Dumb People Town - Dana Gould - Back Door Daddy

Episode Date: April 16, 2019

This week Dana Gould joins the show!In Story 1: Utah driver accused of fleeing, mooning, flipping.Story 2 is a Greenlee -- the tale of the dry-mouth driver.Story 3 brings us a disturbance at a McDonalds!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies. Dumb People Town.

Hey daddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population gold. Dana gold. Welcome to the show. Population, gold. Dana, gold. Welcome to the show. I feel like I'm in the right place. You are? We have shouted you out. Okay, Dana, I think we've talked about this in the numerous times that we've hung out in airports on the way to festivals.

Or been on each other's shows. Which, by the way, the notion of getting to an airport early and having just any chunk of time to do anything is not my favorite thing in the world because I'd rather be with my family. I'd rather do other stuff. Then we turn the corner and you're there and I'm like, oh, this is going to be fun. It's going to be enjoyable. Thank you very much. I have the same feeling when I see you guys. But it's also because of this.

Oh, good. I'm not going to have to riff for two hours. Yeah. No. Hey, adults. How are you? Here you're going to have to riff. No, this is as is expected.

No, no, we definitely get into real deep and honest discussions. Or just you just talk about it. Yeah. Music. Have a conversation. Yeah. I love it.

Well, that is one of the great things that I do. Jay and I very much look up to you in terms of your ability to, even especially in your comedy, bring in a lot of very smart subjects. The problem is the world is getting dumber. Or dumber is getting louder or dumber is getting prouder or all three. I was just talking about this morning in a pitch that needs work.

Uh-huh. I had not heard that. You haven't spoken to his manager. I had not heard that you haven't spoken to his manager and I that my favorite thing in comedy specifically talking about comedy is

big broad dumb jokes that were clearly written by a smart person and that there's a difference between a dumb joke a smart person wrote and a dumb joke a dumb person that's right someone has to do with intent when I was dumb joke a smart person wrote, and a dumb joke a dumb person wrote. That's right. Someone has to do with intent.

Yeah. When I was 10, I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail when I was 10 or 11. And that sword fight changed my life. So now you're making me want to show that to my 10-year-old son. Yeah. Well, I'm damaged,

so maybe you might want to wait. So is his son. I don't think it would. I think your drunk father waking you up in the middle of the night might have something to do with the damage. That's true. Yeah, I don't think Monty Python had anything to do with it. I might have saved you, Dana. But just like seeing his arms cut off and blood gouting out.

Just a flesh wound. But he's arguing. Yeah. And this really intellectual argument. It's just a flesh wound. That's's arguing. And this really intellectual argument. That's a dumb smart joke. That is dumb smart. And that's my favorite thing in the world. And there's

a difference. And people need to know that. And to take it to a different level. I was listening to Pete Buttigieg. Buttigieg? Buttigieg? I don't know. Buttigieg. That's going to be a problem. It is going to be a problem. Can I just...

Almost as much as his sexuality. Yeah. One word. Kill again! Can we just call him that? But it's like, I listened to him talking, I was like,

oh, he doesn't assume my knuckles are dragging on the ground. That's right. It feels good. It feels good to have that. Well, I just think... In other words, he's doomed. Yeah, well, listen, because the ground. It feels good. It feels good to have that. Well, I just think... In other words, he's doomed.

Listen, because the world is getting dumber. So we're trying to fight back. We're trying to fight back with comedy. So what happens is these dumb things happen and the news reports them and they are sort of, all of our fans find these stories for us and they send them to Dan. We have not heard them, but the only way to understand it is to make fun of it.

And so, Dan, do you got a story? I do. Let's jump in. Are these all from Florida? Not a lot. Many. No, our first one is nowhere near it. Okay, good. Our first story is sent in by Noah Wilcox at 2612. The

20 and the 12 are written out. The 6 is the number. Thank you, Noah. Salt Lake City. Okay. That's some weird stuff. You've been to Salt number. Thank you, Noah. Salt Lake City. Okay. That's some weird stuff. You've been to Salt Lake. You've done Wise Guys, Great Club.

Never been to Salt Lake. You've never been to Salt Lake City? Nope. It's a great club there. I've been to Park City. Park City. Right. So that's just a few miles

up the road from it. Salt Lake City can be weird. Yeah. It's all what, 2.6 alcohol by volume, right? Yeah. Isn't the alder beer super low? Yeah.

That, and also, like, I think you can't buy it on Sundays. Also, that's how Rochelle used to be. By the way, I did not know that alcohol by volume was a thing until Monday night. Really? Yeah. This past Monday night? Yes. Wow.

All right. I had a... Because I'm, like, a one beer a week fella, And I had an Allagash triple or something. That's a lot of alcohol. I didn't know. I didn't know there was a difference. That'll get you. Yeah, I didn't know there was a difference.

You found out. I bet you found out. I was much funnier at the end of that. Get this man a triple. All right, so Salt Lake City. Yeah. An Emory County man was charged Monday with marking his birthday by attempting to hit other vehicles on the road, mooning drivers, and flipping off a police officer. That's the trifecta right there.

Is he marking his territory? Is that part of it? Like a dog? I mean. So he's trying to hit other motorists. This is his celebration. What are you doing for your birthday? What happened to the answer?

Not much. Not much. Maybe dinner. Maybe dinner. Maybe dinner. This is a misunderstanding of the concept live every day as if it were your last. Right. Your last birthday. I may never get another one of these.

This is the dumb people town version of live every day like it's your birthday. And everything there is nothing compared to the last one which is, think I'll flip off that cop. Right. How could that go wrong? We say it in another episode that we recently did.

We said, Disney has Jiminy Cricket which she kind of gave positive encouragement. In Dumb People Town we have Jiminy Cracket. It's a little cricket on your shoulder.

Hey, flip off that cop. Hey, go moon him. Hey. Throw that lamp. Hey, what'd she say to you? Hey, you can off that car. Hey, go moon them. Hey. Throw that lamp. Hey, what'd she say to you? Hey, you could hit that car. Steal that dog. Stuff off a bridge is fun.

Cement don't hurt. Okay. We've all had that voice. Yeah, Jiminy Crack. We just don't listen to it. This guy did. This guy is fully. Now that I've had a tray of lasagna,

think I'll try the moon bounce. Hey, you can try it. I don't know if the person picks the dumb or the name does. It's kind of like the sorting hat.

Yeah. But this person's name, whose birthday it was, Dennis Dwayne Butler. There you go. D-D-B. D-D-B. D-D-B.

Double D. Double D. Double D. And brought it. D-D-D. D-D-D. D-D-D. Double D. Double D. Double D. And brought it. Named after both his dads, Dennis Dwayne Butler. And the person who worked for the family. My mom said, there's front door daddy and back door daddy, but I don't know who's who. One of them did it.

You talking about the house mom? Sure, the house. Sure, the house. about the house mom? Sure the house Sure the house You heard house mom? Backdoor Daddy Starting this fall on TV Land Jerry Van Dyke is Backdoor Daddy Backdoor Daddy just won an AVN award That would be the show Jim Morrison would have done

As a sitcom had he survived Backdoor Daddy Chuck Lorre has teamed up with Jim Morrison For Backdoor Daddy Look at the mess Backdoor Daddy? Chuck Lorre has teamed up with Jim Morrison for Backdoor Daddy. Look at the mess Backdoor Daddy gets into this week. Backdoor Daddy's stuck in an elevator with the mayor.

I'm guaranteeing you right now in the valley they're shooting an amateur version of Backdoor Daddy. Backdoor Daddy has to get made. I bet Backdoor Daddy exists. Indians scattered on the lawn breathing. Backdoor Daddy has to get made. I bet Backdoor Daddy exists. Indians scattered on the lawn breathing. Backdoor Daddy slowly unlocks the screen. Dennis Dwayne Butler.

Of Moore. I imagine that's Moore, Utah. M-O-O-R-E. Is charged in 7th District Court with assault on a police officer, a second-degree felony, three counts of aggravated assault, and failing to stop for police. Plus, lewdness and theft. Let's get into it. On Friday afternoon.

And you know his birthday started in the morning. Yeah. Or the night before. It's midnight! It's not. Our clocks are a little fast. Pour it. Pour it. Pour it!

T-G-I-F. Midnight on the East Coast. I'm special. I was born. Okay, let's break this down. Let's break this down. Side note question for real life. Unlike movies and TV shows, have any of you ever been at a bar where they gave you the bottle?

You know when somebody's celebrating something or had a bad day and the bartender's, like, here? It's that other thing in movies and TV shows. They're like, what do you have? And they go, a beer. And I'm always like, what? I understand there's, like, we haven't been cleared to say fucking Heineken. Budweiser. But you can at least be like, Pilsner.

Like, just say, like, give me a, I don't know, give me a Pilsner. Like, whatever. He says leave the... I know he says leave the bottle in High Plains Drifter. Yes. But that's not the worst thing he does in that movie. If you've seen that movie recently. Very true.

That is very true. That movie does not age well. Neither does The Strangers. Or Manhattan. Manhattan does not age well. Or Thriller. That does not age well. None of it.

None of it. Oh, man. On Friday afternoon, which was Butler's birthday. Wait, before we say it, please, can you remember the tweet you did about Michael Jackson? Yeah, I know it. Please say it, please say it, because I love it so much. Leaving Neverland. Hard to believe a glow-in-the-dark skeleton who dressed like Napoleon

and lived alone in an abandoned amusement park with other people's children and a feral chimp could have such a freaky dark side. Oh my god, Dana, I have a similar joke to this. Alright, let's go. No, no to this. Alright, let's go. No, no, no. Let's do it.

Mine is nowhere near as good. I love that so much. We got into a conversation once here with these three guys about all these documentaries where people let adults sleep with their kids and then it goes terribly wrong. And I said to Jason and Randy, I'm like, you guys, do you love me? Do you love me as a person? And they're like, yes. And I'm like, I'm a good guy, right?

You're a great guy. That's all true. And I have no business sleeping with your kids. Don't even let me sleep with your kids. And I'm a good guy. So I have this whole bit and I talk about it. Do you have a good wine cellar? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Do you do charity work? No reason for you to sleep with the kids.

Even all the kids sleeping together. They can have their own sleeping bags. Nobody gets hurt. But I have this joke where I say about leaving Neverland. Neverland. Had he left Neverland, he wouldn't have gotten drunk. I said, who knew? Who knew the guy who looks like the final boss in an animated movie

and dressed like he's in an at-home production of Pinocchio was a bad guy or something like that. It's that. But yours is phenomenal. I love it. Wave one step to veterans. It's all good. They're both funny.

They're all funny. Hard to believe a man who looked like a photo negative of Scatman Crothers' corpse could have such a terrible, terrible life. It's just a biological impulse. Adult that's not me

behind a locked door with my kid, not acceptable. Hey, by the way, like the creepiest thing to me was like he had a seven hour phone conversation with my seven year old. Nope. Not good. Hey, here's something that never happens. Anybody having a seven hour conversation with your seven year old. You've had kids.

Right. Yeah. You can't talk to a seven year old. No one who didn't give birth or who didn't parent you or your wife has any business saying, can I talk to your daughter on the phone? No adult needs to talk to anybody's kid on the phone. Maybe an aunt and uncle. Yeah, and a grandparent.

But grandparents are. That's what I'm saying. If they parented you, they can talk to them. Yeah. It's bizarre. And the weirdest thing, and not to lead us down this. We can always show. We can go anywhere.

The onslaught of email defending him. And it's one of those things where, and there are other cases like this. So, you know, all the stuff that isn't even debated is like, that's fine. Right. But. But. Right. Yeah. I can't stand that deniability. Let's go, that's fine, but, you know. Right. Yeah.

I can't stand that deniability. Let's go back to Dennis Dwayne Butler. Yeah, please. Is he alive still? Well, on Friday afternoon, which was Butler's birthday,

according to court records. Which he told everyone. That's what I love. It literally says, according to court records. So he told the court. You know you're into some shit

when they're like, you say it's your birthday, we're gonna go to the courthouse and check this out. Well, no, like, that is actually a thing. I don't know if you watched the Grammys this year, but Diana Ross came out and she,

well, the Grammys took place in February, February something, and she did her song and made everyone stand up, made everyone stand up made everyone stand up and said it's my birthday say happy birthday to me and then you look online

and look it up her birthday's in March shut up yeah yeah she made people say like happy birthday to her and her birthday's in March

Christopher Walken when he's bored will go into the makeup trailer in the morning and go like don't tell anybody but it's my birthday so cause at four he knows at four there'll be a cake yes will go into the makeup trailer in the morning and go like, don't tell anybody, but it's my birthday.

Because at four, he knows at four there'll be a cake. Cake. Oh, I love that. That's fantastic. Learn that on the set of Deer Hunter, everyone. My friend did those weird angel movies, the war of the good angels and the bad angels fighting each other. He was in those. That was the other famous story

that one day they couldn't find him and they looked and he was knee deep in water in a river across the road. They went, Chris, what's going on? And he went, today I am an alligator. Okay. All right. Good.

That's great. We still need you for that shot. You're lucky you arrived in the 70s when all this was tolerable. Your grandfathered into this behavior. You're okay with it. Where was I? On his birthday, according to court records, he attempted to hit three trucks with his own vehicle on a dirt road.

Now, if your truck's on a dirt road... Something's wrong already. Yeah, you're open to... The universe is coming for you. Something's going to hit you. Right. And you better expect it. Those vehicles had to swerve from the road

from being hit. Oh, they were just driving. They were driving on a dirt road. I guess, yeah. The drivers wrote in a sworn statement that the man tried to hit them and at one point ripped a sign that belongs to Castle Valley Outdoors

off a post and stole it. It's his birthday. Somebody canceled plans on Dennis doing more. And he is determined to be like, then I'll make it my birthday. I have to say, my kids, when it's their birthday, they do think they're above the law. There is a sense of it. They do think they're above the law. They feel like they have diplomatic immunity.

Can I stay up late? Do I have to go to school? It's more subtle. Can I hit some trucks on a dirt road? Can I rip a sign? How far do you think we'd have to go to find a dirt road in California from where we are right now? Joshua Tree. I was driving on a dirt road in Joshua Tree.

And by the way, you can't drive fast on a dirt road. There are giant valleys that ruin your car. So in order for him to scare people, he had to be going at a speed that was like 15 miles an hour. But he still tried to hit them. And also, scaring people that are driving a truck on a dirt road. It's not like,

okay, dear, let's take the truck out on the dirt road. These are probably all real men. Not like any of us. Massachusetts. I don't know in Sklarzom how much you got out of Krivdokia. I have driven, I have, I have been driven through the woods in the back of an open pickup truck at night by a drunk person.

Me too. Yeah. So like I've- And you're, the whole time you're like, please don't turn that hard. Do not- Oh no, I was nine. I was like, this is normal. I was going to ask if you guys hit, if you did many gravel roads, because there are a

lot of gravel roads. So we did a ton, and we were from St. Louis, and our dad would take us fishing. And there were places in little lakes in the center of Missouri, and you would go off. Once you went off, like Interstate 55, you were then on dirt roads or gravel roads. You're on roads that are just letters, like M and double M and E. And that's gravel, and then it's dirt, and then you're at the pond. I remember so stupid. We were in high school, and we would go on these gravel roads and go up to easily just over 100 miles per hour.

Aren't you also from Massachusetts? Northern Illinois, a little farm town called Rochelle. And you'd get that fast on a gravel road. Essentially, your back wheels are just on whatever your front wheels have kicked up, gravel road, you essentially, your back wheels are just on whatever your front wheels have kicked up, and you could, like, shift your weight really fast and feel the whole car kind of not really be on the

road. You have no grip. You have no traction. None. None. Dumb things dumb people do. Well, so this guy was, like, taking what our kids take with their birthday. Like, oh, I can do anything. I can do anything. It's my birthday. Yeah, he's added a driver's license to this. Yes. He's taken away pants. He's like girls who Yeah, he's added a driver's license to that. Yes.

He's taken away pants. He's like girls who came to our comedy show in Louisville. Remember that girl and 20 people? It's my birthday. They talked the whole time, and we were like, you can't talk at the show. And they're like, it's her birthday. And we're like, you can't talk at the show. That's not an excuse.

You cannot have a conversation. That is not a defense. Two different sentences. That is stupid, yeah. But I love that he stole a sign and that they're like, the sign belongs to Castle Valley Outdoors. He stole it off a post. How long did he want that sign? Forever.

Forever. It's his birthday. I have to say, there is like a camping world sign on the 5 freeway out there. That you've been eyeballing for a while? It is a beautiful sign. If I got my hands on that sign, it is just... If you got drunk on your birthday. It is the sunset on the sign.

It's gorgeous. I'm just saying. They also said at one point the man took his pants down and bent over, showing his bare buttocks to them. This is his day, guys. Is this finding Neverland? While speaking to one of those drivers, an Emory County Sheriff's deputy noticed a vehicle coming towards him. The deputy turned the overhead lights on his patrol car on, but the driver kept coming. The driver was traveling 58 miles per hour at that point.

How the cop knew this, I do not know. He held up a gun. Put up a gun on the radar. In his car, you think? I don't know. He had to. He probably had a radar gun. Or he just said it, and they went, well, you're a cop.

We're in court. Whatever you say goes. It's your birthday. If you say you were going 58, you were going 58. How much you want to bet when he lowered his pants and exposed his buttocks that was not the phraseology used by the witness? No, not at all.

Not at all. Hey, that motherfucker dropped trowels! He lowered his trowels and exposed his buttocks. As the vehicle got closer, it did not slow down and it was going to hit me. So I moved my vehicle almost all the way off the road to the right as the driver sped past me, holding up a middle finger on one hand.

Okay. This guy. Listen to this. I'm going to read this sentence. I'm going to read it. You want to talk about it? People from Mars acknowledging a drunken behavior. It's worse.

It's worse. The driver sped past me. I'm going to read it verbatim. Sped past me, holding up a middle finger on one hand toward me, commonly known as flipping someone off. The deputy wrote in the report. What is this, a Greenlee? Well, the idea is it's Utah, correct? Yeah.

These people might be LDS. They may not know. They may not know. The deputy then chased Butler with speeds reaching up to 100 miles per hour. You know you're giving him the birthday dream he wanted, right? If he goes fast enough, he travels back in time, wakes up the next morning. It's his birthday all over again. This is my favorite sentence.

The chase ended when Butler drove to his home in Moore, parked, and then ran into a shed. Not his home. Not his home. Not his home. Please tell me that when he entered the shed, no matter how close the cop was behind him, a little voice in his head went, safe. Yes. I'm on ghoul.

You can't touch me, dude. You can't touch me. I'm on ghoul. I'm on ghoul right now. I'm on ghoul. Can't touch me. Can't touch me. After several minutes.

After several minutes. Hey, man, I saw you go in the shed. Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. We all know you're in there. It's my birthday. The only person in this shed is a talking lawnmower who happens to be having a birthday. Sir, I doubt that's a lawnmower.

I think that's you. I think that's you in there. Did you give me the finger? Well, you better come in and see a talking lawnmower that looks a lot like a person. That's where you're going to speak. Okay. I'd rather you came out. And if there's a lawnmower, can talking lawnmower that looks a lot like a person. That's where you're going to speak. Okay. I'd rather you came out. And if there's a lawnmower, can the lawnmower open the door?

Lawnmowers look like people. I'm just warning you now. Well, let me be the judge. And then he opens the door and the cop goes, damned if he wasn't right. That's right. Hello, lawnmower. Hey, Clyde, you got to see this. Lawnmower looked just like a man.

We never caught the guy, but this lawnmower, he's good at his job. Talking like a bird. So he runs into his shed. After several minutes, the deputy was able to talk Butler into peacefully surrendering. That's a long time to talk to somebody in the middle of a crime. You're taking like even a three-minute break is long. And a pissed-off cop. Yes. Who just almost got hit a three minute break is long. And a pissed off cop. Yes.

Who just almost got hit and was given the bird. Yeah, I think they were just happy they were off the road. They're like, what else can happen? Yeah, let himself

tire himself out in that shed. But there's a moment where you're like, what's he got in the shed? What's he going to come out with from that shed? Like there's a lot of fear probably going on.

Kudos to the cop then who was like, I'm just going to talk through this. Talking him out. You know, he was like, nobody came to your party. Let's get into it, man. Did no one come to your party?

What's happening here? I get it, man. Hey, you know you get a free meal at Apple? So I was at a kid's birthday party. I've talked about this on this before, but in our neighborhood with the police officer who patrols Laurel Canyon, all right? So he was telling me like, yeah, this is my area. And he said. Well, he was just at, like, yeah, this is my area. And he said...

Oh, he was just at the party, or he was a cop for the party? He was a friend of the person who was having the party. And so he was... And my friend said to this guy, tell him what your theory on, like, on how you could deal with crazy people in L.A. And I'm like, I got to hear this theory. And he said, if we had tiny bags of Doritos,

we wouldn't have any problems in this city. Like, if cops could carry had tiny bags of Doritos, we wouldn't have any problems in the city. Like if cops could carry a trunk full of Doritos. I'm like, why? He's like, I cannot tell you how many times there's a call about a crazy guy in a parking lot or whatever is bothering people. I show up with a bag of Doritos. I'm like, hey, man, why don't you take these Doritos, put down whatever you're holding and take these Doritos. And we're just going to have a talk about this. All right.

Have some Doritos. Every single time they take it. That's so smart. Every single time they're calm, it calms them down. They get something from me. And they feel like they owe you something. Well, they feel like, okay, this guy's not bad. You also change the script. Change it.

You change the script of how that's supposed to go. Yes, yes. He's like, bags of Doritos. It's so easy. Tiny bags of Doritos. We could do this. Yep. Dorito diplomacy. Well, Kevin Fitzgerald, who we know from Denver, who used to, he was a bouncer for

the Rolling Stones in the 70s and 80s. And they go, and there was a guy in the audience that was out of control. They would go up and go like, hey, where'd you park? Oh, that's great. And like, what? Boom. That's a great message. During the conversation with the driver...

Where'd she park? He did it with his brother. He goes, I would ask him where they park. My brother would ask, is it soup yet? And then they had these saps, and they would just pop them behind the ear. They'd fall down and throw up because you pop mine here, they lose.

And then they could go to the cops, this guy's drunk, Get him out of here. Wow. Amazing. Genius. Smarter than getting a whole other fight going. Yeah. Yeah.

During the conversation with the driver, when he was in the shed, he told me he did not care who I was and what I wanted, and that's why he wouldn't stop for me. You don't understand. I don't follow your law. Yeah, that's, well, he's got a point. He does have a point. I am on birthday time. What? I'm on birthday time! That's great. Plus,

you're not a cop. You're a set of signals that my eye is telling my brain is a cop. The man also acknowledged that he would have hit him if he hadn't moved. That would be an amazing analysis. Hear that? The guy said he would have hit him if he hadn't moved. I would have hit you.

Like, okay, well. Well, that's not something you tell us. You're not helping your case. At all. What's the case? Nope. Don't worry about it. You're in it.

Okay, lawnmower, let's go. We'll get out of here on this. What birthday do you guys think he was celebrating? How old is this guy? You are a guest, Dana. You can go first, Tig, or third. Tig was in the slot between the two of us, guessing. I'm going to go first. I'm going to say he's

27. 27 years old. That's a good guess, Jay. He's 60. This guy is 60 years old. 88. No, I think he's 60. I understand. I think he's 45. 45. This is a guy. I think he's 45. 45. This is a guy who things have not gone well.

He realized he has a very few birthdays left that he can control. Okay. One of you is in the right decade. Okay, good. I like that. The man who celebrated his birthday his way, mooning people, almost causing accidents, flipping off a cop, and hiding in a shed. Which is a full day. That's a nap.

That's a nap. More than I did on our birthday. I forgot he stole a sign. That's called earning your cake. Yeah, exactly. And eating it too. And some Neapolitan ice cream, if it's me. He is 66 years old. Whoa! Jay! I knew it. I saw him.

Jay, in my mind, I saw him. That, that is... In my mind, I saw him. Wow. That is amazing. Thank you. Oh, my God. The good news is he looked like he was 88. Yeah. All right.

So it was Indians scattered on the highway bleeding. Ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind. That's fantastic. Old Jim Morrison. This is us doing, like, if Jim Morrison was alive... Backdoor Daddy. That's fantastic Old Jim Morrison This is us doing Like if Jim Morrison Was alive Backdoor daddy Backdoor daddy

When Jim Jim lived and joined The Traveling Wilburys Yes Oh my god Which who made That statement Wasn't Neil Brennan

Said the Traveling Wilburys He gave all their ages Yeah They were like 45 Oh they're all younger Than we are 42 41

38 Roy Orbison was the oldest and he was like 49. There's a photo of them with their ages on them. I'm doing a tour this spring with Bobcat Goldthwait and we wanted to call it the Hilarious Wilburys.

I mean, Dana. You have to and use all of their lettering. Alright, we're going to take a break right now. We come back more with Dana Gould. This is Dumb People Down. Stick around. Make us down for more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Skly Brothers back with Daniel Van Kirk.

Dumb People Town with Dana Gould. And we want to let people know about your tour. People with Bobcat, Goldthwait. I cannot think of a better show. Oh, my God. So each of you of a better show. Oh my God. So each of you guys do an hour, you switch off.

Yeah. Yeah. We do all each do like 40 minutes. It's like, look, Statler and Waldorf are not going to

walk off the television set and come to your town. No. So Bobcat and I are doing that. There you go. I love it. When does it start?

It starts in the very beginning of May and we're going all over the place. Go to danagould.com. What kind of venues are you guys playing? Small theaters. Great. Awesome.

This is a show you have to watch. Like we're doing Nashville one night, Pontiac, Michigan one night, Chicago one night. If this tour comes to see you nearby your town, please go see it. You'll be supporting A, two good friends of ours and B, you know, we're actually... If this tour comes to see you nearby your town, please go see it. You'll be supporting, A, two good friends of ours,

and, B, you will thank us because you will be getting a great night of comedy. The show is called... It's the show with two heads. Rejected titles included, The Hilarious Wilburys. I love that idea. The Middle-Aged White Guys of Comedy.

Perfect. We're touring anyway. It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Come on out. It's definitely something you want to see. You can also see Dana at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Is this coming out? I have no idea. No, this comes out

this Tuesday. We'll all be there. We will all hang out. Enjoy that. I think we're on a show together. The only time I ever did, Javier Bardem, I believe. Oh, that was at Sketch Fest. Yes. You were so great.

That was the only time I've done that impression. Really? It was phenomenal. Dana joined me on one of the Wahlberg Solutions back in the day of doing that. Talking about two hours of riffing and the world getting dumber. We would just take news topics and then. I had just seen Skyfall and I thought, I'll just talk like that for two hours.

It was so much fun. You have to befriend our monkeys. Dude, I was in Planet of the Apes. Do not trust those monkeys, dude. Hilarious. Alright, should we jump into another story? Let's do it. Ready? Sent in by Derek Shipley at Derek Shipley

D-E-R-I-C-K S-H-I-P-L-E-Y My friends, we have a Greenlee. Okay, so now let us explain to you what this is. Yes, from the TC Palm. Will Greenlee is a quote-unquote journalist. Is it Will Greenlee?

Yes. Will Greenlee is a quote-unquote journalist who writes for the TC Palm. Oftentimes, he will explain things that don't need to be explained. He writes for the TC Palm, which is like... Palm Beach is... Not Palm Beach. Treasure Coast Palm.

Treasure Coast Palm. Oh, Treasure Coast Palm. Or Terry Crews. In Florida. Yes, of course. He covers the weird news. Now, he also was... He's the Carl Kolschak of...

Yes. was... He's the Carl Kolschak of... He also, and this is crazy, was one of the people that working with USA Today to break the Robert Kraft sex trafficking massage parlor story.

That is his other... But in this world... Not the worst rich white guy sex trafficking story in that area. I agree. And he likes to let people know about that. But this is a reporter That's the worst rich white guy sex trafficking story in that area. I know. I agree. Unbelievable. And he likes to let people know about that. Yeah.

But this is a reporter who's done many stories on here. Now, this is our theory, is that Will Greenlee has 1,500 words to fill. These stories take to about 900 words. So what he does is he over-explains things that you do not need. And he does it so much. Dan has created a game. This is the most fun thing to play. Dan sometimes will over explain a detail. And we have to decide, is that Dan doing it or is it Greenlee?

Oh, wonderful. So now you understand. Quickly you'll understand. I love this. Okay. Here we go. Let me find it. Get it. Okay.

We're good. Here we go. Ready? Uh-huh. Sent in by Derek Ship good. Here we go. Ready? Sent in by Derek Shipley. Indian River County. Matthew Anzaldi.

A-N-Z-A-L-D-I. I thought it was Matthew and Zaldi. It's a band. Pat and Oswald. Pat and Oswald. Matthew Anzaldi. Must have been really, he went all caps. Not very often you see a journalist go all caps in a publisher. It's true.

He went really. That got by the copy editor and everybody. Yeah, everybody. Matthew Anzaldi must have been really thirsty. Anzaldi, 25, told Indian River County Sheriff's Investigators January 28th he'd been driving recklessly, passing cars on the shoulder, and speeding because he was parched and wanted a Pepsi. Okay. Weird choice, Pepsi. I mean, our joke in our old special.

Didn't we say Pepsi's slogan? And it's not even a joke. It's a fucking way of life. It is a way of life. Pepsi's new slogan should be like, will Pepsi work? All we have is Pepsi. Is that okay? Is Pepsi okay? Is Pepsi okay? Is that alright?

It is so true. When I go to a place and I get a Jack and Coke, they're like, Pepsi okay? Yeah. That was No Coke Pepsi was also the other thing. Only Pepsi. Billy Go Tavern. Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi.

Only Pepsi. What could be called the case of the dry mouth driver began, you're blowing it up a little bit, Will, at about 2.09 p.m. I hate that they do that. They do about and approximately for very specific times. Case of the dry mouth driver rejected Hardy Boys Mysteries. I loved the Hardy Boys when I was a kid. Do you think they still hold up?

If you gave them to an 11-year-old boy or girl? I'll report back to you. I will say this. I just saw a girl. I was down in Atlanta working, and I was at a little vintage comic book store, and I saw a couple with a little girl, and she had an armload of hardcover Nancy Drew books. That's right.

And I was a puddle. You were great parents, and I was a puddle. You were great parents and she was a great wife. I just think the Hardy Boys I want to call her and talk to her on the phone for seven hours. No, Dana. We both want mystery.

No, Dana. That's not appropriate. I think most Hardy Boys stories at some, the plot took them into a cave. It did. Today, that is true detective. True detective. I want to do a Hardy Boys story where I believe Joe is older and Joe hits puberty just before Frank. And it's like Portnoy's complaint.

He doesn't understand why Joe is always disappearing into the bathroom. Why are you smelling Nancy Drew's sweater? We need to get on the... Knock on the door. We need to go. We have to solve this mystery. Stop talking. Shut the fuck up.

I can't hear your voice while I'm doing this. Doing what? Nothing. Do you want this veal? I can't eat it now. Sure. So weird. Because like in one month, he becomes an adult.

He's an adult. That's what happens. He's got a hearty boy and a hard man. That's right. Speaking of which, hilarious thing. This will strike terror into your heart when you think about it. Bob's big boy? Bob did not have any sons.

No. Bob's big boy. 209, case of the parched driver. Yes. What could easily call the case of the dry mouth driver began around 209 p.m. with a call about a reckless Toyota pickup traveling south on

US 1 near the 9900 block. Toyota is a motor corporation which produces vehicles under five brands, including the Toyota brand, Hino, Lexus, Rans, and I don't even know how to say this, Daihatsu? Daihatsu, yeah. My question for you guys, who wrote that? Was that you, Dan? Or Daniel Van Kirk, who wanted you to know specifically what Toyota was? I'm going to say DVK.

Okay. Jason Aran? I think that's Greenlee. I think that's Danny who looked it up on Wikipedia. Okay. That was written by Daniel Van Kirk. Yeah! You guys got it.

I did not write it off Wikipedia that time. The Greenlee also extends, could also be called a Maddo. A Maddo. Yeah, she does a lot of asides. A lot of incidentlies. Incidentally. She'll start a story about Julian Assange that begins with, The Bronze Age!

The early smelting of minerals. Very true. By the way, Julian Assange, someone sent me and said, he's 47. I'm like, he looks worse than the traveling Woolbury. He does. Homeless Santa, Julian Assange. Strip mall Santa. They were called as the Toyota Pickup was traveling south on US 1.

A deputy spotted a vehicle matching the description saying it ran a red light and nearly struck other motorists. Investigators say the Toyota traveled fast and passed vehicles on the shoulder. There's so many times where I oscillate between... You've seen that. I know. I oscillate between being like, you lived that life, because none of us have the fucking balls to do it, and feeling like, I hate you.

I hate him. Because you've been in traffic and then just seen someone just whip down the shoulder. And you're like, something's going to happen. Yeah. I always go to, they're rushing someone to the hospital. And then you feel better. Then you're not mad at them.

Yeah, at least. And also it's like, you're going to make it worse. You might kill them first. You're right. You're trying to save someone. I always try to go like, if my kid was choking on something, I would be doing that. Yeah.

Because what other reason would you be? It's not because you want a Pepsi. You're parched. I want a Coke, but not a Coke. I want a Coke-like product. The Toyota eventually stopped. I need a cola. Popular cola-based beverage.

Once on The Simpsons, they said that we couldn't use the word Frisbee. What? Really? So Ron's right away, my novelty flying disc! You know what's on the Simpsons? They said that we couldn't use the word frisbee. What? Really? Because it's a... So Bart runs around going, my novelty flying disc. And forced it into a great joke. He made it a great joke. Pepsi was part of one of my favorite Simpsons jokes.

I love you, Pepsi. Oh, yeah. I love you, Pepsi. Peppy. Peppy. Peppy. The Toyota eventually stopped, and the driver, identified as Anzaldi, said he was driving recklessly due to being thirsty and wanted a Pepsi. Perfectly good excuse.

Available in bottles and cans, Pepsi is a sweet, non-alcoholic beverage known as a soft drink. Who wrote that? Will Greenlee or me. This is someone explaining what Pepsi is in 2019. Everything says you wrote it, but now I'm thinking... See, this is why this game is diabolical. You're in my head. I'm scared in here.

He got in my head. It's diabolical. I can see how he would write that trying to be funny. You can go last two if you want to hear one oh man up I'm going to go contrary to my impulse and say Greenlee wrote that I think it's Greenlee too

that's Dan by the way and I will say this there have been full Greenlee articles where Dan has done all of them and none of them so that's Dan available in bottles and cans, Pepsi is a sweet

non-alcoholic beverage known as a soft drink. Was written by Will Greenlee. Right here. Dana and I are two for two. Jay, you're O for two. I'm terrible at this game. Its roots stretch to 1898

when chemist Caleb Bradham created Pepsi Cola, a carbonated cola drink crafted to refresh and energize customers of his new-burned North Carolina drugstore. According to a company website, Pepsi was the first major cola to offer a zero-calorie option with Diet Pepsi

introduced in 1964. Who wrote that? That is Greenlee still. It's still Greenlee. Oh yeah, I know, it's's still Greenlee I can tell you guys that was Will Greenlee down on telling you what Pepsi is does it get to Joan Crawford?

I don't think so do we know the Joan Crawford what's the Joan Crawford Pepsi thing? Joan Crawford in the late 60s was married to the in the mid 60s early 60s to the, in the mid 60s, early 60s, was married to, like, the head of Pepsi, the CEO of Pepsi. And on the set of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, took out the Coke machine that was on the soundstage and installed a Pepsi machine. No.

And drove Betty Davis crazy. And Betty Davis would always walk around with a bottle of Coke just to annoy Joan Crawford. That's fantastic. The best news about that is that Joan Crawford then took that out on her daughter. If I see Betty Davis with one more Coke, my daughter's getting hit in the back of the thigh with a wire coat hanger.

Yes. Oh, Joan and Bette, do not get me started. Those are two kittens that knew how to scratch. Remember that special that was on recently? I loved it. It was all true. Have you started the Fosse one yet?

No. I heard it's very good. I don't know those people enough. That's the only critique of it. It might be a little too inside baseball, but you'd watch it and be like, I don't know. It can't be news to you.

You have to have some vague like reference point for it in order to love it. Yeah. So now that we know everything about Pepsi and Diet Pepsi. Meanwhile, Anzaldi also said

he thought he heard bullets striking his pickup though he said they also could have been rocks. Yeah, dude. You were off road. Yeah. I bet there wasn't

a clear roadway where you were driving. You know what would be a good one of those specials? There's a book called Mutual Contempt. Two people who hated each other. Who would that be? Lyndon Johnson and Robert Kennedy.

Wow. Despised each other. And the book about them is called Mutual Contempt. Dana, pitch that. You have to write that. Make that. The newest about them is called Mutual Content. Dana, pitch that. You have to write that. I gotta go. This newest Fosse thing is not Ryan Murphy.

It looks like it. They're taking projects from other people. Dana, Mutual Content. What happened? I happen to know Lakeshore Entertainment is controlling that. Maybe I've looked into it. You should. It's an amazing story. And I'll just

say this. A lot of LBJ's decisions regarding how the war in Vietnam were prosecuted were not what was best for the situation, but what Robert Kennedy could not criticize. Because he would never criticize something that his brother also supported.

Oh, that's crazy. And we all know that Lyndon Johnson was crazy by the famous recorded phone call with the president of Hagar Slacks. I don't know. Well, it's easily gettable. You should drop it in right here. Okay, we'll drop it in. He calls the president of Hagar Slacks from the White House. He's the president of the United States.

I need a pair of trousers. Y'all made me some trousers. And the problem is they cut me down. I need about an inch because I go up and down 10 pounds a month. And I need some extra fabric down there because it cuts me down where my nutsack meets my bunghole. This is a real conversation. President of the United States. Anybody could have made this call for him.

President of the United States. And then at the end he goes, Now I don't have a lot of money. He tries to get them for free. Shut up! He coughs from the Oval Office trying to get Hagar Slacks for free. The Bryan Cranston one-man show about LBJ starts with that phone call. Oh, yeah.

It starts with that phone call. That's magic. That's magic. Go ahead, sir. Hello? Hello. Mr. Hagar? Yes, Joe Hagar.

Joe, is your father the one that makes clothes? Yes, sir. We're all together. You all made me some real lightweight slacks that he just made up on his own, sent to me three or four months ago. It's kind of a light brown and a light green, rather soft green and soft brown. And they're real lightweight. Now, I need about six pairs for summer wear. I want a couple, maybe three of the light brown,

kind of an almost powder color, like powder on a lady's face. Then there were some green, and then maybe some other light pair. If you had a blue in that or black, I'd have one blue and one black. I need about six pairs to wear around in the evening when I come in from work. And I need about a half an inch too tight in the waist. Do you recall the exact size? I just wondered. I want to be sure we get them right for you.

No, I don't know. You all just guessed at them. I think so, but wouldn't you have the measurements there? We'll find them for you. I can send you a pair. I want them a half inch larger in the waist than they were before, except I want two or three inches of stuff left back in there so I can take them up. I vary 10 to 15 pounds a month.

So leave me at least two and a half to three inches in the back where I can let them out or take them up and make it make these a half inch bigger in the waist make the pockets at least an inch longer money my money and my knife everything fall out wait just a minute now the pockets when you sit down in the chair the knife and your money comes out so I need it at least another inch in the pockets. All right. Yeah. Now, another thing, the crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there because they cut me. They're just like riding a wire fence.

These are almost, these are the best that I've had anywhere in the United States. But when I gain a little weight, they cut me under there. So, believe me, you never do have much margin there. But see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends, round under my, back to my bung hole. So I can let it out there if I need to.

Now, be sure you got the best zippers in them. These are good that I have. And if you get those to me, I would sure be grateful. Where would you like to plant, please? White House. Don't you think in about 10, 20 years we're going to have a lot of new presidential phone calls we're all going to hear?

I don't think so. Okay, then never mind. Here in boredom, USA, I want you to shoot yourself in the face. Okay. Where was I? Oh, he thought he heard bullets hitting his pickup truck. Bullets, but it was really rocks.

And Zaldi further said he was traveling to Sebastian to see a friend and was driving about 80 miles per hour to elude someone he thought was chasing him. This guy's grabbing any store. I need fire. Pick which excuse fits this best. I was being shot at. Pick which excuse fits this best. I was parched and needed a Pepsi. There were bullets coming at my car. I had to see a friend.

There was a ghost in my truck. It was the summer solstice. He had, like, everything he could grab. It was the summer solstice. Chasing refers to when one person or animal is being followed by another in a deliberate fashion. Okay. That's Dan.

That's Dan. I know. I just made that up on the spot. And Saldi apologized and deputies found no signs he was impaired. He's not even drunk. He's just being an ass. It's not even his birthday. The cop's like, is it your birthday?

Because we're going to forgive a lot of people. We'll let you go into a shed. Nope. I'm a shed. Nope. I'm just thirsty. Deputies did find traffic citations from Melbourne police earlier in the day related to speeding and failure to show his driverless. He'd already been pulled over. And he kept driving like this.

Not drunk. Australia. And Zaldi of Merritt Island, which is the place I want to go. It's got to be Australia. It's Australia. Was jailed on a reckless driving charge. It's unclear whether he got a Pepsi. And my favorite thing is, as I say, in Greenleaf, they always have links to other stories.

If you like this one, you will also like... This is like their Netflix. In the middle of the story. If you like this one... I would be Fred Greenleaf. Will Greenleaf. Will Greenleaf. Will Greenleaf. I would be him. Yeah. Oh, it's fun. Will Greenlee. Will Greenlee.

I would be him. Oh, it's fine. Do you want more? Because you can click on Hairweave Hullabaloo Prompts Police Response. Here's the other one. More. Do you want more? Because you can click on Deer Antler Wielding Eye Gouging Caper in Palm City.

Oh, not good. Not good. And sometimes the simpler they are, the better. Like where there's no explanation. Deer Antler Wielding Eye Gouging Caper. Which means what they use to just rob a bank? Yeah, whenever antler and I are in the same sentence. No, I could.

A 3D movie is going to be the victim. I would take deer antler wielding price gouging. I would take that. And I'd be pissed about that, too. Or slashing prices. Okay, here's the last one. A bargain crazed deer went into a corn field. You won't see straight these prices.

Can you do better on these pants? If you want more, this is the last one. You can click on this. Letting it all hang out in Walmart's pillow aisle. I don't know. I didn't click on it. I have no clue what it means. Letting it all hang out in Walmart's pillow aisle.

Just even the fact that Walmart has a full aisle devoted to pillows. There you go. All right, there's story two. Dan, can you tease us what we're going to see in the third story when we come back from the break? Something tells me that the minute you click on letting it all hang out in Walmart's pillow aisle, you just hear on your computer, ain't that America?

And you and me. We will get into this final story of a disturbance at a McDonald's. Love it. All right, Danny Gold's with us. We have one more segment. Stay with us on Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make a sound.

There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Come see us, by the way, if you're in Austin at Moontown. Come on. Hang out. It's three nights of hanging out. It's one of the best festivals in the country.

It's so fun. A live Dumb People Town at 800 Congress on Friday at 730. Yep. And we're going to be doing our show Tag It, which I love so much, which is comedians come on stage, they do their set, and then afterwards in real time we're pitching jokes and we come up afterwards. Oh, what a great idea. Isn't that fun?

Pitch some tags. Pitch some tags. We'll do that show in Los Angeles and Dana Gould will have you on that show. The great thing is it's not just like a great idea. Isn't that fun? Pitch some tags. We'll do that show in Los Angeles, and Dana Gould will have you on that show. The great thing is it's not just like a bit premise. You guys are two of the best people in comedy for giving people tags. I love it. And you can take it or leave it, and it could be the type of thing that's like, hey, I didn't think of that, but now I have this. I'm going to go in this direction, which is always the way most writers' rooms are the most fun is.

And is there anything worse than an uninvited tag? No. Hey, Ivited tag? No. Hey, I got a tag for you. You're the bar bag. And then it sucks when it's good. You're like, oh, damn it. So you know what's coming when we invite you on the show, but we do offer it on stage.

And we'll have Dana Gould on the next one that we do here, which we were talking to folks over at the Dynasty Typewriter about perhaps doing that in June. So we will hit you up for that. I like the DT. I'm doing a little show there April 18th. So great. We just did the –

So hold our podcast live. I love it. So also Dana Gould, a great follow on the Instagram and on the Twitter. Follow Dana Gould too. No, no, very good. But like my podcast, like my regular podcast, I have found a way to do my podcast live that costs me thousands of dollars that's just smart yeah it's like there's a live band there are horns it's fun yeah it's super super i have like i'm a i mean love vinyl and i love records and there was a great thing

in the uh it was like a new yorker Yorker cartoon with just two guys standing next to like a shelf of records. What do you say? One person says, I love the inconvenience. And the other one's like, I love the exorbitant cost. That's it.

That's it. So there you go. Are you ready for this? Let's jump in. Sent in by Ba Arajo. That's great. B-A-O-R-A-O. I tried my best, Ba Arajo.

Yeah. A McDonald's customer in Manchester, England, called police to gripe that there were onions on his Big Mac. By the way, McDonald's, people don't love it here, but it is still a very special thing in Europe. You know what I mean? It's sort of like a big deal. In China, too.

Why would you call the cops? You could eat all but one bite of a Big Mac, walk up and say, hey, there were onions on this. Can I get another one? They'll be like, yeah, sure, whatever. They don't give a shit. They don't care. You took no bites, found out there were onions on it, and they said, no, you have

to eat it? This isn't like one of the father's office here in LA where they don't let you change anything. Yeah, no, no. You call the cops. That's the first place I call. I'm calling them. You get to say that a lot. That's people's favorite fucking part of calling the cops is when they get to keep looking at you going, I'm calling

them right now. I'm calling them. I'm dialing your social worker. I'm dialing. I'm dialing. A McDonald's customer in Manchester called to gripe. That's also, what's your emergency? I'm just here to gripe dialing. A McDonald's customer in Manchester England called to gripe. That's also, what's your emergency? I'm just here to gripe, sir. That is not what this is for.

That's not what this line is. I'm going to call back and gripe about you. No. Leslie McDonough. That's her name. Yes. Or his. I think it's a him.

I think it's Manchester England's Leslie McDonough. Yeah. Leslie McDonough. McDonough at McDonald's. And he talks like Morrissey because he's from Manchester. Why are there onions on my burger? Leslie.Donough. Yeah. Leslie McDonough. McDonough at McDonald's. And he talks like Morrissey because he's from Manchester. Why are there onions on my burger? Leslie. I blame foreigners for coming in this country.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Sadly. Sadly. Told emergency operators that he couldn't eat the burger because of a, quote, severe allergy, which means people who wrote this don't believe him, and claimed that he had been given, quote, the wrong meal. Unless they're quoting what he said. It's very, it doesn't make much sense. That says that they don't believe him. If claimed that he had been given, quote, the wrong meal. Unless they're quoting what he said.

That says that they don't believe him. If you have a severe allergy, severe, you need to check everything yourself. By the way, steer clear of restaurants if you have a severe allergy. If it's actually, god damn, that's right. I don't think they're like, everything's cross-contaminated in

McDonald's. Yes! Bodily fluids, everything is cross-contaminated in McDonald's. Yes! Bodily fluids. Yeah. Everything is cross-contaminated. Yes. McDonald's also allegedly, this is when it's dumb people town, also allegedly challenged the manager to a fist fight over a food dispute. It's England! The fact, I don't like the fight as much as I like the challenge. Yeah.

Like, would you want to fight me about it? Nope. I don't. Come on, let's fight. I challenge you. Nope. Come on, let's fight. I challenge you. No. Come on. It's more of a bare knuckles brawl.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. That feels very. I don't envision a white glove slapped across someone's face. That also would be one of the times if I'm in this conversation where I just start, if it's this ridiculous, I'm just repeating what the person says. You want to fight me over onions? Yeah.

repeating what the person says. You want to fight me over onions? You would like to fight because there's onions on a burger I can remake you in a microwave in 10 seconds. Supposedly, David Letterman, Quentin Tarantino threatened David Letterman one time

about something. I think I have this right. And my friend was the writer at Letterman and was in the office of Letterman and called up and said, okay, so here's what we'll do. You fly out to New York and get picked up at the airport. We'll have a car.

We'll drive you to my house. You can stop at a hotel first if you want to freshen up. And then you come over to my office and then we can fight. What? And I think David Letterman could take him. David's wearing wrestling shoes.

Tall dude. Big guy. Squirrely. Yeah. He's just kind of like a wiry Indiana man. I remember Tarantino. But he's just like breaking that down. Like making it slower, extending it out.

And then we can fight. Fight. Making it that fucking perfunctory. He used to say stuff. My friend wasunctory. He used to say stuff, my friend was a writer, he used to say stuff like, you know, we don't need to do this. We could just get a contract,

get some vulcanized rubber, and just talk about they could make tires instead. But he had it all gamed out. You get some vulcanized rubber, you get a foundry, you run around the metal land, you get a foundry.

We don't have to live like this. We don't have to do this. This is too hard. Challenge the manager to a fistfight over the middle land. We get a founder. We don't have to live like this. We don't have to do this. This is too hard. Challenge the manager to a fistfight over the food dispute. Officers asked him to leave the restaurant, but he went to the ground and grabbed a cop's leg as they tried to stand him up. Give me the leg. Let go of the leg. Take the leg, Johnny.

That's like, it feels like a protest. Someone's protesting outside of a factory. Inebriation, I think, is an element of this story. Right. You never notice, you guys ever,

like I'm sure we all get really mad, but you don't, like when something really pisses you off, it doesn't stay longer than like 10 minutes. No.

It's not like, I mean obviously you have fights or things that will make you mad the whole day, but usually an inconvenience can sometimes super annoy you really fast.

But for him to wait long enough for the cops to get there and still be mad. And then keep the thing up and keep it going. Well, that's why. Yeah, exactly. McDonough also spit in an officer's face. No, never a good idea. By the way, I think that is the most. Oh, you're getting punched.

That is the most pejorative thing you can do to anybody. Even in England. Even in there. Especially there. The investigation also. And in England, you spit on the other side of someone's face. There you go. At Sklar Brothers.

They spit on their bottoms. The investigation also indicated that McDonough had left a work event prior to going to the fast food restaurant. A work event. Yeah, it's a work event. to going to the fast food restaurant. A work event. Yeah, it's a work event. Free Christmas party. Liquid lunch. McDonough, who admitted to drinking six cans of lager prior to the melee.

Biggie. Big, big. Those are big cans. This is my favorite part. I almost cut it off. I'll read it all together. McDonough, who also admitted to drinking six cans of lager prior to the melee, was supposed to meet with his wife for their anniversary.

Oh, now that's going to happen. I believe. And by the way, I'm sure that came up late in all the descriptions. Yeah, oh, fuck. You're probably wondering why I'm not with you in the delivery room. He decided to grab a bite on his way home. I stopped at McDonald's and now I'm in jail. He started at McDonald's to get into a fight.

You'll never guess what happened. To spit in a cop's face. What year of anniversary is McDonald's? I think that's the 7th. Oh, the 7th or the 18th. You know how you love those little packets of barbecue sauce without any food to put them in? I tried, honey. I tried.

Is it marriage about trying? McDonough admitted in court to assault as well as drunken disorderly conduct. We will end this episode on this. How old is Leslie McDonough? Dana Gould, do you want to go first, Tig, or third? Dana Gould, tell me, sir. I'm going to go first. I envisioned a guy 32 years old.

32 years old from Dana Gould. Jay? 40.. I'm going to go for, I envisioned a guy 32 years old. 32 years old from Dana Gould. Jay? 40. 40 from Jason Scott. 40, anniversary, 40. 51. 51. Yep.

I kind of, I don't know, the first story where he was 66 kind of shaped my- What did you say, Dana? 31. I said 31. And Randy? I said 51. And Jason said 40. 40.

Okay. One of you is in the right decade. All right, good. And one of you is only two years old. Alright! Very close. Okay. Tani's joined me in this game. Get your answers in right now. Because Leslie McDonough, who left a

work event to spend his anniversary with his wife, but wanted to stop at McDonald's and get in a fist fight over onions. Over onions. And I hate onions. I'll eat them in anything but as a rule, I'm not good without them. If I was a manager who was challenged me to fight, I'd be like

are you allergic to nuts? Because I put these nuts all over your burger. What if if I'm the manager It's a great comeback. It is a great comeback. Do you have a nut allergy? When he goes, do you want to fight?

And he just picks up onions and rubs them on his hands. Severe allergy, right? Severe allergy? Let's go, motherfucker. I like those kung fu movies where they put their hands in glass. It's just like straight into the cut onions. Straight into a box of onions. Okay, here we go.

I've loved having you on, sir. We will end the episode here. Because Leslie McDonough is... 53 years old. Oh, nice! having you on, sir. We will end the episode here because Leslie McDonough is 51, 53 years old. 53. Old guy. This has been a very old guy show today.

It's been an old guy show. I love it so much. Hey, if you're out in this country and you can see Danny Gould and Bobcat Goldthwait show,

it's called The Two Headed Show. The Show with Two Heads. The Show with Two Heads. I want to call it Two Headed Shows but I like The Hilarious Wilburys. The Show with Two Heads. I want to call it Two-Headed Shows, but I like the hilarious Wilburys.

Go out and see it. Oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Stick around. Make a sound. It's Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbanes Audio. A podcast network.