Dumb People Town - Beth Stelling - These Kids Are Coping

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Comedian and writer Beth Stelling (The Landlord Special) stops by as Jason describes how a Chuck E. Cheese employee got arrested in costume for credit card fraud, Daniel explains why a secret message on a dead father's gravestone angers town folk, and Randy wants a woman to break into his home, pet his dogs, and to wash his dishes, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: BetterHelp and ASPCA Pet Insurance! Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/DPT. To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT.

Dan and Rand and Jay will share Tales of folk so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic bail in Florida There's half-rice bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Arm and Dan

Fenders don't be a jerk Dumbus wet the music Gets We are gonna take you down Stick around Make a sound Bunker Down is Dumb People Town Hey Tadys

Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population Population Stelling That's Stelling I'm so happy you're here with us Thank you so much for having What a treat just to hang with you

It's like we did a whole episode Before we even got on It's true I thought we were already starting Well it could have already started We'll throw that in there Who cares? The great news is that you have a new special out through one of our favorite places. We've all done specials with them is Blonde Medicine.

It's on YouTube. We'll talk about it. Top of the second. And the other great thing is like I think we were there at the inception of a lot of this. Certainly the big story you did on tag it. Yeah. I'm so excited. Anyway, we'll talk about it later.

Yep, yep, yep. We got dumb stuff to get into right now. The world is still dumb. Stupid. And just in case we don't use that beginning part. I love that this just happened. you because this is like a dumb people-town story happening on your plane.

Drunk woman. Dumb drunk woman saying inappropriate shit to the kid. To a child. A young man behind me. I'm terrible at guessing age. Right. 12.

13. Certainly shouldn't have been talked to by a woman who was like, I had two shots of suburban. She starts showing photos of her kids. Nope. And then she's also describing their cultural backgrounds. Oh, God.

I better not. Nope. But she was. Her kids' cultural background? Yes. Oh, so they're not like me. No, she's very much like, Like, and this one's better not again, say it.

No, you can't. You're just relaying a story. It was several different. In fact, there was like three. I did have some, but, and I put them on eventually because I was like, shut. Yeah, I know. By the way, that's not the only canceling that's going on in our own. All right.

Let's go to the first story. This was sent in by Robert Goulet Burner account. This, I like this account. I love it. I'm in. Here is the gulet. Here is the story of the headline. Chuck E. Cheese employee in mouse costume

arrested by TPD for credit card fraud. So we were sent this story about a million times. In the outfit. Or in the outfit? In the outfit from a Chuckie cheese. Like, how do you get the cups around that thing? I mean, I'm assuming the head was off.

No, the head was on. The head was on. I'm going to try and get to the... Aaron, we shared the story with you, right? you might be able to get to some of the images from the story it's in there but i would i would say this like there are videos of like a chucky cheese uh the mouse crippling and it is just just i don't know keeping gangster you all keep a gangster and in front of a bunch of kids i'm like this is the greatest thing ever uh all right social you guys have never been a mascot no yeah have you

were you not i was my wife was she was a high school mascot Roy Wood Jr. was the Shoney Bear. I know that. What? My dad was Blackbeard at Pirates Cove, Many Popup Golf Course. Oh, hell, I know. So I've five snooking more of those heads. Steps stepped around with the head, blue.

Your dad is a character. Yeah. That makes sense. That checks out. But I just like, I already got the costume. You never worked here before. You've got a full Pirates costume, Mr. Stelling. You know how the old trope of, like, arresting a mafia boss on his daughter's wedding day?

And then they make fun of it on, Reno 911 to go get free food. They always, they show up at Italian weddings and to arrest the dad. He's like, guys, you're going to do this here? What if I gave you some pasta? And that's how they get all their lunch. Such a funny bit in Reno 911.

But I just imagine like the, the Mickey, the Chuck E. Cheese is just like this face being like, not in front of the kids, guys, like talking to them. Yeah. As Chuck. Here we go.

Social media is a buzz. As local. Wait, is the mouse Chuck E. Cheese. He is. Yeah, yeah. Charles E. Charles E. Cheese. Charles Entertainment cheese.

Charles Entertainment. Charles in charge of our... Remember that show Charles in charge? Yes, I loved it. But in the theme song of the show, it said Charles in charge of our rights and our wrong. And our wrongs. Really? Of our rights?

This is why Scott Bayo moves so hard to the right. Of our days and our nights. Of our rights. I remember days and nights. He got a little too big thing. The freedom of speech. It was a great thing. Of our rights.

And our nights. And then with some of our nights. And with some of the Nicole Eggert stuff, you're like, all right. Well, she said he was an asshole. And then there was a buddy who went on to be Bible man. Oh. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

William. Yeah. May he rest in peace. He's not dead, but we just want him to get a good. My algorithm is feeding me some right-wing comedians, like on Facebook. Oh. Because I'm still on there and I attract a lot. Sure.

Yeah. So, yes, that's definitely coming up. Those stories. And then, forget his name. I think he was on 7th, 7th, but he was like, I've been run out of the industry. because I wouldn't kiss. Oh, yeah. He's in band of brothers, too,

and he's in Minority Report. Okay, okay. Get those, like, crystal blue eyes and, like, white, blonde hair. And that story won't stop popping up in my feet. What is it? Neil... But that story's been around for a long...

He's said that for years and years. He will not do kissing scenes. I need to know. Is it Neil degrass Tyson? No, he's actually... He said blue eyes? He's been to run out because he won't stop asking for kissing scenes. Neil McDonnelly.

Yeah, you would know him if you saw him. He's been in a ton of stuff. He was in the minority report, so Hollywood just swiped him left. There you go. He was so mad about all the minorities in the minority report. He promised his wife he would never kiss another woman. It's like, well, you're an actor.

I mean, come on. Hey, I don't do love scenes. You're my husband. Okay. As locals share photos and videos of the renowned mouse, Chuck E. Cheese being arrested by Tallahassee Police Department officers and being taken out of the restaurant as kids and family looked on. No.

It's on the owner. There it is. There it is. How could they even be sure it was the guy they wanted? The look on the guys Is that Graham Elwood? I don't know. The look on the cop's face,

like, what am I going to do? Why wouldn't you take the head off? He's going to hit the door. Where a kid can be a kid is seen in the background. A kid can be a kid and a mouse can be a fella. And it does look like on the picture, it looks like Chuck E. Cheese's son is sitting on one of the rides happily watching his dad get a

arrested right see it in the left inside oh no you get them we're a kid fun pass fun pass he's definitely not

getting a fun pass how many tickets you got I got 3,000 tickets will that cover bail no that'll hardly give you a bracelet at those places if I give you a finger trap

will you unhose these handcuffs I can get out of a handcuffs I can't get out of the finger trap that's the hardest finger trough are these Chinese handcuffs no they're actually They're American bracelets. You're in deep trouble.

This has to be a scared straight. Right? I mean, like they tell parents, like, bring your kids on this day. Right. And the kids who act up. Yeah, we're going to scare them straight. Yeah. Because if they can get Chucky Cheese in his own house, they can get you. Kids, don't purchase anything that you don't have money to pay.

If I'm Chuckie Cheese, I go up into that human habit trail and I'm like, get me. Come get me. Come at me, bro. If you have the balls to get up here in this thing. I'm going up in that play place. I'm pulling down those pants and taking a dump in the corner. And then I'm going to slide down the slide and you can, and I'll hold my hands up. Happy birthday.

Pizza comes out. If he was going to stay in costume, we all kind of hope there was like at least a short pursuit. I know. Pick up a hot piece of pizza. Throw it in their face. Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls. But does like rolls two ski ball things and it goes and he makes money. But the head on tells me that the police are like, we don't want to.

ruined the thing for the kids even though we're kind of ruining it for the kids they put him in the cop car watch your ears he's hitting the door on the way out i mean you know i spent a lot of time around mascots when i worked at universal studios so i feel like there is a right and a wrong way to do this and this is i mean like definitely if the new york post had this thing it would be mouse trapped 100% well some question why mouse arrest he's on her mouth right why police couldn't wait until the man was out of his costume

another photo later shows the arrested man unmasked with the Chuck E. Cheese mascot head on top of the squad car that's not going to traumatize a kid it's wonderful I mean and you knew they drove you know they drove away without it oh yeah where's my head I left on the car

it's with my cup of coffee TPD confirms that the legitimacy of the photos they said that's that's legit and said that TPD arrested Jermel Jones on three felon These. Alicia Hill, police spokesperson said the police were called to the parking lot of Chucky Cheese July 3rd after a caller reported a stolen credit card. The victim met officers outside and said they had a party at the pizza joint in June. And he took the credit card.

Afterwards, she noticed about how much of fraudulent charges on her card from places she did not shop and had never been to. 400 bucks? You're kidding. Oh, okay. I was going to say. Oh, yes. I hope you got to like at least 12K. But I don't know.

Do you say $12? Can I say $3,000? How about $100? That's it? I can't report that. That's just the cost of a business. She was able to trace the activity to an employee, how did she trace that, to an employee at the restaurant at 28-10 share-rud customer service?

I'm upset. I mean, $100. Come on. And you're going to drag this guy out in the head. Come on. Police initially identified the suspect as an employee who was checking stamps at the front door, but then when they returned to make an arrest, they were advised by another employee

that the suspect was now dressed as Chuck E. Cheese. So do you think he was up front and then they're like, cops are coming. He's like, let me get into the Chuckie Cheese thing. Yeah. And I was like you weren't driving. I wasn't driving. You were driving. Get him behind the wheel. He's sober. What? How did he get the card and how did she leave without it? I know. I mean, as they swiped it through, maybe he took a picture of it.

Maybe you can't use it without the physical copy of it. Maybe if you go online. You can't online use the numbers. Yeah, you're right. They have... The address, though, sometimes, what do you get the address? As someone who goes to Jackie Cheese pretty regularly, because I have a four-year-old, I wish you wouldn't have included that, too. We're going to blip that out.

I also think if I regularly, you mean once a year. Right. No, it's more often. Whenever the hand foot and mouth clears up. They serve beer so that you can open a tab, so she might just left it. She got hammered and that's true. She got hammered and started getting on a plane and talking about our kids. They walked over with the intention of just walking outside to put handcuffs on him outside of public view.

According to police reports, the officers, while grabbing the employee, even referred to him as the character himself. That's nice. Chuck E. Come with me, Chuckie. The way you said it. The way that you said it was so funny. Chuckie is in trouble. Kids? Kids.

He stole some sheets. Look, you should pay for your cheese. The cops having to play along so the kids don't get, like, how far the cops had to go. Right. They kept the head on. They called him Chuckie. I've heard you've been stealing tickets. Yeah.

Not a good thing. Yeah, not a good. But when they approached him, he immediately tensed up and resist. So at this point, they make a decision to put him in handcuffs, keeping in mind his safety, not only his safety with the customers. Sure. But the suspect was both the officers themselves. She said the TPD doesn't have a specific policy when arrests are. uh appropriate in public and the agency relies on officer discretion based on the safety of others

and sharing a suspect cannot destroy yeah no problems there i never like that it's for we handcuffed you for your own safety yeah shut up no you didn't no you didn't no it wasn't like he was being a menace yeah but when they got there no no joke probably beats sarah solverman's joke would you know why pulled you over because you got a see average in high school it is unfortunate that the person who is subject to this investigation, who we had probable cause, happened to be in suit and in costume, she added. Reaching, reached at the restaurant, an employee said he couldn't comment on the case. How come this doesn't happen more often? I think you know what I mean?

I mean, to me, for America's Most Wanted or Unsolved Mysteries, start with the mascots. You could do a whole... Just canvas everyone in a head. Dude, why do you think my dad is a mascot? Right. Get away with it. Different identity. It's an immediate, like, mask of your idea.

identity. Well, you said, however does that more happen? I'm pretty sure a lot of employees at Chuck E. Cheese are being regularly arrested. They just don't always happen to be in the costume. So that's what they should do. When you apply to be the mascot of Chuck E Cheese, your application is also just go into Aphist. Just immediately go into the database. All right. Why would you want to be here? Well, it's going in the database. A member of Chucky Cheese is a parent company CEC Entertainment, Chuck E Cheese Entertainment, responded to an email from the Tallahassee Democrat asking for a comment we are aware of an incident involving a part-time employee see how they're starting to like part-time time part-time employee we don't even really

know him I mean an incident involving a part-time employee arrested our Tallahassee location on Wednesday we have taken the appropriate action concerning the subject employee that's the most corporate yeah we're distancing ourselves we're looking into it the employee was CEC entertainment said that TBD had not reached out to them about the incident according to the county clerk court's website Jones was charged with three felonies credit card criminal use of

personal identification information and fraudulent use of a credit card over two times within six months. I hate this for him. Two times. Right? Does he have another any other priors? I don't know. Joseph is taken to a custody and booked at the Leon County Jail but has already

been released on bond. Do we know what he spent it on? I don't know when I wish food because like if it was diapers or food yeah come on right and they need to pay dollars an hour you need to pay more you need to pay your employees more but I do imagine him sitting in the cell in the full outfit right what are you in for murder there you go it's a first story story one kind of genius probably get treated fairly if you're in your turkey cheese costume people appreciate people I think people I think they love you for who you are maybe people in the jail thought that like this is a gift for us you're bringing someone in to entertain us

Hey, adults. He would have to... I'm here. I don't even know what Chuckie sounds like. Dale, it's your birthday tomorrow, right? Here you go. Here you go. He needs a party.

Do they do dance to a song? Like, there is a song. It's not like showbiz pizza. Did you have showbiz pizza where you were? They had the animatronic band. There was an awesome documentary made about that band. Do you know that? Yeah, I watched it.

So the curtain opens and it's like a... Yeah, I loved that. I loved them. I lived for that moment. That was a great moment. But I thought that was Chuckie Cheese. No, that was Showbiz pizza. They do like a full-on dance.

Then I think my sister had her birthday there, because I do remember that. Showbiz. Showbiz. That feels like an Ohio place. Yeah. Showbiz is Missouri. And their whole thing is where a kid can be a kid, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Shobis pizza. Yeah. No. It's also took a cheese. Salt on the wall when they were hauling them out. That's why it's hard to. Yeah.

It's easy to conflate them. I'm always doing the same. All right, there you go. Story number one down the book. In the box. When we come back, we'll let you know we have going on. Beth's got to do special. You can watch it.

We'll get all into it. It's Don't People Town with Best Selling. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Don't People Town. Welcome back to the show before we get into Beth special and whatnot. Jay, we should let people know.

We've got some stuff and stuff that's like come up since the last time and dates and things that are going on. Phoenix, if this drops before August 14th through the 16th at the Desert Ridge Improv, very excited to go there. we just solidified September 18th we are headlining the state theater in Austin, Texas. Nice. Fun. Love it.

Very excited. I want to sell that out. I want to add another show. That would be fantastic. So all our Austin people are Moon Tower people. We don't really do a headlining set of comedy at Moon Tower. We do tag it. We do just sets around town.

So I would love for everybody to come out and see us do the latest hour. September 18th. And the 19th, we're in Raleigh. We're at the Rialto Theater in Raleigh. And then we have a bout. We might be in Alaska, actually the weekend before doing some dates. I think we have a couple of shows there.

We're going to be down in San Diego. Are we allowed to say that? I don't think we're allowed to say it. All right. I won't say it. On the first, second, third, we're going to be in Ann Arbor of October. It's just the fourth of Ann Arbor. Sorry.

We're doing that. Nice, Jay. Of October. Game? Where in Ann Arbor? It's the Wisconsin game. In Arbor Comedy Showcase. In our Comedy Showcase on the, all right.

So on the third, we're doing a special event for them. On the fourth, we're doing our. stand up and on the fifth we're doing tag it by the way they add the team asked us i'm dropping my youngest daughter off to cut both daughters off at college i'm about to be an empty nester so on the 18th of august we're going in and i'm dropping kids off and the football team asked us to come and do comedy comedy and for the team football team which hell yeah it's hell yeah but for payment for the joy of of and the connection i mean i'm going to be there anyway are they paying you they're not paying. I mean, they, what? No, they get paid back

in like, hey, we'd love to come to this game. Okay, okay. For our lives, for our lives. It's a deeper connection. It's a life equity investment. We don't have to do an hour. No, no, no. You're not nervous about it. I'm a little nervous. Full of shit. Dude, this is like... I would be nervous.

This is like... First of all, it's like a corporate gig where you like the corporation and also... We're just going to try to... It's like doing crowdwork where you don't have to ask anyone what you do for a living. Like, you know where all the We're going to be like, it's been a while since Ohio State has beaten Michigan. You know how long it's been?

Five iPhones have come out since then. I want to talk about how the biggest guy on the team last year. Yeah, you can talk about how you were there. Came out to the two of us and was six three, three hundred and fifty pounds and said, Hey, yo. And we're like, are we going to get hit in the face right now? And he's like, yo, I fucks with the Mighty Med. We're like, the Disney Plus show that we were on.

I don't think anybody's ever said the phrase, I fucks with and then a Disney show. You know who I fucks with? The Wizards Waverly. I fucks with that Hannah Montana. See? I fucks with that Lizzie McGuire. All right, let's talk about back. All right about back.

And then also maybe just, you know, prepare a little bit on your daughter, what she looks like and to avoid her at all costs. Please watch her. By the way, already, like, three football players follow her. Five football players follow her on social media. It's not for the best. I'm like, we're dead. Yeah. They're going to look out for her.

They're not allowed to touch me. You guys. So, yeah, no, I'm going to be like, I know that. And now that we're all connected, nobody touched my daughter. That's the way we ended. Nobody touched my daughter. Good night, everyone. That's so funny.

Beth, your special. Your special is called The Landlord Special. The Landlord Special, recorded in Denver. Comedy Works. One of the best clubs in the world, and you are in a red jumpsuit.

I've seen some of the clips. It is so goddamn funny. We've seen the bit. We know the story. I mean, it's kind of unbelievable. You took this, like, crazy life story and built so many things out of it. It's, I'm just so, I'm psyched for you.

Like, you just did a special. This is like, doesn't feel like you, I feel like you just did a special. special. I don't know, probably not. This, for me, felt like a little breadcrumb I had to leave out, so people knew I was still alive. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that thing. Sure.

Sure. Well, this... My favorite comment so far on the YouTube is from my ex-neighbor. That was, like, confirming. You're right. Really? That's all you needed. Yeah. By the way, that is the best comment of all. So, number one, it means that you're not making this shit up. No. And number two. I hope you jumped in right underneath and subbed underneath. This is my neighbor. Thank you.

He said it himself. He's like ex-never. here. And there's a line in it where they thought I was the ringleader of trying to get the rent frozen during the pandemic. They were trying to raise it. And he said, it's me. I was the ringleader. Oh! So you got confirmation.

Oh my God. Who is this? I loved getting all these texts from my old neighbors, actually. Of course. Really cool. Because they had traumatic experiences too. You're the hero of the complex. Yeah, she like made everybody's wife cry. She's just, it's like psychological warfare. It's not that you're classic like yelling.

It's like manipulative and wild. The stuff she said to me, it's like, wait, get out of, I'm renting for you, but get out of my apartment. Number one. You cannot say that to me. I'm a comic. You're saying it to the wrong. That's what I tell my kids all the time.

It's going to die here in this hallway. It ain't over, lady. Guess who gets the last word? Woman with the microphone. Maybe because I'm like on the bestelling this special tip and it's like in my brain and I've been talking about it. now I in my algorithm because our phone's always listening to us there is a series of like this like HOA association a guy who comes up to the ring camera and just terrorizes like he's like

I'm the head of the HOA his first time he comes up he's like so you better get that through your mind it's like 1145 at night he comes or rings or droplet on they have like all this recorded so I'm like this stuff happens it does you be shocked how many people are dealing with out there And again, mine is like, yes, there's obviously things that I'm grateful for that I had a roof of room ahead, that it wasn't, you know, rat infested, that, you know, people are going through much worse out there, not able to get things taken care of. This is a metaphor for many things. Yes, but it is the powerless situation that many people in our country are in, which is I'm paying this person so they can make so much money,

because their mortgage is very low. I'm paying them just to live here, not for them to terrorize me in other ways. And not to mention, I mean, like, I say this in the special. I don't just, I'm, leave me alone. I pay, I'm clean. No, you're not like throwing parties every six minutes. You're not like trashing the place. Just let me be.

Or don't. And then a great special comes out of it. I mean, isn't this the way we feel like comics? I feel this way. You go into an experience, whatever it may be. And you're like, please let this be the best experience ever just so I have a nice life experience or the worst. Dan's like, I'm.

Honestly, something crazy happened to me from the airport to my gig and there's my first 20 minutes. Like, he'll turn, like, a guy helping him park a car into 20 minutes of comedy. He did my special. Well, we got in a fight first. Yeah, but then he became the dad. He became the dad you never had. Yeah. I do that's a great bit.

That's a classic bit. No, but, I mean, that is wonderful. So, to find it on YouTube. Yes, I think you can just search Beth Stelling and it's on my channel. Or the landlord special. The landlord special. Is it like Milwaukee Tools? Is that your sweats?

My best friend, Jordan, works there in Power Tools, and she always sucks it up. Thank you for that. I have their women's work pants that should be coming out soon, too. I know. I wear those a lot. All right. All right. But if you're looking for it and you're like, am I on the right special?

She's in an all red jumpsuit, Milwaukee across the chest. It's recorded at the Denver Comedy Works. It's so good. Thank you. When we watch, by the way, when we watch specials, which are free, it's no skin off your back. It's super easy. The more people to watch it, the more people like Beth get to make these specials. like come see me on tour that's the goal that's right get new fans i've been dealing with the why

everybody giving away the milk for free so nobody wants to buy a ticket to see the cow live uh and that's the current state of events but the this is this story is not what the cow's performing anymore number one and number two what i would say to people is uh the special is just a snapshot in time it's like a photograph literally of how you're doing the bit in that moment yeah you may continue doing the bit and find three or four other avenues with which to do it so always come to see it because you might find some things you recognize, but then there will be new stuff. Yep. Love it. All right. Daniel. You ready?

Story to this, buddy. This was sent in by Trollstar at S. Vamannatha. Vam. Nice. I and A T. A new poster. Thank you for this. Secret message hidden in plain sight on Father's Headstone, Anger's Cemetery. Uh-oh. Polk County, Iowa. So you know they're already like,

we don't have that shit around here. A loving message on a headstone at a cemetery in Polk County, Iowa, hides a not-so-decent joke in honor of a deceased man's unique sense of humor, but not everyone in town finds it funny. Steve Paul Owens

he has a headstone at Warren Power Cemetery. Steve Paul Owens. Sounds like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. Yeah. There's something Jayce about like the names. A band that opened for

E.L.O. Right. Steve Paul Owens. He has a head of Stone in Warren Power Cemetery. It says forever in our hearts until we meet again

cherished memories known as our son, brother, father, papa, friend, and cousin. So a little for unlawful carnal knowledge. I'm going to show it to you guys. Okay, Owens is really big, first of all. And then along the

left hand side, if you just look at the letters it says, fuck off. It's not even lined up. I know. Let me see. It says fuck off. That's fun. That's fun. Oh, come on, God.

It's funny as hell. Who cares? Hey, if you don't like it, don't visit me at my grave. If you don't like it, fuck off. As a former grave digger. Sure, Dan. I enjoyed the occasional quip joke. Yes, or like something funny on somebody's headstone.

You do know that when I was in, when I was in Italy, there was a, it was at a museum and there was a um it's like photographs of russian cemeteries and i think i've talked about this on here where the new thing on in russian cemetery photograph on the art is yes an image of someone like like like on a throne or you know like just images of the people and they could be like it but the craziest thing is like you see this you know it's like a guy in like a russian guy in an affliction t-shirt right like on a throne with a sceptor and like that's on like how's that any different than fuck off Fuck off. Both are offensive.

No, Randy. We went to Rick James's grave in Buffalo. In Buffalo. We did not know he was in. Anything special about it? Yeah, there were a lot of delays there because nobody wrapped Hawaii more than Rick James. There were. But like is the headstone?

Yeah, there's an image of him on the headstone. It's not huge. Carved? Yeah, like a carved, like stenciled image of him. Yeah, as opposed to a photo. It was a substantial image of him forcing a man or woman to. smoke crack that's right there were beer bottles empty ones there and i like couldn't tell what was artfully placed there versus what blew in from the highway which by the way that is probably

the best tribute to rick james ever because like at any party of his you don't know who was invited versus what blew in from the highway yes are any of the three of you do you have plans for a grave site no plans yet no plans yet do you want one probably yeah yeah i think so you want to get I don't care cremated It's so funny how things changed Because when I was a kid It was terrifying

Like the fact that my mom was like There was just such a disconnect for me When she was like I'll probably get cremated I was like What? I couldn't believe it I'm like why would you burn yourself like that You know like I just didn't understand it

And now of course I'm like Yes why would I take up so much space on earth Just mix me up I'm gone Also you're not even getting me You're getting like what was left in the kiln But I'm gonna say this

You're getting some I think we have my wife's mom's ashes somewhere in our house. No offense, but it's not her. True. But I will say that's not. But we tell a story in our show, this two-man show that we wrote about me taking my kids to our dad's grave site, which they had never been to. And they really know our dad. And like, you know, they saw me talking like to him or to the spirit of him and it was really cool.

and it was very powerful and it was awesome. But you can do that too. A bag full of dust. But you like that it had, it created that opportunity. Yes. A place to visit. A place to come and sit.

Ideally a beautiful place. A place to come and sit under a tree to spend a little time reflecting on this person. The act of driving to a place instead of like going down in your basement and be like, what's up, dad? Yeah. I do think there is.

Yeah. I'm here. To go there is I liked that. that moment of like transporting yourself to this moment. It was almost like clearing your mind so you can go have this reflection. And my kids did not know my dad and they weren't connecting with the moment. And we talk about this, how I was kind of getting frustrated and angry with them because they weren't connecting with the moment, which is not fair.

But then I remember that our dad appeared in a TV special that we did for ESPN years ago. And in it, like his whole life philosophy, he laid it out in like 30 seconds. And I'm like, oh, my God, I got to find this thing. So I go to YouTube, which is where best specials. And I go to YouTube And I find the clip And I show it to my kids And they were like

They got it They immediately understood who he was He came to life But like all things that could be done If he was just in a box of ashes But yeah Fair but like I think The fact that we were there

And it was this moment It kind of made it a bigger day That's why I'm getting buried on YouTube Yes Where you can find that special Wait I'm currently getting buried by the algorithm Hey come on a minute

My grandparents were cremated, though, and then put at Franklin Cemetery in Michigan. And then put in a little, you have two at Houston. It's like a little drawer, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put them in next to, so they're next to each other. And then I think my mom probably has one there with her sisters. I do think it's weird that they also have PO boxes in the same area. That's kind of way.

It's like drawer, drawer, drawer, drawer, and it's like a lot of people in that. Yeah. It's a whole thing. I don't know. Sprinkle me. But can I just say this, to get back to the story? I think the sense of humor on the grave is wonderful. and down in New Orleans,

they have a party when someone dies. They have a parade, they dance, there's music. It's like the pressure of... Did you see the viral video of the guy, the dude died and his friends took his casket to the basketball court? And they passed it off. They played like one last game.

Yeah, they were bounced it off the casket and shot it up. That's a little much. No, but I was like, I got 17 assists. Hey, you know what? He finally passed. But the seemingly normal text is a line so at the first letter spell out.

Fuck off. The message is led to push back from the camp township trustees who oversee the cemetery. Owens' family says the text says the text is intended to be an ode to his dry sense of humor and sometimes prickly attitude. Okay. Owens who died, this is one a few years ago, September 2nd. Beautiful headstone. It's beautiful vase right next. So by the way, that is a wonderful thing

because a lot of times people just lay flowers down if you create on the headstone an actual stone face that people can drop I think that's a wonderful idea. One of my favorite lines from the movie Trading Places which I think is one of the best things of all time. He's on the phone, Beeks is on the phone talking to them to a random person

who's waiting for the phone. He's like, hold on a second. Fuck off. And then he goes back to doing the thing. There's no reason. Beaks. That guy had the greatest, like, three. He was the principal in the breakfast club. It was beaks in this.

And he was probably in like some other movie that I didn't want. Also, this is like the tagline for Logan Roy from Succession. Yes. Yes. Owens died. If he's the principal in Breakfast Club, he's also the deputy police chief and die hard. 100%. I just realized when you said that that, that guy died.

And I can't remember how. Who? that uh he didn't sometimes my life and you know about when dreams are yes yes they feel so real i've had a dream that no not the principal but the guy from a succession oh oh yeah Brian Cox yeah no the guy sorry oh Kendall oh okay so now not to bring this back that but there is a there are a series of memes that are the guy who plays uh Kendall Jeremy strong yeah who is like him it was supposed to be me Him describing acting in the most pretentious terms ever. And the caption on the top is like, me explaining to my wife why I just stopped off at the bar and wound up having 14 beers.

He's like, I think it was Bertel Brecht who wants that. It's a process that we don't understand. Like we try to get come close to the process. It's a Sisyphysian battle that we never go. It's like me on whole two of a guy's weekend. I'm like, this shit is intense. It's funny He's intense

He's funny He died in September He was a quote Very fun loving guy He said Zachary Owens He was also easily riled So Temper

Daughter Dottor That's what it should have said Don't easily riled Don't rile them up from What was that from Don't rile them up Don't rile them up

Matt Christ Father Don't We were at a game Watching the Michigan game We get so down We were at a game and like any time we did something, you would get mad about something, Price would start

chanting. Don't rile them up. That's fitting for you too. Daughter Lindsay Owen explained that friends and family members love to tease her father and get him fired up. That's right. And Owens used the swear almost as a term of endearment. Lindsay added, if he didn't like you, he didn't talk to you. If you got him to tell you fuck off, it meant he liked you. I think these kids are coping. You know, and sometimes when he, like, just leaned towards you, that was also what he meant to be a hug. If he ever went like this? Because he knew he was thinking about you.

If you didn't flinch, like you were his favorite. Isn't there that famous New Yorker cartoon where it's like New York and L.A.? Yeah. And it's two people meeting each other on the street. And in L.A., they're like... No, no. In New York, they're like, in New York, they're like, fuck off. Fuck you, fuck you.

And the thought bubbles are, hello, hello. I love you. I love you. Hello, hello. And then the flip side is L.A. It's hello, hello. And the other thoughtbles of fuck you. Great.

It's this. He says, I, fuck off. I love you. The idea to hide the profanity with a longer message came from a cousin, according to the simile. It's throwing him under the phone. Everybody in the family was on board, said Zachary.

Others in Polk County, however, haven't been so enthused. A few days before the headstone was to be placed, camp township trustees told them it could not be installed because of the profanity. The memorial company that produced the headstone installed it anyway. Since then, the trustees have pushed to remove the headstone. No. A representative of the Camp Township trustees told CNN,

the representative asked not to be named out of concern over potential backlash. So you know you're in the wrong. Shut up. If you think there's going to be backlash by your move and you're not acting on the law, then don't do it. We do not want it there, the representative said. It really needs to be removed. It's ruining all our hangs.

This is what. It's directly where I like to lay, next to that dead body. In my purview, I take my children to the cemetery. I don't want them reading this. This is what people say when they want to false equivalent, like, justify their shitty move. Yeah. Allowing the headstone to remain in place could act as a kind of slippery slope. Right.

Allowing for more hateful messages to be placed at the cemetery. No, it wouldn't. What are we going to let us marry our dogs now? That's the wrong argument. That's the wrong argument, Mark. If we allow fuck off, what if somebody, wants to say how much they dislike black people. Well, then you don't

allow that. Hate is not the same as your personal offense. That's a loved one. Right. It's the case by case basis. The representative said if we allow profanity of that sort in the cemetery and that's okay for that how are we ever going to draw a line on anything else? You draw a line at that. Easily.

You draw a line at that. They answer the own question. That's okay for that. It's not okay for this. That's they answered their own rhetorical question. You draw the line. Next thing you know, we're screen and salt burn in the cemetery? Like, you're LA freaks. The trustees have also

received numerous complaints, which means they'll never say how many, and it's probably one. One or two. The husband of one of the people. Honestly, my YouTube special, numerous. Numerous. Numerous views. Numerous views. Numerous views. Numerous complaints from residents about Owens' headstone, according to the representative.

The headstone may be particularly offensive to families whose loved ones are buried nearby and thus can't avoid Owens' Headstone. The representative said they act like this is a blight like a huge problem. We were using the Ouija board and our grandpa said

give me away from that guy. What is this? So let me ask you this question. It doesn't even say it. So let me ask you this question. There's a great great Colin Quinn did this on Joe Rogan. It was really a phenomenal joke with a phenomenal joke about a guy who buys a parrot and

the parrot comes, he brings the parrot home and the parrot's like hey hey buddy says you know he said you know this parrot has a dirty mouth and he's like no it's fine i'll take it i can handle i can handle it and he comes home and then the parents like hey hey buddy fuck you and the guy's like say that to me again said and the parrot doesn't say anything and he just you know he's say it to me again just go ahead next day comes back and it's like hey come here pair it's like hey buddy fuck you and the guy takes the parrot and he like holds him underwater and he like you know just is rough with the parrot and what night. So do it again. I'm going to fucking kill you, right? So the next day,

the parrot, the third day, the parrot's like, hey, buddy, come here. And the guy's like, what? And he's like, you know what? It's a great joke. What if you just wrote the words the way they are and left off the first letters? Yeah, yeah, yeah. People would know. You know, you know, you know. Could they do that? No. People have a right for decency. Not just. the one family, said the representative. The township just really has to be mindful of what's best for the masses. The township is in the process

of consulting its lawyers to pursue removal of the headstone. Both siblings said that the cemeteries pushed to remove the headstone is hurtful. Our intention was never to offend anyone. I would just ask that they let us remember our father in a way that we remember him and not take it personally because that has nothing to do with them. So again,

if on the family, I put a piece of tape over the beginning and people know what's under there. You know what. I'm going to read you part of his obituary. I'm just going to say, leave us alone. Yeah. It has nothing new.

Or you could just say, actually, we didn't even know that it said that. We just wrote a beautiful message. We're offended. We're offended by you bringing that up. We didn't see that. Yes, we bolded each of those letters. But we did not know. No. That's weird.

Because they were the first. Here's from, we'll get out on hearing a little bit of the obituary because I like to. That's here. Steve, Stevie, Paul Owens left this earth on Thursday to go play Yatsy in heaven with his mom. Steve was born on March 3rd in Des Moines, Iowa. He attended East High School and Tech High School in Des Moines. He worked at Plot Twist, Highland Memorial Gardens and Pine Hill Cemetery. So he worked at a different cemetery.

Yes, two of them. That's how much he hated those places. He wouldn't be buried there. He was then employed and retired from the printing industry. Steve enjoyed playing flag football and slow pitch softball. He loved coaching his children and attending their events. Steve was an avid Cubs and Steelers fan. Okay.

This is what happens in states like Iowa. They just pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How old do you think Steve was when he left this earth? 74. 74. Randy? 78.

66. 66. I'll say goodbye and we'll move on to Story 3. Randy will give us a teaser as to what that is by telling you that Steve, Stevie, Paul Owens was 59. Oh, I won. That's right. That's too young. Too young. Let him say fuck off.

Too young. That's a fuck off age. When we come back, we'll hear what Dan has going on and just he'll get to thank everyone who came out to his wonderful Hub City Comedy Week in Chicago, which hopefully will be a yearly tradition. And I've got a little story about a woman who breaks into a house and, well, she doesn't do what you think she's going to do. This is Tom People Town with The Great Best Delling, whose new special, the landlord special, available on YouTube. Listen to it, watch it, review it, give it a thumbs. Share it. All right. We'll be right now.

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Welcome back to this show Before I jump into story three Daniel What do you have on the horizon I know you have good shows Coming up and of course the Yeah go to Daniel vancirk.com I will be in Cohasset

Massachusetts In Boston Massachusetts I think the 20th and 24th I was just there Where are you going to be in Cohasset? The Red Lion Inn They have a venue downstairs I'm gonna tell my friends

It is and they'll get a whole bunch of people out Cohasset is beautiful I know I absolutely love it Beautiful so great Wept out of the water. South Shore, Boston. Gorgeous. So then, and then after that, I will be in Richmond, California, on November 3rd,

and then on the 5th and 6th, I'll be at Savage Henry's Comedy Club in Eureka, California. So I'll be getting some nice... Doing like a Northern California run. Doing some stuff up there. And then New Orleans on the 13th, I think I'm going to be adding a couple of dates before that as well of September, and then High Plains Comedy Festival. Everything's at Daniel Vancirk.com. Thank you to everybody who came out to Hub City Comedy Week.

We did a week of shows. The tell mom what you did show. The scholars were right. People absolutely loved it. You do a set with your mom on speakerphone, and then we hear what mom thought about the set. It's such a good idea. I love this idea so much. Somebody called their therapist.

Somebody called their friends, dad. I was like, how much did people laugh at the mom's responses? Oh, they were great. Sometimes they interrupted. They were like, oh, don't do that. That was really fun. The shop for shop where we recreated the Goodfell scene in a Chicago way seven. the funny house scene seven times that we had to do a shot every time before we started

the scene that became like community theater was super great oh the seventh time you do it is hysterical because yeah yeah yeah we were in we were in um they're telling you that necessity of their son yeah exactly you don't understand no every show was awesome but lincoln lodge is one of the best places for comedy in the country go out to shows there any chance that you get yes and um i'm sure they'll have me back but they seemed really happy with it we'll do it again next year and i get to live in Chicago in the summer for a week. And everybody who came out to Portland was great, too, the Siren Theater.

Thank you so much. There's so many, Alvin Cadabay. Caterbay eggs came out with his brother to the show. We have a guy who sends in stories his name is Elvin Cattabay. Yes. And we always like to say that I can't wait for Easter when the Caterbay eggs come out. It's so. So he came out with.

It's actually Carmel on the outside. With his brother and their partners. And they were awesome. everybody at the sirentheid people it was also national homemade pie day so uh everyone brought you i was given a pie oh yeah it was wonderful so everything's at daniel van kirk dot com plus your podcast the midnight air every monday night just an overnight radio show listen check it out you guys want to hear a crazy story yes this crazy story sent by david fournie at dp bring it home i love this guy woman broke into strangers home okay petted dog wash dishes

and left we have either this either happens all the time or we have done on a story just like this no we probably have this is new but this i really i know as i'm saying this is people love to do this so i don't know about you but like whenever i go to someone's house and like i always am like if someone makes dinner for our fan whatever i'm always like let me do the dishes i'm always like let me do the dishes if i see dirty dishes i'm like i got to do yeah you're a helper i'm a helper and maybe it's a neuroses of some sort if you walked into the wrong house and there were dirty dishes you think you'd feel compelled yeah i'd be like you're welcome she's like that house looked exactly like mine i love your dog and i didn't know where the dog came

from who is this friend here hi who are you where did you come from the woman was arrested in ohio after she allegedly broke into a home she was there it's not allegedly it happened oh i should also say my shows for the cross town comedy festival in cincinnati and dayton were phenomenal as well thank you that everybody who came out yeah love that festival love those guys allegedly broke in the home petted the family's dog and wash the dishes also great dog you doing a lot of good work there dog yeah just be good oh gosh dog i mean dogs like finally someone loves me i think though for the most part if you have a great dog your dog is great to everybody that's true my dogs like we i don't want us to pick and choose you either get a dick of a dog

who will protect you yeah or you're a dick and you've made a dick dog right sure but if you have like a loving dog it's gonna be loving i do think you have to abuse it for it to only protect you right and so fuck that yes it's like a kid it's like if you love your kid too much, there'll never be a generation. Like, if I walked into your house, which underwrite circumstances would be okay, I think your dogs would be happy to see me. Totally. Oh, the dog we're watching.

So don't blame them. I'm not blaming them. The Vinton County Sheriff's Office, I am blaming them. Said it was received a call Monday morning about a burglary at a residence in the village of Hamden some 80 miles south of Columbus. Deputies arrived at the home and spoke with an individual who said a woman had entered their residence through the back door, sat down on the couch, began to pet the family dog.

So it was a whole process. She prepared to pet the family dog. She then began to get settled and she got it's like the Miyagi. Here we go. There we go. Then fingers warming up. Then wash the dishes and left. The individual told the deputies, they don't know the woman and she was never invited into their home.

Yeah, she's not a vampire. Okay, even though she took nothing, it would feel violating. Sure. Well, because it's never about where you know someone went in your house. It's the places you don't know where they went. She pet the dog. She did delicious. She sat on every toilet.

I know they went here. I know they went here. But then your whole house is violated because you don't know. You don't know where the places they did also go. She also, to me, seems like the type of person who you would ask her what she did. And she would, every time she told the store would add like another detail that wasn't good. All I did. All I did was I sat down.

I patted the dog. I tried on a few clothes. And I said, wait, wait. What? No, no. I bet the dog. I brushed my teeth. I pet the dog, I brushed my teeth, and then I...

I smelled the leftovers. I put them back. It didn't smell good. I put them back. I didn't need anything. Well, the dog went into the bedroom. And I was like, I'm not going to go in there. But the dog goes in there.

So I had to help the dog out of there. I licked the soap and then I left. I don't know why I'm a bad person. While deputies were interviewing the individual, the sheriff's office received a call that a woman matching the description of the suspect was knocking on doors of other residences in the area. Deputy located the woman and approached her. The clean house bandit.

Great name. Cheyenne Ewing. Cheyenne. It's a great name. It's a great George Strait. Right? Cheyenne Ewing could have been like one of the people, this is dating myself, but like one of the people of the Dallas. From the TV show.

The TV show Dallas. The Ewing. I mean, that was like a. He was a Ewing. I know they're part of our family in Ohio. Ewing's. You are part of your family? Not Cheyenne, but.

You don't know, though. She appeared to be. She happened south of Columbus. Appear to be under the influence of narcotics, of course. and then gave the deputy a false name. I mean, was the false name Cheyenne Ewing or a different? Betsy Ross. No.

She told deputy. Knocking on other doors. I'll do the dishes and let me pet the dog. Please let me head the dog. Beyonce Knowles. I don't think that. Told the deputy she'd been up for two days straight. Look, if you're up for two days straight, you're going to pet a dog and do some dishes.

Yeah. True. Burglary taken in the southern, southeastern Ohio regional jail in Nelsonville where she's being held on how much bond is we'll get out of here on this. How much bond is we'll get out of here on this? How much bond. How much bond? $500. What do you think?

Can't be much. Oh, yeah. I know. It seems so. I'm going to say $250. Bond? That's nice. That's pretty nice.

I'm going to go $5,000. Whoa. Well, because you come up with $500. I'm $500. Okay. $500, $250,000. The special is called the landlord special. She's in a red jumper.

You got to check it out. It's a jumper. It's a sweatshirt shirt. It's a sweatshirt. It's a sweatshirt. It's a sweatshirt. And your website for people to see your dates. Beth Stelling.com.

I'm on tour. Go see you live. It's worth your goddamn. One of our favorite comics to work with. Anytime we do a tagget show, she is just like just a joy. And then go see Daniel and go see us. This woman is being held on.

Get your answers in Townies. $10,000 bond. There you go. They want her to come up with a G. Hey, guys, are you going to give me the other answer? Remember we left one hanging. Do we leave one hanging? What was it?

You did. Uh-uh. I said the old. guy 59 you were right you're right you got 66 it wasn't even that old all right sorry sorry I thought we left one hey I said a hundred I said it was a hundred dollars the person spent a hundred dollars well on the credit so there you go that's it wasn't even that much right it's all numbers there you go and let's get best selling's numbers up again the land love special check that out guys what a fun time it's dumb people town we love it so

much we love you and oh snap we got to get back to work we'll see you stick around make us down there's more don't people town Thank you.