Dumb People Town - Brian Posehn - Laugh Our Tasers Off

Episode Date: February 27, 2018

This week, comedian Brian Posehn joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a man is arrested for aggravated assault after stealing Slim Jims. Story #2 features a drunk driver who calls the cops on himself. In Story #3, a man hurls a cup of clam chowder at a woman’s car. Finally, a voicemail from Nic Cage, who has an interesting business proposition.

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. And don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town! Population you? Population Posain! Brian Posain, welcome to the show, my friend. Hey fellas, thanks for having me.

It's so good to have you, to get a little Posain in the membrane. I love it, and you're somebody who we've known in the comedy world for a very long time, and been fans of for a very long time. And in real world, outside of time. And in real world. And in real life outside of it. Season nine of real world too. We were all in the real world. Remember that?

Yeah. Real, real Tulsa. Our sons are the same age. We've hung out at a pumpkin patch before. But I do think you are uniquely, uh, armed to be able to,

uh, do well on this podcast, which it is. And we talked about this right before we clicked on the mics. The world is getting dumber. Oh, yeah. It is just. You said we're heading towards idiocracy. Heading towards?

Right in the fucking middle, I would say. We're right in the back, too. That would have been great. We're going back, too. So, the beauty is that our awesome, awesome townies from all over the place sent us these great stories, and then we get into them, and I know Daniel Van Kirk, who, oh, my God, Dan's here. Dan's here. What's Dan doing?

Wasn't that a fun tweet? Yeah, someone tweeted us. They're like, I love how surprised the Sklars always are that when they introduce Dan, like, oh, my, wait, Dan, you're here, too? They were like, it's his show. The person who drives this podcast? It was so funny. I called like, oh my, wait, Dan, you're here too? They were like, it's his show. The person who drives this podcast? It was so funny. I called that guy a P1 listener.

For anybody who doesn't know, that's preset one on your car radio. Preset one. P1 listener. Get it in there. P1 listener. Well, thank you for that. Daniel, you get great stories sent to you. I want to jump into one right away.

We're not even two minutes in and I want to jump in. Let's do it. This was sent in by Kim Fritz at Kimberly Fritz. Kim Fritz and her mom are two of the best comedy fans ever. They come from Pittsburgh. They'll go like, do you have fans like that, Ry, that come and just, they're like, I drove seven hours to see you in here. One dude.

No, no, no. A handful of hardcore. One guy in a Slayer shirt. For sure. The same shirt every time I've seen him. Has not been washed once. Sign it again. Will you sign it again?

You want me to sign over where I signed it? Yeah, sign over where you signed it. Kim Fritz is awesome. We love her. She's amazing. I love that she set this in.

All right, here we go. An archer, an archerman Akalucha? Alachua? I'm not sure. At first I thought you were saying

archerman, like someone who just goes with a bow and arrow. Yeah, dumb people town, that is highly possible and probable. People walking around with bows and arrows trying to kill each other. An Archer man, deputies say, swiped Slim Jim snacks from a convenience store, was charged with petty theft, criminal mischief, and aggravated assault record show. Before we get into this, let's just see how you guys are feeling today. What is the dollar value

of the amount of Slim Jims that he stole from a convenience store? So we start with a game. But when was the last time you had a Slim Jim? Oh, probably last week. Oh, really? I like beef jerky products. So do I.

I'm a road comic, too. Get on the road, man. I'm a road comic, too. I'm on the road. Get on the road, man. I'm eating like shit. You're like, there's protein in this, right? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

What's the fancier one? Oh, there's like the, oh, I mean, the fancier brand. Yeah. Or the other one that's at the airport all the time.

Jack's. Yes. Jack's. Jack Link's. I've had those. More Jack Link than me. I don't think I've had a Slim Jim since the Monday Nitro WCW days. It might be a little while for an actual Slim Jim.

Slim Jims have a bizarre greasey coating on it. It's just a thing that Jack's Jerky looks like they tad a hunk of meat and they cut it up. Right. But the cylindrical fact of the... It makes me feel a little too... You put your hands just on a Slim Jim and then accidentally put them on your jeans, you'll never get that off no matter

how much OxyClean you put on. And that tight package, it feels like they grease it up to put it in the package. So that you can squeeze it to pop it up. When you buy Slim Jim, do you think they ask you what kind of Mountain Dew you wanted? Yeah, exactly. You didn't get your Mountain Dew yet.

You know you get a Code Red with that, and you're like, wait, I get a Code Red free? No, you're just supposed to go get a Code Red and have one of those. That's hilarious. All right, so we're going to try and guess how much money, what was the monetary value on this deal? Do you want to go first, second, or third in this lineup? Wherever you want. You can pick. You're the guest.

You're the guest, dude. I'll go first. How much money do you think he swiped? $600. $600 worth of Slim Jims. There's no way. Did he swipe some stock in Slim Jims as well? He actually stole Macho Man Randy Savage.

He stole Randy Savage's bones. The whole rack. What do you say, Ran? I think he stole probably about $200 worth. $200. $200 worth of Slim Jim. $78.

$78. But here's the thing. If you ever see a display of Slim Jim, there's always like 800 of them in there. There's so many in there. So what do you say?

You said 200. You said 600. And I say $78. Jason says $78. Okay. Logan Tyndale. That's. Okay. Logan Tyndale. That's his name. Logan Tyndale sounds like his Tinder name.

Yeah, it does. What's up, Tyndale? Logan Tyndale also sounds like a character on any CW show right now. All of them. One Tree Hill. Logan Tyndale of Southwest 89th Avenue in Archer.

Add that to the DPT walking tour. Went to the Chevron station at 12210 Southwest Archer Road Monday. I'm guessing walked. Yes. I just feel like he walked. He walked. Anybody who's walking up to a gas station, that's the moment where we're like, if they're not coming from a car and they're just emerging from the street,

there'll be trouble. Brian, I am so happy that you are in Dumb People Town with us. Because he walked into the Chevron and took the entire Slim Jim display. Logan, Logan's my man. Logan knows. Contained about 40 Slim Jim for a total value of $48. So you were right and Jason was right. Right.

So they're literally $48. So what's that? Like a dollar two? A dollar two per Slim Jim. Somewhere. That's close to the math,

right? It's like something to me I feel like that's still you're charging too much for Slim Jim. $25. Maybe that's how

that works out. I don't know. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's insane. In doing so, he also broke the $150 display. So, if you're keeping track at home, the display works way more than the amount of slinges. I think I was right, because if he took the whole thing, it's $198 and I had $200. Here's what I love.

At no point until it's too late, and we'll'll get there do they decide we should involve the cops which makes dumb people town what it is which is like the people at the gas station are part of the dumb people as well here they are the next day someone from the store gas station spoke to one of it's not a store wait wait wait wait, wait. Next day. The next day. Hey, yeah, already. They let it happen. What went down that night? The manager's like, you're being held responsible. Don't get him. Don't get Logan. I'll see Logan down at the creek.

All right, what do you do? Could you tell him next time he comes in here, man? You motherfucker, Logan. You did it again. Let me handle this. We do it in our tribe. You didn't think he was also. You tell Logan, too.

I'm going to throw away his application. Let it stay. I won't throw it away. I won't throw it away. I'll move it to the bottom. We already had a Logan, so name tag's printed. But still, I'm not... He's in the pile, but he went down, to be considered.

The next day, someone from the store spoke to one of Tyndale's friends and convinced and you know he goes by LT and convinced him to return to the store. Just get Logan back here. Kyle, just have Logan come back. Doug's going to lose his job, motherfucker.

That is the conversation that Kyle had with Logan. Okay, so now what's becoming apparent. That's our spot, motherfucker. You ruined it. What's becoming apparent is that all these guys know each other. Yes. So this is totally like, I can't rat out my friends because if I do call the cops, then

that's what it is. So the next day, they sleep on this broken Slim Jim and all the Slim Jims stolen for a day. They sleep it off. Which, by all the Slim Jim stolen for a day. They sleep it off. Which, by the way, do you know Jay and I both worked at gas stations in high school? Yes, we covered it. We covered this. I did that, too.

You did? You worked at a gas station as well? Full service gas station? Yeah, I got ripped off one day. Really? Yeah, I went and used the bathroom, and then somebody came and took my whole till, and I had to call the sheriff, and the sheriff already hated me because he'd caught me for drinking before.

But he totally, he saw how bummed I was and how real it was that he totally went, it wasn't a dick about it. He came in and he's like, oh man, you, and I'm like, oh God, you. Oh God, you.

You're like these guys, you motherfuckers. And then I told him, but he saw how upset, and I think I even had my own money taken, like I had my wallet there or something dumb. By the way, thank God you weren't there when it, you know what I mean? At least you were like, did they get the guy or girl?

No, I don't think anybody ever got caught. No, no. You know what's crazy about the gas station and what we learned by working there for a summer, we worked at each, like, we couldn't even work at the same gas station because they said, like, if I caught Jason stealing gas, I wouldn't report it, i..e that blood is thicker than gas right and so i was like so we are different ones but the thing is and i know you know this the same people come around your gas station so like regulars start to come for sure so these they might not be friends but like they definitely like oh yeah logan is a regular people have their gas station I told you when we worked at the gas station, all I did was Sprite.

They're so dumb. Sprite had an under-the-cap, like, win-the-under-the-cap prizes game, which was a free drink, which oftentimes was a free Sprite. So I would just look. I'd spend hours at the gas station looking under the Sprite to see if there was a win. You want a free Sprite, and I'd undo the cap and have a Sprite. Did you guys also know everyone's cigarettes as they were walking?

Oh, yes. A hundred percent. Benson and Hedges menthol ultralight. Here she comes. I had a woman who was a nurse who just always wanted like Eve 120s. Eve 120s. Eve 120s. Can you still buy cartons of cigarettes, or it's just so expensive nobody does it anymore?

It's so expensive. If you're rich. The 1%. The 1% of getting them cartons no but like you got to be so good like at the end of the summer where I knew

people coming in buy like a red pack Marlboro red pack and I knew if it was going to be a box or a soft pack that's how good that's when you're in the zone

like here comes someone Marlboro red you're a box right yep get it off the top and do it so these guys you're right

they probably all know each other the dude sleeps on this for a day or they don't know each other. The dude sleeps on this for a day or they don't really say, they just say victim. Sleeps on it for a day. Then the next day, LT's friend comes in.

Hey, LT really fucked me over here. Right. Okay. Right. They convinced him, spoke to one of Tyndale's friends and convinced him, Logan,

to return to the store. So now Logan goes back to the gas station. The victim told Logan if he would return the missing product and the display, he wouldn't call law enforcement. We'll just keep this between us. They're trying to settle this Amish style where we don't involve anybody outside the gas station life. But literally giving him every chance to redeem himself. Instead, you know there's an incentive.

Of course. It's Tyndale. You know he's not going to fly straight. Yep. Fucking Logan. Instead, Logan waved a silver folding knife at the victim and then later threw his wristwatch at the victim. So he took his watch off. Threw it.

And threw it at somebody. Waved a knife. A knife, to me, if you take off your watch and throw it at someone, is going down from a knife. You didn't bump it up a notch. No, you gave away one of your belongings.

He walked in and was like, God said you wanted to see me. I just imagine him snapping into a Slim Jim he comes in eating one hey man I told you to return it all hang on a second that was yesterday dude I take my watch off

to wrestle my son on the bed because I don't want to scratch him but I don't know who does that in a fight like I've never seen excuse me a second hang on a second

you want to take this outside let me take my watch off first I hope that Do you know what time it is Time for me to take out my watch And then kick your ass And then it's time for me to kick your ass I'm just going to say

I'm going to ask you what time it is I just threw my watch Linda runs the gas station He comes in He's like Linda Kyle said you wanted to see me Yeah If you return all the shit

We're not going to do anything Fuck you Linda Look at this knife What are you going to do with that I'm going to throw at this knife. What are you going to do with that? I'm going to throw my watch at you. What are you going to do with that knife? Throw my watch at you. You didn't do anything.

Oh, it is a guy. Never mind. The victim and his brother chased Tyndale away and then called law enforcement. So they wanted to give him chances. You crossed the line. As soon as you're throwing like wristwatches, that crossed the line for me. Also, don't you think the cops were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. When did this all start?

This guy just came in. No, no, no. This goes back a day. We tried to handle it with it. We tried to do it on our own and not call you. Plus, chasing away. Yeah, chasing away a guy with a knife. Yeah, scoot. Get out of here. Go now.

Yeah, like with a broom. Scoot. Get out of here. Go now. Yeah, like with a broom. Don't be late for work tomorrow. Logan, I guess the cops caught him. This is not a great written article. Logan told the deputy he threw his watch at the victim but wasn't sure if it even hit him. Yeah. It's like one of those guys who bowls and then just turns around and doesn't see how it goes. I always thought those people were like, this guy doesn't even care.

But is he trying to, in that moment, avoid battery with a weapon or whatever that is? I threw it and I don't know if it hit him. But also, two things about the watch. I'm guessing it didn't work and he did not pay for it. Both things are very true. I mean, listen, does a swatch hurt when you get it thrown at you? It bounces off because of the rubber guard. Yeah, there you go.

Swatch guard. So he told the deputy. And he yelled at the guy, and you can have your watch back. Wait, this was my watch? The whole time. That's unbelievable. I like that guy's watch. He said he wasn't sure if the watch even hit him.

He also denied, this is Logangan denied threatening the victim with a knife and said he only uses the knife to stop and start his atv if that is not the most dumb people town thing yeah i had a knife on me but dude that's my car starter your atv i need to stick it in and turn it i To take a knife and stick it in an ATV. What'd you say, Brian? My fob or what? Yeah, it's my fob. Right. But that is like something that someone who works at a coffee shop in Silver Lake has never said in his life.

No. Never. I had a friend that could start their GMC Jimmy with anything. A screwdriver, a knife, a spoon. It just had to go. Because really you're just turning it over. Yeah, it was so stripped. The locking mechanism was so stripped

you could just put anything in there and turn it. Turn it to the side. Good to show that to the public. Yeah, exactly. So this is a guy who uses a knife to open up his ATM. That's all he uses it for. That's all he uses it for. The only reason he even carries it.

I don't even want a knife on me, but I've got to get around to my ATV. My's all he needs. The only reason he even carries it. I don't even want a knife on me, but I got to get around to my ATV. My license is suspended. He also said, yes, he took the Slim Jim display, but only as a joke. Yeah. That's a defense for any dumb person, right? It was a joke, bro. I backed over his foot, and it was a joke. It was a joke.

By the way, this sort of re-engineering of history and re-assigning, this is everything that is happening on the highest level in our country. Oh, yeah, that was a joke. What? That was a joke. Can't you tell when I'm joking? Follow what I do, not what I say. Not what I tweet. And it's like the person who is like, oh, I guess you don't have a sense of humor.

You don't read jokes anymore. Oh, we can't joke in this country? I'm sorry. You know what? You're right. Arrest me for having a sense of humor. I'm sorry I hit you. It was a joke.

Yeah, boo. So then the victim turned over security footage that he gave to the deputies in a sworn statement, which I imagine Logan would be like, shit. Yeah, let's see how that joke played out. Logan Tyndale was in county jail Wednesday morning. Bond hadn't been set when they wrote this article, but I'm going to ask you guys, how old is Logan Tyndale? Now, Brian, once again, you can go first, Tig, or third.

Tig is what we call second because she was the first person to choose second. Now, he starts his ATV with a knife, apparently. Yes. Loves Slim Jim. Yes. Had a watch but didn't care about it. Like, is of the age

where he doesn't need it. Sent a friend, or somehow a friend relayed to him, hey, go back in, and then had the balls to walk back into the store.

He's 38. 38? 38 years old for Logan to know. Randy or Jay? I think he's 23. 23? I just don't think he knows.

I think he just knows. I think he's 19. I think he's even younger than 23. 19. 19. 19 years old. That's a wide array that we just threw. I think he's 19. I think he's even younger than 23. 19. 19. 19 years old. That's a wide array that we just threw. I know.

Logan Tyndale, and he has the bra of a person who will throw a watch at you, because I'm going to spin this around and show it, is 18 years old. Oh! I knew it. I knew it. And Logan is sort of a 20-year-old name. So is he. He's it. And Logan is sort of a 20-year-old name. So is the younger, the Logan Paul generation.

Do you think they gave him a county jail shirt in his mugshot because he didn't have a shirt on when they got him? He definitely was not wearing a shirt. This is a guy who like... Oh, clearly. Usually your mugshot... Look at his brow. Isn't that just an angry kid? He only wears a shirt in the winter.

That is... He's wearing a shirt. It feels like it's strangling. That is like the eighth child to a single mom like that i'm saying that and i mean that in that she didn't like doesn't know where the best she could do she was so great she did as great as she could with six or seven of them oh yeah my mom did three there was a lot of stuff that fell through the crack we just had this conversation i was like mom i almost did none of my work she's like i wanted you to do your schoolwork.

I go, I know you did. You were also working every night. You couldn't. It would be impossible for you to know whether or not I did your work. There's no way to drive it home. There's no way to drive it home. I feel what I'm saying is like, whoever took this first. This kid needs some attention.

Yes, that's all this kid wants. Well, he's going to get some now. He is definitely going to get some now. The county jail. All right, there you go. First story down in the books. Logan Tyndale goes down into

the Bobby Tisdale. The fact that they wanted to handle it themselves and said, we won't call the cops and he responded with throwing a watch and using his keys

as a threatening weapon. What is that? Neighborhood justice? What do we even call that? I know. That's very tribal. You know when they call the cops, they're like,

first of all, officer, let me tell you, we tried to handle it. We tried to do it. Which is what you never want to hear as a cop. Don't ever tell a cop that. And they also know the cop by name. Dave, we told Logan.

Yes. Hey, don't be pulling that shit you pulled in high school, Dave. Just listen to what I'm saying. Just listen, Dave. 18, by the way, old enough to vote. I just want to say that. Old enough to vote. All right, that's one story.

Let's take a break when we come back more with Brian Posehn on Dumb People Town right after this. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We have Brian Posehn here. One of our favorite stand-ups. Yes. If you're in San Francisco in March, he's going to be at Cobb's Comedy Club. You can check all of his dates out on brianposehn.com.

Tell him how to spell your last name because it is somewhat tricky. It's so hard. Look at your iPhone right now. P-O-S-E-H-N. P-O-S-E-H-N. P-O-S-E-H-N. BrianPosain.com. It's all German and weird and shit. Yes, it is.

Sorry. But check him out. If you get a chance to see him live in your town, you will love, love, love. It's a great, great show. I'm okay. Yeah, but it's more than okay. I disagree.

You will have a good time. And Nerd Poker, which is his podcast, which is wonderful, and he does it. It's been going for, what, five, six years? We took a good time. And Nerd Poker, which is his podcast, which is wonderful. And he does it. It's been going for, what, five, six years? We took a little break. Okay. We used to do it in a studio. And then we decided, or I decided, to take a break.

And I wanted to do it because it's just us playing Dungeons & Dragons. And the real way to play that is at your dining room table with your kid in the other room. Yeah, that's right. So that's what we do. Is he interested at all? He is. So are you like slowly

bringing him into the fold? Yeah, he's aware that we, I mean, we play to, you know, we play an R-rated show,

so, but we're, me and Dan Telfer have been talking about, my DM, the Dungeon Master on the show, we've been talking about

doing a kid's version of our show where we have his daughters play because his daughters are interested and around the same range as my kids so there's that moment it's not a sports dad but you're a dnd dad and you have to like walk that line like i'm excited that you're into this but i don't want to push you too hard that you don't get into it anymore yeah because, because when he was real young, I pushed my music on him. And then when he was like five or six, he rebelled, which was so early. But he's like, I don't want to listen to heavy metal. I want to listen to John Williams. And I was like, John Williams is awesome also.

Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Thank you. Which is also because of me. That's right. I gave you that too. That's the only reason he was aware of that. I'm not mad at you.

That's just another side of daddy. We don't have to listen to heavy metal all the time. me. That's right. I gave you that too. That's the only reason he was aware of that. I'm not mad at you. That's just another side of daddy. We don't have to listen to heavy metal all the time, but now he's back. Like the other day, he's like, Rush is my favorite band. And I'm like, right on. Okay, so I've been following you on Instagram. I've been looking at all your Instagrams. I love that you got from your wife a tape player, right? A cassette component.

Yeah, I asked for it. Well, that's what I asked for for Christmas. It was a boombox. Okay, and you are going back and buying all the old tapes that you had when you were a kid. Yeah, the whole thing was to find the exact, well, not the exact ones, but to buy. To buy those tapes. Yeah, but also I'm collecting them almost. I'm trying to find the nicest copies I can find, which isn't always easy.

Every once in a while you can find a Super Saver that sat on a Kmart shelf forever, and so it's still in the, still in the packaging, still in the wrapper. I've got a couple of those. That's a gem. I got Rat out of the Cellar

like that. Out of the Cellar! Milton Berle in the video! Oh, for sure. And I bought the first Rat, I bought the Rat EP, I got Dio, Holy Diver.

Holy Diver! Rush, Moving Pictures and Signals I both had on cassette because I had a bunch of other stuff

on vinyl back then that Moving Pictures Moving Pictures Signals and Grace Under Pressure so but when you think about Moving Pictures okay I'm going to say this

as the song Limelight alright which is all about fame our lives essentially a little bit about our lives because there are people

who know you and he's all about how uncomfortable he feels when he's talking to you. Well, it's actually Neil Peart. He hates it. What did you think of the Rush Netflix documentary? I like every, yeah, that one was great. Pretty unbelievable. The idea, to me,

my favorite part about that, Dan, did you see that? I'm going to recommend it to all of our listeners and whatnot. It is fascinating. Even if you're not a Rush fan it is amazing just the simplicity and the good fortune they had that the guy who was programming

WMMS, which was the home of the buzzard Cleveland Rock Station was gone for like a week vacation and some open minded woman they called down and were like, will you play down or like will you play this record will you play this record and she's like yeah it sounds pretty good and she just made the correct decision no ego what's this new zeppelin song or whatever working man and they're like and suddenly that's

all people wanted to hear it just took one person to be there and then the door was kicked open for russian america which i just think is and will say this. My kids are super obsessed with Welcome to the Jungle. That song by Guns N' Roses, by GNR. And it pumps up my car like crazy. They love it so much, and they're like louder, and I'm like, yes! Do you ask them if they know where they are? I say, do you know where you are?

And they love when I can imitate his voice. They think that's hilarious. It's super cool. I love that. Anyway, great thing. And tapes, the quality of the sound, you're okay with it? You know, it's a different thing because I collect vinyl too

and I still have my CDs. I still like having practical things in my hand. The physical copy. Rather than streaming at all. I stream too. I'll buy things because I stay up on new metal too. What's your'll buy things, because I stay up on new metal, too. What's your favorite new metal band out right now?

There's not a ton. Well, Visigoth. Yeah. I like. They did the theme song for Nerd Poker, too. Nice. That's amazing. That's awesome.

How good is Brandon Small's band? He's amazing. Well, yeah. The Metalocalypse stuff is ridiculous. The Galacticon is one of the best records metal records of the last year

the one he did it's crazy that he's a comedy guy but he sold more more records than most death metal bands it's unbelievable he told me like

at concerts they just put up on the big screen the characters and they're down underneath just playing and they're like

everyone in the audience they can look out in the crowd and see them all looking at the characters and they're like if you looked at us they're like, everyone in the audience, they can look out in the crowd and see them all looking at the characters. And they're like, if you looked at us, we're like 40-year-old dudes just down below. And everybody's here for the cartoon. Yeah.

It's awesome. It's genius. Phenomenal. All right. Shall we get into another story? Let's do it. This was sent in by Maggie Griggs at Maggie Griggs. M-A-G-G-I-E-G-R-I-G-S.

Thank you for being so straightforward. Thanks, Maggie Griggs. She's part of one of our loyal citizens at Dumb People Town. I want to say really quick, too, guys, because some people still ask us, there's links on the Twitter page as well as the Facebook page where you can get all of your merch. All of that stuff is there. Go to fluffycrate.com and you can just...

And we're going to have a couple new designs come up. We've talked to a tune-a-do where we ask everybody, what would be your favorite shirt inspired by a story? I believe there'll be a Jan Flato one. Brian is one of the best characters ever to come out of this show. So imagine if Logan Tyndale just started commenting on our Facebook page. Where we put all the stories. So we had a guy who is now part of our community and it's unbelievable.

The story was about him. The story was about a guy and he is now part of the Facebook. Last night he posted a thing saying how we're coming up, I think January 31st we're recording it right before then. That's the anniversary of him losing all of his money to that Russian thief. Brian, I'll fill you in off there.

He said, you know, it's coming up his mom just fell and had a fall and I said, we're all thinking about her Jan. So Jan's part of the community. Jan's part of the community. Yeah, dude. Welcome. We're about to meet another member, though.

Okay. Winterhaven. All right. Is that his name? No. That would be awesome, though. I'm just kidding. Is this like the one town in Game of Thrones that they don't have?

Winterfell. Winterhaven. Yeah. Deputies in Polk County say they arrested 30 people for driving drunk last month i thought it was like a one night i know i did too and i was reading you never know how the sentence is gonna end right right it takes a turn okay so i was at a bar and they were all going to this dude's house we're all going to craigs everybody put on caravan while we drive there hey come in rotor in, Rotor Ducky.

Bri, you've performed at the Helium in Buffalo. Have you not done that? Yes. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. So the bars in Buffalo stay open until 4. Yeah. There is no Uber in Buffalo.

Well, there's that bar right next door, which is great. It's a great bar. It's got a hammered right. Oh, my God. There's so many good bars in that area. But Uber tried to make it in Buffalo and it failed

because people would rather drive drunk fuck it I'll drive drunk and I feel like there's a point when did that happen because I used Uber there

oh good it came back it came back it came back it was gone like three years ago it was gone it couldn't survive there

and then we used to say Uber got killed by a drunk driver I felt like everyone in Buffalo at 3 in the morning is driving drunk, so they're all swerving at the same time, and it kind of makes sense. It all works. It's like fishing in a hatchery.

The cops are like, which one do you want to get? Plus on the ice, it's kind of better to be hammered if you're driving on the ice. If you're driving in the snow, you should be a little drunk. Yeah, you'll be too tense. Not drunk, but a little buzz. Get a nice buzz going. There's got to be a reason you're making that bad decision. Put a little whiskey in with your coffee.

One of those arrests made of the 30 was probably the easiest one the cops will ever make. Okay, here we go. It was New Year's Eve when a man called 911 to report a drunk driver. Himself. I'm drunk. I don't know where I'm at, the caller told the 911 dispatcher. I'm just drunk driving all night.

The Polk County Sheriff's Office released a recording of the call Friday. The man sat on the phone. His name was Michael Lester of Winter Haven and he was looking for police but had a little trouble with his location when the dispatcher asked. He said I don't know. I'm too drunk.

We're going to play 41. Too drunk to operate a phone that has GPS. I'm going to show you a picture of this guy before we play a little recording of him calling in. I'm not trying to make people help them for what they're searching for out there, but this is Logan's dad. Look at Logan. This is a guy who wears his sunglasses on the top of his head all the time. This is a guy who wears NBA jerseys over white t-shirts.

And is that a selfie? It looks like his arm is extended. It's 100% a selfie. But he's trying to hide it a little bit, right? Backyard selfie. Backyard selfie. And you know what else you guys can pick on this? He's doing the closet thing where he's looking at the phone rather than the lens.

Yeah, for sure. He wants to see the photo. Where's my face? Where's my face? This is going on a job application. I better turn my head around backwards so people don't think I'm being disrespectful. By the way, you can see that photo at the Don't Be Able To Help Facebook page. Join the page.

Love it. Okay, here we go. Ready to hear some of this? I'm so ready 9-1-1 what's the address of your emergency um all over winter haven that's his address sir um hello i don't know um hello i don't know

okay what is it you're trying to report sir uh i was just uh drunk driving you're drunk driving right now yeah okay well can you actually write from the police department right now i don't know i'm too drunk okay well you need to pull over i don't! Can you pull over somewhere? I don't know. I'm too drunk. Okay, well, you need to pull over. Can you pull over for me? Can you pull over for me so I can get an officer to make contact with you? I'm showing that you're near 142nd Street Northwest. Can you look around and see for a sign?

What color is your name? Yeah, that's right. That's the police department, but no one's there. Sure. It goes on for two more minutes. This dude is unbelievable. I love that he's like, I don't know, man.

Right. He's resigned to the fact that this is just how life is, man. He's doing the right thing. He is doing the right thing. He's halfway through it. Because he's not stopping driving. Right. He's still driving. That's a great motto for Dumb People Town. Doing the right thing. Sort of.

Dumb People Town. Because he is right. Like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this. You're right, man. So all he's doing, basically, is providing an opportunity for us to maybe hear him run into somebody. That's what he's doing by being on the phone. In the recording, the dispatcher continues to ask him.

Like I said, guys, that goes on for over two more minutes. Oh, yeah. Which is the patience of her. She's a pro doing her job. I just can tell how much she hates white people. And with good reason. In the recording, the dispatcher continues to ask him to pull over and tries to get more information on him. The caller tells her he's driving on the wrong side of the road

in his red F-150 Ford. Somewhere near a public. Who would have called that? Somewhere near a public, which is anywhere in Florida. Ask me to guess what car. Somewhere near a public. I might have even said red. Somewhere near a public

literally is everywhere. Everywhere in Floridaida you've just described the entire state of florida everything he continues to wonder to the dispatcher where the police are yeah where are the police pulled up and i guess they're not there i'm not gonna make it that easy yeah quote then he says to her out of nowhere quote i think i'm gonna go get some to eat they can catch up with me like a friend leaving the bar while everybody else is still there. You guys want anything? Ask them if they want anything. I don't know.

I want to be at Steak and Shake. I don't know. They know where to find me. Which one, sir? You know which one to find me. It's the one with the steak. Eventually, he becomes more belligerent, refusing to give his name, and objecting to the dispatcher's repeated pleas to pull over.

He says to her, you don't need to tell me what to do, and then hangs up. You called us. So is he getting drunker as he's on the phone? I don't know. I don't know. You don't need to tell me what to do. Don't lecture me. Please tell me what to do. Don't lecture me. Please tell me what to do right now because I'm drunk and I don't know what to do.

Although I'm calling you to be like, what should I do? You do when you don't. Do you think he got in a fight with someone he loves who said, yeah, why don't you just go out and get arrested? And then he got drunk and was like, I can get arrested if I want to get arrested. I love it. You know he's parsing the freight. You don't need to tell me what to do.

I want you to tell me what to do. You don't need the freight you don't need to tell me what to do I want you to tell me what to do you don't need to tell me that was actually the fifth time he'd said that that day

he said it to his mom that morning to his boss his wife to the dog his ex-wife to Logan Tindall's girlfriend's kid

the bartender the bartender's kid can't leave hey man why don't you uh not be so loud at the end of the bar yeah i need to tell you to the guy in the urinal next to him you don't need to tell me what to do nobody's implied what we do in here yeah but you don't need to tell me i know sir sir i'm on this i'm on this side all right okay i'll see you then you're not gonna wash your head why would you you're literally talking to nobody. I'm over here. I'm on the other side.

Yeah, he probably did say it to a door at one point. He didn't tell me what to do. So he is... Condescend me, mother. This guy is so dumb, he's not someone's stepfather. He's just a boyfriend of someone's mom. Deputies managed to track down the pickup truck. They say Lester admitted to having several beers.

He also only slept four hours in the past four days and that he had swallowed meth earlier. So he was very talkative when they caught up. Guys, you don't need to tell me what to say. Let me start telling you some things. Swallowed meth.

I don't know if that's the... That's not what he meant to do. It also sounds like a great band name. But that isn't how you do meth, right? You don't swallow it generally. Maybe he was like, I'm my own drug mule. Where you going? Do you want to have to tell me?

I don't know. All over Winter Garden. That's where I'm going. Where's the police station? They then... The cops, after they arrested them, put up a post on their Twitter or Facebook about all of this. This is where the cops also become members of Dumb People Town.

Quote, DUI is not a laughing matter. They offered a somewhat tongue-in-cheek... Meaning, guess what? Here comes a story that we think is really funny. You're right. DUI is not a laughing matter. However, in this particular incident... DUI is not a laughing matter however there comes the comedy in this particular incident don't you love when you meet someone

after a show and you can feel the joke coming that they think you're gonna love they think you're gonna love yes and you're also like

we're 50-50 that this is gonna be racist yeah 50-50 every time and have you ever walked away going that is the best joke

I've ever heard no it's rare so they go DUI is not a laughing matter. However, in this particular incident, nobody was hurt, so we couldn't help but low-toe. Does anyone want to take

a guess what low-toe means? Is it like YOLO? Is it one of those types of like... Laugh out loud. Laugh out... Low-toe. Laugh out loud. No. Laugh out. Laugh. Low toe. Laugh out.

Let other. T-shirt out. Laugh out. T-shirt out. Laugh out. There it is. It's worse. Everything you guys have said is better than what it is.

By the way, laugh out, T-shirt out sounds like a walk for dyslexia. Leave out the... Oh, I'm close, Dan. No, you're not. It's worse than... You guys are being too good at this. Love... It is,

laugh our tasers off. And they literally wrote, we couldn't help but low-toe, parentheses, that means laugh our tasers off, end parentheses. I love that they're using an instrument that some police, not all, but some police use to brutalize people and sometimes racially. It's part of their bit. That is like, we laughed our tasers off.

I know. And they let us in on a thing that they say. Yes, like that's in language. We're all friends now. Exactly. If you're on the cop's Facebook page at all. Yeah, that's true. Think about how little time you have to jump on social media.

But you're like, let me see what the police are up to. Your wife is like, Brian, can you please get in here and help out? One more minute, honey. I'm just on the police Facebook page. I'm on the Glendale police. I'm laughing my tasers off. The Sheboygan scanner on Twitter is great. I'm just on the police Facebook page. I'm on the Glendale police. I'm laughing my tasers off. The Sheboygan scanner on Twitter is great. I thought you meant if you literally are highlighted as one of the people on the cop's Facebook page.

Unless you're in a fun run or giving them a check. Oh, it's not good. You don't want to be right, but you're not even trolling the page. No one's checking it out. That's true. I always said, too, if your last name is one of the segments in the running line at the bottom of ESPN, it has not gone well. Oh, no, it is not good. When it just says Tiger, you're like, oh, shit.

No, no, no. If your name comes up on the crawl on ESPN and it doesn't give your stats right after it. You know, allegations were leveled. Something horrible happened. The PC, Polk County Sheriff's Office, PCSO, post added, at least Michael wasn't involved in a crash and lived to see another day.

Which is what I also feel like he probably says to himself every morning. By the way, I would do the first half of that. At least. And I would not include the rest of it in the at least. Yeah, like, so keep at it? I would be like, at least he wasn't involved in a crash. Here's the bad news.

He gets to live to see another. That is for definitely some people. I also wish we could hear the dumb people townies that were screaming, laughed our tasers off. You know there's at least 20 out there in their cubicle or on their way home or doing something in their house that were like... By the way, that may be a new t-shirt. Loto.

Oh, my God. Don't be with town Loto. After our tasers off. After our tasers off. There we go! Jeez. Do we know he's in jail or no? Yeah, he's in jail.

Oh, he's got to be in jail. He's in jail. Look, but as Brian said, he kind of did the right thing in calling the cops. Like, at least he let them know that he was out there doing something not right. Yeah. So, he just didn't stop doing the thing that's not right.

And then got belligerent with the woman who was like trying to get her to go. I'm right out here, man. Yeah, where are you? Quit talking to me. You know how you say like his heart was in the right place?

I've circled your place six times. And I'm not pulling it until somebody waves me over. That's right. You know how people say like his heart was in the right place it doesn't work his like

his self hatred his self hatred was in the his like lack of worth was in the right place I want to google swallow meth and see what that

does to you like does that make you just want to confess I want to know maybe it's like a truth serum of sorts alright there you go

you check it out in the break we'll take one more break when we come up last story Dan give us a little tease a little taste Maybe it's like a truth serum of sorts. All right, there you go. All right, you check it out in the break. We'll take one more break. When we're coming up, last story, Dan, give us a little tease, a little taste. Just a random act of dumbness. I love it. Literally, there's no explanation of why this happened, but there's fun details about it.

I love it. Random act of dumbness. Brian Posain is with us. Dumb People Town, stay here. All right, guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town with the great Brian Posain. Follow him on Twitter. Follow him on the Instagrams, right? You're on the Instagrams. Oh, yeah. stay here alright guys welcome back to Dumb People Town with the great Brian Post saying follow him on Twitter follow him on the

Instagrams right? you're on the Instagrams yeah oh yeah mostly pictures of my dog and cassettes and your tapes cassettes that I purchased

if you're a music person you love I like both those things yeah and you're a great dog how do you remember all the ones you had or did you just that's one of my things

I mean I've been nerdy about a lot of things, but music is my... I know that, but do you feel like you remember your whole catalog? Yeah, I mean, I might not get all of it, but... If you had someone single, are you trying to find the single?

No. Oh, Kasingles? I never did that. Kasingles or single cassettes? Yeah, I think I had the ugly kid joke kasingle of cats in the cradle okay

so that'll tell you a lot about me if you read it I tell my kids because my daughter is now I have an older daughter

who's older than your kid so my oldest daughter is 12 and I said okay days when I was 14 me and Uncle Jason Uncle Jason and I

were painting houses we painted houses somewhere between like 8th grade and 9th grade we were with a guy who was like a 17 year old senior guy we knew between like eighth grade and ninth grade, we were with a guy who was like a 17-year-old senior,

a guy we knew through like youth group and whatnot. And he had us and we were just like painting houses. And I was like, we listened to, and we were driving, we heard Fall On Me by R.E.M. And I was like, we had Life's Rich Pageant on tape. And we listened to it that summer so much. And this is one thing that,

not that the tape broke, that all the words got wore off both sides. So you didn't know, you didn't know what was side one or was side two. That's how much we listened to it. I used to have to put like

scotch tape over it so it would stay on. That's right. Yeah, because you would rub them off. You would rub it off. But we also had to do some splice jobs with tape of the actual tape that broke.

Oh, right, right. Because we had like, yeah, remember that? And so that was really fun. Yeah, it's going to be fun that broke. Oh, right, right. Because we had like, yeah, remember that? And so that was really fun. It's going to be fun to collect those things again. All right, Daniel, we got one more story?

Yes, we do. By the way, eating meth just makes you sick. I just read a little thing about it. Does it even get you high? It doesn't. It doesn't.

It just makes you very ill. So you're saying he wasn't smart? I'm saying this guy in shocking fashion did a dumb thing. It just means that when you shit,

you shit teeth. Yeah, exactly. Sent in by kevin.onewallcinema at onewallcinema. I don't know what that is. I have no idea what that is. It's like a really cool

movie theater somewhere. Whatever it is. Yeah, it's a one-wall cinema right in the middle. No, that's what he tells women to get them back to his house. One-wall cinema. You want to see

my one-wall cinema? I'd go hang with him. Sandwich Police. That's the town. There is a Sandwich Illinois, but that's not where we're at. But what if there was a Sandwich Police? Yeah, we have sandwich artists. That's way too much mayo.

Too much mayo. Or they just go to different sandwich places. They're over at Jimmy John's all the time. Always do. Who's that over there at the sandwich place? You know what made the Arch Deluxe at McDonald's such a big deal? They put mayo on the burger. Mayo on the burger.

I'll eat a mayo burger. I don't know if you've done that. That was on the old McDLT. Do you remember that thing? Are you too old? That is a deep cut. Remember McDLT. Let's go back to the time of the old Rush Signals tape.

Yeah. Well, it was. It was cool side, keep the cool side cool. The hot side hot. Yeah. The cool side cool. So you had the bun with the lettuce and the tomato and then the mayo. Oh, right.

And then the other side, yeah. And then you put it together and make your sandwich. That's right. And people hated it because it's too much work and make your sandwich that's right and people hated it because it's too much work yeah to put your sandwich together like I'm already at McDonald's

to not have to fucking put my burger together you want me to do all the work and McDonald's probably was like we save 17 cents of labor time each hour for McDLT

they made a million of course I remember the McDLT sandwich police are investigating a report that a man hurled a cup of clam chowder at a stranger's vehicle in South Sandwich South Sandwich Police are investigating a report that a man hurled a cup of clam chowder at a stranger's vehicle in South Sandwich.

South Sandwich is where they... They don't fuck around down there. Sandwich, where is it? Sandwich, where's... Sandwich, Illinois? No, that's... I don't know. New England?

Oh, no, it is New England because it's Cape News. It's from CapeNews.net. The clam chowder, too. The clam chowder is a dead giveaway. A lot of the stories on brand. It doesn't happen in Oakland. Yeah, so this is authentic clam chowder. You got chowder, motherfucker! Don't you throw that chowder is a dead giveaway. A lot of the stories on brand. It doesn't happen in Oakland. Yeah, so this is authentic clam chowder.

You got chowder, motherfucker! Don't you throw that chowder at me! Oak Town represent! Chowder! It's Marshawn Lynch doing it. Chowder! Chowder! Last Sunday,

November 5th, so this is from a little bit ago, a woman pulled her Jeep into the parking lot of a, I don't know how to say this, Kotuit Road business. They don't say what the business is. At 3.14pm.

So this is an afternoon incident. Yes. She told police that she was pulling, as she was pulling in, a man who had been sitting, stood up and threw his chowder at her vehicle. Unprovoked. So this is not about

her. It's a guy who had had enough. I'm telling you now, I picked this story because it's short and I have no clue why any of it happened. Neither does anybody else. We haven't even gotten all the way.

We can speculate, but this is a guy who's... He sat there and waited for someone to pull in so he could throw his clam chowder at them? He said, I dare you to park there. That or if I See One More Jeep.

Isn't that a ludicrous song? If I See One More Jeep. If I See One More Jeep. I'm gonna throw my chowder at you. He must have also whispered to himself, you don't need to tell me what to do. Yeah, exactly. Oh, he's talking to a lot of people

that aren't there. The woman got out of her car and said, why did you just do this? She asked the man. I hope this is all in an article somewhere. It is.

Like, their exchange does not need to be recorded at all, ever. She said, why did you just do this? We don't even know each other. Which, at first, she thinks, if you knew me, I might have known why you were this. I make this all the time. I can understand. Stacey's always throwing soup. Always.

I can understand a chowder throw between friends I spend my life dodging chowder Right And I don't even know you So why are you on this? So this is literally just about How well you know a person This is a woman who gets on people's nerves I'm going to re-read this

We throw chowder at the people we love the most Exactly It's just straight up I'm going to re-read hers And We throw chowder at the people we love the most. Exactly. It's just a straight up. I'm going to re-read hers and then I'll go right into his so you can hear it all together. Why did you just do this? We don't even know each other.

He says, damn right we don't know each other. This is the best five dollars I've ever spent on chowder. If I wish townies could see Brian's face right now. I'm like,

what? Why? That is, by the way, the only response he could have given. But her saying, I don't even like the way she said, why did you just do this? Right. Because to me, I don't want to correct her, but it's, why did you do that? It just happened. Right.

This makes you seem like it's happening. We're still in the moment. We're still in it. Wait. This whole thing. Well,'s happening. We're still in it. This whole thing. Well, I would also say, why did you just do this, this conversation? We don't even know each other. Damn right we don't know each other.

This is the best $5 I've ever spent on chowder. Which, by the way, to me feels like entirely too much and too little for Chowder. Yeah, but to me, it says to me that he spent $5 on other things that were better than what he just did. I think you want the $12 chowder. You don't want the $5 chowder. No, I'm just throwing it. I'm good with the $5. Yeah. I don't need a good throwing chowder. What do you want, the $5 or the $12 chowder?

He's throwing, for all the $5 chowders, the D-level chowders that he's had. And also, you could read it as... This is the best D-level chowders the d-level chowders that he's had and also you could read it as the best d-level chowder you could also read it as this is the best five dollars i've spent on chowder which means he spent five dollars where it didn't go this well so he's like what else could i do to make it feel like this was or he spent five dollars in other scenarios that have gone way better or i'm gonna say this remember in the wrestling documentary Beyond the Mat? I don't know if you saw it. Hell yeah. It's a great movie. So Jake the Snake Roberts, like his dissension

into a sexual area that first he's like, first I brought one girl, then I had to bring two girls up, then I brought three girls up,

then I would just watch, I'd sit in the corner while they would do something. I wasn't even participating in any of it. Maybe that's this guy's relationship with food. It started out

he was like eating two or five chowders a day. Then he's like, I'm just going to put the chowder on the table and watch it for a while. Now he only enjoys food by throwing it at someone. I sent it around the country and had it send me postcards.

People took pictures with my chowder. I didn't enjoy that as much. I knew that I had to get back to it. Now my new food fetish is to throw it. That night, that's the way I... That's five dollars

I've ever spent on chowder. You're better than eating it, watching it, sending it around the country. Can't compete. By the way, and just Brian saying sending it around the country,

I now think that's a thing. He was so confident about that that I'm like, that's gotta be a thing. People send their food around the country. I now think that's a thing. He was so confident about that that I'm like, that's gotta be a thing. People send their food around the country. Now, whenever I hear somebody sitting on the ground in a parking lot,

I imagine everything they do is on foot. Right? Sitting on the ground. He says to her, best $5 I ever spent on chowder. Then he got in his car and drove away.

Wait, how did he have a car? That's what I'm saying. I pictured a man who does not have a car, but he must have parked, went and sat somewhere in the parking lot and waited. How do you think he got the chowder? Because he didn't buy the chowder right there, right? Right. Yeah.

I can see a plastic bag walking. There isn't a sidewalk like in front of a mall. I had him in a car the whole time. You had him in a car the whole time. Anyone who doesn't believe in evolution, this is literally the playing out of taking your feces and throwing it. You know what I mean?

This is it. Only like with a more refined clams and potatoes in a cream based sauce. And the fact that she was a stranger because I spent $5 on chowder

and threw it at Chuck because Chuck's a motherfucker. Exactly. You don't know Chuck. Chuck's always in my shit. That's what she said. We don't even know each Chuck's always in my shit. That's what she said. We don't even know each other.

Chuck had that coming. But this was even better. This strange woman. Okay. Also, you have a son. I have a son. Like, sometimes he'll do something that I'm like, okay, that's...

When you hear, like, someone say to someone, what are you, eight? Or what are you, nine? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, you're like, oh, that comes from that because your kid will, like... Like, just being an asshole. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, that comes from that because your kid will

take something. Or yeah, take a thing off a tree and throw it in the street as a car drives by. That's what a little boy does. He kicked the dog off the bed the other night. Like, how are you even thinking? What are you doing? He loves the dog and we're like, you couldn't

really hurt the dog, you asshole. What are you doing? I just thought of it and I did it. I just did it. Or I didn't think. I just did it. God damn it. So maybe that's,

this guy was like, channeling an inner child. He's like a little boy. I'm now hearing him say it for the first time in his brain. Like, he's saying, I can't believe

this is the best $5 I've ever spent in my entire life. It's more of a declaration. I've never thrown a cup, kind of building on what Brian said, kind of like I've thrown chowder at people I know, but I didn't realize this was going to be so fulfilling. I'm just going to get in my car and start driving.

Because it is probably, if that's what you were going for, the comedic gold of the look on her face when she has no clue why you threw chowder at her. It's almost like a jackass. It would be better than throwing it at your mom or your friend. We used to do this. We used to talk about this. We would be sitting in giant lecture halls at Michigan.

No, in libraries. In libraries. The law library. Huge. No, I'm talking about sitting in a lecture hall next to my buddy Matt Capista. And he'd be drinking a little soda or water or something like that

and he's like if I just threw this right now at the professor it would change everybody's like life like this would be the thing we would all talk about forever

why did he do that what does it mean we really have a hard time humans have a very hard time with randomness that's why we try to ascribe everything was for a reason

God works in a mysterious way I don't believe in That's why we try to ascribe everything was for a reason. Yeah, it's got to happen for a reason. God works in a mysterious way. I don't believe in God. This guy was going to just pick up a thing for the fuck of it and throw it. This is a total, as you described, a random act of dumbness. Of dumbness. And it must have felt so liberating for him to be like, I'm going to throw this chowder.

And then he just chucked it. You know, because we report the news of dumb people, Tom. That's what we're doing here. But if we had a newspaper, this would be like at 314. You'd just be like, man threw chowder. That would be the news water at dumb people town. I don't think what he did was even that dumb. I think the dumbest part of the story was the woman going, you don't know me.

That's me. The man got in his car and drove away. The woman managed to take down the man's license plate number, which she gave to police. Based on the license plate information, no shit, police learned the same man was being sought in Mashpee and New Bedford in connection with road rage incidents. Of course. So maybe she cut him off and he waited for her? Yeah, but how did he get there so fast?

Yeah, and ahead of her police said that they've identified the car that the man left in but no one I think he's being proactive

she's the next time she's gonna cut me off at some point you don't even know me I do I know you I know you I know what you're all

this is for all the people you're gonna cut off in the next for every jeep that's ever slowed down in front of you. Pay it forward. Here's what I love, too. Dump people, town cops.

Throw it forward. Throw it forward. Police said they have identified the car that the man left in, but no one has been charged with anything at this point. The case remains under investigation. Every day. How hard would it be to put this together? Is this the guy?

Yeah. Yep, that's the guy. That's the guy. I'm in a police lineup. I don't know. Can I see him with like a spoon or some oyster crackers? That's him. That's him.

I'm not convinced. Put it in the cold cases file. Leave it. If it's a pattern, we'll dig into it. The chief's going to shoot it down. That's right, man. Put it in the cold cases. This case is cold.

This case is cold. I want Bill in the chowder on her car. I want Bill Curtis to be talking about investigative reports. The Clam Chowder Bandit. You need to do in the Clam Chowder Bandit. That's very good. That was good. You know, there's a new, did you, were you telling me about this?

Yeah. This new thing. They called them a sheen. I don't know why you wouldn't call it a program. I don't really know, but you can put Nick Cage in every movie. So if I wanted Nick Cage in Raiders of the Lost Ark, boom, I could do it. You can see it. Nick Cage saying the line, you the man now, dog.

I saw a cover of Face Off, and both pictures were Nick Cage. So both were Nick Cage. I would do that in a split second. It's interesting, and I'm so happy that we have it. Nick Cage, to explain this to us us because we sent it out there. Yes. We sent a bat signal to him to explain

how this whole thing works and he left us a voicemail. Check it out. You have one new voice message. Hey, boys. What's going on? Yeah, Nick Cage here. Look, I've got

a business venture. I got a verbal Kickstarter I want to throw out to you guys. I know your show is listened to by thousands of venture capitalists. So here's the deal. I make a lot of movies and people are always asking me, Nick Cage, how can I see your movies? And I'm like, with your fucking eyes, dumb shit. And they're like, no, I need like a physical space where I can see it. And I'm like, okay, yeah, you know what? I probably should set up some sort of venue where people can see my movies. And by people, I mean the people of Croatia, because that's where most people who

are currently watching my movies live. So I'm going to build a chain of movie theaters in Croatia. They're called Get in the Cage because they're watching Nick Cage's movies and we're also going to lock you inside. So it's going to be a literal cage where you're watching Cage. So it's just a real simple Kickstarter. I need $45 million to make this happen. I feel like this is probably no big deal

for your listeners, all those VCs, those Silicon Valley jackasses who are listening to this bullshit. So yeah, hit me up at www. listeners, all those VCs, those Silicon Valley jackasses who are listening to this bullshit. So, yeah, hit me up at www. I don't know, some website, my Facebook. No,

I don't know. You leave a message here for the Scolars, because, you know, you can make it happen, and get in the cage, is what the commercial will probably say. Out. Okay. Okay. Somehow I'm now more confused than I was before. I hope he realizes he won't get money from movies that have been made. This is just a thing to put him in there.

He's not going to buy more skulls off of us. I want to put Nick Cage now in Valley Girl. Yes! We're in Danny Cage. How different is that movie? I might have him play the same part. I want to put Nick Cage in Con Air as Malkovich's role. Oh, my God.

That would be amazing. Just start moving about it. Just start moving about it. I love it. Hey, guys. What a fantastic episode of Dumb People Town. Brian Poussin again. Check him out.

BrianPoussin.com. That was fun. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much for doing it. Nerd Poker, check that out and follow him on Twitter and Instagram. He is fantastic. Follow Daniel Van Kirk. At Daniel Van Kirk. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much for doing it. Nerd Poker, check that out and follow him on Twitter and Instagram. He is fantastic. Follow Daniel Van Kirk. At Daniel Van Kirk.

At Daniel Van Kirk. Go to the Facebook page, Dumb People Town. Hey, we only have about, I think, I want to say like 50 or 60 tickets left. That's assuming. For, I don't know, maybe. Oh, yeah.

Because this might drop in a couple weeks. Yeah, that's right. We also need to mention that our Poop Doc is in theaters or on video on demand. It's called Poop Talk. It is a ridiculous romp through pooping. Why is this something everybody does but people don't talk about? If you want to support us, I'd say if you want to support us, check this movie out for sure.

And oh shit, we've got to get back to work.