Dumb People Town - Greg Warren - Backdoor Banking

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

Comedian and podcaster Greg Warren (The Champ) stops by as Daniel describes how a proctologist is shocked to find money inside a patient, Jason explains how a child took his little sister to McDonalds for breakfast in the family car, and Randy warns against getting stuck on Mount Fuji twice in one week, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: ASPCA Pet Insurance! To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace And sometimes shoes, the life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail in Florida, there's half-price mail I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk, because when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, Bunker Down is Dumb People Town.

Hey, Tatties, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population. Population Warren. Greg Warren. The great Greg Warren. The great. The great Greg Warren. One of my favorite people on this goddamn earth, one of the best comedians who has just memorable bits

and bits and bits and bits. Your last special was amazing, you got a new special, all good stuff happening. We're gonna talk about that in a little bit. We got your podcast. Podcast. Yeah man, you guys gotta come on. Oh I will love to.

I mean, and I love that you're connected with Barghetti now and, cause I do think there's a real, like, you guys are in the same lane of doing such smart, amazing comedy that connects with tons of people that is edgy but also available to everybody. Like, clean in the way that it, Yeah, yeah. It's not, you're not gonna go into areas where like,

it's gonna be like you can't show this to your kids, you can't show those things, but it also has edge and it's also funny. I hope so, man. Oh, dude, you guys. You kidding me? Where we've been fans for so long. I'm gonna pitch something,

when Dan is gonna do a story right now, we're gonna jump in this right away and then we'll talk about your stuff after the new special, but I'm gonna pitch something to you for him regarding something you're doing when we get to that. So, can't talk about the story first. Okay.

You ready for this? Yes. We talking about practice. Uh oh. Let's get some face in. We talking about practice at Not A Game, underscore three. Yes. Dariere Doctor.

No. I thought that was the guy's name. Can you guess the publication?riere doctor New York Post Get ready for the puns derriere the puns derriere doctor shocked to find money Money, but your little human wallet The name of an X special human wallet. You wallet is like this Be a joke honey where I put that film. It's just the time I'm always like waiting to hear it dragons lair. You never even said

Never a dragon dragons lair at Brunswick lanes out in on Olive Street Yeah, it's a great video game back in the day. A doctor redefined bumming money. Oh, God. Bumming money. After finding a dime impossibly lodged way up a patient's bottom during a rectal exam. Brother, can you spare a dime? Yeah. Can now.

You know what, that and another dime will get you, well, it won't even get you a couple of coins. No, no. He dropped a dime in it. Then let's say Cardinal scores six. And then. Then you can get it at every quick trip at every Phillips 66. Mobile on the run.

Mobile on the run. My dad lives and dies over that. He does live and die over that? Oh yeah man, yeah. I mean it's. I wanna hear your dad. No the bit. His bit, come on, that your dad thinks it's a conspiracy.

Yes, yes he does. Explain this to him. They're winning five-nothing. We all are baseball fans. You kind of know when it's like, you know how the games end. Something crazy has to happen in the late games. For the other team to win. I like winning two-nothing more than I like winning three or five-nothing.

Yeah, but if it's five-nothing. So what's the deal if they win by six? They score six. They don't even have to win. They just score six. He gets his coffee for 39 cents. Normally, I believe it's 59 cents. You guys can see, it's an important thing. Two-butt deposits all. Yeah, exactly. He's two visits from the proctologist. The derriere doctor. And he is locked in.

They're at five runs. Five runs, bottom of the eighth, it's a home game, Cardinals, you know, you're just kind of cruising, but they load the bases. Two outs, you know, and you're like, all right, maybe we'll tackle on or whatever. Because we got this game. Yes.

We got a closer coming in. Right. He's wrapped. Like, and- 20 cents is on the line. Yeah, we got this game. Yes. We got a closer coming in right he's you wrapped like and 20 cents is online. Yeah, and Somebody is out. It was one out somebody grounds into a double play looks at me goes Seems kind of fishy You talk about Pete throwing games. Yes, love you know they say he is advocating their run shaving. There's collusion run There's collusion.

There's collusion between Mobile on the Run and the St. Louis Cardinals. And certain members of the St. Louis Cardinals. 20 cents. Like there's like a call comes into the dugout from like the head of Mobile on the Run. You lay down. Grounded to second. Alec Berlison's on the tape.

That's crazy, right? That's crazy. It's the reverse, you know, they say, like, you put money on a game, you'll care about that game like you've been a fan your whole life. He's doing this in reverse, that he has a possible win on a game he doesn't have money on, but it benefits him, so he's like invested at a-

The game is a second, he's a Cardinal fan. Right. But he's a 39 cent coffee But is your dad the type of guy who goes to Cardinals game and leaves to beat traffic? He's got I gotta know I mean I'll stay I mean when I was a kid now Maybe it's just that thing when you're a dad, but it was like you stay till it's over Oh, maybe just want to instill that into me. I do remember get out of here really traffic football Cardinals. Let's get out Oh, man, God man, I. Cause if you timed it right, cause they were gonna lose every home game.

They were like five and 11, it was terrible. And they're like, if you time it right, you get to the car where he was parked close to the exit to get on the highway, we're home in 11 minutes. I love the- We won, we won something. Yeah you did, I love the football cardinals so much.

And I know they weren't good, but I just, I loved them. My dad had, I think two season tickets, so much and and I know they weren't good But I just I loved them my dad had I think two season tickets so every now and then I get to go Yeah, but he did you know now that there's a ballpark village. There's a sort of a big parking You know, it's yeah, but there was all these little nook and cranny Under the freeway he had a guy, you know, of course. had a guy. It was like Wrigleyville but scarier. Yeah. Yes, Dan. In terms of parking. Oh God.

You're right, you're right. He had a guy, I don't know, it was three bucks or something and we walked through it and now he's old and he's got a bad back and oh, he's all about, when I pull up, I park at the Westin and they get me, I don't know, like 35 bucks or something and I thought I had a guy there. I had a guy at the Westin and they get me, I don't know, like 35 bucks or something. And I thought I had a guy there. I had a guy at the Westin.

He loves me. He loves me, I tip him. He loves me. Then I go to a playoff game and he's not there. And I'm thinking, well, you know, 100, 100, come on. I've been 100 to park. In St. Louis? For a playoff game. You can buy a house in St. Louis. I've been feeding to park in st. Louis You can buy a house

This meter all year telling my friends. No my guy. I got a guy. He loves me He loves me hundred hours and you look bad speaking of looking bad. Okay diamond is s dr. Rita fine bombing. Oh by the way We're gonna end this story by playing a game called whose home state that this happened Oh, I love it. It's either one or two places. Professional comedian, it took me about seven minutes to get the bumming. There you go, there you go.

Fair enough, fair enough. They come quick. And he was bummed about that. Gastroenterologist, Dr. Benjamin Schmidt. That is one letter away from, yeah. He has a TikTok clip detailing the mishap that was first posted in the fall, but now has amassed 1.2 million views

as Gawkers wonder how the coin was deposited in the patient's caboose. Oh, God. I'd never seen anything like it, and the patient had no recollection of swallowing it, said Dr. Schmidt, of the man's inadvertent backdoor banking. Videos about-

Backdoor banking. Backdoor banking. Different movie,door banking. Backdoor banking. Different movie altogether. Different video altogether. Backdoor banking. Say more of us. Videos about objects found in patients rectum certainly trigger... Deposits and withdrawals. That's the sequel. Patients rectum certainly trigger a lot of shock, but I think this video did particularly particularly well due to the level of mystery. The physician known as Doc Schmidt on TikTok frequently shares videos of his wacky medical experiences for nearly his. How many followers do you think this guy has? Doc Schmidt? Yeah.

I mean, you're gonna make me sad. A gastroenterologist on TikTok posting guess what I found today videos. Oh, I mean, there's two million. That's the hook. Maybe, yeah. 1.5 million. Wanna take a stab for fun, Greg? How many followers does he have? I mean, two million, that's the hook. Maybe, yeah, 1.5 million. Wanna take a stab for fun, Greg? How many followers does he have? Followers. On TikTok.

Oh, TikTok, he's three million followers. 440,000. That's it? I know, I thought a lot more. However, Schmidt said nothing. You know what, I'm gonna say something, Dan, you pull that number out of your ass. Ah, bang! Hit the rock! Schmidt never won the half asset, you pull that number out of your ass. However, Bang! Hit the rock!

Schmidt never won the half asset, I made that up. Come on, Dan. Nothing compared to seeing FDR's face staring back at me when he put the little camera, while conducting a colonoscopy on a patient with a history of colon cancer. We called that a new deal. He needed a routine follow-up procedure

to make sure the cancer hadn't come back. I'm seeing a round spot in your colon. Oh no, that's a dime. The gastrointestinal expert described in the clip, cleverly captioned, just my 10 cents. Unfortunately, the patient appeared to be cancer-free. However, Schmidt grew alarmed after spotting something silver in the man's seesome. Seek-um?

Seek-um. Seek-um. The furthest part of the colon from the anus. The astonished Dr. Addis, so I sprayed the area with water and I find a dime. Wow. The medical practitioner was especially flummoxed by the find as the human jukebox claimed,

that's mean. Come on. Claimed, quote, also. I was gonna go parking meter. Yeah, that's right. Claimed quote also. I was gonna go parking meter. Human parking meter. That makes more sense. Claimed that he had never swallowed a dime before. In other words, it's unclear whether he put his money

where his mouth is. No, he stuck it up there. Yeah, that's a. But it was equally unlikely that the poor soul put the bit up his butt, given that it was found a whopping five feet from the anus like it was so far up in the colonoscopy. How tall is it? I think it's the long and winding road. It's the Simon and Garfunkel of it all. Which by the way, long and winding.

That's Bridge over Troubled Water. I should have said the Paul McCartney of it all. Yeah, Beatles. I get my American song book analogies mixed up. And you guys know this, that it does, it's... Yeah, Wines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know, Windy Road. That's what's inside you. Well, Country Road to take you back home.

Sure. So he says it's so far up there, that it's unlikely he inserts it in... He does it as Carson. How far... It is so far up. So far up. That guy was so far up his anus.

Weird. He sneezed out two nickels we really don't Make our way he had to get a conversion rate He coughed up Metal detect a Canadian penny the doctor the doctor once he got there, said, am I halfway to the Hague? Okay, wasn't there like two years of Carson just making Hague jokes? I said, yeah. And then Al Hague.

Alexander Hague, Al Hague. Al was in charge. That's familiar. And he said he was in charge, he was not in charge. Al Hague. We really don't know how the dime got there. Which means, to me, almost a crazier aspect of it, he did swallow it.

How do you accidentally swallow a dime? I'll tell you how. It's in a cupcake. It's in a cupcake. You were way too fast with that, Riff. Or in a burger. What? Where you don't take a bite.

Or maybe you were three or four when you did it, and it's just always been launched. That's a seven year deal, I think. Maybe that's gum. That's gum. Seven year deal, great deal. I think that's good. That's good. Yeah, so Times I think he maybe had some loose change on the like he was that burger chef You're eating way too fast Picked it up, and it was soft to the bottom

He just ate the whole thing and the bread covered all like he was at mr. Stake the burger you order for the drive home. That's out of the bag He was at Mr. Steak. The burger you order for the drive home. That's out of the bag. Got a little bit of a dime in there. Got a little bit of a change in there by accident. Burger Chef, he had a sidekick, didn't he? Yeah, did he?

Is this a St. Louis reference? Yeah, it's a St. Louis reference. It was a reference in Jeff. Jeff was his guy. Jeff, Burger Chef and Jeff? Burger Chef and Jeff. You know, the grandpappy of Hardee's, I believe. Yeah, fortunately.

Dr. Schmidt was able to relieve the man of his spare change using a net tool, per the video. After the patient to retrieve relieve the man of his spare change using a net tool per the video after the patient awoke From the anesthesia the GI gave him the dime as a souvenir why sent him on his I don't want it You don't want that. I don't want the I don't want a dime as it is But just no you don't want Christopher walking to give this to your kids someday. Yeah this was the year on it They didn't say that might be your indication when it went in that's right Not if it's a cop you have to tell us that was that was a good Great out great detective. Yeah, is he a kind of Colombo type?

Recalled another hilarious discovery that he made while examining a patient's penis due to paint due to reports of painful urination What I first thought was a concerning, now remember, I want all these facts for you guys to consider whose state you think we're in. Okay. What I first thought was a concerning black spot was actually a distorted scorpion tattoo that he had gotten years earlier on the shaft.

On the shaft of his penis. Rock me like a hurricane or is it? Yeah, I don't know. There's the winds of change. Clouds of mine. Ultimately, I love to educate people. Whistling Let it out.

We did it. We did it. Follow the moss squad. That's what it sounded like when he farted. Something's in there creating a whistle. Those are the winds of change, Dan. He's breaking winds of change. Breaking of the winds of change. Ultimately, I love to educate.

Being able to make a lasting impact on people sometimes in a completely different, I gotta take a sip. I gotta take a sip. I can't keep up. Oh, I swallowed a dime. It's crazy, it's crazy. Especially people in different countries, it's amazing. This is the first time someone has gotten a strange item

stuck in an unlikely place. In March, doctors diagnosed a tunisian Never seen that word Tunisia Yeah, I get that They diagnosed her with a urinary tract infection only to discover that she had gotten a shot glass lodged in her bladder She had reportedly used the drinking vessel as a sex toy and didn't get it checked out until we did this story. Do you remember how long it was?

Oh my God. How long did she have a shot glass in there? A year, wasn't it a year? Do you wanna think about it? I thought it was six months. Greg, just for fun, how long do you think this woman had a shot glass that she used to pleasure herself? I can't go more than three months with a shot glass.

Four years. What? Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did that. Four more years. Four more years. All right. Don't chant that in front of her. We will leave us here.

Because the shot glass on it, like had the, was like a presidential shot glass. Dime. What was the date on the glass? That's right. More, more was a shot. Dime. In the dark.

It's a monkey fart. Lemon drop. I think it was a green tea. It was a shot. Dime. In the dark. It's a monkey fart. Lemon drop. Gorilla fart. Green tea. It was a gorilla fart. All right, a dime in the butt. Scorpion on the penis. Is worth two in the bush.

A dime in the butt is worth a shot glass in the bush. Yes. Scorpion on the penis. Whose home state did this happen in? Missouri or Illinois dropping dimes what do you I think it's Illinois because I think you're trying to trick us what do you think Jason says Illinois Greg this is a Cape Girardeau caper I mean and and you're not gonna give us any more hints to sell you know the

story what Metro East does that count as Illinois? Because this is where this went down. This is Collinsville. This is Collinsville. This is Edwardsville. This is Edwardsville people. So you're saying Illinois. You're open. You're Stoughton, Alton, Belleville people. Do you know that we, what, Thompson's Water Sealed a Barn in Collinsville.

Number seven. The seventh time we've mentioned this? No, just, I'm trying to catalog your local reference. So the guy we were doing it with, Thompson's water ceiling, like hard spraying a barn, and you're up on ladders and you're doing this stuff. He forgot to bring a hat that day. And so all the water ceiling got in his hair,

and you gotta shave that off. Shave his head. Oh man. That's wild. As a high school senior. And we're like, why are we in, I'm saying Missouri, the Missouri. This feels like, this feels like,

Well you're essentially saying open up your butt and show me. Right. This is Mexico, Missouri. Mexico, you're going mid Missouri on this team? Mid Mo. Mid Mo. I mean I'm gonna say if it happened,

Jeff City? It's probably Moberly. Moberly. To close out story number one, Hannibal. The place where this happened and where Dr. Schmidt's office is located is... St. Louis, Missouri.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh, there you go. podcast and all that good stuff is Dumb People Town. We got Greg Warren with us. We'll be right back. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump into Greg Warren, Daniel Van Kirk and then I get to pitch my great idea. Why don't you tell people what you have coming up this summer? Go to DanielVanKirk.com if you want to see me in Green Lake, Wisconsin at the Thresher Opera House. Great little theater up there. Plus I'll be in Chicago the 15th through the 19th at the Lincoln Lodge for my Hub City Comedy Week. Every night, different type of theme show,

different type of premise. I'll be doing shows every single night. You should come and see it. Go for it. Greg Warren, go up to Chicago during this week if you're around and do one of these shows. Well, if I'm in town, if I'm in, if I'm in, I'm not working that night, I'll come.

Have one of the nights. Yeah, if I'm not working, I'll come up and do something. Work out the deal with you in the club. It'll be so much fun. It'll be your night. No, no, no, I don't wanna if I'm in if I'm insane I'm not working that night. I'll come have one of the night I'm not come up work out the deal with you No, I don't want to I just I need to pretend to live in Chicago for a week do it a week I need to be an unannounced guest whatever you want commitments there, okay? Yeah, but yeah, but I would if I'm in town I'll just be jump on this job on the ground So that is the 15th through the 19th who knows Greg Warren my show That next weekend I will be in Cincinnati Ohio and Dayton, Kentucky at the Commonwealth and the Comet those are great shows

I'll be doing a don't tell when I'm around there. Oh, yeah beginning of August I'll be in Portland at the siren theater, and then I'm also going to be. Maine or Oregon? Portland, Oregon. Portland, Oregon. I've never played Maine. I haven't done it yet. I really wanna go, we're gonna go there

for the first time this summer. And then in August I'll also be in Cohasset, Massachusetts, Boston, Massachusetts, I think we're putting together a Worcester show, plus I'll be in Northern, Central and Northern California, and Eureka and Richmond, California, and then in September I'll be in New Orleans. Everything's at danielvankirk.com.

And you can also check out my podcast that I also do right here because I have so much fun with these guys. I get to have even more. It's called The Midnight Air. It's an overnight radio podcast. It's awesome. It's like the trading station.

When you're winding down, going to sleep or driving late at night. I love it. Drops every Monday. So you got four guys here who love the radio so much. And trading stage. One of the reasons. Jack, I got a Rochelle in Rochelle. It was called the trading. What do you got there? Jack, I got a rocking chair here. And you know, it's missing one of the legs. It's missing one of the legs.

And you know, to be honest, It's not really a rocket chair anymore Yeah, but it's a it's it's come down from several Generations, and I'm just you know I'm willing to let go of it for $300 So in Rochelle is called the trading post the training and every other call was some guy hello Like like yeah, this is Mike green, you're on at the Trading Post, yeah? Okay, go ahead, okay. This is Dave, they're like, all right, Dave, go ahead.

I got an air conditioner down here, it's a 14,000 BTU, still works great, I'm looking for papers, I'll hang up. And then they'd hang up and then he'd go, Dave, we didn't get your information. And then Dave would have to call back in. This was every day from 12 to 1230 WRHL Roche, Illinois, the trading post. And I listened to it all summer. Religious.

Parents would threaten their kids, be like, you keep acting up. I'm going to call into the trading post and I'm going to put you up for sale. I'm going to put you up for sale. Sale or trade. Which Ray and I were like, we that they should cross breed the trading station with a dating show. Yeah, I got a dinette set and I need someone to sit across from No, but I mean he did a one of the greatest bits I've ever seen him do was about a radio

guy in St. Louis who was a sports guy, a nerdy guy named Joel Bush bomb. News radio some for the kid. I'm Joel Bush bomb. I called Joelbomb. He's Joel Bushbomb. I called Joel Bushbomb. I called him and I asked about a Michigan player. And he knew him, right? Yeah. I love Greg Skripenack. He's gonna go in the last round. And he was right. He went in the sixth round.

But he was just a brilliant guy. But I just, we remember seeing Greg Warren do that bit in Los Angeles on stage of the improv. And most of the fans, most of the people in the crowd are like, who the fuck is this? And we're like, losing our shit. We are dying. We're like, is Greg just doing this for us?

And that's what Ham was saying when he saw us do like the Arcasi 95 bit. They were doing it for him. So I use that as a doorway to enter into Greg Warren and all of his bits. Like the comedy is, it's just some of my favorite comedy that exists out there. Talk to us about the special and all of his bits. Like the comedy is, it's just some of my favorite comedy that exists out there. Talk to us about the special and all that stuff.

It's called The Champ. Love it. And it's on Nate Bargatze's YouTube channel. It came out a few days ago. Real happy with it. It started, you know when you get done with something and you're like, I got nothing. I got nothing. I got nothing.

And last time I was in promoting the other special, I was telling you guys a story about how like. Peanut butter salesman. Yeah, yeah, I was telling you some stories about my early wrestling career. Yeah, oh my God. University of Missouri. And so that's like, kinda became like the first part

of the first thing that got started getting funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's a bunch of other stuff around it. I did have a bit, I think the favorite thing, are you guys aware of there's high school fishing now? Oh, no.

High school fishing teams? Yes, they, in Illinois, and your state was the first state to have it. Really? I feel like that's a Wisconsin thing. It is in Wisconsin. I mean, yeah, Wisconsin thing it is in, Wisconsin I mean yeah, I'm sure now, but I mean I couldn't even notice in a lot of the SEC states um course but uh big time you know I just talked a little bit about what because I heard about it

I'm like well. There's got to be coaches right yeah, I mean there you go. Yes the whole bit. Yeah, say no more Yeah cheerleaders Say no more. Say no more. Yeah, cheerleaders. You're gonna lose, use a fly lure? Get your head out of your ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, you know, there's the, if you got that, there's gotta be some assistant. Guys, we need to get our,

we're gonna have tackle box inspection at 9 a.m. You better have all your hooks, you better have all your lures. Or you're not gonna get on that school bus. The motivational speeches. Lures. I'm gonna tell y you all something Bill Vance wants that okay maybe I'll know two different people yeah nobody named babes link on me I love it I'm so

excited to see this the champ I can watch on YouTube and and. I'm so excited to see this. The champ, you can watch on YouTube and what I'm assuming, so now you go out and you're like, all right, I gotta build this thing again. Oh, it's terrifying. I just hit me today. I was like, I have a show tomorrow night. And I mean, I'm not like Nate,

he'll, the date comes out, the date, he turns it off. You got, you have a little grace period. Come on, man. You have a grace period. What am I, did some sort of- No! No, I mean- You gotta cycle new stuff in.

I'm not a genius, guys, is this stand up comedy? Come to our Tagged show and we'll give you tags. Yes, man. And we'll jump some tags on there and really help you. Yeah, you guys, I'm a little dizzy from the news segment. You guys are- Oh, we're coming back with another story here.

Ooh, another story show. Okay, let's jump into it. All right, check the special out. It's are... We're coming back with another story here. Another story, shall we jump into it? Let's jump into it. All right, check the special out. It's called The Champ. Nate Bargets. Nate Bargets on YouTube. Yeah, but what's yours for dates and everything? Oh, Greg Warren Comedy, thanks, Daniel.

Greg Warren Comedy, go see him. Unbelievable life, so fun. All right, here we go. This is sent in by Adam Polton at Polsky 75. Kid who wanted a McDonald's drove several miles with little sister in car. Okay. Man, this has happened a lot in Dumb town Ogden you always insane. I always think about the parents being terrified It's a problem with push-button cars sure as long as they're so easy touching that break. It's too easy

All right a Utah mom woke up to the police knocking on her door Sunday morning telling her that her son I'm not gonna tell you his age, had taken his sister younger. At least he's taking care of his, that's the one thing I'd be like, because I have two kids, it's like, oh, at least they're doing stuff together. Yeah, yeah, well he's probably a tall time, take your sister away.

If you're gonna steal the car, take your sister away. You gotta do something illegal, don't leave her out. Make sure your sister is so mad. Like that's what would have been worse, if he still, you left your sister out of this? So we did a thing with my family, like where it started off really fun, and then it got really awful really quickly so you left your sister out of this? So we did a thing with my family

where it started off really fun and then it got really awful really quickly when my daughter was like, let's roast each other and I'm like, it's fun until we start saying mean things. So I was like, let's do a nicer version. Let's try to sum each other up in three words. Like three words to describe you. It could be like three non-consecutive words

or a phrase or whatever. So we worked on this for all of us for a long time. And my thing for her was, can I see? Because she has an older brother. So like anytime he's like, there's a thing. Whatever he says, she's like, can I see? And so to me, that's what happened with this guy. He's like, I'm going to steal the car.

And the guy, he's a kid. This little kid. And the sister heard it and was like, can I come? He starts stealing cars, you're a guy. Yeah, he's a kid, this little kid, and the sister heard it, and was like, can I come? He starts stealing cars, you're a guy. Yeah, you're a guy. Can I come, can I come, can I come? Can I see, can I see?

And then all of a sudden she's like. They just wanted McDonald's breakfast that bad, and mom's sleeping. Tim, you told me to try McDonald's breakfast. Oh sure, I'm a big fan. It's good, it is good. I don't wanna like it, I didn't wanna like it. Yesterday was,

have you tried the chicken strips? I did a breakfast sandwich. Have you tried the chicken strips yet there? I did I want you're doing this makes it seem like it's it like a gigantic strip. It's a Charleston shoe or Strip, it's like a bear strip. Those are These are all dead our dad's old joke I caught a fish this far from shore Our dad's old joke, I caught a fish this far from shore. It's a great dad joke. High school fiction. That's fantastic man.

In an interview with Nextstar's KTVX, Whitney Bush said that she woke up early to check on her four children. Oh my god. That would scare the half out of me. That's what I'm saying. Woke up early to check on her four children and went back to bed when she found everyone asleep in bed. So I think she's lying about this because she wants everyone to be like, I check on

my kids in the middle of the night. You don't check on them in the middle of the night. Later a knock on the door alerted her to the fact that her car and her two children were missing. Well she's going to say at the very beginning, I just checked on them. Yeah. Yeah. I absolutely had my heart in my stomach.

Of course. Yes, you kidding me. I had no idea what was going on I was being told different stories. What was happening Bush said All right. Let me here we go according to the Ogden Police Department. They received calls his name now What's my kids name they received that woman yeah, yeah about a reckless one a reckless driver around 8 a.m Yeah, officers because he's not gonna be good No, he's not officers. I'm not my boy. He's a very good driver Made it to McDonald's I hope so we're gonna find out I mean if he does I feel like great sense of direction

Yeah, officer began to pursue the vehicle. So now you got cops chasing you as you're so low speed low speed chase but soon disengaged when they noticed the age of the driver and assessed the risk to the public right the vehicle later hit a parking strip and police respond to the scene of the crash the children were found unharmed they the drive from the family's home in Clearfield to where the car crashed in Ogden was about how many miles how many miles did this kid drive this is right around Wise Guys over there yeah I've been no crashed in Ogden was about how many miles? How many miles did this kid drive? This is right around Wise Guys over there. Isn't there one in Ogden? Yeah.

Yeah, so I think it's probably about. It's up in the mountains too. It's a dangerous drive up there. Five miles maybe? That's a good guess. I'm gonna go six. What do you think? How far?

I think it's 12 miles. 12 miles, get your answers in everybody. This drive was 10 miles long. Wow, Greg Warren is right. That's far, 10 miles. I just want to point out, I mean, who hasn't hit a parking strip? We did.

I hit them all the time. When we were 16 years old, new to driving, we were driving our mom's Pontiac 6000 and we ran a U-turn and I didn't realize it was going up over like a little low median and it like broke the, you know, oil thing underneath and we had to go get it fixed.

We sold our baseball cards to pay for it. Yeah. Still regret it. What was the big score? Ricky Henderson rookie. We got rid of that. And Michael Rod Carew rookie and there was like an old Hank Aaron one in there.

Okay. I went to the scene of the crash and then I got rerouted to the police department, Bush said they had already, I guess, the EMS had come out to check on my kids and transferred them over to the police station. So she slept in is what she's trying to say. She slept in.

Right? She woke up hours after this happened. We're gonna guess the age, but like, I mean, you guys are parents. You can't be up all the time. And you definitely don't think your kids are gonna take your car out to go to McDonald's correct. She said her son Unless she said her son I wake up there better be McDonald's

Hit it for them, I don't care how you get it you want to walk there you want to drive here you find your own way You can tell your friend. I got my own Uber, Uber Eats in my house. Or you think you're doing a bit? Tomorrow I'm going to McDonald's, okay, get me something when you're there. Okay, mom. Whatever. Kid takes things literal. Yeah, hey.

Kid takes things literal. What do you want me to do? It's like Greg Brady, you said exact words. Exact words. She said her son has had some behavioral issues, yeah, although nothing to this extent before. Bush said that she had reached out for resources from the Department of Child and Family Services. If you're reaching out to the Department of Child, this kid has some extensive issues. Hide the car keys.

Less fun. Sleep with him under the pillow. More rebellious. The police and even the hospitals. She said that nobody offered to help due to his age. I don't think anybody wakes up in the morning and goes through their day thinking their kid is gonna play Grand Theft Auto with their vehicle, she said. She shared her story on Facebook

and said there has been some positive support. Why you guys share this story? I would bury this story. I ain't sharing this story with anybody. And why do you know what Grand Theft Auto is? I know. You shouldn't have four kids. A mom should not know that reference.

One of those car driving games is fine. Right, we'll accept that and we know it's Grand Theft Auto. Yeah, yeah. Why did she say Grand Theft Auto's sick? Like she knows which one. San Andreas. San? She's like he's in Grand Theft Auto San Clemente.

Yeah, he's killing the hooker over on 6th Street. How do you know about that? I just, you know, I hear these things from these kids. No, but it seems like you spend a lot more time on video games. No, no, no. I don't play the game. I don't get involved with the game. I'm just saying it's... But you're naming specific intersections. Streets. Yeah, that's what these kids say. The 6th Street's got nothing on it. You know and then they that's the fella the the pimp with the napalm On a yeah, honey. Hi. Well. I don't know the street you said it. I don't And the foreigner with the Molotov cocktail Molotov cocktail Don't know these before

Doesn't look like anybody I know I'll tell you it doesn't look like anybody you don't play the game I'm checking on my kids every hour. How can I play video? Every hour the day checking on my kids. I'm trying to play video games Cigarettes and drink tequila you're waking up every hour day, which means you're asleep all day Well now you're putting words in my mouth Yeah, that's that's so funny The mom who let her kids drive. Let's get out of here on this. Okay, how old is the son and how old is the daughter? Greg, what do you think? Well, they said based on the

They won't help her. I think they're nine and six Nine is the boy six is the girl. I'm kind of Daniel if they wouldn't help is that because they're like aged out of needing help But then they can't be younger than 16 He doesn't have a license he doesn't have a chauffeur's license Can't chauffeur her around I'm gonna say they could have just gotten any kid of any age She's directly Six okay nine and six. I'll go five and three Help with a five-year-old right my nephews are five and three men

They're bad kids I'm gonna go 11 Yeah, that works sort of 11 and five okay Oh, they're bad kids I'm gonna go 11 Yeah, that works sort of 11 and 5 okay, all right. I like that Yeah, I mean I hate what little kid little sister. I can I see I get your answers in this kid the son was 7 Oh, God, and the daughter is 5. Oh wow those are little kids. Yeah, let's say you know She's lying 7 of 5 there. They have plenty of services to help kids of a hundred percent Yeah, and she didn't check on them before they woke up an hour earlier. I tell you I

I love that we're in Dome people town you had to the services I went to the service and they wouldn't watch a child protective services doesn't help children I didn't say child protective service just the service service Academy Service station doesn't help children. I didn't say child protective services. Just the services. Yeah, the places services. Service academy. Service window. Yeah, it's a service station now. Oh, a service station. Yeah, yeah.

Down in Phillips 66. Phillips 66, exactly. You know the place. But they're not helping kids. This guy don't want none to do it. I say my son is acting up. And he says. You take him.

He says. Marlboro in a soft pack and I says yes. And I said, yeah sure, you know what I like. But I'm like, you can't take a break from fixing cars to raise my child. We can't count on gasoline shops to help our kids. Is that the world we live in? That's what it's come to.

That's what it's become. It's about those video games. I got a story, story three. It is the dumbest student ever. Okay. Okay. And it is fantastic. Greg Warren's with us. New special.

The Champ is the new special. You can watch it on YouTube on Nate Barghetti's YouTube channel. Check it out. Give it a thumbs up. Go see him live. We'll do this next story and tell you what we have coming up right after the break.

Stick around, make a sound. There's more dumb people town. It is no secret I love my two doggies so much in this. after the break. It is no secret. I love my two doggies so much. And as I'm about to enter into and be an empty nester, it is, they become like your children. They're our kids. It's the opposite of our bit. Right. They actually are becoming like, I love them.

They're like two little loaves of bread that give you love. Two little snoring loaves of bread that sleep in our bed. And they're just wonderful. Well they're part of your family, they're part of your lives and they give so much love to everyone. You include both of you guys. Yes, that's why our pets are important to us. Yes.

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and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Stick around, make a sound, there's more than people tell. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Jay, let them know we have coming up. So we've got a Tag It, I don't know when this is dropping, on June 6th, but I think it's gonna be, we're gonna start doing it on Fridays in the OR at the Comedy Store, which I'm really excited about.

Super, super fun. And then we're doing a little Northwest. Jaunt. we got a show at the Polaris Hall in Portland Oregon 18th that's a one-day and then on the 19th we go up to Bellingham Washington then we go get up there down to Shehalis Washington the next night and then on the 21st Saturday we're up at the historic Everett theater north of Seattle it's like 790 seats, so we're selling tickets, but I wanna sell it out as we always are.

We want you guys there. If you're in Seattle and you're in that area, please come see us. And Portland for sure, we love it. We love seeing you guys. That's only a 200 seater, so like a 220. Yeah, let's fill that one. That would be super, so please, please, please.

We wanna see you guys there. Next weekend, we're in Sunnyvale at Rooster Teeth Feathers. Never played it. Wow. Have you ever been there? It's great. Yeah, small room, but fun. Kill it. I can't wait.

I'm so excited. That's June 27th, 8th, 9th, and 30th. Houston in July on the 12th, and then maybe we're gonna be in Dallas the next night. And then the secret group July 12th. And then the next month we're in Desert Ridge over at CB Live, which is, I believe, the old Desert Ridge Improv.

It's just north Phoenix. North of Scottsdale. It's gonna be so fun. We cannot wait. Supersclarers.com for all of our dates and stuff, live and whatnot, and we'll get Greg Warren on a Tagged. Maybe Greg Warren will join us on our Tagged when we're at the Flyover Festival in October.

I'm sorry, Tagged and also, if we do the live Dumb People, live Dumb People. That's amazing. There you go. Shall I jump into this last story? Give it to us. Sent in by our good friend Elise LeBlanc. I love her so much.

Our East Coast buddy at EE LeBlanc 70. All right, you ready for this? Student rescued from Mount Fuji. Ooh. Twice in one week. Okay. Idiot. Am I right?

Once you're like, okay, something happened. Yeah, you find out it's not for you. Rescue me on. You turned your back on him. Yes. You're saying you just. Rescue me on Mount Fuji. In the words of myself, you now know your limits.

That's right. Dan, you know your limits. Yes. Okay, you'll love it. Dan got into the elevator that takes you out to the yard. Not an elevator. Not an elevator, it's just a tiny egg. Well, you kept saying it was an elevator,

and so I said, yeah, I'll ride in an elevator. Dan got in, got right back out, and said. We got in a death egg, and I said, I'm out. I know my limits. Didn't do it. Hell no. I could do it, but not for enjoyment. Wait, Greg, what's wrong with me in that, as a kid I used to go up in the arch all the time,

now I go up in the arch and I'm acutely aware that there is nothing underneath us. I stand up there and my legs buckle a little bit because I'm like, there's nothing underneath. I'm terrified of the fights. Terrified! But man, the view up there. I bet it's amazing.

It's awesome. It'd be great. I'll show you where I live. We just got in, we were just ass to ankles in there and I'm like, you know what? I can't do it. Just enjoy this. I'm gonna go watch How It's Made.

Thank you. A university student has been rescued from the slum. You can watch the movie of how they made the art. Yeah, that's what it is. That'll scare you even more. Yeah, that's what it is. That'll scare you even more. Yeah, kid got stuck in a movie seat. It was hilarious.

That's right. That is funny. A university student had to be rescued from the slopes of Mount Fuji twice in a short period of time. Why? Second time during an attempt to retrieve his mobile phone. The hapless climber, we'll get to his age, Chinese national who has not been named, I mean that's a bummer,

was airlifted from Japan's highest mountain last week only to be the subject of a second search and we'll tell you how long that is. We'll get to that. Come on man. It emerged. Yeah. Point of clarification.

Sure. Mount Fuji. Yeah, Japan. Named after Mr. Fuji. Yes, named after. The wrestler from the 80s. He owned the water company. He was more of a back,

like he kinda managed some of the guys. Right, I mean it used to be called Tiger Chung Lee. And then they switched it to Mr. Fuji. Thanks guys. So he leaves his phone. So it emerged that he returned, he got back, they saved him. When he got saved, he came down and he was like,

oh shit, my phone goes back up and needs to be saved again. So he went to rescue a Japanese student who lives in Japan from China, was found on Saturday by another off season climber on the trail more than how many feet above sea level? How high up was he above sea level? I don't even know how high we're going. Mount Fuji is pretty tall,

but how high above sea level was he found looking for his phone? Arches 630. So how many arches? I'm gonna say he was 6,000 feet up. Okay, very good. 4,700. All right, Greg, what do you think?

I'm gonna split the difference, say 5,000. Get your answers in, because he was 9,800 feet up. Oh my God. Above sea level. He was suspected of having altitude sickness, and was 9800 feet up. Oh my god above sea level And he was suspected of having altitude sickness was taking the hospital Yeah, your body just can't some people just can't handle it could the altitude sickness have anything to do with him thinking he could Go back and find it not once he's back down. I don't know later in the week

How long is that a judge? I could be still be at him. He's getting reception up there I don't know officers lady bars you goters later realize he's closer to the satellite. Realize the same man had been lifted from the mountain by a helicopter a few days earlier. We'll get the exact amount. This guy again? Meter reports of the climb returned to the 3776 meter peak on Friday because he left his phone

and other items at the scene on his first rescue. It was unclear if he had managed to find the device. I said, let him go back up and get it again. Go get it. Was it the same rescue crew, Jay, to your point, and did they just come out there and be like, no? Absolutely.

Yeah, I wonder if you get fined your second time in a week. That's definitely on you. The incident was a reminder of the dangers Fuji poses to inexperienced climbers who underestimate the challenges I bet he was in jeans. Yeah jeans and sneakers Right. Yeah, people are urged not to hike during the off season its conditions can quickly become treacherous Mount Fuji an active volcano. Yeah that most recently erupted when When was the most recent or in a eruption of Mount Fuji stab in the dark?

When was the most recent eruption of Mount Fuji? Stab in the dark, 1966. Okay, Jay, 2011. When do you think it last? Could be, I say last Thursday. Yeah! 1707, it was a long time ago. It was covered in snow for most of the year. So I was closer.

Open to hikers in early July and early September. Many walk part way up the mountain, while others migrate the rocky terrain, or navigate the rocky terrain through the night to watch the sunrise at the summit. The hiking season attracts huge members of foreign tourists prompting local authorities to cap the number. There is more people.

It's like Everest. You have to get on the mountain and that's it. From this summer, hikers on Mount Fuji's four main trails will be charged a fee of how many dollars? Say that sentence again, I'm sorry. How much does it cost in American dollars? In season, in season. It's 60,000 to hike Everest.

Really? It is? Dollars in season, but Fuji, what do you think? 60,000 to climb up Mount Everest? I'm gonna go 2,500 bucks. 2,500 bucks, what do you think? 10,000, what do you think, to climb Mount Fuji? I mean, this Everest thing's got me shook.

I know, it got him shook. It made me double what I was gonna say. Yeah,'s got me shook. I know. It got him shook. It made me double what I was gonna say. Yeah, I don't know. I'm gonna say 4,000. How about 28 bucks, that's it. All right. Oh wow.

So this guy. Real quick, how many is that for the kid? Six. It's all in dimes and they're all up your ass. Yeah. Although it's off season, so he's probably not even supposed to be doing it, right? I know.

All right, so how old, we'll get out of here on this, how old was this? Two things. How many days apart were his, were the, were the two rescues? Give me a guess on that. Three. Four. Two. One of you is exactly right. It was three. You're gonna stay where you are. Stay where you are. Two. Four days, four days. Nice job, Jay. And finally this Chinese national student.

We know he's in college. Is how old? I'm gonna go 22 years. No, I'm gonna go 19 years old. Okay, 25, okay. We can double up. Student? Yeah, he could be working in a lab.

He's not the smartest. He's in the military. Clearly not the smartest. Kind of an idiot. He went in the military, then went to school. There's street smarts and there's books about him. And then there's this guy. There's Fuji smarts and then there's.

Yeah. 17. 17? All right, get your answers in, townies. This has been wonderful. Greg Warren. Oh, the champ. Oh, the champ. Because they didn't say his name.

Oh. Well. I didn't think it through that hard, but thanks for giving me credit. Greg Warren is the champ is the special one everybody to watch and then go support him and follow him and Daniel Van Kirk and the Midnight Air and go see him.

And who knows, if you go to, if you go to, at danielvancirk.com, if you're in Chicago in the middle of July, you might see Greg Warren. I'm gonna get my phone out here and look at him. Work it together. This Chinese national student in Japan who climbed Mount Fuji, left his phone,

had to be rescued, went back up, tried to find it again, had to be rescued again, is 27 years old. Whoa! I knew! I knew. You guys got something to do. No, he flunked.

No, no, no. He flunked college, Greg. You guys got something going. No, we didn't do it. I read this stuff about twins and it's a thing. Somebody called into the dugout. Somebody called into the dugout. Someone called into the dugout. I banged a trash can.

No telepathic messaging. 27 times he knew what it was. Houston asshole. I did it. There you go. That's the show, you guys. We love you. Snap, we got to get back to work.

See you later. Stick around, make a sound. There's more to F*****g Town.