Dumb People Town - Carol Leifer - Rim Speed

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

Comedy legend and author Carol Leifer (How To Write A Funny Speech...) stops by as Daniel describes a how an Australian couple had sex during a police pursuit, Randy explains why "Botox faces" have been banned from a UK comedy club, and Jason warns against stealing another man's dentures, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Hims! Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half price mail, I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-hosts Arm and Dan. Members don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits and wins, we'll be the ones to make the news. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes

choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half price mail, I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-hosts Arm and Dan. Members don't be a jerk, cause when the music gets the funny hits and wins, we'll make the news. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose.

We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail. In Florida there's half price mail, I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-hosts Arm and Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, because when the music goes to funny bits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, Bunker Down is Dumb People Town. Men, if ED is getting you down, you need HIMS to help get your confidence and other things back up.

HIMS provides access to treatments that can help you stay hard and last longer so you can be ready whenever the mood strikes. So start your free online visit today at hims.com slash dpt. That's h-i-m-s dot com slash dpt for your personalized ED treatment options. HIMS dot com slash d-p-t. Hey, Totties, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Leifer. Carol Leifer. P T. Hey Totties welcome to another episode of dumb people town population population leafer Carol leafer welcome to the show Thank You Sklar brothers, thank you so much now which one of you did I run into at the oh Oh at the Ohio Valley and me me that was years ago I've run into you everywhere Jason doesn't run into you out the word and Dan Kirk doesn't run into you anyway I know what is his problem? He doesn't run into you. Dan has been trying to run into you for so long

and now it's happening. You have to get my schedule. I'm an Ojai Mountain Inn kind of guy. Are you? I'm an Ojai Rancho Inn. Oh, you're like, I'm Ojai Valley and I love the Ojai Valley. That's a nice place up there. Yeah, it's a wonderful place.

Well, here's two wonderful things. One, you have a new book out. I do. We're gonna talk about that. We'll get to that. Stop talking about it, Carol. Why are we making me go? All right, all right, I got it.

Just cut it out. But then we also have these dumb news stories that happen in the world. People are dumb, and they're getting dumber. I know that. I'm a comedian. I see it every night with audiences, yes. You understand, and you are one of the best comedians

ever to do it, and you've been in incredible writers' rooms. You understand what we're about to do here. I do, I do, but finish your thought. Keep going, don't stop. One of the greats, the all-time greats. All right, you wanna do a story one? Let's do a story one. Yeah, I have it first.

This was sent in by Matthew Friedman, at Not Your Average Matt, AVG Matt. Our listeners sent in stories. Here's the headlines. They do. So sweet. Okay. Mount Gambier, G-A-M-B-I-E-R. Mount Gambier.

Mount Gambier magistrate finds what couple did during police pursuit extraordinary. So is it wrong? I mean is there something wrong with it? It's definitely sexual. I don't know what it is. They're impressed by it. A South Australian magistrate has described a decision

by a couple to have sex during a police pursuit as extraordinary. I mean, it's a pursuit on all fronts at this point. I mean, do you think there was like a, we're not gonna see each other for a long time when this is over. I think that's a very good theory. That's right.

What we're doing is really fucked up. I can't say it. Yes, of course. And yeah, men and women's prisons don't have a dance together. Not anymore. They don't anymore. Why don't they?

This will be our first conjugal visit. So does a pre-conjugal. A pre-conjugal. Yes, but you can be sure there was no condom involved. No. Yeah, no. They involved. No. No. They're out of police pursuit. They don't care about safety on any level.

Carol, that might have been the most outrageous and extraordinary part of it. I guess I'm thinking, yes. It would be hilarious if he did stop to get condoms in the police pursuit to then have sex while driving the car. He's like, what, I don't wanna hurt anybody. I mean, but that is, so not to think about logistics,

but I'm assuming he's driving and she reverses on, I mean, I can't even- You'd have to. Sit on his lap. Yes. Who's driving? Joshua James Childs. Joshua James.

He's about to make a few chives. Joshua James Childs. JJC. This is how you make a new child. Was sentenced in the Mount Gambier Magistrates Court on Monday, charged with aggravated escape, police pursuit, and an assault the year prior. Yeah. So he thinks he had the one, they're like, we'll get you for that next time you come in. Don't worry about that now.

You don't want to be on a we'll get you next time. Two completely different things. Aggravated assault. on a we'll get you next time with the police. Two completely different things. Aggravated assault. From a year earlier. Aggravated sex. Yes, it's all aggravated. That can't be comfortable for the woman.

Is she aggravated or is he? I wonder if he didn't perform well and he was like, these cops are behind me, I'm trying to stay on the road, I have a lot of mind right now. What if this is the only way, it was like that movie Crash. Crash, yeah. This is the only way they can like climb back together. Really, yes. Is like they need to be pursued by cops.

He says to her, you know how it is when the cops are pursuing us and we're trying to have sex. It's like a regular thing. Well, you know, it could be that they just get off on an exciting shoot like that. And then it's, but wouldn't it be crazy if she became pregnant? Right. That's right.

And then it was like, wouldn't it be crazy if she became pregnant? Right. And then it was like, honey, remember when we conceived. Tell me the story about mom, dad, tell me the story again. Or how funny would it be if he's like, remember when we were in the car and we were having sex in the car and she's like, um. Which? The police were following us and she's like, um.

Where were we, where were we going? Where were we going? We were going down Main Street. You were just wearing a shirt. You gotta be high, you gotta be a little more specific. Remember when we were driving by that Mexican place, I said, look at that Mexican place, and you said, oh, oh, oh, you don't remember this?

I just have to say though, I mean, living in Los Angeles, hearing about a million different pursuits, that really has to be. I just saw yesterday a guy took a guy's tow truck. He just got in it and then not only was he, the guy hung onto the back, the tow truck driver, but the guy who was driving, he was like, drinking the guy's big golf, calling a friend. He was like, dude, I'm in a car. He's on with dispatch, he's like, we the guy's big golf, drinking his home and a friend.

He was like, dude, I'm in a car. He's on with dispatch. He's like, we're gonna be a while. What else you got for me this afternoon? Wait, is he using his Bluetooth? That's so uncool. I paired my phone with your car. You did what?

With my tow truck. I made it the default. But drinking the drink is so. Yeah, drinking the drink. That's wild. That's disrespectful. You know, you're thirsty. It's a pickle.

Was the person who stole the tow truck, was his car attached to the back, or he just walked up and took a tow truck? No, the guy was getting out to get a car, and he went in. Stole it, so the tow truck operator is like hanging on the back for two hours. He's hanging on the back.

Oh my God. But nobody's having sex in the car. Nobody's having sex. That's a first. This is like insane compared to that. Which by the way, if you're having sex with someone, you should have a flatbed. Like that's what you need is a flatbed to have sex on.

Childs was sentenced to more than nine months of home detention for the two incidents. Just enough time to have a baby. Yeah, home detention. Including the high speed police chase in which he had sex with a passenger. While the charges were related to two separate incidents, Childs was cumulatively sentenced.

I have never in my time as a magistrate heard that whilst somebody was engaged in a police pursuit, they also engaged in sexual intercourse, Magistrate Koula Kassiavelos said. The court heard how police attempted to stop Childs twice while he was speeding along the Prince's Highway in September with a female passenger also in the vehicle. The court heard that Childs evaded police before officers spotted the car a third time and deployed road spikes, puncturing three of the vehicle's tires.

See, this is what happens when you have a kink. Yes. That's right. This is the problem. Right, you start to ruin tires. You can't control what your kink is gonna be. You can't. It is what it is. You have to to ruin tires. You can't control what your kink is gonna be. You can't, you can't. It is what it is. You have to act upon it.

You have to act. Yeah, you have to. Childs continued to evade police, this is after they rip out three of his tires, driving while the rubber from his tires began delaminating from his vehicle. Right, when you're just driving on the rims. So there was a rubber.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was being taken off. By the road. By the road. By the road. By the road. By the road. By the road. By the it was being taken off. By the road properly. By the road. By the road properly. By the road properly.

By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly.

By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly.

By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road properly. By the road did the Tonight Show with Carson. Yes, I did. I mean, did he, he waved you over? I did get waved. You got waved over! I did. What did he say to you? Here's what's crazy, okay?

I was dreaming about this for a long time. He waves me over, and then they took a commercial break. And you know, he used to tap his pencil? Yeah. Well, next to it, it was like maniacal. It was like crazy, like, you know what I mean? Like, it was really intense. And I was doing a joke at the time.

I don't have any kids. Well, at least none that I know about. Great joke, phenomenal joke. Like a Hall of Fame, put it in a museum joke, great joke. And Johnny, during the break, said to me, that was a good switch there on that joke, good switch. That's great, switch. Good switch. That's awesome.

And then you came back and did he say you're amazing, and have a little convo with you? We had a little convo. Did he tee you up for any more jokes? Did you drop any more in the conversation? I did, I did drop a few more. Of course you did. So you have to prep, I mean, back in the day,

you had to prep for if he calls you over. I need to leave a little in the tank. Yes, and then if you're not called over, you leave really depressed. Tail between the legs and walk out. And you leave and you'll do anything like have sex in the car. Right, while you're being chased.

It's such an emblematic of our careers, because everybody dreamt or dreams, then it sort of became Letterman and Conan for a while too, but dreams of getting Carson. You get it, and now you're like, I hope I get called over. But you keep moving your own goalpost to just not be happy.

Right, no, it's literally the rubber meets the road though because if you're not on the show, then you can still assume that you will get called over. But then once you do it, you find out if you get called over or not. And like, why didn't he call me over? Did he not like what I did? He liked the switch up.

Did you find and see a crazy weird bump after it, like when you're walking on the streets? Or no, like people were like, I? Yes, for clubs. I mean, I don't think people, comics of this generation understand what The Tonight Show was. I think they do. I'm actually going to argue.

Yeah. I think if you have like two or three great sets on Kill Tony today, which is a podcast, and it's a show, I think it can reshape. Absolutely. But nothing like the Carson. I mean, nothing like getting doing it and then walking down the street with people like, 30 million people a night. Yeah, no, it's true. It really bumped it up. But that's true about podcasts. When I did Mark Maron's podcast, I said to him,

this is kind of like the equivalent of. Yeah, it's a little bit of like. And I tell you, the score of it is. I'm sure Mark appreciated that and was really kind to you. Okay, so let's continue on. Okay. Okay, so remember. We love Mark.

You gotta give him shit. You gotta give him shit. They see him twice. They finally see him a third time. They rip out three of his tires. Then gotta give him shit. You gotta give him shit. They see him twice. They finally see him a third time. They rip out three of his tires. Then they see him a fourth time, rip out the fourth tire. He continues to drive, metal rims gouging into the road surface. During sentencing remarks, Magistrate Casio-Vellos said that what happens next was extraordinary.

With all tires punctured and still traveling at a dangerous speed, police witnessed the vehicle's female passenger climb over and straddle child. That's what I said. This didn't happen till after four or five times of seeing the cops and multiple strips that they were like, well at this point. Tires got penetrated, somebody else has to get penetrated. Was she facing forward?

No, I think she's probably. Facing him. She's probably rear view mirroring. He's like, babe, babe, I can't see, babe. Right, she's like, I'm looking backwards for you. Blocking the driver's view. Let me be your rear view mirror. The female began moving in an up and down motion, appearing to engage in sexual intercourse. How fast do you think they were going?

I got it in miles per hour for you. How fast do you think they were going? On rims of tires. On four rims while having sex, being chased by police. 75 miles an hour. I'll go 65. Okay. I'm gonna go 80 miles an hour. 75 miles an hour. I'll go 65. Okay. I'm gonna go 80 miles an hour.

31 miles an hour. That's it. It's sort of a stroll. Very dangerous, but sort of a stroll. It's sort of a rim speed. Let me think about it. It's a rim job, I think that's the answer. Rim speed may be the title of this episode.

Rim speed. Rim speed. Childs was sentenced to seven months in prison to be served by way of home detention on the second charge of assault. The cause. Scars might identify with this on the second charge of assault. The court also heard that a year before the police chase, Childs knocked a man off his bike aggressively while the victim was dropping their child off at their primary school. So he got mad in the drop off area. He's got a lot of problems.

Yeah, he's got a lot of issues. But you get behind people in the drop off area. You remember those years, many years ago, and you're like, what are you doing? Like we're all not here. Your kid's already in your car. So I still have you to scroll through emails. I still drop my daughter off at, she's a senior.

We have like two more months of doing this and then it's all over because she doesn't drive. But like drop her off at Eagle Rock High School and there's like a little circle we drop off at. And there are like every single time, we're always late, we're always like literally pushing with like one minute and they're gonna close the gate. And invariably like some kid in front of us

opens up the door and then pops the trunk to like pull out a project. I'm like, who? We don't even see. You're by the looks of it. What are you, eight? You're a high schooler, that project looks terrible. It's a solar system, get out of here.

It's so mad. People who are like, come on. Well, Childs chased the victim onto the school grounds and then punched him. He was sentenced to two months imprisonment to be served cumulatively via the home detention. We'll get out of story one on this. But don't you think prison is a bad idea? Because any time they transfer them in any

kind of vehicle, he's gonna... Try and have sex with him. Yes, yes. This guy can't do any, yeah, like we don't want any... No, nothing moving on tires or rims. I get turned on by the motion. What are you crying about, man? This ride just takes me back. But if we go 31 miles an hour,

you just remembered the old days. Yeah. I'm not gonna... Can I make the crass thing that I want to say? At 31 miles per hour, 1.21 Jizzawatts. There you go. Jizzawatts!

Back to the future. I would be using that in my real life. But as I am a lesbian, that will not come up. All right, last thing here. For fun, Howl is Joshua James Childs. Howl's a man going 31 miles an hour multiple times. On rims. On Childs. How old is the man going 31 miles an hour multiple times for baby release? Gets blown out spikes, keeps going,

gets blown out spikes again, keeps going, and then decides, baby, this is our last run. What do you think, Jay? I think there's a guy who's young, like 29 years old. Like he's not worried about getting an erection. He doesn't need to like pre-plan with a Cialis pill. Like he doesn't't have to. He doesn't need Blu Chu. He's just like, you ready to go? I'm ready to go. No hymns for him. I'm gonna go with 25. 25. I'm gonna go with, let's go the age of Jesus, 33. Okay. Let's do it. One of you is only one year off, so you all have the option to go up

a year or down a year that you have selected. 28, 34. Where are you going up or down? 24. Okay. Joshua James Childs. And when we come back. We're gonna find out about Leifers books. To come back. I'll tell you what I have going on.

Quick little break. Joshua James Childs is 28 years old. Yeah! Very nice. I will take a break. Carol Leifer is with us. One of the greats, one of the all-time greats. We're gonna talk about her new book. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we get into Leifer's book, we were

talking about where this thing took place. So it took place in Australia and the only way you know that is that it took place in the bush. Okay, so, deep in the bush. All right, before we get to Leifers books, we wanna give lots of time. Dan, let people know where you can go. Danielvankirk.com, you can check out my podcast,

this one, which is one of the best and all time favorites ever, but also in the midnight air, every single Monday night on All Things Comedy, and then you can come see me in Milwaukee, in Janesville, in Bloomington, Indiana at the limestone comedy festival Headlining out there planned to the tapes in Louisville. It's there's so many great things all these dates Everything's up at Daniel van Kirk calm. Okay, so Carol very good spiel, right? Yeah, this is not your first rodeo. This is not your first book

Are we I've read your your your previous book is amazing too. So I would encourage people start here. Work your way back. But hold it up so these damn people can see it. You hold it. Okay, this is how to write a funny speech. Amazing. People are so desperate to

for a wedding. For a wedding. Bar mitzvah. Bar mitzvah. Graduation, every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place. That's so great. People are always like what? They're terrified. People are terrified. And nobody's funny. place. That's so great. People are always like what, they're terrified. People are terrified.

And nobody's funny. Yeah. And nobody's funny. Have you seen the super cut TikTok that went viral? No. Of it, it's literally probably a hundred people at weddings or retirement parties, whatever, and it's just every single one of them going,

for those of you who don't know me, for those of you who don't know me, for those of you who don't know me, for those of you who don't know me, some of you probably don't know me, and it's just a boom, boom, boom for those of you who don't know me, some of you probably don't know me, and it's just a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm gonna connect you, and I want you to send that to her. Yeah, I will.

And then at the end of it, you put up your book, and you'll be like, this book will save this. That's right. From happening again. Oh my God, definitely happening. Yeah, because how many events have you been to where somebody gives a speech, and it leaves a stink in the room room and then kind of rules the event.

They don't know how to do it. They need a blueprint, they need a guideline and they're so afraid of it. And whenever you get called to do it, like all your normal friends, like whenever you've done speeches for your normal friends, weddings, bar mitzvahs, birthdays, whatever, you always just crush the room.

Well, any comedian that gets up there knows what to do because to us, a set every night is like a speech. Yes. So you pretty much, you know audiences. Tight, you keep it tight, lots of jokes, and you get to the point and you get out of there. But I think the one thing a lot of people like too is reading a room and knowing their audience.

Like anytime someone says to me, like they're the best man and they're like, I think I'm gonna do something the best man and they're like, I think I'm gonna do something sort of funny. I'm like, don't. Don't do that. Just go sincere. You'll never regret sincere.

That's true. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? The floor on sincere is much higher than the floor on. But if you have this book. This is what I'm saying. Mick Mitchell and I, my co-writer, who's won five Emmys, and I've won one, you learn how to incorporate funny things

into your speech. We walk you through it. Yes, in the right way. This is so great. First of all, I love the way it looks. And it's just like a simple, putting it on, I love the color, it's gorgeous. And look at this, in the middle,

I had to open up to the middle, which says the end. Dummies will think that's the end of the book, and you're like, why is there such a huge end? No, because it means end your speech. No, you're talking about how to end your speech. Right, right, beginning, middle, the end. Dummies will think that's the end of the book and you're like why is there such a huge end? Because it means end your speech. No, you're talking about how to end your speech. Right, right, beginning, middle, end, end. I love it, good for you.

Now the other thing that people try a lot now is AI to write speeches. Sure, that's like the way to like. That's the worst thing possible. Because we took elements, I wrote a speech for a friend's daughter for her wedding and we took the elements that I took, and put it into AI, and it was horrific.

Did you then at the wedding read the AI speech and be like, this is how bad this was? You could do that as a bit. You could do it as a bit, but as we talk about in the book, gotta keep it five minutes and minutes. That's it. So if I had said, if the mother of the bride said, listen, we put it in AI, people would be like, oh, enough already, we heard your great speech. Can I ask an ignorant question?

Who, we know at a wedding, it's traditionally made of honor. Best man. Maybe father of the bride. Father of the bride. The night before is usually the bride and groom say something at the rehearsal, that's a speech that a lot of people forget they need to do. At a bar about Mitzvah, who's giving speeches? Parents usually give speeches and sometimes the best friends are the kids. The kid gives a speech, right?

But if you have a funny, if you've got a Carol Leifer in your life, you're like, Carol, you know the kid, will you get up and say a few funny things. If you have somebody, but even those speeches, but even like speeches to your company, speeches to like that's, people are terrified of. And they're terrible at it. Can I see the book? Yes, absolutely.

This is so cool, I love it. People can get it everywhere, right? Anywhere you get a book. Is it in stores too, or is it gonna be like, because I can see this in a store that isn't a bookstore, but at the front of the book. Like it's like okay, do you know that store, okay? That's a really cute, great little place in Silver Lake.

But yeah, I could just see this. Oh, the Forward's just by Carol Burnett. Oh! The Forward's just by Carol Burnett. Was that a hard ask, was that a hard ask or no? Here's what's crazy. It was actually an easy ask, because she's such a or no? Here's what's crazy, it was actually an easy ask because she's such a lovely person.

That's all I've heard about her. Literally gave it to her Friday of a Memorial Day weekend, take your time Carol, if you don't wanna do it, I understand. You give her every hour. Yes, it's a big favor, blah, blah, blah. She reads it and Sunday she gets back to me and says, I'm happy to write the full. I loved it.

Yeah. Is she, this is because I don't know her, I haven't spent any time with her. Is she just super, just funny in her bones? Meaning like, just you guys are just talking whatever and she just will be funny. Without like trying too hard, it's like in her bones. Yes, and she tells the best stories

and she has great stories from her life. She really, my wife and I have had dinner with her and her husband, I mean, they're like three hour dinners because she tells the best stories you don't want to tell. The great thing about this book is everything about it feels easy. Yeah. You know what I mean, like picking it up

and just even going through the parts of it. It's not gonna crush you. It's well put together. Also, even if you don't have a speech, it's immediately funny. Signs your speech is too long. You hear crying and it's not a baby. You get a standing ovation after you say, in conclusion.

It's like when the plane lands and everyone claps. Part of that's a good thing, but if the flight was really shitty, it's like clapping to be like, I can't believe you did this. It's so funny. plane lands and everyone claps. Part of that's a good thing, but if the flight was really shitty, it's like clapping to be like, I can't believe you did this. It's so funny. It is like landing a plane, a good speech. Completely, and also, we made it short and sweet

for people, because the worst thing is to write a book about making speeches, and it's atoned. You know what I mean? You don't want that. Mirrors the message of the book. Yes, and even more than that, for people who are super lazy, which is a lot of people out there,

we have templates where you just kind of fill in the blanks of what to say. Oh my God, this is so helpful. So we really- Did you read this book on tape? Is there a book on tape of this? We haven't done it yet, but we know it. But you have to do it. You have to do it. It's gotta be your voice.

Absolutely. Or the two of you, but probably you. Yes, no, the two of us. That, yes, you have to. Templates. There's do it. It's gotta be your voice. Or the two of you, but probably you. Yes, no, the two of us. Yes, you have to. Templates. There's the template. There you go. Freaking love this.

I love this book. Mad Libs. This is great. Fill in the blanks. How to write a funny speech. That's just, that's wonderful. Go get this book. It'll make your life better.

It'll make your life so much better. By the way, you know, I know it's a couple months away, but Father's Day, Mother's Day coming up, like these are wonderful gifts to like give to people. Put it on the wide shot. Look at that. And it's 16.95, come on. 16.95, it's less, I mean, it's like a tiny bag.

It's three and a half lattes. Tiny bag of cocaine, guys. 16.95. It's not hard. I mean, you're still buying cocaine, so it's like what, like a half gram? I would say, no. I get the good stuff, I don't know. It's a bump and a half. Just get the book's like what like a half gram?

You want confidence you don't need cocaine get this book. That's right. We'll talk about this more later But I'm gonna jump into another yeah, shall we do this? Yes, do you okay? Do you feel serviced by the book? We love this. I do feel service not a service Australian police pursuit we didn't have a we didn't police chase. That's gonna number one. Not as Australian police pursuers. Right. We didn't have police chasing us. That's gonna be a sex term, an Australian car chase. I gave her an Australian car chase. She gave him an Australian car. All right, so sent in by NES Jumpman, our good friend.

Yeah, I've been around a long time. Up in Madison, Wisconsin. All right, you ready for this? Yeah. And you will love this. As all of us are stand-up comedians, I am so excited that we are getting to do this story with Carol Leifer.

You ready? Here is the, and it is a debate, like we're all gonna have this debate here, but here we go. Top UK comedy club bans audience members with Botox after numerous complaints. Why do you think that, all right? Why do you think so?

Top UK comedy club bans audience members with Botox after numerous complaints. Why do you think? Just Brody Stevens stoic faces, bad energy. Can't. Can't. Can't read their expressions. Right, can't move your face.

Right, so okay, one of the UK's leading comedy clubs has banned guests with Botox in a move that is no laughing matter, who wrote this? New York Post. For those with reactionless faces. So if you're a comic and you're getting nothing from them, but they really are wanting to react, but their face is just unreactive.

But they could be like borderline ventriloquist. Okay, you ready for this? Ha ha ha ha! But that's the thing, does it really matter their face? I don't see a lot of faces. One of you can't move the face, but you are fantastic, ha ha ha, you know one of those great ladies.

All right, so Top Secret Comedy Club, which that girl was, that woman was telling us we gotta go do it. She was telling us we gotta go do it. It's where Aziz drops in a lot. Has hosted some of the biggest names in comedy, Jack Whitehall, Amy Schumer, Dave Chappelle, maybe the Sklar brothers at one point,

gracing the stage in Drury Lane, and Kingsway Clubs. In a drastic move, those with Botox will be unable to see similar stars live in London. Like how do you tell? They come in and you're just like, you gotta give them a face check? Can you imagine you're the door person? Give me two reactions, give me shocked.

And if they're just like, give me thrilled. All right, you can't come in. You're not coming in. I can't come in. Right at the door, they just decide. So there's a ticket taker. Yeah. Remember Mario Joyner's old vid? No.

Oh my God, he's the guy who, that was such a great joke about being a, he was a ticket taker, and he went for, he wanted to be a ticket taker at a movie theater, and he went for an interview, and he just walked in and ripped up his resume. He's like, I believe my work speaks for itself. There you go. So now you need a person to check the face

and a person to like, see people. That's like an extra, I don't understand this. Check the Face was my favorite Pete Townsend song. Right, okay, so shared concerns that audience members with frozen faces aren't reacting, they're jokes. Botox is a type of injectable. All right, shut up. Who is it?

The rise of tweakments, particularly among 20-somethings, has risen sharply in recent years with an estimated how many Botox injections carried out each year in the UK? What do you think? How many injections do you think they do in the UK? Remember it's a smaller country than the United States. Well, and they are not as attractive people. Right, exactly, so they might need this.

What do you? Well, they don't have smile lines. No, they don't. They don't. I'm gonna go. Approximately how many? 20,000. 20,000, what do you think?

50,000, what do you think? A million. Okay, one of you. I thought that number too. One of you is exactly right. Do you wanna? 50,000, what do you think? A million. Okay, one of you. I thought that number too. One of you is exactly right. Do you wanna? I'm staying, I'm staying. Are you gonna jump to a million

or are you gonna stay where you're at? Randy, did you give it away? No, he didn't give anything away. I'll stay, I'll stay, but I don't love it. You have a chance to move if you don't love it. Okay, get your answers in, Tonnies, because an estimated one million votes. Yeah! Hi, get our book. I knew it's, because an estimated one million? Yeah!

Hyper! Get her book! I knew it! I'll write a party speech and win games on podcasts. That's right. But you know, that is true, that women much younger are getting these procedures. I swear to God, I know a woman who's 25,

who got a brow lift. No. And I asked her, I was like, why? And she was like, I look tired. I'm like, take a nap. Take a nap. Sleep, sleep. Take a nap.

Take a nap. Mark Rothman, the top secret comedy club owner, we should get in touch with him, Jay, please. I claim the eyebrow-raising decision. Stop it. No, I love this. I mean, to band gas, up to their eyeballs in Botox was the last resort to prevent losing talent

who performed at the club. So apparently, I guess. Somebody complained. Oh enough high level talent was like, I'm not gonna do this anymore if they were just right. I mean are they just doing so much crowd work that they're not getting the reaction? Our incredibly talented comedians are fed up

with performing in front of reactionless faces he said. And I mean that's a little bit like a club owner. I understand a club owner being like a comics club owner and what not. I just have a hard time believing this is really a thing. They say it's the most here. I don't see a lot of faces. So this is what he says, which I kind of now like this guy

said comedy thrives on connection and facial expressions play a huge part. We want people to laugh, cry, frown, sneer, but frozen phrases from Botox impact, it impacts the entire atmosphere. We hope trailing this band will help move the needle and get facial reactions back into the room, I know. But do they get this complaint like in Alaska? No.

You know, at Eskimo comedy clubs, the faces. No, they don't, in Inuit comedy clubs. No, they. And those are literally frozen faces. Exactly, yes.. No, they don't, in you at comedy clubs? No, they. And those are literally frozen faces. Exactly, yes. They are straight up frozen. Andrew Mensa, one of the venue's regular standup acts. Do you know Andrew Mensa?

Maybe, smart guy. He actually isn't, he's not on the level. I know, performing to an audience with frozen faces can be incredibly tough. Comedy's a two way street, we feed off the energy and reaction of the crowd. Mark and the team are always devising new ways to support us comedians, so this must be his best one yet.

So the comics are reacting in a way where they love this. They feel like the owner is really stepping out there for them. Meanwhile, comedian Paul Chowdhury, who is set to perform at the club this month, said, my face barely moves on the stage. I wouldn't want to see the same thing staring back at me. So he's like, I'm now holding. I get to be expressionless.

I'm holding the audience. Remember John, what was the guy, John Mendoza? Yeah. Remember him? He was very, very expressionless. Right, right. Like face didn't move at all. He was really funny.

I just don't buy that comics are so concerned about this. Upset or sensitive about it. I mean like, you know, like in your green room, there's like a rotting banana and barely a Coke. Right, exactly. But worried about the expression. This is the worst thing, the woman in table nine isn't like able to smile. Also, as a comedy club, do you wanna stop people

from coming in or do you want people coming in? I love that the guy's standing up for comics, let me just say that, and that's not just what I wanna get pushed into this. So if you're in a comedy club, if you're in a comedy club and people start talking, you want the comedy club to be like, get out of here. You are ruining it for everybody else.

And that's taking a stand for the comics that I fully believe in. Yeah. Right? Like, or policing the room. That's right. Policing the room. They think this falls under policing the room.

You better be expressive or else you're screwed. I worked at Harris once in Tahoe and it was a New Year's night and right in the front was a table of frat guys, literally on my mic they were pulling the cord. Pulling the cord of your mic? Of my mic. No!

Yeah, I felt like, you know, fishing. And nobody at Harris, nobody, didn't he think? I was like, guys, can you cut it out? This is not a tug of war, this is me doing comedy. And then chanting, reefer, reefer. Oh my God. Reefer for leafer. Which is not a bad chant, but all right.

That's from merch. March vid. From March vid. Carol Reefer. There you go, book and the merch. That is good merch. March 5th. From March 5th. Carol Reefer. Carol Reefer. Book and the merch. You rolled up into a little joint. And your head popping out.

And it's smoking on the top. Carol Reefer. Carol Reefer. The Top Secret Comedy Club audience members. Leifer Madness. What am I doing? Leifer Madness. What am I doing?

Right, it's just coming up with merch ideas for you. Okay. Members will be vetted by door staff, trained to carry out ID checks and expression tests. Can you imagine that? This is just one of the managers of the club. He just broke up with his ex. I got an idea.

She gets a lot of botox. He's trying to prevent her from ever coming back. Dude, I said that. That's why Kanye hates the Jews, because Pete Davidson banged his ex-wife. That's it, that's why. That's all, a Jew took it to your wife. And then you're mad now at the rest of us?

Chill out. We're dead serious about the band, Rothman warned. You're surprised. And if you're surprised, we need to see that. We are looking forward and welcoming faces, old and new, that can still move. That was one of our jokes. When we did the new Real TV Awards.

We did the Critics' Choice Real TV Awards Jay and I were hosting. Like the Real Housewives of Orange County are here. And the joke was, a lot of old faces, a lot of new faces here, and those are just on the Real Housewives of Orange County. There you go. There you go.

We might have to stop, because I think she has to move on to her thing. I do have to get to Access Hollywood. Did I mention that? She's gotta go, she's gotta go, she's gotta go. She's got 110 at the latest. 110 is the latest. Well, this is it.

I'll save my story. next time you come back, you come back and we'll do another show. Can you do it quick? Yeah, I'll do it quick. Let's take a quick break and we'll come right back with the last story, it's Carol Levy. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound,

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There's more to people town. Welcome back to the show. Carol Lee. Here we go. Here we go. All right. Taylor and Vils man. This is sent in by Jeremy Moss. A Taylor Vils man arrested for reportedly assaulting, trying to take man's dentures.

A Taylor Vils man arrested for reportedly assaulting his former roommate and trying to take the roommate's dentures. Please say it. I'm not going to tell how old he is, but we can guess later. John Dana Warden went into a residence he lived in two or three years ago. Wait, he doesn't live with the guy anymore? I go, but two to three years ago.

How does he have access to this place? Accused the man of having his dentures, those are mine. Those are mine, right? Wait, he says, my old roommate has my dentures. Right, yeah. Maybe he's like- Like when he moved out, that's what he took? Or I took yours, you took mine?

This is the longer version of that scene from The Jerk. And I'm taking this, and two or three years later, I'm coming back and I'm taking this! Or it's like the scene with something's gotta give where like Nicholson and like Diane Keaton like exchange their glasses because they realize they have each other's glasses and Keanu Reeves has to sit and watch

and be like, oh no, you're better for her. The man asked Warden to leave, but Warden said he wouldn't leave without his teeth. He's the Warden. The man had his own dentures in his hand to clean them in court documents. They say Warden grabbed the man by the arm. What an opportune time for the guy to come get him.

They're out of his mouth. He knew his routines. Timing, comedy is timing. He's not gonna be there, and they're gonna be in his mouth at eight. How to write a funny speech, timing. Grab the man by his arm. When the police arrested Warren,

they found a glass pipe with white residue in his jacket pocket, documents said. Warden told police he forgot that was in his pocket. Not this isn't foolproof. Not I'm not smoking crack. I forgot. If you're gonna go back to steal back your dentures, don't put the crack pipe in, you gotta remove it.

He was arrested on one charge. This is a cautionary tale. One charge of robberyures, don't put the crack pipe in. You gotta remove it. He was arrested on one charge. This is a cautionary too. Of assault, one charge of robbery. I don't know. See, crack and dentures. In the same store. I know. In the Rosolio and Isles.

Crack and dentures. Crack and dentures. All right, we'll get out here on this. Okay. Okay. Carol to Access Hollywood, here we go. How old is John Dana Warden? I'm sticking with my 74. 74, crack pipe in the pocket, visiting his old roommate.

68. Saying they're his dentures, and his roommate needed dentures too. Right. 68 you're saying? I feel like I'm on the Price is Right. What did you say? 74.

I'm gonna say 73. All right, love it. Get your answers in, go get Carol's book, How to Write a Funny Speech. This is what you do. Go see Dan live, go see us live, do what you gotta do, and please said that John Dana Warden was 59.

Oh! Two young fredentures in my book. Two young fredentures. Well, I think the crack. But the crack had something to do with it. All right, the great Carol Lee for one of the greatest writers and comedians and authors on our show. And oh shit, we gotta get back to work.

Stick around, make a sound, there's more to People Town.