Dumb Blonde - Tommy Vext: Exes, Metal and Almost Being Murdered

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

It's a wild one this week as Bunnie welcomes rocker, singer, and songwriter Tommy Vext. He opens up about everything from his twin brother to former bands, past relationships, and his sobriety. Tommy talks about his upcoming co-headlining tour with Struggle Jennings, his issues with the current metal industry, and the call that saved his life.  "Getting sober, you really have to get to know yourself." - Bunnie    Bunnie: www.dumbblondeunrated.com Tommy Vext: IG | Website | Music    Watch Full Episodes & More: www.dumbblondeunrated.com   David Vincent  Bob Larson     See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, I got the most eligible bachelor in rock. I don't know if I'm eligible. Oh, shit. I didn't know if I'm eligible. Oh, shit. I didn't know. I thought you were.

Are you single? You're single. I'm single, but that doesn't mean I'm eligible. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, don't be whoring me out. We don't know. No, listen, we don't do.

This is a house of no. We don't do long term relationships at the house of Tommy Vext. Oh, shit. Yeah, we don't do that. We tried it. Didn't work. Ladies and gentlemen, Tommy V vexed hi we're so happy to have you here it's gonna be here i'm glad it worked out yeah it's been a long time coming

i know we got in we've been here for i got in yesterday and here we are what are you doing in my neck of the woods our neck of the woods all kinds of things i had uh we had had dinner and a photo shoot with struggle so me and struggle jennings are going to be announcing uh a co-headlining tour yeah very excited about that yeah that is exciting yeah we might do some musical collaborations as well dope yeah yeah the patriots are linking up i mean you know it's kind of it's a thing yeah it's it's a it's a good thing you guys you guys are like the new bad boys club well yeah basically anybody who um anybody who has an opinion right and says it i mean it's so funny to me because i grew up you know i grew up in brooklyn and i'm 39 like i grew up in cbgbs and you know i grew up in hardcore and gangster rap and death metal and hardcore metal

and all that you know and the whole attitude of like punk rock and, and the whole, it's not just an aesthetic, it's a lifestyle. And the lifestyle is fuck you. Yeah. It's anti-state, anti-

Anarchy pretty much is kind of like what it is. Well, I don't think it's anarchy. I think it's more like it's, it's more rebellious. Yeah. It's rebellion. It's more in line with libertarian values of like no government.

They'll get out of my business. Fuck you. like let everybody live and let live kind of vibe right and to see you know like in 2020 just mad people yeah the unmentionables because i've been i've been spilling the tea on too many people i actually got a text message from a a multi molt like a band that sells 30 million records it was like don't involve us in there you know because i'm taking people out i'm sniping people out we're gonna get to that but i kind of like i want to kind of paint a picture of tommy that most people don't get to hear so you said you grew up in new york brooklyn south brooklyn brooklyn what was that like growing up oh it was chill it was chill It was a little like, you know, my twin brother and I, our mom was a crackhead.

So she abandoned us at the hospital. And then my parents that raised us, they were on the list to adopt one baby. And the hospital called and said, would you take two? And they said, yeah. So my mother and father who raised us took me and my brother in. And then a couple years later, adopted my sister. My dad was a Vietnam vet. He was a Marine.

And my godfather and uncle, everybody was in the Marines. And they were working class. So I got those values early on, you know, and and then as I got to like preteens that whole age, like my brother started having severe mental health issues and he was being institutionalized. And then my dad, who had been sober for 20 years, wound up relapsing. Then my mom took my sister and ran away because the house was so crazy right um so to to like protect my sister look at this guy so sorry listen don't don't put any animals in front of me dogs otters rabbits like i'm like oh yeah he's trying to make his way to your microphone this is his show i know. So I wanted to touch back on your brother because I remember the first time I had ever heard of you.

I was driving and I heard a Bad Wolf song come on. And I think it was Remember When. Yeah, that's the track. Yep. And I called Jay. And I was like, babe, you're going to love this dude. You got to check him out. Check out this song.

It'll resonate with you. But I remember you did talk about your brother in that song right is it that one or the other one yeah so that song actually talks about so you know it goes through me and my brother growing up together and then being twins and being inseparable and then eventually uh you know where i was getting in the story my dad relapsed on alcohol my mom left the house was you know my brother became a drug dealer then i was a drug dealer you know we were i was still doing bands so i didn't really i didn't get too deep into the game because i knew the consequences and so music was something because i'd been playing concerts since i was 14 like i had a fake id we'd play down in new york city and you know then

they'd realize we weren't old enough to be there. They'd be like, play your show and get out of here. That was my next question too, is has music always been a part of your life? Yeah, since I was about 12. So, you know, it's, you know, and then simultaneously drugs and alcohol happened around the same time. And so it started out with playing shows

and stealing booze with my friends, you know, from my parents parents liquor cabinets to smoke a weed to do an acid to do an ecstasy to sniff and coke and then oh we could sell this stuff and we can make money to pay for demos and like you know just like that whole thing so the hustle the hustler mentality though yeah and it's and and basically growing up where i grew up you had no other options right so you either like nobody was going to school and get going to college and getting a degree of doing anything respectable you were like the best job you could do is is get a job working for the city you know uh work for

the transit authority work for sanitation work for the man police officer or a fire firefighter or emt or something and that was kind of it right you know and so like fuck that yeah yeah so you know me and my brother did our thing and um i almost got killed when i was i think 20 by a gang they like hit me with their car pulled over beat me up with baseball bats me and my friend james And we like, somebody pulled up on us getting like beat to death in an alleyway. Golly. And then scared the kids off.

And I was done. That was enough for me. I got the wake up call. So I was like, yo. Yeah. I'm not doing this shit anymore. And so I just- That was it?

That was the defining moment where you were just like, I'm gonna change my life. No, I didn't. I still didn't get sober, but I was like, I decided that if I could become a rock star, I could run away from all of the problems and my childhood and my parents and all the pain and all the, you know, everything. Right.

And so I decided that's what I was going to do. Was there, wasn't there a situation that happened between you and your brother? Yeah, that was many years later. Many years later? Okay. So that was in 2010. So fast forward from, I guess, basically 2000, early 2000s to 2010. So at this point, I had moved to California.

I got signed to Roadrunner Records. I was in a band with Dina from Fear Factory and Tim from Morbid Angel and Joe from Niles. Oh my God, Morbid Angel. I haven't heard that in so long. Super metal. Yeah. They used to be on the Bob Larson show. Do you know who Bob Larson is?

No. So the lead singer of Morbid Angel, his name was Trey, I believe, or something like that. I cannot remember. There's two of his, David Vincent. And there's a replacement guy who's not the, not David Vincent and there's a replacement guy who's not David Vincent. So I forget his name, but my dad was obsessed with this talk show, Bob Larson, and he was the lead singer of Morbid Angel. And he would call in and his demons would talk to Bob Larson on the air.

Oh, that's amazing. I've never heard this. You've got to Google this. I swear to God, the lead singer. And that's why I think his name is Trey. But you'll have to just Google Bob Larson, Morbid Angel, and it's a whole little wormhole you'll go down. That's how I grew up. This is what I'll be doing on my flight tomorrow to Chicago. Oh my God, this is so weird. I'm soliciting to it.

Paying $40 for Wi-Fi for two hours. All right, so you had this band formed. Yeah, so we did this band. I put out a record, traveled all over the world. I still, you know, and I was I was born addicted to drugs and alcohol. I just didn't know. So I took my alcoholism and my drug addiction with me. So going to California didn't save me, you know. And I and and it's funny because when I look back, I wrote a biography that is going to come out next year. And I remember looking back and being, I was such trash. When I moved from Brooklyn to L.A., I moved to East L.A. I lived in a closet in a trap house that was like, they were selling weed and meth out of the house.

Wow. And then I was taking the bus everywhere because I didn't have a license. Because in New York City, you don't have, you you know no one can afford a car anyway so you take the train and so i was riding the bus and i was i was bouncing at the roxy and the key club and then getting out of work and then coming back home waking up going to the studio you know right but music was always your yeah that was the driving force yeah it kept me out of trouble and um yeah and so you know the band got signed. Me and the guitar player, we bumped heads a lot.

And then finally, we got into a huge argument. And I just knocked him out on stage in front of everybody. And then I was out of the band. Then I joined up. They're like, you're not allowed. That's it. We're drawing the line here. You can do all the drugs in the world, but fucking knocking out of the band. Then I joined. Then I joined. Like, this is not this. You're not allowed. That's it. We're drawing the line here. You can do all the drugs in the world.

Yeah. Knocking out people on stage. That's the line. Well, this is it. This is the thing that's interesting about the metal industry is like it's a lot of pseudo tough guys. Oh, yeah. Not for sure.

And so all these dudes are out there like, like, I have tattoos and I'm tough. And I'm like, dude, like, nah. Right. twos and i'm tough and i'm like dude like nah right so you can only like at that point our power like our power dynamic was this guy used to be super famous and i looked up to him so he kind of punked me and bullied me for as long as he could and then i just waxed him right and then well you just it was a lot of pent-up aggression yeah and then and then months later like i i auditioned to sing for a punk band called snot and the singer had passed away i used to listen to them you know me and my brother used

to listen to that record and smoke way together and you know skip school like and then i'm singing for that band and then this guy gets mad about it and runs his name he runs his mouth in the press and so i'm backstage at a slip not disturb show and i see him and then we just i just squared up with him right well you had it coming yeah i mean but that's the thing is me like when i was drinking i would just beat anyone's ass or get my ass beat like i'm not like oh i'm a tough guy like i've got my ass kicked yeah you know what i mean so i'm you know i'm i don't have that like uh you know it could go either one of either way right but i also learned growing up fighting i don't act a certain

way because i don't want my motherfucking ass whooped yeah the street will teach you how to yeah you know there's a moral compass of growing up with physical violence as a consequence of your actions i grew up in the street so completely understand. Which people don't have nowadays. The younger generations, because as soon as a fight breaks out, everyone's like, shh. That or they want to pull a gun out. Well, yeah. It's either a camera or a fucking gun. Nobody knows how to square up and just fight anymore.

Well, nobody in the metal industry is pulling out guns. They'll be like, hey, man. I might. Put them up. Put them up. Oh, I go, hey, hey. You don up like my demos oh shit yeah no i've realized that because i've been around a lot of the music scene pretty much my whole life too and it's it's crazy because you see these people on tv you hear their music and stuff like that and then you meet them and

they're completely different humans yeah yeah so but i'm the same way though because i'm like i'm like i'm you know people are like tommy vex is a monster and bob yeah i don't feel like that i feel i mean i don't feel like the headlines it's just like tommy vex tries to kill everybody no i don't feel like you're a different person and you know like in person i feel like you legit kind of keep the same you know personality there's nothing to keep it's just you you being yourself it's like nirvana like come as you are right right you're just like all right cool that's it there's nothing else so you became the lead singer of snot yeah and then we did that band and then uh that's where i hit rock bottom i was in a relationship and uh my ex had uh she miscarried very late term pregnancy miscarriage probably due

to drugs and stress and and all the other stuff uh i took that as a green light to try to commit suicide with drugs and alcohol yeah and i was like i'm gonna fucking that's it so i went for a whole year basically just pouring everything into my body right i ended up homeless um i od'd and i didn't die and um my buddy sunny mayo from snot he let me live on his couch and i started going uh to recovery meetings with him and so at the time he had said he has got seven years more than me so he's 19 years sober now I'm 12 and when I was new he was seven years sober and so him and his his ex-wife took me in and it was it was wild man yeah it was like for the I got a sponsor and my sponsor was like you have to quit the music

business for your first year of recovery because you're not going to be able to do this like yeah you're a mess and this is not working out for you. And the lifestyle is so hard to, to separate. When I got sober for four or five years ago, I had to stop like kind of touring with Jay after that, because it's just so hard to, you got to get your legs underneath.

Right. You know? And I think that that's important. You know, we'll come back to that, but I think that is's important. We'll come back to that. But I think that it's very important to focus on handling the situation because it eventually will become a life and death situation. And it might not be.

This is why I tell people, if you're struggling with drugs and alcohol or even mental health issues or suicidal thoughts or whatever, get help now. You don't have to wait till the elevator goes all the way to the bottom floor and you're in hell yeah you know because the bottom floor is a coffin yeah you can get off at any time and then just start taking the stairs back up yeah it's a long way back up no it's you know mental health is a huge issue we i'm a huge advocate for it because getting sober i I didn't realize that I had depression because I was always masking it. Yeah, we medicate it.

I've always had severe anxiety, like even walking into here with all the weed going on. I'm like in full panic mode, you know, like I hate it. But getting sober, you really have to get to know yourself like it's and there's nothing there to cushion it. So you're just like, holy shit, all these feelings from fucking who knows what I've gone through. It's like driving in a pickup truck with the window open in the back. But there's all the garbage of your whole life.

Like Sanford and Son. You're speeding. And then there's traffic and you hit the brakes and all the shit comes in the window and is in your lap. And you're like, oh my God, what do I do? Listen, the past two years have been brutal. i've been on like the soul searching mission so what was it like for you did you quit music that first year did you continue or did you take um sunny's advice no i i mean i took uh i i stopped doing music and i got a job at a dog kennel for the first like two months of my sobriety

and I just went to as many meetings as I could and I went through the steps and then I applied for a scholarship from the music cares foundation because I was broke and they put me in a sober living a men's sober living so then I was like in the men's sober living then I got a job as a doorman at a bar dope so you were able to get your legs underneath you and then yeah yeah and then i did i would teach singing lessons to different you know different artists in in la who were trying to get better and work on their whatever whatever it was and so i did that and i got my got my bearings and um i didn't date my first year I waited like

nine months and then I met this girl and I was like can I just please I find that hard to believe because to me you come across to me as like a hopeless romantic yeah I mean I I I my thing is is that many years there are two the two most broken relationships in my life are you know have come up in my relationship my romantic relationships and one of them being my twin brother who i desperately could not save right there's nothing i could have ever done to save that man and i loved him more probably more than i love myself you know remember when he talks about that's like well he i looked i looked up to him. Like, he was always cooler than me.

He was always like, you know. Is he still around? Yeah, he's in prison. He's doing, he's serving a 20-year sentence for trying to murder me. Right. And that's what Remember When is about. And so, but yeah. So, yeah, I got sober.

About a, I moved back to New York because my mom and my sister, there was no sober man in our family for like 15 years. I wanted to amend that relationship. And I know I'm jumping all over the place. You're good. It all comes together. Yeah. And then,

and then, and then one night I had come home from being on a date and you know, my brother had broken into the apartment and he hit me from behind with a crowbar. He fractured my skull. What was he? I fought him. Was it just mental health issues? No, I'm smoking angel dust.

Oh, shit. Yeah, you know the smell. Like anybody who knows that smell, you're like, oof. Yeah. And so we fought and I fought him off. He broke my arm and then he beat he beat me with a crowbar and it broke, perforated my spleen. Yikes. And so I bled out.

I was rushed to the hospital. I went to the ER. Like my spleen burst. I bled to death. My mama got to the hospital. Like my friends that got there. My sister was like, it was very traumatic. You know, the girl I was dating, i literally had a seizure and like went out and so um that's got to be so traumatic to have to

even try to work through that you know even now it took years yeah it took you know the it i guess remember when came out in 2018 so it took eight years and i i never stopped writing music like i always write to it took eight years just to be able to put the our story it's not my story it's our story yeah yeah and the reason why um you know it was a hard thing to do and i remember wayne isham directed the music video and he's done like michael jacksonstreet Boys and Madonna and he was so compelled by the story I took my mom my sister out to dinner and I was like hey I just want you know I wanted to get your guys permission because I'm going to tell this story you know and yeah I made my sister really uncomfortable we didn't talk for like six or eight months after she was like very uncomfortable that it was exposed but my mom said to me she was like if you if one family

if you help one family feel less alone in this struggle that we know then it was all worth it yeah absolutely and you did it so eloquently too it's not like you like yeah it wasn't there's dragged him or anything like that like you really just genuinely told a story i mean i understand that he's sick you know what i mean and mean i'm sure for people i understand that he's sick you know what i mean and so i have compassion for him so i don't i don't have hate in my heart for my brother like i don't i honestly don't have hate in my heart for anybody right you know which is probably also why people get mad at me people try to fuck with me and i'm like okay here it is send well the thing is is that you people can't shame you if you put your own business out

there. You know, like so many people in this industry try to hush people by holding shit over their heads. And it's like. I have nothing to be ashamed about. Right. Exactly. Everything that's every, anything that, you know, as of late, like, especially since I

came out for a political party in 2020. And if you look at my entire life in the press, my entire sobriety for 12 years, right, has been all of the good that I've done. I've gotten awards for being in sobriety. I've gotten for my service to other people. I've donated tens of thousands of dollars to recovery homes. I've sponsored endless amounts of people. I became a drug and alcohol counselor,

and I worked with celebrities. I lived with Justin Bieber. I have a laundry list of people who I helped get through their first 30 days to 60 days of recovery. I worked for Five Finger Death Punch. People knew. The only reason I wound up singing for their European tour was because I was there to help Ivan not relapse.

Yeah, no i i actually got to witness ivan firsthand laying on a hotel room floor in his own puke just in the thralls of addiction yeah he was really bad and he's always been so sweet and that's not me you know it's hard to see or anything it's hard to see a good person but that it's not about this it's like it's not like i don't again like what my brother like i don't it's not weakness but that it's not about this it's like it's not like i don't again like what my brother like i don't it's not weakness or strength it's like that's the disease working on a person yeah so talented and so special and gifted that nothing is enough to stop you like when when you're afflicted with the disease and i've been that guy on the floor yeah so we were

really scared we didn't know you know me filling in for them wasn't like a glorious time it was filled with anxiety and like is this guy gonna be okay what are we gonna do next um and i think that what their band did is very commendable because they sent they sent their singer to go get better yeah right yep and then when he was better he came right back yeah it was like and when he came back it was like a phoenix right he just like didn't miss a beat yeah but that's the power of recovery working in a person's heart oh it's amazing so let's rewind you went through this with your brother and then you came how did what was next after that after that happened you know musically

where did you go from there um well so the so my brother tries to kill me i was gonna i'm sorry i'm not laughing at you no it's funny no it's just the way you said it so my brother tried to kill me i um me and tyler steven tyler's daughter picked me up from the hospital and i talked to her all the time i love mia tell her i said what's up i haven't talked to her in a while you should she's so sweet well she took care of me so she took me to her dad's house in massachusetts and and her and my friend brooke they took turns taking care of me and i got better and um you know i had the time went by i healed i started going back to the gym again i mean i was really banged up i was i was mentally and physically yeah and then i went

um there was like a benefit concert and like and a couple of bands played god forbid played immunity within and the the club that i had worked for threw me a show at the club um because all my co-workers were like super sweet and then I remember going to see Korn and Disturbed because David donated to my benefit, right? Aw. So at the show in this moment was opening and they said, hey, can you come on tour and sing with us? I love Maria. Yeah. And I was like, when?

They're like, now. So I was like, okay. So they had a song called The Promise and they asked me to come out and fill in because the real guy who sang it aaron yeah adrian i went to i grew up with adrian okay yeah he had some other i don't know if he had another tour or something happened and he couldn't do it so so then i went out on tour with them and i'm like oh my god you know so it's like the roller coaster the tommy beck's show and i'm like oh now i'm singing one song a night and you know i have nothing to do but go to the gym all day but I'm like I feel like I'm doing something again and you know I'm like like you

have purpose yeah purpose that's a huge thing though to feel like you have purpose well yeah after all that absolutely and then you know it's like being on tour as a guy and you know being on a tour like that and being young and being in shape and not drinking i'm like there's a lot you know the ladies are there so i was doing that and i was like and that's why i called you the most eligible bachelor just because you know i i would think literally and figuratively speaking because you know you are single so i'm sure there's tons of women who are just always throwing themselves at you but also like even now after all that stuff has happened with bad wolves you're like an independent artist so you're like the you know

and you know figuratively speaking yeah i mean we'll get to all that we're gonna get to my dating life after this so i love how tommy comes in here and he's like i'm controlling your podcast well it's like it's everything has to be chronological so i come i come up the corn tour and the police are on my apartment and they're like get in the car we gotta go and i'm like why and they're like we'll tell you when we get to the station and i go that's fucking scary yeah so the da brought me up and they'll and uh the da played me a phone call of my brother hiring a hitman to murder me my but my dumb ass brother made the call from rikers island where they record all the calls and and so he was like is this real and there were two problems

i knew the guy he was talking to and i knew if i told the cops or the da who the guy was my whole family would die right so i was like. So I went into witness protection program. So I spent the next 11 months in the witness protection program in California and Florida hiding from this dude. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So, so like that was like way more psychologically damaging.

I bet. The actual, you know, 60 seconds of how I almost got murdered. Cause that fight lasted maybe two minutes. Right. Right. But 11 months of looking over your shoulder will fuck you up.

Absolutely. I mean, that's your constant fight or flight. Yeah. And I was living off $300 a month. That's all the government would give me. That's so crazy to me that they would put you in witness protection and be like, here you go. Fucking barely survive. Well, because i'm a musician they the way that that works is they gave you they give you like a percentage of what your normal income would be until the trial starts

and so because i didn't make any money that's what they gave me wow yeah so it was it was the judicial system is a joke i mean everything's a joke yeah everything's a joke and so i went through all that and then i remember i got a phone call from one of the homies who was like so and so is dead and i was like oh shit okay so the so the contract the hitman well i don't know whatever he was we didn't have gangs or hitmen or this or the other. Motherfuckers just did jobs back in the day, right? Like a nigga would do a job. You're like, I have a job for you.

And then someone would just go fucking missing. Oh, God. But it's fucking scary because the shit is, you know what I mean? Like a lot of people I grew up with, they get murdered and like ended up in jail. And, you know, it's not cool. Right. And I wasn't even living that. I went to California.

I turned soft. You know, I was like, yo, I'm not I'm not cut out for this shit anymore. Yeah. Well, after you live a certain way for so long, it just gets to a point where you just don't want to live like that anymore. Yeah. Well, it gets everything gets old. That bullshit gets old.

Yeah. So anyway, then then my brother fucking bench warranted didn't show up for his court case got my phone number called me relentlessly and then he called the da called me and my brother called me at the same time and i merged the call and the da recorded the phone call of my brother saying he was going to kill me again wow and he sent that to the judge the fbi got involved they put a phone trace on my brother's phone they found out within 24 hours wow and that phone conversation from the court case is on the bad wolves album wow nation it's in the song for a friend which is this the whole song is

about me being in the witness protection program wow so that's this that's the follow-up to remember when so there will and there will be another there's part three will come out too that's the follow-up to Remember When. And there will be another. There's part three will come out, too. That's insane. Like, you really have to write a book. I do. No, I know. That's what I'm saying.

Like, you've got to. People are going to just love this story, though. Yeah. I didn't want to. I was, like, nervous. And then my Who Made Me Write a Book is super cool. Because I was speaking at a meeting. And Ozzy Osbourne came up to me. And he was like, well, you've got to write a fucking is super cool because it was i was speaking at a meeting and ozzy osbourne came up

to me and he was like well you gotta you gotta write a fucking book man and i was like i can't write a book man you know he's like i can't even talk and i wrote a book and i was like yo you're like dude that's inspired that's inspiration right there yeah him and anthony hopkins wow yeah yeah tony clarice yeah he's like call me tony oh that's awesome you have to write this this is you're going to change people's lives and i'm just like adam electer thinks i'm cool like you know i'm such a nerd so yeah so then i just got i got to it so you got out of witness protection after dude croaked. Yeah. And then from there, what happens? My brother got locked up.

And then some months later, I testified against him. And so I was on survival mode for like two and a half years. And I had these expectations like, OK, because he interrupted my life. Like I got sober and i moved back to new york and then me and doc from bed was we're gonna try to start a band right you know and um my whole life got thrown up upside down yeah and now and were you able to stay sober while you were on the run yeah yeah i stayed so yeah this has been so that happened in 2009, September 2009. No, September 2010.

And I have stayed sober since May 18, 2009. So it was very early on in my sobriety. That's so commendable, though, because most people would have buckled under that stress. Not me. It's not me. It's God. Yeah. Every turn I took, like every single, every step that I took, there was somebody there.

Yeah. I took like every single every step that I took there was somebody there yeah you know there was like you know even even in my life now I'm I am very I'm very in tune with God so you're very in tune with God's messages yeah because throughout the entire time I was going through this I would like run into a sober person and they'd be like hey man i heard you speak at this thing you know and i was told to get into service just do service service service so i sponsored more people more guys i don't know only a couple of them stayed sober but i was like sponsoring everybody i go to a meeting and like all the all the people and the kids in rehab they're like yeah they all think they're tough they're like you know but this is you know i was in california so right malibu's

most wanted. Right. I have a face tattoo and nothing else. And my parents have fucking hella money. Yeah. My grandpa was Warren Buffett. Right. Exactly.

Nobody understands me. I'm like, all right, kid. You're going to do this or you're going to die. I was just grabbing people. And they're like, holy shit, Tommy's so serious. But it kept me sober. Right. And so that's why i understand um altruism

like whenever you know we're depressed or that shit the best thing i can do is help another person absolutely right because it gets me out of myself because my anxiety and my depression are both centered around me right like i'm i'm anxious because i'm afraid of what's going to happen to me subconsciously and i'm depressed because i because i'm afraid of what's going to happen to me subconsciously. And I'm depressed because I, because I'm nothing. Right. And nothing's ever going to happen. You know, it's like,

yo, chill, bro. It's real. Go help somebody. Right. I can't. No,

I get it. That's how I, that's what I try to use my platform for is to help people, you know, with mental health issues and stuff like that. I have so many people that ask me about that every week. Then when I do my questions every Sunday and you know, it just feels good to be able to talk to people and be like yeah yeah dude like i go through this shit

too and yeah you're sharing your platform with them you're making yourself available to be but it's a service yeah yeah exactly and that's why people with social media people are so surprised that i answer i'm like what what else am I going to do? Same here. Yeah. I'm like, what do you mean? What the fuck do I have this for if I'm not going to talk to you? Yeah.

I don't understand why people are like that either. Yeah. So when did Bad Wolves get formed? Bad Wolves started in 2017. So, man, there's so many things that we'll... Go ahead. Oh, I actually want to get to this. So this is actually very important so i testified against my brother and i fell into this crazy depression

i've talked about this on andy forsella's podcast and i stopped going to meetings i stopped helping people i stopped going to therapy and i went through therapy through this whole thing too might i add wow it's okay like i'm fully believe in getting help because we can't do this shit on our own and like you know sometimes i go in there huge huge is getting so shout out to chris my therapist in manhattan who was appointed by the city holds all the secrets yeah and uh and so anyway i became suicidally depressed again and then i put I put my one suit and I put it on my mom's spare bed and laid it out. And then I went to the train station to jump in front of the train. Oh, my God.

Yeah. And I'm so lucky I picked an above ground train. My best thing. I'm so like extreme. I was like, there's no way I want to get hit by a train and live so i want to get if the train doesn't kill me then i'll fall and i'll definitely die right because i don't do it i'm laughing because of how you're telling it i just don't do anything half-assed like everything i do i'm like all right like you really thought about this yeah i was not on some like, I, this is happening. You know, like that's how I am. And I,

and, and so I like get there and I'm like, I, I stand all the way back at the edge of the other side of the platform. I see the train coming and I'm like, all right. And then my phone started ringing and I looked at the phone and I didn't know the number and I answered it.

And there was some kid. He's about to kill himself. He answers the phone. And some kid was crying on the other phone he's like is this tommy and i was like i'm kind of in the middle of something you know and and he's like i need help and i looked at the train and i'm like god damn it acts of service and so the train pulls in and i'm like where are you and he's he's like i'll meet you in the station i'm like all right i'll meet you at starbucks in 20 minutes so i get on the train i go meet this kid he's a fucking mess oh are we comparing messes yeah yeah you

just came from but i needed i needed somebody in a worse situation than me. I was like, I got to help this kid. I felt bad for him. He had been left for dead under a bridge in Chinatown from a heroin overdose by his friends. Oh, my God. And thrown out of his house. And I was like, okay, kid. I'm like, there's a meeting right here. We're going to go get coffee.

I'm like, you got a dollar for coffee? You're like me. I like projects. I love people that I can try to fix or try to help. Like that gives me the best feeling in the world is being able to help somebody through something. Yes. But also it could backfire sometimes. Oh, I know.

Trust me, it's happened a few times. My managers over here are like, yeah. So, yeah. So then, so he saved my life and then i moved back to california started a non-profit called sfg 12 which is saint francis group 12 and then corn endorsed it and papa roach and all these bands and we did some benefit concerts with snot and um it's very hard to keep a non-profit going so we wound up like shelving it um but we looked into them before and there's a lot that goes into those it's a lot and if you're not rich it's like i was gonna say a non-profit is really not a

non-profit it's like you put so much money into it just to get it to work it's an upside down profit right yeah um so we did that for a little bit we we got some people into into um we basically we were raising money to get musicians who didn't have record deals beds in rio so we did a little bit of that that lasted a few months and then i got a job working running a men's sober facility in santa monica called madden house and my my boss owned the biggest sober companion company in la and they had all the celebrities yeah and i had no idea like celebrity rehab yeah it no like i mean like the people you don't the celebrities are always there they're so good at their job you never find out which celebrities actually

are having drug and alcohol problems because they call these people and then the people move in with you and they stay with you 24 7 until you get your shit together i feel like if more celebrities were open about their battles it would help so many more people instead of that facade of just you know like we're perfect and we never do anything wrong i think it's better when they get some time on their hands and then they're in recovery for longer because you know it could have an adverse an adverse effect effect like when kirk obain committed suicide right thousands of kids killed themselves right because he was their hero and he spoke their language but he he tapped out right and so he gave them permission to do the same thing and so that's so i think it's important to get some time together that's true before

coming out like yeah i'm yeah, I'm sober. And you're like, you're in rehab again. Like, why isn't it working? I'm two days sober. Yeah. Hey, everybody. Yeah. So I didn't write a song called Sober until I had 10 years.

Right. That was one of my favorite songs that you've ever written. Oh, thanks. So yeah. So then blah, blah, blah, bands this at the other, rehabs this. Then I did a metal band called westfield massacre and then um the drummer of bad wolves was co-managing westfield massacre zoltan bathory called me in april of 2020 2017 and said hey are you still a sober coach and i was like yes i am and he's like can you come to vegas and i was like i have a feeling i know what

this is about and um then I started working for Five Finger. Zoltan seems like a really cool dude. Yeah, he's a good dude. He seems very down to earth and just like he's got a good head on his shoulders. Well, he's, he's, Zou is a genius on paper. Like he literally is a genius. His brain is like insane. And also he's, he escaped communist Hungary.

Like he literally grew up in that and worked for the Hungarian military, then moved to the US, didn't speak English, learned English in New York City, lived in the hood. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. Worked for a record label, then learned, self-taught himself how to editing software, got a job for NASA,

used the money to fund Five Finger Death Punch. Wow. I didn't even know all that. Yeah, finger death punch yeah he's a piece i didn't even know all that yeah he's brilliant he's a very brilliant guy that's amazing he's a very honorable guy too yeah which is like there's not that's what you get yeah you get that vibe from him that he just seems super cool yeah so so anyway we i traveled all over five finger uh you know everybody knows the story there yeah ivan took took a break. I stepped in, Ivan came back. Um,

and I continued, um, I had started working on demos with the, with John from bad wolves. Right. And so John was, Hey, Chach.

Sorry. Can we get a kiss? Just in the microphone. Oh yeah. Chachi, get down. Good boy. Yeah.

Chachi, get down, get yeah chachi get down get down get down get down okay sorry animals love me i don't know they like just you know people like oh we never yeah he's like he doesn't like anybody but he's like give me a smooch yeah um touchy lay down so john john and max this kid max karen he works for faith no more he's a guitar tech he's like he's a genius on guitar he max is writing all these songs and john's playing drums on him and max plays guitar and bass and they sent me these these demos uh and i was like oh this is cool so i sing I sang one song and it was originally supposed to be for, uh, uh, my buddy had,

he makes, uh, commercials. So they were doing a BMW commercial and they wanted me to write a metal song. Cause the car is supposed to crowd serve like the new BMW. Right. We didn't get the, the commercial got made.

Right. But learn to live was the first song that we wrote together and that's and then it was so good that i was like no i'm not sending this in right yeah and so learn to live is actually about one of my clients who's like really struggling and just kind of like how his experience in his generation he's a younger guy is how he was struggling with kind of the same age old issues that all people who are in their early 20s and late teens are going through right but the way that they process it in that generation versus how we had to deal with it right is so much different right and it was it's just so much um

had to deal with it right it's so much different right and it was it's just so much um it's just like we didn't have the internet but we also you know got stabbed right right so like you could get you could get teased at school or beat up at school or robbed or whatever but at least when you went home only your parents could beat you right but like now kids they get abused on twitter they get abused on twitter they get abused on social media 24 7 it's more psychological than physical and i don't know which damages you more but um you know so that's what learn to live was and then he i was like i was supposed to be taking a vacation i rented a beach house from uh from my friend nikki and i was supposed to not work because i had worked for like five years straight.

Right. And then he sends me these songs and they're fire. And I'm like, okay, cool. So I go in and I record all these like songs and they were very progressive. And you could tell they wanted to be like tool away because the songs were like 10 minutes long and I came in and I was like, no.

Yeah. It's like Pink Floyd. Yeah. I'm like Pantera, verse, chorus, verse, Nirvana, verse, chorus, verse, The Beatles. Like, we're going to do this. Right. You know. And so, you know, then when I left to go do the Five Finger thing, then I got signed to

Better Noise and came back and I had two bands and Westfield massacre and bad wolves right were both my bad wolves was supposed to be a side project westfield massacre was on its second record and those guys thought i was the singer of five finger so they tried to steal the band from me what yeah so they literally tried to kick they kicked me off all the socials and then tried to replace all my vocals the same thing that's going on with babbles now right and in that situation i was like cool let's go to court and i won right i own the trademarks right you know why are people always trying you tommy i don't understand it uh i don't know i don't know i mean do they honestly think they're going to just go up against you

and you're just going to lay down and take it? Like, that's what baffles me. No. Well, the thing with Westfield Massacre was I sold the name to them. Right. I was like, okay, cool. Here's how much money I've spent on this. And, like, you can buy the name from me.

Cool. And then there was no real drama about it. That's awesome. Yeah. I was just like, yo, I'm not singing in this band. I'm in Bad Wolves. I can't do all these bands. I'm torn with Five Finger.

I'm spread thin. So it was cool. And then those guys came back later on and all apologized to me. And we're all cool. We all broke and bread and gone to dinner. And that's the OG way. You're supposed to have conflict with somebody and be able to resolve it and move on you know like when i was growing up i we used to i used to fight girls and then we would hug it out and be friends afterwards well i grew up with my crazy ass

brother so we yeah you know broken nose broken teeth like you're like oh you know yeah what happened you guys like nothing yeah fighting over the last pancake right exactly but you know like that's like cool that you guys were able to move on from that you know well yeah i mean but that's how you know my that's how we grew up though right also like our fathers were men right like they weren't the best men but they were oh no they were men yeah and like if my neighbor said something to you know my mom my dad would knock on the door and punch him in the face so yeah you know they were strong toxic masculinity i'm like yeah okay this is real though well yeah and so um so you know the so i did bad wolves right now i had already recorded and written

several songs with philip naslin who's a producer that I worked on with Westfield Massacre, who also I met as another sober coach. He was mentoring one of my clients. So we started working together on music because we had an artist client together. And so we became friends and we worked on some stuff. I wanted to do a cover of Zombie. And so he was my guy.

So I went to Joseph McQueen at Sparrow Sound and Phillip and we did this song. And then the guys in Bad Wolves didn't want to have a cover, even though the drummer and the ghost guitar player who's not in the band are the only people who write the songs. Right. So I was like, okay, what if Max, we use Max's guitar tone and we re-record the rhythm guitars, you know, but we'll keep the piano and Philip solo. And it came back and it sounded more like it fit the band better. Right.

And the label, like Alan was complaining because he listened to the whole first Bad Wolves record that we submitted. And he's like, you have no singles. He's like, there's no hits here. That's crazy. Well, there wasn't. Oh, okay. So it wasn't the one that got put out.

It wasn't. Yeah. So most of the songs became B-roll. And we went back in the studio. So I went into the studio with Drew Folk and I wrote a song called Remember When. Zoltan put me in touch with Drew because he wrote a song for a band called Failure Anthem

and JD, like the song's amazing. So I meet Drew, we hang out. He's like, tell me something about yourself. So I'm like, well, you know, I got murdered and pretty crazy. He's like, you want to write a song about it? And I was like, yeah. So we wrote that song and then we recorded it and I had Max redo the guitars again. And I was actually in Sweden on tour with Five Finger and they said, hey, your vocals got messed up. We need you to re-record. So I called Philip because he's from Sweden and he put me in front in touch with his friend

Christoph. And I went in and I sang Remember When. Right. And then two days later, they bounced it back and we were like, oh. Yeah. And the band did not want it on the record. Why? Because it wasn't metal.

They were trying to be like a metal band. Gotcha. And I just come from singing in fly finger and playing headlining festivals with 300 000 screaming europeans and i'm like i don't want to be in a metal band right right also i as a singer i i'm gonna just be honest i'm better than that right like i'm beyond yeah screaming in a metal band yeah you know what i mean there's nothing to use your pipes too and like well there's nothing that i can't say diversity so yeah so i'm like at this point in my life i'm i'm not angry and i'm you know i'm like i'm tough like yeah

all that fucking pseudo fake bullshit all those people are fucking pussies anyway facts like come at me fight me i'm not i will you you heard it here first i will literally knock out any single person in the entire metal industry except for the dude from except for probably zoltan and chris kale so dumb blonde exclusive guys and i'm trying to think of anybody else who could actually even throw hands on me come and get it yeah so but it just is what it is right now i get it you know but you put me i totally put me with depth jam I get it. But you put me in. I totally understand what you're saying. You put me with Def Jam, I get my ass kicked. Right. But that's hood digger's hood.

Right. Anyway, so we didn't remember when. And then I went to London and I met this man named Dan Waite. And he was friends with Dolores. And he said, hey, I had heard the demos of Zombie. And I'm friends with Dolores. And I was like, wow, that's really interesting. Rest in peace.

Yeah. And so I was like, would you send it to her and see if she likes it? Because the band doesn't want it on the record. I feel insecure about it now because they say they don't like it. He sends it to her. I go home for Christmas. I get a phone call. He's like, dude dude she's over the moon

about this song she's like i have to sing on it so he sends me the voice message she leaves him about how much she loves the track wow so i call the band i'm like guys dolores is singing gonna sing on zombie and they all like no she's not you're lying and i'm like i feel like they just wanted to kind of dim your shine i think they knew how great you were gonna be well they just never believed me they're like i'm like believed in you yeah i'm like guys we're gonna get a record deal they're like no we're not i'm like guys we're gonna go on tour five finger death punch no we're not you know just i'm like everything i've ever said is around a bunch of negative ass people like that well i i brought a bunch of my old friends in you know what i mean who weren't doing shit right and uh you know so it all so then obviously everyone knows the story

and then dolores passed away the night before she was scheduled to record the label's like we have to put the song out i'm like i don't feel comfortable i don't want the money right you know and also i'm the only person who is entitled to royalties. Right. So the studio musicians that played on it, they got paid. Right. And they signed off before this even happened. So I was like, if you, okay, we'll donate the, donate all my proceeds to her kids. So the label still made money off of it. They made millions and millions of dollars off of it.

I made zero. Wow. So 100 100 of what i would have made went to her children and so we raised hundreds of like within the first two months you know we had given them a check for a quarter of a million dollars wow so and then the song just exploded and then the band was massive right overnight so then all of a sudden you know it's like 10 million views on youtube all from a cover they didn't want to do 400 million you know yeah yeah and so and then there was like the secret you know management and they were like don't you know the people don't need to

know who recorded records the records i'm like that's weird like why but my friend played on this they're like no no no it's like it's not gonna look like it's gonna look bad and the band has to look like a band and i was like okay like so then i started like and i've had clients who have these handlers around manipulating and doing all this stuff yes that's like huge in hollywood i've never been inside of it right and i'm like all of a sudden i'm like in the machine. And I'm like, this doesn't feel right. But, you know, and they're like, yeah, but look at all the good things that are going on.

I'm like going along with it, you know. And so, you know, we had done, you know, tour after tour after tour after tour. The band blows up and, you know, work. You wrote most of Bad Wolf songs, right? No, no. Like this. And I'll give you a breakdown of the splits so like uh so the singles that's what i'm involved in right the metal songs i just do the vocals and the lyrics you know i will take direction if john has has melody ideas

because i don't really care that much about the super brutal songs. I've been writing that forever. Right. For 25 years. Right. So I'm like, yeah, whatever. Cool. It's not really that important to me. What's most important to me is like the songs that we put out that are hits have a real

message behind them. Right. So those guys are not capable of writing that kind of material. So we work with different producers. We worked with Brandon Sammons, who's worked with Lady Gaga. We've worked with Drew Folk, who's worked with everybody. I work with Scott Stevens on the last Bad Wolves record, which now they're releasing, you know, they're releasing my songs. Right.

And there's like, we're already in a huge lawsuit. Right. So can we dive into this a little bit? Because in most of the questions, a lot of people were asking, you know, they want it kind of like to know. Yeah. I think one girl was like mad and she's like, well, why can't he just move on from the situation? I'm not allowed to.

Right. And I was like, I thought that was kind of like, you know, rude because you literally poured your heart and soul out into these songs that you know that they that they're putting out now oh it doesn't matter even if i even if i just walked away better noise music has told me they will never let me release another song for the rest of my career they will bury my career they will destroy me and this is you know i feel like this is kind of like reminiscent of nikki lipstick when she came on because the huge the fashion industry tried to silence her too and she had to go toe-to-toe with them yeah well i mean like it's like you know alan

kovac is he's the harvey weinstein of rock of the rock industry yikes he doesn't he doesn't rape women he rapes his artists i mean that's just as bad he rapes you financially right so he creates a debt racket so that you never actually have enough money to be okay like i i could tell you there are artists who you would think are worth 100 million dollars that have three million dollars in their bank account right i won't say who but i know no. No, I know. Being with Jay, I have seen all the behind the scenes of the fucking record and the music industry, and it's scary. Well, so they create a debt racket.

And so the band comes out. We're selling millions of copies of this single. Their debut album goes gold. We're playing all these shows but we don't we can't get a dressing room uh we have no tour support so we have to go to a t-shirt company and ask them for a loan of seventy thousand dollars and then promise to sell the merch back right wow so we go into debt and lose all that money to pay for the bus to be on the tour and pay for the hotels and the flights it's just like a gas a fucking whirlpool of just debt well that's the thing with me you can't like you can't out park

the kid right so i'm like all right every hustler mentality every day i walk off stage at an arena jump into the crowd the whole all of 2018 jump right into the crowd walk to the merch booth sign till the next band goes on i had every every big mail. Why is the singer of Bad Wolves walking in the crowd? I was like, because I got to get this bread, bro. Now we're selling $10,000 worth of shirts a night, $20,000 worth of shirts a night. Because I'm out there busting my ass. Nobody else in the band comes. And that's another reason why the people know me because they've shook my hand.

They know who I am. That's how my husband built his following. Sitting at the merch booth every fucking night. That's what does it. Because I will put in as, first of all, I don't take this shit for granted. And I know that there are people out there that are affected by my music and they might need to talk to me. And I will fucking be there. Even post COVID.

Yeah. Right. I've been doing free meet and greets on my whole tour this year i've met over 13 000 people and shook their hands and i'm still haven't gotten fucking covid but that's a whole other story god i got it in january and she just got over it yeah i got it last year did you yeah it sucked but you know it's like i've had worse things happen to me see mine was bad mine was bad. Mine was bad. I thought I was going to fucking croak.

I was like broke down in the middle of a fucking parking lot with Jay. Really? Jay got a boner because I cried. He's like, I've never seen you this vulnerable. I was like, I'm going to die, dude. Like, what are you fucking talking about? That is such an introspective look into you guys' relationship. Yeah, no, for sure.

That's so funny. But yeah, so like're connecting with the fans and trying to you know and then you know so then we go into more debt and i'm like yeah so they have sent to me i'm just constantly doing 200 times the work of anybody else i'm stressed out i wake up they're like you got to get up at seven o'clock in the morning we got to go to the morning show and i'm like doing show up to the city doing all the press shaking all the hands singing like shit in the morning i'm like this is literally holding that band together though you're like the the face and the front man well i tried this i tried to set boundaries with the way i'm like i

need a break and they're like you don't get a break you're gonna ruin everything then 200 people call you and tell you you're ruining everything i'm like oh my god and they shame you into working yourself to death god and so you know my relationship with the label was tarnished from the first year. Right. And then, you know, I like, I'm such a workaholic. Even during 2018's tour, I went in and I wrote all the hits for the second record in the fall in a week before the next tour. Wow.

So sober, killing me slowly and learn to walk again. We're all done in the four days that we had off. And you've stayed sober through all of this, all this pressure. Like that's insane. But I'm just painting a picture here. Like, but again,

survive being in the witness protection program and being murdered. So this thing right here, I'm like, okay. So they keep challenge accepted. They try to throw me in hot water and I'm like, all right, you know, I'll adapt, okay. So they keep trying to throw me in hot water. And I'm like, all right, I'll adapt. So then we did that.

So that's a lot on your shoulders, dude. Yeah, but this is what we sign up for. So this is how it is in that realm. I get it. I see my husband. He's a fucking tank. I don't know how he does it. Yeah, I mean, you're either born for it or you're not.

Right. And so sometimes you get too powerful. Right. Sometimes you get too strong. Right. You know, and then the next record comes out and then boom, same thing. We're on tour, we're on tour, we're on tour, we're on tour. All the meanwhile, no one realizing we got all these death punch tours because Zoltan

made a promise to me. Right. My fee for sober coaching was too high for the band to pay right right because they had a lawsuit going on with their old label and they had all this shit going on and I said I will work for 30 percent of my price if you promise to put me on tour with you in every market you can wow and he honored that wow and even me and Ivan and even had fights on tour and we got knocked out in a long for whatever reason yeah and they still honored it we all we honor the

agreements so that's really honorable that they did that especially in this industry because motherfuckers do not fucking follow through on anything they say i know i know and so i have a massive amount of respect for those guys and so anyway we you know we were doing all these tours we're doing all this stuff the band's blowing up where you know i remember we did some festival with corn and we went on at noon and corn went on at 11 and we outsold every band in merch and me and zo designed all the merch i designed every piece of fucking everything i named the band i did like all this shit so i'm like yo we're killing it and you know and then we went everything was cool we went out we went out on tour with megadeth and five finger and it was like tons of sober dudes on the tour my ex-girlfriend

i flew her out on the tour and like you know she had never seen europe and i was so excited to like take her and we were having problems at home because you know drugs and alcohol and domestic violence to be honest like it was very publicized I have to like tread lightly about how I can discuss this because I don't want to say anything negative towards her but also

there were a lot of things said about me that in court was proven not true so anyway we have this, we're having this amazing fucking tour. We come home and then we go into lockdown and I got sick in Italy and the whole tour got sick. And then we came home. I was fine.

John got hospitalized. That's when we realized we had COVID. Right. So we will, we had COVID in Europe. Yep. Most of the tour got it. And we didn't know.

So everybody came home. Two weeks later, we're in lockdown. I found some stuff on my ex's devices. And I was like, I'm moving out. And I'm not doing this anymore. And it just got to that place. And it broke my heart because she was my, one of my best friends for four years.

Right. You know, we had both, I, I was friends with her ex fiance. She knew my ex girlfriend. Like we had been through some stuff together. We were on a show together.

We had corporate sponsors together and she did me dirty. And, uh, you know, and it's, and I know she's been on this show and I've actually seen like, even at that point, she was still saying good things about me. But it was when she realized I wasn't coming back that everything went like haywire.

I hate that that happened between you guys because, you know, I think she's, you know, got her thing going. I think she's an awesome chick from what I've seen. I've never met her before, you know, and i could tell that you guys really had love for each other you know so that sucks when you go through something that you guys have had to go through that's fucking heartbreaking well i think that's i think it's multiple things i think that um there's uh we both come from traumatic backgrounds. And so,

well, a lot of people that are traumatized, even as children, you find, um, comfort and other people who have the same wounds as you or wounds that you, that you guys want to trauma bond. Right.

Exactly. Like I never met, I have night terrors cause I have reenactment nightmares from my brother murdering me. And I don't really experience them anymore. And then that was the first time I was in a relationship where like the other person was waking up screaming and I would be like, oh. But I knew exactly how to handle the situation. And we just got very, we think there was like the drama.

Once we were in a committed relationship, it was like constantly, you know, who's this girl? You know, that whole thing. And it turned into like craziness. Yeah. You know, and then after all of the accusations, I've never cheated on anybody in my entire life. After all that, for it to, you know, it's like. Disheartening well you realize when when somebody's very vehemently saying that you're doing something and you're literally not right and then it comes out that it's like why they're saying it and it was just

sad yeah and it was heartbreaking and but i'm also like i think I just keep it moving. I'm so used to getting hit that even before I start to process what's going on, you know, I was just already on to the next and I'm sure that that was painful and that caused a lot of retaliation. And then. Well, that's part of your trauma too, though. If you think about it is how you move on from things. That stems from how you were raised and all the shit you've fucking been through. Well, you look at the band and what they did

and I was like, I'm going on tour. Yeah. Everyone's like, what is he, what? Yeah. Yeah,

I was like, I'm going on tour, I don't care. You're like, how could you just, and then just, you know, well,

you know, well, fuck him. Yeah, you're not gonna just lay down and die. I'm like, bro,

like, you know, so, yeah, so that whole thing happened and, you know, we got,

we went to court and then, you know, they happened, and we got... Nightmare situation. We went to court, and then she accused me of domestic violence, and beating her, and choking her, and dragging her around the house, and strangulating... Like, crazy shit, with no photos, and no nothing, and no police reports. I'm like... And literally witnesses who were like, this did not happen. Right. You know what I mean?

Well, like this did not happen. Right. You know what I mean? And so, you know, our relationship kind of came to a head when she tried to crash my car on New Year's and going to Europe was a bandaid. Right. You know, like I don't drink. Right. I can't. I'm just like whatever's going on, like it's not it's off the table for me.

Right. You know, so it just got to work out and and it is what it is and whatever yeah like there's nothing you could do about it you know what i mean yeah and and the thing with me too is like nothing will nothing in this world my heart i'm already i start with a broken heart my brother has shattered my heart into a million pieces right so i'm not really so if you just hurt me i'm just like i'm like all right yeah another one yeah like okay and then i just get back to work so moving on from that you got into this relationship i didn't get into this is very important very important i'm saying i'm staying in this i fucking hit on Nicole Arbour on election night

Oh god we're using first and last names I don't give a shit I'm completely allowed to say anything I want Stay tuned to next week's episode To see what happens in part 2 Of dumb blonde podcast