Dumb People Town - Ben Gleib - How The Sausquatch Gets Made

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

Comedian and late night host Ben Gleib (Good Night with Ben Gleib) stops by as Jason describes teenage campers that claim they were stalked by a group of Sasquatches, Randy explains why a woman crashed her car into a golf course with mini bottles of Fireball everywhere, and Daniel warns against shoplifting and stuffing your items inside of you, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsor: Monarch!Use code DPT at Monarch.com to get your first year half off at just $50.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guys, we have an amazing episode of Dump People Town with our good friend Ben Glebe. He's got this new talk show on YouTube. Good night. It's fantastic. We'll talk about that. But the stories we have are just incredible. We've got a team of saskatches. A group of saskwages.

A gaggle of satch. A stash of squatches. Know your quash terminology before you. Terrorizing a group of campers. Then we've got a woman who puts away some serious mini bottles of fireball. And then in a bonus story. in the middle of their golfing story there. And then finally, we come,

we bring things home with Daniel Van Kirk. A wine, not thief, but a hider. She put a bottle of wine away too, and we're just going to figure out where that went. It's all on this episode of Don't Be able to Down with Ben Gleap. And also, let me just say, Wino is just one letter away from why not. Dan and Ran and Jay will share.

Tales of Coke so unaware. They lack in grace and sometimes choose. The life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic fail in Florida. price mail i'm happy to say they do you know listen to our podcast brand with co-host our man dan ben dirt don't be a jerk let's wear the music stick around it's dumb people town hey tannies welcome to another episode of dumb people town population population glebe ben glebe welcome to the show thank you at a time in your career in your life when you've got a very

cool thing going on that we will talk about at the top of segment and two, I tease our audience. Beautiful tease. I tease them because... You wanted a late night talk show on YouTube? You got it, bitch! We'll talk about it in a little bit. We're going to be on it.

I'm very excited, but... I feel teased. I don't even know what we're going to say about. I'm not going to say wonderful stuff. But in order for people to then continue to wet their appetite for this, Daniel, we're going to show how funny Ben Glebe is just on our show, which is don't people...

One of the quickest people we know out in this goddamn world. World is getting dumber, Ben. Makes it easier to be quicker. It does. So the world's getting dumber, we then stay. If you just maintain a level of quickness, you even see. Feel faster. Yeah.

Some of the slowest people are some of the quickest people now. That's it. Thank you. Right. They're slightly quicker than the slowest of the slowest. Which are getting slower. Correct. So like they're just leapfrogging.

Let's jump into a story. Let's get fast on this one about dumbness. I don't know who sent this in and I feel terrible. I didn't put that in there. So I apologize if you sent it in. Here's the headline, a group of teenage campers. stalked by a group of

Sasquatches in Idaho over Memorial Day weekend. This can't be real. This came from Outkick, which I know is like... Outkick is sort of like a right-wing sports. Really? Matt...

I thought it was... Travers or... Gay-M-A fighters. No. Out-kick. I think that it's referred to as Game-a-M-A. Game-a. Game-a-game-a. Game-a.

Game-a-s. So I... Wait, so you're on far-right sports coverage? No, this... It was passed through our Twitter. You don't have a person. I'll tell you who said it. I feel like Jay's trying to cover his own perusing.

I do a lot of reading of the outkick. I'm just a caveman. I don't understand these. It just came from at not Jason Sclar. It couldn't be me. As a person who sits in the center of this world, and I've really drifted exactly to the center, pretty much, I can only assume that a right wing,

it's not right wing Outdoor Magazine Would have like all the conspiracy theories Like it's every By Pete Keg's breath Or whatever the fuck his name is Yes and and also I mean Really

The grip on reality They don't even like attempted a lot of times Because a team of Sasquatches A team of seven You can't even prove one We have a blurry photo of one And we're going a group of Sasquatches This was sent in by Rich McCabe

At Rich McCabe Thank you Into our feet. That's your burner. That's your burner. Kevin Durant. Dickie McCabe. I'm in.

Wait, so, but the idea of, like, it's usually if you're many campers on one Sasquatch, he's got to play, like, kind of you do a box in one on the Sasquatch. But now they can play a zone against the campers. There's a whole team. Well, so it's a trend on Twitter. Why do I keep calling them Sasquatch? Yeah, sauce squatch.

You made it like a French. I like to see how the Sasquatch. I like to see how the susquatch gets made. You got to look behind sometimes. It's very hard. It's hard. A group of 10 teenagers, almost all of them 18. Okay.

What? So barely legal? No, Russell Brand of dating age. Thank you. On brand. On brand. Dude, he should have a dating show called On Brand where he dates everyone who's like 17. And they have to sit on his lap.

Literally on brand for the show. It's a talk show. Welcome to the show. Sit right here. Sit right here. Sit right here. Sit right here while I leaf through this Bible. Okay.

Him leaping through the Bible to look for a verse. Sit right here while I leaf through this Bible and we take a cold punch. I saw it. Him leaping through the Bible. If he's doing a bit, I'm going to give him credit that he's doing a bit. He was not doing a bit. If in a movie. If in a movie they were like, leave through this Bible and you can make a meal out of it, go as long as

And find a Bible passage that supports what you're saying. If there would be a point where a director, even the most generous comedy director. Even Jim Jarmouche would be like, hey, you got to speed this shit up. You're making 12 meal. You're making a French laundry meal out of that thing. You got to cool it out, brother. I didn't know that the meal that you made was a pre-fee. Pricks fix.

Almost all of them 18. I think neither of those is the correct way to say it. I would just like to make that on the record. Priifi. Prifie. They're from Parma, Idaho. Okay. Took the two hour or so trip to Payette National Forest in McCall, Idaho, go to go camping for Memorial Day weekend.

Great. While there, they claim to have had encounters with, and some of them even witnessed several Sasquatches. No one got a photo. No one's got a photo. No one's got a phone these days. It's a blurry photo. Yeah, you can't expect you. How much drugs were they doing?

Yeah. Some of them saw several. I saw Sasquods, bro. I'm pretty sure I did, whoa. I thought I saw a couple of them. I saw three, dude. I saw one going in slow motion. And also at the same time, you know, we did notice our very hairy buddy was peeing in the woods.

True. But he did this. Not him, dude. They submitted the witness who submitted the claim to the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization. People with a lot of time. And can I just say that they'd take a long time to deal with claims there. I have a problem. Their customer service at the Bigfoot field office is like, guys, we need to work on our customer service.

Yeah, like you really have to take it directly to the headquarters. Or at least. You can't go field office. These guys are out out of course ago. We're patrolling. I haven't gotten an email. There's a team of them. We have to find them out in the field.

Someone just send me an email saying it's in process. I don't even know that it's done. We're working on it. Just send me that like you're in process. File of a claim. I would like all of the Bigfoot email. to come through a little blurry. All the text just a little bit out of focus.

Kaira says, this is the one who submitted, says that the first sighting came on Friday night when her friend Abby had seen a tall, dark figure, just a couple yards behind their friends, Daniel and Bailey's tent. I love every kid's name. Why do we need to hear Daniel and Bailey's name? Well, because they were like, Daniel and Bailey had a tent together.

I just want you to know. It's Bailey, a guy or a girl. They're all Mormon names. They don't sound that way. Daniel and Bailey, they were. They were soaking. They were jumping up and down on the ground. The Zasquatch was making love to them, Mormon style, so it doesn't technically count.

If it's a Zasquatch, it doesn't count. It's called soaking. Abby kept this information to herself until Monday morning, quote, because she didn't want to freak anybody out. She didn't know it at the time, but the weekend was only going to produce more encounters with the suspected scathing. This feels like an onion article. They, by the way, never unquoted it. So now the rest of this article is. is always in Abby's quote.

Also, let's just for a moment break down the mental state here. You're a young woman. You're camping. You're out in the woods. There's a monster there. Nine feet tall, Harry, behind Bailey and Daniel. About to attack Bailey and Daniel, your thought is, I'm not going to say anything. I'll freak anyone out.

We might freak them out. Let Bailey and Daniel get eaten and murdered in that order by the Sasquatch. And I'll talk about it Monday. Monday. Let's get to it. Why harsh someone's happy hand? This doesn't feel like weekend vibes. This feels like a Monday vibe.

And I'm going to save it for Monday. Okay. I've got a case of the Mondays because a monster ate my friends. Right. Okay. On Saturday around midday, an argument between two of the friends caused another of the 10 friends, Colton, to walk into the... This can't be real.

This can't be real. I feel like I'm down. The comedy is real, but this is so not real. To walk into the tree line to get away from the arguing. Cahira. decided to go look for him. And as she wandered through the tree, she heard what, quote, sounded like something was walking with me in the tree line and whistling at me in different

directions to get me lost in the forest. Construction workers? I love the premise that possibly a Sasquatch could now whistle. We haven't seen them for years, but it's got a great whittling. Wait, wait, what is that whistle? Is that a songbird or is that a Sasquatch? Well, the whistle sounds like it's coming from nine feet above the ground. So it must be.

If Chubaco was the Sasquatch, because he was a Sasquishette, but Artu D2 is the one that was listening. Artu D2. We're quoting, of course, Felipe Asparza. Like, frame that bit, put it in the Smithsonian, it's the greatest. I also love that this woman, she's like, listen, you two are arguing, all arguing too much about this monster that might be about to eat us in the woods. I got to get away from this. I'm going to go in the woods. I'm just going to go for a stroll.

Hopefully nothing happens to me. I'll be fine. What's the words that can do whistle at me? Uh-oh. It's coming through. It's confusing her to get her lost. After a few minutes of looking for Colton, she turned back only for her to run into him and find out that he had gone back to camp not long after walking to the tree line.

This is too much of reading the script for a porn. At the time, she thought the whistling she heard was just her friend. Later that night, Colton's like, I can't whistle. What? Into the early morning, a group of four was sitting around the campfire when they heard branches breaking behind one of them. Then they heard coyotes howling and decided that coyotes must have been what they heard making the noise in the forest. No, coyotes can't whistle. Around 3 a.m. on Sunday while everyone was sleeping.

One of them heard what sounded like someone trying to start their car. That was followed by really aggressive rhythmic knocking. That is Bailey and Daniel banging each other in a car. Start the car, turn on the music so I can at least listen to something instead of your breathing. Get on top of me. We're about to be attacked by a Sasquatch again if you guys could give us 15. Go 15. We got to lock this.

Also, coyotes can whistle, but not well. Everybody knows they can't whistle well. Everybody knows. Like a coyote with a mouth full of saltines cannot whistle. That's correct. Nor can they eat four in a minute. No. That was followed by really aggressive rhythmic and knocking, which they wrote off as a woodpecker.

If only then they know exactly what they're calling it. That's what Daniel calls it. It was wood and it was pecking. Bailey. If only they had known that there was likely a group of bigfoot in the area. Likely? If only they had known. Also, I think they know.

I think they just told us an advance of a group of big foot. We would have prepared emotional. A group. A group. Not a murder. Not a flock. Not a giggle. A coven.

Not a gathering. And by the way, I don't want to get technical. But it would be called a group of big feet. A group of big feet, true. Is it feet? Big foot? Big foots. They just said big foot.

If it's Sasquatch, I feel like they should be referred to as a stash. A stash of saskwash. Then later in the day on Sunday, Daniel saw a figure on two legs. He had gone to the bat. What could that be? Two leg figure? A two-legged figure in the woods. To use the bathroom.

How do we justify it? Bailey and a padagon. When he came in contact with a nine-foot-tall creature with, quote, blank reflective eyes, that were walking towards him. This is not true. He ran back to get a couple of his buddies. One of them was... This was like a creative writing project

who was put on the internet. Which buddy did they get? Jason found it late at night drinking, thought it was hilarious. He created a burner account. Kaira... You guys are being very doubtful. I think this is true.

I wrote it. Kaira's boyfriend, Colton, who had packed a rifle for the trip. They set out to find the nine-foot-tall creature. They let off warning shots. You're literally just reading a horror movie. Warning shots and were. turned to camp and said they were heading to our friends camp down by the way because they heard

the person run in that direction. They headed to our friends camp later and they stayed. They were circled by three or more creatures in the woods. Randy, we would have to start finding Jason's stories for him. This is terrible. I will admit that I did have a story that we had done the other day and I had to find this this morning.

Fair. All right. Our friends, Dylan and Sabrina, you guys need, are we doing a check in on them? Dylan and Zerina. Can we remember all the names? Yes. Bailey and Daniel. Colton.

Colton. Abby, Chiera, Cahara. Abby and now. Dylan and Sabrina. We're camping off an abandoned road. They later, is this like the plot of, like,

Cody, Zach and Cody's his sweet life? How much do you want to do the Sweet Life and Zach and Cody like reunion show and it turns into like a horror? Or how much do you want to do Zach and Cody the sweet life and it's us as the people like today? Like they've aged so much and everyone's like,

I can't believe you guys age so much. Get Andy. Get Andy to do it. it how fun would that be uh they later returned uh and daniel and colton said they saw three creatures that stood nine feet tall with dark fur and standing on two legs with blank reflective eyes this is very important blank and reflective eyes are super important right they described it almost feels different how could they be both blank and i also until now thought that jason was saying it was edited because they didn't want to say fucking reflective eyes so reflect like blank reflective eyes

like we couldn't say the adjective wait dan i think there's reflective can't mean two things. One, they reflect off of whatever sun is there. But reflecting. Pondering. Yeah, like actually thinking about. He was very reflective. He was Okay. They were just thinking. But how could you

be blank? The blank look was reflective. If you looked past the blankness, you could really see he was thinking about his life. The blank is front just. It's going on. Behind the blank eyes was a real tender Sasquatch.

Yeah. Okay. They described it as a human-looking. animal that was too tall to be a person and too fast to be a human. They say the creatures knew how to hide behind the trees and we're circling them and trying to separate them from each other. Hiding behind the tree is not even a skill that's difficult. Right. And they knew how to hide behind the tree.

Let me take a guess. You go behind me and just chill there for a while. Hold on. It actually says chapter two. Colton then stated he shot one of them and then shot off five warning shots. He did not. They heard more knocking. They found handprints and a couple of,

on a couple of vehicles and footprints around their camp. They also claim to have found before packing up and calling it a weekend, broken trees put together as sideways crosses all in a wide circle with what appears to be TPs made out of trees. Yeah, well, this is now starting to make sense to me because Sasquatches have been on the downlow for so long. They've said to do hard launch. They're hard launch.

They're like, let's leave fingerprints everywhere. Let's do crosses. Let's touch the cars. TPs. Bang the tent. country could even handle Sasquatches coming. Yes, they would be elected immediately to office. I feel like RFK Jr. is like now going to try and like make sure that we all just avoid

Sasquatch. It's very clear that the Sasquatches are among us. What are you saying? I can't understand. Among us. Oh, among us? Yeah. Blank and reflective.

Blake and reflective? Which is also describes his stare. That's right. I'm shirtless blank and reflective. This is my Instagram bio. All right, BFRO, which, who can remember what that stands for? Oh, Bigfoot Research Foundation of America. Bigfoot Research Organization, close-hand.

Investigator, Matthew Moneymaker. None of this is real. Jay spoke to two of the witnesses by phone and concluded, this was an outkick. You got a concluded that, quote, they are telling the truth. The only question is whether it was a misinterpretation. He added that four out of the ten. Sorry, guys. On the camping trip had visual sightings in the daylight around their camp.

That's 400 per. That's a bad in 400. 40%. The rest heard sounds at some point, given that there's a history of big foot. Guess how many people were in this story. Ten. And this is moneymaker said it's pretty obvious. Some Sasquatches were there.

At least three of them. To whom? No, it's very obvious. To nobody. Randy, it's very. At least three of them indeed. The T.P. should have told me. It's this level of confidence that got me.

The cultural appropriation of Native Native American. Ben, I want to believe. Glebe. Oh, yeah. Do you have merch that says I want to bebleb? I should do that. I want to be glebe. I'm a big leber.

Yeah. I'm a bigleber. It's a great idea. And I saw her face and now I'm a bogleabre. The lack of any real evidence shouldn't deter anyone from making. That's exactly what should deter anyone from anything. The lack of evidence is literally how you detour from one thing to another. This is what the writer said.

I think he's making fun. Detour and believe it or not, they know what they saw and what they heard. I know that this is probably all BS. It is all BS. Who cares? It was fun to joke around about it. It was a weekend of Sasquatch foolery. To me, that feels like them trying to write this article is them trying to set up, you know,

you go to like a murder mystery weekend or you go to like a haunted mansion somewhere and you're like, hey, we're going to have dinner at this place and there's going to be a murder. Yeah. This was what this is. And also, if you know, I don't know if you know this, but multiple Sasquatch are referred to Sasquay. South Squy Sasquai

I did not know that That story one It's down the books When we come back We'll tell you what we have going on And we'll let you know about Ben Glebe's new weekly talk show On YouTube which is amazing

And I wanted to take off And be all the things that you love That's Dumb People Town With the great Ben Glebe right after this Stick around Make us down It's Dumb People Town Guys

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I'm putting those on. And I'm about to get more for the summer because I got the golf pants. My son was jealous of them. I got him a pair. Right. And he now wears those all the time. Which, again, we play golf a ton. We're out.

I mean, the button down shirts are great. The simplicity. I got a white linen shirt that was fantastic. Daniel, tell us about the wedding you're going to. I am officiating my cousin's wedding. I am wearing a quince linen, like, you know, for the beach type shirt. Oh, it's my favorite shirt that I own. So much so that I'm like, you know when you have something you really like that you're like,

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That's Better H-E-L-P-T. Stick around. Make a sound longer down. It's don't people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show before we jump into Ben Gleap's talk show, which we're very excited to do. Let me talk about what we got going up. Sure.

We got on the... Tonight. Tonight when this is going to drop on June 16th. If you're in L.A., come see us tonight. We're doing headlining sets, which is rare in L.A. at the Venice West. Really cool music venue, Venice West, 20th, and Lincoln. It is a super cool. The guy who used to put together jam in the van, which is a really fun Westside comedy show that we did a bunch.

I'm sure you did that show. I'm sure you've done that show. It's trying to book comedy into the Venice West, and we're doing headlining sets. So great music there, but they're adding comedy. It's a Tuesday night. We have a 7 p.m. and a 9 p.m. show. The shows are going to be a blast, and it's a headlining set of comedy for us. So all our L.A. people's come to it.

This weekend. We're going to be at Cobbs Comedy Club on the 19th and 20th, one show on Friday, San Francisco. Get up and out and come see us. We're guest hosting Jim Rome's radio show, which actually will broadcast on X, but on terrestrial radio as well at the end of June. And then in July, we're going to the Comedy Fort in Fort Collins. Then in August, we will be, that's the 23rd, 4th, and 5th.

In August, we will be at the Grand Comedy Club down in Escondido, new comedy club down there. It's supposed to be amazing. But tomorrow night, we are going to be on an amazing show. A live talk show on YouTube. I watch the inaugural episode. It's so funny. You are so funny. The show is called Good Night with Ben Glebe.

And it's at a time when we need a talk show. We need a talk show. Talk shows are dropping like flies and we need a talk show. It's YouTube's first. Late night talk show. So I love it and I love the people you have surrounding our friend Stuart Bailey, who is just so talented. worked on the daily show.

Or a good amy winner. Good people working around you to do the show. But at the same time, the stuff you did during the pandemic to sort of build nowhere comedy club, but to build the audience of people that you would then bring to this thing, really impressive. And I think it's time for you to do this. You're one of our favorite fastest, funniest dudes. So explain how it came to be and what you're hoping to sort of achieve with this thing.

And how can our audience help you out? Thank you. So my whole lifelong dream was to have a late night talk show. It always has been since I was six years old. I did in college at a different national input after college. And I put it on the back burner for 20 years because up until recently you can't really have your own late night talk show unless you get. There's no way in. And then YouTube became the most powerful platform on earth, the numbers of eclipse everything.

And I just started fundraising and putting together a team and created this literally on my own. I raised $1.5 million to produce season one. Got Keith Harris, a drummer of the Black Eyed Pete. to be my band leader. We have this unbelievable team together. And we're creating this show. It's literally trying, like, the press we're getting is exactly realizing that it is,

well, we hope they're framing us as the evolution of late night. The articles and the rap and deadlines saying last week, Colbert went off the air. And this week, the first YouTube late night talk show debuts. This is the future. It's what's happening. It's what we're trying to do. And so we're doing it.

We tape live on Wednesday nights. You can be in the virtual audience with us. part of the show interactive camera on mic on, much like many of you did during many of the dumb people town episodes we did at nowhere during the pandemic. And then the next day it drops on YouTube on Thursday night. So June 18 on my birthday, it'll be dropping, that'll be my big birthday episode. Hey now. It'll be dropping at 10 Eastern 7 Pacific on YouTube.com slash at goodnight.

That's our page. And so you can get a ticket to be on those walls with us and be part of the show. Ask a question perhaps live, interact with us in crowd segments. see the post show, which is this live post party where the cameras follow us from the studio into the whole rest of the house. And we dive deeper. I was smoking a weed with Kevin Smith out by the pool at the end of our premiere episode by going to make it a goodnight.com. That's our website. You can get tickets there to be on the virtual video walls with us or to subscribe to our YouTube channel.

All of that is at make it a goodnight.com. I love it, dude. I love that you have figured this out or at least you're going forward, trying to make. something that is something that we need. We need comedy as a late night thing that people can get behind. And my hope for you is that you wind up getting to do it every night. That it becomes like five nights a week. Well, with the success, you look at the box office of two YouTubers have made movies that have blue star... Backroom just blew up. Backroom's an obsession. Those two movies... Oh, yeah. Daisy's in France. She's like, I went to go see Obsession and it's like insane.

It's insane. I know. So those are... And Evan Shapiro, a good friend of ours who we love, used to run IFC and he's developing our two-man show with us is like kind of the media mapper person who like is like this is what the media is doing this what's going on he is like people are watching YouTube all over the world they're watching it you don't have to have the you just have to have a computer yeah it's literally the number one entertainment platform on earth it's more market share by far now than Netflix globally in the US it's overtaken cable and broadcast TV combined we're on a channel with almost three million subscribers we're getting out there to lots of people where we just crossed today one million views across platforms for our show

and we're just a week into our episodes. That's what I want to hear and let this thing monetize itself and start to do the thing for you that you should be doing this. The other thing that people, either they, if they don't know you, you've done TV. You did like, idiot test. Idiot Test. You did like hundreds of episodes. Two hundred and ten episodes of Idiot Test.

So you know. It's still on Pluto TV now was on Netflix. But you know what it's like to be in a correction. The cameras turn on. You know how to, and you've done stand up for 25 years. So you, this is not somebody who's like,

what have I tried this? It's like, you know what you're doing. You just needed the platform. You have it. We talk about this all the time with our podcast. You guys who listen to this podcast, you understand what it is to support independent media

and independent ventures. This is how you do it. Thank you. Subscribe to good. At good night on YouTube. At good night on YouTube. or go to make it a goodnight.com and you can find out how you can be on the wall

or you can be involved. This is the next wave and this is an ally to us and a fan and a friend of ours, so we're saying support him. Thank you. And then one last thing also is that just so people know

how much we really are trying to make our mark here in late night and honor the format that we've all loved growing up so much but also evolve it with the times. We're also trying for the first time in late night to offer real value in every episode of people's lives. So we're booking alongside celebrities, thought leaders, change makers, subject matter experts in every episode.

So instead of just only talking like Chris Hemsworth for the 15th time, is the hammer still heavy on forward nine? It is. It's still very heavy. We have celebrity guests coming on already confirmed season one like Nikki Glazer, Tiffany Haddish, Craig Robinson, Jeff Ross, the Sclar brothers. We have Jamila Jamil. We have Dulesay Sloan, Aisha Tyler, Sophia Bush, but in addition of them, we have thought leaders like Scott Galloway. We have Dr. Mark Hyman, Dr. Shafali, Lori Gottlieb of the Ask a Therapist podcast.

Sex with Emily Morris is coming on. We have the host of number one money podcast, Nicole Lapin. We have the host of number one science podcast, David Eagleman, coming on or just came on. So we're just trying to blend these worlds and really like, help change people's life experience by letting them be aware of these different I think it's going to be where YouTube stars will want to come to promote their YouTube stuff as well they don't ever get booked on a late night talk show so we get to give them a chance

our man confirmed Adam W confirmed two the biggest YouTubers on planet Earth like 30 40 60 million you have Mrs. Beast coming on Mrs. Bees will hopefully get to Mr. Bee you have Dr. Beast coming on that's right we've got a team of Sasquatches coming on again we saw them in the backyard last night we're pretty sure. Dr. Oz is coming on telling you how your poop can kill you. All right, here we go. Facts. This story was sent in by David Fornier at DP Fournier 2.

Florida woman arrested after a golf course joy ride fueled by mini bottles of fireball. Mini bottles. Mini bottles of fireball is like, I'm an alcoholic, but I do it in small doses. Yeah, tiny doses. That's the great thing about mini bottles is you could drink a lot, but you still feel like in moderation. Right. I've had 20, but they're many. That's her motto.

I can stop. They're like sliders. You can have 12 sliders. Don't look at the amount of carbs or fat or sugar. Sliders is more bread. You're having three buns to have one burger. By the way, this was like in golf digest, right? Yeah, sliders are fine.

Oh, so my story's bullshit. And now you're... Golf diggers is a real thing. You drink too much fireball in college. You throw up and you eventually move on. from that nightmarish cinnamon whiskey. This is in Golf Digest. That's what I drink Jackfire.

That's what usually happens. At least in this something that says fire going into my body. Jackfire is good though. Is it? No, Dan. At least in this one writer's experience, parenthetically. And then you're off the stuff forever. Who is writing this?

Like, is this a penthouse letter. This is a reporter in the 40s. Then you're off the stuff forever. The fireball came at you hard and fast. Yeah. You want to be honest. out the sauce. You do it this way. You get in a golf card. You drive real fast. That'll get you off the sauce. The dame believes she was a classy dame. She had miniature bottles.

Touched into her pantyhose. She had miniature bottles, but insatiable appetite. Well, unless you're this Florida woman with a recent DUI arrest that's going viral for all the wrong reasons. Erica Mayer of Palmeadow was arrested last week after an alcohol-fueled joyride around StreamSong golf resort in which she was eventually located sitting next to her crashed red Guess what your make and model of the car she had? This is what it asked in the thing. They're doing our, guess what your making model? Red car.

Red car. It's a 94 Mercury Sable. Ninety-four. I think it's a Corvette. I think it's a red corvette. Little red corvette from 1999. 1997 Pontiac $6. This is so much more what you would expect to be, 2018 Hyundai.

According to a witness and the Polk County Sheriff's Office, she had driven over parts of the nearby golf course and appeared incoherent when found by deputies. Her allegedly slurred speech and in and out of balance were certainly due to the opened mini bottles of fireball. We'll get to it later, how many she had. And two, empty bottles of 99 brand liquor. You've got to throw that stuff out the window.

You have to. Leave a trail to find you. Leave the dead soldiers on the old car hood. Also, just as a side note, I feel like Hyundai clearly did no market research when putting the word die in the name of their vehicle. Yeah, you don't want to die in there. You don't want that in there.

It's not comforting. So there was also an unopened 10 pack of 50 milliliter fireball cinnamon whiskey bottles. So she didn't even get to those. She's not the Costco. She's heard the phrase, Hun, die many times in their life in relationships. Erica stated that she has not consumed any alcohol, despite the odor of an alcoholic beverage on her breath.

Erica refused to participate in a field sobriety test, then refused to provide any breath samples. She stated that she had been told by, friends in social media that it's a bad idea to do field sobriety. I'm sober, so that's why I'm not doing a field sobriety. Ma'am, there's a huge stench of alcohol. Oh, because I'm sober. That's why I'm sober.

Why is there alcohol coming out of your mouth? Because it's not going into my mouth. It's coming out. You're drunk. You're breathing it in. Ma'am, would you please take this field sobriety test? Why would I do that if I'm sober? You take it.

You're drunk. What is your name, ma'am? Tiger Woods? Okay. My name is Tiger Wood, you bitch. The way. She has surely heard over the years. It's not dobsop calling me Shirley.

Do you say kick while change? Okay, this is a quote. She has surely heard over the years from her friends in social media that drinking and driving is a very bad idea. Agreed. Yet here we are. According to Sheriff Judd. She would have gotten that message. Mayor was eventually.

One of the Judds? Yeah, the Judd. Exactly. One of the judges. Sheriff Judd. Right, exactly. Was eventually arrested. she was mayor in charge with DUI M2, DUI with property damage, M1, refusing to submit to a DAI test.

Is that a punishable offense? Yeah. To refuse to submit? Yeah, as long as you end up. It depends on if you end up. Well, every state is different. But you do want to refuse. Cited for failure to drive in a single lane and open container with a vehicle.

She had many open containers, let's be honest. This is certainly not the first mini bottle of fireball consumed on a golf course, but it's most likely to be the most expensive. and then from here I found another story so I'm going to do that story too but let's guess first of all how many mini bottles did she drink who mayor Mcdrinks? Merrick's Merrick's Merrick's Merrick's

How many mini bottles? 10. 10? I'm going to conservatively say 300. Six. Get your answers in. I want a real answer. I'm going to guess it was literally 30 bottles. Okay.

Get your answers in townies because you said six and three. 10 and 6. And 30. And 30. 21. Oh my God. He's the closest.

He's the closest. That's insane. That is so much heart. I don't have an age on this person. But as I was reading this article, you know how they sometimes. In the article, jump to it. Jump to it. Give you another one.

If you like a little of that, you'll like a little of this. Exactly. Here's this headline. Masshole golfer. So someone from Massachusetts. If you like fireball, giant fireball coming towards Earth. Here's a guy from Massachusetts. Masshole golfer hits man in head with putter,

flees to the woods has really expensive set of clubs thrown in the lake. Oh, wow. So they get into an argument on the thing. He swings his putter, hits a guy in the head, then runs off and leaves his expensive clubs just to be thrown. You don't want to come back? We'll get your fucking clubs. Summer may be finally cooling off, but tempers are still running hot on the course.

Don't take our word for it, though. Just check out the police blotter from East Greenwich, Rhode Island's finest, who arrested two golfers following last month, an on-course altercation that ended with one man getting hit over the head with the putter and the assailant having his and we're going to guess how expensive it is set of clubs thrown in the lake according to police it began when uh this young man will guess his age cameron chase of rumsford massachusetts allegedly hit into the group ahead of him while they were finishing up on the green you know this is there conversation escalated and eventually chase struck the victim with his putter leaving wounds to the backside of his head you got to get close

yeah to be able to and swing that club and the putter if it's a mallet putter that's heavy Metal, that's going to... Okay, that's an interesting point because... Because you shows you how little golf I do is until you said that, I was picturing it's covered in rubber. No. No, no. Because I do a lot of... I do a lot of mini golfers in my life.

I'm like, I couldn't do any damage. Metal and sometimes... Now there's mallet, it's heavy. All right, Chase fled in the woods and while the victim transported to Kent County Hospital. They found Chase walking down nearby Division Road a short while later, just in his golf closed. Just walking. Rested him on charges of felony a cell. They also arrested Johnson native Joseph Falco for vandalism and disorderly conduct after he allegedly through Chase golf clubs valued at how much into the adjacent lake?

How much where is golf clubs worth? You know this. I know the $3,500. $3,500. What do you think? $2,600. $5,000. $4,000.

Wow. That was really good. Chase claims he struck the golfer out of self-defense after being pushed, but ultimately that's for the Rhode Island court system to figure out for now. the only crime chase has irrefutably committed is being 100% true blue maceole we'll get out of here on this story here on this Well also I don't know if you if you read this I actually read the story on the way in

The first time he struck him was with the driver The second time was Yeah he could Well he didn't hit him in the head first So yeah that was a two putt That's an eagle Let's figure out how old this guy An albatross. It's an albatross. It's in jail

Eagle has landed You know what a hole in one on a par four is called or is that an albatross is that right yeah and this he wears as an albatross around this night anytime you're three strokes under all right all you're a par five and you get oh yeah you hold out on the second how old was cameron chase rumford and uh a cameron chase of rumsford and how old was the guy he hit the guy with the putter was how old 26 41 30 20 years old oh wow how old was the guy he hit he's older 64 yeah 58 50

38 years out I know it And that's it And that is how we do it That is two stories down in the books Dan is next And Dan you'll tell us what's going on with you But can you give us a little teaser

Of what we got in story three Yeah of course Oh it's a repeat Okay We'll figure it out We'll figure it out in the break It's dumb people talking With the great Ben Glebe

And his new show You gotta watch it Good night Good night Good night And Glebe I will be right back Stick around

Make a sound Hunger Down It's dumb people Hey guys, welcome back to the show, the great Ben Glebe. I love that you have this YouTube talk show that we're going to be on that is fantastic. And again, tell people where they can see it and everything. Thank you. Good night with Ben Glebe drops every Thursday, 10 Eastern 7 Pacific on YouTube.com slash at goodnight.

You can be on the show interacting camera on mic on laughing, applauding, interacting with me in a crowd segment, asking a question of our guests. occasionally if you're very lucky at just go to make it a goodnight.com get a ticket there. Watch it and see how fun it is. See us on it this Thursday. It's the first ever uncensored late night show and it's going to be really, really fun.

It already is fun and I love it. Also on your episode with you is Jamila Jamil and David Guilla Guillem. Great. Who's just this incredibly interesting human being. We did her podcast. You just did her podcast. She's phenomenal.

She's so wonderful. So wonderful. Daniel, can you let people know when they can see you and where they can see it. Yeah, go to Daniel vancirk.com. I will be this coming weekend in Janesville, Wisconsin at the Comedy Cabin doing shows on Friday and Saturday. Then the next weekend, last week in June, I will be in Baltimore and D.C. And then in July, I'll be at Cap City Comedy Club in July 2nd. And then... I know all your dates, Dan. Yeah. We do say...

Okay, 15 through the 18th through at the Lincoln Lodge. And you're going to be... That's your week where you take it over. They give you the keys. Hub City Comedy Week. It's like your own comedy festival. Best Comedy Showcase. Showcase best of Chicago's comics and Daniel doing shows every night. And then at the Thrasher Opera House on what day? 25th. Yeah. And then in August I'll be in Cincinnati headlining a comedy festival as well as other dates throughout the year.

Everything's at Daniel Van Kirk.com. Let's do a cold read story. Who sent this into you, Dan? Randy Sclar sent it in. If you learned we went with a break, we just had to double up, but it happens. It's fine. Let's have fun together. The tease I will give you before I read it, I'll just say it all.

Michigan Shoplifter. rushed into hospital after hiding bottle, body of wine in her body cavity. Bottle of wine in her body cavity. She's stuck it all the way up. Nothing can stop her. She's all the way up. California Post, this comes from, because we can switch now between the New York. It's the California Post.

Bordeaux, no. It says here. I hate the New York Post. The way they do stuff, it just. A Michigan woman, which means she went to Michigan and was hailed as like a pillar. Dad. No, you can't say that about our school. The school that both of my daughters.

Isn't that what you guys, when somebody was like, like, well, to be remembered as a Wolverine forever? No. Isn't it a V for victory? She's a Michigan woman. She went to Ohio State and she moved to Michigan. Michigan woman, so I'll go blue, was arrested and then rushed to the hospital after she stole a bottle of one and hit it inside a body cavity. Well. First I thought back, but I thought back.

What cavity? Which cavity you're talking about? Anything up around here? How big are those cavities in the mouth? and up wide. The woman was allegedly caught by shopkeepers, drinking a bottle of alcohol in a Traverse City liquor store without paying for it and returned the next day to nab a bottle of Chardonnay.

She was standing on her head drinking a bottle of wine. It was a reesling. Employees attempted to stop her, but were unable to find the bottle that she had stolen. That is amazing. That is. And then is your first question, are you a magician? If you can do it that quick, you prepped. Yes. You've prepped your whole life.

You've really worked and ready. And also, this is the story that should have had mini bottles if she wanted a reputation. Thank you. You steal the mini bottles when you're slipping them up the cabin. Also, if you could do that that quick, there's a show in Thailand waiting for you five nights a week. Put it up there, uncork it, pop it back out. Oh, no. I want a six pack of beers in there and you can just pop them out at people to give you a dollar of ice cold beer.

If I was the store, I would also charge her an uncorking fee. 100%. Well, employees tempt a stop her, but they can't find the bottle. That is, until police arrested her and found that she had stashed it inside an unnamed body orifice.

You have to name it. Name it. What if she's a kangaroo? What if she's a sword swallower? Unnamed body, Kevin. There's only two options. Unless she has a colostomy bag. At which point,

she was brought to the Munson Medical Center for Treatment, the woman, who was not named, has been charged with two counts of retail fraud, one count of smuggling and trespassing, and one count of being fucking cool. The post has reached out to the Traverse City Police for additional details but did not

immediately hear back. We'll get out of here on this. If she was funny, Dan, could she have said I was just trying to decant it? You got to let it breathe. Hey, you got to let it breathe. You got to let it breathe inside of me a little bit. This woman's incredible.

She's really like a sexy Jesus turning pussy into wine. Let's go. Well, she goes in one night, tries to drink it, gets in trouble. Comes back the next day. Hides it super fast, but not successful in stealing it.

How old do you think the woman is? She's a wine drinker, which is typically young kids do not drink wine. They drink cut waters. They drink. I want to say she's had many children because the canal has to, the straits of Hormuz have to have been open a little. Right? They have to be free flowing as it were. We will be invading her body cavity just to hopefully get it reopened.

There's been a ceasefire in her vagina. That's right. We're disgusting. We have ultimatums that are happening. Two bottles of wine and six hooties in there. She's... A bottle of chardonnay, a pino, greggio, and a life raft. In response, the government is bombing her neighbors.

You are a guess. Her navel. Yeah, I would like to guess she's, her age is 53 going on you. 53. It's very good. I think the woman who stashed wine up her orifice. is 61 years old. 61. I'm going to say she's 47.

47. One of you is only one year off. You can all go up a year down here. 60. I'm going 54. 48. The woman who successfully hit it. She did her job. She didn't get away with it. She did it. She's the David Blaine of shopping. Moral victory. Total moral victory.

Thank you. I got away with it. I would have got away with you too. It wasn't for those meddling kids. I would have got away with it too. It wasn't for this damn huge pussy. Bottle of red. Watch beds. Watch that YouTube show. It's already great, and you're missing it if you're not there. No, you're going to watch it.

Have a good night. Have a good night. At Daniel Van Kirk. How old was she? Do we reveal how old she was? I'm about to. Oh, my God. We were like this plug.

You were? Follow me at Ben Glebe or our socials for good night with Ben Glebe. At make it a good night on all platforms. All right. I love it. She is 48 years old. Very good. Guys, that's a show.

We love you. And as we say, this is like the time in the writer's room before we actually. actually sit down to work. So we say at the end of every show, oh snap, we got to get back to work. See ya.