Dumb People Town - Jackie Tohn - Double Garcia

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Comedian and actress Jackie Tohn (Nobody Wants This on Netflix) stops by as Randy describes a woman who has her cancer returned after an altercation with a flight attendant over her service dog, Jason explains why two Florida men were arrested for stealing deodorant, and Daniel warns against stealing your parents' car to go to Target, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Chewy and Mint Mobile! Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/dpt.  To get the new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/DPT.   

Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up So listen to our podcast, Ram, with co-hosts Arm and Dan. And don't be a jerk, because when the music goes, the funny hits, we are gonna take you down.

Stick around, make a sound, underdow, it's Dumb People Town. Hey guys, if you're a pet parent like me, you know about Chewy, I love Chewy so much. And when they say that they have everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy, they're not messing around, Jay. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy they're not messing around Jay. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy and right now you can save $20

on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewy.com slash DPT That's chewy.com slash DPT to save $20 on your first order with free shipping chewy.com slash DPT minimum purchase required new customers only terms and conditions apply see site for complete details. Toneys, I love a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to eat broken glass because it would be broken if I'm eating it. Why would you eat broken glass?

Don't do that Dan, come on. I don't want to do that just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy, no hoops, no B.I. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for 15 bucks a month, the purchase of a three month plan, guess what? We called them on it. We did. Turns out it's really easy to get wireless for $15 a month.

The longest part of the whole process, not largest, the longest part of the whole process was the time we spent on hold waiting to break up with our old providers. So to get the new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to MintMobile.com slash DPT. That's MintMobile.com slash DPT. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com slash DPT. Hey, Tannys, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town. Population, do you? Population tone. Jackie, can we get some room tone in here right now? Let's just get some room tone. Let's get some T-O-H-N tone. And in this instance, room tone is just me talking. You bet, gentlemen, I can't shut up.

Perfect. Can we get some Jackie tone in here? Can I get some more Jackie tone in my mic? Dee dee dee. I've just said no one ever before today. Hang on a second. Can I get more Jackie tone? Yes, we want more Jackie tone.

We're getting a lot of it. Is your podcast Tone It Up? My non-existent podcast it is now. Yesterday someone said I couldn't hear you and I'd never heard that before. I was so excited. First time anyone in history. You're having a moment, we're gonna talk about

your Netflix show which is like number one in 35 countries. Wee! Including? Lebanon. Thank you. It's a hit, smash hit. And then we'll talk about all sorts of other stuff and people where people can see. We just did a movie with you.

There's great stuff, but there's dumb stuff. We gotta get to the dumb stuff first. Of course, that is a dumb idiot town. So our friends send us, I say friends, they're our friends, send us stories. What they do is on Twix, as Dan calls it, people send us a story, hashtag Dumb People Town at Dana Bay Kirk

at Sklaar Brothers. Randy, when did you become the road manager for Weather Report? Hey man, I gotta get these ladies what they need. Six of them have diabetes. All right. That was my favorite curtain at a hotel. I like that shirt.

Don't let Jason be mean to you. I just piled on. I like this shirt too, because it's got snaps. Oh, not funny. Sometimes it's hard. Even if you Jason be mean to you. I just piled on. I like this shirt too, because it's got snaps. Oh, that's fun. Sometimes it's hard. Like even if you like something,

if you have a joke, you have to pile on. I love it. It's irrelevant if you like it. He looks like he works at the radio station from the TV show, Martin. You look like you're part of a lounge. I love it. An airport lounge.

It's the coolest shirt ever. I look like it so much. You know the iridium in New York City right across from Lincoln Center? Like I look like I'm part of the old furniture from that. It looks like the early 2000s and you're auditioning against Ryan Seacrest. That's right.

And I love it. Which we did, which we did. I am a velvet couch. I am a velvet couch. I do really like it. All right, this was sent in by Charlie Schulman. Our wonderful, and he's got the best because it is who he is, at Monotone Charlie.

The cutest boy in New York. He's got an iron and he's got the best because it is who he is, at Monotone Charlie. The cutest boy in New York. He's got an iron frame bed, and we know this because we've seen him on Zoom. You ready for this? Yeah. And I'm in his bedroom. I didn't do the headline. Wait, I'm gonna.

It's okay. This is the worst fucking podcast ever. Jesus Christ, already off the rails. Oh my God, it's a jet. We try to keep the bar low by the title. I like that. All right, here we go, I'm just jet. We try to keep the bar low by the title. I like that. All right, here we go, I'm just gonna get into it. It's not called Three Geniuses.

A California woman whose stage four cancer has been in remission claims that the disease returned following a spat with a flight attendant over her emotional support animal. So, you argued with me about my dog and now I have cancer. Oh, I thought you were playing Mad Libs. Oh yeah.

Wait, so a woman says my cancer came back because you yelled at me about my emotional support emu. Yep. On an airplane. Well that's the thing, I do wanna know, so it was dog, it wasn't just animal. Because emotional support, any other animals, they've been banned.

Right. Turtles. Turtles have been banned, peacocks, goats, they've done them all and they've all been banned. And they ruined it for us anxiety-laden dog owners who just need their tiny dog on the fucking airplane. I am. And you'd bring your dog with you, have you brought your dog? I have, but you're not allowed emotional support.

I think now it has to be, you have to prove that you're really depressed. What's the more, there's one level up from emotional support. Yeah, there is. It's like letters. Anyway, there's one level up from emotional support. Yeah, there is. Like letters. Anyway, there's one level up.

You know what I'm saying, I'm gonna act like that. For someone who's a diabetic, their dog will notify them that their sugar is low, and so you have to have that. What's that? My sugar's low? I'm striking?

Good boy. That's so true. Pass it, get me a Nutri-Grain bar, Lassie. All right, so in a federal lawsuit obtained by the Independent, and I'm not gonna tell you how old she is, Oksana Kirichenko, which she absolutely won like the women's gymnastics all around in 1992.

Sure, sure, sure, I was gonna say 88, fair. Or figure skating. Right, says her health took a discomforting turn for the worse after she and her elderly husband were subjected to an unexplainable level of cruelty. You think the husband's like, I'm not in on this. Also the husband's like. You had a fight with her.

I'm just a little older than him. Yeah, because I was thinking she's young, he's old, he's offended. Yeah, he's like elderly. You're May, I'm June, let it go. I still work out a little bit. I still use that like pedal thing that they. Oh, I love her.

Under the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, he's dying. He's like, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm not even. He is on his death bed. We weren't even in the same row. I'm 62 and I'm in the bed.

I didn't need help getting on this plane. My elderly, my invalid husband. I pre-brew one time. Great, now he died. No, he's right here. He's literally breathing because you yelled at me. Uh-huh So said took a humiliation and ridicule by jet blue crew member who who refused to let peer a How many pound French bulldog sit with them in first class? Wait the first year peer. I didn't know know Jeff Lueb. P-I-E-R.

It should be Pierre. But it's Pierre. That's how much of- Not Pierce. Not Pierre. Not Pierre. So far the absolute runaway most annoying part of the story is the dog's name. Because it also sounds like he's a Pierre.

Yeah, a Pierre? Yeah, it's horrible. He could have Pierre Morgan. It's horrible. Pierre Brosnan. I think he was an import. Pierre One. Oh boy. Pierre One would be a better name than Pierre.

If he really was, Pierre One would be cute. If he really was like my dog is Pierre One. Pierre One, Pierre One. Pierre One! And you always just put him in a Papa-san chair. Great, barrel, get over here. I can't. All right, so Pierre is a how many pound French bulldog?

I knew it was a French bulldog. You knew it was. That's what I had, I have two of them. So I just don't understand, so here's the thing, I know having traveled with a dog, there's a couple things that have to happen. In order to get on the plane with a dog, you need the support animal.

No, not, what is it? No, no, I don't know. Could someone Google it? No. Okay, so, mean. So, the thing is, I've traveled with a dog and I've had a gnarly flight attendant because I didn't know about the emotional support

and the whole going through the whole process. And- Service animal. Service animal, we finally got it, thank you. So now you can't do emotional support, you can only do service. So if this woman was trying to come on and be like this is my emotional support dog But they didn't pass the service animal test or the other way you could do it is just pay the airline $100

That's right. Put the dog in a bag like a comfy little bag and Okay, am I blowing it? No, no, no, no. So how many pounds how many pounds this dog 26 pounds? How many pounds this dog? Frenchie you said? Yeah. Oh 18. 18. That was exactly what I said.

26, 18. Where are you going Dan? 32 pound. That is an enormous French Bulldog. Well we got a problem. Yeah, true. She didn't want them to go on the plane. Pierre, a 23 pound French Bulldog.

Okay. That's how Ziggy's like 24. Anyway, the dust up forced the plane, you know this, you know how mad you'd be about this, Jay. Forced the plane to turn around and return to the terminal. I would walk. Jackie, you are on this flight and they turn it, you have to go back to where you're going.

The woman, so wait, I have to, can I keep bringing it? Yes, that's what we're doing. The woman who was yelling at me, I put Glenn, my Glenn in a bag, and he's the greatest that's ever played the game. Glenn. G-L-E-N, one N, don't be crazy. Don't give me two.

Don't give me two. And the iPhone always auto-corrects it to two, it's like how could I? Also, it's because his middle name, Glendale Tone. Well, also his name is Glengarry Glenn Schultz, but. That was my other guess, but I was like, oh, good. Yeah, but also, but also sometimes people call him Glendale for Anderson, he's got a lot, but the point is,

he's on the plane, he's 12 pounds, he's a baby angel, he's silent in the bag, but he's anxious, and without my knowledge, he's been gnawing a hole in the bag. In the bag, oh God. Now the bag has a hole. The woman didn't know it. Now Glenn gets out. And I put him on my lap and I'm like, oh my God.

And the woman is like, the woman's like, if you don't put him back in the bag, we're gonna have to turn the plane around. And I'm going, well, hey, you're not turning the plane. So I go, do you have a, do you have a? Another bag? No, do you have a needle and thread? I don't, what do you want from my life?

The dog won't stay in the bag. Threatened to turn the plane around, so I put him in the bag and then I had to hold. The bag closed. Hold it closed. You had to cinch it. I had to cinch it, thank you. And it was not a cinch.

So they. Just forced the plane to turn around and return to the terminal where the mortified Kyrgyz-Kachankos were removed from the aircraft according to the complaint. That is a walk of shame. No, but they're at the front of the plane. I have a lot of questions.

I would walk up to first class and smack her. I have a question. I would not lay a hand on this woman. I'd take her dog away. Her elderly husband probably does that enough. Yeah. He can't lift his hand. That's right.

He's a paraplegic. I just, my question is, how did this get to a point where we had to, how did you get on the plane? They didn't see you get on the plane, they didn't see you have a dog, the plane took off, the plane is now however many miles from where it started, and now the dog is a problem? So here's what the lawsuit says.

The couple's quote, federally protected right to be accompanied on the flight with their service animal was violated by JetBlue, which had warmly welcomed Peer aboard just 11 days earlier. They flew there with Peer. So you're gonna now start making up rules on the way back? You can't do that to them. In an email on Tuesday, Kirikachenko's attorney,

Alexander Volkov, these are all wrestlers, am I right? You were on glow. You were on glow. The Volkovs. The Volkovs. Of course, the Volkoff family. The Volkoff, the Iron Claw. Alright, and for the details

of the Kirikachenko's relationship, and that the complaint was correct, but he said he was unable to comment on pending litigation. Jeplu did not respond to requests for comment. Airline passengers have boarded planes with, among other species, Peacock. emotional support, iguanas, peacocks, squirrels.

Can you imagine someone coming on with a squirrel? See, but my thing- Pigs. Shout out, Amy Man. Marmoset. Ducks, turkeys, boa constrictors, turtles, kangaroos. That's, come on. But I thought all of this, when is this story from?

This is recent. Because I thought emotional support animals were gone. Oh, they're just listing all the history. They're just listing all the history. Goats and spiders. Spiders. Emotional support. Emotional support. And at least one emotional support hamster

whose owner was allegedly. I'm a recluse too. Listen to this. Kindred spirits. And at least one emotionally support hamster whose owner was allegedly forced to flush the animal down the toilet prior to takeoff. No.

No. That's fake. That's not true. JetBlue, which once allowed dogs to catch. That might have been on Spirit Air. Of course, and it's not right. whose owner was allegedly forced to flush the animal down the toilet prior to takeoff. No. No. That's fake. That's not true. JetBlue, which once allowed dogs, cats. That might have been on Spirit Air. Of course, that's not real,

because you would just get off the plane, you're not gonna murder your animal. Wait, listen to this line. JetBlue, which once allowed dogs, cats, and miniature horses. Honey, where's the mini, do you have the miniature horse? Yeah, he's in the middle seat. Do you mind switching with me, my Shetland pony?

Is in a middle seat. Is in a middle and me? My Shetland pony is in the middle. Why does someone just create an airline called Noah's Ark? Apparently they did recently. And you can bring as many animals as you want. We don't give a shit, there's hay everywhere. They did recently. Sky Zoo. Really?

Sky Zoo. Sky Zoo. We bought a Sky Zoo. God bless you. There is a new airline that you can, I think it's expensive, but I just, a friend of mine had recently told me about it, where you can easily travel with your dog.

So it's like kind of private but not, but it's expensive, but you can just. All right, in passenger cabins, as emotional support animals has previously faced complaints from travelers who say the airline refused to let them fly with their non-human companions. At some time, at the same time,

new regulations adopted over the past several years by JetBlue and other major carriers began allowing only trained service dogs to fly with their humans. She is correct. While no longer recognizing emotional support animals as service animals, small dogs and cats are still allowed to travel in the cabin provided they remain in the bag, Jackie.

She knows. I had to learn all of this. Right, can't bite a hole in that. The Karykachenko's lawsuit can be traced back to a Florida vacation they took last fall. Remember, we're not forgetting the fact this is why her canceranko's lawsuit can be traced back to a Florida vacation. They took last fall remember We're not forgetting fact. This is why her cancer came back Then we're gonna get to that they paid how much for two round-trip first-class tickets and sent jet blue the required US Department Transportation service animal air transportation form how much were their tickets jet blue first-class first-class jet blue two tickets

I would say 10 grand five grand a person. What do you think Dan? Oh man I have no idea. Like 2,500 bucks in each direction. I'll go 6,800 bucks. 6,800 what do you think? $8,000. Get your answers in counties. $4,295. Not a lot. Not a lot. Not a lot. A thousand each way. A grand in each way. That's right. Sent JetBlue. It is a lot for a lot of people. Listing the veterinarian, the trainer, Not the Contra-Tencos. And the vaccination information or the Volkoffs. According to the complaint, the outbound flight from Los Angeles to Fort Lauderdale on September 2nd,

2023 went off without a hitch. The complaint states. Who's flying from a warm weather place to another warm weather place? You gotta get Pierre. A comic? Pierre sat happily. Pierre sat happily.

Pierre sat happily at their feet in a travel bag the entire way. The pair were expected to have a similar experience for their flight back, but it did not happen as the complaint goes on. During pre-boarding process, a JetBlue gate agent confronted the Kerikachankos about Peer raising questions

on whether they could be allowed to bring their dog with them. Is it in the bag? Is it in the bag? No, it's not. The two offered all their documentation to the agent. I've got the documents. Who was unmoved, the agent was unmoved. So wait, you have the right documentation,

but the agent. Well this is why they're gonna win the lawsuit. Cause I was gonna say, if you just brought your dog on the plane and you didn't prepare, and you don't have the paperwork, and you don't have a bag, and this that, and other than you're fucked, that's it. But if they have everything,

this really sounds like a Jeff Blue issue. Peter Kirikichenko, who was, and we're not gonna Other than you're fucked, that's it. But if they have everything, this really sounds like a Jeff Blue issue. Peter Kirikichenko, who was, and we're not gonna get his age at the time. Isn't that a stale song? Very old, very old. Severe disability affecting his ability to stand and several staples in his spine. Oksana stayed for a cancer patient, the complaint states,

but even after making their health conditions known, the agent didn't offer a wheelchair and kept them standing for a quote, very long time. Let's not get too specific here according to the complaint. No, but they're getting. A very long time. How long? Six minutes.

The plaintiffs were afraid to step aside with the acknowledged arrangement that they will be called back for a dog-related inquiry in a fear that they will lose their spot in the queue. After a long stressful wait, the JAPLU agent informed the Kirikachenko's they'd be permitted to board only if one of them gave up their first class seat

and flew with Pierre in economy. The complaint continues. What is happening? This is making up crazy rules. Plaintiffs were boarded in the plane with Mr. Kirikachenko seated in first class seat and Mrs. Kirikachenko seated in first class seat and Mrs. Kerikachenko seated in economy class with their dog in the travel bag.

So they agreed to that shit? While the plane taxied off the runway to take off the flight attendant. So she's pissed. So here's what happened. Who wouldn't be there? The flight attendant handed Uksana a much smaller bag and demanded that Pir be placed inside of that

according to the complaint. So this bag isn't good enough. You need a smaller bag. As the dog was unable to fit, it's a 23 pound French dog. This is actually, this would make me so anxious. I'm now on her side. Why would they have another bag? You know what this is reminding me of? Do you remember that story years ago

where we all read in the paper like that? Woman sued McDonald's for her hot coffee. I know, yes. What an asshole. But then the documentary, it turned out. It was like, oh my God, it was like, too hot. It was 8,000 degrees. 8 What an asshole. But then the documentary it turned out. It was like, oh my God, it was like, too hot. It was 8,000 degrees.

You cannot have 8,000 degrees. She got third degree burns. She got burned to her bones. She almost died. But the way that it was spun, like this headline made it seem like the Kirk Lachankos were assholes. But now it's like, wait a second.

I mean, I don't think it made her cancer come back. I also don't think it made her cancer come back. However. Daniel, I don't know. However, the amount that JeffBlue's thrown at you, throw everything back at them. Crush them, dunk on them. The dog was unable to fit in the plane,

the plane ordered to return the airport building and the plaintiffs were ousted from the plane. By this time, the earliest flight that Karyk and Chyankos could book back to LA didn't leave until the next day on Delta Airlines from Miami. Backed into a corner, the two bought new tickets, got to Miami, paid for a hotel room,

the complaint said Delta had no issues with either the plaintiff's dog or the dog bag, said the Kirikachankos as they finally got home. JetBlue caused the Kirikachankos unnecessary monetary damage in addition to an inexplicable level of cruel humiliation ridicule. All right, let's. I have to say.

I'd be mad Cruel but it was just We've all I don't know all of us. I have definitely had times on a plane where I'm like We're two comments away from This being an argument. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, and and all it takes really is maybe I'm a little tired and this And all it takes really is maybe I'm a little tired and this flight attendant. This person lives in a tube in the sky.

Yeah, or this flight attendant just dealt with 19 assholes in a row. And now they're deciding. And lives in a tube in the sky. They're like, let's just round it out to 20. Even though it doesn't matter whether I'm being an asshole or not. They're just in that.

And I remember once I was on a plane and it was a completely innocuous conversation where I said something because if you sit in the exit row on at least Southwest flights a lot, there'll be condensation that drips down. And I just said something, something and he's like the flight tentacles that never happens. And I go, Oh, I mean, it happens like every time I land because I've had it. I'm a comic. I fly. Yeah. It happens every time I land. He goes, I think I know a little bit more about the it happen to me. I'm a comic, I fly. Yeah, and he goes, it happens every time I land. He goes, I think I know a little bit more

about the plane than you do. Hang on, I gotta turn this gas light up a little bit higher. So then I go, so then I go. These are the things that, my sternum is gonna explode out of my fucking body. So then I go. I think I know a little, go on.

He does. So then I go, you sit in this seat a lot? Damn. Because they would never. Never. I know a little, go on. He does. So then I go, you sit in this seat a lot? Dan! Because they would never! Never! They don't know. That's so good. Dan's like, I'm sorry, is this your jump seat?

Yeah, you sit in this seat a lot? I didn't realize I was sitting in the jump seat. Do I need to do beverage service? Dan is really great. You doing 22F a lot, James? This is LAX, about 5.30, five o'clock in the morning. And I go, you sit in this seat a lot? I wish I was there.

I wish I was there so badly. I would have gotten up and been like, oh! You guys start running around like a black people that just saw a magic trick. Yes, I was gonna run around. So then I go, you sit in this seat a lot? And the guy looks at me and he goes, are we having an argument?

Because well cuz then all they have to go is go hey, there's a person being argument we haven't taken off right I'm one the plane. I'm one I feel threatened away from being taken off. Yeah, it's like yeah So you go we have an argument or not. I go no, I guess we both just both have different experiences And I just the rest of the fly They go, we have an argument or not? I go, no, I guess we both have different experiences. And I just, the rest of the flight was like, oh. Oh my God, your whole rib cage is on fire. If you, look, I understand there are so many idiots and jerks and assholes and entitled pieces of shit.

It is not an easy job being a flight attendant. I understand that. It is a rough time. However, if you are one, you never have to lose any argument. No. Like at any point, when I logically said, well you never sit in the seat,

and a person, if we were in a bar, would go, oh my fuck, you're right. No, but are you insulting me is what comes back. Right, well they just get to go, oh you know what, I feel like you're threatening me. Exactly. And then this is, like they could do that at any point. Put the dog in the little bag.

Additionally, Mr. Kikachenko had experienced a prolonged period of pain in his spine and limited mobility following his forced extended standing, which probably was seven minutes. No, okay. But Sana Kirikachenko, although a stage four cancer patient had been in remission prior to the events described here and above.

According to the complaint, those events caused Ms. Kirikachenko an extreme amount of stress upon arrival home. She checked into Cedars-Sinai's Medical Center in Los Angeles. The test results had shown the mean tumor molecules level, the MTM, Ml had risen to 0.059. Several prior tests were showing a test result of 0.00. The Karrigan Tankers are suing JetBlue for negligence and violations of the Americans with Disabilities Act. They are demanding reimbursement for the hospital,

medical expenses, attorney's fees, and damages. JetBlue has 21 days to formally respond. We will get out of here on this. They're gonna pay him and be tarot chips. We got her age, but do we have the money that they're going? We don't have the money. Okay. JetBlue is not gonna win. They are gonna pay these people.

I think they're gonna lose. It's gonna be over. I think they're gonna lose. I think the only thing- Say goodbye to your tarot chips, everybody. That's what I said. They're gonna pay them in tarot chips. What do you think the JetBlue amount would be for you? Should we go, thanks, take care.

30 grand? I was gonna say 25. They give you 25,000 on a jackpot? I mean, they're gonna ask for- They're gonna jack up damages. They're gonna ask for a million. Yeah, they're gonna jack up damages. They're gonna ask for a million. They're gonna ask for two million.

Yeah, they're gonna ask for a million. A million or two million. Okay, how old is Oksana Shevchenko? Kara Kachenko. Stage four. And then we will talk about her elderly husband. It has to be a twist, otherwise he can't actually be old. So she's, she's 44.

And he's 56. It's elderly 56. Okay, Daniel, what do you think? Am I guessing both? Yeah, I guess them both. I'm gonna say she's 62 and he's 78. Okay, Jay. It is, they would have said elderly couple

if they were both really old. They identified him as elderly and not her. She's saying this is my elderly husband. Can't stand up. I think it's like a Celine Dion thing because now we're also talking about a sickness with her and her old manager husband. So I'm gonna say she's 59 and he's 82.

Okay. Wow. Get your answers in, Tonys, because Oksana, and they're gonna win this suit. Jackie Tone is right, they're gonna win this suit. They're gonna win. Oksana Kirikuchen gonna win this suit. Jackie Tone is right. They're gonna win this suit. They're gonna win. Oksana Kerikachenko is 51 years old. Younger than us.

You're younger than us. Two years almost. Coming up. Jeez, don't. And her elderly husband, Peter Kerikachenko is 71. Is that elderly? No, I know. Is that elderly?

He's not elderly. He's almost in his 60s. I mean, he's having a rough go of it. Yeah, sure, sure. I guess so. He He's not elderly. He's almost in his 60s. He's having a rough go of it, but I guess so. He can't stand anymore. He's 71. The Karen Kachankos really took us through it today. Listen, they're gonna get their money. That's the way it works.

Karen Kachanko, hey-ho! That's new title of this episode. When we come back, we're gonna talk about Jackie's new amazing hit show that she's on on Netflix, which you either already know about it, but if you don't know about it binge watch it tell people about it and other stuff too we'll let you know we have going on this is Dumb People Town with Jackie Town we'll be right back.

Hey guys welcome back to the show before we get to Jackie's stuff let's let people know that what we have coming up and going on I believe this may come out before we go to Fort Collins. We're doing the Comedy Fort. One of the best clubs in the country. November, I believe, second and third. First and second, which is a Friday series. I love that club. You're gonna have anxiety heading into an election week.

I don't care who you're voting for. Come see us, you know, let the air out of the blimp. We're gonna do that then. And then post-election, we are gonna be in St. Louis at the Flyover Comedy Festival doing a Tag It, which will be so much fun. Get your tickets for the Sheldon show, because right now we've sold some tickets,

but I wanna sell more with our fans and not fill it in with just festival goes. Yeah, let's do that. It's gonna fill up, but it's a nice size theater, so let's do that. So that's happening, and then we did a Tag It at the Comedy Store that sold out. I was so happy with that.

It was so much fun. We're gonna do it again, probably at the beginning of December, and then we're doing our two-man show, The Bourne Identity, B-O-R-N. That's happening at the Lyric Hyperion. We're gonna put it up three times, and then we're gonna do it. They asked us to do it at SketchFest, The Bourne Identity, which I'm very excited at the Gateway Theater on February 1st, and I think we're gonna put it up three times, and then we're gonna do it, they asked us to do it at Sketch Fest, The Bourne Identity, which I'm very excited

at the Gateway Theater on February 1st, and I think we're gonna do a Tag It that night for that as well. But the one we're doing, Lyric Hyperion, is on December 9th, the 12th, and the 16th. So the three chances for you to catch us in LA, all of it at superschoolers.com, plus the movie we did with Jackie Tone,

which should be coming out eventually, that was so much fun, called Science Fair coming out eventually. There was so much fun called Science Fair. It was so good and so much fun. You guys were so good as husband and wife. And you play another hilarious wife on Nobody Wants This, which they should have called the show Shixxah. Listen, we all know. Listen, we all know it should have been called Shixxah.

But look, it's a success, so what do we know? I know what's really funny is, I was so passionate about it being called Shixxah, and now that it's a hit, I could give a shit. Of course. I was like, call it whatever you want. You give a shit-ska. I could give a shit-ska.

How most people think you say Shixxah. That's right. That's just part of the problem. You play our Timothy Simons, who is amazing friend of the show, incredible. You play his wife, he is your husband, and you are so good. You are so Jackie Tone.

It is so good. It's like you in your sweet spot, and you're part of this wonderful ensemble cast that has Kristen Bell and Adam Brody and just like good, good, good comedy people, and they really handle that show. Steve Levitan. You know what I mean?

Modern Family. It's a, the whole thing was sort of a dream, especially with everybody here. It's impossible to make anything, truly. Who's making anything? Even when you get the job and you're connect. First of all, trying to make the thing, the amount of hoops they had to jump through.

Aaron Foster's been working on this idea for five years. They finally get it going and then all the strikes happen. Oh my God. They have to wait another year, but they have this deal at Netflix. Is it going to continue past the strike? Is there going to be enough juice post strike to even anyone to give a shit about it? Yeah.

So then miraculously post strike, they do still want to make it. They have Kristin involved and they get Adam Brody. And then I think it was like December or in 2023, I just, my agents called and they were like, we have an audition for you. And I was supposed to try out for the Rebecca role, which was Adams. And I called Kristen and I was like, Hey, I'm trying over that show that you're doing. Um, and I'm trying out for Adams X. And he was like, oh there's a sister-in-law character and she was initially a much smaller role

and they were like, it's much more you, like she is gritty and you know, go for that one. So then I- Called your agent and be like, put me out for that. So then I was like, hey, I wanna try out for that. So they were like, okay, there's not even sides yet, we'll let you know. And then a couple weeks later,

I put myself on tape in the kitchen with my boyfriend, sent it in and then didn't hear anything for like a month, of course. Like this ain't happening. And then I was like, oh man, that would be so cool. And then early January found out, and the rest is herstory. So yes, and you, so you like all three of us.

This is what happens with all of us. You get in there, even if it's small, they see what you're doing, they love it, they're like, let me write this more for you. Let me add more on this character. Like Dan comes in, it's like, oh, let me add this, how this whole podcast started. Dan's like, let me show you this voicemail I did

of Mark Wahlberg, and we're like, can we do a podcast together? And here we are 12 years later. All of us- Actually 12 years later? Yes, wherever we go, wherever we go and we get a small part on something, it always expands to more.

This is the same thing that happened with you. I love you in this show. Thank you. And let it continue. I hope it continues. I'm really excited. And I think once we all realized, once we got there, like my chemistry with Tim and how much the show

really needed an antagonist, and it just all sort of came together in a really wild and exciting way. The numbers are, I mean, it's, it's. It's insane. No dude. Well, but you know what it tells me, and this is what I wanna say out to the universe, okay? I'm saying this to every streamer out there.

Everyone who's decided to stop making scripted shows, everyone who's like, it's not gonna work and no one wants to watch stories. People want funny, heart, cool stories. Act as brilliant, specific. It's too specific, the world's too specific. No, people want to see good stories told. There is a, what's the word, it's not a glut?

What's there's like a, there's a lack. There's a lack of stories being told right now because of whatever reason, because streamers want to punish, or I don't know, whoever wants to punish the writers for striking or whatever, but we're in a moment right now

where if you put out a good story with great talented people in it, guess what? The world loves it. The world. Yeah, honestly, let this be the show we look to and go like, it does work. It can't happen. Do the next that. Yeah, the next, this be the show we look to and go like, it does work. It can't happen.

Do the next that. Yeah, the next, truly the next that. I want this, I mean, look, you were a part of Glow. You were so funny in Glow. Thank you. And so good on that show. We got to do that show, which was a blast. Oh, you guys were, you guys make me sick

when I think about how you were on Glow. Speaking of, but speaking of that show, this is exactly what I was talking about, where Jesse Peretz was like directing the show and we go out to Ontario to shoot this tennis scene with Mark Maron, where we're literally playing tennis with him. With tiny racquet.

Tiny 1980s racquets where we're teaching him how to play tennis. Maron's like, we're like, here's how you hit this racket, because he kind of new grew up in Arizona, but we're trying to help him so it looks normal, like we're in the scene, like we're all playing. But we're playing this and Jesse's like, hey man, listen, I wrote this, I saw you,

I watched what you did yesterday and I wrote this other scene for you to do. We're gonna pick this off, we're gonna pick this off when we're at the net right here, learn it. And so we immediately learned it and the AD's like, we can't do this, what are you talking about? We can't get this done today.

Jesse's like, we're doing it, we're doing it, we're gonna, AD's like, there's no way we're gonna be behind all day. He's like, we're doing it, we're't do this, what are you talking about? We can't get this done today. Jesse's like we're doing it, we're doing it, we're gonna, Adie's like there's no way we're gonna be behind all day. He's like we're doing it, we're gonna do it. And we're like this is so exciting, it's kind of going like a counter to what the production is they wanted. And we get up there and we just in two takes got it

and we're like they'll never use it. I mean it was so much fun to do and they'll never use it. They used everything, everything! Made it in. It's the best. That's the whole point of it. But it's not like we're gonna take Sklargold and burn it in a fire.

We're gonna put it on TV. Well we know, we're not gonna put that in a little puppy bag. Right, sure. So anyway, so again, this show is, nobody wants this, and it's such a great show on Netflix, and watch it for Jackie, who's blowing up, and then when Science Fair comes out,

we'll have you back on and we'll show it again. Oh, I can't wait, and also, yeah, with the Science Fair, I hope we get to go party at festivals and things sure of it. Oh, I can't wait. And also, yeah, with the science fair, I hope we get to go party at festivals and things together. That would be the greatest. The festival team. I would love it, love it.

All right, let's jump into another story, and then when we get to the third, we'll talk about what Dan has going on. Okay, this was sent in by Matt Friedman at Not Your Average Matt. Thank you, Matt. Thank you, buddy, he always sends stuff in. Good stuff.

Above average, Matt. Two Florida men busted in Naples after stealing how many sticks of deodorant? Ooh, sticks of deodorant. How many do you need? Spicy? I'm already starting with a question. I'm gonna say 12.

600 sticks of deodorant. Like a case. 80. A great. Oh wait, wait, wait, 24. 24? Get your answers in. They stole 400 sticks.

Ah! How? I was right in the area of the medications. Two Florida men busted in Naples after stole 400 sticks. Ah! How? I was right in the area. Two Florida men bus in Naples after stealing 400 sticks of deodorant. Where do you sell like second market? You have black market, you have black market deos. On the off ramp of freeways.

I got oranges and I got degris. I got old spice. Old spice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got clementines, I got old spice. How old is the spice? I don't know, 72? Fresh rosemary, I've got new spice, and then I got old spice.

This comes from Bio39.com, which I think is a crime blog. And we know how professional journalists, even in this world, especially at the New York Post, piss us off, and they're like, how are you writing? You'll read, I'll go through this story, and you'll be like, oh, I wish I had a journalist from the New York Post. So sometimes the story's dumb, sometimes the people are dumb,

sometimes the journalists covering it are dumb, that's why it makes it dumb people. I'm like, are you a 13 year old girl who's writing this in her diary? Are you, okay, here we go. Honestly, maybe at crimeblogspot.org. Bio 39. I just might be a kid.

It also sounds like a gastro restaurant. They're like, we do everything. We break down everything. It's by the Ford's Filling Station guys. Popcorn done three ways. Gastro restaurants piss me off. Because we have gastrointestinal problems. Truly, the acid I have sitting here.

Stop, okay. I know it's hot here in Florida. Who are you talking to? What? Who are we talking to? Yeah, we all know. How was your summer? Mine was good. Stop, mine was GR8.

I met a skater boy, SK8. All right, I know it's hot here in Florida, but 400 sticks of deodorant to stay fresh might be a tad overkill. Wow, this is so funny. This is like, but what got these two men, it's a two and then men, busted in Naples, was not their need to control perspiration,

but that, that, two that's, fact that they stole the deodorant. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, stole the deodorant and a lot of other personal care items. By the way, that, that sounds like a kid's sketch show in Canada. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's like almost, it's almost all that, but it's in Canada.

It's in Winnipeg. Did you say 406 of deodorant and other personal items? Other personal care items as well. But only one tube of toothpaste. Yeah, exactly. 400 things. It's like that scene in The Jerk, and this, and we're taking this.

And that lamp. And this feminine deodorant spray. Detectives at the Collier County Sheriff's Office say Carlos M. Garcia Ajete. I'm not gonna tell how old he is. And Nivaldo J. Garcia Vento. So they have the same mom but different dads. They're hyphenated.

And they hyphenated the names? Yeah, they're very advanced. Are believed to be members of an organized retail theft ring that has been stealing from major retails, including Publix, Walmart, CVS. And then selling them where? Facebook Marketplace. Is that what it is?

Is that what you think, Dan? Offer up? Offer up. CCSO stock exchange. Received information. Stock extra deodorant. Poshmark. The real real.

Information that Garcia Agete and Garcia Vento. The Garcia Rol- Rosalian Isles. Garcia Agete and Garcia Vento. It's like, what are you? How thirsty are you? Do you want the Garcia Agete or do you want the Vento? Well, the Vento's a lot.

Does the Vento come with whipped cream? I'll do the Agete. Okay, does the Vo come with speed stick? All right, it doesn't. Were suspects in a recent large scale theft spring in Martin County and maybe traveling to Collier County similar thefts. That's exactly what they were doing

until they got busted in Naples. At about what time Wednesday, did deputies locate a vehicle matching the description and just a trunk full of- Oh, this isn't when they did it. This is when they got caught. When they got caught. Busted. I just have so many questions.

Okay, what time though we're saying? Ask every question. and just a trunk full of them. Oh, this isn't when they did it, this is when they got caught. When they got caught. Busted. I just have so many questions. Okay, what time though, we're saying? Ask every question. Well, my question is, so they got, are they in the loading dock? How are they getting this much? Like if I go to the grocery, if I go to CVS, there aren't 400 deodorants.

There aren't even four at this point. No, right. Because of people like this. Because of a jet and bianto. Yeah, you gotta be in the back. So you're in the back. Double Garcia. So you're from, because of Double Garcia,

we don't have access to deodorant anymore. No. So they're in the back, so the people that are working there are like- They know the guy shipping it off. That's what I think. Okay. Hey man, I'll cut you in on a little bit of this.

I do think this has to be an inside job. This has to be a delivery. Double Garcia is when you can be tried for the same crime twice. That's right. Okay. so he was already tried sir but he and found not guilty but we can bring him back on a double Garcia so the okay so I think it's I think it's 2 a.m. also my favorite

sex move 2 a.m. I'm gonna say 1 30 p.m. Oh, wow. They saw him at like a fancy restaurant. 8 a.m. 8 a.m. 8 a.m. I don't like the one of you. Wait, wait, I have it, okay. One of you is a half an hour away. Well then it's one p.m. 8.30.

You said 1.30, 8.30? 8.30. You wanna go up or down a half an hour? It's one now. I'll go 2.30 a.m. All right, it's 2 p.m. Oh, there you go, Danny went the wrong way. Oh, shoulda gone the other way.

Shoulda gone the other way. Late lunch. Late lunch. The driver later. Late lunch at Double Garcia's. Identified at Garcia Vento, ran You shoulda gone the other way. Late lunch. Late lunch. The driver later. Late lunch at Double Garcia's. Identified at Garcia Vento, ran a red light as the SUV exited on to call your deliver.

If you're gonna have 408 stolen deodorants. This is my rule. Follow the traffic laws. Don't get caught breaking the law while breaking the law. Do the headlight out. We're not taking that, Carl. No. Dan, you're so right.

It's almost like we gotta steal these, and we gotta do it anyway. But watch me litter out the window as I'm gonna throw this Ben and Jerry. Yeah, McDonald's or Ben and Jerry's, Jerry Garcia, I don't know. During the stop, the passenger decided to make a run for it. Always smart.

Always the move. You get a traffic stop, the first thing you wanna do is just take off. Get out of the car and bolt, yes. He ran out of the SUV, was apprehended by deputies after a brief foot pursuit. If you're gonna commit crimes, you really need to stay up on your cardio.

That's what this verse is. Oh yeah. They wrote that? Yeah, oh I forgot. That's how you get dot dot dot busted in Naples. How embarrassing. If you're gonna run, you never want it to be described as a brief pursuit.

Brief pursuit is. Oh, it's so embarrassing. Because you're just like 20 feet. 20 yards, 20 feet. Yes. You exited the car and they just tackled your fat ass. Just no turns. You didn't even make a left.

And I bet he was sweating, could have used some deodorant. Probably. The pair told deputy Theracote, no they probably smell good, from Fort Myers for a few miles up north, suspecting that that was a lie, that the pair had just committed the retail theft.

Wait, hold on. Yeah, because if you didn't do something wrong, of course you're gonna run. Right. As soon as. No, no, no, no, no, if you're innocent, you're gonna bolt. That's what people do when they're innocent.

Well, they had reviewed the store video and they knew it was them. Right. It showed the two of them. No masks. They, okay, the video showed Garcia Invento in the personal care section of the store grabbing a Gillette razor pack,

which he concealed on his person, and then leaving the store without paying. Yeah, so again. Okay, but one Gillette razor pack. Where did on his person and then leaving the store without paying. Yeah, so again. Okay, but one Gillette razor pack, where did the 400 deodorants come from? Maybe that came from other, the ring, the full ring. It was found when they... That's like maybe over time through this whole ring,

but they get busted. You're building a mountain of deodorant. Right. Okay, wait a minute, 400 deodorants, are they going, are they popping place to place and getting individual deodorants? I don't know if... 5,000, to place and getting individual deodorants? I don't know.

5,000, 2,500, 600 deodorants. Okay, these razor packs. How do you measure a brief pursuit? In footsteps, in inches. In footstep, just one footstep. In footstep, And inches and centimeters. All right, those Razor Packs are like $40. Inflation, right?

I hate that. Come on, stop it! The two men were taking into custody bus and napers, which means vehicle search time while conducting an inventory of the vehicle. By the way, inflation, right, is kind of opening the door for they should be stealing it. If you're gonna sell it for that much.

The Razor Packs are very expensive. But don't you need to have someone open the gate? Don't you need to have someone open the gate? Not at Walmart. Also, I will say, I was at Target the other day and the guy opened the gate for me and I almost, I mean, I didn't care in, but he walked away and then people went in there and it was not,

I don't know if they were gonna pay or not, but it was like, their things were. The case got open. The case got open. You can't put the. You're supposed to stay there when the case gets open. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. You can't put the razor cartridges back in the case.

The case is open. The merchandise included 400 sticks of tea over it, which you mentioned, razor blades, razors, fishing gear. What? That took a weird turn. Quick stop at the Bass Pro Shop. Look at this shave this crap. Cosmetics and other items that were valued at nearly what?

What's the value of the choice? Of all this, all in? Everything. So we got a base level of 460 deodorant. They're probably talking like $8. You're helping us? You're helping us? Why not? Okay, I thought you wanted to win. We're helping us? You're helping us? Why not?

Okay, I thought you wanted to win. We're gonna have, I've already won. I think $10,000. Okay, I can't. Whoa! I should have, why I cut you off while helping. It's not like I'm over here gonna do the fucking math. So I should have.

You do the math! So four, so if a stick of deodorant is, they're not $8 each, they're way cheaper. Like five. Five 99. So five, okay six times four, six, 12, 18, 24. 2400. So 24, oh, we're already much higher than I thought. I'm gonna say, especially with the fishing equipment,

7600. I like that guess. Thank you. I'm gonna go $5500. $5500, get your answers in, $5000. There you go, Daniel, there you go. Wait, she's giving you a high five. Oh sorry buddy. So this, here we go. Didn't Daniel. There you go, wait, she's giving you a high five. Sorry buddy.

Here we go. Just keeps it being right, no no stress. Deputies also found a device commonly used to defeat magnetic store security devices. There you go. You know, a magnet. What? That's what this picture is.

Oh, okay. Also, by the way, already. Dan thinks this person's funny. I also just like, I just also love the number of times this person used the word device. They also found a device used to deactivate a device within the device. You know, a magnet.

You know, a magnet device. I don't know that. That's that reason. And there you go. When asked if they had receipts of the items, they did not. That's just fucking around with Double Garcia. And now they're giving them their own,

you've ever sit in this seat? Yeah. You ever sit in this seat? That's what the Double Garcia's in here. You ever sit in this seat? That's what the double Garcia's doing. You ever sit in 23F? Okay. They did not. Who keeps receipts?

That's what this person wrote. Garcia Vento and Garcia Jete are charged with multiple felonies, including grand theft. Hold on, let me see. Grand theft deodorant. That's my favorite video game. But now I have questions. What got the two busted in Naples

was the stolen pack of razors, just one. So how many stops did they make to collect this much stuff? That's what we were asking. Why do you stop somewhere to drop this off? Could have kept it in a misdemeanor rather than a felony. Not a smart move. I love these ends as an op-ed. Yeah, exactly.

Here's what gets under my straw. They could have gotten away with it, and I'll tell you how. I get it. This person's part of the ring. It's like, OJ, if I did it. Oh, that interview. No, guys. So if I did it. Oh, that interview. No, guys, so weird.

All right, you know that interview? Of course. I mean, it's just like. Unbelievable. So then he's like, so if I did it, and then five minutes interviews. So then I went and you're like, then I. You did what?

Now you're talking past tense. Then I. Then I would have is what he should have said, but he forgot, and then he's like so then I I get it The two guys were bus and ables go to jail But what do they do with all this deodorant razors and makeup evidence lockup stay clean? Nah, my first thought is that those Collier deputies are gonna be hella fresh and clean Hella fresh and clean in this hot Florida is so clean. In this hot Florida weather.

I want this podcast to be sponsored by Hella Fresh. Of course. I love Hella Fresh. But in reality, if they can't locate which stores it came from, this will probably be donated to a shelter. That was gonna be my hope. I think it should be, right? That's what I thought too.

My hope is like if anything like this ever comes into evidence and it can't be located from whence it came. Also it is sort of a vibe of like, it's now it's been stolen, it's been in someone's car, like is that the deodorant I wanna buy anyway? Like hot trunk deodorant. None of us are picturing spray, right? Roll on?

No, it's all roll on. Mine isn't roll on, it's like the, not a circle ball. Ban roll on. No, who does circle ball anymore? I have to do on sentence. You do, but do you wait, pause. I do click click. Mine's a- Click click, but not circle ball anymore? I have to do unscented. Wait, pause. I do click click. Click click, but not circle ball, that's roll on.

Right, but I just meant a rub instead of a. I did roll on in high school and I was like, now my pits are wet for 45 minutes, what is this? And you don't shave your pits, it's just all this hair. Yeah, yeah, good morning, I have wet pits, no. Okay, what is R1 called though? What? It's just a roll on.

No! None of us are picturing clear gel. Inti-perspirant? Oh, not a clear gel. Not a clear gel. Mine is a white, white powder stick. Yeah, stick, oh mine's a click click.

It's a stick. It comes up out of the little perforated holes. Click it and stick it, as I've always said. There you go, story number two down in the books. Daniel, give us a taste of what we're gonna hear in the third story today, if you can remember. Oh, um, Young Girl Target Trip. Okay, Young Girl Target Trip.

Speaking of a Young Girl Target Trip. Oh my god, that's crazy. Hey. Hey. I am so young and love Target. You are. That's right, young and love Target. We'll be right back with more Dumb People Town with Jackie Tone.

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apply on the mid-mole. Stick around, make a sound, there's more than people tell. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we jump back in. Yes. Daniel, where can people see you? I know you're gonna be, you got some good stuff coming up.

Yeah, first and foremost, if you haven't already, check out my podcast, The Midnight Air, right here on All Things Comedy. Yes sir. This Halloween time, If you haven't already check out my podcast the midnight air right here on all things comedy sir this This Halloween time I've listed my personal top 10 Halloween movies of all time focus focus. It's in there I think that's top five Can I just say that I watched twice yesterday the nightmare before Christmas and that is great Probably my one of my favorite movies of all time

Why twice though? Because we were putting up Spooky Town. Oh cute, cute, cute. Let it roll. Let it roll. I was like what are the circumstances under which? So, Elise LeBlanc, who's a Halloween kidnap to Sandy Claus, put him in a box.

And his name was Sandy Claus. Elise LeBlanc, fan of this show, is also a fan of the Man Out Air. She emailed into the show, His name was Sandy Claw. Elise LeBlanc, fan of this show, is also a fan of the Man Out Air. She emailed into the show, which is something people can obviously do, and said that that was her favorite Halloween movie. Thank you, Lace.

And she actually thought of this earlier when you were talking. I said about the movie, it is a bridge movie for Halloween and Christmas, and it simultaneously feels like it's both of those movies and neither. So I almost like watching it in between. The world that is created of the Halloween world

of the holiday world. And I love what they do at Disney with Haunted Mansion. It's just so incredible. I'm like, and that little kids still like it. Like it's timeless. It hits everywhere. I feel like that should give Tim Burton, carte blanche to do.

And it does. I was gonna say, it kinda does. I love Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. But Elise, in the thing, she was like, they do an episode on Netflix of the movies that made us, and she said, it's crazy, that movie almost didn't get made. She wrote that in her email. Of course.

Of course it almost didn't get made. And I said, on the episode, just so you know, every movie almost didn't get made. That's right, every movie on the show. That's why I thought about it, because almost everything didn't get made. Every movie on the show. That's why I thought about it because almost everything didn't get made. I know. Everything from the show to the Irishman that took 12 years. I'm still watching the Irishman.

I'm halfway through it and it's good. It's good. It really got me through the pandemic. No spoiler alerts. Yeah. I'm through season six of the Irishman and I love it so far. It's not an episodic. Don't tell me. It's not an episodic.

It feels like it. So's not an episodic. Don't tell me. It's not an episodic. It feels like it. Okay. So listen to the midnight air. It's just me for an hour doing emails and reading the newspaper that comes out up on my cabin because I think that's hilarious. Talking about anything I want.

Check it out, it drops on Monday nights. And then you can go to danielvankirk.com. It's a good listen as you're like falling asleep. All of it. It's so good. It's an overnight podcast. Yeah, it an overnight podcast. I do it at night. It's good stuff. But what else?

Do not sleep well? Huh? Do not sleep well? Well, I just, I record it for two drop at night. I also sleep horribly. Okay. DanielVancour.com. I will also be at the Flyover Comedy Festival.

That is on Thursday, the 14th of November. St. Louis, Missouri. If you go there, you can also watch my special Rose Gold, and you can check out my movie Wine Club, which is on Tubi. Everything's at danielvancurk.com. Oh, and the first Wednesday of every month, you guys crushed. I loved your show.

I have a comedy show called Overshare. Comics start out their set by reading an Overshare from the audience. You should have this one on it. Would you want to do that? Oh, sure. Oh, I'd love to have you on it. It's so much fun. It's so good.

It's great. It's super fun. You get a free drink just for putting an Overshare in the bucket. I don't care if you make it up as long as it's good, sure. Oh, I'd love to have you on. It's so much fun. It'd be so good. It's great. It's super fun. You get a free drink just for putting an over share in the bucket. I don't care if you make it up as long as it's good, but I prefer it's real. There were some good ones. Oh, there were some great ones.

Oh, I bet you two were. I couldn't believe how. They were phenomenal. They were phenomenal. Their specialty. I was so happy with how honest people were. And like if you're having fun with it, you can read like three of them.

Yeah. Or four of them. Like Irene too did like six of them. You can do it and then do a bit and then read another one and then do a bit. I was gonna say, do the comics do any of their own material? Yes, so I always tell people, I go, hey, just read one. If you make one joke about it, awesome.

If, and then you go into your material, great. If you do 10 minutes on what you just read and you're having a great time, do that too. You could play a song and then, you know, you can go between. Right, right, right. You can do whatever you want. It's so much fun. It's right next to Cantor's on Fairfax

in between Melrose and Beverly. First Wednesday of every month. So in addition, I just want to say this about this and then we'll jump in this last story. I saw a line of people, of young people like waiting for some product in that store. Yeah, in Bespoke LA. So Bespoke LA sometimes I'm assuming

does like crazy drops of stuff. Oh yeah, they do. It's a really cool event dude The line was all the way down to Beverly from where that is that's like two blocks Straight of people and I and everyone looks so cool. Everyone's like, yeah, I'm like what is dropping? Yeah, what is dropping? That's the line that should be for your comedy. Hopefully it will be it's a really fun show in a great location So over share comedy first Wednesday of month, me and Melissa Stevens. Okay. Headline is this, sent in by Andrew Otupalik

at Real Deal Andy O. I think our first- She's, tell him, she's as sweet as Otupalik, honey. Yeah. He's as sweet. You know what, let's get down on that. Guys, I'm Daniel Van Kirk. Hey guys, I'm Jackie Jo.

Okay. Just like honey from the bee. Girl takes family car to Target. Sure. police in Ohio How old is this? Okay, please at Ohio say a girl took her parents vehicle and drove herself to Target on Sunday morning The girl was originally reported Missing along with the family vehicle with her family saying that she was last seen around 7 a.m

On Sunday doing donuts in the front yard when I assume she left for her job at the factory. Right, exactly. Okay, how old do you think this girl is because I want us to know all this stuff. Seven. I was gonna be my guess. I'll say eight. Eight.

Ten. Okay, one of you is exactly right. I'm sticking, I'm sticking at seven. Do you wanna stay with yours or do you wanna jump on somebody else's numbers? I'm staying at seven. Staying at seven. I'm staying at eight.

I'm staying at ten. I'm proud of who I'm staying at eight. I'm staying at 10. I'm proud of who I am. Yeah, same. The girl who took the car and drove to Target is eight years old. Oh! Bim, bim, bim, bam. You're feeling really good.

I was just imagining her trying to start the car with a breadstick. I love this little kid. They saw her last at seven a.m. before she drove herself to what would be target What would be target what would eventually be target where she ended up? But it burned down To errands on the way a coffee that took her how long took in her dry cleaning to get to target How long would it take an eight-year-old?

Drive for an eight-year-old to get to target. Well, but are we also guessing cuz how far away? I don't give they just said how long right because if she's going she's going two miles for an eight year old to get to Target. Well, but are we also guessing, because how far away? What's that mileage? I don't give, they just said how long. Right, because if she's going two miles, obviously the joke is that it took a half hour. Yeah, sure. But we don't know how far away the Target is.

No. I think it took her an hour. Took her an hour. I think it took her 25 minutes. Okay. 40 minutes. One of you is exactly right. I'm staying in an hour! Staying in 40.

Staying at 25. Okay. She drove herself to Target on Sunday morning and it took her 25 minutes. Oh! Jackie! Jackie! I thought surely one of you guys were right

because 25 was so random. Nope. So good. That's perfect. Wait, that's crazy. I know. Eight and 25. Imagine how I felt having to contain it. I feel great. Dan, you did a wonderful job. It's perfect. Wait, that's crazy! I know! Eight and 25.

Imagine how I felt having to contain it. I feel great! Dan, you did a wonderful job of not holding it. A next door neighbor provided the family and police officers with ring camera footage showing that the child got into the family's SUV and drove off alone around a 7am. So they were not the ones that were here. The neighbor, the only reason the last time she was seen was 7am is because a 7 a.m. So they were not the ones this year the neighbor the only reason the notes the Last time she was seen with 7 a.m. Is because a neighbor's ring cam

Self-driving cars. Nope, and they were like no that's Sylvie driving the Peterson's f-150 to target Officers quickly located the vehicle in a target parking lot moments later officers were also able to locate the eight-year-old girl inside the Target. No! Oh. Inside the Target. Here's what I love.

Bullseye. Police said she had a Frappuccino when they found her and they allowed her to finish it. Yes! What do you guys need? Because I know what I'm here for and I didn't even plan on buying half of this stuff. I know.

This girl is the next president even. She looks at the time and she's like, back to school, right? And she's holding the car keys. There was a girl named Courtney Alshaler in my Hebrew school when I was a kid, and we were maybe in third grade, and she carried keys. Like she was like, oh my God, my house key. And like, what are my, where are you going with your keys?

But it made her more important. It was like her journal key, her house key, her bike key. But like she loved, so like she kept them on her pants and she was like, has anybody, wait, Marissa, have you seen my keys? Oh, they're on your pants. Marissa, have you seen my, oh, here. They're on your pants.

Oh, thanks, Marissa, I found my keys. It's like Todd Glass. Todd Glass said there was a guy at his like tennis, you know, neighborhood pool. Slow grade country club that the guy, he was a richer guy, I think he owned the country club, and he would always jiggle cashews in his hand, and so young Todd Glass thought that that was

an indicator of wealth. If you jiggled cashews. So she had the keys, and that made you say she was important. Oh my God, I just remembered, she had the keys and that made you say she was important. Oh my God, I just remembered she had a metallic, like the cutout of a Scotty dog key chain that said Courtney. What?

And I was like, oh, on her key. It was like an actor in a scene who's like, can I have a thing? I just need a thing. I love things. Let me see my keys. Yeah, of course, things make the scene go. Where are my keys?

Okay, so they walk up to this eight year old, she's a million about Target, she's got a Frappuccino, according to their Facebook post. I love that they let her finish it. I've never wanted to meet a person more than this person. She's amazing. I never so wish to have a conversation with someone. Full SWAT team around, they're like, let her finish the Frappuccino.

Let her finish the Frappuccino. And they dive in and put a knee on her neck. I'd like them to hold her at gunpoint and be like, that'll stunt your growth. How dare you. How dare you. Bedford police jokingly said in a Facebook post, we're not mean. We let her finish the frat.

We're not mean. No one said you were mean. No one said you were mean. The child admitted that during her drive, you guys aren't going to believe this, I hit a mailbox. So they woke up. They're like, are you here with anybody? I know, I this. I hit a mailbox. So they woke up, they're like, are you here with anybody?

I know, I know. Let's get this out of the way. I hit a mailbox. I'm finishing this before we go anywhere. She's like, I hit a mailbox. And I need you guys to tell me if you like this scarf. With the baseball bat. Yeah.

She was like, I pulled the car over, put it in park, hopped out, beat the shit out of a mailbox with a baseball bat. Should I buy this Casa Luna bedding set? I need to know. I need this. I am looking for these Target boots. They're out everywhere.

By the way, the Target boots that are out right now, they're out everywhere. Can I just tell you that right now? They're out everywhere. It's a problem. It's an issue. Do your daughters want them? There's a set of Target boots that we gotta find them.

Okay, I'm gonna now. She's on them. Now I'm gonna look it up. Yeah, she's on them. This is your adult child version of emo. Or Elmo, I mean. Elmo, yeah. And emo.

What if Elmo was emo? Lester Nolensadder says that. Is he not? The emo version of Elmo would be fantastic. He is a little emo. He says he lives in his feelings. A little soft, sure. So the child admitted that during her drive,

she ate a mailbox. We're gonna get out of here on this sentence. It's also great. I actually know I'm gonna have you guess something. Target employees also told WEWS TV that the child walked in, proceeded to shop around the store for items, and then checked out.

Yeah, that's right. How much money do you think she had? On her. On her to buy things at Target with and a frappuccino. So this wasn't like a mistake that she ended up a target. No. She was going on a target run. She took money from her parents or maybe has an allowance. It's 7am on a Sunday. They're in bed. At 8 years old you don't even get an allowance.

8 years old is too young to even spend money. The best producer in the game, we were talking beforehand and he goes, my daughter came into our room at 4.30 this morning and said, is it morning yet? And he said, we were like, no, it is not morning yet. So for this eight year old, she also was like, I'm not waiting for these a-holes. Yeah, he asked them five times, can we go to Target? Can we go to Target?

And they're like, no, and she's like, fine. I'll handle it. She said, I'll handle it. And they were like, fine. Did the Frappuccino have coffee in it? This is an eight year old. This kid is wired. Of course.

It's probably wired. How much money do you think she had on her to go, and Target said she walked around, shopped, checked out. She must have just been doing some more milling. 60 bucks. I was gonna say either 20 or 40, but I have to be right because I was right the other two times.

You have to be. I think she managed to get a hold of two 20s, so $40. I think $100. $100? Please tell me she doesn't have Apple Pay. Well, because I was also thinking maybe she had a credit card. Yeah, you never know.

Cash. Cash, dude. Okay. Well, he didn't say that one person was exactly right this time. Exactly right. One of you is closest, though. Okay, good.

Which is how things work. We'll get over here on this. See the scores. Come see us. You guys can be at Four Collins. Follow me on Instagram at Jackie Tone. At Jackie Tone T-O-H-N. Period. Watch your show.

Oh yeah, watch Nobody Wants This, please. It's fun to be on, I've never been on a show before where I don't have to tell anybody to watch it. It's insane. People know it. I'm like, oh yeah. It's promoting itself. It's insane. It's fun to be on I've never been on a show before where I don't have to tell anybody to watch it It's insane. I know it. I'm like, oh yeah, it's insane. Yeah, okay. It's great. Okay. Oh and Daniel van Kurtz calm Listen to the midnight air This child eight years old had 25 minutes Sunday morning ride in the family van to target to target got off for a Pacino Hit a mailbox and had

$400. Oh my God! Independent lady. Wow. Independent lady. Get her on the pod. Get her on the view. Get her on pod.

Yeah, get her on, get her on pod. She's more talented than Hawk Tua. There you go. Very hard to do. There you go. Speaking of hard, folks. Ladies and gentlemen. That is the show.

We love you guys. And oh, snap, we got to get back to work. Stick around, make a sound. There's more than Foole Town.