Dumb People Town - Brandie Posey - All Cops Air Bud

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

Comedian Brandie Posey (Milk Job) stops by as Jason describes how thieves attempted to light a cannabis shop on fire only to light themselves on fire, Daniel explains how a Florida man broke into a card shop with a chainsaw to steal Pokemon cards, and Randy warns against letting your dog near a shotgun, and so much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, we have a fantastic episode of Dumb People Town with the great Brandy Posey. It's got a special and she's so funny, but we've got some incredible stories. Oh, I don't know. We've got a weed store fire. We've got a chainsaw Pokemon. And then we've got a dog doing something that the dog shouldn't have done. And somebody got hit. It's all on this episode of Dump People Town.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of dope so unaware. They lack and grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down Each epic bail In Florida There's half price bail I'm happy to say they Good in love

So listen to our podcast band With co-host Arme and Dan Man dirt Don't be a jerk Because when the music Which the funny hits And wait stick around

Make a sound Come you down It's Dump People Town Hey Tadies Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population You Population Posey

Brandy Hi Hi guys I love you participated in the tomfoolery at the top. You just jumped right in. You are welcome to jump. You are perfectly positioned to do this show. It's all about jumping in.

I feel at home in the dumb people town. Right. So, yeah, let's hear. We come from dumb people. We come from dumb. We come from dumb. All of us come from dumb people towns. We come from dumb and we'll end up in dumb.

We're done from come too. We're done from dumb from down. All right. All right. All right. Stop. We got a great episode today with tons of great. stories. I'm going to jump right into the first one. We're going to get into your special second

segment. We'll let people know how to watch that. But first, sent in by Josh Mallett. This guy sent you. J-M-O-U-A-T. Oh, U-A-T. Video shows two people pour gasoline in cannabis shop before lighting themselves on fire running away. Themself? Oh, by accident. Are they trying to be themselves like their own personal spliffs? I don't get it. So let's get into this story because there is video, which I don't know how far you can You could smell that place burning.

So they're trying to burn the shop down and get ever the neighborhood high. Is that what happened? I don't think that. Competitors, I think. You might be right, Dan. Jay, we have said this and we were talking about this. And I believe we should do this bit more. But like our bit is that like weed should be legal.

Weed stores should be illegal. Yeah. They suck. I know it's convenient and I know it's great. But like part of the joy of buying weed is when you pull your money out, whoever you're buying it from is like, do you not here. Not here, man.

Someone's got to buy the iguanas. Right. That's so fun. That's so fun. Meet me out back and let's chill. I don't want to use a credit card and get like Delta Sky Miles when I buy weed. I don't want to get Marriott Bonvoy. I want to hang out with somebody on a couch that sinks too low when you sit on it.

And also what's going to happen to the tapestry business? Tapestry business is done. Done. I don't want to have to make a genius bar appointment with my bud tender. What? He's all booked from four to six. Imagine having to tell your bookkeeper that you were a bud tender. No,

or even worse. No, he's trying to find the video. It's like, imagine it being in your list of errands to do. I got to get the dog's anus relaxed. Yeah, I got to get the anal glands released.

I got to go. Or what is it? Express. Express. I got to get the anal glands express. I got to get my anal glands express. I got to pick up oat milk at the. store. Three prescriptions are ready at

CVS. Basically having the last day of Goodfellas. Got to stir the sauce. Karen, stir the sauce. I got to go to the weed store. His brother stir in the sauce. I got to go to the weed store. Kevin Corrigan's staring at a wheelchair. All right. Here we go. In a wheelchair. Two suspects crashed a stolen vehicle into a Michigan Cannabis store

and attempted to set on fire Sunday, but ended up lighting themselves ablaze instead. This feels like the most high behavior ever, doesn't it? It feels like a Cone Brothers movie. It feels like a Cheech and jog movie. Instant karma. Also, they should have gone charcoal, I think, not gas.

Just if we're gonna do this. If we're gonna. Brandy's right. Like, what are we even doing here? Yeah. What are you doing? That's one to grow on. Why wouldn't you try to steal anything?

Alderwood. So here's my observation. Smoke a salmon while you're doing it. Here's my observation. Arson on its own. Bad. Terrible. But when it happens to a weed store,

that makes it fun. That makes it fun, right? I know it's someone's business and I don't want to see it. All right. Let me do this again. gunfire at a convention horrible the NRA convention okay now it's more fun okay sounds like a whoopsie my dad disappeared from my life when I was seven that's sad he was David Blaine now I'm interested now that's actually kind of fun because there's a mystery to find because there's a trick

he did it at a show he's coming back so this is what if that was a trick he did what if that was a trick he did David Blaine left a family and then he's going to come back like 50 years later and film the greatest position, I'd say that's hack. You can speak to it. You think you're the first person to disappear at a child's a young age? No, but he might be the first person. They come back 50 years.

Dan, if your dad came back. They go, hey, are you then? Tada. Tad. They come back. Tadda. Like Job in the office in the hospital. Imagine being the bastard child of David Blaine, though.

That is a credit. So you were born in a block of ice? No. No, no. He was sad on a block. of ice when he had sex with one other. Surveillance video shows a Jeep crashing through the front door of the pure

cannabis outlet. I'm sad it wasn't a Suzuki Samurai. What is it? Suzuki Samurai. What is it? I don't know. Is that what you want to call it? Aaron, am I right? Samurai is what... They have the samurai. They have the swift. Sidekick.

That's a cell phone. It's a Jeep, but you flip it out and I knew Aaron would know all of them. Did you say the Suzuki Rat? No, so the Subaru Brats. Subaru Brats. The outlet says to me that this is cheaper than others. Let's wait for it to get.

Remember our old joke, man? When we were driving down the five freeway, we saw an Old Navy outlet store. We're like Old Navy outlet. Like who walked into Old Navy and said, you know what? I'll save it. I'll get it when it's at the outlet. $2 for a puffy vest? No, I'll wait for the outlets.

A buck 50 for 80 pairs of wool socks? No, I'll wait to the outlets. It's already an outlet for another. historic. Yeah. It's an outlet for the gap. Am I wrong to say that old Navy? It feels like it. Yeah, it does. For the frugal depressed person. Old Navy outlets. If you're going, you're depressed, go to an

old Navy outlet. Also, frugal depressed is someone who depresses their frugality. And so like, but it comes out in other ways. You're parsing out how depressed you are. Look, I'm a cheap person, but I don't want people to know that I'm cheap, so I will slink over to the Old

Navy outlet. So the the Jeep goes blasts through the wall and there is video of this which i'll show uh two suspects hop out run roards runs towards the back run one runs towards the back and grabs a handful of product from another room the other starts pouring gasoline so it did try to steal yeah they're like we're gonna i'm not leaving i was really disappointed that we're going to do all this and not try to steal any weed right i'm not leaving without these gummies i got to be able to sleep the fire seems not helpful to the robbery or not necessary yeah yeah you already broke the wall exactly the suspect then lights the fire but they ignite themselves

in the process. One of them is still on fire as they run through the parking lot. Stop trap and roll. Rule number one. This is like the greatest Pink Floyd album that never was shot. Or that video. What was that? Bork? No. Just a guy on fire running for 60 seconds. Oh, yeah.

Who was that a Bjork video? Is it radio head? Radio. Ah. I don't know if it's radio head. Maybe it is. It's on let's find out. We'll never know. Yeah. I wish there was a later. We'll never know. Rani. We'll never know. Mike Bajora, owner of Purell.

Cannabis Outlist said the break-in seemed like a simple... Mike Bohora. Seemed like a simple smash and grab until he watched the video. When you're gonna burn me down? A bermay down. Is it just a question of Mike Barhora? Bahra said the incident doesn't feel random and question if the store targeted was possibly by a competitor.

They did. You're right. Wow. Whoa, buddy. It did feel like that. I never thought anybody would take it to this level, but And maybe they did. Fire is always anger.

It's either accident or anger. That was my favorite part of my wedding when we dance the Mike Bajora. Is that in the chair? Everyone sits in the chair. Is that in the chair? No, everyone sits in chair. What's the chair? Yeah, that is the chair.

It's part of it. Chair. Then you light the whole venue on fire. I hate that pressure at a Jewish wedding. Because you're always the guy. I know. Get a leg. People look at me.

Get a leg. And they're like, get over here under this. And then I realize it starts out a lot of. of people and then like 45 seconds a minute and a half in and I'm like I think I'm on one half of this chair by myself because everybody's got a part of the chair and then people drop off and then they're like I think he has it and everybody's been drinking and stuff and so then they're like I look around and everybody's clapping and I'm holding up this fucking chair with one leg yeah you got a bride with one leg meanwhile like there's like let that big gentile carry that fucking

chair and most of the chairs don't have arms so they're easily could slide out you You could fall off. You can easily fall off. But as a person who will never get to be in the chair, it is super fun, right? It's so fun. You're never going to get to be in the chair. How would I get to be in the chair? If you get married and you have a wedding, I'm going to pay the band because I'll be there.

I'm going to be in the wedding. I'm going to pay the-in-you-is-in-you-in-all-in-all-in-all-huff-hav-a-gill in a you can take any tradition you want. Any tradition you want. I'm going to pay the band or the DJ or the person with an iPod to play Havana gila. Havana gala. Huff-Huff-Huff-Huffel in a couple. couple of songs and we're getting into chairs out. You're going up in a chair. Well, good thing it'll

be a lot of Rochelle guys there. Oh, Corey? We'll direct him what to do. Lift you up and then you and Randy's going to grab a leg. Have you been to a wedding where they do the chair? I've only seen videos. I've never been in one. I've been in the chair. I almost dropped the bride. Aaron. You know if you drop the bride, it's 40 days of fasting. What makes me really mad is I've been to Jewish weddings where someone thought about this and then others are like, well, we have to do it, but they gave no thought to the chair. So, like, I've been to ones where it was, like, skinny little, like, these types of legs. Like, this can't do it in that.

Like, I've been to like, the chair was made for this. And so you're holding on to, like, oh, we got good handles here. I'm going to say it again. I know, but look at this chair. Imagine how your hand's going to hurt so bad. You want, like, a wooden chair, right? You want, like, a big space. You want this.

Yeah, this is a good. Am I going to say it again? Do I have to say it again? You have to write the freaking book. I will dance with your aunt, the complete guide to how to be the best. Best wedding guest ever. He needs to write this book. You're right.

One whole chapter could be on like... I'm 100% agree. One whole chapter could be the Gentile of a Jewish wedding. Grab the leg. Sweep the leg. Laham having fun. Aaron, did you laugh at that?

Of course. I thought I heard you in the back. The chair I was having fun. The chair I was having to lift was like wicker or retains. I knew it. I burned my hands. No. She's a horrible.

You got a retan burn on. Are they still married? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, the wrong chair is such a up. It would be funny if they got divorced and Aaron shows up to be like, you're getting a fucking divorce. Do you know what I went through? Look at the burn marks. Look at the burn marks on these hands.

These hands are small. Okay. So, uh, look, he said it might be, I don't know. Maybe they didn't, but I don't know. But you definitely feels tardy. I never thought anyone would take it to this level and maybe they didn't. I don't know. Wow.

Way to have a minute. He goes, I don't know. But, you know, it was. He was definitely them. He goes, maybe it was. I don't know, but it definitely feels targeted. That's what he said. I love that the person, they're like, should I, the author of this article is like,

should I edit this down? Nope. No. Fuck that guy. Let him seem like a moron. Sir, would you like to make a definitive statement. I would, but I can't. You know, maybe I won't.

I can't tell. Imply a casual turf war. Totally. All right, but this is. So this is, but then like dial it back, walk it back. So then this is where the story takes a turn and I'm going to go. goes from dumb people town to smart people town. So the criminals were dumb.

They're dumb. They didn't need to do this. They're dumb. The shop's marketing team posted parody videos online and bought gas cans to use as tip jars. We're going to allow our butt tenders to use them as tip jars to have some more fun with it, said Brianna Pittman, floor manager.

The Monroe Country Sheriff's Office is investigating the incident as an arson. The Jeep used to ram. The store was reportedly stolen out of Detroit. built in fire. Now do you leave the Jeep in there like the old banana republic where the thing is like and the lights are kind of

slimming on enough? You think you should. Right? It's like your Jurassic Park ride. That's like I'm going to say something you walk past on a theme park ride. Oh, we have video. Look at this.

Oh, okay. Go back here. No, you'll see it. They'll show it again. Okay, okay. So this is where the fire. This guy's pure cannabis outlet. So here's they run in.

That's the Jeep backing into the thing. This guy's running the back to steal stuff. Let me grab some of this. The aesthetics are garbage at this place, by the way. The store is very like, industrial. By the way, the fire, there's back in, motherfucker. Also, this is how you know people are. It's my car.

To use that drivers in. Also, you realize this is how dumb people are. You do not need to back a car that fast to break a door. It is, there's so much power behind a car. He's what they're doing everywhere. And then they just light it while standing over. He is on fire running out. He's on fire.

He's on fire. He's on fire. He looks cool. it's just his shoes that were on fire. That looked kind of dope. And this girl's like, look, they made these, we got that fire wing, and they show the video, and now they bought these gas cans. That is smart. That is so smart. I love this woman and how they're, she's turning it. Pure cannabis outlet. It's like spiritual afro-man. Like that's the energy. This is in Michigan. Monroe, Michigan. Well, but here also like, what's good for them is they

drove through. So this is their parody video, I think. No, they already have showed that. This is a research. So they drove through the metal garage door, which is very easily replaceable. They drive through the front and the window. That's bad. This is just one door insurance covers it and whatever. And then they run away instead of pulling the car out.

Well, they stole the car. I know, but like get in your car and drive away. Yeah, drop it next to a metro line. Thank you. Takes a public transit. He was also on fire. He was on fire. That.

man is on fire men on fire and that's story number one in the books great story good stuff right good stuff out of the gates Dan's next

are we come back we're gonna talk about Brandy's special we're gonna talk about what's going on and we'll let you know what we have going on it's dumb people tell

with the great Brandy Posey we'll be right back guys I don't have to tell you August is the perfect time to hit the reset before the autumn rush begins and honestly we can't think of a better place

to start than your closet. We've all been chivalve on. Randy, Dan, and I that we love quince. I love these guys. They're all about fewer and better pieces. That little thing, that little notion, it's going to save you money and you're going to get great pieces that you're going to use. Their clothes are made with premium materials built to last, designed to become the ones that you reach for it day after day. I know because I've got their stuff. Quince specializes in everyday staples that work harder, like their ultra-soft organic cotton teas. Love those I have one of those in premium Mongolian cashmere sweaters. I've got one of those.

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upgrade your every day, download the Quince app for app exclusive offers, or go to quince.com slash D-P-T, get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash D-P-T. Stick around. Make a sound, down your down is D-P-E-O-P-P-E-Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. I hope you had a nice little break. Let's talk about what we have going on.

We've got some great live dates. coming up. Let me start by saying go to punchup.com. All of our dates are on there. We're going to add more of them as we sort of, as they come in. But we have great dates and the tickets you can buy on there. And then put your email in there. We are building an email list right now as old men. This is something we should have done 25, 30 years ago. So I'm wearing this shirt. I want to just give a shout out to this skate store in Lafayette. What's the name on the shirt? Was it say? Ruckus. Ruckus. Ruckus. That's the name of the store. They make their own shirts and stuff. and part of the impetus why we're like, we need to get on,

why we're pushing it so hard. To let people know is we hung out in this store the day after we did a show in Lafayette, Louisiana. And it was a great show and the crowd was incredible and we loved it. But we wanted more people in that room. And as we were in that store, two people came in and was like, oh my God, Sclar Brothers, what are you doing in Lafayette? We're walking up the street. Though we sit down at a restaurant, this waitress was like, can I take my picture with you guys?

And we're like, we had a show last night. Would you have come? She's like, totally. heartbreaking. We're like, we need to somehow continue to get the word out any way possible. This guys gave us these shirts. I love them. So the people in the store were so cool. It reminds us that we want people to, ahead of the, the last thing we want is to be in a town and the next day have someone say, what are you guys doing? So we're doing all we can now buying ads and putting ads behind our videos and stuff. We're doing everything we can. What you can do to help us is everybody listens to this podcast who loves us. Sign up. Just put your email in at

punchup. Live and we can let you know where we're going to spam you. We're only going to talk about two or three pyramid schemes. That's it. You like selling Tupperware? We'll help you out. If you get five more people to sell Tupper. And then we're in Ann Arbor, October 16, 17th, or 15, 16, 17th. And we've got other dates that are coming up in the fall. I think we're going to come back. I'm pretty sure we're going to come back and do the Flyover Comedy Festival, which is great in St. Louis in November. So we're lining all that stuff up. Put all the dates on there. So go check that on and when we have other stuff that we are doing or stuff that is airing other altcasts hopefully that will be coming up fingers crossed maybe for major league baseball in

September we'll see we'll let you know about that yeah yeah let's talk about your special hell yeah yeah it's good it's on yeah yeah it's called milk job it's on youtube you can find it at the burn this record's youtube page burn this records is a comedy record label that i started several years ago you did yeah i started it because most of the big industries that we have to deal with are very predatory. So I come from a very artist-friendly perspective. I promise you I have a better deal in a lot of different ways. You hear that comics who are listening to this?

And you, for your own sake, you own the clips. I mean. Yeah, I own the clips. I own the IP. And also everybody is a majority owner and all of their own stuff on my label because I'm coming out from a comics perspective. I know the way people have been screwed over by a lot of these other companies. Oh, we have stories.

Yeah. We can talk off my. But yeah. Or on Mike. We had a good and then we have a good and a bad, you know, like we did it the wrong way and then the right way. Yeah. I mean, we can shout out Dominic Del Béne because he's amazing. Love Don.

That's my guy. He is at blonde medicine. He's incredible. He's one of the good people in this business. We can also shout out the people who screwed us too. Yeah. Milk job. Yeah, milk job.

It's my second album. My first special. It's a hell of, it's a hell of a fun time. I really love it. Very proud of it. Shot in Portland. Oregon, a place called Clinton Street Theater. It was absolute blast.

My friend Taylor Morden directed it for me, who is a documentary director that he's done Pick It Up, Sky in the 90s, the last blockbuster. There's a lost documentary that he made. He's just, he's great. We've got like, there's like a very pretentious opening to it that I'm very proud of. Yes. It's fun as hell. I've got ska music all throughout the whole thing.

And we also had one of the cameras is a, we gave a PA, a VHS camcorder and said, shoot it like a boot. leg. So there's like this kind of camera angle that we'll sometimes come to where somebody just ducks down because somebody's coming up the aisle or whatever. Ooh, I love this. It's really fun. It's like a piece of art because comedy is joyful and a lot of things want us to forget that. And we are artists first, God damn it. And I will promote that. How it looks is, I love that you have control over that. That's wonderful. Helps define it. That's really, really cool. By the way, I played my daughter, Real Big Fish recently. Just to get her into it. And she's like, they're fun. They're so fun. And I like,

they're swearing in it so you get to do swear words yeah yeah well that's talking tell your dates oh yeah also uh i am uh doing comedy on warp tour this summer i'm gonna be in dc yeah june 13th 14 i'm gonna be in dc uh long beach is uh the end of july 25 26 i think and then orlando is the middle of november how big at the venues well there we have a comedy tent great yeah it's great it's uh it is also it's a special exercise and ego death because you will be three minutes into a joke and then sublime will start and then you will just see 40 people go all right sublime and you're like fair yeah i'm not gonna fight as they walk out say i get it i do practice santa ria yeah exactly that's awesome exactly but yeah it's a blast and then um yeah i've got more dates coming up um that's so fun yeah it's fun man i'm just trying to like

do you hang with the bands at all are they like aware of you like that comedy is happening oh yeah yeah there a lot of them are comedy fans like People in like the Pumka-Sgal world. They do. They want to do comedy. Yeah, yeah. When I first started doing stand-up out here in L.A., I started running an open mic. And I actually used to be best friends with Aaron Barrett from Real Big Fish.

We were like homies along with a year. Really? I love them so much. They're the best. They're playing Long Beach. They're getting back together for the first time in six years. When? Long Beach Warp Tour.

25th, 26 of July. If you need to. I have passes. Okay. We can talk. We might need to talk. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely come. I would go. Yeah. So we saw them at Irving Plaza. in New York City right after we did our MTV show in 1997, and it aired. And that was the first time we were out in public of that sort of people who would watch the show and whatnot.

And at Irving Plaza, and it was insane. Like, kids were, like, taking off their shoes and asking us to sign them. And I was like, I can't believe because we're at the show that we love these guys. And then now the horns in that band are so. They're amazing. I mean, I genuinely consider them one of my first comedy influences.

because they're so funny and joyful. That's the energy I try to bring to stage. But Aaron used to DJ my open mic. When I first started doing comedy in L.A., he would come and just like DJ between people and stuff. I love that you're doing this on the warp tour. So cool. It's fun as all.

Yeah. All right. So Milk Job, people can check it on YouTube. If you just look up Brandy Posy Milk Job. The thing that would be really helpful if you subscribed to burn this records on YouTube. The channel is 99% monetized right now. And then I'm going to be able to have like, offer the ability to put out like video on YouTube to to people on the label.

So, okay. So let's get into this. You're listening to this podcast, which is, yes, we do it through all things comedy, but this is very much an independent venture. We're very connected. All things comedy, I think like Blah Medicine, burn this record. We are companies that actually are being artist first and taking care of comics and trying to take the power back. We're creating content on our own without gatekeepers telling you, you can't do this.

And so that's what we're doing. That's what you're doing. So if you love this, you will love that and support it. Just subscribe to it. It's like the easiest thing of the world. Remind everyone again, because I'm going to do it right now. It's called burn this record. Burn this records because they're burning this to the ground.

That's how we do it, baby. I love it. Like it's a weed store? Is that what you're doing? Yeah, exactly. You know, back in the gym for when all your, on you do. Oh, yeah. Brandazel is my Instagram.

B-R-A-N-D-A-Z-Z-E-E. Follow me over there, too. I would love that. Brand-azzle. Yeah. Oh my God. Look what I just did. Burn this records.

Yes. Burn this records. I just subscribed. It's that easy. Thank you. Are you ready for story too? Yes. Send it by Sean Anderson at Sean S-H-A-W-N-E-E-70.

You got it. There you go. Florida man breaks into store with chainsaw. Another break-in. Steels Pokemon cards. Now, I have recently gotten back into the hobby. I am a card collector. Fine, but wrong weapon for the thing you're stealing.

Like, if you feel's overkill. Charsart. Yeah. Fucking circle gets a square. Should have brought a Charzardard with him and then had it evolved into a Charzardard. Do you still have any of Leab's Pokemon cards? I have all of his Pokemon. So I recently found out, I recently found out that there's a Pokemon card that's a peacock and I want one.

If you guys have like a base level not worth anything version of one of those cards, come over and look through his cards and see what that. I can't get into the, to the, it's called TCG, the trading card games like Pokemon stuff like that. It's so, I'm barely. able to understand sports trading cards. But I've, I've, I've, I've got, I don't know, I think I told you this when we did pen pals. I mean, I don't know what stage of life I'm in, but tangible things have become like paramount to me. Sure. So like I've been getting a lot like 4Ks, vinals and then like trading cards. I think it's a nostalgia thing, but I also think it's like, you guys have known me

long enough. We've known each other a long time too. I am a very much like stand in line at the post off a stand in line at the bank type guy. I just, I like a thing to be a thing. You like an analog experience? Yes. I am now at the stage of my life where I want to throw everything away. But that's a weird thing. I want to get rid of everything.

You've all been to my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm also sort of a minimalist. You are a minimalist. It's a weird, because even with me collecting, I keep it very low. No, there's a way to do it. Scott Ruggowski, our mutual friend, Scott Ruggowski, gave me a, a box of Desert Storm cart, trading cards.

I got to talk to Scott. From the war? Yeah, from the war. I'm going to get. I got a fun card. I got our Schwartz Scott future stars. Ryan Singer and Dave Wade are also into cards. And Garland's starting a podcast with the guy from Burbank.

I know. Garland. On our old cast. I know. I put two and two together later. I was like, oh, that's why that nut was. I got to talk to Justin. You got to talk to him. But the good thing is, is he'll talk to me.

Yeah. I'll tell you how it goes. But I will tell you this. You come to my house. Let's do it. And we'll swim in the backyard or hang out or whatever and the hot days of the summer and we'll look through all the Pokemon. I'll show you my PC of Walter Payton and Derek Gross cards. I'll show you my bulbosaur.

It's actually turning into a venusaur. Hey now! Thank you, Brandon. All right, well, a West Palm Beach man allegedly broke into a Lake Park store to steal Pokemon cards using a chainsaw. Already you're an idiot. You've got to leave them in mint condition, dummy. None of that, but like, if you need a chainsaw to break. into a place.

Would you say shop? Just shoplift. Yeah. Just do the thing. Get a bigger coat. It's cards. There's junior high kids that have figured this out better than doing.

Yeah, exactly. What are you doing? According to an arrest report from the West Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, Clayton Warren. I don't like either one of those first names. What if I said his name was Warren? I liked them individually.

Warren Clayton. Warren Clayton, he's a shortstop for the Cardinals and the late 80s. Yes, yeah, definitely. Clayton Warren is like, he was arrested and charged with Burrard The burglary and Grant. Guys, you know what card I found recently?

A Bonnie Hunt Chicago Cubs first pitch card. No, you can't. So they do cards for some people who throw out first pitches. You would have thought I just found a Mickey Man. A Mickey Mantle card. She follows me on Instagram.

I followed her back. Oh, she's just right. I find her on the show. That's a white whale for this show. I would cry a whole time. It's going to cry the whole time. The Comedy Saint of Chicago. We texted her.

I'm going to look it up. I think I have her number. Okay. Anyway, Clayton Warren was arrested in charge of burglary and grand theft after the owner of Collection Realm in Lake Park contacted PBSO. That's the sheriff's office on May 21st to report an overnight burglary. Don't do that. Text her.

Text her and tell her to come on the show. Hey, we'll do a live show in Chicago for her. Get her to subscribe to Burn this record. Actually, start out with that. I start out with the Burnness Records. And so tell her to watch Milk Drop. Could you just text her link to my special. Tell her to subscribe to that.

Hey, I know we haven't spoken in years. Here's nine things we need to do. and then come on our show. Surveillance video showed... She's not going to remember us. Yeah, I know. Showed a man using a battery-powered chainsaw. Battery power.

Good that he charged it up. To cut a triangle. Could use some gasoline from the previous crime. Well, can you imagine you bring the battery-powered chainsaw? You haven't charged it for a while. You get in the doors like, z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z. And then you're in the wall. You're half in it.

You can't get it out. Well, that would be me. He tried to use a battery-powered chainsaw to cut a triangle into a hurricane-proof front window. In the process, blood was left behind. It ends, I don't know why. Warren initially attempted to break the window with a rock. So do you think he tried the rock?

I was like, oh, I got the chainsaw, or went back home, got the chainsaw, came back after he tried to Tesla truck this window. Is it in Florida? Yes. It's probably in his car. This guy definitely had a half-charged chainsaw at his car. Half-charged chainsaw and a rock. Yeah, yeah. Just in case.

After watching surveillance video. in the back of his... Hey, you know what? You don't have to charge up? This rock. After watching surveillance wrote it, the owner saw Pokemon cards were taken, both sleeve cards and bulk bonus cards.

Surveillance also showed the man matching Warren's appearance had been in the store earlier on May 19th, so he cased it out. He was casing. The owner estimates that the value of the cards... Steal it, Ben. I know. Just take it. Just take it when you're there.

The value of the cards taken was estimated at how much money. How do you... Are you good at this? Do you know your Pokemon cards? No, I don't know how much. the stuff is worth. I don't either. What's a standard? Do you remember or no? No, because back when I was, when he was collecting, it's like seven or, you know.

So, Dan, you're saying it's got more expensive in recent, like, the excitement is grown over it. So I, maybe like $3,000. $3,000 for maybe? I'm going to say like $700. I'm going to go low. I'm going to say like $10,000. When we go high, you go low. I like that about it.

That was your campaign slogan. The other estimated that's the, you know, it's the, you know, it's the, you're The total worth of the cards stolen was at around $12,000. What? Which I'm going to tell you guys right now, might have been four cards. Jesus, Dan. Do you ever sell your cards? I should sell it.

Maybe you can help me pay for my thing that I know. Investigators used a license plate reader to locate Warren's vehicle, which was captured on surveillance cameras and found it was registered to a West Palm Beach. So at least in your story, they were smart enough to steal a car. A car. So that you can't. He pulled up in his own car with his own plate visible. He pulled up.

Pulled up. He pulled up. He was provided and found Warren was arrested. He was found at the home and arrested. He's being charged with burglary of an unoccupied structure and grand theft greater than $10,000, but less than $20,000. What is not so grand theft?

Like what is like mediocre theft? That's an old name of outlet robbery. It varies by state to state. We ripped off the old Navy outlet. The theft in Lake Park, Florida is similar to several break-ins across the country involving Pokemon cards, sports collectibles, and Pokemon, are a hot commodity in hobby circles. Pokemon in particularly routinely has cards from recent sets that sell for hundreds,

if not thousands of dollars in the second-hand market. Earlier this month, two people broke into a trading card store at a carry shopping center and stole more than $45,000 worth of Pokemon and Magic the Gathering cards. So here's what I, that was Amy, my wife, when she was doing stand-up. She was like, Magic the Gathering. All you need is a deck of cards and some friends. deck of cards

we got that deck of cards easy deck of cards easy and then she just leaves it but couldn't you just make fake cards number one number two couldn't you take the cards

that were really expensive and put them in a safe I'm sure they do but even like unopened boxes go for thousands if I need a person with a key to get me deodorant at CV like you can put the cards in a thing. Dan, we got,

you're going to have to come on. Like if you have a 2018 box of tops, unopened baseball cards. Yeah. Minimum right now they're going for $500. Not the packs. A pack would probably, depending on what type of pack,

the pack would probably go for 50 because that's Shohei Otani's rookie year. I want to sell all. So when you say that like, hey, there's a potential rookie in here, minimum worth $300. And sometimes if it's a, you know,

parallel. They call them parallels, like different colors and numbered and all that stuff. You know what's crazy? I went to a planet Hollywood was auctioned off a bunch of its stuff a few months ago, and I went to just go see it live. And you bought Sylvester Stallone. Oh, I wanted to. But they did have the birth rhino from Ace Ventura, too.

Really? I wanted, I just wanted to touch it. So I went to like a relic to me. That's a holy relic. Yes. It went for $50,000. Wow. Which I thought was a lot.

And now I'm hearing that cards are worth that. Maybe it wasn't a lot. That's something I can actually store somewhere. Yeah, exactly. Inside. The Pokemon company has produced cards since 2003 when it took over from Wizards of the Coast and has printed more cards than it ever has to keep up with demand. Since Pokemon cards were first printed in 1996, more than 75 billion have been printed with more than 50% of the card printings coming in the last five years. That's how, yeah.

Does that make them less? No, because they do variations of them. So like there would be a picture of you with just like a white background. And then there'd be a black one number to 50. And the people were like, oh, I have number 23 out of 50. And then the black background. Yes. And so then they'll do like 12 different colors.

And then they'll do like a one-on and then they'll do one. And then they'll do one that you all. Please. It's like the off-pits of NFTs. Yeah. I'm into it. I'm into it. I love it.

And you know what I like most about it is the people doing it are all. They're just FTs. Good people. They're fungible. I had somebody recently sell me an entire like binder full. of Michael Jordan cards from the 90s? What?

For 20 bucks. No! Go sell that. I mean, the IPC, Jordan, that's my personal collection, but yeah, some of them I would sell. Sell it. It just was so cool

because most people are so nice. What was that dude like that sold you that? How? He was nice. He also asked you to buy an armadillo. Here's the full story. I was in a car shop.

I was in a car shop and I was talking to me. He's like, what brings you into town? And I said, I'm here for a wedding. But usually, most of times I'm in Florida's for. reminds me you should write the book. And so, and he was like, oh, I used to, I used to do comedy.

And then we were talking about it. And I go, I'm actually in. We hear some of your bits. Alan and Ginter. I'm at a card scene. And then he said, I collect, I'm trying to collect comics cards of Tops because Tops does like comedians and musicians. Good that you can't find yours.

And so I have a comedian card, but same. Yeah, same. Same. And so if you guys will give me any of yours, I'll send them to that. So I go, I'll send you something. That's all I said. I go, I'll send them. And then you show me this binder.

and he was like you know this isn't even like in our system like we don't know where we found this so and i was and uh he's like i'd sell it to you for 20 bucks here are you serious i go dude i will send you cards so it was it was uh exchange yes yes for sure but it's still super nice of him oh my god i hope you did steal it crime right we'll get out of this card cards there's a shop that took over an old cvS yeah burbank sports cards it's probably the biggest sports card shop in the country I love it. And it's like a model. I should bring all my Pokemon cards.

All right. Will they rip me off? That's my feet. We'll talk about it. We'll go together. All right. I'm going to ask you this. We'll get out of here with the question.

How old is Clayton Warren? How old is the man? I can tell you how old Warren Clayton is. First, I'm going to walk you through it if you want to help it help you determine it. Scoped it out two days early. So that feels like a little experience. Chainsaw into a triangle. But then first tried with a rock, had a battery powered.

Chainsaw. Right. Brought his own car left blood on the window. Blood in the triumphals. How old do you think he is? Brandi, you are a guest. It feels Gen Z.

I'm going to say 27. I don't think Gen Z knows how to operate a chainsaw. I mean, rock, yes. Battery-powered chainsaw, absolutely not. Is there an app? I think he's 58 years old.

58 years old. I'm going to say it's giving Jen. X. Okay. So I'm going to say 51. 51. Before we go to story three, which Randy has, I will tell you.

Clayton Warren is 33 years old. Wow. Holy Jesus. They're on the right. They go outside. They go outside. They know how to do stuff. They just do it wrong.

Just be careful of what your dog has his paw on. That's all I'm going to say. That's story number three. We come back. We'll hear what Dan's got going on. It is Dumb People Town with the great Brandy Posi, whose special Milk Job is out now. You can find it and just burn this records, plural.

Subscribe to that and watch that there, okay? And we'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. Hunger Down is Dump People Town. Hey, gang, welcome back to the show before I jump into this story. I want to know where Dan's going to be. Thanks, buddy.

Daniel Vancirk.com for all of my dates. All right, I love it. Danielvancurk.com. All right, here we go. And then you're going to write the book and it'll be available. You're not wrong. You gotta write the book.

Just get, so now this one, midword by the slurs. No, you know who we're gonna talk to? Not foreword. Not prolog, midword by the Sclars. Halfway through, you guys write. No, no.

Dan, this is when it's happening. When Gary Belski comes on this pod, which is the end of this line, we work it out. We'll work it out with him. Okay. And he'll get you a publisher and everything. All right, this is sent in by,

so this is the story. I, you know how like someone puts it on, on X, and then you click on the link and it sends you to a news thing. So when I went back, I couldn't find who sent it to me. So I apologize to who sent it. Thank you for everybody who sent stuff in. I could just say it was David Fornier at DP Fornier 2.

I could say it was Carleen MacDermin at Shee-B-Carline. I could say it was Sean Anderson at Sean 70. Late Nan Nachos. Leigh-N-A-N-N-A-N-N-A-N-G. I don't know. But this is, I'm going to give it to Can-O. Charlie Schulman, could be it. Exactly.

Here we go. Scots Bluff, which I'm like, are you trying to be Scotsdale? Scott's Bluff sounds like It's a Scottsdale Bluff. It's a bluff. You're bluffing as to who you are. There was a street in L.A. called.

This is Eric Friedman's bid. Our good friend Eric Friedman, a good friend Eric Friedman, aka Moff. He's a wonderful writer. He was in L.A., of course, you know, Melrose. He was like out by Redondo Beach, and he saw a street called Nelrose. He's like, can't do that.

No, incorrect. He can't do that. You can't just be like. Like, oh, what's the street? We got Melrose. This is Nell Rose. Geverley Hills. I'm on Liza.

I'm in, I'm up on Venice Boulevard. Scott's Bluff. I don't like it already. Police respond to gunfire at a convenience store after dog accidentally shoots person with a shotgun. Ooh. Accidentally. This is an air bud movie we didn't see coming.

That's the last guy. Air Bud, thin blue line. You take it. Not all dogs go to happen. You take him out and he'll take you. A-Cab, all cops are bud. Give me back my balls. All cops, air bud, ACAP.

I'm seven times as old as you think I am for this shit. The Scots Bluff Police Mart was called to a convenience store on Saturday after dog accidentally shot a person with a shotgun. That is my favorite story. Yeah. Love it. Right? This is a movie. We need to do this right now. The dog had had enough. Was it Scruff McGruff? What if it was McGruff the crime dog?

The guy who was the voice in McGruff the crime dog has been arrested. What? He's been arrested. Oh, really? Only you can take a bite out of crime. Officers were called to a shortstop at 2002 Avenue I after receiving a report that a person have been shot by a BB gun. Well, I mean, listen, it was a baby gun. You're not really shot at that point.

Yeah. It's a murder doodle, I think, is the type of dog it is. While on the way, they were informed that the incident involved a shotgun. Okay, so started as a BB gun, bumped it up. Upon arrival, officers found a truck attached with an attached camper. The passenger side door panel of the vehicle had taken damage consistent with a shotgun blast. So you left your shotgun locked and loaded on the front seat. the dog just,

you know what was crazy to me is that the dog shot him, right? Yeah. That could be a mistake, but the fact that he kicked out the magazine, put in a new one and kept shooting.

It's a good boy. Magazine and shotgun. That shows you how much I don't know about guns. It's a Cocker Spaniel. It's a magazine, Dan. According to Skiff's love. The joke worked. It does.

It does. The rest of it's believable, too, right? Yeah. For sure. according to Scott's Welfly, the owner of the truck had pulled in the convenience store while the passenger was standing in the front passenger side of the backseat

moved from one side of vehicle the other, the dog triggered a shotgun that a live shell in the chamber. That's a good doggy. This is so funny to me. It's like if you're dumb enough to have this thing locked and loaded, safety off.

Thank you. It's like, what did you think was going to happen. At the time of the gunfire... You got the result of the situation you were prepared for. This is the best thing, too. At the time of the gunfire, a woman who stopped at a traffic light. The woman just sitting a dog just slowly bringing a gun up.

With her arm resting out of the window. One pellet from the shotgun blast struck her in the upper right arm. That's a BB gun. Her injury was not believed to be life-threatening and a family member transported her regional West Center for treatment. Can you imagine that? Also, as a woman, this is such, I'm not going to define female and male behavior, but the woman who is just, it feels indicative of a lot.

It's like, although you're leaning out of the window, wherever you are, you just expect to get shot by something. You're going to get shot by a dog. It's just, if you have the audacity to put your arm out your own window while you're driving. But that is such a casual. Yeah. She's on her way to the Navy Outlet. Where is she going? I will say this, though.

I was on a vacation once. We were up in, like, Alasol Ranch, I think. And I was super hot out, and I was coming from somewhere. And I got into my car to move the car to another place with no shirt on. And I was driving my car with no shirt. And I'm like, I can do this more often. I get this. This just reminds me of summer in youth.

Summer and shirt up in Wisconsin at the cabin, Driving to the pool that you're going to go Or driving down to the lake Driving over there Shirts off Just driving on a drink in the day It's vacation Skin sticking to the vinyl

Saying a little bit Dog shooting you in the arm What a crazy opening to Is that a sequel to Magnolia? Right like this What is the world coming to Where dogs are shooting their owners It is great

Good little story A Life of Pets I would never shut up about it If a dog shot me Yeah. Where'd you get that? Where'd you get that? This bitch over here?

That's the next special. That bitch shot me. Yeah, that bitch shot me. Hilarious. Milk job. Watch it on burn this record. Subscribe to the page first of all because you're supporting independent record labels.

Watch her special. You're supporting comics who are doing. You already love her based on what she did on this show. So just go and do that Brandy Posey. Thank you for joining us. Thanks for joining us as we've just been screwing our. before we have to say, oh, snap, we got to get back to work. Bye.