Dumb People Town - Brooks Wheelan - Poop Not Punch

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

Comedian, writer, and podcaster Brooks Wheelan (Alive In Alaska) stops by as Jason goes over the list of items left in Ubers, Daniel explains a senior prank that get out of hand at a Texas high school, and Randy warns against pooping on cars (pretty simple honestly), and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: ASPCA Pet Insurance! To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half-price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Van Buren, don't be a jerk. Because when the music gets the funny hits and wins,

we'll be back with more fun. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half-price mail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Van Buren, don't be a jerk.

Because when the music gets the funny hits and wins, we'll be back with more fun. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, because when the music goes, the funny hits and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, bunker down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey, Taddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population. Population, Whelan. Brooks Whelan. Thank you. This is how you know he's already in it.

He just started chanting T. Like dumb people and he's like town. I feel like I could see where we were headed. No, you knew where we were going. Yeah, you knew where we were going. You knew we were on the train. An all Midwest show today. There we go.

I love it. I almost wore an Iowa wrestling shirt here. You should have. So we have gone deep into Iowa wrestling talk with you and college wrestling talk This is one of the funniest comedians out there. We love him did s-mail energy great energy We did a pilot with him Andy Schwartz his pilot about the box the moving company Oh, yeah, that was so fun. That was fun. Yeah, dude, and you were so good at it

So good, I went to I went to SNL this weekend I was in New York. Yeah, and I was getting yelled at by a security guard for and I said out loud earnestly to him I promised myself. I wouldn't get into trouble here That's so funny like and what did he say he was like, okay It's like we are supposed to be in there and I was like, ah Freaking show it's very hard to make SN there. And I was like, ah, come on. I was like, oh, man. Freaking show. It's very hard to make SNL, so just in case anyone knows. So congratulations.

Actually, once you do it, you're like, wasn't that hard to get it. Not true. Talk to Kevin Hart and Zach Galifianakis. I truly thought it would be harder than it was. That's all I'm saying. I thought it would be. It's hard to stay good on it.

Yes, I mean, of course. But you can slip through a crack and do a season. I disagree. I totally disagree. I totally disagree. Okay, all right, I'm just saying. It's a bigger deal to make it than you know. You're talking to two people,

you're talking to someone who, all of us, like, Randy and I wished we could do the news for the longest time. We're like, how cool would it be if it was the two of us doing the news? Yeah, it would be great. It would be great. It would be great. Never gonna happen.

I have a story here at the top and we'll get into your special, which is, which Pete, right? 800 pound gorilla. And we'll talk about that top of second segment and what we're going to do. And then we're gonna do Dan stuff. First, I have a story that is going to do.

Our sets, our shows, our touring things don't really understand what you're saying. You're like, you like, you like, you like got over your skis and then just. Why, why was that hard? I like your shirt, Dan. We're gonna talk about. You already know who makes it.

Verity, Verity. We're gonna talk about what we're going to do. Do you have a stroke? Let's just, all right, just get to the thing. Wait, what are you going to do? I don't know, let's see. Talk about what we're going to do. That's why we gotta talk about it.

Okay, what I'm going to do right now is the most Dan Vankirk story ever. This is what he brings to the table. Rochelle, Illinois. Close. Dan, you want to try and guess what it is? No.

You think it's a Rochelle, Illinois story. This is some sort of list. A list of the official 2025 Uber lost items index. These are items that were left in an Uber. Okay, I like that a lot. I like the list. What do we leave? What do we leave behind in our Ubers? A baby.

I just saw a video of people got out of a Waymo and the Waymo tells you you left something in the car. How does it know? That's great. They have like weight sensors and then there's cameras in the car. I was sexually harassed by my Waymo driver. Really?

It's just, you don't order a stick shift is all I'm saying. Folks. Where did you go? Have you been in a Waymo? No. I haven't yet either. I just never think of it. Dan did you?

I never think to like get a Waymo, but theoretically, and I bet it's the opposite, they should be way cheaper, right? Cause there's no- Driver. There's no cost of driver. We gotta pay for insurance for who? I don't know.

I saw more in Austin when we were in Austin than he did. A bunch. So the spinning thing on the top makes it feel like a Willy Wonka invention. Although I think that's necessary. That's a camera that's constantly scanning. Yeah, they're very effective. Yeah, it works, but it does feel like... It spins on the side.

Like the Wonka Vader, whatever. Okay. Have you ever left something behind in an Uber? I'm going to start with that question. Of course, of course. What's the biggest thing that you've? A cell phone. Cell phone, yeah.

Dan, have you? I don't think I have. I think we've left stuff. Oh, I've left stuff in. Probably a travel pillow. Yeah, okay. Well, you're in good company. From a Viking drinking horn to Ozempic.

And even more. Oh, that was a good one. Are you doing Ozempic in the? My needles! Well, no, they have to be super regimented about your window. The more effective, consistent you are to within an hour or two. Is it like ovulation? I don't know.

I'm happily to get on it if anybody wants to help educate me. Most forgetful city, what do you think it is in the United States? New York. That's a good, like, just per capita. Because you're wasted. You're wasted. I'm talking for personal good. Vegas, not Council? Vegas absolutely counts. Oh, Vegas. I'm sorry, that's a good like just per cuz you're wasted your ways I got some time for person Vegas not count Vegas absolutely. Oh Vegas. I'm sorry Vegas Vegas. Oh, yeah, you said New York What do you say Vegas? Oh, man?

Could be Austin Provo, Utah. I'm gonna go Miami one of you is exactly right. I bet it's New York. It's New York But our guests walks in and just walks off. I remember when I so when I moved to New York. It's New York baby. Ah! Our guest walks in and just walks in and walks off. I remember when I, so when I moved to New York, I got my new apartment and then I left my, I'm so, I'm just, everything's confusing. I left my keys in the taxi cab. Of course.

On the way over to Taron Killam's house. He was having people over for a party. Sure. Known this guy for about 12 hours. Yeah. And then had to be like, I don't know how to get into my apartment. I don't have, there's not a way to get into my building.

Best intro ever. And I was like, I'm so sorry. Can I sleep here? I'm sleeping on your couch. He was just a little like, what? Why? Yeah, he can't say no, but he was like, okay. Fine.

And then you know where to go. I had literally nowhere to go and no money. I had no money, nowhere to go. And then you never left, which I think is weird too. Because you got your keys and you had access back to your apartment, but you stayed in here. I like it here, dude, I like it here. I asked him about it later, because now he's my friend

and I was like, how was that for you? And he goes, it was fucking, it was weird. Yeah, it was weird. Weird, so I'm gonna give you the 50 most unique lost items. Guaranteed there's a prosthetic limb on this. Well. Mannequin head with human hair. Wait a minute, that's not terrifying.

No. You get into an Uber and you see someone's head? You could. It's a message, you're sending a message to the Waymo. You could be working. Yeah, it's a pool. Set designer. Beauty school.

Hair. Yeah, training. Baby hair hair with a woman's eyes. Freakiest lyric ever. Really? Is it baby hair with a woman? Hall and Oates. That's not my favorite. I know some Hall and Oates.

I don't know baby hair. Sarah, smile. I know that part. Okay, so the beginning of the first lyric is baby hair with a woman's eyes. So small patchy hair that looks like it's your alopeciaed out. Yeah.

No. I like fine baby, like you ever dated a babe with like fine, like. Super fine hair. Super fine China man hair. Just runs through your fingers like silk. It's like Hulk Hogan hair. Silk and water.

Terry Bolia hair. Yeah. That's from, I stole it from It's Always Sunny. That's how, when episode of It's Always Sunny starts, they're like, he has the skin of an alligator, but the hair of a China man. And I'm like, that's a great joke. The hair of Terry Bolia.

And hair. Terry Bolia hair. Yeah, Harry Bolia hair. There you go. A Viking drinking horn. That person was pissed. That's the guy who went to a Vikings game, yeah. They went to a theme party. They bought that at a prop shop. Yeah. But no, it's a drinking. I know.

But after you're done drinking, you can blow it. I drank that. If you're an Uber driver and you find that you don't need to report it, you can keep that. That's right. That's right. That's not a, that hangs from your rear view mirror for the rest of your life. Or no plenty. Yeah. There are things that get lost that you have to be like, they're gonna need this. You're more apt to return someone's laptop

than you are a Viking drinking horn. That's my Viking drinking horn. I own this now. I'm the captain now. Although it's probably also cursed. One time I went and saw the movie, Grown Ups 2 when I was living in Los Angeles. Yeah, that's what it does.

And I took my backpack in, filled with probably like 20 beers with my friends. We were just gonna get hammered and watch Grown Ups 2. What a great after this. We were gonna laugh at this. Drink with your friends. Left my backpack filled with empty beers. Went back to the movie theater the next day to be like, was there a backpack left at Grown Ups 2 yesterday?

And the woman was like, nope. And I go, that's fair. That's your backpack. That's right, it's I go that's fair. Yeah, that's right It's your backpack now. Yeah, you you own that now Yeah, you saw that a real piece of shit was in here. How long did she pause before she said? No, she asked me and I'm gonna do what I think she did. Okay. Hey, I was I saw I Saw grown-ups to last night. It's pretty good. Yeah, I liked Shaq. Well, he was in it. It's great Um, I want a backpack in there

Did anybody find a backpack? No, that's fair I was hoping they described it back to you and you go. Yeah, that's it. No Black bag 20 empty beers like Here's it. Nope. We didn't see you just could have been like, Hey, I walked here. I picked up a lot of beer cans on my way. I'm not to throw them away. I'm recycling a gun. You can just see by looking at me. I don't, I didn't, I came here as a joke. Wait, hang on a second. You picked up all the energy, just all the same Milwaukee's best. Somebody

had a party and I think I was following them. Yeah It just been given a 24 helping the community All right ready for this next one Ghostbusters ghost trap who you gonna call? Oh you get to keep that too. That's yours That's like the thing with a ghost in it. I don't know if you want it. That's true. That's a good point I mean, is it how do you know if it's empty or not? You check the side? Yeah. You imagine what gets left in Ubers around Comic Con? Oh God. Like with all the cosplay and the awesome guns and weapons. A furry dick. Yeah.

A furry dick? Yeah, I don't know. Sure. Are they furry? I don't know. Isn't that what, it's probably your real, yes, maybe. Yeah, it's your real.

It depends on how committed you are to the dick. That's right. How about a chainsaw? What? Just a full on? Chain saw. Honey, where's my chainsaw? What? Just a full on chainsaw. Honey, where's my chainsaw? Would you do this?

Did I? But I guarantee you, there are people who have gone to a Lowe's and like rented heavy machinery and had to Uber back to their apartment or house to use said machinery. Where did I leave my chainsaw? I know I took it out when we went to the club the other night.

And it was running. When I left it, it was running. When was the last time you had it? When we went to the club. I took the chainsaw when we went to the club the other night. And it was running. When I left it, it was running. Well, when was the last time you had it? When we went to the club. I took the chainsaw when we went to the club. When we murdered those 11 children. Where is it now? We took an Uber there and then.

Right, have you ever lost like a big piece of equipment that they're like, how did you, what do you mean you don't know where it is? I don't, I had it. Did I tell you guys the story of my keys? No. So. Is this like a new 20 minute bit.

Last August, no I'll go quick. Last August, I got back to LA after being gone for like two and a half weeks and realized I did not have my keys. Oh Jesus. And. They're at Taron Killen's apartment. Yep.

Due to just some picture I had taken of something else the day before I left, my keys were actually in the photo. Oh my God. So I knew I had them the day before I left. Timestamped. Right. I knew I had them the day before I left. Timestamped. It's a mystery. I knew I had them the day before I left. And I went to the cabin.

And I did my guys weekend at my cabin in Wisconsin. And I don't need any of those keys to go to the cabin. No, you don't. And we went out to the bar. And then we had a great weekend or whatever. Then I go on to Chicago. I go on to Rochelle. I think I was in Massachusetts.

I went to Houston. I ended up back home. And I realized. Houston, I ended up back home and I realized. And so I'm going nuts, like looking for these keys. Your car keys too. No, just like house keys, it was the key to the studio that Rory and I had for pen pals. But don't you have, do you have a spare hidden somewhere around? Yes, so I had a spare,

so I was able to get in my house and I still able to drive my car, right? So it was really just keys you need in every other area of your life. And so after like a couple weeks, you have to, eventually you're cutting padlocks of like where your storage unit is and all that sort of stuff. So I do all that and eventually I get everything

back on track, still drive me nuts. I've got people all over the country from friends I stayed looking for these keys. Nobody has them. They're in your goddamn pants. At one point I go back to Rochelle, my hometown. I drive up to the cabin to go look at the cabin, turn around and come right back in the same day.

Just to, I just, I don't. You have to know. I went around by the old studio that Roy and I had and I walked around looking for these keys and I just let it go. Right. About a month ago. Oh, so it's been a year and a half.

A year. Yes. A year. It's been almost a year, It'll be a year in August. Oh, okay. So, yeah, about a month ago. I know how August went. I go up to the cabin. I know how months work.

I go up to the cabin, and I walk in to the bar that I went to the first night in August. Yahoo's? No, the Long Branch Saloon in Germania, Wisconsin. Great spot, amazing meat raffle. Pogs Hole. Pogs Hole. Phenomenal. Love the meat raffle.

Shout out Rhonda Goldsmith. Shout out Rhonda Goldsmith. Shout out Don and Missy Heller. Okay. God. So send me that clip so I can show it to these people. Anyway, real quick, I walk in and I just go, hey, you guys don't have a set of keys

that would have been left here about eight months ago. The bartender goes, she goes, Set of keys. That would have been left here about eight months ago. Guy immediately reaches back. She goes, she goes, no. She kind of opens up a couple drawers. She's like, no. And I'm like, what do we know? And I'm like, there's a lot of keys on there. And then she like moves a piece of paper on the bar,

hanging on a hook, is my keys. They've been sitting there for eight months behind this bar in this little Wisconsin. How happy are they to know that it's like. They're like, we wondered who these are. One guy was like, that many keys. They've been sitting there for eight months behind this bar in this little Wisconsin how happy They're like we wondered who these are that one guy was like that many keys We figured whoever left him got fired because it looked like a janitor no janitor no more Stevens Jones yeah my girlfriend used to barbara sister used to hit me with keys. Yeah, he was a janitor yes We used to hit me with keys. She was a janitor.

Yes! Positive energy. Congratulations on finding your... Wild, wild turnover. That's the most I've lost something and been like, that's never coming back. And then it came back. And yeah, now I have all these keys,

most of which I do not need anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're ceremonial. How about breast milk? Sure. Man, remember the urban dump? Oh my God. That can be pretty, that's a very

worth commodity in a house. First goal. My wife was first breastfeeding our first daughter. This is 20 years ago or 19 years ago. She was, she'd pump and it like if she would like pump so she'd have it for later, but she, her production was not that high. So if she got it, it was like gold. So I was trying to like Nolan Arundel on the Cardinals Nolan Aronado on the Cardinals right not a lot of production not a lot more right you're walking around with it like Nick Cage and the Rock like all those green balls nobody touch yeah so I'm like transferring because you got to unscrew

them from the pumper yeah and I'm transferring the two bottles and on the rug my friend catches the rug and slow slow motion, both slow moment like both spill into the rug and I just dropped to my knees and looked up at a camera that wasn't there and I was like, no, oh man, and my wife was just like, you idiot, you're so dumb. I used to work at a movie theater and so I found my own backpacks filled with beers.

Sure, sure. That's why I don't feel bad. It's taking things into the universe. The universe give filled with beers. That's why I don't feel bad just taking these. The universe give it. Take it. It's like an umbrella. But like the craziest thing I found that I was like, what the fuck are you doing?

Was somebody brought like a home, they microwaved popcorn from home. Like they snuck that in. Nothing wrong with that. No, there's nothing wrong with it. But I'm like, how fucking cheap are you? Like that's not good popcorn. You caught it an hour before the movie

It's gonna be like you eat. Yeah, just get the pop little wet cuz it rained. I was at a movie last night Couple sitting there. I watched the guy won't full bottle of Josh Cabernet. That's fine I get that starts pouring him his wife they get hammered in this movie. Yeah, the guy gets up leaves Leaves he comes back sits behind his girlfriend She wakes up starts texting where are you I can see all of this hiding behind her he's like where They get in a fight then he stands up leads over her and goes didn't know like, where are you? Did they get in a fight? Then he stands up, leans over her, and goes, didn't know where I was, did you? And I'm like, he's mad at her.

I'm like, do I have to pay extra for this movie? This rules. There was a baby in the theater. At one point, a blonde woman in a blue shirt walked up to the front of the movie theater, the very front, got to the exit door, looked at it, turned around, stood and looked at all of us for 10 seconds and then walked back up and out

and I go, did she think that was the way out of the movie theater? Through the screen. That's what you're supposed to do. You walk to the exit. She was trying to get absorbed up into the screen. Two thirds of the way into the movie, a black guy in a wheelchair pulls into the back

of the movie theater sits down puts on sunglasses Starts talking to the movie while vaping a strawberry like a vape. Where the fuck was this movie? Is this at a Waffle House? Yeah, where was this? Like if you Santa Monica this could have been the pilot for lost Yeah, like you guys are all in a movie theater, but it's on an island. Oh, I sat there I was watching two movies at once and I, I want all of you to be, this should be the new Hogan's Hero. All of you were captured by the Nazis and you now have to deal with Ocean's 15. This was my Poseidon adventure.

I'm stuck in here with all these people. You gotta get them to make it happen. So I did start writing this movie about, it's called Ocean's Eleven Two. That's great. Because it's from- Soundtrack by 112. Yeah, it's from my time-

311. It's from my time at the movie theater where we got this idea to rob the movie theater from watching Ocean's great. Because it's from- Soundtrack by 112. Yeah, it's from my time. 311. It's from my time at the movie theater where we got this idea to rob the movie theater from watching Ocean's 11. Oh my god. So we- So in the movie they pull the heist off while Ocean's 11 is happening.

Oh my god. Great idea. I love that. I love this idea. I want you to make this. Write it, finish it up. Ocean's 11 too. It's based on a real thing we did at the movie theater, this real scam where we would charge you adult prices

But tell the computer children were coming and keep through the office space. Yeah It's also like when people pay for cat paying cash in a movie. No, you're none of that That's gone all in the old pocket. Bye. Bye. Meanwhile, like you finished writing the script you just left in your backpack 20 it's a lot easier to talk about writing a movie. I can't believe you just typed it. You just typed that up on a notepad. Keep going down your list. I'm sorry, yeah, I love movie theaters so much. Dan, your movie is hilarious.

This is missing some words, this one. It says, find China. Whoa. Okay. Some find China. Had to be boxed. Yeah, maybe. My turtle.

My turtle. Oh, a turtle. So is that what the person had to submit this? What did you lose? They wrote, my turtle. That's crazy Oh, a turtle. So is that what the person had to submit this? What did you lose? They wrote my turtle. That's crazy. That's just bad parenting.

She and I took Armand to play golf yesterday and there were turtles up on one of the greens right before you go down the water. They're fast. Oh, they can move. This whole idea of turtles not being fast, F that. They're fast. They can haul when they want to get in that water.

Took off. They hauled us. have bigger ones are slow I got a Midwest Midwest childhood sports story with a weird dad. Yeah Want it? I want it. I wanted to turtle really bad. I wanted a pet turtle My dad told me if I won this wrestling tournament, I could have a turtle. Oh my god lost in the finals No, and then at the end I'm like so sad I lost in the finals and I was like, can we still get a turtle? My dad goes he didn't fucking win. Oh so sad I lost in the finals and I was like, can we still get a turtle?

My dad goes, you didn't fucking win. Oh man. Jesus. Like, no, I don't get turtles. Turtle second doesn't get a turtle. No, here's your python. He like gave you a different reptile. Bro, that's harsh and.

Fair. Fair. Lost, I lost. What did he teach you? Man of his word. Don't lose. You win or you don't get the turtle? A man of his word, not a man of his love.

Urinal, a urinal. What? An entire his love. A urinal, a urinal. What? An entire urinal. I'm riding with a urinal. Not a bad pen. If you, I understand, I understand taking a urinal with you, I will buy that. Sure.

But who leaves and forgets it in there? No, but where do you mean a urinal? Like a? What is a urinal? Like they bought the porcelain. The porcelain urinal. From a. Sitting in the back. To get it That's not something that you get out. This is my favorite thing like they put it in the trunk and they like 20 minutes later

They're like, where's my yeah Do you just ping on the side always have the like the most like friendliest argument with your uber driver when you go to? Lax about who's gonna put your bag in the trunk. I'm always like buddy. I got this I also don't need it in the trunk. Yes, that's often too as well, but I'm always like, nope, I can, and they're like, oh, and I go, I'm already holding it. He's trying to get the tip, but also, Dan.

I'm gonna take care of you, just get me there safely and go through these yards. But this journal was in the trunk, they put this in the trunk. My friend came out to LA. Dan, we might just do this for the whole show. I died. Who knows? No, no, no, give us 10 more.

My buddy came out from New York to LA and he was used to New York Ubers and then he got an LA Uber and then when he got to my place he goes, Ubers here are different. Oh yeah, you're talking in there. Yeah, there's a lot. There's not a lot of chatter in New York City Ubers.

No, no. I'm gonna skip to my favorites. You're almost not in the car. Yeah. Skip to your favorites. 15 hookas. What? 15 hookas.

Okay. So you didn't want them. 15? 15 hookahs. That could be a Disney one. That was on purpose. 15 hookahs. That you're fired.

You were taking them to a new hookah lounge. 15 hookahs. What were you transporting the band Rusted Root? There you go. Send me on my way. Here we go. A witch's broom. Just a broom.

Why don't you chill out about what it is. Is it really a witch's broom? If you see someone, and if it's a witch's broom, why is she taking an Uber? Here we go a witches broom which is the broom. Why don't you chill out about what it is? Is it really a witches broom? If you see someone and if it's a witches broom, why is she taking an uber just ride the broom together track ears Well, also I feel like don't say it's a witches broom right less likely to be returned. I'm right in a fucking which is you better believe it Yeah, and I'm gonna play quidditch. Yeah. And how come witches haven't graduated to like, Swiffers, like at this point they should be up with the latest.

Genuinely thought it was so funny in fucking, witch's movie that I grew up loving. It's a Halloween movie. Hocus Pocus. Hocus Pocus Witch. She flies a vacuum cleaner. Yeah, yeah. And I was like 12 being like, that's common.

It does hold up. Traffic Cone. I was like 12 being like, that's common. Tommy, Tommy. It does hold up. Traffic cone. I don't know, Dan. Traffic cone. They pull that from the street. A very large portrait of myself in a brown box. What?

And or in? In. Is that the definition of narcissism? That you would have that picture, but you're like, I'm not a narcissist because I left it in the cab. Right, yeah, yeah. Left in the Uber.

All right, these are a couple of combos that are insane. Hoverboard and a mini fridge. What? That's cool. That's someone who's moving into college. Yeah, 100%. Like to me, if those were nicknames, that would be the new Rizzoli and Isles.

Or how about this one? Boiled eggs and a candle. Boiled eggs and a candle? What? What are you? Are you going to perform an operation? What party are you going to? Are you a midwife?

That is a straight-up seance and you're bringing back a dead pet. Yeah. Yeah Cornish hens. No, are they alive? I mean it knows right away soon as you're out of the car a placard that says it's a Philly thing You wouldn't understand go get a towel Hannah Montana merchandise. Let'll just leave that shit. That was by, what's her face? Who? Who's Hannah Montana?

Miles of service. I think she left it in there just to leave that on. That's my favorite TikTok ever, she's like. They'll show a dog being like. And then it's like. I had a friend who was looking at buying a new house and she was looking at this house. It was in Los Feliz with her boyfriend

and they're looking around. There was a lot of Jamie Kennedy posters and her boyfriend was like, so this is Jamie Kennedy's house. Yeah, right? Yeah, it has to be. And the person's like, I'm not at Liberty Discussion. This is his house.

This is his house. And they're like, are you showing this or is this part of the Jamie Kennedy experiments? Experiment experience. I think it's experiment. I think it's experiment. Okay. Yeah. Thank you How about a DJ mixing board DJ forgets all that guy? He made no money that 10 live lobsters or a taxidermied rabbit or no those are just oh taxidermied rabbit How hard up are you to make it look like you're a good? rabbit Oh, taxidermied rabbit. How hard up are you to make it look like you're a good hunter to get a rabbit star?

But how fucking rich are you that you're not so excited about your 10 live lobsters? Yeah, 10 live lobsters is like the two live crew of cooking. How do you forget? If I have 10 live lobsters, it's all I'm thinking about. Right, straight up. That's it. All right, here's the last one I'm gonna read.

Divorce papers. Yeah. Ooh, you didn't want it. That's on purpose. That's on purpose. I'm gonna get her back. That's what you said. I'm gonna get her back Backseat if it if they stand back seat, it never happened ever happen It's like I can show up at my job and pretend like I was never happy. There you go There's a million more that's so I read this list and I thought of dance so much I was like every year what did I do? Okay, did I of Dan so much. I was like, I love this. Did I do okay? Did I honor your list sharing?

It's the best I could. You're wild. I love this. All right, that's number one. That's story number one in the books. Story number two is gonna be, there's so much more in this. We could step back to it again.

Dan has story number two. All right, when we come back, we'll find out about Brooks' new special and all that other stuff. It's Dumb People Town with Brooks Meal. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey Meal and we'll be right back.

Hey gang welcome back to the show Coming at you coming at you back of the shot and hot at the offie at a ladder I would've worn pants if I knew angles. Oh, I like it. You look great. You look great. Give me a ball or give me death. Brooks, what do you got going on? So we have lots of stuff cooking on the fire.

Lots of live dates. So we're gonna start doing our Tagged show on Friday nights at 7 p.m. in the OR at the Comedy Store. I love it. You're gonna come do it at one point. I'd love to. Basically, and Dan, you will too when you're in town. So basically, we're doing the the next one's on 6ix.

We're doing Felipe Esparza, Deandale Ray, Justin Martindale, Teron, I love that guy, and Chris Fleming, it's an unbelievable show. So it should be a good show, superschoolers.com for that. And then we do the Northwest Run, I'm very excited about this, where we go to Portland Polaris Hall, which I cannot wait to play that space.

It's always fun when you go on tour to places you wanna be. Of course. Great city, I can't wait to do that. But then we go to Bellingham, Washington. We're driving up with Sean Jordan, who I love. He's gonna feature for us on all these. And that's also a fun drive.

Yeah, it's fun. Fun drive. We get to be in the car with Sean Jordan, just goofing around. So Bellingham, then back down to Chehalis. There's a theater down there. And then we go up to the historic Everett, the Everett Theater. Where's Chehalis? Chehalis is in Washington, bottom just below Seattle.

So we kinda go South Seattle, then back up again. This is all the June 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st. And then the next weekend, We're really fun. Next weekend we're at Rooster T. Feathers in... Sunnyvale, it was just there. I had a great time. Yeah, we're there.

We're actually in San Jose. Is there one in San Jose? That is Sunnyvale. That's the same thing. had a great time. We're actually in San Jose. Is there one in San Jose? It's in Sunnyvale. That's the same thing. Same thing. They're in the next door. Yeah. OK, great.

So did you like it? Did you have fun? I had a great time. I took my bicycle. I went with Carl Hess. And we spent our days riding bikes in Half Moon Bay. Oh, my god. It was really fun.

We're going to drive up. We'll drive up. And we'll play some golf up there. We'll just hang out. It's going to be so much fun. I cannot wait. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We haven't been to the Bay Area for a while.

So if you're in the Bay Area, come down, see us. I mean, you can be even in San Francisco. It's a small room and should be really fun to fill out. I had a thing happen there where we were eating right before, right across the street. I'll send this, we ate at this Chinese restaurant and I had a skewer and it was like, you know, it was dripping with delicious sauce.

And I went to take a bite, went to pull some of my chicken off the skewer all over your and it like Ricocheted like a machine gun like all the sauce like sprayed me like fully sprayed I just got shot yeah with fucking Szechuan sauce Minutes before it were I So I don't have time to change shirts. And I only have one shirt. You called Taron? So yeah, I called Taron. Sleep in your house.

So I just had to be like, open to being like, I know what it looks like. Look what happened. I turned my shirt inside out, I tried my best. Oh my God, that's so funny. But the room was fun and they were forgiving, but it is hard to listen to a guy for 45 minutes who has a big old stain on his shirt.

You got a little something on your shirt. So we got that, and then we're gonna go to Houston in the middle of July, and then in August, we will be at Desert Ridge, CB Live. Phoenix. I can't wait. So that's what we got going. Supersklarz.com, check that out.

Brooks Whelan, you have a special. Let's talk about it, 800-pound gorilla. Title of the special is? Alive in Alaska. I went to Alaska and shot it. And it was great. Yeah, I went to, did a tour of Alaska, filmed everything, and then, so that's kind of the beginning and the end,

and then the middle is just like a tight hour in Anchorage at this theater called the Beartooth Theater. Oh yeah, dude. Amazing, dude. It was good. Love it, we love Alaska. I love Alaska. I've never performed up there.

Yeah, it's great. I was gonna do a whole bunch of shows with John Doerr back in 2012. Oh, he's down in Juneau. This is way up. Yeah, I know, but we were gonna do a whole run. I ran in I was in Juneau doing shows and John Doar wasn't there, but he told me his buddy nasty was gonna come Oh, yeah, and I hung out with nasty all night and how was nasty. He was actually a really sweet guy Of course, John Doar friend. Did you hang with Brad? Brad Erickson? Did you hang with him? I did not. He's a wonderful dude

I love up in Fairbanks, I love that circular theater thing. That place is just un- I fucking hate Fairbanks. Oh, okay, Chris. I'd go, stop. No, Fairbanks is one of my least favorite towns in the world. Oh, I love Fairbanks. I die.

I couldn't disagree with you more. Because it's just like Tundra, and the people in Fairbanks are cool. It's just Fairbanks itself. The town is cute. The downtown is kinda cute. No, not if you've been to like other towns in Alaska. It's my least favorite Alaskan town. What was your favorite town in Alaska?

Juneau is the coolest, one of the coolest towns I've ever been to in my whole life. Oh, it's like a big city in the Northwest City. I'm not attacking anybody in Fairbanks. It's just so far. You're attacking all the cities in Alaska. People there are nice. I disc golf there.

I like the guys who run the comedy scene there. Yeah, great comedy. Jerry and. Yeah, Jerry's the coolest. I like the guys who run the comedy scene there. Yeah, great comedy. But just like- Jerry and- Yeah, Jerry's the coolest. I love those two guys. And it's just like straight up, but like I'm doing another run of Alaska and I skipped Fairbanks this time.

All right. So I don't feel bad, I'm not losing anybody. Let's go back to Alaska. Let's go back to Alaska. Go to Alaska! We did it, we loved going, we went a bunch of times. I had trouble going to sleep when it was light all night. Like light into the middle of the morning,

even with the blackout shades, I could not go to sleep. Alive in Alaska is the name of it. It's on YouTube, it's good. Check it out. It was New York Times best YouTube special of last year. Hello. Hey dude, let's freaking go. Come on.

Which is, you need a little win after you don't sell your special to anyone. You need a little win. You need a little W. That's a dub. That's a dub. That's totally a dub. By the way, more people might see it on YouTube.

No, that's definitely what happened. It's like, you know. See, that helps you out then, great. It was good. Great. I love this special, I'm really proud of it. Check it out. Of course you are.

I'm gonna check it out and you all should as well. All right, Daniel, story time. Ready? Yeah. Send in by we talking about practice. Are we talking about practice? Not a game. Not a game, underscore three. And I'm not mad at out and you all should as well. All right, Daniel, story time. Ready? Send him by, we talking about practice. Are we talking about practice? Not a game. Not a game, underscore three.

And I'm not mad at anybody in Fairbanks to just think your town's kinda boring. Okay, there you go. I understand what you're saying. Fair, fair. I like the people in Iowa, I just don't like Iowa. Yeah. We could go down that road too.

All right, so. Who are you, Angel Reese? Senior prank. Don't come at Caitlin Clark, that's all I'm saying. Or do, and lose. Senior prank at Texas High School gets out of hand. Yeah, okay. Causes major damages.

Sure. So if my daughter, who is a senior in high school and about ready to graduate, is like, we're gonna do a prank, like I need to know what it is. Is that a thing in LA? Yeah, they sometimes do a senior prank. Do they do senior skip day? So that was a big thing. Okay, can I can I tell you this?

Popcorn and miss all his office right filled his office and Miss Ola deserved it. All right, so My daughter they do this thing called assassins where we're playing this game when I was in high school And it's really come back a lot So where you have super soakers and. You can have any type of water. Any type of water gun and like you squirt and if you get someone they're out. And this is at school. You're like how about you don't bring a gun to school.

So my daughter. No they can't do it on school grounds. My daughter brought a super soaker to school and pulled it out in the quad. I was like and she got in trouble. I'm like of course you did. I told you not to bring this to school and pulled it out in the quad. I was like, and she got in trouble. I'm like, of course you did. I told you not to bring this to school. What the eff are you doing? I'm like, I'm cool with really fucking around at school

but I'm like, yeah, even don't do fake guns. So again, I'm like, don't do that. And also, good for you that you haven't been face to face with so much of this that it wasn't like even in your brain. It wasn't inherent. Right, but like don't do that. But so if there is a school prank that goes along the lines of something that I'm like, don't do this.

Like don't do what is about to. Did you guys TP houses? Big time. Big time. We did, it was homecoming week. That was the only time it happened. Just TP the F out of house. Yeah, yeah, you would. I think toilet paper is too expensive post pandemic.

You think? No. Not sure if we make our own. All right, here we go. An originally sanctioned senior prank at a Texas high school took a destructive turn this week. Of course. Causing thousands of dollars in damage

and forcing the school to cancel classes for the remainder of the academic year. Incredible. Oh my God. What? Incredible. Kids are like, yes, it worked. Kids are like, it worked. The approved prank. Did it? If your prank is to get school called off.

The approved prank? The approved, yeah, it was sanctioned. The approved prank was originally by a small group of students at Frisco's Memorial High School and involved sticking Post-It notes all over the walls, but the stunt turned into a building-wide act of vandalism, school's official said. Wow.

Doesn't Frisco's sound like a knockoff bonanza? You know, like, go to Frisco, go to the food bar at Frisco's. Well, there is a- 90% jello. At the basement of 30 Rock is a place called Del Frisco's. Yeah, we know Del Frisco's. Yeah, after table reading, you'd be like,

going down to Del Frisco's, good press. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sucked, let's go down to Del Frisco's. We know Del Frisco's. After table reading you'd be like, going down Del Frisco's, good press. That sucked, let's go down to Del Frisco's. Drink it off. The extent of the damage was enough that high school canceled its last classes on Thursday and Friday as the campus was cleaned, cutting the year short for graduating seniors. School officials said they plan to make the students

responsible for the mess pay for it. Damage is estimated in the thousands of dollars and includes paint on the walls, destruction of furniture, discharge fire extinguishers throughout the campus, and more. So they were just supposed to put the Post-It notes up, but then they went a little crazy. Oh, weird, you're giving teenagers an inch

and they're taking a mile? Like, how did you not know that this was gonna happen? How big do you think this school is in square footage? Go 15,000 square feet. Can I I don't know square footage, but I guess student body Did you let me say 25,000 square feet student by student 4k? That's big 3k. I would guess yeah, I don't know 50,000 square feet. I have no idea, I don't know 50,000 square feet I have no idea. I don't know Every surface on this 300,000 square foot campus must be cleaned every surface That's what it says like ejaculants on it. Yes happening. Uh, did you call it ejaculant lint?

Ejaculate I like lint. Yeah, what are you giving up for and a jet? Ejaculate. Ejaculate. I like lint. Ejaculence. Yeah, what are you giving up for ejaculant? Lint and ejac. What are you giving up for ejac? Every surface in the 300,000 square foot campus

must be clean, including the walls, ceilings, and floors. Frisco ISD will hold the students responsible for costs associated with the cleanup. Because I was thinking it was accelerants. But here's my thing. I already told you this was sanctioned. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Staff had been at the school to monitor the prank.

So tell people. But once the situation got out of control, they called the police and fire department. What are you there for then? They're like, we're good, we're good, we're good. Oh God, we're not good. The moment someone goes away from the Post-It notes, aren't you like, stop? The moment someone peels out, gets the fire extinguisher,

call the fire department. Also, what sort of frenzy is created from Post-It notes? Like it seems like they really got into it. We covered the school with Post-It notes, which is also so much waste. Oh my God. So much. But remember like-

They did a thing in Rochelle back in the 70s, I remember where they took a cow up to the third floor. Yeah, see this is a 70s prank. Yeah, and the cows can't go downstairs. So they had to figure that out. And then in one year hamburgers They let three pigs go in the school and they spray painted their backs one two and four That's good. So it's a funny. It sounds like an urban myth

So then I think that there's another one. Yes, so then they spend the whole day being like we got to find number three That's great. That's a great right really good as long as the pigs were fine Yo, the pigs are fine. They were taken back out to the farm and then killed they were fine turned into bacon But yeah, if you're sanctioning and you're there People that didn't stop these much to blame you're as much unless it escalated very quickly Here's a point where they couldn't control it. Here's a picture that just says Lord. Oh god That's looks that looks like a I could see how that did get out of control video shared on social media shows plumes of white fog from fire extinguishers filling a vandalized

Cafeteria as other students film the chaos no one was injured official said the school is working with the police department to identify those involved Is it that hard? Yeah, you know you how do you guys feel about the chicken jockey thing which was oh this? I hate mine as a former movie theater employee myself, but also just Respect for people's like explain those who may not I saw When the chicken jockey comes out in the minecraft movie the audience Which is predominantly young children goes crazy tweens. They go banana banana I mean like throwing everything and screaming baby powder popcorn Strengths at the screen everywhere and then it takes over an hour at least

As a former movie theater employee, I enjoy the anarchy that that was creating. Because I'm just like, this is fucking, this is a better day at work than normal. I mean, that's fair. Like, I'm 16, I'm bored, I'm like, yeah, fucking break this shit. Throw it around. Yeah, get in there.

Well, you're trying to rob the place. This is a great diversion for you guys. I love that your movie theater background has now come up in two stories. Yeah, it's my favorite. We're gonna movie theater rules. But would either one of you encourage your kid to go to the AMC Universal Studios

and destroy the movie theater? So we did Rocky. Rocky Horror is far different. Shooting squirt guns and throwing torches. You're throwing forks and bread and all that stuff. Yes. I mean, and that is pretty, it does go crazy. I didn't know what that was,

cause I don't know what Minecraft, I don't know. I only know about this, I don't know it either. What makes the chicken DJ so great? Jockey? Disjockey. I don't know. I think it was like, I don't understand how anything becomes a trend,

but I think it just became a- Is it just a chicken jockey? I honestly think, and I might be wrong, or is it chicken disjockey? Opening weekend, people were posting becomes a trend, but I think it just became a... Is it just a chicken jockey? I honestly think, and I might be wrong... Or is it a chicken disc jockey? Opening weekend, people were posting theater reaction videos of people going nuts when chicken jockey showed up, and then it just became like a one-up... It's not a chicken disc jockey.

No, it's a chicken jockey. He's riding a little chicken. Rides a chicken. Like a horse jockey. Oh, like a jockey. Yeah. But if he was ones and twos, that would be cool too. But how cool is Jack Black that like a whole little generation now knows him?

He's being funny Jack Black and what he's singing and they are loving him also. And we grew up with like Tenacious D like. Yeah, he's huge in like four generations. In four generations. I love it so much and it's just talent that just works its way up. Former guest of Dumb People talent.

That's right. Okay. I don't know him but but I love that like I only Anybody I do who has no known him or met him is like he's a fucking man Oh, he's great. He is did you see his greatest you with Kevin Nealon taking a hike? No, oh, yeah a little bit of stopping to take photos of people and Kevin is Progressively as a bit getting more and more annoyed and keeps leaving him. And then Jack has to run up to catch him.

He's like, sorry, I'm really famous. I can't help this. And it just keeps happening every time. But he's nice to every person and also hilarious at the same time. Everyone else. Okay, so the school is working to identify those involved. You have a yearbook.

It was another level of embarrassment for me because I was expecting to just go to school the next day and sticky notes be everywhere, said senior and loser, Kaitlin Maybry. Kaitlin's anti-elite. Don't give a quote. She said she's disappointed that she won't get to see her favorite teachers in the building

as a student one more time. Go back, you can always go back. Yeah, I was pretty sure you're gonna be a teacher there eventually, Kaitlin. Quick pro tip, Kaitlin, Let's make this quote anonymous. They canceled, Caitlin goes on, they canceled school because of everything that happened. And now I don't get to see those teachers that were a big part of my life. We get it!

And it's just not funny. It's not cool. It's just sad. Fine, you can feel this way, Caitlin. I appreciate it. And you might be right. You're the valedictorian. Right. Just say it. Tell me you're the valedictorian. Right. Just say it. Tell me you're the valedictorian without telling me you're not.

Is she still trying to get into college? Yeah, we're already in, girl. The high school graduation ceremony, scheduled for Friday, is expected to carry on as planned. So no one's gonna care. If I'm at that ceremony, on the top of my cap, all post-it notes. Yeah, that's great. All right, there you go. That's story number two. I got a fantastic one. on the top of my cap, all Post-It notes.

All right, there you go. That's story number two. I got a fantastic one. Just with the quote, I wanted to punch her in the face. Now, it's a woman saying that. So what would cause someone to want to punch another person in the face? We'll find out.

Hey, Brooks Williams, Wheelan's with us. He's got a new special, Live in Alaska, and I want you everybody to see it and enjoy it, and we'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more than people tell. Hey guys, I wanna talk about my pet, and I'm calling her my pet.

I want you to get this dog, Jay. So my wife and I and my family were watching her parents' dog is there away for several months, and we have grown to love this dog in our lives, in her presence in our lives. You see how important the pet is. And just the joy from the morning we wake up till the end of the day, how much we take care of her.

And then if any, like if she stumbles on a walk or starts limping because she stepped on something, we're like instantly like what's, she's like, she's very much part of the family. Good news. Which is great because today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. In today's world, guys, we insure everything.

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is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or the United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Stick around, make a sound, there's more to people's town. Hey gang, welcome back to the show. This is so much fun.

I love that we get to do this. And Daniel Van Kirk, you've got awesome stuff happening this summer that I want these people to hear about. Yeah, July 12th, I'm at the Thrasher Opera House, great little theater in Green Lake, Wisconsin. I know. Come on to that. And then the 15th through the 19th. I'm doing my takeover of the Lincoln Lodge So it's hub City Comedy Week different types of show every single night other comics are gonna drop through I think friend of the show and also st. Louis and st. Louis and yeah, St. Louis

Mike Glazer is gonna be in town and he's like, hey dude, I'm gonna come through and drop by on shows. It's just a great night, every night, of me doing fun shows in Chicago and getting to pretend I still live in the city, which is key. Dream of all dreams. And it's in the middle of the summer. We all know Midwest summer is the best fuckin' time.

It's so much fun. Greatest ever. Why not enjoy this and keep the party rolling? Yeah, give yourself an hour and a half of air conditioning and then we'll go back to the old town. Get a couple of pats, old styles and get over here. The greatest two, no one understands how great spring, like a fucking nice spring Midwestern day

where you made it through the winter. Like the seasons here are fine and they're cool and I love LA more, I like it more. I love it too. The fucking winter summer really starts to come around. Oh, and everyone's like, God damn, let's throw those jean skirts on. Let's get out there. I love our jean skirts. Men and women, let's throw those jean skirts on. Let's get out there.

I love jean skirts. Men and women, let's get those jean skirts on. Oh, hell yeah. And then I'll be in Dayton, Kentucky at the Commonwealth. I'll be in Cincinnati at the Comet. I'm doing a Don't Tell That. That's all the last weekend of July. The first weekend of August, I will be in Portland, Oregon.

And then I'm also gonna be in Richmond, California, and Eureka doing shows up in Central and Northern California. Everything's up at danielvankirk.com. Even in September, I'll be in Richmond, California, and Eureka doing shows up in central and northern California. Everything's up at danielvankirk.com. Even in September I'll be in New Orleans. So, go there. Oh, you're doing sports drink? Yeah, I love sports drink so much. Wow, you guys are setting me up.

Yeah, I hit up with a dude I can't wait to see him. I'm gonna do a 20, 25, yeah. Oh, coming back. Or 20, 26, I forget what fucking year it is. That's so good. You've done it. You're gonna love it. I've done it, yeah.

Danny looked us up with it. Yeah, I can't wait to be back. Andrew's, isn't Andrew just one of the best dudes? I love him. love demons. Yeah, and he's great for the community. He's great for comedy He's just a great person. He played Kevin McHale in winning time I know I love him and then you should be listening to my podcast the midnight air that drops every single Monday It's an overnight radio show podcast to just put on as you wind down. Let's check it out. All right side note quick question Did you guys love winning time as much as I did?

I loved it, I loved it. People are like, you know how inaccurate, I go, I don't care. Don't give a shit. I just wanted to be entertained and do not care. Do not care. When fucking.

Tracy Letts is so good. Larry Bird's driving back after he quits fucking Indiana to like the Bob Singer song. Oh, so good. All right, okay. We were, I was hanging, just something I recommend to everybody. I was hanging out with my friend Peter Begler, who I love, and's so good. All right, okay, baby. By the way, I was hanging, just something I recommend to everybody. I was hanging out with my friend Peter Begler,

who I love, and we love music and share it back and forth all the time. We were going, we were hanging out, and it was on spring break for my kid, and we're like up in Santa Barbara, and we're just going back and forth, one-to-one, one-to-one, playing songs, and he plays, and me and his wife,

and we're just sitting there, he plays Hollywood Nights. Whoosh. And those Hollywood Hills there, he plays Hollywood Nights. It was Hollywood Hills. It is such a banger. Such a banger. The energy of that song and the movement of that song. Oh my god. It makes you ten years younger. I could not sit down.

We were up and dancing. It was crazy. So Detroit guys sing that song. It's a great karaoke song. Story number three. You better do that, Dan. Dan, story number three, sent in by Kyle Andrews. At Late Night Nachos. Story number three. You better do that, Dan. Dan, story number three sent in by Kyle Andrews at Late Night Nachos.

Thanks, buddy. Quote, and this is the headline, I wanted to punch her in the face, but I pooped on her car instead and went home. You thought the pooper was the one to get a good bite. She's like, I wanted to punch her. So she chose defecation over violets. I did my breathing exercises and I said, I can just poop.

Defecation. No breathing. Don't, is this my last reason? I really respect punching more than shitting on a car. I mean, whatever. Crazy. You can go to a car wash and get it cleaned. All right, pencil major.

No, but I'm like, I just like, you punch someone and you're like, yeah, I lost it, I'm so sorry. You shit on their car, you're like, I thought about it. You have to have explosive diarrhea in order to save it. I was ready to go. Pennsylvania woman arrested after a viral road rage incident. Delaware County, PA. I saw the video of this.

Pennsylvania woman is facing multiple charges after police say she was admitted to defecating on the hood of another person. Talk about a new ornament during a road rage dispute and apparently she had no regrets. Real hook job. According to hood rat. Solid Bob and Tom impression.

Real hook. Newly released court documents reveal that Christine Solometo now dubbed the Delke, the Delke Pooper. Yeah, okay Delca, the Delca Pooper. Yeah, okay. She's a Delca Pooper. She's from Delca? She's from Delca, she's a Delca Pooper.

Someone grab a towel. Go get her a towel, she pooped on a hood. She pooped all over the hood. Was arrested Thursday night after allegedly taking revenge on another driver in a highly unusual and unsanitary way. Authorities say Solometo told officers it was a clean poop and didn't he have to require toilet paper. That's lucky.

So she's proud of herself. Yeah. She aced it. That's not true. You don't think that's true? There's no way you sit there and wait for her to push out an entire poop. If I'm following the incident with her,

why don't you back up three feet? She's got to wait in an area. Which reportedly stemmed from a verbal altercation with another driver who allegedly insulted her. Police say dispute escalated after the other driver called Solomedo a derogatory name, prompting her to express her anger in a bizarre and illegal fashion.

I wanted to punch her in the face, but I pooped on her car instead. And then went home. Yep, we're all done here. I guess that settles that. Let me sit back immediately in my car. You're a weirdo. Who did you damage?

What is the Arnold Schwarzenegger line after she poops on the hood and then just leaves? Like what is it? Like you're my number two worst person on earth. I'll be cracked. That's wild behavior. No, that's like she's got a good you had a she's got to go somewhere Yeah, but she thinks good at deescalating. I didn't want a punch this relationship is over You got punching you got dumped. Yeah

That's Anybody who does that is like yeah, what are you gonna do about it? I'm like you got to go to jail get to the crapper This is a life is a crap. She is a plot point from angry boys this Chris Lilly Australian show that was really funny Yeah, now it's about about the kid about one of the kid character He played in I think it was mouse shits on a cop car. Oh wow Mike. It's also a plot point in grown-ups, too This is the most movement I've seen all day, like she has to do. All right, a bystander recorded the incident and posted the video on Instagram

where it quickly gained traction and then added to public outrage. The footage reportedly shows this act taking place in broad daylight. Sole Meadow now faces charges including indistinct exposure. I mean, has there ever been a crazy response to what are you gonna do about it? Right, criminal mischief harassment and

Depositing waste on the highway. Did you know that was a thing? I wondered if there's more charge No, can you pee don't pee on the highway you could get the charge of depositing waste on the highway? Yeah Waste on the highway just like hate that story I mean I hate that that was what she thought was her but if you But if you were on the way to your show, that's 20 minutes. Yeah, I know. I don't know. There you go. I think I gotta think about it a little bit.

I mean, poop on the highway. But the indignation of the person thinking, oh, I did a good thing because I didn't punch her. That's what I'm saying. That's what's wrong with her. No, she thinks she's a good Samaritan. Yes, of course. What?

I didn't punch her. I was not violent. No, you were awful. No, you were awful. No, you were crazy. Crazy, right? You were in her horribl. You weren't violent, you were too much. Like this video should be attached

to all of your dating profiles, right? Like the people need to know, they have to know. This is like our next door neighbors are moving and they found asbestos in the house. You imagine Googling her after a first date? Do you hear me? They found asbestos in the house. So now Googling her after a first date? Do you hear me? They found asbestos in the house. So now that's gonna be, stay with it the entire,

whoever's out knows that there was, this is her own asbestos. You got herpes, it goes with you the rest of your life. This is her herpes. You can lay dormant for a while and then rear it's ugly head. Rear it's ugly rear. It's time you act like a turtle and go back in your car. Yes. Anyway. All right, there you go, that's story. Brooks like a turtle and go back in your car. Yes.

Anyway, all right, there you go. That's story. Brooks Whalen, Alive in Alaska. Alive in Alaska. Go watch it. Support comedians. Go check out Dance Special. New York Times best free special of 2024.

Free special of 2024. Whatever. Don't get the free off of it. Best special of 2024. I love it. Give it some love. Guys, that was so much fun. We loved doing the show.

Loved doing it for you. And oh snap, we gotta get back to work. Peace. Stick around, make a sound. There's more to PeopleTown.