Dumb People Town - Gary Belsky - Waffle House Trippin'

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Author Gary Belsky (Solo Golf) stops by as Randy describes how a man bulldozed a pub after someone made a comment about his marriage, Jason explains why a man sued Waffle House after tripping in the parking lot, and Daniel warns against bringing knives and guns on a date, and so much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, we got an amazing episode of Dumb People Town today with the great Gary Belski. Hey, he was the editor-in-chief of ESPN, the magazine. He's got an incredible book about solo golf that you got to check out. But today on the show, we've got a guy who takes a bulldozer to a bar. We've got knives and guns at a Chili's. And then we go to a Waffle House madness. We're tripping over a Waffle House. You'll be tripping all over yourselves just to watch this full episode.

It is Dumb People Town with Gary Belsky. Check it out. share tales of folk so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose we'll make the news breaking down each epic bail in florida there's half price bail i'm happy to say they couldn't make this so listen to our podcast jam with co-host arm and dan bend dirt don't be a dirt because when the music which the funny stick around make a sound hunger down You're dumb people town Hey Tadis, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town. Population, you? Population Belski. Gary. Should I have said that with you guys? No, no, you're here. That's us trumpeting the fact that you're here. We have Gary Belkian.

I feel like I started out dumb. No, no, perfect. You did it right. For those who don't know Gary Belsky, Gary Belsky has been in our lives for probably 40 years, 45, 44 years. Since we were 10. Univited.

Univited. Univited. walked into our lives, had a crush on our mom. There was all these. No, but we've, our lives have connected. I mean, Gary taught, he was our camp counselor. He taught us in Sunday school and Hebrew school. He lit a candle at our bar mitzvah.

He was at both of our weddings, held up our chair during the Hora. All of your, I'm so far, all of your kids, bar bar bar mitzvahs, everything. And then he also was responsible for pitching and helping us host probably our greatest television accomplishment cheap seats and being a part of that. After almost completely not even realizing that you were. naturals for it. We should have been done. So the fact that we have stayed connected and when we lived in New York we hung out all the time

and you were such a great supporter of our comedy down there but just our connection, it's so wonderful. Like it's the craziest thing ever to be like, I'm the camp counselor to these small children and then later in life we would become such good friends. That needs to sound less creepy though. For the first...

Because by the way, for the first 10 years you guys, but for the first 10 years of our friendship from 10 to college, you guys sort of pursued the friendship. Like I wasn't going like, I wasn't calling even going like, hey, Ray, how's geometry? No, we loved you, Gary, and we looked up to you. We had two great, unbelievable, like, teachers and people who we just loved, Gary Belski and our friend Jesse Schwartzman, two just incredibly smart, funny, great mentors, and just people we were like, these are people to look up.

So you were in New York when you guys moved to New York? Yes, he was there. But I had seen them in college when you guys did a year. From the window where you would watch. Somehow we ended up hooking up in television. In Jerusalem. You guys must have told me that you were there. And then I knew I was going pretty regularly back then.

So then I hooked up with you. We called you. Yeah. We connected. No, there were no phones. You called a pay phone outside of a butcher or something like that. We connected and we hung out.

And through the years we've supported you, you supported us. You have this unbelievable book that we're going to talk about. We'll talk about in the top of the second golf, which is such a cool book about solo golf. We're going to talk about that in the second segment. But let's get into some dumb stories. We got one sent in by our friend Sean Anderson, S-H-A-W-N-E at Sean 70. Here we go. Here is the headline.

You're ready? That's a good spelling of Sean. I know, Sean Anderson. All right, here we go. Nothing dumb about that. Here's the headline. Quote, you can't stop a dozer. Man drives bulldozer.

But if you try sometimes, you might get what you need. Thank you. Man drives bulldozer into pub in revenge attack after. Whoa. Uh-uh. What revenge would require you? Driving a bulldozer into a pub? Yes.

You've got a flat in the place. That's how mad you are. Like John Wick level. Well, but or... Just wait until the... After comments about his marriage. Not insults about his marriage. Comments about his marriage.

Oh, yeah? Excuse me. I'll be right back. Hold, literally hold my... Let me weigh in on his marriage. Let me hold my bear. All right, you can't... Here's what you guys...

Also, was he on the way to the bulldozer thinking about which construction equipment I want to use? Did he drive the bulldozer to the bar? Right. Which I don't think you're allowed to do They made fun of him And he's like He mumbled some things to himself

They said I bet you fucking would And then he goes I would And then he's gone Or Came back about Three to four hours later Let me paint another scenario

He is upset by this He's gonna come out He doesn't know what he's gonna do And like He sees a bulls Like Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction He sees a car And then he sees a truck

And then he sees another thing And he pulls out the chainsaw and then he sees the... Well, I'm thinking something else. I'm thinking he didn't hotwire the bulldozer, so he had access to it. Someone left the keys in it. Or this is a guy who the other people in the world have said, he's responsible enough to operate our bulldozer. shitty marriage.

And then it turns out not quite as responsible as he would be. Wait, Hansa, don't get him drinking. You wouldn't like him if he's drinking. Right. Daniel Morgan will get his age a little bit later. It was sentenced to a long period of time in prison after pleading guilty to aggravated vehicle taking. Oh, he did steal it.

That's a new aggravated vehicle. AVT. Avatis. And property damage. Dangerous driving. I didn't know that was a thing. Criminal damage and reckless and dangerous of life. The South Wales police said.

So Daniel Morgan, police say the incident began December 4th when Daniel was drinking at the new in public house in Aberdeer. There is. There he is. And just a small injury on his head. I don't know if that was even done by the bulldozer. Sort of could be Kyle Chandler's younger brother. Yes.

Something like the injury on his heart when everybody gets on him. Exactly. After comments were made about Daniel's failing marriage, and to me, that could have not even been to him. He just could have heard other people talking about it. Who's that over there? That's the guy in the Rocky marriage. Also, these are people who know you, so they know something about your marriage, right? They know their marriage sucks.

You look like you're in a bad marriage. Based on what you ordered at the bar. After he left the pub in anger. Don't look back in anger as a way. that says at later texting the pub owner Christopher Common. That is the perfect name for a guy who owns a pub in England. Sure. He sounds like a bar.

The common pub? I'll meet you down at Christopher Common House. Yeah. He said, quote, be careful you can't stop a dozer. It's not his fault that these people were making comments. He owns the bar. He texted him and then he said it will be a drive-through, which I think- That's the name of his comedy album.

Be careful you can't stop a dozer. Yeah. And then he says it will be a drive-thru. So even in his anger, he's kind of making jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's clever. Not a bad one, I don't know. That was a good joke, given how bad his marriage is going on.

Here we go. Don't you dare, dude. He's going to come through here. Yes, we need to be careful. He's like beetlejuice. Right. Daniel then headed to his father's farm. Talk about his marriage badly three times and he shows up. And first, by the way, aggravated, you know, taking of a vehicle.

Of a tanker because he's coming over from England to America. He then commandeers a ship and comes and get it. I love the sentence you've teased. here. He went to his dad's farm. Father's farm. He stole a bulldozer. So his dad clearly told him you can't touch this thing. You can't have this. By driving it through the shed, it was stored in. Now that's got to get fixed. Also, I've worked on a collective farm. And why are you having a bulldozer on a farm?

I don't know. You don't really have bulldozers on farms. Did they just mean a backhoe? Surveillance video captured the vehicle. Maybe that's what they called his wife. There you go. You better watch out. It's been in trouble. Nothing to me. Oh. Oh, really getting trouble.

Drove it into, drove it into his brother's vehicle before flipping that over. Wow. He's mad at everybody. Well, his brother made the comment. Or his brother was his best man. Worse, man.

I mean, I say, look at all this. No wonder his marriage failed. All right. According to testimony, his father, Philip Morgan spotted his son, taking the bulldozer, got into his own truck and drove to the pub to warn everyone inside. That's what I was going to say.

When you said stole his dad, that's how we know after the fact, his dad really distanced himself. So his dad sees his kid take his bulldozer and immediately goes, he's going to the bar. Paul reveres this shit. I know he's going to the bar. Okay. He's going to the bar.

I got to warn everyone. The British are coming, literally. So there it, I used to tell a story to my kids when they were going to sleep that was that they went crazy for. They loved this story. And it was so absurd. It was how a turtle had come to our house. And the turtle was like, even. eating all the food in the house.

And they love it. Like all the damage the turtle was doing to the house. And then I was like, then the turtle's like, I'm going down to Temple Israel of Hollywood, which was where they went to preschool. And I'm going to steal all the kids' toys. And so then I was like, okay. So now I'm like, so we got in the car. You and me get into my Toyota hybrid, whatever.

Highlander. We drive down to Temple Israel and we go to Sherry Fredman. And we're like, Sherry Fredman, you get out of that office right now. God damn it. And I would swear. You get out of that office right now. There is a turtle coming down to Temple of Arizona. It's going to steal a show.

And part of the joke of the story was how slow the turtle was going to get to Temper Israel of Hollywood. He's a bulldozer going to. So he's got an hour to get to this place. He could have a couple drinks there. He's like, listen, guys, in about an hour. They probably don't believe him. Right. He's like, it's coming.

I'm telling you this is coming. It was like, winter is coming. Get out of the bar. There's a bulldozer coming. Morgan can you. He's like a scientist in a disaster. master movie. Oh yeah. So he goes down there and tells him, look, you're going to

be unable to stop this man. Morgan continued to drive the bulldozer down the main road where he hit and pushed over and a suzoo truck. Probably deserved it. Police send their statement. He then reached the new in pub where he smashed into the front porch twice causing extensive damage after causing more than how much

damage do you think he caused in American dollars. Oh, I could make the guess in British pounds, but I couldn't make it American dollars. I'll go 30K. 30K, what do you think? Like $100,000. Oh, I'm thinking like $12,000. Okay, get your answers in townies because after causing more than $29,000.

Hey, damn it's the building. Danny began to drive to the home where his wife and chip. No, we're saying the BBC reported. Philip then he tried again to intervene this time. Why wouldn't you expect him to go home? He loves his family. He has a great marriage. Sure.

We're wrong about the man. Using a truck and trailer to try and block Daniel's path. The bulldozer drove over the vehicles and continued on. This guy. is like going through everything until his father climbed into the bucket of the digger. Into the bucket. Yeah. And managed to.

Well, that's what you want to do if you want to stop a bulldozer. You want to get into the bucket. Right. And then damage the front of the bulldozer stopping it. The police said Daniel was arrested in the cab of the bulldozer. There's a thoughtless and targeted attack on a pub, which they take very seriously in brink. I would mess with him. I would also argue it was thoughtful, like literally.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he did. He had a joke. about it too that it's making it a drive-through. Detective Sergeant Jenna Herbert said in her statement from police. Just nice to see a woman as a detective sergeant. Morgan has caused substantive damage to both the pub and multiple vehicles. It's lucky that no one was seriously heard of this incident.

Morgan will now serve time in prison where he can think about his actions. That is also what his wife would have said. You go there and you think about what you've done. That's going to trigger him. His father said he was shocked by his son's actions that day and added that his son needed help. as Daniel's sentencing Murther Crown Court Judge Celia Hughes. He is facing a lot of women in this whole thing. They are just staring it down.

He said the attack was motivated by revenge and acknowledged that the one-time family man was influenced by the breakdown of his marriage and use of alcohol and cocaine. By the way, if this podcast were in the manosphere, this whole thing would be the fault of women. Fault of his wife, fault of the detective that arrested him, fault of the judge that sentencing. Well, that was going to be my take. You got a point of finger somewhere. Hughes also said he took into consideration his remorse when handing down the sentence. The news outlet said the judge also commended Philip for his bravery while trying to stop his son.

Yeah, man. Crazy. You saw the picture of him. Some men can be heroes too. I'd like to see the bulldozer. I wonder how it survived. I don't know how big it was. How old is Daniel Morgan?

So we saw him, saw the picture of him. of the little sort of a backdoor ad for the bulldozing company right what do you want to get done today right this can handle this can anything oh this can hang it can repair a failed marriage i'm guessing 34 34 years old gray early gray like an early gray yeah well he's got a tough marriage some more proof also his favorite tea early gray yeah uh i'm gonna say i'm gonna say i was thinking the same thing but a little older 39 46 years old one of you you is one year off. So you go up or now.

I will go 35. Okay. 40. Get your answers in, Townies. Gary Belski is with us. He's got his new book. We're going to talk about it right after this break. It's called bulldozing alone.

It's called bulldozing by yourself. This man, Daniel Morgan, is 35 years old. Hey, walks in and scores. Walks in and walks off. I feel really good. Story number one down in the books. We come back. We're going to hear about his great new book.

This is dumb people. with our buddy, the great Gary Belski, will be right back. What do you love about the summer? So what I love about the summer, and I feel it now. I don't know why. Maybe it's because my kids are older

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Up in Canada, you go to Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E-D-C-E-D-C-E-D-T for free shipping and the 365-day returns. Quince.com slash D-P-T. Stick around, make a sound, longer down it's dumb people town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show before we jump into Gary's book

and what he has going on. We're going to be, boys. What are going to be on? We should let you know. We are going to be in Fort Collins, Colorado. Love the comedy. At the Comedy for, one of the best clubs in the country.

Oh, my God. David Rodriguez had put together their beautiful club. Our friend Natasha Collier is going to be featuring for us there, which I love her. She just featured for us at the Venice West. Night before that, on the 23rd, we're going to be down at the Pendry Hotel. That's right.

Down in Newport. Is it Newport? Yeah. I don't know. Whatever it is. Anyway, so it's there. And then in, we're trying a new club that we heard is really cool down in Escondido near San Diego, about 50 miles in called the Grand Comedy Club,

August 14th, 15th. Grand Comedy Club. And it's supposed to be great too. Like old school, but kind of feels. Yeah. But both Jay Moore and Greg Fitzsimmons on Jay's podcast. We're talking about how great the club is. And they're like, Skybrother should go down there.

On their podcast, someone sent us the clip. We reached out to the guy and he's like, yes, I would love you down there. It was so nice. Love you down there. And so we set it up and hooked it up. That's August 14th and 15th. I don't know if I'm going to make those shows because I live in New York. But I've been to a lot of your shows in many, many different places.

Can I ask you guys a question? Do you know the answer of who of just regular people, not like in theory a manager or somebody professionally tied to you. Who has seen you the most doing stand-up? Ooh. I mean, I saw you in 90, when you moved to New York with Mark Marin.

You guys remember that jokes he told? That was funnier than any joke you told back then, but you were young and he was older. You guys remembered that joke about the juggling? What was his thing about the juggling? Oh, my God. He was talking about, wouldn't it be great? You guys were the ones who remembered

there was Mark Maren. Yeah. He was like, wouldn't it be great if instead of sexually, he was like sexually transmitted disease. That's a bummer. And people laugh because it's a bummer, sure. And he goes, what do you mean?

Like, sex is such a good thing. Wouldn't it be better if, like, it's David Tell? Oh, if it transmitted skills instead of disease. And then he pauses and he goes, man, can I curse? Yeah, I can. Man, she fucked me so hard. I can juggle. That's a tell.

So fun. Oh, sorry. So then. I didn't remember you guys remembering. Yeah, you jogged our memory that you remembered it wrong. But anyway, and it can't be a spouse. Who do you think has heard you perform? I would say there's a.

guy on the East Coast who's seen us a bunch, who's a big fan, Stephen Elton Yates, who's an amazing dude. I would say Derek Lipkin up in San Francisco. He's seen us a ton in L.A. when he saw us a ton in L.A. when he sees us in a ton in San Francisco every time we come back. Whenever we go to Cobbs, saw us in San Jose because we were there. He's seen us probably maybe the most. I'm saying at some point at some anniversary, you guys should be giving out like a war. I know. Are there friends in Austin who've seen us a lot too? Yes, there are.

Because we come back for the moon tower and they've seen it too much. I'd say like 15 to 20 to 30 times is someone who's seen us the most. That's cool. Yeah. So for those people and for all the people who come back, we just did shows in San Francisco at Cobbs that were so much fun. It's like we feel this intense pressure to at least come with like new material. The podcast is wonderful because it's new stuff every time.

If we do it live like you've seen at the Bell House. But like to come back to a city. In Brooklyn. Yeah. To come back to a city that we've been to, like a year before, we don't want to come back and do the exact same set. Although you guys never do the same thing the same way exactly. No, but we say to ourselves, can we put in like 25 minutes a new movie?

Comedians and bands are the opposite. If a band showed up, your favorite band should up is like, we're going to do the new album tonight. Let me chop before. They don't do that. They don't. They don't. But like a band's like, go play the hits.

Play all the songs I know and recognize. Comics, it's the opposite. They want to hear all new materials. So anyway, so we have all that stuff. You go to punchup. dot live sign up at sclerbrothers sign up for your email we've got to build an email list this is something we should have two mistakes we made in our career one we didn't just pick an airline pick an airline and just stay with it we'd be like million dollar met right now we were just like what are the cheapest tickets that

was stupid the other thing is we should have started an email list so that we could literally talk directly to our fans and say yeah you don't we don't we are building it we're building right now so that's what you can do if you want to listen to this thing go to punchup dot live search sclar brothers put your email in we promise also because you guys will service that email 100% you'll actually give really good communication. And let you know, not too much, but just let you know when we're going to be in your neighborhood. Or if we ever wrote a book, which is our transition to what you have done. So let me just say this about Gary, who has written so many great books.

He was the editor and chief of ESP in the magazine. But I told the story that was from your, why smart people make bad money decisions. Big money mistakes. Big money mistakes. I told that story this weekend at a party, which I'm going to tell it wrong, but this is the way I interpreted it, which is a lot. Mark Marin. Juggling. Juggling.

No. If you ever lose so much money, you can juggle. No. The idea that people have this loss aversion, which is, you know, if you're waiting for a bus for an hour. Waiting for a bus for 45 minutes or 45 minutes and the bus hasn't come, most people will say, I'm going to wait another 15 minutes because it's got to be coming. What you should say is I'm leaving. Cutting my losses. Cut my losses here and leave.

I already lost to 45 minutes. Not going to get them back. Not getting those back. And the bus is probably not coming. So you're going to lose another 45 if you sit there and wait. It's not like if you, same with gambling and all that other stuff, just get out of there, cut your losses and go. But people can't do that. I can't accept the cutting of the loss.

It's called the sunk cost fallacy. Sunk cost fallacy. That's right. Amazing. So that stuck with me. And I was telling it to a friend at this party. And she's like, yeah, that's the reason why I stay in relationships too long. Yeah, people stay in jobs, in marriages and in movies in theater because, well, I've already been here an hour and a half.

That's right. Miserable hour and a half, but I'm going to stick it out. But I love that that that was like a book about. about money, which is not the most exciting thing in the world. And that has stayed with me. And that book you probably wrote 20 years ago, 25 years ago. 26 years ago, by the way, my bestselling book still. It still sells many hundreds of copies a year.

Incredible. So you're an amazing writer. Oh, thank you. This book. This book is like so dear to my heart. It goes right into my veins. Solo golf. You guys are solo golfers?

The zen of playing alone and how it can transform your game. I do play alone a lot because there are times where my kids can't play. There's time where he can't play. I'm in this constant pursuit to try to get better. Both my kids play golf. I dream of getting good enough so that I can keep playing with them because they're actually pretty good. And this book captures all the reasons why it is so wonderful.

First of all, it took me a second to read it. The book is beautiful. All the pictures, all the stories. And it's intentionally meant to be a quick read. Yes. And it is a quick read. But also it's one of those things where you can just pick it up. You can read four or five pages of it, put it down.

A bathroom read. It's perfect to a back of the toilet. You can say it. Back in the toilet. This is a back of the toilet. This is the bathroom. But this is the kind of book that if anyone in your life plays golf at all, like, perfect gift.

This is the gift. This is what you give them because I, it's beautiful. I love it. Or if you're trying to understand a person who plays golf in your life, this is a wonderful book. But it talks about playing alone. Like, talk about why that is such a deep and important, like, skill to develop in this, on this earth. Yeah, it's funny. I just, I've been writing pieces off of this for like the Wall

Street Journal and the Boston Globe and Fortune. And one of the pieces I just submitted to another large national newspaper, it talks about the, that adults need to spend more time playing and being childlike. And one of the things that I do when I play golf alone and I've been doing it for about 30 years and you guys know me, I'm super social. I'm a social golfer. I love golfing with my friends or my nephews and nieces, but every once in a while, two or three times a year, I just like to recalibrate and go about myself. And sometimes that's about recalibrating my game.

I need to work on something. Range is great, but range is not being on a course. On a hole by yourself and being able to drop three balls and take the same shot because you're out there alone. But sometimes I just want to recalibrate as a human being. And there's something about playing golf alone that I discovered 30 years ago by accident that is sort of put you into a flow state.

I've had people reading this book and sending me emails saying, like, I love the book, I golf alone. It's also like gardening or it's like knitting or it's like coding somebody told me because sometimes you just need to get into this flow state of just me on a course by myself. I'm trying to push this ball, preventing a skill that's challenging, but I have some mastery over it, pushing this ball down the hole towards the down the course towards a hole. and it's just very centering. It's a little bit zen.

It's a little bit mindfulness. It's a little bit nature immersion. I talk about forest bathing. It's a thing that the Japanese, because by the way, when you're playing golf alone, you're doing it in a forest essentially. Beautiful. Or some kind of nature preserve. And it ends of just being calming and centering.

And you also don't have to do it for, you can do sick. I don't know when you play alone. I sometimes will go out and just do six holes. So I do twilight is usually the time when I play alone because that's when I can get on the course by myself. not be paired up with other people so I'm out. Do I think like that's also when the animals come out on the course here in L.A. Coyotes, deer, rabbits.

Like you just, you really do feel like you're in nature and you're solo and it is so, you just hear like, can I? Nothing. You hear the nature. You're by yourself. It's so beautiful. It is so. Can I also say the flip side of all of this, this, the aloneness and the centeredness is

golf is one of the only, uh, venues in the, in the, in the, world that we have today. I would say golf and burning man where a singular person can walk up to a group of people and just immediately you shake hands, what's your name, how you doing. You are, this is what we saw. Somebody just played with us the other day with us and our friend Diana. Like this guy just came up to us. The guy was wearing like older Korean man in jeans and like not even golf shoes. And by the second hole, we're all like, great shot. So you're now encouraging a stranger. It forms. camaraderie in like a week.

But then half the time he was just sort of playing his own solo round, even amongst us. Yeah. And by the way, I say literally the first paragraph of the book is me saying, to be clear, I love playing golf with people. Yes. Because, but sometimes they like playing alone because the flip side of that is you can become very self-conscious when you're playing with other people. Yes.

You are very aware. First of all, you have to pay attention if you're a good golf companion. You have to watch their ball. You have to make sure you don't cross their line. You have to just sort of keep a pace of play. Sure. But also, if you're like me, I can par a hole, but I can also approach double digits. And so I just become very self-conscious.

I tell a story in the book in which I say to the, I played golf. You know, when I was at ESPN, I got to play with a professional golfer. And I don't want to say his name because I make references in the story. Phil Mickelson. And at some time we're playing about 12, the 12th to 13th hole, and he's seen me play. And so I looked at him and I said, what's the difference, the one difference between me and you? And he understood that I meant between professional golfers and regular people. And he goes, oh, that's easy.

And I thought he was going to talk about ball striking or swing path or swing plane or hip turn, whatever, something physical. And he goes, when I'm over the ball, I'm only thinking about that shot. When you're over the ball, you're thinking about every shot that's come today before and maybe some shots. From other times. And also all the people that are looking at you. He goes, I don't see, professional golfers are just zoned in. Right. And so when I'm playing by myself, you zone in to the thing.

I don't have, I don't, and more importantly, I'm just not, I don't have that. When I make a mistake, I don't know about you, but I tend to talk to myself out loud when I make a mistake. What the matter with you, Gary? When I'm playing by myself, I don't, I'm calm. I'll make a mistake or I'll hit a ball not quite and I'll be like, huh, that's interesting. And sometimes, depending on how I'm approaching that round, I'll drop another ball and just sort of adjust my stance or adjust my swing. But sometimes either way, it's just much more of a lot. a calm experience.

It's like working on a car. Yes, exactly. There's a, I love it. So again, show the book and it is called. The book is solo golf, uh, the zen of playing alone and how it can transform your game. And it really can't.

I can't recommend this enough. Get this book. Get this book. For anyone who plays golf or anyone who's interested in sort of developing that part of yourself. Just interesting. Yeah. I love it.

All right. Let's jump into the second story. Here we go. Here we go. Can I stay and talk about the second story. Yes. Okay. Okay.

Stay here about everything. All right. Here we go. This was sent it by Josh Mout, Mout. Okay, here we go. Man sues Waffle House after falling face first over curb says he was distracted by ad. So he's not even out of a Waffle House. Well, he was outside of one.

This is in Bartow... There was an ad outside of a Waffle House. Four baby. Okay, here we go. At least he wasn't on his phone. A man has filed a lawsuit against popular diner chain Waffle House. Are we calling it that? Popular Diner Chain?

Yeah. I also feel like you shouldn't have to identify, even I'm a journalist at heart. You know what a waffle house is. You shouldn't have to identify waffle house. It would be like identifying deity, God, worshipped by many. Like waffle houses, waffle houses. It's like public school. Basketball player Michael Jordan.

Right, exactly. You know the waffle house. I don't know the one. Popular diner chain. What is this house of wall? Popular diner chain. The waffle house. What is this house of waffles you speak up?

It's not a house made out of waffle? Okay. After suffering energies when he fell face first over a curb. he's embarrassed. He made a mistake and now he's trying to blame someone else. According to the Independent, I'm not going to tell how old he was. Edward Boulds. B-O-W-L-D-S. That's a bolds move.

It's a bolds move. Follow the lawsuit against Walf House after falling near a location in Bartow, Florida, after he became distracted by a window ad featuring the chain's limited edition strawberry shortcake waffle. So it worked. It worked. Wow. This should be their ad.

Yeah. They're like, okay, we'll pay this lawsuit and like all the, publicity from this. We hope you're sitting down when you see this. Don't attempt to walk. Don't attempt to walk. This will knock you on your ass. All right, here we go. Then tripped over and quote abnormally high curb and fell face first. Sounds like that's his problem. That's his lawyer. The lawyer's like talk about how high that curve is. Too high. It's so. But then why not sue the city? Clearly not a regulation. It might have been private property. Maybe it was a specific. I've never noticed the Waffle House curbs. Maybe

they're all high. I mean, usually it's just straight off the road. It's curbs are high, taking out with Seth Rogen. Maybe if you get like a franchise of Waffle House, the first thing they say to you is make that curb. Make that curb high.

If someone looks at it and it's like, not high enough. That's for the hurricanes. That's for the flooding. Flood water. Yeah. It's Florida. It's Jonah Hill High.

I need that Seth Rogen high. The publication reviewed federal court filings, which reportedly state that while Boulds was navigating the parking lot and stepping up the abnormally high curb, his attention was distracted by the advertisers before he unknowingly tripped and fell over the curb, which resulted in severe and permanent injuries.

Was he leaving the Waffle House? He was walking to it. He was being lured in. Walking to it. He was being tractor beamed in. The location in Barso was accused of increasing the risk of harm beyond ordinary conditions

by prioritizing marketing and visual appeal over pedestrian safety. Yeah. Wow. I mean, that is a real, like, a bold claim. You fell, dude. Just get up. Are they right?

Go inside. It's like me applying to Harvard. Eat your match friend. That's a big reach. If there's a trial, are they, or does somebody go, you know, is the idea like, you can have an ad in your window. It just can't be so tantalizing. It just can't be so delicious.

You guys, these strawberry shirt cakes are. Not fair. Why would you even? I mean, you could put a regular waffle there. Save the strawberry sugar. If you do something to yourself, embarrassing, and then you're a. responses, well, if you hadn't, you've already lost. This is what we always say. If you hadn't, people can't take a loss. People can't get broken up with. People can't

trip without blaming. Like a lot of shitty golfers do a lot of like, well, if they hadn't, and it's like, dude, if I didn't have to wait so long for them to get off the, I have said that before. I have said that completely ruined my rhythm. Like you got guys bending down twice. But I just mean like, if you didn't say it before you took your, like, if you're like, I need these guys to move, right? Then I'm like, oh, you're in, it is, that is in your head. but you don't get to like do the thing step up on the curb make the swing and then pick something else that you're like you know what happened it's like shut out i'm so happy that bird chirped in the middle of my back swing if it wouldn't have been for that waffle ad i wouldn't have driven a bulldozer into the pie scooby-dew my failing marriage uh with the suit claiming the ads in the window were quote intended to attract and hold the attention of patrons approaching on foot yes i don't know that that's the reason why the ads are there they're not only intended to attract the patrons approaching on I think, in fact, the opposite, I think most waffle houses, you already have to decide to...

If you're already coming to the waffel house, you want. And Florida, those intersections are so large. Nobody's walking down the street in Florida who can, who has money enough in their pocket to go to a waffle house as a pedestrian. Right. If you're driving to the Waffle House. Right. If you're walking towards the ad, you already decided to go to the Waffle House. According to this guy's logic, how many wild animals just constantly hit the glass? Like a machine gun all 100%.

Right. That's it. So his thing is... just birds flying straight into the strawberry shortcake guys. I couldn't walk and look at something. Yeah. I can't walk and chew gum at the same time. I can't walk and chew gum.

Well, neither can eat. He literally, yes, that's what he's saying. According to the publication, the complaint goes on to argue that the height of the curb, a lack of warning paint, and the distraction created by the window advertisements resulted in unreasonably dangerous conditions.

God, wait until he sees a set of stairs. Do we think he then went in, ordered the waffle, strawberry shortcake waffle? And then later came back and somebody said you should sue? You have a real case here. A pre-lawsuit demand letter. You should never have someone in your life who's like, you have a real case. Exactly.

A pre-lawsuit demand letter was filed in court as an exhibit and reviewed by the independent reportedly states that it would be disingenuous for Waffle House to suggest that Mr. Boulds should have been watching where he was walking when it was Waffle House who distracted his attention away from where he was walking. I don't. So what? God, I'm hungry. This is incredibly dumb.

Ironically, he's so bloody. His face looks like that. A strawberry short cake. Oh, yeah, because they have that like jelly jam kind of. Where it like drips down the side. Per the report, the filing said that both suffered a torn rotator cuff that feels like an old golf injury. That's an old pitching injury. While attorney W. Lee Clark,

W. Lee Clark sounds like definitely like Southern wears a bolotat. I say, I say my client. You can't Ronald T. Justice. I say you can't. We had a Ronald T. Justice on this show. Ronald T. Justice. If you're a lawyer in the South, you just put an initial in front of your name. Right.

You never use your first name. Initial middle name and your last. Yeah, or you just make up an initial. Like even if you only have one name. Right. W. Clock. Yeah, exactly.

So you become either Esquire or your civil war or civil war general. I'll say the independent that is, uh, that his client is recovering from his injuries, but unfortunately he will deal with pain and limitations the rest of his life. I'm going to say he had limitations to begin with. Right. And this is what. Where is this? In Barto, Florida.

Wow. So this is in the South. All right, according to the publication, the pre-lawsuit demand later states that Bold's medical expenses currently total about how much and could rise to about how much. 50,000 could rise to 100. Okay. If he has shoulder replacement surgery. So we're trying to guess the. What they are right now.

150,300. Okay. To what they will be if he gets the shoulder replacement. Are we doing both numbers? Yes. He said 50, 100. he said 150,300. I'm thinking

125 to 250. All right. One of you is right on the back end and it's Randy. 25,000 now could go up to 100,000. Yeah. The letter also alleges that Bold's injuries have significantly affected his quality of life, leaving him largely confined to a recliner. Okay. Combined to a recliner, doesn't like, not a wheelchair.

A wheelchair. A recliner. A lazy boy. Right. We ought to talk about recline. It's kind of undermined your, Sort of undermanger. And like the lawyer's like,

a very comfortable reclata. So what a weird choice. A lumbar massaging reclana. He's unable to assist his wife with grocery shopping. So somebody married him. That's right. Which he loves. Lawn maintenance and other routine household tasks.

So why is he complaining with that? This sounds like a free pass to the greatest life ever in a recliner. I love this guy. He's a fucking idiot and I don't like him. I don't like him, but I love him. But I love it. I am confined to this recliner, stuck watching television. I think, by the way, he's the chutzbo on this guy.

He's got a recliner. What he's really thinking is, I've got a recliner that needs replacing. At the very least, I want them to give me a new replacement. You're not going to pay the $100,000. At least get me a new lazy guy. I've got that shoulder thing. But for all we know, Waffle House actually has an account for, we got to buy people recliners when they hurt themselves near our stores.

This could be an ad for lazy boy. Yeah. Very much. So Bolts and his wife who joined the lawsuit as a co-plaintiff. Yeah. She wants him to start shopping. She's like, he's not doing it.

She doesn't want to start doing the lawn. Right. She's like, I don't want to do the rest of this housework. You have now made this a person who does not contribute. I'm going to ask you this. If lazy boy made a riding lawnmower. Where you could, like,

comfortable dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you mow your own lawn in St. Louis growing up? I had a lawnmowing business. Of course you did. My dad bought the lawnmower. By the way,

made me mow our own lawn. It was a push for. A $2. a clip for however long it took to pay off $42 for the lawnmower from Sears. Yeah, I was nine years old. I could have killed my... Nine. Nine.

With a full machine? With the... Yeah, there was a different time. Pour gas into Mac Brown's gas station on McKnight and Olive. To pour gas into it. To get gas. Like, I was a nine-year-old. Please fill up my gas can.

Like, it was a different time. Holy crap. That lawnmower could have killed me. Easily. A leg gone right into that thing. Yeah. I didn't, but by the way, I was not the dumb. I was a reasonably.

smart nine-year-old, so I knew to keep my hand away from the moving blade. And no matter how high the curb, you were going to lift that thing up and gop over it. Yeah. How could you figure that out in this guy? According to the letter, the couple proceeded with legal action after the wall file's declined the offer. All right, they sought a settlement for how much? How much did the co-plaintiffs seek a settlement?

I want to check my phone right now to know how much a recliner cost, basically. Well, $1,250. I think $10,000. That's what they turned down? No, no. I think they tried to say, well, this is what the expense is. Sorry, but we'll settle for 10 is what I'm I guessing the number they turn down or the number they want. This is what Waffle House declined.

Oh, Waffle House declined this settlement offer. They were saying, we're taking it the distance. We'll go all the way. Which they should. Which they should, 100%. I'll go, we've got 5,000. I'm thinking what am I going to? What's my third?

Right. Right. So I think it's something like that. Like 15. I'm going to say 30. 30,000? Aaron, you want to guess? Oh, no.

It's a settlement. 60,000. How about? 300,000 dollars. What? Wow. Oh, because they asked for something ridiculous. Ridiculous.

Yeah. Like it's Waffle House. They had asked for 15. Waffles might have said, I mean, we're paying out damages. Yeah, although you might not, if you're Waffle House, you might not want to set a curb precedent at all.

Like, you know. Right. Anyways, you'd like to curb this behavior. You do want to call your marketing team and go, you guys are literally crushing it. You're crushing him. Yeah. No, I mean, he is like, they're like,

just Waffle House. They got deep buttery pockets. I mean, Look how much we've given out this free ad for Waffle House. We've barely even talked bad about it. I know. We're like all. Dan has one of the great Waffle Houts comedy bits of all time.

I mean, the waffles are really good there. Yeah. There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on to Waffle House. When I did a show in St. Louis, sometimes I'll read local Waffle House reviews. And the one in St. Louis is still my favorite. Some of that I say in other cities. The person just wrote, just because the waitress laid on the ground and drank cleaning material,

I don't see why we couldn't get our food. Five stars. Five stars. There you go. That's real. That's a real review in the St. Louis area of a waffle, huh? And like, that is not surprising to any of the three of them. They watched this person go through a full mental breakdown who was their server and they were like, can we still get our food?

Where are my eggs? We're my waffles. I don't want to sound like a scler stand, but you guys had like a thing once about Florida man, right? Like, you could just put, you could just put Florida. Oh, yeah, you guys did a... Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a fairytale. Fairy tales.

If you put the... Oh, that was it. You could also just do like Waffle House. Oh, yeah. Employee fairy tales, right? 100%. That would be better fairy tales if the Brothers Graham just ate at Waffle House. Mr. Boulds feels strongly about Waffle House was negligent and he's eager to have his day in court to prove it.

So he's going all the way to court with this. He's taking it to the top. He told the publication. We're going to get out of here on this one. How old is Edward Bould's? We know a little bit about it. married, lazy boy. It's tricky, but we didn't hear anything about like,

I'm not going to be able to carry this. So they don't know if kids, I think. So either they haven't, he's either in his 20 or they're out of the house. Or they're out of that. They're 70. Right. Or older. You're thinking he's old.

I think he's older. He's trying to build a lot of seats. I'm going to say 64. That's a good guess. I'm going to go, I'll go 68. I'm going to just have to take the other side of them. Go for it. The chance is in.

Edward Boulds is 84 years. Wow. 84. You can't walk at all. All right. Can't take it with you, buddy. Story 2 down the books. When we come back after break, Daniel will tell you where you can find him.

He's got some amazing stuff happening this summer, including his Chicago. A little tease on the last story. Can I ask the question? Sure. Have you guys ever had any of the stars of these stories come on the show and explain there? We interviewed a cheese grater stolen. He had a cheese grater stolen and he went on the whole thing and we started talking to him. And after like five minutes of talking to him, we're like, oh, this is a bad idea.

We should have done this. That is nothing about it. on early. Not a good idea. Got a good idea. Guys, before we go, I found the strawberry shortcake waffle. We all see it. We all fall in.

It looks incredible. I mean, I'd try it. I'll try a bite. I might trip over a curb for that. One of those for a table of five. I mean, ad is on the far left, if you can see it. I know, I fell over. I mean, you also might call it a, and I love Waffle House, but you might call it

a diabetes delivery video. Yes. Well, I mean, so much of breakfast is just dessert. Yeah. But I am. I mean, it is like how. How close to dessert are we coming? Well, but wait, now, I'm going to say this.

Say it. The in real life, the IRL waffle compared to the ad waffle is dangerously close to it. So they're not misadvertising what it is. They're just, it's a, it's a representative, like you could make a whole court case about this is a good representation of what we're actually. That's not an outlandish representation. I was at a golf tour charity golf tournament recently and just this is hilarious. I was standing at the buffet table. where there was like, you know, muffins and sort of coffee.

And there was like basically what looked like chocolate cake. And so somebody just walked up there and goes, puts his hands on his hips like to himself, but out loud and goes, so now we're having cake for breakfast. Yeah. What you're saying now? That's what a muffin is. That's what I mean. Has always been cake.

But he was outraged because it was just sort of not masquerading. Right. Now we're having cake as breakfast? It's just cake in a different shape. Yeah. So your cake comes out of a pan. Also, like, no one's forcing you to have that. No one's putting a gun off of your head.

You could have just taken the bagel. Right. Take the bagel. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, Dan's got a last story and we'll find out what he's got going on. It's Gary Belski on Dump People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around.

Make us down. Come you down. It's Dump People Town. Hey, gang, welcome back to the show. Daniel, before we jump into the last story, let folks know where you're going to be. Go to Daniel Vankirk.com. That's where all of my dates are. We've got Hub City Comedy Week, July 15th through the 18th.

Super fun shows. Different themes, styles. I think I've picked the scene I'm going to do for my show shot for shot. where I do a dramatic famous movie scene seven times with another comedian, but every time before we have to take a shot. That is so fun. And it's sort of fitting for the one I picked. I'm pretty sure, subject to change,

but I'm pretty sure I'm going to do the USS Indianapolis scene from Jaws. Oh, my God. I was thinking Jaws. Yeah. Oh, my God. Gary, this is happening in Chicago. Dan takes over the Lincoln Lodge for a week in July. Oh, I've got a lot of people in Chicago.

So tell everyone to come. These shows are amazing. We do a show called Tell Mom what you did, where we have an office. audience member called their mom on speakerphone and then put the phone on stage for the comedian set. And then after their set, we hear what their mom thought of the comedy. They just turned. It's a great idea. And then we do ones where we get like secrets from the audience. We do like headline news. We do just the final night, Saturday night of the 18th is just me doing a headlining set with some other

great Chicago comics doing longer sets. It's going to be, it's going to be a great time. And then everywhere else that I'm going to be Boca Raton, Cincinnati, Fayetteville, North Carolina. Wisconsin? Yeah, I'm in Wisconsin on the 25th, Thresher Opera House. What city in Wisconsin? Green Lake, Wisconsin. Okay. Yeah.

So everything is at Daniel Van Kirk.com. DVK. Do they call you DVK? People do, yeah. You have to. Yeah. Sometimes I'll find myself even signing off with it for, like, in an email. Oh, I love that.

But it's a natural evolution of people, getting to know people. When my initials are GAB and Gab is just not a good. Not a good. But people called you bel. I know that you there were a lot of Belski brothers. Oh, I wanted to ask you, is this you? No. Okay.

On the cover. Who is it? Who is on the cover? Just we found a really good. It's a great photo. What? Photos on this. I'm going to guess the course.

Let me see if I get it. Is that Pebble Beach? I think so, yeah. It looks like Pebble Beach. I don't want to see me naked or really swinging a golf. I disagree. I'd like to see both at the same time. I would say, I would say, see you swing at golf club.

It's like seeing you like even more than me. Let's send this book to the top. doing the body issue. Okay. The body issue. We still do the body issue? I don't know. Did they no longer do it?

They did it for 10 years and then it was just so expensive. Your idea? Your idea? Yeah, me and a few other people. When I was editor-in-chief, we perceived it. Love that. Okay, you ready for a short little story? Yes.

Send it by Sean Anderson at Sean 70. Thanks, buddy. Thanks, buddy. By the way, Christina Kim on the back, you guys blurbed solo golf. Yes, we're on back. As the best comedians in the country and the, my favorite, or at least my favorite community, I think you're the best. My favorite golfer in the country is Christina Kim, who was in the first body issue. She's blurbing with you on the back of the

book. Fantastic. Wonderful. Great golfer. Yeah. Four-time winner on the LPGA tour. Date night, knives. Chilies. Oh, God. That would have been my tease had we teased it either way. You love chilies, Dan. You love chilies. I do. I mean, I'm more of a, I think I'm more of a cheesecake, a cheesecake factory in a man. What about Houston's? I mean, Houston's gray. Houston's, wow, you put that and the same category is above. Cheesecake Factory is king. What? Oh my God.

More than you can make fun of it, but like they do what they do as well as you can do. And they make everything fresh back now. Yeah. I think the cheesecake factory menu might be as long as it. No, it might be as big. It's a short book. Today we're going to read from the Second Testament. Yeah.

The new testament. I do enjoy a chili. It's a little queso and a little margarita. Sure. Okay. Sean sent this in. Sumpter South Carolina. Yes, HFW.N.

Our guy. Two men have been arrested after a date night at Chili's ended with a gun and knives being pulled, according to police. Those two guys didn't have a good date with each other. Also, you shouldn't have to pull the knives there on the table. Just order the steak. Just order the T-bone. What are you going to get if Chili's delivered your steak with a shiv? Yeah.

Officers. What are they called Jack? Switch place. Switch place. Switch place. Well, we are really tough here. You guys took us five seconds to know the name of it. Jack knife.

Jack name. What is a knife? Bowie knife. All right, officers recall, hit me with it really time. When do you think officers were called? 10 p.m. Like what time? 10 p.m. 8.

7.30 p.m. Ooh, pretty close. You were prime time in this chili. Yeah. To the Chili's on Broad Street in Sumter, South Carolina, where a man is reportedly seeing pointing a firearm. According to the initial investigation, a woman who was on a date with one of suspects felt uneasy so she called her friends to assist. We're told that once the woman's

friends arrived, there was a confrontation during which a gun was pulled and another suspect responded by displaying knives on his person, which I hope. Open a jacket. Or just some sort of like belt loop, like a Lou Diamond Phillips and Young Guns situation. Yeah, yeah. Or yeah, just pull up the shirt way too high like a kid at a urinal. Just going way too dramatic with the clothes. He's got 12 knives. He puts it in his mouth so it doesn't falling down. Like Danny Treo and Desbrato. Yes.

100%. This guy is desperado. Does that get less intimidating if you've got like belly fat or man boobs? Like I've got good weapons, but you pull it up. Yeah. That's like a lot of punch. Well, I would so, they're pressed in. Yeah.

But part of me says that if it's like a tight belt. Yeah. Part of me says that he's spending less time working out and more time on the knife stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my book, throwing knives alone.

is really, really good. Knife throwing solo. I hear when you get paired up with a three, a knife throwing threesome. Which you know any guy you can throw knives does all the time. Also, there's going to be that book on Amazon in two days.

Self-published book. Solo knives. Solo knives. Like, I can't handle the same way. I'm going to go throw some knives. I don't think they say if it was the guy on the date or one of the friends, but either way. Someone else has showed this.

person knives. Yes. It's sort of worse to be the knife. I'm trying to think of which one's the bigger red flag. Gun or knife? Well, because like, gun is definitely the bigger red flag of like dangerousness. Yeah, of course. But in terms of like more of a turnoff, a guy who shows me all his

knives, I'm more like, you know, if you bother me. Yeah. If you're on a date. Yeah. If you're on a date and they're like, I'd still like to see you again. She's like, well, put the gun down. And we'll talk about how that isn't going to happen. But also, we're assuming that they're, like a heterosexual couple. Like, if you're on a date with a guy. and you're gay and you're a man on a date with a guy and he shows a gun or a knife.

Is that a different kind of dynamic? Yes. I don't know. I don't know. Knife guys are different than gun guys. Knife guy has conspiracy theories. Yeah. Knife guy wants to.

Gun guy has anger issues. Yeah. Yes. Knife guy's got theories. Knife guy won't shut the fuck off. Oh my God. Knife guy is a craftsman. Right.

And he's got the, because he's got the knife because they can't be sensed by censors. Right. Like gun guy, I feel like I could talk out of it. Knife guy, I'm like, I don't know where to be. again with this wild card because now I'm going to start about this and then it's going to get to vaccination. Gun guy knows how to shoot you white knife guy knows how to cut your face off and wear it. Yeah, yeah.

And also talks to his knives. Right. Has names for the knives. They name the knives. If you're naming your knives, you probably shouldn't be on a date. Right. Yeah. If you're any weapons at all to be honest with you.

You should not be at a chili. Officer said no one was hurt during this incident. Oh, wow. As a result, both here are their names. Tristan Gabriel Letterman. Oh, God. Letterman of Maysville and Ariel Languons Sarmiento. I did my best.

You did great. Randomly, they both have three names. We're charged with aggravated breach of the piece. Letterman is also in charge of the pointing and presenting a firearm. I don't know who was on the date or who was the friend. Both were, but also, kudos to her for being right. You did need, whether he was the knife guy or the gun guy. You need it.

Good for you, but you know what? I'm going to get out of this and I probably need a friend here when I say, thanks for no. Who was the knife guy? Which one? We don't know. Oh. He said, who are you going on a day with? I don't know. I like his profile picture, but I can only see from the neck up.

I don't know what else he's got. Just be ready and then she called her friend. Letterman was mad because he was replaced on the date by Leno. Yeah. That's right. Okay. We'll get out of here with this. How old are both Tristan and Ariel?

Okay. They are the same age. Same age. Okay. Oh, wow. All right. 33. 33.

29. This is the young bravado. We're in South Carolina. One of them, one of them's been divorced. You're saying 33. Has a kid. Got an 18-year-old kid.

Are you going? I'm going to say 29. 29? I think they're way younger. Way younger. I think they're 23. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Gary Balski. Thank you for being on this. The one more time. The book is solo golf. This is such a great book. It's not a book about playing with, Knives?

No. Playing with knives or playing with who is the goalie on the women's soccer team? Hope Solo. Not playing with her. One of my greatest body issue stories. Solo. I cannot tell on the air.

Why? It's about Hope Solo. Oh, yeah. Well. And a positive story. She had her moments, though, with Jeremy Stevens. Are you ready? Yeah.

Anyway, yes. Tristan and Ariel both. Are 21 years. Oh, Gary. Two out of the three, by me. You got two out of three. Gary gets two. He knows his stuff.

He knows his golf. Thank you for joining us. I love you, Gary. Get this book. Support author. Buying books is how books keep getting made. That's right. And we've said this before.

Gary is one of the best writers. We know if you love DSPN the magazine through the years, then you get it. So we love you. And oh, snap, we got to get back to work. Bye. Boom.