Dumb Blonde - Winter Blanco: Behind the Likes

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

This week, TV personality, author, and social media star Winter Blanco gets real about overcoming trauma and finding her voice. She talks with Bunnie about her rise to fame through the Bad Girls Club, and how that early spotlight exacerbated her existing insecurities. Winter gets candid about using substances to cope and details her path to sobriety, while learning to silence the haters that constantly question her ethnicity. Then, her 'Behind the Likes' podcast co-host and bestie Chy joins the show to shed some insight into their friendship and hilarious dynamic.Watch Full Episodes & More:www.dumbblondeunrated.comWinter Blanco: Behind the Likes | IG Chy: IG See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers welcome to another episode of dumb blonde today i got my girl winter blanco in the house baby hey thank you for having me dude i feel like this has been a long time coming yeah i do too like i'm so excited to have you here i just i love how outspoken you are online because it reminds me of myself okay so you've seen me oh yeah do too much but is it too much or are you just you know kind of standing up for yourself and defending yourself

like definitely i say standing up for myself absolutely me too i will fight bullies all day long oh me too 100 don't start none won't be none period so i'm glad i got you in the hot seat because i was watching uh one of your podcasts last night because you have a podcast called Behind the Likes. Yes. And I was watching an episode where you were actually, you know, talking about a lot of stuff from your childhood. And it just kind of intrigued me because I don't get to hear a lot of you talking a lot about your childhood. When you do talk about it, you kind of pass over it. Like this is what happened. I had to overcome this. I had to survive this, but you never go

into like detail. And I kind of want to just take a trip down memory lane with you. Is that okay? Yes. Also, we have her co-host Chai Fontenot here and she's going to join us in a little bit once we get past Winter's childhood. So where'd you grow up um i'm from the bay area and i moved to la when i was like 17 so i've lived out here for 17 18 i'm 19 now so two years and i'm just kidding um yeah and i've lived here for like 10 11 years gotcha so you grew up in a single mom household correct yes i did see a picture of your dad because you know your your ethnicity is always under question and we'll get into that later online and dad's pretty hot oh no did i not see the right picture ew people do say that to me

but i was like for a dad right it's your dad yeah I mean so you were raised in a single single mom household was dad never present in your life or so my dad is British and my dad um was deported from America when I was like I don't know a young thing I don't remember what age I was but he was deported from America and then he ended up going to jail when i was younger i used to think he got deported from america and went to jail immediately but i guess he got deported from america and then went to prison for like 20 years in england oh my goodness so he's supported he's never allowed to come back to america like i can't have him one day come out here like never could visit him in prison like blah blah blah so, blah. So yeah, my mom raised me. What did he go to prison for? My dad went to prison for sexual assault.

So yeah, a lot of people don't know that. I did open up and talk about it in my book. I've written two books, When I See I Was Right, The Second Is You Should Have Listened. So I did open up about that in my first book. some people do know it I don't really talk about it all the time just because it's like it makes people uncomfortable absolutely and it's just like one of those things like if you bring up like oh my parent like if my parent died and then everybody's like oh awkward like I'm so sorry like or you know like so I don't really talk about it that much but yeah that's not your fault though that your dad chose that path so I don't ever want you to feel like you have to take that on like that, you know, what he, what he did was what he did. And that's not a reflection of you. Yeah, no, I a hundred percent know that. I just think that the internet is just so weird.

They're fucking assholes. Yeah. The internet is just so weird. And then like, you know, people are so obsessed with like, as you said, like my ethnicity and stuff. So like, they kind of make me have to like, claim my father. And I'm like, I don't even want to claim him to begin with, like, you know, so. Understandably. And I hope maybe, you know, you talking about it on this podcast will make people see like, you know, you got to stop forcing people to claim parents that they don't even have a relationship with right i definitely i definitely think so people do too much so growing up with your mom what was life like growing up with mama um growing up with my mom was uh i love my mother to death now like we've definitely come a long way i will say that but growing up with my mother was just like terrible like it was I grew up in a very violent angry household I did not grow up in a loving affectionate home I my mother literally told me I can remember the first time I remember my mom telling me that she loved me was the day my

grandma died and I think that was like 2013 or something how old were you I don't remember I was probably like 17 or 18 I don't remember exactly but I do remember like that was when me and my mom started being like I love you like you know when you hang up the phone you're like okay I love you like that type of thing so we never had that relationship and I just you know I don't know she my mom was young when she had me she was only 21 when I was born and like when I was younger I used to think like that's grown but like now that I'm 30 years old and I look back and I'm like okay you were actually like a 21 year old kid with your own set of trauma from your parents

like you know having to deal with like being a single mom and like I was no easy kid to deal with like I was terrible like I was really bad i probably had like my own issues like dealing with like my father not being there but you're a product of your environment yeah i grew up in a in an extremely abusive household too my stepmother was so abusive she used to put my head through doors like it was crazy and i was an extremely fucking rebellious child yeah and that's because you're you you're raised that environment. You don't know any different. So, of course, you're going to automatically want to rebel. Yeah, for sure.

I mean, yeah, I don't know. I just I've always been that way. I've always been like very like I've been very hard headed. I've been very bulimitarious. Like, I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but like I would definitely give my mother hell. And like looking back, like I understand understand now like she was just trying to deal with a freaking crazy ass kid was your mom the one that was abusive to you my mom okay so my mom like i'm not gonna sit here and just be like my mom would just like beat on me like she wasn't

like that like when i was a kid but like my mom just it was like living in a house with your enemy like that's like the best way that i could describe it like living in a house with your enemy we're always arguing we just hated each other me and my mom 100 hated each other we did not love each other like that's the worst having to grow up uh walking on eggshells and any sort of emotional abuse is i think 10 times worse than physical abuse there gets to a point like when you're in an abusive relationship you're like just fucking hit me instead of playing these fucking games with me you know and it can be like that with a parent too I yeah I think that with me it just always kind of felt like my mom was like never on my side like that's like a big thing that we even

go through to this day because like if I go through something like say it's online or something and my mom is like well you did this or like well you need to think about I'll be like why can't you just ever have my fucking back like you never have my back like I would get in trouble in school and my mom wouldn't have my back I would you know go through stuff with friends and my mom would have my friends back like because my mom just hated me she was an enemy she was like literally an op did you did you think maybe she was jealous of you I don't think my mom was jealous no my mom wasn't jealous to me I definitely had some aunties in my life that were jealous of me but my mom was never jealous of me I think that I don't know why

my mom hated me she hated me and I hated her too so I can't really just like you know put your finger on I can't put my finger on it but I was pretty fucking terrible and like if I was 21 and I had this crazy ass kid who had her own set of problems on top of me being a kid like I don't think I would be able to deal with it so yeah so growing up in that environment how did you do in school and stuff like that did you what was your escape my escape I don't really think I had an escape um when I was growing up in school I was bad in school like I was the same yeah like I didn't listen like I didn't want to follow rules that was always what you know teachers would say is she doesn't listen to anything we say and I was just very like diso disobedient like 100%

couldn't tell me nothing so to this day I just want to do what I want to do and also like I always say I was a rebel without a cause and that sounds like you too yeah like I just I hated school I hated being told what to do I would skip school I wouldn't go I didn't even graduate high school I was like this is not for me I feel like school. I wouldn't go. I didn't even graduate high school I was like, this is not For me. I feel like everybody's dumb. I'm smart. Like i'll figure it out That was just like my mindset. So right. I wasn't good in school So how long did you live at home for did you live at home until you were 18 or did you leave early? So when I was growing up keep in mind i write about all these like in-depth

stories like in my book so it's like funny because like i don't really talk about it but i can tell it's making you really uncomfortable to have to talk about it i'm not uncomfortable to talk about it it's just so like i don't know it's just weird because like i'm just like this different person now like i'm just like this grown woman and then i like think back to like this person who technically i am but like i don't like 100% feel like it's your testimony though and I think that a lot of girls that look up to you of course you know 100% read her books but I think it's good for girls online who look up to you to be able to watch this podcast and you know listen to how far you've come you know yeah so yeah I don't really talk about it

often a lot of people actually see me online and they're like this silver spoon fed ass bitch. And I'm just like, you literally have no idea. But no, for your question, like I wasn't always living with my mom. My mom would kick me out all the time. My mom would her thing where she would kick me out and turn my phone off. So I would have to just be out there stranded in the world. Like, you know, so I would like bounce from friends houses cousins houses like say with my aunts like at all ages I probably I don't know when this started I mean I don't know maybe like

13 14 I don't know but for for a long time and I wouldn't like necessarily have one place to just be like I live here like I know that I probably could go back to like be with my mom and like live with my mom but it was like it was hell it was literally like hell living with my mother so I left home at 14 I never went back yeah I would rather sleep on the floor of somebody's house or have nowhere to go for the night then go live with my mom so like I definitely had to go through you know those growing pains I got my first job when I was I think I was 16 and it was at Hooters and then I got fired from Hooters and I became a stripper at 17. Your first job was Hooters? Yep. Mine was fat burger. We had two different goals. I had to take the freaking train to San Francisco

and I was like I'm gonna get a job like I'm gonna just try to get a job got hired they hated me I had red hair piercings and tattoos I was a little ass girl I thought I was grown and I couldn't even work on the floor at Hooters I had to work in the front like just letting people come in because I was too young and then I got fired from that and like this girl was just like well we're in the city like you know there's strip clubs down the street and I was like okay in my mind I'm like I'm too young for that but let me go forge up some documents so I like forged up my ID forged a fake social and how old were you 16 I was 17 17 yeah so that I had found this freaking I had this crackhead auntie who's to steal people's stuff and she had this I had like went through her stuff

one day and I found this idea of this girl who looked like me and the girl was like 21 so i was like oh i'm about to use this id like whatever and i um i forged up like a fake social um i had like photocopied it had my friend photocopy it and like adjust it or for to match the id name and then they just let me start working that is wild yeah that you're 17 because i went when i was 18 and i couldn't, I fucking ran out of the club. I farted on somebody and fucking ran out of the club. I had bubble guts. It was scary. Some dude asked me to kick him in the nuts for like 700 bucks.

Now I would do it no fucking problem. But fucking back then I was like, oh my God. And fucking ran out of the club. Girl. What was your first night in the club like? It was cool. I mean, it was cool. I remember I got tipped $20 on stage

and I was like oh my god I'm making so much fucking money like I was broke as hell like I didn't have anything like I literally had nothing and at the time I was sleeping on the couch of like a family friend's grandma like with like two other people in the same living room so I was just like wow like this is crazy like i could actually make money doing this and then i had a customer want to get like a vip dance and i don't know what the fuck i was doing i don't know what the hell i was like you know like i didn't know nothing so i'm like did you have a friend to help you or you were just in there figuring it out i was just figuring it out i was green in the club yeah i think that i had like an older girl kind of was like i think i was like oh like this is my had like an older girl kind of was like I think

I was like oh like this is my first day blah blah blah and she was like telling me a couple little things um but I like I didn't know her beforehand like she kind of just looked out for me a little bit in there and like kind of like gave me a little bit of free game and I had like had this dance with this guy and he tried to like pull his dick out underneath his shirt and i smacked him in the face like with my box because like they gave us these metal money boxes and i smacked him in the face and i was like fuck this like this is weird as fuck but it was like 200 bucks so i was like well i got to keep the money i didn't have to like keep doing this long ass dance because it was like 30 minutes or something for like 200 or some crazy shit i used to hate when they would

wear the windbreakers what what did they like the windbreaker pants so the dudes because when you do lap when you would do lap dances they could like feel everything just i would hate doing dances for guys with fucking windbreakers yeah literally even when i think back to like my life and like i had to entertain these freaking weirdos in the strip club like i'm just like ugh like oh my god like how long did you dance for i danced until i was really until i was 21 um i had like went through hella shit and then i had met a boyfriend who was like rich as fuck and he was like i don't want you dancing anymore but i had like you know my money started dwindling away because like i'm not dancing that's the only way i know how to really make money this is like years later after i started and I would go sneak out of his house go to the strip club sneak back

in and then the last time I ever did it his homeboy was in the strip club and I was like please don't tell him like I won't come back like I promise so he never told him and I never went back when was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off made the excuse of I'm too busy it'll heal on its own I don't need help I think we've all to go to a doctor but you pushed it off made the excuse of i'm too busy it'll heal on its own i don't need help i think we've all been there booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting but thanks to zocdoc there's no reason to delay they make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book

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relationship with him he did he try to control you with money is that he didn't try to control me with money um i mean he paid for everything right honestly but you needed extra money yeah i needed i needed my own money yeah i'm not like a i'm still to this day like i'm not like somebody who can just sit on their ass like i'm not somebody who could just let myself get taken care of like i have to have my own thing going on i have to your trauma won't allow it yeah i will not i will never go broke like i don't give a fuck like i i literally said i would suck dicks for ten dollars a piece if i had to if i was homeless on the way i will go back to the strip club if i ever had to like i know how to make money like I know how to hustle so you know god forbid I ever get to that point in my life

ever again but I will never allow myself to miss a meal like it would never happen I'm the same way I have the same exact mindset yeah um so you you don't go back to dancing what do you do you do you stay in this relationship yeah so I basically stayed in the relationship for three years I was just getting cheated on back to back to back to back like it was just insane I was just dealing with it it was like my first it were I really want to consider my first real real love and like also it was just different because I think that that relationship like took a toll out of me only because you know I was dealing with with somebody who came from money and like I had just freshly come out the, you know, so part of me always felt like I wasn't good enough. And it was like always people around him telling him like, what are you doing dealing with this stripper?

Like, you know, what do you see in this girl? She just want to get pregnant and take your money and do all this. So I had like very low self esteem. I feel like in that relationship, just because I always felt like I wasn't good enough. So it took me a long time to leave it and then when I finally did leave I ended up going on reality tv so that was like my next stepping stone when did you do when did you join white girl mob I did white girl mob when I was um it was still during the period that I was a stripper but they had had me stop so I had white girl mob had you stop dancing yes so because it would be bad for their image or something no because so at the time when I was stripping I was still rapping like I was still doing music and um white girl mob was taking off in the bay

I wasn't really close with them they were older girls than me so like I remember seeing them out and about in the bay area right and they were always like cool you know they were like the cool girls whatever we were like the little girls and um they had like one big song right yeah the gucci gucci song and i still love that shit yeah and i wasn't even on the song like you know so i didn't even get like the the super fun parts of it but um they were like doing their thing while i was a stripper i was rapping still as a stripper and then then they had lost little Debbie in the group. Debbie left the group. And they were like, you know, we need somebody.

So they were like, oh, well, what about her? At the time, my rap name was Princess. So they were like, what about Princess? And well, drop dead. Princess drop dead. So they were like, what about her? So they're like, all right, cool. So I had to quit dancing.

And then, you know, I like went to LA for a little bit with them did some shows with them was part of it it was cool we never did a song together I would just perform their songs with them I was just like a replacement and um it just didn't end up working out like you know they kind of just started to fall off and it was just they started facing backlash because they used to say the n word and i would just be like well i'm sitting this out because i'm half black so i'm gonna say whatever the fuck i want and y'all shouldn't be saying it anyway so it was just like it was just like one of those i was young i didn't have shit like i was sleeping on their couch and shit like sleeping on their floor like i didn't have no money and i knew it was over when i was like well

what am i supposed to do for money keep in mind never saw a dollar for a show i would travel with them and do these shows and wouldn't get paid for shit i didn't even know about that i was so green like it was just trying to make it i was just trying to be a part of something you know so it's like what am i gonna do for money like i'm not seeing no money they sold you a dream yeah 100 like yeah you're gonna come be a part of white girl mob we're famous like i got a million dollar contract and i'm over here sleeping on the floor not a dollar to my name like how am i about to make some money? And they're like, well, go get a job at Starbucks or something.

I'm like, bitch, Starbucks. I'm not no Starbucks, bitch. Like I'm a star. So why are we going to work this out? So I just had to end up figuring out on my own and just quit fuck with them. So you got out of the relationship that you were in where you were getting cheated on all the time. And were you fresh out of that relationship when you did um bad girls club yeah so he had basically like started dating this girl while me and him was like still together geez yeah of course but he started dating this girl while we were still

together found out about it seeing the girl in person one time she lied about it but obviously it was like true and then um i i want to say the year before i really found out i had a best friend at the time and she had asked me she was like they're doing this casting for bad girls club it's a sister season let's lie and say we're sisters to get on this show so i went i went along with my friend to this casting this casting is like thousands of girls like right crazy ass shit so you know we go to the casting we don't get far for real so it's just like whatever and then a year later as I'm getting cheated on you know ready to exit this relationship I get a call and they're like hey we remember you from last year would you be interested in recasting for

bad girls club and I was like in my mind I'm just like this this is crazy because out of thousands of girls they're like we remember you after all this time this bitch was fucking nuts we need this girl so you know I redid the casting or whatever I think I went up to the bay area did cast and they have like um hundreds and hundreds of girls in there and they like select you out and then you get eliminated and then it gets to this big ass table of like i don't even fucking know like 20 girls 50 girls i don't know everybody got to just talk you know it's just like a bunch of little rowdy raggedy bitches you know and then um they call you back they let you know if you made it to the next

casting not the rowdy raggedy oh yeah you know like those castings are like especially for that show yeah it's like everybody wants to show they're big and bad and can fight and all this shit and i'm just like i'm not even worried about it because like i feel like i know people are like drawn to me attention wise so they called me back did the green screen and then the producers called me in the room and they were like yeah like why do you think we should have you on the show and i was like you need me on the show to make the show so like you know like make it happen so they're like okay yeah we're gonna have to run in a way you pretty much manifest because you already believe it's yours oh yeah 100 and it's just so crazy like I when I was growing up like people used to always be like she needs to be on backers club and she needs to and I never really like I didn't really care to

do this show but i always knew i was gonna do something like a stepping stone yeah a hundred percent limelight a hundred percent i always knew that i was gonna do something i just didn't know how i was gonna get there or like you know what i was gonna say what was that experience like for you bad girls it was bad um it was like prison i've talked about it before publicly it was like prison it was terrible living with a bunch of bitches who just want to fight you for no reason and at the time i was like it's kind of like how you were living at home with your mom yeah like you had to walk on eggshells oh my gosh just so irritating like and then at the time like before i had went on the show

like i said i had been in a relationship where I was just constantly getting cheated on I had started taking Xanax and I was taking Xanax because I didn't want to feel anything like I felt like I was heartbroken every day like you know my friend had like put me on it kind of I used to take it when I used to dance because I used to not want to remember shit I would take Xanax and I would drink on the Xanax so that I would just wake up with hella money and be like cool good night like whatever and I just wouldn't want to like have to talk to nobody or have these long ass boring ass conversations like whatever so when i was my specialty too yeah i love xanax that was like what i had i was like this is perfect i don't have to care about talking to nobody i don't give a fuck about shit like i just it's almost like your alter ego comes out oh yeah 100% and then like if I wouldn't do it I would feel too much like myself

and I would kind of get like in a way ashamed like I was put on a different voice because if I was acting like myself it's like I know I'm an intelligent smart like I'm funny I'm smart like I'm all of these great things and I gotta dumb myself for this weird ass motherfucker like now I don't even want to take your money bitch because like you know so when i went on the show i was coming off as annex because i didn't have a prescription like legally so it wasn't like i could bring my xanax in bad girls club like you know so i was having like severe anxiety when i was on the show and a lot of people don't know that but i was having really bad anxiety it was just panic attacks yeah definitely really bad panic attacks you know at the time like my the guy that I had broken up with who I wasn't with was like going public with a new girl while I'm

away for like two months so it was just like mentally definitely fucking with me and then just having to you know deal with girls who want to break your nose like when you talk about the guy who had a lot of money was it was that bow wow no okay i never dated that man oh i thought you well the internet is wrong no no no i never dated bow wow i went to premier some premier thing with him one time i never dated him though yeah he just asked me randomly to go was he in the limelight though yeah is it puff daddy's son okay gotcha yeah so yeah that was it was whatever it was just a lot we know we were young um we're still friends to this day so it's like i don't really hold any grudge for like anything that i went through when i was you know with him

or anything like that because you know it's just it's life we're young we're going through our own set of growing pains i came from a lot of trauma before I had got with him I was literally in a physically abusive relationship with somebody so like I had my shit from that I had to deal with like it was just a lot how old were you when you went through the domestic violence relationship um I was 18 to 19 yeah 18 to 19 and then that's when I met my I literally fled from my abusive relationship and um I had like took hella money and bought a car and like literally took hella money went and bought a car got a u-haul my boyfriend at the time went out of, packed up my shit and had a girl drive the U-Haul. And we drove to L.A., had an apartment already set up that I had never even seen before.

I was like, I just got to get the fuck out of here. Had like sent them the money through PayPal or some shit. Had roaches and held the shit. It was disgusting. And a week later, I met my ex-boyfriend. So, yeah, I met him and it was like my whole life changed. Like we fell in love instantly. And it was like my whole life changed like we fell in love instantly and it was like wow like this is crazy as fuck you guys think you'll

ever circle back no no is that on you or on him it's on me gotcha definitely on me like we're still friends like he's amazing like as a friend that's pretty much it i don't have any like i don't i just don't look at him in that type of way anymore. So after the Bad Girls Club, because you're withdrawing off Xanax and stuff like that, it was a horrific experience for you. Where do you go? Take me on that journey. What does winter do after that? Where did Winter Blanco come from?

Where did that name come from? Winter Blanco started when I was a stripper. And it started because I was, my favorite book was The Coldest Winter Ever. And I was just like, winter, got winter from ever and I was just like winter got winter from that because I felt like I really related to her like she had to go through hella shit and like you know blah blah blah and then Blanco came from Griselda Blanco which is funny because now the Netflix show is coming out and like people who didn't know about her like learning about her and I'm like that's why I made my son and wife are coming on the podcast really that was why I

made my name Blanco is because I was just like she's just a badass bitch like you know so i always thought she was hella cool so i just put blanco on it people really think that's my last name i'm like no when i was researching i was like what a fucking great name and then i realized that it wasn't it was a stage name yeah definitely what a great stage name right thank you um so take me on the journey after bad girls club what does winter do you know i was i was trying i think i was trying to do music again i i did an album after that and it was it was hard it was hard though after the show like directly after the show because i got a lot of backlash on the show um i did some shit that i wasn't really proud of like producers kind of pushed us into it was like picking on another girl or whatever and um i don't think people like fans of reality realize that reality tv is not

fucking reality right oh my goodness like it's so there's so much that goes on behind the scenes of these shows i mean so i basically got like labeled a bully because i did some stupid shit drunk as hell they would like feed us alcohol and hot pockets and no food yeah yeah like that's literally like what we would survive on and then they would be like yeah get that bitch out the house or she was talking shit about you like you know like stuff like that so I did something I wasn't proud of you know I knew it wasn't my character like I immediately felt regret I called my mom I was crying on the phone where I was like this is not me like you know I feel like that's when me and my mom's relationship kind of started mending was because i had to like i needed my mom like i had to like have her in my life and um

it was just crazy like the world hated me at first and i was like was that your first bout with online shit no because i had it with white girl mob oh gotcha yeah and i always was the internet around back then yes it was yes it was like twitter and facebook and stuff i fucking hate twitter yeah twitter is where the crazies are twitter is fucking nuts like i get dragged on twitter all the damn time twitter and tiktok they're pretty fucking crazy oh my god yes tiktok stays dragging me i don't really give a fuck though. Cause like they're just losers to me. We'll get, yeah, we'll get into that in a little bit, but I get dragged on all the fucking time.

I don't even fucking do anything. I'm the most unproblematic, problematic person you've ever met. Right? No, that's how I feel. Honestly. Like I have my opinions, but like I don't be picking on nobody for real. So whatever. Literally.

I get in trouble if I fucking laugh at something somebody says on my podcast. It's like, Oh, she's a mean girl. You're like, shut the fuck up, dude. They just like to nitpick. For sure. So moving on from the Bad Girls Club, what do you what does Winter do besides writing an album? When did you start writing your books? Was that in 2021?

When was Bad Girls Club? Bad Girls Club was in, damn, I was 23. So that was seven years ago. Whatever. That was 2016. Yeah, 2016. OK, so you didn't write your books until 2021 2020 i wrote one in 2020 and one in 2021 okay gotcha yeah so um what do you do in

that gap in between 16 to 20 what's winter doing i was just doing a bunch of shit i don't know she's like i'm just living my life bitch yeah like i mean i don't know like i did an album i was just i was having to deal with the online hate for the first time for real you know people started really knowing who I was and I just felt like if I show people who I am they'll like me because like I know like I'm a pretty I'm like I'm the type of person kind of you really hate or you really really love so I was just like I just gotta like show the internet who I am and like I just kept growing from that like I kind of came to a point where I was like, I just want to get away from Bad Girls Club. Like I felt like it painted me in a picture like that isn't me.

And I really want to just get away from it. So, you know, I was getting like reality TV offers and stuff like that. And I just was turning them down. I was traumatized as fuck. Would you ever do another reality TV show? I would. If it was the right fit. Yeah, I would do another reality would if it was the right fit yeah i would do another

reality show if it was the right fit but um there's not many that i would do so i mean idk i've been kind of in talks about doing another one but we're just gonna see what happens you know yeah i think you're made for tv you do absolutely i want my own show you need it i think i think you could carry it for sure um so let's talk about a kind of a sensitive subject subject because I did watch on your podcast last night where people are literally always questioning your ethnicity. And I see that it really like hurt you in this podcast. And it broke my heart for you because it was like it's kind of like you against the world. And I think and I quote you said i don't feel like i belong yeah to any one community nobody will i don't want to quote you out of

context but you just pretty much said like i don't feel like i belong anywhere yeah and if there's a little girl who's growing up with you know and dealing with the same things that you've had to deal with where people are not accepting her what would be some advice that you would give or that you could give to a little girl watching I feel like that's hard to say because I feel like even I don't really know yeah like you know like I don't really know like I do feel that way like I still feel that way I'll probably feel that way forever like no I don't know what it feels like to like have a community like I don't know like I don't I don't because I don't know what other people feel like I don't know like I don't I don't because I don't know what other people feel like I don't know if I feel different like I don't know if like white people are like yes I'm white and

I'm proud and then like you know black people are like I'm black and I'm proud well like yeah we know that but like you know I just I don't yeah sorry Shiza we're laughing but um you're doing so great thank you but um no I just I don't know i don't feel like i have a community i feel like you know mixed race people they're uncomfortable about speaking up about how they feel just because people do want you to like choose your sides and it's like especially for somebody like me who is white passing like it feels like your voice just doesn't matter because you don't look black enough and like white people don't. And like, why people don't give a fuck, like why people don't give a fuck about what makes people got going on.

Like, that's just really not their problem. Like, you know, why people don't have to deal with like colorism. So it's just not really even like their issue, I guess. So I don't know.

I just don't really have anywhere to turn to, I guess. Yeah. So you don't have any advice for a little girl going through it? I mean, I guess just like, you just have to be comfortable with who you are. Like you can't have any advice for a little girl going through it i mean i guess just like you just have to be comfortable with who you are like you can't be ashamed about anything like i feel like a lot of mixed people do go through shame um some people be ashamed that they're half

white people be ashamed that they got a white mama and it's like it's really not that damn deep like it's okay your mom is white it's fine like we're gonna be all right like makes people try to like um i guess segregate themselves in a way like by parents like well my mom is black so i am different from you because which i mean i'm sure but like i really just feel like it depends on culture like your mom could be like white your mom could be white but like cultured i guess and then your dad could be black but act white like it that shit is fucking dumb but um i feel like when mariah carey came on the scene they did the same thing to her really like it was really bad like she had to address it a lot too i also feel like another thing that goes on that is kind of frustrating like especially like when i have to see it like

there are like mixed people that are when there are mixed people that are super successful, like people want to claim them as their own. Like that's when it's like we not gatekeeping. Like, for instance, Barack Obama, he's biracial. That's our first black president. Kamala Harris came out. She was like, I'm mixed race. Everybody was mad. She was saying she was mixed race.

Like, it's just like it doesn't feel like there's like a space for biracial people to just be biracial it's like you have to be one or the other and I think that's where I guess the issue just gets like annoying especially like if you are like me and you look white as hell it's like they want me to like pick and choose that I'm white but I'm like I'm never gonna pick and choose that I'm white because I'm not right I'm mixed. I'm biracial. But you shouldn't have to pick just one. You should be able to coexist in the middle somewhere. Yeah, and I know the conversation is so tired. And even I get tired of talking about it because people have been on my ass about this for years.

The TikToks are insane. When I Googled your name on TikTok, I was like, this is what people really fucking spend their time doing. They will sit there and make paragraphs and books about their opinion. I'm like, there's no fucking opinion about a fact. Like, I don't know what the fuck we're even negotiating. It got so bad online that people were doxing you. And like, yeah, they leaked my address, social security number. I'm like, it's cool.

You can leak my fucking address. I got a gun. So I don't. Did you have people showing up to your house there okay so after my address got leaked there was this girl sitting outside of my house i was like hi winter but like i don't know if like maybe she just was there or like she seen my address right but i was like but nobody ever like just showed up and knocked on the door no i mean i had a stalker but he wasn't like from the internet like i knew him oh that's the worst kind yeah that's when you know somebody and they start fucking stalking you yeah but i mean honestly i'm not i don't give a fuck leak my damn address bitch i don't give a fuck i've been wanting

to use my gun i really don't care give me an excuse so moving on you you wrote your books in 2020 and then you also that's around the same time that you met your friend shy yes can we bring shy in yes let's bring her in shy welcome hi thanks for having me thanks for sitting in the corner for a little bit of course i loved the whole conversation y'all really it was really engaging yeah you did so great i loved it i told her off camera i was like you're like her emotional support human yeah Yeah. How long have you guys been? For the most part. Yeah. How long have you guys been friends for?

Where did you guys meet? We met like seven years ago, I think, probably. But we've been friends solid since like right when COVID happened, I think. Like you have a lot of time to like really sit with somebody. Right. Like you don't have nothing else to do. Every day. You have nothing else to literally do.

So I think that's the most part, yeah. Yeah. I love that. Came from that. Was it just like an instant friendship? Like a soulmate type thing? I was like, this bitch is funny. Yeah. I like her.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, we definitely like, for the years that we knew each other, we didn't know that we were just so amazingly hilarious together, especially. I think, what, really? I think you had like a taco Tuesday or something. Yeah. And it was something random that clark invited me we i mean we lived together we lived around the same i mean we lived in the same building yeah oh gotcha but one of my close friends invited one of my best friends invited me to her something you were having at one of your apartments and i damn near was the host of it at that point she was sitting there on the couch and i was just

like playing all the games i was doing she was like no stay stay i was the host of it at that point. She was sitting there on the couch, and I was just, like, playing all the games. I was doing it. She was like, no, stay, stay. And I was like, I like it here. Aw. Those are the best friendships that are just, like, so effortless. And it's just, like, you guys, you literally meet, and it's just a friendship from here on out. Yes. So how did you guys start your podcast, Behind the Likes? So I was going to start one.

We always tell this story. I know, right? So I was going to start one probably, like tell this story. I know, right? So I was going to start one probably like a year or two. It was drag. Two years prior to us starting one because I've always been like very open. I go impersonable. Like, you know, like people would always come up to me

and be like, you need a podcast. You need to do this. You need to do that. And so I got approached by someone who was starting their own like streaming network. So I was like, okay, yeah, I'm going to do this network so I was like okay yeah I'm gonna do this so I filmed like a few episodes he was full of shit the streaming network was full of shit the contract was full of shit like you know what I'm saying like it was just everything

was downhill at that point so I was just kind of off of it for a second and winter was like I'm gonna do a podcast and like it was at this time it was just like I was like perfect go ahead do a podcast like I'm like you have she did not want to do it with me she i was about to get there she has a following she has like i'm like it's perfect you could do you do your thing but i just didn't want to do it like i wanted something of my like own my fresh like my own like thing aside from i'm always like showing up in the beaches for everybody else which is perfect i have no problem doing that but i'm like i just need something of my own right but now looking back i would have jumped on me and what to do in this

the moment it fucking, like the moment it was brought to me because I could not imagine doing a podcast by myself. I hated doing it by myself for one. And then two, just like we bounce off of each other so well. It's insane. It really is insane. It's not even like, I know it's work. We're getting paid.

Like, you know, you're getting paid to be a creator now, I guess. But it's not even like work. It's just so, I couldn't have it no other way. It's like just hanging out with your best friend and getting paid. Yeah, and getting paid to do it. Literally. Yeah. I watched a couple of you guys' episodes, and I feel like you're the calm to her storm.

Really? Yeah. I feel like she's a nut job. Everybody says that, though though but i don't think delivery is just a little bit more aggressive yeah yeah so her delivery is aggressive and you're an aquarius like me yeah yeah and we don't really care about that that much so i can i can speak about something like all right whatever like you can do what you want to do and she's very like passionate passionate about her opinions which i respect and you know i'm trying i'm kind of

getting more like that but i'm like pull my arm i might i might agree with you you know you're gonna tell me i'm like whatever fuck it she's like no i don't agree with that here we are i mean yeah she just i think we just balance each other really really well and we just understand each other like i think even me growing up my whole life i never really felt like i had people who understood me like core through and through but like that's one thing i could definitely i never really felt like i had people who understood me like core through and through but like that's one thing i could definitely say about our friendship like i feel like we genuinely do understand each other like you know like before we got here she called me and she had a little attitude and i was like all right bye i don't got time for this i'll see you

later yeah but that's real friends that's how mimi and i are like before having a day or like i'm being an asshole i'll circle back around later on that night i'm like hey man i'm sorry sorry i was being a douchebag so shy where are you from what's a little bit of your backstory i'm from louisiana born and raised baton rouge um i moved out here at 22 i'm by yourself but um we're both 19 i don't know how i age backwards but listen when you get as old as me You start counting backwards too Yeah I don't think I'm stopping at 29

Like I'm not going anywhere else Like I'm gonna be 29 Until I'm 50 You say that until you hit 44 Which is what I am You're 44 I love you guys You're lying

I love you You know what Can we just play that on a loop I keep my glasses I was like okay She got her little glasses on I am blind as a motherfucker, dude. So blind, but yeah.

44 is crazy. I mean, not crazy. No, no, no. Wait, damn, you got that on. My oldest sister, no, my oldest sister is 49, so I feel like, like, that's, you're like my sister. I thought you were like, maybe 35. 38.

38. Max. Max. Max. Max. Love you guys. But no, I was going was gonna say when you get to 44 you kind of like want to be around 36 like that's your yeah you know so once you get there you'll be like maybe 36 damn girl you look 36 i'm 30 you can really do it love you so much we could still

all the drugs i did we're gonna be so far all the drugs i did when i was younger but you guys are gonna age beautifully thank you as long as botox botox is still in style for sure but um no so i'm uh yeah i have four older sisters so i came out here by myself i have family like what made you want to just leave louisiana to come to la so pretty both las leave la to come to la i'm like why am i here and I'm just kidding I'm I came to visit my family at 18 and I I was enamored I was like oh I'm coming back I don't care what I wanted to do and like I was really thinking about this the other day I never really had like a passion for fashion like I'm like I want to be a model you know like I never cared that much for it but I'm like of

course I always think I was like I need to do something hard in my life because everything has been so easy I came out here I got an agency like you know what I'm like, of course, I was thinking, I was like, I need to do something hard in my life because everything has been so easy. I came out here. I got an agency. Like, you know what I'm like? It was just like it was it was easy for me. And I'm like, I should go to school. I should do something.

But I was going to school in Louisiana. I was like, I don't want to do this. And I was just like, I go to L.A. It's crazy. You don't have an accent. Oh, I worked hard for that. Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Because I mean, because Louisiana accents are so. Yeah? Yeah. I did because, I mean, no matter how intelligent. Because Louisiana accents are so. Yeah. Yeah, strong. Yeah. No matter how, like, intelligent you can be or come across, they don't get past that accent. That's true. So it's just.

So real. You know, you just have to learn how to, like, you know. I feel like I've even had to do that, like, with the Bay Area. Like, having my accent. When I first moved out here, people thought I was so ghetto and so ratchet. And like over the years, I just had to start talking a little bit more like this. And like sometimes when I get drunk, it comes out really heavily. And then people are like, you sound country as hell when you drink.

Yeah, the Bay sounds hella country to me. I know people say that all the time. My husband is one of the smartest humans you'll ever meet. And when he opens his mouth, he talks like this. And it's like. Now, don't get me wrong. wrong my family is completely different and it's like it will come out but like out here it's just you know it's not that valley girl thing but it's just it's more just like you know you learn to adapt you know i was i was telling her the other day i was like when i first came out here i was wearing like floral dresses going to the clubs and i'm like

you have to really learn how not the floral yeah like you know you have to learn how to adjust when you come to la so it's like i adjust it and how old are you 25 i'm just kidding no i'm 30 okay gotcha my birthday is wednesday i'm about to be 32 happy birthday i'm getting a box thank you what's your birthday january 22nd oh happy birthday happy birthday thank you now don't don't cry 32 dude i'm telling you right now 32 to 39 is your time to shine really i mean even after but i'm just saying those are like your golden years you're gonna have so much fun it sounds serious it's not it sounds so serious i had so much damn fun like an adult no we gotta be we're gonna we'll be adults at 40 you're only i'm classy this year you're only as

old as you feel if you still like i'm 44 and i still feel like i'm 34 like it's you're only as old as you feel and how you feel inside is what you're going to project to everybody so you're you're married to um is his name j okay i don't want to is what is it what is it jelly jelly is it jelly i recently seen him on uh something he wasn't he in court yes for the fentanyl thing and i watched one of your uh podcasts with him and i was like the way, I was like, because I just wanted to know. Yeah, of course. So I'm like, the way that y'all speak to each other is so like, just cute. And he's just so chill.

And just like, they're just sitting like, yeah, baby, no. I'm like, I like it. It's so cute. Yeah, no, he's a sweetie pie. He's my Sagittarius. Oh, that's our connection. I say that all the time. Really?

That's our love connection. Sagittarius have only ever broken my heart. Yeah, she calls me Sagittarius. What about your new love, Winter? He's a Leo. Oh, Taurus and Leo are soulmate signs. Mm-hmm. Taurus and Leo?

Really? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Oh, wow. See? I love that. Cool.

Yeah. Everybody's so interested in who you're dating, too, right now. I mean, there was one TikTok. They didn't crack the damn code, y'all. Really? You don't admit it? I mean, no. I'm not admitting shit. I mean, there was one TikTok. They didn't crack the damn code, y'all. Really? Admit it. I mean, no.

I'm not admitting shit. I mean, there's so many TikToks. Somebody's going to have to really go through all those fucking TikToks to figure out which one it is. People are fucking delusional. But I mean, yeah, I've been dating. I have a boyfriend now. He's really great. Full time, like off the market.

Winter is. Yes. Like real boyfriend. Yeah, it's not like just somebody i'm dating or dealing with you know a situation ship it's like a real boyfriend it's like it's been cool it's been a little bit hard because i feel like i've only really been in like very toxic relationships and usually when things get hard or somebody pisses me off i just dump them and find a new boyfriend so i'm like not doing that now trauma oh yeah definitely like my mom has always been like you need to be more patient with guys like you just your mom huh i'm the other one in the air

like hey this is what we're not supposed to do right now i don't like i like i i'm all for a free spirit let you do your thing i'm like you know do whatever you want fuck them if you feel that way but in the sense that i'd be like that was a little toxic that you want to hang up and you want to correct him i'm like okay but like i'm like yeah i'm like it's a thing but it is true what they say when you the first healthy relationship after a toxic one is the hardest yeah i mean it hasn't really been hard because i just felt like he balances me out so well but i feel like internally it has been hard just because it's just like i don't know i'm just not used to somebody who's like not a terrible person i guess like i don't know how to deal with a good man i only know how to deal with pieces of shit

so it's just been different and new and like some days i'm just like you about to be single like i don't give a fuck like i don't know who you playing with you don't know i'll be right out this door like you know and i'm like i have to not do that you need you need to learn how to not bleed on people who don't cut you right that was one of the major things I had to learn with Jay because Jay was my first like really. Well, let me not lie. The first three years of our relationship were fucked. But we had to learn to heal together. And once we got into that safe space, I was like, God, I'm so used to the chaos.

Like I just want to fucking start an argument. Right. Just to fucking fuck shit up, you know. But you have to really learn to grow with somebody. And it's the most vulnerable thing that you're ever going to do. Right. But it's the most rewarding also. Yeah, I'll get to that space. Um, you know, so I talked about it very openly. But like, you know, we I came out of a severely abusive relationship where I was almost killed a couple times. And just relationships before that were

extremely toxic he had came from nothing but toxicity too so when you put two fucking wild hyenas in a cage you guys are gonna bite each other for sure and we got to a point where my husband had an affair behind my back for about a year and a year and yeah and when it all came to light you know i've been in the adult industry for a really long time. So I've seen pastors cheat on their wives. Oh, yeah. Cheating to me is not sex. Cheating to me is emotional.

Yeah. You know, he was doing both. So I felt completely violated. And then when we got to that point, I was just like, OK, I have two roads. I can either leave right now and start over with somebody else and go through the same fucking bullshit or I can give this man one more chance to prove to me that he's willing to change but I need to also take responsibility for what the fuck I was doing in the relationship which was pushing his buttons being toxic with them you know I just needed to take

accountability because it was both of us yeah and you know we went to counseling and he has completely became the man that i needed and i've become the woman that he's needed i love that and we had to heal together and i always tell everybody this i constantly say at the biggest flex as a couple is how you grow together it's not what you have materialistic wise it's not status in the fucking social media ring it's literally what you guys can heal together as far as childhood traumas and break generational curses together right shy are you with somebody yes i am yeah how long uh so we've she was like a deer caught in headlights i was like let me throw it back at you This isn't our podcast So tell me more

You're fine It's so easy to get back to that Because it is so interesting to hear other people's Relationships and their dynamic And how they move forward It's work A relationship is work You're never going to find a fucking easy love

And if it's an easy love I don't want it I want to work for it His infidelity kind of helped heal your relationship in a sense it um what happened was it tore the castle it tore the castle down to build a mansion you know so like we literally had to tear shit down to rebuild because who we were as humans before we decided to heal together i was a piece of shit he was a piece of shit we did not have good intentions for anybody in our lives i only life i knew was hustling so everything was a hustle to me and same thing with my husband and we had to

reevaluate who we were and who we wanted to be and we also got full custody of his daughter so we had to change for her too. So, yeah. But yeah, that's cool. I am in a relationship. I've been with him for like three, four years. It's been a lot. That's a long relationship. It's a long relationship, yeah.

I was in a six-year relationship before that and I was single for four years. So I felt like I was ready. And yeah, it's been up and down. But it's been good for the most part. When you say up and down, what do you mean? We both have been pretty toxic towards each other. And I get there.

How can I say this without sounding fucking. You guys both have such a hard time talking about yourselves. Really? Honestly, no. Like vulnerably. I love talking about myself. But like in certain, like my relationship your vulnerability she's closed off about her relationship my relationship is a little different because um

because i can be open with me i had yeast infection the other day no i'm just i hate when that happens i know right but i really didn't but my relationship is a little different because i i mean people can't critique what they don't really know so i don't really want the i don't want that personal part of me to be judged and because like they do because I cried on one episode because we had broken up and then like and I you for me that's hard to to even do and it was I was just caught off guard yeah because I didn't think our guest was going to ask questions about me in that moment I was just like I don't want to talk about it so it ended up being that situation and before that I kind of got vulnerable and was like i'm at this crossroad right now of like where

i want more in this relationship and um i wasn't really being met in though like me wanting more like i'm 30 about to be 32 years old like i want more stability more uh like you want to be married yeah i want marriage i want like i just want a little bit more structure and stability and because we are long distance and it's just like all of those things have were getting to me and um which as you're rightfully so yeah exactly so it's all getting to me and then some bullshit happened right around that time i was expecting like a crossroad shift to happen and i was just like oh this is my sign to be done done and then when you think you done like you want to stand on business and that business is quick stance quick saying it's just like you're not standing on shit so it's just like we're back it's a four-letter word yeah so it's

from that point now we're working on that's why I was asking you because I love hearing people's dynamic when something happens and how you fix it from there how do you move forward I love you know I just want to i think we're both focused now on the positivity of it so like we had to like really like hit rock bottom i've done some shit that i'm not proud of he's done some things that he's not proud of done some things i could probably go to jail for you know so it's like i like we have to like i had to figure out a way to like okay why is this happening is it just him that my reactions are this way am I the am I the only person because at a point I felt like I was always at fault for things and

I'm like am I being manipulated like I don't know what's going on right so like we just had to shift the whole dynamic and now we're just working together instead of against each other and I feel like that's just been the best thing I'm like that's amazing that's that is key to work together and not against each other but I also believe that's just been the best thing. That's amazing. That is key to work together and not against each other. But I also believe that everybody deserves a second chance. They don't deserve three or four, though. Yeah. And that was the one thing I did with my husband was a second chance.

Yeah. And mine was more so in a sense of like, all right, I can see you. Like, I see this. But it's just like it was the things that it sounds crazy to say. It wasn't that that was the kill for me. It was the things prior to that right that i really was like oh you got me a little fucked up you've been doing all these things and you have me feeling crazy but you really are the psychopath it's the yes you know the psychological part of it psychological thing that really kind of like fucked with me for the that's when my husband did his affair that is what i was more

pissed off about i was like i have sat here and said, I know this is going on. Have concrete pretty much proof. And you literally gaslit the fuck out of me and made me feel like I was crazy. Being gaslit and just feeling like you have a, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if you have a finger pointed at you, somebody's pointing a finger at you, three are pointing back at them. It's just like you are doing all of these things because you got some shit that you ain't got going on and it could be anything like not even just cheating it could be a multitude of just different things and so it's just like it for me it was everything leading up to it and it's just like i should not be dealing with this type of shit and so

whatever one thing led to another and now we're at like a place where i was just saying the other day i'm like oh we've been pretty solid since you know a lot of things have happened we've talked about it a lot so we're not where i want us to be but we're definitely working together and i actually said today while i was on the car right here i was just like we're in such a good place right and he was like yeah we really are i thought that earlier today and i was like okay let's see how long it lasts and that's the fucked up thing right now yeah that i'm thinking in my head let's see how long this lasts but i literally was like we really are i thought that today that's how it be when you like be beefed out you'd be like can we just

have one good day yeah and that's that's so annoying i hate that yeah i do not want to get back to that in any relationship yeah and i'm just like and that's why i'm like i'm telling you i'm like when i'm listening to winter and she we talk about you know like as girls do you talk about these things and you just be like you enjoy this and you thrive off of where this is at now because i'm not saying that i want that that it could go down your way in your relationship but that dynamic shifts so quickly and you'd be like damn i wish i had that boring or that peaceful or that you know what i'm saying yeah no yeah i'm thankful i'm thankful to have like a i have a pretty peaceful relationship

i'm not gonna lie so are you in love winter we're i feel like i love him but we don't say i love you yet why yeah we don't because i don't tell men i love them first gotcha they have to be in love with me before i even like them for real so i'm just gonna be obsessed if he were to say winter i love you would you say yeah i would say i love him too definitely she said it on the phone while he was on the phone no she was like love you i did not do that you're literally telling a lie no that is the dead honest truth remember that day we uh interviewed jayden alexis bitch he hung up the phone and i was like i love him and then he no i was that's what happened i was calling him and i said i love him and he was like what he answered the phone i said nothing no yeah i was like say it say it i think

that's one of the things i love about you guys As podcasts Is you guys will Straight up argue With each other On the podcast Like you guys will Straight up have a We've edited arguments We've edited them

But why Because at the end of the day I think they're fucking hilarious No because She don't want people To see us argue You've cut out arguments too True

Yeah exactly She's just trying to act Like it just be me Listen I just want to tell you guys My team is both Tauruses Really So it's an Aquarius and, I just want to tell you guys, my team is both Tauruses. Really? So it's an Aquarius and Taurus. And we beef too.

Really? Yeah. She's so hard strung. And it don't be beef. It really be like, it's not. They're emotional. Yes. And it be like, okay.

I literally say, okay, we can relax. Yeah, real quick. We can chill. We're all getting on the hot seat now. Yeah, they're like. The whole energy in the room's changing right now yeah but i but i be telling winter i'm like the dynamic of our podcast is our friendship yeah so it's like what i love about you guys is having your little tips on on you know the show is that it's some real shit yeah we do have real

shit like real little tips or whatever we don't really argue much though we argue about pretty much the same thing every time so it's like you guys are like sisters and see it's like a stop don't fucking start with me bro because i already know the way that you're looking at me you're about to start but no we do pretty much only argue about one thing and like it's so fucking dumb and what's the one thing you guys argue about oh i'm calling that card no she said don't bring it up now no we just it's just the only thing we've ever really argued about it's fucking dumb it's really not that deep but like we just never got past it and i don't know it's just but you guys have to get past it for your friendship you guys need to figure out a way to communicate with each other without i think we just come to the point where

we just agree to disagree yeah like that's just like the best thing because we are both she says i'm hard-headed but she actually is extremely hard-headed too oh yeah for sure so we're both hard-headed yes she is i can be hard-headed but here's they're both over here because i'm the same way i can get it i get it i'm cold i'm like a cold motherfucker that's and that's what i'm saying it's just like i'm i literally can be but my cold is like silent you know what i'm saying yeah i'm like i'm not about to argue with you i'm not about to like and i'm like well i'll get my words out first i'll be like motherfucker fuck you this is how i feel and then that's it yeah so do you feel like i'm like that oh yeah i will say what i have to say but after that it's just like i am she's the type of person she like if there's something going on

i feel like she would rather like not deal with it in the moment yeah but i need i need to really because i'm like half the time i'm like is this really. Yeah, but I need to really, because I'm like, half the time, I'm like, is this really that deep? And I need to, like, calibrate and be like, okay, I don't want to flash the fuck out. So I have to really, like, go back into, yeah. I be very hot and bothered. And she be ready for it.

Yeah, she be like, what? And I'm like, because I know we have big personalities, so I'm like, sometimes it's necessary to take a step back. Now, my step back may be, like, like a few months and hers would be like. A few months? Yes. No, it was that one time. Good Lord.

We didn't talk for six months at one point. Aw. Yeah. It was terrible. It was. I thought, I called her crying on my birthday and I was like, this has been gone long enough. No. Did you miss her?

Yeah, of course. I miss her a lot. Yeah, definitely. It was very weird. I never had a friend that i actually was like oh my goodness like i feel like a part of me is like missing that we're not friends these other bitches bye bitch i don't give a fuck i never felt that way i knew we'd be back together but i was just like not back together

everybody calls but i know me i know that sometimes i'm like i felt like this was too much and i feel like you know i sometimes people'm like, I felt like this was too much. And I feel like, you know, I felt like. Sometimes people need space. And I say that all the time. And then maybe not six months next time, shy. Well, we tried to work it out halfway through. And then we couldn't work it out. And then we tried again.

I was like, she got me fucked up. No, we couldn't work it out. Yeah, and that's how I felt too. Yeah. Why did you even bring that up? Well, I'm glad you guys. I didn't bring up shit. You literally did.

I said we only argue about one thing. I was about to talk about the little tits, but you want to talk about the big ones? Because I don't feel like we really have like little tits really. So let's focus on the podcast really quick. You guys already have kind of, you guys started this year, right? So you guys have pretty much came out swinging with your guests. I mean, to be a new podcast, you guys are getting quality guests on. We are very thankful.

I don't even think that we knew that we were going to like be able to like do what we've actually been able to do so far. Like we've learned everything almost by ourselves. You've helped us a little bit. Be Simone has helped us a little bit. Like just giving like, you know, advice and stuff. And like that's really helped us with like little things that has mattered for sure yeah did you guys start a patreon yet yeah oh cool what shout it out so people can go and what is it behind the lights podcast oh is it podcast or is it we don't know one of the god damn it it's podcast it's podcast just go to patreon and type in podcast yeah but

um yeah i think for me i feel like you you'll see i mean you know having your own podcast it's after a while we get like oh we didn't talk about these topics we need some guests you know what i'm saying we need to like you know like have a little bit of diversity or like you know just something so yep that's the one thing with podcasts is you have to keep the momentum snowballing yeah like it's just got to be a constant it's like a constant hamster wheel and people don't realize it's a lot of fucking work people like oh they have a podcast and it's like yeah motherfucker let me see you have one that's that has longevity yeah i've been doing mine for five years that's crazy it's but it's so rewarding and you guys you guys

to have the moment the momentum and to be able to have like outlets like tiktok and that's shit that i didn't have starting out and you guys can literally capitalize off of it and plus you know because winter is so in the spotlight and you're starting to be in the spotlight too it's like you know fucking you guys can totally capitalize off of that and she does so much which i'm so appreciative of because it's like you never know what you get into because i'm not gonna like in the beginning i was like all right i have to like help out as much as i can because i'm not bringing that following oh but you are i know i know yeah but bringing bring i think even you bringing yourself to the table is the best thing you could possibly done because if it was with anybody i would have not been able to do this

shit with anybody else yeah and hundred percent balance off each other so well like the workload is just so equal i was reading the comments people love you too shy yeah they don't discredit she said yeah but i know i'm not saying that i'm just saying like in the beginning you do have these like doubts and these questions and you do question yourself in a sense when you are coming onto a platform that somebody has built on their own like from the ground up it is like you do feel like what can i do to add value and you know sometimes yourself is enough but it is also bringing that workload being a good partner being a good friend being understanding like what we need from each other i feel like has made it thrive

to where it is going right now and yeah we definitely pick up like especially with the workload like we're not like nitpickers like we're not like well i did this so you need to do this and it's just like whatever needs to get done we're gonna get it done okay i i realize i need to pick this up you've been doing a little bit you know a little bit more for the last few days let me do this and handle this so like we balance each other pretty well with that and for being such a new podcast you guys are you know you're gonna figure it out at each year each season it's gonna just get better and it'll just keep getting bigger and like i I said, it's just going to keep fucking snowballing. Thank you.

What do you guys want to do next besides the podcast? You're such a big personality winner. I feel like you need to have your hands in a bunch of shit. So we are actually about to be shooting a pilot for hopefully our own show. Yay. So fingers crossed. We are going to try to pitch it to a couple networks that we have connections to and um i don't know i just think it's going to be great we you know i think

it's going to be good we're going what's going to be the concept of it so we're so kind of basically like a spinoff not a spinoff but like something similar lines of similar to uh the simple life okay so something like that and then like even like a cardi tries like what she would do on facebook um it's just like something similar to that because anywhere we go it's like people want more of us they want the patreon they want footage of us every day and it's kind of hard doing it on your own it's just like sometimes we want these intimate intimate moments to ourselves but sometimes people want to like for you to capture every single thing and it'd be perfect if a camera was with us. And while we do like fun activities and things like that.

So I think that's just like a catapult to something that could be really great. Because they love when people subscribe to our Patreon. They love it. And they're like, we need more of this. Like we've done tennis. And we've showed like we did tennis lessons. We do a bunch of random shit all the time on there. Getting drunk as hell and just being insane.

Yeah, and people even love just watching you eat. doing q and a's do q and a's yeah yeah i do my i produce my own my family's reality show which is meet the d fords and then i also do uh my bunny xo show with my production company and i make more money off my patreon than oh yeah you were telling me that then any fucking network would ever give you guys so you guys could even start it yourselves and then sell it to a network and then maybe be in like kind of like a bidding war and being like i want this much because i'm making this much you know yeah so how did you started your own production company is that within this realm of the five years that you've been doing the podcast yep because it is we said the same thing it's like you see all these things that you need and

it's just like instead of depending on other people you want to figure out on your own shit own your own that's what we've been we've definitely been like doing that a lot like we get like deal offers for random shit all the time and we're like we could do this on our own yeah we don't need that's that's that tourist shit in her she'd be like i'm i'm the type of like i can do a little help she's like we can do it all on our own i'm like no help me but the thing is is if you build the foundation they will come yeah you know and it's like you get to where you're in a position of like, I'm making X amount of dollars on our Patreon.

We have a demand. I have 70. What do we have? 70,000 on Patreon? 72,000 on Patreon. How much do you charge? We have two tiers, right? Oh, that shit is fucking crazy, bro.

But I'm telling you, you guys don't need a network. The only reason you would need a network the only reason you would need a network is for the exposure if that so it's like you're gonna wash one for the other you're washing the money that you would get for the exposure or you're gonna make your money and then limit your exposure they're annoying too though they'd be like yeah well they want to control your narrative they want to take all our money yeah they want to do everything and take all our money and just leave us to give them a show yeah for them to get paid i'm like bitch hell no we almost signed with a production company this year and i'm so glad we didn't because they're under a lawsuit right now really with you as well oh my

goodness yeah the one that i was signing with for the podcast they're in the lost they're in all type of shit right now that's crazy insane and i and i was gravitated towards them because they were like we'll do everything we'll do the marketing we'll do all of these things like all you have to do Is come and bring yourself Now we're like googling things how to do this on our own There's anything I can help you guys with I'll always help you I swear to god We're trying to make our own damn cups we're like fuck a merch company struggling we were trying to make our own damn cups we're like fuck a merch company we'll make them ourselves no bro when it comes to merch i do have a fucking merch company because i fucking

hate dealing with murray we have like clothing now but at first we were doing these cups and i just posted a video the other day of us trying to figure and she was like please god help me please like stress the fuck out i have anger issues literally i threw my own phone which you should never do throw some other shit but like i threw my own phone i didn't edit and like when i was aggressive when. But like, I threw my own phone. I didn't edit. Like when I was aggressive, when I was angry, I was like, ah! So I was two seconds

from throwing the printer because it wasn't working. So I was like, okay, I need to go. Now you guys need help with it. Yeah, okay.

Like, all right, it's okay to reach out for help for that. You guys don't want to be fucking doing tumblers on your own. Definitely get a company

to do that because merch is just a fucking headache. It's a, merch is like, how do I describe it? It's like a, I don't want to say it's a luxury, but it's like, it's a necessity is like how do i describe it it's like a um i don't want to say

it's a luxury but it's like it's a necessity within a business to have it but you need somebody to run it for you because if not you're gonna fucking lose your mind trying to deal with it well we just we're literally actually going through something now where these people basically tried to play with our money for these merch shirts and like really damn they're trying to scam us so now they're trying to like take their money but it's like ten thousand dollars and like really damn they're trying to scam us so now they're trying to like take their money but it's like ten thousand dollars and like they're trying to play play us we don't have no merch from them now we have all our she's wearing one of our merch shirts but we have like a whole new company whole new shirts like all this stuff whatever but yeah they're trying to play with us and we're like oh my god this shit is fucking crazy like people really need a real merch company

what is our merch company name yeah we got a good one now for our friend heather sanders who has um sorella she has like a store that's been going on for years and she just hooked us up with them we're like oh my god good should have went to her in the first day right we should have i was wondering why we why we got an outside source when like la is like the merch and you know what's crazy literally garment district right down the street right freaking fashion district i literally was like oh i'm gonna help this small company out like i'm let me give them a payday real quick bitch they tried to scam the fuck out of us yeah they were like payday right for themselves i already bought the tumblr stuff though so i'm gonna have to figure that out we have the machine and everything

literally you guys go follow shy's tiktok she needs all the tumblr help she can get all right literally do you guys really think drake has had a bbl yes yeah definitely really them abs came out of nowhere i didn't see them post i've never seen him with a shirt off i've never looked though either so yeah he posted something with his shirt off i feel like it was like right off the table so you think he's had abs sketching i think so i would get abs sketching i'm not judging him at all i would do it too yeah well i've had it done really really i know a lot of girls who've had it my doctor does abs sketching hella good but i didn't get abs sketching yeah i love it i'm i'll show you guys my stomach whenever i stand up oh my god i remember this i knew there's one girl who went and got abs sketching in freaking mexico and she came back looking like superman that she was

terrible that's that's a bit much yeah it was bad like a six pack is too much a four pack is cool yeah yeah we're just like a little yeah just four pack is cool Yeah Or just like a little Yeah just That's what I did I just did a little chiseling And that's it Yeah that's cute Like a little cheese

I did this in 2015 though Before everybody and their mom Was doing it So I didn't even know What the fuck my doctor was doing He's like I'm just gonna do a little Yeah I'm just like

Just make me look good please Right Well thank you guys For coming on the podcast Thank you I'm so happy you guys came And I hope you guys Come back and visit me every year

Oh we will And give me updates And all that jazz shout out where everybody can find you your socials your socials my instagram is winter w-i-i-n-t-r-r and our podcast is behind the likes podcast on instagram no it's behind the likes pod see this is why we get so confused just google behind the likes behind the likes pod on instagram yeah tick tock behind the likes pod all that youtube um my instagram is chy.f so yeah you follow me on there follow us and your patreon we already said that though our patreon is behind the likes pod on patreon so yeah tune. Yay. Thank you guys so much. Thank you.

Thank you. Bye, guys. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'll see you guys next week. Bye.