Dumb People Town - Avery Pearson - Old On Gnome

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

Comedian and musician Avery Pearson (Give It Up) stops by as Randy describes why a grandmother was prosecuted for destroying a neighbor's lawn gnome, Jason explains how a man stole a fire dept. vehicle and nearly flooded New Prague, and Daniel warns against dressing like Michael Jackson and robbing banks, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Chewy! Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half-price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast, Dan with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits and wins, we'll be the ones to make the news.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half-price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast, Dan with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits and wins, we'll be the ones to make the news.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so a jerk, because when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, hunker down East Dumpfugle Town. Guys, I am just trying to live up to the version of me that my dog Golda thinks I am. She assumes I've got it all together. Meanwhile, I realize we're out of food. I don't have the flea medicine. Boom, bam, bing.

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See site for complete details. Hey, Town Townies welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town! Population? Population Pearson! Hey! Jazz Hands! What's up guys? Thanks for having me. What a pleasure, I love you guys. Well it's a treat to have you as always we love seeing you whenever we're out in the world whenever we're performing on shows Whenever we get a chance to sing with Avery Pearson it feels good. Always a treat. I love that he came dressed

like he's an usher at an off-Broadway theater. It's right this way. Ed Usher, it starts, you bring all of the supplies in. And all that jazz! For the magician, for the kids birthday party. You're not the magician. I put out the box of tricks, Avery. And I will, I do store the rabbit though.

The rabbit is definitely an issue Bradley also like Avery go store the go store the rabbit where's the rabbit go store it right lock it up you live with the rabbit you better lock that rabbit up that rabbit gets loose I'm also a rabbit handler on top of being a magician's assistant and a pianist. You're in a band called Store the Rabbit. Store the Rabbit? It's like foster the people, store the rabbit, young the giant, Portugal the man, your friends. And LCD sounds.

Also Dan's friend. Dan's got a lot of friends. Yeah, he does. Hi Daniel. How are you? Hi buddy. We've got dumb stories to get into. I don't want to mess around and be talking about them. And Avery has a special which we will talk about. We'll talk about it later. New special. Why are we talking about it now? We dumb stories to get into. I don't wanna mess around and be talking about them. And Avery has a special which we will talk about. We'll talk about it later. We'll talk about it later. New special.

Why are we talking about it now? We have stories to get into. I like to tease things. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Our first story is sent in, I've got it, by the great Carleen McDermid at She Be Carleen. You ready for this? Here's the headline.

Grandmother prosecuted after breaking neighbors gnome. Is that a euphemism? I'm gonna break your gnome. That's serious. That's serious residential. She thought it was a crime. That's residential terrorism. That age.

Right? I feel like it's old on old. I mean, Dan, what do you think? I mean, if it's a gnome, right? Yeah, old on gnome. Is that years of rage building up in a woman? She's just not been listened to every, like if you were to do the movie of her life,

it's like 10 scenes of her at the store and no one's listening to her, her kids. You know what I mean? Gnomes live in two places in our culture. David the gnome, which was like a great animated show from the early 90s. Oh, what? Gnomio and Juliet was a huge one.

Gnomio and Juliet? Oh, that was a comeback for them. That's a more recent one. And then the lawn gnome. Oh, why? Nomeo and Juliet was a huge one. Nomeo and Juliet? Oh, that was a comeback for them. That's a more recent one. And then the lawn gnome. The lawn gnome. Where do gnomes exist before? Is it like a Christmas situation? It's like a fat elf.

It's a fat. That's porcelain. It's a land elf. Well, there was the PSA gnome means gnome. Right, of course. Sometimes you have to understand. It's only sometimes gnome means gnome. And also the popular thing you can buy at Michael's,

which is Gnome Sweet Gnome. Right, there's no place like Gnome Sweet Gnome. I'm on my way, I'm on my way, Gnome Sweet Gnome. Tonight, tonight, I'm on my way. Just set me free from this law Gnome, sweet gnome I say gnome, you say gnome Gnome

Alright, let's get into this A grandit is some gnome and clitjie A grandit, yeah A grandmother was prosecuted This led to court Take her ass down Take to court. For damaging a neighbor's, and it's B-O-U-R,

so you know what happened in England. Garden gnome. Or Canada. During a dispute over rights of access. So now we're getting into why the gnome was destroyed. Okay, it's not, no one's just mad at the gnome. The gnome is like representing an encroachment on her property. Lorraine Hutton will get to her age later.

Accidentally broke one of the legs of the. Well that's her climb problem. Accidentally. Right, and that's a stubby little leg. We know where this publication sides. Right, oh. They're interviewing her. Right, well this is like when you're.

I accidentally broke it when I drove my car over it. I accidentally knocked my little brother over. Yeah. It is not. If I move my arms like this and I hit you. He walked in the way of me running right at him. I was punching the air and he walked into the punch. He walked into the punch.

He did it. How big was the ornament? Let's take a guess. It's a foot. A foot by half a foot. A foot, you say 12 inches, what do you think? I didn't. I think it's two feet.

That's what I was gonna say. 24 inches? Yeah, I'll go there. By the way, that's it. Same, you guys are gonna do the same? Yeah, I felt it. All right, fine. Get your answers in, Townies,

because she broke the legs off of one of the 18-inch ornaments. Wow, in between. When she moved it from a communal pathway outside her flat in Springborn, Bournemouth. So it was sitting in the communal pathway, she broke it. Moved it and broke one of the legs. So just to go back to the process of moving it, spring born Bournemouth. Right.

So someone went, this is the County of Bournemouth. You know what we should name this place? Spring born, right. Born. It's like they couldn't think of more names. Right. Like Jason Bournemouth. Oh, so when you guys picture a lawn gnome, I never picture legs you could break. I feel like it's always just one mold. And they're so little. Yeah, it's always just one mold. They have like two feet sticking out. So why just the foot? Why does it feel like the... Well, I thought they said foot or leg? Leg. Broke a leg. That's creepy to me. So long gnome with appendages.

What do they say when you're about to go on stage? What's that? What do they say? Just don't fuck this up. No, break a leg. Oh, they say break a leg. Right. And she was maybe getting ready to perform with the gnomes.

Right, so Miss Hutton said she had apologized to the owner. Wait, by the way, you know I heard somewhere that the reason why they say break a leg is because they hope that you get into a cast? Oh! Is that true? No. Could be.

Why do they say schmerd in French? They say shit. Really? So you take a dump on stage? Yeah. I've seen that happen. True. Miss Hutton said she apologized to owner Lilliana.

She didn't accept it. Damn. You're so happy you don't have to do this. Yeah, but you're doing your best sick house Skinny great boy. It's a casket. Oh boy. Lily Jana Secavskian a Liliana so now I'm like this is racial you know I mean as soon as I see that I'm like Eastern European I think this is pretty white. It's a common path. There's no borders here, so she broke it There's no borders here, but there are noms without borders norms of no borders here so she broke it up no borders here but there

are noms without borders or norms of the borders so she apologized and slipped in her mailbox how many pounds you know like she basically I screwed this up let me give you some money right so we're gonna get from all of this to an arrest very rational accident and then and rational response and payment we're gonna get all the way to prosecution from here So now it's like who's the who's the asshole in the middle of this whole thing? But how much do you think she gave it just slipped in pounds slipped in the mailbox 20 pounds? Okay? What do you think tan? I'm gonna go five pounds five pounds exchange rate I'm gonna say I bet you she did like what's a's a shackle equivalent? Like I bet you like a,

like one of like a coin, a quad, like just like a, like a, like a, like a quid, a quid is a pound. Yeah. I bet you just like a, like a real pound up yours. Yeah. Pents. A coin, some coin, six pence, one of you, one of the richer. Yeah. Okay. One of you is exactly right it's 20 five you gonna stay where you're at yeah yeah get your answers in tennies 20 pounds oh but her neighbor I knew insisted on calling the police yeah this person she's right damn bro why are you escalating she's trying to help you something didn't mean to do something.

Miss Hutton was asked to attend a formal interview at a police station before being charged with criminal damage. She appeared in court three times. What DA is bringing charges? Wouldn't you go, we're not trying this. By the way, how? The person broke it. Dan, I'm not even joking.

They admitted to it. This should be an ad. They gave you money for it. Yeah. If you don't like the amount of money, that's a civil case. By the way, we're not trying this. This should be an ad for Springborn. Come to Springborn where our crime is old woman knocks over or a garden gnome or they give her the death penalty. Wow. I mean you could go that way. She's gonna be

there anyway. Not trending the other direction. Not on my lawn. Not on my gnome. Not on my gnome. Miss Hutton was asked to attend a formal interview, police station, criminal charges, she appeared in court three times, including for a three hour trial over the matter. A three hour trial. Not on my earth.

No. How many months? Middle earth. Not on my middle earth. How many months did this saga drag on? Gary, not on my earth is gnome How many months did this saga drag on? Gary not on my Earth is known. How long did this saga drag on? I mean, too long.

Three months. What's the exchange rate on a British month? So one month in the United States is a month and a half. Two and a half, okay. Okay, no, I'm gonna say eight quid. And no. No. Avery.

Eight months. Eight months, what'd you say? Two months. What'd you say? I said Would you say I said three? the 15 month saga so She broke the leg of the gnome paid her 20 pounds slipped it through the thing three trials including a three-hour trot three trips over there plus 15 months imagine you get selected for jury duty that day

Including miss yeah who's Sutton being found not guilty of criminal damage. By the way, this is- No shit. This is season two of Adolescents for sure. Exactly. All one shot. Wasted time and public money. She's now, she has now criticized both the police

and CPS for allowing the matter to go to court and for wasting taxpayer money. She should now run, right? Is this like her- For mayor. Right, this is her platform to be the mayor of Springboard. This is her Springboard to Springborn mayorship. Get your career Springboarded in Springboard Bournemouth.

Bournemouth. Bournemouth. Springboard Bournemouth. The sudden said, this has just been an enormous waste of time and public money. I've never been in trouble with the police in my life and for people of my generation to have to go to court is embarrassing.

It's disgusting. Damn right. I wrote a letter of apology to have to go to court is embarrassing. It's disgusting. Damn right. I wrote a letter of apology and gave her money to cover the damage I could have been dealt with without all this expense to the taxpayer. It is believed that the case cost several thousand pounds as Ms. Hutton says she received legal aid and required psychiatric assessment before going to court. The Lithuanian interpreter costed how much per hour as was required by Miss Czechoskina.

Oh, she's Lithuanian. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. This is old on old. Yeah. It's an old country. How much per hour in pounds was the Lithuanian interpreter? Was the Lithuanian translator? Yeah. Three months.

No. Oh, God. Eight quid. Got it. No, how much per pound? 50 pounds. 50 pounds, what do you No, how much per pound? 50 pounds. 50 pounds, what do you think? An hour? Yeah, per hour. 60.

24 pounds. Okay, 55 pounds an hour was required. The CBS had insisted the case was in the public interest. Miss Hutton added, she's, I have no previous convictions, not even a parking ticket. Wow. I don't see how this was even a parking ticket. Wow. I don't see how this was in the public interest.

Tell that to the gnome. Tell that to the gnome. Tickets don't really come with convictions. Talk to the gnome, because they can't listen. Fine. I was happy to sort it out, out of court, and would have paid up front, but I was not gonna lie under oath

and said I did it on purpose when I did not. Good girl. This is an old person being like, she's standing on business, and she's standing on principles. Like this is- Also, I think her, I don't even think she's entitled to damages

when she puts it in a common walkway. Right? Like that isn't even- If it's in a common walkway. No one's even encroaching on your rented property. That's right. She didn't go into her space. Once you put it in the common, it's like common.

Yeah. Common walkway. You put it at the common, it's like. Common. Yeah. Common walkway. You put it at the common walkway at the Gnomes risk. Right. And we didn't go to law school, Gnomes did. That is the legal precedent. There's a lot of precedent for that. After proceedings finished, a spokesman for Wessex CPS said,

it is not the Crown Prosecution Service function to decide whether a person is guilty of a criminal offense, but to make fair, independent, objective assessments about whether it is appropriate to present charges for a court to consider. The most bureaucratic BS thing I've ever heard of. But also, we will not be dumb people town. We will not do this.

We're not here to tell you whether or not this should go forward. We're here to make the argument. No, it's like the Super Bowl shuffle. We're not here to cause no trouble. So you're there to tell you whether or not this should go forward. We're here to make the argument. No, it's like the Super Bowl shuffle. We're not here to cause no trouble. So you're there to cause trouble? Yeah, that's a double negative. Yeah, and that's what they were there to do.

I think that was the perfect writing. We're not here to cause no trouble. We're just here to do the Super Bowl shuffle. In this case, we decided with sufficient evidence that it was in the public interest to proceed. Dude, the public does not want to see this thing happen, right? The public's not like, we gotta know what's happening

with this gnome. Exactly. I mean, at this point it's just stupidity. So you kind of, you're falling like, whatever happened with that gnome case? We previously- Yeah, this is their Karen Reed. Babe, are you sleeping?

Yeah. Whatever happened with that? The common area gnome. We previously sought to join this case with another involving the complainant and the defendant. Ooh, so there was another case. Yeah, of course. But ultimately this was rejected by the court.

So, Hutton is definitely putting a face on like I've never been in trouble, but meanwhile there's another case out there. There's another case. Sure. I was spoken for the Dorset Police. With a reindeer. We will always carry out an investigation into reported criminal damage incidents.

Criminal! Irrespective of the type of damage alleged to have become. Just say like what so many people in Hollywood are doing. Like, hey, we're just trying to keep our jobs. That's it, all we're doing. If we can make this thing take 15 months. We'll do it.

It's like the construction. We can't be fired while we're in the middle of doing this. We can't do that. As part of the investigation, we will speak to all parties involved and gather the full circumstances of an incident. This is so British, it's crazy. A case is then submitted to the CPS.

Can you do this in a British accent? A case is then submitted to the CPS. Who will then decide whether or not to bring a case before the courts? So we'll get out of here on this. So it has not been settled. I mean, just – Thank God. Yeah. How could you figure an answer to this? Let it has not been settled. I mean, just thank God. Yeah. What, how could you figure an answer to let it go on

forever? Forever? This just going on. I can't wait for the retrial. Like when they realized that a juror has been declared with this trial, a hung jury, a hung jury. So we're going to get out of here on this. So number one, and I want it. We should think of a song for this. Should we not? It's known. Yeah. Do you want? You want to share it? So why don't we think about this and we come back from break. We'll play the song that you think about and we'll talk about your special, which involves music and whatnot.

And gnomes. How old is Miss Hutton? 80 years old. 80? What do you think? She's someone's grandma. I'm gonna go 82. What do you think? I'm gonna, I have to top it.

92. Sorry. Get your answers in, townies, because Miss Hutton is 66 years old. She's feisty. She's not that old. There she is right there. Can I say something?

A handsome woman. A handsome woman, but yet she's- Those are gnomes? No, she's walking. Gnomes are people. Gnomes are people. Damn, those people. Gnomes are gnomes too.

She's walking with a cane at 66. Gnome body gnomes. The trouble I've seen on the common property. All right. So Avery's going to come up with a little gnome song. Well, we're all going to jump in. We're all going to jump in and sing it. This is after the break. Jay, you're next.

This is Dumb People Town. Avery Pearson has a new special that was out on VEET that is out on VEET. Jay and I were in it just briefly to get a little moment in there. We'll talk about that after the break. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we get into what Avery's doing and what we're doing, is there a gnome song that do we have a note? Can we think about like gnome, gnome action?

Yeah. Oh, that, that is is very know me, right? Yeah. It's like, and it's definitely like a British Broadway, not Broadway, but Leicester square. Oh yeah. I'm just a little gnome. Sitting on my own. Yes. Yep. Nobody looks at me,

cause I'm in the middle of the common property. I was just having a good time. I saw you have a tree with a line. Yeah, that was lovely. And then out of nowhere some woman Kick me in the leg that is a foot You know what else was a foot what a

Legal case cuz when you fuck with the gnome and nobody's home guess what? what a Gnome is always there so fuck you what was her name again? Miss Hutton. I know this came all of a sudden but fuck you miss Hutton. I love it there it is from the gnomes perspective Well, he's just alone you broke his leg which was a foot Yeah, let's do let's flip let's break with tradition and and that's a good segue into Avery stuff Yeah, you have a new special that's out on Veebs Veebs. It's got music. It's got comedy I love the concept of it. It is you are retiring from the business I love the concept of it. It is you are retiring from the business. Yes So essentially this show is the greatest concert of comedy songs of all time. Love it

The last one ever so for context for people. Yeah, you have written some incredible and we've seen it You've written some unbelievable songs the the Christmas song for the Christmas song for a few years It's magic magic, which I love which is maybe one of my favorite holiday songs. I love it. It's a great one. The opening to the ESPYs that Jay Farrow did, you wrote a lot of, or all of that music. Yeah, with Bennett Weber, yeah.

With Steph Curry, that was super cool. The opening of the NFL Honors, Keegan-Michael Key. Got to play with an orchestra. Oh my God, you did songs for Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson's Olympic coverage and their end of the year show, which you did, which was so much fun. Did you write the thing with Machine Gun Kelly? Yeah.

Unbelievable, like got the work. The Santa Claus song. Yeah, yeah. Santa Claus song, which was so cool. He's super cool, he was super cool. Yeah, we did a bunch of different. It was Santa Claus on the Santa. It was Santa, yeah.

So we've seen you do so much stuff. So it's not just a guy with his keyboard, like you have written and done some incredible comedy songs out in the world. So this is a chance for everybody to see you kind of do your thing and a really funny concept too. Thanks guys. Yeah.

Our buddy Dave Nichol helped you with that. And I love how you guys introduced me to Dave Nichol. Oh, he's the best. He's at Bud Friedman's funeral. I know. That's right. By the way, that is the most Bud Friedman thing ever. He would want a connection in the comedy world

to have been made at his funeral. It'd be thrilled. Yeah, so this show was like the building of years and years of just making comedy songs with people on this show that I used to do called The 88 Show, it's now called Comedian Rhapsody. But anyways, I got some friends together and we performed with the band from goddamn comedy jam amazing guys So you guys know and love?

And so yeah, we just basically I set out to like have these incredible Concert with duets and sort of make it like the last waltz like that was my dream And so we were like, you know, like I I found myself I don't know how you guys feel but I find the comedy community Everybody's trying to get a step further. They want to be at the next step Sure The open mic or wants to get a regular spot the regular spot wants to be a feature Headliner headliner the club theater arena Kevin Hart whatever's past that the moon the moon

You do a set on the moon. I bet you I knew no's past that the moon the moon to do a set on the moon set on the moon I bet you I need no pressure is doing the moon. Oh really is doing the moon He's amazing I heard Annie Lennon's opening for opening for him on the moon. That's amazing unbelievable. Yeah, it's a light set It's yeah, it's quick. It's quick. Just you know floats away, so It's it's like the light you know gonna go above everyone's head but that's fine and you know what it's on the dark side of the man you know I would have thought the light side but the you know the opposite I think it's always so how can people watch it sure so if you go to VEPS just

put in give it up Avery Pearson it's available June 26 love the double entendre of the name give it up for Avery Pearson yeah give it up and then give it up. So I also retire from comedy because I just felt like everyone was trying to make it and get better and so I was like what if I just quit. Everything is quite the opposite direction. Take a step down. Yeah, and I go to I just told Craig Robinson. I told him this idea and I go so this is the idea I'm gonna retire from comedy. He's like your first foray into comedy is retirement. And I go, yeah, he goes, hell yeah, do it. He's like, I love it, awesome.

I love it. That's so good. And the album's gonna be out as well, so. So many good songs on this. Yes, Adam Ray, Beth Stelling, Arden Marine. Love her. Then we got Luke Knoll, Jared Guzman, Jeremiah Watkins, Josh Adam Myers.

It's like all our favorite. Jackie Tone's in it too. Jackie Tone. She has such a good voice. She's got a great voice, yeah, yeah. So check it out, Josh Adam Myers. Jackie Tone's in it too. Jackie Tone, she has such a good voice. She's got a great voice. Yeah, yeah. So check it out, it's awesome. Veep's Avery Pearson. There you go.

I love it. What do we got, Rand? So we have a bunch of stuff. If we drop this shortly, soon. Yeah, so if we drop it soon, then you. We'll be in San Jose. San Jose in Sunnyvale at Rooster T. Feathers. Very excited to do it.

Small room, it's like 240 seats. It's kind of, I'm assuming like Comedy fort esque for it or punchline SF like yeah cool And they're excited to say my name in comedy to rooster Wait, I love it David Rodriguez is gonna be with us or very excited about great speaking of the comedy for he's gonna be featuring for us Hey now and and then in that's that's June 26th through the 29th. Then July 11th we're gonna be in Dallas. Dallas and Hyannis. The 12th will be at. Secret group in Houston.

Our buddy Andrew Youngblood who we all know and love. He'll be featuring for us there. And then in August. August will be at the, at Desert Ridge which is CB live in Scottsdale. Which I'm very excited to play that. Have never done that. We've always done the temporary improv

and Stand Up Live, we've never done that. And people are like, Phoenix, in August, you idiots. No, that's the perfect time. It's like you go to the winter, you go to a cold place in the winter because people need to be indoors because they want to get warm, same thing. Also want to mention we just shot these

Country Club Confidential, which is like this golf sort of show wraparounds, these Joe Montana stories that are so fun, we're gonna put clips up on our site, but it's really cool. Just did one with Matt Walsh, Nate Craig, and then one with James Davis. They're super fun. Golfers!

So go to Country Club Confidential, really funny, that we sort of wrap around, we shot them in the studio, it's very cool, so subscribe to that and check that out. It's called Great Read. Great Read. You know how you're on the green and someone's like, yeah, just go this way and go two cups outside and then you put it that way and it goes in,

you're like Great Read. I wish you guys were golf announcers on the US Open. Or that there was a channel for us to do that. You could just watch us. Yeah, you guys would be incredible. I would love it. All right, Jay, let's just go. All right, can we hear that US golf? You hear me, you just, Jay? Let us to do that. You could just watch us. Yeah, you guys would be incredible. I would love it. All right, Jay, let's check it out. Can we hear that US golf?

You hear me, USGA? Let's go do this. All right, this is sent in by Three Force Geek with a note on his tweet. This happened a couple years ago, but I golf with the guy who owns the barn. I golf with the guy who owns the barn. If I had a nickel, by the way.

Okay, so you gotta figure out what that means. I gotta do the math on this. Golf with the guy who owns the barn. That all makes sense to you. I hope this story has nothing to do with a barn. Okay, so you gotta figure out what that means. I gotta do the math on this. Golf with the guy who owns a barn. I hope this story has nothing to do with a barn. Okay. Or golf. Yeah. Like, can we just start making those statements

where we're like, no I... I work with the guy who owns the truck and then it has nothing to do with golf. I used to drive with the guy who makes the candy. What? Charges, this is the headline, charges, colon. Man's destructive tour, saw him steal fire vehicle, almost flood, new prog.

Wow, one more time for the kids at home. Charges, man's destructive tour, saw him steal fire vehicle, and almost flood, new prog. So he clearly had a bunch of water in the, does the vehicle hold a bunch of water this type of truck But right it does have enough then you're gonna love this you're gonna love it All right Let's get into it a bell plane man has been charged with leaving a trail of destruction in Scott County

Which included stealing a fire department vehicle yes or no do you think trail of destruction is a band name? Oh, and also my improv group that is that real no I wonder if it's a real band called trail of destruction. It's not a nice to Erin'll Google it do we want to start a band called trail of the city? Yeah To D. Yeah, absolutely and it's going to T. Oh D. This weekend. Oh shit. Yeah, it's just got it. Let's just fart Which included stealing a fire department vehicle and culminated with him breaking into a new Prague utilities building and start turning dials.

Oh, so he flooded it in the building, not even the truck. Oh yeah. And new Prague, so this is not original Prague. Right. This is old Prague. New Prague. Right.

Charges against, and we've had some great names. We've had Robert Ravioli. Robert Ravioli. Unbelievable name. Names that tell us exactly who that's like an outrageous've had Robert Ravioli. Robert Ravioli. Unbelievable name. Names that tell us exactly who that's like an outrageous name. Bobby Ravioli. Bobby Ravioli. He's a psychiatrist.

This is a name that tells you exactly who this guy is. Okay, can't wait to hear it. If ever there was a man named more appropriately for what he is doing, Duane Roach. Sure, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's too short. By the way.

It's not the rapper. It just feels too short That's right and the lead singer of the band. Yes It's like a trailer In two pieces this is my last river. I'm gonna flood Prague It doesn't appear that trail destruction is a band name, but it's probably a festival is a song by Kim wild okay Definitely Kim wild and there's a compilation album called South Orange County's trail of destruction Give it up for Aaron the producer Yeah, that's Kim well What's your name D Duane Roach.

You'd be like, full name. That's not enough. That's it. No, not your nickname. Adam Duane Roach? Are you saying Duane Roach could be his last name? Duane Michael Roach? Duane Roach.

That feels right. Duane Roach. It feels like someone stole some of your letters. Duane Roach Williams? Yes. Yeah. Duane Roach. It just, that's not it. You can't even play basketball. There's not enough. a you can't even yell you to pass to them way Roach

Roachy right it doesn't Roachy Wayne Roach Billy Duane Roach we can't all be Van Kirk's this doesn't feel like your name like Dan Kirk Right I love Dan. I would put amazing movie about World World War I. I would put, I would put- Avery Pearson, like see how, your name's even music. Thank you, give it up for Darrell and Lynn Pearson. Yeah. Great name, Stu. If we put a van, speaking of Dan,

if we put a van in there, like Dwayne Van Roach. That's way better. So much better. Let's call him Dwayne Van Roach. I kinda wanna be Avery Van Pearson. Yeah. Oh my God. Jason Van Sklar.

Jason Van Sklar? Dwayne Roach. Dwayne. It just doesn't work. Dwayne Van advanced Clark's Dwayne Roach Dwayne it's just doesn't Dwayne Roach Dwayne. Yeah drag out Dwayne the rock Roach Yeah, but you got to drag it out So so this is where it kind of goes into his words All right states it that he traveled in a stolen fire department vehicle to the new Prague utilities building Which he entered and then quote walked up to a set of controls. Uh-oh. Yes or no, former employee?

Why would you go to this building and go to those controls? You used to work there. That's not something – so he used to work there or know someone who worked there, had a friend who worked there. This is how it gets so – this is where it gets very technical, guys. He turned these controls, quote, all turned these controls quote all the way down. All the way down. And then went to another set which he turned all the way up.

So did he go all the way down to negative 11? And then all the way up. They go all the way up. This could have resulted in the New Prague water tower overflowing the city. Oh my God. Dude like by the way. An alarm that alerted city workers.

A note to New Prague, don't allow. It shouldn't be that easy. Learn something from old Prague. Dwayne Roach. Former employee, he knew which ones to go down and which ones to go up. Would have never happened in old Prague. It's never happened.

You should not be able to do this and have the whole town flood. Yeah, exactly. This was only uncovered after police arrested Roach for a series of destructive behaviors on Wednesday, May 4th. Wait, yeah, yeah. He's a wet bandit. Wow.

It's the wet bandit. Did they only find this out and then link it to other stuff? Oh, he's the wet, he's one of the wet bandits. This is his list of things that he did wrong. He did wrong. Okay. Setting a barn on fire in Cedar Lake Township. This is his list of things that he did wrong. Okay. Setting a barn on fire in Cedar Lake Township. This is the guy who owns the barn. The guy who owns the barn.

Oh! Barn. Wow. He took the barn. The whole frickin' barn! Driving a tractor he found in the barn into a house on the same property, smashing a fish house in the process. Oh, like a fishery.

You idiot. A hatchery? No, a fish house. A terry hatchery. What's a fish house in the process. Oh, like a fishery. Wow. You idiot. A hatchery? No, a fish house. Terry hatchery. What's a fish house? I imagine it's dragging that out to the lake when it's frozen. Oh, the fish house that you take out when you do want to do it.

Or you can also, I mean, you can have a shed designated for cleaning fish, but that's gross. I pulled in the fish house. I was feeling about a half past ten. Okay, so he has set fire to a barn, drove a car into a house. A tractor. A tractor. And he stole from that barn house. And then drove into the fish house.

And then drove into the fish house. Then he set fire to that house as well. Yeah. I set fire to the fish house. I was feeling about a half past eight. Fleeing police while wearing a new proud fire department jacket in a side by side. By the way, what if this case in America doesn't even go to court?

The woman who knocked over a gnome leg is now going through like the worst trials ever. If the jacket fits. Spring boy. Yeah. All right, this one I don't think they needed to include this. Never been loved?

Knocked over. Doesn't know his dad, knocking over a bird house as he rushed to another. You know what? Knock, knockin' on the bird house. Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah. Resisting arrest when officers tried to detain him. So obviously he's gonna resist arrest.

No, he doesn't think he did anything to Roach. Right. Ray Van Roach does not. It's like did well there's a guy in the old scene of like the 60s hate ashbury thing named Dave Van Ronk and roach yes just feels like Dave's and the birdhouse is in there because that somebody was not letting that go no right no he's like he not we're also like, he knocked over that birdhouse, put that in the report. Not to put too fine a pine on it. Bring that one-legged gnome over. Sure. Rope that into this. Sure. Police found the new Prague Fire Department Ford Excursion

at the same property where the fires occurred. So the car was asking him, like the chief's truck. Yeah, he didn't take a giant fire truck with a ladder. There's no way he knows how to drive that. It doesn't require someone in the back to do it. It depends on the truck. There's like a wine too, right? You gotta like crank it. To do the siren.

Yeah. I just wanted to drive the truck. Also, but to his credit, this is actually smart because if he is driving a fire truck and going into the building, no one's gonna ask why is that fire truck now going into the building, no one's gonna ask why is that fire truck now going into the building. Plus he's wearing a jacket.

He's wearing, you know what I mean? Like so he- You got the right jacket on, you can do a lot in this country. Oh yeah. Police found a small baggie of methamphetamine on the way. Look out! It's Adderall, it's Adderall.

What? I found this here. Unrelated, unrelated. He's facing a series of charges including first and secondary arson, two counts of burglary damage to property vehicle theft and drug Possession we'll get out of here on this how old Dwayne Roach is Dwayne Van Roach Goal, so we know he golfs Yeah, I mean I would he's I'd say 43. I don't know why that's coming up 43 for Dwayne Van Roach. I'm gonna go

26 26 I'm gonna hit in the middle, 32. 32, get your answers in. Dan will take us home on the next one. Dwayne Roche, who lit a barn on fire, drove a tractor into a fish house. Lit a barn on fire, lit a barn for free, lit a bon on fire. Dwayne, Dwayne, Dwayne, Van Roach. You put the meth right on me. He's 59 years old.

Oh! This guy's Bored. Advanced aid. By the way, Retired to early days. Put him next to the woman who, you know,

66 grandma. Miss Hutton? Was he a, Yeah. Gotta get them together. He's seven years away from, 66 grandma. Miss Hutton? Was he a? Yeah. Gotta get them together. He's seven years away from. Is he a father, is he Papa Roach? Or is that what I said?

Yeah. Did you do that before? Dwayne the Roach Johnson. Dwayne the Roach. There you go. Johnston. Finally, the Roach has come back. To the roost.

Yeah. Give us a little taste of what we've got cooking in segment three, Daniel. Oh, we have a look-alike robber This is the shaggy it was I mean Literally wasn't me and I nobody understands that more than me and Jay All right, Avery Pearson's with us. We won't make him do a song about this last one unless he wants to yeah There was a lot of moving parts, but if you guys want to build something together, I would Yeah, we'll do that at the top of next segment, okay

You have a special on VEEP's on VEEP's called give it up give it up Repair it up for the give it up special come on every Pearson don't get it. I'm funny You'll love it sing along laugh a bunch of all my favorite people including every this is so much fun No, we'll come back scars were on it. We'll come back on the segment and we'll be right back after this. Yeah. Yeah. Stick around, make a sound, there's more to people town.

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and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com slash DPT. That's Chewy.com DPT to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Chewy.com slash DPT, minimum purchase required, new customers only, terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details. Stick around, make a sound, there's more than people tell. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. site for complete details. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we get out of here and do one last segment, Jay, as promised,

I mean, we have Avery, we've got the piano. We've got a little piano to a song about Papa Dwayne Roach, who lit a barn on fire, drove into a house with a stolen track, flooded an entire town, turned some dials all the way up, turned some dials all the way down, and then just knocked over a bird house. And I feel like that's enough information for the great Avery Pearson to come up with a song. Oh yeah, this is jaunty. When I woke up this morning, I didn't know what would happen. Nope. I thought I would go golfing. know what would happen. Nope. I thought I would go golfing. You did actually. Then I got a little crazy and took a fire truck and I drove it through a barn and lit it on fire. One more time. Can't remember all. Tractor, tractor in the barn. I drove a tractor when I woke up morning didn't think that I would

take a tractor drive it into a barn but look at me here and after it is me my name is not to boast it's also just lane road shame I'm a psycho I got crazy things got weird I started lighting things on fire, what was the next part of the story? He turned knobs up, he turned knobs down, and then he flooded new Prague He turned knobs down, and then he flooded new Prague Cause he was mad they didn't bring the things that worked in old Prague They would've worked, there would've been a key

Or at least a passcode Something that is more complicated to use Than turning two knobs one way, one knob backwards It goes to negative eleven Two knobs up, two knobs down Two knobs up, two knobs down Two knobs up, two knobs down. Two knobs up, two knobs down. Two knobs up, two knobs down. Light this barn on fire.

Two knobs up, two knobs down. Two knobs up, two knobs down. And knock over this birdhouse, cause the birdhouse really deserved it. What did the birdhurst do to you? It called him Dave Roach. Which is short for Dave Roach. Which is short for Dave Roach Berg.

But his name is really Dwayne so the bird house kind of fucked it up in a weird way. But that's how bird houses be. That's how bird houses be. Two knobs up and two knobs down. Two knobs up and two knobs down. look out when you're in old Prague We fought through it that was a lot of details and so many details work through it Thank you every that was our version of we didn't start the fire. Yeah, just like too much. It did start the fire He did start the fire before you get your last story Dan

Let people know how they can follow You support you and see depending on when this drops. You can catch me July 12th That'll be at the Thrasher Opera House in Green Lake, Wisconsin gonna be a great show and then the 15th through the 19th I'm taking over the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago. It's hub City Comedy Week different shows Every single night of the week. We have a show that's all based on Chicago stories of comics telling crazy stuff that happened while they lived there. We have a great show called Tell Mom What You Did where comics are audience members. Somebody calls their mom and they listen on speakerphone to the set and then after the set's over the mom says what they thought of it.

Oh, that's such a good idea! Dude, you're awesome. By the way, you could do that here. Oh yeah, I saved it to do for Hub City, but yeah, it's called Tell Mom What You Did. Satellite it there and then bring it here. Yeah, so that's really, really fun. I'll be headlining as well, and then I'm also doing one scene, two actors, where me and another actor do a famous scene from a movie seven times, but every time we're a little bit more drunk. And yeah, so it's stuff like the You Ask you asked me the Pesci De Niro scene, any great two person scene,

it'll be awesome, it's fun, it's acting, it's comedy, and then after each round of the scene audience members can give notes on what they thought of it. Yeah, that's another great scene. And then sometimes even people in the audience can become background actors in the scene. Who knows, I'll be a little bit drunk, more drunk every single time that I do. Drunk and acting. So tons of shows.

It's Hub City Comedy Week at Lincoln Lodge. Go to danielvancurk.com and then you can also listen to my other podcasts, The Midnight Air, which I do every single week right here on All Things Comedy. And if you really wanna have fun, you should join up for the Dumb People town page round. It's only five bucks a month.

Oh my God, it's. We talk about personal stories from our lives. We bring in stories that just don't really fit. Maybe they're too short for here, but then we blow them out and go in crazy directions talking about what any one of the three of us have been up to. The lights are off and we're marrying catch-ups. You want a little extra good hang in your life? Dumb People Town Patreon. Daniel, I think you should do Don't Tell Mom or Tell Mom What You Did at the Flyover fest. Oh, that'd be really fun.

I think you should do that in St. Louis. It's great because it can either be like the comic themselves, mom, right? Or anybody in the audience can call their mom, we'll put them on speaker. Or if there's a mom in the audience, they will just give their notes after the outside. Tell mom, because it not necessarily is your mom,

it's a mom. Tell mom what you did. Tell mom what you did. Like, here's mom, Tell mom what you did. Tell mom what you did. Like, here's mom, tell her what you did. Let her know. That's fun. You let her know what you did. Sit down.

Okay. State police, this was sent in by Keyless Chuck at Again In 2. Wait, first time I've had Keyless Chuck, thank you. State police are searching for Michael Jackson lookalike cereal robber. No. Yes.

Robbing cereal like, That'd be great question. Or is he just a cereal. Last cereal you had. I really like tricks. Corn checks. Corn checks pretty fun. I get behind that.

I'm a granola guy. Are you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like a nice vanilla granola from Whole Foods, not to drop that too hard. So when we were kids, we'd go up to Canton, Ohio and visit our grandparents and they would always buy Because our parents never gave us sugar cereals But we would go up there and get the that the snack packs the value packs of like eight of them

And it was like sugar corn pops The cross and flakes honey smatter Oh, yeah, golden Mac gold and dry. Yeah, dude I could if you put a fruit loops, I could polish a whole box of golden grams right here. Stop it. Golden grams makes the milk better. At one of the meat raffles,

at one of the meat raffles that I go to in Wisconsin, they also just have tons of fruit and lottery scratchers and cookies and all that sort of stuff. And up there, in the second round, it didn't make it past the second round, it was just a large, full family-sized box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I'm like, that's going so fast.

That is insane. It's that and that's like the version of Golden Grail. Honey Nut Cheerios, I can eat them all. I love Honey Nut Cheerios. Yeah, all the way. I'll go straight up Cheerios with a banana. Wow. It's good, it's good, but Honey Nut.

I like that banana. Honey Nut is like, it's a treat. Because our parents didn It's good, it's good, but Honey Nut. I like that banana. Honey Nut is like, it's a treat. Honey Nut, because our parents didn't give us, it's good. Yes. Honey Nut felt like we were doing something wrong. You know what I mean?

Like, you eat it and you're like, you're up in the lard. It's Cheerios, mom. It's Cheerios. We're not doing what we're supposed to do here. How are the kids bouncing off the walls? All right, back to this guy. Elizabeth Township, Pennsylvania.

Sure. Pennsylvania State Police are looking for the suspect in a series of armed robberies who resembles the late King of Pop Michael Jackson waited waited disguise yourself He's the suspect not a smooth criminal it was not give it here the suspect wore well, I don't know it's a serious They've been getting away with oh, yeah The suspect wore black fedora, black leather jacket, black aviator sunglasses, blue jeans, and black shoes. He escaped the crime scene doing the moonwalk. Troopers say the man has long black hair, light facial hair. Well that doesn't

work. Slightly burned in a Pepsi commercial. So you're saying the carpet doesn't match the drapes. Well you just can't have facial hair and be a Michael Jackson in prison. I know, correct. Michael Jackson could not grow facial hair at all. This is how you know you either got this in prison or got ripped off by the next fact. A tattoo or scar on the webbing of his right hand. If you don't know if it's a scar or a tattoo, get your money back.

Yeah, the tattoo artist is not good. You start as a tattoo, what did you get? I got a tattoo of a birthmark of a scar. And spoken a low-toned voice. Not Michael Jackson. I know. He he. Eddie is not okay.

Do you wanna see what this person looked like walking in? Annie. Annie. Annie, are you okay? Okay. First of all, sorta looks like Corey Feldman. Corey Feldman. Michael Jackson phase.

Yeah, yeah. Sorta of. You listen to Corey Feldman and Van Morrison. No, I've been getting so many Corey Feldmans performing in my TikTok feed. If you listen to Corey Feldman, Van Morrison. No, I've been getting so many Corey Feldman's performing in my TikTok feed. If you listen to Corey Feldman, talk about Michael Jackson. He glosses over the fact that it's a grown man who's not in your family.

Not in your family, just hanging out. He's my best friend. I'm like, he wants something from you. Right, yeah. You don't understand. Well, it's just odd. Okay, here's the other photos. Does look more like Michael Jackson.

Yeah. He looks like a smoothie. He's got the Jerry Curls. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Not wide enough. I don't think he's wide enough to be Michael Jackson. See that bag of chips I just took them. I'm looking at the man on the CVTV.

Yes. I'm asking him to take his way. The first of a series of reported armed robberies took place at the Turkey Hill. Yeah. I mean, you have to say it. That's the Turkey Hill he's gonna die on, I'll tell you that.

But in Pennsylvania? Gobble, gobble. How do you say it? Turkey Hill? How do you guys do that in dialect? Turkey Hill. In scaredy-dink Turkey Hill. Turkey Hill. Turkey Hill. Turkey Hill. Yeah. Water. On New Holland Road in Berks County. According to the report...

They got water race over there. He used a stainless steel revolver. What is it? A fridge? Well, it doesn't sting. He'll grab a towel. He's got a steel revolver. Get that towel! It's dripping on the floor. Chase Utley was in there with an eight to ten inch barrel That it's like dirty Harry. Yeah, dude. You take that out. I'm like putty is this Johnny dangerously that much gun That's a lot of gun at the Dollar General Surprised they even reported Road in West Cornwall Township

on Quinton Road in West Cornwall Township, Lebanon County. You can steal 500 things and that's $500. The man walked into the store and displayed a long barrel spring revolver and demanded money from the register. The cashier fought with the suspect. It's all gonna be one! Who then struck the cashier here over the head with a revolver before fleeing the store on May 25th. Pistol whipped. Wow.

But he won. Cashier won. He didn't get anything. So Dan, our dad had a fishing pole that he would fish with. Yes. Keep in the trunk with. Keeping the trunk. Keeping the trunk. Big Bertha. Big Bertha. Yeah. 22 feet long, but it would extend out.

Yeah, great. Extend out, and he would, it wouldn't even be casting. He would drop it into the water and pull out a fish and then we'd go home. If you're getting shut out, the second it would hit the water, he would always pull out a fish. I don't know how, I don't know where.

But it was like, it was almost like the rod was reaching all the way into the water to get the fish. That's how long this gun is. The barrel reached over the edge. He doesn't need to shoot anyone. Just bop, right on your head. Wow. Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop.

He could do his stuff. A third armed robbery happened at the Turkey Hill gas station on West 28th Division Highway on May 27th when a man pointed a gun at the clerk after being handed the cash He fled the store in a dark colored sedan traveled east a fourth Occurred on the 31st this dudes hitting them all ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding The suspect who resembled the other robbery suspect entered the store robbed the employee of cashier cigarettes the manic and the accomplice fled in a black Chrysler 300 which to me is And I don't know why that's the best car to go in black 300 get out

Looks like a Rolls Royce. Yeah, they look like I'm driving someone else to the airport Yeah, yeah anyone with information relevant to this investigation is asked to contact your court. Oh, he's at large? Sure. I got an incredible box set. Can I say this about the Chrysler 300? And I don't mean to tell you how to name your cars or whatever, just call it a 3,000. 300 sounds like so low.

You know what I mean? Like, Chrysler 300 seems like you're underselling what it is. You should have seen that they were talking about doing the 30, that was brutal. Yeah, the 30 was the wheel. How do you feel? I feel like 300 bucks right now, riding in this Chrysler 300.

I think Josh had a 300. We had a Pontiac 6000 when we were growing up. And that seemed like that's good. The Guli, 6000 LE? Yes. That's my buddy had it, we called the Guli cause it's a 6000 LE. So we had the 6000.

You had the Guli? So the thing on ours is we had a 6000 LE but they gave us an STE dashboard which was even better. They made it the same. You fucked up, man! And then the car was so bad and when we were turning it in that we left it running

because we were afraid if we turned it off they wouldn't be able to turn on that car. We left it, one of the doors wouldn't shut. We left it running in the parking lot and we traded it in for another car and we drove the other car off the lot as that car was running. Running.

Here's the thing with you two guys. I do, I do. Like if I'm doing that on my own, I don't have like my identical brother being like, should we? Yeah, of course we should. Like building each other up and being like, this is a great idea, this is a great idea.

You don't get to split the money either. Right. That's the best part about being a tourist. But it was your car. That's great. All right, we'll get out of here this. Yes. It is assumed that the Michael Jackson serial robber

currently at large is Howald. Howald? They say about 20 years old. 40. Oh, Howald. That guy, oh, I'm gonna say 52. 12. No, I'm just kidding.

Great. No, that's what he 52 12. No, I'm just kidding That's what he's into yeah, I would say allegedly I would say 51 It assumed that he is about 25 years old He looks terrible Not but go terrible. I mean he looks like someone took his head and squashed it down Yeah, it's a little bit or I've just cheeks like airport Van Morse And the sunglasses long hair the fedora isn't helping your disguise. They know you have long black hair, right? Yeah, like a hat should disguise you in a way, but like Jason Bourne wears the plane right yes

Maybe from drones is there a world where or he's got a little spot? He's trying to create a new show called fedora the Explorer Alright, that's a friend Wow guys one camera got a good shot of his face Give it up is the special Hey, wow, very nice. Yeah, there's facial hair. Yes, you might. You're right, it does have facial hair. I forgot about that. Give It Up is the special. It is. Give It Up, Avery Pearson. It's on Vapes. It's fantastic.

Follow me, Avery Pearson Keys. Go see the Sklars. You guys have so much stuff. Are you at Avery Pearson Keys? Avery Pearson Keys, yeah. Follow him. At Daniel Van Kirk. Follow us, we are at Sklar Brothers.

We've got a lot of stuff coming up and we just love you guys. We do. Thank you for supporting us. Thanks for watching the show. Join our Patreon and oh snap, we gotta get back to work. Peace.