Dumb People Town - Brad Williams - Kidruckers

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

Comedian Brad Williams (Live On Short Street) stops by as Daniel describes how a drunk wedding guest lit fire to the venue, Jason explains why a fight broke out on a beach over washed up glass, and Randy updates us on why you still shouldn't wear a bear suit to destroy cars and scam the insurance company, and so much more!Thanks to our sponsors: Monarch, ASPCA Pet Insurance, and Hims!Use code DPT at Monarch dot com to get your first year half off at just $50.To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT.To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/DPTSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And then people put on a bear suit and get a little crazy. A little update. We got an update on a story we've done a while ago, but it's bear suit and a Rolls Royce and a lot of damage. It's all with Brad Williams today on Dub People Town. Check it out. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folk so unaware they lack and grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each. Epic bail in Florida.

There's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they. Put it into our podcast band with co-host our man Dan. Van der, don't be a jerk. Because when the music, which the funny hits and we are going to take you down. Stick around. Make a sound hunger down. It's Dumb People Town.

Hey, Tadies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population. Population Williams. Brad Williams. Sir Brad Williams. We're knighting you. Awesome. I will take it.

Normally I'm the jester. Now I'm the knight. This is awesome. You're a knights. This is the show. Exactly. This is the show where the jester is the knight. I mean, that's very true.

The jester is a knight. My favorite Steve Miller all of all the time. And it's just a card. It's like a joker card. We're like, come on. I'm a jester. I've taken my six-year-old to medieval times twice. She loves that.

She loves watching the nights. And people are coming to you going like, When's the second part of the show? I don't work here. Do they still do this? I don't work here. Can my kid get a chicken leg? You're like, I don't work here.

I don't work. Why are there bells on your shoes? That I like the jingle. I like the jingle. I didn't know we were coming here today. This is for another thing I'm doing. It's hard for you going to be the little times and for people not to think you're the manager. It really is.

Dude, I was asking you before we started because I went to Beach Life, which was a great line. It's a great three days line of. Offspring was on it. I went to the day that was. My Morning Jacket, Peach Pit, Cheryl Crow, and Poolside and James Taylor. Which I was like, that's a great one day. That is take an edible and say good night. But then I saw you post something about hanging with the offspring.

And where I am and what happened when is so all over in my brain. I was like, was that two weeks ago or was that on Friday? But that's the constant. That's a strong. That's edible coming back. And you were like, no, but you saw them in Evansville? Yeah, Evansville, Indiana. Nice. The cool part, like, one of many cool parts about what we do is we get to go to these towns that we probably would never go to otherwise.

Every now and then, something lines up, something's happening. So say that. I'm going to Evansville. I'm friends with noodles, the guitar is from the offspring. And I'm like, oh, you guys are playing the night before me. Let's go to the offspring. We go while Noodles is on stage and in between songs, he says, hey, comedian Brad Williams is here. Did he tell you he was going to do that?

No. So you're in the wings? I'm in the wings. And then he goes, Brad, get out here. So I'm like, all right. So I run out there and the crowd actually reacts. So I'm like, that's for a movie. Right there.

You're like, okay. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Yeah, because I have a friend who was at a Knicks game. And then he got thrown up on Celebrity Row. And the entire Mass and Square Garden was like, ooh. They're not, it's worse than a boo. It's when you can hear than W.H.

Who? When you're that person, too, You're like, thank you. I just wanted to watch a basketball game. And now I know exactly where I stand in society as a... I'd rather be caught having an affair on the kiss can at a cold play concert. Let's... Yeah.

Now, please go to some crypto influencer who's going to make everybody cheer. Please, move on for base. So funny, please. So everyone's very, it was very receptive. And then Noodles makes what... I don't know if this is a mistake or if he's like, well, you should say something. Right. Hands me a microphone.

Oh, boy. When comedians have a microphone. You're going to cook. We got to go. You got to go. I've always thought that no matter where you are, if someone wants you to do something as a comedian, your job is to be funny. Dance monkey.

You have to be funny. Stage microphone audience? Yes. What are you going to do nothing with that? And by the way, the offspring audience over 10,000. Oh, my God. And I got a show the next night. Might want to move the last 50 hundred.

That's right. That's right. So I go on, this was, this was two weeks after the Super Bowl. And I go, hey, another round of applause for the offspring. It's so great to hear someone sing in English. Oh, God. And the entire, like there's some booze. There's some cheers.

It's kind of mixed. And I go, exactly. Offspring. English. That show was not in English. What the hell does ball with the bar to band? to bang diggy-dicky-dicky me. That's so good.

That's so fun. You saw the look on Dexter's face go from what the fuck is he doing to. Oh, thank God. He's a comedian. He knows what he's doing. It's a joke. And by the way, you've done that song at the jam. And you've crushed ball with a ball to bang to bang boogie.

Hey, man. It's, uh, okay. Here's one more thing. That's a great joke. Last time I was in Nashville. I was playing the rhyme and obfrey. auditorium and they told me they they go hey uh uh kid rock kid rock wants to come to the show and i said cool where is he going to be sitting and they said side of the stage and i'm like all right so i'm on

stage kid rock is there he's got his bar right down the street from there exactly i'm looking over he's doing he's wearing the kid rock outfit which is just a tank top and the the hat he's like that's what no pants i guess that's what you do yeah i mean it's very freeing it's It's just like Steve Jobs. Right. You know, it's a turtle. It's his turtlene. It's his sleeveless necklace turtle neckless turtle neck.

And we get done with the show and he goes, hey man, you want to come by the house? And I'm like, sure. Yeah. What are you going to do? Let's come by the house. You're like, hey, I might get a seven months out of. I might get a whole bit out of this. You're like, always go to the house.

Sure, let's go shoot some shit. Always go to a second location. Because I don't care where anybody falls in the shitty. weird celebrification of politics on it. Everyone wants to hear what it was like when you went to his house. Yes. He's got to have a Mountain Dew machine in there. Bro.

Code red. Mountain Dew. Code red. Fago. Yeah, that's more on long. That's more in line. So we go and he's got, it's an amazing house. Of course. He calls it the Southern White House, which I'm like,

hmm, problematic. We already have one of those. If you know what that was. but he's got this pool that's like in hot tub that's like overlooking all in Nashville it's really beautiful and I'm sitting in it and he and he's like do you want bourbon I'm like fuck yeah I want bourbon so I start I start sipping bourbon and it doesn't take me a lot to get drunk sure I'm very just like I'm just like oh boy and I can feel it and then kid Rock goes what do you think of the house and I look at Kid Rock who's been nothing but nice to me and I go I

I mean, it's really cool. I mean, it looked, I don't know who your decorator was, but the same guy that did Fuddruckers, right? Oh, my. See, now the roast master comes out in you, and you're like, I got to start roasting him. And thank God he laughed. Oh, God. Because there's a moment there where you're like, this may not land.

Yeah. Because he did say, how do you like the house? Because he was fishing a little bit for a compliment. Yes. He wants to know. And, but to be honest, it is decorated like a fud record. There are so many eagles. So many eagles.

Why not? Glenn Fry's house doesn't have that many eagles. May he rest in peace. Never. You should have just been like, can we just get the check? Thanks, man. Thanks for the bourbon. We'll just take the check.

Oh, my God. I love drunk and Greg Williams roast. A long wig, and I want you to be in a kid rock cover man called Little Kid Rock. That would be the best. And that was the album they recorded on Epstein's Island. That's right. Little Kid Rock. Go, God dare you.

There's the final two jokes of this story when you tell it on stage. Little Kid Rock. It inspired me in that moment as I was drunk looking over Nashville to start a Kid Rock cover band called Little Kid Rock, me as lead singer. And, you know, when we're not performing there, we're performing on a obscene's island. Yeah. We already have two gigs next week, next month. Oh, my God. See, we tagged it in the moment.

I'm pen pals with Prince Andrew. It's so much. He'll be there. He'll be there. He'll definitely be that. All right. Should we jump into a story? Let's get another story.

I mean, this was a story. Phenomenal story. I have story number one. Send him by Carleen McDermott at Shiby Carlin. Here's the headline, drunk wedding guest sets fire to the venue. Dan, what do we say whenever there's a wedding story? I know. You got to write your book.

I will dance with your aunt. How to be the best wedding guest ever. Dan, you need to write this book. You know who we're going to talk to about this? Gary Belski when he comes up. Oh, love Belfi. Because he knows how to get books made. And we will grill him in this seat.

And we will make him. How great of a book of that. Dan knows all the tricks, all everything. Been to a lot of Midwestern. You could write three chapters on the open bar. Thousand percent. And so many people, it's like when you, like, sometimes, you know, you go and perform and you're at a comedy club and some guest will respond some way.

And you're like, who the, how the fuck did you think you were supposed to react in this area? I've been to so many weddings where you just want to stare at someone and go, you thought this was a good idea. Oh, my God. So Dan gives him. You can tell how to give a speech, how to react during the speech, how to grease the bartender, how to show up at a wedding where you don't know anyone. What's the best post-wedding party party to do? Like, Dan, there's so many. Dan, there is so much.

I will dance with your aunt. Well, I won't be this guy. I nominate food trucks as the best post-wedding. Yeah. But like, how do you get the kitchen? How do you get the kitchen staff to get you a couple more? Fun rockers Kid ruckers

The kid Fud rockers Kid ruckers Kid ruckers We got there Bill Gates is like I'm in Hey

All right A drunk wedding guest A drunk wedding guest has become a viral sensation after he was caught on camera Setting fire to the venue While gyrating on a woman with sparklers in his hands This got hit for the cycle I guess

this guy. This is a, this is not the 4th of July? I was about to say this is a 4th of July, meme. Like, just like grinding on a wedding with sparkers. The last thing you should do,

unless you're doing it as part of the like welcome in the bridal party because that's early, still sort of maybe between cocktail hour and dinner, but the later you are into a wedding reception, handing people anything that's like already on fire. Not a good idea.

And they're all drunk. Yeah. You've probably seen the video. It came out like two years ago, went viral. of like a guy just lit, knocks over a candle, fire, and then he tries to put it out with his sleeve with a smile on his face.

No panic just, look at this. And then he walks away and he's on fire. They are trying to put him out. This is a pink Floyd album. The later in a reception, the more likely people are sort of just randomly covered in alcohol. Because they've been dancing and like spilling on each other.

I mean, you know that thing. You know that thing. You know that thing online. My name's Kathy. this is my first drink and then they cut to land. And I bring the wedding down. Have you guys ever had a fire at any of your shows?

No. I don't know. I have a red. You had a fire? Where in a club or a theater? Club. No way. Cleveland Improv. All right. And I'm on stage and all of a sudden

there is a fireball in the audience. What? Just like a, like in the back? I thought a magician was about to show up. No. It was just, is this your card? Fire. Your date's here.

I better see a wizard. Yeah. And what happened, what happened was, is that a woman threw her head back and laughed, hair went into the candle. The candle. So much product. She whipped it forward. Whom! Her hair went up and smote.

Fire. People start standing up. They take their napkins. They're. beating her with it. Oh my God. At this point, you got a cover up. It's just crazy.

Her husband's like, this is my chance. Whoop. Did you re-rack it? Were you able to, like, like, like they got her out.

It was like, brutal. I had to, so like, I still had like 30 minutes left. And they got her out, the whole place smelled like burnt hair.

Burn hair. Yeah, yeah, come on. Guys, I forgot to tell you, we're filming a Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial in here

during my show. But yeah, that was one of those where I'm like, well, here's this story. I think I landed the plane, but yeah. Well, video footage taken out a wedding ceremony, which is understood to have taken place in the U.S., captures the moment a bearded guest at the event nearly brought the entire event down in flames before putting the fire out with his bare hands and then continuing to dance. This guy's, this is how you know it's not early in the wedding or he started drinking in the church parking lot. He's going to feel that tomorrow. The clip begins with the unnamed man who's dressed in a black suit and green shirt, walking out, which is great because it matches the bridesmaids dress.

Black suit and green shirt. Walking out to the venue with two sparklers in his hand while bopping along to what song do you guys think got this guy to be out? This guy. And ready to rock a man. Nellie's hot and her. You're not too far off. 90s. Happy.

90s. Somebody was told me. The world. I'm too sexy. Oh my Lord. Right? Wrong said Fred. Wrong said Fred.

Meanwhile, look at his the whole way he's holding the sparklers. His hands are so close to the spark. He's too close to it. And we have videos. This is going to give away, I think, some of the stuff where I'm going to describe. But you can already see the flames. You can see the video. Oh, now he lit it on fire.

Yeah, he doesn't even know. Okay. Oh, my God. There's another angle. Yeah. So then he walks out. broaches this woman in a denim jacket dress, which is like, don't. That's a barn wedding.

She's like, oh, Jesus is good. Immediately catches some like hay little haystack on fire. Looks at it, says, what do you look at? I got a fire, I don't care about that. No! Starts running a fire bad. Then he steps on it like he's in. But he's getting it out.

Yeah. And then he goes back to dancing. He goes straight back into dancing. I just, I caused the problem. Wow, this is the Donald Trump of wedding guests. I caused the problem. I then solve the problem. And I want all the credit.

All the credit. He is Orson Unwells. Anybody who was wondering, it's still daylight. And I would argue that sparklers are not like laid in them. Sparklers are a nighttime thing. Nighttime activity made you the slow motion camera. Right. Spell out love.

Brad, you're the guy who people are like, you're out of control. And he's like, first of all, who has sparklers during the daytime? You're going to blame me? You're blaming me? You believe you the guy brought these from home? Who put hay by my sparklers that I'm waving around? Your idea to have a barnyard wedding and sparklers. Who is the dummy now?

But you also see in the video he walks up to the, he's between like the nearby centerpiece floor thing on top of like a bourbon barrel. Yes. And walks up to a woman who does not know who there and just starts dancing on her. Yeah, yeah. And it's like funny. Buddy. She literally doesn't want that smoke.

It's like that back draft line. Check that door for consent. That's right. Can I just say it's still. The worst decision he made the entire day was wearing that green shirt. I mean, it's not good. I love when he turned. He turns, so he starts a fire.

He leans way back, puts it right into like a little, somebody who thought dried out bales of hay, like straw. On a barrel. On a barrel. Great idea for a wedding. And then there's a moment where he then he stares at the fire like, fuck are you doing. If I want to fight? Yeah. Oh, you're like you're so hard.

He definitely said what? What did you say to me? You're not better. Live flowers would. Dan just said you're not. You're not better than me. So then the guests start yelling, you think you're hot?

I'm hot. Yeah, you're not hot as hot as me. The other thing, too, is once then he tries to get the fire onto the barrel. On to the ground. He could have just tipped the barrel, but he's almost like when you just make the mistake of realizing,

like, I don't care about this shirt and you try to like mop up some, like, water with your sleeve. He's doing that with fire. Fire, which, you know, that can only go well. Yes. Amen. So I'm very curious about because when people say like what I've been married, I got, I had a wedding. I went, been married and married.

Yes. And they always ask my advice. I go, hey, spend money on booze, spend money on food, spend money on entertainment. Yes. After that, nobody cares about a fucking iceclosure. My advice is, nobody's going to remember your centerpieces or your seat covers. Have as much fun as you can with each other and everyone else will have fun. Don't worry about other people.

You are there. And if they see you guys having fun, you don't have to say hi to Aunt Jean. It's like, she'll find you. And if she's mad that you didn't take time at your wedding to address her, she'll go sit in a barrel fire. A barrel fire. Put that lady in a bad thing.

Put that in your book, Dan. Uncle Jeff can go sit in a barrel fire. He's the uncle. He's the brother of the bride's dad. Oh, yeah. And somebody said to him pre-ceremony, let's take it easy to that. You know that happens.

Somebody said to him, pace yourself. And then he said, because he does know the answer, he goes, the fuck does that mean? And then they go, hey, you know what I'm saying. Pace yourself, Darren. It's not your day, Darren. Darren, pace yourself. It's not your day, Darren, with an eye. It's not your thing.

And he's been up to the bar getting two drinks. Every time. Every time. And they're like, are you getting that for someone? He's like, yeah, me. And someone is like, did you see that? They're like, yeah, they've clocked what he's been doing. Also, they're bringing the sparklers out to other people and he's like, oh, sparklers.

I'll tell you. Here's the thing. How much do you want to bet? Sparklers aren't supposed to happen for three hours. Of course. And he was like, he had a real behind the bar going, what do we have here? Yeah. That's like the moment at the kids party where it's like, all right, we know there's a piniont in the tree.

We're not going to hit it for two hours. Not hitting it, Darren. Are you kidding me? Some kid gets the stick and starts hitting it. We're like that. That's not what we're doing right after the meal. And that's the kid who swings it back and hits another kid. That's a thousand percent.

That's Darren. This guy. That's his guy. That's what he did. Yes. So while everybody else dashes around, that's everything too. You can't hear it. Everybody's like, get a fire exchangeer, get water.

And he's like, ah. That's a little fire. A little fire. There's sweat on my arm. I'll throw that on to it. And then to prove that he's fine, he starts gyrating again. Yeah, he starts dancing again. Post-fire.

I love it. That's the whole, like. Everything's okay. Like when you're super drunk and like your friend breaks something. And then they're like, no, we're still having a good time. We're good. We're good. I got to clean this up right now.

You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. Don't tell me how I am. Don't tell me I'm fine. I'll tell you if I'm fine. We've all met this guy. So you've got to give him credit.

He did put the fire out and didn't set himself on fire anymore. And he avoided a total disaster. He definitely is going to lose his men's warehouse. Sure. Deposites. Any damage to the suit? No. Nothing that was already on there.

Those buttons were brown, right? You guys have a good time fee? I guess I owe you that then. Here's the other thing I love that you didn't... I got the color ash. You didn't know that? He's the other thing I loved that you didn't catch when we saw the video. A woman in the hat who comes up to him in like the maxi dress.

She walks up to him and immediately goes, settle down. Which is... There's fire going on. By the way, that's not... And she's doing... This is from a thing from... before. No, no. She's, she knew. She's like, this is coming.

This is what she envisioned is like, Apostolos. She's like, I'm going to have to say settle down to him at some point tonight. So I got it chambered. It's locked and loaded. She knew. She knew. It was like if there's an ice sculpture, I got to keep him away from that.

There's also like a good way to load it in with even more when you four words, everyone wants you to settle down. This is being discussed. There's been other everyone wants you to settle down. Her family is asking that you settle now. Yes.

All right, we'll get out of here. Although the man has yet to be identified, social media users have branded the man who smothered the fire with his fingers and their hammered hero. And the video, at the time of this episode, document being created, has been viewed over how many times?

Oh, my. How many times do you think this got viewed? This has to be a 20 mil. I think this is 3.5 mil. Okay. Eight million. Eight million. All right.

Story number one. before we come back from the break, I'll tell you what I'm up to, and I pass it over to J for story number two. But I'll tell you first, the hammered hero, who also created the disaster and then solved it and he very clearly stated exactly the metaphor. And then wants

the credit for cleaning it up. When I created this story, put it in the dock. It has been viewed 11 million. Wow. Jason's floor. It was very nice. All right, that's story one. Price is right rules.

Down in the books. We're going to talk about Dan's going on. We're talking about Brad's new special and all that great stuff going on. After the break, it's Dumb People Town with our buddy Brad Williams. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down.

Hunger Down is Dump People Town. Hey, guys. I want to talk to you about one of our phenomenal sponsors that I am using currently. I'm so thankful for them. I'm of course talking about Monarch. It is this incredible app that puts all of your finances in one sort of place so that you can kind of see. And for me, I'm doing some improvements in the backyard of my house. I got two kids in college.

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Go to Daniel vancirk.com. There you can find the link. For some of you know how to find a podcast where not only this show, but also the midnight air, my weekly overnight radio podcast where I just talk about whatever. And hopefully you go to sleep, just to hang. Fred, if you're ever like on the road and you're like, man, I need to sleep, I can't sleep. I want to hear Daniel rank breads.

Yeah. He'll rank the top 10 breads. If that doesn't. You don't soothe you into a level of pump or nickel in the top five. Dude, I should have put pumper nickel. You should have put that. I didn't put sourdough on the list at all because I just forgot. At all?

People lost their minds. People lost it. Very polarized. That's the midnight air. All the shows are listed up at Daniel vancirk.com, too. I'm going to be in Wisconsin. I'm going to be in Austin, Texas. I'll be in Baltimore, D.C.,

Cohasset, Massachusetts, Cincinnati, Boko Raton. There's dates from now through the end of October and more being added for between then and after then. So everything's at Daniel van kirk.com. Love it. Brad Williams, you have a new special out and it's doing very well. Of course, you've got already a ton of views. We're barely towards a million if you're not there already. Let's get you there. Talk about it and we know some of the material because we've been hanging with you as you've been doing it. You guys wrote one of the best jokes. No, no, you guys wrote a joke in Starfish, the last one.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it was, on your show, tag it. Yeah. Yeah, you, you guys, you, you guys gave me the joke uh my wife's half chinese i'm half right which i love it's such a it's so fun is this didn't this special is the thing with the bed stairs yes okay so i love that i think we added some tag there might be a couple of tags in there might be a couple scler tags in there it's so good it's so good and again what i love is it's very hard to come up with a new hour of material it's very hard doing it right now i know but you know that route but like to consistently put that out and and find new areas for you that are interesting. I love all the stuff between you and your wife.

I love all that really because it goes in air places that I don't expect, which I love. It's just great. Yeah, we've seen this special that are, that's solely about you, but now you're a dad. Now you have all the, I mean, and your child is growing. Well, she's got dwarfism. Well, so she won't grow that much. She won't grow that much. She's growing as a person.

She's growing as a person aging. And you are also aging. Yeah. And what it means to be who you are at this age, what it means to be how far along you are in this marriage and with this child. Those are the things of life that I think, I think as you burst onto this scene as a comic and really caught people's attention. It was you were like, I'm a unique person that has unique perspective. Now you're starting to talk about stuff that we all live and relate to. And I think that's a beautiful thing.

But still from that person, from your perspective. Yeah. And yeah, the special is called Live on Short Street. It's available on my YouTube channel at Brad William's Comedy on YouTube. We called it live on Short Street because it was shot in Lexington, Kentucky. There's the Lexington Opera House. Wonderful theater there. And I was going to call it something else.

But then when we got there, we realized the theater is literally on Short Street. That's awesome. The street is called Short Street. And they named it after you. I thought they were punking me. I thought like, oh, okay. They gave you a tiny key to the city. You're like, thank you so much.

Thank you. If they gave you a big key to the city, that would be such a dick move. Such a dick move. How do I fit it in the suitcase? Where do I go with this? I can't put it in my pocket. It was a lot of fun. Really proud of it.

And yeah, thank you guys for having me on to promote. Please go see it. So people can watch it on my YouTube channel. Yeah, so just go to YouTube. Type in Brad Williams. Live on Short Street. Live on Short Street. Watch it.

Subscribe to his channel also. This is how we grow followings and you find out about what's coming on for him. You know lots of new material. Yeah. Obviously, we're going to post this episode of this show and we'll collab with you. You can throw this episode on your.

YouTube page as well. And it's just a chance for you, as we say, like the model for doing comedy is changing. Dan has a brilliant stand-up special on YouTube that's doing really well. We may release our next special on our YouTube channel. Like, this is where comedy is happening now these days. And you own it. And you own it. And people can go watch it whenever they want from their phones while they're sitting on the toilet, from the TV in their living room, from all the things. So this is how we support comedy. And this is a great one. You guys are going to love it. Live from Shore Street. Live from Shore Street.

Check it out. All right. I got story number two. This is sent in by DG3 at Dynamite DG. Is that a new? Maybe. Yeah, I think this is a new contributor. Thanks up, buddy.

I don't understand this headline, but I'm going to do it. Docs, DOCS. Documents. Documents, quote. Beach fight over glass float, woman arrested after hitting man with driftwood. I love that. That is a Florida word. What is a glass float?

Oh, you've seen him. decorative but they uh they uh they used to be on ships and they wash up on the pacific northwest but they're little glass balls it's almost like you find broken glasses about these will still like stay intact if you've ever been to like any sort of like pirate themed place or or like a beach city where they're like selling stuff they'll be like green blue red and there's like rope around there i got it i've got it float up on shore and if you find one you're like holy fuck because they're old is shit and they've just been floating around the oceans for decades and decades totally uh Dan, you've nailed it.

Okay, Lincoln City, Oregon. So this is what I'm gathering. Two people wanted the glass float, and now it's on. Yeah, but one of them had driftwood. That's right. Well, that's what it is. Isn't it like... Driftwood?

Ocean's baseball battle. Isn't it like possession is 90% of the drift? Yeah. Of the drift? A dispute over a glass flood on the Oregon Coast, Oregon Coast resulted in a woman being arrested. Lincoln County authorities reported, according to court documents,

Police responded Wednesday morning, April 26, around, or 22nd, around what time to a disturbance near the Silettes Bay Lodge? I'm going, there had to have been some light out there so they could see the glass float. So I'm going to go, maybe they're both on their morning jogs. So I'm going to go 9 a.m. So no alcohol involved. This isn't from the, I'm going to say 3 p.m. Oh, I think. They've been at the beach all day.

Somebody else, I think, would have found this. I like the nine. I'll go 8 a.m. One of you is a half hour away, so you guys can go up or down a half. 2.30 p.m. I wish I could go 9.30 because that feels good. I'm going to go, I'll go 830. Yeah, I'll go 9.30.

All right. Get your answers in. Townies because it is 9.30. Hey. Brad Williams is right. William's on the money. Yeah. This guy's name is like a classic dumb people.

town name. Like it sounds like an improv team. It sounds like an improv team. It sounds like a band that would open for offspring. Are you ready for this? Yes. Yeah. Wheeler King. No. Come on.

Are you a blackjack dealer on a river boat? Wheeler King. Wheeler King is a TikToker that does BMX tricks. Wheeler King is the new Sylvester Stallone TV show. Yeah. About a bobbster and Tulsa. Mulsa King. Wheeler King is in Wheeler West.

Yeah. He's like a mobster who, He infiltrates the X games. That's great. He's the Wheeler King. He's the Wheeler King. I'm not going to tell you hold he is. We'll guess later.

Told officials that a woman hit him several times in the back with a large piece of dripwood and also ripped his rain jacket, which in Oregon, if you rip someone's rain jacket, that's like shitting in their mouth. That's like cutting someone's heart out. That's like punching their baby. Why don't you just take my wedding ring? Yeah. That's so funny. Also, but like, large piece of drink. Large piece of.

Riftwood, if there aren't holes in it, okay? And she's, I'm assuming she doesn't have, like, the swing speed of, like, Scotty Sheffler or whatever. No, she's swinging it like a broad swing. Yeah. And it's like a thudded on his bat. It couldn't have hurt that much. Because you said several times. Several times.

There's no way she's, like, pounding this guy with this thing. Right. Well, she ripped his rain jacket by pulling on it. Oh, okay. So what was she, like, dragging? Yeah. It's a tussle. Yeah, there might be, like, a splinter or something that gets caught on the jacket.

and then rip. And now the driftwood is pulling the jacket. I don't think but do you think each of them has a hand on the glass lock?

So this is what I think. She's like hitting him with that. I think she found it first and he's like, nope, I'm getting it and then she's like,

what can I do? Well, then I'm on her side. See, now I'm going with a Philadelphia Philly's situation where she sees it

goes, that's my orb or whatever the hell this thing is. Someone gets it. The guy runs and she's like, no, no, no, no, no, oh, Philly's Karen. Yeah, Philly's Karen. Yeah.

This is a, Oregon Karen situation. Yeah, this is an Oregon Karen where it's all about glass floating to the All right, based on her name, I want to see if we feel like she's that person. Okay. The woman later identified as

Michelle Dorcas Evans. There's no way. Dorcas. No. D-O-R-C-A-S-Evins. Is it hyphenated? Dorcas Evans F-N-O-R-S-E-S-Sive. No, that might be her middle name.

Wait. Hey, Dorcas. Pacific Northwest and it's D-O-C-R-C-E-E-L-E-E-E-E-E-R-E-E-R-E-E-R-E-R-E-E-R-E. Right. part of the San Juan Islands. D-O-R-R-E-R-E- That's probably it. Dorkas. I hope it's her middle name just so at some point she has to go.

Michelle Dorkas Evans. Dorkas is my middle name. Dorkas. Call me Dorcas once and I will hit you with this drift. The stupid Dorkas of Corvallis, I'm not going to get, later we're going to guess her age too. Said they were walking on the beach together. No.

When they both spotted a glass float, that King pushed her as he rushed towards it, which is a classic. You and your little brother. Are you and your cousin? You spot it and your first move is to push them and then run towards it. Which I believe her.

In a weird way, I believe her they did. Evan said she couldn't remember hitting king. Now we're, this is the dork. I mean, if you say I did, I did. If you say I did, I did. 9.30 in the morning, like, you know, I've swung driftwood at people.

I can't tell you how many times I'm just swinging driftwood around. You want to say I did, so we'll go with that. It all blends together. How little she's fighting it is also tells you how much she did. I mean, I say it didn't happen, but you're saying it didn't. So I guess we've got to go with you. I mean, sure. I don't remember.

There's no cameras or everything. This is the best part of it. This is why this story isn't done people down. Okay. Evan said, Dan, this moment is why this is in dumb people done. Evan said she couldn't remember hitting King but was holding the piece of driftwood while being in her

I got it literally the smoking gun Is it illegal to hold driftwood? Part of his jacket is hanging off of it and it's like I mean I don't remember hitting anyone with this driftwood that I'm swinging around as I'm gesturing in this interview No this is how I jog

I always hold a driftwood so I can do some curls You know how people rock with weighted vests now That's what you're doing. This is Oregon's version of a weighted bed. This is found art. I do found art work. I do like a good piece of drift. I don't remember.

You're holding drifted. Well, aren't you a fucking cop? Yeah. I am. Excuse me, Inspector Cluzzo. 930 in the morning. Here's the best part about this. It didn't happen in a vacuum.

A witness told police, she saw both of them running toward the hotel and saw the woman hitting the man several times. Driftwood. I mean, that's what you say. That's what the witness says. So I guess it's what the camera says. I don't remember doing it.

That's what this piece of driftwood that I'm holding says, but I mean, agree to disagree. That has his DNA on it. I did. I guess you're my Lord and Savior. You know everything. You know what I did better than I do. Evans was a rain. It would be funny.

You could probably watch. You could see the footprints of this last year. That's the real poem. Right. When there were forfeit prints, that's when Jesus was. That's when Jesus knocked you down. Hitting me on the back with driftwood. You just see the driftwood making like a spiral graph in the sand as she's dragging around to swing it.

Come on. Evans was arranged Thursday on charges of fourth degree assault. Not even third degree. I don't know if that's less or more. Okay. So this is what we've never been able to figure out. First degree murder is the worst. That's the worst.

Fourth degree. Third degree burns worse than first degree burns. It's fourth degree because she didn't plan it and she didn't. bring the weapon. She found it. And she doesn't even remember doing it, even though she's holding it. She may not have done it. It's also her level of Blackbelt. Yeah, very true. I mean, did she scream out right before

he's coming right for me? Yeah. I feel threatened. Ready for this? Fourth degree of assault, an unlawful use of a weapon, and she pleaded not guilty. Of course. She doesn't remember doing this. This is an unreliable in what world? Yeah. Would I, with this drift with that I'm holding in my

hands that I'm gripping tightly, why would I ever hit someone with it? Just because someone over there says I did this who has no business no rooting interest? They just want to see me fail. That's what these years. She kept going, who said it? Show me who said it. Man, we're not doing that. She's still holding the truth. Show me. Who said I hit me. I will beat them.

I just want to. Not that I would, but I'm going to. Where? Where? Not that I would, but I'm going to. I just want to know. I just want to know. She was released from jail in order to stay away from King. And Driftwood. Wait, are they friends? I feel like they're in a relationship. together. That is a weird part that's left out of this. Like two people independently walking. Right.

They both saw it or they know each other. Yeah. She is due back in court on June 1st. Before we get out of here. How old is Wheeler King? That's the guy. We'll start there. Wheeler King.

I just kidding. I mean, these names. Wheeler King is like. And Michelle Dorkas Evans? I mean, he can't run away from this woman with Driftwood. He's got. Now, she might be a track star. He's 71 and she's 48.

930? that this could be a metal detector on the beach in the morning situation. Yes. So they're already heightened awareness looking for treasure. Yes. That's what I'm thinking. It's a hype situation. I'm guessing our Wheeler King is 62.

And our Dorcas is 58. Okay. So he's 2.50. Close. I'm going to go Wheeler King 38. Okay. Dorkas has. Recently dumped walking around the beach trying to figure their life.

Seasons. Shove. MDE. I'm going to go. You said 58? Yeah. That's a good damn. They think she's older than that.

I can't like this. Yeah, because the driftwood didn't hurt four times. Just one of them has to be old to want this. So bad. Glass float. Although I would freak out. I always imagine finding something cool. One of the ocean.

I'm going to go. Message in a bottle. I'm going to go, she's 56. I get your answers in we'll come back we'll tell what we got going on Wheeler King 46 years old

Wow we're in the wheel house We're in the wheel house We're in the wheeler house And you guys were Correct in the direction But didn't go far enough Michelle Dorgas Evan 64

Wow 64 and swing and drift So now that makes me feel like they don't know each other Yeah because 4864 Could be his aunt That would have to be noted Yeah. Relatives. There you go. It's a story too. Crazy story.

When we come back, we'll tell you what we have going on. Brad Williams is with us. Live, is it live on short street? Live on short street is the special you can watch it on YouTube. We're going to keep pounding it and keep telling you. And we'll be right back with more dumb people's on. Stick around. Make a sound.

Comeger down. It's Dump People Town. Hey, gang, welcome back to the show. Before we jump in in this final third story that I have, Jay, we've got a lot of great stuff coming up. And whenever this comes out, we probably just got back from our, or if we, if this pops next week, then we've got, we're going to be in Mobile, Alabama on Wednesday the 13th. And then Baton Rouge, Lake Charles and Lafayette, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, Lake Charles. All the tickets are at punchup. Live. Follow us on punchup. Live. Give us email us so we can like. Yeah, put your email in so we can let you know when we're coming to your town.

And there might be discount codes if we're coming in and whatnot. We're headlining here at the Venice, which is a really cool venue out in Venice. We're going to do those shows on the 16th of June. And then on the 19th and 20th where Cobbs Comedy Club, then we go to the Comedy Fort in July, 23rd, 24, 25th of July. Then we're doing the Grand Comedy Club down in Escondito. I'm excited to do that comedy club down there.

That's in August. August. And then we'll be in Ann Arbor in the fall, among other, you know. To watch games. Yeah. Oh, it's a comedy. We're going to be in Ann Arbor during the Penn State weekend.

Yes, we'll be doing shows there in Ann Arbor. Comedy Showcase and then other stuff coming up. So supersclerc.com has that, but punchup. Dot Live, let's do that. Let's just sign up and do all that stuff. And we'll let you know we have other stuff happening on the horizon. We just, uh, we did our friend Kestrin's movie and I think there's some movement on that. So that was really fun.

All right. Shall we jump in this? Let's do it. Yes, yes, yes. Sent in by Josh Mout. J.M-O-U-A-T. At J-O-U-A-T. Okay.

This was a link to an article that Josh sent previously. I gave, I'm going to give him the hockey assist on it because I found a more detail right okay here we go three people sentenced to jail for bear suit insurance scam in California now I ask you I'm not gonna what do you think happen okay oh I think we did this story I think we did this story did we do the cars yeah yeah covered this but this is the update so love an update to this love an update it's story three it's given upstate well this is an update I remember the original but I don't remember now so I'll yeah I'll take it as so if there's a bear suit.

My first thought was like bear skin rug, but no, I think this was one of those bear suits like, this is designed to stop a bear attack? Is that, is that the situation? No. I think it's bear trash his car and they're, if I'm remembering correctly, they're like, oh, my car got trashed by bear, so I need to collect insurance on the car. It's like a bends, right? Yeah, okay, okay.

I don't know. So, all right, when. You have to know. You have the story reading it. I don't know what specifically the car was. Oh, I don't know. But I saw that I couldn't tell from the video footage. Toyota Corolla.

When it comes to the California Department of Insurance, don't poke the bear. All right. That is the lesson. Three individuals in Los Angeles learned when they recently were sentenced to jail. How many fists pumps after that writer wrote that? How many? Dave Camara, look at this. Look what I wrote.

Over under two fist pumps. Also, Los Angeles. How many bears are in, have you seen in Los Angeles? Yeah, I don't feel like that. You go to Big Bear. If you go to Lake Arrowhead, yes. You go to the San Bernardino, you know, mountains and whatnot. You can't.

Yeah, we'll hear about them like being in a pool. But it's never, it's like foothills. Right. Never down in Pasadena. Like you've never seen a bear, even an Alta Dina. You've never seen a bear like in the... Don't get me wrong. I've seen plenty of bears in West Hollywood.

Fills. Very different. In pools. All right. And they'll fuck up a car. They will mess a car. Okay, so sends you jail time for an insurance. They'll rear end many car.

Many car. Insurance fraud scheme in which they staged attacks on high in vehicles by having a person dress up in a bear costume, than pretending that person is an actual bear. The plan unraveled... Is this a Chinese zoo? The plan unraveled after four defendants in the case filed an insurance claim in 2024,

claiming that the bear had damaged a... You said it was a Benz, a 2010 Rolls-Royce ghost. Whoa. You ever been in Rolls-Royce? So here's the problem... No. Here's the problem with doing that. Like, why are you...

If you're going to go, we'll do the Rolls-Royce. And then three other people are like, and our cars, too. You go, no, no, no. That's too much... That's too big of a deal. We need to do one. And then a couple weeks later, we go, damn, that bear came back.

But like, when you have four, and at least one of them is a Rolls-Royce, that's going to raise a red flag. I don't know if we ask this question, but if you have a Rolls-Royce ghost, you have enough money for a Rolls-Roy's Ghost, why are you pulling an insurance scam? Right. Do you understand what I'm saying? Unless you got over your skis, got the Rolls-Royce. Sell the Rolls-Roy's ghost. There's probably an after-marketing. Couldn't kick of a better.

I'm sorry. Keep there of a better way to get in a non-life-threatening accident that doesn't seem like it's your fault rather than dress up like a fucking bear? So, kept clapping their wings, Icarus. Video of the ledge attacked inside the car parked at Lake Arrowhead in the sandburned in the mountains.

It turned out, if you're a Chicago sports fan, you know the bears aren't going to win in the end. Oh, come on, Jay. Times are changing. It turned out that the Eur-Signed figure in the video was, in fact, a human. Look at this.

What may have looked like in, there it is, what may have looked like he's going to play. up there. It looks like that bear got raptured. An unbelievable. There's the outfit. Look at the claws.

It's a pretty detailed. It's a nice clause. May have looked unbelievable at the time. It's not your average free. And now those responsible are being held accountable. The state's insurance commissioner Ricardo, Lara said in a press release after sentencing on Tuesday on Thursday, my department's investigations uncovered the facts, exposed the scam and help bring these defendants to justice.

That is the most like puffing my chest out because I need to get reelected attitude ever. Yeah. Look at those claws. Aren't those the things that people buy to like shred meat? I think so. Is that a meat shredding? Yeah. You know,

they're there to climb an ice wall. If we're pulling pork or climbing on ice wall, that's it. Those are like crampons for your hand. Hand pawns. They're hand pawns. Insurance fraud is a serious crime that drives up the cost for consumers, which is true. And no scheme is too outrageous for us to investigate. Video questions show the costume person to enter a vehicle rummaged through it in the less

than convincing fashion. like bears I've seen bears stand up and it looks like there look like what do you think the insurance claim like or likelihood of getting it passed would be

if they're already in fucking Lake Arrowhead just crack the windows and leave some food in your car I agree and then this probably just happened yes and then would your claim get denied if they were like well you had food in your car I'd feel like they'd go well yeah I mean people have food in their car

you can't help what an animal but if you leave the window to open like you. The thing is, the window's going to be broken probably. So they might get away with like... Yeah, but how can a bear smell the food in the... I know they have great sentences, senses, but how can they smell

through a locked or in a closed window? This had to be the dumbest... Somebody really wanted to wear a bear costume. That's right, right? They're a furry. Someone had the bear costume first. Right. And they're like, how do we put this to work for us?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the best. As part of the investigation, the state's insurance department asked a California department of fish and wildlife biologists to review the videos, the scientist determined it was clearly a human and embarrassing. Yeah. I love that. I mean, if you're a biologist and you're like, this is my job to study animal.

This is it. You get called in to be like, is this a bearer? Is this a human? They literally watched two seconds. Like, that's a human. Also, you staged all of this and did it in front of cameras. Right. Yeah.

Detect this. They needed some proof. Right. But like, it'll be. it'll be security cam Yeah And you know

I'm sure They smartly got rid of the bear suit As soon as they pulled The Suddetectives found The Bear costume Seen in the video While executing a search warrant

At the Home We won the suspects in the case Alfea Zuckerman One of my favorite Fish songs Alfea No that's actually That's a dead song

Zuckerman Rubin Ruben Tamrazian And Vah Dan I'm sorry I'm gonna screw this up Rubin Tamrasian Ruben Tamrasium

And Vah Maradaknian. You did your best. You know what? It's better than I would do. Marad Canyan. Vahe Marad Canyan. Yeah, I know, me too.

It was so great. Graduation was so good. He's performing at the comedy store now. It's just really fun. Is he really? Sunday night. He just did a set. They put him up to do a set.

It's part of like the Netflix thing I think. He did a set. What was his set? He put Chappelle up and him and probably came with Chappelle. Spell hosted. Oh, nice. Yeah, it was Chappelle Rock, Louis C.K., Shane Gillis, and Kanye West. Oh, my God, that's amazing.

I'd be like, you need to open, buddy. Yeah, exactly. You can't follow any of this. Unless you're doing music, you need to open. And also, just the music. Don't talk about it. Don't talk. Please don't talk.

No, he should go into his juice chunk because that would kill these guys. You've got to take that shit to laugh at me. That's right. As long as it has that logo behind you, you're like, oh, yeah, that makes more sense. Wait, is it, they did it in the belly room, right? Yeah. All right, it was all clearly in a human bear suit to Texas found the bear costume. I had all these guys.

Zuckerman and Tamrazian were each ordered to pay more than how much in restitution. This is the sentencing part of it. Wait, was it actually a Rolls-Roy's ghost? Yes. Oh, how much in rest-in? But to the insurance company, how much they have to pay at restitution. Well, at least an insurance company doesn't have good lawyers. Oh, wait.

Yes. They will get you on everything. Wait. I'll go $35,000. I'm going to go $35,000. $40K each. They were each ordered to pay more than $52,000 in a restitution. Marad Kahnian's restitution amount was not immediately determined.

A fourth suspect, Erarat Cherkinian is scheduled to return to Kla, Armenian They turned to court September in September for a preliminary hearing. We can guess their ages if you want. Zuckerman, how old do you think Zuckerman is? 34. Yeah, I'm guessing late 20s. Yeah, late 20s or early 30s. Yeah, I'll say 29.

39. Wow. Ruben Tamrazian. Well, I think they're probably, yeah, they're all probably around the same age. 28, 35. 36. 26. Hey.

Bahay, Marad Canyon. It's a generational group. Marad Kanye. It's a father and son bonding activity. 28 and red canyon. 32. There's one kid in the group, 19. One of you is exactly right, Jay, 32 years old.

And finally, Erarat Chercanian. That's older. That's a 44-year-old. It's a 44-year-old? You know what? They're all kinds of, I'll go, Magic Johnson, 32. 40. One of you was one year off.

You want to go up or down? 39. 43. My lucky number 33. God damn it, Jason, 39 years old. Yes. Got two. So good.

He knows his Armenians. I do remember doing this. So sometimes you do stories. Sometimes that's an update as to what is happening. Sometimes we got to update the dump stories. Yeah, I pay $52,000 each. Yeah, $52,000 a piece. Don't dress like a bear unless you can look like a bear and behave like a bear.

Or just lure a bear. You can't like what, exactly. Or just lure a bear. They're not hard to lure. Or just enjoy your Rolls-Royce ghost. That's a thing you could also do. Yeah. No need to rip it apart to try to make.

some cash on the side. No man, I got, I already got the PlayStation, but if I destroy it and then return it and get the money, I could buy a PlayStation. That's right. That's right. Hey man, we're all living life on Short Street. Live on Short Street is his story and his special, which is on his YouTube page. Go check that out. Follow him, subscribe to the page and everything. And then follow us, subscribe to our page. We love you guys. And oh, snap, we got to get back to work. Peace.