Dumb People Town - Fahim Anwar - Let Him Cook

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

Comedian Fahim Anwar (https://www.fahimanwar.com/) stops by as Daniel describes how a man was given a parking ticket because his car's shadow was in a disabled spot, Jason explains why a Florida man was running into mailboxes on a lawnmower, and Randy warns against throwing fish and carrots into the DMV, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Chewy and VIIA Hemp! Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/DPT. If you’re 21+, treat yourself to 15% off and get a free gift with your first order using our exclusive code: DPT at VIIAHEMP.COM—plus, enjoy free shipping on orders over $100!  

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose We'll make the news, breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast, Dan with co-host Armand Dan And Bers, don't be a jerk, because when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down.

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slash DPT minimum purchase required new customers only terms and conditions apply see site for complete details hey townies welcome to another episode of dumb people town population you population on war for he I want to give Come, people, town. Population, you. Population Anwar. Fahim. I wanna give you. Is it Fahim Anwar the third? I mean that'd be nice. Or the fourth? It sounds more regal with the finger.

Fahim Anwar Sadat. Thank you for being here. It is a treat to have you always. We love seeing you at the store. Love the new set, congrats guys. Thanks man, and the lighting, I know we. Huge. Thank you, we had to do new special lighting

for you in the background. Oh really? For my skin? No, Your people said that your people We only spoke directly to you suddenly your people were calling They're like people are me. I just put a voice on I can afford real people This is the lady I was talking to he fight. Yeah, so this is Cindy and I'll see you guys later Okay, cool, Cindy. Just tell him to be there on time and with luggage I'm flying to Seattle so I came with lug it

Shit you need to start rolling up with a lot of luggage. Yeah lot of luggage in here. I'm like, can I crash here? I just do pods to crash. Yeah, Basard brought his luggage here. Basard brought his luggage. It's kind of a flex. What if I don't actually have a gig and I just want to make it look like I'm working? I'm like, sorry guys.

I just got a new rolly bag. Where are you performing in Seattle? You're like, mm-hmm. You know, there's a lot of places I'm bouncing around. The alligator, the crocodile. One could perform at a lot of ways yeah damn Let's get in this there's dumpster stories, and then we'll get into how people can support you and watch this is incredibly dumb Okay, I mean I'm ready. It's a dumb on a municipal level even dumb for the world that we live in okay

Sent in by Carly and McDermott at she be Carly Man find for parking in Disabled Bay, that's a parking spot. Okay. But quote, only his car's shadow was in the space. What? Wouldn't you lose your eye? Oh my God, I would.

Wait, so the sun was at a certain point where the shadow of the car. Now It's street parking so it's parallel It's far enough behind him the Sun is that it's casting his shadow in forward to The oh, I don't know disabled person's moving so maybe he was in the clear when he parked That's right I didn't think he was gonna be in the restaurant for that long right and now Cuz I always check I check the shadow before when I park for some reason Did I pay the meter? Yeah, what are this? What's the shadow situation some of the signs in LA?

There's some it's defined print like there's shadow talk Shadow park on Wednesday holding up holding up his citation. He is the definition of Pissed off. Oh, yeah. Let's see it. Oh my god. Oh my god, this guy. He's just like, it's like when you reach the level of just numb pissed. This guy looks like he stormed the Capitol on January 7th.

Well I would for that. I would, I'd be that mad. If I got a shadow ticket, I'd be shitting on Pelosi to death. Shadow government. Dude, I'd hit Pelosi to death with a hammer, dude. For a shadow ticket? A councilman, a councilman, a council, a council has fined a man for a parking space offense

because his car's shadow was in the disabled guy. This I would say fight. Normally I would be like, don't fight it, you can't fight. No, I would make this my life's work. Like if I was a lawyer and this came through, I'd be like, this is the easiest case ever. We got this. We got this.

Yeah, I'll rep you. And that would be part of your commercials from here on out. We will stop you from any slip and fall, any shadow parking incidents. Yeah. Matthew Cole said that he was left gobsmacked after noticing the ticket on his car. Now you want him to get the ticket.

Yeah, like, yeah. He doesn't use the ticket. Now we're using that. Maybe he deserved that ticket, gobsmacked. Who are you? Settle down, bro. He was left hoobastanked. He noticed a ticket in his car after he had parked outside Black Heath Post Office, which

sounds like the greatest emo band. Black Heath Post Office. That's Warped Tour. I have their third album. Oh, Warped Tour 2002. Did they open for Old Crow Medicine Show? The Old Crow Medicine Show, yes. Black Heath Post Office.

They sold out. They all got their hair cut in Lewis some London. Remember that album they did with all piccolos. Yeah. Last month the self employed Gardner unemployed self employed Gardner also got a letter a letter through the post a few weeks later informing him that he had parked illegally. No. But photos sent to Mr. Cole by Lewisham Council show his silver Ford estate. That's the name? The Ford estate?

That's what it says here. It's an escape, they screwed that up. But they don't even have a state capitalized. Is this in England? Where is this? Yes, it's in London, Lewisham. So when you go to, if you've been to Europe, there's always like, it's a brand of car that you've heard

of but then the name is like, yeah, that's like a Ford Aviera, you're like I've never heard of that. A Mercedes Capitula, I've never heard of that ever. Toyota Camier. To know, that would be like a Toyota Cormier. You're like, what? I've never heard of that. It's just like a Toyota Cormier I've never Stalone of cars

Actually have a Plymouth Stallone Okay, so then photos sent to mr. Cole by Lewisham Council show his silver Ford estate parked in an unmarked bay next to a sign posted disabled spot with only his car's shadow in the disabled bay. That's right. You're giving them the evidence. Well, do you think there was a guy,

like a wheelchair guy in his car, and he sees the shadow and he's like, I can't go there. So, Dan, this is, or Fahim also, and Randy, this is my question. If you come into a bathroom and there's nobody in the handicap stall. 100% have the right to use it. Do you have the right to use it?

No, you gotta keep it. I will use it. What are the odds? If it's all it means is, then if there are line forms, the disabled person has first usage of that stall. Also can kick you out. You can't walk out and see two people waiting and somebody in a wheelchair, and then the two people waiting get to go into the... Can kick you out while you're going. I would not. Yeah, maybe they have veto power. So if you're in the middle of it, they can just be like, wrap it up. Pinch it off and then you go in the other stall.

A person with disabilities has a fast pass to that stall. Agreed. Yeah. But you can use it. But you can't keep it, yeah. I mean, I have used it before, but yeah. Well, I will always use it if I can. If it's chill and no one's in there,

I'm going handicapped all the time. But what if it's an emergency for someone who's handicapped? They don't have a choice. You have to get up and out. You have to leave. I'll all the time. But what if it's an emergency for someone who's handicapped, they don't have a choice? You have to get up and out. You have to leave. I'll play the odds. You have to get up and out. I'm not going to change my life for a.05% case.

A true, but like... The shadow, the shadow... This is the photo, ready? No, that would be like you being in trouble for being in the other stall and casting a shadow into the handicapped stall. That's a good point. That's how much his car...

Well, it is cheating into there quite a bit. I mean, I kinda get it. That shadow. I just like the photo. Old school phone booth, too. It's just shadow. That's all the shadow that was in there. The shadow from the front of his car

is going into the parking space designated for the disabled people. I would be going so crazy. Imagine he goes to prison, and everyone has crazy stories, and they go, what are you in for? Oh, they're not gonna believe you. They're gonna be like, you're a pedophile you killed

Your story murdered 80 children that's not real no right So Photos are sent to him with his Ford estate in the wrong spot He appealed Matthew appealed the fine and argued that there was no disabled sign next to the bay where he had been parked. Why don't you argue that your car is not in there? Yeah, but he's saying there's not even a sign right where he was. Yes. Yes.

I get that. Yeah, if you want to give me one for mine where my car is parked, if that was a thing, fine. I'll pay for it. But the council rejected Mr. Cole's appeal and maintained that he was parked in a disabled bay. Speaking to My London, Mr. Cole said, "'It's absurd.

"'There's no signage where I parked.' "'And the photos they sent me--" I need a mouthpiece for the way I feel. My London! Yeah, so they sent me, only show the shadow of my car in, so that's what they sent him. He didn't go back and try and recreate it.

No. That was the photo on the day. But so they're not technically, they're not finding him for the shadow of his car being in the thing. No, they are No, they're saying that he was also parked in a handicapped stall, right? But I feel like it's an audit like he says quote I was taking my daughter to a football match on the Heath and had parts there before with no problem having got a ticket Having not got a ticket the other times. I personally don't think I should have gotten a ticket

this time. So maybe he was in a handicap spot too. But you wouldn't fight it with the photo. It's a shadow. No, it's fighting. It's like the one-armed man. It's not him. It's completely wrong.

They're enforcing something on me that's not there. Oh, he does sound like he's storming again. Yeah, he does. He does, right? I'm gonna ask you guys, how much? Fugition of all my rights. How much was the fine? That he had to in pounds or dollars dollars baby. All right converted okay

$167 okay from feels like that parking $85 yeah, I'll say 65 65 the fine in US dollars was for $82 oh very nice 65 pounds. I think it's not a lot of money today but the principal is wrong. If you don't pay the fine in a certain amount of time it doubles which is a lot. That's true. However despite the council's assistant that he had been illegally parked Mr. Cole remains determined to not pay the fine. Just

like you said Jay made this his life. Fahim's right, get a lawyer involved. They'll be so happy to take this case. Oh, he has. He's also lodged a second appeal against the fine. He said, they sent me an email to dispute it, and I disputed it, but they seemed to just have ignored what I said, and it wasn't issued correctly. They're so hard to get a hold of,

I think it's done to force you to pay. It is, that's what they do. It's easier to just go ahead and pay the fine, give up on your rights Everybody most people just pay anybody who contests you just deny with the option to contest again And if you can win the war of attrition then you then when you win right but most people give up most people Are on the way G. Yeah I have parked in that same spot at least three or four other times for five to eight hours each time and had no problem

I don't see why it's problem this time. I want to just say that's also not a good defense Telling someone how often you've gotten away with something exactly does that prove what you're doing was fine. I never pay for cigarettes You got caught this does not prove that what you're doing was fine. I never pay for cigarettes. Ay! You got caught this time. This was all the conversations I would have when I used to be a door guy. I come in here all the time without ID, and then my response is,

I guess you come here a lot when I'm not here. What do you want me to do for you? Exactly. You're being asked for it right now. A Lewisman council spokesperson said, we issued a penalty charge notice to Mr. Cole on March 26th for parking in a disabledman, council spokesperson said, we issued a penalty charge notice to Mr. Cole on March 26th for parking in a disabled bay, which was marked with a disabled badge holders on the sign.

His initial challenge was rejected and he didn't give a reason for challenging it. He has since outlined his reasons for challenging the fine and we are looking in to the legal processes we will be letting Mr. Cole know. Translation will kick it down the road. Right, we're gonna force you to do more. He's now gonna jump through former hoops.

I don't think, I love if we get a follow-up on this because if it's just his shadow, that is, I would lose my mind if I got a parking. I would get so mad. I mean, I already get so mad at red light cameras. Oh my God. I thought you don't have to pay those. You never do.

Like they're illegal. They are, they're unconstitutional. You just throw them away. It's a moving violation for the driver, not the car. Because by that line of thought, you could give valet your car, they run a light, and then now you get a parking. I'm on the hook for it.

Yes. Even though the valet guy did it. It makes absolutely no sense at all. You should never pay. My life doesn't even have a license plate on the front of our car because it doesn't, there's nowhere to put it on. So if you're driving through, how do they get you?

How do they know? They wouldn't. They can't. Yeah, unless they get you on the going. All right, that's story number one, my friends. Wow! Jason's up for story number two. One of the dumbest things I ever heard.

I love that. A park, a ticket for a chattel. I'm mad at the city. I'm mad at the city. That's sometimes the person's dumb, sometimes the cops are dumb, sometimes the city's dumb, sometimes the writers are dumb. Fahim Anwar's with us, we're gonna talk about

how you can follow him, specials, all that stuff. Stick around, make a sound, there's more to people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show before we get into Jay's story number two. Daniel, tell people how they can, first of all, congratulations, your special rose gold, over 100,000 views on YouTube, which I love. Nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to danielvankurks.com. I have a whole bunch of dates up there, excuse me. I'll be in Denver at the Denver Comedy Underground on March 28th and 29th, and then I'm doing a run of headlining some local shows in Chicago. My buddy runs some shows there,

so the second, third, and fourth of April I'll be in Chicago just doing fun shows. And then I'm at The Laughing Tap in Milwaukee, April 11th and 12th. Janesville, the Comedy Cabin in May. Plus I'm also doing Louisville, planned to do the tapes in May. And then this summer, great stuff in Wisconsin

and New Orleans and Massachusetts. But also I'll be doing my Hub City Comedy Week. Where I do a week of shows in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge. Every night is a different night of nothing but fun. And some huge, great friends of mine, by weight, not by clout, are going to be in the audience. And also poppin' in to do some shows. So all that stuff's at danielvankirk.com.

Love it, Fahim. How can people catch you? I know you're on the road, see your specials and whatnot. So my website, FahimAnwar.com, I'll have my dates on there. I have to update some of them. I can't plug the ones I'm doing after this because it'll be the past.

So let's be smart about this. So hey, thank you for coming out and seeing you in Seattle. Yeah, for all the people who did see me. Thank you. That last in Seattle, great. Thanks. I'll be in Laugh Boston, March 6th to 8th. March 20th to 22nd, Washington, DC. Nice. I want to play Laugh Boston. It's fun. It's great. And then you're at the hotel.

The hotel's beautiful. You take an elevator down and you walk across the lobby. You're in the club. It's like when you're doing Vegas where you're like, oh I'm already. It's so great. We love it. I was supposed to go there in 2023. You just remind me. I should hit them up Yeah, I'd love to you would love it in April 17th Phoenix stand-up live 24th the main room at the Comedy Store little homecoming And then I'll be there cheering you on from the hallway man mothership may 9th to the 11th don't love that those dates for me 9 11 That coded. I don't know why did they put you in there? I don't know I know that part of me wanted to be like can we change that so that's probably do the 8th you're doing the mothership Mother's Day

weekend I was thinking one way but I should have been thinking the other way it's an endearment thing and momsoms love me. Momma's weekend. Moms love me. And then Madison, I just got this. So on the books, comedy on state, which I love. I've been trying to get there for... Same. It's been like two, three years since I've done it. One of my favorites. And then La Jolla Comedy Store June 16.

The best! We were just there. I love it so much. When are you gonna be in Madison? Did you get the dates locked in yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was May 29th to the 31st. Awesome. Have you been to Tornado Room when you're out there? Yes, amazing. Steak bites, steak bites. I almost just wanna do the gig to have this.

Steak bites! Horse radish sauce! Steak bites! And a brandy sweet. Cheese curds? Cheese curds. Brandy old fashioned sweet. Squeaky cheese curds.

They're so squeaky. All right, here we go. Do we move here for this? I know, let's go. And this is eight. Our next story is sent in by? I know, let's go. Let's go. And this is, hey, our next story is sent in by, I believe this dude is from Madison. Oh really?

Our fan, he goes by NESJumpman. Oh yeah, love him. He is in Madison at NESJumpman. Here's the headline. He's been out for a long time, love that dude. Caught on camera, Florida man riding lawnmower crashes into several mailboxes. This is great.

When you think, on purpose. When your lawnmower becomes your way of travel, when this is how you're getting around, when you're like, when you think to yourself, I can't get a DUI on this, you're wrong. Do we know if it's terror related? We don't know. I mean, it is federal offense.

He's talking with a male. He's going after the mailboxes. What are we doing? That is a federal offense, Dan, you're so right. All right, here we go. I can tell you right now, if you're on a lawnmower, you yelled, I'm fine, while leaving the bar. That's right.

I'm fine. Hey, should we give him a ride home? I'm fine. I'm fine. I can hear you guys, I'm fine. The valet pulls up with that. That's another thing, too. If you have to say the words, I can hear what you're saying,

you are in a bad position. That's right. In any form of life. You should not be able to hear. If you're telling other people, I can hear what you're saying. You either drive a bad position. In any form of life. You should not be able to hear. If you're telling other people, I can hear what you're saying. You either drive a car with no doors, or you're on a lawn mower.

This is San Carlos Park, Florida, here we go. The Lee County Sheriff's Office is investigating a bizarre incident unfolded in San Carlos Park where a man riding a lawn mower destroyed multiple mailboxes along Robin Road on Friday afternoon. I understand hitting one mailbox. It's Road on Friday afternoon. I understand hitting one mailbox is just like a mistake. Yeah, a little hey how are you?

Whoops, sorry. Multiple. Well, if you've destroyed one, what's a few more? It's momentum, you know? You're going for it. Neighbors including Matt Clarty, and I have video which we will show in a minute, whose mailbox was among the victims

or are still in disbelief after witnessing the unusual scene. It was egregious, absolutely disgusting, but it's so funny, I can watch it, how many times did he say he could watch it? This is the guy who got his thing knocked down. And he's the one of the neighbors, Matt McClarty or whatever.

And I love that he's like, you gotta see this shit. It was egregious. But I also like his disgusting, but it was so funny. So funny I had to watch it. He said I could watch it how many times? 100 times. 50. 80, I don't know.

I could watch it eight times, he said 100 times. Yay! Clarty said even though he added he hoped- Oh no, he did. He hoped the culprit would be caught. Austin Burr, B-I-R, Sir. A neighbor in the area, express-

Bill's nephew. Express. Bill's nephew who's completely's completely how he brings them on I think every fucking time Express frustration ex-lative you oh Yeah, they're mad. I hope it I hope you at least paid for these mailboxes to be fixed definitely don't hit my my mailbox

And don't hit my truck burr said wait so Austin burr was not a victim But no I said fuck you for doing this yes for doing and then also said hey don't hit my truck, Burr said. Wait, so Austin Burr was not a victim, but he said fuck you for doing this? Yes, for doing it. And then also said hey, don't hit my mailbox, don't hit my truck. One neighbor, Justin Crawford, went further calling for the driver to be held accountable. I feel like he's gonna be as well take a place at a bar.

This is like, but don't hit my truck, no one said anything. That's what I'm saying. He's inserting himself. He just wanted to flex, the truck is really nice. Oh, you have a truck, I'm sorry, do you have a truck? Yeah, this is like when our friend's wife said,

I'm really, they were like, they got into a new apartment and she's like, I'm really. Do you have a truck? Yeah, this is like when our friend's wife said I'm really they were like there He got into a new apartment. She's like, I'm really worried that someone's gonna steal our barbecue grill We're like what why so then a bunch of us went and stole And like to a picture of us with a dick score move Don't have my mailbox on my truck, I feel like he ends with try that in a small town. Yeah. That's the ending of his which by the way he should be arrested and thrown in jail for driving while in task at our lawnmower. Crawford said be a man and turn yourself in. Wow. Question is my favorite. Be a man. Be a man. Be a man and settle down. Have you seen my Calvin peeing on the state of Georgia?

Yeah, man and turn yourself in neighbors reported that the lawnmower rider left behind a Pittsburgh Steelers hat and a pair of sunglasses Could it have been Mike Tomlin? It is a question to the relief of Eagles fans Everywhere it was a bill cowers like no Wait, why you gotta bring Steelers hat? Throw the Steelers under the bus. So it was a Steelers hat and what else? And a pair of sunglasses. Wraps.

All that was left, yeah. And like, Bangles fans are like, that's right. There's no way it would have been a Bangles fan. That's right. So they haven't caught the guy? Steelers hat, hold on. Deputies are currently working to identify the individual responsible for the bizarre vandalism spree.

I feel like they would know. He lives in the neighborhood. Like that would be. We all know who it is. Also, Fahim, what if that was the case you were assigned to? I'm now working on this. What are you working on, Fahim? It worked.

Yeah, this lawnmower case. Oh, wait. We've got a few mailboxes. That's it. So nothing else. This could be a real bump for me. If I crack this wide open, enhance on the Ring Cam footage,

enhance. Can you get the plate on that mower? Enhance. Enhance. Like there's no resolution degradation. You can just enhance a billion times. It's all pixels at this point. It's literally one pixel when it cuts to it

and you go, got them. This is like a brown pixel. Enhance. Got them. And it's Juju Schuster. All right, here we go. The investigation continues and residents are hopeful the man will be caught and held accountable for his actions.

I wanna show the video because we do have some. Oh, we have video? We have video. Where do we catch this thing? And there are ring cams of course catching this. So Aaron, if you could play the video. Oh! There it is, there it is.

Boom. Boom! By the way, the mailbox held up really well. Okay, and now he's across the street. Oh, he's doing... I thought they were like stacked together. He's standing up like it's a segue. He took that one down.

He's now... I'm just hearing the guitar sting from Jackass. Ba-da-da-da-da-da. I literally thought it was like... So this guy loved it. Look at... This is the guy who loved it This guy let it watch boom and this is where you find out how good your mailbox. Yeah, no, that's a brick That's a brick like cement. Yeah guys not having any of this

Oh, this guy says try this sir. Can you take your sunglasses off while we do this? Hold the mic up closer. That's bad reporting That was my favorite thing with him going all the way down like he's at a shitty award show. Like he's Shaq. Oh yeah. Whoa! You knew he was going down. He was nabbed by the ditch.

Also assumed that every- This guy's a Kyle Canane album. Also assumed that every ditch in Florida has three alligators in it. And part of what's great about this is this is not a sitting mower. He is standing on the back of the mower. So standing, this guy.

This guy's protecting his- This neighborhood loves this shit. He. He is standing on the back of the mower. So standing, this guy. This guy's protecting his. This neighborhood loves this shit. He's like, come and try that. He's a human shield for the mailbox. He's like, take me over the mailbox. Try that with me out here. You ain't coming by my mailbox. This guy.

This one doesn't wanna get close to any of these people. So that was the stone one that didn't go down, right? One more time. Oh. I love the guy by the mailbox. He's yelling at that, he's yelling at that. What do you mean drunk? I'm not drunk.

Just every single person here feels like they have. It is dusk, you do not need those. What the fuck is this? He's interviewing. Bump her back down to the college station. She gets her shot and that's what she does? Every single person who was interviewed there feels like they have a theory about the moon.

Y'all don't know about the moon, do you? Y'all don't know about that. He's leaning on his snowbox and be like, you know who the moon is controlled by? We do not wanna know. I'm just conspiracy theorist, but I say it's made of cheese. You think I'm gonna go one other way?

But I'm like, no, it's made of cheese. It's made of cheese. Was that what Hampton? No, we went there, but it's cheese's made of cheese. You think I'm gonna go one other way? But I'm like, no, it's made of cheese. It's made of cheese. Was that what he... No, we went there, but it's cheese. It's cheese. It's also Hampton's old bit when dealing with conspiracies. Yeah, it's all bit was like, it was made of cheese and then he has to wanna out conspiracy them.

He's like, you believe in the moon? Like, oh, this guy's on some other shit. He's got that new new. He's like way up. So that first of all, woman interviewing the the man's breasts unbelievable. That was great. The microphone was so low and Guy wearing sunglasses at dusk take them off your head take them off your head at that point You don't need to gonna put them. I could your mailbox deserves to be run over by this drunken bastard No, say this fourth of July that neighborhood is loud

I mean there are firecrackers going off in every direction. That guy has year-round firecrackers. Or like a, what is it, lawnmower guy definitely has. Oh yeah, he's got his own. He's selling his own. Right, yeah, yeah, just like back alley. Lawnmower guy getting up pissed off at the lawnmower and the mailbox was beautiful. Then falling into the ditch. Falling into the ditch is,

that's a metaphor for his life. For sure. Boom. Is that story two? That's story two. A little video action with it too. All right, we got story number three. I've got it.

Tell us what's in story number three and then we'll tell you what we've got going on and how you can support us. So many fun things for you boys. Oh yeah, we got good stuff coming. The story number three, we've got a man who is upset and does one of the weirdest things ever with his anger.

All right, that's on the other side of the break. Behem Anwar is with us, we'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound, there's more than a people town. Hey guys, I wanna talk to you about a new sponsor. I'm so excited these guys are part of our family now. This is great. I'm talking about VIA, trusted by over half a million happy customers.

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Hey gang, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into the third story, Jay, let them know what we have going on and where people can see us. So in the middle of March, March 12th, we're in Aspen, Colorado at the Wheeler Opera House. Love it. Dream of ours. We were at the Aspen Comedy Festival in 1998.

And 99, Humblebrag World. But we're gonna were at the Aspen Comedy Festival in 1998. And 99, humble brag, world. But we're gonna be at the Wheeler Opera House, which was always where the big shows were, and I'm very excited about that. Beautiful, dream. That's a Wednesday night, March 12th. On the 13th through the 15th, we're in Detroit. We're at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle.

It's a giant club, it's an awesome club. We have a lot of Michigan people who are gonna be out there. It's Big Ten tournament time. Take a break out at night and come see us do these shows. It's really, we wanna pack this room. Last time we were there, we had great weekend. Yeah, next weekend we're at Acme Comedy Club

in Minneapolis. Love that place, love that club, and had great shows there last year. And then two weeks later, we're at the South Club of Denver Comedy Works. Comedy Works in Denver, I love that room. These are great clubs. Great clubs, and then we're at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival South Club of Denver Comedy Works. I love that room. These are great clubs.

Great clubs and then we're at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival that the 19th, around the 19th. And then we're doing Taggits. You're doing a Taggit. Daniel, you'll hop on and do a Taggit in either April or May if you will find out when you're around. And that's what the comedy story. Yeah, March 6th, April 23rd I think.

And then, we don't know when May 21st. May 21st, yes. All right, should we jump into this? Yeah. Superscalers.com for all that stuff. This is sent in by our buddy Jake Groany, at? Jake Groany. Jake Groany.

I think it should be Groany, Groany, Groany, and spelled like Tony, Tony, Tony. I think it should be at, if I. It feels good. It feels good. He has a theme song. It should be if I had no Groany. Ah.

All right, you ready for this? Here is the headline, okay. Man convicted of stinking up Lincoln DMV by throwing fish and carrots Into the DMV. Yeah, where's this? Look? I understand the DMV is not a place most know want to be Did you all get your real ID? Till May we haven't done ours really do it what's gonna happen to me. No they have to go till May we haven't done ours you really do it. What's gonna happen to me? No, you gotta do it. I just don't exist anymore. They push it again

Take a secret. Yeah, so When I'm home sometimes I'll like help my mom with stuff whatever she needs and the last couple times I've been there No, I guess not. It has been twice but like span over like a year each year I've been there. No, I guess not less. It has been twice but like span over like a year each year She's like, hey, would you mind running to the DMV for me over in Oregon? That's a big ask and I'm telling you Small town, Illinois DMV is the easiest thing. Oh my god Oh, whatever I go there like the Burbank Airport. Yes, I feel like it's like I go out and then I'm like, I'm like, hey I'm here for like, oh, yeah your mom called I feel like it's like I go out and then I'm like I'm like hey, I'm here for like oh, yeah your mom called

So they're like oh, so yeah, you have the paper I'm like yeah, I've got it right here like alright so great Thanks so much. You just go to see government in and out wall. Yeah to catch up wait Yeah, this over and we're like why are we living in this city? It's over in Oregon and you just walk in hey I am you know that my son got his driver's license in Simi Valley for that very reason. Yeah, 100%. So we would be way out of LA in a super calm scenario. He's right.

It was like in a nice building, there was a parking lot around it, free parking. Everything slows down. Everything slows down. How you doing? We park over here, they're like, just wait in line over there, and then he's gonna take the car around,

and then he comes back. You sit down over here. There's like plants around I'm like people are happy because it wasn't overcrowded every other DMV like in LA is like the opening scene of White Lotus 3 shots Blade People turning it does He was a vampire this whole time no wonder I couldn't see him in the mirror so it's eating the spine Sir you're ready. He's trying to get his real ID

All right, so here we go Lincoln, Nebraska All right a jury found a Lincoln man guilty on Thursday of throwing fish inside of a DMV office What what's the penalty for that? Throwing fish in an office? Yeah, how does it work? Does he just open the door and just toss it in and leave? I think you get a job at Pike's Place Market. There's a scout there. There's a fisherman. I think you could be a monger dude.

The guy who catches the fish at Pike's Market is, have you seen him throw the fish there? The catch is unbelievable. The catch is unbelievable. I'm from there, so that's the tourist thing. You gotta go to Pike Place Market. All right, so now I'm gonna ask you this. Do you go to Poroschke Poroschke? No, where's that? Oh!

Ian's Pikes Pikes. I'm telling you, okay. But you're a Seattle guy? I know, but I don't know. Where do you put Dix? Where's Dix in your... Dix is okay. That's sort of like, it's like early McDonald's.

They brought it to me after a show once. It's all right. But it's like the most cheap 1950s burgers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ground control? That's the barcade over by the Siren Theater. Poroszki, Poroszki, right next to the original Starbucks, I'm sorry.

I know, I know. Next door to there is a bakery. It is a Polish, I think, bakery, Poroszki, Poroszki. They make bread in the shape of a salmon, as long as we're talking about fish, with salmon infused cream cheese in the middle of it. It is, everything they bake there is incredible. But that thing right there for like three bucks,

it's the best thing to get. Get that, get that and then tell it. This trip, you're getting it. I'm telling you, go get it. All right, Joseph Schrader won't tell you how old he is. Took the stand in his own defense, of course. You know he's like, I'm gonna represent myself. I'll represent myself.

He washed a season of suits and was like, I got this. He's using some of that suits, he's got that suits confidence. He's got suits confidence. Where does the carrots come into play? Okay, but. That's a good point, yeah. The fish has gotta be garnished. Are they cooked?

Yeah, that's gotta be garnished. Are they cooked carrots? They're not an animal. But if you throw fish, that's gotta be garnished. Are they cooked, Karen? He's not an animal. But if you throw fish, he's gonna have garnish. I'm not gonna be judged. Listen to the way this is written. He took this stand in his own defense in his two-day trial. He even had to think.

I'm impressed. Yeah, there's a question. I'm gonna call more witnesses. We have a hung jury, they can't. Let me cross-examine myself. The defense rests. He crosses himself What was I thinking

Yeah, why carrots I'll tell him I'll tell me why carrots, but he also has a big emotional breakthrough You might telling everyone here in attendance why you can't connect with the loved ones in your life. Oh my god I can't believe I'd asked myself this I Told myself I was like you don't have to answer that and he's like no I asked Oh my god, I can't believe I'd asked myself this I told myself Answer that he's like no I asked me and I'll answer it and then he is his lawyers like objection that the judge is like I want to hear you answer your question Yes, it's about time we admitted we have a drinking problem I want to hear you answer your question. Amazing. Yes. I think it's about time we admitted we have a drinking problem.

We? He's like, as my lawyer, don't rope me in. I'm fine. When I'm in court, I'm fine. But at the end, he was convicted of a misdemeanor. The judge is like, let him cook. Let him cook? That's so funny, the judge just says let him cook instead of sustained. Let him cook. Objection. Let him cook. That's so funny, a judge that says let him cook instead of sustained.

Objection! Let him cook. What does that mean? Gen Z Judge would be the greatest. That should be the show. It's like Judge Judy, just vaping. Let him cook. Approach to the bar please.

The judge is always like, overruled, cap. Cap, no cap. Nan, you convicted him, first tee. The bailiff comes on a hoverboard. Woo! I want you to be Gen Z Judge. Gen Z Judge, please, dear lord. At the end, he was convicted of misdemeanor, criminal mischief,

and disturbing the peace. On May 17, he had the Department of Motor Vehicles open its new office near Northwest First Street in West Highland Boulevard, but a few hours later, part of a brand new space already needed to be replaced about what time during that day, I already said a few hours, 2 p.m. that day, Schrader came in the DMV very agitated according to an arrest avid data. As he left, he tossed a bag containing fish and carrots in the office.

So he came in mad. Mad. Came in hot. But probably no one saw that he did that. Right. He put it somewhere and then two days later, officers found pieces of food on the floor, walls, and ceiling.

He must have really thrown it in. He chucked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He threw it hard. The building, quote, smelled heavily. He chucked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He threw it hard. The building, quote, smelled heavily of fish. This is a brand new building, too. You cannot get that smell out of there. That doesn't come out.

That's what David said, and the police said- Burn a candle, man. That's right. Schrader told officers that, Schrader told officers that, quote, something fishy was happening at the DMV. What is this, a Scooby-Doo episode? Is he a son of a bitch? Is Batman villain?

He should go to jail for that. Exactly. Because it didn't issue him an ID inspiring his display of rage. He was arrested on suspicion of felony criminal misdeme because the DMV estimated the damage at how much? How much damage? Fish and carrots.

Yeah, fish and carrots damage. I'm gonna go $5,000. I'm gonna say $2,500 for a deep cleaning. Okay, what do you think? $2,501. Wow! Get his ass. All right, get ready.

Get him. This is how much it is, you guys will not believe this. The damage they estimated at $9,000. Come on. Holy Jesus. That's government bloat. Toad's gonna take care of that. Toad's just gonna cut it down. Toad's just gonna cut it down.

Cut it down. But the damage amount turned out to be much lower, resulting in a misdemeanor charge. The jury found that Schrader was responsible for how much damage. So they said estimated 9K. What did they say? Much lower.

For him, you're a guest. You can go. A grand. I'll go 2,000 bucks. $750. The damage that he was responsible for was $3,305.50. Still a lot of money. How do you get to the and 50 cents?

That's some carrots. Two carrots in the corner. He will be sentenced on January 17th. We will get out of here this wonderful little story. He has been sentenced. He has been sentenced. How old is Joseph Schrader? Do you have a picture of him?

No, I don't. The carrot tosser. 40, 45 years old. 45 years old. That's probably his favorite number. Right. Of president. I'm gonna go 50, no, you're too young.

I'm gonna go 66 years old. 66. He's had to have lived. Yeah, 54, and we're gonna let our friend Heather Gould, Heather Gould who's here, what's your guess? How old do you think this guy is? 57. 57, all right.

Aaron, you wanna throw in too? What do you think? Why not? 63. 63. Get your answers in, townies. Go see Fahim, go see Fahim wherever he is. FahimAnwar.com.

FahimAnwar.com. And your specials are there too. Oh yeah, they're on my YouTube. So just youtube.com slash FahimAnwar. I have like three specials up there. Instagram, FahimAnwar. Just follow and support. You'll thank us for it.

SuperSklars.com. Yep, supersklars.com. Daniel, Kirk.com. This man, Joseph Schrader, who threw carrots and fish all over the walls and ceilings, $3,350.50 worth of damage to the DMV is 34 years old. Whoa! He's young, he's young, you guys.

He's an old soul, is what I'm trying to say. He's an old soul. We'll see you guys next time. Speaking of soul, that's a good fish joke. That's too much anger too early. He's an old soul, S-O-L-E. Get out of here. Get out of here.

We're out of here too. We love you guys and oh snap, we gotta get back to work. See you. Stick around, make a sound. There's more at Dull People Town.