.

I'm like, you're not wrong. I'm like, shit, it's 3 a.m., I'm by myself. I guess I'll just blow these lines down. I'm like, yeah like you're not wrong. I'm like shit like it's 3 a.m. I'm by myself I guess let's blow these lines now like yeah, you're not wrong. They didn't say that you know There's no alcohol and like again dude was so cool I wish everyone in the world could meet him because he was so cool and charismatic and funny life was a joke to him life Was literally the purpose of life was to make people laugh and he would make you fucking laugh He would own every room he walked into and make every fucking, he had women.

Like women loved this man. He could be living out of his piece of shit car and he would be able to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman. Like they loved him. They loved this man. Probably his first life here. Yeah. Yeah, true, true, certainly. So he came man. Probably his first life here. Yeah.

Yeah, true, true, certainly. So he came in just fucking guns a blazing, life's a party. Yep. And so I ended up moving out of that house to another house down in Laurel Canyon. And I got a room for him. So I was like, my dad rolls with me.

This is my road dog. You come on tour with me. You do this with me. Whatever. And things were going fine. rolls with me like this is my road dog like you come on tour with me you do this with me like whatever and uh Things were going fine And then I went into his room one night and I found a bunch of plastic bottles of vodka under his bed Dad and I was like yo, I was like you're out I was like you're out bro, because i'm you're not dying under my roof

Yeah, like i'm not gonna take the responsibility that i'll live with for the rest of my life that you fucking died under my roof. Like I'm not gonna take the responsibility that I'll live with for the rest of my life that you fucking died under my roof, you're out. And it was so hard because again, I had to disconnect from my father again. The same cycle all over again. But I knew it was the right thing. I knew it was the right thing to do.

So then he goes off, lives with another girlfriend. You know, that was kind of his thing. You go find a girlfriend to live with. And and. It's it's hard because, you know, we didn't die. He didn't die on the best terms with each other, you know, because like another two years, whatever went by. And...

Damn, dad was hanging on. Yeah. For dear life. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I, you know, I got a call last night. I've talked about this before, so I'll talk about it again, just because it is a big part of the story, but I got a call from him, I've talked about this before, so I'll talk about it again just because it is a big part of the story.

But I got a call from him one night, we always had this deal, he was like, if I die, you get my bird. He had an African Grey Parrot his whole fucking life, this was his best friend, he had a love relationship with this bird for real, he was, this was his, his soulmate was his bird. And he was like, when I die, she's yours, right?

And so I got a voicemail on my phone one night that's like, hey man, I could hear it in his voice, hey man, you know, something's I die, she's yours, right? And so I got a voicemail on my phone one night that's like, hey, man, I could hear it in his way. Hey, man, you know something's came up. Ruby's yours. And I'm like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck's going on?

So I get in my car, and I start driving down to Long Beach. And I'm calling him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And he finally answers. He's like, it's already done, man. Don't even just turn around. Just turn around. It's already done.

The deal's already done. Just turn around. I'm like, dude, I'm just turn around. Just turn around. It's already done, the deal's already done. Just turn around. I'm like dude, I'm 20 minutes away, just hold on. Just hold on, just fucking hold on. Dude, I get to fucking Long Beach, I kick open the door and he's like sitting there with his fucking wrist in the air, like in a pool of blood and shit and I walk in, slip on the pool of blood, fall into it and I fucking just

start slapping him, slapping him, just like, what's your favorite Almond Brothers song? What's your favorite Allman Brothers song? What's your favorite Allman Brothers song? He like, his eyes come open, he's like whipping post, if anyone who knows the song whipping post like, is like, I feel like dying. It was like the craziest thing to say in that state. But anyways, that being said, ambulance was called, came and brought him back to life, saved his life, brought him back to life, all good, you know, shit happened. That is so traumatic.

Very traumatic. Like I'm trying not to cry over here. Very traumatic. It's so tough. And all good, and he made it through. And you know, at that moment, I was like, dad, you need to get help. When you get a lead out of this hospital,

stitched you back up, you got these bad ass stitches now, all right, I know you like that Mr. Hells Angel, like you know what I'm saying? I was like, they let you out, I'll put you anywhere you need to go to get help. I got you, whatever you need. And he was just like, man, I was wasted, I don't even remember what happened.

My mom who has this horrible relationship with him calls him and is just like, you need to apologize to your son. Apologize? You need to apologize to your son. And he's just like, I won't do it. And so boom, we split there. That was when I was like, whatever.

But that was when I started going really off the rails, because this was still drug addict taste, you know? I went really off the rails. That's a lot of trauma. Scaring my family, won't pick up the phone. The crazy thing is, when I got into my car, after the ambulance came and picked him up, I was like, you son of a bitch.

I was like you son of a bitch I was like you my crazy kind of narcissistic mind as well as like you you were giving me a story weren't you you were giving me some kind of crazy story from my life like weren't you like you son of a bitch I almost got from that story and I was gonna say this in a second was I feel like your dad knew that you would save him yeah so I don't think he really wanted to die at that moment I think he just I don't think you did it knew I don't think you did either and also I did I also part of me is like part of me is like my dad is a dude who doesn't

want to look like a faker as soon as he found out I was on his way that's when I think he did this I am so sorry sorry. And that's not okay. No, it's not okay. And that was when I really had to cut off this relationship. That was when I really had to cut it off. Understandably. Yeah, I really had to cut it off because I was like, oh my God, this is like fucking insanity.

I was like, this is crazy. Also, and then in the same breath, I was like, you son of a bitch, you wanted me to have this goddamn story like Pivotal fucking whatever in my life. This is when everything changed and now I'm worth it to be an artist like Whatever tortured artist syndrome like Van Gogh cut off his ear that the whole goddamn thing through every artist anything You'd have to be tortured to be brilliant. Yeah, my dad was like that. I'm like you gave me this. All right I'm gonna wear it as my badge of honor now and whatever. I mean he's given you a lifetime of trauma. Yeah. That was a huge

piece of it. It started when you were young, baby. Big facts. He moved away with another girl and then... Even after he'd split his wrist, he just moved away with another girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah And would reach out every now and then and then what the bummer is this is like we were supposed to meet up Like maybe this was like two years after this happened. We're supposed to meet up. He's like, hey man, I'm coming down I had like healed from this a little bit. I was like, yes, let's get lunch, you know, let's get lunch I was like, yes, let's get lunch. You know, let's get lunch. I had healed from this, you know, and I do want to talk to you.

And God damn it, I miss you. You're my fucking dog, you know. And you're my dad. That little boy in you just wanted your daddy. Yeah. And he was, he made plans to come down on a train. And then, oh my God, I didn't zip up my fucking zipper after. Oh, I can't see it.

Fucking, I went to the bathroom halfway, but good thing we got camera angles, but keep that in, I'm a real person. And, and so he was, he was, he was, he was getting on a train to come down and the day before he's like, hey man, so can you pick up me and my girlfriend from the train station and then can you take us to this classic car lab? We're gonna look at buying this car. And I was like, bro, what the fuck? I'm not trying to see you and your girl. You were coming down to my, you were coming down to see me. Now this is about you and your girl coming down

to buy a classic car? Like what the fuck? I was like, no. I was like, no, dude, no. I was like, I was gonna see you and I was like, it was a lot for me to even say I was gonna go get lunch with you, you know? And I was like, no, dude, no. I was like, I was gonna see you. And I was like, it was a lot for me to even say, I was gonna go get lunch with you, you know? And I was like, no, no, it's not happening.

And then shortly after that, he went into another coma and that was how we went out. But, but the caveat to all this is that when I got to go see him in the hospital, I brought a little, one of those little like JVC speakers in my pocket and it was during COVID. So it was a one at a time thing. And like my sister went in, you know,

my sister never should have done all this, but she had to take on like all of this, like the adult, you know, cause he had no one. He had no one and my sister took just all this on, which we, I love you. I love you. Look at she is getting all good you have my glasses and anyways anyways anyways cool rock and roll part about it is that I got my chance hug right now I feel like

everybody's crying I love you sister. Yes, come on, come on. I didn't want to give you up. I love you sister. You guys. You guys making some shit now. Yeah. Capping the cool part. Here we go. So like my sister goes in and sees them.

And like I go in and get my chance to see them. And I pull out this speaker and I fucking turn it on full volume and play Whipping Post by the Allman Brothers and I get kicked out of the hospital. Oh no, very rock and roll. And I gave, I know he was,

cause when I said it I was like, what's your favorite Allman Brothers song in this crazy time? I was like, man, that might be the last thing that he heard, which is like his fucking song, dude. And, but I thought that was just the way that he wanted to go out. And I was like, I'm gonna give that to you pops after all this shit. Like, hell yeah. You know, that's the way you'd want it. Me get kicked out of the hospital coming to see you know my god That is a lot. Yeah a lot to unpack a lot to process a lot to hear I couldn't imagine living through that you know you and your sister both are so you guys are making me cry man

You guys are so lucky to have each other Straight up a hundred percent to have each other. Straight up, 100%. Yeah, you guys are so lucky to have each other to just go through all this fucked up shit together. And I have trauma with my family too. And I have learned with my dad especially and my mom. And before my mom died, it was kind of the same thing

with I inherited custody of her and fucking her. And I ended up not talking and she ended up just dying abruptly one day in my care and the biggest lesson that my mother ever gave me in her life was in her death and it was forgiveness that if no which forgiveness is on everybody's own terms and on your own time, but Forgiveness is for you you it's not for them and you know our parents for some reason that generation of human did not want to

fucking fix their trauma they were content being fucking wild hellions and you weren't gonna tell them they were gonna live their life how they wanted to it didn't matter who they hurt and we are here to correct that. You're breaking generational curses every day. I have been telling myself that for a long fucking time. You are. You're doing it. I was like, my dad was so close to being

the fucking coolest shit in the world and he just can't get past this one thing and he sabotaged himself yeah i was like the the the tree was going like this and then you know for me on out it goes like this you know yeah no but you are you guys are both breaking generational curses you guys are doing everything right and you guys are just beautiful humans and I want you to know that I'm so sorry that that is part of your story it's really heartbreaking and there's not much more that I can even know thank you for all that and it is you know like again there's like that flip side to everything and like you know my sister shortly after all this had happened Well, she had just moved out to LA but but it really has brought us to like this thing where we're just like

Man fuck the world like we got each other. Yeah And she goes on tour with me. She's she's tour manages. Well, no wonder she's banging the who are you banging? Oh, yeah, the drummer the drummer You're always with them. I mean that now I get it now I get it Inevitable you got her on tour and everything. I mean, yeah for sure. I'd be banging the drummer, too Yeah, yeah, but she's my ride-a-die for sure. Thank you guys for sharing that. Yeah, that was really heavy Yeah, you know, I just hope that you guys are able to Find peace with everything one of these days whenever you're ready.

Yeah, I feel like I have in a lot of ways. I've always felt like I've been able to zoom out from the situation that I have, and obviously just hope for, my sister's gone through like everything I have, but plus more, cause she was like, had to raise me, you know, in a lot of ways, you know, cause my mom was like a single mom.

So she had to work all the fucking time, you know, all the time, all the time, my mom had to work. And like greatest mom in the world and is my mom. And always felt like my mom. But then when I grow up, I realized like, being able to talk to my mom and always felt like my mom but then when I grow up I realized like being able to talk to my sister that I was like oh no my sister like fucking had to raise me as well you know. It's crazy because I don't know if you believe in it but soul families like we pick our families for the lessons that we want before we come to earth. Wait really? So I this is what I

believe not everybody believes it but I truly 100% wholeheartedly believe that we have soul families and that can reach out to our friends, that can be like your sister, like your sister could have been your mom in another life and that's why she's so motherly to you. Your dad could have been like a son in another life and that's why you're kind of like his father here. You know,

my mom, I know it's crazy. It's like mind blowing. But my mother, like Tyler Henry was just on my podcast and he evens yeah, it's I you guys got to see the clip on TikTok. It's like 2 million right now. Fuckin it's me bawling my eyes out. But my mom came through. And she was like, I am so sorry for what I've done to you. And she he said that she's he's showing me the mother and daughter inverted and he said that you were like her mother and she was like your daughter and this and that just confirmed everything that I've ever believed in because literally I feel like we pick the lessons that we want to go through in life before we get here and I know it sounds crazy and it's weird, but it's like our soul yearns.

Listen, listen. Our soul yearns. It's maybe the least crazy thing that we've talked about today to me. I'm like, yes. Yeah. Yes. No, but I feel like our soul yearns for those lessons.

And so your lesson, I always say you have to find the blessing and the lesson in every situation that you have. So it's like, in the situation with your dad, what was the blessing and what lesson in every situation that you have, you know? So it's like, in the situation with your dad, what was the blessing and what has been the lesson? And then from that, that is what you have to work on in your life and what you're here for. That's your life purpose, is to figure out

why your life took these turns and went in the trajectory that it did and your dad put you through what he did because your soul yearned for that before you came here. I know it's wild, but. I mean, I think I feel like he nailed it for me, like 100%. Aw, well, let's talk about something fun.

You wanna talk about? Woo! Let's switch real quick. You brought me a book. Yes, yes. Did I ever wake up? What is this? Tell me all about it.

That's my first book, so I have six books out, but that's my first book. And it's the thing that really changed my life, like that truly changed my life as far as like art. Like, yeah, yeah, of course. It's like how to, you know, this was, this was a 21 year old, my son, who was living his life by the law of attraction and the secret. And the only time I ever heard people speak on it, especially at this time, was much older people, you know, that I was like, I wanna make a version that youngins can hear those words and actually connect.

Same thing with the hockey and the handsome thing. Yeah. I wanted to make that, I wanted to make my version of the secret or the law of attraction and what that meant to, from the lens of a younger person. So it's like very like creative writing, but motivational. It's like, did I ever wake up is like basically being like, how to live your life like it's a dream.

And believe that you're in a dream and believe that you're like able to make- Manifest. Yes, to believe that. And it changed my life. I mean, that book sold at like 200,000 copies. It's the one thing that I've been able to like live my journey through is like this piece of intellectual property that is my book.

And you have six books. I have six books out. Tell me about this. This is the only one that's like in this realm and then I have like two poetry books out and then I have three journal kind of If I had one here be really easy to understand but it's like I go on some kind of trip and I write the first half of this The hundred page thing or whatever I write my story just day by day this day to this this this this and then the is on the, the same covers on the flip side of the back. So you flip it over like that. It looks the exact same, but then you go to the pages and they're blank.

So it's like two stories come to live together and it kind of like influences like the younger generation, the importance of writing and not just diary entries, but like to write and, and literature and the importance of those things that, that live between the pages. All the answers are in the books, truly. And not my books, the books, I'm saying, like period, you know? And so I just like to influence like the world to be in touch with, especially like the importance of literature and just like telling your own story. Not for the simple fact of being like, the world needs to hear my story,

but telling yourself your story, you know? Documenting things, living like your dad, like living like your dad, making art like you're dead and gone. How important would it be for your, 100 years from now, people connected to your family to find your journal? It would be so amazing for them. Yeah. They would love that.

That is, my brain is over here. You already know. My brain is like going, because I'm writing a book this year actually too about my life. But great. It's so important. It's so important to it. I think those things I tell as many people possible that like also like check it out dude. Fucking music is the one piece of art that I do that I feel has so little intellectual property because my favorite song is Like a Rolling Stone, let's say, right? Bob Dylan, Like a Rolling Stone,

regarded as the greatest song of all time. That is 99 cents right now, okay? A song that a kid just made is very first song that let's just for all sakes of this argument call it terrible, okay? It's 99 99 cents that is fucked up to me yeah if this is a song that's regarded as the greatest song of the world why is it the same price as the song from the kid that just made it last night in one hour not knowing what he was doing yeah why is that okay a book that is intellectual property if I

say that book is worth three thousand dollars that book is worth three thousand fucking dollars period and it's end of discussion and like I don't care how much it took to make it I don't care how time it's time to take it if I say that's how much it is worth that's how much it's worth and it's the same with my paintings and it's the same with any of the things that I do outside of music because music I'm in this confine of of a World that's not changing and hasn't changed and it's like that's just a crazy thing to me that there's a set price on Greatness in that world, but a painting, you know, yeah a fucking Basquiat painting is selling for 200 million dollars. Yeah and

Yeah, I mean, you know, I've never looked at it that way yeah amazing it's like that that's why I love those types of intellectual property I think they're so important yeah you're not putting your worth compared comparatively like stuck in a world like you could literally tell you could say I'm making one book and I'm selling it for a hundred thousand dollars and you'll find someone to buy that book No for sure. You know sell one at that price Yeah, no, that's wild I've never thought of it that way your mind is brilliant it really is and I feel like did you need Your own podcast mod cast. It's coming. Oh my god

Oh my God, yes, do it, I love that. I'll listen to it and I'll support it 100%. Please do, please do. Yeah, you need one because this generation needs to hear what you have to say because you have so much depth and so many people, I do a lot of interviews, so many people do not have depth and you really need to have a microphone in front of you. That might be your calling.

Thank you. This podcast has been so fucking therapeutic for me. I know if you had a podcast, oh my God. I mean, I hear it with you. I hear you allowing people to like find themselves when I listen to your episodes. And then I also hear you stumble upon things that you're figuring out about yourself

when you're talking to someone and you ask the question. Yeah. And you're like, oh shit. Yeah, I love it. I needed you today. Like I can totally admit. I needed you today. I can totally admit that I needed you today. Mimi's shaking her head yes, because I had.

No, I needed you today. This was such a blessing, because I just fucking had the worst day yesterday, and I was just really questioning a lot of things. And then you just came in here, and the things that you have said have just sparked my flame again. And I needed that. So thank you for that. Thank you for your time. It makes me so happy.

That's why she's the manager. Man, watch this. So years go by and my, so I got, one of the things that changed my life that this is awesome to mention is that after a year and a half of being Mod Sun and releasing music as Mod Sun, my brand of like rap and this, I got chosen by Rolling Stone magazine to be one of 15 people put in a contest to be the first unsigned artist put on

the cover of Rolling Stone, right? And it was just like this thing that I was like The law of attraction is real. Like are you hearing me yet? Like it's real all my songs are about the law of attraction and I'm about young in Five issues of Rolling Stone right now. Yeah, it is fucking nuts Yeah, and so while that's going on, here comes the guitar player that kicked me out from the other band and he was in a band that was signed

and they break up and he sends me a picture of him having my logo MS like this tattooed on his wrist. And he goes, so proud of you, bro. So proud of you, bro. And I was like, I have missed you so goddamn much. I have missed you so much. I was like, come have missed you so goddamn much. I have missed you so much. I was like, come be my guitar player. You are so forgiving.

I'm going out to New York to do this competition for Rolling Stone and be on camera for a week. Come be my DJ and guitar player, bro. I have missed you so much. Boom, he's there. We go on for years together to tour the world together and he's guitar and singing and he's been featured on some of my songs His name's Pat Brown love him to death though what I do and my life and being an artist was not made for him

So now he's um, he's a tour manager now and he tour manages a Tiesto and like his pot. He's poppin He's legit. He did his thing brought him back around We fucking had an amazing run travel the world together still talked to this day He's poppin', he's legit. He did his thing. Brought him back around. We fuckin' had an amazing run, traveled the world together, still talk to this day. The other guy that kicked me out, he was my DJ before! He became my DJ after he kinda left around, no, no, no. It was before he was my first DJ,

before my friend Pat came around. And then he decided to go to art school and went to art school For a while and then was like man this school shit's not for me I was like he came to my going away party to move to California I hadn't talked to him for like two years came to my going away party that my sister threw me a surprise party She invited him he came we hadn't talked in a while. He's like man. I'm going through this rough relationship I just broke up like I, I wanna quit school, I don't know what to do, I was like,

I'm moving to California tomorrow. I got an extra bedroom there, I have missed you. I was like, if you fucking wanna pack your shit up, come live with me, bro, just let's work together, you make art and shit, you can do all my covers and shoot some videos and DJ, play guitar, whatever you wanna do, you know And brought him back around and now he's still out here

He's gone on to be a huge person graphic designer for girls skateboards and now he has his own Creative agency and stuff and so, you know, I'm super proud of both of them But you broke my damn heart and I never held it against you. Yeah Yeah, you sure you wanna fuck but you broke my damn heart and I never held it against you. Yeah. He's a Pisces. He definitely held it against you. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, you sure you want to fucking be in this same town as me? I love that. And then lastly, I know I've had you forever,

but we have to talk about you're going to be dropping an album. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to be dropping an album. My first song from this new run of things, I have left the internet for the last six months. I haven't dropped anything in almost a year. And I'm coming back with my song that I've worked so hard on this new music, but also just came into it so pure.

Like I said, I went back to Minnesota. I was like, I'm not gonna make music for three years. And if I want to after that, cool, I will. I came in with so much pure intention to make music and I stumbled upon making what I believe is like could be the song that everyone knows me for for the rest of my life, you know? And Kel's helped write on it with me.

One of my newest additions to my best friend, Agrafi, he's this guy named No Love, who is I think one of the most talented people around. It's just this tight-knit group that we have and yes, I'm releasing a song. It's gonna be out on June 7th so depending on when this comes out, it's either out right now or it's about to come out and from there I'm gonna just continue releasing over the summer and then I'm gonna go on a tour. Most likely this will be out when this gets announced too as well at the end of September. Yay we'll be on tour too so I get my own tour bus whenever I go on tour with Daddy and so hopefully our paths will cross. I can't wait.

We can either go to one of your shows or you come to ours or both or whatever yeah we'll have to link schedules yeah that'll be fun. I've never been more fulfilled with the music I make. The simple fact is that I was a drummer growing up and I always wanted to play guitar and get good at guitar. I've kept 12 guitars around me at all times throughout my whole life and just never clicked for me. Within the last six months, due to my really great friend, Noah Love, who's an incredible guitar player, it's clicked for me. It's totally clicked, and I've been writing all my songs, just me and a guitar.

And whether they get like a little production on top of that, it's all very purposeful production. But a lot of it, my favorite song that I've ever wrote that I've been trying to write since I was 13 years old, it's called Morning Breaks. It's gonna come out this summer. It's just my voice and a guitar

the same time recorded playing it and it is the song I've been trying to write my entire life and my friends that mean the world to me are like I Cried to this, you know, I cried to this song and I'm just like Bingo, I'm fulfilled. I'm just so fulfilled musically. My expectations are start and end right there. Am I fulfilled? Absolutely. Good. Let it out into the world. Whatever these things do, grow up on your own and have a great time out there, songs, but you have fulfilled me and I'm so proud of that. And I have nothing but happiness to share it with the world. And that's all I wanna do is share it, grow your own legs, go live your life.

I hope you become the biggest goddamn songs that I've ever created. But either way you have made me so happy. Say they will, they will. They will, I know. I believe they will. But I'm also like, you're a child that hasn't been born yet so I'm not telling you, you have to be a goddamn superstar.

But I expect you to be a fucking superstar. Get the fuck up and let's get to work baby. I love it I'm excited to hear it. My favorite music is stripped down music like that like acoustic with where you can just feel it you know like yeah you're gonna send it to me I want to hear it. Give me a sneak peek so we can listen to it on the way home. I will. Maude thank you for coming here today. Thank you. This is great. And I needed you. But also, also, why is there that I needed you? Like, it's, I think, you know, I tell some of my close friends too, like when they're going, when they're going through something, I'm like, well, you know what? Go outside and be social. Go into a social setting. You might be like, man, I don't feel like being around people tonight. Go out. You'll be reminded how much people love you. And that is so crucial to getting through a tough time.

Remind yourself how loved you are. It's okay to do these little hacks in life. It's not all this be present, be in the moment, make sure that you're focused on the right. It's like, no, allow other people to make you happy as well. And like, don't be so goddamn hard on yourself. Be gentle, go out, remind yourself. It could be one person that's like, damn, I missed seeing you. And you're like, I needed that. Yeah. You're just like, I needed that. Thank God. I am great. Yeah. You know, I love that. What are you guys fucking doing?

I'm watching her looking at her over here. Everybody's fucking crying God you guys mod I love you and I want you to come back to the podcast as many times as you want if you I would love to I would co-host I would one day or something. I would I would love to that would be so fun. I would love to all right I love you. Thank you so much for having me on this has been Why don't you tell people where they can find you just in case they don't know where you're MOD Sun on everything mods fun and You know, I would love to meet you all out there anyone out there But see you on great great talks really happen great connections really happen friends are still alive and well, it's never too late to make a new friend

Love you so much. Thank you. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye