Dumb Blonde - Tonesa Welch: First Lady of BMF

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Bunnie welcomes Tonesa Welch, also known as the First Lady of BMF. Tonesa shares her journey from growing up in Detroit to her rise in the drug trade, her relationship with H, and how she got through abuse and betrayal to come out on the other side. Tonesa opens up to Bunnie about what she learned from her time in prison and her passion for prison reform advocacy and gets raw about navigating grief along the way. Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comTonesa: IG See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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former sex worker and now hosts the podcast dumb blonde most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit and i was like i want be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up you sexy motherfuckers today. I am really excited about this podcast, especially because we're doing it during mob wife March, but this is something a little different. Someone who has a different story, but it's so amazing. And it's so cool. And I just really admire this woman. She's a motivational speaker, producer and director, survivor, mother, boss, and the first lady of BMF, Miss Tonisa Welch. Thank you. Did I do okay? You did okay.

Thank you. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you. Thanks for it. I'm honored. Thanks for having me. Thanks for asking me to be here. You're beautiful. you here. Thank you. Thanks for it. I'm honored. Thanks for having me. Thanks for asking me to be here. You're beautiful.

Oh, so are you. You walked in. I was like, she is so cute. She's like this tiny little package. Like you are just so cute. Thank you. So, okay. So for people who don't know who you are, you are the first lady of BMF.

And I don't know if anybody that listens to my podcast is a BMF fan. I'm sure they are. I know my husband is. Jelly is a BMF fan. Like he has made me watch every season and all that stuff. But besides that show, there's a real story behind that TV show. And it's your story and it's your story to tell. And that's why I want you on the podcast. So we're gonna start from like the very beginning. Detroit baby right? Detroit yes. So where did you grow up? I grew up in Detroit Michigan on the west side of Detroit you know middle class family. Grew up with my three brothers my mom and my stepdad normal normal middle class family. Hey, yeah, I didn't think that never just hey, living that normal, innocent life, you know? Yes. Yeah. Never any drugs,

sex and rock and roll. It was just like that. Yeah. Come from a household. My mom was adopted, but still the sweetest mother ever once she got her children. drugs in the house um no violence none of that i seen you know everything seemed pretty normal what happened to me i don't know you know i i completely understand it because i was uh very attracted to the street life too i ran away from home at 14 and started supporting myself so your story really resonated with me because you know we both kind of came from similar backgrounds and then just to go out and live completely opposite of how we were raised is wild. But sometimes we just have a journey to fulfill. And that's why we came here, you know.

So moving on from that, you know, you're I think you got pregnant around 18. Can you take me on that journey? I got pregnant at 18. I had my first son at 19. And that was from my high school well my high school sweetheart well he's always out of school but we started dating when I was 15 years old he was in his last year of high school and then he was my boyfriend from then on college kid smart never got into trouble anything you know just say yeah I just

knew I was attracted to this older boy and he got out of school and he was still come pick me up after school but dated him all through high school oh and then you guys ended up having a baby yeah we had a baby he went on to college followed him for a minute yeah yeah she was like. Yeah, and then she was like, no, I'm going to do my thug, Thizzle. Do my thug, yeah. And then what is your oldest son's name? I forget. Marlon.

Marlon, okay. And then, so take me on this journey of when you were 19, you went to, what was the name of the club? The Rooster Tail. The Rooster Tail, which was like a popular venue. It was a popular venue in Detroit, but it was popular for more of the people on the east side of Detroit. I don't know if you have any viewers that's from Detroit

and know about the east side versus the west side, but it was East Side Club. And I was 19 years old, had never been to a club like that. I don't think I ever went to a club. That was probably my first time going to a club. Yes. And I went near them. It was like I went and I always say like a revolving door.

You know how you go through a revolving door? I felt like my whole, when I reflect on my life, I think about, wow, you went in as one person. But once you, the night ended, you came out as a different person. The way I seen things and why do you think that was was it just like the glitz and the it was the glitz and the glamorous it was beautiful you know uh in my eyes it was beautiful might not be right but to me right it was beautiful the people looked amazing you know I was this girl from like I said the west side of Detroit grew up went to high school dated one guy all

the way through high school it was a different world to me when I seen I'm like whoa I want to be a part of this right you know I don't belong over here I want to be a part of this everybody looked amazing from the jewels to the hair to the clothes and I always call myself like a fashionable person when I was like going up through school and stuff like that so but seeing that fashion there you know in Detroit we feel like we're very fashionable but seeing that fashion I wanted to be a part of that you know just turned me right out right right out this is where I need to be mama Little mama got turned out. So after going to that club, how long after that did you meet Harold? I met him.

He was at the club. In the club that night. Yeah, he was from the east side. And Harold, they called him H. In Detroit, they called him H. And he was known to be, like, very fashionable, you know. So just looking at him also, he was known to be, like, very fashionable, you know. So just looking at him also, he was, like, he was young. And most of the people there were a little older than him.

But he was older than me, but they were older than him. And that was his crowd, his group of people that he hung out with. And so he kind of stood out to me because of what he had on. But, you know, then he caught caught my eye we caught each other's eyes but I was still young and very impressionable and I was like wow okay yeah yeah just seeing him you know like everything he had on from the jewels from the clothes you know just something different than I was used to did he pursue you immediately oh my god yes yeah he's like something that i never had before he didn't give up yeah and whenever he and in the in the movie um that you have you

the lady of bmf on bet plus you guys can watch it anytime um it shows like carol going to your dad's house and to your parents house to pick you up and your dad just does not like him stepdad correct yeah your stepdad just did not like him and could he tell that he was not good for you he could tell right away but you know we don't want to listen to our parents ever i didn't yeah they don't know anything you don't know anything you don't know you know so yeah right away it was kind of like can you take me on this relationship with H and this journey? At first it was very, you know, very exciting. He took me out a lot. He treated me very nice.

He bought me things right away. You know, you didn't have to wait. You know, I didn't have to wait on my little check or my mom to buy me things. You know how when you're in high school, your mom shops for you. We were very close and we would go shopping every weekend. But with him, it was like he wanted me immediately to play the part, you know, look the part. So immediately he started buying me things, you know. Do you think it was kind of like a form of grooming you?

I don't know. You know, when you think of grooming you thinking like a pimp grooming his right no I mean like grooming you for the lifestyle yeah basically I think so yeah he could have been you know I don't think if maybe he thought in his head but um I think I really know that when he first he was very attracted to me and he just wanted you know it's always a guy from the east side probably wanted a girl from the west side and I was different from probably the girls that he usually had been dating I still had an innocence about me even though I had a child you know I still felt like I had that and getting with him he knew that and he like you said maybe so what probably was a grooming

you know yeah so he's buying you all these gifts you guys officially are together what happens after you guys get together oh we just i felt like it was just a whirlwind romance and we you know i'm excited about his lifestyle I'm excited about the people that he's hanging with I'm doing that now I had started um like the shopping the cars you know the trips and things like that and then after that I wanted to become a part of his world whatever he was doing I wanted to be a part of that when you you talk about his lifestyle, what do you mean? He was into selling drugs, you know? What was he selling? Heroin? Heroin at first, and then it became cocaine.

Isn't it wild to think back, because I, too, dated drug dealers back in the day, and you're around all of these drugs at such a young age. You're touching them. You're literally inhaling the fumes, packaging them. And it's like, you are so, we have like not a care in the world at that age.

I won't even be in the same room as drugs now. Now I don't want to be around the same type of people. But then it was the excitement. It was like, the naiveness, I guess. Yeah. Because I think of the laws now.

I do a lot about into prison reform, understanding the laws and things. And I'll be like, God, I could have been one of those people that got caught up and still would have been in prison. Because it is people that I know that we're fighting for now that have been in prison for 30 years that has done less than me. fighting for now that been in prison for 30 years has done less than me you know so when I think back about it I'm around all these drugs immediately having no fear it was because you don't understand you're very naive you're ignorant to what could happen to you all you thinking about was the excitement I was very excited about it all it made me feel just as powerful that you know as he did like I looked at, you know, he moved rooms and I wanted to move rooms too. I wanted people to, Hey, look at me, look at me too.

You know, just boss mentality, right. You know, and that's what came with it. It came with the boss mentality, the status, you know, in a city like Detroit. And, um, I wanted to be a part of that. And it just, I had no fear. Like you said, no fear. Yeah, no fear. So when did, did you start moving drugs for him?

You know, I don't, people like for him, like we were, I think we're more so a partnership. Right. You know, it wasn't for him. Like he would send me out and then I would go do, you know, like, hey, you go take this run, you take this run, you take this bag, you do this. I wanted to be his partner. No matter what he wanted me to do, you know, no, you stay here, you do this. No, I want to be right there with you. I can do this too. I always thought that, you know, I was talking to my brother not too long ago and he said, I don't know what it

was. And he was, he's older than me. And he said, I don't know what it was and he was he's older than me and he said I don't know what it was even when you were a little girl you always had that kind of like street mentality you I just didn't realize it you know probably even when I was playing you know in school or playing with my young my um people in my neighborhood like even when I was in high school I didn't really want to hang with the high school people I wanted to be because I had the older boyfriend I wanted to be with the older crowd you know that's what my head was like oh y'all too young for me I want to do this you know so I'm grown I'm grown I always felt grown I always felt like I had to take on the responsibilities of everyone else you know even though I had the three brothers they were older I always thought I was the big mom of the house right even for my mom and dad now this is how this gonna go

right running the household so I wanted to took that out into the streets with me so you guys were moving weight for the east side and then you guys you convinced him to start expanding it to the west side can you take and don't tell, I don't know why I said that. I just was like, why are we stuck over here on the East side when there's a lot more players on the West side? Yeah. And he thought about it because he didn't, you know, East side people at that time, they didn't, you know,

we didn't coexist with one another. You know, the East side staying on the East side and the West side staying on the West side. But I felt like I'm your connection now know the east side stay on the east side and the west side stay on the west side but I felt like I'm your connection now to the east side um I was popular because of myself and my brothers even though they wasn't in the street they were just you know my one brother always gave the parties and my other brother was just the handsome had all the girls and so we were kind of popular so I knew that if you came over there, I could find the people for you. And I knew that they would spend the money.

And to me back then, we were the wealthier side of Michigan, of Detroit. Even though it might not have been because you do have some amazing east side, beautiful pockets and beautiful homes. But it always seemed like to me the west side was the more people that had the money you know and so I said let's go over here she's like let's go over here let's expand baby come over here baby so everything wasn't always flowers and butterflies though H also became very. Can you take me on that journey? You know, I really can't remember, like, you know, it was later on.

The more power, the more drugs, the more money, then the more violence, you know. And it just started happening, you know. And when you look back, you'll be like, wow, this is, you know, you thought it was one time. And then you look up, it's, you know, repeatedly it's happened more and more often. You know, you think it's like, okay, maybe he was high or maybe he was frustrated or maybe something was going on. But later on in life, I realized that, you know, this is how he grew up. And now he's a grown man taking out what happened to him on that, you know, this is how he grew up. And now he's, he's a grown man taking out what happened to him on me, you know, it was a cycle. And I was, you know, you stay thinking,

I'll try to fix this person or you think, because they make you feel like I love, you know, nobody else love you, I take care of you. You know, I felt like I can't go anywhere if I if I love you. Nobody else loves you. I take care of you. I felt like I can't go anywhere if I left, that he probably would kill me or do something. Because it got to that point. It got very violent. What happens next? He puts his hands on you one more time, and what happens in that scenario?

It got to the point where I'm like, why am I doing this? Because I always knew I was a strong person and I don't know what it was about him that in the beginning I allowed it or why was I, you know, fearing him? And I thought about it. I'm like, okay, that's enough. You know, you have these sons around here. They're watching this. You have to protect yourself. You know, I'm out here protecting everybody else watching his back.

You've got to protect yourself. So I really waited. I knew he was going to come home this one time, and I said, okay, I'm going to prepare myself. You know, I had in my mind, I thought, like, I'm going to prepare myself. I had in my mind, I thought like, I'm going to kill him tonight. I didn't think about the consequences of it. I just knew that he was going to come home, and that was going to be the last time he put his hands on me. And so it happened exactly like I thought.

He was going to come home. He was going to be violent, jump on me. And I had already put the knife under my pillow and I just waited. I pretended I would sleep and I waited. And that's when I stabbed him. I really, I really wanted to, like I said, I really wanted to kill him. I was fed up, you know. I'm glad I didn't because even when they arrested me and I went to the county jail, and that's back then that was when the person had to press charges on you for it to stick. So he didn't press charges. But I realized when I was in the county jail and the officers were saying,

you better hope, bitch, you better hope not. I'm sorry. No, you're fine. But they were saying, bitch, you better hope you didn't kill him. You better hope you didn't kill him. And as I'm laying in my bunk, I thought about it. Why don't you just leave? Why don't you just leave? What if he is dead? Because I didn't know what happened. I knew the police came. They took him away, but you don't hear anything else. Right. And I said, what if he dies? I won't get to see my kids anymore you know so that kind of that really scared me that really had affected me for a while you know so dramatic

too that you got pushed to that point yeah why you know why did I let myself yeah don't touch me right you know and during this time you and H actually had a child together too also. So you had two babies at this time. Yeah, we had three. I had two. Yeah, we had three. And I'm sitting there like, why am I allowing this? And then why did you get to the point where you have to kill a person before you decide to leave?

You know, like I had plotted it out like, oh, he's going to die tonight. I think I told my friends, oh, he's going to die tonight. And I didn't have the kind of friends who would oh girl don't do that you just need to leave yeah you gotta love our girls yeah you need me to help you need me to come over I mean it was so many things that happened in our lives he would blow up my car I would go blow up his car it was just getting to the point of craziness tipper top for tat. And I had the friends, type of friends that wouldn't say at that point in time, just leave. Right. You don't have to take this.

You out here, you selling more than he can sell. You doing your own thing. You matter of fact, you doing more. And that could be, that could have been happening too. You know, you had these men that get very insecure and jealous of your power also. He didn't have no more control over me. You know, and once a man started thinking they're losing control, what do they do? You know, they do things like that.

And I think all of that played a part. I was becoming more popular on the West Side. People were, I was getting a lot of attention. I wasn't looking like this 19-year-old girl anymore. I'm looking like this pretty, stylish grown woman I'm wearing you know these clothes these jewels I'm looking I'm having the power to and I think we that started a lot of it even though he grew up into it that was the way that he could control me by beating on me men are something else let me tell you they build you up to tear you tear you down yeah it's wild it's a cycle i i was in an abusive relationship myself and i got to the

point that you did where i was just like i told him i bought a gun and i was like if you put your hands on me one more time i'm gonna blow your fucking brains out and like you really mean it you really mean it your heart get to that point where you're just like i don't care what the consequences are you're not gonna hurt me anymore right like i said it wasn't until i was laying in that cell in that county jail thinking about it like wow if you go to prison you're gonna go to prison for the rest of your life because back then we didn't have the laws that you know we have in place for women now you know we become where we are victims you know, we have in place for women now, you know, we've become where we're victims. You know, so many women were getting locked up.

They didn't know anything about, you know, self-defense or anything like that. They think, oh, you should have left. You stayed there. They think of it as you premeditated it, you know, but sometimes it happens in the instinct. You know, you're just like, oh, I'm going to kill them. Crime of passion. Crime of passion, yeah. Like I got, this is the only way i can get out yeah you know i work in domestic violence with a lot of women and they feel like there's no way out and i've been there i was younger and i thought it

was no way out how can i get out of this he's always gonna find me if you watch in the movie they didn't show a lot of it he will always always come find me no matter if i leave he would always come find me no matter where i was at by and it was like that all the time you know just moving moving moving then here he come here he comes in i'm back in that i'm back in that cycle because then you get addicted to the toxicity i guess or the fighting or you feel like you know it's the oxytocin yeah whenever you guys do get, it becomes like a drug. It does. And you think in your head, this person really loves me.

Yeah. They're so possessive, so jealous. That's love. We think it's love, and it's not love. It's control. No. That's all it is. It's really control, and it's their egos.

Their egos, yeah. You're literally just stroking their ego by staying in that relationship. Yeah, absolutely. So even though you got out of jail and he got out of the hospital, you guys still stayed together. Yeah, in the movie it looks like we got right back together,

but it was a minute, you know, that. That's what I say say they just wear you down where we'll wear you down these kids i love my kids and he's crying and you feel like i gotta say this person too you know like i felt you feel in the back of your head that he has nobody but you right i understood you know by him talking to me all the time how he grew up I didn't grow up like that so I'm like somebody gotta love this little man you know maybe me I'm thinking I'm saving him but really it was like I always say it was like it was somewhere and as a little young girl that I was damaged somewhere you know I was dealing with a lot of issues that I didn't understand that

you know that I felt like I needed to stay there. You know, I didn't never, like I said, never seen my parents do this. So what made me feel like I had to save this person? Were you ever close with your father, your real father? Not my biological father. And you know, as we grow older, we do fit fine at all. It's probably dead. It's a wound. It's the wound, not the love. Trauma bonding. Yeah, trauma bonding. Not thinking, like I knew my stepdad was, I thought he was just the meanest person ever to me.

But I think as I grew older and understood, he was always trying to protect me. Always. And I thought, I don't want to be protected. I don't want to do this. You know, I was always trying to protect me always and I thought I don't want to be protected I don't want to do this you know I was always fighting it but you stayed with H because he protected you yeah I'm not wild yeah it's like we don't want it from the parents but we want it from right yeah so I wasn't I didn't um have the relationship with my biological dad until I was much older actually they show it in the movie and it was probably at that point you know I was much older. Actually, they show it in the movie and it was probably at that point, you know,

I was much older and my mom like, you know, maybe this is the missing part. Maybe this is what you need, you know. Yeah, to help fill that void. Yeah, absolutely. It's always cathartic to bring the parents back, even, you know, if you've never had a relationship with them. And even if you don't even like who they are as humans at least you get that sort of closure closure right like okay this

is why yeah because it was a question why why didn't you come see me why didn't you love me and he was like he thought it was best once my mom married my stepdad because they got together when I was a baby and he thought it was best but I'm thinking like no you thought it was best for you right him but it wasn't best for me right you know and after that after I understood it we talked about it then you know as I grew you know until he left this earth we grew closer so I had two amazing dads that even once I would they you know we all got together they became good friends no you know what I mean it was like when I um even when I when

I went to prison my biological dad didn't understand the whole lifestyle and so we didn't tell him I was going to prison but he got very ill when I was in prison. And my stepdad was the one that made sure that he went and checked on him all the time to let me know what was going on. So when I would call home, you know, if I don't know if anybody know about the prison phones, they say this whole recording. Right. So I had my nephew on the other side with my biological dad my dad he's got the phone and they're like okay once the recording said this call is from an inmate or such and such they were him my biological dad the phone who was very ill at this time they let me say what I had to say until the day he died he still didn't know I was in prison

oh my gosh he didn't even realize that he went into the dementia and then he passed away before I came home that had to be as heartbreaking as it was very heartbreaking I wasn't able to go home to his burial you know that was heartbreaking that was another breaking point for me as realizing like you put yourself here you didn't get to see you know and pass away those are the moments that when you're in prison yet you realize hey you gotta do something about this I did yeah and I had a prison counselor and I have to tell this story it was um I went I

was I was caught out custody so at the end of my prison term I could go out and work in the you know the city around surrounding city so it's called out custody so when they told me that my father had passed the chaplain they came and told my father had passed and he's told me I was able you know know, I could go home to the funeral. But I had to go make the arrangements with my counselor. I had a hard time with my counselor. So when I went to tell her, I said, hey, I know you heard that my dad died. I want to go home to the funeral, go to the funeral.

She said, can I curse? Of course. Oh, yeah. No, we caused up a storm here. She said, fuck you,? I cursed. Of course. Oh, yeah. No, we caused up a storm here. She said, fuck you, bitch. Fuck your family. Fuck your dad. Fuck your mama.

And fuck your motherfucking kids. You shouldn't have came to prison, bitch. Now get the fuck out my office. And this woman is a counselor? A counselor in the prison. When I first went to this prison, I went to two different prisons. That angers me. Yeah. prisons yeah and you think okay I'm here to be a real ability but she gave me such a hard time when I first went on the prison grounds I was walking the yard it's called the yard you know trying to just figure out like what's going on in my world here and uh one of the guards came up to me said

you're new here right and i said yeah he said you're gonna have a hard time you know i i didn't have a fear of the women that wasn't you know i've been in the streets forever so i'm not scared of the women i've been in more danger than this i can handle this and he said no you're gonna he said who's your counselor i told him i said her name is miss stockings i reached out to her since I've been home just to ask her why. And he said, she's going to give you a hard time. You're a nice-looking woman, and she's going to give you a hard time. And when I tell you, the last part of my bit was the hardest time of my life.

By her saying that, that was almost coming home. But I had to deal with her for like 18 months straight taking my visits taking my commissary taking my phone calls it was just madness all the time it was did she do it out of love or was she just an evil oh she was just an evil it's so hard for me to wrap my head around somebody being that evil oh a human. It was the heart. And I used to pray all the time. I met an older lady that did. And by the time we met, she had already been down like 20-something years. And she would always tell me, she said, don't let her see you cry.

Don't let her see you break. I'm like, I'm not going to cry. That's what I'm not going to do. But she's like, whatever you do. And so every time something would happen she was like that's going to yard and she would walk and pray with me it's like you're gonna get through this you're gonna get through this but every day can you imagine like oh i'm not gonna make it through this i'm not gonna make it through this i don't make it through the battles of the street right but here i come here

and i'm feeling like you gotta fight your way through it every day you know not even a good night's sleep because you don't know when you're going to become. She's going to come wake you up out of your sleep. Or you have, I have sons who she took away my phone privileges. I can't even call home to see how they're doing. And that was all through that. It was just my breaking point. Like, you know what?

I'll never, ever, ever put myself in this predicament again in life. So, yeah. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off? Made the excuse of, I'm too busy. It'll heal on its own. I don't need help. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting.

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amazing story and just the redemption and what you've done after you've gotten out of prison too is just beautiful. And I want everybody to just know every facet of what you've had to go through to get to where you are today. So you and H got back together and you guys expanded your business and into Texas, went to Texas and Chicago first and then Texas. yeah. And then he got caught up. Right. And when he got caught up, it was me left to him for myself, you know. It was decide if you want to, what do you want to do? If you want to stay, you know, you want to go to work or you want to continue on doing what you were doing. By this time, I'm addicted to the lifestyle. I'm addicted to the money and all of it.

I'm addicted to the lifestyle. I'm addicted to the money and all of it. But, you know, like you say, the power of it, the people looking at me and ask, you know, they have to come. You know, everybody has to come to me and get things and ask me for things and do this. So I'm like, I want to do this. So you go on and handle that. I'm like, no, I want to. I'm like, I got this. I got this.

So he goes to sit down for seven years. Seven years. like i got this i got this so he goes to sit down for seven seven years seven years this time and before that he had brought in two people to help you guys with your business and who were those two people those people were southwest t and demetrius finley you know mass the leaders of the bms and that's for your listeners that don't know you can go back and relate to the music, like with Rick Ross, I Wish I Was Big Meech. Big Meech. Yeah, blowing money fast. You know, all the rap music that's surrounded around the two brothers. So, yeah, he brought them around.

And because the business was expanding, and it was like, okay, we can't do this all alone. And then we already had some people, but you still have to bring in more people as the business is expanding. And so he told me, he said, hey, I met these two young guys. You know, I'm going to bring them around. You see what you think. I said, okay.

So we set up a meeting point. And that's when I first met them. Terry says that it was love at first sight. How did you feel whenever you first saw Terry I just thought they were young kids you know I'm nine years older than him and when I looked at him I was just like okay group of young kids he's bringing in to work you know not not like they're juvenile but they were I think Terry's like 18 19 something like that and I didn't think nothing of it I just like oh okay you know introduction look for a minute you know um say all right and I just didn't think nothing of it and they continued to work um around us and Terry was around us

a lot more than Demetrius was the big big Mish was. And so that's why when me and him, Terry, I mean, I'm sorry, H used to always have Terry, like, watch her back, do this. And so we became, like, he was my confidant. He was the person that if I'm always, you know, you always got to complain. You're always talking about something. You're always complaining about, I'm always complaining about H. So he was there, the person that was there to listen. You guys developed a friendship.

We developed a friendship, a closer friendship than H knew about. Right. So H goes away for seven years, but he doesn't leave you with much money. Well, I don't know. That's not that I don't want people to say h is a type of person he has a lot of money but he um he's not going to leave you enough that you could just latch yeah you know i was good in a way i still just wanted my own you know i wanted my own i wanted to be independent because i knew once he was.

You had a chance to be free. Just, that's what I was going to say, just to be free because I knew, like, it took him about a year or so before he was sentenced

and he had to go away. I knew once he went away that this was going to be the end of us. Right. And it helped me break away from him. It was much easier.

Right. I had already knew that when he come home from prison, that I was going to be on my own away from him. I didn't know I was going to develop this romantic relationship with Terry, but I knew I wasn't going to be back with my ex-husband who was age. And you just wanted to do your own thing. I just wanted to do my own. I just wanted to be independent.

I just felt like I could. I felt like he was holding me back too. And women also, before a relationship ends, you've already in your mind. I've already in my mind. But because it's a toxic relationship, an abusive relationship,

he's not letting you go while he's out on the streets. That's how I had to get rid of, I don't want to say get rid of, but that's how I actually was able to break it off with my abusive ex was he went to prison. and it was like I remember the day he went to prison I was really upset but at the same time I was like girl thank god thank god you're free god I'm not I don't have to worry about you don't have fighting and fucking fighting and you know just all the

bullshit that comes with it it's weird that you said you'd be upset like oh my god he's gone to prison i feel bad i'm like you know you're soaking at a minute they're like what is going on yeah you're free do your thing it's like your your wings yeah immediately yeah and you realize who you are you know you he was kind of holding me back yeah so yeah so take me on this journey you are single ready to mingle technically mingling honey yeah i was mingling just out there like a free bird like air i was hanging you know um just everywhere i was traveling i was just all you know at the clubs i was you know me and my girls we were just mobbing out, as they called it. We thought we were the baddest.

Couldn't tell us nothing. It was the best. You're invincible. Yes. And that's how we felt. And like you said, you feel free. You don't have nobody to answer to anymore, you know. I'm the boss now.

I can do what I want to do. And Terry was always kind of somewhere in the back you know somewhere in the back you know kind of watching or you know or shamingling with us if you want to say it was never a thought of me being romantic with him like I say it was younger and then as time went on that happened later on in life now how they have it in the BMF Stars movie. You know, I was very upset about that because why would, you know, you put me in a movie

like he's a kid, like he's in high school. I'm chasing behind this high school kid because I had already developed myself as a boss. I was dating a boss. Why would I chase a high school, you know, I guess women do it but not I not me right um having me having sex in at my job or you know around my children with this kid who's still carrying around his school books right you just feel like you deserved more respect just more

respect why didn't why couldn't you you know I you know if you didn't want me involved in your story i get that okay i understand but don't do me like that give me some type of respect because no matter what when i tell my story and i talk about them i give them respect i can only tell the story how it happened you know wouldn't be truthful if I didn't tell you how I met them right I'm sorry that you met me under my ex-husband that's how I met you I can't you know tell the story any different you know then it wouldn't be truthful it wouldn't be my story wouldn't be the way I seen it I lived through it so the way I lived through it that's how I met you guys I wasn't a person that was chasing this kid and like I always what I said

now is I was already kid the kid like you know how your beautiful truck outside you know when you pull it up it's already you it's already fancy I felt like when they met me I was already that person right so you didn't have to tear your meat You didn't have to develop who I already was. I was already, you know, in the streets doing my thing. When I came around, I was already with the jewels, the furs, the cars, the homes. So when I tell the story, like tell it the way it is. Don't make me or my ex-husband, which is my children's father. I'm sorry. look bad because he never speaks on them they put him in the movie and made him look so bad they put me in

the movie and I felt when she says movie just in us to us right when she says movie she's talking about the BMF movie that you can watch on BET Plus. And then there's BMF, which is their series, which we'll get into that in a little bit and talk about that. But that's how it happened. So in one day, you know, he signed to me and I don't know what I was going through. Maybe. So you actually got your own plug. Yeah. And started signing on your own plug yeah and started

started doing my own thing yeah big mama big mama right little mama little mama and little body but yeah right like pinky in the brain right yeah yeah so like the wizard of oz you know behind the curtain but it's like you just have no fear when you're that age. None. And I think back sometimes I had so much drugs or was around so much drugs. And I think like when I reflect back, like girl, you could have never came home. I would never been sitting on this couch. Yeah.

You know, if I had got caught with the things I had. Yeah. You know, and why did, like you said, no fear. The people we surrounded ourselves with, I wanted to be like you said, no fear. The people we surrounded ourselves with, I wanted to be, they look, no,

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And so during this time is when you and Terry hook up, and you actually helped put them on. Can we take me on that journey? It was like, you know, they like they it was like, why? You know, I had all this money. I had been with this man who has all this money. And even when he went to prison, he still had money. And I couldn't understand, you know, like, Terry, you've been in this life for a long time.

By this time, I'm knowing you about five, about seven years. Where's the stability? You know, what's going on? You were up, down, up, down. He never had, they never had, like, an abundance of drugs. They never had a great plug. That's what I would call it. There's a reason for that.

They didn't have a plug. You watched the movie. There's a reason for that. And so I looked at him. He was there. Yeah. They didn't have a plug. You watched the movie. There's a reason for that. Right, you see, yeah. And so I looked at him. He was there, and I was like, God, you know, this was all the time. And I was talking to him. I was like, I don't know.

I just can't get it together. And I'm sitting here trying to always groom this person. I didn't realize that I'm grooming him. And one day I was like. You wanted to make him a boss. I wanted to make. He was my friend. You're with me I had this special love for him, you know, not the romantic

Love yet and I wanted him, you know, I felt like this is my friend. This is my dog We we always riding together. We hanging I wanted him to be on the level I was you know And so I said i'm I gotta help Like, tell me what it is, you know. So I said, I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you get it. And then once you get it, you better keep it. You know, I did tell him, I said, and I forgot I had said this. I don't know why I said it.

You know, I felt like a millionaire. I felt like, you know, Rachel's a millionaire. So I'm going to help you be a millionaire. And I said, I want you to change. Don't change for the money. Stay as stay as you know stay as you are but I'm gonna help you become a millionaire and that's what happened you know I gave him the plug you work it you do this you know kind of like was you know he was really listening and it was working um and then it just took off and one day it just took off and he was like, you can sit back now. And I'm like, well, for me, cause I was tired. You can't like,

you're like, yeah, I'm tired. I'm poor. I'm, you know, sometimes you'd be, cause you always think like that day might come, you know, I have been around, I'm watching so many other people go down. And I'm always, you know, just there, you know, getting by, getting by, you know. And I'm like, okay, you got to quit this one day. You got to get, you know, my boys are getting older. You got to quit this. And when he said it was like a sign of relief, he can take over now. Like, who? But you obviously trusted him.

Oh, yeah. And you thought he was capable of being able to i knew he was i knew tear was very smart you know and i knew he was capable of it but i think he had so much so many other responsibilities like um in the movie they make it seem like um mitch was the most powerful one but actually it it was Terry and Terry was actually carrying on that burden for him and me. So I think that was, you know,

when you don't have a enough drugs, it's kind of hard to, uh, be sharing with somebody, you know, I'm gonna make this money and I got to share, you know, this little bit with you.

And I think that was the thing that they could never get it going, you know? And so once he started getting the supply the bigger supply he he brought me chin now we can really work we can keep moving we can push better and then from there once you start meeting one connect it's kind of like clickish you know everybody, everybody knows. You know, like you said, everything is a click to me, from the police to attorneys, drug dealers, pimps. Everybody kind of whisper and knows. So once you're selling so much weight that goes to the next connect, they hear about you.

A word on the street, I hear you take it to the next city. Your name is already ringing. His name started ringing in that circle, and then they took it on to the next level, to the next level, to the next city your name is already ringing his name started ringing in that circle and then they took it on to the next level to the next level to the next level what was your relationship with meach did you guys ever have a relationship as far as like a friendship you know it was on and off but i believe that when you know and i'm not afraid to say it at this point. I used to didn't. I believe it was a lot of jealousy, you know, because he had this little, Terry was the younger brother.

Then he, Terry is, now Terry's not under him no more. Terry is spreading his wings. Terry's with this older woman. And they couldn't believe it. And like, you know, so I'm grooming him to be not this little boy anymore, this young man. Because by the time we started our relationship, I think he was about 20. He was like 25.

He was just my friend at first. But I'm telling him, like, you got to dress like this. You got to do like this. You got to hang. You got to do. Gaming him up. Gaming him up. I'm really, you know, I am gaming him up.

Literally. And I think that was a little jealousy there. And so he felt like I was taking his brother and now he doesn't have the control. Now we're doing everything. You know, this has become my friend and they're not together anymore. So I think it was a lot of jealousy in that. I mean, with the whole family, he's no longer running over there. He's hanging over here with me and my people.

Gotcha. So the business is taking off. You guys are making money hand over fist. You're getting to lay up and, you know, be mama bear to the babies and just live the life. And life is really good for a while there. And then Terry starts showing signs of kind of like getting a little too big for his britches and you're saying hey hey yeah take me take me on this part of the journey yeah I mean you know if you've been around I've been around a long time you you know if we when we first started

this conversation I was young I was 19 20 years old so had been to this road. I've been on this rodeo a long time. You know, I've already seen so many people fall. But the bigger they got, the more the eagles and the things they were doing. It was like I had never seen. Like I've been in a game so I've never seen people that show people like, hey, it was like they were writing it on their shirts and wearing a T-shirt. We are drug dealers. No, because they had named themselves bmf great and it was like the chain yeah but the bmf came because they wanted they did legitimately want to do you know start a record label right but the way that they went about mitch went about doing the record label you you're selling don't

forget you're doing illegal things right and you can't be out there thinking like first get the company start the company lego the drugs and then you can do whatever you want to do but you can't mix the two and it was always everything had to be over the top right and that grew that started a lot of tension and that's when me and Terry started that. Because I'm like, you guys going to get me indicted. You're going to get me indicted. You guys going to get me indicted.

And I would say it like all the time. And so I don't know if I manifested that. But in my mind, I knew it. You didn't feel it. The women's intuition. No matter how many times I could have a good time. But after the good time, I go right back to it. This is going to end soon to it this is gonna end soon

this is gonna end soon and it's fast they always say it was a long time you know the longest running BMF wasn't BMF with them started like in 2002 and by 2005 we were indicted 2001 to and we were indicted and all those times I don't even know how it lasted that long because I had already felt like they were doing too much. And I was very quiet. Like even when people from my hometown didn't know, they always thought that I'm getting taken care of by the man. They didn't know that I was doing my own thing.

So in the back, in the shadows, the prosecutor and you know indicted me she said oh I know about you you know I know about you you think you you think you don't got away with some stuff this time she's like but I'm gonna get you I'm gonna get you like I ain't did none sugar you know you can't get me because I had already you know pulled back about time they started it was a little it was a lot for me right but when I sit back and look at the whole thing I had jumped into the fire into the fire pan because I had left age and jumped into this and never really pulling back and I was just moving I was damaged by this time already just damaged not really fixing who I was you know you got to think you're you're already out of this abusive relationship you didn't fix yourself you just jumped into another

mixed up crazy toxic world and that's what I was just always on that roller coaster always on that roller coaster so that's what happened it was like was this the time that he had brought your children in to start working for him? It was my oldest son, my three nephews, and my cousin. They all got involved in it. And at the time, I said, when I pushed back, my son was in Detroit. We were in Los Angeles by this time. And I didn't know why. I'm thinking, like, don't go back to Detroit.

You go back to Detroit, you're going to get in trouble. You're going to get us indicted. Don't go back to Detroit. Look, you know, just keep that behind you. Right. It's no longer, act like it's no longer exist, you know, in that world for you. But my oldest son, he always was very close to my mom. And he thought he was the Prince of Detroit

He didn't want to come like to LA like that. So Terry and I'm had a their whole secret relationship to you was bringing in my whole family In which even after you told him not not to Don't get my family involved. I had the whole conversations with my sons and my nephew. Don't get involved in this. And, you know, it's still, even though he brought him in, I still felt a lot, you know, responsible for it. You know, I held a lot of regret even when I went to prison

and they went to prison because I feel like I still, even though without Terry, I still myself was in the streets. So even if me and Terry hadn't gotten together, that was my life. After Harold went to prison, my ex-husband went to prison, the streets were still my life. No matter if I had the little job, side job, you know, thinking I'm throwing people off. After work, before work, the streets was my job.

That's what I did. That's the only thing they knew. You know, I made it seem so easy. Right. You feel like you made the appeal. work the streets was my job that's what I did that's the only thing they knew you know that's I made it seem so easy right you feel like you made the appeal yeah I made it appealing you know I said if I was a doctor a lawyer attorney or something maybe that that wouldn't have been so appealing to them right but I made it so easy the money was easy they wanted that power and ego too and they fell right into that hole with me so even though I can be upset with him I still have to take the responsibility for myself like look lady no matter who you would have been with or what you were still doing your thing and you

showed them that it was easy no matter how much you fought for them not to be in it you still showed them that this was the life and I made it look easy that's heavy that's heavy it's a heavy cross to bear because it's like yeah you know you want to have accountability but you also want to be able to point fingers at Terry yeah I wanted to but you still have to understand that you know you chose this life too you brought them in at a younger a young age you know Terry wasn't the first one my ex-husband right was you know a street guy so what would I expect you know it's it's like 70 percent of women that are in the streets or incarcerated 70% of your offsprings one of them are gonna end up in prison Wow yeah that is the statistic

is it's it's high right hi it's very high mm-hmm that's insane so before you guys got indicted you had taken a trip back to Detroit mm-hmm and H had caught up with you is that a true part of that's a true story can we talk about that because that was brutal yeah it was brutal but you know I knew that you know even like we would have the conversations and even though he would try to act cool about it I just knew I didn't I knew him and I didn't trust him like that and not that I trust him before I just knew him right no matter how I said oh he's trying to catch up with me so I wouldn't tell anybody when I would come back to Detroit but I had a couple of friends that were very close to and my one

friend she always like when you come to Troy Detroit, let me know, let me know, let me know. And I knew, you know, something told me all the time, well, she, you don't want to see me that bad. You know, but I just, I felt it in my soul and in my spirit. It was telling me, no, something off. But I told her, okay. I did it at first. I told her, okay. And I did show up.

You know, she invited me out you know and um her and harold had this secret relationship my ex-husband went for the viewers and no they had this secret relationship but he did it you know after we talked about it he did it because of that he was getting that's the way he was getting trying to get back at me he was gonna she was gonna date my friends he was gonna date he was gonna date um Terry's ex-baby mama but he was like nah he tried that look at him like I can't do that he can't I can't you see how he did it but yeah the shade the shade right all right um but he said um so he was that was intentional on his part and he did it to get that's the only way he could convince me because he would always try to convince me to come meet him come see him i'm like no i'm not doing that and so she convinced me to go out

when i come back to detroit and that's what happened. I pulled up to the bar to meet her, and I changed my mind. It's something like God was just talking to me. Don't go in. Go home. Don't go in. I looked at the bar. I'm like, I'm going home. Yeah.

And before I could get home, that's when he crashed into me. He actually had the gun, and he he i don't remember this part but as you know um time went on he we talked about it he say actually put the gun out and pointed it to like my head and something said don't do it oh my goodness he said it was like a person he beat you up just yeah he really beat me pulled you out of the car. Pulled me out of the car, beat me really bad. And then at the end of the beating, it was supposed to be the shooting. You know, he was supposed to shoot me. But he said something.

He said when he looked around, nobody was around. The street was very dark. But he said he could hear it clear as day. Don't do it. And he said he walked away. I mean, jumped in his car and left left me there and then the next thing i knew i'm in the hospital this is the mother of your children you know like how could you how yeah they don't think about that they just think about the anger and they think of it as a

jealousy you know they think of it as betrayal no the betrayal started long time jealousy, you know. They think of it as betrayal. No, the betrayal started a long time ago, you know, when you were beating me years before that or cheating on me before that. And he thought that, you know, he thought I left because of Terry. No, I left because of you. You. You. Terry, if Terry never existed, I wasn't't gonna be back with you you know what is your relationship like with age today it's good you know we don't talk all the time he's actually

um about to get married you know um lucky we could coexist you know even though the boys are older we could talk have conversations he's the one that actually when I was about to do the first Trap Queens and talk about it, I had to sit down with my sons and ask them if they would feel okay with it because I never talked about my abuse. It was a thing that I just walked the life, and it was inside of me. Nobody never really knew how I felt about it, how internally, how I turned out. But after talking to him, I said, hey, I'm going to tell my story.

And he said, you should. And I said, I'm going to have to tell you. He said, you should. He said, women should know that this could happen to them. He said, I'm not that person no more. And he apologized so, like, he told me stories that I had never heard about him. And the apology that he gave me, like, it was so receiving to me. Like, I never, you know how people say, you don't need that apology.

You never get the apology. You don't need to get, you're okay. I thought that. But once I got it from him, this most sincere apology behind the story. You should tell your story. I'm no longer that person. I'm not shame. You know, I can talk about it.

Anything that you, if you need me for it, just let me know. You know, I want to show men that they they he said he was in prison and he would hear the stories and he would just be embarrassed and his body would cringe and like how did I do that to somebody I love so much you know he said I loved you so much and he said I couldn't understand why I did that to you all the time but he said well I sick. I grew up in it. My father did it to my mother. And I thought I was okay. And then it was the cycle that I did it to you. And after I got that apology, it was just like, okay.

At first, it changed something in me with him. You know? At first, I just would talk to him. But I wouldn't still want to be around him. I couldn't have that conversation. talk to him but like i wouldn't still want to be around him i couldn't have that conversation but after that apology and the explanation and telling me gave me the freedom to speak about it wow i felt i felt a relief a real relief that's amazing that is really cool i'm happy h redeemed himself yeah i wasn't expecting that answer no No, he came to the, uh,

screening. Oh, he spoke a little bit, you know? Yeah. So even though he's, you know, the truth is out there about the face it like that.

That's some real man shit. Yeah, it is. Yeah. That's amazing that he did that. He did. My abusive ex would never, he's still trying to shame me telling me the abuse didn't happen.

Yeah. Can't wait for that day. Um, so let's circle back to when me telling me the abuse didn't happen yeah so can't wait for that day um so let's circle back to when you guys did get indicted how much time did you get how much time did your son get and how much time did terry get my i got 57 months and that's almost five years five years three or four months my son got 11 years my nephew one of my nephews got eight years one got nine years one got 11 and one got 13 and um yeah and Terry got 30 years but he came home on the care of Zach so he's home but Demetrius is not home um so you know you spoke a lot about being in prison, what you had to do, you know, dealing with the counselor and how you had a change of heart and in prison, it was pretty

much like your lowest. That's your lowest. It's, I mean, it felt like, you know, um, I end up working in a prison chapel. I don't know how that happened. You know, the counselor, you you know at the first counselor gate you know end up working in a chapel in federal prison everybody has to have a job and it was only one out of 600 women it was one job one person for one job at the chapel and it was given to me so I thought that was God put me on a path I was in the middle of the desert I was in prison

like in Victorville prison and if anybody know about Victorville prison it's in the middle of the desert I grew up in Vegas so yeah so you know about it and I felt like that this was I was stripped like I said stripped of everything this is my time to reflect on how did I get here I walked on that yard. I was in the middle of the first night. I was in the middle of a sandstorm. And I looked up at the sky and I told God, please help me. Why am I here?

Please change me. Let me figure out why I'm here. So when I got the job in the chapel, I was around. I knew God. We called on God all the time you know when you're in the streets you probably God let me get through this okay God I'm I'm about you know one more time you know you got all those drugs you driving are you doing something come on God thank you God I'm blessing him for the wrong things you know and when I end up in prison, I realized that I had to call on him much more than I ever had to call on him in my life.

I was in the middle of the desert. I was the only one that worked in the prison chapel. So now I had to face God. I didn't realize in my whole life how many different religions or that I was there. And I just seen all these books and all these things that I had to deal with every day I felt like I was stripped I had nobody you know even though you have family on the outside you have your children but once I got once I was in prison I was alone no matter how many women were around me I felt alone and I had to call on this man and get on my

knees and call on him like I'd never called on him before. My whole family, it was like I was in a fire once I got indicted. I felt like I had, like a fire had took over. You know how when people say I lost everything? I felt like I lost everything. Now I'm alone. I'm in prison. I got to do all these years. I'm mad. I'm bitter. I'm angry. I'm full of regret. I'm feeling so sorry for myself. Like how you feel sorry for yourself talking to me? You know, why are you feeling sorry for you? You belong here. You had gotten away with so much in your life. You belong here. Because at first I'm thinking, I'm mad at Terry and Demetrius.

I mean, how can, you know, as time went on, I'm like, well, how are you going to be mad at him? You've been selling drugs way before that. You just got away with this. You know, I was just getting away. I was just, you know, God had been saving me a long time.

He'd been saving me through the abuse, through getting caught up with all the drugs. It was finally he said, I got to chastise you. You got to come here. He got to sit you down, baby. And when I was sitting down and I was all alone, I realized that how messed up I was, this criminal mind and this thinking, my heart my soul I was I had to get it together

because now I have five young men in prison I can't talk to them I can't hear their voice I was in prison I had to just imagine my son's voice my oldest son even though my nephew was there but it's different your son I feel bad for all of them, but I'm responsible. Now I don't hear my oldest son. He's 21, and he's got to spend 11 years of his life in prison. I got two sons at home just kind of fending for themselves. They're young men. They never had been without their mother.

And I'm sitting here in prison. I had to get it together. Did H step up with them whenever you went away? Remember, H was, after the seven years, a few years later, H went back into prison. Gotcha. Okay, so you guys were both in. We were both in prison. So, yeah.

My youngest sons, they were out in the streets. They didn't have to be. I could say, go home to my mom. Now we're going to stay here closer to you. Because they wanted to come visit me but still they couldn't be live their life no more right you know then i started they did the time with you yeah they're doing the time with me because they got to come visit me they got to feel that hurt they don't have a father they don't have no brother they don't have a mommy

they just out there alone and i felt that when i was in. So that was the turning point of my life. And I've said that I needed to go there. I think that's amazing that you were able to look inward and reflect. Because some people go to prison, like you said, and they get angry and just hate everybody. Hate everybody. Come home with the same attitude, blaming others. And no, I had to look at me look at me so you did your time and during this you weren't allowed to talk to Terry but you went in already mad at Terry because of listening

to some tapes listening to the wiretaps yeah what did you hear on those wiretaps oh my god because I don't think you guys really got into that. We never talk about that. Nobody never talked about it. But it was such, you know, like, it's like the women, he was just crazy. It's like you built this person up. You're thinking this person is loving you. You're taking everything that I've given you and you take it and you're about to have a baby. You know, and then you're dating somebody that's very close to me. Like if you listen, I wrote this poem. How could you do this to me?

You were like my sister. But it was them two. He was in a relationship that somebody I raised. So you were looking at her as a child and I raised her. So you end up dating her. And on these wiretaps,aps you saying that you're leaving me then you have another woman that you she's pregnant by you and the one the other woman he's pregnant by you when I'm thinking of myself like you know you build yourself you have a class

about yourself for some reason men go by where'd you go find this woman like you know you know what I'm saying like and you don't want to think like you know you know what I'm saying and you don't want to think like you know but it makes you it it and then the thought of it made me angry like these go get you a bad bitch like you know and then you have you begging like literally begging her to have she wanted she was telling I'm getting a boy and he's on there telling me you better not get rid of my baby I'm like well what y'all gonna do with me right when when you tell me what am i supposed to do you already dating this child i look at as a child you taking the hard-earned money that i give gave you because when i got you your your child's mother lived in the worst part of the neighborhood and i'm like help her get out the neighborhood put your kids in a private school do better do it be a better father i'm sharing my money i'm

sharing this with you so how could you betray me like this and everything that you were doing that i was asking you not to do like going back to detroit the women the just everything that I'm saying don't do that don't do this it was all on the tapes it was like just ringing ringing in my ear like and that's all I could hear like every day you I'm upstairs you downstairs you in my house you know when you hear a man in your house with another woman something it is not like this was all his riches. This was something I built too. I'm in prison for this now. I gave you this. I always think like if I didn't come into your life,

where would, not like bragging or saying, but I don't know, where would you be? Yeah. It was such a betrayal. Especially when you know these. I mean, I didn't know the woman that was having this child, but I knew the other one. Like I said, literally raised her. It was like you were watching me groom this young girl to be with her.

And that was that was very hurtful. And then it's kind of gross. It's gross. It was really gross. It was embarrassing. It's gross. It was really gross. It was embarrassing. It was gross. Then my sons, I'm thinking about, dang, I don't put my sons in this life,

and you do this foul shit to me. There's so many women in the street men could cheat with or do your thing with. Why do that so close? So close to home. So close. Like I'm up, you know you know like i said i'm in one door in the next door y'all downstairs i'm upstairs you don't think like that you're thinking this person is your your dog your home your best friend betrayal trauma is the worst yeah it's the worst you don't ever get over it you don't ever get over and i and i and the worst is not seeing

a person but listening to emotions right when you hear your your man talk to another woman you could tell when they're bullshitting with her I was hearing all these emotions like you were in love and you had me you felt like you was just drinking me alone you know yeah yeah I've been through it so I understand exactly what you're talking about I still look at my husband cock i did this day his affair happened fucking five years ago i think you still but i still look at him like yeah i saw the text messages i saw the the girl built a whole case on him yeah and sent it to me whenever shit went south when it went back yeah and when you see the pictures the videos the songs the songs of voices and you know the songs he was saying these

are my favorite songs oh don't get me started i still can't listen yeah it's not like a turn it off what no we can't hear that we'll be somewhere and the fucking song will come on because it's ain't no sunshine when she's gone nothing compares to the chris cornell version anytime i hear those i literally look at them and I'm just like, you motherfucker. Mine's a secret lover. Oh, no. So I'm in the kitchen cooking and they're in the kitchen with me and he's playing

because he called himself a DJ. So he would play the song. So you really antagonize me. You're playing with my emotions and I'm not really knowing that you're doing this. Yeah, that's a different kind of. Yeah, and you could hear them knowing that you're doing this. And it was, yeah. And you could hear

them on the conversations talking about me. Like you're really talking about me. Like you're really talking about me. Don't talk about me with other women. With other women. And I used to always tell them that. Cause I was a saying with my father, my stepdad was like, do not put your feet under another, at least a man's table and talk about the man you got at home. Don't do that. You don't need to do that. And that kind of stuck with me as I grew up you know you don't do that and I would tell him that because he would try to talk about his um child his children's mother I'm like don't put your feet under my table talking about her you had two children back something about her that you liked we don't need to and then to hear you on the phone talking about me was crazy but

then I had a moment of insanity my mom had passed and he came home a couple months later so I thought you know like you said trauma bonding thought like this was history let me get back with him I think about five months I think it lasts about five months and I was like what the hell are you doing with Terry with Terry with Terry and I think like you said you start hearing the music I've started looking at him it wasn't like we never got married you don't trust it's no trust and I can see if like I told him we never you never even married me you know you wasted so many I wasted so many years of my life on you you know we never got married. So it was like, why did I? I wasn't good enough to marry.

So let me just remove myself out your life, man. I just said I needed to get back to who I was. I feel like in all of this and all that, I lost who I was. And I know no matter what I did in my past, I still was a strong, independent woman that I knew once I know no matter what I did in my past I still was a strong independent woman that I knew once I put my mind to something I can do it I don't need a man like that somebody so insecure I need a strong powerful man to be with the strong powerful woman that's right baby no that's right you know that is so anybody anybody know anybody? Single mama,

single baby. Sliding them DMs, baby. Sliding them DMs. Because the DMs popping, but I ain't seeing nobody yet. So y'all keep coming. Keep them coming. I know they're coming.

After this podcast drops, they're coming. They're coming. Yes, yes. I'm so happy that you, that you had the heart to walk away and the knowledge

and the self-respect for yourself to walk away after, you know, retrying again for five months. Just know what this isn't for me it's not for me so when you guys ended did it end on good terms yeah and I thought I thought it ended up on good terms you know sometimes you know you say things to a person like you know this is this not for us it's not for me I don't want to I don't want to try this again anymore. Maybe it's somebody out there for you. I don't know, but I don't think that person is me.

And so you think that it's okay. It wasn't a fucking motherfucker. None of that. It was just like when I packed up and left, I just said, this is it. This is it for me. But I think when you go back to a person, you show them that they think they have something on you. They don't really think that you would leave for real. Right. For good.

And that was my last time. It was so small. I can't even remember, but it was like, hmm, it's nothing to me. And when I look at pictures or somebody sent me something, people say something, we don't even match to me. We like, you know, you hate to say it. Listen, I never knew what the real Terry looked like until after I watched BMF, and it was not what I thought. Yeah, not what she thought, right?

Kind of like a turtle. Right, right. and I'm gonna be like kind of like a turtle right right yeah and I just said you are you are a fly mama you're beautiful thank you thank you so we don't you know so I said you know you sometimes you gotta let people be with who they used to be with right and you I'm not her you go back over there and be with the people you know absolutely go back over there and yeah and so I. You know? Yeah, absolutely. Go back over there and see them. Yeah, but at that point, I didn't know it was a beat. But, you know, I lost my son in July. Yes, I am so sorry.

I lost my middle son in July. I'm so sorry to hear about that. It's hard for me to still talk about that, but not a text, not a flower, not nothing. I said, wow, you must be really angry. And you don't think a person's angry you know I think they should understand my my anger is not an anger or disappointment like you said it's self-disrespect and how they depicted me in the in the BMF series so I can't speak about that because I'm living they you did a whole show around the woman that's living. It's not like my estate is mad, my children is mad.

I'm upset about how y'all portrayed me in a movie, and I didn't know that that's the way y'all felt about me. So here you are, and not to gloss over the fact that you lost your son, which I definitely want to touch on that too. I just want to highlight really quick. Here you are, left Terry, thought everything was fine. And then all of a sudden you hear about this TV show that's in the works. Well, their show had already been in the works.

Okay. Their show came out in 2021, like I think at the end of 20 or something like that. My son just passed 23 in July. Okay, gotcha. So did they ever ask you to be a part of the show? No, I had started working with 50 Cent in 2016 on BMF

series. Okay. So I was sitting in writers rooms, um, sitting with Randy, the show runner. Um, it's a real big mess. You know, I can't talk about it right now but Wow and then you don't fit find out you're not into it and that was another thing Terry they

wasn't gonna even used here Terry was in prison I hired the lawyer for tier to make sure that he got his proper you know so do you feel like you came up with the concept for the TV I didn you came up with the concept for the TV I didn't come up with the concept but I know I was very intricate in helping build that story I'm intricate in the story right because you see you created a whole storyline about me it's not like you had me in season two and three or one and I'm what season one and I'm out of there. My character keeps coming season two and season three.

And if they have another season, because how are you going to get rid of La La La La? It's playing my character, and they know she's a major part of that story. When I found out that, when I got the lawyer for Terry, and I said Terry we go we were in the contract together Terry somehow got once he signed his

contract he told them to not to use me I didn't know he did this to me I didn't know just one the trail a trap another and then I found out afterwards so I kept it I kept it to myself I ain't saying nothing so I was trying to still work it they were trying to work something still out for me and um then I didn't end up in it and my son my younger son owned the trademark who did it the trademark in 2015 when nobody wanted to touch me no more. Everybody was like, if you mess with it, you go into prison. We don't want to touch it.

So my younger son built this whole thing around it saying, I'm going to show it not as a gang, as we were a family. We were a family unit. So he started selling merchandise, T-shirts. He had this whole, if you look at his page, he'd been doing it for years. All of a sudden when 50 cent got the contract with um stars because before stars bmf series it was going to be a movie wow and the movie didn't go through because somebody else owned the rights to doing the movie he ended

up making it a series and here come all of them the mother and everybody now everybody want their bmf you know now here everybody comes but that was the betrayal so i didn't know until kind of wow but you know what i don't look thanks for the betrayal he did me a favor because sometimes that's god moving you you know i might have not if i wasn't becoming aware of all the betrayal, I might have still been under there, still under his kind of control and not being able to do me. Once I realized and say, you know what? I had enough of this. I had enough of you, your whole family. I don't want no parts of this anymore.

I sat back. I released it. A week later, I get a call and say, well, I'm still soaking it. I'm still upset. Anytime you break up anything, a relationship, you feel betrayed, you still got to mourn that too. And once I went through that, I said, you know, I was sitting with my oldest son.

He said, you got 24 hours to 48 hours to soak in this, and then you got to let it go. That's my motto. That's yours? I swear, I just told my kid that the other day. I said, you got 24 to 48 hours, and in this and then you gotta let it go that's my motto that's what i swear i just told my kid that the other day i said you got 24 to 48 hours and you need to get the fuck up and stop crying yeah and that's this whole thing i'm like okay and right after i said i can't let him see me doing this again i got up and i mean i kind of licked my wounds and i got a call

hey we want to do how about doing your movie anyone want to sit down and have a meeting with you about doing your movie? And I think that was what God wanted me to do because he wanted me to have my own shine, my own light, my own redemption, my own story. Not under the men. Not under them. And I would have been mixed in like I am mixed in there now. And people don't understand the story until they talk to me or see me now everybody's you know okay so we know who you are we've seen your story but it had to be

because my journey is so different I had so many layers I never wanted to tell the story like they told the story I don't think it's entertaining to talk about a woman in an abusive relationship. I don't think it's entertaining now to talk about glorifying the drugs, selling the murders. Once you went through it and you want to, I changed who I am. It wouldn't have been a part of me. I wouldn't have felt good about, like I don't feel good about that story. It's theirs. I wish them the best on it, but I'm glad that I got the opportunity

to do my own story and tell my truth. Yes. And it's a beautiful story, too. Thank you. Thank you. Can we circle back to your son that you just lost in 2023? Can we talk about that and what happened?

If I don't get emotional, it's still kind of... It's so recent it was in um i don't know first when i think about i can talk and then as soon as i start talking about it yeah so i'm still dealing with that a lot he um he wanted to go home he said he wanted to be with god and but the week before the week it happened, I was in Detroit. He was in L.A. and he called me and said, I need to see you. And I said, well, I'll be there tomorrow. And I flew to L.A. and we spent the most beautiful time together, just him and I. And we talked and we ate and we laughed and we had a great time.

So I left on a Friday. And he said, promise me you'll never, you know, we won't go a day without talking to each other. You know, because when kids get grown, everybody get grown and get in their life, you might not hear from them a couple days or three days. So we made a promise, you know, if we pinkie and you're doing all that. He said, make a promise that we would never go a day without speaking. I said, okay.

You know, I'm not thinking like that. I said, okay. And he said, and so I got home. I called him. I said, I made it. He said, okay. You know, I'm not thinking like that. I said, okay. And he said, and so I got home. I called him. I said, I made it. He said, okay. Talk to you tomorrow. Saturday came. I didn't talk to him. I'm like, hmm.

You know, still didn't think nothing of it. Sunday came. I was calling him. Didn't talk to him. I panicked automatically. I said, God, we're not supposed to. This is not supposed to happen. We're supposed to talk every day. Something is wrong.

Something is wrong. So I end up calling his wife, which I never do. And I said, where's Jason? I haven't heard from him. And she said, well, he's okay. He's at home. He's just going through a lot. And I said, well, what is he going through?

Well, he's just going through a lot. And I said, well, what is he going through? You know, but he's just going through a lot. And then I said, okay, we were talking, we were chatting. I said, I'm about to run in Starbucks. I'll call you back. Let me call you back. Cause I needed my phone to app. So let me call you back. So about time I got my Starbucks, got back in the car, called it back. And she was like, he's gone. I said, who's gone's gone i said who's gone the chase gone like gone where she said he's gone just that fast so he took his own life oh my gosh i'm so sorry just that fast maybe can we get some tissues yeah i am so sorry so do you want a hug it's gonna make me feel worse i but yeah so you know i just think like it was he battling a mental illness of some sort and that's that's the part about it like and people always think like they you see it coming, but talking to therapists

and everybody, you don't. Sometimes you just don't. Sometimes it's a break. He probably knew, but he would never show me that. He never wanted me to see that. His wife said he would go in and out, but she never thought that. People in life

get depressed. It's life and it's tough and never thought that. You know, people in life get depressed, you know. It's life, and it's tough, and it's rough. It's been rough on my family since the indictment, you know. They made it. People have made it really rough, but I thought we overcame it. I thought we were going to be okay. And, yeah, so. I'm so sorry, but I just thank God. I said, well, thanks for giving me that time. You know, thanks for him saying that I want to be with her, but you know,

my son was so handsome. Like, gosh, it was awesome. And, seeing him you know laying that casket he looks so like he he looked like the little like a little boy like he was so like so fresh and it looked like he was in such a peace so I try to think about like all the time like he was at a peace. So whatever was so heavy on him, that he's at a peace. And I know the way my life has been going, that he's up there just like an angel. Because he always said, he told me then, he said, forget about all this stuff. No, but you're still just having a conversation. Forget about all this stuff. Take care of you.

We are all grown. We are all grown. Take care of you. We are all grown. We are all grown. Take care of you. Go be happy, Mom. He said, you haven't been happy. You go be happy. I said, I'm happy. He said, no, you're not.

Go be happy. I don't need that toilet paper. He said, go be happy. And I said, okay. He said, I just, because he still called me Mommy. He said, Mommy, just go be happy. I said, okay. He said, we going to be all right called me mommy. He said, mommy, just go be happy. I said, okay. He said, we're going to be all right. We are going to be all right.

And I never thought. I keep thinking, how far did I lean? But that was just the journey. That was our time. And just knowing that he said that he wanted to be with God. That's the blessing. And seeing him, he looks so beautiful. Like, beautiful.

Like, out of peace. Like, the angels and God had just came and took him themselves. He was that beautiful. Your life is such a testimony of just resilience and of what a strong woman really is. I'm sorry. Thank you. It has me just gutted right now. Moving on from that situation.

Can we give you a moment? Of course, yeah. Let's take a deep breath. I got tears still coming out of my eyes. Moving forward from that, that beautiful, beautifully tragic story, you have some really awesome things that are happening in your life and you are doing some really awesome things. Thank you. You said earlier that you are doing, you know, you help with prison reform. You have a few shows that have been out, which was what?

What are the three names again? You have a few shows that have been out, which was, what are the three names again? You have the movie, you have the Notorious. Notorious Queens. Queens. Trap Queens. I just got a new book deal. That, my book will be out next year. Excuse me.

Like I said, work in prison reform tomorrow. Always scary, guys. You're good, you're good. Take a deep breath. Just doing some amazing things, helping women, helping people, filing motions, just in my community,

giving back, helping with expungements, you know, giving a lot of hugs and, you know, uplifting people, showing them, giving them hope because I am an older woman now and I don't want people to think you have to give up you can just never know what can happen in your life you know I have been through some things and I always say why me but then I'm chosen to help other people and that's my path now that's my journey that I'm out here

and even before that happened to my son that's what make me happy most is helping other people you know I um I didn't well I'm a nominee in the image awards yes you're gonna win I'm gonna win I already have my speech you're gonna win she's so cute when she came in I was like you're gonna win she said i already got my speech and that's how you know she's gonna win she's a manifesting queen manifested and i'm already you know and even if i don't i've already won you know just to be in that category to be a nominee somebody like we say you come the streets, you never know what your journey is. We always think we don't get second chances,

but now society has given us second chances. And I know, I'm saying I'm beyond my chances. I know I'll have more than second chances. And just to know that such a prestigious committee have looked at my story and seen that my journey and the path that I'm on and say, hey, we want to put you in this category to be a nominee. I already won. Yeah. And is there a way for us to vote? Well, voting is cut off already. So I did vote whenever. Yeah, you voted.

I didn't know if it was still going or whatever. It ended, I think, Friday Friday what's today Tuesday or somebody Monday I'm like today's Tuesday um so yeah and that that's amazing journey and I and I didn't want to write a book until that I had accomplished some amazing things you know that I said I told my son my oldest son when I first came home to write a book I'm like I'm writing a book to talk about what i had i knew i had to some things that i had to conquer some things i need it was some more work that i had to do within myself and when i talk about who i am and me i want it to mean value i want to see people to see i overcame and that i changed who i was yes ma'am that is why i'm doing this series because everybody i grew up in a street life too and everybody glorifies it the movies hollywood fucking social media like everybody glorifies

drug dealing and you know i talk about you know being an ex escort and you know to people some people think that i glamorize it but i don't because I don't really go in depth about it, you know, and I just, that, that was a part of my life. So being able to bring the women like you and Ramona and, uh, Renee, and just really showing people that the real lifestyle and the shit that you guys have had to go through and overcome and just the beautifully amazing women that you guys are so inspiring thank you your story is so incredible thank you and it deserves to be heard and i hope you don't stop screaming it from the top ever no i'm putting in the work you know um people do need to hear it you know we we we were first to go through the shame and the guilt and now it's like hey this is who i am i'd rather me tell it than anybody else tell

i need you to know what happens i am a no i'm not even a what a survivor you are a survivor i'm a survivor and people know and that we all don't make it out you know so many women have been losing their lives and we all don't make it out so this is a story that people need to watch it's a cautionary story and it's also meant to be inspiring as they in you know it was tough it was a tough life that I you know that I had and I want people to understand that hey don't think it's glamorous they all glitz and gamers you know I was blessed in a way that I had I didn't have to still be in prison in due time but I was one of those chosen ones to say hey this don't happen often don't happen often it was amazing

thank you can people find you online and do you have a website I have a website I have silentheart.org and that's with the y s y l not s i l and then you can watch me on social media it's his first lady tonisa tiktok I think it's just my name I don't know my fear but you over there I didn't know if you had one or not yeah I just started you know i'm not oh we'll help you thank you thank you whatever you need thank you but yeah and most of it you could just google my name or just follow me first lady tonisa and facebook is my name and uh twitter is my name and watch uh first lady watch first lady of bmf the tonisa welch story on BET Plus. The MBT Plus. It's well worth it, guys. I promise you. Haley and I watched it and we loved it.

Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. Thank you. I've enjoyed it. I'm a talker, too. No, I love it. I love it. What do you mean? I felt so many feels through this whole interview. It was just like laughing and then like heart-wrenching

and there's just so much. Thank you. It's just really beautiful and i'm so happy to be able to have a platform to help you scream it even louder so anytime yeah after you write that book and you do a book tour come back and see me come back and you know like this is a crazy crazy coincidence because you know jelly rose one of my favorite artists yeah we're going to FaceTime Daddy after this. Yes. I just went to his concert. And then when you called me, I'm like, oh, my God. No, this can't be real. Yeah, you were in Detroit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're going to be on tour again. You got to come. Oh, I've already seen. You got to be in Wichita, Kansas. And I'm thinking, is it September? OK. Just tell me. I don't know why I got to wait that long, though.

I know. Because you don't start until what? August. This summer, August. And then you're in Wichita. Because by the time you, Wichita would be the closest to me. Because my brother stays there. Okay.

So I already told him, heck, you're going to Chilliwack. Oh, let's go. Yeah. In Wichita. We'll have our bus there, too. So you can come and just chill on the bus. Yay, we'd love it. I'll bring you backstage to your daddy.

Yes, yeah. He'll fan out. Love it, love it. I'll bring you backstage to meet Daddy Hill. He'll fan out. Love it, love it. Miss Tonesha, thank you so much. Thank you. Tonesa. Tonesa. I'm so sorry, Miss Tonesa.

Thank you and thanks for having me on the Dumb Blonde. The Dumb Blonde podcast, baby. Yes, Dumb Blonde podcast. Thank you, guys. I appreciate you. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next appreciate you thank you for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde I will see you guys next week

bye