Dumb People Town - Bert Kreischer - Time Zones

Episode Date: December 9, 2025

Comedian, actor, and podcaster Bert Kreischer (Free Bert coming to Netflix, Bertcast, 2 Bears 1 Cave) stops by as Daniel describes how a Florida man posed as a cast member and stole an R2D2 replica to prove he was worthy of a job at DisneyWorld, Randy explains why a US judge had to resign for wearing an Elvis wig in court, and Jason tried to tell a story but Bert got hung up on time zones, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Quince and Hims! Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait! Go to Quince.com/DPT for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/DPT. 

On this episode of Dumb People Town, we have it all. Burt Kreischer is our guest. He absolutely crushes it and gets very confused. I'll get to that in a second because we have a story about an R2D2 that was stolen for good reason. And then we also have Elvis in a courtroom. He's the judge. Plus, Bert finds out how many time zones there really are. And you're sweating a lot, buddy.

I'm soaking wet. Don't People Town. Come watch it. Where they lack and grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic fail in Florida, there's half-rise bale. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this love. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host our man Dan. Van Dirk, don't be a jerk comes when the music which the funny hits and we are going to take you down.

Stick around, make a sound, hunger down is Dump People Town. Hey, Tannies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People, Town. Population, do you? Population Chrysher. Bird, Chrysher. The machine. Welcome to town. I grew up in Florida.

That is Dumb People Town. We're going to go there today. We're going to go there today, baby. Dumb people, before we even get into the dumb, you sat down and said I had an epiphany today. I hope it's. So, okay. This is interesting as men of age, right? We'll be the judge of that.

I have had issues with what I wear and what my hobby. are because when I started to get money I just didn't want I didn't want to change sure and everyone we know that gets money yeah like they learn how to fly planes they get uh expensive cars they get they start dressing different yeah and they've got like bespoke shoes and then they can't wait to tell you about their belt oh you've got bespoke flip flops is that true bro I am can I tell you and so I have a bunch of rich friends I have a ton of rich friends who's the richest friend you have. Joe is Joe. It's the rich as Joe. But even Joe.

How much money do you think he has? On him? Not on him. I can guess. A hundred million dollars? Oh no, no, oh no, no. We're talking about a B. We're talking about a B? Are we talking about a B? Yeah, there's a B in there. I'd say three quarters of. No, I don't think you. I'll tell you what. $750 million. So Joe, and I'll tell you, this is also built into me. You can afford those kettle of us. When I met with, when I first started meeting Joe, Joe invested in

companies. He invested in a brilliant company called On It. They sold On It, I think, for $700 million. And we'll be right back with Tech Talk. And, and, but, and then Tommy just started a croissant shop in Austin. Really? Thank you. That's my reaction. I go, what do you know about croissants? Tommy Johnigan? Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Sicura. Wait, wait. The guy who hasn't had a carve in buddy, three and a half years. You can tell, this is what my, my, my, my identity crisis turned into. It's like, I go, I'm not starting Grat Chops. The guy who people at airport are like, are you poor Tom Segorah? And I go, yes.

Hopefully. I wish. I wish I was the poor version of. If you started a Creschant's shop, I wouldn't doubt it. He's in the, he's in the, I'd be like, that's what it should be. He's in the carbiest of carb. I mean, breads. Buttery and flaky.

What do you know what's happening? Buttery and flaky? Buttery and flaky? When he started his croissant shop, he did a video with his shirt tucked in. So now I'm going like, who are my friends? What has happened to my friends? they say don't trust a skinny chef if someone's selling you croissants and they can tuck their shirt in they're not eating enough also go to tom's croissant shop i'm sure it's like amazing it's actually

i'm sure it's the i'm going there at moon tower how about that i'm only saying i'm surprised i'm not anti why are you so anti sagura's businesses he took the best pastry chef in la and moved him to austin texas god damn and then had him killed why did he do that i hear these croissants and all the pastries are fucking I'm ready I'm ready I love you being like what exactly I'm like how come and then I started getting looped in that you need

to start your own store or that you're happy that you just stay with who you are okay I wasn't happy I got a stylist I wanted to wear bespoke shoes I wanted like I put on skinny jeans and then someone goes no one wears skinny jeans anymore I'm like you're eight years behind

the trend I got like a like a leather jacket no I did and I was Who you, then I, then I, then you ready for the moment? Chunky Fons? I go, I'm getting hair transplants. No. Oh, no. Why?

Do it. Dude it, dude. Or do it. And then, and then this morning, I'm journaling. And I'm journaling and I'm going to. And bubble bathing. And bubble bathing. You got to do both.

Organizing my medication seriously is what I was doing. Okay. And I realized, I never wanted to change me. No. I always liked me. Yeah. Like, and I always liked the things I did. It's everybody else that hated you.

Yeah. So I was like I was like I felt good with myself I was like you know I like I like I like it's you dude it's you bro and then I was like I never wanted like five houses I just wanted one forever house that I could live in forever yeah and I was like I don't want to fly fucking airplanes and helicopters and wide horses and buy time I don't need a ton of cars I don't understand cars either I don't I don't get it I mean I like them let me get this straight I like my son is into cars and I'm like I love that you're into this but I I can't share it with you.

I'm like, you better get Burke Chrysher money. Get, you need to... I have an old car and I absolutely love it. His son opened up a croissant shop in San Antonio, which is weird. He flew a chef out. No, it's kidding. All right, let's get into the dumb stories. I love it.

You're you, you're you, and I love that you're you're fine. And you're perfectly engineered for this podcast. All right, go. And I am dumb. And you are dumb. We're dumb. Let's talk about dumb behavior. Go, Dan.

Here we go. Sometimes we get a story sent in by our fans. They send it in via Twix. Uh, at Dump PeopleTown, Asklar Brothers, at Daniel. hashtag dump people talk and i'm like oh this is a movie this guy's a character in a movie here's the headline sent it by adam polton at poltsky 75 thanks buddy florida man there we go poses as cast member steals r2 d2 droid no in an attempt to earn a Disney park job what that's how he thought he was going to get a job that he's going to steal it and be like

i found it or here's where your weaknesses are hire me that might be it i'm stress testing your R2D2 security. I have a friend who him and his buddies in high school turned into ninjas should break into office buildings and then leave their note and saying, we will expose your weaknesses. Okay. This is it. This is like the hacker who gets the government job. Catch me if you can.

Hey, listen, have you ever thought about the people, the trolls online that hate you? Have you ever thought about hiring them and start liking you? That's right. Because you're already listening to all your content. They listen to everything you have. And all I'm saying is, yo, here's $100,000 to just spend it in a good way. Because all they really want is to be heard. Yes.

This guy has a fucking thought. This is, I like his thought process. At least you, you're like, we are going to hire them. But I do like what you're doing. And give back the droid, you son of a bit. At least she's got a plan. I just keep thinking it. The best part of this story is to get the droid back, they had to bait him in to go,

and you know what? Can you come in for a job? Let's have a talk. Send us your resume. Send us your resume and bring the droid. You're good. You're good. Bring in the droid.

I want to talk to you. How do you sneak a droid out of... Wait till you hear how dumb this guy is. I cannot. Because all I've given you is rationale. Right. And we applied our intelligence to that rationale. Now let's talk about the execution here.

Here's his intelligence. A man was caught and arrested for impersonating a hotel guest and a cast member as he took a gold necklace and an R2D2 droid. Jesus Christ. You know that he just saw the necklace on the way. He's like, I'll just get, this was even about, he had the droid under one arm, he goes, that's an impulse snatch. In for a penny, in for a pound. No, it's by the register, and you're at the register, bird. How many impulse snatches they?

It's funny or if it's the opposite way around. And he wanted the gold necklace. Fuck, here's a droid. And he had to do all this one. Hold on. If I take the droid, they're going to have to hire me. God damn it. Put the necklace in the pocket.

I'll take the droid, though, forget about the necklace. He sees the scene from the jerk. He's like, all I'm doing is taking this gold necklace. This is a and this is a joy. And this lamp. And this lamp. Okay. Leave the droid.

Take the golden necklace and an R2D2 droid according to sheriff's post detailing the man's scheme that unfolded across Disney property this year. It's not a scheme. No, it is a scheme. Let's hear it. David Proudfoot. No. No. That's the name.

Seminole. Seminole. Of kissing me. By the way, let's just, I want to put somewhere in the wall for it because I'm from Florida. I know. This is a man that gets $250,000 a year for life. Really? Yep.

Oh, you can be disenfranchised, though. I'm not shocked if David Proudfoot was disenfranchised. There were some casinos that didn't let him in. All right, fine. David Proudfoot. Wait, but wasn't he a character in Fargo? David Proudfoot, it's going to be. I don't know.

I'm in it. It does sound from there. David Proudfoot of Kissimmee. What do we know about Kissimmee people? It's around Orlando. Thank you. But it's outside Orlando. I love how much Florida knowledge you have.

This is a crime of proximity. It's on the opposite side of Leesburg. Leesburg is more east. I love Leesburg this time of year. David Proffitt of Kiss me. Leesburg in the winter? That's a great... Very methie.

That's a great album by dog. That's my favorite con-twitty song. Leesburg in the winter. I love when the mess starts changing colors. David Proffit of Kiss Me is facing several criminal charges, including grand theft. Proudfoot caught security's attention, which is what he was trying to do the whole time. That's all he wanted. It was a job.

Just look at me. Last month, as he pushed a cart on Epcot Resorts Boulevard to Disney World, to Disney World Swan Reserve. He wore a Disney World name tag that said David and a bright orange safety vests. If you are going to pretend to be a employee. You got to drive all the way up to the facility. Also, don't use your own name. No.

It's like, he screwed it up. That was the thing. No, the flight in the ointment. Yeah, I mean, he would have gotten away with it. It's all flies. Jeffrey, I'm David Proud ankle. That's so close to Proudman. Well, when you have a name like David Proud?

I bet it's fun to say. So his whole life, he's like, David Proudfoot. Because that's the only thing he has. Tell him David Proudfoot's coming. You are David Proudfoot. But, Bert, you said it's the fly in the out ointment. Just so you know, this is all flies. It's all flies.

It's all right. It's just a whole barrel full of fire. You're being very nice. So he wore a Disney World name tag that said David and a bright orange safety vest. You know, he's proud of the vest. You ordered that on Amazon. Yeah, yeah, of course. The security officer, who's noticed him, noticed the behavior as suspicious.

Dan, you're the security officer, and Dan has been a bouncer at a bar. He's like... I was an undercover shopper at Marshall Fields Department store. He would do that. So, Dan, this guy starts pushing the card up. Your first response is... Where we going, buddy? How we doing? Well, first is one...

The innocuous question that, like, engages. Like your friends. Where we going, buddy? I'm over here for a second. Before you do that, before you do that, just a couple... Before you do what you came to do, just a couple... It's like when I was a federal agent and had that standoff with the U.S. Marshall

and because there was a secret panel to get into the parking garage so you had to hold your fob up to and it was nondescript because in Chicago that parking garage is also connected to the local jail prison or whatever. Yeah. And I walk up and

he goes, where are you going? And I didn't know it was. And I go, and I'm a federal agent but I'm like nothing. And I go, I don't know, where are you going? And he goes, he goes, go ahead, open the door. I go gladly.

right after you because we both don't know to show each other you think the other one's kind of I don't know who he is he doesn't know who I am so I go this is like a New York City apartment so I go I go I go I go well I got a badge that could tell you I'm supposed to be here but my badge is like the flip up long way federal badge one right I go I got a badge to say I'm supposed to be here's like show it to me in my pocket and then he goes so do I and it's a big silver silver circle says you U.S. Marshall next to his Glock and I go, let me get that door for you. Let me fob that.

I'm like, you are way cooler than I am. Dude, how do we get badges? I know, I want badges. When I had to give my... You have to give it back? You have to give it back? I literally thought, if I lose it, how would they ever know? Like, I'm like, oh, I lost my bag.

Because you then use it another time. Oh, my God, why didn't I do that with my passport? But then that's probably a federal offense. Yeah. Because then they'll be like, you lost your... You're standing a federal agent? Yes. Yeah.

Well, and it had all my, you know, it's my FBI ID number. What's more fun? Having lights on the car, like a light to put up on the car or a badge? 100%. I think a light. Here's why. I was 20 years old when I became a federal agent in Chicago. Damn.

And so I said to my boss, his name was Jack Phillips. I go, I go. Are you out of his name to say? Yeah. Jack's dead, buddy. We were a CIA. We were a deep cover CIA. He said, it would be great because he has dementia.

Keep going. So I remember he goes, Daniel. teach you a couple things about having a badge because I just got in my clearance and everything. I just got my clearance and he's like Daniel here's the thing we're allowed to carry a gun don't ever take a gun with you

anywhere you go I go why is that he goes keep it in your trunk he goes you go into a bar bar gets robbed person says all right empty your clothes empty your stuff you got a gun you got a gun and your badge on you you're the first person getting shot that's right I go okay

I go so don't have my badge on he goes keep your badge on you at all things i go why's that he goes you'll get out of a lot of tickets but here's what you do when you get pulled over you walk into bar you're 20 years old you got to have fun in the city yeah when you walk up keep your ID next to your badge that's right so when they say can I see ID you go oh yeah for sure let me get that for you reach out you go ahead get in there 30 years old walking or Chicago every single place I went I'd be like oh yeah let me just get that like not going in and because it's

The Chicago way, I never would get charged for drinks. Oh, my God. I did a play in college, took my family to a place called Millish Pub on Wabash in the Loop in Chicago. I put the bat. He told me that, he goes, always put your badge on the table when you sit down. So I sit down and I put the badge. I put the badge. Editit is fucking badge.

I'm one year's old. I put the badge on the table. They took half the bill off. There was like nine of course. Thank you for your service. But I'm, you know, and I have no money in. Anyway, I need it to say anybody in my family. But yeah, it was, uh, I was like.

It's like, I asked Jack, I was like, Jack, on my last day, can you like, throw me up, call me a loose cannon, say, I got to, you got to have your badge. You're off the low, you're off the course. He's like, I'm not doing that, man, you'll just leave it right there. It's, ah, God, I love it, too. This is my impression of me getting a badge now, like a fake one. And I'm like, everywhere you want. Yeah, I go, like, Bert, when did you become a cop? And I'm like, never mind.

You're like, Shatt. You're like a cop, like Shack's a cop. You're like, Stephen's a guy. Okay, ready? Yeah. Security officer notices him. All right? noticed his specific behavior

offered to assist the mail with the cart that he was moving onto the property. Can I help you out with that? Let me help you. The mail appeared confused about the location of the loading docks. Scope out where you're running do.

You've not seen heat. You've got to do a reconnaissance mission first. There's got to be several missions. Can't you show up and be like, I'll figure it out? He was confused about loading dock location and the proper procedures of the Swan Reserve. Security then called deputies to respond. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Proudfoot claimed to be David Rogers. Not far enough away. David Rogers. And said he was a Walt Disney company employee stationed at Disney's Yacht Club Resorts Receiving Division. I'm David Rogers. He's Tom Wamsgantz.

He's like, I'm in resorts. I just role-played me getting asked for a fake name. And I just, I'm the name that came up with is Jason Jason. Jason Jason. And then so it's like, oh my God, that's Jason born. No, it's Jason. What is your name? Quick.

If he's asking your name, Stephen Williams. What is your name real quickly? Mike Hardcastle. Do me again. What's your? Martin Luther King, King. No, it's terrible. And you go, a senior, senior, senior, senior, senior, senior, senior, the third.

The third, the third. The fourth, the fourth, the fourth. I have multiple generational names. Mine is Michael Kite. I don't know why. That's good. I like that. Michael Kite.

Mine is Martin Luther Queen. Is that? My name is Magic, Magic Jefferson. Can I tell you about the dream I had left that? A wet dream Michael Kite does do magic Magic Jefferson is the best That's a great name

Wait, hold on Okay, hold on I'm going to ask your name But stall Stoll me You can think about it Okay What's your name?

Magic Jefferson Ask me, I'll show you what I mean What's your name? My birth name or stage's name? What is your birth? My government, my birthday. My word people call me. Follow your ID.

What does it say? It says it's Swan Davis. No. No. That's Swan Davis. You're Swan Davis. You're Swan Davis. You're Swan Davis.

I've seen all your. I use your cocoa butter. So he goes, oh, I don't work here. I'm stationed over at Disney's Yacht Club Resorts receiving division. Sure. Yeah. But there were plenty of red flags that Proudfoot was lying. Of course.

Disney security said there was no record of anybody with that name working at the company. Nope. The man who Proudfoot claimed was his. boss works in Burbank, California. So he did the research and then fucked it up. And when Proudfoot was accompanied by the sheriff's office and they went to the yacht club where he supposedly worked, he got lost. David, where is you need to scope all, somebody's going to ask.

Can I tell you when I was, when I was working at the gas station in high school, full service gas station and like someone was like, can you do this thing under the hood? And I did not know what it was. So I just walked to the front of the car. They're sitting in the car. I opened up the hood. I put it up and I literally just was This is what I did

I was like Your hands are altered I'm just touching things I'm like you're good And that was it But like that's what I assume this guy was doing He was just like walking around He just been like okay

You're perfectly in line Someone's following him Yeah what could be one of my favorite parts If not my favorite part of this story So they The Sheriff's Yacht people go with him To the Yacht Club Where we're supposedly worked

That's where he got lost He clearly didn't know proper procedures And I love this because Imagine them standing there while he does it. He couldn't open an employee locker where he claimed to have left his belongings. That's it. So he got them all the way to a locker and he's like, this is my locker.

And they go open it. Open it up. And then he had to like. Pretend it. Turned. Did I go past 16 yet? And he's going back. He couldn't get it. Crazy weather we're having. Has that ever happened to you in real life? Were you? Fourth grade. Fourth grade, Mrs. Fessenden came up to me. So I need to talk to you. All right. It's great. Because you haven't been turning in your

homework lately. I saw I was turning my homework. She goes, did you turn in your homework today? And I said, yeah. She goes, go get it from the stack of papers. She called your very easy bluff. She literally called your bluff. I went in fourth grade. I'll never forget how humiliated it was.

Oh, my God. It's this a core memory. I go through it. I'm like, huh, interesting. And then I go through it again. And I was like, I'm going to start looking around. I swear I. Did it get flowing into the trash?

And then I'm like, I go, this is so crazy. And she's sitting there. And she goes, how long are you going to do this for? Dude, she's a baller Until we find out Who sold this homework Until we solve this crazy Mick is Fessenden

Until we find out what you do With my homework Fessenden Fess up Fessenden Proud admitted his real name And showed deputies his driver's license Don't even have that on you I know Authorities believe he was trying

Of authorities believe he was trying To distract them from the thefts So he led them around the yacht club No shit cops Prodfoot concealed his identity For how long How long do you think he was able to keep it up before he finally broke? 40 minutes.

40 minutes? One hour. One hour, Bert. Put your money on a prod foot. I'm going to say, I'm going to say 35 minutes. Okay. He was able to conceal his identity for three and a half hours. Oh, my God.

That's a lot of awkward talking. A long improv. I give him credit. It's a long inform. That's long form. That's a herald. Oh my God. This is a TV show.

I know. 100%. Proud admitted that he moved an R2D2 droid from the Swan's Hotel. third floor to an unknown location at the Swan Reserve. The R2D2 droid is worth how much money? How much money do you think this R2D2

droid that he was trying to steal is worth? It's got to be a felony. So it's got to be over $50,000. Yeah. I'm going to say $85,000. Okay. This is not the droid you're looking for. I'm going to say like $100,000. I'm going to say...

Why didn't he say that way? He should have said it. And wiped his hands across their face. I'm going to say... What'd you say 80, 80? 85. I'm going to say 60,000. $10,000. That's it. That's all. That's cheap. The report said that Proudfoot was temporarily depriving the Swan Hotel of full use of that product. Oh, come on. Details about the R2 were not given, but it's likely one of the stationary models used as photo ops at the resort. That's right. Proudfoot also said that he took a game machine called Duck Catcher from the game center on the first floor of the Dolphin Hotel. No one asked him. Right. This is, I found it.

This is what the duck catcher, he had already stolen a claw machine where you get little ducks. Oh my God. He stole the whole thing. Does look kind of fun to play. Which leads me to the question of, I got some money. Why don't I have a fucking claw machine in my house? You need one.

I'm getting a claw machine and I'm putting wild shit inside it. And every time you come to the house, you try to get one shot. You know what, Bert? Oh, that's a great fucking idea. You know what, Bert? Since you got money, you have changed. You get it. You got it.

You're on your five. We're out here buying claw machine, a claw machine guy now? For the guests on your show, for something's burning, they should go to the claw and try to pull something out or something else. You go to the claw machine. I'm in. And there's wild prizes. There's $10,000 in cash.

Oh, my God. There's a Rolex. There's a new cell phone. There's, and all these. How much fun. There's like a deed to an abandoned amusement park. Bert. You can cut this out if you want to because I have a prank idea for you.

But nobody who's listening to tell Tom because Tom's not going to listen to us. Yeah. Get a claw machine. Put it in the croissant shop where people can try to win a croissant. And when Tom shows up, he's like, the fuck is this? They're like, oh, you said you wanted us to get a croissant claw machine and people could win a croissant. How old are these croissons? They'll be like, what the fuck?

Oh, my God. You should do that. It's set up like a couple of cameras to see him being like, we're not having a. Yeah, who put this in here? If I know the price point on a claw machine and I get a big call machine. And I just go, hey, Tommy, Tommy, I got a big present too. your new croissant shop i hope you enjoy it and it's a claw machine for it's just a croissant with chrisons in it cross slah machine he's like they can stay in there for like a cross slant i can't wait to try

one of his fucking croissant i know i want one right now i'm out there's water can you do can you face time me when you go yes and give me a real review absolutely yeah i will face time when i'll give you the full on thing absolutely this is going to take a turn really quick all right got it's another one i was going to have a yes but we've been having a lot of fun That claw machine, that one away, duck one, $3,500, it's worth. It's not much. It's like a pinball. It's like a pinball machine.

How funny would it be of your agent? You get a claw machine? No, no. Their gift is in the claw machine. Let me know when you win your gift. Let me know when you get it out. Let me pick your gift out of your claw machine. And then return it to me.

Proudfoot told the sheriff's agent he had an application for Walt Disney World Security pending and was moving the items to show weaknesses in the security of the resorts. In the hopes of securing a better paying job. I love it at Walt Disney Run. I'm helping you. Let me show you the chinks in the armor. Proudfoot is represented by the public defender's office. I think it's called Samarise.

Thank you. It wasn't the first time Proudfoot, a disgraced educator, you knew those words were coming, has been accused of stealing or lying about his identity. On Valentine's Day, Proudfoot paid for a $703 gold necklace by charging it to someone else's room at the Four Seasons Resort Orlando on Walt Disney World Resort. Wow. Oh, put on the underhills tab. The Baltimore Sun newspaper previously reported that Proudfoot had been accused of stealing

about how much money from the school system in Baltimore County where he once worked as an elementary school principal. This is an episode of the wire now. Yeah. I bet he's sold right. We're going to get $30,000. $30,000. $50,000. 15,000. Wow.

That's like five claw machines. On social media, Proudfoot says he works as an educational leader and executive director for foot forward. That helps students foot forward's website. Proud Foot Forward. No longer active. Of course. All right, we'll get out of here on this. How old is?

Wait, he worked for foot forward? Yeah. Are you being serious? Yeah. Joe invested in them early on. Proudfoot. Proudfoot. Proudfoot.

Yeah. He created it. Oh, he created it. Okay. Oh, I was like, what a coincidence. And I know you missed this, but Joe Rogan invested in it early on. Yeah, exactly. He's an angel.

How old is David Proudfoot? How old is David Proudfoot? Bert, you are a guest. You can go first if you want. You can make them go first. What do you want? he is 37 years old 37 proud foot's 48 okay 59 59 we'll close out story one here randy we'll take the story too after i'm back from the break david proudfoot is 44 years old

wow there you go it's all right guys we're gonna take a break burr crisis with us got a new show on netflix with our friend uh arden marine who i love so much we'll talk about all that we take come back from the break it is done people town with the great or crash we'll be right back Stick around Make us down bunker down It's dumb people town

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Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA. does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required see website for details restrictions and important safety information stick around make a sound hunger down is dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show before we jump into bert's new show which i'm very excited about daniel let people know what we have going on our we should probably release this like this next week coming up so we should talk about our thing yeah for sure uh i am writing and doing some bits on the Sclar's upcoming show pilot, alt-cast. It's the alt-cast, like a manning

cast, but for the NHL on Turner Sports. It's going to be on True TV. We get to do... Did you love cheap seats of people doing stuff you would have never watched? This is professional level, big sports game. During a Blackhawks Flyers game on December 23rd, we're doing our first one. True TV and HBO Max, we're doing three hours of comedy and bits, and we do the game, and it's just going to be a blast. It's going to be us in a garage, watching games with the boys. I love this. I love this. I love that. We'll have you. We'll have

zoom into one. Oh, I love this. We'll have you zoom into one for something. Yeah, because the hope is they've got NCAA basketball tournament. Obviously, that's on Turner. They got baseball on TBS over the summertime. They have Big 12 and Big East football. So, and hockey and everything. If we ever do a Florida Panthers game, for Christ's sake, you're coming. For Christ's your sake, you're coming. For Christ your sake, you're coming. That'd be a name of a special? For Christ your sake? Come on. That's your next name. All right. What did you name my last one? What do we name it? We did it on something's burning shoot what do we call it it was so good all right uh other than that go to daniel van kirk

dot com to check out all of my dates uh february 28th i'm going to be doing a show for the city of portage wisconsin oh my god yeah they hit me up they want me to come out there and do like a city show for them so fun so i can't wait you do that all the other dates and all the other places i'm going Vegas uh san diego salt lake city everything's at daniel van kirk go see him he's amazing and uh in the meantime go check out bert's new uh netflix show again we kind of we knew it was happening we're friends with arden and she was like up for the job initially and we're like oh my god i hope you get this and then she did the show and was like i hope this gets picked up and it's going it is happening it is on yeah people can watch it right

now just give it congrats dude first of all it comes out in january it comes out in january okay so yeah it'll be on in january but like give us give us the uh what we're looking at and what it's going to be and what we can expect in this identity crisis it's what i was going It's what I'm going through in real life that we were talking about earlier. It's, I never feel like I ever fit in, and I am this weird person that takes his shirt off and drinks a lot and I'm loud,

and I say inappropriate things. And that is, with girls in the school go to a fancy Beverly Hill school, I ostracize our family day one, and I have to fight our way back in, lose myself, find myself. It's a great story. And it's done by Jared Paul and Andy Mogul,

who are really talented writers and directors. My buddy Tony Hernandez produced it. My wife produced it. Lily, Lily Burns produced it. Great. And Arden's in it. The little girls in it steal the show. Without a doubt, they are modeled after my two daughters who are fucking lunatics.

I love your relationship with your daughters just in life. It's so funny. And I love that we both have daughters named Georgia. Your oldest is Georgia and my youngest is Georgia. But I love that we share that. I love, you know, I got to be honest with you. Especially when you talk about this stuff, like, we had kids when we were young. Yeah.

And everyone started having kids when they're old. And then all of a sudden, we're all going through the same thing of, like, being empty nesters. When we have, like, Tom's kids are like seven and nine. Yeah, I know. And I'm like, Jesus, you're going to be like 80 when they're in fucking high school. That's right. That's right, dude.

We're empty nesters now. It's kind of cool. And I don't think I appreciated much when we were going through it with kids, but it's cool to know that we're all in the same place in life right now. I love it. I love it because I can look at you and, like, again, when we went and did your, something's burning. I loved it so much. is we talked about that.

And like we are in such similar place with our parents, with our kids, all that stuff. What age are the girls in the show? It's kind of, I think high school age? No, no, grade school. Great school. Yeah, great school. Awesome.

Didn't we on Something's Burning also call your dad and tell him to stop gaslighting you about the van? We told him as you guys did have a van. He's like, we didn't have a van. I'm like, you had a van at least even for a couple weeks. And by the way, and he said we did. And then he said we did. We got him to admit it.

And we're like, we're very proud of your son. We're like, I want to hear you tell us that you're proud of your son. He's like, I didn't have a van. We're like, maybe you didn't own the van. Tell us you're proud of your. And he's like, he does what he does. We're like, that's not enough. That's not enough. That's not saying you're proud of him. It was, uh, so the name of the show one last time. It's called Freebert. Freebert. I love it, dude. I'm so proud of you. It's really hard to find, uh, you know, the key art is the thing that you'll show up on Netflix thing. We'll get you to watch it. Sure. And it's really difficult to find good key art for a show this bizarre. And I can't say, I can't

tell you, I, I, I, I, I, we did a trailer and the trailer was absolutely hysterical, but it, it blew a lot of the jokes. And so I, and I, and it was a weird place because I said, so, I need you to take the jokes out. So I want them. And they're like, yeah, but we got to get them to watch the show. That's right. You got to lure them in. I was like, yeah, but these are my favorite moments. Right. And you're giving away deep plot lines. Don't give away the store. Are so, but, like, bizarre. Great. Great. Great. I love that. A little absurd, a little, you know, it's like when we talk about this comedy is just supposed to be silly fun and like and you're supposed to go like what the fuck you know that's how you and so this show definitely has that i love it and arden's such a great actress

too i'm sure she like elevated your game all the way incredible and the best energy of any person i know like she is a walking party she comes in and joy she's i feel better i feel better about the world i'll give you one more compliment on arden and this is this is like more of a person compliment Both the youngest girl, Lilu, it was the first thing she had ever acted. Her first audition ever. Wow. She walked, you know what she did?

This little kid walked in the room and she goes, which one's Judd Apatow? And Judd was like, I am. And she goes, okay, my brother likes your stuff. That's amazing. And then she goes, who's Burt? And I went, I am. She goes, okay, how do we do this?

What do we do? And she just proceeded to murder. This little kid would improv scenes Amazing way. That where you would, where I would, there's one of the most pivotal scenes in the whole, in my opinion. Don't give it away, Bert. What are you, a trailer? I'm not acting.

I'm stunned that a child is behaving like that. That's incredible. And so, but what Arden did, which is like, speaks more about the person is, you know, you're in a production and you have directors and producers and everyone's giving notes and everyone's throwing things fast. Arden took care of these kids and she would say to Lelu like, hey, no, no, they're, you did it great last time. what they want to do is they want to get a different take. That's right. So she would mentor these children acting. Help them through it and then they're not feeling bad about it.

It's just like they don't lose their confidence, which is what you want. You want her to feel like she can improv. She like mothered these two children and it was phenomenal. She's, I love, I have a special place. I love it. All right, I'm going to jump into the story. Shall we do this? Okay.

All right. US judge, this is sent in by Ryan at R.V. McHU. M. C. Huchuch. U.S. judge resigns after being.

discipline for wearing Elvis wig in court. Keeping it light. I mean, there are some, they're like moments like when Don Lemon was drunk on like the CNN, like New Year's thing. I'm like, you can't then go do serious news after this. You can't do that. Like I get why Andy Cohn is getting taken shots,

but Anderson Cooper, like you can't then do a serious piece about Afghanistan after this. You've got to, you got to be a separation of church and state. The judge I don't think can wear an Elvis wig. Am I right or am I wrong? Is he a traffic judge? Well, we're going to get to it.

If you're going to send someone to the chair, you can't be like, you're going to die tonight. All right. We can't go on in this core room. All right, George Thornhill, and we'll guess which state because we're going to play which state did this happen in? Did it happen in Illinois?

Did it happen in Florida? Did it happen in Missouri? I've got an early guess. Was discipline for referencing dressing Elvis Presley and dressing up as the singer in the court. So he was like working Elvis puns into his proceedings? The court is all shook up. Shut up right now.

Following the resignation. You ain't nothing about a hound dog. That's rape. All right. Following the resignation of a judge who was disciplined for wearing an Elvis Presley wig in court and occasionally playing the singer's songs during proceedings. You can't play songs in a court. I'm sorry.

Now I... Matthew... No, that's not. That's the... All right. The righteous brothers. In the ghetto. Matthew E. P. Thornhill.

The longest serving circuit judge in a certain county is a self-described Elvis lover. Really? Longest serving is... I'm an Elvis. Anytime someone says, I'm an Elvis lover. Get ready to hear a ton about Elvis that you didn't give a shit about. But his love for the king's rock and roll contributed to disciplinary commission demanding his...

suspension, citing is frequent, irrelevant Elvis representative. Now, I'm like, if you can make it relevant, go ahead and use it. As the person who's sitting over watching court, I'm like, I'll allow it. Motion to strike that way. Imagine these lawyers, because you find out what judge you have, you know? And they're like, we've got the Elvis judge. Oh, God, are you serious? Now, I recognize that this could affect the integrity and solemnity of the proceedings,

Judge Thornhill wrote in a letter dated November 12th to the Supreme Court of the state. the judge would routinely wear an Elvis Presley wig on or about October 31st in court. So are you cool with judges dressing up on Halloween? Are you cool with like costume? When you walk in for a DUI. I'm not cool with flight attendants dressing up on Halloween. Okay, there you go. No.

Conducting court is according to a report by the commission for retirement. Actually, I'm not cool with grownups dressing up on Halloween. Like when people put on costumes, I get a little uncomfortable. I'm not a costume guy. Right. All right. So the report shows images of Judge Thornhole sitting on the bench while donning in Elvis wig with his signature black pompadour and sunglasses. You can't wear sunglasses in court if you're the judge. I don't want any judge to care about how they look. Hey a little baby. Hey, a little baby. It's what we're here for. No. He would also refer to the singer occasionally during court proceedings, including mentioning his date of birth or death and lyrics from his music. How are you going to weave that into a court? He's doing it. It was a grisly murder in the best. after him. You know who else died on the toilet in 19707?

In an interview with the local media outlet last year, he said he had visited Graceland where the singer lived and is buried how many times? How many times says this judge visited Graceland? And he said it in an interview. Oh, and we don't know what state it is. Okay, register this on what's a place you've been a lot that you love. Okay. Okay.

So mine's Hawaii. Right. And you've been there probably 20 times. I've been there probably 25 times. What island? All of them. Kauai is my gym. Okay.

I'm going to guess. What's your place, Dan, for yourself? Oh, my place for myself? If you say Disney, I'm going to lose me. Wisconsin. Yeah, I mean, oh, that I'm, yeah, it'd be Kauai. We're talking like a trip. Yeah.

I mean, for us, I'd probably say it's Ann Arbor, Michigan to go back to. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. I've been there like 20 times. Yeah. Okay. how many times you need this guy visit Graceland? 40. What do you

think? Eleven. I'm going to say 111. I love it. Get your answers in town is because he visited Graceland 13 times. He added that Elvis was always on his mind. You were always on my mind since he was a child.

Displayed report also cites unrelated conduct like sharing his political affiliation or preferred candidates and elections from the bad as well as promoting his own election campaigns by asking witnesses, lawyers, and litigants if they've seen his Thornhill for judge signs around town. Who is this guy? The commission found the judge Thorneill failed to maintain an order and decorum in the courtroom.

Save it for a tweet. One of those times you can hate the player and the game. And the game. And recommended he be suspended for pay for how long? This is just the recommendation? Yeah. What do they say he should be suspended for how long? It's the longest serving one.

I'm going to go six months. Six months, what do you think? No, no, no. One week. A month. One of you is exactly right. It's me. It's me.

It's me. Okay. It's one month. Get your answer. And I'm going to tell you right now. Get your answers in townies. They recommended he be suspended without pay for six months. Oh, wow.

Wow. Oh, that's serious. That's aggressive. It's aggressive. Let's go play some blackjack, baby. And then serve another for another 18 months before retiring in, November 12th letter, Judge Thornhill did not dispute any of the allegations saying they were substantially accurate. He acknowledged he had made a mistake and agreed to the terms set out by

the commission, which allowed him to conclude his services on the bench and retire after 20 years. I ask you, he's done. We're going to end on this. What state is Judge Thornhill a judge who's home state? Is it in Missouri, our home state? Is it in Illinois or is it in Florida? I'm going to do this. And I'm going to step this game up a little bit. That's here. I want to hear it. You're going to give a town. You got to pick if it's your state, and you've got to pick what county.

Oh, Jesus. Okay. Here we go. I think I got my guess. State and county. Okay. What do you think? I'm going to Florida, Pinellas County.

Wow. Okay. I'm going to go Missouri. I think it's a Missouri. And I'm going to go Washington County. Okay. Go ahead. Okay.

I'm going to go Missouri as well. So I don't know a county. But if it is Illinois. I'm going to go Winnebago. Okay. Get your answers in townies. We have one more story. Jay will take us there.

But Judge Thornhill was a judge in Missouri. St. Charles County. That's like close to us in St. Louis. That's where we grew up. St. Charles is like, I don't know, 10 miles away from where we are. It's also you wouldn't expect this guy. I'm like, the ball.

But also the balls on this guy, do you not know that like there's social media and like people take these pictures and like people are waiting. Also, there's ramifications for what you do normally in your job. Right. What you're throwing in what you're throwing in lyrics and hey, have you seen my signs around town? This guy wants to get fired. Yeah, but if you had to pick a guy, Elvis is the guy.

I mean, sure. Or Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash would be a good one. That's right. Yeah, Elvis is the most universally known guy. It's almost like the most forgivable because you're like, you didn't pick Michael Jackson. You didn't pick Michael Jackson. Hey, R. Kelly up on the bench.

Oh, Jesus. Wow. All right, I got a story. I find you in contempt. Let's take a break. I'm just teasing a little bit. A tourist makes a horrible mistake. Okay, there we go. We can take one more.

It's Bert Kreischer's with us. He's got his new show, which is coming out. Free Bird in January on Netflix. You're going to love it. Watch it. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound.

Come here down. It's Dumb People Town. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show before we jump in again. We are going to mention that we are going to mention that we are. We're on this alt cast from the cheap seats on True TV and HBO Max. It's December 23rd, 9 p.m. Eastern time. 6 p.m. West Coast time time time. Seven Mountain.

Seven Mountain. China has one time zone. Does it really? Yep. How is that possible? That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. Well, we should have many, but we have four. But I will say that please come and see us and watch this and let people know. But Burt's going to let everybody know that they should watch it too. Again, it is the alt cast from the cheap seats on HBO Max, True TV on December 23rd, 9 p.m. East Coast time. It's going to be so much. Blackhawks, Philadelphia Flyers. We get to break out our Philly accents.

Oh, we get to break out. Go down into Wawa on 15 woken and go grab a water ice. Get a grab a tail. Get a towel. Get our Chicago accent. We're do it all. I'm still stuck on the, there's four times. There's six.

Hold on. Start with the four. What did you think four was? I thought four. So East, East Coast, Central, Mountain, Pacific. And then there's only three hours. No, there's, no, there's four. What time is it right here?

Denver's in a mountain. So right now it's almost 2 o'clock. It's five in New York. It's three hours. No, no, no. It's two. Three is mountain. Four is central.

Five is. Hold on. Wait. Do we just blow your mind? I know it's three hours. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Alaska's in a different time zone. And so is. Fuck Alaska. Let's talk about us. Okay. Continental U.S. West Coast Times.

It's 2 p.m. It's 2 p.m. right now. So in Denver right now, it is 3 p.m. Okay. In St. Louis, where we're from, it is 4 p.m. In New York, it's five. That's four hours. That's three.

No. That's four. Two minus time. Burt. You have derailed yourself. Hold on. Am I fucking losing my mom? Yeah.

It's just the most dumb people town thing I've ever seen. You're like the scene in scanners. No, come on. Let's explain this. do it again i might not even do a story this i'm just literally we're just going to explain we're just going to explain the time i'm going to say a city and what and you hold up a finger okay new york right now it's 2 p.m. in l.a what time is in new york? okay in st louis which is one hour back from that what time is it it is four p. yeah right in denver what time is it's one hour back from that is

what time is it what time is it what time is it for her. That's right. In L.A. what time are we in? In L.A. what time is it? Bring home. But wait, how is that happening? I felt like we were like mentally waving him into home. Wait, how is this happening? Can I just tell you? I'm sweating.

Can I tell you? He's in fliplop and he's sweating. He's now making me not believe. Wait, hold on. I'm going to call a friend. No. Hold on. No, no, no, no, no. I'm calling my fucking wife. Call your wife. You have one phone call to a friend. I love that your wife is your friend. I love that your wife is your friend. your friend. Please talk about how beautiful that is. I love your wife. How many time zones are there? She's badass. She's amazing.

Time zones in the continental United States. Tell her you're with us. Hey, babe. Hey, baby. Okay. With the Sclar. With the Sclar. And Daniel. Daniel. Listen, how many timesones are there? In the United States. Continental United States. How many what? Time zones. How many time zones? Yeah. Four. Thank you.

Hold on. Hold on. He's really having a hard. What's the time? What's the time? What's the time difference between L.A. and New York. And you can go through all the time zones. If it's 2 o'clock here. Three hours ahead. Okay. It's three hours ahead because you're not counting the time you're in.

But we are sitting in the one of the time zones. So you count the one you're in and then it's three ahead of that. Correct. The one you're in counts as one. And then you move three. His brain is about to explode. In your family, are you understanding this? In your family, you're one person.

There's three more. in your family. How many is that? Come on, Dan, help him. You got two daughters and a wife. You have two daughters and a wife. You have three more. You have two daughters and a wife.

There's four of us. Right. When I go into a restaurant, I don't go. I need a table for these three. No. Well, actually, you would go. Me plus three. Like when you get your body leaves you,

will call tickets? He's figuring this out. When Tom Seguerra gives you tickets to his show, he gives Bert plus three, right? So L.A. plus three. This is unbelievable. Currently 5 o'clock. Yes.

You travel one hour, then it is 4 o'clock. That's central time. And then you go another hour. That's Denver. That's 3 o'clock. And then another, just let him breathe. Let him breathe. Let him.

Thank you. Let him get oxygen to you. You're just not counting yourself. There's four hours difference. Yes. It's four hours. Three hour difference. How the fuck is it three hours difference if there's four times zones?

Oh, my God. How is it? You're sitting in the Pacific time zone. That's one. Thank you. That's one. So now you add mountain. That's two.

And then you add central. That's three. And then you add Eastern. Where is the fucking fourth hour coming up? It's not a fourth hour. You're sitting in it. You're sitting in the Pacific Times. I am sweating so bad right now, yeah.

You should be because this is a bad. I love you. I love you, Leanne. I'm going to ask you a question in all sincerity. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Do you believe that there are only three people doing this show right now? Well. No, but.

No, no. but you understand yourself you understand you understand the confusion i understand the time difference i agree it's a three hour time difference how can there be four time zones i get it but there's a three hour time difference i know where's the fourth hour that did this is this is the great daylight savings it's daylight savings can this be a daylight savings took the fourth one away god i love this so much all right there you go that's it we don't need thursday that's the show it's the show is called freebert from it from the time zone of it all definitely tag my show this will go viral oh what a fucking idiot i am we're gonna you're gonna collab with us on this one

I love it so much. Thank you guys for watching. I'm sweating so bad. I'm sweating so bad. We got to get back to work. We'll see you. There you go.