Dumb People Town - Gareth Reynolds - Trashkansas

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

Comedian and podcaster Gareth Reynolds (The Dollop, We're Here To Help) stops by as Randy describes how an influencer defends faking her own kidnapping, Jason explains why a Kansas man wants to legalize raccoons as pets, and Daniel warns against leaving your phone open around a 2 year old, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Hims and ASPCA Pet Insurance! Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT for your personalized ED treatment options. To explore coverage, visit ASPCApet insurance.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack embrace and sometimes choose the life they choose we'll make the news breaking down each epic fail in Florida there's half price mail I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, because when the music gets the funny hits, then we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, Bunker Down is Dump People Town. Hey guys, we wanna tell you about an amazing show

Randy and I are doing here in Los Angeles at this really cool theater, the Gindy Theater at Milken East. It's up on Mulholland near the 405 and we got Brett Goldstein on this show. That should be enough. Brett Goldstein, Brett Goldstein shrinking Moe Welch. Moe Welch is on the show. Dan Levy. We just saw Dan Levy do a set of comedy. He was amazing on our podcast here. He crushed like nobody's business. He's on the show and other special guests. This is an amazing show, a wonderful night out.

Thursday, May 29th, get your tickets. The Gindi Theater at Milken East. It is gonna be a killer show in a beautiful venue. Laughs over LA. Let's do it. Hey, Taddies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population, you have.

Population, Reynolds. Gareth Reynolds. Hey. One of my favorite Dullard people. Presidents of town. Oh, stop. It's great to be here. I just feel a lot, I have a deep love and affinity for you.

I have a deep love and affinity for you. We did Spin Cycle in Austin. We did, and we. Soul Cycle. Soul Cycle, and we also, Daniel was the one who saw me bringing a portable DVD player to the gym with my P90X on it, and he was like, there's been an app for like five years.

He's like, no, I need- But I did the same thing. I need- It was really- I swear to God. You never should walk into a gym and say I need an AC adapter. Did you ever get through all 90?

I don't believe I did. I think I did the first 74 times. We did P40X. I think like 30-something was the highest I ever got. But I restarted it so many times cumulatively. You have to. I liked it. I used to like it.

Oh, it's a great workout. Oh yeah. It's essentially a hit. It's high intensity interval training. It was as good as a workout could be. And Tony, whatever his last name was, was a brutal. Tony Horton.

Tony Horton. But didn't he go through some health stuff? Did he? Yes, I think he did. But I'm gonna make jokes at his expense without knowing that. Please do it. I hope he gets sick. No, I gotta.

Hey. No, he revolutionized it. She did. He brought us Chanty. Yeah, and we'll be right back with more exercise talk. Thank you. Why not? Shall we jump into the story, boys?

Let's do it. That's why we're here. Sent in by Joseph Gazzione. Hey, I said, Gazzione. He got sick. So you're not allowed to do that. Oh, Gazzione got sick? Yeah.

He got sick. That's still work. At Ancient Wizdum, D-U-M-B. Thank you, brother. Bored influencer. I mean, so bored, like he's a, this is somebody who's an influencer. She's an influencer who got bored.

Or like a two by four guru. Or on the board of influencers. Yeah, it's also worth it. I'm the chairman of the board of influencers. I call this meeting to an influencing open. Old business. Remove his verification status at once. Get rid of him, cancel her now.

Motion to strike. Shadow ban. Shadow ban all of us. Board influencer, you know it's not gonna end with does something wonderful. Board influencer cures cancer. The half-assed excuse. Yeah. I agree.

I was bored. I consider myself to be a board influencer. I'm a board influencer. Board influencer defends brazenly faking her own kidnapping, quote, I was just having fun. Gosh, Jesus Christ. I mean. But so the idea here is that her kidnapping was filmed

for like click bait, obviously. Sure. And people really got worried. I'm sure people were called. I'm live tweeting my own kidnapping. Which makes her then charged with falsifying an emergency. I believe they charged her with being a board influencer. Yeah, that's right.

Board certified. Board certified. B-O-R-E-D certified. Certified board. She was a certified board influencer. Instagram content creator, Victoria Rose. Vicky Rose has revealed that she brazenly faked her own abduction.

Victoria Rose does sound like a Fleetwood Mac song. Right. Yeah, it does. Have you seen the live 1978 Victoria Rose performance? Oh my God. With the USC band? That was when they were blowing coke up Stevie Nicks assholes.

They were? On stage. On stage. And it would come out her nostrils. Yeah. And it would sprinkle all over her crocheted thing. I do sometimes just watch Silver Springs for my own personal. Phenomenal tusk lie.

When they're just yelling at each other on stage with their hearts. Yeah. Their eyes are just screaming. Punching each other. I know. Stevie Nicks in the Tom Petty documentary was unbelievable. Stevie Nicks was like,

I was willing to be a backup singer, just a heartbreaker. Can I please get out of Fleetwood Mac and join this band? And they're like, no girls in this band. She was a board singer. Can we take a literally only 10 second segue? I only want to be 10 seconds. Sure, I'll allow it. Top one or two music documentaries you would recommend.

I feel like there's four that I've forgotten I'm supposed to watch and I've never watched one.'t there a Dylan one that's no direction home Dylan, which was by Scorsese unbelievable It's good. It's really good. I loved it and then every episode of vinyl the best Especially when they lost their thread. That's what I love the pilot. Yeah No, but there was fire hurricane is one that I I love, that Rolling Stones one, that's all footage. That's all I need to know. I mean, the Stax documentary, that's a three-part series on Netflix, is just unbelievable.

Yeah, but the Ultimont... 20 feet from Stardom, 20 feet from Stardom on the Oscar. Great, great. No, the Ultimont Rolling Stones, when they're watching the footage of the guy getting stabbed at their concert. That one's crazy. The Speedway is unreal.

Different energy. Different energy. Different energy. Oh my God, Dan, they're unbelievable. Sorry for the dumb detour. By the way, the Amazon series, at their concert. That one's crazy. The Speedway is unreal. Different energy. Different energy. Different energy. Sorry, sorry. Dan, they're unbelievable. Sorry for the dumb dessert. By the way, the Amazon series,

which is a documentary series about the Grateful Dead, what a long straight trip is, I've heard the new Zeppelin one that just came out in IMAX was supposed to be fucking wonderful. Yeah, I watched that. A lot of good little, do it at 10 million. Vicky Rose. And the Apple Beetles thing is also great.

Sure, yes. If you love process on how to make stuff. Okay, sorry, sorry. Okay, she revealed that she brazenly faked her own abductions. Vicky Rose. And the Apple Beatles thing is also great. If you love process on how to make stuff. Okay, sorry, sorry. She revealed that she brazenly faked her own abduction. Claiming that she just wanted to have a little fun. You guys, I just wanna have a little fun. Why is that a bad thing? Why, I thought you were bored.

Nope. Gareth, why is that a bad thing that she wants to have fun? She just wants to have fun. It's definitely not a crime. I mean, I'm 100% that it's not a crime to have a little bit of fun. I think where we're all a little concerned

is that she was using content. It's definitely if you do it in your personal life just for shits and gigs, that's fine. It's when you're filming it and getting people worried. If you wanna get your boyfriend on edge, fake you're on kidnapping, that's right. If you wanna start messing with your followers. This is a big thing of people doing with ring cameras.

Do you know this? No. They create middle of the night, these people came to my house in the middle of the night, but it's just them themselves on a ring camera. And inherently, they're sort of like agreed upon knowledge without questioning that everybody thinks if it's on a ring camera, that definitely happened.

I'm one of those people. Because no one thinks who's faking ring camera videos. But now I'm going to be thinking it all the time. Good, you should, because a lot of them are BS. Porch Pirates. Yeah. Like that's how they're like. That's real.

Someone came and stole. A great documentary. Those guys, lot of them are BS. Porch Pirates. Like that's how they're like, someone came and stole. A great documentary, those guys, you know the 60s, the Porch Pirates when they were on tour. With their first lead singer. I was gonna say, it was just Roberto Clemente in the rocking chair. The influencer who boasts over how many followers on Instagram?

Influencer. How many? Gotta be over 100,000. Has to be over 100. So what do we think? 150 hundred fifty thousand Daniel. I never 378 370 to like I'm guessing the jelly beans to ten boats over three point seven million Who is this person? You don't need to do this right? Don't need you're already killing it She might have been a bored influence right she had posted a series of now deleted tweets from alleged captors following news.

The idea. That she had been kidnapped in Nigeria. Why put this on the Nigeria? Captors. I have kidnapped Vicky, read one of the alarming posts. She's with me in Nigeria. I'm demanding one million dollars for her release. Follow, like, subscribe.

Yeah. I'm gonna tell you. If you want more content like this. You ignore this Nigerian prince's emails. They're gonna have to start doing their comment for ya. This is the follow-up. Was she even in Nigeria? I don't even know.

I hope she was in Burbank. I'd be the best. She's like, I'd be wanting to laugh, and this is how I find that funny, she declared. Yeah. It's ironic that we're reading this on April 1st when most of this happened. I know!

We kinda got carried away with the joke, Rose said. We, who is we? On the Nigerian captors. Your team? Yeah, their team. Who posts under the handle, whoa, Vicky. Whoa, Vicky. Admitted that the clip, said the clip,

I don't drink or go to the clubs, so this is how I find my entertainment. That's true. Don't make your sobriety the reason why you can be a dick. Don't judge her sobriety. I'll go there. I'm not. How about that?

I'm proud of your sobriety, but leave it out of your dickhood. She's having some fun. That's that bored. While the content creator. Maybe it would be so bored if you started drinking, bitch. Yeah. While the content creator acknowledged

that a faux abduction was not, quote, the best way to get her kicks. I love faux. She claimed that sometimes. Faux abduction is a great restaurant. She just said sometimes you just want to have a little fun. Wow. You just want to have a little fun. I appreciate the commitment to the lie that it was just for fun. Just for fun. So listen to the stuff that she pulled. This is why I love this. Having a laugh. The stuff she pulls in. She issued an apology on X, thank God. Quote, the Bible said laughter is good for the soul. Don't bring the Bible into this. Don't judge her Christianity. Don't judge her faith. Don't judge a New Testament. Bible also said stone gay people.

So why are we quoting everything? Rose suggested, so I'd be wanting to laugh and this is how I thought that would be funny. Then she brazenly shifted blame, claiming that she can't date many people because of her Christian values and is therefore forced to seek other outlets for her amusement.

Yes, see? Guys, Christianity's not fun. No, she can't date. This Christianity is causing me to fake my own kidnapping. Don't you see? Yeah, it's her sobriety, it's Christianity. My commitment to these two dogmatic things, sobriety and Christianity, is causing me to fake my own. We all struggle in different areas,

so I'm not saying it was the right thing to do. I'm literally reading it like the way she- I'm a comedian who just- I'm not saying it was the right thing to do. So you're saying it was the right thing to do. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do, but I take accountability and ownership, I'm sorry for anyone that I harmed in the process, that's like saying I'm sorry if you

took this the wrong way. Yeah, it really, we should kidnap her. I think that would be the only way. Shipper to Nigeria. Yeah, it's that. Cause they'd be like, ah, not again with you. It's the woman who cried Nigerian. That's right.

It's a tale is all this time. It's my favorite. It's a tale is all this time. Richard Gereman. Tale is all this time. On Monday my favorite. That's my favorite. Richard Gereman. Yeah. Tale is old as time. On Monday, Rose uploaded an Instagram picture of her with a man that was tagged to Lagos, Nigeria, the same location where her social media claims

she was abducted. Her followers didn't seem to think the tone deaf hoax was such a laughing matter and flocked to let her know. Lying about being kidnapped for this? Okay, slammed one critic. That's not really a slam. That's the biggest slam they found.

Some of them say, whatever. What if I would've gone with die bitch? Like that probably was a better slam. No, I'm gonna read it a different way and you tell me if it's a lie. Lying about being kidnapped for this, okay. Mm-hmm. Okay.

That's the problem. Yeah. All right, okay. Yeah, it does seem very, there had to be worse ones. I don't love it, but I understand it. Yeah, yeah, way to go. Why about kidnapping, being kidnapped is some nasty work. What if I said why am I being kidnapped is some nasty work.

Yeah, parenthetical fist bump. Yeah, pow pow pow. It's some nasty work. Same man that kidnapped her, real question, asked the third, referencing the man in the photo. What? Boy, she's really getting raked over the coals by her followers.

I don't know how she's gonna stand that. Victoria has expressed some regret for the... This is why you want your audience to be eight to 12 year olds, because they don't really know yet how to comment. I just wanted to come on here. They don't know how to unfollow. One last time to sincerely apologize

to anyone who may have a hard time during this prank. She wrote. Nigeria. Not thinking things through comes with consequences. I'm paying for it now. I also apologize. What are those consequences? For how this situation is. That one person said, okay. Yeah. Don't you.

That's the consequence. I wake up in the night thinking about that. Okay. So now she's like, I never intended to make any black man or any country, especially Nigeria. Oh boy, if it came across that way, I'm truly sorry. I love Nigeria, I love my brother, father, and I love my people.

And the movie taken. Wait, is she of Nigerian descent? I don't know. Boy, I hope not. I really hope she is. I hope she's doubling down on the lie. Go back up a little. I hope she's now down on the lie. Hey, go back up a little. I hope she's now pretending she is Nigerian.

Is she Nigerian? I can't tell. That's a filter. Yeah, I can't. We're not allowed to look at a picture like that and suggest she's Nigerian. That's a Nigerian. That's a Nigerian filter.

I'm 100%. I think that's a wig. That's a Nigerian. You think it's a wig? I don't know, it's beautiful hair. It's gorgeous We're gyrion. What do we do? That's her real hair. She's more like a Y gyrion. Why? Why are you doing this thing? Dreamcatcher tattoos? Looks like if you left Jessica Alba in the sun for a week. Yeah, she does melting Alba. She's got a

Albatos She's got albatose. She's got a lotus. She has the white lotus promo image on her stomach. She's got an albatost around her neck. Like the water of that flower. An albatost. Also it looks like, is this a tattoo or a bruise? Well that's the Nigerian.

Tattoo removal. That's what happens when you get taken in Lagos. They start to remove your tattoos. She also doesn't have a particular set of skills. No, that's right. Yeah, clearly. There's no one who can. I have a lot of money, but I don't have any skill.

Okay, the prank started with us calling people from America, then my brother from the USA posted it. Then it ended up on blogs. Afterwards, my brother from the USA suggested I make a tweet. Where's your brother from? Make a tweet? Wait, what did she say, my brother from the USA? Make a tweet tweet. Where's your brother from? Make a tweet? Wait, what did she say, my brother from the USA?

Make a tweet to keep it going, saying it was a good prank and that Father was a great actor. He even mentioned that we could make money by creating a cryptocurrency based on the prank. Yes, go down that road. Yes! Well, you didn't say you were gonna go into crypto. Yes, queen!

Now I get it. Okay. Now I'm listening. Is the coin still available for purchase? Father and I agreed, but in hindsight, it was a terrible idea. We weren't thinking at all. It quickly became clear how bad this idea was

when his friends started calling him concerned. That's when we decided to go live and explain that it was all fake. Those videos you've seen of me trying to explain myself are from that moment. So she's now trying to explain the explanation videos. I've gotta explain these explaining videos. People are gonna think the explaining videos

are not real, as we say with comedy, if you have to explain it. It's good. Oh, that's right, it's really good. I learned a lot from this. I'll be taking time off the internet to reflect. That's all you really have to say. I'm gonna teach everyone how to apologize.

I was stupid, I'm gonna take some time off the internet. I need to reflect and see how I can be a better person. Who would be bad? Literally my bad. That's all you need to say. I'm sorry, I invented Nigerian kidnappers. Again, I'm gonna be off Instagram. By the way, this is not for anything.

There are a lot of kidnappings in Nigeria. Yeah. Oh yeah, I was kidnapped in Nigeria. Were you really? No, I'm sorry, I should have done that. Oh, come on, Garrett. I invented it. I'm gonna take a little time away from the show.

I think you need to grow closer to God, which is what she's gonna do. Please keep me in your prayers. Wow. Wow. I feel like my prayers. To find a victim hole in this whole thing is- Listen, my prayers are full, all right?

Vicki. No, I do have a prayer for her that she gets hit by a bus. Is that bad? Is that terrible? There you go, that's how we do it. That's story number one! Down in the books, when we come back,

we're gonna hear about. We'll tell you what we're doing and we're gonna hear how you can support. Gareth's got a podcast that we can talk about aside from the dollop. That's right. That is fantastic. In addition to the dollop,

which you should be listening to. Listen to this podcast. You'll love this podcast, you'll love the dollop. That's right. In addition to the dollop, which you should be listening to. You listen to this podcast. You'll love this podcast. You will love the dollop. You will love the dollop. This is Dumb People Town with Garrett Theranos. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into Garrett's podcast and how you can support him, in addition to listening to the dollop, we have some great stuff going on. Jay and I, we've got shows that we are doing at the Comedy Store every month. It's called Tag It, where comedians come on

and we tag their, they basically do their sets, which you will do this show. Maybe in May, May 21st. I'm asking you right now, it's a Wednesday. It feels like you're promoting it and asking. It's so cool that he's doing it on May 21st. He's doing it, Dan's doing it, Jay Moore is doing it on May 21st, Justin cool that he's doing it on May 21st. It's great. He's doing it, Dan's doing it,

Jay Moore is doing it on May 21st, Justin Martindale is doing it on May 21st. It's gonna be, or excuse me, Dean Del Ray is doing it on May 21st. It's gonna be great. Dean Special just came out. Oh yeah. Is Dean doing it on April 23rd?

I think he's doing it. I think he's doing it, I don't know. But he will figure it out. People should go to Superscalars.com. Superscalars.com to figure all that stuff out and we're doing the historic Everett Theater in Washington which is just north of Seattle. I'm very excited.

It's like a 790 seat theater. I wanna fill this thing. They get great audiences that come out. SuperSchoolers.com for all those and if this drops before 428, we're gonna be on Night Court on 428. I'm very excited. Network TV, what a joy, what a blast, what a blast to do.

Gareth, let's talk about aside from the dollop. Can I have your career? That sounds really good. Take it, take it. Fun times. The dollop, you can listen to it. I have a new podcast called We're Here to Help, which is a call and advice show with Jake Johnson.

It's a pleasure. We try to solve small problems that are big to the caller. So that's what we do. Well, so everybody thinks their problem, and rightfully so, is enormous. Whatever you have to get done, whatever's bothering you in your life. Your neighbor who won't cut the ivy down from their thing,

which is now in your yard, is really terrorizing your entire life, and you guys are stepping in. This is what I love. A Nigerian has taken you. Thank you. It's the Nigerian kidnapping of neighbor situations. Let me put him on the phone.

This'll get a little racially charged. There you go. So what I love about your standup comedy of which many clips come across my feed and I absolutely love it. Kierathearnals.com. I absolutely love it. The special you shot in Portland at the,

did you shoot at Helium? At Helium. At Helium, phenomenal. So good, there's so much. But I love how seriously and earnestly you take stupid things. Or trivial things. So I'm assuming that is the tone and tenor of this podcast

is that everybody's problem, you make your problem. That's exactly the ruse. The ruse is that we are your drunk uncles and we will try to solve your problem. So even if we have like some issues with your problem, we are invested. You may come in hotter than the caller. A lot of times that happens.

I'd say 60% of them with Jake Johnson just shouting. I love this. He's so funny. All right, so. A couple of good Midwest boys. Yep. Listen to that. Subscribe to that.

Subscribe to the Dallup because Dave Anthony is one of our favorite. But what about dates? And Dallup Live in June. Go to dolluppodcast.com. I can't even remember where we are. But what about you? favorites. And Dollop Live in June. Go to dolloppodcast.com. I can't even remember where we are. But what about you? What about you?

Live Dates in June. garethrenolds.com, thank you Daniel. I will be in Virginia and. You do Morgantown? No, I'm not in Morgantown. Oh, I heard some great things about, there's something in West Virginia. A Timonium.

Well there's a festival there that looks good. Is that right? Yeah. Just look at our friends and I'm like, where are these guys performing at? You have FOMO when you look at all your, we all have a lot of comedians. Sometimes, yeah.

Why aren't we at that thing? That looks really fun. And then in reality if I was offered, I'd be like, I don't want to go. Yes. I want to know. That's your problem. We'll take another caller.

Jay, should we jump in? Let's jump in. Sent in by Josh Mou at J-Maut. Moat. Moat. Dangerous or misunderstood? Ooh. Kansas man wants to legalize raccoons as pets.

I, this, hero. I can't. They misspelled hero. Jay, I cannot stop watching the video of, and I think I've showed it to you. Hot dog guy? No. What's hot dog?

Wait, what's hot dog? There's a guy who looks like Santa Claus with a gastrointestinal bypass on his porch with 100 raccoons and he's just feeding them hot dogs. Hot dogs, so there's the hot dog guy and he also just takes a box of cereal and just throws it on his porch. Yes, yes.

And they all, the fattest raccoon so bad. The most American raccoon, it's just like a Wagovie commercial. It's like all the raccoons roll up on jazzy's. They can't even walk. They're just, he had to build an A-D-A-M-A. He built a ramp. AMA.

I hate that guy. Ah, he's a hero, Daniel. You hate America. Let me see, what if I pose it this way? This man is not shooting up a mall because he has the raccoons to talk to. Well, he's also not committing genocide. We could just keep going. Well, we don't know how this story ends. It very well could end in genocide.

Look, I want everybody to have friends, so I support it on that level. Yeah, that's right. It could end up in raccoonicide. Having not seen the video, but based on what you guys said, he talks to them like they're people. Oh, yeah. No, let her have one. Let her have one. Name. Let her have one.

I believe names. I believe he's like, gosh,ettle down Gus. You're not always going first. David, let her eat. Lisa, back up. Lisa, back up. Somebody, one of our friends, I can't remember who, they posted a video from their backyard of like six raccoons going across the top of the fence. No, the. Wire? Yes, electrical wires. Oh my God. And they're holding onto one while walking on the other and they played the Mission Impossible theme. Doesn't take much.

It's so perfect. You know, I heard scratching on a tree in my backyard. I turned on the outside light. 100%. Turned on my phone flashlight. Five raccoons just turned and looked at me like, what bitch? Oh, I did that too.

What? Scared the hell out of me. And there's a raccoon in the tree looking at me and there's all these other raccoons just turned and looked at me like what bitch. Oh I did that too. I was scared the hell out of me. And there's a raccoon in the tree like looking at me and there's all these other raccoons in the trees. And I was like who wants a hot dog? Yeah you guys are really missing a call. You need to have the pocket dogs. Let her get it.

Let her have some. No you have to. Share. Sheila. Now are you saying share is and give the other one some? No share is the name of the thing. That's what I was hoping for. Cher.

Sonny, let Cher do her thing. Come on, Sonny. He's always like this. He's always trying to take what's hers. Cher, I got you, babe. She does all the work. Chaz, Chaz, I support your transition, but we're not going to let you hold the hot dog in a couple ways.

Let Sonny have it. Chaz, let Kathy Gifford have one. Oh, my god. I gave her a last name. Let me ask you one. Chaz, let Kathy Gifford have one. I gave her a last one. Let me ask you, go back to his story. Where do you think there should be a line at domesticating animals? Because I even am like, I understand ferrets, but part of me is like they're- That's your new specialty. I understand ferrets. I loved it. I said this on the Midnight Air recently what they bring that they fucking drag

You never even if you never ever ever throughout the end. Oh, it's better if you don't Retain viewers Well, that's also you know how we don't do this a lot We just do our shows like you guys titled the born identity But we don't title our stand-up show But you it would be great to tip like I'm gonna be at the laughing tap next week Daniel Van Kirk. I understand I understand Ferret's tour This guy five times live and he's never Like an album for a band and you're like, I can't, where does this title come in?

Where does that come in? That's so funny. But like, they drag out the LSU tiger, and then there's always some guy who's like, that tiger, don't be pissed off that we bring a tiger out here for the LSU game. That tiger gets treated better than most people. And my response is, right,

but it's also getting treated worse than most tigers. Yeah, no, he's not a man. He's not like your neighbor. He's fine, he's fine. I think if they're injured and you're rehabilitating, that's the best. And they keep coming back. Yes, that's the best case scenario. Alright, let's listen to this guy, Steven Casper. The raccoons, they have opposable thumbs, right? Like they can fuck your house.

They all look like they're wearing sweaters that are too big. Steven Casper is one step closer to legalizing pet raccoons in Kansas Well, he's step closer. I don't know if after testifying before state legislature Legislature taking an oath is awesome Casper has been fascinated with raccoons since he made a paper mache version as a little boy That can't be the reason why you're into it. It's a good origin though

I mean he carried it with him through the years until it was lost during his adulthood. So far, to me, I'm not trying to be mean. You are describing someone on an episode of Love on the Spectrum. That's what I'm saying. That is a disastrous origin story meant to be, like, sweet. Where's my paper mache raccoon? You're 31.

Where's my paper mache raccoon? Where's my paper mache raccoon? Is this a scene from Best in Show when they can't find the toy? Where's the bee? Where's the favorite maché raccoon? Where's my favorite maché raccoon? Where's my favorite maché raccoon? Where's my favorite maché raccoon? Is this a scene from Best in Show when they can't find the toy? Where's the bee? Where's the busy bee? Oh my God. Where's the busy bee?

A paper maché raccoon. What a long way to say virgin. That's right. Masked bandits, the hands, it's always been one of those little creatures that I'm like, this is the coolest thing ever. He must love guardians in this galaxy. Is that what you said to the legislature?

I like them. I do think they're cool. Unless you get into a fight with them, they're there. Wait, who? Wreck-ons, they're cool looking. Who'd get into a fight with them? You don't wanna like, you go out to your trash can and there's a wreck. Hot dogs.

Hot dogs. Hot dogs. Let her have it. Come on now. Casper said, I want people to know they are not these disease aggressive balls of fur that run around your yard. They are very smart, they are very affectionate. Now we're bordering on it.

Now we're bordering, did he have sex with a woman? Let me tell you about this relationship I have. Maybe we should be able to wed a big one. Casper? Wed them? If they're big, we should wed them. Why is that wrong? Come on.

If she can understand vows, she can say yes. When she looked over to the right, I counted that as a yes. That was an I do. Casper and his wife Holly, so he does have a human wife. Wow. Our empty nesters.

Ferranti, this is gonna be you in a year. Oh my God. This is what you could start taking up. What if we start doing this? You're gonna bring guinea pigs back into that house. For the last several years, Casper has been channeling his paternal instincts when caring for his backyard raccoons.

For the last several years. His backyard raccoons? Great band. I was gonna say. Newport Folk Festival? This summer. Kids show. Kids show. It all started when he left out some marshmallows for them to eat so his indoor cats had something to watch.

But why start with like a diabetic entry point? Something that like the raccoon can't digest for seven years. By the way, that is the literal thing that happens in the movie, The Lorax, the reimagination, the more recent version. He starts feeding them marshmallows which subdu them, and then he cuts down their force. Wow, wow. That's a heartwarming story. It is. But I mean, like peanuts, put peanuts out.

They'll love that. They don't have that access to that. Also, he's saying he's doing it for his cats. Which, again, honestly, is a pretty good justification. They need something to watch. They're indoor cats. I think the most unbelievable part of this whole story is that he's married. Oh This woman said yes to him. It's just a paper machete wife

Candice is always been supportive. I made she let me paint my penis hot dog color for the raccoons. Really? Yeah Now every night between 9 p.m. and midnight is become routine for Casper to step outside. It's quite a window. Yeah, that is three hours. Three hours. Long time. His wife is asleep. He brings the treats and the raccoons bring their appetite.

I would caution people that wanna just go out and start throwing marshmallows at raccoons. It doesn't really work that way. Let me tell you how it works. That's exactly how it works. Like he's the crocodile hunter. Or the raccoon whisperer. Right, so like to me, if I were around this guy,

that would all be the only thing I'd ask him. So we could just throw marshmallows at raccoons. Nope, I said you guys, it's not how it works. You can just go out there in a suit full of marshmallows and just lay down and that'll be fine. This is his next line. So like I have a whole handful of marshmallows and just throw it through the can.

Why isn't this enough? Why does he want to domesticate them? There is a process. It's about trust, he explains. It's not about trust. How'd this work out for Grizzly Man? That's a lie. It's gonna end the same.

That process in Tresorg only listening to the audio of it. We see that he is getting his brain eaten by Sonny and Shay. I can only hear audio of it. Uh, the process and trust, this process and trust led Casper to the Kansas legislature and testified in support of House Bill 2297, which he co-wrote with Representative Joe Seaworth. So now he got this guy on his hold. John Trash Panda.

In order to legalize pet raccoons in the state. HB 2297 requires a permit for the Kansas Animal Health Commissioner, owners must take an educational course on raccoon care. I appreciate that. I do too. I mean kind of, but who's teaching it? The guy's like, you can't just throw a handful of mosh

balls in the- You gotta lay them out. You'll create a mush pit. You gotta create. Class one You'll create a mush pit. Yes. You gotta create. Class one, gain trust. Class two. Paper mache a wife.

You gotta vaccinate the raccoons for rabies and consent to yearly inspections. It also outlines the necessary fees so that the state would not immediately go in deficit by bringing this program to Kansas. Going to deficit. Well, the coon bubble has popped again. It really has. You know what's really getting us is that whole new HB 227, HB 2297. For initial application, how much do you think it costs? Application to get a raccoon.

$60. $35. $24. How about $100? For annual permit renewal, how much do you think that is? That's $35. $24. How about $100? Wow. For annual permit renewal, how much do you think that is? That's gotta be cheap. $25. Yeah, $30. $100. How about $250? What?

What kind of bullshit? For an initial facility inspection, how much? Well, that's not cheap. The guy's gotta come out there. $300. $300. Uh, five. $300.

$500. I like $300. That's actually cheaper, $150. What is happening? For a follow-up inspection, how much is that? $75. Well down is up in this one. 700. 60 bucks. One of you is exactly right. 60 bucks. 75. It is 75. And

for a late renewal, how much is that? 35 bucks. Can we just all agree? which is that, 35 bucks. We just all agree. That any person in Kansas or anywhere who wants raccoons as pets is the same type of person who's not gonna pay government fees. Oh no, they're not gonna. They don't trust the government,

that's why they have raccoon pets. Not an army, get him. You know what I notice about all raccoon pet owners? They love to follow rules. Yeah, exactly. They stay in line. They love bureaucracy. Well I gotta go to...

We're gonna need a permit for the parade, boys. I like that red tape. My bill is actually not for wild raccoons, it's for USDA bred raccoons, Caster said. I put these safeguards in place so you had to jump through a lot of hoops. Because I care. Speaking of which, watch what I've created.

The greatest show on earth Let's go boys torches proposals of rename the state trash, Kansas That's great It's not something that through evolution or breeding that you're gonna breed out of the wild out the wildness So I don't know said that say you read that one more time because I don't think so Okay, Kathleen Saviano of the Missouri Department of Conservation,

however, believes domestication of wild animals takes hundreds of years. Oh, yeah. Quote, it's not something that through the evolution of breeding that you're going to breed out the wildness. In other words, you get a raccoon, he's going to rip your face off. They need certain requirements being feeding and caging.

They are destructive and strong. You know what you'd have to do to your home to make it wreck? It's not that hard, honestly. If you really put in the work. He also has admitted he has multiple cats. I can't really see. They'll be dead. Those will be dead. They're gone. They're gone.

Ultimately Saviano said it's about ethics. They feel like they're caring for it, but really they're being selfish and they're not seeing the animal for what truly is that wild animal that has a purpose out in nature. They can scavenge, they can move things in nature. They are part of the food web. Right now, she's got serious. Right now HB 2297 is sitting in the House Agriculture and Natural Resources Committee. Technically, it's in limbo until the legislative adjournment. I think they're just gonna throw that one in the trash.

There's, he'll take it out. He'll find it and he'll pull it out. There's so much misinformation from disease and rabies or temperament and it's baffling to me how misunderstood the R Casper said. Is it baffling? I'll keep going until we get it. Okay, she won't take no for an answer.

She ain't taking no for an answer. That's awesome. Sometimes I'm just no. What a hero. All right, Daniel, give us a little taste and we'll find out what you have going on after the break. Throw us some marshmallows to the crowd, Daniel. Throw us a little, throw us some marshmallows, Daniel.

We got a lot of cheeseburgers. A lot of cheeseburgers! Cheeseburgers over here. All right, Gareth Reynolds is with us. He's got a podcast here in addition to the dollop called. We're Here to Help. And he gives advice and he helps people out who have problems that are important to them.

Yes. Him and Jake Johnson. Jake Johnson. Him and Jake Johnson and the two of them make the problems your own. Yes. Is really what happens. Yes, and we pitch solutions and we. We're here to help.

Sometimes they're helpful and they'll, sometimes people follow up and we've really missed them. Sometimes they make it worse. I love it. I want everyone to subscribe to it. Let's take follow up and we've really missed them. Sometimes they make it worse. I love it, I want everyone to subscribe to it. Let's take a break and we come back, we'll close it up with the end of it. Kirk, Dump People Town with Gareth Reynolds. We'll be right back.

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featured products include compounded products which are not approved nor verified for safety effectiveness or quality by the FDA prescription required see website for details restrictions and important safety information. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. Roll it. Should we do that? Yeah, why not? Let's talk about pets, baby. Let's talk about you and me.

Let's talk about all the good treats and the bad treats I can eat. We love our pets. Like, there's no doubt in this world. Ziggy and Ponyo, as my kids are about to go off to college. Those are your new kids. These are my new kids. I love them.

They sleep in bed with me. I am watching a dog, my in-laws dog Golda that I plan on stealing and just taking as my own. Fevery. But we care about our pets. Why Jay? Because they're part of your family and you want the best for them no matter what.

But look, here's the deal. And we're learning this, bills can really add add up and that's why you should check out pet insurance and with the ASPCA pet health insurance you can focus on the care your pet deserves and it covers what matters most. So here's the deal Jay the ASPCA pet health insurance program offers customizable accident and illness plans make it easy for pet parents like you to help your pet get the care they may need. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program has been around for over 18 years and they've

helped more than 600,000 pets during that time. They allow you to customize your plan, helping to ensure that your pet's plan is as unique as they are because vet bills can really add up, especially when you're least expecting it. It's simple, use their app to submit a claim and you'll receive reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly into your bank account. Tell them what to do, Rand. To explore coverage, visit aspcapetinsurance.com slash dpt.

That's aspcapetinsurance.com slash dpt. One more time, again, that's aspcapetinsurance.com slash dpt one more time again that's AspcaPetInsurance.com slash dpt. This is a paid advertisement insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Stick around, make a sound,, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into the third story, Daniel, you've got awesome dates coming up.

I do. I first want to say, if you're looking for a little overnight radio relaxation, fun little podcast, check out the Midnight Air. Well, also this year, I'm going to start doing interviews with people from all different types of walks of life, from like food inspectors to sex therapists in Texas to a guy who's a corpsman on a submarine, and there is only like a dozen of them in the world because on a submarine you can't have internet and a lot of times you can't communicate with anyone so they have to be able to do almost any medical procedure that can be come up.

What's their raccoon law down there? Yeah, we'll see. They believe in them. Are you loud? You can bring them down. So that's the Midnight law down? Yeah? So that's the midnight air and I'll check that out and then Yeah, just go to Daniel van Kirk comm I'm gonna be in Wisconsin. I'm gonna be in the Pacific Northwest Portland just happened DC is happening. I'm also doing my hub City Comedy Week that is in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge July 14th, it's like Tuesday through Saturday in July.

Love it. Starting on the 14th. Every single night is just me and other friends of mine who want to come into town or are in town just doing shows at the Lincoln Lodge. So Hub City Comedy Week is happening again. But everything is up at danielvankirk.com. I bet I'm near you. Love it.

Go check. Go Daniel. All right, ready? Yes, sir. Two-year-old Kingsville boy has cheeseburgers delivered without mother's knowledge. Oh, that's awesome. Two-year-old, two-year-old.

Descended by Sam Householder at Sam Householder. Does he have teeth? Kingsville, Texas. They do, two-year-olds have teeth, right, Jay? You guys would know way better than me. Yeah, they do, they do, they do. A young boy in Kingsville bit off, uh-huh, a little more than he could chew

after he ordered cheeseburgers. a little more than he could chew He ordered cheeseburgers from his local McDonald's yeah, you guys Ponder Big Mac just regular Jason Archie double Jason. I was in our No, it was there for a while. I like I still have a bunch of them ready to go I still have them in my in my I haven't kept him in the Markably wellerved 20 years old Well preserved my garage 20 years I have I had one by the Mayo is still good right out there. That's dad's workshop Why is your resident Kelsey Burke halter golden?

G a Burke altar girl Don't let the KBG follow you. Is that a doodle? They're so fat hips. I like that in a dog, though. That dog's got nice hips, huh? Cornedig Kingsville, resident Kelsey. Burkhalter Golden.

Her son Barrett, Barrett Golden, took her phone. Barrett Burkhalter Golden? Took her phone and placed an order with DoorDash without her knowledge. He's two. There's a chance she just wanted free cheeseburgers, but I will buy it. Her husband was like, you're not allowed

to eat any more cheeseburgers. Like the two-year-old was like. Maybe Barrett did it. Barrett did it, babe. Why is your mouth full? I don't know. Well, someone had to get rid of it. I don't want Barrett to eat the burgers.

Honey, why did you give Barrett the phone? Oh, I was, well, if I'll be honest, I passed out a little bit during the shows. You passed, you're supposed to be watching it. I know! My son was playing with my phone. I thought he was taking pictures, but when I looked back on my thing,

it was ordered at the time he was playing with my phone. How are the pictures, hon? Boy, you're really in there, huh? Just say your hi. While some parents may have been upset at the situation. Why is the chair old asking for a CVV number? While some parents may have been upset at the situation, Golden decided to use the delivery as an act to be generous.

She took to Facebook to give the burgers away to anyone who wanted them and end up receiving responses There's somebody coming in 10 minutes to pick some up. I don't know how many she wants wait How many did this kid order? Despite having offers to take some of the cheeseburgers off her hands Golden said that she intends to take preventative measure measure By the way, they're not puppies, they're cheeseburgers. I mean, take these chickens off your hands. I guess I need to hide the app or something because DoorDash is not protected, Golden said.

We'll get out of here with this. Dumb Dash. How many? How many burgers did the two-year-old order? People are taking some off her hands. By the way, she invented all those profiles, and people are like, I'll get some. Someone else is coming.

I better go out and make sure they have it. You're on the ring cam, Diane. A lot of times people are faking those. Didn't you hear? What, do you want them to spoil? I'm watching you on the ring. Oh, I think that's an imposter. I'm right behind you, babe.

I'm watching you say that on the ring. All right, look, the guy, listen, I ate the guy. You ate the guy? You ate the guy. I wanted to vote. Oh, jeez. You are up my ass. Who gets custody of Barrett?

He knows how to use the story quickly. He didn't do anything, oh yeah, right, he ordered those cheeseburgers. Barrett's representing me in court. It's gotta be a lot. To go to Facebook to make the news. Yeah Is this Facebook marketplace dude? I say no just post 41 41. Okay 20 20 106 106 geez Barrett Golden ordered

Follow Gareth Reynolds at Gareth Reynolds G Gareth Reynolds, oh, Reynolds Gareth. Don't follow Gareth Reynolds. At Reynolds Gareth. Conspiracy. At Daniel Van Kirk, at Sklar Brothers. Go see all of us. Yeah. He ordered 31.

Oh! Yeah. You guys are so good at the guessing. Wow. Jerk. He's got the future diabetic. Hey, don't let him eat those. Future. Current diabetic. All right, that's a show. There you go, that's a show. He's two years old and he's got a future diabetic. Hey, don't let him eat those. Future.

Current diabetic. That's the show. There you go, he's two years old and he's got type two diabetes. It also sounds like what Trump would name his toilet. Barrett Golden. I like Barrett Golden. Very good.

Sometimes the burgers come out unwrapped. Unwrapped, unwrapping. They go straight through your body, right into the Barrett Golden. Right into the Barrett Golden. There we go. All right, I love you guys. This is fantastic. And oh snap, we into the Barrett Golden. Right into the Barrett Golden. There we go. Alright, I love you guys.

This is fantastic. And oh snap, we gotta get back to work. Peace. Stick around, make a sound, there's more to PeopleTown.